Elle was shaking. Bryan was holding her tight. “What’s wrong?” Elle didn’t know what to say. “Elle, you know everything is going to be okay, right?”
The two were at Bryan’s house, in his bedroom, where they watch movies on their date nights. His room is dark, with navy blue walls and hard wood floors. The bedspread was a deep ocean blue and the pillows were as white as the freshest beach sand. To most, it smelled of over sprayed Axe and Old Spice, but Elle was okay with it.
“Yeah,” she said, “I love you so much, but I am only sixteen. I am just way too young.”

“I know, but you are going too be fine. We were careful. I think you are going to be okay. Don’t worry.”
“It’s okay, can you just take me home, it’s getting late, and my mom is probably waiting for me.”
“Sure.”
As Bryan grabbed her coat off the rack by the front door, he looked at her. She looked scared, terrified. Her long, brown hair was covering her beautiful blue eyes. She didn’t want Bryan to see her tear up. She held the tears back, but it was too much to handle. One lonely tear streamed down her face, and Bryan wiped it off with his soft hand.
She looked up and smiled at him. She loved how he was such a comforting boyfriend. He tended to act like the perfect boyfriend, the kind that you only see in movies. He slipped the coat on her shoulders and put his coat on after. The cold Buffalo air slammed into him as he opened the door for Elle. They walked out into the night’s darkness.
Elle really loved him, but she knew she wasn’t ready yet. Bryan and Elle have been together for a while, actually ten months. She wanted to wait though, and that day wasn’t long enough. She wasn’t ready.
They walked down Montrose Avenue in the dark, the moon lighting the way. Leaves coated the cracked sidewalk. Bryan grabbed her hand tight. She was shivering in the cold, so he took off his jacket, and placed it on her shoulders. She smiled at him again, but didn’t say a word. They looked straight ahead. The quiet was deafening. Elle hoped for a car to drive by, anything to break the awkward silence because neither could find the courage to say anything.
“Thanks for walking me home.”
“Anything for you; let me walk you to the porch.”
When they got to the porch, she looked into his dark brown eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking. She whispered, “I’m sorry, you’re right. Everything is going to be okay.”
She went up on her tippy toes, and lightly kissed him on the cheek.
“I love you,” he said, and walked away.

His flippy brown hair swayed as he walked home alone in the dark. He teared up too. I don’t know why I did that, I respect her privacy, and I knew she wasn’t ready. I love her, but she let it happen too. It can’t be blamed all on me. I know it will be okay. I guess I am worried for no reason.
He zipped his jacked all the way to the top, and stuffed his cold hands into the pockets of his brand new North Face jacket. There was something metal rubbing against his hands, but he didn’t know what it was, so he pulled it out. It was a stunning necklace he planned to give Elle for their one year anniversary. That silver necklace was breath-taking. The diamonds lined up in a perfect heart shape. I wonder if we are going to make it that much longer now. I don’t think she will ever look at me the same now. It’s not like I made her get high, or drink. I still feel terrible. I invaded her privacy. Even though she didn’t stop me, I should have stopped myself. I just don’t know if we are going to make it that much longer. I really hope so. I hope she forgives me…
As he tucked it back into his pocket, he let out one more tear. If they broke up, he would blame it all on himself, and he didn’t want that to happen. Men can’t cry. Come on Bryan, be a man. Hold it in. she won’t break up with me. She loves me, I hope. She does, she tells me she does all the time. I wish I could say sorry again. I don’t even know what I would do without her. Bryan thought about everything. His math test, his ex-girlfriend Beckka, his mother, Elle. Mostly about Elle. He couldn’t even imagine what will happen next.
As he walked into the door of his house, he could smell his favorite oatmeal cookies. The lights were all off, with only one shining over Bryan’s dad. His dad was sitting in the dark green recliner in front of the TV, watching Fox News and reading the paper.
“What’s the matter Bee, your face is all red.”
“It’s just cold outside, that’s all.” The way he said that made him sound so depressed. His father could tell by Bryan’s eyes that something was wrong. He must have ignored it though, because Bryan walked to his room and didn’t talk for the rest of the night.

