chapter 1

Chapter 1


Love! Love! Love! Yeah right like does things really do happen. You see a teenage OBESSED about the football captain and she calls it “LOVE”. L.O.V.E yeah they only happen in the movies or to special people, not that am saying am not specail but hey look at me and tell me what you see. All I want his a good job and money and a family. Shit heads thinks love puts food on your table………..
I am a 3rd year nursing major student at hunter college in new york city. Having been born as an only child, you had think I had it easier in life, but nah ma parent just wants me to be the best nurse ever. Yea I knw they mean well but dude it’s a lot of science work shit and I could use a little less parent pressue. Yea right like they care or like I can tell them that to their face. My parent and I migrated to the united states form africa, well yea they did try considering the fact that I speak good english without an african accent. Yea I knw am very lucky to be here but sometimes you wounder if luck is enough. And you think the next thing to top my day is seeing two people inLOVE.
Don’t get me wrong am totally down to love and all those romance shit but I only like to read them in a book or watch them on the t.v. yea lame but its good cause I wont have to pity my loveless life, u know its just a good way for me to live. I mean have you seen me, am short, probally like 175 pounds,dark skin and short haired girl, oh yea and my big trademark, ACNE and DARK SPORTS. Men do look at me but its seems am too sexy for younger guys cause all I get is older men stare, and I do find that very creepy and disturbing……….
“hey sookietan” my name is sookie tanin but my friend call me ‘sookietan” and for the record that’s is the only thing I find cool about me.
“jamie, liliac” my only two friends in the world who always interrupt my thinking, “how re u guys doin?, thought u were bailing on class”
“yea we were going to but then u knw that prof can be a lil bitch at times and we don’t have to go shooping today since u don’t wanna come” lilac my other friend was saying, we are mostly phiscally alike but she’s got more backside than I do and she isnt shy like me.
“what are u still doing outside anywys? Knwin u, u shuld be in class” my other friend jamie, she is not shy nor too bold, she floats inbetween. “well thanks for asking, I was on my way to class”. The thing is even though they are my only friends I cant tell them some stuff I think about because I don’t like people seeing me as dominat and trying to help me. They bothe have boyfreinds and I sensed they don’t tell me much about their relationship anyways. We are all just friends for benefit, I mean apart from school, they don’t call or text me. Even when I text them, mostimes they don’t reply. i will say am more closer to jamie cause I go to her house and all dose shits but we not all that close to the point of telling me relationship stuffs. So we are in our psy class, anyways I really like psy and all but mostly cause of ma prof. He is cute and so boring, mostimes I always want to sleep, I cant believe I have to sit 3hrs for this class but u know I can always space out.
My friends jamie and lilac are nice to me but sometimes its like they only know me when they see me . I use to always call and text jamie but then I stopped, I hate to think that am forcing myself on people. Anyways I do belive in love, is just that I never think I will be lucky enough to get a guy I really like and that wants be back. You know those love and be love shit happens only to pretty girls but there is not a day I don’t pray or challenge God for my love life, hopefully one day it will happen. I remember back in my country everyguy of ma age and a little older wanted to go out with me. I was like 14 or so and I already have nice boobs and all. I remember I use to think that I was “specail” well lets just say now I understand that guys we tell you anything for your boobs.
Gosh no matter how much I hate thinking about this particular inccident, it will never leave my head. At 15 I met a douche bag, who was introduced to me by my neighbour/ trusted sister, and omg for the record he was ugly. I was 15 and young, believed all the shits guys tell me, even though I knew better that to believe them. But then he was from a trusted sister and I thought he was clean and the ONE,guess I was wrong. I mean he had a girlferind which the sister girl knew about and then he tricked me into kissing me and tried touching my boobs twice in a row. Gosh that dumd bastard, he was nut the first guy I touched lips with but he was the first guy I touged kissed and gosh its make me wanna puke. Every goddamn guy I have ever known always wants a piece of me except one…………………………….
