Obsessed

I carve into my leg your name because I'm over obsessed and insane, I grab the lithium and take a shot. Before the world turns black the world starts spinning, I stare at the face in the wall, I begin to think how it's so easy for you to tell me you love me, to say your thinking of me I guess some words are just so easy to say. I've been thinking about everything that's gone down lately and it all makes me sick to my stomach, I have no more tears to cry. The voices in my head are telling me that I've over stayed my welcome, and maybe there right because the pain feels so real. And now my love, give me a long kiss good-night and tell me everything will be alright, you tell me I won't feel a thing as you slip me the Novocain. As you walk away I'll drift away into a deep sleep, numb but not cold, alone but surrounded, hurt but not in pain, leaving but not gone. When I sleep I dream of things that make me smile, when I wake I think of things that make me wonder, so don't follow me to this world of grief, I'm lost in thoughts no child should think. Don't tell me you love me when your breaking my heart, never say forever because it always falls apart, don't tell me good-bye 'cuz I'll see you again. Remember I said I'll love you until the very end?


Death note

As I lay and watch the clouds roll bye
I’m amazed how bright stars can shine from so far away
As the wind blows
I wonder where it goes
Someday when I look in the mirror
The girl I see will be me
Everyone I know
I know nothing about
So I ask myself why
Why do I make myself cry
But its always a question with out an answer
So now i’m done
Leaving with a battle unwon
Walking away with nothing left to say
I’ll fly to the moon
I’ll dance in the rain
And just like a fool forget how to breath
Some times good-byes the only way
The sun will still shine
The moon will still glow
The stars will stay bright and make light in the night
When i’m gone don’t feel my pain
What I ask is that you remember my name
Smilie love life
Chances are love won’t change the earth
Peace won’t fill the world
And time has an end for every one
So don’t remember my pain
Don’t embrace my shame
Please the last thing I ask was the last thing I said
It wasn’t a question
It was just a request
Look me in the eyes
And admit all your lies
Tell me you love me
And i’ll tell you good bye


=)

Tell me you love me.....

even though you don’t.

Tell me you’ll need me.....

even though you won’t.

Tell me forever & always......

even though theres no such thing.

And I’ll wear a smile.....

even though its the one you gave me.


Her

I never cared much for living happily ever after; I just want a happy ending. I never needed a fairy tale romance or a dream come true all I wanted was him. In the back of the bus, we would have fun times, the taste of sugar and sweets grew bitter when compared to his lips; the stars looked dull when compared to his eyes. As our high came down and my head started to spin, I'd lay on his chest listening to the beat of his heart completely in synch with mine, my favorite song. He would play with my hair and kiss my cheek he made my knees go weak. In the middle of the night, our fun would continue as we tried not to wake up my sleeping mother and snarling dad. We inhaled a thin sheet of white dust, smoke, and crushed pills, we raved all night until the morning would come.. In my heart, I thought nothing would change, but in the back of my head, I knew I’ve slowly gone insane. A thought that stopped me in my tracks, were we in love or was it just a game?
I felt him kiss her, when his lips touched mine.
I got chills when he would hold her hand, as he traced a heart on mine,
I heard him tell her he loved her over a million times, every time he looked me in the eyes,
I saw him smile when she showed right after I left,
I'm not her, and never will be.
All I want is for him to be happy.
I'll forget about him, I'll forget about us
I’ll stop this lust with a razor in rust, I’ll forget you my love so true I will prevent all my pain with one strait arm and a tightly clinched fist biting in a faded old rag the way it will end it will only bring shame....
I have no regrets, I played the love game,
I will never be her, I will never see strait, I'm high as hell flying to heaven's gates. But they won’t let me in, I'm no angel without him.
I'll plummet to the ground and won't die from the fall, just the stop at....
The End xxxx


Dear Diary.

I've realized that no matter how thick the mask is, it can still chip; that no matter how dark the paint is, it can still fade...

My head hurts, my heart pissed, fighting back tears was so much easier a week ago. I'm sick of feeling like a clown with this fake ass smile plastered on my face. I wish could tell you why, but I don't believe you'll ever understand, or I know you will try to and I don't want your help because I love the pain I love the depression I love the anger.

Its been same shit different day crying my self to sleep every night. I think I hit rock bottom with my depression, haha I prefer mental pain then physical its gotten easier to hide. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I guess I'll just take a deep breath and say fuck it life can only go up from here.....right?


