Characters

Ruling House of Somewhere

Gregory (Prince Escalus):

Jeremy (Count Paris):

Keaton (Mercutio):

 

House of Griffen

Leo (Capulet):

Magma (Lady Capulet):

Zelda (Juliet; Chorus):

Drake (Tybalt):

Olivia (The Nurse):

Ryoko (Rosaline):

Peter (Peter):

Ryan (Sampson):

Jason (Gregory):

Ray (Servant):

Romano (First Servant):

Blake (Second Servant):

 

House of Skull

Daniel (Montague):

Saphire (Lady Montague):

Ben (Romeo):

Paul (Benvolio):

Scott (Abram):

Shawn (Balthasar):

  

Others

John (Friar Laurence):

Aaron (Friar John):

Austin (Apothecary):

Alaska (First Citizen):

Act 1: Prologue

(Zelda walks into a room, carrying a bottle of and a book.  She looks around at the audience and nods.)

 

Zelda:  (sitting in a chair, placing the bottle of rum on the inn table) Hello, ladies and gentlemen.  I’m Zelda S. Griffen, captain of the White Rose but right now that’s not important.  Anyways, I’m going to be reading Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.  (smiling at the crowd)  Okay.  (opening the book, reading) Two households, both alike in dignity, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth…. You know they have that hatred for each other…. Yea, yea, yea…. A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life…. Wait?  Oh no we ain’t having that.  (closing the book) Okay it turns out there’s going to be a horrifying ending so I’m just going to take this story into my own hands and fix it up…. You know give it a happier vibe….

 

Olivia:  (walking into the room) You can’t do that.  It’s Shakespeare…. You can’t just ruin---

 

Zelda:  (taking a sip of rum) Watch and learn, Olive Oyl.

Act 1: Scene 1—Somewhere Out in the Open

(Ryan and Jason walk out into the street, confused and kind of lost.)

 

Ryan:  (sad) I wanted to be Romeo.  Why do I have to be some servant instead?  My heart is broken because I’m in love with Zelda.

 

Jason:  (whispering to Ryan) Um…. Ryan, the story has started.

 

Ryan:  Oh right then.  (quickly getting into character) We will… um… do we really need to speak the odd language?

 

Jason:  (smacking himself in the head) I’m stuck with a stupid pirate.

 

Ryan:  I think we’re supposed to be talking about fighting or something like that.  Do they know that we have light saber kind of swords?

 

Jason:  Ryan, you’re ruining the story with your rambling and questions.

 

Ryan:  I love you, Zelda!

 

Jason:  (smacking Ryan) That’s not in the script, moron.  Now you’re supposed to say something mocking the enemy.

 

Ryan:  (nodding) Ay…. Thy dress like homeless rum drinkers…. They do not know how to feed thy dog.

 

Jason:  (giving Ryan a funny look) What?  That doesn’t even make any since.

 

Ryan:  We feed the mouth of a gator and a shark that comes forth from nowhere.

 

Jason:  Why are you making up stuff?

 

Ryan:  We, thy servants, know thy better than thou thinkth.

 

Jason:  (staring at Ryan) I am so lost.  Thinkth?  That’s not even a real word.

 

Ryan:  (smiling) I think I’m doing great with this Shakespeare stuff.

 

Jason:  (shaking his head) Sorry, folks, Ryan’s a moron.

 

Ryan:  You know I think we should take some pictures after this experience.  Don’t you think so, Jason?

 

Jason:  (shaking his head) Why?  Why do I have to be stuck with this guy?

 

Ryan:  This is a tragedy right?  Oh no…. Zelda’s going to…. Aaaaaahhhhhhh!  No, my love!

 

Jason:  You are so stupid.  Wait…. Here comes a couple of them from the Skull's place.  (pulling out a sword) We must fight!

 

Ryan:  Fight to the finish!  (drawing his sword) I will stand behind thee and wait.

 

Jason:  You need help…. I mean mentally.

 

Ryan:  I have your back, cop.

 

Jason:  That’s scary.

 

Ryan:  Hurry up and get over here already.  I want this stupid scene to end.

 

Jason:  You’re telling me.

 

Ryan:  Wait…. This is where I bite my thumb to insult them.

 

(Ryan bites his thumb.  Scott and Shawn arrive.)

 

Scott:  Why are you biting your thumb?  What are you; a big baby?

 

Ryan:  (kind of mad) I’m not a baby.  I’m supposed to be insulting you two.

 

Scott:  Oh right.  I forgot it’s in the script.  I can do the same thing….

 

Ryan:  (to Jason) Is he mocking me?

 

Jason:  Yep.

 

Ryan:  Are you mocking me?

