Preface
“Is everybody ready!” boomed Deus “Ready!” roared the crowd behind him. “The time has come where we have to make a stand against Diabolus and his children!” “We will not surrender!” And with Michael and Gabriel at his side the war began.

It was impossible to think that only one month ago that I was alone and unafraid, but now I know that the stories are true, all the stories that I thought were myths and legends and all the secrets that I had been hiding from were real. Even the thought of it sent shivers down my spine and made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I am a target, a victim in a cruel meaningless game and the only choice I have is to play it. I have read all the books about heaven and hell wishing, only wishing that they were true because at the time I knew, well I thought I knew, that they were just stories, people’s crazy imaginations written down on paper and made in to a book, but I was so wrong, I was so very wrong. Now the only dilemma I have is how do I protect the people I love when they are the stories and the legends? How can I protect them when they don’t need protecting? It makes you ask the one question that always has no answer, are we really safe?


Chapter one

A young man, around the age of eighteen with bright blonde hair was walking along a very long corridor, he had been sent a message a little while ago that Deus wanted to see him about something, but he wasn’t too worried because he had a solution either way if it was what he thought it was, he sighed as he heard a voice behind him
“Hey!” yelled the voice behind him, the young man looked around to see another man a little bit older than him running to catch up with him “what did you do this time? You wouldn’t believe how angry he is!”
“I know Michael” he grumbled lengthening his stride
“He is even angrier than the time you accidently destroyed Pompeii! What did you do?” Michael asked again
The younger man thought for a while on how to tell his friend the truth in the end he figured that it would be best just to tell him straight “I fell in love.” He answered sighing.
“What is so wrong about that?” asked Michael confused.
He stopped walking and looked at Michael “I fell in love with a human ok” and started to walk again.
“Are you mad?” Michael shouted
“Evidently I am” he shouted back glaring out of the windows as he continued to walk, as always it was a perfect sunny day outside and the shouts and the laughter of the children always seemed to calm his temper, “Look Michael I know that it’s against the rules but you cant help who you fall in love with! He of all people should know that.” He said almost pleading with Michael to understand.
“But friend, the one rule that he always stressed about was not to fall in love with a human.”
“Well it’s a stupid rule” the young man said as he glared at the floor “you can’t tell yourself not to fall in love with someone”
“I know you can’t, but what you can do is walk away!”
“I am not walking away from this one” he mumbled angrily,
Michael sighed “you know he initiated the rule for their safety, not for your suffering. You could cause so much trouble.”
“I’m planning on it” He muttered, stopping as they reached the end of the corridor and a huge wooden door.
Michael raised his eyebrows “you could get banished, just like…” but the young friend butted in with
“I know I could and I wouldn’t care, now Michael please back off” seeing the offended look on Michaels face he added “I know you’re only looking out for me and I thank you for that but I know what im getting into”
Michael sighed “Ok old friend, I will see you later” then he walked away muttering under his breath about insolent teenagers.
The young man watched his friend walk away and then took a deep breath then opened the door and walked in to a high ceilinged room, with three stained glass windows on each side of the room and one single stained glass window on the wall at the back of the room, each as magnificent as the last, the room looked like a well kept church, will fantastically old oak pews in rows facing towards a geniously constructed golden lectern in the shape of two hands spread out as if to embrace someone in a hug, the lectern stood on a small wooden parapet just big enough to hold one person. On the ceiling there were patterns brilliantly drawn, perfect in every detail, who ever had spent time on this room must have felt such affection to do such a brilliant job.
The stained glass windows seemed to picture time, it seemed to be seven days as there were seven windows. the first window, opposite the door was split up into two sections the first was black, there were no pictures, just black, emptiness, nothing to show, but along the side were the words ‘there was nothing’ in silver elegantly scripted Edwardian style writing, on the second section was the same darkness but it was split diagonally through the middle and the other side of the line was very brightly white, with the words ‘and there was morning’ and on the black side was ‘and there was night’ written in gold written in the same Edwardian script. The second window was blue with a shimmer of white, the kind of ripple you would expect to see on water, there was no writing on this window.
“Marvelling at my handiwork are you son?” said a deep booming voice
“Deus! You did this!” Deus nodded. “What are they telling?” asked the boy
“The windows?” the boy nodded “They are telling the story of creation. How long did it take you, to finish all of this?” The young man waited for an answer but when it didn’t come he said “You wanted to see me Deus” a little too quickly and had to repeat him self to make the words distinguishable.
Deus looked at him thoughtfully “come” he said extending his arm “walk with me”. They walked through a door that lead into a beautiful garden, neither of them spoke for a while they were both just admiring the astonishing beauty that the garden had, Deus sighed “you know that I am not unreasonable don’t you, that I only set rules to keep peace between us and them”, the young man could see that the first ever banishment was still lying heavily on Deus’ mind, “This garden was created to be looked after by humans” sighed Deus as they watched some small children dance past. “I was so upset when I had to have them chased out.”
“Deus?” he said quietly “why did you create humans if you knew what they were going to do?”
“That’s a very good question, and one that I do intend to answer but not yet, there is always a right time for everything and at this moment in time you are not ready for the answer.” There was no point in arguing with Deus, he had a nasty temper. They stopped in front of a huge blossoming apple tree that stood in the middle of the garden, “you know, this was the first fruit tree that I ever planted.”
“I know Deus” said the young man heaving a sigh “you tell me every time we walk past it.”
Deus frowned, “I’m not happy with you son; I sent you down to earth to protect the girl not fall in love with her.”
“Deus im sorry it wasn’t intentional” he replied
“I set rules for a purpose son and you broke one of the most important ones”
He sighed then said “I know you do, you know that I am not a rule breaker, usually” Deus raised his eyes at the young man in front of him “I know” he apologized “I apologize at least ten times every day for my mistake with Pompeii”
“I still don’t like this, you could ruin everything for everybody, and you could put earth in danger” Deus stated looking at the man.
“I promise I will be careful” begged the young man “nobody can help who they fall in love with, you should know that.”
“I do know that, humans were made to be loved son, just think how empty they would feel if they weren’t loved at all, not even by me. There are still things you don’t know.” Deus started to walk again
“like what?” asked the man expectantly “I know her past, her present and her future, I know all of her thoughts, her feelings and I know her prayers” he sighed “She is a good girl, son and she deserves you”
The young man stopped walking “what?” he said amazed “you are letting this happen?”
“She is an extraordinary girl; she should be with some one just like her” Deus said finally
“Thanks Deus” he grinned “nothing but good will come of this, you should know.” Deus smiled at him then turned around walking back the way they came leaving the young man on his own. He walked on appreciating everything then eventually sat down on the grass watching the little children playing and dancing happily, “Life used to be so simple” he muttered
“Life is never simple Blondie” replied a voice next to him, he looked up to see a short, skinny, beautiful blonde haired girl also around the age of eighteen sit down next to him holding two children a little girl around the age of four and a boy around the age of three.
“Oh hey there song bird”
“I was just on my way to have a go at you after talking to Michael, but luckily I saw Deus on my way.”
“It wasn’t Michael’s business to tell you” said the young man annoyed
“Hey” frowned the beautiful girl “he is just concerned, you two have been friends for such a long time.”
“I suppose” replied the young man watching the two children snuggle closer to the girl when they saw him look at them, the man smiled “who are these two then?”
“Oh” said the woman in a perfect melodic voice “they just arrived; they err got separated from their parents” They exchanged an understanding look between them.
“What happened?” asked the man
“The whole family got caught in a house fire” answered the girl as the two little children who had been watching the other children dance got up to join them, “there we go” she grinned. They sat there in silence for a while watching the children dance
“It’s beautiful isn’t it” he said
“What is?” asked his friend now turning her eyes to him
“Everything” he answered “this garden is so much more beautiful than the others we have here.”
“Of course it is, it was the garden Deus created for humans.”
“Sure” grinned the young man “of course, Thanks for your company, but I’ve got to go and sort out a few things now.”
“Wait” she said as she bent over to pick a flower, “give this to your girl, when you feel that the time is right”
“Okay” he said accepting the perfectly white Lilly “thanks”
“It won’t ever die, or wilt it will always remain the same brilliantly white flower” then she paused “Well for as long as you exist in her life” then she winked at him and said “See you at school.”


Chapter Two

A quiet tapping noise woke me from my silent reverie, I had been dozing on and of since six o’clock after being woken by next doors baby screaming at the top of its lungs, but this seemed to jolt me back to reality far quicker than I would have liked. I just knew that from my early awakening this was going to be a bad day. I groaned quietly as my dad popped his head around my door, which I knew wasn’t going to be good news because he only knocks when he wants something or is worrying about telling me something, for example he did the exact same thing when he got up and found my dog dead and couldn’t figure out a way to tell me, but at the time I was only six so I’m not sure if that really counts.
“Oh good, your awake” he said not looking as though it was good “Lana, honey. My work just rang and I err…”
I sighed “what ever it is dad just tell me”
He stared at me then heaved a heavy sigh “they rang to tell me that they want me to go out to Japan and manage our company out there for a while.” Dad works for a major electronic manufacturing company called Saandig, it has branches in nearly every country, and they manufacture things like Laptops, phones, televisions those sorts of things and they’re always sending him away, sometimes weeks, even months at a time. That’s the problem with well paid jobs there is always a downside, but then there is always an upside to that downside which is getting paid for inconvenience and its usually pretty big.
I looked at him “how long this time?” I sighed
“Well” he said now looking very apologetic “at the minimum one month.” I wasn’t really surprised, but luckily because its all I’ve known growing up I’ve got used to it, but that doesn’t mean I like it. The only upside for me is that dad gives me guilt money, the most he has given me in hand is five hundred pounds and then on top of that he puts money into my bank account every week, I worked out when I was twelve, that was when I worked out where all this money was coming from, that if on every trip he went on and that was at the very least two a year I would be very rich (and that’s even with out working) by the time I am twenty five, well I only have seven more years. My dad is the only reason that I have learned to drive and was able to buy a pretty decent car which is in for repair after some fool broke the passenger side window. “Honey, I will need you to watch Dylan as well, I can’t take him with me” No surprise there dad had hardly anything to do with Dylan since the death of my mother, Dylan is my little brother, mum died three days after he was born, but I have done most of the raising because dad is always away, he wasn’t even around when Dill was born.
“Okay dad” I sighed “just leave me some money in the usual place for the shopping please” I said kicking the covers off me and sat up stretching
“Course I will love” he paused then said “I’m going to bank a cheque for you today before I go.”
“Sure dad” I said walking past him to use the bathroom “thanks”. I wasn’t surprised to see him still standing there when I got back
“Lana” he said “I’m really sorry about this” he paused “I have to leave by noon today to get there in time.”
I just stared at him “dad” I said “I’m old enough to look after myself you know.”
“I know you are honey” he said catching me by surprise by pulling me into a tight hug, “I love you” he said as he let me go “you should know that I would much rather stay here with you than go out to work, but there are bills to pay, I really love this house honey and I want to keep it.” I knew what he said was a lie because ever since my mum died he has been trying to avoid coming home, even if it was just for me and Dylan, I’m not as important to him as mum was, well ok I admit that I probably am I think its because that I remind him of mum. I am often told how much I look like her, it used to really annoy me but now I don’t mind it so much.
“I understand dad” I said looking in to his eyes to let him know that I wasn’t just saying it to keep him happy “now will you give me some privacy whilst I get changed, I do have school today” then yelped as I looked at the clock “Its already eight thirty! I am going to be so late!” and half pushed my dad out the door. In my haste to get ready I just pulled on what ever I could find first which was a combination of one black and pink sock and one green, yellow and white sock, my old light blue jeans which I usually only wore for slobbing in, my button up light blue shirt and a black denim jacket. I ran down the stairs nearly knocking in to my dad at the bottom who had made my lunch for me “Thanks dad” I gasped
“No problem” he said watching me pull on my light green and white converses, then stepping over me to open the front door “have a good day at school I’ll ring you later love ok, oh and don’t forget to pay Linda! The money is on top of the fridge.” Linda is our baby sitter, she has been a god send, I don’t think I would have been able to go to school if we hadn’t found her.
“Sure dad love you” I shouted back at him running out the door checking my watch, I had fifteen minutes to be in my class room. “Damn” I moaned “why does this always happen to me?” Luckily in Cherry hollow, the little town where I live, it doesn’t rain very often in the summer even though it is dead in the centre of England. The school I attend is called Cherry Hollow School of Arts which is the main school of the town but there are a few others scattered around, for instance my old school Cherry Hollow School for Girls and then there is the boys school too and several primary schools. I decided to move schools and do sixth form at a different school simply for the reason that I wanted a change, a change of surroundings and a chance to make new friends, and as it happens it is a very nice school, ive already passed year twelve so I now have year thirteen to worry about.
The school, to me looked like a nice place to be, but then I like this school. Others would probably describe it as a prison but not me; this was sadly my happy place, a place where I didn’t have to remember about my home life, a place where I saw my friends, my funny, supportive, caring and trustworthy friends. It was quite a big building, three stories high and a roof garden. There were no bars on the windows, no security and no gangs, everyone got along with everyone, of course you did get a few exceptions but not very often. The building was long, ok picture this: you step of the bus on a lovely sunny summer’s day and you straight ahead, you see the school, and it’s a magnificent building, built with large grey stones, not bricks or wood. The windows are large and wide open, letting the summer breeze flow through, cooling the stifling classrooms. Right in the centre there is a large door that leads to the reception. On either side of the entrance door on all three stories there are six or seven windows equally space out along the building, making it look welcoming. This place was like my second home, after my mum died I had spent almost every waking hour here. The school is open all the time for students to use the facilities, or for a place of shelter. Obviously with night watchmen, even an almost crime free area like mine experienced thefts every now and then.
As the school was a twenty minute walk away and the fact that I wasn’t a fast runner meant that I got to my class room and was in my seat gasping and spluttering just as the bell rang.