After about six weeks, Elle started having rough mornings. Elle woke up feeling woozy, stomach sick, and moody. Whenever she talked to anyone, she a negative attitude, and she couldn’t hold it back. She was the new “Negative Nelly.”
Two hands on the railings, she slowly walked down the stairs. Oh, this stupid light is getting right in my eyes. “Mom! Can you come turn this light off; it is making me sick to my stomach. I might have to puke on your new floor.”
Her mom comes running over, confused. “What’s the matter with the lights, sweetie? We just got them changed out a week ago.” “I don’t know, maybe my eyes are just a little more sensitive today, does it matter? Can you just turn off the damn light, sometime today?” The rest of the house was calm. All the lights were dimmed. The house was painted a dark yellow-brown color that reminded her of fall. All the furniture matched, and there were only two televisions around the house. The family liked it that way. Quiet and peaceful.
Her mom immediately knew something was wrong. The only time Elle get’s sensitive eyes are when she is sick or something bad is happened.
Elle walked down the stairs, into the living room, and collapsed on the couch. She smelled the fresh pancakes in the kitchen and it made her feel like she was going to throw up. She ran to the bathroom and “tossed her cookies.”
“Elle, is everything okay with you? You are sick to your stomach, sensitive to light; you were dizzy walking down the stairs. What is going on?”
“I don’t really know mom, maybe I am just catching a cold, I am going to get some fresh air outside and walk to Rite Aid to get some medicine. I will be back in like a half hour.”
“Okay, here is twenty dollars. Feel free to get something to settle your stomach too. Be careful.”
“Yes, mother.”
Elle grabbed her jacket and walked outside. It was chilly, but the sun felt good as it beat down on her. The mornings are always cold in Buffalo, but the sun has a way of still shining its face. I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel terrible, I am moody, and I missed my period. What if I am pregnant? I don’t even know what I would do…
She walked into Rite Aid and got crackers, some Aspirin, and a pregnancy test. Right away she knew there was no way her mom could see it.
She paid for her items, and walked into the bathroom. She took the test, but had to wait for fifteen minutes for the results. She ate all the crackers as time slowly ticked by. This is terrible. I can’t stand waiting. I just want this to be over. This is like torture. After what felt like hours, she looked at her results.

Bryan was playing Xbox 360 with his two best friends, Nick and Sam. Their new favorite game was Modern Warfare 2. Bryan was so into the game that he didn’t hear his phone vibrate when Elle called three times.
“KILL IT BRYAN! WE ARE ALMOST PAST THE NEXT WAVE!” The game was intense.
The room was dark. They turned the lights were off to add effect to the new game. The couches were old, purchased from a garage sale last summer. . It was a basement, so the air was clammy. The walls were painted a dark green and the hard wood floors were very dusty. Aside from the couches and televisions, the rest of the room was filled with large, cardboard boxes. Christmas boxes, Halloween, Easter. The cabinets against the walls were filled with food, plates and picture frames. Three televisions were lined up. One for each of the boys. They all had their own Xboxes and games. You could call them intense gamers.
After gaming for three hours straight, they decided to scarf down some more food. They went into the kitchen. The kitchen was newly remodeled by Bryan’s dad. All the appliances were stainless steel with a bar style kitchen table right in the middle. You could tell only boys lived in that house because there was a television on to counter to watch hockey games on. The boys had a feast of junk food. There was chips, pizza, cheese sticks, nachos, cheese dip, salsa, crackers, popcorn, hot sauce, Coca Cola, Root Beer, cookies.
“Bryan! Where are the chips, there are no more!”
“I’m working on it, chill dude.”
“I think we need to get back to gaming, we are doing so good!”
“Whoa, Nick. Chill. We got to take a food break now. Get re-energized. Like that little bunny man.”
Bryan still didn’t check his phone. He was too busy eating, gaming, and having a great time with his best friends. All of that fun really got his mind off of worrying about Elle. He convinced himself that everything was okay because two weeks went by and he heard no bad news from Elle.
At about seven at night, Nick and Sam took out their favorite movie, Employee of the Month. They really only liked it because their favorite actress, Jessica Simpson, was in it.
Bryan finally checked his phone. Twenty phone calls from Elle, two voicemails, and eleven text messages. Hey love, call me when you get this. Hey babe, sorry if you’re busy with Nick and Sam. I hope you boys are having fun! Call me when you get this please. It’s sort of important… Love you! All the texts were about the same. Bryan! Call me. Need to talk to you. Love you, call me. Call me! Need to talk. Bryan, this is important. Please call. What is going on? What is so important that she called so many times? I have to call her tonight; I don’t want her mad at me. Bryan noticed the demeanor of the texts got colder and colder. He felt helpless. He hoped for the best, but prepared himself for the worst. Time to man up and call Elle.
“Hey Bryan. Sorry if I disturbed you all day. We need to talk.”
“What’s going on? You called me so many times.”
“Well, I had some news to tell you.”
“Okay love, what is it?”
“I don’t know if I want to tell you this over the phone or in person, it’s a big deal.”
Bryan started to get nervous. He didn’t know if they were breaking up. He didn’t know what to expect, or what to say, but he wanted the news right away. No more waiting.
“Tell me now.”
“Um, I went to the store today…”
“And?”
“I am pregnant.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
There was a long pause, and tears filled both ends of the phone. They were both so scared, and Bryan felt absolutely horrible. He couldn’t man up enough to hold back the tears.
“Elle, I am so sorry. This is my entire fault. I don’t even know what to do; I literally ruined your life.”
“Bry, don’t worry. I think we need to talk this out. I have to tell my mom, and you have to tell your dad. All I know is that I refuse to get an abortion. Tell me now if you feel different, but all I know I can’t kill a precious baby. I would rather keep it, with or without you.”
“I understand, and agree. I also want to keep to keep the baby, but do you know how much help we will need? We are sophomores and juniors in high school. I don’t know how we will handle this. I am so sorry I did this to you. I wish I would have respected you. I am so sorry.”
“Bryan, stop worrying.” Elle is crying as she says this. She is trying to pretend like nothing is wrong, when she knows it is.
“Okay, I am going to talk to my dad in the morning and you can tell your mom in the morning too.”
“Sound’s good. I love you Bry, don’t worry about anything yet.”
“I love you too babe. Call me right after you talk to your mom. I want to know everything. Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine, thanks for asking. But go to sleep! It’s getting late. Good night!”
“Good night.”
They both hung up and Bryan ran to his room crying. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wish I could change time. I wish this didn’t have to happen. She is trying to cover up her tears. I could tell, and that makes me feel worse. I hope her mom understands. I hope my dad doesn’t get too mad. I hope he doesn’t hit me like when I was little.
Bryan lay in bed and cried himself to sleep.