 

Jason:  Scott, Shawn, I think we’re supposed to fight or get into a fight.  I keep forgetting my lines because of him.

 

Scott:  Yes we’re supposed to fight.  The only thing that threw me off is the fact that we’re not speaking the dialog or dialect…. One of the two.

 

Ryan:  I work for a good man such as you.

 

Scott:  You do?  Oh wait…. No you work for a bounty hunter.

 

Ryan:  Do not….

 

Jason:  (to self) I think Zelda needs to re-fix what she ruined.  (to the others) Hey, Drake’s heading this way, guys.

 

Ryan:  Finally, I’m getting bored with all this talking.

 

Scott:  We better start fighting then.

 

Ryan:  Draw thy swords you stupid men of shorts.

 

(Jason, Shawn, and Scott just stare at Ryan for a moment then began fighting.  Paul arrives.)

 

Paul:  Stop fighting!  Place your swords back into the sheaths and apologize to each other.

 

(Paul interferes.  Drake shows up.)

 

Drake:  Hey guys!  Prepare to die, Paul!

 

Paul:  No I think we should talk first…. Talking is the first step to exception.  (thinking) I'm pretty sure that exception isn't the word I'm looking for…. I mean we should talk over our problem rather than fight.

 

Drake:  Talk?  With the enemy?  I think not.  Talking is lame for women.  Fighting is much more manly…. Chicken.

 

(Drake and Paul start fighting.  Groups from the two households arrive and join into the battle.  The townspeople arrive.)

 

Alaska:  (to herself, angry) I can’t believe I have to be an ordinary peasant.  Thanks a lot, Zelda.  (to the group) Stop fighting!  All of you stop!  Act like mature men!  Not little children!

 

(Leo and Magma arrive.)

 

Leo:  Okay what’s the bright idea waking me up?  I need my sword.  I need to do something.

 

Magma:  Why do you have to fight?  I can simply set them on fire.

 

Leo:  It’s not in the script, your highness.

 

(Daniel and Saphire arrive.)

 

Daniel:  Of course, Leo has to be here along with Magma.

 

Saphire:  Please don’t start a fight.  I don’t want you to get hurt.

 

(Gregory arrives with others.)

 

Gregory:  What’s the big idea?  Oh wait a minute…. Magma and Leo…. Daniel and Saphire…. Please everyone stop battling each other and just relax.  Man every single time…. Why do you guys have to fight?  Never mind don’t answer.  Listen, Leo, why don’t you come along with me right now and then later, Daniel, I’ll stop by and talk to you about this problem you guys have.  Although I will say that it does need to end soon.  This is annoying.

 

(Everyone leaves except for Daniel, Saphire, and Paul.)

 

Daniel:  What was that about, Paul?

 

Paul:  Let’s see Jason and Ryan were fighting with Scott and Shawn well I tried to stop them but then Drake arrived and called me a chicken so then we started fighting.

 

Saphire:  Is Ben around?  He wanted to meet us but I’m not sure why.  I don’t even know why we’re not in our usual groups like normally.

 

Paul:  He was around here somewhere.  I seen him earlier but I don’t know and you can thank my captain for splitting us up into different groups.  Um…. Try over by the ship area.

 

Daniel:  Ships of course…. Pirates and their ships…. Right.  This story sure is taking an odd turn.  Aren’t we supposed to be quoting Shakespeare or something anyways?

 

Paul:  Yea we’re all just pretty much ad lipping because it’s easier than trying to figure out what the man means.

 

Daniel:  This ought to be interesting then.

 

Paul:  Yep just making stuff up as we go along.

 

Daniel:  Well it looks like this story was ruined before it actually begun then.  Who’s narrating this anyways?

 

(Ben enters the scene.)

 

Paul:  Captain Zelda’s narrating and there’s Ben.  I’ll go talk to him.

 

Daniel:  Alright then.  Come with me, Saphire, I’m sure we’ll run into him again.

 

(Daniel and Saphire leave.)

 

Paul:  Hey, Ben!

 

Ben:  What’s up, man?

 

Paul:  Nothing much.  What about you, dude?

 

Ben:  Nothing much…. I just met up with a ghost.

 

Paul:  A ghost?  This isn’t Hamlet…. You shouldn’t have met up with a ghost…. You’re supposed to be in love with some chick which breaks your heart or something like that.

 

Ben:  I know but it just happened.  I think it was the captain’s cousin.  The one who Olivia---

 

Paul:  I know, bro.

 

Ben:  Anyways yea that’s where I was….

 

Paul:  Okay.  Well, Saphire and Daniel were looking for you earlier.

 

Ben:  (nodding) Okay.

