DEDICATION

Dedicated to all those who feel like life is taking them for granted, I took the pain and the anger and just converted it into something that             might touch someone when they feel like giving up

 

 

 Writing this book genuinely brought tears to my eyes. At times you might feel like you are not good enough to be with someone, those are the times that you need to sit back , reflect and ask yourself if that person is good enough for you! You can change anything that You are unhappy about just by having a different mind set and a change of attitude. Yes, you will have to make a few sacrifices here and there and that's because no body said it was going to be easy, they just promised it would be worth it in the end!

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY BELOVED SUPERHERO:

SHADEN RESHAUN PADAYCHY
12/12/2010 - 12/12/2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

 

So this story begins with Neema, a gorgeous young Hindu lady who meets and falls in love with a fairly handsome Muslim man from the neighbourhood Yaseen, the thug, the ruffian who in his drunken state referred to himself as the famous mafia “AL CAPONE” is now sitting in a hospital somewhere in on 25th March 1990 looking at the soft, wrinkly and innocent face of a girl whom she named Sadie, Sadie is born to an unhappy couple that can barely keep their lives intact. A mother not only faces her new daughter but also now faces a difficult situation as after the marriage to Sadie's father, she’s been hurt once too many times, a child just didn’t seem like something she needed. At the age of 26 baby number two was clearly a mistake as she had just left her previous relationship that had blessed  her  with her first born, Elreshia (but everyone calls her Elly for short) who was already 8. Being in an abusive relationship Neema experienced many challenges with Sadie’s father, being a paranoid alcoholic and drug addict he was never really there for his daughter.

Sadie is now 4, lying next to Elly in a warm bed just had supper and like every four year old she hated sleeping she had this weird habit of playing with her mum’s or sister’s ears before falling off to sleep. As numerous times before, Late that night her father shows up at the door, in his usual drunken state, banging on the doors and windows disturbing the peace with his foul language and arrogant behaviour, demanding to see his daughter whose name he had recently tattooed on the left side of his chest, Neema always feared the safety of her kids especially since she knows that the neighbours are too afraid to intervene...typical of Indians though they love the drama, they hate helping.

 

After a few minutes of shouting an ranting, Everything goes quiet, she hears nothing and decides to peep through the window, there she’s faced with the man she loved sitting at the door, covered in blood after being beaten up, probably by some drunkard friends at the local shebeen, holding his head in hands and crying. What could have happened that night? What did he do? Who had beaten him up? While she asks herself all these questions Sadie sneaks the keys to her father through the kitchen window without giving a second thought, but wait...which four year old thinks before doing anything? He lets himself in swearing and calling Neema names while slapping her to the floor, Neema picks herself up from the floor and wipes the drops of blood from her lower lip and then locks herself up in the room to prevent a further beating. He then sits down on the lounge floor and asks Sadie to get him some water, she returns a few minutes later with a glass that she can barely carry,  filled almost three quarter way up and raised the glass to her father’s torn and bleeding  lips and as he took a sip he gave an agonising shout, and spat out the water, Neema comes in to see what the fuss was about and at that moment realizes that Sadie had mistakenly given her father a glass of white vinegar which she thought was water. At that moment Neema didn’t know whether she should laugh or scold Sadie as the Vinegar had worsened the pain in the wounds of Sadie’s father’s mouth that he had attained from the beating. After a few seconds, He quieted down and Sadie was sent to bed.

The next day Neema leaves Sadie with her dad and goes to see her mother who lived a few blocks away and returns with her brother, Rajeev to talk to her husband about his behaviour the night before only to find that she has been locked out of the house, she knows that he’s inside the house as she can hear  the loud  sound of glass breaking and Sadie is crying, she peeps in through an open bedroom window and sees him sitting at the edge of the bed, in his usual drunken state, breaking one beer bottle after the other on his forehead. At this point Neema is terrified as she witnesses that this man has anger in his eyes and doesn’t seem to be feeling a thing Sadie sees her mum and is screaming for her mum to get him to stop.

He turns to the window and looks his wife in the face with his blood shot while holding a lighter in his hand and tells her that Sadie is possessed and that he saw the devil or a demonic entity in her and threatens to burn the little girl alive in that house, Neema fears the seriousness of those words and Requests that her brother breaks down the door in order to save her daughter’s life. After a bit of a hassle they were successful in getting in the house. Neema rushed in the bedroom and grabbed hold of Sadie while Rajeev pushed the man to the ground and called the local police, was this man Crazy? Was he paranoid? What would push a father to the point where he would want to take the life of his only child?

So many questions were left unanswered.  Sadie’s father was sent to an asylum to reform and rehabilitate himself as the court found that not only was he considered a danger to his wife and daughter but to himself as well. Previously many rumours were spread around regarding his mother, Farida, who was accused of using black magic.  The famous one being that she used to go to the orphanage and take girls into foster care for the social grants that was paid. She apparently used to treat these girls as her maids. They were young and between the ages of 12 and 14. Sometimes neighbours used to say that they witnessed the girls taking baths outside with cold water in winter! What kind of human would do this?

It is alleged that one day the two girls ran away from Farida’s house while she was out shopping for the weekly groceries, when she returned she was furious and then used black magic and the girls’ underwear to somehow lure them back home as in just a day the girls willingly returned to that cruel life. In that same year Farida had experienced the death of her eldest son Ali who passed away through the excessive use of alcohol. She always blamed her ex-husband as after she gave him three children, Ali, Yaseen and Razia he had left her and opened up a shebeen with his mistress. The second incident was the fact that Yaseen was now declared insane. Was this her karma for all her bad deeds against the two girls? Or was it the black magic backfiring?

CHAPTER 2

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

 

Time has passed by and Neema now a single mum of two has managed to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and has moved on and is now pregnant with baby number three and has managed to find herself another abusive partner, i know what you think and it’s easy to judge from the outside but how many guys out there are willing to take a women that has two children from two different men and build a home for them?....exactly!

Neema did what she thought would put clothing on her children’s backs and food in their mouths something that any mother would do. 29 October 1995 and Neema is in hospital and history repeats itself all over again as she is now holding her first baby boy, Justin. She now feels like her family is complete. She has Elly, Sadie and Justin She has this feint hope that this baby will mend the relationship she has with his dad and it will motivate him to change his ways. Few months down the line, Neema notices that Elly is breathing very heavily and is gasping for air. She panics she has no phone and no car to even get Elly to the hospital she goes out and manages to get hold of a neighbour who rushes to see what’s wrong with Elly, she’s now worsening as they put her in the car and rush her to hospital. When they arrive they find out that Elly has asthma and she just experienced a fatal asthma attack. Neema is educated about the illness and is given the appropriate meds to give to Elly. Elly is discharged and the neighbour gives them a lift back home.

At home they find Justin in the hands of his not so happy father who is clearly pissed at the fact that when he arrived home Neema was not there, neither was Elly and Sadie and Justin was left in the care of a neighbour. Neema gets in the house and shuts the door behind and just as she is about to explain what happened to Elly and her where about, she was punched on the upper right side of her face. Being a brave lady she didn’t want to make it obvious to the kids that she was getting beaten, she calmly held her face and as a tear rolled down her cheek, she asked him “what was that for”? He starts swearing, calling her the worst of names, making her feel worthless while slapping her continuously. All she can do is cry and hope it will end; she wouldn’t dare stand up to him because if she does he will surely throw her out. He’s asked if she had cooked anything for supper and she stares back at him while covering the right side of her face and says “No, I didn’t, I couldn’t because....” she wasn’t even allowed to finish that sentence and she was violently pushed to the floor now enduring multiple kicks to the ribs and back, he turns around and looks at the lounge display cabinet and picks up a white and slightly pinkish porcelain horse ornament and strikes it on her head. Neema looks at him an at that moment doesn’t realise what has happened to her until a few seconds later she feels a warm and sticky liquid drizzling down her forehead, across her eye and cheeks. It is in that moment that she decides that she has had enough. Her life was indeed in danger; this man was capable of almost anything and the worst part of it all was that he wasn’t even drunk at that time! Thankfully a neighbour alerted the police while all the commotion was going and they arrived not long after. Neema was then taken to her mother’s place and a restraining order was opened. Not like that stopped him as thereafter he harassed her every opportunity he got. His threats became too much he would show up and harass her even if she was with her family, friends or even going to work. Neema decides that she isn’t going to be in peace anytime soon and after many days of thinking of a way out she decides that she is going to leave Pietermaritzburg and hide out in Johannesburg as she has an elder brother there and figures that this is the only way she will be able to give her children a life without the abuse. Definitely a brave decision made by a very brave woman although it was brave it definitely wasn’t easy, having nothing and going to a foreign place as a single mother was the scariest feeling ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

The following Monday, Neema takes Sadie with her to visit her eldest sister Radha. Radha was married to Jimmy Thomas and they had 4 children together, Shanice, her moody husband Barry, Chantel, Michelle and Mark. Shanice was the only one married in the household and Radha was the only one working at the time. Jimmy on the other hand was a builder, the craftsmanship of his work was outstanding and in his free time he loved to plant, his back yard was filled with different fruit trees.

Radha has a special lunch prepared for Neema and Sadie and out of all her nieces and nephews, Radha like Sadie the most. Her children always considered Sadie as their little sister. That evening Neema tells Sadie that she’s going to the store to buy something and will be back shortly, an hour passes by and Radha hands Shanice a letter and asks her to read it aloud to Sadie. The little girl wobbles towards Shanice who’s seated on a red velvety couch with wooden frames, knocking her elbow while climbing on and stares at Shanice. Shanice begins reading and the letter said:

 

 

Dear Sadie,

You a big girl now and you are about to start your first grade in a few days. It is not easy for me but I hope that you understand that mummy needs to make a new life for us, we could not live in peace and I am going away with the hope that I can start a new beginning for us. Stay nicely with your Radha mummy, I know she will look after you because she loves you just as much as I do and she always treated you as one of her own. I have already found place for you at the school around the corner and I am very sure that you will make lots of friends, behave yourself and I promise I will come and get you when I am settled, please do not cry for me I will be back sooner than you think. I love you always

From: mummy.