Elle woke up the next morning at 4:38, feeling worse that morning than the one before, and ran straight to the bathroom. She had all the lights turned off, and put the fan on so the smell of her vomit wouldn’t upset her stomach any more. Her mom woke up a little later to hear Elle crying over the toilet.
“Elle, what is going on?”
“Nothing, I just don’t feel good.”
“Okay, what do you think you have? You have been feeling like this for a few days now.” As her mom kneeled to the ground, she put a pony tail in Elle’s pin straight brown hair, so it won’t get into her eyes. Her mom was beautiful. She had dark brown hair, just like Elle, but her mom’s was wavy. She had beautiful green eyes. She was tall and skinny.
“I’m pregnant.”
“WHAT?”
“Mom, I am not kidding. I didn’t find out until yesterday morning. I am so sorry. I really didn’t know what to do; I just knew I had to tell you right away. Please don’t hate me completely. Please. I don’t want to lose you. I am really sorry, but I need support from someone. Mom, please understand. Please.” The tears were running down her face like water pouring out of a faucet. She couldn’t even think straight. She felt like the way she did when she found out that her dad died. All different emotions were running through her head. It was like the traffic on Transit, but with different feelings all racing through the same intersection. Elle’s heart.
“Elle, listen to me. I don’t hate you. I am your mother. I could never leave you. I am here to support you. But, why so young? I am shocked.”
Elle was hyperventilating. She didn’t know what to say or do first. She just let all the tears out as her mom rubbed her back and comforted Elle in her time of need. I don’t know why my mom isn’t mad at me. I thought she would kick me out. I thought she would be swearing and yelling at me. I guess I have nothing to worry about yet. I should just really talk it out.
“All I know is I didn’t want it to happen, but I guess I let it happen. If I could change things, I would but I can’t.”
“What do you mean by change things? I can assure you everything is going to be okay. I will be here for you. You have nothing to worry about. When this new baby joins our family, things will be different. Right now, nothing needs to change. You are going to be fine. We will work this out together.” Her mom was holding back the tears.
“I wish my brother didn’t die. I wish my dad didn’t die. I wish I wasn’t... I am sorry mom; this is just hard for me. I am ruining everything. I know it has to be hard for you too. I must be messing up everything. It’s my entire fault.”
“Don’t say that Elle. Your brother and dad died and there is nothing we can do about it. We got over that. I know it is hard but you are all I have left. I need you just as much as you need me. We have to be strong for each other, and nothing can hold us back. We can’t change the past honey. All we can do is make the future better. I can assure you that we are going to be just fine. Stop worrying darling. Why don’t you take a nap and call Bryan. I don’t mind if he comes over. Are you going to stay together?”
“You don’t hate him?”
“Everyone makes mistakes. Elle, just because this was a big one doesn’t mean I have disrespect for either of you.”
“Okay, thanks mom.” She walked away, still letting tears out, but now more like a dripping faucet. I am so happy my mom understands; I just wish I knew if what she said was what she really meant. Elle thought her mom was so cool for understanding. She was only thirty five, and she went through a lot too.
For the rest of the day she waited for Bryan to call. God, please let Bryan’s dad understand like mom did. I need you to be with him. Please God, please. I can’t lose him. We need each other. God, Please.

