Andi<3

“I miss my retarded friend… We never talk anymore Lizzie.”

“I know. I miss you to, but band has me so busy these days. And when I am free you are never home. So then I call Samantha and ask her if she wants to hang out.”

“Liz this is pathetic, we were best friends for years and now we never talk. We hardly see each other. And it just sucks. Remember I used to practically live at your house… that was when you weren’t living at mine.” I stuck my tongue out at Lizzie, so she couldn’t see how much I was really hurting.

“Andi I agree with you we did spend a lot of time together, and I honestly do miss that… it is so pathetic that we never see each other anymore.”

I really hope that this doesn’t turn into a fight... I whisper under my breath.

“Then maybe Liz if you weren’t so god damn busy all the time… it’s only when I call your busy. Then when I don’t call your free... until you decide to call Samantha or until Steven wants to hang out.”

“I can’t help it that people love me Andi.”

“I know that isn’t your fault, but I see you walk past my house just about everyday and you don’t even glance this way anymore and it just hurts… what happened to being best friends forever and ever and we would never stop being best friends until the world ends?” I take a deep breath pretending that our saying had worn me out, however it actually stopped me from crying.

“Sometimes I am in a hurry. Trust me Andi I still love you and you are still my best friend forever and ever and we will never stop being best friends until the world ends.” Liz says reaching out for a hug.

“it’s not even that I want to be your only friend though, you can have all the friends that you want… and I am not going to try and stop you, I just want to be a close friend… one that you hang out and talk to on the phone for hours… like It used to be… when we were children…” Liz reaches her arms out to me and I didn’t want to be rude, so I just hugged her back.

“I want it to be like that to Andi. But now I have other friends that I hang out with.”

“And your leaving me behind Liz,” All I can do is whisper, or I might have started to cry.

“What do you want me to do? Hang out with you all the time? 24/7.”

“No it doesn’t have to be that much. I just want to be able to catch up with you ever so often. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore… I know your name is Elizabeth but almost everyone calls you Liz and Lizzie. Your favorite color last time we talked was lime green... and I know that you are an awesome/retarded person.”

“So it seems we do need to catch up… tomorrow after school?”

“Ok. See you then, don’t go making other plans... if Samantha calls tell her that your mine for tomorrow.” I had to laugh a little so Liz knew I was only joking.

“Ok Andi, all yours.” I can tell she’s mocking me and it doesn’t bother me, it just makes me laugh to death.

“Thanks Liz, that’s a real boost on the confidence.”

“Oh shut up Andi.” Liz says and then she shoves me playfully.

I couldn’t resist the urge to laugh. “Liz you are officially forgiven. Well I’ll decide that if you keep your word and come over tomorrow.”

“I already told you I would Andi. Don’t doubt me so much.”

“Sorry just don’t know how good you are at lying.” I may have gone too far.

Liz starts laughing but says in a serious voice. “Andi you know I suck at lying. I always have, and you know I have never lied to you… and I won’t start now.”

“Thanks Liz. I appreciate that.”

“No problem.” Liz leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “like I said best friends forever and ever and we will never stop being best friends… god damn why did we have to make that so long?” she says laughing at the whininess in her voice.

“Because you thought that it made the most sense. Plus when we were younger we weren’t as lazy when it came to talking. Yes we are lazy when it comes to talking now. I giggle. “Thanks for the kiss Liz.” I can’t help but laugh

“Well don’t I get one??”

I laugh. “Of course you do.” I leaned over and kissed Liz on the cheek. “Do you feel special now?”

“And Liz being the smart ass had to answer me.”

“Yes Andi I do feel like the most special girl in the world.”
“Get out of here Liz.” I say laughing

“Wait first I don’t spend enough time with you? Now I spend too much… women make up your mind!” Liz says in a playing way.

“Let me explain it so you understand. I don’t want to see you right now because you are being a smart ass.” I stop laughing, to catch my breath. When I catch my breath I continue my sentence. “However you have to come over tomorrow after school, because you are mine tomorrow. Plus I told you so,” I stick my tongue out at Liz again and then I walk away into my house.

“Well ohh… wait ya I get it that makes sense.” Li z says playing the dumb rule.

I walk into my house and notice that it is quiet… I am used to this all too familiar sound.

“Anyone here?

And I get no response.

“Of course no one is here. Dad works his life away and mom just wants to be any where away from me.”

I take out my phone to check it, There was one missed phone call from Luke and 2 texts.

“When did he call?” I asked myself. I check the time. “Oh about 10 minutes ago…that’s not bad.” I decide to call Luke later, so I close my phone when the light for one new voicemail started to blink. “That is probably from Luke.” I open my phone to see that the voice mail was from him.

`Hey Andi I don’t know where you are, but obviously your busy… call me whenever you get this if you want to… I mean I guess it is your descion. I decide to return Luke’s call.
-Hello. Says a very deep voice
-Hey Luke its Andi….
-I know, I recognized your number.
-Good point, any way you wanted me to call you?
-Well I was remembering when we were texting the other day,
-What about it?
-I wanted to talk to you about what you said.
-um what did I say? I said a lot the other day.
-ok well when you said something about…. Well you know us.
-ohh… Luke right now… there is not an us.
-I am aware of that… sadly
-ok.
-but still you had said that in 10 days if we wanted to we could date again…
-I remember that, I also remember you telling me that 10 days was too soon, so where exactly are you going with this?
-ya I know, but 10 days actually sounds pretty good.
-a few things… It was 2 days ago so it would actually be 8 days left to wait and the 2nd thing is…. Please make up your mind Luke… you have me so confused… you tell me you love me and you need me and you feel like a fool for hurting me and your going to kill yourself, and then you tell me that you are dating Becca… are you trying to break my heart?? I ask trying not to break down and cry.
-Andi this is all really confusing for me too, I know that I want you and the only reason I got with Becca is because I thought that my chance with you was gone forever.
-No Luke. Nice try… but we talked about it the day before you were with Becca, I told you that I was absolutely going to give you another chance and you made me promise…And I did... And then next thing I know… I have 5 different people running up to me in school saying… ‘You know Luke is with Becca now.’
-I’m sorry Andi, but I don’t know what to do with myself….
-me either Luke… but you need to decide whether you want me, Becca or somebody else… and I’ll decide whether you get that other chance…

I knew I couldn’t trust her. Andi thinks to herself. Once she makes a promise she goes and breaks it, and now I am standing here like an idiot waiting for her to show up with some magic reasoning as to where she was… school is way over so there is no way in hell that she would still be there… I mean hell it is 6:30. Whatever. Andi takes a deep breath

Just then Andi’s phone goes off, her ring tone starts playing

**You said you loved me
More than anyone else could ever know
But now you're leaving
Can't we just try to work this out
And I've never been one to beg
The nights get lonely
And all I have left is memory of you
I tried to save this
But now there's nothing left for me to do
And I've never been one to beg**
Andi reaches for her phone and picks it up.

-oh my god Andi I am so sorry that I didn’t come over today!
-it whatever Liz,
-you’re not mad?
-what good would that do me?
-ok so clearly you really are mad.
-oh look you can still read me like an open book, and through a phone too, that takes talent.
-Andi please let me explain.
-ok. You have like 5 minutes.
-only 5?
-ya that’s all people get when they break a promise.
-I said I was sorry, but look the teacher held me after school because apparently I am failing a class.
-ok.
-are you still mad?
-no Liz, do whatever you want.
With that Andi hangs up the phone and turns to her desk. Andi grabs pen and paper and begins writing some words down

*When I say I have a sad broken heart I don’t expect yu to tell me yur sorry, when yu did nothing wrong… I can’t blame him for my bleeding heart as much as I can blame myself…I should have read heartbreaker in his eyes…I walked right into his fucking trap.* Andi stops for a second; thinking of what to write next.. and she continues with *And now I am walking the earth while my heart is in two and fucking bleeding…I would rather burn in hell than have a bleeding heart…Because the pain is so fucking severe it makes me want to die…Rip out my bleeding heart…I could stitch it up, But that wouldn’t hold for long…As soon as I seen him my damn heart would break through…Shatter in two…I guess I was meant to live with a bleeding heart...walking the earth and just shouting yur fucking name, looking for yu…Because even though yu may have shattered my heart in two…Made it bleed, caused me pain and endless tears…I still fucking need yu. But I am the one here with the bleeding heart…Walking the earth and feeling so fucking alone </3 For Luke…*

Andi grabs the poem and throws it inside her binder before she gets started on another one. Andi bites down on her eraser trying to decide what to write. `write what your feeling` she thinks to herself. Then grabs her pencil and starts writing.

*Do yu ever know… when yu need to say goodbye to someone who keeps on making yu cry…Because that would be now, I think I need to let yu go…It’s not the same…..As it used to be…Cause now I’m just suffering from a bleeding heart, Knowing that yu still hold it in yur hand, yu could crush it in a second. I think it’s time that I let yu go… I guess I have to move on and say goodbye… walk away from everything that we could have had*

Andi finishes and throws that one in her binder too. She sits there writing poems all day, ignoring her phone every time it rang.

The next day in school Andi’s walking in the hall close to the lockers to stay out of everybody’s way, someone bumps into her and her binder falls out of her hand, embarrassed she grabs her binder and walks away when someone grabs her shoulder, Andi turns around to see who it was.

“Hey Andi.”
“Hi Luke.”
“Are you ok?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well you didn’t answer any of my calls.” Luke says leaning against the wall.
“Sorry.”
“But your ok right?”
“Sure.” Andi says biting her tongue and walking off

Luke<3


“Andi wait!” I call after her, noticing she dropped some papers out of her binder. I grab them and whisper “I’ll give them to her later.” So I just slipped them in my folder and walk away. I sit down and curiosity gets the best of me, so I open the folder that I put Andi’s poems in, I have to read them... I grab the first One and start to read it

*I’m so broken…How doesn’t he see it? </3 How does he miss the tears threatening to spill over when I see him…He always knew when I had a fake smile on and something was wrong…Now when something’s wrong, he doesn’t ask… Maybe because he knows what’s wrong… I lost him and all I want to do is die. </3 Don’t tell me that laugh made yu think I was ok… Because I’m not without him, I am completely and hopelessly lost… I don’t even want to live another day. Knowing that every single smile I put on to show them that I am ok is a lie. I hate lying to the people who love me… But if they knew the truth it would hurt them so much more. But how doesn’t he see, that I am not ok. It’s cold, cold in my heart… But if yu look at me and yu see a tear escaping down my face, Don’t ask me if I am ok, I can’t stand lying to yu.. </3 *

I finish reading the poem and I punch my desk. I am so irritated right now. I walk out of the classroom when I hear soft foot steps behind me, I want to whirl around and knock whoever followed me out, but I keep calm and take a deep breath, I turn around to see my teacher Mrs. Rasa following me. She looks generally concerned.

“Luke are you ok?” she asked me softly.
“No, I am not ok. What the fuck is ok?” I don’t even bother hiding the anger and confusion in my voice. I stand there waiting for her to yell at me for ‘inappropriate language.’
“What happened?” she doesn’t scold me for swearing.
“It’s a girl.” Is all I can say.
“Oh Andi right?” she asked leaning against the wall.
“Yes.” I whisper sliding down the wall slowly.
“Tell me what happened.”
“My dumb ass made a mistake and cheated on her, then she forgave me and fucking Becca had to kiss me and ruin everything.”
“How did Becca ruin it?”
“She kissed me, and I was stupid and I didn’t try to stop her…”
“Oh dear Lucas. I am so sorry.”
“I don’t deserve someone like Andi, But she wanted to get back together and I just don’t want to hurt her anymore… And I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t deserve her, without hurting her, and making her think that I don’t want her.”
“Well what was that about in there?”
“I found some poems that she wrote… And I need to talk to her right now!” I say hoping that was the end.
“Ok… Luke… Go.”
“Thanks.” I said.

I walk away. Whether she letting me go or not, I was going. I stop at Andi’s homeroom and knock on the door. The teacher Mr. whatever (couldn’t think of anything. Lol) opens the door

“Luke what are you doing here?” he asked in a puzzled tone.
“Can I talk to Andi?”
“Luke you do know that homeroom is over in less than 5 minutes right?”
“yes I know that, but I really need to talk to her.”
“Well ok... I guess. Mr. whatever steps inside and calls Andi to the door. Andi walks up to the door.

“Andi Luke said he needs to talk to you... like right now I guess.”
“I have to do my homework."
“Andi please, this won’t take long.” I begged her; I would have gotten down on my knees if she would have refused again.
“Fine.”
“Ok Andi, Luke... I guess go to the hall and talk, I’ll shut the door.” With that he turns and shuts the door

Andi<3

There I was sitting in my desk waiting for school to start when someone knocks on the door… Mr. whatever gets up and I hear him say Luke, I sit there and cross my fingers and I sit there hoping… saying please don’t let that be Luke Wilson. Well I knew it was when Mr. Whatever calls me to the door. Oh shit is the only thing I can say… so I repeat it over and over again in my head. I get to the doorway and Luke is standing there, it looks like he had been crying so I cross my arms and fight the urge to hold him, Mr. whatever had told me that Luke would like to talk to me right now, so I quickly say I have my homework that I need to get done, but Mr. whatever rushes me into the hall way and slams the door shut… Now all I hear is Luke’s shallow breath and the steady beat of my broken heart, this once would have been heaven standing here with Lucas… well now its hell. I stand there for the longest time just waiting for him to take his eyes off me and say something, but they were locked on me the entire time. I stand there getting irritated and I turn to walk back into class when Luke’s hoarse and cracked voice begs me not to go. SO I gradually sit down on the floor and wait for him to begin.

“Andi I know I messed up.” I hear him say finally after what feels like forever. “But you don’t need to kill yourself… Now please don’t get pissed at me but I found some poems that you wrote and they broke my heart… You shouldn’t blame yourself about what happened… the only person here to be blamed would be me.”

“Luke… you weren’t supposed to see those.” That was the only thing I could think to say… I mean how I can make him feel better, when I can’t even make myself feel better.

“I know I wasn’t Andi. But I came here to beg you not to die. Don’t kill yourself.” Luke slowly walks away from the door and sits in front of me making me want to run.

“Luke I can’t promise you anything.” I say already feeling defeated, and I had only been there for a matter of minutes.

“Andi I know that you want to get back together.” I hear him half say, I am to busy watching the way his lips formed my name. I quickly snap out of it and force my attention towards his words. “And I want to get back with you too. And I have been trying to figure out how I am supposed to tell you this, because I don’t want to hurt you… or make you think something is wrong with you. But… I won’t go back out with you.”

I had heard enough, I couldn’t listen to him any more because I knew soon I would start crying. So all I could do was shake my head. I stood up and I walked away towards the girls’ bathroom. I could feel the floor lift up slightly as he gotten up to follow me.

“Andi it isn’t against you. You are perfect.”

I didn’t want to listen to a word he said anymore, when he said you are perfect I had to stand there and try not to yell lies. He just doesn’t give up does he? Because he keeps following me. I decide it’s time to give him a chance and explain what he was talking about… I mean he at least deserved that much.

“Luke I understand you don’t want to date me anymore.”

“I don’t think you do. Andi… you are perfect, I don’t deserve someone as great as you.”

“I am not as great as you think, and I will not stand watching you fall in love with Becca all over again…”

I had made a split second descion to tell him that we couldn’t talk anymore… and we couldn’t be friends.

“What are you talking about Andi? I will never fall in love with someone as much as I have fallen in love with you. I will never replace you. You are the only girl that I ever want… And the only girl I’ll never have….”

I stood there watching Luke, I was tearing up I listened to every word he had to say, I could feel my heart falling more and more, the stitches that Luke had once used were falling apart… And it hurt like hell.

Luke<3

I finally get her to talk to me, all to crush her dreams. I hate myself for this…I will never forgive myself… but I have to…she stands there silent the girl that I was so in love with… She was standing in front of me, and I was breaking her heart. I could not feel any worse, I could see the tears escaping down her face, and all I want to do is reach out and wipe them away, and hold her in my arms. And tell her that I will never let go. But right now, I need to do what is best for her. Even though breaking her heart right now seems like the worst thing possible, I have to… because it’s really going to prove to be the best thing that I could have done. I sat up all night arguing with myself trying to give myself different reasons of why breaking her heart was ok. The only one I came up with was a saying ‘giving up doesn’t mean your weak, it means your strong enough to let go’ ya that’s the thing that made my descion. I stand there staring at her, trying to avoid looking into her eyes, because I know doing so… Would bring me to my knee’s begging for her to kill me. I know she’s waiting for me to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say… I would never forgive myself for this… Andi was just a sweet girl… Who made a major mistake….

“Andi.” I finally manage to speak, by the look on her face I can tell she wants nothing to do with me right now.

“No Luke, Save your breath… I can’t understand what I did wrong…”

I thought I had Andi in my grasp but as soon as she was there, she slipped through… and she was gone forever.

“Andi I told you, you didn’t do anything.”

“apperantly I did, or else I wouldn’t be In so much pain.

Hearing Andi say that ripped my heart out all I wanted to do was tell her that I love her, but I knew that could only worsen the situation… Besides Andi had taken off running. I had tried to follow her but I soon lost her.


Alec<3

I was highly pissed my teacher had just told me that I had failed class and I would need to go to summer school. I had gone into the woods to punch the hell out of shit in there. When I hear crying, The crying sounded familiar.. I racked the tree’s and the bushes trying to spot who was sad and in need of a shoulder to cry on. I stop when I get beside a bush, the crying had gotten louder so I figured this is where the person was crying. I had moved the bush branch and seen a girl crying.. she was laying there; her hands in front of her face. I coughed a little to get her attention she didn’t even move.

“excuse me.” I whispered hoping she would hear. She sniffles away more tears and lifts up her head, Only then did I see that it was Andi.

I scream her name and grab her up, she has eyeliner and mascara smeared all over her face. I don’t know if It’s the fact that she didn’t know it was me or if she was just desperate for someone to care for her but she wrapped her arms around me and cried on my shoulder.

Andi had been like my sister for a year, I know only a year that’s not long. But I loved her more than I could ever explain. I mean I foreal loved her, I was IN LOVE with her. Sure she did know that, but her heart belonged to Luke. I had watched him break it once and she had just run right back into his arms as soon as he had apologized, as if that made everything ok. But I was almost positive that the reason she was falling apart, was because of him. I waited for her to calm down till I asked her, I made my voice sound calm and I whispered sweet nothings in her ear, telling her that I love her, I’ll always be here for her, talk to me and I’ll listen.

That’s where I’m different from most of the guys she knows… If they say they’re listening to her, they just want to make her trust them…. Purely for sex. But anytime Andi needs me there for her, I really listen.

“Andi talk to me, tell me what happened.” I begged.

Finally she took a deep breath and wiped away her tears, as soon as she started to talk though her phone went off.

I could tell she wanted to ignore the call but still she picked it up to see who was calling. She threw her phone back down on the ground in the dirt, so I knew it was Luke.

“Come on Andi’s.”

“O.k. I was in homeroom waiting for school to begin and Luke came and said he wanted to talk to me, so Mr. Whatever pushed me in to the hall… and Luke just told me that he won’t date me again.”

“awe Andi’s, I am so sorry, he’s a dumb ass if he won’t date you again.”

“it’s not that… He just said that I deserve better.

“well you do Andi.”

“thanks Alec.”

Before I could help myself I leaned forwards and kissed her, I wasn’t sure how she was going to react, I was just hoping that she would kiss me back. Her lips froze on mine… She never made a move to kiss me, but yet she never pulled away until 3 seconds later. I think I shocked her and upset her because she started crying again. Next thing I know, I was watching the girl that I love walk away.

Andi<3

What had just happened? Did Alec just kiss me?? No…he would never... he knows how I feel about Luke; he knows that I don’t want anyone… I mean he knows that right? I don’t want him, he’s like my brother! That’s all I have ever thought of him as… I stopped walking abrubrently. I don’t know where I had planned to go. I feel my phone vibrate. I just want to change my number right now, or smash it against a damn tree. When I woke up this morning I guess I knew it was going to be bad, considering all I wanted to do was take my last breath when I was laying in bed. I take my phone out of my pocket and I check who called. Luke of course it was Luke, Why the hell wouldn’t it be Luke? I can’t imagine talking to him right now. I just want to go home. I turn off my phone and I slip it in my pocket. I start walking home slowly when I hear footsteps. They sound close behind me, they’re heavy… almost sickening. I start to walk a little bit faster, I really just want out of here. I can still hear the footsteps but I don’t know which direction they’re coming from. I whirl around in a circle looking for the mysterious person. I see nothing. I only hear the footsteps stepping on leaves; crunching them every second… they’re cracking… they’re like my heart… Luke was just waiting to crack it… His favorite one… That he just wanted broken. I don’t know when or why but the footsteps finally stopped. I look up to see a man staring at me… I didn’t like the look in his eyes… they were full of evil… I start to run, but I feel like I am about to get ambushed by men in boots. He starts running after me, I go as fast as I can but I wasn’t fast enough.

I woke up with leaves in my hair and dirt all over me, ya I woke up on the ground. It was dark and I was sore as hell, my head felt like it had been beaten with bricks. I touched my head with my hand; half expecting they’re to be blood. They’re was nothing… maybe a slight bruise later on. My arms felt like someone had been squeezing them, I looked down to see why they hurt so bad… they’re was nothing… then I can feel it start to sprinkle. I had no idea what time it was or what had happened but I just wanted to go home. I stand up and dust myself off; I see boot prints beside where I was sleeping… Why was I sleeping there? Was the question that kept replaying in my head… I had no answer. I was confused as hell and I just wanted to know what happened. I try and figure it out my entire walk home… But nothing comes to mind. I get to my doorstep and there is an envelope taped on the door. It was from Luke... I already knew that… I didn’t much feel like opening it; so I just slipped it into my pocket. I unlocked the door and I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I didn’t feel like eating... All I wanted was a shower. I go to my room and I grab some clothes to wear after my shower. I walk into the bathroom and undress, I get in the shower. I turn the water on as hot as it could go. I felt dirty.

I walk into the living room and sit on the floor, I take out my phone to see how many missed texts I have received.

-Luke- Hey Andi
I ignore deciding that it isn’t important enough. Before our talk earlier, I would have had butterflies in my tummy, just because I had a text from him…Now I just wanted to cry

I felt weak and alone, all I could do was sit there and think of our memories… I never wanted to let those go… I wanted to be with Luke… He’s the only person that I need… I begin to cry because I know it’s too late for that. He doesn’t want me anymore and I guess I have to accept that. I sit there and I remember all those times we laid in the grass, I would stare in to his eyes… He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I wipe away the tears and go back to checking my texts.

-Morgan- Babe trust me, If Lucas is dumb enough to let you go, then he deserves to cry.
I wanted to tell her Luke never deserves to cry… But she wouldn’t understand…
-Andi- Morgan; I don’t think you get it… He says that I deserve better than him... And by telling me goodbye… I guess that it’s better for me…

-Luke- Andi, you have every right to hate me, but you are the most amazing girl I have ever meant, when I said all those things to you…about me loving you and wanting to be with you… I was being honest… I don’t want to lose you as a friend… Can we please try? Please Andi….Hello?

I can’t help but cry when I read that text from him… Here he is… Wasting him time for a simple girl… with a broken heart.

But I still dial Luke’s number…

Luke<3

I sit here in my bed and I cry, I feel like such a dick for putting Andi through all this, I hate knowing that all those tears… Are because of me… I promised Andi when we first meant that she would never have to cry for me… that’s all she does. All I am is a promise breaker and a heart breaker... I’m staring at my father’s gun and I understand I deserve to die. It’s lying in front of me on my bed just daring me to pull the trigger. I feel like I have unfinished business here with Andi though, I need to talk to her, but she wants nothing to do with me… Not that I can blame her much. I deserve this I smashed her heart shattered it in two and made it bleed. Then I crushed her dreams… Now they’re broken dreams. In mid thought my phone lying beside me rings, I reach for it slowly knowing that Andi wouldn’t be calling me. I didn’t bother to look at the name, it wasn’t who I wanted to talk to and I knew that.