 

 

 

Sadie sat there, so lost and painfully confused. She was a girl who was rarely physically able to show emotion and just then a tear drizzled down her chubby cheek, she was hurt. She wanted to know what did she do wrong, how come her other siblings got to be with her mother but not her? What did she do wrong? Why did her mother abandon her? The only person, who could have answered these questions and take away the guilt from this little girl, had disappeared.

Its 8:11pm and Neema and her two children are on the highway, without a cent in their pockets, hitchhiking a lift to Johannesburg. After a few unsuccessful tries, finally a black couple pulls over and is willing to give the family a ride. The man and his wife were both teachers at a school in a place called Soweto; they were a very friendly couple with no children of their own. Few hours later and they make a stop to freshen up and the couple makes sure that they get the family of three some food and hot coffee for the road, By 3:25am Neema opens her eyes after a tiring trip and finds that she has arrived in Soweto, not very far from Lenasia where her brother stays. The lovely couple assures the family that later in the morning they will take her to her brother’s house. At first Neema was a bit sceptical about the safety of her kids as they have come so far, but she has hope in a heart and god on her side. She closes her eyes and mumbles; “GOD, I know you didn’t pick me up this high only to make me fall again, our lives are in your hands.” She then closed her exhausted eyes and her last thoughts were that; in a matter of a few hours her life is going to change and she is hoping for a new beginning, a new life away from all the drama and she doses off into a much needed slumber.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

 

13 January 1996 and Neema wakes up to the sound of rain on a zinc roof so loud, that she can barely make out the voices to the match faces on the black and white television in front of her. She turns and sees that Justin is wide awake staring at here with warm eyes. Elly is already up and is talking the ears off the kind couple who housed them for the night. Neema gets up and the lady hands a towel and a bucket of water that she should use to was her face and further explains that they will be taking her through to Lenasia in 30 minutes. Neema digs in her pocket and finds the crumpled piece of paper on which her brother’s address is written and hands it to the lady.

After a few minutes, the kids are dressed and their hair is combed and the family is ready to face their new destiny. After a few bad directions, they reach the address of Neema eldest brother Sanjay. The couple wishes Neema everything of the best and leaves as they have to attend work shortly.  Sanjay lived with his wife Lavina and their 5 children in a 3 bedroom in Lenasia extension 13, a small Indian community. Sanjay and his family Welcomes Neema and Lavina gave Elly a gentle kiss on the cheek. After a few hours of chatting Sanjay tells Neema that he has arranged for a place for her to stay for the month as there is no place for Neema to stay with him.

Lavina packs a few groceries and odds and ends and Sanjay drives a few roads away and stops in front of a faced brick double story house in extension 8. An old lady comes out and hands him the key and guides them to a door at the back of the house. Neema opens the door and it unveils a small room with a kitchen sink with a cupboard, a 2 plate stove and a single bed with small separation that leads to the shower and toilet. The stench of dampened floors fills the whole room as if there is water pipe leak somewhere and there are a few cracks on the walls and the place is in serious need of a painting. Neema puts her bags down and Sanjay leaves closing the door behind him. This is the start that she was waiting for but now that it’s here, where should she start?

She weeps up the room and then begins unpacking the things that her sister-in-law had given her to get her started as well as her bags that she had brought with. She them begins to start supper as Elly and Justin now seem hungry. Elly makes a bottle of formula for Justin and then helps her mum to prepare the food. The family eats and then decides to call it a night. The next morning Neema gathers all her important documents and heads to the school to enrol Elly for the 3rd grade, she is lucky enough that the principle sympathises with her and grants her a place in the school. Not only was he kind enough to do that, but he also provided Neema with school uniform and stationary for Elly to begin class the very next day. Elly was a very bright girl and once she heard that she had been accepted in school, happiness filled her eyes.

Two weeks down the line and things are finally falling into place. Neema starts work as in insurance broker and is lucky enough to be earning enough pay the upcoming months’ rent. Elly has settled well in her new school by now and has made plenty of friends and as for Justin well he still has a lot to explore. Neema sits up on the bed and watches her children in a peaceful sleep, no drama, no fear and no disturbances, something that this family didn’t know the meaning off, till now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 5

 

 

 

CHAPTER 5

 

 

By now Sadie has started school and has made a special friend, Terry. Terry lived 4 doors away from Radha with her mother, father, sister and a brother whom Sadie, till today, hadn’t met. Terry was good secret keeper and Sadie felt close to her as with her funny talks and silly games, she somehow managed to always keep Sadie happy. Sadie was never short of love, although she felt abandoned by her mother, Radha was now called “Ma” as she filled the space that Neema had left in Sadie’s heart. Radha’s children became her brother and sisters and Sadie. Well Radha made sure that she was short of nothing. This way she hid the feeling of abandonment and this, this was her family. Jimmy was equally fond of Sadie as she was very good in giving him lotto numbers! One day just before going to the tote with his drinking buddy, Neville, jimmy wrote some numbers down on a piece of paper as he was going to play these number later. Sadie being as curious as she was, scribbled other numbers over the ones that jimmy had written! When jimmy went to play his numbers, he was already tipsy. He noticed what she had done and couldn’t remember his numbers so he played another set of numbers. 3 hours later and the winning numbers are announced. It turns out that all the numbers that Sadie had written by herself were announced!!! Had he played those numbers he would have been sitting with a thick wallet. Don’t know if was more happier with Sadie or more mad at himself! All i know is that she was his lucky charm and even helped him bet on horses, Marsha Mowing, being her favourite. Then there was Terry’s mother Sheila was a caring woman and strong believer in Christ, she had a heart made out of platinum not even gold. She always treated Sadie as her own. These girls shared everything spending money, toys and even clothes. Sadie used to look forward to the weekend as this was the time she would get the privilege of having a sleep over at her best friend’s house, it became a routine actually; on  a Friday the kids would come home, Sadie would get her clothes and speed off to Terry’s house. There Sheila would serve the two a sandwich and some cold drink and then they would run outside to play writing games, Terry’s dad would always bring them different types of coloured paper to draw on and they would usually fight over it. In the evening they would go inside and have a shower while Sheila prepares supper and oh, what a cook she was! After that they would watch some television and Sheila would tuck them in, switch off the light and close the door behind her. Few minutes later the girls would hear Sheila coming and they would pretend to sleep. Sheila not knowing they were pretending, would gently place her hand on their heads one at time and then recite a prayer so they would sleep peacefully, then kiss them on the forehead and leave. She was the perfect mum. All these things was what kept Sadie feeling content with what she had, she was always surrounded by love...well except for Shanice’s husband Barry who Sadie thought, hated her. During the week while Radha was at work he would shout at Sadie for no reason and this often caused fights between Radha and him. Radha hated all the complaints that she used to get from Sadie and felt that Barry used to ill-treat Sadie because she was shit scared of him. All he had to was give her one dreadful look and Sadie would be too scared to even eat! Maybe instilling fear in Sadie made him feel superior or something. The only time Sadie felt that she could breathe was when her ma was home or when she was at Terry’s place. A  Few weeks later the biggest fight between Radha and her son-in-law breaks out and yes, you guessed it, it was because of the way he treated Sadie. Sadie came home from school to find Mark seated in the lounge holding a tennis racket in his one hand and a lighter in his other. “What are you doing with that?” she asked. He then explained that one of the racket threads had snapped and he is melting it to fix it. Sadie leaves the room and goes into the bedroom to put down her bag, as she is leaving the room, Barry calls her and demands that she makes him some tea, the girl agrees and goes into the kitchen and switches the kettle on. On her way back to the bedroom she notices that Mark is no longer in the lounge and he had left the racket and the lighter on the coffee table. One of Sadie’s worse traits was her curiosity! She then begins to hold up the racket and starts to burn the thread that Mark was trying to fix. Few seconds later she starts screaming and crying. While burning the racket thread a melted piece of plastic dripped onto her right thigh and got stuck to her leg. While trying to remove the hot plastic from her leg, all the skin under it peeled off too, exposing her pink flesh and scarring Sadie for life. The scar was so unique because it was shaped like a teardrop.

At that moment Barry comes out of the room to ask for his tea and sees that Sadie had burnt herself. He then slaps the little girl across her face and tells her that she likes to fidget and can’t sit still so he is going to teach her a lesson. He takes Sadie to his room and puts her to sit on the tiled floor in his room and ties her legs and hands with his ties. She is forced to sit there till her ma comes home. That day Sadie didn’t even get to eat or play with her best friend. About three hours later Radha arrives home and is looking for Sadie to give her the popcorn and sweets she had bought for Sadie to give her class mates as it was the Girls 6th birthday the next day. Sadie’s first birthday without her mum. Radha walks into the room to find Sadie tied up in the room and Barry reading the sport section of the newspaper on the bed and in just a few seconds, Radha loses her mind! She is furious as now she finally sees that all Sadie’s complaints were serious. Shanice and her mother stopped talking for a few days and the tension in the house was serious. This alone was proof enough of the love that Radha had for Sadie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

 

A few weeks later, Sadie arrives home from school as she usually does and notices that there are two bags in the living in room. She calls for Chantel, but she doesn’t respond. Sadie goes towards the bedroom to leave her school bag and change her uniform, as she pushes the door open, she is surprised at what she sees! Neema is sitting on the bed! Sadie is in aw! After 6 months, she gets to see her mum’s face. Sadie is amazed and a single tear makes an appearance on her right cheek and Neema just stared at her with a loving smile on her face and pulled her closer to give her a hug.

