My eyes were closed I didn’t want to open them because it felt as if I had dirt in them. What happened? I got up and I was laying on a fluffy thing. It looked like a cloud and there was a huge golden gates. Surrounding a lot of clouds, I walked up to the gate and there was a man with white wings and a gold aura.
“Uhh excuse me, where am I?” I looked down at myself and I was wearing my short skirt, and my Elmo shirt.
“You my darling are dead!” The man said opening the gate so he could see me better.
“What? How can I be dead I…..I can’t even remember how I died.”
“Would you like to see it?” I was confused but I went along with what the man had said. He got out a white ball. He smashed it onto the cloud and white smoke arose and a video was starting to appear in front of a cloud.
It showed how I went to the store to get my moms prescription pills for her diabetes, and high blood pressure. I took a long way home, I couldn’t remember why I did. Then I took a turn and a semi made a turn too close to my side of the road and it hit the front of my truck. The dodge ram 1500 hit the curb and my emergency bag protected me from hitting the steering wheel. Sadly, that didn’t save me from the glass breaking. I saw my blood sliding down my face it hit my shirt and my head rested peacefully on the wheel. My arms were dangling next to my legs.
This was too much I didn’t even remember this, which was weird because most deceased do remember according to the man at the gate. “So….so…I…I….I’m dead?” I asked not believing this distraught news.
“I’m afraid so, but look on the bright side. No more feeling pain on earth or for that girl, oh what’s her name.” The man skimmed through a clipboard that apparently had my info.
“Alex.” I said.
“Oh yes Alex duh, that’s the good news.”
“But what about my family, my friends, my education?”
“Girl you don’t need an education here in heaven. You were created for a reason and that reason is to love God. So do you?”
The man leaned into me. “Of course I do. But,”
“No buts, here are the rules you can’t get into heaven because you have unfinished business and your soul is not clean. So I recommend you meet up with,” He whistled with his fingers between his lips. That’s when Amanda, Brandon, Devon, and my baby sister showed up. “Ahh ha you know them well except for Devon but you know them anyways. Okay so I’m going to jet because I have other people to talk to about their second chances to enter heaven. So I leave you in the hands of these amazing mentors. Peace!” Then the man disappeared. I didn’t even find out his name?
“Hi Dianna it’s been a long time huh?” She walked to me and hugged me. She looked beautiful wore her white robe, and the halo. She told me that all she needed was her wings and she would be done.
“Thanks cool.” I said.
“Hey Dianna I never talked to you but thank you for worrying about me.” I smiled and he gave me a hug too. I then said your welcome.
Devon was next he also said thank you for praying for him and then shook my hand which was a bit weird but it happens.
Then Amanda gave me my baby sister. She was asleep, covered by a white cloth, little wings and her halo. “God suggested we get her these little buggers.” Amanda pointed to the little wings.
She was so black it was hard to believe she was my little sister.
Amanda and everyone else were standing on a cloud, they told me to follow them so I did. We soon showed up in front of the football game that I never got the opportunity to go to. Things happen for a reason right. Brandon said “Okay so you have about 5 days to finish all of your business, it isn’t that hard but for your people it’ll be a awkward thing.”
“What why?”
“Just listen we’ll explain later.” said Devon.
“Anyway,” said Amanda “you can talk to people well, technically you can talk to the one person you never wanted to talk to. That person will be your only hope.”
Devon then said “Here you go.” He gave me a bag.
“What is this?” I retorted.
“It’s dust if your ever in need of our assistance just through it in the air. Oh yeah don’t leave it laying around because if a human gets a hold of it that will not be good consequences. Okay?”
“Uhh yeah okay.” I said nodding.
Brandon said “Alright we are dropping you off here because the person you need is here. Remember, listen to your heart. And it will all work out fine.”
“Uhh okay. Thanks I think?”
“Yes of course and don’t waste the dust.” Amanda said holding her hands out to me to give her my sister.
She was so little and she didn’t even get a name. That’s what I found out as soon as I became of age and realized that I may not have existed had my 3rd oldest sister died. “Bye guys and thanks I’ll see you eventually.”
“Bye!” They all said except my baby sister of course.
The grass seemed greener than before I died. The sky was all dark, as in pitch black and the only visible light came from the football field that was at the top of the hill. Memories flooded back to when my back then ex Jason tried to kiss me when we were heading to the school. Ewwww so gross actually I was glad that I told him hell no.