“Wow” said a voice next to me; I turned to look at the person that spoke to me “I never believed it when you told me but im sorry to say Lana that you actually do look like a very ripe tomato”
I frowned and gasped “thanks for the sympathy Gabriel.” Gabriel Angelus is my best friend I only met him last year but we both seemed to connect right from the start, plus he has a fantastic personality and he is the most optimistic person I have ever met. He is the kind of boy who would go on a date with a girl just so he didn’t have to hurt her feelings and say no, which I think is just as bad but it hasn’t hurt anyone so far, well, so he says. Gabriel is slim and tall and has golden blonde hair he is also very beautiful, I mean he is my best friend but I can’t help but stare at his face to try and find a flaw with it, but no success so far.
“It’s not my fault you were late” he said smirking at me,
“its not my fault either, my dad’s work called him this morning to tell him that they are sending him to Japan for a month” I explained
“A month?” repeated Gabriel
“At the least” I grimaced
“Oh man, what are you going to do?” he said as the teacher went round handing out test papers
“I’ll just busy myself in household chores and books” I said shrugging as I received my paper whilst getting a warning ‘shut up’ look from my teacher, “plus I have Dylan to keep me company”
Gabriel grinned “ah, I love Dylan” also receiving a look from the teacher but paid no attention “Great” whispered Gabriel “our first Science quiz of the year.”
I looked at the questions and smirked, “this quiz is so easy” I whispered back at him
“Is it?” said Gabriel scanning down his paper
“Maybe not” I mumbled as I got another warning look from the teacher, it only took me fifteen minutes to complete the paper so I had to sit there with the
“psst, what’s the answer to question number…” every few minutes from Gabriel, all in all that seemed like the longest lesson I had ever had, but like everything it had to draw to an end.
“What did you think to that test then?” asked Gabriel walking beside me down the corridor,
“I thought it was easy, I finished it with in fifteen minutes”
“Fifteen minutes!!” exclaimed Gabriel “I had only just finished the last question when the bell went, how did you finish it so quickly?” I was just about to answer when some one tapped me on the shoulder; I turned round and was face to face with Tobias Daemn, the only student that was more beautiful than Gabriel, he is tall and ‘dark’, dark hair and dark eyebrows and very dark eyes, but oddly alluring, I was one of the many girls in the school that secretly liked him.
“Oh hey Toby what’s up?” I asked blushing deeply
Toby looked at me; well he gazed into my eyes then answered me by saying “I was just wondering, if you know where Melody went, I know she was in the same science class as you and she was meant to be meeting me by the door, but she isn’t there.” Melody is his twin sister and is the total opposite of Tobias, like her brother she is very beautiful, but she has kind of a light around her unlike her brother, but Toby is easily the best looking out of both of them. Melody has long blonde hair, skinny but curvy and a bit small for her age, like me.
I thought for a moment “sorry Toby, I don’t remember seeing her leave.”
“Ok, urm yeah, thanks” he said then slouched off down the corridor.
I blinked in amazement “did that just happen?” I asked out loud but generally aimed at Gabriel
“Yeah” he said “I think so” he looked just as amazed as I felt,
“Since when was Tobias Daemn nice to people?” I thought to myself
“I don’t have a clue” said Gabriel in what seemed an answer to my question, when I didn’t talk back he looked at me and said “what?”
I looked at him a bit longer then said “What don’t you know?”
He blushed slightly and said quickly “oh I was just thinking out loud.” I was still staring at him when we arrived at the canteen for lunch and joined the rest of our friends, who were sitting at the table,
“Where have you two been” glared Ruby suspiciously. Ruby Unwin is the only person out of the group that I really disliked because she always had to know every one’s business and she didn’t care how she got it, she hated the fact that me and Gabriel are best friends because she has a crush on him.
“Leave it out Ruby!” sighed Bree. Bree and Ruby didn’t really get along mainly because Bree was my best girlfriend and Ruby wasn’t too happy about it, well anything to do with me Ruby didn’t like every one just says that she is jealous, but I don’t think so some how, what could she be jealous about? Bree Phillips is a lovely person; she is charismatic and confident and always gets along with every one. Bree turned to look at me then said “so what kept you?”
“Oh, Tobias wanted to talk to me” I saw every ones eyes widen
“Tobias Daemn spoke to you?” said Demitri,
“What did he want?” asked Willow. Demitri and Willow Peters are identical twins and both very friendly,
“Just wanted to know if I knew where Melody was” I saw Gabriel’s head whip around so fast I wouldn’t be surprised if he got whip lash, I turned to see what he was looking at. He seemed to be staring at Toby and Melody sitting in the far corner looking as though they were fighting, “I wonder what they’re fighting about” I thought out loud turning back round
“It’s probably not important what ever it is” sighed Gabriel also turning back around.
“So how was every ones summer?” asked Willow grinning
“Well” said Bree “considering the only time every one except Ruby was apart was yesterday night. So I would say this summer was amazing.” The last week of school last year we all decided to spend the summer camping in Willow and Demitri’s back garden which was more of a rather large meadow than a back garden.
“Ok, then” said Willow turning to look at Ruby “how was your summer?”
She glared at him then said with her nose in the air “it was brilliant.” Ruby was jealous because she couldn’t camp with us and because I was there…with Gabriel.
I sighed and looked around the table suddenly realising what was different “hey where is Kiah?” I asked. Kiah Grice has a fabulous personality, always bouncy and lively, the party animal of the group some might say.
“Oh, she text me this morning saying she wont be in today” answered Willow
“How come?” asked Gabriel
“Don’t know, I didn’t have any credit to text her back” willow replied looking gloomy,
“She didn’t miss much anyway” I stated looking up to see Ruby still glaring at every one. “Hey Bree” I said suddenly grinning at her “I know a secret.”
“Oooh what?” she asked curiously “oh right” she said as she saw me look at the others quickly then back at her “text me then.”
“What’s the secret?” asked Gabriel, Willow and Demitri at the same time
“Well, it wouldn’t be a secret if you all knew would it” said Bree
“And anyway” I said “Gabriel you already know” I said looking at Ruby then looking at Gabriel and smiling widely.
“Well” glared Ruby standing up “I will see you all on Monday” then she glowered at me and walked away muttering to herself. Every one just ignored her as she walked away and carried on with the conversation. None of us really liked Ruby; she only really hung round with us because of Gabriel and every one knew it even though she often denied it.
“Finally” sighed Bree putting her phone away, “I thought she would never leave”
“I know” also putting mine away, every one looked at Gabriel as he started laughing
“What’s funny?” asked Willow
“Don’t you see?” gasped Gabriel still laughing “there was no secret, Dem tell me honestly what you thought Lana’s secret was when she said that I knew”,
Demitri blushed then said “well I thought you and Lana had snogged or something because of the way she looked at you when she said it.”
“Exactly” laughed Gabriel as he watched the dawning comprehension appear on Demitri’s face
“Oh” he laughed “Lana, you are so sneaky”,
“I didn’t really want to do it” I sighed, and I honestly did feel guilty but Ruby’s constant glare was starting to annoy me. “Well” I sighed looking at the time “time to go home” my heart sunk as I remembered that no one would be there, well that’s not true, I had Dylan…
Bree noticed my change of heart and said “Lana what’s wrong?”
I looked up to see everyone looking at me “oh, my dad has been called to Japan” I mumbled
“To Japan! How long for?” asked Willow
“A month, at the least.”
“What about Dylan?” asked Bree
“What about him?”
“Has your dad taken him to Japan?”
I snorted then said “Dad has never taken Dill away with him”
“I would have thought because of his age your dad would have taken him, do you know why he hasn’t?”
“No Bree, I don’t know” I lied, I did know why dad never took Dylan along but I didn’t really want to bring up that particular topic of conversation
“Oh well, I have some stuff for him” smiled Bree, she loved to spoil Dylan, having grown up with out a mother herself she had a soft spot for him. “Anyway we can all have a nice big bash together cant we, you know keep you company.” Said Bree enthusiastically
“Sure” I said “but not this week there is so much stuff I have to do.”
“That’s ok” grinned Bree “that will give us a chance to plan stuff, who’s in?”
“I’m definitely in” said Gabriel grinning at me
“Me too” said Willow
“And me!” confirmed Demitri
“That’s great, ok guys I have to go, I’ll see you sexy bunch later.” Luckily because today was our first day back we only had to come in for our first lesson which for me was Science.
“Later?” I asked,
Bree rolled her eyes at me as she stood up “yes, me, Gabriel, Kiah and the twins are coming over to yours to watch a film, it was arranged yesterday.”
“Yep” said Demitri “me and Will are bringing the pop corn and Bree is bringing the film” he paused then turned to Bree and said “and nothing too girly please”
“Or gory” I added “ok did we say five?”
“Yeah five” confirmed Bree, she waved again then walked off toward the exit.
“Come on you three, I’ll give you a lift home” said Gabriel standing up and gathering up his things.
“Gabriel, you may as well stay at mine if every one else is coming back at five.”
“Okay” he agreed “sounds good


Chapter Three

“What’s the time?” I asked after we dropped the twins off
“Its ten past eleven”
“I think I’ll cook something for lunch, what do you want?”
“Thanks Lana but no thanks I’m not hungry.”
“Okay” I sighed “I’ll just have a sandwich or something quick.” It didn’t take long for us to get back to mine; the twins only live ten minutes down the road. “Thanks” I said as Gabriel opened the car door for me. Then he followed me to the front door and went in as I held it open for him
“Cheers” he grinned.
“No problem” I said closing the door behind me, “make your self at home” I said smiling at him “I just have to pay Linda” I made my way into the play room where I found Linda playing with Dylan. I watched in the doorway for a while and only entered when Dylan spotted me and held his arms out towards me, “Hey baby” I cooed at him as I picked him up “has he had his nap yet?” I asked Linda.
“No he hasn’t I was just about to put him down for one when you came in, but I have fed him, I fed him early because your dad said he didn’t touch his breakfast, I would keep on eye on that if I were you, he might be coming down with something” she paused then said “Sorry Lana I didn’t realise you were home” Linda was absolutely lovely, she is brilliant with Dylan but she is such a nervous person, when she thinks she has done something wrong or when she gets nervous she starts talking a lot.
“Oh that’s ok, dad said you need paying today, is that right?”
“Yeah, but you can knock of thirty pounds for today because I was only needed for two hours” she is also very generous and hates asking for her pay at the end of the month.
“Don’t be silly, you do a wonderful job” I said as I put Dylan in his crib so he could have a nap, took the baby monitor and lead the way into the kitchen and reached on top of the fridge “here you go” I said handing over a cheque for one thousand, five hundred pounds “that’s for the whole month right?”
“Yeah, thank you so much Lana” said Linda as she took the cheque and put it into her bag “Sorry I have to dash and pick up my son from school” I still get surprised when Linda says ‘my son’ she doesn’t look much older than me, I followed her over to the front door and opened it
“Is everything ok?” I asked
“Oh yeah, everything is fine thanks, the nursery rang up and said he needs a change of clothes” I looked questioningly at her “he needed the toilet but didn’t tell any one, and you know I have been potty training him, he’s gone one week with out any accidents I thought we had it sorted, but oh well these things happen don’t they, and anyway Dave would usually do it but he is out of town today, he’s trying to get it so he can be around for Tom’s birthday, he is four next week, oh look at me” she laughed “babbling away”
“That’s ok” I said smiling “I’ll see you tomorrow”
“Yeah, half eight instead of nine.” She asked as she stepped out
“That’s right, thanks again” I said as I gave her a hug and shut the door behind her
“Right” I said after Linda had gone, I turned to Gabriel who was sitting on the bottom stair “I’m just going to get changed”
Gabriel looked at me then said “can I come with you?”
“Sure” I said “I could use your opinion actually, I bought some new clothes yesterday and I am in two minds whether to take them back or not”
“Lead the way” he said grinning. I could trust Gabriel, he had seen me in my underwear many times I didn’t mind partly because I really like him and partly because I feel comfortable around him, I am sure if he wasn’t trust worthy then I would feel very uneasy. I ran up the stairs with him close behind me then me being me tripped on the last step and sent both of us toppling on top of each other on the landing
“Oops” I giggled waiting for Gabriel to move so I could get up,
“Gosh Lana, you are so clumsy” he chuckled clambering over me and held out a hand to help me up.
Blushing furiously and still laughing I spluttered “I know” I said, he laughed and led me into my room.
“Where are these new clothes then?” he asked
“Over here” I answered putting the monitor on my bedside table and walking over to my chair and picking up a white halter neck top which was a size twelve and a short dark blue denim skirt which was also a size twelve. I wasn’t usually a skirt person, I preferred to wear clothes that were comfy rather than clothes that were in fashion but I picked up the top and the skirt both for ten pounds so I thought it wasn’t too much of a waste. I quickly took off my jacket and my shirt and replaced it with my new top “Gabriel could you tie this for me please?” I asked him
“Sure” he said walking over to me; I held my hair off of my shoulders to keep it out of the way for him as he gently tied the ties together,
“Cheers” I said turning round to face him
“Looks good” he said, I frowned at him
“I’m not done yet” I said as I took of my jeans and threw them on to my bed and turned to pick up my skirt, “hmm, I swear I put it there” I mumbled
“What this?” grinned Gabriel holding out my skirt “gosh Lana, you really need to put on some weight you know, I don’t even think I could fit my head through this.”
“Thanks” I grumbled “Gabriel if anything I need to loose weight and you must have a pretty big head if it cant fit through there” I took my skirt out of his hands and put it on, “ok” I said as I did up the last button “how do I look?”
he looked me up and down a few times then said “You look fantastic, you always do.” I grinned at him
“So you don’t think I should take them back then?” I said as I stepped in front of my mirror to admire myself in my new clothes, I’m not a vein person but if I had to pick my best feature I would definitely choose my eyes, mainly because they’re the exact same shade of my mothers eyes, bright green, I remember that her eyes used to twinkle, I looked into my own eyes again, nope, no twinkle “ah well” I sighed. I suppose I am ok with my figure, I’m not fat but im not skinny, but at least I tan well, it’s brilliant, every time I go out in the sun I come back in looking half cast, it makes Bree so jealous, even though they tan better than I do. I lifted my hand and combed through my hair with my fingers and sighed quietly, I could never tame my hair, it was long, blonde and wild, it just kinda sticks out everywhere, it has a life of its own, most unfortunately, I sighed again as I put my hand on my waist, the top looks ok, “but maybe if I…” I thought as a stuck my chest out, “yes that’s better” I thought as I smiled into the mirror.
“No I do not” he laughed “and are you quite finished?”
“Oh yeah sorry” I laughed
“Keep them, you look good, it’s nice to have a change every now and then.”
“What like you always in jeans and a t shirt” I said grinning at him. “Ok” I said as I pulled off my top “I will keep them”
“What are you doing?” asked Gabriel holding on to my arm
“I’m changing” I answered
“You should leave it on for tonight”
“No, I’ll wear them some other time”
“ok I’ll make you a deal then” Gabriel said “you can change back into some other clothes if you wear this outfit at school some time next week” I saw his eyes sparkle as he grinned at me waiting for my answer,
“Fine” I said after a minute “deal.” I never could resist him, especially when he does that cheeky grin.
“You are so beautiful” he whispered as he let go of my arm so I could pull my top off and pull my other top back on, I stared at him blushing
“Um thanks” I mumbled. I could feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest it was getting hard to breath, had Gabriel just said he thought I looked beautiful?
“Urm so…” he said looking as though he just let something slip. He sighed then went and sat down on my bed “so, what do you want to do?” he asked,
I smiled at him then went and joined him on my bed, I leaned up close to him then whispered slowly in his ear “I love you” then stretched out on my bed sitting on my pillow watching his face, waiting for his reaction.
He sighed then crawled over and sat next to me and said “what are we doing later, you know, when the others get here?” avoiding eye contact as he sat up and leaned against my pillows.
I blushed furiously as this was an obvious attempt to change the subject; I turned my face away as I felt the tears fall from my eyes.
“Lana? Are you crying?”
“No” I mumbled “Listen, im just going to have a bath ok. You can play with Dylan if you want” I got up off the bed with out looking at him and walked in to my bathroom, I still had three hours to waste before the others arrived.
“Ok” said Gabriel looking a bit uncomfortable “have fun”
When five o’clock had finally come, I heard Bree’s special knock for the door, two rings, three knocks and then two more rings, “wait here” I said jumping off my bed pleased to have a decent excuse to leave the room and headed for the stairs. I was just about to open the front door when the letter box opened; I bent down to see a pair of brown eyes peeking through
“Come on girl” said Bree “don’t have all evening”.
I pushed the handle down on the door then opened it, “you could have just walked in you know, it was open”
“Oh well, its open now” she grinned happily walking through the door followed by Willow and Demitri, then to my surprise Kiah walked in behind them
“Hey guys” I said hugging them all tightly. “Kiah, I didn’t think you were coming because you weren’t at school”
Kiah grinned then said “course I wouldn’t bail on you,” she paused then added “unless I was spewing everywhere” then followed the guys in so I could close the door.
“Where’s Dylan?” asked Bree looking around
“You just missed him, he is in his cot, sleeping”
“Ok I’ll just give these to you then” she said holding out a big Adams’ bag
“Thanks” I answered taking it from her and putting it on the floor by the door.
“We brought some alcohol” said Willow
“And” said Demitri “some pillows” I looked at him questioningly “I figured on the off chance we got drunk we may not make it home so we may as well be comfy”
“good Idea” said Bree “guess what DVD I brought” she said grinning as I led the way up the stairs to my bedroom and sat down next to Gabriel
“take a seat guys” I said when they didn’t sit down, Demitri stayed standing as he watched his brother settle himself next to Kiah who was settled next to me and Gabriel on my bed then took a seat on the empty large one seater sofa that was in front of my window.
“Well I brought a few” Bree said pulling out a case from her bag “I thought we could be childish and watch a few Disney’s” and to my great surprise even the boys were up for it. After the popcorn was handed out and every one had a glass of vodka and coke in their hands Bree put ‘The Lion King’ in to the DVD player, pressed play then squeezed down next to Demitri and downed her first drink then topping up with the same, she looked up to see the looks on every ones faces and said “what? I’m thirsty.”
“Drink water then” Demitri muttered into her ear
“I already got comfy” she said grinning as Demitri placed a hand around her waist. It was a good job that my dad brought me a double king sized bed, it was very handy for sleep over’s as it would fit all six of us in with space enough to be comfortable.
“You’re so lucky” said Kiah “your room is so big! And I would kill to have this bed” she told me poking me in the leg;
I laughed and said “yeah it’s just like having my own apartment really and all that’s missing is the kitchen.” My house is the biggest on my street, mainly because my parents had it extended from a three bed to a six bed house, I don’t think he even knows why they extended it so big, We only really use 4 of the six rooms. The house is made of orange brick and looks like your typical suburban family home. Most of the rooms were on the ground floor, but my room, dad’s room and Dylan’s soon to be bedroom was on the first floor. But oddly the downstairs was my favourite bit of the house, dad had it designed to look like a wood cabin/ cottage on the inside so we have low beams and lovely red oak walls. The front door leads in to the family sitting room, then there are three doors around the room which are 2 guestrooms, a study and then an archway door leading into the kitchen, in the kitchen we have a brilliant fireplace splitting the kitchen and dining room in to two rooms. Off the kitchen is Dylan’s present bedroom and an en suite bathroom, all the bedrooms in our house are en suite.
Then settled down under my duvet with the others to watch the film after receiving a ‘shut the hell up’ look from Bree. I only remembered about half way through the second film that I was still holding my drink, “Do you want this?” I asked Gabriel holding up my drink
“No thanks” he whispered “want me to put it on the side?” he asked quietly
“Please” I said giving him a quick smile “thanks” I said as he took it from me and put it on my bedside table,
he rolled on to his side to face me then whispered “every one looks very busy”, I looked around at Kiah and Willow who were both snuggled up kissing quietly then I looked round at Bree who was entirely engrossed in the film and then at Demitri who was snoozing against her shoulder. “Do you want people to know?” asked Gabriel
“Know what?” I muttered in his ear
“That you love me”.
I shrugged then said “I’m tired” to avoid answering the question and rolled over to face the other way to hide my embarrassment.