“I have come to take you home, I am taking you back with me to Johannesburg” she said. The little girl’s face just lit up with happiness and by now she had figured that the two bags that she saw earlier was hers. After a few minutes she stops. She now realises that she will have to leave her best friend and her ma behind. Why does this always happen to her? Every time she finally get used to the idea of something, it changes! She looks at her mother and says “I am not going with you until I say goodbye to my ma!” Neema looks at her with a partially annoyed face and says “yes, we not leaving now, I have to tell my sister thank you for looking after you” a bit relieved but still disheartened, Sadie rushes out to Terry’s place to tell her what is going on, but as she gets to the beginning of Terry’s steps, she realises that straight from school Terry had gone to her grandmother’s place. “Damn it!” she says, “I’m not going to get to tell her goodbye and she still has my doll!” She then laughs and heads back home.

That evening Radha returns home from work and is just as surprised to see Neema. She gives Neema a sisterly hug and then they both are seated. Neema tells Radha that she has come to fetch Sadie and they will be leaving in 20 minutes as the taxi will be picking them up from there shortly. Radha is heartbroken she has to now let go of her niece whom she loves so dearly. Neema further explains that she has already collected her daughters transfer card from the school and Radha should give her old uniform to someone who needs it as the Johannesburg schools have different uniforms. Radha grabs hold of Sadie who is sitting on the couch so dazed, and gives her a big hug! “I’m going to miss you so much my baby” she said with tears in her eyes.

Not even two minutes later and there was a hoot, the taxi was there to pick up Neema and Sadie and take them to take them to Johannesburg. Excited to start her new adventure, Sadie goes to everyone and says her goodbyes, lucky for her; Barry was nowhere to be seen. The little girl was ever ready to see her new home in a new city with a new beginning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 7

 

 

 

CHAPTER 7

 

 

After a lengthy and tiring 8 hour trip, Sadie is awakened by Neema. It still dark out and the winter chills is starting to kick in Sadie gets out of the taxi and is standing in front a big steel gate and waiting for Neema to get their bags. Neema opens up the gate and the barks of the land lady’s dogs scares Sadie, she hold onto her mother tight as they enter the yard. Once in the house, Neema switches on the light and closes the door behind her. Elly is now up and rubbing her eyes that have been burning since the light was switched on, disturbing her sleep and Justin, well Justin could sleep through a tornado! Elly was so happy to see her sister after 6 months. With so much to tell her sister, Sadie was rather annoyed that her mother suggested they go to bed, however she does as she is told.

The next morning Neema is up and ready to get Sadie enrolled in school, she is so sceptical about getting place since the year is already halfway through. Sadie gets up and she is now ready to explore the yard, she loved making mud cakes with Elly. Neema was lucky enough again as god was on her side as she manages to find a school that has is willing to accommodate Sadie. For once Neema actually admitted that she was blessed because moving to a new place and starting a new life was one of the best and wisest decisions that she could have ever made.

Sadie is now at her new school and is so amused at the fact that the school building. Uniforms and even the playground are so different compared to her last school. She was also very amused that her class teacher had the same surname as her. She felt out of place because she didn’t know half of the things that the other kids knew but she was eager to learn. She made friends with a girl by the name of Candice and they sat together during lunch time as well. That afternoon Sadie returns home and has a lot of homework to do. Neema is sitting on the bed and is ready to begin helping her. Neema is surprised that Sadie cannot even write the number five properly!!! This means that Sadie’s school work was neglected while she was staying in Pietermaritzburg. That night Neema was on a mission, she was up with Sadie till 3am teaching Sadie spelling and improving her handwriting. If she made a mistake, Neema wasted no time in hitting her on the hand with a wooden ruler. Days went by and Sadie was improving tremendously, Elly was being a teenager, Neema’s job was getting better and Justin was growing.

By November that year, Neema had moved her children into a spacious three bedroom house in Ext 13, couple of streets away from where her brother stayed. Things were finally looking up for this family who had been through more than they had deserved. Neema had become good friends with her neighbours and the children enjoyed the new house as they had their own yard and the living room was the size of the entire house that they previously lived in.

Every morning Sadie and Elly would walk to school together and then half way there stop at one of Elly’s friend’s house, Ashley. They were in the same class and it was safer walking in a group and more fun too. Ashley had a younger brother named Randy who was a year older than Sadie and they went to the same school together, not only was he very good looking but he was also Sadie’s first crush. At the age of 6, what could she possibly know? Guess she just enjoyed his company; he was funny, silly and very mischievous. They were always late for school and often had to jump over the school fence to get in and, he would always blame her! Never the less, they were best of friends, the only friend she had in fact.

The last day of school has arrived and Sadie is handed her yearend report accompanied with another paper that had her name on it. She meets her  sister at the gate as usual and hands Elly her report as well as the other paper in the envelope. “What is this other paper for?” she asked Elly. Elly has a look at in and in a serious faces says “you in trouble with mum, really big trouble! This paper that your teacher gave you is a transfer card! Gosh this scared Sadie as she knew her mother was really strict when it came to her school work. She was thinking about excuses that she could her mum the whole way home. When she got home she asked Elly to go in the house first and check what kind of mood her mum was in. Somehow she always assumed that Neema was always in good mood when she was smoking. Elly goes in and hands the report and the envelope to Neema. Sadie is outside contemplating if she should go in and put on an extra set of clothes just in case Neema is going to beat her with the wooden spoon. Just at that moment she hears Neema screaming and now she doesn’t know whether she should go in the house or run out of the yard. Then Neema comes out calling for the neighbour, seems all her hard work paid off and that paper that Sadie was asking about was actually a certificate for first place in spelling! Neema was really proud and Sadie was feeling even prouder, this was her first achievement yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 8

 

 

CHAPTER 8

 

 

Few years down the line and we are now in 2011. Elly is now 19, Sadie 11 and Justin 7. Neema had fought with the court and was awarded ownership of the comfy home that they had occupied for the past 5 years. Elly had matriculated and now has part time at a shoe outlet, this way she has pocket money for whatever she might have needed. Her relationship with her younger sister was not a good one. There were always differences and the only time that Elly was close to Sadie was when she needed something from her. Neema was now teaching the primary school that Justin and Sadie attended and seemed to be in a happy relationship with an older man by the name of Jay. Jay however was a married man and Neema was his mistress! Despite being in two relations, he made sure that Neema and her family were taken care of, they were short of nothing whether it was food, luxuries and even school stationery. This made all the neighbours envy her as they all knew about Jay’s status. Many times they would cause trouble by calling his wife and informing her about the affair he was having and once they even when to his house! How deep did their jealousy go? They were basically taking away the food from Neema’s mouth and the clothes off her children’s back. Even though there were many attempts, they failed as the relationship between Neema and Jay continued. Sadie always felt that she didn’t fit in. There were many occasions where she got home from school only to find that Neema and her siblings weren’t home and the house was a mess for her to clean up. She would put down her bag and then put on a CD and listen to music while tidying up, she loved music, and it gave her a sense of calmness and made time pass by faster. Neema and her siblings would return later from their outing with thing that had bought from the mall. They would then give Sadie some of things that they had bought, however Sadie always felt that it was less compared to what the others got, this usually caused her to become angry and lash out, Neema would then refer to her as being “ungrateful”.

There were really few moments where Sadie didn’t feel like an outcast or wasn’t hurting, this pain goes back to the time when she had felt like her mother had abandoned her. Those wounds would never and she always felt like Neema never really cared for and about her. She began to feel really upset with herself as this made her feel like a disappointment. At this point all she wanted was to feel a sense of existence.

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CHAPTER 9

 

CHAPTER 9

 

 

Sadie had become a remarkable student whom excelled in everything she did. As a teenager she now has a lot more to focus on. Despite feeling unwanted and unloved, she created a bubble of her own happiness and decided to accept the fact that she was different, a weird kind of different and she was happy with that. At school she was not considered very popular and often picked on by her fellow class mates. At times she would try to fit in but always knew she didn’t. Sadie became depressed and at the tender age of only 13 years old, started self-mutilating. Every time someone would pick on her or made her angry, she would take a blade hold it against her left wrist and pull without thinking twice. Call it insane but somehow she would gain pleasure and relief by watching herself bleed, she felt that everything was her fault and this was her way of punishing herself. Everything she tried to do to fit in, wasn’t good enough.Once she took up smoking, trying to be cool and was caught by the school’s deputy principle. She was called to the office and was told that her parents would be called and notified. That day Sadie was really afraid to go home. That day she went home and lied to her mother about the reason that she had gotten into trouble but, by then Neema already received a call from the principle Oops! But this was something she couldn’t talk herself out of and had to face a beating with the largest wooden spoon in the kitchen drawer.

She accepted who she was… a total nobody to anybody. Not even elly could stand being around her, at first she thought that it was because elly was expecting a  baby and was very moody but even after the baby was born, Sadie was not even allowed to carry her own niece. It made her feel like she was so dirty that even her own sister wouldn’t let her near her first and only niece whom they named Medina, and that tore away the fun and excitement of being an aunt for the first time. She didn’t hold that against medina though because even when she had extra spending money she would buy sweets or hairclips for her. Sadie gave her the nickname ”Pooks”, she felt like it suited Medina and till today… we don’t know why.

Weeks later Sadie had missed her transport and had to walk home. It was a fairly hot day and she was so irritated that she kept talking to herself. On the opposite side of the road she noticed a dark in complexion, plumpy girl with her hair tied so tightly above her forehead that it looked as if it would tear right out of her scalp! Being as friendly as she usually is, Sadie crossed over for the company. She introduced herself to the girl who in return introduced herself as “Tisha”

As they talked they realised that they did not live very far from each other and this brought some happiness to Sadie as now she has found a new friend. That day they talked and laughed so much that the long walk no longer bothered Sadie and she was almost home. She said goodbye to Tisha and they both went on their way.

