When the sky falls(boyxboy) preface
When 16 year old Leo moves in with 17 year old Josh after his father marries Josh's mother, Sierra. Josh is sure that he wants nothing to do with his new step-brother, Just hearing Leo breathing gives Josh a reason to be pissed. But will this be the beginning of something? Will Josh stop trying to act like his father and be a better man, or will he follow in his fathers footsteps exactly and ruin everything that Leo and Josh could have together. Or, will Josh give up and pretend that Leo doesn't exist to him...
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"Just admit it."
i shook my head. "no! i think you should leave, now."
Leo stood up and pursed his lips. "if you aren't true to who you really are, and you aren't honest to yourself....your never going anywhere in life, and you'll never make real friends... because no one will know the real you, so stop hiding, and be you."
leave me alone, Leo
"Josh!" i hear my step-brother scream from the hallway.
i roll over. "Leave me alone, Leo." i mutter
"Get up!" he screams, frustration evident in his voice. "Josh!"
i barely open my eyes, and then snap them shut. "go away!"
"humph!" my body jolts upwards as a heavy body lands on me. I open my eyes and stare until my sight gets adjusted. "Why are you straddling me?" i whimper in pure disgust. i gather all my morning strength and push him off of me.
"looks like someone's got some morning wood." he says' mocking me.
i roll my eyes. "whatever."
he lands on the floor with a thud. i pull myself out of bed and head into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. i walk into the shower and jump in turning the water on freezing cold. i instantly begin to shiver. "fucking morning wood." i curse myself.
i stand in the freezing cold shower until it's finally safe to get out. i reach out for my towel and feel nothing. "shit..." i mutter to myself. i call for Leo. "Leo...are you out there still?" when all i hear is silence i hesitantly twist the door knob and peek my head out as my body slides halfway out the door.
"Ahem..looking good."
without knowing who it was i quickly covered my body with my hands. "what the hell are you doing in here?!?" i freak out as Leo sits on my bed staring up at my naked body.
"oh you know, just popping up." he says with a smirk.
i roll my eyes in annoyance. "Why did you have to become my step-brother?"
he smirks. "so i can annoy the living shit out of you."
i run my free hand through my hair and pull at it roughly. "Leo, if you keep this up i'm going to end up pulling all my hair out of my head."
"errr...ok."
i was staring at my wall hoping that he had planned on leaving me alone in my room to get changed. "are you ever going to leave?" i asked rudely.
he nodded his head. " i had planned on it." Leo stood up and was making his way out of my room when my phone began to vibrate on my nightstand.
i took one look at him and seen in his eyes that he was going to lunge. without thinking i ran and jumped on him grabbing my phone from his hand and answering it. "paige, baby what is it?"
"hi josh, are you still coming over today?" she asked in her little flirty voice.
i smirked. "of course i am babe."
i glanced at Leo who was staring at me with some unknown emotion in his eyes. "ok i have to go now, i'll be over in a couple of hours."
i heard her giddy voice as she whispered goodbye. "Why are you still here, Leo?"
he stood in my doorway without any movenment. "ahehm."
he finally snapped out of it and smirked "i'm just chilling." he turned towards the door and slammed it with a loud bang.
i rolled my eyes and ran over to my dresser, grabbing my Bless The Fall T-shirt, black skinny jeans, studded belt with rainbow studs and some high top converse. i jogged out of my room and went downstairs to the kitchen.
"Josh." i heard my mom whisper.
i spun around. "yes?"
"where are you going?"
"Paige's" i replied simply.
"ok."
