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Dedication

This book is dedicated to all my fellow women out there.

Hannah's story

My life was a mess

Alone and with no one to help or take care of me

I struggled to make it in life

The journey was not easy

The journey had its own trials and tribulations

But I soldiered on

Alone and dejected, I soldiered on

It was not easy

But somehow I managed to survive each passing day

I managed to overcome

I managed to survive

After all suffering, I finally made it

Now I can smile

My name is Hannah and I am a medical doctor. It was not easy for me to get to where I am today but I would like to that the Lord for his grace. Let me tell you my story.

My parents died when I was very young and I was an only child. When they died life became hell for me. I was moved from one relative to another because no one wanted to take care of me. They said I was a burden. Somewhere along the way, I dropped out of school because no one wanted to pay for my school fees. There was nothing I could do. Nonetheless, I did not lose hope. Deep down I knew that one day I would have the opportunity to complete my education and become a doctor. That hope kept me going.

When I was fifteen, I ended up staying with a distant aunt who didn’t care about me.. She had taken me in out of pity. But after some time when she realized that I was nothing but an extra mouth to feed she began treating me like a dog. It was then that I decided to pack my bags and go and try to find some kind of job. Early one morning I just packed the few possessions that I had and left without a word. My aunt would never have cared anyway.

I moved from one household to another in search of whatever form of employment I could find. But upon seeing my shabby appearance, I was turned down. For days I tried my luck but was rejected. I walked during the day and slept out in the open at night. After 5 days, I was hungry and tired and had no strength to walk and I didn’t think that I could face yet another rejection. But somehow I forced myself to trudge on the few houses that I could see a small distance away. After several rejections and feeling totally dejected, I went to a house that stood quite apart from the rest. It was made of white marble and was set on a green landscape adorned with flowers of all kinds of shapes, sizes and colour. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful. I had never seen such a house in my life. It was like looking at a picture in a book. I was awe-struck.

Slowly, I approached the massive gates and stood there stupefied. I did not know what o do. Unexpectedly the gates opened and a car stopped by my side and an elderly woman rolled down the car window and asked me what I wanted. Trembling, I told her that I was looking for a job. She looked me over, frowned and then told me to follow her inside. She took me into her home and then gave me a job on the spot.

The woman was kind and I worked for her in comfort. She lived with her husband and had two children, a boy and a girl. The girl was my age but the boy was slightly older. They were all very nice to me. They all treated me like I was member of the family. My employer provided for all my needs and she gave me more money than I would know what to do with it. Since I had everything that I needed, I saved the money for my education. After about six months I told her of my dream of going to school and she quickly organized for me to go to school.

With zeal I applied myself to my studies and did not do too bad. I passed all the classes I had failed to attend. I obtained my Ordinary level and Advanced level certificates with ease. I had applied for admission into university and my future looked bright. Little did I know that something was to happen that was to change the course of my life.

One day, I was alone and whilst I was reclining on a sofa reading a novel in the sitting room. My employer’s son came in. I greeted him as usual and went on reading but he remained standing looking at me in a funny way. It was then that I gave him a good look. He seemed drunk. Without a word, he came and sat next to me. He then started touching me everywhere. I tried to fight him off but he overpowered me. I tried to scream but he stuffed his handkerchief into my mouth. I tried to save myself but I couldn’t. I prayed and prayed to God to save me. I was filled with so much terror that I didn’t know what to do. Tears streamed down my face.

He forced himself on and tore my dress. I struggled to be free of his over-powering grip but it was of no use. As fate would have it I lost my innocence that fateful day. I lost everything. When he was done he left me bruised and lying in a pool of blood. I did not know what to do. I was lost. Just then, my employer came and was shocked when she saw the state I was in. Amidst sobs, I told her what had happened. She was angry at first but she told me never to tell anyone about what had happened as it would ruin their reputation and a whole lot of other staff. I protested but I was threatened in return.

The events of that day not only changed me but they changed everything. The atmosphere in the house changed. The smiles were gone and were replaced by stares filled with hate and scorn. With each passing day, I lived in constant fear that the events of that fateful day would repeat themselves. Each day I feared that I might be pregnant. Each day I feared that maybe I had been infected by HIV or some sexually transmitted disease. But who was I to confide in. I had nightmares every night and I couldn’t eat. Somehow I had to leave this house that had turned into a prison of some sort. I couldn’t stay there anymore but where could I go? Whichever way, I had to leave.