Days passed by and Sadie enjoyed Tisha’s company, they laughed, joked and sometimes even teased each other. One day while washing dishes at home, Sadie heard Tisha calling at the gate; she left what she was doing and went to see what the fuss was about. Tisha explained that she needed Sadie to accompany her to the dentist to meet her brother as he had left his patient file at home. Sadie put on a pair of shoes and left. When they got to the dentist, Tisha’s brother was outside waiting for them. Sadie paused for a second and at that point she was just staring at Tisha’s brother, Shaun. She found him rather attractive and couldn’t help but blush. He was 21 and she was only 15 years old, just beginning to learn about boys and love.

 

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10

 

 

Weeks later and Sadie has been going to Tisha’s house more often, why? You guessed it, to see a bit more of Shaun. She was falling, and she was falling hard. Did she stand a chance though? He was 6 years older, working but most of all, to her he was single! And she was always a go getter… someone who wanted something and her ego; well that ego would stop at nothing to get what she wants. So she kept at it, going there all the time and trying to be in his face until one day, that he spoke to her and indirectly asked her out. She was ecstatic but the reality was that her mum would not let her be out till late, so Tisha came up with a plan and called Sadie’s mum to say that they going out with her family for dinner and might be a bit late. Lame excuse, but it worked!

That night Sadie went out with Shaun, they had a few drinks with his cousin and his girlfriend and for the first time Sadie felt a bit grown. There was something about being out that late, with the guy she was so in love with and let’s not forget intoxicated, that highly excited her… that night they shared their first kiss. Something that she had been waiting patiently for, and to her this was a start of her love life. By the way, Randy was still in the picture even now, by this time he had a girlfriend of his own but kept making empty promises to Sadie in the background, but now Shaun was   her distraction…a much more mature distraction, if you know what I mean.

That is when Sadie realised that she was into guys older than her, she didn’t want someone who was going to mess her around. At this young age she was so serious about love and the more time she spent with Shaun, the more she realised she loved him.

 

 

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11

 

Days had passed by and Sadie realised that the love she had with Shaun was almost impossible to move on from and one day while camouflaging a sleep over with Tisha, decided that this was the night that she will give herself to Shaun and experience love on a different and more advanced level, the kind that she had only seen in movies. That night she was so nervous, not knowing what to do with herself, she found herself overthinking as always however she went about her routine, she had showered, shaved everywhere, washed and done her hair, put on some lotion and body spray and then her matching underwear and silky nightdress…was she overdoing it or did she do it to make him want her the way that she wanted him?

That night she went to his room while Tisha was on the lookout for her parents and they watched a movie together. Towards the end of the movie they began to kiss and it was rather obvious where this was going. Knowing that his parents were in the house, Shaun was equally nervous but they decided to take the risk and go with the flow.

 

The next morning she woke up to the sound of Tisha’s mum’s voice calling her to get ready for school and not knowing what to feel. She was more mixed up than a bag of skittles. She jumped up out of Shaun’s bed and dashed back into Tisha’s room as if nothing had happened. She was terrified of Shaun’s father as he was a brut! Not only was he a drunkard but the whole neighbourhood knew and feared him. Not a single person you met could say that didn’t know Uncle Ron! He was an electrician and he could fix anything and everything… while he was sober that is. His personality was vulgar and rude none the less, he was fearless. He spent more time in jail than at home due to all the unnecessary fights at the local shebeens. In his drunken state Tisha and her mother Laura were often victims of his abuse, hopefully now you will understand why Sadie was afraid of him.

His wife Laura was the opposite of him she was very loving and caring towards her children always seeing to their needs. Shaun being the  eldest was the most spoilt rotten of them all, not only would she take his meals to his bedroom where he spent all his time but, she would also go and get the empty plates from him and take him a bowl of warm water to wash his hands after his every meal. She respected her son as he and Ron were not of the same bloodline as the other three of her kids and she would always defend Shaun whenever there were any disagreements between father and son. In return Shaun worked his butt off to support the family and was more of a father figure to his younger siblings. Kiki, the baby sister only five years old at the time, his visually impaired brother, Theo who was nineteen at the time and not forgetting Tisha, the reason for bringing Sadie into his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 12

 

CHAPTER 12

 

 

Speaking of Sadie, she went to school that day daydreaming about the night before. She felt wanted and liked the idea of being touched that way. As for Shaun, some days he showed interest in her and other days was full of moods, They watched movies most nights and got to know each other better and by now Laura caught on as to what was happening between the two of the but didn’t interfere she let them be but as soon as Sadie heard Ron’s voice she would run back to Tisha’s room.

This love story was rather complicated. A teenage girl in love with an older guy… how would it work? But to her it became a norm and a daily routine. Their relationship continued for weeks and finally Sadie felt the need to tell her mother about their relationship. It had been playing on her mind that entire week so she discussed it with Shaun and they concluded that they would approach her mother on Saturday. That day she woke up and helped her mum clean, then showered and left to see Tisha. She waited there both patiently and anxiously for Shaun to come home from work. Finally at 4:12pm he walked in and they decided that they would go to the shops and then go see her mother. The shop was just an excuse to prolong the visit and of course to buy some things for Sadie’s mum.

They got chocolates for Neema and Elly and some sweets and crisps for Justin and Medina…bribery ha-ha. They reached her mum’s gate and they both were so nervous Sadie unlocked it and went inside she found her mother, cousin Lucia and sister sitting in the lounge having snacks. There was an awkward silence and Neema had this scary look on her face it was like she was aware of what was happening the whole time and that made Shaun and Sadie extra edgy. Few minutes later she told them to sit down and asked Sadie what was the story. Sadie told her mother that she was dating Shaun and that she liked him a lot, before she could even finish, she was interrupted by Lucia’s loud voice saying that Shaun could get arrested for statutory rape since Sadie was under age! Shaun explained that he knew that she was still young and that he was well aware of the consequences but he genuinely had love and feelings for Sadie. Neema said that she didn’t agree to their relationship and she warned Sadie that this relationship wouldn’t be good for her. Sadie began to cry and I guess that Neema felt sorry for her and was afraid that Sadie would run away from home, so she told Shaun that he could see her daughter as long as it does not interfere with her school. Neema had big dreams for her daughter; she saw her becoming a teacher or a lawyer, just so you know…Sadie had those same dreams as well. Sadie gave her mother the stuff they had bought while Medina stuffed her face with the cheese puffs. Neema then walked them out. Sadie left and went the to the back of the house and shaun followed her. When he got there, he found her crying, she told him that they couldn’t be together because of the circumstances, he then hugged her and told her he loved her and it will be okay. They went to say goodbye to Sadie’s mum and went home feeling somewhat relieved. However, one more challenge was ahead and that was Ron!

Part 2

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

 

That night Sadie slept peacefully, eager to find out what the upcoming weekend would hold for her. It was as if a great weight had been lifted up of her shoulders. Now that her mother knew, she wouldn't have to sneak around. She could see Shaun whenever she pleased. They could go out together without the worry of her getting into any trouble. Some days she would still go and visit Tisha after school while Shaun was at work. As we know Shaun was hard working and the soul supporter of the family even though Ron was around. Shaun was loved and respected by his siblings to the fullest; they looked up to him and depended on him. His mother Laura always covered up for him no matter what he did and even if she didn't approve of Sadie, she would allow their relationship to continue as well as hide it from Ron for his sake. Tisha, Theo and Kiki did the same. Tisha was okay with it as they were still very good friends, Theo, his visually impaired brother was still getting to know Sadie better and Kiki was still too young to understand.

 

It was a Thursday afternoon and Laura was in the kitchen preparing lunch. Oh! What a brilliant cook she was, she made the best curries and baked the best biscuits and cakes you could ever eat. She had a kind heart and whenever it came to food she was always selfless. She had something about her that was very unique, her cooking time was always on the minimum and no matter how little she cooked it could always feed a lot of people. She fed anyone and everyone that showed up at her door and blessed were those hands that prepared those meals. Shaun had come home early from work as his employers needed to attend a family funeral so when Sadie went to see Tisha she was surprised to see him there. With Ron being out and about they decided that they would watch a movie in Shaun's room and then she'll go back home. About half an hour to 45 minutes had past when Laura hear Ron screaming loudly and talking to someone one the road, she quickly went and knocked on Shaun's door to warn him that his father was almost home. Sadie immediately got off the bed and went to sit in Tisha's room with Kiki. A minute later and Ron was already standing by the door in his usual drunken state. At this time he was unaware that Shaun was home. He went towards Laura who was now seated in front of the TV and said "Laura I need to ask u something and don't you FUCKING lie to me!" she knew he was drunk and annoyed at his approach so she abruptly replied "YES WHAT, TALK I'M LISTENING".

He then begins by asking her if she's knows anything about Shaun and Sadie and the fact that they are in a relationship. Laura is so scared at that moment that she doesn't know what to say to him. "DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT FUCKING KNOW?” again she keeps quiet and at this point a frustrated Ron is about to slap her across the face when Shaun, who overheard everything, came out of the room. "What’s going on?" Shaun asked. "I AM ASKING YOUR MOTHER IF SHE KNOWS ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING BETWEEN YOU AND SADIE!" he shouted. Shaun then explained that Sadie was now his girlfriend and they were seeing each other. This infuriated Ron as he felt like he was no one. He was upset at the fact that everyone knew but didn't tell him anything and he had to find out about it from friends at the shebeen. They argued about this for a few minutes back and forth until Shaun screamed for Sadie to come out of the room and take her home. Sadie who was rather shit scared at that moment, opened the bedroom door and after a few minutes felt brave enough to walk out. When she got to the kitchen Ron said to Shaun “I don't want this BITCH back in my house again" that pissed Shaun of to the extent where he walked towards Ron and punched him in the chest! A fist fight broke out between them and Laura and Tisha has to separate them. Shaun grabbed Sadie's hand and they walked out. On the way to Sadie's house, she just burst out into tears. She told Shaun that she didn't mean for things to happen that way and she felt really disappointed in herself that she caused an issue between a father and son. Shaun told her that it was okay because they have fought numerous times. Whenever Laura would get beaten up by Ron, Shaun would defend her and fist fights often occurred. Knowing this didn't take away the guilt that Sadie felt. She got home and told her mother what happened and at that moment her mother decided that it's best for Sadie to keep her distance for a while until the situation had calmed down.