I take a deep breath before I speak. –Hello-
-Hi- I hear Andi’s weak voice, it sounded broken.
-How are you? - The only thing I can make escape my lips.
-Which answer do you want- I heard the tears in her words.
-What are you talking about Andi? - I was dumbfounded.
-The truth or the answer to make you feel better-
-Andi, The truth.-
-I am living in hell, and I’m tired of breathing.-
-I’m sorry Andi! - That’s all I ever say to this beautiful girl.
-K. is there something you wanted Lucas?-
-Yes-
-What would that be?-
I take a deep breath before I speak –Us.-
-Well you made it official, they’re will never be an us again.-
-Andi when I said that earlier I was thinking of what was best for you, not me but you.
-Luke I don’t get it. - I could hear the tears in Andi’s voice; I sat there imagining the tears pouring down her face.
-What babe? And please Andi, Don’t cry.-
-Do you love me or not? - I hear her sniffling.
The fact that she had to ask that made me wanta cry –Andi you know I do.-
-Luke, I’ve begun to doubt that. - And there was where she ripped my heart out… I guess I had that coming; I have been acting like such a jack ass to this amazing girl.
-YOU DOUBT THAT I LOVE YOU ANDI!?- I screamed that to stop from crying.
-Yes. - I could hear Andi’s voice cracking, and I knew again it was my fault.
-Andi I am always going to love you, and I want you back…But I want what is best for you.-
-You should have known the answer.-
-I still don’t know the answer.-
-I do.-
-You think you do.-
-Luke If you want to talk, can we at least change the subject? - I could tell my last comment had hurt her further.
-Sure Andi.-
-Thanks.-
-your welcome
-How are you?-
-Im ok, but I want to apologize for earlier.-
-Luke you’re forgiven like always.-
-You shouldn’t always have to forgive me.-
-oh well, I don’t care.-
-you should. How was your day?-
-like I said, hell… first Becca tells me you guys are dating again, I had to hide the tears, tell her I was happy and hope you two can make it. Then you tell me you never want to date me again… I run into the woods to cry my heart out. Alec finds me there; he asks me what’s wrong… I tell him everything… He wipes away my tears and kisses me.-
-ALEC KISSED YOU!?- I know I don’t have any right to be pissed but the fury just kept rising in me.
-Yes. - She didn’t get any satisfaction to my jealousy.
-what did you do Andi!?- I balled my fist up I was so fucking pissed, I wanted to cry.
-I ran away.-

Andi<3


I was on the phone with Luke, and I started to remember what happened after I had left Luke at the school… But what about after Alec? What happened after I left him?

Luke had fallen silent for sometime, while I waited for him to speak I tried to remember what happened… all I knew was something was wrong. Luke finally managed to speak again.

-Um Andi can I please kill that son of a gun?-

I don’t know if he had noticed that I had fallen silent, or if he could detect that something was wrong

-Andi is something wrong? I mean did I upset you?-
-No Luke, you haven’t done anything wrong… But something doesn’t feel right.-
-Baby girl, what are you talking about?-
-After I left Alec I have no memory of what happened, all I know is I woke up in the woods and I was really sore and I had leaves in my hair and dirt all over me, so I came home and took a shower.-
-you woke up in the woods Andi!? Um do you want me to come over? Then we can talk…-
-Uh…-
-no, your right… stupid question, Go to sleep Andi…Maybe you will remember later. And what Becca said was a big ass lie…-
-Ok…Boo.-
-night… Love you Andi.-
-Love you too Lucas. - I said that with hesitation.
-Do you mean it? - A part of me knew he would ask
-Yes Luke, I do.-
-Ok- I could hear the smile in his voice.
-bye. - I hang up the phone, and move to my bed, I get under the covers… All I want to do is sleep.

Is this a dream, or is it reality? The leaves of the tree’s rustle in the wind. I can even hear the wind whispering telling me that I need to go, I need to run. Go before it is to late… But I’m held in place, I try to move and I try to scream for help… But it is too late. I can already tell. The clouds get closer and closer, and darker and darker. I hear footsteps slowly coming closer… they are heavy footsteps; I can hear the danger in they’re walk. I know that there are bad intentions. I look at the edge of the hill, when someone steps up; they’re wearing boots and a hoodie… I can’t make out what they’re face looks like. He looks at me, at least I assume he does, he was staring straight ahead… Could he see me? He walks right past me; it’s at that moment when I take a deep breath prepared to run. He instantly stops and turns back to me. Fuck now I was caught. He walks over to me and bends down. He asks me what my name was and I tell him Andi… he takes his hand and he brushes it against my face. I shudder at his touch, its cold and evil. I scot backwards, but there was a tree there. I was fucked unless I tried to crawl away quickly. Even at his age he looked like he could keep up with me. I sat there taking deep breaths when he brought his fist up and punched me in the head. He grabbed my arms and he shook me. Then everything went black.

I jolted up screaming, my throat hurt and my hair was soaked to my face, damn tears. I checked my phone to see what time it was, holy shit. Only 3:30. Luke would probably be asleep but I needed someone to talk to. Would he care if I called and woke him up… Or would he be pissed? I decided to take that chance and I dialed his number for the second time today.

Luke<3


I was woken up 3:30 in the morning. I wish I could be pissed, but everyone I have talked to lately is getting used to me being awake at this time. It’s the damn situation with Andi… Knowing she has a broken heart… makes it nearly impossible to sleep.

I grab for my phone off my night stand, and I knocked my alarm clock off. Fuck it I think and finally find my phone.

-Hello?-
-hey… Did I wake you? - When I heard Andi’s voice I felt a certain amount of joy that was until I could hear her sniffling in the background… Will she ever be able to talk to me without crying?
-Ya I was sleeping, but I would rather talk to you.-
-Are you sure Lucas?-
-Absolutely Andi-
-well ok, I called because I had this dream, and I just needed someone to talk to about it… And even though you’re my ex you were the first person I thought of. - It hurt remembering that Andi was no longer my girl. She was just THE girl, which I’m sure I’ll be in love with till the day I die.
-Andi, you know I’m here for you. I don’t care what time it is…Or if you hate me, I’m here for you.-
-Thank you boo… and um ditto.-
She called me boo. I couldn’t help but smile. –What was your dream about baby girl?-
-Actually…If you don’t mind, Can you come over?-
-I’ll be right there.-

I hang up the phone; did Andi just invite me over to her house? I thought she wanted nothing to do with me, But she does… Yes this is all too confusing. I walk over to my dresser and I slip on some black skinny jeans and my converse. Andi loves my Asking Alexandria shirt… I’ll wear it… “But she’ll probably try and run off with it” I say to myself, laughing at the thought of Andi running away with my shirt. I grab my keys and lock the house, and then I start walking towards Andi’s house. It’s kind of cold... As soon as I stepped out I wish I had grabbed a hoodie.

I get to Andi’s doorstep and I knock. She comes to the door a second later and she looks amazing. Her hair is curly when it’s normally straight. She’s wearing her long black skinny jeans and her converse that go to her knee. I can see her studded belt hidden under her hello kitty shirt and her face was the most beautiful face I had ever seen.

“Lukas” she says smiling, she was happy to see me.
“Hey Andi, you look amazing” I smiled when I seen her smile at me, so far so good. She moved aside to let me through.
“Come on in, oh and that shirt will be mine.” I walked in there and just stood in the living room, it was kind of awkward and I didn’t know what she had planned to do. She laughs like she can sense the awkwardness and points me in the direction of her bedroom.
“We can sit on my bed and watch a movie”
“Oh sounds good, what movie?”
“Saw? I guess. Does that work for you?”
“Yeah Andi that’s perfect.-

It was about 4:20 in the morning and here I was sitting on my ex’s bed… I have school at 7:00 which means I’ll have to leave as soon as the movie is over if I want to make it home.

Andi puts the movie in and jumps on her bed beside me. I could tell she was tired and just wanted to sleep. That made me wonder what her dream was about but I didn’t ask, I would wait until later.

When we were in the middle of the movie, we layed down and covered up with her blanket. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her, and then we eventually fell asleep together.

At 6:30 I hear:

It's cold so
I cover myself with this blanket
but the weathers the same
and I hate this
I'm warm for this moment alone

And I don't see anyway
that I could mean
anything to you

Save me
tell me the ways that you changed
things
Make me believe that I'm okay
tell me I'm different from you

I don't see anyway
that I could mean
anything to you

Tell me
my tactic to
brush away feelings
The truth and the way that I'm living
will leave me to
blame and alone


I still don't see anyway
that I could mean
anything to you

I open my eyes and I have no idea where I was for a moment, and then I remembered that me and Andi watched a movie and we must have fallen asleep. I was so tired and I didn’t want to let go of her, I was to confterable. I move my arms and sit up… I can see Andi is awake. She sits up.

“Lukas…”
“Ya?” I thought by her tone that she had implied that yesterday was a mistake… even though all we did was watch saw.
She leaned over and kissed me and then she whispered…”I love you.”
“I love you too” I kiss her back laying her down, there was no way around it that I was in love with this girl, and I needed her.

Andi wraps her arms around my neck and doesn’t let go until her phone goes off again.
She jumps off her bed to go and get dressed.

Andi<3


I’m not sure exactly what happened last night… All I know was that was the best I have ever slept, even when I was a baby I didn’t sleep that good. I didn’t want to go to school; I would have been content to stay here with Lukas’s arms wrapped around me. But I was still happy that I had him last night. After I got changed I walked into my room and I seen Luke hugging my teddy bear.

“Lukas what are you doing?” I ask him even though that was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
“It smells like you” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Would you like to take it home to cuddle?”
“Andi are you serious?” I could see his eyes light up.
“Sure”
“YESS!” Luke said being dramatic.
“We should probably go now.”
“Don’t you eat breakfast?”
“Umm no…”
“Well you’re going to today.”
I would have tried to fight with him about it, But for some reason I was really drained.
“Well…ok Lucas.”

After I ate a small bite of a pop tart he said we could finally leave.

We walked out the door and I grabbed his hand… He had no idea how much I had honestly missed this. Part of me expected him to pull away but instead he looked down at me and smiled. I smiled at him and I felt a tear of happiness slide down my face, He seen it and stopped walking, he bent down and he kissed the tear away and whispered

“You are my glow. <3”

I gave him a kiss; I would miss this when he finally moved on… I was going to make as many memories with him as I could… They might kill me later on… But this is what I wanted.

We were already linking fingers but I felt that we needed to be closer…. I don’t even think that was possible. I laugh to myself.

He picks me up and puts me on his back; it was awesome not having to walk to school by myself. And who better to be with then the love of your life?

About half way to school he set me down and let me walk the rest of the way, but he stood right beside me and held my hand. We walked into the school and everyone was staring at us, whispering are they together again? I look at Luke and he shakes his head yes. I wasn’t sure what he meant… But I definitely needed to find out.

“Luke do you hear what they’re saying?”
“No… ok yes maybe… yes.”
“ok what are they saying?” I decided to play dumb.
He takes a deep breath before answering me... “Everyone wants to know if we are dating again.”
“Oh…”

Just then Lizzie walks up and looks at me. Then she turns to Luke. “So Luke… You’re dating Andi again?”
“yes.” When he said that my eyes lite up and I got happy.

Then Liz signaled for some guy to come over. Some muscle dude walked up to Luke and got in his face.

“Don’t you fucking hurt her; I don’t want to see her crying.”
I tried not to laugh when Luke walked away. He called after him for me to follow; I gave Liz a kiss on the cheek and a hug and then followed behind him. He stops at his locker and puts my teddy bear inside; I didn’t even notice he had actually grabbed it off my bed.

“Andi...”
“Yes?”
“I fucking love you.”
I laughed. “I fucking love you too.”

He put his arms around me and walked me to class. When we got to my room he bent down and gave me a kiss and then went the opposite direction for his class. I opened up the door and Mr. whatever mouthed your welcome… SO I just smiled.

Halfway through class Mr. Whatever calls me up to the front of the room, he said he wanted to talk. I walked up there and stood up there waiting for him to speak.

“Andi I seen you and Lucas are together again.”
“Ya that’s right.”
“I’m glad to hear that, I hope it works this time.”
“Thank you Mr. whatever.”
“No problem. Now go take your seat.

I walk back and I sit at my desk. No no… Alec is walking in my direction…

“Hey Andi’s I texted you yesterday.”
“Sorry Alec, I didn’t get it.” Which was a lie
“No problem, do you want to have lunch together?”
“Alec, as much as I would love too… I already have plans.”
“Andi, I’m not stupid… I know you’re avoiding me”
“K.”
“You know was well as I do that we need to talk.”
“Well umm… I’ll need a rain check on that.”
“Please Andi. After school.”

I had planned to hang out with Luke after school and he had football at 5:30 so that’s when he would need to leave.

“Um fine Alec, meet me in front of the school around 5:30.”
“Thanks sis.”
“sure.” I say as I walk away.

The bell rang, I got a little bit happy because Luke had class with me next period…But so did Becca. I walked out of the classroom and started walking towards my next class when someone grabbed my hand, I looked up and seen Luke standing there with a smile on his face and sparkles in his eyes.

“Hey baby girl.”
“Hiya boo.”
“I figured I should walk you to class.”
“Yay.”
“Haha how was science?”
“Really easy, how about math?”
“I wasn’t paying attention. I was thinking about you.”
“Awe Boo.” I couldn’t help but blush.

He was satisfied with that. I stood on my tippy toes to give him a kiss. Yes I was that short. He laughed and bent down so I could reach his lips. We started walking to class laughing. I decided to ask him if he wanted to come over again. He pushed me against the wall and looked me in the eyes.

“This time, you’re coming to my house.” I laughed and acted scared before I said ok and pushed him away so we weren’t late for class.

We were the last two to enter the classroom. Everybody looked at us like we had blood on our hands. There was no seats left beside each other so we had to part for the time being, he took the front and I took the seat 2 rows behind him and 3 desks apart.

Becca walked up to me when Luke wasn’t looking, she told me to go to the bathroom in 3 minutes so she could talk to me so I nodded my head and said ok. Becca walked out of the room and 3 minutes later I asked Mr. McCowin if I could go to the bathroom, He rolled his eyes and told me to go quickly. So I left the room and headed to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and Becca was standing there waiting for me.

“Hey Andi.”
“What’s up Becca?”
“Well I wanted to apologize.”
“Because?” I asked leaning against the wall.
“I lied and told you me and Luke were together again.”
“Oh… um it’s fine.”

I was acting calm but I really wanted to beat the shit out of her and make her cry.

“Just because you are too forgiving; doesn’t make me feel any better about what I did.”

I can’t believe it, was she expecting me to give her fucking pity!?

“Becca it’s not a problem… the past is the past, I guess.”

She was staling I could tell there was more to it.

“Becca what is the rest?”
“You were told Lucas cheated on you two times right?”
“Um yes.”
“Did you ask him about the second time?”

Where was she going with this!?

“No… Just the first.”
“Ok because the second one was a big ass lie.”

By now I just wanted to go back to class so I thanked her, what I thanked her for I wasn’t sure. I was moving away from the wall when she took a step towards me. I tried to get away but she pinned me against the wall and before I could stop her, she kissed me. I immediately slipped away and left. I didn’t like her like that; actually I didn’t like her at all.

I walked into class and looked for Lucas; I didn’t see him so I sat down figuring he went to the bathroom. 10 minutes later Luke walked in. I thought he had been crying, his eyes were puffy and red but I couldn’t get a good view because he wouldn’t look at me. Without thinking he raced towards him and pulled him out the classroom, I tried to get him to look at me but he kept trying to walk away.

“Lucas what’s the matter?” I wanted to know what was wrong… No I needed to know.

He turned to face me and I seen a mixture of hurt and anger in his eyes before the tears started… the sparkle that had been in them earlier… wasn’t there anymore, it had just disappeared.

“Andi…How could you cheat on me with fucking Becca??” I was so shocked I didn’t know exactly what I was supposed to say.
“Lucas what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Becca told me to go to the bathroom before class started… She said there was something we needed to talk about, So I said fine. About 5 minutes after you left I left. She said she couldn’t take the guilt anymore. She told me that you guys kissed and you weren’t just dating me… But you were dating her too.”
“Dating Becca!??”
“Yup.”
“Luke I am not dating Becca! I only want you.”
“I know you meant Becca in the bathroom, she told me.”
“Cause she fucking walked up to me and told me to go to the bathroom in 5 minutes.”
“Fine, what happened in there then?”

I was getting pissed, was he really believing her over me??

“I walked in, she said hey I said what’s up Becca and she said she wanted to apologize to me because she lied about you guys dating again, I told her it was ok. She asked how many times I was told that you cheated on me…”

“once.” Luke whispered barely audible.
“Actually…”
“Actually what??”
“I was told 2 times.”
“Then why did you ask me only once?”
“Cause I never believed them.”
“Ohh…”
“She told me that you only cheated once and I thanked her and tried to leave… She pinned me up against the wall and kissed me… I escaped and I came back to class looking for you.”
“BECCA KISSED YOU??! WERE YOU EVER GOING TO TELL ME THAT?!”
I remained calm. “Lucas babe calm down, I was going to tell you after class.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
“Thx.”
“Mhm.”

All I wanted to do was kiss him, but I thought this was the wrong moment so I turn back to class and open the door. Luke closes it and bends down to kiss me.

“I love you baby girl.”
“I love you too Boo.”
“You still coming over?”
“Yes.”
He smiles.

Then we open the door and step in.

Lucas<3

Me and andi had our first fight since we started dating again, I should have known that she didn’t do anything wrong and Becca is a fucking liar. She’s a bitch and she is going to fucking pay for almost ruining our relationship again, I’m just lucky that Andi is so amazing.

We sit in reading class, staring into each others eyes smiling. Not really listening to anything Mr.McCowin said. Class was over in less than 5 minutes, and my next class was with Alec. I don’t think Andi has talked to him since the kiss but I don’t know. I think he needs to back the fuck off unless he wants to eat my fist.

Andi stands up I walk out and follow her. I need to know if she is ok.

“Andi is everything ok?” I ask her.
“No something feels wrong…”
“What are you talking about babe?”
“I don’t even know.”
“Awe” I feel bad and I wrap my arms around her and lean down to give her a kiss.
“I’m going to skip my next class.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Do you want to skip with me?”
“Ya, we can go now.”

We walk out the school door and walk towards my house.

“Shit.”
“What?”
“I forgot your teddy bear in my locker.”
“You can get it tomorrow.”
“No! I need it. Come with me please?”
“Ok Luke we’ll get my bear.” I can tell she’s mocking me but I laugh anyway besides, it was kind of cute.

We walk back into the school and we get to my locker. I grab the bear and then we leave the school and start towards my house again. I knew Andi was still upset about our fight earlier in the hall. I could see it in her eyes and I could feel it. Feel it in her grip. The way she held my hand… The tightness, like she was afraid I was going to slip away.

We reached my house and I unlocked the door, I didn’t try to let go of her hand I held on tighter.… I pulled her inside behind me and we went into the kitchen.

“Have you eaten?”
“Yes.”
“Breakfast, but you skipped lunch.”
“Its time to eat.”
“Damn…” I could tell she wasn’t happy.
“Do I have to feed you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Andi, why don’t you eat?”
“…Cause…”
“Cause why babe?”
“Cause… I’m fat.”

I wanted to slap her for calling herself fat.

“Baby you are not.”
“Yes fat and ugly.”
“Baby girl you are Beautiful and perfect <3 “

I brought her closer to me and hugged her, I didn’t ever want to let her go, but I knew I would have to eventually.

“Chicken?”
“Luke, I really don’t want to eat… I’m to fucking fat.”
“Andi stop it, you are beautiful.”
“No…”
“Andi… Chicken it is.”
“Fine…”

I throw some left over chicken in the microwave and wrap my arms around her waist. The way that she loves… the way that makes her feel safe. I hold her like that until the microwave beeps and the food is done.

“Andi go sit in my room, I’ll bring the food in.”

She was reluctant to leave but nodded her head and walked away. I grabbed two plates, I gave her the smallest piece and I put a normal sized piece on mine. I open the dishwasher and I grabbed 2 forks and then I take the food to my room.

I sit down beside her and I hand her the plate of food. She stabs the chicken with the fork and twirls it around staring at it. I was already on my 5th bite and she hadn’t even taken her 1st.

“Andi baby please eat.” I begged
“Lucas I don’t want to be fatter.”
“Andi… Please eat… For me. Please.”

She finally took a bite of the chicken. She chewed it slowly and hesitated before swallowing it. She ate half of the chicken… that was about 3 bites. I tried to get her to eat more but I didn’t want to push it. She stood up and took her plate to the kitchen, I heard her set it in the sink and then come back and sit next to me. I had finished eating way before her, my plate was sitting on the stand.

“What time is it?”

Andi picked up her phone.

“3:50.”
“We have some time.”
“Yay.”

I looked away for a second, I felt Andi wasn’t happy. I was getting ready to ask her if she wanted to go home. When I got hit in the arm with something soft. She attacked me with a pillow.
“Andi what are you doing?” I asked laughing.
“I don’t kn…”

Before she could finish I attacked her with my pillow. She stood up and was prepared for a fight.

“You won’t win.” I say as she hits me with a pillow.
“Yes I will.” She giggles that cute giggle that I love so much.
“No.” I say as I narrowly avoid being hit.
“yes.” She says as she jumps on my back.
“No.” I scream as I throw her on my bed.

She wasn’t ready to lose because she tried to escape me. I held her hands above her head as she giggled. I leaned down and I kissed her, I wanted more of Andi. So I kissed her with more passion and force. She let a soft moan escape her as our tongues danced together in her mouth. I released her hands and like earlier she wrapped her arms around my neck. Only this time she wrapped her legs around me to. I ran my hands up her shirt and over and over her breast. I hoped I wasn’t going to far, although I think she would have let me know. I slid her shirt off over her head and unclipped her bra. Then I returned my attention to making out with her.

After awhile I moved down and ran my lips over her breast. She moaned and threw her head back. Then we flipped over, her on the top. She lifted my shirt and yanked it off over my head. She started kissing me all over. She kept moving lower and lower, She got to my belt and unbuckled it and tossed it into the bathroom. Then she unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them. I kicked them off prepared for the best box of juice ever when the fucking front door opened.

“God fucking dammit, I hate that man.”

She jumped up and put her bra and shirt back on while I fixed my pants. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my belt. When my dad walked in we were sitting on my bed and I was holding her. I Wonder if she felt my hard on.


Andi<3

Sometimes I hate parents, sometimes I am thankful for they’re intrusion and sometimes it’s both. This is one of those times.

After Lucas had forced me to eat. Ima get fucking fat for that… Anyway we had a small pillow fight. He pinned me to his bed and we started making out. He slid off my bra and my shirt, and then he started kissing my boobs. I started kissing all over his body. At that moment, I wanted all of him I went down farther, I was getting ready to make him very happy and then his fucking father came home and ruined everything.

It’s about 4:20 now and Lucas has football at 5:30 to 8:00. I don’t want to think about him leaving yet… I was going to enjoy all the time I with him that I had right now <3.

His father leaves the room, and I lay down. I was so tired. I guess Lucas was thinking the same thing because he had laid beside me and wrapped me in his arms whispering baby girl I will never fucking let go <3. I turned to him and gave him a small kiss before I feel asleep. How did I get so lucky?


Lucas<3

I wanted to sleep, but I didn’t want to miss any precious time with Andi. I know she was sleeping… But she actually talks in her sleep. I sat there listening. She murmured my name often. I just sat there hoping there was a good reason behind that. I closed my eyes for a few. At about 5:00 I decided that I wasn’t going to football… I would rather be here with her. Not to mention I hated football. I closed my eyes and fell asleep beside her.

When I woke up she was waking up.

“Hey baby girl. How did you sleep?”
“I slept amazing.”
“That’s good Love.”
“What time is it?”
“Um 7:06.”
“Boo why didn’t you wake me up? You’re late for football.”
“I know but I don’t care. I wanted to be here with you.”
“Awe.”

She sat up and I laughed and unwrapped my arms from around her.

“What’s funny?”
“Second day in a row that we feel asleep together.”
“Ya… I wish we could do it more often.”
“Same here babe.”

I handed her my penguin lying on my bed. “I have your teddy bear to cuddle when I don’t have you… you can have my penguin.” I could see how much such a simple sentence meant to her.

“Thank you boo.” Tears started falling down her face. I hope those were tears of joy.

She wiped them away and laughed. I leaned over and I gave her a kiss.

“When we kiss I never want to miss a second <3 .”
“Awe.” She blushed again and I couldn’t help but smile at her. This is the only girl that I was ever going to need. I was going to enjoy all of the time with her that I had, I know that eventually she would find better. And it broke my heart knowing and thinking this… But it was true. Andi deserved better…this was the girl that had me wrapped around her finger… I wish that she could understand that she had me before hello.

Before I noticed Andi stood up, I thought she was going to leave but she pulled me off my bed and grabbed my hand.

“Can we go for a walk?” she asked holding my hand and jumping up and down.
“Ha-ha ok babe.”
“….We should go to the park.”
“Sounds like a good idea.”
“Yay!” she screams as she pulls me out of the house.

We start walking and about 15 minutes later we get to the park. We sit on the swings and rock back and forth just smiling at each other. After awhile of swinging we both stand up. I wasn’t sure what to do after that. But Andi had another idea. She ran towards a tree, So I followed after her.

“Did you bring your knife?”
“No… I left it at the house.”
“Oh well.”

She reaches in her pocket and brings out her knife.

“Andi what are you doing??”
“Just something for us.”

She carves into the tree

Andi + Lucas… Forever and a day. I wrote underneath it…
I promise I will be yours forever and a day. She carved a heart underneath what I wrote. Andi stood up and stared at me. I could read it in her eyes that being her was the only thing she wanted, I’m sure she could read it In mine to because she kept smiling.

It started to get dark, I knew it was almost time and she would have to go home soon. We walked back to my house so we could spend a little bit more time together before she left. I knew I would see her in school tomorrow but I would still miss her. We got to my house and I let her in. we sat on my bed before she stood up and said she really had to go even though she didn’t want to. She was holding my hand when she kissed me. She tried to walk away but I wasn’t letting her go and I pulled her back. She kissed me again and this time I let go.

