PROLOGUE


Luke 15:24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

It was dark, that’s all he knew. There was excruciating pain as something hit his chest with the force of a battering ram. It was dark and then there was jolt and an exploding light, then tender hands that carried him somewhere… But where? Somehow he knew it wasn’t him being carried, that he was dreaming or feeling perhaps the emotions of one he had been set to watch. He almost laughed to himself, a laugh filled with pain and bitterness. Yes he had been set to watch, to be a Watchman, but he had fallen, he had fallen asleep in his watching, he remembered this vaguely in this dream. His brother had never faltered and he wished now he had never faltered either, he wished that faith would have come as easily to him as it had for Raphael. But he was a Thomas at heart, and he had been a Judas. Yet still, he was slowly returning, being reborn. Though she was gone, he began to feel again what he hadn’t felt in hundreds of years. Love. Though she was gone, he loved her as if she was not. Hope still remained for him as he remembered that the Savior promised a new heaven and a new earth, yes, he would see her there.
The light became brighter and began to take shape but the image fled as quickly as it had come, in the blink of an eye, as Damian awakened.


-CHAPTER 1-


Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

_______________________

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
--Lewis B. Smedes quotes


Damian cringed at the raw pain on Philip’s face. For the past hour he had ranted and raved, completely enraged with the Romanian government. The Queen and King even dared not utter a word, in fear their son would be pushed over the edge. For days now the Swedish diplomats had petitioned, begged and even attempted to bribe the Romanian officials. It was all useless, they refused to produce Hadassah’s body. This queen of the hearts that the Swedes wanted to give a proper burial would not be returned to the country that loved her so much. At this point Philip’s eerily calm demeanor had faltered and snapped.
Damian also felt as though he would at any given moment explode. His guilt demanded action, something, anything! He stormed out of the room not caring which of the Royal family he would offend. Like a child he rushed out to the cold dark gardens. Filling his fists with snow he formed the cold substance into a firm snow ball and threw it as hard as he could, which flew through the air at the speed of light. A scream erupted from him. He sounded like a crazed animal, he was an animal, he told himself. Damian sank to his knees, the cold snow seeped through his dark jeans. He bowed with his face touching the snow, refusing to let the tears come. The vivid images refused to leave his mind. Over and over he saw the scarlet blood, the dark night and the sweet face of an angel. That’s what she was to him. Was. Then he would look at his own hands and see them stained with her blood, he could not be cleansed of it.
A hand carefully touched his shoulder and he lifted his head, turning only slightly. When he saw Raphael’s worried face he let out a crazed giggle, startling his ever faithful brother.
“Damian, stop, be still.” Raphael begged in a chocked whisper.
“Stop? Stop!? Stop what brother? I killed her.” He shouted enunciating each word to be sure Raphael understood.
“No, you didn’t. Don’t do this to yourself!” begged Raphael.
Damian just laughed.
“Seriously? You’re so naïve brother, you trust too much.”
That silenced him momentarily, “I trust my own brother.” he responded quietly.
“You shouldn’t! You shouldn’t have!” he retorted.
Confused Raphael didn’t answer, he just stared into the cold night.
“I killed her. I was you Judas and you never even thought it possible.” Damian explained his voice taking a sub-arctic temperature.
Raphael shook his head in denial, “No, it was Lucas. Damian you can’t make people choose what is right, you can only pray and guide them. But it’s up to them to listen.”
Damian smiled sarcastically, just as a predator would smile at it’s prey. “How right you are brother, and I have guided Lucas well. But you still don’t see do you?” he demanded.
Raphael just shook his head, confused.
“All those years, did you think I was serving Him? Did you think I was watching for Him? You’re a fool Raphael.”
Raphael took a step back, “What have you done?”
“Now you understand. I was a Watchman alright, but not for your side, not for His side. I fell Raphael. I influenced Lucas, in so doing I killed Hadassah.”
Shaking his head as if to dispel the words Raphael attempted to reason with his brother, “But you came to warn us, I don’t understand.”
“Yes, brother, I came to warn you. But my change of heart came too late.” he stated in a cold matter-of-fact tone.
Silence wrapped around them. Raw, painful emotions attacked them. Damian knew his brother’s love for Hadassah’s was like that of a father. He knew his word’s were shredding the very core of his brother. Love and hate raged head to head in his eyes.
Their eyes stayed locked on each other, each assessing the other.
“I’m going back.” said Damian.
“What?” Raphael asked incredulously.
“I’m going back to Romania, and I won’t come back without her body.”
Raphael didn’t object, tears made a slow trek down his face at the very thought of Hadassah’s dead body. He just kept looking at Damian, still unbelieving.
“Do you understand brother that like me there are many? Tell me your eyes are opened now. There are Watchmen who watch, but for the wrong side.” Damian said, as if by stating this fact he could redeem himself, by letting him know of the danger, as if it could change time itself.
“Wolfs in sheep’s clothing.”
“Yes brother, ravenous wolfs.” confirmed Damian. “Look, this will change nothing, but I will say it; I’m sorry I betrayed every good thing. Unlike you, I fell and I am sorry.” he chocked on the last words trying to keep back the bile. Longing filled him. Since they had come back to Sweden he had just gone through the motions, mimicking, pretending he was one of the redeemed. Even though he no longer served the Dark Ones, even though he would fight alongside his brother now, it fixed nothing in his soul. He was in-between and with God there was no in-betweens.
After an eternity of silence Raphael spoke, “I can’t condemn you, I can only forgive you.”
“Of course you would, you always forgive. You never falter.” Damian said with resentment.
“That’s where you’re wrong, and you’re also wrong if you think His sacrifice can’t cover your transgression. In fact, brother, if you think that, you are even now spitting in His face.” Raphael spoke with firm conviction that began to soothe Damian’s blistered heart.
Sobs ripped through him as he felt his brother’s arms surround him. “Just as Damian, you never ask for anything, but ask Him now.”
As Raphael knelt there in the snow beside him, Damian cried out, unable to hold it inside any longer, “Help me! Forgive me!”
As the wail echoed through the garden, he felt what seemed like rushing waters pouring with force over him. These waters began to filter into every pore, healing and restoring instantly. It felt as if he would drown in the peace it left behind. It felt risky, even painful trusting this peace, but at least he was beginning to feel again, numbness was not enough anymore. He knew he couldn’t go one more day without the passion, the zeal, and the love he had once known so well. It was all or nothing now, and he decided to give all.
So it was that as determination and perseverance were being reborn in him, so was faith, so was the consuming passion that couldn’t compare to anything on this earth. His entire being was being awakened, healed completely. As his heart experienced this awakening, he heard a still small voice. It was unmistakable.
“Welcome back my son, you were lost but now you’re found. You were so blind, but now you will see as you have never seen before. My grace and peace I give to you.”
Then there was silence, and the brother’s embraced, for their hearts were united once more. They were as before, each other’s keepers.