But eww that day will always haunt me when he kissed me on my birthday! Eww super gross his face was pale white he had acne on his cheeks. Just gross to say in nicer words.
I looked up at the top of the hill, I couldn’t believe I was here again, first I find out I’m dead and I return to the place I never wanted to come back to. High school West Noble to be exact. Too much shit happened here, I wish I had never done the things I did. Now, it’s just too late I hate it but I can’t do anything about it of course. I looked down then up and started to walk up the steep hill. I should have been tired but obviously I wasn’t. I reached the gate and there was a lady taking tickets. Wow, I just walked past her, I saw the theatre table selling baked goods. Some of it was good others not so much, other than that it wasn’t so bad. I headed to the fence that blocked the fans from the filed a good 30 feet. I remember that Tyler Clark started to call me cupcake on the field about the time homecoming was on for powder puff. I think? I can’t remember anymore my memory is starting to become fuzzy.
I looked up at the bleachers so many people that I knew were sitting up there, crap too bad no one could see me. Until, I locked eyes with one person, the biggest mistake I had ever made in my whole human life Alex Landeros. Shit it was as if she could see me? That made me feel awkward so I just looked away I walked to the other end of the bleachers, looked around and nothing. Oh well, I thought it could have been worse. I walked back to where I locked eyes with the biggest mistake of a person Alex. I looked to where she was sitting but she wasn’t there, thankfully. I looked down and stopped at the fence just to watch the game a little. The chargers scored, I jumped in excitement remembering that no one could see me anyways. I looked around and the coast was clear.
I went through a blonde girl, then someone staring me down at the concession stand. It was her Alex, shit. I hoped inside of me that she wasn’t “the one” as Devon, Brandon, and Amanda talked about. I stared her down too until I saw something in the sky, it was the clouds, at night? Why could I see them, I saw words that said “it’s her!” then they quickly faded I hope that it wasn’t a sign for me.
Alex walked up to me and said “It’s you, it really is isn’t it?”
I looked at her and said “Forget you!” I took a step forward and my hands went to her stomach, I couldn’t walk through her. ‘Oh shit!’ Was my thought I had to walk around her and headed towards the hill, so I could walk away. Alex came running down the hill saying “Why can I see you?”
My first reaction was to ignore, ignore, ignore. But I couldn’t so I said ‘Your imagining this. This is not real.’ She closed her eyes and I ran towards the front of the school with her in the middle of the road. With her eyes closed. Now that was funny. I went to go sit on the grass that lead to us33. I was going to miss the dramatic world.
“Hey girl what is your prob?” She said walking towards me. With her hands in her pockets. I bent my knees and laid my head in between them. I sat there wondering why it had to be her. “Hey girl I’m talking to you.”
I lifted my head and yelled “Yeah well I’m not! So go back to the game and ignore this situation that we in. Oday.” I rested my head between my legs.
“How ‘bout we don’t ignore this and you just tell me whats goin on?”
I lifted my head. “I can’t okay. Just freaking walk away Alex. Please.” I stood up and headed to the side of where Mrs. Gibbons room would be. My hands rested on my head. I felt like punching the wall knowing I would probably just go through it, I didn’t do it.
Alex yelled all the way from where I had sat down and ran to me saying “I can’t cuz fo a reason I’m here and I would like to no. Ya no.”
“No Alex I don’t know. Okay all I can say is…is this. I’m dead and you’re the one even after me being dead I still have the same feelings for you. Even though people kept telling me that you were or wait are a hoe, and all this other shit okay. And I will never be able to fucking forget you okay! God why did it have to be you of all the billions of people in the world it had to be you. Right!”
I slid down the wall, I hated this bad things really did always happen to me. Of course I have that type of bad luck with things. I always thought it was Karma but I’m not sure anymore.
“I’m sorry dat I can see you Dianna okay I’m sorry. It ain’t my fault that, you fell in love wit me. And dat you died if it was up to me, I would of taken your place but na, das not how God wants it so here you is. Right so what do ya need from me girl?”
“I told you I do not know. Ya know?” I mimicked the last two words as if she had said them.
“Okay okay I’ll talk normal that can really get annoying.” Her arms were tight to her side and her hands were in her pockets. “So what do we do now?”
I looked up at her and said, “Honestly. I have no idea but I think I know how you can start to help me.”
“How?” She asked.
I touched the grass next to me and she sat next to me. “Okay so you know who my cousin is right?”
“Yeah didn’t everyone?” I smiled.