“we will pick up from here next class, please sign the attendance shit before u leave” my proffessor was saying. Wow! That was fast. “so you don’t have any class again right?” jamie asked. “come on! Lets go shooping togther three heads are better than one” lilac was saying to me. Even though we are not all that close she still always try to get me up and going. “ok missy am coming wiv ya two but u gonna hv to buy me a top and feed me too” “yea sure we will” lilac said pulling my hand towards the main gate. Arrg! I really don’t have the mind for shooping. I mean staying in a mall for more than 5mins just gets the bad part of me. Who can blame me, I spent 6years of my life in a lockdown.
Back in my country I went to one of the “finest” high schools. Yea “finest” because it really isnt, parent don’t know whats its like to just dump there kids in a boarding school, not that I have anything against boarding shools. But if you were to graduate from my high school then maybe you will have a better understanding of what am saying. My high school “prison yard” ,like we call, is really not a good choice of school. I mean it’s a missionary school and all but the religious value is more than the educational value. And its not even all that valued, I mean the religion aspect, all the teachers and principal do is ,“high service”, bunch of hyopcrites. I spent 6 years of my life in that dump yard, filled with demon- possessed, self possessed, hypocrites and all sorts of bad behaviours but there were also good ones. Few of us were the good ones, not that I am perfect but I always try to keep my pirority straight, which is keeping the good name of my family straight. I dont know what teachers do in that school but they sure arent doing nothing for the good of the student except payed by parent “bribed”. I will say my elementry school really thought me my fluent english and that’s is the only thing I was good that before coming to this country. And my high school made it worst cause the teachers don’t care if you are dumb as hell so long as the ones they get payed to guide “bribe” are doing well. My father was all the way in the united states and he is not the kind of person to pay people for child “specail treatment”. The few of us that didn’t have the privilege tried to stay average, which my father really hated. Well don’t blame me you think I rally want to be dumb? Maybe if u listen when I say my school is not worth all the praises its get you would believe me than. Lilac is asking ma a question……………
“hey! U tink u can just help me ere for a sec without loosing urself?”, not that I really care. “eh, sorri I just remebered somethings and I got lost in my head” yea so like me.
“so what do you think about this dress? I don’t know it feels somehow?” not that I don’t want to help but I really don’t like shing colors and lil loves them. They make her look fat like she has too many boobs and butt, which she has, I like hiding mine under shady colors.
“you lil u like bright colors so no matter what I say u still gonna buy it anywys” “yea I do like bright colors they bring out my goods”. Yea I do know that thanks for the info.
“jami, what do u tink?” “well I think its great, I like bright colors, so totally a yes” “atleast get something sky blue and not rocking yellow like u have on” I said “well lets see if they have any decent sky blues”
I really don’t know why you would wear a color that screams see ma boobs you wanna touch. I don’t know how people feel having eyes follow them like they are some goods to be devour. I guess my friends loves the attention, I really don’t. lil has a boyfreind anyways so why the need, who am I kidding , girls would always be girls.
So we are in this expensive shop in manhanttan, I don’t know the name and I really don’t care, but we have spent more than 30mins in here and its starting to get on my nerves.
Gosh manhanttan!anytime I come here I always have this imagination, were I meet a really cute guy who like s me and all does shit. Even though I say romance and love are bitches I still cant help to want them. To me manhattan is like a heaven on earth thigy were all you dreams come true but so far my luck as been nathing! Plan strip. Anyways who cares about me or whati want, its not like my dad will let me have a fun relationship life before marriage. Yea I know my father can be annoying sometimes, I mean he is always annoying, I am a 20 years old woman without a love life and he still don’t trust me. Sometimes I think I don’t derserve to call my self a woman. Am a christain and I do understand that we should have sex with only our husband, yea my high school sang that into my ear enough times, but people go to church less now. And even if I have a boyfreind it doesn’t mean am gonna be having sex with him, Well try telling that to my dad. People are funny I mean back to my high school tingy. So there is this guy from my high school and we’ve been friends like for 3years and all. After we graduated and I travelled here, we were chattting on fb and than he said he likes me!. And am like u what?, he started telling me how he has like me for a long time and was scared to ask me out while we were in school because “I might turn him down” sicko right. Atleast u will try first and thoughts latter, I did really like him back in school. I spent a total of some semester imagaining me and him togther. Going though all the pain of hime having a girlfreind and now you are telling me you don’t really like those girls? Mhen what better player can their be. Nut I really did like him, I mean he was 5’9, dark skin, a little bit of muscles, and rich, that’s all a yes motion to date a boy. But then am here and he is there, very bad suitation. I really don’t believe him but I know he isnt lieing cause back in school he always calls me, disturbe me in class and you know wen a guy looks at you with a loving eye. He really did always look at me like that, now that I think about it, I do really like him. But we both have a long way ahead of us, so I made a deal with him……….