-Chapter 2-


Air. There was no air, only excruciating pain and a fading heartbeat. Hands lifted her up as if she was light as a feather. The hands felt like needles that sent searing pain through her body. Warm liquid seemed to pour from her, though she couldn’t tell where the flow originated. Pain seemed to cover every inch of her, as if hundreds if not thousands of knives penetrated her body.
Everything was fading around her, her vision blurred. Though she heard gruff voices, they seemed to come from miles away, or an entirely different world. Through it all a warmth began to conquer the horrible coldness. The rough, careless hands that carried her were far away now, replaced by more gentle hands. Oddly, the pain also disappeared with which the memory of it also began to fade.
With a jolt, she realized there was no darkness. At first she didn’t realize it, but she was still being carried. She had a wonderful sensation, it was as if she was flying. She blinked a few times and looked up. As she did, her eyes locked with a fearsome being that seemed to be carrying her. A scream began to form at the back of her throat, but he spoke before it escaped.
“Fear not, child.” His voice boomed, but somehow it was full of harmony. It reminded her of Raphael, yes of his music.
He landed gently in front of the gates of a grand city. The city went as far as they eyes could see and her eyes saw with perfect clarity that it was simply indescribable. Clear gold, the purest ever seen, surrounded them. Precious stones that had never been discovered, adorned every building. There was laughter and music all around. People all around were busy, but not the kind of busy she was used to. It was not the kind of busy that left them with no time to greet others, in fact they were greeting her, in a language she had never heard, but she understood perfectly. Her eyes were feasting as they never had before.
“Where am I?” She whispered in wonder, though she was sure she already knew.
“You stand before the gates of heaven.” He said as he set her down on the road that was paved with the same translucent gold. She smiled, at a loss for words, though none were needed.
He held out his hand, and she placed her delicate one in his. In comparison, it looked like a small child holding the hand of a giant. But she felt secure, and that’s what mattered.
“Where are we going?”
“To meet the King.” he said.
They entered just like that, hand in hand, beyond the gates. As soon as they stepped through, they were greeted by many people, they all welcomed her, as if they had been patiently awaiting her arrival. Everything felt familiar, as though she had returned home after a long time away.
As they walked, some chose to follow them, but they didn’t interrupt their progress. She didn’t look behind, she was too enraptured to look anywhere else but ahead.
Before she knew it, she stood before a throne so magnificent and brilliant that she had to shield her eyes. In that moment she bowed, her garments, which she realized now, were pure white-they surrounded her like puffs of clouds. He looked at her and she trembled, not of fear, but of awe. All she wanted now was to praise Him, for she felt such unconditional love holding her, the kind of love she had not been worthy of. It had been this kind of love her heart had always desired, but she hadn’t fully realized it actually existed.
In those moments she realized much. His love was full of justice, it could not tolerate injustice, even in the smallest degree. He was truth, lies couldn’t stand before him-even the so-called white lies. He was Love, and hate couldn’t abide His presence. Yet in her life she knew she had all of these flaws. Injustice, lies, and especially hate had often resided in her. But she had been marked by blood, she understood that now, it was a ransom that had been paid, and all wrongs had been wiped away. Now she could stand before Him. It was Him, the Lamb who had done this for her, so she could be here. She was so grateful. Because this love she felt surpassed everything, even her heart that had shattered so many times, within His presence it had been made whole.
He embraced her, like a father would embrace a lost child. When He spoke, all of heaven stood silent. “Well done, My child.” He said.
“Thank y--” she began, but He tenderly placed His fingers on her lips.
“Not yet, My child. I’m not finished with you yet.”
Immediately she understood this was just a visit, a taste of home. Disappointment didn’t overtake her, such a sentiment was not possible in such a place as this. But she knew she longed to be finished soon and return to her King.
