Table of Contents

 Table of Contents

 

Poems

 

A Heartache's All That's Left

An Emo Heart
An Empty Heart
Another Friend Gone (The Truth)
The Artist
A Symphony of Broken Hearts
Ballad from the Dark
Blind
Blood and Tears
Bloody Knuckles
Bloody Tears
The Changing Tides of Life
Confusion, Deceit, and Despair
Daddy
Daddy Come Back
Deals with the Devil
Death
Death of Love
The Deathly Coldness Inside
Deceit (Picture of a Broken Heart)
The Displeasure of the Gods
Does it Even Matter?
Drowning in Sorrow
Fallen
Fuck Off Version 1
Fuck Off Version 2
Her Betrayal
I am dead, no one gives a shit
I’m Dying Inside
I miss… 
I Miss You

I Need You

Just One Favor
The Last Time I Saw my Father
Love
Love is False
The Monster Within
The Murder
My Daddy
My Death
My Life Spells Death
My Own Personal Hell
My Place in the Rain
My Sweet Revenge
Not Sorry
Opposite Forces
The Pain of Life
Problem Child
Respect
Savior
School Day Life
SCHOOL ROCKS
Slavery
Stephen King's Horrors
Sticks and Stones, Guns and Knives
Taste My Bloodd
The War Inside
Tough
The Truth
Unknown

Unnamed 
The Whispered Lies
You Promised me… And You Lied!
No name 1
No name 2
No name 3
No name 4
No name 5
No name 6
No name 7
No name 8

Short Stories

 

All Alone in a Harsh World
A Useless Political Poem
The Demon's Notebook
Die Dunkel Leben (The Dark Life)
The Dream
Forgotten Spirits
House on Rainbow Hill
Micheal the Clown
Ojo the Housefly
Separation
No Name

Poems Section

 Poetry Section

 

A Heartache's All That's Left

A Heartache’s All That’s Left

 

A beautiful rose turns to a thorny, deadly, ivy vine,
Heavenly light disperses into evil black.
Everything good turns bad eventually.
A gentle heart turns coarse
Ravaged hearts scream in agony from the depths of Hell.
This is where we live.
A giant hell hole we call home.
Corpses, we call people, walking around, lifeless, cold hearted, love lost
Hearts ripped in two, bleeding and twitching on the grimy floor.
Every stab wound visible, every heart break seen, no veils can hide this
Sorrow, this neverending heartache. Can
Anyone ever love a diseased-minded little freak, a beast, monstrous
Little crooked fallen angel, a depressed loner
Like me? Or is this stupid fucked up world
Too full of hate, too despicable to ever find the
Heart to accept a lost, deserted emo like me?
Are the men of this world really so heartless
That they'd abandon their women, their children?!
Sinners is what the religious call them, I call them pathetic, cowardly
Losers who have no hearts, just a chest full of ash.
Easily forgotten are the children of the world,
Full of lies are so many people of the false light.
Trust... is nowhere to be found.

An Emo Heart

An Emo Heart

11/1/11

 

I can make you lose your friends,
Because they are tired of your depressing attitude.
I can make you cry,
Because you feel so alone.
I’m the one who supports you
When you lose the one you thought you loved.
I’m the one who causes you to cry,
Because of the aching in your chest.
I’m the one that gets shattered
Every time you lose someone close,
Or every time someone hurts you.
I’m the one you feel
Beating in your breast,
Keeping the blood flowing
In your veins,
Keeping you alive.
I’m the one that causes the blood
To drip from your skin,
Every time you cut yourself.
I’m the one who is covered in stitches,
Covered in gashes and cuts and bruises,
From all the times you’ve gotten close to someone
Who decided it’d be funny
To turn around and break me.
I’m the one that you despise,
For the very fact that
I make you feel such anguish
When you lose somebody close.
Because of me, you know how to love.
Because of me, you know what it feels like
To love somebody dearly,
To know what it feels like
To feel alone in this harsh world.
You know what it feels like
To have a stupid boy or girl
Break me in half,
Tear me to shreds,
Shatter me into tiny bits,
Because of me,
You know true pain.
You never know when I will strike,
Or what I will strike you with.
I could pop up one day and cause you
To feel massive heartache and loneliness.
Or I could start beating fast,
At the sight of a young boy or girl,
And fill you with longing and a feeling like love.
Never mind your brain making the choices,
I make the decision of what you feel
Inside. I make you sad, happy,
In love, depressed, or alone.
I give you these feelings.
Even the feeling of being dead.
I give you that.
It is my gift to you.
To feel all this pain,
To feel all this anger,
To feel such powerful resentment towards yourself.
I am the one who decides what you feel.
So, love me, cherish me,
Hate me, tear me out with a knife.
It doesn’t matter to me either way.
My only purpose,
Is to make you feel the brunt of the world.
Good bye! </3

An Empty Heart

An Empty Heart

8/15/11

 

She sits in an empty classroom,
Dark but for the dim light
Filtering in through the dirty windows.
Tears run down her gentle face,
Her black eyeliner cuts black grooves
In her soft pale cheeks.
A light bruise flowers beneath
Her light brown left eye.
A soft click of the door opening,
The gentle click-clack of footsteps
On the broken, shattered tile floor.
The girl does not look up,
Just continues crying, her hands over her face.
A hand on her shoulder,
A harsh whisper of breath in her ear.
Suddenly, rough hands handle her,
Pull her to the floor, on her stomach.
Her wrists are bound with rough-hewn rope,
A length of tape is wrapped about her mouth,
A length of cloth covers her eyes.
Roughly, she’s dragged to her feet,
Pushed out the door and down the halls,
And finally shoved into the dark backseat of a car.
After an hour of driving, the car comes to a shuddering halt.
She’s dragged out of the car and down into a dark cellar,
Where she is left, sitting in the grimy corner,
Tears pouring in torrents down her face.
She is alone, she is dead.

Another Friend Gone (The Truth)

Another Friend Gone (The Truth)

8/25/11

 

Lillith sits in a corner,
Cheeks stained by tears,
Alone but for the chirping of the crickets.
Were it not for the truth,
She would have a friend by her side.
But that friend left.
She left because of the truth.
The truth hurt her,
She was too blind to see it.
But Lillith saw it.
And she told her friend.
The girl didn’t like it,
So she fled.
She left the friend that was always there for her,
The friend who was her fallback.
Now she’s gone, and Lillith is alone,
She feels betrayed and lied to.
Hurt by her friend’s deceit.
For that is what she sees it as:
Deceit, Betrayal…and Loss.
Lillith’s wounded heart throbs in her hands,
As the knife pierces it over and over, once again.
The blood seeps through her fingers,
As the tears rain from her eyes.
Yet she sits there,
Not moving yet shaking at the same time,
As though nothing yet also everything has happened.
She does not feel as the knife pierces her chest again,
For all she feels is the emptiness in her soul,
All she sees is the darkness creeping in,
And all she hears is the crickets chirping
As once again, her life ends… </3

The Artist

The Artist

8/24/11

 

She sits alone on a school bench.
No one else is present.
The school is empty,
It’s after dark.
She rocks back and forth,
Arms wrapped around her stomach,
Hands holding her elbows.
Blood coats her hands,
Spatters her clothes,
Her face, clings under her nails.
Tears race through the blood on her face,
Rain down from her crystal eyes.
A canvass lies at her feet,
Every inch covered by varying shades
Of red and brown and black.
The image,
That of a young girl,
Sprawled out on a stone table,
Nude but for a few shreds of cloth
Wrapped about her breasts.
A body lays at the live girl’s feet,
A knife protruding from the chest.
It is that of a young man.
He died of a literally broken heart.
The painting sits there,
Mocking the two teens, one living, one dead,
With the blood it was painted with.
Her wrists are slashed,
His chest is open, exposing his broken heart.
She lies beside him, tears still pouring from her eyes.
She curls up against him,
Puts his limp arms around her shoulders.
Within minutes, she too is dead.

A Symphony of Broken Hearts

A Symphony of Broken Hearts

5/1/12

 

They parade down the streets of the world,
This symphony of broken hearts.
Their eyes filled with tears,
Their bodies crying rivers of red.
They parade down the streets of the world,
Voices raised against the injustice of life,
Yet nobody sees them.
Nobody hears their cries and bloodthirsty screams.
They just walk right by these people,
As though blind to the cruel ways of life.
The treacherous ways of “God”.
These ignorant men and women of the world,
Living life as though other people don’t suffer.
As though nobody is hurting
And slowly decaying inside.
So many voices
Make up the symphony of broken hearts.
Yet no one pays any heed to their needs.
There is no love in this world
For these “sinful” and “fucked up” people.
Stupid, bitch, whore, slut, crazy,
Ugly, disgusting, addict, lazy, loser,
Fuckup, fat, anorexic, arrogant,… poser.
These are the words that people sling
So cruelly, so full of hatred.
Nobody tries to understand the unknown,
Except for those who ARE the unknown.
I guess that saying is true:
Everyone protects their own.
And, in some cases, every man for himself.
Nobody stands up for the little guy.
And if there’s anyone that does,
Then those people are few and far between.
Nobody wants the “weaker” ones.
Even though these hurt and damaged people
Are, in truth, the strong ones.
They are strong because, despite all the shit
That is thrown at them,
They continue to stand and fight.
They continue to fight for what they see as right,
Fight for their right to a peaceful life.
No one sees that these are truly the strongest,
Most powerful people there are.
They show compassion and try to make peace,
Even with those who treat them so harshly.
They sometimes don’t hide their emotions,
And they don’t hide behind fake faces.
They are the real deal,
The big thing.
They are more real than most people nowadays.
Maybe you should try to take a leaf from their books.
Maybe you should try to understand them…
Before their blood is on your hands…

Ballad From the Dark

Ballad from the Dark

 

As I lie alone in this dark room,
My bed cold, no arms to keep away the gloom.
No warmth since you left, my light is now gone.
Why’d I have to go and make you woebegone?
You loved me so much I didn’t even realize.
Now I lie alone, and my heart breaks with my dark lies.
I lost you because of my stupidity, and the price
Wears me down and tears me apart. I fear I never
Truly knew how much I loved you, until you left me,
Now I’m all alone, and I’m nothing more than thee…
Chorus:
Creature of the Darkness
So black and empty, so desolate and alone.
Why’d I ever take that risk
Of losing you and ending up alone?
You lost the faith you had in me,
Yet no matter what, you never stopped loving me.
Now I want you back, I made a mistake,
But now is too late, you’ve already gone.
I love you so much, I’m sorry.

It’s been forever since I last saw your face, heard your voice.
Ever day that I’m alone is another day I die inside.
I wish I could tell you I’m sorry. Wish there was a choice,
To go back in time and take back what I did that day inside
His car. Wish I could take back the words, the hurt.
But it’s done and over with, and now, you see, my heart is dead.
I broke your heart, if you saw me now, you’d be curt.
Me heart is destroyed. The tears fall as the barrel touches my head.
My hand shakes, I pull the trigger and hear a SNAP.
I have not the courage to end it all, to take an eternal nap.

 

Chorus:
Monster in the Darkness
Is all I shall be, now that I no longer have you.
You couldn’t look at me straight out of your disgust.
I should’ve never done that, it destroyed you.
You were my happiness, I just took it for granted.
Fairytales aren’t meant to be forever.
Happy endings are something we take for granted.
But in truth, they happen only never.
I miss you so much, I’m sorry.

As I watch the blood from the cuts
Run down my arms in great dark red ruts.
My life blood spills as I see your face.
You must be a mirage, you’re not in this place.
I stitch these wounds upon my chest,
And hear your gorgeous voice say, “The best
Thing that’s ever happened to me.” But I fucked
Up, and now you’re gone. I’m sorry but he sucked.
I hold the pills within my hand,
And think of how many to take. I can’t.

Chorus:
I saw you on the news today.
Your mangled face, the gun in hand.
Now I’ve truly lost you, my day.
Now you’re never coming to my land.
I’m now lost, alone in this darkness,
Looking for something that’s already gone.
I’m just a Creature of this Eternal Darkness.
And no one is left to silence the gong.
I loved you so damn much.
Now you’re gone, I’m sorry.

Blind

Blind

 

You see her sitting on the floor,
Curled up in a ball in the corner.
Her long black hair
Is draped in front of her elvin face.
Her green eyes are closed,
Exposing her dark black eyeliner and shadow.
Black rivulets stream down her cheeks
As the tears trickle from her eyes.
A feeling of loneliness and utter depression
Emanate from her, fill the room.
She’s so sad, so broken-feeling.
You wish there was something you could do
To make her feel loved again,
To make her feel alive and whole.
But when you try to think of what
That thing could be,
Your mind pulls a blank.
Because you are blind.

Blood and Tears

Blood and Tears

 

An irreparable heart torn to shreds.
The blood rushing out as fast as the tears.
They churn and mingle in their distant current.
In an effort to ease the pain, she makes the blood flow until it no longer hurts.
Not that it helps much. She’s a freak with no place in this world.
Without a purpose, without a reason, she no longer feels at home.
Every day she hopes for someone to notice her as a living human!
But every day she is disappointed and seen as a mere freak, if even seen at all.
Silently dying, drowning in a pool of blood and tears.
No one notices as she slowly turns pale to blue and back.
Every moment trying to catch one more breath, to stay alive.
If she can just find a shred of hope and truth, she might survive.
Might, but not very likely.

Bloody Knuckles

Bloody Knuckles

1/18/12

 

She sits in the abandoned house,
The damp wooden floor
Creaking eerily beneath her feet.
The candles lit in a circle around her,
Cast a soft glowing light on her pale face.
The smell of sulfur from burnt matches
Wafts through the air.
She raises her arms to begin her ritual.
The flickering light of the candles
Glints off of the knife in her right hand.
A pig lies, bound, before her.
Its squeals are muffled by a rope bound around its snout.
As she mutters her chant and dips her fingers in
A cup of blood by the pig,
The piglet’s eyes widen as she uses the blood
To mark a few intricately woven symbols
Over the pig’s heart.
Suddenly, she brings the knife above her head,
Held tightly in both hands,
And thrusts it down with all her might.
The knife slides cleanly through the pig,
Killing it instantly as the blade tip clangs
Against the tiled board under the body.
The shimmery blood flows over her hands
Like a small wave of red water.
It feels so slippery and moist and WARM.
Perversely, she brings her right hand to her mouth.
She can smell the coppery scent of the blood.
Slowly, she sticks her finger in her mouth and
Licks it. The warm liquid is so sweet and gentle
On her tongue. She savors the taste of the nectar of
The pig’s life. The liquid is cool against her cheeks.
She swallows the blood and stays still as it makes its
Descent down her throat and through her organs.
She feels blissfully content in the completion
Of her mission. She feels very successful.
She feels complete.

Bloody Tears

Bloody Tears

 

Here I lie, yet again
On my floor, in my den.
As the tears fall from my eyes,
As the razor brings more cries.
I see the blood flow from my wrists
As though in neverending red lists
Of the shit that hurts me so.
It ends the pain, that’s all I know.
It makes me feel above the hate,
Above the hurt, not too late
To turn back time, to change my fate.
To finally wipe clean this blackened slate.
You always hurt me, make me scream.
I'm all alone, wish this was a dream.
I fucking hate you, for all you do
Is make me feel like nothing can I do.
You kick me down, onto the ground,
You make me feel the hurt, all around.
As the blood and tears run down my wrists,
I watch them mix, form turns and twists.
Along my skin, across the floor,
Upon my legs, there's so much more.
It pools on the ground and touches the door.
I swear, to anyone else it’s a lot of gore.
But to me, this is my life.
Bloody tears, a mournful fife.
Good bye.

The Changing Tides of Life

The Changing Tides of Life

 

There once was a teenage girl
With dirty blonde hair
And grey-blue eyes.
She had pale-tan skin
And scars along her legs.
She was 5’3” and a junior in high school.
She was also deeply in love
With the man of her dreams.
He was tall for a 15-year-old,
With beautiful brown eyes and
Long brown hair.
His skin was a handsome golden tan,
His voice like honey.
She always felt so safe
In his strong but gentle arms,
Comforted by his sweet voice,
And loved with the touch of a fingertip.
He was everything she’d ever
Wanted in a man.
But one day,
The Tides of Life changed on her.
Her perfect man
Started a new habit and
Began to drastically change.
He became less caring,
More angry and depressed.
It was as though
He had grown a hard shell
Around his soft personality.
The gentle kindness was still there,
But it was caged, hidden inside,
By the hard, tough-guy coldness.
His gentle, loving self
Had been shoved away by
The new habit-ridden, half-selfish person
He had become.
She cried every night for the love
That had changed on her.
He still loved her,
Just not as much as he had
In the very beginning.
They lasted 14 and a half months.
It was the longest relationship
Either of them had had.
Neither wanted to let the other go,
Yet this seemed more true
In her case than in his.
He tried to leave any time they argued
About his new-found habit.
The Tides of Life had truly changed him.
Maybe forever.

Confusion, Deceit, and Despair

Confusion, Deceit, and Despair

8/28/09

 

Heart heavy with despair. Indecision, confusion, soul stained with desire.
Worried about the safety and survival of the coven, worried if he’s telling the whole truth or just lying, knowing you’ll believe him.
Needing to talk to him, but you cant get to a phone. Mind reeling in inability to grip what’s truth and what’s fiction.
“Time heals all” is stated everywhere, yet as time passes, you just get more confused. Things don’t make sense.
Feeling as though constantly bound, gagged and thrown away, hidden, in the corner shadows.
No freedoms whatsoever, no choices, no rights.
A robot, a zombie, a circus freak.
All you’ve ever wanted was to feel welcome, to live,
Only to find that for you that’s impossible.
Feeling so out of place, like such an unwelcome freak.

