Me

As I write this I’m a 28 year old man, Most that know me I come across as a confident, water of ducks back kind of bloke, which for the most part is true, I’ve never worried to much about how I’m        perceived by others, that is until I thought by talking about how I was really feeling would make me less of a man. For the most of it I’ve had a very good life so far, a very supportive family in my Mum, Dad and brother and then in 2014 Finley was born, everyday since then Finley has been by reason to be ‘okay’, there’s a very common phrase linked with men’s mental health, ‘It’s okay not to be okay’, but I’ve found through my journey as much as that statement is true if we can find things or people to be okay for it certainly helps and for the rest of my life I’ll make sure I do exactly that for my son and our future creating memories for him in which he can look back on with great fondness.

So, what’s this about? I’ve never wrote a book and I’m certainly not a professional who understands everything about any of the topics I’m going to discuss, however, I feel like my journey, the things I’ve faced, might help others feel strong enough to talk about how they feel. As I said I’m a 28 year old male, a full tattoo sleeve down each arm, I play football, cricket, tennis and many more (except golf, think you need a certain temperament for that) I suppose I’m that stereotypical LAD, I like beer, I like football and those two things combined like many men is as good as it gets. But for many years I suffered in silence with things that went on in my head, in 2017 I suffered my first anxiety attack, what was it? Why me?

If I’m really honest there has been things going on in my head for years, I use to do these really strange things and although I knew they were strange I never addressed them. For example I had to do something a certain number of times otherwise I thought something bad would happen, that could be turning a light on and off, how many claps I could do while my hands were off the steering wheel (don’t try that one at home, fucking stupid that) but that’s the type of things that would go on in my head, having Finley in 2014 made those things so much worse, I’d have to go in and check on him and make sure the cover wasn’t to close to his face, maybe just good parenting but I would forever say to my his Mum, did you hear that, what’s that noise or he’s crying! Only for it to be absolutely nothing, nobody knew that, this for those closest to me are only hearing about this for the first time, Finley’s Mum is probably thinking what the hell is this guy on about  but I hid it so well, only in the latter stages of this journey did I realise all these strange things I was doing were apart of my anxiety, the thought that when everything is going good you wait for the smallest thing to derail your happiness, which actually meant for me I could never enjoy it, I spent so much time waiting for things

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 10.01.2020
ISBN: 978-3-7487-2572-5

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