As you can tell, my mother and i dont have a good relationship. my father left us when i was 5. happy 5th birthday Josh, this is the last day you'll ever see your father, he's leaving us and going to be with some other child's mommy. that was the talk i got after i blew out my candles. i bawled. my uncle seen me and rushed over towards me. i thought he of all people would be supportive, that he was the best in my family, next to my father but im a bad judge of character. he told me to be a man and get over it. i was 5....about a year later he left his wife and his two kids alone. just totally abondened them... i dont understand how you can do that...its just devastating. the only person who has honeslty been there my entire life, is my mom. and dont get my wrong, i love her to death....sometimes, but we just never bonded. i worked on being a hard ass like my uncle told me to do, so i wasnt an embarresment to the family, and my mother was in a deep depression, my life just sorta fell apart.
it was just my mother and i until a couple months ago when she got married to Keith, and his son Leo moved in.
i walked towards the door and yanked it open, anger shooting through me as i remembered everybody leaves. they just walk out of my life and im left her to concentrate and stress the past. blaming myself that they all leave, think what could i have done differantly, to this very day i try and remember when i was younger, think, did i cry to much? was i too misbehaved? was i a mistake? all i'll never have those answers because, he's just gone.
i took a deep breath and kept walking. i arrived at the woods about half an hour later. and went to the tree that i always sit under.
this is the last memory i have of my father. when i was little we would come here and just sit, he would talk about his day, and work...and fishing and i would just listen.
"josh?" i glanced around looking for Leo.
"Yes, Leo?" i asked as i sniffled back the thoughts. "you're a man Josh, men don't cry and no girl wants a crybaby." i kept mumbling to myself.
"are you ok?" Leo cautiously began to walk towards me.
"what the fuck does it look like, Leo? do i look ok??"
he shook his head.
i clenched my fist. "wrong answer, i am perfectly fucking fantastic!"
he shook his head. "do you want to talk about it then?"
i violently punched the tree and shook my head again. "NO!" i dont Leo i was taught to be tough. i am not going to talk about it, life sucks i will get over it!"
Leo stepped closer to me and wraped his arms around me holding me tightly in his embrace. "Let me the fuck go!" i screamed in anger as he held me tighter. i punched the tree again and started screaming. and still, he never let me go.
I will not cry
I was soothed by the humming of my step brother, Leo. The way he held my body tight when all I did was fight back. He placed his hands on my back and rubbed them in a relaxing motion. Shh me the whole time. Whispering and promising that everything would be fine, that my father was the one who lost someone who he would have loved and that I shouldn’t care that he’s gone…But he’s my father.
It doesn’t matter what wrong he’s done, or why he left. He was the one that was supposed to teach me how to ride a bike and cheer me on at my football games, and smile and say I’m proud when I get into a fight, for a girl.
“Josh.”
I glanced over and noticed Leo was staring at might, his eyes were piercing through my soul. I cleared my throat as I felt the tears creeping up to my eyes. “What is it?” I tried to keep my sentences short to avoid a mental breakdown.
“Don’t be afraid to cry.” He knelt down towards me as I crumbled to the ground holding my arms.
“I will not cry.” I screamed. I bite my tongue to fight back the tears.
Last thing I needed was for my step brother to see my cry and then go to school and spread it around that Josh Smith isn’t as tough as he acts. Like he’s just a cry baby.
I’ve spent years making me self the jack ass I am today, I’ve been rotten. I’ve done stuff I regret, I’ve…. I’ve made innocent people cry so I could build a rock hard shell to my guilt, to the emotion. I have none. I am simply emotionless most times.
“I’ve never felt conferrable crying in front of someone.” I stuttered. “Well, I’ve never pictured myself crying again, how do I know that’s not why my father left? Maybe I wasn’t the boy he wanted. Maybe I just cried too much…and he couldn’t handle it, so he just left my mother and I.”
“You, as my step brother should know…I don’t penalty anyone for crying. Boy or girl. If they cry and need to talk I’ll listen.” He sinks farther down to my level and holds me tight. “Josh, I’m here.”
I glance up at him. “They’re always here, and then they leave.”
“But I’m not them, I wouldn’t leave. I would stay.”
I nodded my head.
I felt my phone vibrating; I reached into my pocket the caller ID read: Paige.
I looked at Leo. “This is why I’m with Paige, she’s too obsessive…I know she would never leave.” I muttered before answering my phone
“Hello, Paige.”
I heard her voice on the other end. “I thought you were coming over.”
I sniffled. “I am babe, don’t worry I just had some shit to take care of.”
I pictured her nodding her head. “Well is everything ok with you, Josh? You seem out of character.”
“I’m fine.” I faked a smile even though she couldn’t see, I hoped I could convince Leo as well that I was alright and I would get over it.