 

Paul:  What was the conversation about?

 

Ben:  Nothing much really just trying to figure out why she had wanted to see me…. I felt it was strange but then she just told me to watch out for the end…. I’m not sure what she meant by that.

 

Paul:  Well that story’s boring…. Try to add some more to it…. I don’t care if you make it up but just to tell people that she told you to watch out for the end is boring and not exciting.  If you run into a ghost you would need to make it seem a bit more interesting.

 

Ben:  (shaking his head) Sorry to disappoint you then.

 

Paul:  Ghost stories are supposed to be interesting.

 

Ben:  Ghost stories…. Ha!  Who has the time for ghost stories anyway?  Look I need to go because I don’t want to tick off Saphire and Daniel.

 

Paul:  I’ll join you.  I’m bored anyways.

 

Ben:  I’m just going to go.

 

Paul:  Does that mean I can go?

 

Ben:  Up to you, bro.

 

Paul:  Is there something you’re not telling me?

 

Ben:  Why do you even care?

 

Paul:  I don’t know, man…. Something’s off.

 

Ben:  You’re weird.

 

Paul:  Eh.

 

Ben:  Whatever, man.  Look I’m bored and I need to get going.  I have nothing much more to really say or to talk about.

 

Paul:  Did you see the captain?

 

Ben:  No.

 

Paul:  You sure?

 

Ben:  Yes besides that part hasn’t happened yet.

 

Paul:  Oh yea that’s right.

 

Ben:  Done wasting my time?

 

Paul:  Yep.

 

(They left.)

Act 1: Scene 2—In a Street

(Leo, Jeremy, and Ray walk out into the street.)

 

Leo:  (mumbling) I’m stuck with a couple of pirates that I can’t kill.  Great…. (to Jeremy and Ray)  Look this battle has gone on for over centuries.  It’s not something that we can just put an end too.

 

Jeremy:  I understand that, Leo, but come on.  You and I both know how this will end.  Cops, pirates, bounty hunters…. We all need to relax a little bit.  I think you should take it easy on them besides you’re too old to continue fighting the way you do.

 

Leo:  (eyeing Jeremy) You’re not supposed to insult me.  You’re lucky that I can’t lay a hand on you for your comment, pirate.  Anyways, getting on track…. You have your eye on Zelda, I believe…. Well as much as I hate to say it but she needs a man who will take care of her.  (mumbling again) Zelda, why do I have to in your stupid play?

 

Jeremy:  (nodding) Yes, I’m in love with her.  I’d do anything to keep her safe, sir.

 

Leo:  Well look we’re having a party why don’t you come tonight and try to ask for her hand in marriage?  I mean why don’t you woo her….? (making a face) I’m sure she’ll accept your offer.  As long as you don’t mess it up…. I hate you pirates and I want her out of the castle.  I don’t even know why she’s there anyways.  She’s always getting drunk and it’s annoying.  I want to kill her while I can but seeming to have some kind of restriction right now.  I mean for some reason I can’t and it’s bugging me.  (to Ray, handing him a piece of paper) Go and find everyone on this piece of paper and tell them that there’s going to be a ball in the castle tonight and everyone on the list is invited and let them know they can bring guest.

 

(Leo and Jeremy leave.)

 

Ray:  (opening up the piece of paper) Everyone whose invited to the party.  (nodding)  Okay…. Yea…. Yea…. Um everyone but anyone from the Skull’s house pretty much.  Of course, of course…. Let’s see if I can find everyone on here.  This is going to take a little while.

 

(Ben and Paul arrive.)

 

Paul:  So what is it that you need to see Daniel and Saphire for anyways?

 

Ben:  Nothing important or interesting to you.

 

Paul:  Of course….

 

Ben:  I’m serious, dude.  It’s of no importance to you at all.

 

Paul:  You can’t at least tell me a little bit of it?

 

Ben:  No.  Leave me---

 

Ray:  Hey, guys.  Can you guys search for everyone on this list?  There’s to be a party tonight and well I don’t feel like running all over the place.

 

Ben:  Let me see.  (taking the piece of paper) Okay.  I guess we could split up…. Make it easier for us…. So there’s a party tonight?

 

Ray:  Yep.

 

Ben:  We'll help you out.

 

Ray:  Thanks.

 

Ben:  No problem.  What time?

 

Ray:  I’m assuming whenever is good.

 

Ben:  Cool.

 

Ray:  Yea.

 

Ben:  Where at?

 

Ray:  Magma’s castle…. And you two are welcome to come to.  See ya guys.  (thinking) Oh well, I don’t care if Leo’s going to be happy I invited them or not.

 

(Ray leaves.)