“Andi.”
“Ya?”
“I love youu.”
“I love youu too Boo.”

She started to walk out again.

“Don’t you want to take Mr. Penguin?”
“Oh ya I do.”
“do you want me to walk you home?”
“no Lucas, I’m ok. I’ll see you tomorrow Boo.”
“….ok.”

I didn’t like the idea of her walking home by herself but I couldn’t argue with her. She turns around and kisses me one more time before grabbing the penguin and leaving.


Andi<3

As soon as I stepped outside I was wishing I had Lucas there to wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe. I had a bad feeling as soon as I was a few houses away from Lukes… I would of liked to turn around and go back to Luke’s… Sleep in his bed with him tonight but I knew I needed to go home. I really did need him all the time but that wasn’t something I was going to broadcast. I had to make people believe that I could live without him if I needed to which was impossible because I knew I couldn’t.

I heard footsteps behind me but I kept walking. I didn’t think anything about them. Just kept walking. I was almost home and I could still hear the footsteps. When my phone went off playing kiss me kill me by Alesana
*One two three, a tragedy that’s built on destiny. It left you with everything but blood from the knife that I cut your heart out with now relax, close your eyes what comes next is the surprise. This valentine is doomed the smell of this blood has filled this room if I could do it again I would change most every single thing I would let you kiss me kill me your kiss is torture but killing me would be to easy. Our tragedy seems to be killing everything it see’s.*

-Hello.-
-Andi I needed to make sure your ok.-
-Babe I’m fine.-
-I love you.-
-I love you to-
-Call me as soon as you get home please.-
-Ok I will, I am close now… kind of.-
-k… I love you so much.-
-Luke I love you too.-

I pushed the end button and ended the call; it was kind of odd for Lucas to tell he loved me twice in a matter of 1 minute… I could see a figure step in front of me. I wasn’t worried. I don’t know why because there was danger radiating off of him… The only thing that had me scared was that I could see that he too was wearing boots… was this same dude as in my dreams? I wasn’t going to stand around and wait to find out so I ran right past him. I thought I would be ok but I looked behind me and I could see him following me. I wanted to go home. I didn’t understand what I did or why there was someone following me But I finally lost him. i was a block away from my house and someone lunged from the darkness. i tried to scream help but no one heard me, the person was to quick... And he covered my mouth. i could tell that he was sweating... i could almost hear his heart thumping and i knew that i was fucked... And this is going to be my last breath.

Lucas <3
It had been an hour since Andi left my house. She still hasn’t called me yet and I was beyond worried. I never called the cops because not enough time had passed. Plus for all I knew she could have gotten home and fallen asleep. But I grabbed my phone and left, I was going to go look for her.
I stepped out the door and started walking towards her house. I yelled her name over and over. I needed to find her.

I got a block from her house, that’s where, I seen, it… That’s where I seen my penguin lying on the ground. That freaks me out and I start running towards her house. I bang on her door and a man steps out… Her father. “What the fuck do you want?” “Is Andi here?” “No.” “Are you sure?” “Yes. What the fuck is this about Lucas?” “Andi left my house over an hour ago and I asked her to call me when she got him, but she hasn’t called. “Why the fuck did you let her walk home alone?” “I offered to walk her home, but she insisted that I stay there so I asked her to call me when she got home.”

He storms out of the house and starts walking “When was the last time that you heard from her?” “8:30, she said she was a block away.” “Ok. “I can show you where I found the penguin… The thing she left my house with.” I take her father to the spot that the penguin had been dropped.

Andi<3
Where was I? It was so dark…Was I alive? Did I die…? Was this hell? I wasn’t sure of anything right now. I looked around I couldn’t see enough to try and figure out where I was. Yep definitely fucked.

“Hello?” I heard laughing from somewhere in this room. “Help me!” I called out. I wasn’t sure what to do. This was the first time I was in a life or death situation. “Andiiiiiii.” The voice sounded familiar. “Hello? Who are you?”
“Andi, I am positive that you know me.” “I have no idea who you are.” “Come on Andi. Stop lying to yourself... We all know you’ve been lying to everyone all these years. And now is the time to realize… The smart times where you don’t lie.”

Somebody steps closer and turns on some lights. He steps forwards and I instantly knew who it was….He was wearing the boots. “Tom!” I was horrified to see him standing in front of me, after everything he put us through. “See, I told you that you knew me.” “Why are you doing this to me?” “Why ask Andi… You already know.”

Tom…My mom had an affair with him. My dad almost got killed by him, they locked him up in jail…For attempted murder and now he was back. He’s killed before… And I had a feeling that I was going to be his next victim.

“Please don’t kill me.”
“Kill you Andi? Why would I do that? He runs his hands down my arm. I shuddered and pushed him away. “Please leave me alone.” “Why would I do that? You know I’ve wanted you since we meant… And we are supposed to be together Andi; we were made for each other.” “Please, Please.” I begged him already crying. “Please what?” He ran his hands down my face. “Let me go!” he turns around and laughs. “Oh Andi foolish girl… I always thought you were smarted than that. You don’t seem to understand… Now that you know who it is, well I can’t let you go.” “Please Tom! I won’t tell anyone what happened.” “I’m not stupid enough to fall for that again… that’s exactly what Emily told me before I let her go, Almost cost me my life… She went to the police… I had to murder her. I murdered her and then I changed my name and my look. I had to make sure that they never found Chris Foyer again.” He laughs. “I don’t know why I’m wasting my breath to tell you all this…But its not like you can tell someone. Like I said… I’m not letting you leave.” He speaks slowly. I could hear the danger in his voice.

“Well Andi, Enjoy your night.” He says that as he ties me up. “And I’m going to enjoy mine with your mother. She’s still a whore… Still my whore. She doesn’t love your father, Andi all your mom is, is a fucking whore. “What did I do to deserve this!?” “Actually you know this entire set up..? All your mothers plan. “Please, let me go…” “Sorry Andi. But don’t worry… I’ll be back.” He walks away as soon as I hear him slam the door shut I work on getting my wrists untied. I hated my mother for this and if I made it out of here I never wanted to see her again.

I had part of the rope broken when I remembered I put my knife in my bra. All I had to do was get on wrist free. Finally after what felt like hours of rubbing the rope of the broken part of my chair it snapped. I bet Tom wasn’t smart enough to lock the door. But I still had to get my other wrist free. I reached into my bra and felt for my knife. I was positive I put it in there… That means that Chris had reached into my bra and that thought sickened me… What else had he done while I was unconscious??

I don’t know how but I finally managed to break the rope. I knew Chris was too stupid he left everything on a table in front of me, now all I had to do was get to the door and yank it open. I get the door and I start to open it when I hear Chris walking back over here…Either my next move was going to save my life… Or get me killed… Either way though I had to try.

I stood there waiting for Chris to open the door. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas though… He must be so worried…I miss him. Then the door opens and I can see Chris’s boots step inside the building. He walks towards the chair and I slip out. I didn’t have any time to lose. I start running and I have no idea where the fuck I am. I run, run like hell. I don’t stop running until I can’t see the building anymore.

I took out my phone and dialed Luke’s number, I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to make it so I just wanted to tell him that I love him and he was my everything.

Lucas<3
I was so tired, I was getting ready to go home when my phone rang I walked out of Andi’s house and answered it. –Hello- -Lucas?!- -Andi? Is that you?- I run into her house and pound on her fathers door. He doesn’t come and open it, so I kick it open. I see him standing there with a gun pointed at the side of his head. He looked up at me with tears running down his face. “Life fucking sucks.” Is what he says to me before he fingers twitches towards the trigger. I jump at him and knock the gun out of his hand. “No! James wait, Andi is on the phone. Here talk to her.” I hand him my phone. –Andi? - -dad?- -oh my god Andi, are you alright?- -I think so, I am for now anyway.- -what are you talking about?- -I need help.- -what’s going on Andi?- -Save me…Before he finds me.- -Who…?- -Chris.- -Where are you?- -umm…It says billington- -Billington… we’ll be right there.-

We open the door and run to the car, he didn’t bother buckling up. We drive to Billington and see Andi standing there. I jump out of the car and grab her, I shove her in the back seat and then jump in. her father speeds away. “Ok Andi, explain everything.” I knew he was going to say that to her. “Chris Foyer…Aka the man who tried to kill you…” “Ok whoa start from the very beginning of when you seen him.” I see Andi take a deep breath before continuing. “Me and Lucas had a talk and he upset me.” Her father turned all glared at me. “I went into the woods and cried, Alec found me there and kissed me, I ran off and when I woke up in the woods there were boot prints all around me in the dirt. That’s all I remember from that day.”

She told us about the dream from that day. “Ok andi, and what about tonight?” I don’t understand how he was so calm. “I was leaving Luke’s and I was halfway home… I heard footsteps behind me and didn’t think anything of it. Someone wearing boots followed me, I started running and then I lost him. I ran past an ally and he jumped out and grabbed me.” She started crying. “Ok Andi, you can finish later.” “I just want to go to sleep.” I could see that Andi couldn’t keep her eyes open.

We heard something bang against the car. Andi’s father stopped driving and stepped out. I followed after him. “There’s nothing there, but I know what I heard.” “Same here Lucas.” “I’m worried about Andi. She’s heading down the wrong path, and it’s my fault.” “What in the hell are you talking about? And don’t say something to piss me off Lucas; I was prepared to give you another chance because Andi doesn’t want to lose you.”

I grab James by his arm and I pull him away from the car so Andi couldn’t hear what we were talking about. “I know when I tell you this, you’ll hate me.” “Is that so?” He started clenching his fist, I never thought about him punching me, but that was a pretty good possibility now. I take a deep breath. “Andi smokes.” “Smokes what exactly?” “Cigarettes and weed.” “Weed?! You got my fucking daughter smoking weed?” “Honestly James, it was a mistake. I wasn’t thinking.” “We’ll talk about this later. I want to get Andi home.” “Ok.”

I climb into the back of the car beside Andi and wrap my arms around her, then I whisper in her ear to go to sleep and I love her. She laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes then she drifted off to sleep. Her dad was glaring at me through the mirror, probably trying to decide the easiest way to kill me. I leaned my head on hers and closed my eyes. I truly did love this amazing girl and her father… hated everything about me.

“Andi.” I try to wake her up when her father pulled in front of the house. He told me to leave her alone, that he would carry her inside so I nodded my head; he picked her up and put her in her bed where he covered her with her blanket. I kissed her on the forehead and whispered goodnight before walking out.

“Ok Lucas, explain why the fuck you would let my daughter smoke weed. Now.” “First let me beg you not to kill me, I love Andi with all my heart, I just made mistakes.” “Mistakes? What exactly mistakes are you talking about? How many times have you made her cry?” “Many times.” “Why?” I could see the fury rising in his eyes. “Um I cheated on her… but she forgave me. I know that doesn’t make it ok… But still we broke up. She wanted to get back together and I did as well but I felt Andi deserved better. I told her I wouldn’t date her again. And she thought she wasn’t good enough for me and ran off crying. She finally let me explain and I missed her so we got together again.” “Well I would love to hate you Lucas, but Andi loves you so much… so I’ll make an effort to like you.” “Thank you sir.” “Mhm.”

It got really quiet as we both just sat there. I turned around and seen Andi standing there with tears in her eyes. “How dare you dad?!” Andi was getting more and more pissed. “Andi what are you talking about?” “Don’t play dumb with me, why are you acting like the perfect dad in front of Luke!? You have never been there for me! This is the first time!” she wipes away more tears. “Andi… I never knew that you felt that way.” I could see her dad getting upset. “Dad… You know what hurts the most? What I can’t seem to understand...” “What’s that Andi?” it was getting deep in here, I wanted to leave but I wouldn’t dare leave Andi here alone. She sat on the floor and wiped away more tears. She sniffles. “How you could get married to that slut 7 weeks after your fucking wife and my fucking mother committed suicide.”

I had no idea that Beth wasn’t Andi’s real mother… Andi had always referred to her as such. So to hear that Beth was just some slut that James married 7 weeks after his wife committed suicide… it had me horrified. “Andi I knew you would never understand… that’s why I never told you that Beth wasn’t your mother. Andi stands up and stamps out of her house screaming bull fucking shit.

Andi<3
I was so beyond pissed how could my father not understand that nothing could hurt more than this. I clench my fist and bite my tongue. “You didn’t have to! Your fucking slut did! That’s why I could of fucking died today; Let’s risk Andi’s life so I can fuck some dumb ass whore who’s fucking a million other people.” “andi how could you call her a slut? She has done so much for this family!” “The only thing that she has done to this family is cause damage. We would have been fine without her.” “How do you suppose Andi?” “Fucking forget it! I’m going to stay some where else tonight…” I grab Luke’s hand and pull him out the door. He grabs the penguin off the couch. We start walking towards his house and I can hear crashing behind me us. Dads throwing shit. I felt bad knowing that Luke has just witnessed all that.

“Luke I am so sorry.” I stop walking and let go of his hand.
“For what Andi?” “For you seeing that, I could feel a tear falling. He steps closer to me and wipes the tear away with his thumb. “I’m just sorry you had to go through that.” A cold wind blows from somewhere and whips my hair around. Lucas see’s me shiver and wraps his arms around me. He then pulls me in the direction of his house. We reached his house and he kicks open his door and looks at me and whispers I forgot my key. I had to laugh. He squeezed my hand tighter and smiled. We walked into his house and his dad was sitting on the couch watching TV

“Andi is here again?” he asked Luke who just nodded his head and then pulled me into his room. I sat on his bed and he sat beside me. He turned towards me and tilts his head, we start making out. He moves his hands down and slides them up my shirt. I pull back and he quickly moves his hands. “Did I do something wrong?” “No.” I yank off his shirt and unbuckle his pants. Then I take them off and I remove his boxers. I kiss down his body. He turns me on to my back. “Baby girl if you don’t want to, you don’t have to do this.” “No I want to.” I whisper. He smiles and reaches into a gore and grabs something in a small package and slips it on. Then he penetrates me slow… generally going faster.

I woke up with Luke’s arms wrapped around me. “Morning baby girl.” I never seen Lucas smile so much and then memories of last night flooded back into my head and I understood why, I smiled and laughed at him. “Hey there Lucas.” “How did you sleep Boo?” “Perfect, you?” I sit up and see that I’m not wearing any clothes. I stand up and Lucas smacks my ass. “I slept amazing.” I look around and grab my bra off the floor. “One hell of a goodnight.” I say as I jump on his bed. “Fuck ya it was.” He grabs my ass and I give him a kiss before I stand up and continue getting dressed. “Oh and by the way best box of juice ever.” Luke says winking. I just started laughing. “Glad to hear that babe.”

He stands up and grabs some clothes out of his dresser and starts getting dressed. “Do you want something to eat?” “No thanks babe.” “Are you sure baby girl?” “Yes.” “Ok I guess.” He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Something I forgot to tell you before we fell asleep last night.” “Oh ya. And what was that Lucas?” he turned my head so he could kiss me and whispers, “I love you.” “And I love you.” He picks me up without breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs around him and feel him smiling into the kiss. He finally puts me down but grabs my hand.

I knew all about forgive and forget, I thought about it all the time. I forgave Lucas for cheating on me but I was never going to forget that happened. “Can we go see our tree?” I had to laugh. Did Luke really ask for my permission? “Boo you don’t have to ask me.” “Well yes I know… I guess.” We walk into the living room where his father is still sitting on the couch watching TV. I had no idea what time it was and no idea what time we finally fell asleep at. I reach into my pocket and take out my phone. It said it was only 9 in the morning. We walk out the door and head for the park.

Lucas<3
OK last night? Fun! Amazing! What else was there to explain it? We walk to the entrance there’s no one there, just us… But I guess that happens at 9 in the morning. Andi starts walking towards our tree and sits underneath it. I run at her and tackle her into the grass, and then I wrap my arms around her and hold her like that while we looked into each others eyes.

Andi reads a text off her phone and then she sits up. “… I have to go home.” “I know babe, Should I come with you?” “No… it’s my problem.” “I’ll walk you home.” “Luke I’ll…” “No andi, not an option.” “Ok.” “Andi… Promise me that if we break up… You won’t kill yourself.” “ok.” She begins to cry.” “Baby girl… Why are you crying?” “Your breaking up with me, aren’t you…?” “No Andi! Never!” “Don’t say never.” And without another word from her she stands up and starts walking home.”

I run after her and grab her arm. I pulled her into a hug and whispered forever and a day. I kissed her on the forehead. She doesn’t lean into the hug, but she still doesn’t try and leave. “What else is it Andi?” “You don’t love me.” I felt as though I just got punched in the stomach and it knocked the breath out of me. “Baby girl… Why are you doubting my love for you?” “It doesn’t honestly matter Lucas.” “Andi please…” I begged. “Autumn.” The breath caught in my throat. I said some pretty harsh sit about Andi when we broke up. Andi reaches into her pocket and shows me some text messages from autumn.

Autumn-Luke I won’t let you break Andi’s heart.
Luke-I already did.
Autumn-and your fucking proud of that?!
Luke-Breaking the heart of a bitch? Si.
Autumn-You fucking disgust me.
Luke-and you are a fucking bitch.

Andi puts her phone in her pocket and wipes away her tears. “Andi, autumn only showed you the shit that made me look bad, she didn’t send you the rest.” “Where does that make it better?” “It just does.” I take out my phone and put it in her hands.
Autumn-fine I’m a bitch, but I’m the one fucking Andi.
Luke-That is a god damn lie.
Autumn-ask her.
Luke-I wouldn’t insult Andi by asking her that.
Autumn-Luke I fucking hate you.
Luke-hate you too bitch.
Autumn-andi…really does love you Lucas.
Luke- ya and… I love her.

I could only stare at Andi’s face as the tears started pouring down. “That past fight with autumn was nothing Andi.” “Look I’m going to go before it gets to dark.” “Please call me!” “whatever.” I go home and plop on my bed. When my phone finally started ringing. –Hello- -I’m home- -good. - -Ya. - -Can we please talk about earlier? - -tomorrow I just want to sleep- then the phone goes silent.

I fucked up again.

Andi<3
After I left I started thinking that what he did could have been a lot worse… And I could have done the same thing so I can’t make him feel bad. Just going to have to tell him I am sorry that I over reacted. I dial Luke’s number –hello- he sounded miserable. –hey Luke, I just want to apologize for over reacting earlier. I really should have listened to you. - I wiped away my tears. –It’s ok baby girl, I am not worried about it as long as you still love me. - -Lucas I’ll always love you. - -I’ll always love you too. - -Awe ok Boo, I’d love to talk to you, but I really need to go to bed... Like I said, See you tomorrow in school. - -Night love you baby girl…- -I don’t have the penguin…- I was regretting leaving it there. –you knowww… You could cuddle with me. - I laughed. –Yes cause I’m going to sit here cuddling my cell phone all night. - -No, I was serious… I’ll walk over there and you can cuddle me. - I wanted to say yes. –Boo it’s freeing outside though. - - I don’t care baby girl, you can warm me up. I giggled. –ok. Come on over then-


My phone starts playing Annabel by Alesana

-Hellow?-
-….Hey um Andi we need to talk…-
-Who is this? - I was getting worried.
-Well umm…it’s Maddie…-
-Maddie… How did you get my number?-
-That’s not important.-
-oh... k what is it then? - I could feel my phone slipping.
-It’s about Lucas…-
-0f course it is! Why the fuck wouldn’t it be!?-
-I just think that’s its fair you to know that on the third Lucas was at my house and he was kissing everyone there.-

I couldn’t stand listening to it anymore and hung up on her. I decided I would ask him when he got here. And of course that had to be the door. I got up and walked over to it, I pulled it open and Luke was standing there. I moved aside to let him in and I didn’t let him see my face, He would have seen the tears.
“I’ll be back.” I managed to force out between the sniffles. I know he sensed that something was wrong because he reached out and wrapped his arms around me. I pulled away and walked in to my bathroom. “Baby girl, are you still pissed about earlier?” “No Lucas… I’m over that, I’m over all that.” I scream from the bathroom fixing my makeup. Would he really have cheated on me again? I walk out and wrapped my arms around him. He was freezing fucking cold. He bent down and kissed me. I kept my eyes open... I couldn’t bare to close them thinking that he might be kissing other girls again. I pulled away and fell to my floor.
“Babe is everything ok?” I start crying and hugging my knees. “no.” I could see the worry on his face. “Well what’s wrong!?” I closed my eyes and felt the tears keep falling. I wiped them away and sniffled. “Right before you showed up… Maddie called me and I asked her how she got my number and she wouldn’t tell me.” I could see the worry in his eyes when I said Maddie called me. He sat beside me with his legs crossed… “… I was going to tell you Andi.” I couldn’t believe it… was this his way of telling me what she told me was true?!?” I scooted away from him. “You were going to tell me what?” “I was at her house… and then shit happened….And…” I could see it was difficult for him because he started crying. “And what!?” Couldn’t he see how much pain he had put me through!? I couldn’t take it… “And…. I kissed a lot of people there…” my heart dropped… and shattered. I could feel the sharp blade of his knife sink in. and my hopes…were shattered…

“Lucas, you have done plenty of things to make my heart shatter, and I forgave you in minutes… I forgot about them…” I had to stop and wipe away the pouring tears. “But I can forgive you again, But I can not… Forget again…I am so sorry.” This was breaking my heart more than it he thought… every part of me died at that moment when I let him go.

Lukas </3

It’s over. I messed up for the last time… And now it was over. She’s standing there she won’t look at me but I know she is waiting for me to say something. I can’t. I can hear her teardrops falling; the hard impact on the floor. I can sense how tight she is squeezing her eyes shut. I can see how much pain she’s in… How much strength she needed... Just to say one word… Bye. I’ve hurt her so much, Andi has always deserved better.
“Andi I am so sorry, I am not going to sit here and beg for you to take me back, I know that you deserve someone who you won’t have to cry for.” I could feel my throat getting tighter.

“Lukas, it doesn’t matter how good a girl deserves, it’s who she wants, and I absolutely without a doubt want you. But I don’t always get what I want.”

The way she just explained it broke my heart more, sent a deeper crack in to it…
“Andi you are the only girl who will ever mean the world to me. I just wish I wasn’t so fucking stupid.” I took a deep breath. I knew eventually she would be ok without me, and I would just be another heart breaking asshole boy to her… but she would forever be the most important girl to me, the only one that I will ever want or die for even… But I knew I used all my chances and I would have to die without her.

You’re not stupid Lukas!” she was crying. I fucking hated myself. There was no way an apology would make everything ok, make her tears go away. Andi and I were a great thing while it lasted, but I can’t put her through any more pain. “I am, Andi I fucked up everything with the most amazing girl.” She fell silent and then continued. “Shit happens.” Then she just walked away. She wasn’t as good at acting as she always had been. She was broken.

Andi Leigh Not Wilson </3
I’m going to smile at him. Hope to fool him and instead of crying I am going to smile, Force the pain away… the easiest way to explain it… Just lie. Just because two people fall in love doesn’t mean they were meant to be together. It’s true I fell for Lukas. I fell for him hard and he wasn’t there to catch me when I fell.
I could hear footsteps walking into the kitchen behind me, I couldn’t turn around or they would have seen my tears pouring down without stopping. I wanted desperately to smile, but all I could do was cry. Then I hear a voice behind me. “I want to call you baby girl, I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. I want to wake up tomorrow and feel you in my arms… But I know tomorrow morning I will wake up with empty arms and cry.” It was killing me; I only wanted Lukas to be mine… to be with him forever… and now that was never going to happen.

I couldn’t take all this crying anymore I was just loosing everything… Lukas, my broken heart, my hopes, dreams, wishes… myself included… I was loosing it all. I have no idea who the hell I am. “I’m going to smile when I walk past you in school…But that’s it Lukas.” He tilted his head. “What do you mean Andi?”

“I mean…” I stopped and took a deep breath before explaining. “I mean… Lukas I love you, but I don’t think I can be just friends with you. I know after a break up they always say, oh friends… better than nothing… But we never mention of the pain we endure by just looking in to the other person’s eyes… and they sit there and think nah she’s over me… Just friends. But you don’t know how much she really cries every time you guys see each other… because the memories.”
“I understand what you mean Andi, but wouldn’t you at least like to try? I don’t want to lose you because I am a dumb ass.” He was right… I should at least try. I smiled half heartily and said ok. I sniffled. He smiled. “Thank you Andi, I know that you don’t want this though.” I lied to him… he was right I didn’t want this, being friends with Lukas, the boy I am in love with… and he just brushes it off the shoulder and says friends. It had broken my heart, and it had killed me… Now I felt dead.