Chapter Four

It was late Sunday evening and I was finally on my own, Bree had persuaded me and every one else to watch all twenty Disney films she had brought with her which took all of Saturday and most of Sunday morning. I do love having my friends over don’t get me wrong but all I wanted now was a chance to do stuff by myself, catch up on the house work and my book, I was reading a book called ‘Hang man’s Legacy’ which was about a man who had been accused of murdering six people and was hung for it, but survived because his friend who was a surgeon placed a tube down his throat so when the rope was meant to constrict his air way, it didn’t and basically its how he saved other innocent people from getting hung, it’s a good book. It was early evening by the time I had finished the cleaning and I was just about to start reading my book when I heard a knock at the door, I put my book down and wandered over to open it, not expecting any one I said “who is it?”
“It’s me” said a voice from the other side of the door
“Who is me?”
“Oh sorry, it’s Gabriel, can I come in now?”
I opened the door and said “Gabriel it’s eleven in the evening, I’m going to bed soon!”
“Sorry” he murmured “Time doesn’t really mean anything to me”
“What? Time means something to everyone” I said feeling a bit confused
“Oh, yeah”
“What do you want?” I asked him impatiently
“Well it’s just you seemed a bit quiet all weekend I just wondered if you are ok”
“Yes Gabriel, im fine!” in truth I was still smarting from his rejection on Friday
“Ok, if you’re sure”
“Yes, im sure” I muttered glaring at him as I started to close the door
“Wait a minute Lana, you’re not ok! What is the matter?” he sighed when I didn’t answer “Lana, I am your best friend if you can’t trust me then who can you trust?”
“I will worry about that later, now can you please go now?” I know I was being rude to him but I was too hurt to care.
“Fine” he said frowning “I’ll be here to pick you up in the morning” and then he turned around and walked away.
I sighed shakily as I felt the tears develop again in my eyes and quietly went up the stairs to bed.
At what seemed a minute later I was being shaken awake “What!” I mumbled
“Come on, your late!” said a voice just to the right of me
“Gabriel?”
“Come on!” he said shoving me
“Oh yeah, school” I muttered as I slowly got out of bed to go to the toilet, when I got back I found that Gabriel had laid out some clothes for me on my bed, taking a closer look I found that they were my new clothes
“You promised” he reminded me seeing my face
“I don’t care!” I grumbled “How did you get in?”
“You forgot to lock the door”
“And you think it’s ok to let yourself in to other people’s houses?”
“Come on, get dressed!” he said avoiding the question
“Go away then, so I can have some privacy” I waited until he was down stairs then shoved the clothes that he laid out for me into the corner of my room and put on the same clothes I wore on Friday.
“Come on Lana, were going to be late!” shouted Gabriel from downstairs “we have only fifteen minutes before class starts”
“Coming” I said moodily as I turned off my light and ran down the stairs “You are just like my dad” I said as I arrived at the bottom of the stairs face to face with Gabriel who was holding my lunch which was in a brown paper bag and my baby brother, I took the brown paper bag off him and looked in it to see what he had packed and found a five pound note at the bottom “what was the point in the bag?” I asked
“I found it and thought I could put your lunch in to it, but there wasn’t anything to put in to it so I gave you money instead”
“Why do you have my brother? He can’t come to school with us”
“The baby sitter isn’t here and we can’t leave him alone”
Feeling irritated that he was right because he was always right “You are just like my dad” I confirmed grumpily as I opened the door and then locked it as Gabriel followed behind me, “and you just reminded me that I need to go shopping” Luckily Linda arrived just as we headed out the door and took Dylan off Gabriel.
“See you later” she called to me, It was a good decision to give Linda her own house key.
The first half of the school day went quickly and I was amazed when Gabriel was leading me to the canteen, “today has just flown by” I stated to Gabriel as we walked towards our usual table with a tray of food. “Morning” I said sitting down. I had decided to just forget Friday and get on with the day, its not really worth sulking about really, just because he didn’t say I love you back to me doesn’t mean anything.
“More like afternoon” corrected Bree “did you enjoy the weekend? Because you had a face like a slapped arse all the time we were there”
“Oh, err I wasn’t feeling too good”
Gabriel looked at me as though he knew that was a total lie “You feeling ok now?” he asked looking concerned.
“Sure I’m ok” I said looking around the table “Where is Ruby?”
Everybody looked round towards the “Geek” table, well that’s what every one called them but I think they’re really nice; I looked round and saw Ruby sitting there with them with the usual grimace on her face. “She has found her true calling” Grinned Kiah
Willow and Demitri snorted with laughter, and unluckily for Gabriel, Willow had just taken a mouthful of milk and therefore showering Gabriel with it as it sprayed out of his nose. “Will!” moaned Gabriel standing up
“Sorry mate” said Willow who was still laughing, then laughed even harder when he realised everyone else was laughing as well. “Not my fault” he gasped “Kiah made me laugh!”
“It wasn’t that funny” moaned Gabriel “I’m going to stink of milk for the rest of the day now” he groaned
“Relax Gabriel” I said laughing as I grabbed a tissue to wipe the milk off his face. Then I looked at Willow “Urm Willow” I said trying not to laugh as I handed him a tissue too “you might want to wipe your nose”, then everybody turned to look at Willow again and the laughter started up again as they watched a bit of milk drip out through his nose and land on the table.
“I honestly don’t see why it’s so funny” grumbled Gabriel
“Sit down and stop whining” I said tugging at his sleeve and jumped as I felt my phone vibrate in my skirt pocket, I slid it out to read “New message from Bree” I looked up at Bree who mouthed “read it”, I opened the text and read “So was really wrong? I know you weren’t feeling ill” I rolled my eyes and text her back saying “I will explain it all later in maths” and pressed send then looked up at Bree and waited, after a few seconds she looked at me and nodded. Luckily every one else was involved in a deep conversation and didn’t notice mine and Bree’s silent conversation.
“Well” said Willow as the bell went “That went quick”
“Yeah but you guys still had time to eat my lunch” I said looking down at my tray which was empty and all I had eaten was two grapes.
“Sorry Lana” I was hungry admitted Demitri
“You’re always hungry, anyone would think your pregnant with the amount you eat” Kiah sighed as she stood up “come on you two” looking at me and Bree “We have maths now, see you lads later,”
“Meet us at my car” Gabriel shouted at us as we walked out. Bree waved to let him know that we heard him.
Bree pounced on me as soon as I had sat down “so what was wrong?” she demanded “and don’t lie, I can tell when your lying, your face goes bright red”
“Bree” I mumbled “it really doesn’t matter”
“What?” said Kiah “what doesn’t matter?”
“Nothing” I answered then in an attempt to change the subject I said “Bree, did you see Will and Kiah, they were snogging all the way through ‘The Lion King’!”
“Hey” said Kiah “you were meant to be asleep!”
“You and Will!” laughed Bree “you two would make a great couple!” then she glared at Kiah “why didn’t you tell me?”
“Didn’t seem important” shrugged Kiah
Then to my disappointment Bree turned back to me and said “Lana, come on I am a concerned friend trying to help”
I sighed knowing the only way out of this was the lesson coming to an end, but unluckily for me that was half an hour away “fine, okay” I sighed, “well I was showing him my new clothes, and then out of the blue he told me that he thought I was beautiful, me being me blushed and just said thanks”
“Lana! Gabriel, I take it you are talking about Gabriel right?”
“Yeah”
“Gabriel is to die for and you said thanks when he told you he thought you were pretty”
“Beautiful” I corrected
“Beautiful whatever, don’t tell me you messed it up for him” Bree groaned
“No Bree let me finish ok”
“Ok, go on then”
“Well then he went and sat on my bed and asked me what I wanted to do” then seeing their faces I added “in a non sexual way.”
“Wait a second, what time was this?” asked Kiah
“I think it was about eleven forty five” I answered “anyway, I went over to him and said I love you and I laid down next to him, then he sat back up and asked what we were doing when you guys got here”
“Oh Lana” whispered Bree looking as though she was going to cry
“That’s so bad” said Kiah “are you ok?”
“I’ll survive” I grumbled
“Yeah” sighed Kiah “you always say that”, both of them were staring at me, so I was quite relieved when the bell went.
“Hey you two” I said putting on a smile as I tried again to change the subject “I get my car back today, want to go bowling?” I said as we left the classroom.
“That’s great Lana I really love your car and bowling sounds good” squealed Bree
“Yeah I’m game” said Kiah smiling
“Your game for what?” asked Willow as we reached Gabriel’s car
“Bowling, who wants to come?” I asked
“Sure, sounds good” said Gabriel
“We can come” said Demitri speaking for himself and Willow
“What’s the occasion?” asked Willow
“I get my car back” I grinned