Daddy

Daddy

1/3/12

 

He was the man who always tucked her in.
He was the man who’d kiss her good night.
He was the strongest man alive in her eyes.
He was her light, her knight, her guardian angel.
He was her protector in the night.
He took away her nightmares,
And whisked her away to happiness in his arms.
He saved her from being alone.
He was her hero, her idol.
Then one day he disappeared.
He never came back for her.
For 13 years, she cried alone at night,
Her emotions towards him alternating
Between missing him dearly,
And hatred for his abandoning her.
Even at the age of 17,
When she thought she was done crying over a man
Who hasn’t been there for 13 years,
She cries alone in her room,
Feeling very much alone in the world.
She sobs repeatedly, “Why, Daddy? Don’t you know
How much I love you, how much I need you?!”
Her boyfriend, her soul mate, still has a whole family.
He doesn’t understand how much pain she’s in,
How much it’s killing her to know
That there’s always the possibility
That her daddy doesn’t even love her anymore.
She cowers in terror at the prospect
That he may not even remember her anymore.
She just wants to be out of school already
So she can find him.
So she can go to him, and tell him how much she truly
Loves him and needs him back in her life.
So she can hopefully get her father back.
She shivers in terror at the thought
That he may not even want to be in her life,
That he may not even love or know her.
But her lover doesn’t understand this.
He doesn’t understand how bad she’s hurting inside,
How much she’s dying inside everyday
She goes without being able to find her father.
She sees her love’s perfect life, with his perfect family,
And she cant help but think of how
Fucked up her family life is.
Her boyfriend wants to help her,
Wants the old, happier her back.
But it’s near impossible to fix something
As broken as a shattered hope.
And as she drifts off to sleep once more,
She softly whispers once again, tears in her eyes,
“I miss you Daddy.”

Daddy Come Back

Daddy Come Back

 

4 years old and she’s awakened
by her father late one night.
His face is blank as he whispers,
“Say bye-bye to mommy.”
He carries her out the front door,
Past her mother, who sobs.
He puts her and her brother
In his car and drives away.
They stay in a motel.
She hasn’t seen him since.

Chorus: and she cries,
Oh daddy please come back!
Mommy doesn’t mean the things she said.
I still love you daddy.
Right here is where you belong!
Oh daddy please come back.

10 years old and she gets her first taste
Of what freedom’s like.
She hops on a bike,
Her mother beside her.
Her mother suddenly releases her grip
On the bike seat.
And she goes flying down the street.
The wind whips through her hair.
And all she can really think about
Is “Why aren’t you with me daddy?”
And she cries

 

Chorus: oh daddy please come back!
Mommy never meant those things she said.
I still love you daddy.
Right here is where you belong!
Right here is where you’re needed.
Oh daddy please come back.

 

Age 21 and she walks down the aisle,
Her mother walks by her side.
A man smiles at her,
Tears in his eyes
As she walks towards him slowly.
She herself has tears in her eyes,
As the realization comes
To her with such brutal force.
Her daddy’s not coming back
For her ever again.

Deals with the Devil

Deals with the Devil

12/6/11

 

There she lurks,
In the shadows of the night.
Her light-skinned body
Is shrouded in the black of night.
She crouches in the shadows,
Hiding from the rest of the world.
Suddenly, she steps in a puddle.
The small splash echoes
Around the area,
Bounces off the walls
Of the surrounding buildings.
She freezes in her tracks as
The sounds of vicious barking
And ravenous howling
Fills the alleyways,
Totally surrounds her.
Terrified, she books it down the alley,
Back the way she came.
The howls come closer and closer
As she pants and gasps,
Racing through the maze of streets.
Suddenly, she can feel the hot breath
Of the beasts on the back of her neck.
One grabs her ankle
In its mouth and
Drags her to the ground.
She screams as she falls to her face,
Rolls over and stares into the
Blazing red eyes of the hell hounds.
Then they begin to bite at her.
They bite deep into her flesh and muscle,
Rip her apart, tear her limb from limb!
They rip out her throat and
Make her cough up blood.
Within minutes, she is dead.
The hell hounds leave and
Once again, she’s alone.
This time, lying in the shadows,
Stomach ripped open,
Drenched in a pool of her own blood.
So, just a suggestion,
Never make deals… with the devil.

Death

Death

3/23/09

 

Blood spilling, gushing, pouring.
Pain ending, dying in short, quick heartbeats.
This is what I see at least 3 times weekly.
My hope of a future, my despair as it leaves me.
Potions, herbs, spells, and hexes. What I’ve turned to instead.
Prejudiced, hateful, non-understanding people,
Everyone surrounding me, smothering me, stilling my heart.
Trying to learn, paying dearly for my attempts.
Failed attempts to break the skin,
Sitting in a corner, separated from everyone.
Can’t keep a relationship, can’t get one either.
No one seems to like me;
A psychic, a loner…a weirdo; a freak.

When will this pain end?
Once I am dead.

Death of Love

Death of Love

12/7/09

 

So lonely in this world, everything going dark.
Feeling so dead, so alone, so unnoticed.
Having no voice, nobody hears me, I’m just a shadow.
I wonder, if I died, would they even notice?
My life is no life at all. I am just…an empty shell.
Always being used, always being cheated, lied to, framed, ignored.
Hating the world’s cruelty. Despising my assigned fate.
Too weak to fight anymore, too strong to die.
This harsh universe can and will NEVER accept me
For just who I am, for ME!
My hope’s spiraling down, my family doesn’t trust me.
My mom’s getting remarried and I don’t know what to say or do.
I just feel so hollow, so empty.
It’s all my fault They're going to end,
And there’s just nothing I can do to help it.
I thought he loved me, but he’s just another phony!
Another boy who saw my profile and told me lies he knew I’d believe.
Why does this keep happening to me?!
Oh right. That's why.
Because I believe too much and yet nothing at all.

The Deathly Coldness Inside

The Deathly Coldness Inside

 

I fall to the ground again
In despair as I lose my faith.
I’m bound in one thick chain.
Bound from my life, full of hate.
Once again, I’m full of an aching,
A painful yearning that just won’t
Go the fuck away. Leaves me craving
For a life that better suits me, a life that won’t
Leave me all alone in this world,
With no hand to hold, no voice to cry with.

 

This is what I look like
As I lie on the ground like
The rotting corpse that I am
Like the soulless creature that I am.
This is the Deathly Coldness Inside of me!

 

I see you once again in my dreams.
You're standing on the edge of a cliff,
Preparing to plummet into the shadow realms.
I’m reaching out to you, up on the cliff.
Trying to get you to come back down.
But I miss, and there you go,
Freefalling to the cold waters below. You drown,
Leaving me to fight all alone, until I do
The unthinkable. I take a blade
And I end the suffering, just to join you, my beloved.

Deceit (The Picture of a Broken Heart)

Deceit (The Picture of a Broken Heart)

4/25/12

 

She sits in the corner of the room,
Hugging her knees to her chest.
Two separate black rivers stream down her face
From her black-shadowed blue eyes.
Her black-painted lips quiver slightly
As her long blonde hair falls in front of her face.
Her shoulders hitch up and down
With each great heart-felt sob.
She’s the very picture of a broken soul.
And it’s no thanks to you.
You who broke all your promises.
You who gave her wings of flight,
Then snapped them when it hurt the most.
You chose to pull all your hurtful bullshit,
The same time that everything in her life was falling apart.
The same time her stepdad filed for divorce,
The same time she was assigned 4 assignments due the same day,
The same time she did not have you by her side.
And now you never again will be by her side.
Her smoking has gotten worse,
Her depression and anger issues have exceeded her limits.
She’s lost one of her best friends
And she’s done nothing but hurt other friends.
And push them all away.
She feels so alone, now that you’ve chosen
A plant over the love she has to offer.
She feels like you’ve ditched her,
Just left her out in the dirt to rot.
She feels like she no longer matters.
You never glorify her
The way that you glorify your precious drug.
She no longer feels like you care about her,
As much as you care about Weed.
You’d rather have both, or just weed,
Than have the one you supposedly loved.
She still wears the things you’ve given to her,
But they hold nothing but painful reminders
Of the good past you and her shared.
They serve no purpose but to
Laugh in her face and constantly remind her
Of the thing that which she cannot have.
Of the love she’s never allowed to touch.
The love peacefulness that will never
Again be within her grasp.
She’s forever alone now
And you don’t give a damn.
You promised her forever
But now it would appear that forever may be never.
You’ve left her out to jump over the cliff
Of life, to forever be hurt and alone.
Why would you do that to her?
Oh. I know.
You do it out of selfishness.
But if you’re not careful,
You shall lose her forever.
Unless that is what you want to happen.
All she ever uttered was, “I love you”.
And now all you can muster up is,
“I hate you.”

The Displeasure of the Gods

The Displeasure of the Gods

 

There’s this wall between she and the sun.
A thin wall erected by the gods
From flesh and bone.
The very flesh and bone of her elders.
Her small wrists twist and turn
Above her head,
As her slim, frail body
Shifts and pulls against the thick
Rope of twisted hair
Wrapped about her,
Binding her to the post in the center
Of the small stone chamber.
Cold stone floors beneath her bare feet,
Hard grey stone walls surrounding her on all sides,
Except for the wall directly
Across from her.
This wall of bones with
Toughened flesh stretched tight
Over the masses array of jigsaw bodily frameworks.
The bodily frameworks of her once-alive family.
The gods had been displeased with her kind and,
One by one, they killed off her family
And, one by one, they stitched and tied the bones and flesh
Of the dead together,
Creating a macabre wall of hatred
To remind each person sacrificed
Of the reason of why they were there,
And to show them that there would be no mercy.
Now here she stands before this wall of death,
Staring with terrified eyes at the one space left
In the top right corner of the wall of her family.
The space just big enough for her body.
She can see through the bottom of the flesh wall
That the sun is starting to rise.
She pulls more viciously at her bonds,
But it’s no use. She’s done for.
As the traitorous sun slowly climbs into the hell-born sky,
Dana thinks of how cruel mortal life is.
It brought her to life, and then now
It is taking it back.
She misses the vampyr way of life,
The lifetime where she could live freely.
Her musings come to a screeching halt,
As the piercing sunlight shines through the
Flesh stretched over the gaping hole in the wall.
She hisses and screeches shrilly as the burning light
Scorches her skin and burns her eyes.
Within minutes, the room is silent once again,
And the vampyr known as Dana Stone
Is reduced to nothing more than a lifeless pile of bones and flesh.
Soon, her flesh will fill the hole of the flesh-wall.
And that is the end, of Dana Stone.

Does It Even Matter?

Does it even matter?

 

What if I wanted to stop? Just let it all go and fade away.
Does it even matter what I feel inside?
Could it ever be quiet? Just silence the voices that just shout away
About all this discriminating and hating of the world in and outside.
What if I were to just lose the past, forget it all?
Would it even matter? Would it make a difference?
If I wanted the pain to end, to take the blame, to take the fall,
Does it even matter that I want to make a difference?
So what if I want to hide? Can you really blame me
For wanting to just disappear from the world, to just flee?

 

Chorus:
I just want to hide away, to fade away, to leave.
Does it even matter?
I just want the pain to stop, I just want to believe.
Does it even matter?
Want to be able to hope, want to be able to dream.
Does it even matter?
Oh! This is my nightmare, this is my bad dream,
It doesn’t even matter.

 

Can you silence the voices raging in my mind?
Can you stop the agony of the regret of my choices?
Am I even real? Can I be touched, be held, be felt? Can you find
Me? A shapeless shadow, an eerie ghost created by the voices?
Can you finally end this war of indecision being waged inside of me?

 

Unfinished…

Drowning in Sorrow

Drowning in Sorrow

 

You left me out in the cold.
Without a chance, no hand to hold.
I once was free, but now I’m bound
To this abyss! So dark, no sound.
You found me broken on the ground.
You fixed me up, you tore me down.
You kissed me sweet, then made me frown.
You held me close, then my love did you drown.
My wings have broken, forever more.
This room, full of blood. I’m just a whore.
My heart rages nothing but a war
Of love and hate, wrong and right.
Inside my mind, a constant fight.
My thoughts inside try with all their might
To be heard, to not be told
That I’m worthless. This is getting old.
My body, my actions, my will you did mold
To your own wants. I’m stuck in a pound.
In cobwebs and sorrow, my heart had you gowned.
With a circle of hate, of deceit, I am crowned.
With no one around, I’m in a ghost town,
Hell. The name of this place. Its noun.
Like a rotting corpse, life goes black after brown.
Try to be heard over the fires of Hell and their horrendous roar.
But I’m mute. My soul, down to the underworld does it soar.
This life is nothing more than a monstrous Hell’s tour.
Vicious as the demented, Hell hound’s bite,
A liar, a bitch, an abuser. There is no light
In this place, I’ll never be alright.
Not as long as I’m drowning in Sorrow.

Fallen

Fallen

 

You’re searching all over the world.
You call out her name,
Hoping she will answer.
You go through the jungles and forests,
Excavate the mine shafts and deepest, darkest caves.
You dive down to the depths of the seas
And drain all the rivers.
Hell, you look under everyone’s beds
And in all their closets.
She’s nowhere to be found.
You walk into the streets,
Tears streaming from your eyes,
And hear a small sob.
You look up.
There she is, standing on the ledge of the building.
The tears pour down her cheeks and
Her body shivers and shakes.
She’s so afraid, yet so alone too.
You call out to her, to get her attention.
She glances down at you.
“I love you. I’m sorry,” is all she whispers
As she takes that final step off
Of the ledge of the building.

Fuck Off Version 1

Fuck Off Version 1

 

Prejudiced people whisper around me again.
“There goes that scary, wierd, Emo chick.”
“She’s so weird. Nothing but a freak.” Oh man.
I turn away and cover my face with a flick
Of my hair as once the anger flares.
Stupid fucking assholes, you’re the freaks!
By cutting, I show I’m the one who really cares.
I feel the hate of the world that havoc wreaks.
So just go fuck yourselves, let me be.
For once just leave me the fuck alone.
You will never truly feel, never truly see.
You’re too fucking blind, blinded by an ego of stone.
You’re too senseless, laughing with your friends.
If you really hate me so fucking much,
Why the fuck do you talk about me to your friends?!
Why the fuck do you treat me like you’ll die with one touch?
YOU DON’T EVEN BLOODY KNOW ME!
I will crush you, I will totally destroy you!
You will writhe in agony on the floor before me.
I will watch you bleed, watch you die as I roast you!
Stupid bitch, don’t you dare look at me like that!
You know not what I can do, what I WILL do!
Just fuck off! Mind your own business. You suck that
Cock. Leave me alone and you might survive the night through.

Fuck Off Version 2

Fuck Off Version 2

 

Covering my face as I walk down the hall,
I hear your snickers, I hear them all.
My hand goes to my wrist to hide the scars
The razor blade makes, I see the stars.
I once was a light, now I’m a shadow.
I once was the day, now I’m the night.
I once was happy, now in my sorrow I wallow.
You killed my joy, you sent me to flight.
You kick me to the ground, and throw sand in my face.
You put me on a rack, and tear me limb from limb.
Your back stabs are like a knife wound to my face.
I will never belong here, I’m always standing on the rim
Of the world, any second I will plummet to my death.
I shall forever feel the reek of the demon’s breath.
Why, to you, am I nothing more than shit to crush?
Why the fuck do you treat me like a crutch?
You use me, break me, and in the dirt you throw me.
You kick me, hurt me, make me bleed.
You see these scars, you laugh at me.
As I lie there in the dust, tearfully make I a nasty creed
To watch you die and hear you scream.
To make you feel what I always feel.
You will wish, as I do, that this was just a dream.
But, in truth, it’s nothing more than the hand Fate to me did deal.

Her Betrayal

Her Betrayal </3

9/6/11

 

She walks alone down the halls,
A pale, eerie shadow of a girl.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And that’s all she is to Her,
The one who hurt her. Ashley.
All she is to Ashley,
Is a ghost of a friend,
A shadow of Her past.
Ashley no longer cares
About the girl who was once
Her best friend, Her fallback, Her sister.
Now this pale girl
Matters no more to Ashley
Than a piece of trash might matter.
Her advice,
Might as well just be
A whisper on the wind,
Mere words flung at a brick wall.
But now it’s her turn to retaliate,
It’s her turn to make Ashley hurt.
She walks down the halls now,
Head bent low in preparation,
Body draped in black cloth.
The sun glints off of
The silver dagger in her right hand.
She approaches room 333,
With a sparkle of murder in her black eyes.
She opens the door and watches as her black boots
Cross the threshold and walks straight to Ashley.
Ashley stands there, frozen,
Quivering and quaking like a frightened Chihuahua.
The girl raises her arm,
Exposing the dagger to the rest of the room.
Ashley screams shrilly
As the girl brings the glittering blade down quickly,
And cuts into Ashley’s soft flesh.
Ashley’s screams are cut short
As the dagger slices through Her vocal cords.
Arterial blood sprays everywhere
As Her ceratoid artery is severed.
No more will She tell Her lies,
No more will She betray her.
No more will She hurt her.
No more will She USE her!
The girl looms over Ashley
As Ashley takes Her last dying breath,
As the light slowly leaves Her eyes.
As Ashley lays there on the floor,
Dead, in a puddle of Her own blood,
The girl laughs hysterically, then begins to cry
At the deed she has just done.
She looks down at the ring on her finger,
The friendship ring she’d gotten from Ashley.
She begins to cry harder with loss and hurt,
But not with guilt. No, not with guilt.

I am dead, no one gives a shit

I am dead, No one gives a shit!

4/27/10

 

Salt dampens my jeans, my shirt, my face.
The flow is relentless, never ending.
Everyone oblivious, nobody seeing. A
Vixen, my friend, the only one to see my pain.
Even though tears stain my face, no one notices.
No one cares.
He stole my heart, then trampled on it.
As though I had no feelings, psychopathic.
Since he said goodbye, I haven’t been able to stay happy for long.
No man can ever love, ever feel.
Demolish, unhinge, desert me.
Erase the sutures that once held my already-ravaged heart together.
Sever my life-line, my blood flow.
Transparent though I may be, I was never invisible to you.
Reverse this pain, I would if I could, but too much pain exchanged to
Overturn this cruel, demeaning verdict.
Yet no one can hear my anguished screams of torture, no one could
Ever save me from the tormenting hell I’ve created for myself.
Despite the love we once shared, it was never meant to be.
No promises are kept.
My blown-apart heart will forever be the gaping wound that never heals.
Everything that was once good has dispersed.

 

I am forsaken. I am dead.

I'm Dying Inside

I’m Dying Inside

11/1/11

 

2 a.m. and I’m wide awake,
Just lying here alone in my room.
Haven’t been able to sleep at all,
Not since last I saw his face.
Not since I watched him cry.
Not since I became the reason he cried.