Pain

A handful of different colors, afew shots of something cold that warms the back of your throat, anger shot strait at god becuase theres no one else to blame, then asking for his love and to end this suffering, eyes burned from falling tears, hands shaking from all these years, throw me the keys and dare me to drive, god give me a reason die, high as hell flying to heavens gates they won't let me stay, i’m no angle with out you not even an angle could see but your were my only reason I had left to be... so make me wait make me feel like its never to late... say forever & always i know its not true but it would be comeing from you... I wear a smile beacuse i'm liveing in denail, thinking of life as if you were not suicidal...


Its over

times ment to pass, love has to fade, hate always grows,
thats what i've come to know.
hope is pointless, faith is useless, trust only hurts,
and the hurts here to stay.
i miss the feelings of happiness, you were my everyday dose of alittle bliss.
pain i've come to know, alone i've learned to love, death seems like such a thrill.
so much time left to kill, my silent way i loathe her

...i can't believe its over


Untitled

Learn to love no one, its easier to hate only myself. kill all of my dreams before they kill me. everyone seems to judge before the names get exchanged. empty and alone, lacking emotions, matter, and mass.
a face staring blankly, haunted by what should be left in the past.

scream to the so called heaven, cut so i can bleed to the so called hell. speak my so called mind. laugh to my no one. sit in the coner and hide in the dark hug my own knees and hum a soft tune. I am lost in my head. my heart's made of lead. I'm going insane I feel no pain.

left without reason, left asking why...
ignore the voices i guess they are here to stay.
whatching all the colors of life fading away.
dying is easier than having to live too bad i had nothing i was willing to give.

but does anyone really understands?
happily ever after always comes at the end...


Answer me...

Do we have a bad connection? Can you not hear me? I'm calling out to you, screaming your name, and I get no reply. You say I can be forgiven for all of my sin for the mistake in my past I've changed I'm no longer the same. So why am I still apologizing? Why when I see the light to heaven I'm fooled by the flame of hell? You sent me an Angel but now your taking him away. My better half is fading to gray. The only one that saw the good in me that one that made me better. I wanna change give me my angle back and I promise I will.
I see why you won't answer me why your taking him away; Because I've said it before; But listen to me lord if you really are there I've never had a real reason to care. I had my angle and now he's gone he's flying away and I'll do anything to make him stay I've changed my ways and I'll never go back let me have my happy ending give me back what I don't diverse. I promise I swear I give you my word. If you give me a chance I will make you so proud your angle will keep my feet on the ground I'll never get high I'll never fall down. Don't you understand I don't want to take an angle from you I just need him more right now.


What would you do?

If I put a cig in my mouth, would you tell me to take it out?
Its okay if you did because I would...
If I put weed in a pipe, would you tell me not to fade away?
Its okay I understand because for you I’d rather stay...
If I put the bottle to my mouth, would you tell me its not the way?
Its okay because I’ve always been bad with directions...
If I put a needle to my arm, would you at it away?
Its okay you right because I don’t really need it...
{I wish}
What would you do?
If I put a cig in my mouth, would you light it?
Its alright because you hate when I’m mad...
If I put weed in a pipe, would you watch as I fade away?
Its alright I don't blame you because your already gone...
If I put the bottle to my mouth, would you tell me to pass it your way?
Its alright I guess because we both know where were going...
If I put the needle to my arm, would you help me put it in?
Its alright I understand because your next for the pen...
{Nothing new}

What would you do If I put a gun to my head?
Would you ask if its loaded
I dare you because I'll show you...
Would you tell me you loved me and say your good-byes, sit on my bed with tears in your eyes, hold my hand and say “Never Let Go”
I hope because I’d believe your words and accept your request...

But we both know what your most likely to do...


♥I Believe♥

♥ I believe I can fly and if by chance I'm wrong I will fall and if no ones there to catch me I will hit the ground and I believe it will hurt but I will stand up and dust myself off and then try to fly once more and if by chance I fall again for I am not a bird I will stand up and dust myself off but I believe I can fly and I will keep trying to fly until I don't hit the ground ♥


Difference

Prepare to see a side of me that you don't know. Get ready because I'm ganna put on a show, your ganna think its alright and believe its okay. Its like Subway you can have it your way. Just pull my strings and I'll dance just for you I'll put on a show it will be my masquerade debut.