“Yeah kinda. Anyway, you have to bring him to the middle of the hill. I’ll be laying down looking up at the stars but when he tries to leave tell him I here. Okay.”
Alex looked confused. “What he’s never going to want to talk to me. He hates me along with all of your friends remember?”
“Yeah what’s your point?” I said with a smile on my face.
“The point is that he is not going to want to talk to me let alone see me. Are you being serious right now? You want me to talk to someone that hates my guts?”
“Mhhhm” I made a sad face and said “Please it’ll be the one thing I’ll actually appreciate.”
“Fine, fine, is this going to help me get into heaven?”
“I don’t know I bet it depends on how bad you’ve been, and from what people used to tell me. You weren’t such a good girl.”
“Yeah I know.” Alex looked over at me, her hat was to the side and her hands were now near my leg. I looked over to her and saw that she stared at me.
“What? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I laughed but Alex didn’t. “Hey I was just kidding girl. Hey,” I ran my hand in front of her face she didn’t even blink. “Alex okay your scaring me a little.” I pushed myself up that’s when Alex got up and her hand touched my cheek. I looked at her as if I couldn’t look away. Even after death, I felt my cheeks turn red. Her other hand rested on my hip. Alex’s stomach touched mine that’s when her lips reached mine. I felt her blood through her lips. Her warmth found it’s way through me.
I felt every nerve in my body tingle. Was that even normal? Maybe not because for a long time I wasn’t normal. Actually I never was normal. Hmm, weird.
I pushed myself away and said “Alex what the hell are you doing?”
Alex looked up at me and her fingers traced her lips. “I kissed you that’s what I was doing.”
“Well don’t do that ever again. It’s wrong and people will think you’ve gone crazy.”
“I don’t really give a shit. Can I kiss you again?” Her hand moved away from her lips.
“No, Alex it’s wrong. I’m technically not even here.” she moved closer to me then I pushed her away. “Just go please do me this one favor for me. It’s the least you can do, don’t you think?”
“No I don’t think so. Kiss me and I’ll do it.” She moved closer to me, I took a step back.
I looked up at the stars and wondered why? “Fine but if I do this you’re going to talk to him right?”
“Yep.”
“Fine.” I slid my hand under her chin and kissed her. I moved my hands and held them behind her neck. Her hands were at my waist. I broke away and moved my head, then kissed her again. I bit her lip and pushed my lips to hers. I broke my grip and stepped back. I licked my lips and rested my hands on my side and said “Now go I have to get this done because I only have so long.”
“Okay a promise is a promise.” Alex held her hand out I took it and she pulled me toward her and kissed the corner of my lips. Damn it her kisses taunted me so much. Even though, I could be hurt but it seemed to me now that she really did change she has.
“You love my kisses. I know you do. I can feel it in my soul. That’s if I even have one.” Her hands fell down to her sides.
“Alex you do. Don’t be like that. Who said you don’t?” My hand reached to her shoulder.
“My family, Jessica, and my grandma.” her words came out as if with shame.
“Ohh…well maybe I can change your grandma’s mind but I can’t change your family’s mind. Or the hoe’s mind. Eww just thinking about her makes me queasy.” I had a thought in mind. “What if we go see where your grandma? Where was she last at? I could talk to her and maybe that could bring peace to her soul.”
Alex’s eyes raised up, “Would you really do that for me? After all you’ve been through? aren’t you supposed to be working on your unsolved missions.”
“Yeah of course, I have to do my thing but, you also have to think about her what if this is the reason she hasn‘t crossed over.” I said sternly. “So uhh, where was the last place your grandma was at?”
Alex thought and said “Her house, and the hospital but she never liked the hospital. She found it depressing and gray.”
“Alright to your grandma’s house.”
Chapter 2
Either this works or not, but we have nothing to loose, besides our love.
I arrived upon Alex’s house there was darkness, but that may have been because it was night outside and there was no light in sight. Alex’s car came to a slow stop. She got and I just shook my head to the sides at her I was here before her and told her to follow me. I walked through the door but she was getting her keys out. I walked her to the living room, and she sat down her legs wide open as if she had guy junk. I whispered “No one’s here but your grandma is.”
Alex sat up straight and I walked to the kitchen I saw Alex’s grandma cutting up carrots, “Penny?”
“Get out of my kitchen tell Alex to leave too, I want nothing to do with her.”
I gulped and said “Okay but Alex said that she is sorry for being her and trying to better herself. You know what she’s been through?”
Penny wiped her brow and said “Yeah whoring around like she’s going to be young forever? Drinking smoking, cheating? Yeah I think I know.”