 

The sight of his deadened eyes
Floods my mind’s eyes,
Haunts me in my dreams.
It tears my heart to shreds,
Makes me cry rain forests,
Makes me want to make my wrists cry too,
Cry rivers of blood.

 

The sound of his joyless voice,
His tear-coated throat,
Makes me long for death.
Makes me wish him every happiness possible.
It makes me wish on every hour,
For his happiness to return,
For us to be joyful and love struck again.

 

I miss the days we were so happy.
Miss the days we truly believed
In “happily ever after”.
In “Together from now until death do us part.”
I miss the days we felt like we could do anything,
When we felt like we could BE anything!
Most of all, I miss the man I fell in love with.

 

I miss the days we used to frolic
In the desert, dance in the moonlight,
And kiss in the dark.
The days we would be so carefree
And buoyant. So love-filled and
Careless of the world around us.
Never giving a care as to what happened,
Just as long as we made it through together.

 

I miss my life, my love, my reason to live.
I yearn for his happiness, and his joy.
I yearn for a happier me, too.
A me who would not hurt him so.
A me who would sleep forever,
Before ever raising my voice to him.
I. Yearn. To. Find. Peace.

I Miss...

I Miss…

11/30/09

 

I miss the way you’d walk me to 5th, however tedious it’d been.
I miss the way you’d gently kiss my hair, my cheek, my skin.
I miss the passion which once existed in our hugs.
Unfortunately, all the fire in them has gone to the dogs.
I miss how reluctant you’d be to let me go.
I miss how you’d come and everyone in the room would seem to just go.
Your smile, even when things all looked down, was all I needed to pick me up off the ground.
Geez, I even miss your gentle-but-obvious flirts.
I miss how you were the only one to see me when I was invisible, which I am again.
I miss how I felt safe in your arms, I no longer ever am.
I miss the courage I once had, the courage of whence you gifted me with.
Like a rubber band stretched beyond its limit, our bond has long-since snapped.
I miss how tight you’d hold me in your arms.
I miss how long you’d embrace me in gentle-but-strong arms.
It makes me sad to think how these pleasures are given away to someone else so quickly and easily.
You made me feel loved, now that love has dissipated.
My heart heavy, I walk to class alone, knowing I no longer matter in your life, even as a friend.
You gave me wings so I could fly, and then snapped them when it hurt most!
I am but another brick in the wall.
My heart died long ago so don’t worry about me taking a knife to my wrists.
No one sees me, nobody cares about a freak!
I was just a mere pawn in your cruel game.
My tears have long-since deserted me, I can cry no longer!
Enough of this! I just stopped by to say I miss the us that never was, could never be.

I Miss You

I Miss You

10/8/13

8:56 pm

 

I don’t miss you,

But yet I miss YOU.

I miss the way things used to be,

When we were starting high school and were

The best of friends.

When we could tell each other anything,

And felt like we could be anything.

When we talked of always staying best friends.

When we talked of always being there for one another.

I miss YOU.

But not the you who you’ve become now.

No, not the you that you now are.

I miss the you that you once were,

Before you got stung by the wasp of change.

And you became someone completely different,

Someone completely despised by many.

I miss YOU. But not you now.

Not the you who decided you suddenly hated me,

Not the you who suddenly thought it’d be ok

To start using people for your own personal gain,

To start betraying your supposed friends

And talking shit behind their backs.

I miss YOU.

The you I used to have sleepovers with,

The you I used to do make up with

And dress up and have little photo shoots with.

The you who used to always be there for me in my times of need,

Whom I used to be there for as well.

I miss YOU.

The one whom I used to call my best friend, my sister even!

The one whom I used to be so damn close to,

It hurt to leave your side for too long.

The one who told me that she’d be my surrogate.

The one who shared her life with me.

I miss YOU.

You, who used to always have my back in a fight.

Who used to always be there, my shoulder to cry on,

With warm arms to enfold me in comforting hugs,

With kind words to appease my fears.

I miss YOU.

My first girlfriend, my first kiss with the same sex,

My first almost everything with a girl.

You who sat there when I was upset and held me

And told me everything would be ok.

You, whose house I ran to when I ran away from home that one night.

I miss YOU.

The one who I always imagined spending my days with,

Sitting side by side when we’re old ladies,

Talking about the old days when we were young and youthful.

The one I always thought would stay my friend for the rest of my days.

My buddy, my friend, my ex-girlfriend,… my sister.

I miss YOU.

But not the monster that you’ve now become.

No, never the monster that you’ve become.

I miss the you who used to be you.

The you I fell so hard for and attached so adherently to.

I miss you, but you don’t miss me.

So this is how it has to be.

Separated for all time,

No longer even able to call one another so much as acquaintances.

I miss you. I just wish you’d finally grow the fuck up,

And finally miss me again.

I Need You

I Need You

6/5/13

 

The tears stream down my face, as the razor blades used to ride over my arms a couple years ago.

He’s gone now. Only wants me as a friend.

Says he misses me. Says he still loves me. He still cares.

I don’t know what to really believe anymore…

My heart is shattered. My mind is destroyed.

My thoughts keep leading back to him and it makes me feel sick.

I’ve been crying since about 10 Monday night.

On and off, on and off.

It never goes away, this feeling of hopelessness.

This feeling of being alone.

This neverending feeling of loss and disappointment..

I’m alone now. With no arms of comfort to surround me.

At least not from the one whose arms I want around me.

I can’t earn any more kisses from the one whose kisses I ache for.

I cry for the warmth of the man whose love I need.

I cry for the love in his arms,

The care in his hugs and kisses and words.

I don’t know how I screwed up so bad.

All I wanted was his affection, his love.

And now, because of a few stupid fights,

I’ve lost all hope of gaining that back.

I miss him so much, it makes me sick to my stomach.

But I can’t get him back. He won’t let me come back to him.

He left, and now he says that, even though he misses me,

Even though it hurts him to be without me,

He can’t come back to me.

All because of some stupid little fights…

All because of my own stupidity…

I love this man more than I love life.

Hell, he is my life, my world.

And now he’s gone. And I can barely see through my tears.

I can say this all I want:

I’m fine. It only hurts to breathe.

But there’s an error with that..

And that is that I’m not fine…

I don’t think I will be for a long while, if at all.

I have friends who love me, a guy who loves me.

But I can’t seem to make myself turn to them…

I love him. I truly do. And that will never change.

I can’t move on in my life without him…

I kept all our pictures together…

All the things he gave me…

But does it all really matter? Not really…

I don’t want memories of him and I,

If they’re only going to destroy me more.

I want him by my side again.

I want his warm, loving arms around me again.

His gentle kiss on my forehead.

His strong hand in mine..

I want him back.

But he doesn’t want me back the same way…

Why, Goddess, why?

Why do you give me angels,

Just to take them away from me when I need them most?

Why do you enjoy seeing me die inside?

I love you, Edward Shubael Dimmick.

I just want you back. I want you to see how much I love you…

But I guess you don’t want to see it…

You gave me hope for a happier love…

You freed me from my depression.. and now you’re gone…

This hurts too much to bear…

Just One Favor

Just One Favor

 

Can I ask you for just one favor?
As you walk out that door in anger.
I know I made a stupid mistake.
I fucked up bad and now is the price,
I am to pay. I am to lose you
Forever. Never will I see you
Again. You’re disgusted with me now.
You flinch from my attempted touches,
As I reach out to you once again.
The tears flow freely from my dead eyes.
My anguished screams pierce through the still air.
Your open palm flies across my face.
Your fist, clenched tight, slams into the wall
By my head, leaving a giant hole.
I cower over in a corner
My hands over my face, crying hard.
Your shouting voice, a knife in my heart.
“You stupid bitch! How could you do that
To me? I loved you! How can you dare?!”
My screams and sad attempts to explain
Are drowned out by your own enraged voice.
You slam me into the wall, hands on
My wrists, spraying spit into my face.
The words and fur fly, and the tears pour.
Mad with rage, you pack up all your stuff.
I block the door, your exit from the
Room we shared, the bed we made love in.
You were always so good to me, why’d
I ever go to that party?
I got wasted and laid in the same night.
By the same person, he wasn’t you.
You shove me out of the way and scream:
“You stupid whore! You’ve lost me for good!”
I beg you to wait, to stay with me.
You push me away and throw me down
To the ground. As I lay there, sobbing,
You take one last look at my tear-stained
Face, my pleading eyes. Sadly, you shake
Your head and walk out that door forever.
But before you go I ask of you,
Just grant me one last little favor:
If you ever think of me, miss me.
If you ever think to call, please don’t.
If you see me when you look at her,
Keep that sweet image within your heart.
Do whatever, but if you ever miss me,
Do me just one favor: come back home.
When she stops loving you, come back to me.
For I will always be here, waiting
For your return, my arms opened wide.
I’ll always love you, no matter what.
So please, when you’re ready, return to me.

Last Official Day for Senior Year (Graduation 2 days from now)

Last Official Day For Senior Year (Graduation 2 days from now)

5/21/13

Written in 6th period

 

I don’t know what to say right now.

I might have to go the next 2 days

Without Ed here at school,

The days that I might actually

Really need him near.

For I fear that I may come to the realization

Within these next 2 days

That I’m graduating and I may not see

Some of my friends again.

Also, I won’t ever see my teachers again,

Those adults who stayed in my life

And helped me push through my academic struggles.

I’m going to be so hurt these next 2 days,

And the one person I need to be there for me

Isn’t going to even be there.

 

15-20 minutes later…

I just broke down in the hallway,

The realization that, for once in my life,

I’m stepping out into the world

With no game plan and no idea of my next steps,

No guidance as to what to do.

I’m terrified of disappointing my mom greatly.

But, much more than that, I’m terrified

Of disappointing myself.

I have goals and wishes for my future,

But, if I find I can’t fulfill those goals and wishes

To the fullest, I fear I’ll be totally crushed.

I hold high expectations for myself,

And, since I often find myself unable to

Reach these expectations,

I often tear myself down for it.

The Last Time I Saw my Father

The Last Time I Saw my Father

1/19/12

 

The last time I saw my father,
It was the middle of the night.
He woke me out of a slumber
And told me to say good bye
To my mother.
I was 4 years old at the time,
So I didn’t know any better.
He picked me up and took me out
To his car.
As I passed by my mother,
I told her, “Bye-bye mommy.”
Her face glistened with tears.
My father put me in my car seat
And went back to get my brother.
The door was locked, so he went through
The living room window.
I heard a fight and my mother screaming
At him.
A few moments later he came out,
Holding the bundle that was my infant brother
In his arms.
He put my brother in his car seat,
Then sat behind the wheel for a second,
As though deliberating and thinking over what he had done.
Then he started the car and drove to a nearby motel.
We got to the room and I asked to watch the TV
That was hanging from the ceiling
Across from the end of the bed.
Daddy said no, that I had to sleep.
He placed me and my infant brother
In the bed together.
The last time I remember seeing my father,
Was when I got up to go to the bathroom
To the right of the bed.
My father was sleeping on the floor
In front of the bathroom door.
I accidentally stepped on him.
I haven’t seen him since
That dreadful night.
Not since he fled
To Pennsylvania.
But I do think about him a lot.
And that…was the last time
That I saw my father.

Love

Love

 

Love is like waiting for
Plants to grow.
It either takes forever to happen,
Or doesn’t happen at all.
At least, that’s how it goes
With me.
For some it’s true, and for
Others it’s false, like with me.

Love is False

Love is False

 

Love is like a helping hand, grasping you and pulling you away from the hate of the world.
But, it can also be like a thorny vine, releasing you just as you reach the cliff.
All this means is that some people are lucky to receive true love and others fall for false love and pay dearly for it.

The Monster Within

The Monster Within

1/21/11

 

You may not be able to break my blackened, shattered heart
But I sure as hell can shatter and destroy yours.
Don’t touch me, you’ll burn yourself.
Don’t try to get close, I’ll tear you apart.
I’ll take you down to Hell, I’ll give you many tours
Of the deepest, darkest corner of Hell itself.
For I am Hell itself, and, in the end, at the end of the day,
You’ll be lying at my feet, covered in blood, dead.
Don’t try to love me, you’ll never love a monster like me.
I refuse to ask you not to leave, to beg you to stay.
Because I know I’m only gonna destroy you, crush your gentle little head.
I will torture you, I will kill you inside and I’ll NEVER hear your plea.
Goodbye! *slice*

The Murder

The Murder

11/9/11

 

There she is, lying on the ground,
In the middle of the woods,
Naked and alone under the bright white light of the full moon,
Hidden from sight by dense shrubbery
And closely grown trees.
Blood drips sluggishly from the gunshot wound
In her shattered breast,
From the slash marks
On her wrists.
No one shall find her
As she stares blankly up at the tree tops.
The whites of her eyes
Eerily glowing in the moonlight.
Her hands rest at her sides,
Forever frozen in their final
Scrabbling motion of trying to cling to
The last glimmer of life.
Her eyes remain open wide
In their final attempt to see
The last bit of light at the end of the black tunnel.
There’re scratches on her body
From her struggle with her killer,
As she fought with him for her life.
There’s blood between her legs,
From a violent rape just before her death.
As the sun slowly rises into the sky,
Glinting off of the silver pentacle around her neck,
Flies begin to swarm around her body,
Laying eggs in her bloody breast and
By her white, unseeing eyes.
A curious raccoon smells the rusty odor
Of her blood, and approaches her cautiously.
He sniffs at her exposed corpse,
Likes the smell,
Lightly tastes the blood on her chest,
Then begins to slowly nibble on her hands.
Days pass,
Her body is slowly eaten away by maggots
And hungry animals.
Her disappearance goes unnoticed,
Even by her own family.
Nobody thinks anything of
The fact that she’s been gone for weeks.
The animals and maggots are her only company.
As time goes by, the animals eat away the last
Shreds of flesh on her body.
All that’s left is a pile of bones,
In the middle of the woods.
The only thing left to show
She was there.
After a year of being dead,
A hiker finally stumbles on her desecrated skeleton.
Finally, the story of this girl’s demise comes to light.
But her killer is never caught.
She is never given peace,
Nor is she ever shown a quiet resting place.
Her body is buried in the very place it was found.
She is never given rest.
She is never given resolution.

My Daddy

My Daddy

1/18/12

 

She’s a couple years old.
She sits perched on her father’s
Strong shoulders.
It’s just her, her mother, and her father.
They’re at a street fair.
They’re all laughing and having a good time.
Another flashback arrives.
She’s still around the same age.
She’s sitting in her dad’s car.
Her parents sit in the front seat.
Snow surrounds them.
These are the happy days the 17 year old
Remembers with her father.
Unfortunately, they’re just snips of memories.
But she cherishes them with everything she has.
It’s all that she has left of her father.
Looking back now, she regrets how she was
At that young age. She regrets being so naïve
That she took everything for granted.
Looking back on it now,
She wishes she could go back,
And spend as much time with her father
As she possibly could. She wishes she could
Be the daughter he wanted,
Be the one to keep him from leaving.
She wishes… she could tell him… that she loves him.

My Death

My Death

 

Watch me burn, watch me cry,
Watch me motherfucking DIE!
Hear me scream, hear my cries,
Hear my motherfucking LIES!
You people always look at me as though I’m just some FREAK!
You’ve never even met me yet I hear your rumors LEAK!
You think you know what I’m about but let me tell you something.
You have yet to realize that I can torture you and KILL you!
So shut your stupid lying mouths and just for once, let me BE SOMETHING!
You don’t know shit about me. No one does and no one will.
So don’t pretend you do, cuz you’re just getting in a landfill.
All the shit you think you know is nothing but pure lies!
As Satan gets inside your head, YOU’LL SLOWLY REALIZE!

 

Chorus: That no one gives a shit
If you live or if you die!
Only I will hear your screams
As your blood drains from your wounds.
And as you slowly lose your life, you will hear these words:
AS YOU SUFFER IN MY DEATH.
As you suffer in my death,

WHEN YOU TASTE THE DEMON’S BREATH
When you taste the demon’s breath,

YOU WILL FINALLY SEE THE WRATH
You will finally see the wrath,

OF MY NEVERENDING DEATH!!!

 

What the fuck?! What’s your issue now?!
You say I’m not normal? I don’t dress normal??
I don’t ACT normal you say? What the fuck?
Look who’s fucking talking! Miss COME FUCK ME!
You’re a SLUT!
Silly goose, you’re a motherfucking whore!
YOU'RE NOT NORMAL!
All I want is to be left alone with friends!
Don’t need to be fucked with, I’ll tear you apart!
Don’t mess with me! And you’ll be just fine.
You’ll never know what I’m capable of, as long as you leave me alone!
So I’ll tell you now:

 

Chorus: No one gives a fuck
If you live or if you die!
Only I will hear your screams,
As the knife cute ever deeper
Into your soft, pathetic flesh!
As you slowly extenguinate, you’ll hear these growls:
AS YOU SUFFER IN MY DEATH
As you suffer in my death,

WHEN YOU TASTE THE EVIL’S BREATH
When you taste the evil’s breath,

YOU WILL FINALLY SEE THE WRATH
You will finally see the wrath,

OF HELL’S NEVERENDING DEATH!

 

So who the fuck would care
If you were to just disappear?!
Who would be looking for
Your torn and desecrated corpse?!
Not those you believe in!
Only the Dark Lord will have an eye for
Your worthless spirit, your pathetic soul!
So scream all you want you stupid bitch!
As I carve out your frail flesh and
Feed it to you bloody raw!
You hear that? That nothingness?
Yeah, NO ONE CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU NOW!

 

Chorus: As you hear my wicked laughter,
As you see the blade’s cruel edges,
The chains cut deep into your flesh
As you struggle with no point!
Stupid bitch! Shut the fuck up
And just listen my sermon for once:
AS YOU DIE IN MY DEATH
As you die in my death

WHEN YOU TASTE THE ACID’S BREATH
When you taste the acid’s breath

YOU SHALL FINALLY SEE THE MEANING
You shall finally see the meaning

OF HELL’S MERCILESS DEMEANING!!
Of Hell’s merciless demeaning.