“Ok bye, Josh.”
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone and stuck it back in my pocket. “I have to go.”
“Josh…please, talk to me.”
I shook my head. “No.” I broke free from his embrace. “I don’t need somebody I haven’t had any one for years and I am just fine. Stop worrying about me, Leo.”
“Josh, Wait!” he screamed as I made my way out of the woods.
I started running to get away from him as I heard his voice echoing in my head. “Don’t be afraid to cry.”
I’m not afraid to cry! I screamed to myself. “I will not cry.” I mimicked myself.
I started running faster when I seen Paige’s front yard and the tree that we always sat under. I walked up to her front path and knocked on the door roughly twice.
I heard people shuffling before Paige appeared behind the open door. “Josh!” she screamed and hooked onto my shirt.
I hugged her back. “Hey babe.”
….Leo’s P.O.V….
“Josh, wait!” I screamed waving my arms in the air as he took off running out of the woods. I sunk to the ground holding myself. All I was trying to do was get him to express him feelings, to show that he’s not as much as a hard ass as he acts. He has a soul and he has a heart, and he cares. And I know that. I do know that. I just have to get him to show me that side.
I pull myself off the ground and slowly exit the woods. I sigh. I don’t think he would ever share who he really is with me. He would prefer to have everyone that he knows think that he’s a hard ass and he has no emotions and he’ll hurt anyone except for his precious Paige and feel no guilt at all, but that’s not the real Josh Smith.
I walk up to my new house and hesitate before I open the door. I know I live here now, but it feels so wrong to not knock. But still I reach my hand out and grip the doorknob. “What am I supposed to do?”
I throw my head back on my bed roughly. “My step brother hates me…and I think I may be attracted to him. “ I whisper to myself before I start tearing out my hair and squeezing my head.
“He hates me.”
Is what keeps repeating it’s self in my head.
why the hell would i tell you
“No I was just sitting there and he like jumped me. I jumped up and I was like what is this? Before that he woke me up and was just lagitally straddling me.”
“Eww foreal?”
“Yes.” I glanced up at Paige and gave her a small smile.
OK, so maybe I lied about the first part, but I can’t let her think that. What am I supposed to say, I was crying because I’m not good enough and my father left me when I was 5, Leo was just holding me while I acted like a little girl and bawled my eyes out. I’m not going to tell her I was crying. She loves the bad boy, with no heart.
“Josh?” I leaned over towards her and pecked her on the lips.
“Yes, babe?”
She lowered her head. “Do you think…he’s homo for you?”
I pretended to gag. “He’s my step brother, that’s close enough. Not to mention…eww my step brother better not be homo. That’s the last thing I need. I don’t need to put up with Leo drooling over me every morning and night. For god’s sake, his room is right across from mine.”
She giggled. “I know. Not to mention your mine.”
I forced a smile. “You got that right baby.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her onto her bed. Making out with her forcefully. I felt her slip her warm hands up my shirt and feel around my abs running her hands up and down as my tongue fought the battle with hers. Mine taking dominance.
“What the hell is this Paige?” I threw myself off of her as her brother, Jayden walked in.
“We were…uh just talking.” She stuttered.
I smirked, “is that what talking is? If that’s the case then I want to talk more with you.” I threw myself at her and tackled her on the bed as she giggled.
“Jooo-shhh. Stop itt!” she squealed as she pushed my body off of her with a wink. Inclining her head towards Jayden. “Sorry Jayden…” she muttered.
“Whatever Paige.” Jayden said as he disappeared out the door in frustration.
I smirked at her. “Now that Jayden’s gone…”
I left off waiting for her to finish it. “We can continue to talk if you’d like.”
I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. “I really want too, but I have to be going home now.” I leaned over her, our tongues battling each other once again as I pulled away. “Bye.”
She started to pout as I opened the door and blew her a kiss. I started walking towards my house in a jog. A couple minutes later, the rain started to pour down soaking my outfit. I slowed down to a walk as soon as I heard the thunder and the lighting.
I loved storms. There was no better time to clear your head then when you’re being pelted with a million tiny raindrops and feeling nothing.