“I have graced you with many gifts Hadassah, and now it’s time to use them. Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you by name. Remember that My plans are to prosper you and not destroy you. Are you ready child?”
Hadassah nodded and the Angel of Death took hold of her hand, to lead her back to life.
As they reached the gates there was a young couple who stood waiting. Hadassah’s heart leapt with joy as she recognized them. They looked the same, yet perfected. They smiled at her warmly and embraced her. Her mother, Estera Marku stroked her cheek.
“Mother.” sighed Hadassah.
“We’ll see you again soon, Hadassah. This is your time. Stand bold.” said her father.
Once more the Angel of Death picked her up and they were soaring.
“It’s not often that I get to do this, you know.” He said as they were nearing their destination.
“I’ll see you soon, child.” He whispered in her ear.
And just like that, the moment faded as Hadassah gasped and almost chocked on oxygen. The pain returned as she opened her eyes.


-Chapter 3-


“Well, it’s too late.” said the Queen.
“What in Heaven’s name do you mean ‘it’s too late’?” Philip questioned in an arctic voice.
“The Princess has arrived, she’s already comfortably situated in the Royal suite.” explained the King.
Philip strode to the window, then back to the antiquated oak desk. He traced the intricate designs with his fingers. The days had blended into each other, as if there was no firm line from one to the next. No clear design, or perhaps too intricate a design to comprehend in this human shell. The world had turned upside down with rage. The United States had tried to respond to the not-so-peaceful revolution on the streets of Romania-but the country was under lockdown. No communication whatsoever, no exceptions. Rumors assailed the world like tsunami, threatening it all to be crushed by its waves. Jewish families in Romania were disappearing and the Israeli government were responding with threats of their own, of bitter consequences. It seems they knew, or had known all along who Hadassah was-what she was worth, not only to this present time, but to history. She was concrete evidence of the legendary Esther, and the hope she resembled. A ransom. Now she was gone, this priceless national treasure-his treasure.
“Mother, you dishonor her. Was she worth so little to you? We don’t even have her body to burry and you think I should marry?” his voice broke.
The sun that was breaking through the window gave the illusion that the Queen’s eyes were shimmering, as if they were pools of flowing water being held captive. Before Philip could be sure she turned to the bookcase behind her desk, as if she was contemplating which to read. He clenched his fists, trying to control what couldn’t be controlled. He waited for her to respond.
“She heard us, you know.” she said so softly he almost didn’t hear her.
“Heard what?”
“When we were discussing the Princess,” before he could say anything she continued, “she loved you Philip, so much so-that she let you go.”
“What do you mean? Let me go?”
Sighing she continued as if she never stopped speaking, “This kingdom of ours, she loved it too, as if she were born here. That’s why, I think, she wanted you to meet her. But she knew you wouldn’t while she was here.” Turning back the Royal Mother met the eyes of her Royal Son. “So Philip, I honor her in the only way I know how; I’m giving her the last and only request she ever made of us.”
Philip didn’t know what to feel, he was shaking like a child. “What request is that?” he whispered, not really wanting to hear the answer, the answer he had known before this discussion had even begun.
“Your happiness, for you to have the best. You wouldn’t know this, but it has come to our attention that she called the Princess before she left.” He was about to interrupt, but his mother held up her hand and continued, “She even left a letter with Victor to be given to her upon her arrival.” she finished.
“What?” he asked incredulously, then he said with a slight painful laugh, “What is it with her and letters?”
“Don’t you understand Philip? We didn’t invite the Princess here, she did.”
That took his breath away as he slumped into the thickly cushioned chair. With his head in his hands he wept.
“Will you honor her then, Philip?” asked his father.
Minutes ticked before he gave his answer, the only answer that could be given.
“I will.”