 

*hum*

Quiet: So suffer in my death
As I watch your mangled body
Leave over the cliff forever.
You have finally known
What I feel inside. You
Now know
My DEATH!!!!
My death…

 

MY LIFE SPELLS DEATH

MY LIFE SPELLS DEATH

 

Misunderstood,
Yearning for loveth.
Lost in this curseth,
Instead of warm hugs.
Fading in thee distance,
Every second smaller still,
Ships of warm loveth, of hugs, of bliss, of thrill.
Pelting thine with stones,
Eating away thy flesh.
Licking flames melt thine spirit whilst
Laughing hags break thine heart.
Slowly dying, slowly fading,
Dryads, naiads, nymphs, praying.
Every cell in thine body withering.
Aching blood sluggishly moves through slit veins.
Treachery feared for this poor Wiccan.
Hath no one no shameth, or loveth, or care?

My Own Personal Hell

My Own Personal Hell

9/16/09

 

Love has died, only hate and depression
Remain in this hollow shell.
Life blood spilling, I’m hanging by a thread.
Unknown to the world, chained to my own personal hell.
Bruised, battered, branded, bashed. Chained to the wall,
Unable to deflect the abusive blows.
My heart has died, so has my hope. My will to
Live may be next.
Too cowardly to die, yet too depressed and damaged to
Survive; stuck in this limbo of pain.
No one hears my anguished screams, for
No one cares.
Unbeknownst to myself, but thought of constantly, it appears
I may die soon and die alone.

My Place in the Rain

My Place in the Rain

 

You see me pass by you everyday
Yet at the same time, you don’t see me.
You see the paper smile taped to my face.
This daily-donned façade of a happy me.
But inside is contained all the hurt and ache
From a million broken dreams, a hundred broken promises.
A teenage girl, lonely and dying of deadened heartache.
Has a boyfriend and all she can really think about
Is all the memories of an ex boyfriend she loves and misses.

 

All I can ever truly always be guaranteed
Is my place standing in the middle of the rain
As it pours down over my face, treating me like a seed.
My feet planted firmly on the ground, seeming insane.
While everyone takes cover indoors from the cold,
I stand alone in the pouring rain, drenched to the bone.
The salty tears streaming down my face mingle with the semi-cold
Fresh water of the rain. I stand there forever, still as stone.
For This is My Place in the Rain.

My Sweet Revenge

My Sweet Revenge

 

You left me out here in the cold
All alone, full of hate and agony.
You betrayed me and, in turn,
You killed my heart, you turned it black.
I fucking hate you now, but guess
What bitch?! It’s ok, ‘cause

 

Chorus: I finally went outside today,
Bought myself a new knife today.
I showed up at your house today,
And now you lie on your bedroom floor.
Dead, soulless eyes staring up at me.
I found you bitch, now here it is.
My Sweet Revenge!

 

I was so kind to you,
I gave you all of my love,
I tried so hard to not break
Your heart, just to have you break mine.
I could have stayed with you forever, but
You tore me apart. It’s good though ‘cause

 

Chorus: I finally talked to my friends today.
Went out and got a gun today.
I showed up at your work today.
There was a loud bang, and suddenly
You lay on the floor at my feet.
I shot you dead bitch and now you see
My Sweet Revenge!

 

I took you in, I held you close.
I kiss you long and hard.
I felt your skin, on my bare flesh.
You bitch! I even showed you
Into my fucking bed! But whatever
‘Cause here’s what I’m trying to say!

 

Chorus: ‘cause I finally got over you today.
I saw you alone in the streets today.
I walked over to approach you today.
You turned your back on me but
That just made it easier for me.
I came up behind you today.
And I ripped out your fucking throat!
Now you’re dead bitch and it’s all because of me!!!

 

The church bells are ringing,
The mourning voices are rising and singing.
Your casket lies in front of the people.
It’s black sleekness shiny and morbid.
Everyone sits, crying and sobbing.
Everyone but me. Because I stand, laughing.

 

I warned you bitch, and here it finally is.
My Sweet Fucking Revenge.

Not Sorry

Not Sorry

 

You say you’re sorry,
A million times over.
But how can I believe you
When you sometimes lie to me
Just to prevent a fight?
I know you must love me,
Otherwise your eyes would be sad,
Otherwise you’d never want to be with me.
But it hurts a lot when
You don’t show that you actually care.
You make me feel like I
Don’t matter in your life at times.
You make me feel like I’m nothing
To you.
If you love me so much,
Then why do you constantly do this to me?
Why do you continue to hurt me with
Your words and your actions?
You.
Are not.
Sorry.

Not Welcome

Not Welcome

8/23/13

 

You constantly scream and shout at me to do everything,

Yet you never yell at William.

You threaten to kick me out of the house,

A house where I have not felt at home in years.

A house where I feel like the outsider,

The outcast, an intruder.

I constantly feel like I’m the intruder in that house.

I don’t feel welcome. Don’t feel at home.

I feel like you no longer really care about me.

Like I no longer really belong in that house.

I feel like I’m an outsider looking in.

My family doesn’t feel like MY family anymore.

William is the only thing holding me back now from leaving.

I don’t want to leave him alone with your foul attitude.

I don’t want to leave him alone in that house,

Where he won’t have me there to help when he needs the help.

I’m tired of pretending like everything is ok.

I’m tired of putting on a fake smile every day

Just to appease your spirit and make it seem

Like there’s nothing truly wrong.

Make it seem like there isn’t a war going on inside my head.

I’m tired of hiding what I really feel.

Yet, every time I’ve tried talking to you about how I feel in that house,

You always get overly upset and instantly say that I should move out then.

I’m tired of the fights and the anger.

I just want to be happy in my life.

I want you to be happy that I’m happy and doing well.

I want to be able to do all the things you want me to do.

But I’m petrified of driving, no one will hire me, and I can’t be the perfect daughter

For you.

I can’t be that perfect prissy daughter who does everything perfectly.

It’s not who I am. And I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not

Just to appease you.

I want you to be able to see me as I really am,

And love me for that.

But you just can’t, can you?

You can’t accept me for who I am because who I am isn’t who you want me to be.

I’m not perfect. I don’t get perfect grades.

I don’t have a job because no one will even give me a second glance.

I’m not a clean freak like you.

Sorry that I can’t be like you. Sorry that I’m not YOU.

I don’t WANT to be you though.

I am my own person and your life isn’t the life I want to live.

I’m sorry that I can’t fit into your standards of how and who I should be.

I guess I never will fit your standards.

I guess I’ll never really be acceptable in your eyes.

I’ll always be the outcast, the black sheep,… the intruder.

No matter how hard I try, I’ll never make you proud of me.

I wish I could. That’s all I want is to make you proud of your own daughter.

But, for some reason, I always seem to fall short.

William is perfect in your eyes and can’t seem to do any wrong.

At least, that’s how you perceive him as.

I’m always the wrongdoer, the liar, the brat.

I’m always the one who isn’t wanted, the one who isn’t asked about.

You always tell me, “Actions speak louder than words.”

Well, follow your own words.

Because, frankly, your actions half the time tell me that you hate me.

That you hate how I live my life and hate who I am as a person.

Everyone always wonders why I hate on myself and call myself mean names and stuff.

Well, I think I found the answer finally.

It’s because of you. Because of how you treat me.

I feel like such an outsider in my own home,

The place where I’m supposed to feel at peace,

That it’s affected me negatively.

It’s made me feel like I don’t belong anywhere

And that I don’t deserve to be happy with anyone.

Well, that is done and over with.

I have found out the reason why I am so disgusted with myself,

And that is going to stop.

You want me out of your hair? Fine.

As soon as I can find somewhere to go,

I’ll be gone. I’ll be done with your anger and disgust in me.

I just need to find somewhere else to move to,

And then I’ll let you be to your own life.

I’m tired of being your pin cushion,

Your toy voodoo doll that you pick and stab at

Every chance you get.

I’m tired of being the one you take all your anger out on.

It’s time for someone else to take up that role.

Take out your anger on Al, or yourself for all I care.

Just quit taking it all out on me.

I’ve been strong for 14 years now.

I don’t know how much longer I can be strong and “just deal with it.”

If dad does move back here to Tucson,

And I still have nowhere to go,

I will move in with him so I’m out of your hair finally.

I know that he’ll show me what a real home truly feels like.

What it feels like to be an actual family.

I miss my father, I love him.

And that’s another thing that I quarrel with you about.

It’s been 14 years. It’s been long enough to hold hatred in your heart.

IT’S TIME TO BURY THE HATCHET.

It’s time to learn to forgive him and actually learn to MOVE ON.

I’m tired of being made the sacrificial lamb all because

You still hold a lot of hatred and anger towards him.

It’s time to move on with your life and learn to forgive.

I love my father very much.

I’m glad he’s back in my life finally.

And this time, I will not let him leave my life prematurely.

I love you mom. But you need to relax,

And stop being so harsh on me for things I can’t always control.

Opposite Forces

Opposite Forces

3/24/09

 

Sin and Salvation,
Joy and Sorrow,
Love and Hate,
Power and Weakness.
All these opposites;
Yet always clicked together.
Don’t get the differences yet?
Here are a few more to convince you.
Peace and Unquiet,
Awake and Asleep,
Comfort and Agony,
Human and Monstrosity,
Alive and Dead.
Catch my drift yet?
Cutting and Not Cutting,
Gushing Blood and Not,
Screaming in Depressed Agony and Sitting Calmly on a Couch with Your Boyfriend.
This is how the world appears through my eyes.
Everything in opposites, each negative opposite attracted to me.
Never a freedom do I own,
Never a right way do I see.
War and Peace are practically the same thing.
Love and Hate have no differences.
Neither Life nor Death holds purpose or fortune.
All opposite forces appear the same through my eyes.
Opposite Forces…are Evil.

The Pain of Life

The Pain of Life

 

The most painful, slow death cannot compare;
The longest-dragged-out torture is just play in
Comparison.
Being buried alive in a pit of fire ants is
Pure bliss.
Being burned at the stake is full of comfort.
Heaven makes me sob from an unnerving
Feeling of unease.
Hell hath no ease. Only unboundaried pain.
Love holds no peace, no escape from agony.
Hate relieves the pain, but also only heightens it.
This is, the pain of life.

The Past

The Past

11/24/13

2:16 a.m.

 

The past. It often catches up to us when we least expect it.

The past. It often pops up when we don’t want it to.

It’s that dark shadow that crosses the room

At the edges of your peripherals.

It’s that tiny voice in the back of your mind,

Speaking in soft tones of times long gone.

The past is that small inkling of recognition you get

When you cross paths with someone you once

Held dear and close to your heart.

It’s that feeling you get in your heart,

That feeling of emptiness,

And deep longing for comfort and replacement.

But you can’t replace what’s already gone.

You can’t lose a friend and have someone else take their place.

You can’t lose a girl,

A girl you held so close to your heart that it hurt to let her go,

And just find someone else to fill the gaping hole she left behind.

You fall in love,

Not always only once in your lifetime,

And not always with someone of the opposite gender.

You fall in love,

And you lose your chance with that one that you love.

But you can’t get that chance back.

And you remain good friends with that person.

And yet, society frowns down upon you if,

God forbid,

You become jealous when you see her out with another girl.

When she replies to others’ messages and not your own.

When she posts that she’s so happy,

Thanks to someone that’s not you,

And it breaks your heart to see these things.

It breaks your heart to realize that you lost your chance.

That now it’s time for someone else to take your place.

Time for someone else to take the place you left behind,

Empty and isolated.

It hurts to see her laughing, smiling, holding hands

With another young woman.

But all you can really do is sit back and watch,

Tell her you’re happy for her and let it be.

Because, how dare you get upset over her being with someone else.

How dare you be upset over the fact that, of all the criteria she’s told you

About her girlfriend needing to be,

You fit the bill almost perfectly.

How dare you feel hurt and isolated

From your first true love,

From your very first good relationship.

I mean, it’s not like she loved you back or anything.

It’s not like she wanted you back as much as you wanted her.

It’s not like you two had so much in common

That you felt a heat wave of a connection tying you together.

It’s not like you were always there, always waiting,

Waiting for a chance to win her back,

To be the one she’s been waiting for to make her happy again.

Even if only for a temporary amount of time.

It’s not like you loved her…

And told her of your love time and time again.

No. It’s not like any of that happened.

Even though it did.

Who knows? Maybe one day,

Maybe one fateful day,

Your paths will cross again and twist and turn to combine a

United embrace of happiness and caring.

But I doubt it. I highly doubt it.

Because, once you lose that opportunity,

It’s rare to get a second chance at that which you wish to occur.

It’s rare… To get a second chance at your first love.

Problem Child

Problem Child

 

Her family’s falling apart,
Everyone’s telling her boyfriend to break up with her,
Or to cheat on her.
Her stepdad’s being a dick.
Her mother is always depressed.
She always argues with her boyfriend.
She always makes him depressed.
She’s always jealous of “Isabella”.
Her boyfriend has his doubts about the relationship,
Whether he admits it or not.
She’s unsure about her place in the world.
She feels useless to people.
She can’t help people or make them happy.
She can’t help her mom be happy again.
She’s slowly dying inside.
She’s hurting a lot and can’t seem to reach out for help.
She feels like she doesn’t belong anywhere.
She feels like she doesn’t deserve anything good.
She feels like a monster.

Respect

Respect

1/11/12

 

You disrespect your teachers,
You disrespect your family.
You disrespect everyone around you
Every single day that you live and breathe.
You know not how to form a whole sentence.
You know not how to even show that you care
About anything besides your stupid music,
Your stupid gang life, or how you disrespect
Everyone around you.
You disgust me and probably all the
Rational people around you.
You spit on the good and
Have a party with the bad.
It’s disgusting!
You do not know how to treat others with
Respect. Nor do you know how to
Shut your trap when someone is talking.
You cause a wonderful teacher, who is pregnant,
To stress and fret constantly.
Do you really want to kill that baby
Boy that rests and grows inside of her???
I think you do.
Because you have no respect for the living,
Just as you will get no respect when you are dead.
I’m so sick and tired of hearing your whiny voices,
Your crappy, pathetic gang music!
I’m tired of listening to you all as you
Cause mayhem and destruction everywhere.
I’m sick of seeing you all
Gripe and complain about school,
Sick of seeing you disrespect
Every single authority figure in the area.
If you don’t like school,
Get the hell out!
You’re wasting the teachers’ time.
But more importantly, you’re wasting
The time of students who really want to learn,
Who really do want to move up in their lives.
You see, those of you who sit on your rears
All day and do nothing!
You all are going to end up working for the very students
That you make fun of.
The students that you call degrading names.
I’m sick of the trash mouth,
Sick of the complaints.
If you don’t give a damn about your future,
Then get out of the way of the people
Who DO care about their future!
At least show that much respect
Cuz believe me when I tell you this:
You have no respect when living,
You’ll get none in return when you’re dead.

Savior

Savior

5/23/12

 

If I could’ve saved you,
I would’ve.
If there was even just a hint
Of the possibility,
I would have taken it in a heart beat.
But you never wanted to be saved.
You never wanted to see me happy again.
So now I just sit alone,
Day after day,
Knowing that, slowly, ever so slowly,
I’m losing you a little more each day.
Or are you already gone?
Are you really so far gone,
That you no longer wish to care for my wishes,
For my hopes, and my dreams?
Are you already too far out of my reach,
That I may never get you back again?
Am I never to be your savior again?
I guess so.
I’m sorry. I love you.

School Day Life

School Day Life

12/9/11

 

3rd period and there she sits,
Silently crying, nobody seeing
These tears of red that fall
From her eyes.
Nobody cares about her.
The guys always curse and scream
At the girls.
They might as well beat the girls.
The guys rape the women,
Curse and yell at the teachers,
Start fights over color
And race.
They don’t care about school.
They smoke their pot
All day and all night.
Drink their alcohol
24/7.
Yet nobody does anything about it.
They’re not expelled, not arrested.
They just roam the schools,
Wild and free,
Nothing restraining them,
Nobody to show them
The wrongness of their misdeeds.
But who can blame them?
The women wear short skirts
And dresses that show their asses.
They encourage the guys
To do these acts and misdeeds
Just to prove they love them.
Just to prove what isn’t true.
I know, because I see these people
Everyday at school.
I see how they act,
See how they dress,
Hear how they talk to others.
But they don’t see me,
No, the don’t see me.
Because to them I am invisible.
To them, I’m worthless white trash.
Hell, I don’t matter to them.
I’m just another person they love to hate,
A good person,
Someone who doesn’t deserve to die.
Someone who deserves to live.
Yet they don’t care about that.
No. they don’t like me,
So they’d rather kill me,
Than get to know me first.
Oh well.
I guess I’m just not worth it.

SCHOOL ROCKS

School Rocks

 

So sick of love, so sick of hate,
Cutting down life with one big slate.
Hating how people insult the teachers,
Overloaded with preachers.
On my back is where the world’s problems rest.
Leaking out blood with each killing attest.
Roaming the streets, wild and free,
Overaggressive teens and adults, all on a spree.
Cocking a gun, flicking a knife,
Killing within seconds, an innocent life.
Seeing death everywhere, seeing pain of life…
Bam, you’re dead

Slavery

Slavery

11/21/11

 

There she sits, crouched in a corner
Of her dark, dank prison cell.
The bars feel so cold against her bare skin.
She is surrounded by the stench of rotting flesh,
Of sweat on bodies crowded together,
Hundreds of people crammed into just 10 small cells.
Nobody dares cry out in discomfort, however,
For fear of their brutal master coming in
With his rawhide whip and hot branding irons.
She’s naught but a mere 13 years old,
Her master has already claimed her as his sex slave
As well as his house servant.
To him she’s nothing more than an animal
That deserves to be beaten and used for foolish games.
She has no say in anything, no voice,
No knowledge of argument.
She has no rights to anything and no say as to what
Happens to her. Her arms, legs, and back are
Covered with the scars of a hundred lashes,
With the bruises of a thousand beatings.
She knows not of love or compassion or kindness.
She knows only of pain and sorrow and hatred.
Suddenly, sunlight pours into the prison
As the door slams open. In walks their master.
He reeks of stale beer and cheap whiskey.
He sways purposefully towards the last cell on the
Right, at the very back of the hell hole.
Everyone steps back in fear as he unlocks the door
And steps into the cell. He walks straight to
The poor girl and grabs her by the hair,
Dragging her to her blackened feet.
She cries in terror and screams,
“What is it master? What did I do to displease you this time?”
His only response is to slap her across the face
And punch her in the stomach.
He drags her out of the barn house and
Away to the plantation house. She’s screaming the whole
Way there. No one’s there to help her as he
Strips her of her rags and pins her down,
Penetrating her with such brutal force that she bleeds.
She screams again in pain and he
Slaps her again. “Shut up black!” he yells at her.
After he’s done with her, she curls into a ball
And lays there whimpering in fear and pain.
In a few years, this young girl will die by
His violent hands. Her and the child she’s carrying.
No one will know of her horrible fate,
Nor will anyone care. Because that’s how this world works.
That’s how much love and compassion people have: none.
The world murdered this young girl because of her
Skin color and race. That’s how this world works.
It kills the different. It shows no mercy.