I walked up to my door and kicked it open not bothering to stop it from smashing into the wall.
“Where have you been?” my mother ambushes me at the door.
“I told you. I was going to Paige’s.” I explained emotionless.
“I know you did but you never said that you weren’t planning on coming home for dinner, Keith wanted to go out with all of us, as a family.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You’re my only family. You can’t just throw some people in a house that I’ve lived in since I was born and expect me to call them my family. “
“Josh, I know that your father leaving has messed you up but I expect you to show respect, not just to myself, but to Keith and Leo. Think about what Leo had to leave behind to come here, he made sacrifices.”
I folded my arms and stared daggers through her. “You act like I asked for him…”
Leo’s P.O.V
What the hell am I? The puppy that you didn’t want for Christmas, would you have rathered a kitten then?
I stand there dumbstruck as I hear Josh and his mother’s conversation downstairs and the living room. I hear her raising her voice as she gets more and more angered. “You’re my only family. You can’t just throw some people in a house that I’ve lived in since I was born and expect me to call them my family.”
Was my father and I being here really bothering Josh that much? I vaguely hear his mother’s response about me, but what has me fallen silent is how he responds to her comment. “You act like I asked for him.”
Is it just me that he doesn’t like being here? Maybe he doesn’t mind having my father here, but he just doesn’t want me to be here?
I hear footsteps storming towards the stairs. I turn around and dart up the stairs trying
to avoid all the noisy ones.
“Leo, I know you’re up there. For being so skinny you make an awful loud amount of noise.”
I gulped, and swallowed my pride stepping in front of the boy who never cries. I had tears in my eyes and my throat began to get tighter making it harder to breath. My heart began racing as I was facing him. “Why…?” I asked
“What do you mean why?”
“You know what I mean, Josh.”
He shook his head. “No I obviously don’t.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled. “Why do you hate me, why is my presence here making you so angry?”
He shifted on to his left foot. “Do you really want to know?”
I didn’t trust my voice so I bit my tongue and nodded my head.
He stepped on the same step as me with no emotion is his eyes. Slowly leaning closer to my ear. He brushed his lips up against my ear and I heard him getting ready to speak. He took his arms and held my back before speaking. “It’s none of your god damn business.”
He turned on his heels and angrily walked into his room. I stood there in the middle of the hall, trying to think what just happened. The only thing that I could register was that, I wasn’t welcomed there. Josh had made that clear, this was his home…a home is for family and I would clearly never be a part of his.
I sunk down into the floor in the hall and started gasping for air. Why was I so hated?
I walked into the hall and stood in front of my door before turning and facing Josh’s door. I put my ear up to it and heard his music blasting.
I'm so done with it, I won't go back again and
I'm okay with this, that I'll be in my own
Until the day I die, which shouldn't be that long
So I'll just do what I do and make the most of it
I won't fall down again
My heart's now dead and gone
And I'm still breathing
I made it out alive
Oh fuck this is fun I just can't believe I didn't find this before
To just indulge even if it kills me
Who gives a fuck if we die
Another bottle down
You should really try it sometime
Cause it feels so good
Without a care if a heart gets broken
You'll all learn in the end that there's a better way
Baby move in closer, you couldn't hurt me if you tried
I won't fall down again
My heart's now dead and gone
And I'm still
I heard the song stop and then it went completely silent.
“hello.” He finally spoke.
I couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation but I could hear his.
“Who?”
“oh ya.”
“No.”
He laughed slightly.
“Hell no babe.”
“never.” I could almost picture his eyes lighting up and that cute smile that he gets when he talks to her.
“Ya ok bye babe.”
I heard shuffling before the song finished.
breathing
I made it out alive
Take a seat my dear
Make yourself comfortable this could take a while
Crack another, dear
I can see now and I wouldn't change a thing
Life should burn with such a fucking flame
If not you've only got yourself to blame
I took a deep breath before I bite my lip and pounded my fist on his door.
jackass, says what?
“Who is it?”
“….it’s it’s me Leo.”
I smiled slightly before regaining my ass whole attitude. “What do you want, Leo??” I asked in a hard voice
“I…just want to talk to you….” I stuttered.