 

Paul:  We need to get to that party tonight.  (smiling) That’s where you’re supposed to meet you know who…. Hahaha!

 

Ben:  (kind of laughing) Yes yes.  I know.

 

Paul:  Seems like we have a party to prepare for then.  Come on, man.

 

Ben:  I know but I need to see Saphire and Daniel first.

 

(They leave.)

Act 1: Scene 3—In Magma’s Castle

(Magma and Olivia walk into a room.)

 

Magma:  Olivia, where’s Zelda?  I need to talk to her.

 

Olivia:  (ticked off) She’s around here somewhere as a matter of fact I have bone to pick with her.  Now let’s see.  Zelda!  You better get your butt in here this instant!

 

(Zelda walks into the room.)

 

Zelda:  Yes?  How may I help you guys?

 

Olivia:  Magma needs to talk to you.

 

Zelda:  Remember you can’t kill me, Lava-girl.  I’m an important person in this story.

 

Magma:  (eyeing Zelda) Yes, I know and believe me I hate it.  Now listen, Zelda, you’re aware of the ball that we’re having today well Jeremy’s going to be there and so you know Leo has offered him your hand in marriage.

 

Olivia:  I’ve heard that as well.

 

Magma:  Like it or not, you’re to marry him and get out of my castle.

 

Olivia:  Can you please finish?  I need to have a few words with Zelda too.  I don’t like how I have to be her nurse.  This is messed up.  I should be Juliet and I would do well as the character whereas Zelda is ruining it.  Juliet is an interesting character to portray but Zelda had to go and fix up this whole stupid thing.

 

Magma:  I’ll let you have your words but---

 

Olivia:  Just let me get it over with because this is frustrating.  She doesn’t even want to go on with the end of play like she should have.  I don’t even think she has the monologues in here for crying out loud.  She’s so stupid…. I want to kill her and get it over with.  Aaaahhhh! I hate this.  Why are you having us stuck in this mixed up play that you’re calling Romeo & Juliet?  This could go on forever and thanks to you it's ruined.  Why did you have to ruin this amazing play of love and death?  This is one of my favorite plays and of course you have to go and ruin it because you don’t like how it ends.

 

Magma:  Stop, Olivia.  You can continue later.

 

Olivia:  (sighing) Fine.

 

Zelda:  Yea relax, Olive Oyl.  It’s all part of my version.  It’s fine.

 

Olivia:  It’s fine?  You made me the nurse?  Why do I have to be the nurse?  Why can’t I be Juliet?

 

Magma:  Olivia, relax.  How do you feel about marrying Jeremy?

 

Zelda:  To answer Olivia…. Well, I’m the one telling the story so therefore I get to be Juliet.  Hahaha…. Anyways, to answer Magma…. I will not marry him.  I am telling you he is so not my type.

 

Olivia:  You made me the stupid nurse!

 

Magma:  Too bad, Zelda…. You’re going to have to marry him anyways, like it or not.

 

Olivia:  Well at least I don’t have to do something I don’t want to do.

 

Magma:  I just want to get you out of my castle so that I don’t have to look at your stupid face, you stupid rum drinking pirate.

 

Olivia:  I can’t wait till I get out of this nightmare.

 

Magma:  I’ll be kicking you out as soon as Zelda leaves.

 

Olivia:  Of course.

 

Magma:  Now I hope that you leave soon with Jeremy by the way.

 

Zelda:  And I’m telling you that’s not going to happen seeing that you’re evil and not only that but I have no feelings for him.  (sticking her tongue) I hate the idea and you can’t make me fall in love with someone I don’t like.

 

(Ray walks into the room.)

 

Ray:  Everyone’s here for the party or the ball or whatever you’re calling it.  I figured you might want to know.  Hello, Captain Zelda, Olivia.

 

Magma:  Good.  Come on, you two.

 

(Ray leaves.  Zelda stays in the room.)

 

Olivia:  Go…. You’re supposed to go to the ball, remember?

 

(They leave.)

Act 1: Scene 4—A Street

(Ben, Keaton, & Paul along with others.)

 

Ben:  What are we going to tell Leo if he sees us at the party?  I mean I have a good feeling that we’re not actually welcomed here.

 

Paul:  He’s not going to catch us and if he does we’ll just out smart him.  (laughing) It’s that simple but whether he likes it or not we have to be here anyways.  We’re pirates for crying out loud besides you need time to see the captain in all of her beauty so you can fall for her just like in the romance and tragedy of the play.  You know the story; I shouldn’t have to explain every bit and section about what needs to go on.  I shouldn’t have to explain what needs to be done either.  So I’m just going to leave it at that.