“Well um I guess I should be going.” It was dark and cold outside; I wasn’t going to let him walk home under these conditions.
“No Lukas, you should stay.” I don’t know what I was doing. I wanted to tape my mouth shut and wave goodbye to him, but every part of me knew that I couldn’t.
“Andi you don’t have to worry about me, ima be fine.” Part of me thought that’s enough to let him leave but not enough.
“No Luke, really stay… You wanted to try and be friends… this is what friends do.”
I knew the entire time the reason I wasn’t going to let him go was because I was afraid the moment he walked out the door, I was going to lose him forever.
“But where am I supposed to sleep?” I was surprised that I had got him to think about this. I wasn’t exactly sure why he was supposed to sleep I was just being nice. I’m always going to love him. I looked at my nails and nonchalantly pointed towards my bed. I looked back at him like none of this was a big deal and I wasn’t hurting.
“If I sleep in your bed where are you planning on sleeping?”
I laughed and pointed at the couch in the living room. “Take my bed, I’ll take my couch.”
He wasn’t happy with that solution. “Babe take your bed and I’ll take the floor.”
I could see him freeze when he said babe, he looked up at me with apologetic eyes and whispered sorry. I smiled at him. “Boo, take my bed… I don’t mind sleeping on the couch,” his eyes light up when he heard me call him boo.
He laughed. “Hey hard head, I’ll take the floor.” I had to keep reminding myself that Lukas was just a friend.
“We can share my bed.” I didn’t think fast enough and spoke faster. Shit. I paused before continuing. “That’s what friends do.”
“I can deal with that.
I laughed and thought to myself, maybe you can, I can’t. I knew I wasn’t making this any easier on either of us; in fact I was forcing my broken heart farther and farther in to Luke’s hands… I was going to regret that one. I already was to be honest. Why was I doing this to myself? “Me too Lukas.” I wrapped my arms around him, I was about to kiss him when the thought danced into my head, Luke was just a friend. I jerked away from him… I could feel my hot tears threatening to spill from my eyes, and release the truth; I didn’t want him to see all my pain. I turned around and headed towards the bathroom, I needed to escape him; I couldn’t make him feel any worse. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, I wanted to fight him, I wanted to scream… I wanted to push him away… I just wanted to cry.

“Andi, I know I fucked up and I can see all the pain that it is bringing to you, you can’t hide the tears from me, you never could… All I have to do is look in your eyes and if there’s a sparkle then your ok but if they’re empty your hurt.” He reached over and moved my bangs out of my eyes. “I love you so much Andi.” He slowly leaned over and put his lips to mine, a million thoughts ran through my head, should I let it go that far… or should I stop him now… Save both of our hearts from farther damage? I couldn’t. l leaned deeper into the kiss, until I realized as much as I hated this… I needed to avoid this. I stopped the kiss and just smiled at him.

“So…Mr. Wilson…” he looked at me and laughed. “Yes Mrs. Wilson?” I froze… that was an inside joke that we’ve always had… when we were still together… When he wanted me in his future… When I wanted to be there, who am I kidding? I still want to be there! I started picking at my fingers before continuing. “Um, no never mind.” I wasn’t sure what I had planned to say, I just wanted to shut up before I humiliated myself. “Very well then Mrs. Wilson.” he scratched the back of his head before smiling at me and then lunging at me. He threw me on my bed. “I fucking love you Andi, I don’t want to change a single thing about us.” I just nodded. I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to mean that we were together… or not. He smiled and yanked off my clothes.

Lukas</3
I wouldn’t say that I was any better. I mean andi always made me feel better, but I have a feeling that only applies when I really have her, like all mine and no one else’s. I guess something about knowing that she was no longer mine just kept sucking me in to the darkness. I didn’t want Andi to feel like I was using her for sex. It wasn’t like that at all! But it might have seemed like that to her.

I could feel Andi stirring beside me about time she woke up, ive been jumping up and down dying for her to wake up, I really wanted to see her beautiful eyes. They are a really pretty green in the morning when she wakes up. “Andi?” I called out to the silence, I knew she was up… her breathing wasn’t as even. I waited for her to respond to me or at least turn around in my arms and look in to my eyes so I could stare in to hers. “Babe?” she never made the slightest movement towards me. After minutes went by without a response from her I had to make sure she was ok.

I sat up and leaned over her. I freeze automatically when I see tears building up in her eyes, and then gently scaling the contours of her skin, coating it in her broken hearted tears. Her eyes weren’t even green this morning, not like they were before, but instead they were gray. I jumped off her bed and kneeled before her, she just stared at me. “Andi?” she closed her eyes and sniffled.

Finally she responded to me. “Ya?” but the tears never stopped they kept coming and coming. Pouring down her face faster and faster.

“Are you ok!?” she opened her eyes and looked away from me. She cleared her throat and whispered no. she slipped off her bed and landed with a hard thud on the floor. She bounced up and ran to the bathroom. She stepped in and slammed the door. I followed behind her and got the door shut in my face. Damn. I knocked on the door and I heard it click as she unlocked it. I could see her trying to put on her make up but her tears kept smearing it. “Baby girl what’s wrong?” She closed her eyes and looked away from me before speaking.

“Every girl wants an amazing boy with the name Lukas, the same amazing boy who stands in front of me at this very moment. He’s the only one I want. No one wants a fat ugly emo bitch…”

She was so wrong. “You are not a fat ugly emo bitch baby girl… You are a perfect beautiful simple girl, and I know a ton of people who want you… a ton who tried to steal you when you were mine.” I stopped and took a deep breath to calm my breathing… when she was mine… hurt. I finished in a hushed whisper. “I was never going to let you go; I don’t much have a choice any more…” I could see the tears falling still.

“But none of them are you.” I watched as she brought her hand up and wiped away her falling tears. I couldn’t take it any more, I was the reason she was always crying. I longed to see the love that always filled her beautiful green eyes. They were almost empty; all I could see was pain. In her eyes I could see a flash of her broken heart, bleeding my name.

“I am the first one on the list babe. But I know I am no good for you.” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I wondered if I would beg her to come back to me, could she find it in her heart to forgive me?

“Lukas please, don’t think that I am stupid…” she pulled her hand free, I didn’t hold on tight I figured she wouldn’t want that. “I know you are in love with Becca and I know she is in love with you… I can’t blame her though, who wouldn’t be?”


“Andi what are you talking about?” I fucking hated Becca, she broke me and andi up the first time… and kind of the second. I looked at her and shook my head. “I fucking hate Becca.”

She closed her eyes again. “Every time you cheated on me, it was with Becca… When we first broke up you got with Becca… The same freaking day Lukas. I seen the way you look in to her eyes, the way you laugh when she’s around.”

I knew I needed to explain myself, I wasn’t going to lie to her, I was going to be 100% honest, she deserved that much. Well she deserved a lot better. “Calm down baby girl.” I could see the tears pouring down. I longed to wipe away her tears. Kiss away the pain… make sure she was ok. “I was stupid; I always made a mistake… Becca was just the one there.” I knew that sounded lame. That sounded awful in fact. I didn’t really know the answer to that one. “I don’t know why I got with Becca when we broke up. I was upset and she asked me out, I accepted her invitation. I don’t look in to her eyes anything special Andi. I have never. And she was my best friend.”

“We were standing at our lockers the one day and you were staring in to her eyes.”

“Baby girl.” I started to laugh. “There was a mirror behind her; I was staring in to your eyes. I didn’t want to be rude and stare beside me the whole time.” I leaned closer to her and kissed her cheek where there was a tear sliding down. I kissed away a tear, that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

She looked up at me and smiled a simple smile that said I’m never going to stop loving you. That smile was a lie. I wanted Andi back but and I couldn’t risk breaking her heart, and she’s not going to be here forever because she will realize she deserves so much better, and as I said before… she’ll move on. She laughed a small heart breaking laugh it didn’t matter what I said, my very presence was hurting her. “Andi I don’t want to be without you.” I knew she was going to say no, I was going to give it a try any way.

She stopped smiling. “Lukas no part of me wants to be without you. But the only problem I have at the moment… is I don’t want to make you feel bad but. Why would this be different from before when you cheated? I mean let’s say, I give you another chance… why wouldn’t you cheat again?”

She was right. I longed, no I needed to promise her that we would be ok and I would never hurt her again… never cheat on her again. But I can’t make a promise that I am not positive I can keep. I was going to try but… “… I can’t promise that I won’t cheat.” I watched as he face dropped and I heard the sharp in take of breath. “I can promise I will do everything possible to try and stop myself for fear of losing my baby girl.

She began to cry “Luke I know I love you and I want you… but maybe it’s to soon, let’s see how we can get along with out being together.”

In a way I expected a no. I just didn’t expect it to bring me as much pain as it had brought. “I understand Andi, can I at least call you baby girl still?”

She thought and stopped for a minute before answering me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and moved her lips only inches away from mine; she whispered “of course you can.” I expected her to pull away when I touched my lips to hers. She didn’t. She kissed me back with force almost like she thought this was going to be her last kiss.

I couldn’t help but smile, even though she wasn’t officially mine, I still felt like she was. In my heart. I know cheesy as hell but true. I could feel her smile in to our kiss, I had to pull away. “One more thing baby girl.”

She moved her bangs out of her eyes and blushed. “What’s that boo?”

I grabbed her hand. “I still want to hold your hand in public.” I laughed, I figured she wouldn’t care, but I still felt the need to make sure she was ok with it. She smiled and nodded her head. “And…you’re always going to have my heart baby girl, I don’t care whether you have a bf and I don’t care if I have a gf, you will always own it.”

“Same for you Lukas.” Her dad walks in and tells her to get in to the car that they had to go some where. She kisses me again and drags me out the door and into the car. I sit down and she sits beside me, I slide closer to her and wrap my arms around her waist. It’s storming pretty bad, all we could hear was the rain pounding on the car; the lightning lighting up the car and the thunder screaming.

Andi was covering her mouth with her sleeve and staring out the window. It was dark you couldn’t see anything except when the lighting light up the sky. I watched as a tear slowly slide down her face, I hugged her tighter. “Andi is everything ok?” she shook her head no as another tear dived down her face.

“What is it babe?” She shook her head no like she wasn’t going to tell me but I squeezed her tighter to offer comfort and she glanced up and me and buried her head in to my body.

She sniffled. “This is how my sister died.”

I wanted to make her tears vanish without a trace; no evidence they were ever there but her makeup was smeared and her eyes were red and swollen. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say so I just hugged her tighter and let her cry in my arms. That was all I could do. Her crying turned into sobbing and her sobbing turned in to bawling. If I could have held her any tighter, believe me I would have.

“It was storming like this and my dad was driving to New York, the car was smacked in to by another car, on my sisters side… she made it to the hospital and had a surgery. She was ok for the surgery for awhile” I could feel her body shaking. “I went in there to see her… I was lying on the bad with her when she flat lined, she was the closest person I ever had.”

“babe.” I could feel my throat getting tighter. I struggled to keep talking. “I am here for you right now, I always will, I know I can’t replace her… and I know you miss her and need her, but I will be here for you as long as you want me to be.”

She sobbed. “Are you prepared to honor that promise? Because I am going to want you here forever.”

I lifted her up and placed her on my lap so she was facing me; she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, I pulled back and took a deep breath and then I said forever. I went back to kissing her she unwound her arms and grabbed my hand, I was positive I only wanted her.

By now she had stopped crying and was smiling, in addition to kissing me… which just made me happy.

Her father walked up to the car and yanked the door open, he was pissed, and I didn’t know why I didn’t care why. But I was sure he was going to bitch about it where ever the hell we were going. His look turned from anger to disgust when he seen her sitting on my lap. I looked at Andi with question in my eye, she just shook her head.

Andi<3
“Umm dad is everything ok?”

He turned and looked at me and then at Luke. He clenched his jaw and spit the words “I hope you used protection.”

I seen Luke’s facial expression instantly drop, he put his head down and stared at the floor. He stuttered. “Y-yes…si-sir.”

And looked at me and kissed him. I looked in to his eyes and whispered “he isn’t going to do anything boo.” I could see the tension in his eyes slowly fade. I looked at my dad; he was watching us in the mirror. I can’t believe he was driving while I was sitting on Luke’s lap. I looked back and Luke and leaned close to him and whispered “forever.”

He smiled at me and all the worry drained from his eyes, “and always.” I started smiling and crying and laughing, so good tears I guess… he looked at me and started laughing, meanwhile my dad was in the front seat driving, I could tell this was rubbing him the wrong way. I slide beside Luke and buried my head in to his shoulder. He wrapped her arms around me… and then… there was a loud crash.

I jumped up as my eyes surveyed outside trying to figure out that crash was. Luke grabbed my face and kissed me. Only then did I see a gun pointed at our window. My dad had crashed in to someone and they were pissed. They were out for blood. i held on tight to Luke I was scared that this was going to be our last moments together.

My dad jumped out of the car and the guy moved the gun and aimed it at his head. I couldn’t take this, I escaped lukes tight grasp and ran towards my father, he was an ass but I would miss him. I stood in front of my father, so between my dads death of a bullet. The guy let out an evil laugh… Only then did I see the boots. I fell to the ground leaving my father open for exposure to the bullet.

Lukas<3
I don’t know. What was going on and who was that guy holding the gun. Wait! Why was he pointing it at Andi? I walked up beside Andi and pulled her behind me. I could feel her trembling and I could hear her tears rolling down both of her cheeks. Don’t ask. I just could. “What do you want?!” I demanded with both fear and anger in my voice

He must have heard them both because he just laughed. He took the barrel of the gun and ran it down the part of Andi’s arms that was exposed. “her.” His voice was scratchy, it sounded like he had been chewing on pine needles all his life.

I wasn’t going to give Andi to this creep. I bend down and looked her in the eyes. “Andi… Please, go get in the car.” She shook her head and I became frustrated, I didn’t mean to sound as mean as I did but this was her life on the line and she wasn’t listening to me. I clenched my jaw and in a quiet and terrifying voice I whispered in her ear “GET IN THE FUCKING CAR ANDI. FUCKING LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE.”

I know I hurt her but there was nothing else that I could do. I watched her bite her tears away and grab my hand. She was begging for me to follow after her but I had to stay. With some effort I shook her grip off my hand and pushed her away. She unwillingly climbed into the passenger seat. I could see the tears pouring down her face. The guy wanted nothing to do with us at all. He turned to the car and pointed the gun at Andi,
“Andi… You left something last time you paid me a visit.” What was he talking about? He smiled a horrible big toothy grin that exposed his chipped and yellow teeth. “It’s really a shame you had to go and leave, you ruined all the fun Andi, I mean I had the most fun with you.” He raised the barrel and pulled the trigger. And then ran away.

I ran over to the car, I yanked open the door and she was ok. She was shot in the arm but she shrugged it off like nothing had ever happened. She tried to stand up out of the car but lost her balance. I was there and I caught her before her head smacked hard into the ground. She smiled and kissed my cheek. The ambulance arrived and her father drove him. He didn’t want to go with her… So I did.

The only reason I didn’t move on was because I wasn’t ready to, or willing to. I knew I needed to… I also knew that it was too soon. I turned and smiled at Andi, staring into her eyes. They still stopped every thought that was going on in my head and put them on freeze. They still had the ability to make my heart skip a beat. Would that ever change?

Andi<3
~2 Weeks later~
I haven’t talked to Luke lately and my feelings for him still haven’t decreased not even a little. I’ve been avoiding him, hoping that I could get over him. Move on. You know everything a girl wants after some one continues to keep breaking they’re heart. Every time I looked at him there was a flash of hope that we would get back together again and this time it would last forever. I knew I was being stupid, I was just fooling myself… This ultimately was hurting myself.

I walked to the park where me and Lukas gone before we had broken up. It brought back some memories, and I pushed them away. I didn’t call to those memories so why do they keep replaying in my head? Those memories always brought with them tears. Tears that I didn’t need. I could see autumn sitting under the tree me and Luke had declared our love and made it official. I walked over to her and sat on the green grass and crossed my legs in front of her. I took a deep breath before speaking. “Hey Autumn.” She glanced up at me; she must not have heard me walk over. She smiled and then frowned. I traced where she was staring and figured out she was staring at my wrist. Where Luke’s bracelet was.

“Andi why are you still wearing that!?” she looked at me with anger in her eyes, it made me feel like she was about to yank it off and burn it.

I scooted backwards a little and moved my wrist behind my back. “I’m allowed to wear it autumn. Me and Lukas are supposed to get back together eventually so it isn’t hurting anyone.”

“Andi it’s not hurting anyone, but its going to piss his girlfriend off.”

The air caught in my throat when she said that. Please don’t tell me that autumn is back with Luke. I swear I will kill them both… no I wouldn’t. “Who is his girlfriend?” I managed to steady my voice to an I don’t really care tone.

“Luke is dating Karli now.”

I smiled… “Nice to know. He moved on, I knew he would.” I knew she could see tears building up in my eyes. I wanted so badly to just roll up into a ball and bawl. But instead I smiled. “Well autumn, ill have to catch up with you later. Ima go to hot topic or something.” And then I walked away.

Lukas. <3
I laughed she was blushing. She was cute when she blushed she wasn’t as cute as an…. I stopped my thoughts instantly. I hugged her. I knew it was wrong, me pretending it was Andi but Karli was honestly nothing but a slut and Andi was… well not a slut. I grabbed Karli’s hand and pulled her towards me she was trying to leave. “Babe you know you’re adorable when you blush.”

She smiled and looked away. “Well Luke I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow or something.”

I pulled her back towards me and pulled her in to a hug. “Aw ok A… Karli.” She didn’t notice I almost called her the wrong name. That or she just didn’t care.

She walked away and I turned and opened my bed room door. I took out my phone and touched compose new text message I went down the short list of my friends and stopped on baby girl <3 before touching it then in the message box I typed hey. I sat there waiting for a response for a couple of minutes. But there was nothing. I put my phone down and grabbed some clothes for a shower.

I finished my shower and got dried and dressed. I walked in to my room and grabbed my phone before jumping on to my bed. I checked my text messages and there was one from Andi.

Andi-hi
~Forever Broken </3~

I seen her signature and started to freak out. I knew I shouldn’t care but I did, I was in love with her still. It was obvious on my face when I looked at her.

Luke-Andi, what’s with the sig?
! BlessTheFall!
Andi-Karli…
~Forever Broken </3~

That’s all she had to say before I could hear my heart beating faster and faster… I knew that was me hating myself more for still continuing to break her heart. Maybe I should just stay away from her. But, I knew I couldn’t.

I set down my phone, how was I supposed to that one? Why the fuck would Andi still care!? Why did I still care?? Why didn’t I listen to autumn…? I was doing ok for the most part and then I just fucking caved. I would have been ok if I wouldn’t have remembered every kiss from Andi, every moment I stared into her eyes… Every second we were together and the last time we sat at the park, near our tree. I pulled out my phone and called Andi, if I cant talk to her in person, calling her would still beat texting. At least when we talk on the phone I can hear the emotion in her voice.
After about 3 rings I could hear someone pick up the phone. “Hello?” “Andi.” I could hear the shock in the next breath she took. She wasn’t expecting it to be me. Well that was the nice way of putting it. What that really meant was oh shit why the hell didn’t I look at the number? I waited for her to say something else but she remained with words unspoken. “Andi?” I knew she was there, I could still hear shallow breathing from here. “What Lukas?” yikes. Her tone was like a kick to the throat, and through the damn phone. “Can we talk? Please, in person?” I could hear her sigh into the phone before she accepted. I smiled. “Ill be there in less that 10.” Then without a goodbye she hung up. What did I get myself into with her?

I arrived at her house. She was sitting outside on her steps with her phone in her hand. She was seriously texting? The wind was blowing her hair around in a fight of rage. I seen a sparkle in her eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. Then I got closer and realized there was no sparkle except for the glow of her tears. I walked over and sat beside her on the steps.

She sniffed back a marathon of tears. “Uh…hey Lukas…” she turned her head and looked at the ground. I seen as her tears started flooding the sidewalk.

“About me and Karli.” Do I tell her the reason I’m dating her is because what autumn said, or tell her its because I’m pretending that Karli is her. Either way… it’s the truth.

She sighed and looked up at me. I watched as her tears danced down her cheeks bringing with them the sound of a breaking heart. “Go on…” he voice was weak, like she had been crying all day.

“I texted you and I called you for a week straight without stopping, after I knew you were out of the hospital. I waved to you in the halls at school and tried to talk to you when we were working on our project, I emailed you... I came to your house and knocked on the door. Autumn asked why she hasn’t heard about you lately and I told her that you weren’t talking to me. She started to laugh and said you don’t get it do you Luke? I asked her what she was talking about she told me that you were her best friend and you guys told each other everything so I should believe her. I asked her what I was supposed to believe her about and she said andi hates you; she wants nothing to do with you. That’s why she’s been ignoring you. I didn’t want to believe her, so I forced myself to call you on last time. So I did. When you didn’t answer I decided she was right and it obvious. She told me to move on; I told her I didn’t want anyone… but you. She insisted I looked pathetic. So I asked out Karli because I knew she wouldn’t say no.

The entire time I was talking I was staring down at the ground, when I finished I looked at her. She raised her head and looked at me, her eyes were hidden behind her hair but I could still see the tear streaks. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace, so I hugged her back. “I love you Lukas.”

I hesitated and bit my tongue… would it be wrong of me to tell her I love her while I’m with Karli? “I…uh love you to Andi.”

She sensed the hesitation and pulled away. “Sorry…I…forgot you….were…dating Ka…karli…” she sat down. “It…for a short moment…. Felt like everything….was before…”

I turned and looked up at the sky, the rain started to fall on my face. I could feel Andi’s eyes on me. “Andi, if I could change everything I would. I would take it back to the beginning and when we were dating, and this time I would do it right…” I turned and seen her hugging her knees to her chest. “But I can’t… I can’t turn back time. I can’t make… everything perfect; I can’t do what you deserve.” I watched as she buried her head into her knees. I could hear every sharp intake of breath she took at an attempt to stop crying. She opened her mouth to say something but then snapped it shut.

She took the deepest breath and finally spoke. “Luke… all I needed was time. I had every intention of giving you another chance….you have made living without you…. Impossible.”

I wasn’t sure what I was doing before I realized it, but it was too late. I bent down beside her and leaned closer to her. “Would it be ok, if I took your breath away?” without waiting for a response I kissed her.

Andi<3
Why did love have to be so heart breaking? So hurtful. Why did it have to bring with it so much pain and tears…? Not all love was like this… all my love was but…. Not all love was. I can’t take this. I know I need a new start. I need to get Lukas out of my head… but how was I supposed to do that? It didn’t matter if he was really here, he was here. This wasn’t fair to Karli. Why did I have to be such a good person? I pulled away and walked to the road before looking at Luke. “That… was wrong Luke.”

He stopped and thought for a moment before hitting himself in the head… “I’m so sorry Andi... Your right, none of this is fair for Karli… I can’t do this to her!” he started shaking. I wanted to walk over and comfort him or say something sweet but I remember what happened last time.

“Don’t apologize… it was my fault…. Luke, I love you……so much… But I can’t… I can not… keep loving you when you are with Karli…”

“So what am I losing you as everything now?”

I took a deep breath and wiped away some falling tears. “Don’t you think that is the best for both of us? In the beginning you were saying, you just want to do what is best for me, for us… for you… don’t you think that would be letting go… of the one person who has your heart and keeps squeezing it tighter and tighter?” it was to late to take back what I had just said, he heard it and now he knows how much pain he has caused me. I could tell what I just asked him hurt, hurt him bad.

“I don’t get it Andi, how am I squeezing you heart tighter and tighter? How do I still have you heart when I’m such an asshole??”

I sat on the curb with my back facing him. “You still have my heart, because when we were together… You captured it and you wrote your name in it, with permanent ink…that will never go away. That’s how you keep squeezing it. You cheated… that hurt, I forgave you and you did it again! That time I ended it because you made me! You kept saying I’m so tired of hurting you andi, I love you so much, I was thinking to myself…. Then why won’t you stop?? Then the girl you cheated on me with… you end up dating… the very same day. You said you guys weren’t going to make it… and came back to me… I was going to take you back… but I needed time! Time that you couldn’t give me apparently because you asked out Karli.”

“But I don’t love her.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying… Why was he doing this to both of us and why wasn’t this enough to make me understand… I don’t need him?? Fuck…because I knew I did.

“Then why are you dating her Lukas!? You’re leading her on!” I didn’t think he would ever sink lower than cheating… I guess I was wrong… and somehow, I still loved him.

“Andi… you still don’t get this, entire situation, do you? There’s a part of her, and it reminds me of you. When I’m sitting with her… I feel like its you...”

Well that shut me up. I didn’t know how to respond to that, I wanted to be pissed because what he was doing to Karli… I wanted to slap him and yell at him… but I couldn’t. “Luke… I’ll see you tomorrow in school.” I walked over to him and gave him a hug. I turned around towards my house and he still hadn’t moved. I walked back to him and kissed him on the cheek. "goodbye." i whispered.

I walked into my living room and sat on the couch. There was already a text from Lukas. Not that I was surprised. But I wasn’t in the mood to text… or was it just him I didn’t want to talk to? Oh well. I still read the text message. It said andi please call me. I went against myself and dialed his number. I was sure I was going to regret this, majorly.

“Hello?” I took a deep breath, I know part of me didn’t want to talk to him, but then there was always that part of me that was dying to talk to him. “I see you got my text.” I was so close to hanging up and he hadn’t even done anything. “ya I did Lukas. Why did you send it?” he said something about us talking about what happened earlier I think, so I just continued with an ok. He started talking but I wasn’t really listening. I heard him say something about him wanting to kiss me again if that would be ok. He fell silent and I had no idea what the last sentence was he just said. I told him I had to go and hung up.