A few weeks after my ordeal, I got up early one morning, wrote a note to employer, packed up my bags and left before anyone was awake. When I reached the gate, I said goodbye to the only other place that I had ever called home. I had felt safe and loved in this place but life had a way of turning things upside down. For the second time I had to yet again venture into world alone and unaware of what the future had in store for me. At least this time I was older, a little wiser and had a little cash to help me survive for a few months. The only, problem however, was where to go.

Dejectedly, I walked on to embrace yet another phase of my life. I had to find a place to stay and some kind of employment. I walked door to door in search of a place to rent. After several days, I got a place to stay. It was a small room at the back of some old woman’s house. It was not much but it was big enough for me and the rental was reasonable enough. That done, I freshened up and went out to buy that day’s newspaper. I rushed through the paper looking for employment adverts. Sadly, there was nothing that I could find. I bought a few groceries and went home. The next day, I went to the nearest shopping centre and moved around in search of employment. By the end of the day my search was not a successful one. Slowly, I went home to eat and rest. I tried my luck the next day and failed to get anything yet again. One week passed and still failed to secure employment. Then out of the blue my landlady told me of a shop where there was a shop assistant vacancy. Quickly, I went there and secured the job because of my good grades. I was so happy, at least that was a start.

The hours were long and the pay was too little but because of my situation I stayed hoping that time would open up better avenues. Time passed slowly and every day and night I toiled. Then one day I realized that I hadn’t checked on my application for admission into medical school. I had to go and enquire, so I asked for a day off and went to check whether my application was successful. I went to the admissions office and was happy to find out that my application was successful. I was so overwhelmed with joy that tears streamed down my face. My dream was finally coming true. Then it dawned on me, how was I going to pay for my tuition? The little money that I had saved was not enough to cover all expenses. There had to be a way somehow. I checked the registration dates and went home.

The question of how I was going to raise the money still troubled me for the days that followed. My dream was almost coming true but the issue of money was standing in the way. I wondered if ever I would realize my dream. Maybe I should go to the Dean of Students, the Registrar or the Vice Chancellor or whoever was responsible to present my case, maybe we might work something out. Early the next morning, I was directed to the office of the Dean of Students. He was a fairly old man, with kind eyes and a welcoming smile. I sat in what was supposed to be a comfortable chair but I was too nervous to notice. He tried to make me feel at ease but it was useless. He asked me to present my case and with tears in my eyes, I told him my story. He gave me some tissue and asked me not to cry. He told me that a solution can be found to my problem.

I felt better but after all the misfortunes that life had thrown in my face, I was not convinced. The Dean told me to return the following week, hopefully by then he might a solution to my problem. I returned the following week and was told that I would be admitted to the university and I would have to work in the Admissions office doing odd jobs until the completion of my studies. I thanked him profusely and I left feeling a bit elated.

A few months later, I went for registration and another phase of my life began. It was not an easy task working at the admissions office during my free time and applying myself to my studies but what choice did I have. If I wanted to get my degree I had to work and work I did.

Today, I am happy to say, those years of hard work finally paid off. I now own my own practice and I run a small orphanage and it is my desire to help these kids realize their dreams. It was not always an easy road for me but I hope I will help these kids make it somehow.

Diana's story

I have been thrown into a very dark and very deep hole

I want to get out

But I canno

tI cry for help

But all my efforts are fruitless

.No one seems to hear me

Or maybe no one seems to care

I am afraid I am going to be swallowed up by the darkness

And the emptiness surrounding me

But what can I do to get outAll I can do is pray and hope for a miracle

My name is Diana. I am twenty one years old, married and I have three kids. As I was growing up, I had big dreams for myself. I had my future in the palms of my hands and it was so bright, I could see myself at the top and I truly believed that one day I could live my dream. But unfortunately, that was not meant to be. Today my life has been turned upside down. How I wish things had turned out differently. This is my story.

I was the only girl in a family of three and to make things worse I was the first born. My brothers were twins. Life was not easy during that time. Both my mother and father were farmers. Our whole livelihood depended on the harvest we got each year. As I grew up I noticed that some years were good and some were bad but I was too young to understand much. Young as I was I had to help out both with the children and in the fields. My father would not have it any other way. When I started going to school I was expected to work first before going to school. I did not mind so long I got to go to school afterwards.

I was very bright and despite all the long hours I spent working at home, I passed all my classes with flying colours. Even my parents were proud of me. The problem started when bothers started going to school. During that time, money was now a problem and the fact that my brothers were two sets of twins did not help either. Our harvest had been poor for several years and there was no hope of things getting any better. This was particularly due to incessant rains and intra-season dry spells due to climate change effects and a whole lot of other things. Rainfall events had become more intense, mid-season dry spells more frequent and, extreme events were becoming more intense and of longer duration.

