Angel Child

"Honey, Honey, wake up!" she whispered in his ear.
"What? It's too early..." he moaned with eyes closed tight.
"Hun, you're going to be a daddy!" She shook his shoulder with excitement. His eyes popped open and he rolled to face her.
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yes I am!"
"Oh, thank you, Jesus!" he praised. They embraced, sharing in their mutual joy. After 2 years of marriage, they were finally going to be parents.
They spent the next few days in fevered excitement, planning the baby's room, making lists of items they would need, discussing discipline methods; everything that brand-new parents-to-be usually do. They didn't have to decide on names, though. They were set on Khrystina Marie for a girl, and Richard Scott for a boy. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Cindy was on Cloud Nine when she went to work. She couldn't keep the excitement inside, and shared the news with all her friends. The coming baby was the only sunshine in a normally stressful job.
"How far along are you?" her coworker, Debbie asked.
"I think about six weeks or so. I haven't been to the doctor yet. He told me to wait until I was nine weeks, and then come see him."
"So you're still pretty early. Are you sick or anything?"
"No, just very, very tired. Steve gets aggravated because I come home and fall asleep."
"Yeah, that's normal."
When Cindy was about eight weeks along, she started feeling crampy and "off." She couldn't really describe her feelings, but she'd read that some of her symptoms were normal, so she didn't worry. One day, though, she started bleeding. It was light, but she was worried. She called the doctor, who got her in the next day.
Steve held her hand in the waiting room. They both trembled, fearful of bad news. "Cindy," the nurse called.
"I'll wait for you right here."
She reached and grabbed his hand. "No, I want you with me. I don't want to go alone."
The room was cool, and full of weird exam machines that Steve would love to check out. Cindy sat on the table and the nurse handed her a gown to change into.
The doctor came in and had Cindy lay back. She felt subconscious, and trembled from nerves, fear, and the cold in the room. The doctor squeezed some blue stuff on her stomach, which made her jump because it was cold. He then moved the ultrasound paddle around.
"Well, Cindy, I see the sac." He turned the screen so both of them could see. He hovered just to the left and below her belly button. "See this ring? That's where the baby is." He shifted the ultrasound slightly and the ring came more into focus. "We should see the heartbeat here. It looks like a flashing light." He moved the machine more, but no flashing light appeared.
"Is anything wrong?" Cindy asked, her voice cracking.
"Not necessarily. You might not be as far along as you thought." He wiped the goop off her belly. "Let's wait a couple of days and check again."
The nurse helped him replace the equipment then left the room. Cindy was teary-eyed as she looked deeply into Steve's eyes. "You heard the doctor, Cindy. There's nothing to worry about. All we can do is trust God and see what happens in two days."
"I know, but I'm scared."
He hugged her.
Two days later they found themselves back in the room, goop on the belly. The doctor moved the ultrasound around, but there was no sign of the ring.
"I'm sorry, Cindy, but there's no sign of the heartbeat. In fact, there's no ring. It appears that you've miscarried. It’s not uncommon for a first pregnancy. Many women experience it, but because it’s so early, they think they just had a longer than usual cycle." She caught her breath. "Have you had any unusual pain or excessive bleeding?"
"No, just spotting. Some sharp pains on my left side, though."
"Hmm. Could be an ectopic pregnancy, or an incomplete miscarriage. I'm going to send you over to the hospital for a laparoscopy and D & C."
The doctor and the nurse left the room, and Cindy and Steve fell into each other's arms, sobbing, their hearts broken. There would be no baby this time.
Cindy was terrified of the surgery; she hadn't even had a broken bone all her life. She made it through fine, however, and Steve was in the room with her as she came to. They held hands, their grief too great for words.
Cindy and Steve both found themselves asking God why. Why did they lose the baby? What did they do wrong? They struggled to find their peace, to avoid laying blame, crying out both silently and in groans as they prayed.
***
"My child, come to me."
The little angel came running. "Yes, Lord?"
"I have a job for you. It's a very special work that needs you and no one else."
"What is it?"
He pointed to the couple kneeling beside their bed, sobbing. "You see that couple? They are very special people. I had sent you to them to be their baby."
"Really? They were my mommy and daddy?"
"Yes. They were going to name you Khrystina. But I called you back to me."
"But why?"
"They aren't ready to be parents, my child. They need to grow a bit more before I can bless them."
"What is my job, Lord?"
"I want you to help them grow. I want you to lead them closer to me."
***
Their grief blinded them, and they stumbled through the days. Cindy worried that Steve blamed her because of her stressful job. Steve wondered if Cindy had done something wrong; if she’d eaten the wrong thing, or got hit in the stomach sometime, or anything. He wanted to know why, why, why.