I sighed and walked forwards pulling my door open with a hard stare on my face. “What? I thought we got this over with 5 minutes ago.” He turned around and looked at the door. I felt my eyes get moist, as I stared at the ground. I wiped it away just in time for Leo to turn back towards me I glanced up hiding my emotions. I felt like such a pansy. I never cry. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I crying over my step brother? Since when do I care who gets hurt as long as it’s not Paige?
“But I just… I don’t understand why.”
“Just go, Leo.”
“No, Josh. Explain to me. Why??”
I quickly bit my tongue. “You really want to know this time? Cause I know that you’re never going to leave me alone until I tell you, is that right?”
He nods his head.
“Whatever.”
“Well?”
“I don’t like you. You’re annoying, immature and completely obnoxious. You act like you’re the perfect person; you want to cry why don’t you cry to me? News flash, Leo. I don’t want to fucking cry! You act like I need you, I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone new in my life. You come off as the most amazing person...” I mentally slapped myself what the hell….I just called him the most amazing person. I quickly regained composure. “But you aren’t all you are, is a 16 year old that’s trying to win sweetie of the year. Isn’t’ that right? But you can’t because you aren’t fucking perfect Leo. It was just fine when it was my mother and I. I never asked for her to go and get married and then have his little perfect son move into my house and embrace my private space. I would have gotten along just fine without you.”
I watched as he stands there with tears in his eyes. I’ve never once in my life hated myself so much. Why was I such a screw up?
I rolled my eyes and glanced at him just wishing I could reach out and hold him, apologize for all the tears I just cause him with every word I just spoke…I’m sorry I mouthed.
He backed up and was leaving my room, “I’m sorry…I’ll leave you alone. I didn’t mean to come here uninvited….I just...” he took off running.
I fell back on my bed. “Why…why couldn’t I just face the truth??” I wasn’t a hard ass to people that I cared about…something about Leo just had me going weak at the knee’s and sweet in the heart..
“Way too show that you care about him, josh.” I whispered to myself
I froze. “Wait…did I just say that I care about him?”
Leo’s P.O.V
I was right. I was exactly correct. Josh hates me. He hates everything about me, he hates how I live here, he hates how my father and I moved in, uninvited I guess…he just hates everything. He really is that cold ass whole that everyone in the school told me that he was. I thought everyone was just blowing smoke, but after living with him for 3 days, I believe them.
“Well” I asked him anguish rising inside of me, was he ever going to be honest with me?
“I don’t like you. You’re annoying, immature and completely obnoxious. You act like you’re the perfect person; you want to cry why don’t you cry to me? News flash, Leo. I don’t want to fucking cry! You act like I need you, I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone new in my life. You come off as the most amazing person...” he paused before continuing. “But you aren’t all you are, is a 16 year old that’s trying to win sweetie of the year. Isn’t’ that right? But you can’t because you aren’t fucking perfect Leo. It was just fine when it was my mother and I. I never asked for her to go and get married and then have his little perfect son move into my house and embrace my private space. I would have gotten along just fine without you.” I wiped my tears again frustration floating over.
Was I really that bad? Was I as obnoxious as he says? Sure I get hyper at times…and I do get screamy…and odd…maybe I really was that bad. “Damn it!” I screamed as I punch my wall.
“Why the hell does this happen to me!?” I fell back on my bed exhausted from today. We had school tomorrow...boy was I looking forwards to that. I could tell everyone they were right on the money about Josh.
“Leo! Get up!”
“Ummph!” I screamed as I was wacked on the head with a pillow.
“What the hell was that for?” I asked anger fueling me.
“Well we have school. You were sleeping and my mother says that I have to drive you to school. And I’m not allowed to be late again, or ima get expelled…so get the fuck up!” he finished smacking me off the bed with the pillow again. laughing devilously.
I glanced up and noticed his outfit. He looked threatingly cute with his baby blue skinny jeans, chains hanging from his belt, and that black veil bride’s t shirt, with his hair the perfect amount of messy ness and the cute smile he has on his face.
“I’m up!”
“Good. You have 10 minutes. “He screamed behind him as he exited my room.
Trapped in a car with Josh for half an hour, for me heaven, for him hell.