Being a girl I had to stop going to school to make way for my brothers’ education. Their education was more important than mine. I was only in grade 5 and I was only eleven. I could not say or do anything. Every day, it pained me to see my brothers leave for school whilst I worked in the fields or did household chores. Every day, I would cry myself to sleep. My dreams were shattered. Any chance of making something of myself was thwarted. My mother would always comfort me and say, “Don’t worry, my child. Soon you will be married and things will be well for you”. How I hated to hear those words.

Two years passed and things did not get any better. The shifting weather patterns coupled with periodic shift in the onset of rains resulted in poor harvests and grave food shortages everywhere. We toiled and toiled but all our efforts were futile. Money and food were scarce. There was hunger everywhere. Only those with money could make ends meet. My father started drinking heavily and he would spend our meagre earnings on beer. We had to look for alternative means of survival. We had to go and work in other people’s fields just for a dollar, it was pitiful but it was better than nothing.

Then one hot day, a man close to my father’s age came to our house. I was busy dong household chores. He was smartly dressed, a sign that he had money. He looked at me in a way that left me uncomfortable. He was looking for my father but he was not home. He left without saying much but I feeling a bit unnerved.

The man returned a week later and this time my father was home. The two had lengthy meeting and they both kept looking in my direction. That really freaked me out. My mother tried to comfort me but to no avail. The man left later that evening and he seemed quite content with himself. It was apparent that had reached an agreement with my father, about what I had no idea. Later that night as I was preparing for bed, my mother came to my room. She was not her usual cheery self. Something was definitely wrong. She asked me to sit down and she could not look at me. After a long silence, she told me that I was going to be that man’s wife and he was coming the next day to pay the bride-price.

I was shocked. I was dumbfounded. Tears filled my eyes. This could not be. I was too young to get married. Let alone be a wife. That day I cried like I had never cried before. My mother tried to comfort me but I did not hear anything she said. How could my father do this to me? My mother had tried to tell that it was the only way for the family to survive. But it was too much for me. I thought of running away but where would I go. I prayed for God to deliver me from this ordeal. That night I could not sleep. I cried until it was daylight.

I did not leave my room that day. I was afraid of getting out. Afraid of the life that I was being hurled into. How I wished that I was dead

I did not know what was happening outside but after what seemed to be an eternity my mother came to see me. I did not open the door for her. She tried to console me but I did not listen to what she was saying. I simply sat in the dark and stared into space. Seeing and hearing nothing. What brought me back to reality was a loud bang on the door. It was clear that they were going to force the door open. I did not move. I just sat there awaiting my judgement. After several failed attempts the door finally opened.

My father grabbed my arm and pulled on my feet. I did not want to go with him. I pleaded with him to reconsider. I pleaded with my mother. I pleaded with my bothers but to no avail. He dragged me out of the room kicking and screaming. I was thrust into the hands of my “husband”. Funny how hunger or starvation changes people. My father has chosen several bags of maize meal, some goats, chicken and cattle and some other stuff over me. Life was so cruel. It was better to surrender a daughter into the jaws of a lion than to starve. It was then that I realised that I was now on my own.

With a rear stained face, I followed my so-called husband slowly. I was like a lamb going to be slaughtered. I was pretty sure that I was going to hell. Nonetheless, we arrived at my new home. I was shown what was to be my room and I pretty much left alone during the first few weeks. I spent the days in my room crying and feeling sorry for myself.

Then one day, my husband came into my room and demanded his conjugal rights. He forced himself on me and had his way. He left me all bruised and hurting. That became the routine for as long as I can remember. I had three pregnancies this way. I was did not know what to do when I had my first baby. How can a mere child take care of another child but I guess the motherhood instincts instilled in me helped me somehow and the few things I remember whilst taking care of my brothers helped me through.

I got to find out that my husband was very violent and ill-tempered. I was his punch bag most of the time, especially when he was drunk (I guess that is how he met my father). I tried doing everything right and I tried avoiding him as much as i could. It was not easy but I have managed to survive those seven years.