Stephen King's Horrors

Stephen King’s Horrors

 

Haunted houses,
Ghouls and ghosts.
Spooky towers,
Frightful hosts.

Creepshow.
Comic books that speak of horrors untold,
Creatures locked in crates,
Weeds from space that cover everything they touch.
Crazy men that drown lovers in the tidal waves.

Rose Red.
A house based on the Winchester Mansion.
Ghouls and ghosts that aren’t dead.
Monsters that kill people and make them disappear.
A woman who is crazy and wants her colleagues dead.

IT.
A crazy shape shifter murderer,
Killing kids and adults alike.
A sick and twisted story,
About kids after this monster’s demise.

Bag of Bones.
A prolific author loses his wife to an aneurism.
Her spirit, as well as others, reside in his summer home.
He gets writer’s block and can no longer write.
He finds a girl and tragedy hits home. 

Cujo.
A rabid St. Bernard
Attacks his owner and traps a mother and son in their car.
The two try to escape.
They are repeatedly attacked and pushed back to the car.

The Stand.
A plague hits the world.
All but Satan’s and God’s favorites/warriors die.
God’s people prepare for war with Satan.
There’s no chance of a tie.

The Green Mile.
A big man, accused of child murder and sentenced to the electric chair, with
A miraculous gift.
A curious mouse.
And a story that your heart, it could lift.

Stand By Me.
A group of kids in search of the reward
For finding the dead body of a boy their age.
All in search of freedom from their parents,
Tired of feeling like they live in a cage.

The Shining.
A family moves into a large hotel to take care of it.
Spirits start showing up.
Jack goes crazy and almost kills his wife.
No one is able to help save them. Cup.

Carrie.
A high school girl lives with her crazy, bible-thumping mother.
Carrie is different from most people and is despised.
She gets pig’s blood dumped on her at prom.
Then anyone who hurt the telekinetic is demised.

The Shawshank Redemption.
A man goes to prison for “killing” his wife and her lover.
He meets a black man there as well.
He overcomes many obstacles in prison.
Escaping Shawshank, he goes on living swell.

Sticks and Stones, Guns and Knives

Sticks and Stones, Guns and Knives

12/8/09

 

Sitting in a corner, all curled up, hiding from the world.
Crying like a child, yet a freshman in high school.
He’s towering over her, shouting profanities and slamming his fists,
Bruises flowering over her pale skin.
The words don’t hurt, it’s the suffering blows.
A shattering gunshot, arterial spray everywhere, a surprised groan and the slam
Of a body as it collides with the earth.
Blood streams from the perforation in his neck like a river of rust.
The smell is a dragon’s flame; sulfurous, musty, foul.
Quiet sobbing, growing louder.
Footsteps. Arguing: “Not her, not her!”. A door bursts open.
A voice, filled with quiet anger and worry.
Warm, soft arms lift her up, carry her outside.
She cries into his shoulder, a mixture of grief, pain, and horror.
It begins to rain and, as God’s tears mingle with hers,
Gradually her sobs become just shudders.
Sticks and stones are like guns and knives- they break bones, spirits, and
Cause maximum pain; but words shall never hurt me.
Sticks and stones, guns and knives; all weapons of mass destruction,
All man-made ways to cause pain and suffering.
Words cause no pain but in your soul when uttered from a loved one’s lips.
Words are just objects used to “inject self-created pain”.

Taste My Bloodd

Taste My Bloodd

3/1/12

 

The tears stream down my face,
As the blood runs down my body.
Slicing through the precious layers of my heart, your
Traitorous lies kill me all the time.
Every time you look into
My eyes and tell me what you say is the truth,
Your lies hurt me more than if you
Beat me every day of my life.
Lies, blows, guns, knives.
Our love was obviously ill-fated. I love you.
Only question is…
Do you even still “love” me?
Do you even care?

Tough

Tough

1/10/12

 

Attention-deficit students roam the halls,
Ignoring the teachers,
Verbally harassing other students.
You think you’re so tough
But in my opinion, you’re cowards.
You run your mouths,
Verbally and sometimes even physically
Hurting other students.
You think it’s funny to put
Pregnant people under so much stress.
You think it’s hilarious to write
Stories and plays about sex, drugs, gangs, and violence.
In my opinion, “Tough” doesn’t mean how strong you are
Physically.
“Tough” doesn’t mean that you have to kill people
To earn your reputation as a “bad ass”.
“Tough” means that you’re able to feel emotions
Such as love, affection, and peace.
“Tough” means that you make peace, not war.
It means that you show everyone the kindness
That you’d like to be treated with.
You all talk about respect.
How you shot so and so to gain the respect
Of your peers.
How you curse at your family to get the respect
Of your stupid gang buddies.
Yelling and cursing at other people
Does not amount to respect.
Killing people, or even just talking about wanting
To kill somebody, does not give you respect.
What gives you respect and toughness is being able
To treat everyone around you kindly and respectfully.
What gives you respect is learning how to
Accept equality.
I hear so many racist jokes,
It pisses me off.
This generation acts no better than the Nazis did
So many years ago.
This generation acts no better than the white
Supremacists did and still do.
“Black power”, “White power”,
It’s all a load of crap!
I believe in “the power of love”!
I believe that everyone is the same and deserves to
Be treated as such.
If you behave like a disrespectful animal,
That’s exactly how you’re going to be treated.
That’s how I would treat you.
You yell and curse at me,
I’m going to do it right back at you.
But I do it tastefully and I try to do it
At least semi-respectfully.
You see, nobody understands about equality
These days. This country is supposedly
“The land of the free” and “home of the brave”.
I see no freedom, only hatred.
I see no bravery, only cowardice.
I am the real toughness in this room.
What does that make you?

The Truth

The Truth

4/10/12

 

You think you see me,
But you really don’t.
You don’t see this crippled soul,
This shattered body,
That lies naked on the floor.
You don’t see this tortured flesh,
Cowering in the deepest shadows of all.
You see what you want to see,
What I want you to see!
You see a happy girl,
Whole and intact.
You see a bright smile,
A supposedly beautiful face
Half hidden under a mess
Of golden blonde hair.
You see a child of the light.
But you will never see
The truth.
You will never see the pain that
Lies behind those blue eyes.
You’ll never see the heartache,
Hidden deep behind that bright smile.
You want to know why you’ll
Never see the truth behind the lies?
It’s because you are all angels, with beautiful
Wings and wonderful souls.
You have no need to worry about
A demon hiding in your midst.
You have no need to worry
About what goes wrong
In my life.
You have your own problems
To deal with.
My issues, and my problems,
Should be of none of your concern.
You have your whole lives ahead of you.
I may only live for a while longer.
At least my body will.
For my heart has long-since died inside.
I am damaged, and I am broken,
And there’s nothing
That anyone can do about it.

Unknown

Unknown

4/10/12

 

Do you see what I see,
When I look in the mirror?
NO!
Do you see the pain I feel,
Every time you turn from me?
Never!
You can never know me
As well as you think you do.
For how could you
When you’re gutless and cursed?
How could you possibly
See what I see everyday,
When you don’t even care?
You can never see me
For who I am.
For who I am,
Is a deadly monster
That will kill you
With one glance into my eyes.
These cold, heartless eyes
That I open every morning
And close every night.
You could never see
The monster that I truly am,
For angels only see goodness.
They never see the truth.
All of you believe in nothing but the good!
Why do you never see things
For what they really are?
It’s all an illusion you see.
This beautiful creature that you think is me
Really is just a mirage.
It’s all a big façade.
In truth, I’m a monster.
I try to be there for people,
Try to love others,
So as to cover up my many flaws,
To hide my inadequacies.
I’m a selfish being who would,
More than likely, in the event of the choice
Between my life,
And the life of another,
I’d take the life of another…
Because I’m just that mean…
I don’t trust myself,
And I don’t love myself.
These are my unknown secrets…
I’m a monster.
Don’t trust me…

Unnamed

Unnamed

10/10/13

 

I want to hang out with Amber Adair again,

As though we were friends of old once again.

I want to be able to relax with her and

Act as though the rift between us never happened.

Act as though whatever I ever did wrong never happened.

I wish to be able to see my friend again…

But, alas, I probably never shall, except in passing.

I want to be able to pay for my own habits and stuff

With my own money.

But I need to first get a job in order to do that.

I want to be able to make Ed happy,

But I don’t entirely know how.

There’s nothing to really do here at my house,

And it always seems like anything I do is wrong.

I want to be able to make mom happy,

Make her proud of having me for a daughter.

Yet I know not how to accomplish that.

I know not how to get past my barriers.

I want to do so much with my life.

But will I ever even get a chance to do such things?

Or will I forever be bound in this eternal abyss of darkness and self-loathing?

I don’t know. Then again, who really does?

The War Inside

The War Inside

8/15/12

 

What do you think you're doing,
Believing in him, in what he says??
Why should you, a pathetic piece of crap,
Even attempt to believe in that bull??
You're nothing!
You hear me? Nothing!
You wouldn't even still be alive
If it weren't for me!
You'd be dead! Got that?! Dead!!
He doesn't really want you.
Why else would he have kissed Isabella
Right after taking your virginity?
Why else would he have neglected you for pot
for all those months?
He doesn't need you, doesn't even want you by his side!
He doesn't love you!
But that's not true!

 

He loves me more than anything.
He gave up pot so he could be with me.
We're going to get married one day.
We'll have a family!

 

You really believe that shit?
It's all bogus! He's just lying to you
So he can get in your pants!
I'm all you've got.
Without me, you'd be nothing but lying dead
6 feet under the earth!
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
He loves me! And I love him!
He's never going to leave me!
He won't.

 

Oh but he will.
Once he sees the true you, the mean you,
He'll leave you in the dirt, all alone.
Don't you dare! Don't you dare do that!

 

Do what? Besides, what are you going to do about it?
You've been trying to hide my existence for
So long now. But you're getting weaker.
Soon you'll break and I'll be free again.
There's nothing you can do about it.
No! You can't do this!
I will fight you all the way!

 

Of course you will. And you will lose!
I hate you! I fucking hate you!
You're going to die!
I'm going to make you die!

 

Go ahead and try little bitch.
But you won't get very far.
You're weakminded, simple, a loser.
You can't do anything right.
You can't even hurt your beloved Zar
Without crying. Can't even fight with him without
Breaking down in tears.
You're pathetic and ugly. And he'll see that one day,
And he will leave.
Simple as that.
Fuck you!!!

 

Your past boyfriends left you,
your stepdad left you,
Hell, your own FATHER left you!
They all saw your hideousness and
Chose the right path, to ditch your ass.
Nobody wants you! I don't see why you're
Still hanging on! Just break already!
I know you want to!
I know you want to take that razor and use it!
*sobs* No I don't. You're lying.
My father loves me still.
I'm going to find him and he's going to
Come back home with me!
I'm not going to listen to you!
My friends and family love me and
Zar loves me dearly.
You can't take that away from me!
So fuck you!

 

No, little girl, you're wrong.
You see, I can take anything away from you
That I want to.
I could take your very life from you
Should that be my wish.
No! You can't! I won't let you!

 

Oh, but I can. Watch me.
Please don't. Please.

 

You want to know why you're
Having difficulty in your classes,
Why you're always fighting
With Zar and your family?
It's because your true self
Is trying to come back.
Who you truly are needs to be free.
It needs to come out and wreak havoc
And chaos on your life.
It needs to be let loose
Once again.
I won't let you do that!
Never!

 

Oh, I don't need your permission.
I can do it myself.
It is MY body after all.
Not anymore it's not.
This is MY body now!
Always has been.
Now go the fuck away!
Go and bother somebody else,
Someone who actually cares!
I don't want you.
Nor do I need you!
Just go away and never come back.
I hate you!

 

You can't make me go away girlie.
I'm part of you.
I'm here to stay forever.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
Have a good day in school babe.
You'll hear from me later!

The Whispered Lies

The Whispered Lies

4/24/12

 

You sit on a small clump of exposed tree roots,
Curled up into the side of the massive weeping willow.
Her beautiful drooping branches sway gently in the wind,
And cover you from view from anyone else.
It’s just how you like it.
The wind gently sweeps your hair back and forth
In front of your face.
The gentle swaying of the black strands,
And the coolness of the breeze,
And the comfort of the tree,
Cause your eyes to begin to slowly close as,
Gently, you are lulled into a light doze.
You wake up suddenly and the hour is beginning to grow late.
You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping.
Maybe only a couple minutes, maybe a few hours.
All you know is that the sun has begun to
Slowly drop below the reach of the trees,
Down, down, down behind the vast purple mountains in the distance.
You hear a loud crack, as that of someone stepping on a small branch.
Startled, you jump up from your small nook,
Your long black skirt falling past your feet,
The hem pooling on the ground.
Scared, you lift up your skirt hem off the ground,
And begin to push through the drooping branches of the Mother Willow.
Frantic to get out of the reach of the foreign invader,
It’s as though the branches snag and grab at you,
Trying to hold you back.
Fearfully, you cry out and yank yourself
Out from the tree’s clutches.
The sounds of snapping branches continues,
Growing closer and closer.
Suddenly, you look behind you, and out from the clutter of trees,
Illuminated by the red light of the setting sun,
Steps a black mass.
It is neither man nor creature.
It has fur as black as night,
And eyes red as a maraschino cherry.
Yet it stands erect on legs like a man’s.
Its arms reach down to its knees,
Massive, sharp-as-a-razor claws extending from the tips of the fingers.
Terrified, you turn around and start to race back towards safety.
You hear the creature pick up speed and begin to race after you.
The sun is now just above the horizon.
It will be dark within minutes.
The woods fill with whispered voices,
Telling you to run, that it will eat you,
That nobody likes you anyway.
You scream at them to go away,
Fear making your voice sound high and unlike your own.
Tree branches reach out to snag at your clothes,
Roots rise from the ground to trip you up.
Suddenly, your feet catch on a loose root and
You stumble and fall on your hands and knees.
You sit there on your hands and knees,
Listening to the sound of your heavy breathing.
Suddenly the sound of your breathing
Is covered by the sound of snapping twigs
And crashing branches.
The footsteps are slow and deliberate.
Suddenly, he’s right behind you,
Not even 3 feet from your paralyzed body,
Crouched there in the grips of fear.
Your voice hitches as tears fill your eyes.
The thing laughs at your terror.
The touch of its long claws
Scrapes along your spine.
You shiver and cry out in pain.
But no matter how much you urge
Your muscles to move,
Tell your legs to stand up and carry you far away to safety,
You’re locked in a paralysis and you can do nothing
But sit there, transfixed by unknown forces.
You wait with baited breath as you hear
Its cold, harsh laughter.
You look into those bright, malicious red eyes,
And await your doom.

You Promised Me... And You Lied!

You Promised Me… And You Lied!

4/23/12

 

You promised you’d stop cutting.
You started cutting again.
You promised you’d never hurt me.
You broke my heart.
You promised you’d never smoke weed again,
Not long after, you started up again.
You promised there would be no secrets.
You never told me you were still smoking,
Until it was too late for you to quit.
You promised me you’d always have my back.
And now I’m all alone.
You promised me you’d never yell at me.
You yelled when I refused to hear your delusional rants
About your precious marijuana.
You promised you’d never get tired of me,
Yet you told me to leave the night of 4/21/12.
You promised you’d keep my heart safe,
Yet my heart isn’t safe in the hands of a stoner
Who has no regard for his own life or body.
You promised me you’d always be there.
You weren’t there when my brother had appendicitis.
You were probably out getting high.
The only promise you’ve kept, surprisingly,
Is that you wouldn’t leave me.
But I can see even that promise is getting shaky.
It might not be long, sadly, before you do leave.
And when that day comes,
I’ll be the one stuck on the sidewalk, watching
As a giant black hole sucks my livelihood away.
I will forever be alone, even if I get in a relationship.
I will still feel alone, totally and 100% alone.
And it might as well be both our faults.
Because I will have done whatever I might do wrong
To cause you to leave,
And you will have been the one to leave me,
Broken and bleeding on the ground.
You can’t keep destroying your future and
Just expect me to go along with it.
I’m sorry that I’m such a fuck-up,
Such a stupid whore,
But you’ve bypassed me in being an addict
To your own fantasies.
You’ve become addicted to the feeling of being high,
And no matter what I do,
You will never listen to me.
You broke that promise long ago.
Just be careful, Zar,
For if you keep breaking my heart the way you do,
You’ll be left with a broken, empty soul
As a lover. I love you,
But your habits are destroying me.
Watch what you do and think about what you’re doing
And how it affects others.
Love- Fate Stoneheart

No Name 1

No name 1

 

Do you love me?
Did you ever love me?
If you were to find me, broken and crying on the ground, what would you do?
If I were to call you, telling you I was dying from self-inflicted wounds,
Would you come rushing over to save me from myself?
Or would you just leave me to die alone?
If I was crying from massive heartache, would you hold me and tell you you’re there for me?
Would you try to protect me from the hate of the world?
If we had a fight, would you stay with me to talk things out and try to
Fix things, or would you just leave me in the dust?
When I’m lost in the dark, would you be my light?
When I’m blinded by the sun, would you be my shade?
If I were to leave, would you follow me and whisper in my ear?
Will you pick me up when I fall? Will you stay when I need you?
Will you be there for me when I’m all alone, set apart from this world?

 

Or am I truly alone, without anyone to love in this cold world?