Over the past few weeks I seen him at school and he would smile and wave, so I smiled and said hey without stopping to say another word. The whole part of him being my ex, was my moving on from him. But truth was, I loved him and everything was just fucking complicated.

See karli was my step brothers ex. They still managed to be friends after her using him. I still don’t get why he forgave her, then again… I don’t get why I forgave Lukas… or why I was still in love with him for that matter. It was about 4:00 on a Thursday I had planned on going with Lukas to his house before we broke up. It would be about 5 months we were together… but hey love just doesn’t last. I walked into my room with a heavy sigh; I throw my bag on my bed and headed to get a shower.

I stepped out of the shower, the freezing cold air biting at my skin. I slid on my clothes and walked in to my room to grab some eyeliner and eye shadow, I always had to have on my eyeliner. It made my eyes beautiful. Not to mention, without eyeliner, I looked like… well there was no nice way of putting it. Without eyeliner I looked like shit. When I stepped in to my room there was a figure sitting on my bed. I didn’t know who it was until he turned with a smile. I yelled and ran over to him. “Codi!” he laughed and stood up to hug me tight.

“Andi!” he laughed at my reaction even though he had the same one. Codi was my amazing step brother; he has always been there for me… through everything. That was until a couple years ago when he just left without a goodbye. Literally he just walked out of the house one night and I stopped seeing him. I didn’t know if he was alive or dead.

“I missed you so much!” I stopped and continued to laugh. If there was one person who could make me laugh when I was so sad that all I wanted to do was cry that was Codi.

“I missed you too Andi!”

It took me a minute before I thought of the next thing to say. “Codi man, brawh you know I love you.” I started to laugh. “How the fuck did you get in my house? Let alone my room?”

He laughed and pointed towards the window. “I could of broken it you know, you left it unlocked, hasn’t anyone taught you how unsafe that is?!?” it was funny, he was back to acting like my father. He used to dress up in my fathers ties and shoes and walk around bossing me around, it pissed my father off because he knew we were mocking him.

“That’s kind of creepy bro.” it was funny. How I had missed this boy.

“Well you know me.” He said with an evil smile. I used to know him, but not as much.

We continued to talk about what his life had been like over the years that he had left and not a single one of us had heard from him. After awhile he stood up with a frown. “Well I have to go Andi, I’ll be back soon. Before you even get a chance to miss me.” He hugged me goodbye and I turned to go finish applying my eyeliner when he came up behind me and started tickling my tummy. He knew how ticklish I was, I always had been. He continuously tormented me when we were younger.

I was bored so after I finished with my eyeliner I jumped on my laptop, there was nothing better for me to do. I typed in my email and password and tried to log in. I hated how they had it set up, why didn’t they just tell us which one was wrong instead of making us type it all over again? Damn ive been getting really irritated lately, and over the stupidest things to. I decided to log into face book again before I decided to punch a hole in my computer screen. Is it obvious, my fucking life sucks! And no I am not saying that because face book won’t let me log in. I was saying it because I am still in love with Lukas and I could hate myself more for it.

Luke called me over and over again and I continued to ignore his calls. I was basically killing myself to get over this boy, and he’s making it impossible because he won’t leave me the fuck alone. I got logged into face book and took a deep breath I was on edge and I didn’t even know why.

There was 5 notifications and 3 messages. And of course all the notifications had something to do with Luke. I clicked on the first one which said Luke w commented on your photo.


I wasn’t in the mood to have anything to do with him, so I just slammed my lap top closed, fighting the urge to throw it at the wall. See what he does to me!? It was about 10:30 I was tired as fuck, and I wasn’t going to skip school tomorrow so I decided to go to bed. I climbed under my covers and cuddled Luke’s penguin… it smelled just like him. I started to cry. I cried myself to sleep.

I wake up to an obnoxious pounding, which sounded like it was coming from the living room. I lay up and looked at my clock. Are you serious? It was only 3:20. I close my eyes and try to ignore the pounding but it doesn’t stop. I throw my blankets off of me and stand up. I sleepishly walk to the door and open it. Guess who was there. Ya Lukas.

I stepped aside and let him come in. he glanced down at my booty shorts and smiled. It was fucking 3:20. I was not amused. “What do you want Lukas?” I didn’t bother to hide the ignorance in my voice.

“I remembered when we first broke up, you told me if I ever needed to talk that you were for me, no matter what time it was.” I felt bad and my heart softened up. He was right I did say that. And it wasn’t right for me to be treating him like shit because he was still… my friend.

I sat down on my couch and crossed my legs. “Ok Lukas, you proved your point… I did say that. Is everything ok?”

He slowly glided beside of me and started to cry. “No Andi, nothing is ok. I miss you so much! Karli is just some girl that I don’t want to be with, you’re the girl that I want to be with but…. But I ruined that... and now were both in pain and crying all the time. I know you say everything is ok… but I know it’s not… Nothing is ok!”

“Lukas what makes you think I still cry for you?” I wasn’t sure why I was being such a bitch to him. He honestly didn’t deserve it… But hell I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, now did i?

He rested his hand on my knee and looked me in the eyes. “I know you were crying because your make up is smeared all the way down your face, and I know you were crying for me, because I remember when you said you would never cry for any one else ever again.”

Damn he was good. “Luke that doesn’t matter. I’m always going to cry for you. That’s never going to change.” I could see the tears sting his eyes.

“Andi… I don’t deserve your tears.”

He did…

Lukas<3
All hail the heart breaker that would be me. i am the breaker of Andi Leigh Morison’s heart. She gave it to me to hold on to, protect and keep safe… instead I took it and cracked it in half; I still don’t understand why she doesn’t hate me. Fuck I hate me. Well I’ve always hated myself, but now I hate myself more. Andi deserves so much better, that’s what I always say and it’s always going to be true… but I don’t want her to cry for me any more.

I don’t know why I showed up here. Before I left my house this morning, I said tonight I will walk to the one I will never stop loving. I started walking and something pulled me towards her house, and that’s where I stopped… and that’s where I knocked…and that’s where she answered the door.

I didn’t want to be with Karli anymore. I just wanted to end us. We weren’t happy with each other. She would much rather fool around with the star football player. I was ok with that. I honestly didn’t care who she fucked. Right now I didn’t care what she did. I was going to kiss Andi. I leaned over and kissed her. Expecting her to pull away but instead she turned her body towards me and wrapped her arms around my neck. Like she always has. I wasn’t going to let her go this easily.

I guess finally the thought that I was dating Karli rammed into her head because she pulled away and ran outside stammering I’m sorry. I didn’t want her to apologize every time she kissed me. If me and Karli broke up then whatever.
I honestly didn’t care any more. The only girl I wanted was the one who I kept hurting. I stood up and walked outside behind her. She was sitting on the steps with her head in her knees. I could hear her sniffling back tears. I sat down beside her and she rested her head on my shoulder. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

She brought her hand up and wiped away her tears. “I….i don’t have you…I can’t say that you mine anymore…. Because now your Karli’s…”

“Fuck Karli Andi, I am still yours… you have something that Karli will never have… you have my love, you have my heart… and you are my world… my everything.”

“Not your girlfriend.” I watched as the tears just started pouring down her face. She was desperate to make them stop… but every time she tried, she got a million more.

I kneeled in front of her and grabbed her hands. “Andi, it doesn’t matter if we have a label, we know what we are. Two people, in love who aren’t together.” I leaned my lips closer and kissed her on the cheek. They were streaked because of her tears. I took my hand and gently made her tears vanish with the back of my hand. “You are my baby girl. And I am your nerd… Forever and always.” I started to kiss her again counting down the seconds for her to pull away. She never did.

A little while later she was leaning her head on my shoulder. He breathing started to even out, so I figured she fell asleep. I leaned down and kissed her on her forehead. “I love you baby girl.”

I felt her smile. And she whispered. “I love you too mynerd.”

I picked her up and carried her in my arms into her room. I gently placed her on her bed and covered her up. I seen that my penguin was sitting there on her pillow and I handed it to her. Instead of grabbing the penguin out of my hands so grabbed my arm and pulled me into her bed. I got under her blanket and wrapped my arms around her waist… I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep holding her, like I used to.

An alarm goes off in the distance. I hear footsteps and then it shuts off. My arms are empty. This is weird because I remember having Andi in them last night. There’s some paper sitting on the floor and I pick it up and begin to read it.

It hurts when I listen to our song, not only because you aren’t mine anymore, but because you’re also hers. You tell me you love me more than her and that’s a promise. Well I love you too… but now you belong to her. Every song I listen to reminds me of you. Whether it’s a love song, or a song about some one with a broken heart. It breaks my heart to know I cry for you and I am never going to move on and forget about you, it’s impossible to do so…. But I think that you could. Whys it matter to you if I die or live? Cause right now I welcome every part of death… the beginning, the middle and the tragic end. Then the pain washes away… I know i can’t see you while you are with her…. because I know I’ll kiss you, I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your relationship with her. Because I know it hurts… it hurt me, it would hurt her. So I’ll hang my head high… just for you… throw on that faulty smile that everyone is used to… and laugh instead of cry… because I love you.

Wow…. That broke me. I looked up when I heard footsteps and Andi was standing in front of me. I hadn’t realized she was already ready for school. “Hey Andi.”

“sup.” Was all she said? Something was wrong. Well maybe not… I mean, she was smiling.

I laughed. “Are you ready for retarded school?”

She rolled her eyes and nodded her head. “yup.” She said popping the p and over extending it. “Let’s get this over with.”

I stood up and looked down at her before I started laughing. “Fuck Andi, I just noticed you’re a damn shrimp.”

She brought her hand up laughing and slapped me in the head. “Shut the hell up Lukas. Or you’ll shrink in size.” She pulled me closer to her and in a creepy voice she whispered. “In two ways.”

I didn’t have to be a genius to know exactly what she meant. “Shit I’m sorry Andi.”

She started laughing and walked away.

As last time, and every time we walked into school together, we weren’t holing hands… Karli probably wouldn’t have liked that as much as I would of. The bell rang and then I felt warm arms wrapped around me. Then she left. I watched her as she walked away, until she wasn’t visible. I let out a heavy sign of sadness and turned in the opposite direction. Nothing worse than turning your back on the girl that you are so in love with.

After school I expected Andi to walk up to me and hug me from behind. So when some one did that I smiled. That was until I smelled the perfume and I realized it wasn’t Andi… But karli. She leaned over and placed her lips on mine. Please don’t walk this way Andi… I found myself repeating that in my head.

What’s she do? Walks this way. She doesn’t stop and look my way; she doesn’t stop and try to talk… instead she walks at the same pace acting if she didn’t even care. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe after everything I have been putting her through, maybe she was forgetting all about the scum bag heart breaker that she used to date.

Andi<3
Every day I continue to smile, every day my smile continues to grow. The more pain I have the more smile I’m going to need to make every one think I’m ok. But I’m not. Every time I see Luke and Karli it kills me. It’s always going to… just kill me. I walked past Luke and Karli again… yes… it felt like a bullet to the head. I know he was staring after me, watching everything I do… but that’s ok, he can do what he wants and I can do what I want…

When I got home I walked in my room and fell on my bed. I was exhausted and the only time I could sleep was when Lukas was laying behind me with his arms wrapped around me. wow that’s just pathetic. I took a deep breath… “I need to move on… he’s with Karli… let go… get over him…. Get out of my head Luke! Who am I talking to?” oh shit I was starting to talk to myself.

“Andi!” I heard some one call my name, as the front door slammed open. I wasn’t sure who it was, but I didn’t care enough to stand up and look.

“In my room.” I simply responded.

A couple seconds later there were footsteps walking to my room, or what it sounded like. I was staring up at the ceiling so I was oblivious to the person standing in my doorway staring down at me. “Andi, are you awake?”

It took me only a matter of seconds before I realized who was speaking to me. “Codi!” I jumped up and hugged him quickly, then moved to my bed and sat back down.

“How are ya Andi?” he inclined his head towards me.

“Ive been better, what are you doing here Cod? Not that I don’t love that you’re here, I do… I’m just shocked to see you.”

He laughed. “well me and my friend were on our way to work, and I decided to stop by and visit my sister.”

I took a deep breath. “Glad to see you Cod.”
He smiled. “Glad to see you too. Oh uh sorry.” He moved aside. “This is my friend Aiden, Aiden this is my sister Andi.”

I waved at him shyly without looking. “hi Aiden.” I continued to stare down at my floor.

“Sup Andi.?” I only looked up when he began to speak. My breath was caught in my throat when I seen him. Medium length black hair, black and white converse’s, gray skinny jeans, and a black veil brides shirt. He had snake bites and I was instantly attracted to him.

“just chilling.” I said nervously. It’s sad, he gave me the same butterflies that Lukas once did… that was already a bad sign, he was cute… so that must make him a prick.

“Andi, I really wish I could stay longer, but as I said I was on my way to work, so I can’t be late. Aiden are you coming?

He looked between me and Codi before shaking his head. “Nawh man, I think ima stay here and chat with your sis.”

“alright Aiden, I’ll see ya.” They fist pounded and Codi walked off.

Aiden walked over and sat in front of my bed on the floor. “So you are the Andi, that Codi is always talking about?”

I was looking all around my room, trying to avoid looking him in his gray eyes. “yes, I guess I am.”

“well it’s nice to finally meet you Andi.” He smiled it was a real genuine smile, and I was honestly hooked on him already, and I barely knew a single thing about him… bad Andi bad!

“it’s nice to meet you to.” I wasn’t just saying that out of courtesy, I was really happy to meet Aiden.

He looked around the room. “it seems that we share friends.”

I looked at him in question. “what are you talking about?”

He laughed. “that penguin sitting on your bed, that’s from Luke Wilson, is it not?”

I gulped. “yes it is…. How did you know?”

“I was at his house the other day, he told me to wait in his room while he made a phone call. I was standing there waiting for him to come back, When he did he was holding a teddy bear. This was a big bad football player I used to know so I laughed at him and asked him what the fuck that was for. He got pissed and told me that a girl gave it to him and it meant the world to him. I asked him if he was with that girl. He said no. and I asked who it was and he said I didn’t need to know, but I could probably guess if I looked through his phone, so I did and I seen your picture.”

I took a deep breath. “wow.”

“what happened with you guys?”

“he cheated on me.”

Aiden’s expression turned sour. “he always was a dumbass who took the best things for granted.” He moved beside me and sat on my bed. “Do you mind if I sit here beside you?”

I shook my head no.

“ok, Andi… I don’t know you much, but I would like to get to know you and I can promise you that I will never make you feel the pain that he has put you through, you are a beautiful girl and Luke has told me a lot about you. I like what I was being told.”

I smiled. “ok.” I bit my lip and looked away. He had me blushing. What the fuck?

He leaned closer to me and placed a kiss on my cheek. “trust me Andi, Lukas doesn’t deserve another chance, he’s just going to do it again.”

I avoided contact with Aiden’s eyes. “I guess you might be right.”

He stood up. “Well Andi, I loved being here with you but I really have to go; I’ll be here tomorrow morning, I would love to walk you to school, I mean if that’s ok with you?”

I smiled half heartly and nodded my head. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

I stood up and walked to the door, with him following at my heels, he was getting ready to leave when he leaned close to me and hugged me. “can’t wait.” Then he walked out the door, and shut it behind him.

I walked into my room and laid on my bed, with only Aiden on my mind.

Lukas<3
I had been calling Andi all of yesterday and she hadn’t answered her phone once. I guess I would have to wait until I seen her later today.

Me and Karli were sitting on the stairs, we were talking about hanging out after school. When my breath was knocked out of me; by the sight in front of me. Andi and Aiden holding hands. What the fuck! Aiden was supposed to be my friend!

I let go of Karli’s hand and walked over to Andi and Aiden. I glanced over at Aiden before looking at Andi. “Hey Andi, I have been calling you.”

She looked over at Aiden. “Luke, how could you cheat on Andi!? You have no idea what you just lost! She deserves so much better than you.”

I was thrown backwards by the force of his words. “it was a mistake Aiden.”

“Luke that’s always been your excuse, but I am tired of hearing it. You were like this when you were younger and I thought that you would mature and stop cheating, but if anything you got worse. I fucking hate you Luke.” he got closer and whispered in my ear “I will do everything I can to make sure, you never hold her in your arms again.” He said through clenched teeth. He tightened his grip on Andi’s hand and pulled her off in to the other direction. I stared after them.

She sat on the ground and started to cry. I wish I could walk over and hug her, and hold her tight…. And beg her not to cry. But Aiden was there and he was doing just that.

He sat down beside her and held her tight. His lips were moving but I don’t know If he was saying something, or cursing my name. who knows it could be both. My heart cracked when he leaned down and kissed her forehead, and she smiled.

He pulled her up and wrapped his arm around her waist, and they walked right past me and in to the school.

“Andi, I’m sorry.. I hope I didn’t take that to far.” I could hear him speaking in the difference. I was rounding the corner of the hall towards her locker when I seen them standing there. She had dried tears still streaking her face and he had a dumb look on his face, that made me want to punch him. Fuck if he kept this up I was going to kick his ass. I thought he was my friend. Dumb ass me, getting stabbed in the back again. Fuck!! He knew I was still in love with Andi.

I turned the corner and I seen him kiss her. she didn’t push him away; instead she kissed him back. I felt pathetic; I could feel the tears escaping and there was nothing stopping them. I darted in to the bathroom, and punched the mirror until there was a big crack in to it. I was still pissed. I started punching the mirror again. Until it finally shattered. My knuckles were bleeding and the glass was clattering on to the floor. There were red pieces, those were the ones coated with my blood. My tears were dripping and mixing with my blood.

I picked up a piece of glass and dug it in to my arm. Fuck life! Fuck life! Fucking kill me!

The bathroom door creaked open and Mr. Dovil was standing in the doorway with shock and disbelief in his eyes. He ran over to me. “Luke! what happened?” he put his hands on shoulder.

I pushed him away. “nothing Mr. Dovil. Don’t tell anyone what you just saw, just forget about it.” I pushed past him; I stepped out of the bathroom and seen the crowd staring back at me. no one cared, not one of them was upset. Well that’s what I thought until I seen Andi crying in front of her locker.

Keep walking Luke, I told myself. Keep walking. But my feet directed me towards her. I leaned on her neighbors locker and slide down it, until I landed on the floor. “hi.”

She grabbed my arm and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “why would you do that Luke? Why? You broke that promise that we made…” her tears kept coming faster and faster.

“You broke your promise to.”
She jerked backwards and hit her back off the locker. “What are you talking about?” she sniffled, trying to hold back her tears.

“you promised me, no matter what happened… You would never stop loving me.”

She looked beside her. “I didn’t break that promise…. I don’t get it… Your allowed to date Karli and kiss her and hug her as much as you want… But when I want to date someone, I’m not allowed… or I kiss someone you go and cut yourself, …. I just don’t understand why.”

I slid closer to her. “That’s because I am afraid, that as soon as you start dating someone else, you’ll realize how un worthy I am.”

She wiped away her tears and stood up. “it doesn’t matter Luke. I’m always going to love you…. But if your going to be with Karli… I am going to date other people to… I am not going to sit here my entire life as you hold her in your arms every night…. And wait for the day when you realize that you would rather have me in your arms….. I’m sorry…” she walked away as soon as Aiden was coming around the corner.

He grabbed her hand and they walked off towards the door. I guess they were skipping class today.

Aiden looked back and me and glared. I knew that was her way of saying she was dating Aiden, and that was his way of warning me to back the fuck off.

I watched as my “friend” walked away with the girl I was in love with. Ya that’s one hell of a friend. I started to cry again. Why did it have to happen this way? Why can’t that be me who’s holding Andi’s hand? Who kisses her all the time? Why can’t I be that one…?

I sat there and just cried until school was finally over. As soon as the last bell rang I ran out the door. I wanted to get as far from here as I possibly could. As I was sure I would see andi and Aiden soon.

Go fucking figure. He was holding her hand. They stopped at the wall where we used to sit. Aiden touched her nose and she laughed. Man I don’t know if it was because that was Aiden and not me, but when I seen that I was about to upchuck. I was walking a short distance behind them. Andi turned around and smiled at me, I could see tears starting to build up in her eyes.

She let go of Aiden’s hand and hugged him, before exciting the school grounds. I was walking behind her slowly. I didn’t want her to think I was following her.

I started to cry. Now I know how she felt when i kissed Karli in front of her. That thought made me feel like shit, all she did was hug Aiden and I was about to shoot him in the head. So when I kiss Karli…. It must tear her apart. Why did I ever have to cheat? Andi was the perfect girl for me. I know she was always saying that she would never let go; and if I ever wanted another chance it was there….

I ran up behind Andi, I needed to talk to her. “Andi!” she turned around and I could see the tears pouring down her face. Before thinking I pulled her in for a tight hug.

“I know I am to late…. And I hate myself a lot more than I did this morning…. But…. I dumped Karli for you….. And now you’re with Aiden….. “I wonder if she could hear my heart breaking. Did she wonder the same thing when this all happened to her in the beginning? Was I finally feeling what she has been feeling the entire time?

She pulled out of the hug and stared back at me before looking at the ground. “Luke I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, or what I’m supposed to do about you….honestly…” she turned around and started walking away.

“I finally know all the pain you’ve been feeling because of me.” I whispered softly hoping she couldn’t hear me.

No such luck. She turned and looked at me, “Luke… What you felt this morning, what you felt an hour ago, what you felt a second ago…. I can promise you…. It will never be as bad as what I’ve been going through… For 2 months; you’ve been bouncing back and forth between girls…. Even though I have been here telling you that…. as soon as you need another chance…..it’s here…..and you chose to wait until I try and move on…. I pinky promise; you’re never going to hurt as much as me.”

That was like a knife to the throat. “Andi…. I am so sorry I have put you through all this…. And I’m not going to make you feel guilty because I am a dumb ass, instead…. I’m going to wish you luck with Aiden… but remember I love you. And I am always going to love you more than anyone ever will. And no one will ever give me the butterflies that you did.”

I watched as she stopped walking and glanced back at me. She ran her hands through her hair before sniffling. She ran towards me and wrapped her arms all the way around me. “Luke I love you to.” She whispered between sobs. “And no one will ever take the place of my nerd… and no one will ever love you as much as I did…. And I will never stop loving you. And I can promise you another thing…. Those butterflies, you’ve always given me….. Still will never go away.” I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, I knew this was wrong. I was messing everything up with her and Aiden… but I love her so much it was impossible to let go.

I finally had enough strength to drag myself away from her and give her a small smile. “ok.” I tried to think of something soothing to say; but it wasn’t that easy when your heart was bleeding.

She stood on her tippy toes and kissed my right cheek. “Forever.”

I tried to speak, to tell her to stop. To beg her to come back to me, so I could hold her all night. My cheek had a warm feeling all over it from her kiss. A kiss I would never experience again, but I would never stop missing. And I would never forget. But I couldn’t. As much as I now hated Aiden, I wouldn’t mess up his relationship. And I would steal the girl he was dating even though that girl was the one I am in love with and he knows that…. I guess I’m just not that heartless.

Andi<3
Am I simply supposed to just move on from Luke? He’s been texting me. I’ve wanted to reply to him so bad. I see him at school occasionally. Still sitting with Karli. I know he see’s me. Me and Aiden walk past them every day. And every day my heart breaks more, and i have to fight back my tears. He smiles like everything’s ok, well maybe everything is ok… maybe for him.

“Babe?” I hear.

It pulls me out of my depression and smile up at Aiden. “Yes Dinosaur?”

He giggles. “Look we’ve been dating for awhile now… and we’ve been spending a lot of time together and talking a lot. I feel like I’ve got to know you a lot better than anyone and I want to thank you for always being here for me when I need someone. There’s something I wanted to say to you… whenever you’re ready?”

I thought back to all those times Luke had called me babe, how it brought butterflies to my tummy. It didn’t have the same effect when Aiden called me babe. Actually it had quite the opposite. When Aiden said it, it sent a rush of pain through my heart. “I’m ready when you are.” I say through clenched teeth forcing a smile. Try doing all that while you’re thinking about your ex and fighting back tears.

He took a deep breath and smiled. “Andi, I love you… I am in love with you.” After awhile when I never responded to his shocking news his smile began to fade. “Did you hear me?”

I turned away from him and whispered “Aiden… I don’t love you…..” It hurt me to say this but I couldn’t lead him on any farther. I did like him, but loving him was a totally different chapter. That I wasn’t going to skip pages to get to.

“Why don’t you love me Andi? Am I unlovable?” what kind of question was that?

I signed. “You know why….”

He walked in front of me and glanced at Luke. “Him right?”

I sniffled back tears and nodded my head.

I thought he would calm down but that only angered him more, he started screaming. It was causing a big commotion and the one person I didn’t want to look over, did. Yeah Luke glanced over towards us. Everyone was watching as the tears were pouring down my face. “Your still in love with Luke!? After everything that fucking ass hole has put you through!?”