I thought about it and let it all go. “Well yeah, but she’s changed.”
“Really?” Penny looked up and stabbed the knife onto the board cutter. “Ask her what she did, before the game, or this morning. Oh and let’s not forget this one, ask her why Yari and her broke up?” Penny took the knife and proceeded cutting. I looked at her and turned around and started to walk out when she said “Good riddance.”
I turned around and said “Alright look, it isn’t my fault that Alex wants you to be in peace alright have you ever thought about someone aside from yourself? Don’t you think Alex feels bad for hurting you? She can’t change who she is. Have you ever thought that maybe God made her like this for a reason? And if you hate me fine, but stop wasting my time with all your bullshit because your grand-daughter cares about what happens to you.” I took in a breath and walked out to Alex feeling pissed, but I didn’t say I was I just said “It went great.”
After I had gotten done Alex’s grandma walked out and said “No it didn’t.” Alex looked pale white, of course she was already a little white cause she’s a half! But right know she looked so pale, that I couldn’t even see her freckles.
“Gra……grandma?” I pulled Alex up and she stood next to me. Not moving not doing anything.
“Yes Alexandra it’s me. Honey look I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being mean to you when I was alive, you didn’t deserve it. And I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide being who you are. But now you don’t have to and I love you honey.” Alex just stood there and her grandma walked to her and hugged her. Penny was a little big she had red-ish brown hair had green eyes and chubby wrists. It reminded me of some one but, I’m starting to forget who. I went outside while Alex listened to her grandma because I don’t think Alex was in the talking mood. She’s speechless. I started to walk around the house, because I couldn’t remember my family member’s faces. This was bad, I could only remember Lalo and that was it. A faint light came down in front of me I stopped and saw it was Brandon, Amanda, and Devon. “Hey guys what’s up?”
Amanda walked away from the guys and said “Your starting to forget and that’s bad.”
Brandon came behind her and said “Pretty soon you won’t be able to remember your mission. You have to get it done.”
Devon came beside Amanda and said “I recommend that you get it done ASAP, if not…….”
“What? If not what?” My hand came to my lips I started to bite my thumb.
“If not you won’t be able to move on. And you’ll get sent to hell.”
I gulped and ran those words through my head. I looked all around me. “So what do I do? I’m helping Alex after this she’s going to help me.”
Brandon put his arm around me and said “If we could help souls we would but we can’t we’re only supposed to help ourselves to move on, talk to her and tell her to get it done.”
Amanda and Devon said “Now.”
“Okay okay, I’ll try but this is hard what do I do if something happens? You guys only come when you want to not when I need you.”
“Here is this heart, and this crystal ball. You can only use the crystal ball once.” said Devon
“So if you use the ball your done fore. Plus you shouldn’t need it unless your done with your mission and your ready to leave. Oh yeah and the heart ball is to affect moods, so if something were to happen use it.” Brandon said.
“And if you do use it ahead of when your supposed to, it will shatter and you will roam the earth forever without anyone being able to see you.”
“Okay no pressure.” I said
“Well,” said Amanda “there is pressure cause it’s your soul at stake. Of course God wants all his children to come home but, you know how people are now a days.”
“Yeah I know I’m…..I was one of them, still kind of am. Let’s just say that Alex doesn’t come through?”
“What?” Alex said.
“Uhh nothing Alex, I was just talking to them.” My hand moved to show where Amanda, Brandon, and Devon were at.
“Dianna there’s no one there.”
I moved my head sideways and said “They are right here, you can’t see them can you?”
Amanda said “She won’t be able to see us unless she feels compassion for others, that’s why she’s scared to be herself. She didn’t tell you did she?”
“Tell me what? I moved closer to Amanda.
“Dianna what are they saying?” asked Alex with a scared tone.
“Shh!” I said.
“Ask her why she’s scared and why she can’t see us.” said Brandon sternly.
“Just tell me, please.” I implored.
“Ask her.” said Devon.
“Alex why can’t you see Amanda, Brandon, or Devon?” I walked closer to Alex.
“What…what….why are you asking me this?”
“They’re saying your not telling me something what is it?” I was inches away from Alex.
“I….I do not know what they are talking about?” she gulped that’s how I knew she was lying.
That’s when Devon said “She can see us. She chooses not to see us. She’s suppressing back her gift. And she isn’t the only one. Her grandmother had the gift. That’s why she died, spirits entered her body and tore her apart because she refused to help us anymore.”
