Year One

On December 4, 1997, I was born to Christie and Doug Guilick Sr. About 6 weeks dafter my birth, a woman named Kary Kole came and took me from my parents. Kary Kole was a social worker. I was placed with 3 of my siblings in the Wire house. The parents were Eldon P Wire Sr and Ilah L Wire. The 4 of us kids were at the time named Beverly Ann Guilick, Douglas Jay Guilick Jr, Michael Douglas Guilick, and Pamela Lynn-Cheri Guilick. Bev was the oldest, Doug Jr second oldest, Michael third oldest, then me. It was weird because we didn't even have a remote sense of sibling loyalty to anyone not even to each other. At the age of 18 months old, Ilah and Eldon adopted the 4 of us. In the process changed our names. It was not long after that they had really become and interest of mine. Before hand, I wouldn't look at them very often. But I called Ilah, Grandma, and Eldon, Grandpa, hoping one day I would find my mom and dad through them. But instead, I forgot about a lot of things and began calling them Mama and Daddy. I was Eldon's baby girl, his princess, his youngest. Ilah didn't like it when my siblings were being turds to me. In fact my sister Beverly, I can't even begin to tell you all the mischief that surrounded her whenever she even attempted to raise a finger against me. My adoptive parents were so overly protective of me. It made me feel special. In my first year, things were easy. I hadn't gotten to know the evil that the world I called my kingdom held. All I knew was that this world was my kingdom. I didn't see the evil that I have come to know and love. Back then I was just a girl who couldn't wait for the next moment my daddy would pick me up and hold me until I went to sleep. Things are different now than they were back then. But for some reason I always remember the peace I knew when I was a small girl.

Year Two

    As the first year went by the second became my new eye.  My siblings still didn't like the way that my adoptive parents protected me, but they didn't have a choice but to be okay with it. The second year of my life was just as the first. Calm. And it contained every little imagination that I had wanted before. At two, I was walking, talking, and causing more mischief than my brother Michael. But we were just kids is what everybody kept saying. As the year went by, things were happy, fun, and so full of joy it was hard not to be the happiest little girl in the world. Second year was, though I don't remember exactly everything, I do remember I was happy baby. 

Year Three

   Second year's over, the third year come sooner.  I don't remember a lot other than the happiness this year held. It's hard to remember the things that exactly happened. But I can say I remember more mischief coming into play.

Year Four-Year Seven

Time starts to fly by. After my third year things started to get a little crazy. The kind of crazy that a small girl should not have had to see. Let alone hear about. The next three years were what led up to the event that changed everything. At four years old, my adopted mother was starting to look quite sick. She was starting to tire out quicker than usual. Her hair started falling out and she was not the same. Things kept changing about her. The fourth year of my life I was in preschool. Didn't know much just enough to be a kid. I made friends with Katie, Jordan, Lane, Mathew, Josh, Trenton, and Garrett. We were all really great friends. Spending a lot of time together. It was nice. But at five years old I was in kindergarten. Still friends with The other kids. But one day I was walking home with Beverly, Doug, and Michael. Michael was crying and none of us knew why. Once at home, Ilah asked, "What's wrong, Mike?" My brother cried a little more before finally saying, "My teacher today was talking about adoption and said 'for example Michael is adopted, both him and his three siblings are adopted by the Wire's'. Mama, I tried to tell her she was wrong but she wouldn't listen to me." Eldon immediately said, "Beverly, get your little sister and take her to the back we need to speak with Mike." Bev attempted to take me back to the room but I refused to go with her. I locked her in the back room and went to the door of the hall and listened to the conversation. 

Eldon said, "Mike, there is something we need to tell you..."

Mike was still crying when Ilah said, "Eldon, don't he does not need to know this when he is so young. Wait a few years."

"Rene, if we wait any longer then he will keep believing the lie that we have brought him up with and I don't wish to continue lying to my children," Eldon sighed.

"Fine but if and when this backfires....you get to deal with it."

"Mike, you, Beverly, Doug, and Pam are all adopted. We took you into our custody to give you a better life."

Michael began crying again. I got up and ran back to my room and unlocked the door and let Beverly out. 

Once Bev brought me back into the room, things had changed. I felt like somebody had stabbed me with knife and then left me for the vultures. Ilah and Eldon no longer meant the world to me. All I wanted was to find out who my real parents were. 

As time went by, Ilah grew more sickly than she had been. Though I still cared, I still didn't believe tha anything would ever be the same. Ilah had been right telling Michael had backfired. They should never had said anything. 

In first grade, Ilah and Eldon wanted to go to Oklahoma. I went with them. I met my cousin Ariel. Ariel had red hair and was skinny. She reminded me of Ariel from The Little Merimaid. 

With each day that passed, my adopted mother grew worse. Little did anyone know but soon Ilah would need to make a Life or Death decision.