No Name 2

No name 2

10/30/10

 

Blood pooling around her broken body,
From her shattered wings, her broken heart.
Tears pouring down her grimy face,
Creating ashen streaks upon her cheeks.
As she sits, crouched in a corner,
A white rose lies at her feet.
Blood spatters and dots the lily-white petals
In an exquisitely grotesque artwork of beauty.
The razor lies to her left, a note to her right.
The edges of both of which are saturated in blood.
An apology and explanation.
On the note, her reasons.
The cuts gape open on her wrists, her chest, her legs.
Like scarlet, staring, sinister eyes
Covering her body whole.
Spiders of blood creep over her limbs,
Embrace her in ways nobody ever could,
Or even would. She was despised.
She giggles dazedly,
Playing, making shapes in her own blood upon the floor.
Suddenly, warm arms enfold her, lift her up.
It’s him. He’s come to save her from herself.
He carries her out, bandages her cuts.
Kisses her softly, tears in his eyes.
“I love you,” uttered from his lips.
Her teary response. “I hate you.”

No Name 3

No Name 3

 

Her feet pound across the hot pavement
As she races, trying to escape their jeers.
They laugh as their words follow her,
Tripping her, kicking her, destroying her.
Those words that cause such heartache,
Such a depthless feeling of loneliness.
They tear her apart, tear by pitiful tear.
They laugh as the tears pour down her face,
Mingling with the blood of a tattered heart.

 

A voice cries out in the night.
But nobody hears her, nobody cares.
It’s as though her only purpose in life
Is to be the victim forever.
To watch as her precious world
Crumbles and turns to ashes.
Depression coats her life.
It coats her words, her eyes, her thoughts.
They call her a pathetic poser
When all she’s trying to do
Is show who she really is inside.

 

They don’t understand, can’t understand.
Their eyes are clouded over with judgement.
She can never mingle with their group.
They hate her for being different.
They call her a little bitch.
They spit in her face, kick her to the ground.
She’s trapped under their glaring gaze,
In their spiked cage of darkness.
They watch her fall into the pit
Of despair, of deceit, of lonely emptiness.
They laugh like motherfucking hyenas.

No Name 4

No Name 4

3/23/09

 

Loneliness is a virtue.

 

Hate is a must, a blessing.

 

Prejudism is a sin, a punishment, a crime.

 

To love is to murder and
to murder is to die.

 

Life is hell, but Death is no better.

 

Heaven and Hell hold no answers, fortune, or happiness.

No Name 5

No Name 5

8/25/11

 

Why do you do this to me?
What’d I do to you?
I told him to tell the truth,
That’s what he did.
Now you hate us both.
What the hell’s your problem?!
You’re so deceitful, it makes me crazy.
I’ve always been there for you.
You were once there for me.
Now you’re gone and I don’t know why.
You don’t talk to me,
You ignore my texts.
You act like I don’t freaking exist!
You’ve done so much to me,
Yet I always remained by your side!
You used me, you lied to me!
You freaking betrayed me!!!
I don’t know what your issue is,
But you need to cut it out!
I’m tired of the drama, I’m tired of the games!
I just want it to end!
You were my sister,
I don’t know what happened…
But I guess this is good bye then.
That shows me for trying to love you…

No Name 6

No Name 6

 

You think you know me, know what I’m about,
But you don’t.
You think you can help, but you can’t help someone
Who’s already beyond help.
Think you can offer me love? Think you can finally put an end to this never ending agony?
Well Fuck You!
You can’t do shit for me…ever!
You say you don’t judge books by their covers, yet why then do I see you looking at me like I’m scum?
You lie to my face and tell me you wish I’d die!
But I’m already DEAD! You killed me inside
With your double-edged words and actions!

No Name 7

No name 7

 

My heart breaks every time I hear your voice,
Every time I look into your hazel eyes, I cry inside.
I see you in my dreams, I really have no choice.
When you say those four words, my heart breaks inside.
“You don’t want me,” is what you say. But it’s not true.
As I sit here, writing this stupid song, the tears spatter the pages.
Blotching these words, the ink bleeds so black. Nothing new.
The memories come rushing back, playing a movie in my mind for ages.
The taste of you on my mouth, the touch of your breath on my skin.
Your loving embrace, the feelings that I get, wrapped in your arms.
How everyone disappears, my fears fade, the world stops its orbital spin.
Your whispered words, your tender love, you and all your charms.
You made me feel safe, made me feel welcome, like I really belonged.

 

You don’t seem to actually realize how it tears me apart inside
When you always say I didn’t love you, I never wanted you.
Because I did and do love and want you. I wouldn’t look you in the eyes
And lie to your face about this. I trust you, please trust me too.
I didn’t want to leave you, I just needed some time without us fighting constantly.
You healed me though, despite that you think otherwise, what I say is true.
When I first saw you, I knew you could help me be better, I knew instantly.
You gave me wings so I could fly again. You bandaged my wounds anew.
But now you’re telling goodbye and I don’t know what to do.
I want you to stay, I need you by my side. But yet, at the same time,
You bring out the worst in me, you make me mad, bad things do I do.
I don’t know, it’s your turn to decide. I’m done, now it’s your time.
The ball’s in your court this time. I’m done making decisions.

 

Just know that I always love you and, if given a choice, I’d take you back in a flash.
If only I could block out the bad side of me, just put the bitch away.
I could show you the side I desperately want to show, I’d no longer make mistakes so rash.
I wish I could see you again, touch your face, feel your hands at my waist.
I wish we could bring back the good old days and put away the bad new ones.
But I can’t. This life I’ve chosen, this bitch I show up as, it’s who I am.
I know I can no longer see you, you won’t allow it. There’ll never again be funs
Between us. I’ve hurt you, I’ve destroyed you, and I can’t take it back. I am
Forever a monster. I can never really say sorry enough times
To truly convey how much I regret letting you go.
I wish I could go back in time, change my decision, use these rhymes
To bring you back to me, to reawaken our love.
But I guess it’s forever goodbye.

No Name 8

No name 8

12/6/11

 

She crouches alone in the dark,
Shivering from the cold.
Shivering from the fear
Emanating from deep inside.
She fears that monster in the dark,
That foul creature
She knows is lurking in the
Deep black surrounding her.
She fears this monster coming out
From under the surface.
She can already feel
Her hatred for those guys growing,
Her eyes begin to blaze red,
Her teeth elongate and extend,
Becoming razor sharp.
Her back hunches over
And her nails sharpen to points.
An iron ball and chain
Is wrapped about her ankles
As she transforms into the monster, herself.
She fears the monster
Lurking in the blackness.
She fears herself.

Short Stories Section

 Short Stories Section  

 

All Alone in a Harsh World

All Alone in a Harsh World

9/3/10

Bryce felt purely invisible to the entire world, felt like he was all alone and no one cared. Little did he realize the true extent of his girlfriend’s love for him; little did he know how much these empty thoughts hurt her. Lost in his anger at the world, in the pain he felt inside, he began with small lacerations to his biceps, his forearms, his wrists. The darkness of his hiding place enshrouding him. Sure, he didn’t fail to answer his girlfriend’s worried texts, but he refused to tell her where he was ensconced. As her responses grew steadily more frantic and worried, as well as full of more heartache, Bryce’s nicks and cuts slowly turned into slits, then finally became gashes. Blood was starting to pool on the floor, the rusty smell of it was steadily filling the room, and Bryce was growing lightheaded just as Kathryn burst into the vacant classroom.

The second she spotted Bryce in the gloom, she ran over and dropped to the floor by the side of her dying boyfriend. She immediately took initiative, despite her horror, and began tearing her jacket into long strips of cloth. She quickly used these to bind Bryce’s arms and stop the bleeding. Kathryn held her boyfriend in her arms, already scarred from years of cutting.

Through her sobbing and the flow of her salty tears, she whispered to Bryce, “As long as I’m alive, I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be here for you no matter what and you’ll never truly be alone. I can take care of you, as you have taken care of me. Please don’t try to leave me alone like this again. I can’t stand to be alone again, please, I beg you. Please.”

In anguish, Kathryn inquired as to why Bryce had been credulous enough to believe everyone else’s comments of how worthless he was.

His response: “Until I found you, that’s the only thing I felt inside.”

A Useless Political Poem

A Useless Political Poem

12/10/10

 

Another long day at school, another day spent dying inside, heart left to wither and shatter alone. Keylana’s mindset is only dark and dreary as she sits, alone in her room, after a particularly hard day at school.

This world is purposely virulent, she thinks silently to herself. As she writes out her poem, she begins to scribble what most people would look at as nothing but a load of drivel. However, to her, it makes perfect sense.

This life, Keylana writes, is ruled by nothing more than a kleptocracy of monkeys.

These people who are, more than likely, all plenipotentiaries, just sit at their desks, allowing god-awful laws to be passed while vetoing the bills we need passed. People who enjoy prestidigitation, people who enjoy doing nothing but false magic tricks. Promising the nation something, and then taking back those promises when their own personal goals are accomplished.

 

Annoyed at herself, Keylana rips the paper in two, then crumples the halves and tosses them in the trash bin. She looks at her tear-stained face in the mirror, and thinks of her boyfriend. She cries even more. Then a thought occurs to her. If only she could sneak out, if only she could see Kevin. If she could only be with him for but a couple of hours, she’d be happy. She wouldn’t feel so alone, so misunderstood. She can already feel his warm arms wrapped about her waist, his soft lips pressed lightly to her own, to her neck, to her collarbone.

Sighing sadly, she thinks to herself, Only three more weeks, and then I’ll be able to see him again.

 

The Demon's Notebook

The Demon’s Notebook

10/29/10

You walk through the creaky double doors of the archaic mansion. A friend dared you to stay the night in the house, or she’d keep calling you the names she knows you hate: Bunny Boo, Innocent Angel, Cuddly Kitten. You vehemently slam the doors shut as the memory brings back the anger.

“Honey, I’m home!” you sarcastically annunciate to the empty house. “Heeeeeerrrrreeee’s Johnny.”

You sigh and walk into the living room. The second you enter the living room doorway, you’re greeted by a menagerie of animals in the form of mounted heads and bodies treated by a taxidermist. You cover your eyes and back out of the room. The second you turn the corner, you slide down the wall, onto the floor, and begin to cry in the earnest. The dead animals bring back scarring memories of the dead. As your tears dry up, the ache of an empty loneliness takes place in your heart.

A few hours later, the sun begins to set, so rise like a somnambulist from your spot on the floor. You begin to turn on the lights, but stop as something, some strange force, draws you towards the back room of the house. You slowly shuffle to the black door with the golden handle, unable to control your feet. You carefully open the door and find a wide assortment of things: books, clothes, boxes, papers, furniture. All from early 19th, late 18th century.

You’re drawn to an old trunk in the middle of the room. As you open its creaky lid, you find black leather-bound notebook contained inside. You pull it out and instantly feel an anode shoot throughout your body. Suddenly, a hand reaches up out of the pages of the notebook and pulls you inside the book. The lid closes behind you and you’re instantly lost in darkness.

Morning comes and your friends come to pick you up. Walking in, they don’t find you. Instead, all they find is a bloody trail seeping from under the black door of the back room. When they open the door, blood is pooled around the trunk in the middle of the room. The trunk is open and your desecrated corpse is visible. Your hand is reaching out of the trunk, as though in its last acts of reaching out for help. Your friends run out, screaming.

Die Dunkel Leben (The Dark Life)

Die Dunkel Leben (The Dark Life)

10/22/10

 

Everyone laughing and cheering all around me.
Each of them flamboyant and annoying to see.
And here I sit, dark and silent, keeping to myself.
Just waiting for the clamor to slowly die itself.
My head aches. There’s no way to escape this place,
To get back to my beautiful darkness, so full of grace.
Oh, how the people solicit me to make them scream.
I just wish to wake up from this horribly bright bad dream.
As a clairvoyant often sees a fog inside her crystal ball,
I often see the damned, unknown to a world which watches them fall.
I try to live my own life arbitrarily,
But with everyone watching me with hilarity
In their eyes, they kick me down
They watch me fall, watch me drown.
Why can’t you all just finally see,
All I want is to be alone, to be me.
So just let me be, don’t toy with me.
Let me wallow in my own bloody sea.
Let me be myself, for once,
In this, Meine Dunkel Leben.

The Dream

The Dream

3/20/12 

 

“Ah!” she screams as she sits bolt upright in bed. Her dark hair settles back on her shoulders as she sits in bed, panting heavily. She brings her hands to the sides of her face and shakes her head, as though in doing this she can shake off the dregs of her recurring nightmare.

It’s always the same, every night for the last 4 years. Every night since that dreadful night. But she’s not going to go into that. She shivers and shakes in terror at the mere though of even trying to look back on that night.

The nightmare always starts the same. She’s standing in a dark hallway. Only the light from the flashing lightning crashing through the windows and the moonlight shining down illuminate where Holly stands. The light fixtures over her head are visibly shattered. Glass crunches underfoot as Holly slowly creeps toward the door at the end of the hallway. Deep claw marks scar the surface of the wooden walls. Blood pools and spatters on the floor and wall. It’s fresh. Only about 10 minutes old. You can almost still hear the dying screams of the owner of the spilled blood. Still Holly continues making her way toward the big mahogany door with the brass handle. Her bare feet crunch over razor sharp shards of glass, a few times the glass even punctures the rough skin on her soles. But still she persists. Until she reaches the door. She reaches out her hand and feels the cool metal of the handle in her grasp. Her breath quickens, she’s so close to the mystery. She grips the door knob tighter, acutely aware of her sweaty palms and brow. She begins to turn the handle. The door flies open and she closes her eyes tight. She can feel hot breath on her neck. And that’s when she awakens with a frightful scream.

Suddenly, her alarm goes off. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! It scares the crap out of her. She nearly jumps out her skin. Shaking off the remaining pieces of her nightmare, Holly shuts off her alarm on her phone and throws back her bed sheets, hopping out of bed.

She walks gingerly to her dresser and pulls out a pair of black and red skinny jeans and a black and turquoise Slipknot shirt. As she pulls the shirt over her head and pulls her long black hair out from underneath the T-shirt, she gazes at her reflection in the gold-winged mirror atop her dresser. She has dark circles and bags under her blazing green eyes. She hasn’t slept well since the incident. In fact, she’s only been getting a few hours of sleep at night. Every evening, she stays up until about 11 at night, finishing her homework and organizing her poems. When she finally gets to bed, she lies there for a couple more hours, afraid to fall asleep. Afraid of the coming nightmares. When she finally does fall asleep, it’s a restless sleep, a toss-and-turn type of sleep.

Tiredly, she drags her feet across the carpeted floor, carrying herself out into the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. Flicking on the light switch, she trudges across the oakwood floor and heads to the fridge. Pulling out a carton of milk, she grabs a small glass from the walnut-stained oak wood cabinets and pours herself a glass of cold milk.

Suddenly, Holly feels a hand on her shoulder. Letting out a small shriek, she jumps and spins around, her elbow knocking over her glass of milk. It’s just her mom.

“Um. Hi sweetie,” Ms. Newnan says softly, pulling her hand away from her daughter’s shoulder.

Blushing fiercely, her pale cheeks burning brightly, Holly murmurs, “Hi mom.” Kneeling to the floor with a towel in hand, she begins to mop up the spilled milk.

“Sorry,” Holly says softly. “You kind of scared me. That’s all.”

“You’re still having those nightmares, aren’t you?” Ms. Newnan asks.

“It’s only one. Always the same.” Holly’s eyes burn with the threat of oncoming tears as she continues to mop up the milk. It hurts her every time anyone tries to talk about the dreams with her.

Her mother sees the pained look on Holly’s face. Looking down in defeat, she says softly, “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard on you, even after 4 years.” Her long, dark red waves of hair fall past her face as she drops her head. Her dark blue eyes cloud over with her own tears.

Holly stands and hugs her mother. “We made it out together. I think that’s all that matters,” she whispers softly.

 Her mother nods and wipes away her tears. Then, in a foggy, tear-stained voice, she says, “You’ve got school today, dear. You should finish getting ready. Your school starts in about an hour. And I know how you like to be able to spend some time with your friends before classes.” Ms. Newnan shoos her daughter off with a slight flapping motion of her hands. Holly quickly refills her glass of milk, downs her ADHD medications, and hurries to finish getting ready.

Racing up the stairs, Holly quickly goes to her bedroom and rushes into her bathroom, ready to brush her teeth. Looking in the mirror, she suddenly sees a familiar face behind her right shoulder. The color drains from her already-pale face. Turning around slowly, body frozen, a silent scream trapped in her throat, she looks into the eyes of her long-dead best friend, Salene McQuier.

“Salene,” Holly murmurs, tears in her eyes.

Suddenly, without a word, Salene reaches out and grabs Holly’s throat in her single right hand. Holly’s hands shoot up and grapple with Salene’s. She tries to push her dead friend away. But to no avail. Salene was always stronger than Holly and death has only seemed to make her stronger.

“Salene.. I’m… Sorry!” Holly manages to choke out. Reaching in her pocket, she pulls out her black-handled switchblade and stabs at Salene. Just as Holly is beginning to lose her breath completely, she opens her eyes again and begins to cough spasmodically. Salene has disappeared as suddenly as she appeared. Holly looks down at her switchblade, the handle of which shows an image of a great-winged green serpent, soaring through the clouds gracefully. Her grandfather had given it to her on her 13th birthday, just a mere couple of weeks before he… Holly shakes her head. She still doesn’t want to face what happened that day, still would rather defy the memory’s wish to come back.

“Holly! Ten more minutes and then we have to go!” Ms. Newnan calls up the stairs.

Holly jumps, then, getting her bearings back in order, she calls back, “Ok!” Quickly, she brushes her teeth and finishes getting ready. Throwing on her usual black eyeliner and dark lip stainer as a finishing touch, she throws her backpack over her right shoulder and rushes down the stairs, stopping just in time to prevent colliding into her mother.

“Well! Look who’s excited!” her mother exclaims.

“I’m just ready to get back to Mrs. Dwayne’s creative writing class and get back to writing my poems and short stories,” Holly replies, a smile on her face.

 

20 minutes Holly hops out of the car and walks up to the school. She waves as she sees her group of friends by the main office. The Outcasts wave back. That’s what every one at the school calls their group: The Outcasts. It’s only because they’re different from everyone else. They dress different, act different, and even speak different. The Outcast consists of 5 girls and 3 boys.

One of the girls suddenly runs up to Holly as Holly approaches the group and throws her slender arms around Holly’s shoulders.

“Holly!” she cries happily.

“Carine!” Holly replies, wrapping her one free arm around Carine’s small waist. Her other arm holds an Algebra 2 text book.

As Holly’s mother smiles to herself and drives away, Carine and Holly release their embrace.