That’s when Alex when by me and yelled “Don’t say that my grandmother was a great grandmother. And you demons killed her, just leave me the fuck alone, I never wanted this for me. So just leave me and my family alone!” Alex walked again past me and into her house without touching the handle the door opened and she entered and closed the door.
“So, I guess this means I’m not moving on to the other side even though I kept my part of the deal, huh?” I felt my soul shatter, I felt my feet slowly sink down into this earth.
“Dianna we’re sorry we were just trying to help you I guess we should have told you this huh?” Said Amanda putting her arm around me.
I fell down and sat on the earth ground, “No it’s okay you guys were just trying to help me. It was your job, but thanks anyway.”
“Remember if you need our help you know what to do.” Brandon said.
“Yeah I guess.”
Chapter 3
I’m sorry but it’s my duties, either I move on or stay forever.
I walked around Alex’s house and every time I would walk past Alex’s kitchen window I would feel electricity strike me, in a painful miserable way. After walking around the house about 30 times because I kept track I went to Alex’s door and knocked. No one answered so I tried to walk in and I couldn’t step through. I got off the porch and ran to the door, and I got through but I was pinned to the ground and I felt as if electricity went through my body I felt as if I was being killed. I yelled out in pain for a minute when Alex walked into the living room and said “I didn’t want to do this. All I wanted was to help you move on but you had to make it hard.”
My lungs felt as if they were going to explode, all I could seem to do is scream. Scream out in pain. I felt one last jolt and I lost consciousness. I do not know how I could pass out I’m dead this is just my soul but it did happen and it hurt like never before. I woke to the smell of a cigarette smell. I took in a breath and coughed, my lungs hurt, I wish I could drink water but it may just go right through me. That made me smile, I heard someone walk in I opened my eyes and Alex stood over me staring me down. She asked “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to leave your home? Why did you have to choose me?”
MY smile fell from my face and I said in a raspy voice “I didn’t choose you…….God brought me to you.” I blinked slowly.
Alex sat down next to me when I actually looked away from her I saw that I was in a little room, barely enough room for a bed and a dresser. Alex had her hand to her lips, “look I’m sorry about what I did but, it’s just I didn’t want what the ghosts did to my grandma to happen to me. And I was scared if I let you in you would take over me you know?”
I moved my head up and down but it hurt to move, even my lips it hurt to move. I sucked it in and tried not to cry but tears rolled down my cheeks. They felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds. But in reality they were just little droplets. My hand moved out away from my side and I reached to touch her, she flinched but she let me touch her cheek. My hand fell down and I closed my eyes. It felt like she was going to leave because it sounded as if she had gotten up.
I then felt warmth touch my forehead, I then heard Alex say “I’m sorry for hurting you. But everything I said I meant and, I would never lie to you about that.” I opened my eyes and smiled with my eyes I closed them again. That’s when I felt my lips set fire, I opened my eyes and Alex was kissing me. I closed them and I raised my arm to wrap it around her neck. I felt her hand touch my leg, it brought peace to me and also it scared me. I had done wrong when I was alive. Now that I was dead I was doing even more wrong then before. Her lips collided with mine as if they were a perfect fit, nothing could separate them. At least that’s what it felt like. My hand touched her Mohawk, she buzzed the sides of her head and she had a Mohawk running down her head. If I didn’t know any better I would say she was a guy. But, she wasn’t and she could now never be with me, because I’m dead and she’s still living. Alex’s grandma walked in that’s when I just gave up Alex kept kissing me and I just lost interest. Alex stopped looked at the doorway and saw her grandmother so angry.
“Alex you said you weren’t letting her in?” Her grandmother’s arms crossed over her chest.
“She’s the only girl I’ve felt right being with, don’t mess this up for me.”
“But she’s dead you can never be with her!”
“Your dead too but your still here! That hasn’t stopped you from letting me find happiness.” Alex moved away from me and stood in front of her grandmother and said “Now I think your mission is done grandma.”
That’s when her grandmother’s face looked scared and she slowly turned invisible all I heard was “I’m sorry baby I love you please don’t,” and that was it.
I moved the blanket from my body and asked “Alex where is she?”
“She’s in the purgatory.” She smirked as if she did this all the time.
I gasped and said “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” she said it as if she was powerful.
“How did you do it? I guess you really didn’t want anything to do with us souls huh?” I bit my lip a little bit.