It was just a dream
I glanced over at Leo as he played with his fingers and stared at the floor. He was adorable.
I shook my head and smashed my feet down on the gas pedal, going way past the speed limit.
I couldn’t control myself being next to him anymore. I just needed to get away from him and if that means going way beyond the speed limit, I will do that.
I watched as he clenched his fists and dug his nails into seat.
I concentrated on the road as my foot slipped more and more on to the gas pedal until I finally took a deep breath and began to release it. I pulled into the school parking lot unlocked the door and watched as he climbed out. He climbed out of the car and stood there. I locked the car and threw the keys over my shoulder into my backpack. Walking into the school.
“Go find someone to show you everything.” I just couldn’t be around him right now. I turned my back towards him and started walking away.
“Josh!” I heard Paige yell. I turn around towards her and force a smile on my face
“Hey babe.” I say as I wrap my arm around her waist and we start walking to class together.
We don’t speak. Things just feel different than before. We get to her class and I push her up against the door giving her a long forceful kiss before I leave her with a peck on the lips and a smile on her face.
I get to my class and sit there, after a while I lay my head on my desk and close my eyes relaxing them.
“Josh?” I glance up
“What?”
“Where you sleeping?”
My vision becomes clearer and I see Mr. Ecendice standing there with a disgruntled expression on his face.
I shake my head. “Psh no. I was just staring at this lovely color desk. Of course I was sleeping.”
He rolls his eyes. “Well since you were sleeping why don’t you show the new kid, Leo around.”
In my mind I get happy but I keep up my jack ass cover. I shook my head no. “look, Mr. Ecendice with all due respect…” I snort. “Fuck it with no respect, I live with the new kid and I see enough of him at home.”
“Well, with all due respect, Josh...I just told you too.”
I roll my eyes. “And I just said no.” I walked out of his room throwing my middle finger up in the air as I exited the school building. “Call me when you’re ready to come home.” I yelled as I passed Leo in the hall, doubting he wanted to skip school.
He ran up beside me. “What are you leaving?”
“Yaa.”
“I’ll come.” He says as he follows behind me.
“ok.” I mutter as I kick open the front doors to the school.
We get to my car and I unlock it climbing into the driver’s side and speeding off.
I pull in my drive way and produce my house key unlocking the door. “I’m going to bed.” I said to Leo as I climbed up the stairs.
“Ok.”
I plopped onto my bed a got under my black blanket hiding my entire body and closing my eyes.
“Can we talk?” Leo asked as he knocked on my door as his soft voice drifted through the wood.”
“sure.” I whispered as I stood up and unlocked my door throwing it open for him.
“Thank you, Josh.” He says with a smile on his face.
“No problem.” I say as I motion for him to sit down on my bed.
“Look…” he stutters glancing up at me. “I need to be completely honest with you…”
I nod my head. “So do I.”
“Go on.” He mutters.
I take a deep breath. “I lied.”
“abo-“
I silenced him as I tackled him onto my bed lying on top of him. “I love you Leo.”
“I love you to, Jos-“
“-h wake up!”
I open my eyes. It was just a dream…
I glanced up at the beautiful boy standing in front of me and start to cry... “It was just a dream.” I whisper before burying my head in my pillow.
Leo’s P.O.V
“Josh! Wake up!”
He opens his eyes and stares at me. I was getting ready to leave when he starts to cry.
And whisper “it was just a dream.” I stand there panicked as I see Josh Smith cry, for the first time, he cries.
“Josh!! calm down! What’s a matter?”
“I lied.” He mutters.
“About?”
He sits there for a second without saying anything and not moving.
He takes a deep breath. “Never mind, Leo.”
“Wait, please…talk to me……”
"no." he gets up and tries to leave.
i reach my arm out and stop him pulling him back on his bed. "stay, please."
This is who i'm gonna be
“No…I can’t. Look Leo I should go. Just….um just forget about today, Please?” I stuttered.
I wanted to tell him, what my dream was about and why I was so sad…but I didn’t want to. Make sense?
“Please?” he pleaded.
His eyes began to shine and I made the mistake of looking at him. I took a deep breath.