I told him that if we still like each other after all the schoolin and shit we then can try dating but I doubt that’s gonna happen. He stoped calling me like a year ago, it hurts but what can I do. The only guy I really dated was not even really a relationship. We use to live togther in desame area in my country. On january 1st of 2009, he called me using an annoymous caller. I did know it was him cause I kinda of like him too but was shy to tell me and cause I thought he had a girlfreind. Anyways he called me and since then we alawys talk on the phone, since I go to a boarding school we never really saw each other until I travelled. So I don’t really call that a relationship,he still says he loves me and that he will marry me but I think that’s a long lost dream. Anyways he never ask me for nothing even akiss, but then again maybe its cause we never saw much of each other. I think she found a dress. Thank jesus! Time for food

chapter 2

Chapter 2


Another day another life! Here we go. I don’t really like Fridays cause I have to work from 3-11pm which really sucks. I work for the mentally deprived and don’t even give me as much trobule as my co-workeks do. You know whwn people never mind their business nad always gossip all around, yea that’s my working environment. I try not to get pissed off cause ma uncle works there too. They play favorites game too much, like if u know the supervisor you are in good shape and if you don’t you screwed. The head supervisor mrs kindle, she likes to pretend and makes people believe she is inncoent but my guts don’t deceive me when I see an hypocrite, I have lived with them all my life. Anyways am at my job and that God my other friend/ sister is working today, so am kinda ok .
“tan, u re ere. Hw u doin?” my anty hope, she is a good person , thank jesus for her my job life is a little better. Human beings really piss me off considering the fact that am one of them makes me puke. Whatever my job is almost done here, cant wait for my bed. That seems to be all I ever think about about this days. “am fine u?” “fine”
“u wanna go eat now?” she always makes sure she brings food for me gosh how I love her (just natural love).
“yea. U brought food?” “yea my sister had a party yesterday, there was more than enough, since u dint come I brought for u”
“tanx, I brought food too. We can eat it together” “yea its nice to taste your cooked food once in while. The last time I remembered the salt almost killed me” she was joking but I did put too mcuh salt in that rice. I don’t know why though cause I really don’t like too much salt in my food. But I wonder hw I will ever concentrate on cooking while watching the best k-drama (korean drama) of all time, “boys before flowers”. That drama is the best, I mean like 100 percent great.
The story is mostly about 5 really hot,cute and sexy guys, yea trust me they are. Life sucks! I do always wish I was played in that drama. The guys are from very rich and important faimlys in seoul korea and they go to a school owned by one of their mothers.there is this ordinary girl who got accepted into the school for good deeds and she is like a tomboyish person. Anywyas the riches/leader of the group fell in love with her and his mother wont let them be cause of the social distance. Also the leader is the girls husband and one of the boys from the group is her soul mate, I guess destiny sucks. Whatever she marries her husband and her soul mate was always her best friend. Best part is that the both boys are close friends and they really love her so deeply, lucky girl right? I bet she is. The story is cute I tell ma friends to watch but only jamie did cause she sort of like asians but not stalker like me.
We always have this disco party for our consumers on Fridays and shit that noice blows my ear and head off. I guess I work for the money hard, the consumers really like It though and they are funny and cute when they dance.
“hey shannon, come on girl shake what ur mama gave u?” one of my co-workers was saying. How funny are they. Omg! She is twisting and going really down, I cant even do that, ma feet don’t hold much of me. “after the party go up for ur meds, ok?” “ok”
Yes! 10mins to go and so happy to be leaving my job, am gonna sleep till Sunday. Also school is almost over infact 2weeks of school left.