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

 

Sadie stayed away from that house and the good thing was that Shaun could still come and see her at her house and Neema was okay with that. About 2 weeks has passed since the incident when Ron confronted Shaun again about the situation and expressed that he was only angry because he was the last to know and pointed out the fact that Sadie was very much younger than Shaun and still in school. Shaun told his father that he was aware of it but he really loved Sadie. Ron looks at Shaun and admits that he has no choice but to accept it. This was a relief for Shaun and when he told Sadie about she was extremely relieved and excited that she could still go there and have pretend sleep overs with "Tisha". They continued their relationship like Normal, they would go out together, take walks together and they both introduced each other to extended family members. This relationship was getting serious and Sadie loved every moment of it! While other girls were getting cheap chocolates at school from their classmates, He would buy her shiny jewelry, stylish clothes, awesome fragrances, beautiful shoes and everything else she needed. She used to brag about her "sugar daddy" at school.

 

It's the 25th of March 2006, Sadie turns 16 years old. Wow! How much she has grown since we read about her in the previous book! That little girl is now “sweet 16". She gets birthday wishes from all over, school, home and a little bit more from Shaun, if you know what I mean ;). He gave her a really romantic birthday surprise that consisted of dinner, a movie and a sleepover.

How she wished that day would never end!

The next day she and Tisha decide that they too tired to go to School so they made a plan to bunk! They got dressed and combed their hair as normal, Shaun had given them their daily spending money, Sadie kissed him goodbye and they left home. Instead of walking to school they walked to the shop, bought some snacks, cold drinks and even cigarettes and then headed to the swamp near their houses. They sat there for hours and spoke about the night before whilst puffing long cigarettes. They seemed to have so much of fun that they continued to do that on and off for almost the whole month! They wrote fake work in their notebooks just in case they would get caught by their parents and fraudulent letters to teachers just in case the school would call. One Friday, they bought a bottle of Brandy with some Coke and decided that they wanted to "live a little". They got to their usual spot at the swamp and drank until there was nothing left. By this time they were too drunk to notice that Ron had seen them!

 

When they got home Ron still wasn't there, they both felt like they needed to sleep it off. They got into bed an in less than 15 minutes, they were knocked out. When Shaun came from work he went into to Tisha's room and woke them up and he called Sadie to his room. When Sadie got into the room Shaun picked up his perfume tin from the cabinet and hit her very hard on the forehead! She stood there in shock when he asked her "WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY?” still shocked at what had happened a minute ago, she stood there in silence. He then pulled his hand back and the only thing she felt was a sting across her face "I'M ASKING YOU WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU! He repeated. Sadie was shivering. She couldn't understand why would the man who hit his own father for her, would lay his hand on her like that.

 

She sat down on the floor and cried as he told her that his father saw her bunking school and drinking at the swamp with his sister. Too scared to lie and even talk, she admitted that they had bunked school and were sitting there. She further explained that it was just the two of them and no boys or anything of the sort. Shaun then tells her that he is going with her to the school in the morning to find out how long this was happening.

It wasn't long after when Ron walked in and began to deal with Tisha for the same incident. Her cries and screams was all that echoed through the house as he beat her with a belt while Laura fearfully watched. It lasted for At least 22 minutes before he was too tired to continue. Sadie sat there grateful that all she got was a knock on the head and a slap across the face compared to what Tisha experienced.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

 

The next morning Shaun stayed out of work and Sadie got dressed in her blue school uniform and they were on their way to the school. On the way they had to pass Neema's house and she saw them through the window " where you taking her Shaun?" she asked. He then called her by the gate and told her about the incident, obviously leaving out the fact that he hit her. Neema's was disappointed to hear this and asked him to please let her know what the school said. While almost halfway Sadie began to get a high fever and she felt very dizzy. They sat down at the park for a while as Shaun could see something wasn't right. Sadie suddenly began to vomit excessively. He got very worried and decided that they should go to the clinic instead, which wasn't far off from where they were. Sadie hated hospitals and clinics and when she got there the smell of cleaning detergents evoked her nausea again! She rushed to the toilets and the stench there was even worse, the toilets hadn't been flushed, the taps were barely working and there wasn't even tissue for her to wipe her hands and mouth.

She joined the queue to make her file which was rather long as there were at least thirty four or thirty five people before her. Whilst there were only two clerks attending to these patients, the queue seemed to be moving rather fast. An hour went and she finally had her turn and was sent to wait in another queue to see a doctor. Because she was wearing uniform, she was given priority and was called in next. The doctor was a shabby looking woman, she was untidy with uncombed hair, oversized glasses and a stuck up look on her face. "She looks like a hobo" Sadie said to herself. The doctor began asking her questions and writing a whole lot of scribbles on her file and then asked her to urinate in a cup. Sadie did as asked but because she didn't drink water much there wasn't much to work with there. The lady then sticks a pregnancy test into the glass and turns it upside down. She tells Sadie to get rid of her urine and come back. She did as she was told. When she got back in the doctor told her the test was positive and she was pregnant!

 

She couldn't believe what she just heard. Sadie had just turned 16 and she was enjoying herself. She used protection and they weren't reckless unless the condom broke, she thought to herself.

How was she going to tell Shaun? What will she say to her mother? What will her friends say about her? Let’s not forget the the scariest of all... What's going to happen when Ron finds out! She was bombarded with question after question. She took the vitamins that the doctor gave her and stepped out. She found Shaun standing outside the canteen and then they started to walk back home. She hardly said anything to him and then just blurted out "I'm pregnant". This time it was his turn to be silent as the shock took over him. He was 22 and he made a 16 year old girl pregnant. He had the same questions in his head that she did. When they got home he told his mother first, she seemed more concerned rather than upset. At no point did Shaun bring up abortion as an option. He told Sadie that he messed up and was willing to take responsibility for his actions. She was relieved and this time didn't care about her friends and their opinions... He promises to stand by her and that was enough for her. When he took Sadie home Neema wanted to know the outcome of the school issue. Sadie looked at her mother and began to cry, she told her mother about how sorry she was and about the pregnant. Shaun stood there too ashamed to speak or even comfort her. Neema was very disappointed and pissed off, she knew that her daughter had big dreams of becoming a lawyer or a teacher and now she won't have that. She went towards Shaun and gave him a hard slap on his left cheek and then told Sadie to take her things and FUCK OFF.

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

 

 

Sadie couldn't believe what was happening but she knew she only had herself to blame. She got "spoilt" at a young age and was throwing every dream and vision she had into the trash. She apologized once again to her mother and packed her stuff and went home with Shaun. At Shaun's house Ron was sitting in the living room sipping on his second or third beer, he saw them come in with plastic bags of clothes and immediately demanded an explanation. Now it was Shaun's turn to face the music of his actions. He sits next to Ron and tells him about the pregnancy; surprisingly he was not that angry about it as he said he knew something like this was going to happen. He agreed to let Sadie live with them but said that there were going to be rules if she wanted to stay there. "As of now, she will be the one to clean up after you and do things for you, not your mother. She will help your mother to cook and clean and there will be no business of loafing in this house, you are responsible for her, not us and anything she needs... you will take care of" he added. Shaun had no choice but to agree.

 

That night Sadie went to bed with a broken heart and broken dreams. She was pregnant, she had to leave school, her mother disowned her and she wasn't even going to able to find a job without a proper education. Her life was ruined and she let it happen. She made her bed and now she has no choice but to lie in it! For days she would wake up vomiting and feeling miserable. Her friends would see her at the shops and laugh and gossip about her, and her mother still hadn't contacted her. On mother's day she decided to go and wish her mother and take her some goodies. When she got there Justin opened the gate and let them in. She went into her mother's bedroom, her mother was still in bed "what you want here?" her mother asked. She told her mother that she was sorry and that she came to say "happy mother's day" and gave her mother the presents she had bought. Neema got out of the bed and put her slippers on. She took the gifts and walked into the passage towards the living room. Sadie and Shaun followed her. Neema then opened the gate and threw it out and again told Sadie to FUCK OFF. Sadie picked up the stuff and was in tears. She knew that she was a disappointment but she still needed her mother's love. Shaun felt her pain and held her tight as they walked back home.

 

A rough seven months have passed and Sadie is now heavily pregnant. She is going for her monthly check up with and is taking Kiki with her for company. On the way she sees one of her classmates who started to make conversation about what was happening at school etc. Sadie interrupts him and explained that she needs to go as she has an appointment. They bid each other farewell and go their separate ways. Everything went well at the checkup the baby is fine and so is mum. They stop to get some snacks at the canteen for Kiki before heading home. It must have been around 18:12pm when Shaun walked in from work and they were sitting in the bedroom and talking about the baby and the day’s events. Suddenly Kiki comes into the room and tell Shaun that Sadie has a boyfriend and she was talking to him.