Grandma taught me how to do it when I was about 10. She saw spirits contacting me since the day I was born, and I gave my mom a hell of a time when I was a baby.” She laughed “Anyway I’m supposedly gifted so I guess that had a hole lot to do with it. I don’t actually like have control. I just wish for it to happen and things just fall into place.”
I slowly sat up and I looked at Alex and asked. “Did you wish for me to die?”
Alex gulped her hands now moved to the inside of her pockets, she avoided eye contact and she said “Sometimes I did. I guess I never thought how much I really needed you, until I lost you and this time it’s for good. I guess I wanted to hurt you……but in reality, I ended up hurting myself because of the love I had for you.” Alex moved towards me and sat next to me.
“Oh.” I said, I desperately needed something but I had no idea what.
Alex’s hand reached my cheek, “Dianna I never wanted to hurt you, it was an accident. I know I was being selfish by wanting you not to breath but, I hurt myself in the end.”
I looked away and said “It doesn’t matter Alex. The only way you can help me it’s if you finish my tasks that I didn’t get to do. Alex I beg you to tell my parents about me or at least get my cousin’s attention for me.” The last words came out as if I had a dry mouth.
“Here you need this.” Alex handed me a cup that had a clear liquid, with a plant on top. I drank it down and it burnt my throat I ignored the pain and chugged it down. Alex then said “Whoa there careful it’s only supposed to heal you not drunken you.”
I laughed and asked “What was that?”
Alex smiled and said “That was Smirnoff with a little leaf from the white tree.
I burped and replied “Sorry. So your saying that you just gave me vodka?”
Alex just nodded.
“Are you freaking serious? This is illegal for you. Your underage.”
“Says the girl that’s dead, and besides I’m older than you.” She got the bottle from beside the bed and drank it.
“Alex you know I hate it when you drink. It doesn’t look good on you and are you going to help me or not. I only have 3 days now please.” Alex drew the bottle away from her lips.
Her eyes looked at me and I loved them so much her freckles had a soft spot in my heart. Her lips were the perfect size and red. And her hair. Why is it so wrong to be bisexual, gay, and lesbian. You can’t change who the people are.
It’s not usually people’s fault they are the way they are. God wants people for who they are.
“Alex I love you so much.” I through myself at her like never done before. She dropped the bottle, luckily she had carpet for the ground and she had already put the lid on the bottle. Alex just sat there while I pressed my whole body to hers. My knees hit her right leg that’s when she turned and hugged me.
Her wait was to mine, my breast were to hers, I never felt more happier in my life. But, I also felt as if I was betraying God. I kissed her that’s when I felt Alex’s hand reach under my shirt. I pushed away and said “Alex I can’t do that with you. Even though I want to it’s against my morals. I can never betray God like that.”
Alex just licked her lips and said “I understand Dianna it’s cool. Right ok so let’s go find your cousin. You have to get done with this so you can rest in peace.” Alex broke away from me, she grabbed the bottle and walked out of the room. I sat on the bed and kept going over and over in my mind why I had almost done something with Alex. I’m pretty sure doing that with her was wrong because I’m dead and she needs someone that can love her forever. Maybe I can look for her girl so she can be happy.
I walked out of the room and Alex had already finished the bottle and she opened a new one this time the new one was twice as big. I walked up to her and grabbed the bottle, “Alex stop your going to drug yourself with this. I can see your killing your soul.”
“Good I want to be dead so we can be together forever.”
I gasped and stepped back letting go of the bottle. “Alex are you fucking serious right now! Do you think I wanted all of this to happen? I had my future planned out, I wanted to live in the adult world. You are almost done and you want to end it, because you suddenly decided that you love me? That ain‘t going to fly with me. I‘m sorry but this isn‘t going to work out at all.” I walked out the front door, I reached an alley when I heard a car’s engine start up and follow me. I reached my grandparent’s house. I walked past their house and went straight on the road that would eventually lead me to my cousin’s house which was in front of my house.
I walked through a building hoping she wouldn’t see me then. I reached my house and their was a car outside my house it was Alex’s house she had the bottle still in her hand. I shoved the bottle from her hand and pulled her to Lalo’s house. She knocked but she was unbalanced. When Lalo opened the door she straightened up and said “I need to talk to you.”
Chapter 4
It’s now or rest in Peace.
Lalo looked at Alex in disgust and said “We have nothing to talk about you broke my cousin’s heart that’s why she’s dead, and your drunk so just go the hell home.”