 

Ben:  I know…. I know…. But we’re going to get caught if we’re not at least cautious of what could happen.

 

Keaton:  Relax, Ben, you guys are with me.  Remember?

 

Ben:  (sarcastically) Oh yes and that’s awesome.  You’re kind of an idiot, Keaton.  You’re also a bounty hunter that we have to watch closely otherwise it’d be the end of us all.

 

Keaton:  I thought you were more of a lover than a fighter.  I mean aren’t you supposed to be love sick or something?

 

Ben:  I’m surprised that you were smart enough to know that.  Remember this isn’t exactly like the original play.  Zelda tweaked it a bit…. Tweaked it by a lot, really…. Therefore, yes I should be in love with some other girl right now who broke my heart but thanks to Zelda some of the situations are a bit different.

 

Keaton:  But love should have sunk your heart in the heartbreak ship of your burdened heart of the love ship and the um I don’t know…. Whatever else is to make sense?

 

Ben:  You lost me, Keaton.  I really have no idea what you had just said.

 

Keaton:  If you are not heartbroken then this scene shouldn’t be taken place.  We should then find something else to do which will fit with the storyline instead of going to this party that you and Paul weren’t invited to in the first place and then go and find a cow for milking.  We are more content in what we do for business than we are when we are in the town of the lovers quarrel.

 

Paul:  I think someone needs to explain to him that most of the things he just said were ridiculous and not even worth mentioning in the first place.  I mean come on what’s milking a cow have to deal with anything?  Why are we stuck with the idiot bounty hunter?

 

Ben:  Because Leo is one of the two only bounty hunters with commonsense and he wants us dead.  We can’t get stuck with Russel because he’ll most likely kill us whether or not it’s in the script.  Not only that, but Keaton’s close to our age.  Keaton, you think this party is going to be filled with beautiful women?

 

Keaton:  Of course…. Of course…. There’s always beautiful women at balls…. But it’s a masked ball so it’s going to be harder to find them…. You would have to unmask every woman you find and then you won’t even know if you’re actually unmasking a woman until you actually moved the mask…. Believe me I’ve done it a couple of times already and so far both of woman turned out to be creepy men in dresses and wigs.  I’m not making that mistake tonight.

 

Ben:  Thanks for the heads up.

 

Keaton:  Yea I thought you two might need to know so just in case.  It’s pretty creepy actually.  Oh and remember not to leave drinks unattended because people like to spike drinks with rum or drugs or other stuff.

 

Ben:  (trying not to laugh, whispering to Paul) That’s our job anyways.  (to Keaton) Dude, we know what we need to do and what to watch out for although that kind of stuff usually happens to women anyways unless this is another Hangover movie.

 

Keaton:  I haven’t seen any of those yet.

 

Ben:  You should watch the first one.  It’s pretty funny.

 

Keaton:  Cool.

 

Ben:  I had an interesting dream last night.

 

Keaton:  I did too.  It was about me being on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

 

Ben:  Did you win any money?

 

Keaton:  (sighing) No.  What was yours about?

 

Ben:  I met this beautiful woman but around the time I was about to wake we were in the dark lying there as if we were drunk or dead or something.

 

Keaton:  You were in the dark with some woman?  Wow I want a dream like that my dear friend.  I don’t ever dream about that kind of stuff even though it’s always on my mind and I’m lost in the word of dreams and fantasies.  I would love dreams like that seriously.  I may be weird or whatever but I do not care.  We will march into that castle and that dream my dear friend will come true whether you want it too or not.  I’m telling you to be careful what you see in this land of dreams.  We traveled so much and so far but the land of dreams is where we’ll all end up if you are not careful.  Dreams take charge and fall into pieces and never seem to make a bit of sense after we all go for a nap and fall into a slumber of sleep.

 

Ben:  Keaton, I’m going to be honest with you.  I didn’t understand anything that you just said.

 

Keaton:  It does make sense you just have to listen to the words that is being said and that comes from my mouth.

 

Paul:  Keaton, you’re a moron.  I think we better be going before we waist anymore time just standing here and talking about nothing.

 

Ben:  I agree with Paul.

 

Paul:  Come on then.

 

(They leave.)

Act 1: Scene 5—A Hall in Magma’s Castle

(The band waits to start playing.  Romano and Blake walk in, carrying napkins.)

 

Romano:  I want to join the party but I have to work.  This isn’t fair.  Why do we have to work while they get to have a party?

 

Blake:  I know.  This really isn’t fair.  They make us serve them and make sure that everything’s perfect for tonight but don’t bother to try and help us.

 

Romano:  This is unfair.  We should stop what we’re doing and leave…. See if they care then.