Today as I look at my kids, I want them to be happy. I know that they can never be happy here. But where can I go. My father does not want me home. I do not have any relative close by. Besides, who will want to put up with me and my kids? I cannot run away, how will we survive. They definitely need an education and a whole lot of other staff that I know I will not be able to give them. At least I know that, despite my entire husband’s mean demur, he will do everything in his power to ensure that his children are well provided for. So, I stay on hoping that one day I would find a way to be free……

My Beloved Son

The shy was majestically blue and the birds of the air were chirping away beautiful songs in the early hours of the morning. This was going to be a very beautiful day, the girl thought as she jumped out of bed and started preparing to go to school. When she was ready she went to say goodbye to her father. As she entered her parents’ bedroom, she was shocked by what she saw. Her father had been sick for a while now but as she neared the bed she was pained to see him. He had lost so much weight and his hands hang limp at his sides and his face was ashen. Her heart went out to him as she stood close to the bed and tears streamed down her beautifully made up face. She had to be strong, she knew that, but as she saw him lying there so helpless she fell apart. This was the man she loved dearly and she could not bear to see him like that.

He had always been there for her. He was her anchor, friend and mentor. They shared a bond far beyond what she shared with her mother. She couldn’t stay there another moment longer. Not wanting to disturb his sleep, she kissed him lightly on the forehead and said a silent prayer for him to recover and to be still alive when she got back from school. Hurriedly she left the room. How badly she wanted him to be still alive when she got back from school and share her day’s experiences with him. He always laughed with her and always made her feel at ease and on top of the world. What would she ever do without him? So much for that, she had to focus and have a clear head if ever she wanted to grasp whatever the teachers where going to say.

The day was a bore and time passed slowly. She could not wait to get home and see her father. Thoughts of her father filled her mind throughout the whole day and everything passed in a haze. She was barely concentrating and she only heard half of what the teachers were saying. She was in a world of her own. Deep down she knew that if she kept this up, with exams around the corner, she was going to fail. Yet she could not help it. It was her father whom she had left lying lifeless. It was as if he had lost all will to live and had already given up the fight. “Oh, Lord please don’t let him die,’ she moaned.

At last it was time to go home. Quickly, she collected her books and she ran like a madman homeward bound. The only problem was that she was not going as fast as she wanted. Finally, her house was in sight. She ran up the stairs and took them two at a time. When she reached the door she was breathless. She was met by her mother who was not at all amused. Her mother had lost weight during the course of her father’s illness. There were dark circles at her eyes due to lack of sleep. She could see that she was tired and was in great need of rest but she did not say anything. The two women exchanged a knowing smile and hugged each other. No words were shared but that gesture alone conveyed a lot and was enough for the two of them. Slowly they parted and she squeezed he mothers hand and she rushed for her parents’ bedroom. Slowly, she opened the door and went inside. At least this time her father was awake. When he saw her, his eyes lit up with his welcoming smile. He beckoned her to come closer. When she was close enough he just stared at her for a while. After some time he made an effort to speak but words failed to come out. She just stood there with tears in her eyes wishing him to speak but still no words came out of his mouth no matter how hard he tried. She was startled by her mother as she entered and asked her to leave but she could not move. She did not want to leave but she knew that she had to obey her mother. At last she forced herself to turn away from her beloved father and walk out of the room.

She made her way to her room and once inside she locked the door and cried herself to sleep. Sometime later a knock on her door woke her up. It was her mother asking her to come to come for supper. Slowly, she followed her mother to the dining room. She was surprised to see almost all their relatives there. They exchanged greetings but the mood in the room was not at all festive. It was as if everyone was waiting for the inevitable to happen. She wanted to bolt out of the room and go see her father but her mother gave her a knowing look and she forced herself to sit at the table but she had no appetite. Her mother took a tray of food to her father. When she returned she was still picking at her food. At least her mother was smiling and the plates on the tray were empty. That was a good sign, so her mother had said. She tried to force herself to eat but she could not bring herself to. After some time they cleared the table.

As she was doing the dishes she heard her mother scream and instantly everyone knew what that meant. Slowly, tears trickled down the girl’s face and she sat in a corner and began sobbing. How could this be? If only he had said something to her when she last saw him. She cried so hard that her head was aching. She did not even know what was happening around her. She just sat there looking into space. Her world was shattered. ‘Oh, God why did this have to be?’ she cried. When the ambulance came and the paramedics were removing her father’s body she nearly fainted when she saw them carrying her father’s body to the ambulance. When she saw that her mother had collapsed she knew that she had to be strong for both their sakes. She went to her and the two women embraced and cried in each other’s arms.