“ok.”
“What did you lie about?” he asked me.
“I…I love you, Leo.” I braced myself prepared for his rejection.
“I love you too, Josh.” I wanted to smile and hug him and hold him. But…I wasn’t gay, was i?
“This is….this is just too weird, Leo…”
“What are you talking about, Josh?”
I shook my head violently. “I’m…I’m not gay!”
“How can you love a boy, and not be gay??”
I shook my head again and bit my tongue…”Well maybe I lied…Maybe I got the mixed feelings. Look, Leo….I’m not gay!”
“Let me try something, and then you tell me if you’re gay!”
“What are you tryi-“
He leaned towards me and placed his lips on mine. Instead of becoming frozen or pushing him away, I kissed him back. I wound my hands into his hair as we deepened the kiss. “Leo…” I moaned as I pulled my body away.
What the fuck!? I screamed at myself. JOSH YOU ARE NOT FUCKING GAY!
I bit my lip and glanced up at him. “I’m not gay.” I whispered.
“Psh.” He shook his head. “Then how do you explain, what just happened? You knew it was me, and you also know that I’m a guy. How do you explain the reason why you just made out with me instead of stopping and pushing me away?”
I was confused. But all I knew was that I wasn’t gay..that i couldnt be gay
“Enough, Leo!” It’s not like that…I’m not like that.
“Just admit it.”
I shook my head. “NO! I think you should leave, now.”
Leo stood up and pursed his lips. “if you aren’t true to who you really are, and you aren’t honest to yourself….you’re never going to go anyway in life, and you’ll never make real friends…because no one will know the real you… so stop hiding, and be you.”
He turned towards my bedroom door and walked out, shutting it silently behind him.
I sighed and fell back on my bed. “Just relax Josh. “I whispered to myself.
I closed my eyes, and tried to forget the world, but I couldn’t get the image of Leo out of my head. His baby blue eyes, his gorgeous body and that smile that he can never hold back. His adorable face, he has the perfect amount of messy hair, spiked, brown….the silver taper in his left ear…and just the way he carries his personality around and shows it off. It’s just always shinning bright. And my favorite…his lips. He has the kind of lips that you just want to keep kissing.
I shake my head…I think I’m gay...
“I think I’m gay.” I whisper out loud.
I take my fist and slam it into my mirror. I can’t be fucking gay!
“Fuck!!!”
Leo’s P.O.V
“Fuck!!!”
I hear Josh scream.
I jump off my bed and run into Josh’s room. “What the hell is a matter?!?” I scream as I see Josh curled in a ball on his floor, his fist bleeding, glass shattered all around him.
I rush to his side as I see a tear drop from his eyes.
“I can’t be gay. I can’t be gay. I can’t be gay.” He keeps muttering. I reach out and rest my arm on him.
“It doesn’t matter whether, you’re gay or straight.”
He shook his head repeadently. “No, you don’t understand…Leo, you just don’t!” he slammed his other fist into the wall making a knuckle print.
“Why does it matter?” I ask not quite understanding what the big deal of being gay was.
“My father...” I hear him whisper. “He was very homophobic. He hated everything about it…I promised him one day when we were fishing that I would be just like him, I would follow in his exact footsteps….starting with finding a girl that would put up with my dumb ass all the time..That I would be as much as a dick to people as he was. Dicks are for chicks. Not another fucking dude! I don’t care that my father left. I’m going to be just like him. It’s too late to change the way things are in the past and I don’t tend on trying, I plan on repeating the past, exactly.”
I shook my head. “Why the hell would you want to be a no good, piece of shit?”
He smiled a huge, mocking smile. “That’s how this family is. My father, my uncle. And I shall follow in their footsteps.”
“You can break the history; you don’t have to keep repeating it.”
He shook his head. “Yes, I know.”
He stormed out of his room. I stood there for a second. I was in love with a guy that was positively going to be an ass hole, just like his father and uncle….well, I’m screwed.
*BEEEEEEEEP* I hear tires screeching against the pavement and people screaming.
I quickly run out of the house….and fall on the ground crying.
Why does the worst always happen...When i fall in love...Leo's P.O.V<3
“Josh!” I scream as tears begin pouring down my face and falling at my feet.