____________________________


I was to be their chaperone. It felt as though I had a rock permanently lodged in my throat as I gazed upon them. We were in the same grand library, on the same royal grounds that Hadassah and I had marveled at. The very same one in which her love for Philip had been born.
With elegance Princess Sophie sat, in her hands were a sealed letter. The seal was the image of a lily, a lily of the valley-Hadassah’s favorite. Sophie’s hands were trembling.
Philip sat across from her, only a cream marble coffee table separating them. A range of emotions flashed across his face as he eyed the letter.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” she began
He just nodded his head in acknowledgement.
“When she called, I didn’t realize who she was, but-” she paused and drew in a sharp breath, “-when she spoke I knew she loved you. I said I would not come.”
Philip’s brows arched, but he remained silent.
“Then, she said she had to leave, she didn’t explain where. She asked if I would come and oversee her charity. Perhaps become her partner at Nobody’s Child Outreach. Hadassah seemed to know that from afar I had admired her work, even mimicked it in my own country-though not with the same passion as she did here.”
Once more she paused as she looked to the white double doors, as if she longed to stop speaking and leave. But she didn’t.
“Still, I said no.” A tear slipped down her face, she tucked a strand of her chestnut colored hair behind her ear. “Hadassah persisted, but my answer remained the same, and in conclusion she let it go.”
Philip’s eyes locked on hers as if he wanted to know her thoughts.
“Why then, are you here?” he said through clenched teeth.
I flinched at the chill his tone carried.
“To honor her. When she died, she saved many. It seems saving the forgotten is a passion for her. When news reached me of her-death-well she saved this forgotten Princess from a life that held no life. She ignited something in me Philip.” Her voice was filled with a passionate conviction. “And I don’t want her legacy to die. But please understand, I’m not here to replace her, I’m not here for you.”
Abruptly Philip stood and the Princess also rose, striding to him, and before he could turn to leave she placed a delicate hand on his shoulder, at which he tensed.
Sophie withdrew her hand, “Philip, I thought you might want to read this with me?” It was not a statement, it was a timid question. In her tone there was a familiar emotion I had felt with Hadassah. So it seemed these women had a lot in common, insecurity being one of them.
“No.” said Philip.
Sophie nodded.
“Please,” he whispered, “I mean no disrespect. I just need some time.”
“I understand. I’ll remain here for the time being,” she said, then added as an afterthought, “though you may refuse this now, but, I would like to know her, through you.”
He only nodded in reply and quickly made his exit out of the library, the huge library doors shutting with a bang behind him.
Sophie turned to me, her doe eyes were sincere and gentle.
“Thank you, Raphael, I think I’ll remain here a bit longer, you may leave.” She said as she reclaimed her seat, Hadassah’s letter was still trembling in her hands.
“Yes, Princess.” I said. “If it pleases you, you may join me in the garden later.” I continued gently.
“I may just do that.” She replied, an uncertain smile gracing her heart shaped lips. Then her eyes took on a far away gaze.
Before I closed the doors behind me, I saw her open Hadassah’s letter-and I knew who’s Watchman I now was.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.02.2011

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