Chapter Five
As September moved in to October the sunny weather seemed to disappear to be replaced with the bitter cold, rain and of course ice, I suppose there was only one thing that was good about this which was the eight week break only sixth formers were entitled to. I had my first week planned already, I was going to catch up on some sleep for the first few days, and then I was going to spend time with Gabriel and then with the rest of my friends, but unfortunately my first day of sleep was interrupted at nine in the morning when the phone rang. “Great” I groaned “that’s why I never plan anything in advance” I mumbled as I reached over to my bedside table to pick up my phone “Hello?”
“Heya love” said the voice on the other end
“Dad! What happened! You said you were going to call me in the evening on the day you left! Do you even know how long it has been?”
“Yeah I’m really sorry honey, I got distracted”
All of a sudden I felt my anger flare up “dad!” I shouted “it has been a month since I have seen you, a month with no contact and your excuse is that you got distracted, it’s not good enough! And I take it your only ringing because you want something” I knew that I was being rude but I didn’t care
“Wait a second Lana, I’m ringing to see how you and Dylan are and…” he paused “to tell you I’m staying for another month”
“Great, dad” I said trying to keep my voice even, “yes we are doing fine dad”
“That’s good honey; I am doing ok here as well”
“Good for you, oh no,” I said in an obviously sarcastic tone “look at the time, I must get going, bye dad” I lied then put the phone down shaking with anger, I sat there for a few minutes trying to calm down, then decided to go for a walk. I rang Linda and asked if she could watch Dylan for me for a few hours. I really couldn’t believe my father, he promised that he would phone me on the day that he left but did he? No! One month later he bothers to contact me and he didn’t even mean it when he apologised, I could tell by the tone of his voice. “He tells me he doesn’t want to go” I grumbled to myself as I walked in to town, “I bet he loves being rid off me, his eighteen year old daughter still living at home, practically being a mother to his baby son!” then I said “what are you looking at?” aggressively to this woman who was staring at me, then she hurried off when she realised that I was talking to her.
“Lana?” said a voice behind me
I turned around “oh hey Toby, I was just going to the bank” I stared in awe at him, he was so painstakingly beautiful I nearly started to cry but I pulled myself together and took in his features, he had his dark hair swept back, it looked as though the wind had caught it, it looked natural, it looked…beautiful. He was wearing a short sleeved white t shirt…tight obviously and black shorts that just covered the top of his knee’s accompanied with grey sandals
“Me too, mind if I tag along?”
“It’s a free country” I sighed breathlessly
“What’s wrong?” Toby asked “you seem to be a bit tense”
“Nothing, worth worrying about” to be honest I had forgotten why I was angry and was just marvelling at his beauty
“It is worth worrying about if it’s upsetting you” he said looking concerned as we reached the bank.
Then it all came back to me and I just blurted it all out “I mean how the hell would you feel if you had a dad from hell!”
He laughed heartily “I err” he said still laughing as he ruffled his hair with his left hand “I wouldn’t know”
I thrust my card in to the machine and punched in my number then hit the show balance button “oh” I thought to myself “I have two thousand pounds more than I should have, “hmm” I said out loud “he must have increased my guilt allowance”
“Guilt allowance?” Toby said confused
“Yeah, I told you that my dad goes away a lot and he says he feels guilty about it so he gives me money and pays it into my bank account every week.” I answered as I drew out one hundred pounds and took my card back.
“Hey Lana, close your eyes a second” said Toby touching my face gently
“Why?” I asked, for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off him, he was making my heart beat faster. “Could this really be happening to me?” I thought “Will I be the one girl that Toby chooses out of the entire school?”
“Just trust me” he said in a charming and seductive voice, “im going to help calm you down” after that my eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, “good” said Tobias as he touched my shoulder and suddenly felt as if I was being dragged backwards for a few seconds “you may open your eyes now” he whispered in my ear as he gently kissed me.
I opened my eyes to find that we were in a dingy alley way, we couldn’t have just moved in this short space of time, I must be dreaming “What? How did we get here?”
“It’s a secret” said Tobias sneering at me, all signs of charm had disappeared and was replaced with a hair raising hiss.
I gasped as I saw his eyes turn red and his beautiful face distort into something so terrible you can’t even describe it.
I backed in to the alley wall and watched as he crept closer and closer to me, “go away” I whispered.
Tobias laughed and said “silly child! Can’t even find the courage to run, I always knew this was going to be easy!”
“I’m not scared, I’m not scared, I’m not scared” I chanted to myself trying to keep calm.
“Who are you trying to fool? Do you not know that I live off lies and fear” he glared in his demonic hiss.
“I closed my eyes as he was barely an inch away” I wasn’t intending to open them but I heard a voice so beautiful I had to peek.
“Hey! Tobias what are you doing!”
The person that spoke was just as beautiful as Gabriel but he looked older, not too much older though, and he was covered head to toe in the most magnificent armour I had ever seen. This person had to be an angel, he kinda glowed, or was it his armour but of course I was being silly there was no such thing as angels.
“Michael” Tobias said charmingly as he changed back into his beautiful self “it’s nice to see you”
“I wish I could say the same” said the beautiful man called Michael. Michael turned to me and said “Close your eyes” I immediately did as I was told. I heard nothing the whole time my eyes were closed and I only opened them when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped. “I’m sorry” said Michael “I didn’t mean to startle you”
“I knew this was going to be a bad day” I groaned as I looked around and sighed with relief when I saw that Tobias was gone.
Michael laughed and then said “It could have been worse, so much worse, now come, take my hand and I will take you home.”
I wasted no time taking Michael’s hand, I knew that I could trust him and within seconds I was standing in my bedroom feeling confused and disorientated. “How did we get here?” I stammered
Michael smiled at me then said “I must go now, stay here, and stay safe” and then he walked out of my room.
After I heard the front door close I rushed downstairs to relieve Linda from Dylan and once she was out of the house which took a bit of time because I was out longer than I thought I would have been and she wanted to know where I was, I placed Dylan in his play pen and rushed into the play room to move his crib into my bedroom. I was panicking about our safety and I wanted Dylan with me at all times from now on. I ended up taking the crib to pieces so I could move it and it only took me an hour to put it back together. I heard a noise behind me and I whipped around to find Gabriel standing by my door holding Dylan who was crying in his arms.
“Lana” he said rushing over to me “are you ok?”
“Yeah I’m fine, I’m just a bit shaky” I answered taking Dylan from him and held him close and rocked him until he stopped crying.
“How did you get here?” I cried
“I saw Michael leave looking a bit worried, so I came to investigate, the door was unlocked so I let myself in and Dylan here was on his own, crying so I picked him up and here I am” He paused and then said “I am so sorry, I should have warned you about Tobias when I had the chance” he said as he pulled me into a hug.
“What do you mean warn me?” I asked feeling utterly confused as I placed Dylan who was now asleep in to his crib.
“I over heard something a few weeks ago, but that doesn’t matter now, are you ok”
“What do you think!” then I sat down on my bed and burst into tears “I have had such a bad day!” I gasped; I think I was more exhausted than scared or angry.
“Lana, it could have gone so much worse” said Gabriel trying to comfort me
“You don’t understand” I said into his shoulder “My dad called me this morning and he isn’t coming back until next month now!”
“I know” said Gabriel sadly “and I also know that you are not crying because you miss him” he was right; I didn’t miss my dad, I didn’t miss him at all.
“I am so angry!” I sobbed
“I know” he said as he stroked my hair
I stopped crying and looked up sniffing “I am so glad that you are here” I said sincerely
“Yeah I’m glad, you’re glad” grinned Gabriel and finally he managed to make me laugh with the simplest of comments. “There we go” he said “I made you smile” and wiped away my tears
“I am so glad I have you” I said holding him tighter
He pulled back so he could look me in the eyes and said “I am so sorry I didn’t warn you about Tobias”
“Please Gabriel, I just want to forget about it, but there is one thing I want to know”
“Yes?” he said waiting
“I didn’t see what Michael did to him, he made me close my eyes but when I opened them Tobias was gone, I just wanted to know where he went.”
Gabriel paused for a few minutes thinking “I don’t know, he must have run off”
I sighed as I lay down on my bed and watched him do the same “I just want to forget today” I mumbled”
“It is late, you should sleep”
“It’s not late I have only been up for two hours” I murmured
“It’s ten in the evening, Lana”
“What” I sighed feeling rather confused
“I will explain it all tomorrow but for now sleep, tomorrow is another day” he said as he tucked the covers around me.


Chapter Six

I woke up to a beautiful sound, it was like a bird song but lower, it was perfect, but it stopped when I yawned “no” I mumbled sleepily “please carry on” not sure who I was talking to.
“Lana? Are you awake?”
I opened my eyes to see Gabriel standing next to me, “Yeah, I’m awake”
“Was that you?”
“Was what me?”
“That music, it was so beautiful”
Gabriel chuckled “I think you were dreaming”
“I don’t think so” I said frowning, I was so sure I was awake “Oh, look at me, I fell asleep in my clothes” I frowned “I think I am going to call everyone when I have gotten changed, why don’t you think of something we can all do”
“Sure” smiled Gabriel
I smiled then walked into the bathroom to take a shower taking a clean set of clothes in with me, as I stripped off and stepped in. I felt as though everything from yesterday was being washed away, and I truly felt peaceful. I wanted to stay longer under the luscious warm water but thought better of it as I felt my fingers start to wrinkle, I laughed at myself as I turned the shower off, stepped out and started to dry myself.
“Nice shower?” Gabriel asked as I walked in rubbing my hair with my towel
“Yeah thanks, thought of anything we can do?” I said sitting down next to him on the edge of my bed
“Well, how about we all lounge here?” he answered and funnily enough the idea sounded good, I eventually decided on a pyjama party so every one comes in there PJ’s
“Including you” I said as I told Gabriel what we were doing
He rolled his eyes and said “Fine, I will pop erm home a bit later and pick up some stuff”.
“Good” I said grinning, “Right I am going to phone round the others.” It didn’t take long to call everyone and they were all up for it. “I told them to come around nine ish, so we have a bit of time to get everything ready” it was already one in the afternoon, so we had plenty of time
“What do we need to get ready?” he asked
“You should know” I said smiling
“Should I?” he replied
“Did I not write the list down for you?”
“No, but its ok I know the general stuff you buy for a party”
“Fair enough, well if you can go into the cupboard in my dad’s room there are loads of board games, dump them in here somewhere and then can you go to the store and get some stuff to eat? I think I left the shopping list downstairs on the fridge, take it if you decide you need it and there is some money on top of the fridge too. Do you think you could take Dill with you when you go shopping?” I asked shyly “I won’t be able to keep my eye on him all the time, he might get a bit bored, plus he adores you.”
“Sure thing” he said smiling at me “but don’t you think you are….”
“No” I said glaring at him knowing how the sentence was going to end
“Ok” he said and then he went to get the games
I sighed “I had better get the housework done then”
…
“Whoa” I sighed as I collapsed on my bed “what’s the time?”
“It’s eight thirty, we still have half an hour” he replied collapsing next to me and sat Dylan on his chest “It’s a good job you told them to come straight up, I don’t think I can be bothered to move” Gabriel sighed
“I know how you feel, but we have to go through the board games” I said as I heaved myself up off my bed and sat on the floor “Come on” I said when he didn’t move, “oh, and I hope you didn’t go to the store like that” I muttered gesturing at his naked chest
“Of course I didn’t, who do you think I am? I got my stuff on the way back” he said as he got off my bed and sat down next to me still holding the baby.
“Oh wow” I said “I had forgotten I had this” as I pulled out an electronic spin the bottle game
“Oh wow!” squealed a voice from the door “Lana, you didn’t tell me you had a spin the bottle game!” they paused and said “Whoa Gabriel look at you!”
“Bree, I have just found it” I laughed “I had forgotten that I had it.” I looked up at her and laughed so hard I nearly wet myself “Bree” I snorted “you have a onesie?” Onesie’s are basically like a baby’s babygrow for adults.
“Sure” she said starting to laugh with me
“It wouldn’t be so bad Bree, but it’s my little pony!”
“I know” she said grinning “I got it cheap online only costs like five pounds!”
Then the conversation started over again as Kiah, Willow and Demitri walked in and burst out laughing as they saw what Bree was wearing.
It took half an hour for everybody to calm down and finally decide what to do
“Well I think we should play spin the bottle” grinned Bree who was playing with Dylan who looked as though all he wanted to do was go to sleep.
“But that’s so childish” moaned Will “Lana can I open a window? It’s so warm in here” then got up when I nodded at him.
“But that’s exactly why we should play it, we are only young once you know” Bree said as she stood up and gently placed Dylan who was now completely out of it in his crib and tucked him in
“Ok so spin the bottle it is” said Kiah happily who had also been for the idea, along with Bree
“I want to go first!” shouted Bree in my ear as she sat back down
“Ouch Bree! Are you trying to deafen me?” I said rubbing my ear “and please be quiet, we do have a sleeping baby in our midst”
“Trying and failing” she chirped quietly as she put the bottle on the floor and spun it because the batteries had run out and I had no spare ones, I groaned as it landed on me, “Ok” she giggled “truth or dare?”
“Urm” I said as I deliberated “truth”
Bree grinned then said “what is your full name?” everybody knew my full name but she knew how much I hated saying it
“Alana-Meredith Dakota South” I only hated the fact that my name was hyphenated, I mean who in their right mind would enjoy having Meredith included in their name? I glared at everyone as they sniggered at me under their breath and said “I am glad my name amuses you”
“Chill out” laughed Bree it’s just a game, now it’s your turn to spin
I spun the bottle praying that it wouldn’t land on Gabriel and thankfully it didn’t, it landed on Willow and as soon as he noticed he shut up laughing. “Truth or dare” I said pleasantly
“Come on Will prove to me that you’re a man!” laughed Kiah
“Dare” said Willow looking as though he immediately regretted the decision
I thought for a minute then smirked “Okay, I don’t really play truth or dare games but I know that they always involve at least some one being naked, so I dare you” I said grinning slyly at Willow “to sit though one round completely naked”
“Is there no way I can get out of this?” he said groaning
“Nope” I said feeling slightly mean
“Fine” he said as he started to strip off “Just as long as everything that happens in this game stays a secret”
“That’s fair” said Bree
“Thanks” he said blushing as he took off his boxers and sat down
“Whoa” grinned Kiah as she watched him sit down and then crawled across to him when he gestured to her, we all waited as he whispered into her ear, “oh” she said blushing “ok” and went back to her place.
I saw Gabriel chuckle quietly and looked questioningly at him, he shook his head in a ‘don’t worry about it’ kinda way.
As the game progressed we all started to really enjoy ourselves, obviously getting over the initial embarrassment but after a few rounds we all started to lighten up and happily accepted our truth or dare tasks, I think the best one we had was Demitri who ended up having to climb on to the roof with a mega phone and declare to the whole neighbour hood that he was a descendant of a turtle who enjoyed having his nipple hairs plucked, want to guess who came up with that question? If you guessed Bree you were so very right, but unfortunately the funniest bit was when Demitri got stuck and we had to call the fire brigade to get him down, I am going to say this now if he ever gets married that one is being mentioned, we even managed to get a few pictures!
“That was fun” chuckled Bree; we have to do that again!
“No!” shouted Demitri “Never again, never ever again!”
We all burst out laughing again, “Gosh Dem” laughed Kiah “The look on your face was priceless”
“Thanks” muttered Demitri wearily “hey Bree” he said trying to change the subject “it’s just gone three am, want to shove on a film?”
“Sure, what do you want, I brought a selection” in the end we decided on “The Lord of the Rings” which was a bit silly really because it’s long and I only remember Gandalf riding in to the village, then I obviously fell asleep.