 

 

CHAPTER 5

 

 

 

Hearing that infuriated Shaun and before Sadie could even defend herself, he got off the bed and punched her full in the face! Before she knew it she felt a tingly feeling inside her nose and blood trickled down onto her lips. She ran towards the door and out of the house with Shaun right behind her, she barely made it out of the yard when he grabbed her and pushed her to the ground. She told him that she was going to her mother and she would tell her mum how he had beaten her up. This made him even more angry and the beating started again she faced her back towards him to protect her stomach and that's where all she could hear and feel was the pounding of his big fists on her back, neck and shoulders. Laura came running out of the house and pulled him of Sadie. She took Sadie to the bathroom and helped clean her face and asked if the baby was okay. She gave her some tea and left her in Shaun's bed to sleep. 

The next morning Shaun had left for work and Sadie need to badly use the loo. As she turned to get out of bed her whole body was aching. With very twist she made she groaned in pain. With great difficulty she stood up, lifted her top and faced her back towards the mirror. What she saw brought tears to her eyes... her back was black and blue. Where could she turn now? She was stuck there. Her mother wanted nothing to do with her, she had no one. She went to the kitchen and helped Laura with the daily chores, had a hot shower- hoping it would bring relief to her aching bones and without any meals for the day, she went to get some rest. Shaun got home and went into the room and when he realized what he had done, he begged for her forgiveness and being homeless with nowhere else to go, Sadie gave in.

 

 

One month before the baby is due; Shaun invites Neema out with them for lunch. Neema misses Sadie as it has been months since the incident so she agrees. At the restaurant they order their meals and it's taking long because it's a weekend and it's really full. Shaun gets out of the loo and walks towards the table. He stands in front of Sadie for a while and she's confused as to why. Next minute he's on one knee with a ring in his hand and says to her "I know I am a fuck up but this fuck up will die for you. I am sorry. Will you marry me?" Sadie is surprised as it was rather unexpected because of recent events but she agrees immediately! She couldn't believe that he would be brave enough to pull a stunt like that in a packed restaurant. Surely he really loved her! She is so flooded with joy that she forgets the beating that he had given her and moves on from that. She is also overwhelmed that her mother is on talking terms with her again.

9th December 2006, and they are tying the knot. 
Neema had done all the baking and made all the food arrangements for the guests that will be waiting at home for the reception. Sadie was wearing a red and white two toned Indian outfit will beautiful Swarovski crystals on it while Shaun wore a matching color pants and shirt. Sadie was dissatisfied with the fact that she couldn't wear heels and had to opt for flats on her wedding day instead. At the church the couple exchanged vows, shed a few tears here and there and then head home for the reception. You might be wondering how she was allowed to be legally married at 16... You see because she was still underage at the time and didn't possess an identity document as yet, Neema had to sign for Sadie instead. 
At the reception the guests greeted the newly wedded couple and everyone had a great time. There was plenty of food, snacks and drinks to keep everyone together. That day they decided that the couple will move in with Neema as the baby was almost due and Sadie happened to tell her mum that she'd been experiencing some problems with Laura and tisha when Shaun was at work.

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

It was the early hours of the morning and Sadie needed to pee, being afraid of the dark as always, she wakes Shaun up to accompany her. She noticed some clear liquid on her undies and woke her sister Elly up to ask what was happening as she had a daughter and would know. "Your water broke!" she exclaimed. Sadie wasn't getting any contractions yet so she decides to wait at home a bit. As soon as the first ray of the morning sun was up they all were hunting for a lift to get Sadie to a hospital. Without a car it was very difficult and let’s not forget, how the neighbors were. Elly finally gets hold of a pastor they knew and he agrees to help them. Sadie gets to the hospital and books herself in. Shaun is sent out; they assured him that they would notify him when it's time. Four hours passed and Sadie was in excruciating pain, the pain became greater within every 3 minutes or so and finally the nurse came in and helped break her water as it was time for her to deliver the baby. Shaun was alerted and he came in and was rather nervous about what he was about to witness. He held Sadie's hand and after a few big pushes the sounds of a crying newborn echoed in the hospital corridors. It was the 24th of January 2010, at 10:16am and baby girl Ciara was welcomed into the world. The nurse held her up she was so tiny weighing only 2.830kgs. They cleaned her up, wrapped her in a blanket and handed her to Shaun while they were attending to Sadie. In the time that they had been together the couple has never slept apart... This would be their first time until Sadie is discharged.

 

 

When baby Ciara made her entrance at home, there were so many people waiting to welcome her. She was the first great Grandchild from the first grandson. Ciara was growing lovely and Sadie was no longer feeling like she ruined her life. In fact for the first time she felt like her life had some purpose. This little human being needs her and she was the only thing Sadie owned. Shaun was excited about being a dad. Always buying things for Ciara, spending time with her and even changing soiled nappies.  His job must have started to be getting more stressful because suddenly he often came home and provoked fights. There would be arguments for everything.  He used to get upset for the smallest issues and then begin to hit Sadie. One fight got so bad that after so long Sadie couldn't take the hiding anymore. She wanted to end her life; she went into the bathroom, stripped a razor blade with her teeth and slit open her wrists. She looked in the mirror and wondered to herself, why is she starting this again? She gave it up a long while back and what kind of an example is she setting for her daughter?  Before she could even ask herself another question, she fainted. When Neema walked into the bathroom she started screaming. She saw all the blood and thought her daughter had committed suicide. An Ambulance was called and Sadie was taken to hospital.

When she opened her eyes, she realized that she was on a hospital bed that was hard and uncomfortable. Her hands were bandaged up and Shawn was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she saw many beds opposite her with patients that were tied to them.   
Her episode and attempted suicide caused her to be placed in the hospital's psychiatric ward. She was not mentally disabled or insane. She was just tired of getting hurt. What was the fuss about? It's nothing she hadn't done before… That was the problem! When the doctors saw her wrists, they noticed the old cuts and there were so many. This made them think that Sadie was a danger to herself.  The doctor called Shaun in and asked about her behavior at home and with the baby, then she came to Sadie and advised her that she needs to stop cutting her wrists or she will end up in an asylum. Sadie could hear the seriousness in the doctor’s voice and that frightened so she quickly signed the discharge forms and headed home.

 

 

CHAPTER 7

 

 

 

Ciara was 8 months old when the couple moved into their first place together. It was nothing fancy, one bedroom outbuilding with an outside bathroom and toilet. They didn’t mind as they were excited to just be in their own space. They furnished it well and called it home. It was walking distance from Neema and Laura in case there was an emergency while Shaun was at work. Ciara was growing lovely they had just gotten a dog whom they named spike. As grown as he was, He was an inside dog. He was never left outside because he was so vicious. Once he got out and bit a man that was walking passed on his private parts! Lucky the matter was solved privately and they didn't have to face a lawsuit or have spike taken away from them and euthanized. He was a loving family dog. Ciara would hold onto him while training herself to walk. This place was home for 2 years until they moved.

 

 

No matter what struggles and hurdles that came by, Sadie wasn't going to quit. She would stick the abuse and the name calling just for the sake of Ciara and the fact that she was unemployed didn't leave her with much of a choice anyway. She accepted that this was her life. She was stuck in a hole that she has dug out for herself. She was a good wife; she appreciated what Shaun did and how hard he worked to support them. Sadie was a fine cook! She loved cooking and cleaning. She did everything a wife was supposed to do for her husband. Shaun wasn’t always a bitter man; there were times when he would be really loving towards her. At the age of twenty, Sadie fell pregnant with baby number two. This time there was no fuss, she was married and they lived on their own with no one to answer to. By now they were staying a big 4 bedroom house with a massive yard that could fit two large swimming pools. It was perfect for their family.  On the 12th December 2010 Sadie gives birth to a healthy baby boy, Jayden. Ciara is almost 3. Sadie's family was now complete. She has her peach and her pear and her desires were fulfilled. The smiles on her children’s faces, gave her the ability to forget what used to happen between Shaun and her. She ignored what a misery her life was at times. There were many good times but the bad outweighed the good. Shaun always pointed how useless she was and never missed an opportunity to point out how he was supporting her. So Sadie decided that she needed to find a job so that she can she assist him with daily expenses and bills. How would she find a job without a matric certificate? She's a 10th grade drop out after all! She didn't give up though; she left the kids her mother-in-law Laura and went out handing out her one page curriculum vitae. Shaun used to accuse her of many other things and pick fights because he thought was lying about going and looking for work. She was lucky enough to get a phone call in that week with a job opportunity. It was at a clothing store in the mall nearby. It wouldn't pay much but it was walking distance and she would get one day off in the week. To her it was better than nothing and she accepted. She learnt to like her job and worked hard. Her boss also owned the restaurant door so she would sit there during lunch. Her Colleagues were two other ladies and it didn't take them long to grow fond of her.

 

 

CHAPTER 8

 

 

In that same year, they got some dreadful news. Sadie had noticed that Jayden was at the age where he should be walking or crawling at least but he wasn't. Laura said it's because he was chubby. Sadie had other instincts and decided to seek medical advice. The doctor took some blood samples from Jayden for testing and also said that it could be delayed milestones. Sadie and Shaun waited for almost 2 months before they got the results from the lab. The lab report stated that Jayden was diagnosed with a rare muscle disorder called SPINAL MUSCULAR ATROPHY (SMA). They didn't have the slightest clue as to what that was. What made it even worse was that the doctor further explained that there was NO medication, treatment or cure for it and that Jayden might only live to be 2 years of age. Sadie stood there in disbelief. If Jayden was already thirteen months old it would mean she would only have approximately 11 months with him! Which mother wants to hear that? She just couldn't handle what she had heard and Shaun and her both broke down in tears, they didn't stop even after they got home. That day they had to break the news to Laura, Neema and Ron. They couldn't believe it either. Sadie searches for info on the internet on the illness that Jayden has, the images that popped up were scary and made her cry but she had to keep her strength up. That year it so happened that Shaun has been retrenched from work and Sadie was the only one working. This time she was supporting the house... You know what they say... "The table is round!" Jayden was growing well. Thankfully He had no brain damage, his body had low muscle bulk and the doctor mentioned that his organs would give up one at a time. Jayden was unable to stand neither was he able to lift himself up to sit. He couldn't use his legs at all while he could use his hands. Sadie couldn't just sit there and do nothing while day after day her child was losing a bit of his life. She felt so helpless that there was nothing she or anyone could do. It was all in God’s hands now. Financially things were becoming a bit strained and not long after that an article was published on the front page of a newspaper requesting assistance as well a second opinion on Jayden. She didn't want to accept that her child was dying. Not many people responded to their request but those who did, helped a lot. Jayden went for a second and even a third opinion and to Sadie's disappointment, it never changed. Sadie had started working at the restaurant next door now as a waitress. With that came other responsibilities such as washing dishes occasionally and mopping floors daily. She was the only Indian waitress in the entire shopping mall but she didn't mind because the tips she got from the customers really helped out.  The only thing that bothered her was the hours; she knocked off at 22:00pm during her nightshift, sometimes later if they had a big crowd.