“a 6years old was molested by her father” the news caster was saying. All those men that take advantage of younger girls, we should ship them to a factory and cut of their manhood and hands. So it will be you can see, not feel and not touch, smart right. I don’t like to be mean but they are kids and they trust easily just like me too
Maybe I was like 5 or so I don’t really remember how or what age it started but I was really young then. Will live in a very local enviroment and my mother was always working. She leave me to the care of my neighbours, not that I blame her. There were mostly young adult amle living around us (19-21) and they always like to call me to come play wiv them. They ask me to do stuff with this other young guy of my age or so I don’t remember much, but I remember thinking they wont play with me again if I didn’t do what they ask of me. Gosh when I think back to it I feel so stupid and useless, maybe that’s why I have self issue. From all the movies and stuffs I hv read people with messed up young life always have some shit life, atleast am not sleeping around now to get attention. So even though I like to for in love and so scared I would mess it up. I never told my parent about what use to happen back at our old house like they will ever believe me and I hate it when people look at me like the molested give. Sometimes its make me sad and I cry cause nd am watching sons of anachy, best biker tv show ever. I really like jax, I mean u doesn’t.
I think I finally fell asleep cause now am awake and hungry with a huge headpain. Damn I don’t even have a hangover, why does it hurt so much.
“tan” my mum calls me that but she hads babygirl whenever she wants me to go somewhere for her. I guess I know why I have an headpain after all.
“yes! What do u want mum?” “your friends are here”. My friends?! Yea right nice try.
oh shoot they are really here what do they want now. “hey guys sup?” “sleepy head, get dressed we going out” “what?!” I said
“u dint even tell me we going out?” “u cant just come into someones house and tell them what to do” I always say that to get them mad so they could go. “come on now, baby girl don’t be rude” “they are just trying to help.”
“yea ur mum called us to get u out so u can atleast get a guy and have the experience of being inlove” “yea tnx mum like I need to complicate my life”
“ur dad doesn’t know about this, so come bck by atleast 9pm pls” “yea mum u re a saviour tnx” I rolled my eye at her. She has been trying to get me into a relationship forever talking about how a girl should find love and shit.
So yea we going shopping again on a day I could be sleeping in my bed. Yea life’s is a bitch. Manhattan ofcourse, macy’s store sweet!. So we at macy’s buyins clothes and just checking out people. You know guys and girls cute and bitchy. Am sort of having fun you, like this was worth it.
“so what do u tink about this jean?” I asked
“I don’t know sookietan, I mean u say u want it and den u never wear it” lilac said “yea its true u never wear clothes u just buy them”
“its nut my fort u knw, I mean I look in the mirror and all I see is ma fat ass and boobs and I just them poking out”
“yea girl its God’s gift own it”. Yea yea yea like I really care. God should have given it to someone else not me since I don’t know how to apprecaite it.
Oh.my.God, the cutest/hottest/sexiest guy have ever seen just walked to my front and oh God he is bending in front of me. Jeez I think am gonna od…….. “excuse me miss”. I think am starting to hear his voice in my…… or wait yea he is definitely talking to me shit girl put it togther he is just a goddamn guy….. no his not! “yea may I help you” gosh my voice sounds like am in a daze. I cleared my throat and said it again lookin at me like he doesn’t affect me. “hmm the thing is my sister wanted that shoe and I think that’s the last piece…” he said.
“okayyyyy” I round my togue on the “Y” “what do u want me to do about it?”
“I wanted to know if they have more in the stock room, if u could be kind enough to ask for me pls?”
What! He thinks I walk here psh! That is just plain annoying. What just cause am not standard pretty doesn’t mean you can just look down on me, no offence walking at a store is great. But guys like this just piss me off, just cause you could swing your hips and muscular around to get money does not make you a superman. Ok keep cool……… “am sorry, but I don’t work here, don’t you look around?” “u have a tag if u work ere” “ such bad manners excuse me pls”
mhen he is 6’1 and am like 5’2. He has a palebrownish skin with brown hair clear and glowing skin too, totally opposite of me. His muscles are like so perfect not too much just the right size. God I can feel me nipple pokin out of my bra hard. I have never had a guy affect me like this before, its really something new and creepy. Wait he is coming my way again…………………….