The only lifeline in the dark was their hope that God had a reason, a purpose, for taking their baby. They found themselves talking, really talking, about their feelings. At first, Cindy was afraid to share her thoughts. She didn’t want Steve to think she was attacking him, but she wanted to let him know that his constant, “Did you do this? Did you get hit in the stomach? Did you eat that?” was driving her crazy. She didn’t want twenty questions; she had no answers. All she knew was her baby was gone before she ever had a chance to feel it move, or hold it.
Steve didn’t know how to share his pain; he was used to bottling up everything. He would get angry at first when Cindy would try to pry into his heart, but as time went on, he learned that she wasn’t going to slice him in little pieces, and that they could get through this better together. They knew a miscarriage would either split them apart, or bring them closer together, and they were both determined to have the latter.
"Lord, I will love you, no matter what. I know this trial is hard, oh so hard, but you have a purpose. I may not understand, I may get angry, but I know I can trust you. I ask you to forgive me my doubt and anger. Please, Lord, heal this pain. Help my Cindy to not blame herself. Help me to help her. Draw us closer together, and closer to you, through this," Steve cried out one day while Cindy was at the store. It had been three months since the miscarriage. "Lord, please, somehow, someway, touch me. Let me know you're there." Steve felt the pressure of a small hand in his. He opened his eyes and looked around. There was no one in the room.
He shifted in place, moving his hand, but still felt the pressure. It was a light touch, just a feathery feeling, but he knew in his heart of hearts that someone held his hand. "Thank you, Lord!" he cried.
***
"Is this what you want me to do, Lord?"
"Yes, child, that is exactly what I want you to do."
***
"Hey, Cindy, I have something to ask you," Steve called from the living room. Cindy put the load of folded towels down and joined him.
"Yeah, Steve? What's going on? Bad day at work today?"
"Yeah, how could you tell?"
"You look like you just lost your best friend." A twinge hit both of them in the heart, squeezing tightly as they remembered their recent loss.
"Wh-at," Steve choked. He pulled himself together, and began again, "What do you think about me quitting this job and working for the grocery store?"
"Huh?"
"I know it's a stretch, and I would be working nights, but I have to find something better, something not so stressful."
"Wow, uh, ok, um, I guess that'd be ok. Why don't we pray about it?"
"Well, I have been praying and whenever I pray, I feel this little hand in mine, pulling me in that direction."
"Really? Then I guess that's what you should do. Just make sure you get the job before you give your notice."
"I already have the job. I talked to Tim on Monday, and had the interview yesterday. He called me and wants me to start next week."
"Oh, that's awesome, Steve!" Cindy's excitement bubbled over into a tight hug. She was happy that he was leaving a dead-end job that caused so much stress that Steve would be physically sick.
"It will take me away at night; that's the only bad thing. I'll work from 10 until 7 on floor care, mopping and waxing and such, but it'll be a whole lot less stress on me, and on us."
"We'll manage. I'm just happy that you will be working somewhere you will enjoy. You know I'll stand by you no matter what."
"Aww, you're making me blush, Hun!"
Steve worked hard, and things went well for about six months.
"Steve, it's time to get up. You need to get ready for work," Cindy called into the bedroom as she passed. About five minutes later, she realized he still hadn't budged, so she went to shake him. "Steve, come on now, it's time to get up."
He rolled over and she gasped. "Oh, my God, Steve, you're so pale! What's wrong?"
"My chest hurts...I feel like I'm dying..." he gasped.
She helped him out of the bed and into some shoes. He was weak and shaky, and Cindy struggled to keep him upright. He shuffled out the door to the car, Cindy right by his side. Her heart pounded and fears stormed in her mind as she tried to aim the car toward the hospital. She kept looking at Steve as she drove; he grew paler until he was gray. She wanted to cry, but was afraid it would blind her and they would crash.
She pulled up to the outpatient area and somehow got Steve through the door and into a wheelchair. The staff immediately rushed him to the emergency room, while Cindy filled out paperwork.
Cindy finally got back to Steve's room and perched herself on the edge of the bed to stroke his hair. She gently brushed the strands from his forehead as she prayed, "Oh, Jesus, please touch Steve and heal his body. You know what the problem is, Lord. You created his body and you can fix it. Please help him. I know you will touch him."
***
"Lord, do you hear her prayer?"
"Yes, little one. I hear."
"Are you going to make him better?"
"You'll have to watch and see."
Khrystina eased her hand into Cindy's and brushed it with her thumb.
***
The doctors could not figure out what was causing his sickness, and Steve found himself going from doctor to doctor, trying to find a diagnosis. He missed a lot of work, suffering abdominal swelling, vomiting, bleeding, all kinds of nastiness. The grocery store let Steve go because of his attendance issues, and the stress of being unemployed exacerbated the pain and bleeding.