Chapter Seven

“Gabriel” whispered Melody as she appeared at Gabriel’s side “come on, Deus has called an emergency meeting”
“What for?”
“I don’t know, come on” she said “I will meet you there” then she disappeared
Gabriel sighed and looked at Lana who was sleeping soundly in her bed, scribbled a note and placed it on her pillow, and then he too disappeared.
…
“Gabriel?” I muttered as I opened my eyes, when he didn’t answer I sat up and looked around my room, I sighed, he obviously wasn’t here. I glanced at the clock to see that the time was quarter to seven in the morning, I laid back down and rolled over which was when I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow, I sat up again and picked it up, it read “Sorry I had an urgent call and had to leave, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Then in the top right corner I saw three, fifty two am.
“I wonder what it was about” I muttered to myself, I didn’t mind too much because I wanted to check out a local church that is held in a community centre just round the corner from here, I don’t usually go to church, but since I didn’t really have anything to do I figured that there’s no harm in checking it out anyway.
So at quarter to ten I left the house in my best clothes and clutching my Bible which I had found in the book case down stairs, made my way towards the building with Dylan in his pram. I started to feel nervous as I approached the entrance and was just thinking about going back home when some one said “Hi”
I turned around to see who was talking to me, “Hi” I answered shyly when I saw a tall handsome black haired boy.
“Are you going in?” he asked me as he looked at my Bible
“Yeah” I answered starting to blush
He smiled at me and said “come on, if it’s just you two you can sit with me” he held the door open for me then said “I’m James by the way, James Hollowell”
“Nice to meet you” I said as I felt my confidence increase “I’m Alana South, but people call me Lana and this is Dylan” I said gesturing at the pram “oh don’t worry” I said when I saw the look on James’ face “he’s my brother” and walked through the open door. “This is different” I said to him
“What? This?” he said gesturing at the room
“Yeah”
“What were you expecting?” he asked
“Well” I said blushing “Pews and an organ” I admitted but instead seeing chairs around tables and children playing with toys on the floor.
He grinned “That’s boring, this is so much better, we don’t sing slow hymns either, I usually sit here” he said pointing to a small rectangular table with six chairs around it.
“Am I early?” I asked looking around
“Yeah we don’t start until quarter to eleven, I have to get here early to help set up” he said frowning
“So you don’t like getting here early?” I asked
“Not really because setting up is ok but when everything is done it’s the waiting around that’s really boring”
“Why don’t you bring a book or something?” I suggested
He shrugged and said “I’m not really into reading, but anyway I deal with it, take a seat” he said pointing to the table
“Thanks” I muttered as I sat down and took Dill out of his pram and sat him on my knee
“Want a drink?” he asked
“No thanks”
“Or a biscuit?”
“No, but thanks for the offer” I said smiling at him; I actually did feel welcome already. It was easy to hold a conversation with him even though I just met him, he seems really nice and he seems interested in me. I found out that he is eighteen and his dad is the leader of the church and that his mum died whilst giving birth to his younger sister called Grace who is the same age as Dylan.
“I’m really sorry about your mum” I said
He shrugged “It still hurts but at least I know she is in a better place now, what about your parents? Are you still living with them?”
“Yeah I still live at home, urm my dad is away on a business trip and my mum isn’t around anymore”
“Where is she?” I could tell he was just interested rather than being nosey so I didn’t mind telling him
“She committed suicide in December last year” I said trying hard not to remember the night that the cops called round to tell me and what was worse was that dad was on a another business trip, I still remember it so well.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” he asked
“No thanks, I don’t really like talking about it” I admitted
“So then” he said changing the subject “where is your dad?”
“He is on a business trip in Japan” I said scowling
“Who does he work for? Any one I would know?”
“Yeah, to be honest I would be surprised if you hadn’t heard of them, he works for Saandig.”
“Oh really, that is a very successful company, he must get paid a lot. How long is he there for?”
“Well he told me a month but he phoned me the other day and told me he is going to be out there for another month, to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come back at all”
“Oh, no offence but he doesn’t really sound like a good dad”
I shrugged “He’s ok when he is around”
He thought for a minute and said “do you have any other brothers or sisters?”
“No, just Dill, but I wouldn’t have it any other way” then we had to be quiet as the service started.
“That was good” I said to James as we walked out “I never knew church was like that”
“Well that’s why it’s good to try stuff out before judging” grinned James
“Thanks for making me feel welcome” I said giving him a hug
“No problem” he grinned “You going to come again?”
“I will try, but I can’t say for definite”
“I’ll wait for you” he grinned
“Thanks” I paused then said “So what are you doing now?”
“I’m free today actually, makes a change” James Laughed “What are you doing today?”
“I have nothing planned, want to come over?” I asked suddenly surprising myself
“Sure” he said “I was wondering what I was going to do today, let me just go check with my dad”
I waited whilst he went back inside wondering why I invited James over, when I hardly know him.
“You ready?” he said taking me by surprise
“Oh, right, your dad was cool with it then?”
“Yeah, actually I think he was glad that I asked dunno why though” he said thoughtfully
I laughed “Oh well, come on I live this way”
“Thanks for inviting me over” he said as we started to walk “you saved me from a boring afternoon”
“Yeah, you saved me too”
On the way home I found that he was into a lot of the same things as I was, and oddly I was attracted to him. I’m really in to Gabriel, but this feels different, I can’t seem to fight it. It doesn’t feel like an ordinary crush, I have only just met the boy! How can I be feeling like this already?
“Here we are” I said as I opened the front door
“Cheers” James said as he walked in “Nice place”
“Thanks, I love it here” I said looking around “I grew up here, it holds so many memories” I sighed as I put Dylan in his play pen then said “anyway do you want some food? I haven’t done the shopping yet so we don’t have much in.”
“Sure, yeah im kind of hungry”
“What do you want?”
“Anything you’re willing to cook” he said grinning
So I went in to the kitchen and pulled out what ever I could find, I decided on Chicken thighs, roast potatoes and peas and carrots. So we had at least an hour to talk before dinner would be ready. James watched me as I prepared the potatoes and the vegetables then put the potatoes in the oven for me.
“Drink?” I asked holding up a bottle of blackcurrant squash
“Please”
“Here you go” I said handing the glass to him and started to walk towards the stairs
“Where are we going?” he asked
“My room” then turning round to see the look on his face I said “don’t worry I always go to my room.”
“Oh ok, want me to get Dill?”
“Please” I answered
“Wow, nice room” James gasped as I opened my door “Its like bigger than my whole house!”
“I doubt it” I said “but I do spend most of my time here, I just need a kitchen and it will be my own apartment” I laughed “So are you a Christian?” I asked as I watched James put Dylan on the floor and then sat down next to him
“Yeah I suppose what about you?”
“Not really” I shrugged “but I have read the Bible, well sort off” I have read Genesis but that was ages ago
I sat there on the floor with him just laughing and talking and time flew by, before I knew it was four pm and he had to leave.
“This was fun” he said
“Yeah I would happily do it again” I agreed as I held the door open
“Thanks for lunch, it was really nice”
“No problem, see you soon I hope”
“Yeah bye” I watched him walk down the road then closed the door. Then grinned as I saw Gabriel come around the corner
He walked up to me then Laughing he said “I think you just met your future husband.”


Chapter Eight

Before I knew it October had turned in to December, I had no idea where November had gone and that surprised me because I usually have a very good memory. I’m glad that October was behind me because I didn’t want to worry about Tobias, I didn’t know if he was still after me or not but I hadn’t seem him since the day of the ‘attack’ and that unnerved me a little bit, but Gabriel seemed to be at ease he was always telling me to relax, that nothing was going to happen to me and if it was he would definitely tell me though it didn’t know how he would know, strange really. But this month I had a lot of things to do, as it was December there was the obvious factor that Christmas was on its way but in between then it was Dylan’s first birthday and the anniversary of my mum’s death. I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope, I hadn’t heard from dad since the beginning of October and that was two months ago, it didn’t look like he would be back for Christmas, but then again he could surprise me. I wasn’t going to throw a party for Dylan, what was the point? He wouldn’t remember it, but then Bree glared at me when I told her and insisted that he did have a party and that she would organize everything. The party is tonight, I didn’t know who was invited but I did invite James and his sister along just so I did at least know two people even if one was a baby. James and me are now joined at the hip, apart from school we are always together, building a very good relationship, I know him really well already and I really enjoy his company.
It was six in the evening when the doorbell rang; I opened the door and saw James standing there in a white shirt and blue jeans looking unashamedly handsome “James” I said grinning pulling him in to a hug “You look so good”
“Thanks” he smiled, “so do you”
“Don’t be silly” I said as I looked down at my night dress “I’m not ready yet”
“Where’s the birthday boy?”
“Upstairs waiting in his cot” I looked around then asked “where’s Grace?” I watched as James slowly turned around and saw Grace in a baby carrier on his back fast asleep, “aw bless her, she’s asleep”
“I know, she should wake up soon”
“Well come on in, I am no where near ready” then I thought for a second then asked “James? Do you mind helping me choose what to wear?”
“Sure I don’t mind, im happy to help” I lead him up the stairs and into my bedroom and helped him take the baby carrier off his back and placed Grace in the crib next to Dylan, who was delighted to see his friend again. “What clothes have you got in mind?” he asked as he sat on the edge of my bed
“Well I was thinking these” I held up a pair of skinny black Jeans and a long sparkly top “or these” replacing them with the denim dark blue skirt and a white halter neck top, both of which I had only worn once.
James got up off the bed and looked closer at the two outfits, “I think” he said “I like this one the best”
“Good choice” I said grinning “I think I would have probably chosen this one as well” Then to his surprise I stripped off down to my underwear then covered myself up again with the denim dark blue skirt and my white halter neck top,
“Close your eyes” muttered James “I want to surprise you with something”
“With what?” I asked quietly
“Just close your eyes”
I closed my eyes and stood in front of my mirror whilst James tied the top securely around my neck. I was feeling nervous; it was his touch on my skin, it sent a feeling of electricity run down my spine, it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, it made me feel secure and safe. I felt him move closer to me as he leaned over and picked up something; I jumped slightly when I felt something being ran gently through my hair but then relaxed when I realised that it was my hair brush, he spent a long time brushing my hair and playing with it, every so often he would tug and pull and clip bits of my hair up.
“Open your eyes” he whispered in to my ear, I obeyed and slowly, very slowly opened my eyes, I gasped when I saw my reflexion in front of me, I looked like a completely different person, for once I truly felt beautiful.
“Wow James, I look so different, thank you so much” I whispered
“This is how you always look, I see no difference”
I turned around to face him “where did you learn this?”
“I used to do my mum’s hair for her when she was pregnant with Grace; she was a hairdresser so she taught me a few tricks”
“James, this is brilliant thank you so much” I gasped pulling him in to a hug, once again I felt the electric shock shoot through my body and I was reluctant to let go
“Lana we have to go, it’s ten to seven”
“All ready?” I gasped “time goes so quickly”
We arrived at the centre dead on seven, I moaned as I saw how many balloons were floating outside “He is one year old; he is never going to remember this! What is the point in throwing a fabulous birthday party for a one year old?”
James laughed at me and said “relax, let your friend have some fun and anyway I get to meet all these amazing friends your always talking about” then paused and said “which amazing friend planned this?”
“Bree” I muttered, it was like I had just triggered an alarm by saying Bree’s name because she suddenly appeared through the door and ran over to us.
“Finally! Nearly every one is here, come on” she said as she took Dylan from me and ran back in side with him
“Who is every one?” I shouted back at her, but she was already through the door.
I looked at James who shrugged then said “That was Bree I take it?”
“Yes” I grumbled “Come on were not doing any one any favours by standing out here in the cold” and trudged towards the door, followed closely by James and Grace. “Oh no!” I gasped as soon as I had walked through the door.
“Oh wow” gasped James as he also entered the room “It’s like a giant soft play area!”
“Go ahead and play James” I said sarcastically “but don’t forget to take your shoes and sock’s off”
“Relax Lana” said Bree bounding over to us “this is for Dill not for you”
“Speaking of my brother, where is he?” I watched as Bree pointed into the corner where I saw Dylan sitting in a baby chair that had wheels, you know the ones where the kids use their legs to move around, “Bree? Where did you get all these babies from? You didn’t steal them did you?”
“Don’t be silly, of course I didn’t”
“You have to admit that with you anything is possible”
Bree frowned then said “this is the playgroup that uses the hall on week days, I invited them”
“But we don’t know them! The only baby Dylan knows is Grace.”
“Grace?” said Bree sounding confused “Oh, hi, who are you?” she said when she realised that James was standing next to me
“Hi, I’m James, and you’re Bree…right?”
“Right” said Bree happily
“Lana, I’m just going to put Grace in one of them things Dylan is in, I’ll be right back”
“Ok” I said as he walked away
“Wow Lana, where did you dig him up from? He is definitely my type! You haven’t given up on Gabriel already have you?”
“What? No, James is just my friend” I hated saying that word ‘friend’ about James
“Where is Gabriel anyway?”
“Urm, Gabriel? Oh yeah, he should be here”
“Well, he’s late” she moaned
“Don’t fret Bree” said Gabriel sneaking up behind her and making her jump “I’m here”
“About time too, the party started at seven, it is now” she said as she checked her watch “five past!” then walked off towards James who was trying to detach himself from some children who were clinging on to his legs and laughing.
“Well” said Gabriel “James seems to be having fun”
“Are you jealous?” I asked
“Moi? Jealous, of course I’m not”
“Look, come here” I said dragging him out through the door in to the entrance hall, when we were alone I looked up at him and said “look you turned me down, Gabriel I can’t wait for you forever”
“When did I turn you down? You never asked me out”
“No, but I told you that I loved you and you rejected me”
“Lana” said Gabriel cutting me off “You are my best friend and only my best friend, I trust you, I’m sorry, but I don’t love you” when he said that I thought I saw a flash of pain shoot across his face I couldn’t tell but it didn’t matter anyway
I looked into his perfect eyes and said “I love you but only as a best friend”
“But you did love me more”
“Yes I did, but now I don’t” it wasn’t a lie, I did love him still, but like I told him, only as a friend, I knew that I had to move on from him there is no point running after a lost cause.
The party went surprisingly well and I did start to enjoy it towards the end because Dylan looked like he was having fun.
“You know he won’t remember it Bree” I said as i walked down the road accompanied by James who was carrying Grace who was asleep in her chair on his back and Bree who pushing Dylan in his pram who was also sleeping
“Oh shut up” she said smiling “all that matters is that he had a good time. Anyway where did Gabriel go?” she asked me just as I thought the same thing, we had both spotted Gabriel rush out half an hour before the party finished.
“I have no idea” I answered truthfully
“Oh well, he missed out” Bree sighed “Anyway guys, ill see you when I next see you” as she handed the pram back to me
“See you Bree, it was nice meeting you” James said as he waved
“Bye, I’ll ring you tomorrow” I shouted at her back and laughed when she did her imitation of the Queen’s wave to show that she had heard us.
“Well” sighed James “I had better get Grace home” then he laughed and said “Dylan looks like he had a good time”
“Yeah, it’s ok for Bree to throw the party, but it’s me that has to clear up his vomit after he has eaten too much cake”
“I don’t think he ate cake, but if that is the case just call me tomorrow and I will help you”
“Thanks James” I said as he pulled me in to a hug, “I’m glad you had a good time” I muttered looking up in to James eyes. I felt the electricity start up again but this time my heart began to beat faster, I was surprised that James didn’t comment on how loud it was because it was all I was aware of apart from his breathing which I could feel on my upper lip. I felt one of his hands move through my hair and the other on my back as his mouth etched closer to mine, something was pulling me closer to him as I felt my own hands wind around his neck as his lips finally pressed against mine. Its funny really because in the books I have read and in the films I have seen the first kiss between two lovers is exaggerated by fireworks or described as an electric shock, but to me it was so much more, it felt as if my heart had burst out of my chest and expanded so much I thought that it wouldn’t fit back In, it was as if the whole world had disappeared and there was only me and him, we were all that mattered.