Cheater

Roses are red, violets are blue, i have 5 fingers, the middle ones for you.
Roses are red I want you fucking dead
Violets are blue this is 100% true
This is your Anniversary card from me to you
Its not what you thought
But it comes from a spot
A spot in my heart
A spot where your not
I hope your next girlfriend is hot
Roses are red violets are blue, Bet you can't guess what I want to do?
You stabbed me in the back and had the balls to stay
You lied to my face and thought you'd get away
I thought this would be a cute way to say
Roses are red violets are blue, I found someone so much better than you!


Second thought

Sometimes I wanna pick it back up one more hit
I can handle it I've been off for over a year
My addition won't come back
I've picked it up a few times but I always put it back
The thought of you crossed my mind
You told me to figure out what I need more
You or drugs
My heart picked you
But my past picked
Crack
Heroin
Hydrocodone
Inhalants
LSD
Marijuana
MDMA (Ecstasy)
Methamphetamine (Crystal Meth)
OxyContin
I've thought of doing it I've almost went back
I've picked it up but I always put it back
You have always been my second thought
I need you so much more I want you in my life
I don't wanna go back
I don't wanna be like that
I wanna be better
I wanna see strait
Without you I'll go back


Forever and Always?
I can be your fantasy, You can be my dream come true. Although from now on I have to say that somethings gone wrong. I am not okay thats how I say good-bye. You can watch me put my mouth around the rifle, from words of hate its forever to late. Some will ask “why did she have to go?” No one would ever know, sad thing is your no one to me. All I ask is that you don’t worry about me, from what I see you never cared. I’m so alone so lonely and I trust nobody I’m all on my own. When I'm with you I'll make up for every thing I did. You don’t know how you met me And you don’t care why.... Don't turn around, Never say good bye, Your better off if you don’t ask me why. We'll be okay if you don’t ask me to stay. Your running threw my mind all day every day, Like a song stuck in my head playing over and over nonstop pounding in my head. Its me and you now I can’t turn back the clock I can’t change reality thats a sad fact of life. I can turn you into something you don’t wanna be So please don’t follow me. Your hands tied behind your back red running from your face. I can’t do it alone. This an’t about love, it an't no broken heart crying bull shit This isn’t a lonely kid brake up story, It an’t no whisky la-la bye where you might cry at the end, its the fact of life on what a little lie did to one fucked up kid. I want you to cry me a river. Don't act like you didn’t known, Don’t get all sad about it Now. I refuse you must got me confused with someone now you loose. How could you leave me alone in the dark in the cold with no reason to live? You don’t have to say what you did was wrong you don’t have to admit you did it, Just cry me a river, Build me a bridge and leave me the fuck alone. I sat on the bed with a gun and roses in hand. I'm doing things I never do, Saying things i’v never said, Turning in to someone you never knew. I can be your melody making you do things that can be so sinful. What would you do if I wrote you a song; Would you sing along? Would you walk away? You had me in the palm of your hand dancing like a puppet. I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna think about it. If you are dead or still alive I don’t care. I say that I’m moving on, Why don’t you walk away? Hows it feel living a lie? Now you want somebody to feel your loneliness, you feel the dark sorrowed you, you feel the hopelessness set in, so cold it hurts, all your suicide thoughts coming back, your lost? Well, welcome to the grate unknown. Get locked up Who cares, who’s sad? The old me is dead and gone, walking away on the path that you made. I thought forever and always lasted Longer, at least longer then it took you to change your mind. So I guess I was wrong. You don’t have to sing along to that silly little love song. You don’t have to walk away, I don’t mind you can stay. You don’t have to drop dead, shoot when have I ever meant what I said. You don’t have to remember what I said, it was I love you; if you already forgot. You don’t have to forget I existed, you can be my best friend. You don’t even have to tell me why you lied, you didn’t seem to care much when you saw that I cried. Because of you being you, you did it anyway. Doing every thing you never had to do, Was the best thing you ever did to me.............My favorite was what happened after you walked away. You suffocated, drowned in the air around you. Lost in thoughts no child should think, as I look at you laying flat on the floor, with a sinister grin I walk away now there was really nothing left to say I went to park when noon was dark and just like a fool I forgot how to breathe. Happily ever after comes only after you leave.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.11.2010

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