When I got older and learned what was wrong and what was right, I also began to feel. Before this time I never knew what my parents and brothers did.
Which white substance they inhaled, which liquid art they injected into their bodies.
I only knew it was wrong.
When I turned nine, my mom told me that I was a big boy now, and she gave me a homemade cigeratte filled with a white powder.
She made me smoke the cigarette even when I coughed.
She kept telling me, that this was what a boy should do to become a man.
And I who firmly believed my mother, inhaled the smoke in thought that the white powder would make me a grown up. Some days after, my mother gave me a homemade cigeratte again.
When the time pasted, I found myself truly in need of the strange unknown substance.

A year has gone, and to my birthday were I turned ten, I got a syringe.
I injected its content into my body and felt the content of the syringe, rushing in my blood.
Now I finaly got to be a part of this family.
What I didn't know was that there is an other life than this.
An other part of the world, that was waiting to get discovered by a person like me and my family.

However, it took me more than five years to discover, which was to me an unknown world.

I knew that my life was wrong, but I couldn't see it.
I couldn't see the problem although it was right infront of me. Or in this situation - right in my blood.
But I got some help from a docter.
He told me which consequences theese kind of drugs can bring.
I decided to stop, and fight this war, that is going on in me and my body.
It was very hard. It was a challenge in my soul. It was a physical and a mental challenge.
I felt myself so vulnerable, so alone.

My family visited me, during the hard time. They gave me drugs, and I took them thankfully.
But I didn't forgive them for doing that, and I still dont, and never will.

I tried once more to let go on the drugs, but everytime I began to throw blood up. I just couldn't stop taking drugs. I tried again and again, pushed myself harder and harder to escape from my world and enter a better.

But I may have gone over the border, because my body felt like it was falling apart. My brain had closed down, because suddenly I woke up at the hospital.

The doctors told me, that I had taken too many drugs and heroin, and that my body very soon would give up.
That I would die.
It was just a matter of time.

It was all my families fault.
I could have been a normal person, with friends and kids, but just when I turned the age where a kid begins to understand I lost my life.
Maybe before.
It was all their fault.
It is so unfair, but it's my destiny. And its too late to change anything.
I am dying, and I would never, ever forgive my family for taking my life away from me. For stealing it.

The doctors asked if I wanted to stay hospitalized till I die, but I refused.
I dont want anything anymore.
They can already count me dead if they want, because thats i've been all of my life...

May my family burn in hell.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 31.05.2011

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