Chapter Nine

A woman was sitting alone in a high backed chair, looking at her hands which were held out in front of her, just looking. The woman was old and frail looking, small with soft white hair. I watched her as she slowly lifted her hands a fraction higher and looked at them as she flipped them over a few times, I thought she was admiring herself but her face turned into a look of disgust and she let her hands drop onto her knees, she looked away as I watched a single perfect pearly tear fall slowly down her face, I wanted to rush to her and put my arms around her, comfort her, to tell her that she wasn’t alone, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t move, my feet wouldn’t let me, I had to just stand there and watch as her faced crumpled as she let down the barrier for more tears.
After a minute or so of her quiet sobbing she turned to look at me, I saw that her eyes were a bright green; they looked about the same shade as mine and they were smiling at me, well I didn’t know if she could see me or not but she held out her hand as if to beckon me closer, when I didn’t move, she got up out of the chair and slowly turned her back to me, I thought that I had offended her but what I saw next made me gag, the back of her head looked as though it had been crushed, hit a thousand times by a bat or stamped on, I could see a deep chasm where her brain should have been, in the chasm I could see bits of muscle and bone just hanging and flopping around every time she moved even the slightest inch and what was left of her hair was clumped together by blood that was still dripping down her neck, I saw that bits of her t shirt and trousers had been ripped from her body and the patches that were left seemed to be fused to what was left of her skin, there was strands of skin hanging off her arms and back, I could see a deep hole in her left thigh, it deep enough to fit my fist in to it. The woman obviously feeling my eyes staring at her body she turned back around to face me, the woman’s face was now much younger
“Mum…” I gasped in horror, but at that moment I was wrenched out of my nightmare and was forcefully thrown back into reality as I vomited violently over the side of my bed, I lay back into my pillows gasping and shaking, I was relieved to find that it was light outside because I had the bloody images flashing through my head which would have kept away sleep.
…
“Wow you look bad”
“Thanks Bree” I mumbled, it was now lunch time and I had been feeling nauseous ever since my nightmare, maybe I was ill, maybe the dream was triggered by an oncoming fever, or something I ate last night, I don’t know all I know is that I know that im not going to last the rest of the day, feeling as crappy as I do now.
“Hello? Lana? Im talking to you” I looked up to see Kiah looking slightly concerned “Bree is right Lana, you really don’t look well, look at her!” she said looking at everyone sitting around out table “She’s clammy and she’s burning up” she reached out to feel my forehead.
“I’m fine” I gasped pushing her hand away feeling as though I was about to vomit there and then “I’m just tired” after a short pause I said “urm actually” as I stood up cautiously and tucked my chair in “I’m just going to go to the toilet” I could no longer hold back the sick feeling “see you guys in class” and I rushed off toward the toilet, when I finally reached ladies room i was completely unaware that it was empty, I wasn’t paying much attention I just rushed into the nearest cubicle and vomited violently and loudly down the bowl. I staggered into class ten minutes late and slumped down into my desk after apologising profusely to my teacher who luckily is one of the nice ones and let me off with only a warning,
“Lana, I think you should go home” muttered Demitri who was sitting beside me
“I’m fine, there’s only one lesson left after this” I groaned
“You are not fine, you need to go home! How did you get to school?”
“I…urm…I…I walked” when I left for school I decided that I was too distracted to drive my car safely
“I will give you a lift home”
“But you don’t have a car” I muttered “And what about Will?”
“Will is going back with Kiah and my dad lent me his car”
“Oh ok”
The rest of the day ran really slowly, I was only sick twice more but by the time Demitri had heaved me from his car and to my front door I was hardly aware of my surroundings
“I really don’t think I should leave you alone” said Demitri
“It’s ok, I will be fine” I muttered as I leaned heavily against the door frame
“I don’t know” he sighed, then added “do you want me to help you upstairs?” as he noticed that I was swaying rather dangerously.
“No thanks”
“Fine but I’m going to send Bree over later, ok”
“Sure, just tell her to let themselves in” I said, he paused for just a few more minutes debating with himself then wondered off back to his dad’s sleek green Ford Focus, after he had driven away I shut the door and sank slowly to the floor and rested my head against the cool wall.
“Lana?” I opened my eyes to see Linda crouching in front of me looking concerned “what’s wrong?”
“I think it’s just a bug” I muttered as I allowed my eye lids to close again
“I didn’t think you looked too well this morning, I think you better go to bed”
“Ok” I agreed as she helped me up and half dragged me up the stairs
“If you want I will stay until you get better”
“Please, I don’t really want to pass this on to Dylan” I muttered as I changed in to my bed clothes and slowly climbed into bed.
“It’s not a problem, just get better ok” and she left the room
I felt too ill to even think about my dream and got to sleep almost straight away. When I woke I realised that I felt much better and that I felt hungry so I climbed out of bed, Dylan’s cot was empty so he must be sleeping in his play pen and sure enough when I got downstairs I saw blankets on the sofa where Linda must have slept and Dylan in his playpen sleeping soundly, I crept past him silently so not to wake him and entered the kitchen to find Linda sitting at the breakfast bar reading the mornings news paper.
When I entered she looked up at me and said “You look better this morning”
“I feel better” I confirmed as I reached into the breadbin and pulled out a slice of bread and put it in the toaster, I didn’t want to push my stomach too far so I was just going to have dry toast, “Thank you for staying by the way, I’ll pay you an extra days wages”
“Don’t be silly” said Linda almost angrily “You were ill, it wasn’t your fault you were ill”
“It wasn’t yours either” I replied as my toast popped out of the toaster and landed on my carefully positioned plate
“No” said Linda sternly
“Ok, well, only if you’re sure”
She nodded at me and then said “You going to school?”
“Of course!” I thought “Its Friday” I looked at her then nodded as I had my mouth full
“Well you had better get ready then, quickly”
I looked at the clock and then yelped, the clock on the wall said half past eight “great!” I groaned as I dropped my toast back on to my plate and dashed upstairs. I was showered and changed in record time it was now quarter to nine and that was a first for me, well getting ready in fifteen minutes that is. I decided that it was safe enough to drive and arrived in class with two minutes to spare.
“Feeling better then?” asked Bree
“Much” I said nodding “Hey, what happened to you last night? Dem said he was going to send you over”
“I came” said Bree “but you were asleep, I only came to check on you anyway, Linda seemed to have it all under control anyway”
“Are you doing anything tonight?”
“No, why?”
“Want to come round and order pizza?”
“Sure, I fancy pizza actually, want me to tell the others?”
“Sure ok” I agreed, I love spending time with my friends and seeing as Linda said she would stay again tonight I thought I would take advantage of the extra time I had.


Chapter Ten

It was a year ago that my mother died and I didn’t know what to do, I just sat in my bed feeling crushed, one by one I let the tears spill out of my eyes as I remembered the day of my mothers death.
…
It was seven in the morning and I woke up to the sound of my curtain being wrenched open, “Lana! Come and look, it has been snowing all night!” my mother was such a wonderful person, very excitable, like a child you might say, “Come on Lana” she said as she prodded me, I sat up and shielded my eyes from the soft white-ish glow that was coming from my window, I smiled as she came into focus, my mother: the most beautiful woman in England, with her waist length golden blonde hair, the white glow coming from the snow made her look like an angel, I know that it’s a childish description, but that’s how I see her. “Your father is going to be so annoyed that he missed winters first snow fall” she sighed as she fell back onto my bed.
“It’s his loss” I said grinning as I wrestled myself free of my bed covers “he doesn’t have to go on all these trips, it’s not exactly company policy mum it’s his choice.”
“I know” she sighed “but it pays well and with the new baby we really need the money”
“Yeah right” I muttered under my breath “he should stop giving my half his wages then!”
“Oh great!” mum groaned as she heard a baby starting to cry
“It’s ok mum, I’ll see to him” I offered, mum had a baby just three days ago and I am the only support at the moment seeing that dad is away
“Thanks dear” she said wearily as she closed her eyes
I wandered into mum’s room and walked over to the crib in the corner and carefully picked up a beautiful baby boy. Supporting his head I carefully checked his nappy which was surprisingly dry and figured that he was probably just hungry “mum” I whispered as I re-entered my bedroom “I think he is hungry”
“Ok, pass him here then love” she muttered as she propped herself against my headboard and placed about five pillows behind her.
I watched as she breast fed him, at first, when he had just been born I had looked away feeling embarrassed, but mum had said that it was natural and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. After about ten minutes I asked slowly “Mum? When are you going to name him?”
“I told you before honey, I want to wait till dad gets back so we can choose a name together” mum answered as she put her top back into place and put the baby gently over her shoulder to burp him, but instead of burping he vomited all down her back and thankfully missed my sheets “Damn” she groaned “this was the only top I have that isn’t stained already, here love can you take him and clean him up whilst I get changed?”
It was about mid afternoon when mum came to me and said “heya honey, I need to get out of the house for a bit, the baby is sleeping so all you have to do is keep an eye on him” and she passed me the baby monitor.
I didn’t notice that anything was wrong; I just figured she was tired and a bit stressed which was natural because of the baby, “Sure, no problem mum” I answered
“Bye love, I love you”
“Love you too mum” I watched as she hesitated in the doorway “mum, go and have a good time, we will both be here when you get back”
I didn’t have a clue where she was going, I just figured that she was probably going to see her friends, so when I woke up at half past ten the next day and she wasn’t back, I was frantic with worry, mum never usually stays out all night with out telling me, so the first thing I did was phone round all her friends, yes all fifty of them that lived in this region and not one had seen her since the birth of the baby, three days ago…
I don’t have a clue how I got to sleep, all I remember is settling down in the rocking chair next to the baby’s crib at about two in the morning then waking up to a knock on the door what seemed to be five hours later, not being totally comfortable with leaving the baby on his own I scooped him up and carefully walked down the stairs with him and opened the door. There in the door way were two coppers, two men, one looked middle aged and the other looked in his early twenties and they both looked very solemn, “urm…hello? May I help you?”
“Miss South?”
“Yes?”
“May we come in?”
“Sure, come on in” I said inviting them in and leading them to the sitting room.
“Is your father home?”
“No, he won’t be back for another month”
“Is there anyway you can contact him?”
“No, sorry, he didn’t leave a number”
The two men exchanged worried looks then “You might want to take a seat” said the younger one of the two, im afraid we have a bit of bad news for you.” As soon as I heard that my heart sank and I could guess what was coming next, so I held the baby tighter and sat down on the sofa and watched as the middle aged copper sat in the arm chair opposite me and the younger one sat next to me
“Is this about my mother?” I asked quietly as I hugged my brother to my chest
“Unfortunately we think we found her body” answered the middle aged copper and the other one sat closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders, “she was found at one this morning next to the railway tracks at central station, it looked as though…it looked as though she threw herself in front of a train” immediately I felt my whole body starting to shake and I only half noticed the older copper take the baby out of my arms, as the younger one tried to comfort me
“No, you have it wrong” I managed to stammer “she is the happiest ive seen her, I mean she has just had the baby”
“It looked as though she had been there for at least a day” said the copper sitting opposite me
“Oh my god” I whimpered as I felt something wet on my face and only realised that I was crying when I wiped it away, they had I wrong anyway, so I don’t know why I was crying, my mum would probably walk through the door anytime now
The younger one moved closer to me and said awkwardly “You will have to come down to the station, to identify the body”
“Ok but I doubt it’s my mother” I agreed awkwardly
After a short discussion the middle aged police man offered to stay with the baby whilst the other one took me down to the station.
It was a silent trip; I was wrapped in my own thoughts, my mum was always happy, I had never seen her sad or angry, she was always the one that held the family together, she was our rock and my inspiration, she was my hero. It wasn’t too long later when I found myself standing side by side with the young copper outside a big metal door he made me jump slightly when he said “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No thanks”
“Are you sure?” he sighed when I nodded “ok” and he pushed the door open for me
I wandered slowly into the room, in the middle of it there was a metal table with a body under a sheet, I stopped as I reached the table and put a shaky hand on to the cold metal of the surface, I looked round to see the copper staring in worriedly through the little window in the door then I turned back towards the table and held my breath as I reached out and slowly pulled the sheet away from the body, I gasped as I recognized the perfect face, everything around me seemed to grow hazy and I swayed a little on my feet, I pulled the cover completely off and just stared at the body of my mother laying soundly on the table, like she was sleeping. I couldn’t see any cuts, bruises or blood on her body it must have been all internal…
“Are you ok?” came a voice behind me, I turned around and stared into the face of my young copper who was kneeling next to me on the cold cement floor, I didn’t know what I was thinking but the next thing I knew I had collapsed into his lap and was sobbing loudly into his chest, he must have had some practice at this because he just held me close and comforted me until I had calmed down enough to make some sense of what I wanted.
“Can you take me home?” I sobbed
“Are you sure you want to go home? I mean is there no one you want to call or anywhere you want to go?”
“No thanks” I replied as I felt fresh tears leak from my eyes “I need to go home”
He nodded once and lead me back out to the car, I didn’t really remember the journey home it was all hazy and dream like, you know like those dreams that wake you up in the night and you barely remember them the next morning, it seemed like no time at all had past when he pulled up outside my house, “Thank you for everything” I said quietly and he opened the door for me.
“I’m really sorry that we had to meet under such tragic circumstances, but look” he said as he held out a see through plastic bag “these are your mother’s clothes and items that were on her body when she was found”
“Thanks” I said appreciatively as I held out my hand to receive the bag and pulled him into a hug, he didn’t break the hug until we heard the other copper, the middle aged one coming down the path
He looked at me sympathetically and then said “The baby fell asleep, I put him in his crib” he patted me on the shoulder and then went and sat in the passenger side of the car
“Thanks again”
“It’s no problem, I’m just sorry that you were on your own”
I shrugged as I felt like I was going to break down again “you have been so good to me and I don’t even know who to send the thank you card too” I managed to choke out
He smiled at me, rested his hand on my shoulder and said “It’s Dylan” he smiled at me again then he turned round and walked slowly to the car and drove off.
…
I sniffed as I clambered off my bed, walked over to my dresser and pulled out a see through plastic bag that I didn’t bother to look through a year earlier, I went and sat down on the floor and leaned up against my bed then I rummaged inside the bag and found a white piece of paper, I opened it slowly and read:
To my two beautiful children
Look for me as the sun set’s
Mum
I let my tears splatter on to the page as I traced the words ‘as the sun sets’ with my finger, I didn’t have a clue what the note meant but it still meant a lot to me, it was the last thing my mum had touched, well apart from the train, I put the letter aside and rummaged around a bit more and pulled out the once light blue top that was now a deep red and her favourite pair of khaki trousers that she had been wearing the day that she had died, but both were now just rags, I didn’t mind, I was just glad to have something of hers that hadn’t been washed. her purse that had two hundred pounds still in it and a pair of pink trainers and there at the bottom of bag I found her angel necklace with her birthstone in the middle, I pulled it out, fiddled with clasp and fastened it around my neck, at least now I felt close to her. I sniffed her top ignoring the blood stains, I could still smell the perfume that she had been wearing, it was such a sweet fragrance, the one I had brought for her, I put the now empty bag on the floor and placed mums top on my knees and sat there silently with my head in my hands.
It had been two weeks since my dream, since I really had a chance to think about it, it’s not something I really want to see again in a hurry. But I remember seeing mums body, it didn’t look like she had been hit by a train for all I knew she could have fallen in to some brambles and fallen asleep because all she had on her was cuts and bruises, but I only saw the front of her body, I suppose the train hit her from behind which left the front of her body generally unscathed, but it really wasn’t worth thinking about, was it? She committed suicide so her death wasn’t suspicious.
“Lana! Stop daydreaming” muttered Bree “Miss is looking at you!”
“What?” I had almost forgotten that I was in an English lesson
“Shhh, teacher” hissed Bree as she quickly picked up her pen and started writing
I looked up and was face to face with Mrs Foxworth she wasn’t like most of the teachers here, she was young, just married in fact and genuinely very kind
“Lana?” she asked so only me and maybe Bree could hear “are you ok?”
“Just fine miss” I mumbled
She frowned at me and then said “you always have been a terrible liar” she sighed and then continued “I want to talk to you so please stay behind after class” and then she walked backed to her desk and sat down.
I turned to Bree who was looking at me and mumbled “what do you think she wants?”
“Dunno” shrugged Bree “she’s nice so I doubt that you are in any trouble”
“I guess” I muttered
“Anyway” said Bree as the bell rang “I’ll be waiting just outside ok?”
“Sure” I stayed sitting down as the class slowly filed out of the class room until there was only me, Mrs Foxworth and a skinny boy called Billy was left in the room
“Now Billy”
But Billy interrupted “but Miss it wasn’t me! Well not entirely”
“Billy…” Mrs Foxworth tried again
But Billy interrupted again “it’s not fair! Why did you only call me up? You always pick on…”
But this time Miss interrupted “Billy! Shut up! I don’t care who else was involved, it was you I saw making the stupid noises and so it will be you that will be getting the detention! Maybe it will teach you to act your age.” Then she pointed towards the door which was an obvious dismissal.
Billy turned around with a rather sorry look on his face but then corrected it into an “I don’t care” sort of grin when I realised that I was in the room “alright Lana” he muttered as he swaggered over to the door
“Hurt your leg Bill?” I said smirking
He mumbled something that sounded like “I was just being cool” then stalked out of the room
I raised my eyebrows and looked at the teacher who walked over and sat in Bree’s usual spot to the right of me “What’s going on?” she asked simply “you seem to be daydreaming a lot and it’s not like you, you are a good student but your grades are slipping”
“Not a lot” I replied “just today”
“I meant, Lana, that you missed today’s lesson because you were daydreaming”
“Oh”
“So what’s going on?”
“It’s nothing” I muttered “just a dream I had a few weeks ago”
“A dream?”
“About my mother” Mrs Foxworth had been a friend of my mother’s so she could understand what I was going through
She put a hand on my shoulder and then said “ah yes it has been nearly a year now hasn’t it”
“Yeah” I murmured
“What was the dream?”
I took my time telling her about the dream, even though it was something I didn’t really want to remember, she just told me that it was probably my imagination going over board because its an emotional time for me, so its something I think about when im sleeping.
“What took you so long!” moaned Bree twenty minutes later as we walked across the car park towards my car
“I was just explaining something” I answered simply