I simply nodded my head.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Look Andi, I just told you I loved you, and you told me that you didn’t love me. You loved Luke!? What the hell was that!!? he cheated on you! He’s hurt you, and you still fucking love him!?”
Luke stared over at me as the tears were pouring down my face, he made no move towards me, and he just sat there with his mouth hanging open. “Yes, Aiden. That obviously hasn’t changed. It’s not fucking going to!!” I started screaming at him.

Aiden rolled his eyes. “Look Andi, as soon as you get over that dumbass over there holding that girl. By the way she’s not you. Then call me.” He stalked off inside the school.

I was about to fall to my knee’s and beg for someone to kill me. I started running away from the school. I heard footsteps behind me. I didn’t care who they were. I was going to end it. No more pain and no more suffering. I don’t have to worry about breaking any promise to Luke anymore, seeming as he already did that.

It felt like hours I had been walking. I had a feeling where I was going. I knew this place well. I always climbed up this cliff when life became too much and I just needed to think. It wasn’t the same this time, these thoughts were about to become an action. And everything would soon be ok. Well not ok but at least I wouldn’t have to see Luke anymore.

I reached the Clift and sat there staring down. It would take forever to die from that. I would keep falling and falling. Would I ever reach the bottom if I jumped? I hung my feet over the edge and thought. My heart was pounding in my ears. I was scared, what made me think I could actually let go? I rested there for awhile before I could take it no longer.

I reached inside my bra and took out my pocket knife. I sat it beside me. Which would be quicker? I thought to myself. I reached for my knife and scooted closer to the edge. One way or another, this was the end of my life. This was the end of crying for Luke. No more looking at him holding Karli in his arms.

This wasn’t just about a girl falling in love with a boy, the boy breaking her heart and the girl resulting to suicide because she loved him and thought she couldn’t live without him… there was more to it.

My mom was dead, my dad used to beat me. I remember what exactly happened that day in the woods. I was raped…. Then someone tries to kill me. Why not just help them out and die? I wrote one long goodbye note, or suicide note whatever you wish to call them. I don’t care. I just don’t.

Goodbye Note.

I can’t take this anymore, it hurts me to bad to smile and tell
Everyone that I am fine, I can’t lie anymore. Its bringing me
Down and it has become nearly impossible to make people
Think that I am happy, and I love life. I hate life. I hate
Everything about it. I hate the smiles that people can
Truthfully wear all the time. Please tell Morgan she was the
Best fake mom I have ever had. She was there for me since
My real mother could not be. Atleast I can see her soon. Tell
Her I love her, and ask her to never forget me. She’s one of
The only people I have ever believed has truly loved me, as
for Luke Wilson. He knows it all. He knows I love him and he
Knows I need him, I guess make sure he knows he wasn’t
The exact cause of my death. I love you Luke Wilson, that’s
Still never going to change. Maybe you’ll move on now and
Can be happier with Karli. I guess I hope you to can make it.
And…. Just be happy…. Love you….

-Andi


I set the note down beside me, they would find it… or they wouldn’t. But either way I couldn’t take it and I was done.

I had decided that I wanted to die under the blade. Not by jumping off a Clift. I moved away from the Clift and grabbed my knife with tears in my eyes. Maybe everything would finally be ok.

I grasped the knife tight and dug it into my wrist crying out in pain and screaming, why did I scream? The fact that I was dying wasn’t going to change the fact that people don’t care. The blood instantly started spilling from my fresh wound. I traced along the line of a previous scar from my last suicide attempt, this one would be different. How? This one would be the last one.

Lukas
If looks could kill I would be dead Aiden would have killed me, Andi would have killed me and Karli would have killed me. I guess I was lucky. Watching Andi have a break down was awful. I had seen her do those too many times, and it still stopped my heart. I tried to chase after Andi; I needed to know that she was ok. Everything about the way she ran off scared me. But Karli wouldn’t let go of me.

“Karli, please let go!” I pleaded.

“Why Luke? Got some where more important to go, instead of here with your girlfriend?” she put extra emphasize on the word
Girlfriend.’

“Ya Karli I actually do. And your not my girlfriend anymore, we’re done. It’s over. I can’t do this to Andi anymore! I need her!” I felt like I just got slapped in the face, oh wait I did.

Before I could do anything else to protest another beat down from her she kneed me in the groin. I fell to the ground in a ball turning with pain. “Fucking dammit Karli!!! Why did you just do that!??” I was nauseated the only thing I could think of doing was puking. “Fuck!” I kept screaming. I pulled myself up on my knees and hung my head low before I remember the tears pouring down Andi’s face.
This was my fault and I had to fix everything. I stood up and started with a limp. Damn that hurt. I guess I deserved that, and if not for Karli, then for Andi. After awhile it was possible to walk normal again. I stopped at Andi’s house and pounded on her door. I expected to go into the bathroom and see a suicide scene, but when I got there it was clean, there was no evidence she had even been there.

I fell to the floor crying before I remembered where we used to go when she was upset and we needed to talk. The park was the next thing on my list if the edge was empty of her.

I started running towards the edge. I got to the hill and seen the sign clarifying that I was at the edge. I looked down at the dirt and seen Andi’s bag lying there. I knew she would come here.

I pulled myself up on the edge and looked down half expecting to see a squad car and a body lying down there. But thankfully there was nothing. I looked all around the edge trying to spot Andi when I heard someone cough.

I spun around and seen Andi there. She was lying on her wrist, her face was coated with blood and her hair was soaked to her face, there was a knife lying open with blood spilling off it. There was a puddle of blood around her head. I knew she was close to the edge. She finally made it to the edge…. and reached her breaking point.

I slide over to her... dirtying up my black skinny jeans and ripping a hole in the knees. When I was close to her I felt for her heartbeat, it was there but barley. “Andi!! Can you hear me?”

No response. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.
“Hello 911 operator, this is Shelia. What is the nature of your emergency?
I don’t care what the fuck your name is, I shout in my head. “I need an ambulance! At the edge!”
“We’ll be there soon.” Then she hung up.

I stood there begging Andi to stay with me, telling her I needed her and if she jumped then I would jump too. And that would never change.

Soon after I heard sirens getting closer and closer. The ambulance arrived and the EMT put her on the gurney. I asked them over and over if she would be ok and I never got a response. At the last minute when they were about to leave I jumped in the back with the other EMT. There was blood all over the place. I couldn’t help myself and I let a few tears escape. A few tears turning to a few thousand.

We finally arrived at the hospital and they rushed inside. I kissed her goodbye “I love you Andi.” I say hoping and praying that wouldn’t be the last time I seen her.

I turned to the waiting room and sat in the hard chairs… how could this day get any worse? I closed my eyes trying to tell myself that she would be ok. I tried and tried to fall asleep but my mind kept drifting back to Andi. Then everything stopped.

The doctor walked out with eyes so sad. “Wilson, Here for Andi.” He walked over to me and I seen a tear in his eye, “I’m so sorry, she didn’t make it. She lost too much blood and we lost her.” I fell to the ground in a ball. I had no self control left. The doctor tried to comfort me, but nothing worked. He walked away leaving me to deal with the loss of Andi. A while later I was still crying he walked back out. “Mr. Wilson is everything alright?”

“No!” I stuttered. He stopped and stared.

“I am terribly sorry for you loss Luke.”

I stopped crying and stared up at him. “How do you know my name? I never told anyone!”

He looked at the ground. And directed towards the room Andi had been taken to. “That was one of the last words she said.” He glanced up at me. “She said….in the weakest voice I’ve ever heard…. I love Luke,”

I woke up with tears in my eyes, thank you, it was just a nightmare! She could still be ok!!

The doctor walked out with eyes so sad, like In my dream and said the exact same thing. “Wilson here for Andi.” I took a deep breath preparing for him to tell me she was gone forever, she died a young age, but there was nothing they could have done to save her; she just lost too much blood. But instead. “She made it...” is what I hear.

I can’t help but smile. “Thank you so much! Can I see her?” he would never know my level of gratitude for saving her life.

He merely nodded his head and directed me towards her room. I walked in and my heart started pounding in my ear at the sight I was seeing. I walked over to the bed and kissed her forehead. “Can she come home today?”

The doctor shook his head. “No, sorry. I’m afraid she is being put on suicide watch for the next 24 hours, because clearly this was no accident. Is there any way I can contact her parents?”

I looked at her. What would she want? She wouldn’t want her dad to know about this. But sometimes you have to do what is best for them instead of what they want. “Yes. Do you have a phone I can use? I can call her father and tell him she is here.”

He nodded his head and pointed in the hall. “Right there.”

I nodded my head back at him and picked up the phone dialing her father’s cell phone number.

Not available. Leave a message.
I waited for the beep and started to speak. “Hey it’s Luke. I’m at the Beaver Valley hospital with Andi. She’s here; if you want to know more then come. If you don’t care then delete the message. Bye.”
Andi.
What the fuck was this? What are those called? An out of body experience? …No no this wasn’t making any sense… I can’t be dead…. I mean I’m lying right there on the bed breathing… What the fuck!? I see that my suicide attempt was yet again another fail…. Fuck….! Guess ima have to give it another try as soon as I got out of here. If I do...

Someone just walked in. Luke? How did he know…? Wait what the fuck was going on?? I’m so confused….he touched my hand!! And I could feel it…. what the hell?

“Andi… I know you can’t hear me and you don’t want to see me, and if you could you would probably murder me…. I’m so sorry
About all of this and I blame myself 100%. This all started with me cheating with Becca… Then with Maddie…. Then we break up…… we get together and break up again….. I get with Karli and it kills you every time you seen us together… then you got with Aiden and I was so jealous it burned me inside….. I broke up with Karli before I left to chase after you. I don’t like her…. I don’t love her….. I don’t even want her.”

I could feel tears coming. Why can’t I wake up and tell him I love him to? I don’t want to watch him blame himself and I hate seeing him cry. Please Wake Up!!! I don’t like anything about this….

I watched him as he lied beside me and held me in his arms. He kissed my forehead. I wish I was there so he knew I didn’t blame him….. Please…. I need to wake up.

Whoa…. Was that my mom? I could see someone standing directly ahead of me. But she was dead wasn’t see? And I wasn’t… was i?

“Hey baby.” She spoke with a smile that would light up the whole room.

“Mom?” I couldn’t help but start to cry.

“Ya Andi, it’s me.” I ran to her arms and cried.

“Mom, I’m so confused… what’s going on??? Am I dead?”

“She kissed my forehead.” Baby I have been watching over you. And you have made mistakes but everyone has. I have made mistakes…. But this is one of the most important descions you are ever going to make.”

She smiled at me. “What descion momma?”

“Whether you come back with me; or you go home….” She inclined her head towards me lying there in the hospital bed. “You see that boy? He’s made mistakes Andi, but no mistakes should ever bring you to the result of suicide. I know I can’t talk much because clearly I did just that. But he needs you. And I need you. But your daddy needs you.”

“Dad doesn’t care.” I started to cry.

“Dad’s made mistakes to, when he was beating you….. When he was drinking… he’s no saint… but everyone can change.”

“When he was beating me!?? I should just forgive him for beating the shit out of me?!? And return to this hell hole!? That people call life?”

She nodded her head. “Andi… Luke needs you. Even when he was with Karli, he never let you go. Because he couldn’t because he needs you.”

I looked back towards him and smiled. “Ok. I want to go back to him.”

I opened my eyes and I could see Luke staring down at me with tears in his eyes. “Luuu-kk-e?” I managed to finally speak.

“Andi!?!” he kissed my forehead. “Are you ok???”
“Define ok.”

He smiled. “Ya… I was scared I was going to lose you…”

I moved my hand with great effort and set it on the side of his face. “Don’t worry… I’m here.”

He smiled a smile that didn’t quite match his look. “That’s what you’ve always said….. I was so close to losing you Andi, and I couldn’t bear it.”

I kissed him, “this time I promise.”

“ok.” the sparkle returned in his eyes.

“Am I allowed to go home?” I asked glancing at the door.

He shook his head. “No. 24 hour suicide watch.”

i glared at the doctor with his back faced towards us out in the hall. “Fine.”

Luke looked into my eyes. “I’ll be here the whole time; nothing will pull me away,”

I laid down and yawned. “Good. Now come lay with me.”

He laughed and squeezed on the bed beside me. “Yes. Ma’am.”

I smiled.

He turned towards me and wrapped his arms around me with his face getting serious. “Please Andi, promise me you will never go and do anything like that ever again. When I thought I lost you, I was about to go die myself. I told you… you jump I jump too...”

I took a deep breath. “I love you Luke.”

He laid back down. “I love you too Andi.”

“Butterflies.” Was the last thing I said before I fell into a deep sleep.

Luke.

“Andi are you ready to go?” 24 hours later and she was cleared to go home.

She nods her head. “Ya.”

I smiled at her, “ok lets go.” I grab her hand and pull her out of the hospital room. We agreed she would stay with me for awhile since her dad didn’t even care enough to make sure she was ok the night of the accident. He never answered the phone. He never called to ask if everything was alright.

We got to her house. We were going to get some of her clothes together for her stay at my house. She grabbed 5 pairs of neon colored skinny jeans. Pink, green, blue, yellow, and purple. 3 sticks of eyeliner. Damn… Who had that much eyeliner? Actually I lost track of all the make up she grabbed. I seen the eyeliner, some eye shadow, mascara, crème. Ya I don’t know what else there was. And a couple of band T shirts. Including the asking Alexandria one I had given to her. She threw it all in a bag and then grabbed my penguin.

“Oh I see, I’m not good enough for you, so you need to replace me with MY penguin.”

She smiled a smile I hadn’t seen for awhile. “It’s not that. I just don’t want your penguin to get lonely, being here all alone.”

I pulled her in for a tight hug. “Fine but your mine.”

She nodded her head and giggled.

We walked out the door and she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. I let go of her hand and interlocked our fingers. I glanced up at her and smiled.

We got to my house and she threw her bag on my bed. “…..Luke….” she took a deep breath and I looked over at her. “I…. want to go to the edge. “

I sighed but kissed her and nodded my head. “Ok….” she kissed me back but that didn’t erase my worry.

We got to the edge and sat directly in front of the fall. I sat beside her and tightened my grip on her hand. If she jumped, I would jump. “I ran here to escape all the pain. I didn’t know what I would do…. I was sure that this would be the last time I would breathe. At first I was going to jump, and then I was going to cut. I wasn’t sure which to do. I just wanted it to be over. I think it was fate that I didn’t jump. I think I knew if I jumped they’re wouldn’t even be a chance for me to survive….so I cut instead half hoping someone would find me before it was too late.” She stood up and walked over to where her body had been laying. “I sat here glancing over at the entrance. Hoping that you would appear out of now where and stop me. When you didn’t I took that as a sign, to go on. It all happened so fast, I cut deep and I lost blood fast. You arrived right before I passed out. I tried to tell you I loved you. Because every part of me thought this would be the end.”

She picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me. I began to read it, I started to cry, “I didn’t want to be happy with Karli, I wanted to be happy with you.”

She looked up at me. “And are you?”

I nodded my head. “I always have been, but I must admit I am much happier knowing that you’re really mine.”

She smiled at me “And now you can tell everyone I am.” I just hope things happen differently this time. No cheating…, no secrets nothing can mess up something as beautiful as this. She stood up and pulled me away from the edge. “Come on, we know we don’t have to jump. As long as we have each other.

We walked back to my house and collapsed on my bed, to tired to do anything more. I wrapped my arms around her and fell asleep.

She was lying in my arms with her eyes closed; hopefully she was having happy dreams and not an insane nightmare.

I was sitting there for a moment before remembering being back at the hospital and how… I love Luke is what she said when she thought it was the end. Having that thought just made me wrap my arms around her tighter. I felt her begin to move and I look down at her. “Hey Baby girl.”

She smiled up at me. “Hey my nerd.”

She could always make me blush. Actually she was the only person who had ever made me blush. I leaned down and kissed her softly.

Andi<3
Do you ever think about the people in your life now… and if they will be in your life when you’re older? That’s what I was thinking. Luke’s in my life now as my boyfriend… but will he be that in the future? Will he be more? Will he be less? Will he be there? Couples last for years and still sometimes in the end, they break up. That’s what a divorce is. Duh. But would that be the case of me and Luke? Or would something mess that up before we even get to the future. When I say the future, I’m not simply speaking of tomorrow or next week. I’m speaking of years. When we’re out of school; and we have to live for real, will he be apart of my future?

“How did you sleep baby?” he looked down and smiled at me.

“I slept perfectly boo. How about you?”

He glanced up at the ceiling and started blushing. “I didn’t sleep. I was watching you sleep.”

I smiled. “November 14th”

“Hehe what about it babe?”

“I wrote you something (:”

He giggled “I would love to hear it.”

Now it was my turn to blush, “ok Wilson.” I took a piece of paper out of my pocket and started to read it to him. “Oh Heyy (: this isn’t a big deal…but you know me so I thought I would write you something to tell you happy birthday.. Also to prove I love you more than any bitch ever will<3 hehe so first off happy birthday boo I love yuh bunches… more than I could ever scream…<3 not much to say but happy birthday and I hope you get everything you want….your amazing and don’t you let anyone forget that<3
He’s perfectly imperfect<3
-Love AndiBoo<3 F&A
11/14/11(:”

I looked over at him and he was laughing. “That was cuute baby girl”

I smiled. “Well wait, I have a little bit more. Dear Lukas Scott Wilson
How have you been? Been awhile since I’ve wrote you anything but since it’s your birthday I think you deserve something new… I miss you all the time and it’s impossible to get you off my mind<3 the most memorable moments I’ve ever had; have had something to do with you<3 I haven’t stopped loving you and I wont ever. Consider that a promise (: whatever happens just know I’m here for you and your always going to be the rightful owner of my heart<3”

I glanced up at him and he smiled a humongous smile. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.” He shook his head and tackled me onto his bed. “Promise me, you will never ever do something as stupid as that again!!”

I started laughing and never replied, well he noticed. His face turned serious and he held me against the bed. “Baby girl…. Please promise me, I will never have to worry about you doing something like that again.” I felt something warm land on my cheek. I stared up and seen that he had tears rolling off his face.

With some effort I leaned up and kissed him. “I promise Luke, you’ll never have to worry about loosing me….” He smiled. “As long as I don’t lose you.” I whispered.

He took a deep breath and let me up. His eyes turned from happiness to sorrow….. “Andi…. I can’t promise that we will make it forever, and I can’t promise that you won’t get over me, or that something bad won’t happen and I won’t die….. But I need to know that if for some terrible reason we didn’t make it…. I need you to promise that you wouldn’t let that be the end… I mean of your life, I need you to promise me that you will be ok and no matter what happens, you always be in my life…. As a friend… if not more.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “I couldn’t promise you that…..Lukas, when we weren’t together I almost lost it…. I was so close to suicide so many times, the only thing that stopped me was when you would smile at me, and tell me even though you were dating someone else, that you would always be mine….. it killed me to see you with Karli especially more than any of them…. Karli was my best friend….. And you were…. You are the boy I am in love with

He started to cry, “Baby girl, I am done with all of them, I don’t want anything to do with any of them, especially not Karli.”

I took a deep breath and glanced up at him and half smiled. “Ok boo….I promise that I will never do anything as stupid as cutting myself or trying to jump off the edge ever again.” I reached up and wiped away his tears.

“man I feel pathetic.” He stared down at the ground.

I hugged him tight, “Why?”

He looked into my eyes. “Because I’m a boy, boys aren’t supposed to cry… they’re supposed to stay strong and hold the one’s they love when they’re upset…..”

I kissed his forehead. “Lukas, there’s nothing wrong with you crying, I hold you when your upset and crying and you hold me when I’m upset and crying. I love the fact that your not a hard ass and you cry. It means your sensitive and that’s one of the many things I love about you.”

He looked over at me and half smiled, “what do you love about me?”

I had been waiting for this. I put my hand on my tummy and started to speak. “The way only you can give me butterflies when you say hey, or my ringtone for you starts to play. You always stand up for me, no matter what the situation is, you’re always there. I love how you make promises and when we’re texting and you tell me you love me, you always add extra letters…. A heart and a smiley face. I love the way you blush when I write you a new poem. The way I can feel you smiling when we kiss and the way that you always come up behind me and wrap your arms around me. When I want to cry, you’re always there and turn those unwanted tears into smiles. I love how you can cry in front of me, and you can be yourself… how sweet you are. And even though you make mistakes; I love how it is impossible to not forgive you….. And I love, how you always know the perfect thing to say <3 “

I looked over at him and I could see his eyes were wet with tears. “What I love about you baby girl. You have the cutest nicknames for me, you always make me feel amazing, and when I’m with you I hate the thought of you leaving, when you leave I want to hook on to your legs like a little kid and beg you to stay here with me. I love how understanding you are about everything. The fact that through all of this, you never gave up on me, even when you had a million people telling you too….your always tell me you’re here for me, and you really are…. And everything that you just said can be added to my list.<3”

I started to cry. There was just no word possible to tell him what he made me feel, or what he meant to me….

I lunged towards him and refused to let go. “Well I want to add one more thing to our lists.” I loved the way our lists sounded. He nodded his head. “When you say you’ll never let go…. I love that.; you hug me or hold me and I say I wish we could stay like this forever, and you look at me, and go…. Why can’t we?”

He blushed and it melted my heart. “I love how only you can make me blush <3”

We finally stood up. “Holy shit.” He whispered as he pulled open the front door.

“What is it boo?” I asked peeking beside him.

He turned around and pushed me against the wall, kissing me gently and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I forgot there was an outside world, being here with you was all I needed.” He pulled away gasping for air as I giggled. “Damn Baby girl, you need to stop being so amazing, it’s causing me to take kiss you till I can’t breath.”

“sorry babe, I can’t help it that I’m so amazing.” I muttered as I stuck my tongue out at him.

He laughed and moved closer to me. “You going to tease me now?”

I nodded my head and stuck my tongue out farther. He moved closer and licked my tongue. “Fine, I can tease to.” I laughed and tried to kiss him, but he pulled away. “Ah ah, ima tease too.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “Maybe so, but I’m a much better tease, and I can make you yearn for me.”

He shook his head. “Damn can’t do it.” He leaned over and started to kiss me. I smiled and reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone. He wrapped his arms around me tighter, as I turned on camera mode. He pulled back and stuck his tongue out at me. I reached over with my tongue and touched his, taking a picture just as a tear began to fall down my face.

He kissed my cheek. “Please tell me those are tears of joy.”

I smiled and nodded my head, “I promise boo, they are.”

He reached out his pinky. “Pinky promise Love?”

I reached my pinky and wrapped it around his, “ya boo, I pinky promise.” He smiled and laughed “good. Now, I know for a fact you haven’t eaten anything, and I am going to make you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Babe, I am fine.”

He shook his head. “No; Andi you need to eat something. Whether it be a little snack or a giant meal.”

I started to protest and he put his finger to my lips to hush me. “Don’t waste your breath baby girl.

He hooked his arms onto me and pulled me towards the kitchen, opening the cabinet. “What do you hunger for tonight?”

I smirked and grabbed a hold of him. “you.” He winked and pulled me back into his room.

I opened my eyes and felt the other side of the bed, according to my memory; Luke should be sitting there with a big ass smile on his face… what the hell…? Where was he? I grabbed my phone and decided to give him a call.

“Hey Luke.” “Andi” his voice was cold. I took a sharp intake of breath “Is everything ok?” I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “Everything is fucking perfect! My ex tries to kill herself, and you know who the reason is?? Me, I am the reason and if you would have died I would have had to live with that guilt pounding at my head!”I took a deep breath. Ex? I thought to myself… I finally realized it was all a dream after I tried killing myself… The rest was a dream. I wasn’t back with Luke, I wasn’t unbroken... He may not be with Karli anymore… But it’s Luke; He’ll have another girl in a day… Who was I to think…..? I was really worth his time? I sniffled back tears and whispered goodbye to him, I could hear him start to object before I pushed end and had a breakdown.

I was still Andi Still didn’t have the one I needed, he still didn’t love me enough...And I was still alone…

My phone started ringing and it was a number I didn’t recognize, One that I had never before seen “hello?”

Luke
Andi called me, and I totally snapped. I felt horrible about it, and I wish I could take every part of it back… But before I had a chance to she hung up on me. I don’t blame her to do that…. I understand completely because I would have done the same thing to her, but it’s not fair, that all I ever do is hurt her, I’m a mess up and she’s amazing…. And I hate myself. But… that doesn’t mean what I said wasn’t true, because it was. Every part of it was…. Everything good that happens is a dream. So smile about it… And then wake up. Just makes everything easier I guess.

In frustration I threw my phone on the floor. It didn’t smash open like I had hoped it would. Oh well. Guess that’s a good thing in a little way. Oh who am I kidding? I want the bitch to smash!
I took a deep breath and tried to calm down; this was not good for my asthma. I walked out of my house and turned towards the park. That sat across from the tree staring out our names, they fit so perfectly together on the tree, and they looked so cute. Like it was our love story.