Lalo slammed the door. Alex knocked again, and my cousin wouldn’t open it. So I went inside and got in Lalo’s body and walked him to the door so he would open it. Alex stood there, looking at Lalo. I jumped out and said “Tell him.”
“Hey Lalo Dianna wants to ask you for forgiveness.”
“What are you talking about?” Lalo spat out.
“She’s right in front of you and you can’t see your own cousin?” Alex looked at Lalo with eyes of despair.
Surely he felt something?
“I have no idea what you are talking about and even if it was true about my cousin being here. I’m sure that she wouldn’t want to be anywhere near you.” Lalo started to close the door, when Alex put her foot in the door.
“Alright look. I don’t want to be here as much as the next person but, if it’s going to help Dianna move on to the nest stage after dying then it’s for the best so help me to help her. Please we’re her only hope.” Alex moved her foot from the door.
Lalo opened the door all the way and said “How do I know your not lying!”
I looked at Alex and said “Tell him that Gigi is a prissy little bitch and that I hope he ends up falling down the stairs.” Alex did exactly that in the exact words that I said it.
Lalo’s jaw dropped and I told Alex to go and get his kitchen vodka, behind the fridge. She did, Alex sat down and handed it over in that moment I had never seen Lalo drink so much vodka since that one day when his sister threw him a birthday party when he turned 15. He had drank so much he peed himself it was funny since the party was in the basement and he couldn’t even go up the stairs.
“Oh shit it really is her isn’t it?” Alex nodded and Lalo drank again from the bottle. “Shit I guess since you know she hated you and I just assumed.”
I jumped in and said “Tell him not to assume cause when he assumes you make an ass out of you and me.”
Alex glared at me and said “No I’m not telling him that.”
“What?” Said Lalo
“Dianna wants me to tell you about the assume thing.”
“Oh yeah I remember that. Cuz not even since your death do you have good comebacks.” My hands came to my hips I jumped in front of Lalo and smacked his cheek, that’s when I saw Lalo fall back onto the couch. I thought what is going on.
“Oh what the hell? Oh shit cuz?” I stood there looking at Lalo I felt like he could see me. “Dude she’s standing right in front of me!”
He stuck his hand out to me as if I was fake or something. His hand hit my stomach and said “Owwww, I may be dead but I felt that!” My mouth fell open and I repeated “I felt that prime!” I threw myself onto my cousin’s shoulder’s and I could feel him. His heart beating super fast, and his hands were not even close to me.
“Bro oh my goodness you have no idea how happy I am to feel you right now!” I smiled then pulled away, that’s when Lalo fell onto the ground luckily he let go of the bottle and Alex caught it while I saw my cousin fall to the ground.
Somehow Alex got Lalo onto his couch, I smacked him around a little bit until I saw his eyes open huge. Then close again, I went to the kitchen and got water I ran to him and splashed some on his face. I smacked him and said “Hey! Wake up!”
He did.
I sat him up and sat next to him. “Bro you have no idea how glad I am to see you. I saw you at the game.” I paused wasn’t impressed but it’ll do. So how have you been?”
Lalo almost passed out again, when I smacked him again and he said “Stop hitting me.”
I retorted “Well stop fainting like a panzy.”
“I do not faint! And I’m not a panzy.” He took the water bottle from the table.
I smiled and said “Whatever velvety flower! Anyway you didn’t answer me how are you?”
Lalo put his face into his hands. “How do you think prime? I don‘t have you here anymore how am I supposed to get over you know who?”
My jaw fell open and I said “What are you kidding me? You knew I wasn’t going to live forever you puss. I told you, I’m not immortal and this proves it. Besides I thought you said you were over and done with that.”
“Well actually I was until I saw them in the hallway and….actually I’m not very comfortable talking about this in front of her.” I stood. “So you lied to me? I thought we were closer than that?” I completely ignored his comment but what really mattered at this moment was that my own bro lied to me. What am I a deceased person that isn’t worthy of knowing the truth? Well kind of but that isn’t the point the point is he’s a liar and a trader.
“I didn’t lie and I really don’t want to talk about this now.”
“Alright first of all, Aledx isn’t even listening she’s texting and listening to her ipod secondly,” I walked over to Alex and took the bottle away from her, and yanked the headphones from her ears. “No drinking your driving home remember?”
Alex stood up and said “Doesn’t matter, it’s not like it matters anyway if I die. I die big whoop.”
I pushed her down on to where she was sitting and said “Are you kidding me? Do you really want to end up like me…..or worse in hell?”
Alex stood up again and now pushed me back and said “Don’t matter heading there anyway.”