Chapter Eleven

It was raining when I finally left the house for school and like always I was late again, and Gabriel wasn’t around to give me a lift. The last time I had seen Gabriel was two weeks ago at Dylan’s party but then he disappeared and I hadn’t seen or heard from him since, I wasn’t worried Gabriel never stays away long unless it’s important, but I was a bit annoyed. I didn’t bother rushing, I was too busy thinking about mine and James’s late night phone call last night and as a result I was fifty minutes late for my maths class.
“Where have you been?” asked Bree
“Gabriel didn’t turn up again” I said not being completely honest
“What about your car?”
“My car?”
“Yeah, you know your nice sleek red soft top beetle”
“Oh, I got up so late and was in such a hurry to get out of the house I forgot!” I said suddenly feeling embarrassed
“You forgot! Girl, you are so lucky that Sir is away, you would have been in so much trouble!”
“I know” I sighed. I didn’t bother getting my books out because there was only five minutes left plus no one was working anyway. “Anyway, where’s Kiah?” I added as I looked around the classroom.
“I’m not sure actually, I will get willow to text her later if she doesn’t turn up”
“Great” I groaned as the bell went “we have PE next”
“I’d forgotten, I would have got my mum to write a note for me” Bree grumbled as she stood up “well come on, it will be worse for us we are late” she said as she pulled me up.
We walked together to the changing rooms to get ready, “What are we doing today?” I asked Bree
“Hey guys” said Kiah
“Where have you been?” I asked her
“What?”
“You missed maths” frowned Bree
“Oh yeah, dentist” she said as she smiled widely at us “I got my braces taken out”
“Oh wow, I bet your mouth feels different now” smiled Bree
“Yeah it does” Kiah said as she changed in to her kit
“Anyway” I said “what are we doing today?”
“Badminton” answered Bree and Kiah in unison
“That’s ok” I said as I pulled of my top and pulled on my orange polo shirt that we had to wear for any sporting activities along with white shorts or jogging bottoms, I always wear jogging bottoms and trainers, even though were meant to wear black plimsolls, but no one does. “I can play badminton, what?” I said when I looked up to see them both smirking at me “I have fewer accidents in badminton than in any other sport” I said defensively
“That’s true” agreed Kiah nodding “I still have a bruise on the back of my head where you hit me with the hockey stick”
“Yeah” I laughed “I was trying to knock some sense into you, obviously didn’t work”
“Hey!” she said loudly as she hit me “cheeky”
“Come on you two” said Bree pulling us into the gym and grabbing a free net as I grabbed three rackets. We took it in turns to play singles, as there were only three of us it seemed like the obvious solution. The end of the lesson came quickly and luckily the only person I injured was myself.
“You ok?” asked Bree an hour minutes later when she saw me rubbing my arm which was now in a support bandage
I shrugged and said “it just twinges a bit, it will be fine”
“How on earth did you fall over?” asked Kiah sniggering
I glared at her then said “It was because of you”
“Now from where I was,” Laughed Bree “it looked like you flew and did a summersault in the air!”
“Kiah tripped me” I grumbled watching them have hysterics and lengthened my stride, so I could get to the canteen quicker
“Hey!” shouted Bree “where are you going? Its Wednesday, we have study leave on Wednesdays”
I turned around and walked back the other way towards the exit, glaring at the floor.
“Hey come on” said Kiah running to catch up with me “we are only messing around”
“Yeah, you’re laughing at me” I grumbled
Bree frowned and said “come on, it was funny”
“It wasn’t funny, it hurt, now I am going home” I didn’t know why I was being stroppy with them really; I mean it was funny but I was a bit annoyed that they were laughing at me. I didn’t look back to see if they had followed me, I just started running and didn’t stop until I heard a voice behind me
“Where’s the fire?”
I stopped running and turned to see who was talking to me “James! Hey sorry I didn’t see you.” Then I said “why are you not at school?”
“I should ask the same” he said grinning “but as you asked first, I don’t have school on a Wednesday, what about you?”
“I have half days on Wednesday’s and on Friday’s” I said starting to walk
“Mind if I tag along?” James asked as he walked beside me
“Course I don’t mind, so what school do you go too?” I asked, I was surprised that I hadn’t asked him this before now, we had gone through everything else
“Cherry Hollow School for Boys” he said “I don’t really like it there”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, the atmosphere isn’t great and I’m always around boys who like to fight, it’s really annoying.”
“I used to go to the girls school, believe me a school that big with only girls is not a good scene, they can be worse than boys”
“I know” he agreed “what is it like at your school?”
“I like it actually, the teachers are nice and the pupils and generally nice, you just get the odd few that make it miserable for every one else.” I said as I scratched my head.
“Hey, what did you do to your arm?”
“Oh” I said rolling my eyes “me and sport don’t go well together”
“Oh not good” he said shaking his head “does it hurt?”
“Just twinges a bit, nothing drastic, urm want to come in for a bit?” I asked him when I reached my front door.
“Would love too” he grinned. “This may sound weird Lana” he said once we each had a drink and I had lead him to my room “but I really do love spending time with you.”
“Why would that sound weird?” I asked
“Because we haven’t known each other long” James answered blushing slightly
“James, it’s ok because I love spending time with you too and anyway it’s been over two months.” I smiled at him. “Hey James, do you mind coming shopping with me?”
“Sure I don’t mind”
So after asking Linda to stay for a few more hours I grabbed the money and the list off the table I guided him to my car and drove towards the store.
“Nice car” he said “I have a car but it’s only my dad’s old blue ford escort, I don’t even think its safe to drive, mind if I turn the CD player on?” he asked
“Go ahead”
“Cheers” he muttered as he searched for the power button, “Ah” he said as he found the button and watched as a screen slowly appeared out of the dash board “now that is fancy”
“Yeah” I laughed agreeing with him, “My dad installed it for me when I got the car.”
We finally arrived at the store and luckily because it was only twelve it wasn’t very busy so we were in, around, out and home by half past one.
“Thanks for your help James” I said as the contents of the last bag had been put away “Want a drink?”
“I would love too, but I cant, I have to baby sit. But” he said as he pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket and wrote on it “feel free visit me when you’re free” and he handed me the paper.
“Okay, have fun” I said as I followed him to the front door and opened it for him “and thanks again for your help”
“I actually enjoyed it” he said smiling, then he stepped forward and it looked as though he was going to kiss me again but then thought better of it and instead gave me a hug “see you” he said as he walked out of the open door.
“Yeah bye” I mumbled feeling a bit disappointed as I looked at what the piece of paper which had his number and address on it.


Chapter Twelve

I knew it was early as I lay in my bed waiting for sleep to wash over me again, I didn’t want to have to get up for school yet, especially if I didn’t need to, but I had this weird feeling like I wasn’t alone, It only took a moment to convince myself that I was being stupid and allowed myself to relax, but then I heard a floorboard creek right next to my bed which made me jolt upright as I started to panic, I was just starting to go through a list of possible weapons in my head when I realized that I was actually alone and I was just being silly. “Oh dear” I yawned as i slowly rubbed my eyes, “What time is it?” I muttered to myself now shading my eyes from the morning sun which was blinding me through the gap in the curtain. I leaned over to look at the clock and groaned, it was only seven thirty. I slumped back down into my pillows but it was too late, I was already wide awake. I slowly crawled out of bed and threw on some clean clothes mumbling to myself “haven’t gotten up this early for ages” I sniffed and wandered out of my room, down the stairs and into the kitchen only to find that Linda was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee “Linda?” I said confused “Why are you here this early?”
“Morning sunshine, I have been here since five.”
“But why?”
“Your dad rang me last night. I assumed he had told you?”
“No” I muttered as downed a glass of milk
“Oh, well, he’s coming back”
I looked up suddenly and almost sprayed Linda with milk “What!” I choked “Why?”
“Probably because he lives here love” she said as she smiled pleasantly at me “He should be here when you get back from school, he didn’t give me an exact time, which is why I am here so early.”
“Oh right ok” I had a few little words I had to say to my father and they weren’t very pleasant.
The school day started slow, it was wet and miserable out side and I had no desire to leave the warm classroom when lunch time came. Today it was only me and Bree, the twins and Kiah had gone off to a museum trip for their history course and I still have no idea where Gabriel is.
“Come on Lana, im hungry!” moaned Bree loudly into my ear
“You go then, just meet me back here when you’re done”
“I’m not leaving you alone, I will be like five minutes at the most” she waited for me to move myself from the radiator but I didn’t budge so she gave me a little push “why are you being so stubborn!” she whined
“Its cold and wet and I don’t like the cold, and I don’t like the wet so when it is cold and wet I tend not to leave the house”
“But, it’s just like a two second walk, come on!! You go out one door and the next second you’re through the other”
“Yes but I have to leave the building, and face the weather, you go. We are in here next anyway”
“Fine” grumbled Bree in defeat and stalked out of the room finally leaving me to my thoughts.
I looked around the now empty class room sighing, it was too much work to explain myself to people and I shouldn’t really need too, I have my reasons for things and that should be enough. I sighed again now thinking about the fact my father was coming home, what did he want and why didn’t he phone me? That thought made me angry and by the time it was time to leave school I was in a worse mood than I was when I left the house this morning.
“Hello” I called as I walked through the front door, then as I took another step I tripped over something and landed flat on my face. I got up slowly trying to stop my head spinning, I could feel a headache coming on and looked around. There were suit cases every where. “Are we moving?” I wandered allowed
“No honey, well you’re not moving.” I looked up to see my dad who was wearing his travelling jacket and holding Dylan who was also wearing his coat.
“What do you mean?” I asked slowly as I stared at my baby brother who was dozing lightly in my fathers’ arms
“I’m moving away and I’m taking Dylan with me”
I blinked stupidly at him, he was moving away? But…what about me? “Dad?” I said “what about me?” the question sounded childish as if Dylan had gotten a present and I wanted to know where mine was.
“Well honey, I figured that your old enough to own a house and I thought that you probably wouldn’t want to leave here, so I have put the house in your name, ive paid off the mortgage, you don’t have to do anything” he said when he saw the expression on my face “I am still going to pay the bills” he paused then added “Sorry honey, I have a car waiting, I must get going”
“What? Get going where?”
“Moving out to Japan to run the business there, sweetie” he said as he handed a few of the suitcases to two waiting men who must have followed me in
“Your, leaving me?”
“Not leaving you love, just helping you along” he kissed me on the forehead then picked up the last remaining case and walked out closing the door behind him with out even saying goodbye.
I don’t know how long I stood there, at first I just felt numb, I was shocked and outraged but…I couldn’t feel it. I blinked away the tears and sniffed.
“Lana…are you ok?”
I turned around to see James standing at the door, I sniffed again and wiped my eyes but no matter how much I wiped my eyes the tears still flowed, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t say a word, all I could do was gasp and sob in to James’s shoulder. I couldn’t think, I felt like some one had stabbed me a thousand times over in my chest, I felt like they had ripped a hole in my heart and left me to die.
It wasn’t too long before I was aware that I was now sitting on my bed in my room on James’s lap, I wasn’t sure when I had moved, I was too over come, my non existent dad had just come home and taken my only source of sanity away. He didn’t even ask how I was, he didn’t even stay for a drink, and he didn’t want to know. “He took Dylan” I finally managed to sob “my dad, he came home and took Dylan!”
“Shhh” soothed James “its ok”
“No! It’s not ok!” I half screamed as I hit him feebly “He took my baby brother, he took my baby!” I coughed and spluttered as I tried to catch my breath “You don’t understand James, I have raised Dylan, my dad had nothing to do with him after and even before mum died, I did all the work, I treated him as my own, I loved him as my own!” I had now worked myself into hysterics and couldn’t breathe at all, “He took my baby” I gasped again as a fresh howl of misery escaped my lips.
“Shhh, breathe, take deep breaths for me Lana” whispered James hugging me tightly and he held me until I cried myself to sleep.
I never knew how it would feel for a mother to be parted from her child, knowing that she would probably never see him again, and I didn’t want to know, this was bad enough. I had taken care of Dylan since he was born, he was my brother but my connection to him ran deeper, he was my baby, my child, not by birth but by blood, because of the death of our mother and the absence of our father, they had given him to me, they had passed him on to me, I raised him and I loved him as a mother would love her child. Giving birth to a child does not make you its mother, even raising that child. The one and only thing that can make you a mother is love, the love you feel is unbreakable no matter what the child may grow up to be, a mothers love is unconditional, irrational and fearless, nothing can get in the way of a mothers love. My grief ran so deep, I felt like I was falling apart and there was no one around to pick up the pieces.