I wanted Andi to be a part of my story; I wanted her to have the best part… But if I can’t stop hurting her when all she is, is my friend… Then how can I not hurt her when she is my baby girl again? I’ve hurt her to many times, made too many mistakes and she could just brush them off and forgive me. The front door slammed shut and my father was stomping his way in the house, was he drunk, or pissed?

He threw a piece of paper at me, but It landed 2 feet in front of me. He turned and stalked out of my room where I could hear him plop his ass on the couch. Literally just plopped. Picked his feet up and fell backwards.

I stood up and reached towards the paper straining to read the small words. Basically I just read the part that said I needed a checkup. I called the number on the paper, because my dad wasn’t going to. “Hello I’m Jenny thank you for calling how may I help you?” “I received a paper, stating I was due for a checkup, When can you get me in?” “Your name?” “Luke Wilson.” “Oh Luke, How’s your dad?” “Fine, when can you have me in by?” “Tomorrow at 9:00 if you don’t mind missing your classes?” “Ya Sure, I really don’t care. Ill be there.” She started to say goodbye
but I ended the call before she could finish.

I lay in my bed and closed my eyes, after maybe an hour I drifted off to sleep. I woke up at 6:30 to my alarm buzzing, I got up and threw on my bring me the horizon shirt, black converse, and blue skinny jeans. I straightened my hair, grabbed my books and started walking to school. I walked over to the steps and sat there with my head in my knees.

“Luke…Luke Wilson, why so sad?” I looked up and got a glance of my best friend Maddie.

“Why not be sad? There’s nothing to be happy about anymore….” She reached over and gave me a hug.

“Why isn’t there? There are at least 5 girls looking over at you wishing you would ask them out.” I followed her fingers and searched for the one face I knew wouldn’t be there.

“I don’t care Maddie, I don’t want any of them, they’re all sluts.” That comment earned me a slap to the back of the head.

“Ow! What the fuck Maddie!?” I shot a glare at her and she giggled.

“Luke, those are some of my best friends, and they are not sluts. I know that Raena really likes you… Why don’t you go give it a try with her? Please Luke…”

I looked at the ground and gulped. “You don’t understand it Maddie, I don’t want any other girl besides Andi.”

She puckered her lips in anger. “Luke you can’t fucking have andi! You messed the fuck up with her!!! Besides why would you want a fucking slut!? Because that’s all Andi is!!!”

“What are you talking about?”

“She was caught under the covers with Wayne, made out with him, dated Aiden behind you back, kissed Becca. Made out with Alec, Oh and messed around with autumn. And flirt around more than I do. This was all while you were with her. She’s just a helpless little slut, whose way too good at the lying game.”

I could feel the tears threating to escape. I bit my tongue. I stood up and walked over to Raena. “Hey Raena, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out?”

She glanced up at me and smiled. “Sure Luke can’t wait.”

“Ok” I forced a smile and walked into the building. What did I just do? I thought to myself I don’t even know Raena…. I spotted Andi walking with my old best friend, Jeff… Maybe she really was a slut… I mean… Maddie would never lie about something like that….i looked straight past her and fought back more tears, She was too busy laughing and smiling with Jeff, To realize I was having a mental break down.

The first few hours of school had gone by fast; I stood up in the middle of my class and started to walk out the door when the teacher stopped me. “Luke, where do you think you’re going?”

I looked over at him and glared. “I have a doctor’s appointment.” It was a substitute Mr., Sumel. So he didn’t care, he nodded his head and turned back to his phone.

I got up and arrived at the doctor’s office, “So Luke, have you had any chest pains lately?” I shook my head remembering all those times I had pains in my chest, where I thought I was about to die… But hell, he doesn’t need to know that.

“Goooooood.” He checked my weights, height, heart, my ears, my reflexes, and gave me flu shots. When I was getting ready to sneak out of the building he walked in. “Luke I found something, I don’t know what it is… I think you need to go to the hospital and get it checked out.” He handed me a piece of paper. “As soon as you can.” I nodded my head, and was getting ready to leave. “Oh Luke, and if he asks you if you have had any chest pains, don’t lie.”
I gulped hard and left the building.

Andi
Haven’t seen Luke all day, xept for earlier when I was walking with Jeff, I didn’t want to, he kind of tricked me into it…. And I was too nice to say, Yo dude! Back the fuck up.
School was finally over for today, I started to walk home, what was on the list today? Go home. I threw myself on my bed and lay down. Thinking back to the conversation I had with that women yesterday.

…..is this andi? Yes and you are? I am your mom? I remember shaking my head and yelling no, no my mom is dead, so committed suicide. The women pressed on and on, talking about meeting me, saying how no the women I thought was my mother honestly wasn’t I was adopted… and my real mother was on the other end of the phone with my real mother.

I glanced up as my ‘dad’ walked in.

…..”Dad can I ask you something?” he sighed and nodded his head.
“What Andi…?”

“Some lady called me and told me that her name was Cassidy, and she was my real mother…?”

I heard him take a sharp intake of breath.”She’s lying Andi, now no more about this, I am your father and that woman is not your mother….” He waved at the air like he was trying to push our conversation away.

I picked up my phone when he left the room and called the women back. “So you say you’re my mom and my dad lives there with you, where as the person I have been told is my father since I was baby tells me that you are not my mother… my mother killed herself and he is indeed my father. Dilemma dilemma of who I am supposed to believe. The person who treats me like shit, or the person I don’t fucking know.” Before she could get another word in I hung up.

I laid back in my bed, it was earlier.. But all I wanted was to escape all my problems and sleep my life away. I closed my eyes and grabbed Luke’s penguin to cuddle up to it. And fell asleep instantly.

There was no peace in my dream; there was no peace in my world. When I closed my eyes, bad thoughts over loaded my head, when I had then open, Bad thoughts were in front of me, staring at me telling me to try again and this time I wouldn’t be saved.

When I woke up I felt like shit, I knew already it was going to be a bad day. I slipped on a skull long sleeve shirt, black skinny jeans and some furry boots. I brushed all the knots out of my hair, put on my blue eyeliner and grabbed my ‘Emo is love’ bag. I walked out the door and arrived at school shivering I walked past Maddie and she glared at me. I tried not pay attention and kept walking; besides I hated that bitch.

I walked past Luke and he put his hand on my shoulder. I stopped and turned towards him. “Hey Luke” I smiled.

His eyes were so soft. He smiled back at me. “Hey slut.” He walked away laughing.

I leaned against my locker and started crying. Slut!? What did I do to be a slut?i stood up and ran out of the school only to run into a lady standing there. “Excuse me… I’m so sorry…” I

choked out.
She reached down and gave me her hand, “No problem Andi.” I gulped and glanced at the ground.

“How do you know who I am?”

She raised my head up and looked me in the eyes. “I told you Andi, I am your mother.”

“How can you even say you are my mother? After 14 years of having nothing to do with me, what the fuck, gives you the right to call my house and be like ‘oh I’m your mom and I’m sorry I haven’t been there your whole life, but I would like to be there now!’ you can’t fucking do that!! It is too late for me to even think about you.”

“Andi…Please baby…” she was begging me.

I was crying for Luke, and now this psycho bitch was showing up and trying to be in my life. I ran my hand through my hair and covered my face…”I have to go.”

I started running faster and faster, now I was s slut….I was a slut to Luke….i started walking, I didn’t know where I was headed, I was staring down at the ground and my feet were carrying me there. When I looked up I was in front of Luke’s house. I shook my head and kept walking, if I’m such a slut then I don’t want anything to do with him….Cause obviously he doesn’t want anything
to do with me.

I didn’t know what time I left the school and started running, and I didn’t know what time it was now… All I knew is when I looked up again I was standing on some train tracks, There are no train tracks even remotely close to my house. I looked up at the sky and it was starting to get dark, the clouds were threatening a storm. Bring the storm. I whispered to myself….If anything a storm can make it better, or is it really this bad now, that nothing would make it better?
I felt of drop of rain on my head and looked up, the next drop of rain landed right under my
left eye. I wiped it away as though it was a tear.

Everything can back to me at that moment that is why I fell to the ground begging for death. Luke thought I was a slut….I didn’t even know I did anything, my ‘mom’ committed suicide, and now some lady was telling me she was my real mom and she wanted to be in my life with my real dad? ….When I was in the woods I remember what happened…. I was raped….
I started crying

My mom’s psycho ex boyfriend kidnaps me and I don’t know what he did……….my dad…and…….oh my god just fucking kill me!!

I looked up and that sky and repeadtly begged for death. I heard the train, didn’t mean I cared, didn’t mean I was going to move. I was going to sit right there and hope that the train didn’t have enough time to stop….Come on train…faster… I thought to myself.

The train was so close and I couldn’t wait, when someone wrapped they’re arms around my waist and shoved me out of the way.

I sat there on the ground with that person as the train passed. Wishing whoever it was would have been to late…..

Luke
I know, that was harsh, I called andi a slut. I snapped. It has been confirmed by all of those people that she honestly did all of those things. And I just snapped. I wish I could take it back now, I seen the tears running down her face and her eyes were so innocent... I don’t know what came over me; I just know I hurt her.

Everywhere I looked there were people laughing and giving me thumbs up. I smiled and laughed along with them even though I felt like shit; I wasn’t going to let anyone else know that.

“Luke I seen what you said to Andi…that was kind of harsh, don’t you think?”

“Why would you care Raena?” I rolled my eyes, come on… I couldn’t date this chick if she was going to make me feel like shit!

“Because, Andi was my best friend.”

That news caught me off guard but I rolled my eyes. “Look, if you don’t like me talking shit
about Andi, then don’t hang out with me and don’t talk to me, and don’t listen to me! Because all that bitch is, is a slut!!”

Raena took a deep breath. “All that bitch is, is a slut??” she screamed at me, I nodded my head. “Luke that bitch is the girl that you fell in love with, and you are still in love with! You didn’t bother getting her side of the story first and you know what!? Fuck you! She deserves so much better, and so do is. So fuck you.”

She turned and walked away. “Fuck you to Raena.”

I walked over to Maddie. “Great choice, picking Andi’s ex best friend for me to date! Stupid bitch!”

“Whoa Luke, Chill the fuck out….What happened?”

“Raena was all up in my grill bout calling Andi a slut! So Ya.”

“You fucking dumb ass Luke!! Don’t you see what I was doing? You date Andi’s ex best friend and she gets jealous as fuck, and then you have all the cards. Fucking idiot. Can you do anything right!?”

I took a deep breath and pictured myself punching Maddie. What is wrong with me!? I whispered…I walked away and turned towards my house, when I got home I went in and plopped on my bed to lay down. I closed my eyes.

I was at the hospital, the doctor walked in. “Luke, I found out what was wrong with you.”

I nodded my head. “OK what is it?”
“You have a broken heart; it hurt you so bad that you stabbed it and it died and now you are heartless.”

I jolted up in my bed. What the fuck? I scratched my head and looked around me. Whatever.
I climbed out of bed and walked out the door, it was too early to sleep and now even if I wanted
to, I couldn’t.

I walked the skate park where everyone always hung out. I walked up to some girl. “Hey, I’m Luke, You are?”

“Stephanie.” She winked at me.

“Nice to meet you Stephanie, Wanna come back to my place?”

“Sure, I would love to.” She stood up and grabbed her hand

“Good.” I led her towards my house and we slipped inside, here take a seat I’ll get you a drink.”
She grabbed my hand. “Nawh Luke, why don’t you sit with me?”

I sat beside her and she moved closer. “So I don’t think I know you.”

“Funny, because I don’t know you either, but I thought you were hot, and I hoped you wanted to make out.”

She laughed, “Well, with you being so honest, how can I say no?”

I shook my head “guess you can’t.” we started making out. Damn she was a good kisser, now this
is the kind of slut I need.

Andi
“What the fuck!?? Why would you save me!? I knew that was there!!! I just hoped that I could just die!!”

“What no thank you?”

I turned and glared at the kid. “Thank you for ruining my chances of dying.”

“Look suicide, not the answer. Never the answer.”

“Whatever. Who are you?”

My name is Lukas.”

I closed my eyes for a long time and shook my head; the tears started flooding down my face,
pouring from my eyes….all the memories of me and Luke came flooding back into my mind… The way he held me when I was sad, the way he gently kissed my lips… The way he held me in his arms when he was sleeping…how perfect it once was.

“Hello??? Earth to suicidal girl, my Name is Lukas…Who are you?”

“Uhhh….” I stalled. “I am Andi…”

“Oh, nice to meet you Andi, Wasn’t a nice way to meet you, But you know at least I met you, oh and I’m kind of your hero now, aren’t I??” he winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Sure.”

He grabbed my hand and helped me up. “Look obviously I am not welcomed here, so Ima go now….Have a good day Andi. Why don’t you text me some time.” He handed me his number and disappeared. Literally disappeared… wtf?

I stared after where Lukas once stood. There was no trace, he just vanished. I shook my head and turned home, towards my house trying to make sense of what happened. How life got so messed up. I walked past Luke’s house and stared straight ahead. I had to be strong, I couldn’t be weak in
this moment alone, I will be ok. I kept chanting in my head. I will be ok.

I could hear Luke talking; I was so close to turning around and going back to the tracks. It wasn’t just his voice I heard it was giggling, some prissy dumb ass bimbo. He was laying in the grass with her, exactly where we laid together. I couldn’t stand the sight of them and started crying. I fell to the ground and crawled into a ball. Pathetic. Were the only words in my head. I’m. Pathetic.

The sun soon disappeared as I laid there in my own tears. I looked up and seen the black clouds heading over me, Please…Please let there be lighting, Please Please, Let it get me.
“Andi?” I looked up and seen Luke standing there with a grin on his face. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

The salty water began pouring from my eyes again, and all I was able to do was shrug my shoulders.

“Andi… You’re a slut. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

I buried my head in my arms. “How am I slut?” I finally managed to speak after what seemed like eternity.

I could sense him roll his eyes. “How aren’t you a slut? Wayne, Becca, Aidan, Alec, I’m sure there was more. You cheated on me, and you never even told me, Where as I cheated on you and I told you everything…. You told me nothing.”

I forced my head up and my eyes straight ahead, I forced myself to look at him. “Luke… I would never do something like that…. I loved you…. And…. I love you… Why would I do something that’s going to hurt you like that?? I promised myself that I would never do that again… I wasn’t lying I didn’t cheat on you Luke… I never would.”

His eyes softened up as he grabbed my hand. “Andi, why would Maddie tell me that you did? Why would she tell me all that? Maddie is my best friend…”

I shook my head. “I swear, I don’t know… But I know I didn’t do that.”
He glanced beside him… “Promise Andi?”

“Pinky Promise.”

He held out his pinky and I moved mine towards him and pinky promised. He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. “I am so sorry for calling you a slut Andi… I just snapped.”

“You don’t know how much that hurt.”

He pulled back and looked at my face. “Andi..How long have you been crying?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, all day… every day… My whole life?” my took his fingers and wiped away my tears. But more appeared.

“So… You seen Stephanie, Didn’t you?”

I nodded my head remembering what had sent me in my breakdown. “Yes… New girlfriend?”

He shook his head in shame…”not exactly…. She was my new…” he took a deep breath. “My new slut. If I don’t have you, then all I want is a slut and she was there.”

I closed my eyes for a long time and the tears came pouring down again. “Luke what happened to you?? You never would have referred to someone like that… you’ve changed.” I started backing away.

“DO you want the truth Andi?”

I nodded my head… “Ok...”

“This is the old me. This is the kind of boy I was before you. I’d date whatever girl walked up to me and asked me out, then I would cheat on her with another girl and we’d breakup. I’d get with the other girl…then do it all over again…”

I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears. “Wow you have a nice boy act…. And I guess that’s what I fell for.” I turned away from him and started bawling again…. Is that all I was to him, another girl to cheat on? Dump and then move on… just another girl to be added to the list?

“Wait Andi.. When I was with you, everything I said was 100% true, every I love you I meant, and the I am sorry… I really am sorry… Sorry you fell for me because you deserve so much better and now you really know that. Because I’m just a dumb ass. And when I lost you, I just went back to being the old me because it was so much easier to not care about any other person and just use them as I want.”

“That’s sick Luke….I miss the old you… That’s the one I fell in love with and that’s the one that I want to know.”

He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “For you Andi, I’ll always be the guy you want; the loving, sweet, caring, sensitive, amazing, nice, truthful… the one you fell in love with.”

I was so pissed at him, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist and the butterflies came back. “Butterflies..” I muttered quiet enough that he couldn’t hear.

He put his head on my shoulder. “What was that baby girl?” he looked at me, as I stared straight ahead.

“Butterflies.” I turned my head towards him as he kissed my lips.

“OH, you feel them to?”

We laid in the grass together… If only we could of laid like that forever.

Luke.

Well. I feel like an utter ass. Nothing will change that. I’ve been calling Andi a slut and I shoulda just talked to her. I was laying in the grass with Stephanie, and well I guess Andi saw us. I seen Andi sitting in front of my house…Rather she was really like crying in a ball, so I went to find out why the fuck she was here. But what did that change? Nothing…. I said I would be the boy for andi… the New me, the one that she changed… I didn’t say it about anyone else… Meaning, Stephanie, was still my little slut.

I arrived at Andi’s house in the morning for school like I always have, and I guess that’s not going to change? I knocked on the door. “Hey Andi… Ready to go?”

She nodded her head. “Mhm.”

I grabbed her hand and she looked down in shock.

I gave her a small smile and pulled her behind me.”How’d you sleep baby girl?”

She shrugged her shoulders.”Ok, I guess…”she was basically silent the entire way there. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I didn’t even know if she would tell me, seeming as though it probably has something to do with me being a complete and utter ass hole, and he mistakenly falling in love.

I stopped walking, turned towards her and took a deep breath. She stared at me, like Yo what are you doing? I bit on my tongue and looked all around us to distract myself. When I just couldn’t take it anymore I backed away from her and stared at the ground. “Look Andi.. I know, I make mistakes and I know you are probably getting tired of hearing me apologize all the time about it, and then not doing anything to back up my apology accept for going off and kissing some girl… Buuuuut…… I think it would be best if we would just move on…”

I watched as a tear rolled down her face and her expression turned from a smile to expressionless. “You don’t think I have been trying to do that the hole time Luke? Because trust me, since the day we broke up I have been trying to get over you, but every time I even remotely start to get somewhere you go and apologize for being such an ass hole, then you kiss me and then you go make out with some girl. You know what… whatever… I just don’t care anymore.”

She tried to start walking ahead of me but I stood in front of her blocking her pathway. She was not leaving until we had talked about this.

“Really Andi?” You’ve been trying that long?

She rolled her eyes. “Ya.”

“I’m sorry. And I know you’re probably tired of hearing that.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what Luke… What do you want? Do you want to move on? Never talk to each other again, please… tell me now.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want that Andi...”

She got real close me and whispered “You, don’t know what you want.”

I shook my head. “Andi, I know exactly what I want and that, is you.”

She backed away and started crying and screaming. “The only thing keeping me from you is you!”

I shook my head again. “How do you suppose?”

“What do you mean ‘How do I suppose?”

“Never mind.”

“Whatever Luke. But here’s something you should know… I’m fucking done.”

“Andi…Please…don’t” I don’t know what I was thinking but I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind like she loves. “Please don’t ever let go… I need you more than anyone…”

She kissed my cheek and walked away without saying a word more.

I felt the tear escape from my eyes as I cried… I cried…and cried… I was so weak for Andi.. I wanted to be her hero..but all I was was the fuck up who was making her life more worse than she ever thought possible… I was sick.. not mentally… but I have a deadly disease… I needed to push her farther away from me, they don’t think I’m going to make it… and I don’t want her to be holding on to tightly… I couldn’t help it. I cried more than I thought I ever could.

Andi.

I walked on back towards the tracks. I just needed to escape him right now because he didn’t understand anything that was going on. He didn’t get it. He needs to grow up, and I know and he knows it…he just wasn’t ready. Ready for anything. Wasn’t ready to stop cheating or lying…I started crying… he’s the most immature 17 year old I know… cheating, lying, stealing… sleeping around..same as cheating… he was just as confused as I was… but the only difference… I truly did love him… But he wasn’t ready to be a father… I grasped my stomach and fell to my knee’s bawling.

After awhile I was so weak that I was having trouble breathing… I cried so much that I felt like I could die at any moment in time… I would be ok with that… I wasn’t ready to be a mother… I’m 16…I’m so fucking stupid! How could I screw him…? I wasn’t thinking of how easy it would be to be a mother…I can’t do it… I just can’t. am I supposed to tell him? No doubt he would freak… Hell I am freaking!

I ran home with tears pouring down my face. I fell to my living room floor and just laid there until I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I stood up and wiped away the tears before getting up to get the door.

“Hey andi. I just wanted to check up on you and see how you are, after your last suicide attempt.”

“Oh Hey Lukas, Wait how do you know where I live?”

“Look, in the future I have to tell you something and then everything will all make sense… in a way, but uhh… Look everything will be ok.” He whispered hugging me.i hugged him back and nodded my head. I felt weak. Before I could stop the tear it rolled down my face and landed on his shirt.

I pulled away and murmured apologetically over and over.

He pulled me over to the couch and rested my head on his lap. “It’s ok Andi...” He sounded so sure that it was impossible not to believe him.

I nodded my head and snuggled against his chest closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

I woke up screaming and the next thing I know they’re were arms wrapped around me. “Shhhhh” they whispered. I was calmed by Lukas’s voices every time. He knew how to comfort someone and make them feel better… his eyes were so true, he was amazing at making me feel safe again… But so was Luke.

Next thing I know they’re was another knock at my door. I sat up and sauntered towards the door. Lukas remained sitting on the couch. I threw the door open. “Luke…”
“hi. Can I come in?” I glanced back at Lukas but moved aside so he could fit inside. “Who’s he?”

he asked with pure jealousy raising in his voice.”

I rolled my eyes. “This is the second person who’s had to save my life. “Luke Wilson, Meet Lukas.”

He shook his head. “Seriously, his name is Lukas?

I nodded my head. “Yup... That’d be correct.” I walked over to Lukas and sat on his lap laughing

“wow.”

He knew what he was thinking. He wanted to know what he was doing on my couch. I was just waiting for him to ask. He stared across the room and I knew he was about to ask… “So…UH are you
too like together?”

Lukas laughed but made a disgusted face. “No, Andi is sexi as fuck but I’m gay.”

I smirked and watched as the jealousy was drained from Luke’s face. “ohh.” He said in a cheerful tone. I just nodded my head and turned towards Lukas.

“SO, this would be the Luke I told you about that day.”

He leaned closer to me. “Look, I’m not really gay but if I was….. damn.” I glanced over at him and couldn’t stop laughing. He motioned me down towards him, so I leaned down and he whispered in my ear “I see why you love him so much.”

I froze for a little before nodding my head and getting sad. “Ya.” I mumbled.. “Don’t remind me.”
He blew in my ear causing me to giggle, and I glanced up at Luke, Once again he had pure jealousy on his face “So…Uh Andi I really need to talk to you… about earlier.

I looked back at Lukas. “I’ll be right back, ok?”

He frowned and nodded his head. “Hurry back, I’ll miss you.”

I laughed and kissed his cheek. “I will, I promise.” I grabbed Luke’s hand and pulled him into my room closing the door. “Ok, Luke, what do you want? Why are you here?”

“I need to talk to you…………………………..” he let the sentence drag on and on.

“Ok, talk.” I muttered.

“About earlier… I…..I….went to the doctors and they said I have a heart murmur…. And I don’t know honestly how that will effect my life… and I was just trying to push you away..”
I felt the tears start escaping from my eyes. The breath was knocked out of me. I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him bawling on his chest. In the spur of the moment I reached down and grabbed my stomach darting to the bathe room and throwing up. Life just got a hell of a lot worse.

He knocked on the door. “Andi are you ok?”

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see through the door. “mhm just nascious.”

He opened the door and I tried to hide my face. “No. Luke, don’t look. I look like shit.” I said remembering what he just told me in the other room, I could feel a tear fall down my face as I started gagging.

He walked up behind me and moved my hair to the back so it wasn’t in the way. “Shh it’s ok baby girl.”

Why was he making me feel better? ? He was the one who had a heart murmur. Maybe I was over reacting because I didn’t really know anything thing about having a heart murmur… but….. I mean just the thought that something was wrong with him had me crying! I pushed myself away from the toilet and threw my arms around him. “I’ll live.” I whispered.

He held me so tightly.

And I could do was cry and wish that he would be ok

He’s my everything that I want and everything I need in my life, when they’re your best friend and you guys have been through so much together? When all you can do is cry and hope they will be ok.

I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him a long time. He pulled back as soon as a tear rolled from my eyes and landed on his hand. “Baby girl… I have hope…” he whispered.

I shook my head. “Luke, I know your past and I know you don’t care that your probably gonna die, and I know that all you want is to get it over with…”

“That was before you came into my life, Andi. Scratch that… that was before you became my life.” He took his finger and wiped away the tears that I continued to cry

I sat him on my bed and walked into the living room. Lukas was gone. I looked around outside to see if he stepped out for some fresh air, but he left. I walked back into my room and turned on my radio. Luke had laid down, so I sat down beside him and covered him up.