 

 

After making sure the place was cleaning after the last customer had left, she would have to wait outside the mall in the dark most of the time alone for her transport to go home. Sadie was robbed and almost killed twice while waiting. Once she was almost stabbed and the second time she was hit on the head with the back of a gun. Thankfully the thugs didn't harm her in any other way or try to molest her. Despite facing all these challenges and fears...she still got up every morning and went to work with a smile on her face. She was always bubbly and her customers loved her. She wore her tragedies like real armor. 
She didn't have everything but she was content with what she had. She was grateful that Jayden was being well taken care off by his dad and that he was a safe. Shaun did a lot at home including the cooking and household chores. On one hand she was sad that by now Jayden was getting older and had become a prisoner of a wheelchair and on the other hand she was happy that he was mobile and could move around instead of being on the sofa the whole time.

 

 

CHAPTER 9

 

 

Sadie is overwhelmed that Jayden has passed the time limit that doctors gave him and celebrates his third birthday with him. She made a vow that every year she will celebrate his birthday the best way she can because she doesn't know which birthday would be his last with her.  Ciara is in the first grade and doing well. She is the brightest in her class and Sadie makes sure she is short of nothing. Shaun realizes that he needs to generate an income to help Sadie out so he decides to go into money lending, a very risky business but also very profitable with trustworthy clientele. During that year just before Christmas Laura has an accident outside and is rushed to hospital. Doctors said that she had a brain hemorrhage and surgery needed to be done. Everyone was on the edge of their seats praying and wishing everything goes well. Three different operations were done with hardly much time in between them.

 

It was two days before Shaun's birthday when Jayden got sick and his oxygen levels were low so, Sadie took him and sat by the door so he could get fresh air. She suddenly felt a cold breeze pass her and one of the bedroom doors slammed shut. Not even two minutes later they got a phone call saying that Laura had passed away. 
Shaun was torn to pieces. The entire family was distraught it was so unexpected and it was so heartbreaking that she had died at such a young age. Laura was only forty five years old when she passed away. The day of Laura's cremation a brawl broke out between Ron and Shaun. Ron had said some very harsh things to Shaun that day. He said that Shaun must stay away from him from that day because he wasn't his blood and that Laura was the only bond they shared and now she's gone. Those words hurt him so badly and Sadie felt so helpless. Shaun was right, she was useless... She couldn't say or do anything to make him feel better. All she could do was give him a shoulder to cry on and be there for him because the next day was his birthday and he would be an emotional mess.

Shaun's birthday came and it was also the day they were going to scatter his mother's ashes. Because of the issue the night before Ron refused Shaun the rights to release his mother's ashes. Shaun stood by the door of where he and Sadie lived and cried until he had no tears left. It was his birthday and he was hurting so much. Sadie dragged him out of the house and they took their kids and went out. They had lunch and Sadie decided that since he was denied his mother's last rites she wanted to do something nice for him. So she sat there and thought and thought until she had an idea. She took Shaun to the local tattoo parlor and had a memorial piece done for him in honor of his late mother, something that no one could take from him.

 

 

CHAPTER 10

 

 

 

It was a normal day at work for Sadie when she and the manager suddenly had a blowout. What had happened was, the manager attended to a table and took their order, he then had a personal phone call and told Sadie what they wanted to order. She punched in the order on the system as she was told. When she served them their food they were upset as some of the meals were wrong. When the customer complained to him he blamed Sadie. She wasn't going to take the blame for something she hadn't done and that was how the argument began. The manager called the big boss and complained. Because the manager was of the same nationality as his boss, he was favored and Sadie was dismissed.

 

Sadie was so disheartened. How was she going to put meals on the table for her family and pay their rent? She called Shaun immediately and told him what had happened. He began to fight with her and call her names as if she did it on purpose. Ever since she lost her job, there was not a day that he didn't remind her how useless she was. She used to sit and cry so much because she herself hated the situation they were now in. Had she just took the blame and kept her mouth shut that day, she would still be able to support her family! Shaun's money lending had picked up by now and he had regular customers, with that money he contributed towards the rent and other things he could afford. He didn't bother during the time Sadie was home to go and look for work however, never missed an opportunity to throw things her face and blame her. They fought about it daily.

 

 

The following weekend his friends invited him out for drinks. . . At 7:30pm Shaun was picked up leaving Sadie and the kids at home. It was just after 12:00am when she tried calling him and he didn't answer. She tried again a few minutes later and when he answered she heard some women laughing in the background. This made her very angry as she was told that she couldn't go with him because it was a "boy’s night out". She knew he must have been cheating or something and was hurt by this so she cried herself to sleep. At 4:00am she is awakened by his loud pounding on the door. When she opened the door he was so drunk that he could barely stand. He reeked of alcohol and his speech was blurred. She opened the gate and let him in. He sat on the sofa and asked her why she called him to nag. She tells him what she heard on the phone and starts accusing of him of being unfaithful. He was annoyed by her constant blabbering so he stood up and pushed her to the floor. She shouted at him and told him that she was tired of being abused like this and she would rather leave than live a life like this. She got up and wanted to go outside when he pulled her back in, locking the gate behind him. He picked up the mop that was behind the door and struck her with it repeatedly. The more Sadie screamed in pain, the harder he struck her. Even when the children woke up, he continued beating her until finally the mop broke on her back.

 

Ciara saw it all happen while Jayden was lying in bed. Sadie was so angry at herself, she couldn't take it anymore. He then made a phone call to his cousin to come and speak to Sadie and went to tend to the kids. As she lay on the floor in tears and in pain she realized that he has too much of anger inside him and he was surely going to kill her at this rate. Sadie decided that she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She picked herself up from the floor and went into their bedroom. She found some thick electrical wire, stood on a stool and then threw the wire over an exposed roof truss and fastened it tight, wrapped the other piece around her neck and then kicked the stool down from beneath her. At that moment his cousin was knocking on the door, he let him in and went to call Sadie from the room. When he opened the door he was terrified when he saw her hanging from the ceiling and her eyes were closed he screamed for his cousin to bring a knife and help him her cut her down. By the time they set her free she was already bleeding from nose and to his relief still breathing. It took a while but she eventually regained consciousness. Shaun spoke to her and told her he was sorry, again. His cousin gave them both advice and left. Once again Sadie's body felt broken and she was in severe pain. This time he at least filled the tub for her and gave her a massage. The very next day he was outside and his phone began to ring. It was an unknown number Sadie answered; it was woman asking to speak to Shaun. She hung up the call and confronted him about it, he responded that the person had the wrong number.

 

 

CHAPTER 11

 

 

That very week Sadie had been called in for an interview for a sales position and was very pleased and relieved when she got the job. She would be able to provide for her family again. It was at a steel company Monday to Saturday, from 8am to 5pm. A big improvement compared to her last job. She worked at that company for at least a year and a half before managing to get a loan from them to help Shaun buy his first car. They needed it because Jayden was growing and the family couldn't manage in taxis with his wheelchair any longer. It was a second hand, sky blue VW Golf with unique sport seating and in a very neat condition. The couple was happy as it was an achievement for their family. Sadie worked at the steel company for two and a half years before getting a better job with better pay and slowly they could afford to do more and go more places. Despite what she tried to do Shaun was always paranoid and accused her of cheating many times. Although it was Sadie who found plenty of evidence that Shaun wasn’t faithful to her. Whenever she saw messages or pictures on his phone from other women and confronted him about it, they would fight and she would get a beating. Sadie was a faithful wife as the Bible says "the sins of the parents shall fall on their children". Knowing about Jayden’s condition, she didn't want to risk losing him because of her sinful deeds. Her children were growing and Jayden loved his father to bits and needed his father to take him for therapy during the week to help improve his mobility. While he would never walk, the therapy helped with his hand movements etc.

 

Sadie was fed-up with his bullshit and knew that he would never let her leave alive. So she decided that since she was not happy and couldn't leave nor will Shaun let her, she will find a way to make herself happy. She was only twenty six years old and in those years she had experienced more troubles than people twice her age! She knew that he was being unfaithful and although two wrongs didn't make a right, she opted to doing the same. She wanted him to feel the way she felt. He didn't treat her like a wife nor did he perform any of his husbandly duties. Ciara was 10 and Jayden was 6 when the couple no longer shared the same bedroom. Shaun would sleep with Jayden whilst Ciara slept with Sadie. One night during a drinking session with friends Shaun accused her of cheating.