“So. How’ve you been Raze?” Carine asks Holly in a hushed voice. “Still having that nightmare?” She flips her long black hair over her bare shoulders. Today she wears a strapless black corset that pushes up her breasts, accentuating their fullness, as well as a flowing black skirt that’s long in the back and mid-thigh length in the front, matched with a pair of knee-high black boots.

Holly looks at this beautiful figure walking beside her. After living in this place for 4 years, Carine is the closest thing she has to having a best friend again. Carine was the first person to become friends with Holly after she moved to the little town of Fire Creek. It took Holly a month to get situated in the new school, it being a Jr/Sr High School. After about 3 weeks of no one talking to Holly because of how drastically different she was from everyone else, Carine came up to her at lunch and asked if she could sit with her. Holly had agreed, staring intently at the holes in the table. At first Carine and Holly didn’t talk much, but after a couple days of hanging out, Holly began to warm up to Carine and started to talk about anything that came to her mind. Shortly after that, these two became good friends and began to hand out all the time. About two weeks after they started hanging out, Carine invited Holly to come sit with her at lunch and Holly was warmly welcomed by Carine’s friends.

Thinking back to the present, Holly replies to Carine’s question, “I’m alive and that’s all that matters. And yes Star, I’m still having that nightmare.” Carine just nods.

Reaching the rest of the group, Holly smiles weakly at the others.

“Hi Sin, Tremor, Spike, Life, Chaos,” Holly murmurs softly. Then, looking out of the corner of her eye at Alina, she says quietly, “Hi Rose.”

Everyone says hi back.

Brittney, enveloped in Seth’s big arms, says in her small voice, “Morning Raze. Did you sleep well?”

“Not as well as I would have liked to, Life,” Holly murmurs.

Brittney nods sympathetically and then squeaks as Seth pokes her in the side and tickles her. Brittney “Life” Soul and Seth “Spike” Rodriguez are both 15 and have been going out for a few months now. They are the youngest in the group. Brittney is short and a little chubby with short spiky blonde hair and hazel green eyes. She’s a little pale in all of her 4’10”. Seth “Spike” Rodriguez is a different story. He has long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. He too is pale but is slim and muscular and 5’10”.

Denise speaks up then from her place on the floor in Jerry’s lap. “You should really get those dreams checked out,” she says softly. Holly looks up at Denise “Chaos” Turner is pale and slightly chubby with brown hair cut in a pixie cut and brown eyes. She’s shorter than Holly by only an inch, yet she is intimidated by Holly. Hell, they all are.

Jerry “Sin” Ettiene is Denise’s boyfriend. He’s younger than Denise by about 6 month. He has long blonde hair and bright blue eyes and is slightly chubby. All of his 5’7” is tanned to a light bronze.

The rest of the group is single people. Carine “Star” Leona wants Zack “Tremor” Phillips, but he just doesn’t seem to notice her.

“If you want, I can go with you to the on-campus psychologist,” Alina says in a hushed voice, staring at the ground.

Holly gazes at Alina longingly. She is so caring and gentle, Holly just wishes she could be given a chance.

Alina “Rose” Smith is the one in the group that’s truly beautiful, inside and out. Her hair is dyed black, with her long bands hanging down in front and her short and spiky buzz cut in the back. She has brilliant green eyes and a slim figure. She’s a pale 4’11” and is beautiful in every aspect. Her smile lights up Holly’s dark days and her gorgeous emerald green eyes never cease to put Holly in a dazed stupor. Looking into those brilliant eyes is like looking into a box full of puppies that are all yours. When Holly stares into Alina’s face, she loses all coherent thoughts and feels like she’s looking at an angel that Heaven has accidentally dropped to Earth. She’s a gorgeous girl and is the sweetest, most gentle and caring one in the group. Hell, in the whole world! No one can surpass her beauty.

The oldest of the group is Zack. He’s a muscular 19 with bright green eyes and dyed long black hair with red tips. He has a golden tan about his body and is a tall 6’5”. He’s the one that Alina likes and Holly is envious of Zack for his ability to woo the girl that Holly wants so desperately.

This day seems like any other. Holly goes to her classes, hands out with her fellow Outcasts, and does her work. Today, however, she feels especially tired. By the time she reaches her 7th period Spanish class, she’s dragging her feet and struggling to keep her eyes open. She plops down into her seat and lays her head on her outstretched arm. Before the late bell even rings, she’s fast asleep. Then the dream starts back up, but this time, it’s different.

She’s running down that long, dark hallway. It seems almost never ending. There’s glass and blood everywhere. She doesn’t know what exactly she is running from, all she knows is that she’s got to hurry and get away from it. Someone is by her side. Stealing a quick glance over to her left, she sees Alina running by her side, clothing and milky skin spattered with blood.

Suddenly, the floor gives way beneath their feet. Holly hops to the side just in time to avoid falling into the hole that’s now in the floor. Alina, however, slips and begins to fall in. Holly quickly lies down on her tummy and grabs Alina’s hand. Looking past Alina, Holly sees with horror, the gaping mouth of a giant beast, teeth all sharp and pointed. Above the mouth, in the creeping darkness, is a pair of demonic red eyes. Those eyes tell a tale of pure hatred and murder.

“Don’t let go!” Holly cries to Alina.

Alina grips on tighter, but begins to slip into the hole.

“No! You will not have her!” Holly screams at the monster.

He begins to pull Alina in, however, and Holly’s grip on Alina starts to slip.

With tears in her eyes, Holly gives one final heave on Alina’s arm. But to no avail. Alina falls to the beast below.

“NO!” Holly screams.

Then, she is being shaken awake and she finds herself lying on the classroom floor, tears pouring down her face. Opening her eyes, she looks up to see Alina herself sitting next to Holly, a look of worry in her eyes.

“Are you ok?” Alina whispers.

Holly looks around and notices the other classmates huddled around her. “Help me up,” she says gruffly.

Alina takes Holly’s hand and pulls her to her feet. Her hand is so soft and gentle, Holly is not surprised when her hand tingles still after Alina’s already released Holly’s hand.

“I’ll take her to the nurse and make sure she’s ok,” Alina tells the teacher.

The teacher agrees and Alina puts an arm around Holly’s waist to steady her as she walks to the nurse’s office.

“Thank you,” Holly murmurs softly.

“What happened back there? I heard you say my name and then you fell to the floor and started screaming in the class. What was it about this time?” Alina says softly.

“Umm… Well…” Holly falters.

“You dreamt of me this time, didn’t you?” Alina utters quietly.

Holly hesitates and then nods her head. “Yes,” she whispers.

“It must have been bad if you were crying like that,” Alina says softly.

“Yeah. It was terrible. You kinda… well I lost you to the monster from my nightmares,” Holly says, almost whispers.

“Why is that such an issue?” Alina says hedgingly.

“Because…” Holly sighs. Might as well get it out, she thinks to herself. “Because I like you. A lot,” she murmurs. “I’ve liked you since the day I met you and I’ve loved you since the day I first laid eyes on you. That’s why it’s such an issue.”

Alina stops walking then and turns to finally look at Holly. “Why didn’t you say this before?” she asks.

“Because… I didn’t want to seem weird and didn’t want to lose your friendship,” Holly says, looking down at the ground.

Alina places her hand under Holly’s chin and tilts her face up. “I like you too,” Alina murmurs. “I didn’t want to say anything because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me too.”

“Of course I like you! Do you never notice the way I look at you or how I try to be with you and be by your side always?”

“Well I just wasn’t sure,” Alina whispers.

“Well are you sure now?” Holly murmurs as she looks into Alina’s eyes and leans in slowly. Gently, she kisses Alina’s soft, full lips. Pulling away after a couple moments, she looks into Alina’s green eyes.

“Yes. I’m positive of it now,” Alina breathes.

“Good. Now, I have a question to ask you. Will you go out with me?”

Alina takes but a short moment and then replies, “Yes Raze. Of course I will go out with you.”

And so it is. For the next few weeks, Alina helps Holly with her recurring and ever-growing nightmares. The Outcasts at first are unsure of how to respond to this coupling. But then they finally decide to accept it. The girls are both thrilled.

Over the weeks, Holly tells Alina all of her nightmares and finds out from Alina that these dreams might be clues as to how to beat the monster.

One day, about a month after Holly and Alina start dating, one of The Outcasts goes missing. Brittney doesn’t come to school and nobody can reach her on her cell phone. Finally, when someone tries calling the house phone, Brittney’s mother answers and tells them that she hasn’t seen Brittney in a couple days. Worry and fear lace her voice.

Holly fears the worst, but has good reason to. Pulling Alina aside, she murmurs, “Brittney’s dead.”

“What? How do you know?!” Alina says, shocked and taken aback.

“I had another dream two nights ago and she was in it. The monster got her.” Fear swarms Holly’s shaky voice.

Alina looks into Holly’s eyes. There’s no lie hidden there. Holly speaks the truth.

“Where is she?” Alina whispers.

“At the place this all started. We have to go back to Cape Town, in Oregon,” Holly murmurs.

“I’ll go with you,” Alina says, “And I’m sure I can convince the others to come with us as well.”

Holly argues and says how she doesn’t want to lose Alina too.

“I’m a big girl,” is all Alina says.

Holly gives in and together they go talk to the rest of the group. Surprisingly, they all agree to go with.

 

A few days later, as the weekend finally shows up, the group of 6 climb into Zack’s van and they all start on the scenic drive to Oregon. 5 hours later, they pull up to the outskirts of Cape Town. Driving through the small mining town, Holly looks out the window and sees the faces of the people she once knew, four years ago.

“Pull over and give me the keys,” Holly says softly. “I know where we need to go.”

Zack pulls the van over and Holly quickly climbs over the center console in the front seat and sits down, prepared to drive the rest of the way. “Hold onto your seats,” Holly murmurs to herself as she starts the van back up and drives quickly to the old abandoned mansion on top of the hill that looms above the small town. The mansion is 3 stories high and has a basement and attic as well. The basement, Holly knows, is where the monster lurks. That was where her and her friends and family had gone to try to defeat the monstrosity the first time.

Reaching the house, they park the van and all climb out, anticipation and fear etched in all of their faces. Their veins are all pumped full of adrenaline as each person approaches the house. Holly fears the worst and has good reason to. For all of her friends and family were killed by this monster while trying to defend the town just 4 years previously. Holly is flooded with the memories of that night. She remembers hearing the screams of her friends and family as one by one they were slaughtered right before her. She could smell the rusty smell of all that blood as it tickled her nose. She and her mother had hidden under a table and stayed there until the killing spree was over. The monster had returned to his lair and Holly and her mother had raced out of the house as fast and as far as their injured bodies would carry them.

“Raze. Raze!” Alina is snapping her fingers, trying to get Holly’s attention.

Holly pulls out of her memories and flashbacks. “What? Are we ready? Sorry. I was finally remembering what happened the last time I was here.”

“How do we kill this thing?” Zack speaks up softly.

“There’s some strength in numbers. If we stay close together and all attack him at one time, then he’s trapped. He can’t attack all 6 of us at one time. He only has 2 arms,” Holly murmurs.

There is an old iron fence surrounding the house. It is all rusted and broken into splinters and shards of metal. All 6 of the teens take 2 long shards, one for each hand. They then creep into the house. They get deep into the house’s structure. The floorboards are old and rickety and creaky. It’s impossible for the monster to not know that they are there. Suddenly, as if to confirm their fears, there is a horrendous howl that shakes the whole house and seems to come from every direction possible. Following this noise is the sound of thundering footsteps, almost like the sound of horse hooves. Barreling around the corner ahead of the 6 teenagers is a monster from a nightmare. Its hide is red and leathery. Its mouth is full of razor sharp teeth and it has the horns of a bull and the tusks of an elephant. Spikes run down the length of the creature’s spine and its tail has a massive club on the end of it. Its feet are hooves. Its arms are long and its sharp 6-inch long claws touch the ground.

Without warning, and without thinking, Holly cries out, “NOW!”

All at one time, the 6 teenagers charge at the giant monster. They all begin jabbing their shards of fencing at the monster. Suddenly, the monster swings its giant head from side to side and ends up hitting Seth square in the stomach. His horn pierces through Seth’s torso and sends Seth flying against the wall. Blood trickles from his mouth as his empty, staring eyes glaze over and remain open. While the others are fighting the monster, Holly creeps along the wall and creeps around the monster and the others, getting a position behind the great beast. As Jerry is sent flying as well, Holly gives one loud battle scream and runs at the monster’s back. Hopping up on the creature’s back, she brings her piece of fencing up and thrusts it down, square in the center of the beast’s skull.  The beast gives one final scream of pain and anger and hatred, and then collapses to the ground.

“Holly!” Alina cries out. Running up to the monster, she attempts to pick up the unconscious Holly in her arms. Zack comes over and takes over. A look of understanding and sorrow pass between Alina and Zack. He nods and takes Holly up into his arms. Alina and Carine both grab Jerry and take him out to the van, following behind Zack and Holly. Then Zack goes back and gets Seth. Taking the two casualties back to Fire Creek, they leave the town in peace. Holly lays across the first seat row, with her head in Alina’s lap. A few minutes later, she wakes up to the cool touch of Alina brushing her black hair out of her eyes.

“Rose?” Holly murmurs groggily.

“Yes love?” Alina replies softly.

“Did we win?” Holly whispers.

Alina can’t help but laugh a bit. She feels so relieved that Holly is ok. “Yes sweet one. You did it. You defeated your nightmares.”

“Where are Sin and Spike?”

Alina lets out a small whoosh of breath. “They didn’t make it,” she whispers, tears in her eyes. “The monster was too strong for them.”

After reaching Fire Creek, they hold a memorial ceremony and funeral for their fallen friends. Brittney’s body was discovered in the monster’s lair, as well as the bones of the bodies of Holly’s friends and family.

After they get out of high school, Alina and Holly move back to Cape Town and get married there. After that big decision, they decide that they also want to start a family. They now have 2 little ones: Kendrick Alexander and Lillith Rose. They are quite happy with their lifestyle. Holly no longer suffers from her recurring nightmares. Now she sleeps peacefully at night, wrapped comfortably in Alina’s welcoming and comforting arms.   

THE END!

Forgotten Spirits

Forgotten Spirits

8/20/10

 

Jimmy T. Snider trudged through the dark and empty park, crying, having just been bilked by his girlfriend, Castrina. Lost in the memories flooding his head and crying in anguish, Jimmy wasn’t paying attention at all to where he was going. Even as what little light the crescent moon gave off suddenly winked out and left him in utter darkness, his thoughts still focused on his ex girlfriend, so much he had no clue that he was stumbling and tripping over tree roots and fallen branches. It was only when his head slammed into a branch and he slid right into a link’s den did he realize he had walked right into the avoided Demon’s Wood… but all too late. As he looked right into the eyes of a grown female link abhoringly, he realized they weren’t alone. Half a dozen link cubs lay or sat by the edges of the dense cave, waiting for their mother’s instruction.

Just as Jimmy was coming up with a plan of action, the mother let out a mewling noise and in an instant the cubs were on top of him, hampering his struggles. One after the other, without further ado, the cubs and the mother link took turns biting into the soft flesh of their victim and tore him to shreds. Blood from Jimmy’s struggles and arterial spatter coated the walls of the den. The iron smell of blood and rank link breath, as well as Jimmy’s useless screams of agony rent the cold night air. The links believed in equal portions but one of the cubs covertly snagged a bit more of Jimmy than the rest of the cubs. To please the mother and gain her love back, the cub’s death was remunerated. So within seconds, the other cubs all leapt on their sibling and the poor cub was shown the same fate as poor Jimmy T. Snider. To this day, you can still hear the desperate screams of help that were Jimmy’s last words before meeting his fate. The screams were: I love you.

House on Rainbow Hill

House on Rainbow Hill

Friday, October 13, 2014

The renowned poets and horror authors Hayden Gilchrist and Dana Stoner pull up to their luxurious new mansion, strategically placed in the middle of a lush green meadow on Rainbow Hill. Dana hops out of the white van, her long oil-black hair framing her pale face and bright green eyes. Dark-blonde-haired, midnight-black-eyed, Hayden climbs out of her bright, forest green Jeep. Following Dana and Hayden are the rest of the group. Dana’s handsome boyfriend, Aiden Pepper, with his electric blue eyes and spiky black hair with the bangs in his eyes, is shortly followed by Dana’s gorgeous girlfriend Jane Brooks, with long dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. Twin sisters Penny Jean and Crystalline Lacy also clamber out of the van. Both have long black hair. The only difference is that Penny has milk chocolate brown eyes and Crystalline has dark brown eyes, almost black. The only other person besides Hayden to climb out of the Jeep is her boyfriend, Jason Peddington. Jason is tall and muscular with gorgeous hazel green eyes and jet black hair that goes into his eyes.

“Wow!” Dana breathes in awe as Aiden comes to stand beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

“So. How do you guys like it?” Hayden asks, a great big grin lighting up her face.

“I love it!” Penny cheers exuberantly.

There are four buildings on the 10-acre property: the main house, a quaint little guest house, and two animal stables with multiple stalls and a roaming pen on both stables. The main house is a large 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom, red brick structure built in the 1950s. It has a den, game room, kitchen, living room, 3 fireplaces, and a laundry room. The guest house is also of red brick, but it was added onto the property in the late 1980s by a young British family of 7. It has 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a den, a living room, a kitchen, a fireplace, and a laundry room.

The owners before these 7 newcomers had been a young couple who had just gotten married just a few months prior to moving in the Fall of 1983. She was 21. He was 27. The 3 oldest children; 5 year old Brandi, 7 year old Salina, and 10 year old Cody; all belonged to the husband, Levi Leon, who had been married previously. His wife had died of leukemia shortly after Brandi’s birth. The wife, Cherideth Cortez-Leon, had the other 2 children; 2 year old Kevin and 3 year old Joanne. Cherideth had not been previously married. Instead, she had taken on a 4-year long relationship with a man who left her as soon as she had her second child. She had been heartbroken. But then she had met Levi on a church retreat England. They’d fallen deeply and instantly in love. 2 months later, they’d gotten engaged. 5 months after that, they were wed.