He uncovered and pulled me down beside him, all I could do was cry. I remembered laying in the grass with him, the bonfire, sitting in the truck, the times at school, every little fight…everything about us.

I started sobbing in his ear, so I leaned up and wiped away my tears that just continuously poured. I heard him sniffling and looked over to see him fighting back tears as well. I wanted to hold him and I wanted to tell him everything would be fine, but I would never lie to Luke, and and it didn’t feel like anything would ever be fine, and I can’t tell him not to cry if I am going to cry.

Trap by echo came on and made me cry even harder.

Close my eyes
Let the whole time pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I’ll run away with you by my side
I’ll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go , let go of this pride,
(asking why)

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don’t need to solve this case
And I don’t need to look behind

Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
With all the words I say,
Repeating over in my mind,
Sometimes you can’t erase, no matter how hard you try,
An exit to escape is all there is left to find.

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I’ll run away with you by my side
I’ll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo is in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

(I know I always loved you)
(I know I always loved you)
(I know I always loved you)

So I close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I’ll run away with you by my side
I’ll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo is in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

Luke,
I told I had a heart murmur.., just like that. I wanted to be gentler about it, but I just needed her to understand what was going on, she cried. No she bawled. She still is. I hate seeing Andi cry. All I can do is cry. I’m so exhausted. She was hugging her knees and sitting at the edge of her bed. I couldn’t see her face… I could her hear sobs. She was trying to push them away. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around her and held her in a tight embrace, “Andi, I love you… I am going to fight this for us.”

“I love you to boo………..” she smiled a smile that didn’t quite match her.

I hugged her tight. “Please baby, don’t be sad for me.” I whispered as I moved her hair out of her face

“How can’t I be?”

I watched as one tear after another escalated down her cheeks.
I frowned and kissed her underneath her eye. “Please...”

She nodded her head and looked in the other direction. “Ok…”

She looked down at her bed and I watched as a tear landed on her arm.

I lifted her chin with my finger so she was staring me in the face. “Baby girl I don’t know anything about it, I should have learned more about it before I told you…”

I made her face me, and I tried to get her to look into my eyes, but she closed her eyes.

“Luke…………….I have to tell you something to…...”

I nodded my head and hugged her. “OK baby girl, what is it?”

She took a deep breath, and a single tear rolled down her face. “I…I think I’m… pregnant.”

My face went expressionless. “You what!???”

“I have an appointment in an hour.” She wiped away her tears, which is good because I couldn’t even move.

“Can I go?” I finally managed to speak.

“mhm.” She lay back down on her bed and faced her back to the wall.

I layed in front of her facing her. “Baby girl, this won’t change anything…”

She nodded her head…”I know…” I think I heard her whisper “I was afraid of that.”

I kissed her nose and closed my eyes, resting there. I guess I fell asleep.

“Luke…” she whispered and shook me. “Wake up...”

I rolled over and muttered “Leave me aloneeee.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “k. I’ll go without you.”

I jumped up. “NO! Sorry, I’m up, I’m up.” I said as I stood up.

She was staring at me, so I looked down to make sure I was wearing pants. “What are you staring at?” I asked her laughing.

“Your sexy body.” She replied without looking away.

I laughed. “Shit when did I take that off?” I asked as I motioned towards my shirtless body.

She again shrugged her shoulders. “Idk. Ready to go?”

I walked over to her and pulled her in for a hug. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

She stared up at me. “Luke, I’m so scared.”

“Everything will be ok.” I said as I threw my shirt on and grabbed her hand. “Here” I reached my hand out for her keys. “I’ll drive; I don’t think you can handle it right now.”

She nodded her head and handed me the keys.

I walked ahead of her and opened up her door for her. “I promise Andi.” I leaned in and kissed her before gently closing her door. I ran around the other side of her car and climbed in, started the car, and drove towards the hospital. When we were about a block from the hospital I slammed on the brakes causing us to both jerk forwards. “Fucking dumb ass!” I screamed out the window as I flipped the guy who ran the red light off. “You ok baby girl?” I asked.

“yup.” I nodded my head and kept driving.

I pulled into the parking lot and jumped out of the car to open her door, grabbed her hand and helped her through the door.

“oh my god… Andi is that you?” I heard someone ask. I looked around confused.

Andi jumped up and down and ran over to some lady “Tammy!!” she squealed with excitement. They hugged for awhile before pulling back.

The lady, Tammy I’m assuming her name was put her hands on her hips. “What the hell are you doing her? This is for pregnant chicks only and I swear to god!! Andi if you are pregnant so help you!!

Andi glanced back at me…. “Uh, well I think I am.”

Tammy followed her gaze back towards me. “OH HELL NO!” she yelled “RANDY! GET OUT HERE!”

A few minutes later some big muscled dude walking out of the back.”Holy shit, do my eyes deceive me? IS that my little Andi over there?”

Andi nodded her head. “That would be me….” She whispered as she slowly slide halfway behind my back.

“Andi why are you hiding” Randy asked her.

“Do you not know where we are Randy??” Tammy asked him pointing at the sign.

“Andi… are you pregnant?” she slid farther behind me without saying a word.

“And, this” he said pointing to me. “This is the father isn’t it?”

I felt her nod her head and heard her whisper. “if there is one, this is the father.” We all heard her voice, but no one seen her.

I took her hand from behind my back and held up stepping up closer to Randy and Tammy. “Randy, Tammy, May I call you that?” they nodded they’re heads. “OK, Randy, Tammy, I am Luke Wilson. I extended my hand out towards Tammy, and she shook it, and then I extended it towards Randy; big mistake. He took my head and shook it, but squeezed it tightly. I didn’t show him that it was bothering me.

“Well Sugar, get on back her” Tammy said glaring past me at Andi. Andi followed behind her slowly.

I shifted to my other leg and started around the room. “Nervous?” Randy asked me.

“Scared” I replied.

He nodded his head. “Luke, what were you thinking? You know if she is pregnant you will have to take care of the baby because you guys are together, and if you do anything to harm either one of them, I will hunt you down and I will kill you. My buddy owns a farm in another state; he said there’s plenty of land for any kind of usage.”

I gulped and he seen that. “We...we aren’t together…” I whimpered.

He rolled his eyes. “What are you talking about? You guys seem like you are.”

I looked down at the floor. “We used to be…and then I cheated…. And it all went downhill from there, and it still is going downhill apparently.”

He frowned and put his arm around my shoulder. “Luke, Tammy would kill me if she seen me trying to give you comfort for knocking up her nephew, at 16, how old are you anyway? But continuing, I’m not going to threaten you anymore because I pulled the same thing, I got a girl pregnant, and when she told me I ran off…. When andi told you, what did you do?”

“I took a deep breath. I’m 17….and when she told me; I held her and told her everything would be ok. Well first few seconds I froze, and then I did that.”

“And that is completely understandable, because literally when Amy told me that she was pregnant I walked out on her, she threw a picture at me and I just left, I was 18. I wasn’t ready. But now I feel like shit because you are 17, and you stayed by her side, Look Luke, this is proving that you are more mature than people think if you can honestly hold her and tell her everything thing will be ok when you are only 17.”

I felt a little bit better hearing him say that. I peeked back at the room that Andi entered, as

Tammy walked into there. “WHAT THE FUCK ANDI? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?? YOUR PREGNANT AND YOU ARE 16!! YOU AREN’T THE YOUNGEST CHICK TO EVER GET PREGNANT, BUT I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE PREGNANT! YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE SO FUCKING ASHAMED ANDI!! SHE IS LOOKING DOWN STARING AT YOU RIGHT NOW THINKING THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST MISTAKE EVER!! ANDI DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A MOTHER? DOES LUKE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A FATHER!!?? GOD I AM SO ASHAMED!!!”

“Hey, at least you aren’t her.” Randy whispered.

“Tammy doesn’t need to be yelling at Andi, like that, it wasn’t her fault. Honestly It was mine if anyone should be getting yelled out it should be me.”

“Luke I appreciate how you are trying to take the whole blame, but unless you fucked her while she was asleep or drunk, then the blame is on her to. Besides, don’t be jealous… She started with andi… but she is going to finish with you.”

Andi
how was i supposed to react to that? i was emotionless, in shock. i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream and i wanted to take everything and turn it around...But what could i do now? the damage was already done.

"Andi!!" i hear Tammy scream, she's pissed, she's ready to kill me, and i deserve it. i stare straight ahead at the white plain wall, that offers me no confort what so ever. what am i supposed to do? what would you do if you heard, 'Andi, your 16... and pregnant.'

i watch as Tammy marches out to where Luke, and Randy were. What is she gonna say to them? better yet what is she gonna do to Luke? this is a mess, i a big giant mess. my life is a mess.

i muster all my strength and climb off the bed, trying to force a smile and failing miserably. "hi." i say with a pale white face. Luke just nods towards me. i glance around the room so no one can see me wipe away my tears that continously fall. i take a deep breath when everything just crashes to the floor. when i fully register, i'm 16, pregnant, not with the father, my father to make it worse is going to kill me.

"Andi..." i looking over exausted. "are....are you really pregnant?"

i wanted to be in denail, i wanted to shake my head and laugh. but there was no laughing, i was exaimed... and that's that.

i am 16 pregnant, and my father will probably be kicking me out of my house. Where am i supposed to go?

i simply nodd my head, trying so hard to fight back the tears. Luke froze, for what seemed like hours, i guess he was finally realizing, he is going to be a father.

"wow."i heard Randy breath in and exhale deeply. Tammy tried to smile to lighten the mood, but we were all in our own little worlds, what were we supposed to do??

we all stood around there until finally i was snapped out of it. "Andi!? Andi... Come on baby girl.... we have to go talk to our parents..." i frowned when i realized what Luke was saying, we have to tell your father your pregnant. One stupid mistake and now my life was ruined.

i merely nodded my head and tried to make my legs moved, but it felt like i was glued to the floor. Luke walked back and grabbed my hand pulling me a little bit faster. we bother climbed in the car and slammed our doors. it was quiet the whole way back to my house.

As he pulled up into the drive way he turned off the car and laid his head on the steering wheel and stared over at me. "What are we supposed to do?" he whispered.

i shrugged my shoulders and put my head in my hands, trying to cry silently.

he got out of the car and opened my door, pulling me out of the car and into a hug. "shhh, calm down."

i could tell he wouldn't dare say, everything will be ok.

i tired to force my legs to move in the direction of my door, but i couldn't. couldn't do anything. havent' managed to talk, havent managed ti smile. only cry. he walked over towards me and grabbed my hand helping me into the house and setting me on the couch where i just collapsed. "Calm down boo, " he whispered. "i'm going to be here for you the whole time." i nodded my head and looked up into his eyes. i could see the worry that he was trying to hide.

this wasn't fair, he was trying to be strong for me, i had to try and be strong for him.

i sat up pushing my hair to the side and putting on a big fake smile. "thank you Luke." i tried to say in a conferting voice. he didn't buy it. he moved to sit beside me wrapping his arms around me.

he simply smiled.

"he's going to be home...."

"i know babe, and i will not leave your side, if he's kicking you out you can stay with me and my father."

i tired to smile. we laid down on the couch, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tight against his body, where we fell asleep together.

******


i opened my eyes to the door slamming shut. "Andiiiiiiiiiii." my father called in the living room.

i glanced up at him and forced out a smile. "Luke's here." i pointed out the obvious trying to make him laugh.

he smirked, "Yes, Andi. i see him lying on my couch."

i smiled foreal this time. "Oh do you now?"

he nodded his head. "i do"

"ok." i took a deep breath and my smile faded, he noticed.

"Andi is everything ok?"

i sat there debating whether i should tell my father while Luke was asleep, or face the fury alone. i looked back and Luke's peaceful face and sighed. "Dad...."

he instantly looked concerned. "What is it??"

"dad...." i took a longer deep breath and glanced around the room, trying to avoid all eye contact with him. "i'm.............. pregnant."

his face fell and i seen his hand twitch towards his gun.

"Dad, calm down please..." i begged

he glared at Luke and reached in his gun holder and brought out his gun, pointing it at Luke. "Wilson! wake the fuck up!!!"

he stirred and opened his eyes, to a gun. a jumped in front of him and held my hands out to stop my father. "dad please.... it was an accident..... he already said he would be there for me, and he wouldn't leave my side no matter what, please dad, i love him...and i need him and it's not just because i am pregnant that i need him, but he's been there for everything and he's saved my life so many times... please... Just please." i begged. i didn't know what else i was supposed to say.

my father lowered the gun to the floor and stared down at the ground. i looked back at Luke who looked alarmed. i gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned back towards my father. "dad..." i said silenlty. "please. i need him."

he glared up at me with fury in his eyes. "Get the fuck out of my house!" he again pointed the gun at Luke. i seen Luke gulp.i made sure my father couldn't see him. "Andi, this bullet would go right through the pitiful little blanket and blow his brains all over my wall."

i blinked quickly. "dad please." i begged him, crying. "Please."

he pursed his lips and returned his gun to the gun holder hanging on his side. "I thought you used protection wilson."

Luke immediantly sat up. "i swear i did!"

my father looked back and forth between both of us before shaking his head. "you two make me sick." he pulled his gun out again and pointed it at Luke.

"Please.....dad.....PLease"

i watched as his finger twitched towards the trigger. i tried to cover the direct path to Luke. he smiled and pulled the trigger.

"Noooooooooooo!" i screamed, and began to bawl, as he pulled the trigger again.

Luke’s P.O.V.

“Please….dad……please.” I hear Andi cry.

What’s going on? I continue to ask myself. I stand there as I’m staring down the barrel of Andi’s dad’s hand held gun. Is he really going to shoot me? I sit there stunned unable to
move a single inch.

“Noooooooo!” she screams as I’m knocked onto the floor.

I reach up and feel all over my body staring at my hand, waiting for the blood to begin to spill. Nothing.

I glance up at her taken aback by the site I see. She was shot. I panic and lunge for her father. “Why the hell would you do that?!” I scream. “She’s your daughter and she’s pregnant!”

A second later her father standing there with a rueful expression on his face disappeared and was lost from my mind.

Oh my god! Andi was shot, and she’s pregnant.!

I pull myself up off the ground and see her barely sitting there with her bloodied shirt covering her belly, her belly where my baby is.

I draw out of phone and quickly punch in 911.

“Hello, 911 operator how may I help you?”

Annoyed at how calm the voice is I start practically screaming. “My…my friend, she’s been shot! An…and….she was pregnant!” I stutter.

Aware of the sharp intake of breath from the operator my pulse races, suddenly I miss her calm obnoxiously relaxing tone.

“Calm down sir.” She mutters. “What’s the address?” she asked rather fast.
I give her the address relief far from me. “Ok, sir they are on their way, do you mind telling me what happened?” she whimpered in an urgent tone.

“My….my she’s my ex… she’s…pregnant with my child…..” I managed to force out. Leaving out the details of us lying on the couch I continue. “Her….her father found out and….went mad? He… pulled the gun out and aimed it at me and she jumped in front of me.”

I went and sat beside her trying to comfort her. Her breathing labored. I glanced at her father who was standing in front of me frozen in shock.
“Sir? Sir?” The operator asks sounding slightly annoyed. “Did you hear me?” she asked as I took in a sharp intake of breath.

“N…noo.”

“The cops will be there too, make sure the father doesn’t go anywhere.”
I nod my head and hang up to preoccupied with Andi’s fluttering eyes. “Baby girl, Please….” I whimpered willing her to open her eyes and send me a reassuring smile.
She did.

She half opened her eyes and took in a deep breath. “I…I’m f…f….ine.” she finally finished.

I shook my head. “Andi…Please.” I took another look at her shirt soaked in her blood. I tried to hide the fear in my eyes as I noticed how pale she was while the blood just flowed out of her as if it was a hole in a bottle of water. Please. I mentally begged god. I had never been the religious type. I had always been atheist never believing there ever was a god but if there really was now would be the time to do me a favor and save her, and my child.

I stared down at the ground as I grabbed her hand and clenched it between mine. Please god. I know I don’t deserve her and I don’t deserve the baby that she is carrying but I need her. Why do you always make horrible tragedies happen to amazing people? Please you can’t do this to her. And all her friends she deserves to live, she deserves to have this baby.

I threw my sight on the door when I heard the ambulance and the cop’s siren out front of her house.

Not bothering to knock they kicked the door open and stormed in empty handed. They’re expressions drained as they seen Andi and I sitting there together, they’re eyes locked on her father still standing there like a statue. “Don’t move.” They called out towards him. He didn’t even blink.

I wanted to smile. They were trying to do the cops role but every brain cell urged me against it. You don’t deserve to smile they all whispered maliciously in my ear. This is your entire fault.

The EMTs exchanged a worried glance from one another before they nodded. The one EMT stood up and walked out to the ambulance pulling a stretcher behind him.

They got her up on the stretcher

“whyyyy?” was all I could scream. Seeming like a movie scene? Maybe a little bit, but I really wanted to know, how can you shot your only daughter and be totally ok with it? He doesn’t even look shooken up any more. He’s just standing there watching the cops as the stare back at him.

“How could you do that?!” I finally scream. 5 seconds from lunging at him the cops snuck around behind him and cuffed his wrists, saying nothing in response, all their eyes… empty of all emotion, and mine being full of never ending tears.

“You have to save them both.” I finally find my voice.

The cops glance at me and nod their heads towards the EMT’s. They begin to pull the stretcher out behind them as I watch them wheel her away.

Tearing my eyes away from them leaving, I focus all of my attention behind me at her father. “Luke…..” I hear his haunting voice whisper. “Lukkkkkke” he keeps saying. I turn towards him as he jumps for the gun grabbing it between his cuffed hands.

“help.” I scream as the cops are oblivious to the scene going on around them.

“this is your fault Luke, first you cheat on my daughter, and then you get her knocked up….then you just.. You’re an immature kid. You should have taken the bullet instead of letting her get shoot. Then that could be you on the stretcher… what the hell were you thinking??!”

I shook my head as he slowly raised the gun. “I’ll make you a deal.” He whispered sheepishly.

I nodded in return waiting for him to go on. “Leave my daughter alone, don’t ever look at her, talk to her, over even walk in the same room as her and you can go.”

I bit my tongue in disgust clenching my fist. “That baby…” I stuttered. “is mine! And I need to be here for her, and or him. She needs me; she isn’t ready to be a mother, let alone a single mother.” I spit in his direction as he raised the gun.

“One last chance Luke.”

“I won’t leave her alone to do this.” I screeched.

“Do it!” he screamed.

I watched as his finger inched closer to the trigger. Putting my hands up in surrender I nodded my head. “Ok… I’ll leave her alone...” I could practically feel my heart snap as I said those few little words.

He shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”

I dodged the bullet. “I will, I promise I will. I won’t look at her.” My voice shaking he gave me a cruel smile.

“Good.”

I scurried out of her house and ran to mine, tears pouring down my face the whole time, how do I just leave her alone? How do I just forget all about Andi? She’s the only girl who I have ever cried for, and the only one I’ve ever felt such strong feelings for. Sure… it’s my life I’m risking… but I just can’t live knowing that I got her pregnant and then… I just left… Can I? The better question is, do I have a choice? No…
I kick the front door open as the rain begins to pour down, the lighting striking everything I can see, and the thunder knocking against every mountain in the world.
I barely drag my body inside before collapsing on the floor. How can I just ignore her like that?

I roll onto my stomach burying my head in the dirty carpet. She’s not going to understand, and I can’t even tell her what’s going on? What if our baby doesn’t make it? What if…what if she loses him or her and… mentally slapping myself I cursed, Luke you need to stop thinking like this. Think positive. But once again having no control over my thoughts they drifted back to the previous area…. What if she dies?

It’s bright, everywhere I look someone has a big smile on they’re face. Everyone is happy the world is pure; no anger no lies, no violence. Nothing but the surreal happiness of everyone around. And then, bang! I heard the gun. I leapt forward to catch the girl falling, falling to her knee’s blood surrounding her, tears emerging from her eyes, and every one running right past her. Screaming help, I need someone please. And no one listening. The screaming get’s louder as another boom echo’s off the walls. The pain is heard in someone’s female voice I glance down as the women who I held in my arm tumbles onto the ground. I know her, Kayla from English. What the hell is going on here? Seeing Lee run past me, and then the next minute he’s on the ground tears forming in his eyes. Female screeches heard everywhere you turn, adults ushering students out of the building, running to get away from everything, and then I stop dead in my tracks when I come across….

Sitting up in my bed gasping for air. Hyperventilating. Thinking back to what I just saw. What did I just see? I don’t even know. Who was that?

I hear the familiar song skyway avenue begin to play. Jolting back to reality I glanced down at my phone… Andi…. I sign and reach out my arms to grab the phone. Debating whether or not to answer. I push the end button. I think id rather live. I mean come on, she’s just a girl? Those feelings were a trick… I only felt that way…. But it was no use I couldn’t convince myself that Andi was just another girl. I sighed and grabbed my phone calling her back. “Hey…” I murmured into the speaker.

“I thought you were ignoring me.” She whispered.

I shook my head knowing well that she couldn’t see. “Andi… I can’t…” but I couldn’t finish before I heard her sniffling.

“Luke… it’s gone.”
I bit back the tears throwing all my anger at her, perfect reason to say goodbye right?

“Andi… this is all your fault!” I screamed my false anger surprising her, as I could tell by her intake of breath.

“I’m sorry... I just...i couldn’t live with the thought of you…. Being gone.”
I gulped. She’s not making this any easier. I punched my wall fighting back the tears.

“it’s too late Andi, get used to it.” before I had the chance to breakdown I hung up the phone making a loud slam.

Hey everyone guess what, my name is Luke and I’m an ass, I managed to break two hearts in a matter of 3 seconds. I sigh shaking my head. Just strike me dead. Strike me dead, I
don’t want to hurt her.

To late dumbass!! I keep yelling in my head. To late…. I bury my face back in the carpet and breathe in the sick disgusted air. What do I do now?

Andi
I numbly press the end button as I hear the line disconnected, warning me with an ongoing beeping. Sitting there stunned. What the hell just happened? He just blamed me? I stare at the ground as the tears flood from my eyes registering what just happened. Yes, he did just blame me… the baby died and he blamed me.

I sighed turning over in my bed and staring at my black and purple walls. My eyes stopping and landing on the words written by him not to long ago.

I can’t wait to be a family.

Smiling numbly at the memory. The tears that threatened to escape as his words kept echoing in my head. “Andi this is all your fault.”

Blinking back the tears I stand up and extend my hand towards my bathroom door, it’s my entire fault? What was I just supposed to let him get shot? No... I couldn’t just stand there and watch the love of my life get a bullet through his body! I couldn’t just do that….I sigh brushing a hand through my black dyed hair, what would he do?

Taking a deep breath I pull myself off my bathroom floor and walk out of my house. I won’t allow myself to be broken…down by him, again.

Walking on a path that’s entirely new to me, I get caught up by the sky getting lighter.
I stared at the ground as the tears welled up in my eyes. “What am I supposed to do?” I keep asking myself that but I haven’t gotten a single answer to that question. I mutter to
myself. “Just let him walk away?”

I hear someone kicking rocks; feet crunching as they push their weight down on the gravel, crunching it. “Hello?” I murmur as the sun hides they’re face with its glare.

“Andi?” someone says with amazement clear in they’re voice.
I rack my brain trying to put a name to the voice, and thinking of nothing. “Im…sorry, do I know you?” I ask as I stare at the ground.

I hear the person sigh, “I am kind of hurt that you don’t even remember who I am Andi.” I hear a manly voice whimper. I rack my brain trying to remember who they are, but coming up with nothing shrugging my shoulders I looked back down at the ground avoiding they’re stares.

After a moment of silence he steps closer to me, and lifts my chin up with his pointer finger. “Zeke…Zeke Fenders.”

As soon as the name rolled off his tongue, a million thoughts rushed through my head. Zeke? It can’t be is it the Zeke… the Zeke that… it can’t be. I look over his expression as he steps closer to me and out of the glare of the sun. Seeing his face I began to recognize some of his features. “Zeke I haven’t’ seen you since…-“
I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence and he sensed that

“I know Andi, it’s a real shame.”

I took a step down and looked him up and down. “You’ve changed so much Zeke.” The old kid with glasses, freckles, and red hair now looked completely different. His medium sized black hair hanging to the side, blocking his eye from view to the public, long slender body, showing off the full impact of his abs through his shirt. His eyes a beautiful blue color.

“I know. As have you Andi.” He smirked before looking me up and down. “Your beautiful.” I could feel the heat flooding to my cheeks.

“Thank you Zeke and you’re… hot.” I said half hiding my face with my bangs. Get a hold of yourself Andi when have you been so nervous around Zeke?

“it was great seeing you, I hope to see you soon.” He whispered hinting.

I smirked. “Ya, it really was.” I reached over and grabbed his hand, pulling a sharpie out of my pocket. “here.” I smiled as I shyly wrote down my number on his hand. “Don’t lose it.”

He smiled and turned away waving at me, "I wouldn’t for the world."

Impressum

Texte: myself (:
Bildmaterialien: google
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.09.2011

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Dedication to Luke, The only boy, I have ever cried for </3