Cindy struggled to keep the bills paid, fearing the sound of heavy vehicles going past the house, worried that one would be a tow truck taking their cars for repossession. She found herself crying more, when she was alone, but still she tried to cling to her faith, believing that all the problems were part of the master plan. When she was at her lowest, she felt that small hand in hers, and she knew that God loved her. She poured herself out before Him, trusting that he would help her through.
After a year of struggling, Steve found himself sick less and less often, and the bouts of pain, swelling, and bleeding were less intense. He decided to try to work again, and called in a favor.
"Scott? Would you have any openings?"
"Why? What's going on?"
"Well, you know I've been pretty sick, but things are getting better, and I thought you might be able to give me a job."
"Well, let me see what I can do." He thought for a few minutes, then responded, "Come see me tomorrow, and we'll get you started."
"Thank you so much, Scott. You're a life saver."
It was a part time job, back in fast food, but it helped. While he worked, Steve thought about the future, and decided he wanted to try for a big dream.
"Hey, Cindy? What do you think about me going to college and getting a degree?"
"In what?"
"Web design."
"Hey, that's pretty cool...and it's a big demand right now, too."
"That's what I thought."
"Well, if that's what you want to do, I'll stand behind you."
Steve worked hard at his job, trying to prove that Scott could count on him, and it seemed that Scott depended more and more on Steve, putting him basically in charge without the “official title.” Suddenly, due to reasons beyond Steve's control, he was let go. He took this in stride, though, seeing it as an opportunity to focus more on his studies. And ever with him was the feeling of that little hand in his.
***
"Jesus, things are going better for them, right?"
"Yes, child."
"They are learning to trust You more, and not be so worried."
"You are very observant, Khrystina."
"When they get it all right, can I still stay with them?"
"Yes, child, I want you there all their lives. They will never 'get it all right' until the day I call them home, so they will need all the encouragement we can give."
Her wings fluttered in joy.
***
"Honey, Honey, wake up!" she whispered in his ear.
"What? It's too early..." he moaned with eyes closed tight.
"Hun, you're going to be a daddy!" She shook his shoulder with excitement. His eyes popped open and he rolled to face her.
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yes I am!"
"Oh, thank you, Jesus!" he praised. Then he remembered. “How soon can you get into the doctor to make sure everything’s okay?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll call them when they open. I want to get in as soon as I can…I don’t want to go through what we did last time.”
He hugged her close. “I know; me either. Even though it’s been two years, it seems like it was just yesterday.”
***
“Yay, Lord! I’m going to have a brother or sister!”
“Yes, child, you are.”
“Are you going to call this one home, too?”
“That is not for you to know, yet, child.”
***
Cindy figured she was about five or six weeks along, but because of the prior miscarriage, the doctor wanted her in as soon as possible. They were nervous as they waited for the results.
Cindy cringed as he squirted the goop. Two years later and it was still ice cold. She held her breath as he moved the ultrasound around then stopped. “There it is!” he exclaimed. He turned the screen so both could see. “See there? The little blinking light? That’s the heartbeat.”
Tears flooded Cindy’s eyes as she saw the confirmation of her hopes. Steve wiped his eyes, then asked, “How do things look, Doctor?”
“Well, everything looks good right now.”
Relief flooded them.
Cindy struggled to not fear, but the next couple of weeks were hard. They decided to not tell anyone until she was past nine weeks, because neither one wanted to have to go back and give bad news like before. It had been hard, oh so hard, to have to break the news to their friends and family while dealing with the loss, too. They did not want to make it harder on them than it had to be.
She made it nine weeks, and her fear left her. She was past the point when she’d lost the first baby, and she truly believed this one would make it. Cindy and Steve rejoiced, and praised God every chance they got. Cindy had a happy pregnancy, barely nauseous, gaining only the right amount of weight, and studying for that day that the little one would be delivered. On the day their son was born, Cindy and Steve both felt that little hand in theirs, helping them through the pain of labor, the waiting, the anticipation.
***
“Oh, Lord, he’s so beautiful!”
“Yes, child, he is.”
“I’m so glad you let him stay. They are ready to be parents now.”
“Yes, child. They still have things to learn, and will struggle and make mistakes, but they are leaning on me more. That’s all I wanted.”
“Thank you for letting me help!”
He caressed the hair of the little angel.
***
Steve has a business struggling to get off the ground, and Cindy still stresses sometimes over finances, but every Wednesday and Sunday you will find them at church praying, praising, and worshiping God, thanking him for blessing them with little Richard. And every time they go through a trial, they can feel that little hand of their angel child, guiding them down the path set in place by the Lord.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 22.07.2011

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