 

This time... She was going to something unthinkable. She admitted. Shaun couldn't take it! He punched her on the left side of her face and when she fell to the floor continued kicking and booting her while she was down. He hit her with anything he could find. Every time she lifted herself up she was struck down again. Bleeding from her nose and bottom lip, Sadie crawled on the floor till she got out of the bedroom and into the passage where she held onto the wall and lifted herself up. She told him that instead of punishing her he was only giving her the strength and more reason to leave him. This infuriated him even more and this time he punched her till she fell and her forehead hit the passage door frame. Sadie looked up and all she could feel was something warm and sticky dripping down her face. She lifted her hand, touched her forehead and she could feel a deep hole. She went to the bathroom mirror and saw a deep wound that her blood was oozing out from. All Shaun could do was, apologize... This time he knew she was going and she was going for good! Sadie had numerous bruises all over her body and seven stitches on her forehead. She told Shaun that she wouldn't press any charges in exchange he allows her to move out peacefully. She stayed with a friend for a week and went to work from her house until she found a place for her and the kids.

 

One night whilst visiting the children, Shaun called Sadie to the bedroom to talk. When she got into the room he keyed the door behind him. He then pushed her onto the bed and asked if she was sure that she wanted to leave. Sadie then begins telling him all the stuff that she'd been carrying in her heart and at the end of that they both were in tears. But Shaun had a twisted mind he was going to let her leave so easily. He told her to sit up straight and he took a razor blade and set it in front of her. He then proceeds to tell her that her family is well aware that she had a habit of self-mutilating and tells her that if she doesn't slit her wrists and take her life, he will do it for her. Usually this would be easy for her to do but this time she was scared. She detested the fact that he was once again trying to control her. She threw the blade onto the floor and it was then when he pushed down and placed a pillow over her face trying to suffocate her.

 

Ciara heard her mother's muffled screams for air and ran out to get help, but Jayden spoke loudly while asking where she was going and Shaun heard. He quickly let go of Sadie and ran out to call Ciara in. Ciara was almost at a neighbor's house when she heard her father call her. Being as scared as she was of him she listened and came back home. During that time Sadie sent a message to a friend and that person alerted the police. She also had a voice recording of Shaun threatening to take her life. When he got back he knew he had lost this battle. The day Sadie was moving they agreed that Ciara would stay with her while Jayden will remain with Shaun and in exchange Sadie would pay his rent as he was still unemployed. He gave Sadie absolutely nothing and even took away her wedding ring. While Sadie was moving her belongings he took Jayden and went somewhere.

 

 

CHAPTER 12

 

 

After twelve years of marriage Sadie would walk out of a bond she never thought would break. Yet Shaun did everything to break her. At this point enough was enough and she was independent. She knew what she brought to the table and she wasn't afraid to eat alone. The first night in her new apartment was exciting and also a very heartbreaking time for her. She never slept away from their house before unless it was at the hospital when their kids were born. She cried and cried and she needed to because she was drowning and didn't realize it. She needed to let go of the pain inside her and focus on her new beginning. Ciara was a bit tense trying to Adjust to her new surroundings but when they slept... It was peaceful. They were no longer imprisoned with Shaun as the warden. They were free. No more cries, no more screams, no more vulgar languages and most of all... No more beatings. It had come to end.

 

The weekend had come and he dropped Jayden off at Sadie's place and left. Sadie made all Jayden’s favorites. She was asking him about his week when Jayden tells her " we were at daddy's girlfriend's house" it occurred to her that she was right all along and when Shaun came to pick Jayden up she told him she knew what he was doing and she was filing for a divorce. It wasn't long after when Shaun had moved in with this person and Sadie no longer felt guilty about her affair. She was happy and was living life differently. It was not even a month later and it was late at night when he brought Jayden and dropped him off with all his belongings just to be spiteful. Despite Sadie paying his rent he didn't keep up to his half of the deal. When Sadie called the police he looked at her straight in the face and denied that she had given him any money for anything. Sadie broke down.

 

For seven years she had worked and supported their household after he had been retrenched and till now he didn't appreciate a thing! She had limited time to find a caregiver to help with Jayden while she was at work and was lucky enough to find someone in the same complex she lived in. The children grew fond of the new person that Sadie had brought into their lives and they got along well with him. They were happy when he came by and sad when he left. The four of them would watch movies together, bake, paint and act silly. Sadie began to count all her blessings and was grateful to the new man in her life for not treating her kids badly. He was humble, kind and had a heart of gold. He accepted her with both her kids openly. While she misses many of Shaun's traits she accepted that he was now happy and she didn't regret leaving that life. Everything was peaceful and happy and she continued doing her very best for kids and herself.

 

 

CHAPTER 13

 

 

6 months later, the family had just had their dinner and Sadie, Ciara and Jayden are making invites and planning Jayden's 7th birthday party. This year he wants and Avengers theme. He was fond of cars and loved superheroes. They were up till late talking making jokes and laughing and then decided to call it a night. The next day, it's October 12th 2017 and Jayden is unable to sleep. His sleep broke around 5:15am he has a fever and is feeling unwell so Sadie calls Shaun and tells him that he needs to take Jayden to the doctor. When Jayden begins speaking to Shaun, Shaun suddenly bursts into tears and said that he was on his way. Ciara and Sadie fed Jayden yoghurt and gave him some water as he has hardly eaten anything the night before. Ciara helped dress him and shortly after Shaun arrived.

 

He was swearing at Sadie saying she can't look after Jayden. She explained that he should take the child and go to hospital as she needs to go to work and can't stand there arguing. To their misfortune Shaun's car breaks down and now he has to wait for other transport. Sadie kisses Jayden and gets onto the bus outside her complex. She sits next to her boyfriend and tells him that something isn't right and she has a bad feeling. It was around twenty minutes later when her phone rang, it was Shaun. She answered and he said "Jayden's gone!” and he was crying nonstop. Sadie immediately got off the bus and rushed to the clinic. When she got there some of Shaun's family members were already there, they didn't greet her or anything as they were upset the couple had split and blamed her for it. She went into the room that Jayden was in and broke into tears. She could not believe her eyes. Just yesterday they had sent out invites for his party and now there lies the lifeless body of a child she brought into this world.

 

A child she shared her body with for nine months and shared everyday of her life with him since then, was no more. The person who used to make her smile so much and give her the strength to keep going has now brought tears to her eyes with his departure. Although Jayden had a disability, she never thought of him as a burden. He was her everything. Even Ciara was sidelined at times because Jayden was more of a priority. From small Ciara wouldn't do things that she knew Jayden couldn't do. She didn't want him to feel left out so, being the loving big sister that she was, she would deprive herself. She wouldn't go to the play pens at restaurants or even to the park. She loved her brother and took care of him. He was all she had while Sadie was at work.

 

The day Sadie lost her son Shaun blamed her and told her many times that she had killed her son. Which mother would do that? but there will always be a part of Sadie that feels that this was her KARMA. Sadie loved both her children and losing one of them was the hardest. She has been through so much and survived and the last thing she wanted was to let go of Jayden. She didn't care that he couldn't walk she was just grateful that he was alive; she could hear his laugh, see his smile and witness the sparkle in his eyes. Jayden passed away exactly 2 months before his 7th birthday and since Jayden loved cars so much he took his last ride to the crematorium in a huge stylish black hummer. Three days after his cremation, Sadie and Shaun released his ashes into the sea as his wish was always to go to the beach and the family never had an opportunity to take him. They both came back home and went their separate ways. Their divorce was finalized and they now live two completely different lives with two completely different people compared to what they were used to.

Sadie really loved Shaun and she will always have a bit of love that she spent some of her childhood with. She had given him twelve selfless years of her life to him. She thought that Shaun was true love but all he did was, sell her a love story and she was a compulsive buyer. The love they shared was just not enough to make their marriage work and Shaun’s temper had a very big role to play in pushing her to the edge.

 

 

CHAPTER 14

It has been a year since the death of Jayden; he would have been 8 while Ciara is now 12. Till date Sadie is with the same partner and they have plans of being married soon.

In the 28 years that she has been around, Sadie has endured it all. She still sits and cry for her son daily as all he left her with was emptiness. She is surviving but not living. At the end of the day she still has Ciara and now is the time to make up for the times she made Ciara feel like she wasn't important. Ciara is her main focus and while Jayden is no longer with them, he is never forgotten. They recently went to put flowers for him at sea. What an emotional time for the family it was! While going there under those circumstances, Sadie had to bear in mind that Ciara hadn't been to the beach before so she had be strong and keep her head on her shoulders and while her heart was being ripped into a 1000 pieces, she had to wear her biggest smile and show her daughter a good time.

 

There is one thing that can't be taken away from her and those are his memories. His face is etched in Sadie's heart and tattooed onto her soul. He will never be forgotten. Sadie still keeps her head up despite all that she had experienced and wears her tragedies like armor, even the scar on her forehead, is a constant reminder of when life tried to get the better of her and failed. Yes, she made her fair share of mistakes but what matters is that she learnt from them. Don't do what make others happy, do what makes you happy. Women are gods strongest creations, we love more, care more, feel more and that's why we hurt more. So feel the feeling but don't become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it then release it and remember, the greatest part of a journey, isn't the destination... It's about all the stuff that happens along the way! When you when leave the toxic bits of your life behind and move forward, become a better version of yourself, one that all the people who took you for granted, will no longer have access to! Never become a prisoner of your love for someone and never become enslaved to its punishment.

 

Thank you for reading :)

 

 

 

 

Impressum

Texte: Renae naik
Bildmaterialien: Renae naik
Cover: Renae naik
Lektorat: Renae naik
Satz: Renae naik
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.06.2018

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Widmung:
Writing this book genuinely brought tears to my eyes. At times you might feel like you are not good enough to be with someone, those are the times that you need to sit back , reflect and ask yourself if that person is good enough for you! You can change anything that You are unhappy about just by having a different mind set and a change of attitude. Yes, you will have to make a few sacrifices here and there and that's because no body said it was going to be easy, they just promised it would be worth it in the end! IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY BELOVED SUPERHERO: SHADEN RESHAUN PADAYCHY 12/12/2010 - 12/12/2017