What a rough night, Bryan woke up thinking. I can’t believe that really happened. I thought it was a dream. Is Elle really pregnant? Yes, he knew it wasn’t a dream. Elle really told Bryan she was pregnant. Worrying about the conversation with his dad, he didn’t want to move. What was he going to say? What would he do to me? I don’t want to go through with this, but I want to do it for Elle. I know I just have to.
“Bryan!” His dad was calling him down from the kitchen. “Come down for breakfast!” He knew he had to face the conversation sooner than later. It’s now or never Bryan.
“Coming dad!” I have to do this. I have no choice. Come on Bryan, man up. Tell him. Do it for Elle. Do it for our baby.
As Bryan walked into the kitchen, he was thinking about what he should say. Man up. Just man up.
He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee shaking in his hand.
“Dad, we need to talk.”
“Okay, what is it Bee?” Bryan knew his dad loved him. Just like Elle, he lost one of his parents too, but Bryan lost his mom while she was in labor with him. What if that happened to Elle, he thought?
“Dad, I got Elle pregnant. Please don’t get…” His dad interrupted.
“BRYAN. YOU IRRESPONSABLE PIECE OF SHIT! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose dad, cool it.” I knew this was going to happen, he thought. He is going to keep blowing up on me and there is nothing I can do about it.
“Bryan how the hell are you going to keep a baby? There is no way I am taking any responsibility in this. Good luck.”
“Dad, I have no mom, I need you.”
“That’s too bad Bryan; I don’t care what you need from me. If you needed anything, you shouldn’t have screwed up like you did. That was just stupid. To be honest, I don’t even want to look at you. I don’t know what to do with you.”
“What do you want me to do, just leave? Kick me out on the streets?”
“I am about to. Why don’t you just go away? I just want you to go leave for a while. Figure out what you are going to do with your life before I do kick you out.”
Bryan just walked away. He left the house with no place to go, and just walked. He watched cars race by, wondering if any of the people in these cars are going through the same things as me. Pregnant girlfriend, dead mom, kicked out of the house, depressed, confused. The streets were filled with cars and people. They were shopping and living out their lives. The sky was bright, and the sun was shining, but the cold air ran chills through Bryan’s body. As he watched the leaves fall, he thought to himself.
How could I do this to myself, my dad, Elle’s mom, to Elle? I can’t even look at my self. I got kicked out of my house. My own house! All I can do is walk around these cold streets by my self and regret every mistake I have ever made in my life.
It was getting late, and dark. He thought it might be a good idea to start walking over to his friend’s house, where he would be sleeping at for the next few nights. It was only a few blocks away.
He was thinking about Elle as he blindly walked across the busy street. I am clueless, he thought. I don’t know what to do. It was dark, and the headlights blinded him as he stared at the car that was coming straight at him. He just stood there as the drunk driver swerved through traffic, and in the blink of an eye, the car slammed into Bryan. The driver was got out of his car, and stood over Bryan. Now, a helpless boy.
The police showed up at the scene. The sidewalks started to fill as out lookers gawked. Once the ambulance arrived, they immediately got Bryan up and put him on a gurney. The paramedics ran in IV into Bryans arm and the ambulance sped away, its lights piercing the night’s darkness.
Bryan’s dad showed up at the hospital later that night. He walked up to the front desk as fast as he could, not very cautious of the old lady in a wheel chair right next to him. He asked the nurse at the check in desk if he could see Bryan. Bryan, the boy that got in a terrible car accident.
“You have to speak to the doctor first, sir,” the nurse said. The doctor walked out. He was old, and looked trust worthy with his gray hair and his big glasses. With a clip-board in his hand, he walked up to Bryan’s dad. His paces were slow and calm, but the expression on his face wasn’t. He looked like something bad happened. Dr. Brown told him the news that would change his life forever. Bryan’s dead.

Elle was sitting home that same night. She was worried and impatient because all she wanted to do was hear from Bryan. I am so tired, she thought. I really need some sleep. I guess I will just wait until tomorrow to hear from Bryan. I’m sure he is fine.
As she lay down in her big, soft purple bed, she looked around. Her eyes were drifting all around the room. The stuffed animals from when I was a baby, a picture of me and my dad, the little night light my brother got me for my birthday the year before he died. She looked at the jewelry box that her mom got her when she was twelve. It was pink and a little old, but she couldn’t get rid of it. On the book shelf was a picture of her with a poem her dad wrote her. “I love you with all my heart, my precious baby girl. You are beautiful. Stay strong. Always glow. You will always be my shining star.” She saw the picture on the end table of her and Bryan and junior prom. What a fun night, she thought. I remember the beautiful red flowers he bought me and the delicious chocolates. She saw the purple teddy bear sitting by her bed that Bryan got her for their six month anniversary. I wonder what he is going to get me from our one year! He knows me so well. She smiled at the thought of her one year anniversary with the love of her life. It was going to be such a big day, and it is coming so soon.
Right before she fell asleep, she heard her obnoxious cell phone ring.
“RING.” Bryan is calling! Finally! She answered the phone to discover that it wasn’t Bryan, but his father.
“Elle, we need to talk. Now.”

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.01.2010

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