On the day of the funeral, the weather was just bad as if to compliment the mood of the mourners. It was cloudy and misty and the birds of the air were silent as if they too were in mourning. The body was carried to the chapel. When she arrived at the chapel she was surprised to see a lot of people there. It was to be expected because her father had been loved by all, but still she had not expected to see the whole community there. The service was conducted amidst a series of sobbing and heart-rending sounds. Her mother sat by her side crying silently, her heart went out to her mother and she hugged her closely. She was forcing herself to be strong but she felt as if she could crumble any minute but she knew that she had to be strong for both of them. The service ended and it was time to say goodbye to her father for the last time. She did not want to see him but she had to say goodbye. She and her mother were the first in line. Slowly, they approached the coffin. Tears streamed down her face when she saw her father’s face. He was so peaceful and seemed so much at ease. “Goodbye daddy,” she said quietly and kissed him lightly on the forehead. She could not take it any more and she rushed outside. With a tear-stained ace she looked up to heaven and whispered, “Please Lord, take good care of my father.”

Once at the cemetery, her mother wailed and collapsed as they lowered her father’s coffin into the grave. People had to hold her to stop her from falling into the grave. The girl fell to her knees and started sobbing. This was it. This was the end of a very important chapter in her life. Try as she might, life was never going to be the same ever again. She thought how bleak like was going to be as she watched the men pour earth on the coffin. This was an end and also a beginning for her. “You have always been a special part of my life. I will cherish every moment we shared. I am going to miss you dearly. Goodbye daddy, till we meet again.” With those words she rose to her feet, placed a bouquet of roses on the grave and walked way.

Goodbye Daddy

Thirteen

She was only thirteen when she started going to high school

Fresh from primary school or grade school (whatever you call it)

Thirteen, I say

Thirteen is the beginning of teenagehood

The time when “problems” commence

She was only thirteen

She was just a teenager with a lot to learn about life

She was still very innocent,

Still very naive,

Still in need of good counsel and guidance.

In this new environment she felt out of place

She felt awkward,

Somehow she felt that she did not fit in,

Everything about her seemed out of pace,

Her clothes, her hair, the way she walked and talked,

Everything!

It seemed as if no one took notice of her

She who had craved attention all her life

All she wanted was just for someone to notice her.

In her quest to get noticed,

In her quest to fit in she fell into the wrong hands

She befriended an older girl who was in her final year.

To her this girl was her ticket to achieving her goal,

She was her ticket to being noticed.

Because heads turned when she entered the room

Even when she passed by

This girl had everything she wanted

Great hair, great clothes, and most of all people’s attention.

In her bid to fit in she was taught to steal

To steal clothes

To steal money for clothes

To steal everything

She was taught to take drugs,

Cocaine, marijuana, you name it

She was introduced to sex and all the bad stuff.

She was just thirteen and all she ever wanted was for people to notice her

Sadly, she was so consumed by what she thought was what she wanted

What she thought was” hype”

To the extent that she failed to see how her life was slowly crumbling down around her

Too bad, she lost everything good in her life.

All her good friends

Everything that had meaning fell beyond her grasp

Yet she did not notice this

She skipped classes in the name of fun

She took her only chance of being somebody in life for granted

In the end instead of gaining she lost everything

Her life was cut short

Yet she was only but a babe,

She was just thirteen

She had her whole life ahead of her

Unfortunately, her life was cut short because of her naivety

And in the end she lost out

All she had done had been for nothing

All she had done in the name of getting noticed had been the cause her downfall

At a tender age of thirteen she destroyed her life instead of building it

How sad, she was only thirteen years old

She was just a mere child.

All because of one man

She was a bubbling and cute little baby

She turned into a sweet little girl

She grew up into a beautiful young lady.

She had a bright, blissful and fruitful future ahead of her

She had so many hopes and dreams

She had many set goals to achieve

Her whole life was laid out right in front of her

It was all in the palm of her hand

Unfortunately, all this was taken away from her

Taken away by a cruel and ruthless human being

She was raped!

Raped, I say!

Raped by a heartless man

A man with grey hairs

A man old enough to be her grandfather

A man with no shame

A man with no dignity

Why?

All because of lust

All because of lack of self-control

Consequently, her life was brought to a halt

All hopes and dreams were shattered

Her life was ruined

She began having endless nightmares and sleepless nights

She ate little and her health diminished

She began hallucinating

She became terrified of the opposite sex

She screamed at the sight of any man

She was never the same again

She drifted into a world of her own

She lost herself and we lost her too

She had been given a scar

An irreparable scar

A scar she was to carry for the rest of her life

All because of one man

Eventually, she could not take it any longer

She chose the easy way out

She took her own life

And we lost our sweet little baby

Our sweet little girl

We lost her all because of one man

A man who failed to control himself

All because of him our little girl is no more!!!!

THE END

Impressum

Texte: Delight Mukozho
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.02.2015

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