Year Eight

In second grade, I hit my growth spurt. I was 5'5" and weighed 156lbs. I had hair halfway down my back. And my hair had began to bleach itself from the natural jet black hair that I had been born with. My hair was now a dark brown with gold and red natural highlights. People began shying away from me because I had matured more quickly. There was a part of me that just knew that something would happen to hurt me. I just didn't know what it was.

A few months into the year, Ilah told us she was needing gallbladder surgery. I had no idea what that was but I wanted to know. 

I asked, "Mom, what's gallbladder surgery?"

Ilah gave me a sad smile and said, "It's where they remove my gallbladder so that it won't explode and kill me."

I didn't say anything else. 

Two weeks before she went in for surgery, she and my brother, Doug, got into an arguement. Towards the end of the arguement, 11 year old Doug screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE!"

I got scared and ran to my room. 

When surgery time came, I was in school. At Neosho County Memorial Hospital, Ilah was preparing for her surgery. When they took her in for surgery, the doctor had malpracticed before the surgery even began. 

The doctor cut her colon. I was at school when Eldon called the school looking for Doug. I was outside asleep in the tunnel on the playground. 

Eldon told Doug, "Get your siblings. Go home and pack your things. Uncle Kent will be there soon to get you."

Doug obeyed Eldon and went after Bev first. Then they went to the gym and got Michael then they spent at least 3 hours looking for me because nobody knew where I was. 

Once I was found, we went to the house and packed some of our things. Uncle Kent picked us up. But he refused to let us know what happened. 

A couple months went by and we never really went to school. We kept bouncing around between family and friends. One week we would be at Brenda Cox's house, the next we were at Kent's. Then Shelly's. Then back to Brenda's. Then Kent's. Then Shelly's. Then Kristin and Paul's. Then Josh and Stacey's. It was immensely chaotic. 

On March 22, 2006, Bev and I were playing with dolls at Kent's and Doug and Michael were playing video games downstairs. Eldon, Shelly, Kristin Van Sickle, Paul Van Sickle, Kurtis, Katlin, Ben, Uncle Eldon, Uncle Kent, Aunt Linda, Aunt Vikki, Nick, Josh, Jeremy, Jory, Stacey, Brooke, and many more were at Uncle Kent's house asking for everybody to gatherin the living room.

Once we were all in the living room, Eldon said, "Kids, we have something to tell you."

I had a feeling I knew what this was about. The connection that I had felt since day one with Ilah was completely gone. I didn't know it then but I had a way of knowing when somebody close to me was dead or on their way there.

I tried to ignore the huge hole I felt. With the connection gone, I was feeling so much pain. Like somebody stabbed me with a knife over and over again, ripped my heart out and burned me alive. 

And just like I feared, Eldon said what I thought he was about to say. But not before my entire being went into denial. 

"The doctor had to cut the cord. She was suffering too much. Mom's gone."

"What do you mean 'gone'," I asked.

"She passed away."

"Dad, what do you mean?"

"Your mama's dead, baby girl. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and went to look for her hoping they were playing a cruel game. But I couldn't find her anywhere. He was telling the truth, the connection I felt break was her. I went to Kristin and sat in her lap and cried.

I went with them to the funeral home a few days later to plan the funeral. But all I could do was cry whenever I saw her picture or heard her name. 

On March 26, 2006, we had the funeral. I tried not to cry but by the ned of it I was bawling so hard I could barely breathe. When we got home, I locked myself in the room. And let the sobbing continue.

Finally, I just had the realization that she was never coming back. In the time of me being in my room, I locked up the feelings I had left. I turned off every human emotion I would ever have. and forced myself to ice over and become the meanest bitch anybody would ever know. If you fucked with me, you got beat within an inch of your life. I didn't give a shit anymore. 

As far as I was concerned, I wasn't human anymore. I was a monster.

 

The Chaos Begins

After I turned everything human off, it became easy to screw my life up. And that's exactly what I did. I began smoking cigerettes. Drinking. Smoking marijuana. And more bad shit started going down. 

My life was going down hill faster than I had ever thought possible. Bev and I began fighting alot. I beat her to the point that I almost killed her. 

At 10 years old, I had my first boyfriend. His name was Kyle Welch. He was a grade older than me but 2 years older than me. My dad didn't like Kyle at all. I decided to turn on a few of the emotions I once held. Love. Hate. Anger. Passion. These were the only emotions I held. 

We were together for awhile before he had cheated on me with Bev. What he did had hurt me more than anything else could ever had hurt me. But because of the pain I turned it all of again. 

At 12 years old, Justin Gibson came into my life. He was Beverly's boyfriend and my neighbors grandson. I fell in love with him the moment I met him. I tried not to show it. But when I was constantly tripping over myself on a daily basis, stuttering constantly, and not being able to take my eyes off of him, I have a feeling before long he figured it out.

Then Eldon sent me to live in Olathe with Shelly and her husband, Paul Vickery. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.05.2013

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This story is dedicated to my boyfriend, Justin, my adopted mother, Rene, and all of whom had helped me over the years. I love and miss all of you.