“excuse me miss, I tink dats the only one left in the store do u mind if I buy it from u?” “I can pay u double the price if u want pls”
“am sorri buh I rlly want dis shoe. So I cant sell it sorri” “pls miss his sister has this imp tin to do and dis is her luck shoe” this other guy was saying I think that’s his friend but still am not selling. “we lost her luck shoe and we wanted to replace them before she knowns plss” “yea she has this really big exam tomorrow and she really needs this shoe” I laughed out loud. “and am guessing u rlly want me to believe dat?” “yea it’s the true” the cute guy said. “u knw if I wanted to lie I’d used a sickness or something close to death” “even if she is nut gonna sell it” lilac said “we went to two dif stores for this shoe and dey had it ere. Forget it mhen we arent selling”
Uhm arg! I really wanted this shoe, why do I have to always sacrifice, not fair big guy. Am gonna sell it, yea I know what it’s like to have a big exam. If the shoe will give her confidence then so be it. You better reward me for this big guy. Lilac is stilll talking about how rude and nasty they are to come ask for something like the shoe they have stressed to get……..
“ok yea whatever , take it”
“what?!” four voices said togther loudly in ma face. “I said u can have it dumb ass or don’t ur sister need it anymore?!”
“right, tanx a lot” they said “watever”
“wth was that?” “we arent gonna find that shoe anywere agin” lilac was sayaing “u knw what that means right?!”
“well I guess God doesn’t want me wearing them” yea gudluck shutting her up
“wait is it cause he is cute and all that?” jami asked me. I stiffened for a sec and she caught me, “omg! U like him, u slut”
“shut up u re screaming his gonna hear u” “well yea am gonna go tell me anywys” lilac said
“I swear if u tell him I will make u pay in a bad way” “yea I wont tell him” “ sookie has a boycrush!... atleast we know u have feelings now and nut a stick. “come on lets go to a resturant and eat am paying” lilac said “yea u guy is got the money” jamie said “ I guess u got enoug this weekend”
“yea babes pay while u get service”. I really don’t want to think about that.
“can I take your order pls?” ,the waiter was asking us. “yea I will have the seafood combo” lilac said. “I will have the same” jami said. “and I will have fries with buffalo wings” I said
“girl u neva get tired of that?” “ everytime we go out that’s same shit u always eat, girl hv some fun win food!” “ girl u funny!” my friends were saying.
yea that’s kinda of true I don’t know why but that’s the only food I fell comfy enough to eat outside. I mean since they wanna go to a korean resturant well this is were I end…….
“you bought this for me!” “upromise me u were gonna take me to paris for my birthday” “baby am sorri something came up and I couldn’t get out of it” yea another couples fight like I need that right now. I really hate it when guys do something annoying and then dey like “oh! Baby u know I love u am sorri” shithead don’t baby me . am not your sex toy, I wish we could go back to the olden age were virginty means marriage and respect. Seriously guys are shit head…….. wait a sec isnt that the cute guy I gave ma precious shoes to. Yea it him, sister my ass. Mhen they have zero dignity to their name..
“isnt that the dude you gave ur shoes to?!” my friends said together. Yea we totally not eating here “can u pack our food to go pls” jamie said
“yea its him too much for his sister huh?” “mhen and their pricks” “yea I knw but girls lemme handle this my way” I said
“yo bettar handle it well” lilac said “ cos girl am ready to pounce”. Sometimes I thank God am not her man.
The girl was walking out of the door and the dude was following her with some oder guy he was with earlier and another girl. Gosh he is so gonna get it…..
“so u bought me a frickinh shoe!?” “after everthing have done for ur? All u bought for ma birthday is a shoe?!”
“and I think that shoe belongs to me” I said walking to the girl and snatching the shoe from her. “wow! Too much for a sister in need”
“u really are very disgusting, I feel bad for the girls u date cos all u never want is always a free ride” I said
“girl we sorri but this shoe belongs to us” lilac siad “yea and I don’t think am paying u back the money asshole shit”
everytime I have animagination about love, sex always play a major role in it, and I swear am doing a great job not doing it.
I got home like 12 am greeted my parent and ate, I never sllep early. So I switched on my laptop a

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.01.2012

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