 

Blake:  We should do that.  Maybe they’ll feel bad and beg us to come back and let us join the party then, dude.

 

Romano:  We should leave now.

 

Blake:  Yea.

 

(Leo, Zelda, and the others walk into the room, greeting guest.)

 

Leo:  Thank you, everyone, for coming this evening.  I hope that you all have an amazing time tonight.  Please enjoy the party.  Hope this is worth your time for coming out tonight and feast with us.  The servants have prepared enough food for everyone whom I hope feels each and every one of you up; music please?

 

(The band starts performing.)

 

Everyone please take a seat.  Prince Will, why don’t you sit with me and your dear sister?

 

Will:  Of course, Leo.

 

Leo:  We’re trying to get rid of the pirate so I set her up with Jeremy.  I just want her to leave and never return.

 

Will:  One of her shipmates?

 

Leo:  Of course…. They won’t let me kill her off so this was the only thing that I could really think to do which to me made more sense than anything else I could come up with.

 

Ben:  (to Ray) The captain?  Is that the captain?  She’s actually here…. I mean of course she’s here but I can finally….

 

Ray:  You need to hurry up.  Leo was talking to Jeremy about giving her hand to him.

 

Ben:  Thanks for the heads up, bro.  (thinking out loud) I can’t just go up to her…. I mean Leo’s right there and he’ll kill me if he catches me.  (shaking his head) Why does this have to be so hard?

 

Drake:  Ben?  Oh boy.  Leo, Ben’s here.  I believe he’s going to start trouble if we’re not too careful.  Can I go ahead and throw him out?

 

Leo:  Ben?  Leave him alone.  Deal with him later, right now just enjoy the party.

 

Drake:  But he’s not supposed to be here…. Why aren’t you freaking out?  Why are you just going to sit back and let him wonder around here like he’s a close friend?

 

Leo:  Trying to keep the peace right now so please just leave it alone, Drake.

 

Drake:  I can’t…. Knowing he’s here is aggravating.

 

Leo:  He’s not causing any trouble so just forget about it.  He’s fine.  We can let him be for now.  Later on you can fight him or kill him or whatever but right now just let him relax.

 

Drake:  I can’t believe how you’re so calm about this.

 

Leo:  It’s what it is.

 

Drake:  I hate this.

 

Leo:  Go…. If you want to cause trouble then you can just leave.  I don’t want to deal with this right now, pirate.  Now just go.

 

Drake:  Fine.  I’ll go but I still can’t believe how you could just let him roam around knowing that we hate them anyways.

 

(Drake leaves.)

 

Ben:  Zelda.

 

Zelda:  (whispering) We’re not supposed to know each other yet.

 

Ben:  (smiling) This is where we’re supposed to lock eyes right?

 

Zelda:  Something like that and we’re supposed have some kind of chat…. Chit-chat…. Have any rum on you?  They won’t let me drink.

 

Ben:  Sorry not with me.

 

Zelda:  (laughing) What kind of man are you?  No rum?  Really?

 

Ben:  (also laughing) You’re something else.

 

Zelda:  Of course…. I’m a pirate girl what do you expect?

 

Olivia:  Zelda, Magma needs to see you.

 

Ben:  They don’t give her rum?

 

Olivia:  She usually sneaks it into the castle.  She’s not supposed to have it but she manages to get it anyways.  I think she has Ray go and get some for her but I’m assuming she’s out if she told you that they don’t have any rum or let her having any rum for that matter.

 

Ben:  That sounds like Zelda.

 

Paul:  Hey, man, what you been up too?

 

Ben:  Just had a small conversation with the captain.

 

Leo:  Thank you everyone for coming but I’m afraid the party’s over so leave…. Now!

 

(Everyone leaves except for Zelda and Olivia.)

 

Zelda:  You seen me talk with Ben?

 

Olivia:  You told him that they don’t let you have rum?

 

Zelda:  Of course…. What kind of people don’t like rum?  I mean come on you have to be…. Well you…. Not to enjoy the taste of the drink.

 

Olivia:  I think it’s for the weak who just want to avoid life’s troubles instead of just dealing with it.

 

Zelda:  (eyeing Olivia) What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Olivia:  You’re avoiding life…. Like when Ryoko died and your parents.

 

Zelda:  (ticked off) Leave them out of this…. Besides this is supposed to be a happy moment…. You’re ruining my happy moment.

 

Olivia:  Like I really even care?

 

Zelda:  You’re supposed to care…. You’re supposed to be my nurse remember?

 

Olivia:  I hate you.

 

(They leave.)

Act 2: Prologue

(Zelda walks back out onto the stage, smiling at the audience.)