One day, only about a year after moving into the large house, the family suddenly stopped all contact with every one of their friends and family, whom they usually contacted everyday. No one heard from them at all. About a week after the contact stopped, the worried friends and family of the young couple contacted the authorities. When the 2 investigating officers checked the house, they both rushed out of the house and fell to the front lawn, vomiting up their guts. Inside, there told a story of a gruesome murder of an innocent and happy family. The kids were all in their beds still, their throats slashed and arterial blood spattering the walls. In the kitchen, the young married couple sat at the redwood table, their bodies slouched over their breakfast, eyes wide open and mouths gaping in a silenced scream. They had been viciously attacked while eating a nice breakfast together and their stomachs had been slashed open, guts spilling everywhere. From Cherideth’s stomach, sadly, spilled the still carcass of her unborn child. She had been 8 months pregnant. Only another month or so and Levi would have been the proud father of his first child with his new wife. The scene was devastating and the murder never solved.

31 years later, Hayden found the house and discovered it was a pretty good price so she bought it and invited her friends to move in with her. Crystalline and Penny chose to live in the guest house with its gorgeous crystal stained-glass windows and solid oak door with a lighter finish than the main house’s door. Hayden and Dana chose the two master bedrooms in the main house on the 3rd floor, while Jason and Jane chose 2 of the 3 smaller bedrooms on the 2nd floor. Aiden bunked with Dana in her room with its attached balcony.

Dana and Hayden started work on a new book they were writing together, which meant that in the coming days, these two were more often than not found in the den or in one of their bedrooms, hammering out page after page of gloriously morbid and horror-filled thoughts.

On day 3 of living in the house, the group comes to a collective decision: they decide they want some pets. But no ordinary house pets would do for such a big house and such a mixed group. No. They wanted something extravagant. Each person wants a different pet. Jason wants a lion, Aiden wants a tiger, Penny wants a unicorn, Dana of course wants a bat, Crystalline wants a Kevin, and dear Jane wants a liger. Hayden is undecided. She isn’t quite sure what exactly she wants.

Together, the group goes out to the stables out back of the house, near the edge of the property. Grabbing mops and soapy water and brooms and buckets and all sorts of cleaning supplies, the 7 young adults get together and begin to clean the stables up. They sweep hay and dead grass out of the stalls and pull up all the overgrown weeds. Suddenly, as Hayden is scrubbing the ground-on dirt off of the high windows of one of the stables, she hears a small noise behind her. The others are all having a short lunch break. Hayden is the only one still out cleaning because she is very hardworking and stubborn.

Turning around slowly, she turns and finds herself face-to-face with a most wondrous creature: a 6 foot tall Rainbow Monkey Reindeer (RMR)!! In her excitement, Hayden cries out and raises her arms high. The poor creature becomes frightened and runs to hide back in one of the 5 stalls in the small building. Hayden takes a deep breath to get her bearings back in order and then calls out softly to the creature.

“Hello? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You just startled me is all. Please come out.” Hayden walks down the aisle to the stall farthest from her. There, she finds the wondrous creature, crouched in a corner, making odd whimpering noises.

“It’s ok,” Hayden murmurs, holding out a hand to the RMR. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Cautiously, the creature sniffs the air and then slowly but surely makes its way over to Hayden. Sniffing her hand lightly, the critter sticks out its tongue and licks Hayden’s hand. Hayden moves in to sit beside the creature and gently puts an arm around him. He instantly warms up to her and nuzzles her neck welcomingly.

A few minutes later, after comforting the creature, Hayden walks out of the stable she is currently in, the Rainbow Monkey Reindeer trotting by her side. When the others see her, they all exclaim in wonder.

“What is it?” Penny cries out excitedly, bringing her hands to her cheeks. “It’s so cute!”

“It’s my new companion. My Rainbow Monkey Reindeer!” Hayden says proudly.

And so it becomes. Hayden plays with her new pet everyday after she finishes working on hers and Dana’s book. After just a couple days, the new addition to the family even begins to curl up at the end of Hayden’s bed every night. It’s as though she has her own personal guardian angel.

About a week into living in the house, Hayden finds an old diary in the den, on the top shelf of one of the many dusty bookshelves. Inside, it details all of Salina Cortez-Leon’s days in the house. Flipping to the last entry, dated as the day before the family stopped contact with everyone and presumably died, Hayden’s eyes widen as she reads the pages detailing Salina’s horror and despair in the house. She reads how Salina had been seeing and hearing things that scared her and she couldn’t convince her parents of her fear. The maturity of this 7-year-old’s writing is awing and frightening at the same time.

Hayden tries to show the others, but none but Dana believes her. Dana, having had experience with haunting, being a horror author herself, believes Hayden’s every word.

Later that day, however, these two best friends forget about Salina’s haunting diary entry. The animals arrive and the whole house is busy figuring out where the animals should each go. They decide that the carnivores will go in one stable and the herbivores in the other. And so it is. The lion, tiger, and liger are placed in the “Carnivore Stables” and the unicorn and Kevin are placed in the “Herbivore Stables”. Dana’s bat, of course, stays with her in her room.

Over the next two months, each member of the house is confronted by some form of haunting or paranormal phenomenon.

Aiden is confronted by a glowing purple orb in his room with Dana. Hayden is attacked by books in the 2nd floor den. Crystalline is hit by a semi as she is driving to the store one day and comes out disoriented but surprisingly not harmed. Jane wakes up several times with claw marks on her legs, arms, and back.

One day, the 7 young adults decide to go out to a party for the weekend, in celebration of the completion of another one of Dana and Hayden’s unique books. They decide to go barhopping.

3 days later, they come back to a most gruesome sight: the desecrated skeletons of the previous owners rest in the exact positions they were first found in after they were murdered, 31 years ago.

Crystalline starts to freak out and Jane suddenly shakes her vigorously.

“Crystalline!” Jane shouts. “How about this? You go outside to the carnivore pen and grab my phone. I accidentally left it there when I was playing with my Liger before we left. Go play with the cats for a bit and in a couple hours we should be done cleaning things up.”

Crystalline takes a deep breath, tears in her dark brown eyes, and nods her head. “Ok,” she murmurs.

The rest of the group gets to work on cleaning up the skeletons. A few hours later, Crystalline still hasn’t returned and she isn’t answering her phone. Worried, the group of young adults head out to the carnivore stables. Inside the roaming area lies what is left of Crystalline’s body. The lower half of her body is missing and half of her skull is gone. It definitely looks as though she had been mauled by a giant cat. The only problem with this theory is that all the carnivores are cowering in the far corner of the stables, terror and horror in their big brown eyes.

Penny is shattered. The group takes Crystalline’s body back inside the house and lays her on a sheet on the blue love seat that Penny had just bought her sister a couple weeks prior. Later on that night, everyone goes to bed, but not alone now. Aiden is with Dana, Jason is with Hayden, and Penny is with Jane.

Early the next morning, Hayden is awoken by a shrill scream. The screams come from Dana and Aiden’s room. Racing out of the room, Hayden rushes to Dana’s room and comes to a dead stop in the open doorway. There, in front of Dana, stands the 6 foot tall Rainbow Monkey Reindeer! In his right hand is a large kitchen knife. The tip is dripping with fresh blood and the rest of the blade is coated with what appears to be old, dried-up blood. Dana’s right hand is pressed over her bleeding left shoulder. Aiden’s hand is pressed over the gash in Dana’s left thigh. His teeth are clenched tight and his electric blue eyes blaze with anger.

Suddenly, a loud band crashes and echoes around the room. The creature drops his knife and screeches in pain as he begins to bleed from his right shoulder. Spinning around, eyes red with anger, he shoves Hayden to the floor and races out of the door. Dana, Aiden, and Hayden all look to the doorway. Emerging from around the corner is Jason, the smoking gun still in his hand. Penny and Jane stand just behind him.

“Let’s get out of this godforsaken place and burn it to the ground. Let’s send that creature back to Hell where it belongs!” Dana growls through clenched teeth. Everyone agrees. As Aiden lifts Dana up and carries her out the door, she grabs her bright orange lighter and perfume. Dousing her bed with the perfume, she lights it on fire and tells the others to hurry out of the room.

As they pass each door and window, they lock each and every one and light anything they can on fire.

The last things to be lit aflame are the neon yellow couch and blue love seat in the living room. Then they are all out the door and stumbling to their cars. Hearing a horrible screech, they look back at the house. Looking at the top floor, they see the RMR in one of the bedroom windows. Smoke has started to fill the windows in the house and pour out of the chimneys. They watch as the fire slowly engulfs the house and the creature itself. The last thing the creature does is look into Hayden’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” his eyes seem to say.

Then he is crumpling to the floor, dead.

As the 6 young adults climb into their white van and green Jeep and drive away, the haunting sound of the creature’s horrendous screeches and screams of anger and pain is all that fills their thoughts.

They go to the cops and fill out their statements. Crystalline’s body is only known about because of the friends’ testimonies and the little bits of charred bones left over from the blaze.

EPILOGUE- 5 years later

“This is a really lovely house,” young Angelina Trent says admirably.

“Yes it is. I think it would be perfect for you and your family of 7,” the realty lady says.

Angelina, switching baby Antonio from her left to her right side, looks at the lady oddly. “You look familiar. Have I seen you before?”

“I doubt it. I’m new to this job,” the lady replies.

“What did you say your name was again?” Angelina asks politely.

The realty lady smiles at Angelina and replies, a sly smile on her face, “My name is Penny Jean.”

Her eyes glint with evil.

“And they always said that 7 was a lucky number.” 

Michael the Clown

Michael the Clown

2/7/10

 

Everyday there is turmoil in Joey’s toy box.
Everyday, that is, since Michael came.
Michael was given to Joey on Joey’s sixth birthday.
Joey hates Michael; hates everything about him,
From his eerie, toothy grin to his blood-red costume, and
From his bright, life-like green eyes to his black shoes with the
Evilly sharply pointed toes.
The rest of the toys hate Michael too.

 

But Michael notices nothing. Everyday he tortures his fellow toys by
Making them serve him and listen to his chastising comments, and everyday
Their hatred for him grows.
One day, they could take no more of his pride. The toys lured
Michael to the open window in the bedroom and, once he was
Right on the ledge, shoved him right out into the backyard.
Kujo, Joey’s black wolf-dog, found the clown and began chewing on him.
It was just as he was being ripped to shreds and his stuffing was
Spilling onto the lawn that he realized,
“Dang I was a rotten person, and all because of my pride.”
Then the lights go out on our victim of pride, Michael the Clown.
(Be glad I did not name him IT!) 

Ojo the Housefly

Ojo the Housefly

2/7/10

 

Ojo lived in a government breeding mansion with hundreds of other flies like himself.

None of them, however, were as full of themselves as Ojo.

Ojo thought he was the most handsome, smartest, best fly in the world.

He was never one to pass up the chance to point this out to anyone who crossed him.

He had no friends; all the flies, even those who were proud as well, steered clear of Ojo.

He was all by himself, though he never noticed.

In his eyes, all he needed was a mirror, for the mirror was his whole world.

 

One day, a spider came to pay a house call to Ojo.

“Hello, my name is Mr. Croup. I happened to notice your

Shiny wings, long legs, and sleek black body. Will you model for me?”

Ojo agreed most vehemently, thinking,

“Finally! Someone who sees my beauty and potential!”

“Here Mr. Ojo, why don’t you pose for me on this silky silvery web,” said Mr. Croup.

“Sure thing, sir. Hey, this is sticky! Um, how am I supposed to pose if I can’t move?”

“Oh, you won’t need to move. Just sit still for me and this won’t hurt too much.”

CHOMP! As everything begins to go dark, the fly looked up at the orange, full harvest moon and silently screamed, “No! I don’t want to die! I can’t die! This can’t happen!”

Then everything was dark but a small pinprick of light. And then…

Ojo woke up! He pinched himself to make sure he was alive and then when about making amends to his fellow flies. From that day on, Ojo was never called prideful again.

Separation

Separation

11/18/11

 

The ambulance screamed into the night as it carried its precious load to the hospital. Coming to a shuddering halt in front of the hospital, the paramedics quickly unloaded the young 16-year-old girl, still trying to pump air into her lungs. Swiftly, they rush her to the ER and the doctors set to work immediately on reviving the poor girl. Her mother screams and cries hysterically behind the viewing glass as the doctors try their hardest to bring the girl back from the brink of death. The nurses apply pressure to her bleeding arms and chest while the doctor performs CPR. Suddenly, miraculously, the girl’s eyes flutter open as she gazes up at the hospital staff surrounding her. After a second of stunned silence, there’s a horrible retching sound as she rolls over onto her side and vomits over the side of the gurney, all over the floor and the doctor’s shoes. As she lies back down again, she passes out.

Two days later, Dana Silverstone awakes for the first time since being brought to the hospital. Her vision is slightly blurry and her whole body aches, as though she’d been hit by a truck. She has no memory of the events leading up to her being rushed to the hospital. It’s all a big black blur. She hears a small gasp and looks to her left for the source. Her mother is sitting curled up in the hardback chair next to the bed.

“Hi sweetie,” Mrs. Silverstone murmurs lovingly, taking her daughter’s hand in her own, tears in her eyes.

“Hi mom,” Dana replies groggily. “Where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital dear. You had a… an accident.” Her mother looks down at the crisp white bed sheets, tears sliding down her cheeks.

“Mom? What happened?” Dana whispers, dreading the answer.

Suddenly, the doctor comes in and asks to speak to Mrs. Silverstone.

“I’ll be right back,” Mrs. Silverstone murmurs to her daughter, kissing her forehead as she rises to her feet.

Outside in the hall, the doctor says, “Mrs. Silverstone, I think it would be best if you didn’t mention your divorce to your daughter at this moment. She is still in critical condition and she could relapse. I think it’d be best if you just let her think things are ok for now. Ok?”

Mrs. Silverstone nods her head and whispers, tears in her throat, “Yeah. Alright.”

As she walks back into the room, her daughter looks at her and says softly, “Mom, what’s wrong? What’d he talk to you about?”

“Um… it’s nothing sweetie,” her mother says, taking her seat beside Dana again. “He was just telling me about your condition and that it’s a miracle you woke up so soon.”

Dana looks hard at her mother and starts to say something when her father walks in. Dana instantly notices a shift in temperature in the room, as well as a change in her mother’s face. Something is wrong.

Dana looks from her mother to her father and back. “What’s wrong? Why are you two upset?” Dana asks in frightened sorrow.

Mr. Silverstone looks at his wife and says, “She doesn’t remember. You haven’t told her yet, have you?”

Mrs. Silverstone shakes her head, looking down at the bed sheets.

Suddenly, as Mr. Silverstone begins to speak, memories flood Dana’s mind as she finally remembers what happened 3 nights ago.

Her vision blurs over with tears as she remembers sitting in her room, talking on the phone to her boyfriend, perfectly content and happy. Her parents are shouting in the living room, but she can’t hear that. Suddenly, her door bursts open and in floods the truth. Her mom is crying in the hallway as her father walks up to Dana and tells her to get off of the phone. As she does so, he tells her that he and her mother are getting a divorce and that Dana and her mother have to move out. Seeing the shocked and hurt look on his daughter’s face, he looks down, murmurs an unfeeling “I’m sorry”, and turns around and walks out the front door.

Dana slams her bedroom door closed and locks it with shaking hands. Going to her top dresser drawer, she pulls out a razor blade and begins to slash at her body in blind fury while staring at herself in the mirror.

“You’re ugly! You’re ugly! You’re ugly! It’s all your fault!” she screams at herself, tears pouring down her face and blood hitting the white linoleum floor.

As this vision fades from Dana’s sight, she realizes she is breathing heavy and crying in torrents. Her parents try to comfort her and make her calm down, but she pushes them away. In a blind fury, she rips off her catheter and all her tubes and wires and storms out of the room. Everyone tries to stop her, but she just forces them away. Suddenly, a nurse comes around the corner and winds up tripping Dana. Dana falls on her back and cracks her head on the tiles. She blacks out as the blood flows from the wound. She dies within minutes. No one can revive her this time, because she likes where she is at now. She is finally in a better, happier place.

THE END

No Name

No Name

9/10/10

 

It was as though everything was crashing down around her, as though she were slowly awakening from a blissful dream that someone had rudely shattered. All she wanted to do was help people who needed help, make their lives seem at least somewhat more livable. Yet here she was, wanting to help the boy who’d stolen the remaining fragments of her mangled heart but was only a friend with benefits. Wanting to give it everything she had to make him happy again and to stop his pain. But he wouldn’t let her; wouldn’t even tell her what was wrong unless she provoked his annoyance. On top of that, she could barely even make her own life better, could barely even fix what was long-since broken…her heart and her happiness. Her eyes, just like the boy’s, had slowly began to become lackluster and lifeless more and more often. They both started to rescind themselves from certain, if not most people.

Hatred and sorrow slowly envenomed these kids and began to take root in what was left of their hearts. It was as though love died and hate could only become tempered within. As though love could never reign over hate, hate would forever overthrow any good emotions, anything that brings you happiness. It felt like the kids were to be chased away and cast out like the people at the Templar. They could never fit in or be accepted all because they were different and had different ideals than everyone else, different view points. They were all alone, except for each other. The girl, no matter how annoyed or ticked off the boy got, wanted to be there for her friend with benefits, wanted to be able to help him survive and make it through, but he wouldn’t let her in. He refused to allow her to show him love and kindness and true help.

Impressum

Texte: Kayla Stiles
Bildmaterialien: Andrew Rogers, https://booksandbark.wordpress.com/2014/06/30/my-writing-process-blog-hop/ , http://izquotes.com/quote/169659
Lektorat: Kayla Stiles, Courtnie Roth
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.07.2012

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Widmung:
I dedicate this poetry book to my mother. She has been there for me through the thick and thin all my life, helped me in every way possible to push through every obstacle that crossed my path and keep fighting. It was my mother's teachings and love that gave me the strength to be able to bulldoze through all those uprisings. It was her undying love that gave me the strength to fight for what I believed in and to fight through all the depression I went through while growing up. If it weren't for her very presence in my life, I would not be half as strong the person I am today. Thank you, mommy. I love you. Thank you, my dear friend Andrew Rogers, for sketching up my cover for this book. I'd also like to thank all my closest friends- Courtnie Roth, Billy Kidd, Catie Herbster, to name a few- for always sticking by my side through everything and remaining some of the very best friends I could ever ask for. You are all truly blessings from the Goddess and Io.