All I can see is blood, there’s blood everywhere.
I quickly yank out my cell phone and dial 911, my heart was pounding faster than should be possible. I could hear it in my ears. And it was so hard to push the buttons, I was shaking so bad.
“hello!” I scream into the speaker.
“this is 911 whats your emergency.” A calm voice replies.
“My…my boyfriend! He’s been hit by a car…I need medical assistance immediantly!” I panicked.
“what is your location?”
I told her the location, getting annoyed at her calm voice. I know they were trained like that to keep the victim calm, but it still irritates the piss out of me, it makes me feel like they just really don’t care. Because in reality most of them don’t. they’re just doing this….For the money…it’s fucked up.
It felt like forever, that I sat there holding Josh, begging and willing for him to be ok.
I’m athetist and I was sitting there praying to a god that I don’t believe in, that everything will be ok…that he’ll open his eyes….that I can hear his laugh…and maybe Josh and I really could have something together…But he doesn’t open his eyes….i stare at his eyelids, urging them to fling open, so I can stare into his beautiful blue eyes, and they never do.
I watch as the EMT’s get Josh onto a stretcher. I quickly climb in the back with the one EMT and Josh.
“We’re losing his heartbeat!” the EMT screams at the driver.
The EMT pulls the ambulance over and climbs in the back, forcing my body against the door.
“ please let him be ok.” I whisper as one of my tears attack the floor.
Josh’s P.O.V,….
“Josh!” I glance around.
Everything is so bright here…it just doesn’t feel real. It feels like one of those perfect dreams….
“Daddy!” I hear a little girl scream for across the field.
A field? A field of flowers…what the fuck is going on here?
I scratch my head, puzzled with the picture in front of me.
“daddy?” I mutter to myself…
Happiness isn't goal that i can reach
Josh’s P.O.V, In A coma….
“Josh!” I glance around.
Everything is so bright here…it just doesn’t feel real. It feels like one of those perfect dreams….
“Daddy!” I hear a little girl scream for across the field.
A field? A field of flowers…what the fuck is going on here?
I scratch my head, puzzled with the picture in front of me.
“daddy?” I mutter to myself…
She steps closer to me. I see her beautiful blonde hair shining in the sun light as she dances through the field of roses. I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know whats going on..All I know is that it’s surreal.
“who…who are you?” I finally spit out
“daddy.” She whispers again.
I drop down to the ground. What the fuck is going on here? I continuously ask myself.
I glance up and I see her opening her mouth too speak…”wake up…don’t die on me…please” I can hear the tears in her voice and then everything vanishes.
Leo’s p.o.v
“please, josh…please wake up!”
I stood there repeandetly wiping the tears from my eyes. What if I lose him..what if I
never see him again, if he dies...
I glance around the room and see that the room is empty. The room is empty just like his eyes..
“josh… I don’t know if you can hear me…probably not but I just… I feel like I’m never going to get the chance to say this again without chickening out, but I love you. In my dreams, you’re my fantasy….and I don’t know if you’re going to make it… but if theres a possibility that you do, I want you to be mine.”
I ran my hands through my bangs before resting my right hand on his arm.
“I know it’s a lot different just saying I want you too be mine, instead of doing espically since you’re my step brother but I just don’t care anymore josh, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I picture being in your embrace….kissing you’re lips. And I don’t even know if you’re gay.. I’ve had soo many mixed signals from you, that if you aren’t it’s gonna kill me… I swear, I love you and I need you.”
I glanced down as the tears began to pile on his hand, dominating each other as I just sat there needing him to open his eyes. But did he…. No
I felt a hand rest on my back, I didn’t bother looking back to see who it was, at the moment I really didn’t give a damn.
“leo..”
I glance up at him, he looks at the tears in my eyes.
“he’s going to wake up.” He whispers.
I shake my head and fall on the ground. “what if he doesn’t?”
“he will.”
I collapse on the ground, knowing in my heart that josh will never open his eyes again.
Impressum
Texte: me
Bildmaterialien: Google
Lektorat: nada
Übersetzung: nada
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 22.05.2012
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