 

Zelda:  How are you guys enjoying the story so far?  Is anyone lost?  So anyways we’re going to be picking up some time before the balcony scene but that’s the second scene in this act I believe.  Anyways yea so now I…. I mean my character has met with Ben’s character.  Notice I say character’s because I’m not using….

 

Olivia:  (walking out onto the stage) How long are you going to keep this up?

 

Zelda:  Olivia, you keep ruining my narrating!

 

Olivia:  Well that’s because you’re ruining the whole storyline.

 

Zelda:  I’m only fixing it to where it’s more appropriate and the ending isn’t going to be that death scene.  (to the audience, raising her hand) Who else thought the ending was disappointing?  See?  Even the audience agrees.  Now anyways time to continue with the story.

 

(Zelda and Olivia leave.)

Act 2: Scene 1—Somewhere outside of the castle

(Ben wonders over by a gate.)

 

Ben:  Man, I need to find Zelda again.  (looking around) Oh boy.  Well I guess there’s only one way.

 

(Ben works his way over the gate.  Keaton and Paul appear.)

 

Paul:  Ben!  Oh, Ben!

 

Keaton:  He ditched us, man.  I told ya he would after we left that party earlier.

 

Paul:  I seen him come this way…. At least I thought I seen him come this way.

 

Keaton:  Chasing dreams?  Ben!  Come back here!  We’re going to leave you behind if you don’t come back here any time soon!  Okay?!  I guess he could careless then.

 

Paul:  You’re an idiot.

 

Keaton:  Power to the ice cream cone!

 

Paul:  (shaking his head) That doesn’t even make any sense.

 

Keaton:  I’m bored.

 

Paul:  Good for you.

 

Keaton:  We should probably just leave and come back later.

 

Paul:  Yea I agree.

 

(They leave.)

Act 2: Scene 2—Castle Grounds

(Ben works his way around the castle.)

 

Ben:  Zelda’s got to be around here somewhere.

 

(Zelda appears in a nearby window.)

 

(smiling) There she is.  I wonder if I can get her attention.  Zel--- (looking around) I need to be careful.  I don’t want to get caught by anyone, especially Leo.  Zel--- Oh boy.  Let me try another approach.  One that’s more subtle and not too loud.

 

Zelda:  This is boring.  I need rum.

 

Ben:  Zel---? Oh man.  I can’t be too loud.  (trying to wave to get Zelda’s attention) Hey, Zelda.

 

Zelda:  “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?” Why am I speakth a language which I do not speakth?  I don’t care if speakth is a real word or not.

 

Ben:  Zelda!

 

Zelda:  Man, I need rum right now.  I need it more than anything; but no, they won’t let me drink.  This is the most depressing story I’ve ever been in.

 

Ben:  Zelda!  I’m here!  Zelda!

 

Zelda:  (looking around, confused) What?  Who’s there?  Hello?

 

Ben:  (revealing himself to Zelda) Me!  I’m here!

 

Zelda:  Oh my Romeo!  Benjamin, yay!  Um did you bring rum?

 

Ben:  No.  I was just leaving the party but I had to see you again.  I wanted to see you again.

 

Zelda:  (smiling) Aww that’s so sweet!  Look um you probably shouldn’t be here though.  You need to be careful or they’ll catch you.

 

Ben:  I don’t care.  I love you more than anything and I just had to come.

 

Zelda:  Love?  But we just met?  Well as far as this story goes we just met.  That’s okay…. I love you too, Benjamin, but you need to know that Leo has given my hand to Germany.  Germany…. I hate that guy.

 

Ben:  I’ve heard.  Run away with me…. I mean we don’t have to leave right now but we can plan to run away sometime soon and leave all of this behind.

 

Zelda:  (smiling) Yes I’ll run away with you…. Also can we get rum?  I’m going insane without it.

 

Ben:  (kind of laughing) Yes we can get rum.

 

Zelda:  Yay rum!  I love you so much right now, Benjamin.

 

Ben:  I’ll come back soon so we can plan when to leave.

 

Zelda:  Yes do that.  Oh and I have another question.  I have you seen Max anywhere?  I haven’t found him.  I think that maybe Leo scared him off.  Oh my poor little baby.  He’s so old and I worry about him that poor little wolf.

 

Ben:  I haven’t seen him but I’ll keep an eye out for him.

 

Zelda:  Oh good.  He’s such a good boy and I worry so much when I don’t know where he is or what he’s been up to.

 

Ben:  I understand.

 

Zelda:  You have my heart, Benjamin.  Please don’t break it?

 

Ben:  I don’t count on it.

 

Zelda:  Um when can you come back?