Chapter Thirteen

January 14th 2009, Dear diary, yesterday my dad came home, he had been away since September and hadn’t even made the effort to come home for Christmas. It was a brief visit, but one that would stay with me till I die. You see my father has broken my heart, he left me yesterday, taking Dylan with him, his only son whom he had not held for more than five minutes in one go, the child he had ungratefully abandoned, his only reminder of his wife, a widowed man also heart broken had also abandoned me. He left me to raise his baby son; Dylan is now one, turned one last month. He is such an amazing child, you can never get bored around him, so full of surprises, said his first word three weeks ago he said ‘Baa Baa’, he was referring to his toy sheep, which he carries around as a security blanket, I taught him to walk and I had only just started to potty train him. A bit early right? But I thought that if I started early then maybe he would catch on that bit quicker. Dear Diary, I have nothing to do now, my world had centred around my baby brother since he was born, he was my life line after mum died, he looks so much like her, he has the same colour hair, blonde with strands of brown and red and the same sparkle in his big brown eyes and the same cheeky grin. Dear diary my father has broken my heart.
I didn’t get much sleep, I had exhausted myself beyond sleep and every so often when I finally managed to stem the flow of tears I remembered that James was still with me, I kept meaning to thank him but then I remembered and the tears would flow freely again. It was a long night and the prospect of having to get up for school tomorrow didn’t excite me in the slightest, but some how in the night whilst I was drifting in and out of consciousness I unconsciously pushed the events of yesterday right to the back of my head. I am…will be ok, I will keep my pain on the inside and not let any one know. The only one who I would allow to see me fall apart is James and that is due to his imperfect timing. I didn’t know how many hours, minutes or seconds later but I was aware that it was around my ‘waking up’ time, but I didn’t move, my head felt like a dead weight and I could tell that my eyes were red and puffy due to the soreness I could feel around them. I forced myself into a sitting position and stared around my room, as I looked at my sofa under the window and noticed that James was curled up on it sleeping soundly I felt my chest swell up with love, he had not left me, not for one minute, he was prepared to spend all night with me, he was prepared to give up his own time for me. I prized my sore eyes away from him and decided to go and bathe, it was only seven so I could have a good hour in the tub.
“Oh James, your awake” I said as I walked back into my bedroom rubbing my hair gently.
James didn’t say anything he just kept his face on mine “What?” I said feeling slightly self conscious as I was only in my bra and bed shorts
“Are you ok?” he asked me slowly
“Yeah, thanks.” I paused for a moment to think “James, I want to forget last night, if you don’t mind” I said quietly staring at my bare feet.
He frowned at me “are you sure? I mean with these sorts of things its not good to just ignore, it could really mess you up”
“Quite sure” I answered as I sprayed on my deodorant and pulled on my orange t shirt with butterflies along the bottom
“Fine” he said still frowning, he obviously didn’t like my decision.
“Do you need a lift to school?” I asked
“No thanks, I don’t need to go in on Wednesday’s”
“Ok a lift home then?”
“That would be nice” he said with a dazzling smile
“Thanks, by the way” I said blushing once we were in the car and just minutes from his house
“For what?” he asked as he turned to look at me
“For staying with me last night, you didn’t have to”
All of a sudden he looked angry “You don’t actually think I would have left you in the state you were in do you? What kind of friend would that make me?”
I didn’t talk again until I had pulled into his driveway, I didn’t know what to say to him except thank you again, so I turned to face him and his answering gaze shocked me. He was staring back at me with blazing eyes, it was obvious what he was going to do, but my brain had gone in to slow motion and I reacted a little too late, his right hand was already placed gently on my cheek and he was pulling me in, I closed my eyes as his soft lips touched mine. The electricity was threatening to take over, it was overwhelming me and it took all of my being to concentrate on controlling myself. I could feel his tongue slowly parting my lips, I didn’t know what to do with my tongue, it felt as though is was so obviously in the way, but just before I had decided to just leave it where it was, he broke contact with me but left his hand on my cheek now staring in to my eyes, “Your eyes” he whispered “they sparkle” I smiled slightly as I remembered the first time I heard my dad said that to my mum.
…
I remember that it was a bitterly cold night and I was sitting up in my room wrapped in my duvet reading Of Mice and Men for my English essay, it wasn’t a bad book but not one I would choose to read for leisure. I didn’t look up from it until I heard giggling through my bedroom floor, I got up to investigate. I quietly crept down the stairs and followed the sound of music that led me through to the kitchen. I didn’t go in I stood outside behind the door peeking through the gap, I could see my parents dancing together, it was my mother who was laughing looking entirely happy as her husband spun her. I had forgotten how much my parents used to love each other; you could see it in their eyes. As the music stopped my parents stopped dancing as well, but didn’t break eye contact, I remember that I had to strain to hear my dad whisper into my mums ear “I love you” he murmured she answered with her breath taking smile which was when he said “Your eyes, my love, they sparkle like the stars in the night sky.”
…
“Are you crying?” James asked with his head cocked to one side
I reached up to my face and sure enough I felt some tears run free, I sniffed and them smiled “Yeah, but they’re happy tears…I think”
James grinned at me “Thanks for the lift, I’ll come and see you later?”
“Any time, and sure, you are always welcome to come round when ever you want, in fact” I said as I rummaged around in my bag “I have a spare key, we…I don’t need Linda any more so she gave her key back”
“Thanks but, I don’t need a key honey, I will come over at about one” he said to me as he got out of the car, and then shut the door when I nodded.
“Hey Lana!!!” came a voice behind me as soon as I had climbed out of my car. I turned to see who it was.
“Hey Will, you ok, how was the trip?” I asked as I turned to shut the door and locked it.
“The trip? It was a bit boring actually” he answered dully
“What did you expect…it’s a museum, Will?”
He frowned at me then said “don’t be so prejudice, Lana, not all museums are boring.”
“If you say so. Come on, it’s starting to rain again”
He grumbled something unintelligible but followed me “What are your lessons today?”
“Maths first then PE, you?”
“Double history” he looked glum
“I thought you liked history?”
“I do, im just feeling too brilliant today”
I turned to look at him properly and he did look dreadful, his face was ghostly white with a faint green tint in his cheeks and he had dark circles under his eyes. “Wow Willow, you look dreadful” I gasped
“Thanks” he murmured
“Where’s Dem?”
“Inside already, I needed to talk to you”
“Ok? Go ahead”
He looked at me awkwardly and then started to talk “Do you think…” then he stopped suddenly.
I watched as he slapped his hand to his mouth and hurried inside with me close behind him. I waited outside the boy’s toilet; I could hear him throwing up loudly and was slightly amused that he managed to clear the room within seconds. I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall in between the boy’s toilets and the girl’s toilets and saw that we only had two minutes until the morning bell rang signalling for us to get to our lessons. “Will” I whispered as I nudged the door open to peer inside, I could see a shoe poking out from one of the cubicles “err are you ok?” I heard no answer so I went inside shouting “Sorry, Cover up your bits and bobs please, you are in the presence of a lady.” Luckily it was empty, well apart from me and Will. I popped my head around the cubicle door to see Willow lying on the floor with his cheek against the bottom of the toilet, assumedly because it was cold. “Do you know how unhygienic it probably is down there Willow?” I asked
He mumbled quietly something that sounded like “I don’t care” then he groaned and quick as a flash he was back over the bowl vomiting loudly.
I waited until he was finished then said “Ok come on Boyo we are going to the nurses office” and before he could protest I forced myself under his arm and steered him out of the toilet, admittedly rather hurriedly because it looked as though he was going to puke again and I was first in range as his head was resting on my shoulder. I didn’t talk until I heard Willow groan “I know your poorly Will, but if you dare throw up on me you won’t be forgetting it for a long long time Mr.”
It wasn’t till I was out of the nurse’s office that I could breathe properly, I passionately hate the smell of sick, and that retching sound people make when they throw up, not nice at all. I sighed then flipped open my phone which I had just taken from my pocket and sent a quick text to Bree, Demitri and Kiah, it said: “Hey guys, just to let you know, Willow has just gone home ill, I will explain all when we are free so no need to reply, lots of love x x” I sighed again then made my way to PE as there would be no point in going to maths as the bell was going to ring any time now.
I didn’t look up until I heard some one speak to me “Hi” came a female voice i didn’t recognise the voice so I turned to see who it was, standing next to me was a girl I had never seen before, she had lovely black hair, I mean usually black hair is just black hair but this was kind of midnight blue as well, it changed when the lighting changed, she had large brown eyes and a rosy face she was a thin girl, same height as me and that’s a good thing, I like people my height, I can relate to them. “Hi” she said again, now looking nervous “My name is Lameya Shepherd, but urm every one calls me Lacey”
“Lameya” I said and saw the relief on her face when I smiled at her “That’s an unusual name, I like it, and it’s pretty”
“Thanks” she said grinning back “I don’t know any one with my name, my mum kind of invented it”
“It is a very good invention, my name is Alana, but every one calls me Lana” I paused then added “so are you new?”
“Yeah just started today, it’s ok because PE is my last lesson then im free. Do you have PE?”
“Yeah” I grumbled, yet another person I could possibly injure. “So are you new in the town then?”
“Yeah just got back here from America about three weeks ago, this is my first week here. We lived in Phoenix for about three years before my mum got ill and then she died last winter, so we decided to move back. It’s been over a year now and dad wants to be in a place that still has her happy memories, we even got our old house back.”
Weird I thought to myself, I can relate to her in so many ways “that’s weird, mum also died last winter, well not this one just gone, the one before. So where is your house?”
“It is weird” she agreed “We live in the house right next to the school, how about you?”
“Just around the corner from the community centre, biggest house on the street, you couldn’t miss it” I laughed, she couldn’t get too confused as there was only one community centre in our town “Hey Phoenix” I said as I looked at a clock on the wall “Want to come to mine, after school? I’m free until one”
“Phoenix?” she laughed at me “That’s new, sure would love to but I think I should go home and help unpack, my dad is on his own with my sisters, they’re terrible when they get together and anyway” she said with a smirk “I have to think up a good nickname for you.” She thought for a moment looking at me every now and then. Then she looked up grinning “Bliss” she laughed
“Bliss? Why Bliss?”
“Easy” she grinned “Because every time I see you, you have a smile on your face.”
“I like it” I laughed. I think I have found myself a new friend, I thought to myself as I walked away.

Chapter Fourteen
“You’re early” I grinned to James as he walked in
He glanced at the clock “Oh” he said as he grinned back “I thought it was ten to one when I left, obviously not, well definitely not seeing as its twelve” he laughed “I couldn’t wait to see you”
I beamed at him when he said it, “I think I’m in love with you” I said laughing to make it seem like a joke, but stopped suddenly when I saw his face, “James…what is it”
“You shouldn’t say that unless you mean it” he said looking away from me
“James I…” I leaned forward to touch his shoulder but he stepped back “hey” I said frowning “why did that annoy you so much?”
He looked at me sadly then quietly said “I think I love you Alana South”
I watched him shoot me a sideways glance then turned bright red when he noticed I was staring at him. “James” I said as I went to touch his shoulder again but unlike last time he didn’t step away.
“Shhh” he said as he took my face gently in his hands, I stared into his perfect eyes which seemed to sparkle as he stared back at me. He leaned in slowly and softly kissed my lips. It wasn’t like our first kiss, this one felt…less rushed, it was more romantic in a way, I could still feel the electricity pulsing through me at his touch, but I had become accustomed to it and could handle it, I could feel a fire inside me, it was urgent, it wanted more and that was when I pounced on him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer to me. James didn’t seem to object, he wanted it too. He moved from my lips to my neck and started whispering soothingly and romantically into my ear, please don’t stop I thought, this is the best I have felt since I was left on my own, this is my life and I will live it how I like. I moved my head so his lips touched mine again as he lowered himself down next to me on the floor and wrapped me in his warm, safe embrace.
…
He stayed with me all night. I felt so safe, lying in his arms, sleeping next to him, feeling his breath on me as he slept. I wasn’t tired and even if I was I couldn’t sleep a wink, it had been the most perfect day and sleeping meant that it had to end. At least if I couldn’t fool time, I could fool myself. I lay next to him making sure I was close enough to touch his hand just to make sure he wouldn’t disappear and if he did, he would take me with him. But I was disappointed to find that some time in the night; I had drifted of to sleep and woke with James staring at me. “What?” I asked
“You look so peacefully beautiful when you sleep, you’re so silent, I even had to check once or twice to check that you were still alive.” He grinned at me as he pressed his lips against mine, “I love waking up with you and I would like to do it more often”. I smiled in agreement and I knew from now on that my life was changing. “Hey, Lana” James said as he smirked at me “Happy birthday!!”
“What?” I said feeling confused, “it’s not my birthday until the fifteenth of January”
“That’s today”
“No it isn’t”
“Look Lana” he said showing me the date on his phone “yes it is, happy nineteenth birthday!” and before I could protest any further, he scooped me up in his arms and kissed me. It seemed like years had past before he broke off the kiss, he looked straight into my eyes and then said “You Alana South are the love of my life and this will never change.”
The look in his eye was more of a promise than his words, he was sincere and true, I could trust him and I felt safe with him. But that still didn’t resolve my problem, the fact of the matter was that I was also in love with Gabriel but Gabriel had left me and I didn’t know what to do. I felt so happy that I was with James but my heart is breaking with every second that I am away from Gabriel and not knowing where he is kills me. Now all I have to do is choose, Gabriel or James?

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 11.08.2011

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