 

(Olivia calls for Zelda.)

 

Hold on.  I’ll be right back.

 

(Zelda leaves.)

 

Ben:  (sighing) Oh this is going to be interesting.

 

(Zelda comes back to the window.)

 

Zelda:  Sorry about that.  Olivia’s one of the most annoying people in the world.

 

Olivia:  (voice) Zelda!

 

Zelda:  I’m busy, Olive Oyl!

 

Olivia:  (voice) Zelda!

 

Zelda:  I’m busy, Olive Oyl!  So when can you come by?

 

Ben:  Tomorrow evening.  I’ll be here then.

 

Zelda:  Okay.  Tomorrow evening…. Oh I might send Olivia out there to meet you but I don’t remember if that was the next scene or the following scene.  I forget but anyways tomorrow during the day I’ll send Olivia out to meet you then come by tomorrow evening.  I think that’s right.  Oh I don’t remember anything about this play.

 

(Zelda leaves.)

 

Ben:  Good night, fair maiden!

 

(Zelda comes back to the window.)

 

Zelda:  I forgot.  Good night, my hero!  See you later.

 

Ben:  Good night, Zelda.

 

Zelda:  Wait!  When do you want me to send Olivia?

 

Ben:  Nine in the morning will be fine.

 

Zelda:  Okay…. Okay.  Um where?

 

Ben:  Over by the White Rose will do.

 

Zelda:  Ah my ship…. I miss my ship…. I miss my ship so much.

 

Ben:  Anything else, my love?

 

Zelda:  (thinking for a moment) Not that will be…. Wait…. Bring rum and give it to Olivia…. I’m going insane I need to drink.

 

Ben:  Okay.  Is that all?

 

Zelda:  That’s it.  I have nothing else that needs to be said or done.

 

Ben:  Okay.  Well good night then.

 

Zelda:  Good night and be careful.  I think this place is swarming with bounty hunters.

 

(Zelda leaves.)

 

Ben:  Finally I had the chance to actually talk to my beautiful captain.

 

(Ben leaves.)

Act 2: Scene 3—Black Velvet

(John walks out onto the deck of the Black Velvet.)

 

John:  (to himself) Man I am so bored.  No one else seems to come to check up on me unless it’s for their own reasons.  How can they do that too?  I feel like I’m out of touch with the world.  I have no clue what’s going on.  I don’t know what everyone’s been up too.  My life is forgettable to them obviously.  I could die right now and now one would know.  If they find out then they wouldn’t even care.  I bet no one would even come to my funeral because they don’t care about me.  (sighing) I’m easily left out apparently.  It’s depressing.  Why can’t someone stop by every once in a while just to see how I’m doing?  I’m not dead yet and I have feelings too.  Like they even seem to really care.

 

(Ben walks onto the Black Velvet.)

 

Ben:  Hello, bro!

 

John:  Oh Ben.  What’s going on?  No one ever shows up unless they want or need something and it’s kind of getting old.  No one even cares to stop by just to say “hey.”  I’m kind of sick of it.

 

Ben:  Nothing much.  Look I finally got to see Zelda.

 

John:  (nodding) Good for you.

 

Ben:  I was wondering if maybe you wouldn’t mind if I brought her back here to visit for a little while.  I need to get her away from Leo and Magma.  That and if I don’t do something now then Jeremy’s going to marry her and I can’t let that happen.

 

John:  Is Jeremy going to marry Zelda?  She hates him.  I don’t see that happening any time soon.

 

Ben:  I know.  It’s kind of an arrange marriage.  Leo had offered Zelda’s hand to Jeremy.  I need to get to her before it’s too late.

 

John:  Then yea you can bring her here.  I’m sure she’d be happy then.

 

Ben:  Thanks, bro.

 

John:  No problem.  Always glad to help in any way I can.  Just can you promise that you guys will stop by more often because it’s boring around here without anyone to talk to?  The only other two around here are Donny and Max; it’s kind of hard to talk to a couple of animals who don’t seem to really care much anyways.

 

Ben:  Max is here?

 

John:  Yea.  Why?

 

Ben:  Zelda was looking for him.  Um when I bring her by will you care if she takes him?  I’m sure she’ll be happy to see him.

 

John:  That’s not a problem.  I’m sure he misses her anyways.  I know Donny misses Olivia too.

 

Ben:  Olivia’s with Zelda.  (smiling) I’m sure if you want me too I could invite her too.

 

John:  (also smiling) Yea…. I would love to see my captain.

 

Ben:  Cool.  Well I better get going.

 

John:  See ya later.

 

(John goes back under the deck of the ship while Ben leaves the ship.)

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.06.2014

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