Her attitude was making me so mad, that I almost hit her but I just stepped away and focused on my cousin. I looked over at Alex and said in the most adult voice I could, “I hate you.” I looked back at Lalo and said “Alright now where were we? Oh yeah, well unless you want to end up like me I suggest that you just try to get over yeah.”
Alex grabbed the bottle drank from it I basically jumped to her and took it away and said “Alex stop! Your not meant to die now. You could be so much better. Your such a fucking child. Stop acting like this, your going to get yourself killed you idiot.” Before I could stop myself these words spilled out like boulders, falling off of a cliff. What the crap was I thinking I have no idea.
All I know is that Alex walked out of the house and drove off. I sat next to Lalo and said “I really fucked up big time didn’t I?” I looked at the bottle then took a long sip.
Lalo pushed the bottle down and said “She’s just sad like the rest of us, did you know that She’d dumped Viky after you died?”
“What?” I sat there for minutes while he told me this story how he was dating Viky and then after I died she stopped going to school then, she dumped her. I didn’t even know they were dating. Well I did but I didn’t know that Alex had dumped her. Why would she crap, I forgot Alex does care about me now. Crap!
I stood up and said “Bro I have to go, I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think it’s Alex, I do need a favor from you though, I think it’s the last thing I was supposed to get done.”
“Sure sis, anything.” My skin tingled every time he called me sis. I think me and him were destined to be brother in sister or something.
“I need you to tell my parents about me being you know. Bisexual, tell them that I said I love them and that it wasn’t there fault I was just born like this. Tell them it was Alex who I love.”
Lalo smiled and said “No prob prime.”
I hugged him, while he sat down and I responded “I love you.”
He whispered and I felt his body shake as he said “I love you too.”
I broke away and walked through his house door. I looked everywhere through the yard but Alex’s car was not back. It was dark now, I could feel like Alex needed my help, but I didn’t know where she was at? I saw light coming down and I saw Amanda floating towards me.
“She’s dying.” Amanda said she was by herself.
Chapter 5
Would you give up your life for the girl you love?
“What?” I retorted.
Amanda repeated “Alex is dying. So I suggest that you say your goodbyes to her because she’s going to die and go down there!” Amanda pointed down to the ground.
“No Amanda no she can’t go down there no her please she needs one more chance Amanda she can change please. Just give her one more chance.” I felt tears start to climb up to my eyes, my heart started to beat faster and faster, I wanted to fall down to the ground and cry, but I knew I couldn’t. “Amanda where is she?”
“She’s where you died.” My heart hurt, I needed her to be alive she didn’t deserve to die.
I looked at her and said “I need to save her please take me to her I beg you. Amanda nodded, I went with her, and in millisecond I was on the scene. I ran to Alex, The air bag was on her face, blood was running down her face, the seat belt had saved her but she was loosing too much blood. Glass was everywhere, it scared me it made me wonder if this was how it looked like when I was in the accident.
I threw open the door I unbuckled her and moved her face “Alex…..Alex please answer me.” Alex just moaned. “Alex, Alex wake up please don’t die Alex!” I yelled she didn’t move. I could feel her soul was leaving her body slowly. I pulled her out of the car and laid her on the road. I gave her mouth to mouth resuscitation but nothing. I wrapped her in my arms.
I started to cry, tears just poured down my face. I whispered “Alex, please breath, don’t die. I need you to live please.” I moved Alex’s face so she looked up at me. Her eyes didn’t open, not even a little. I kissed her forehead and I said “Alex I need you…….I….I love you.” I heard sirens going off. They sounded close but the odds of them saving her was none to none. I looked up to the heavens and I yelled “Why did you have to take her? I love her. Nothing is left for me know.”
I looked down at her, my tears fell onto her cheeks, then one fell on her lips. I looked down at her as if she was a child, I lowered my head so my lips were inches from Alex’s lips. My hand braced her head and I kissed her like never before. The sirens were closer, when I slowly started to lower her head down I felt Alex cough and she opened her eyes. “Did you really mean it?”
I smiled and said “What?”
She replied “That you love me?”
Tears rolled out of my eyes and said “Hell yes, more than anything in this world.” Alex grabbed my chin and lowered me down to her lips she whispered “I love you more.” she kissed me when the ambulance showed up, and ran to Alex to strap her down. Her hand was the last thing I felt. Amanda slowly walked up behind me and said “It’s time now, it’s time for you to go.” I nodded because I knew it was over for me now. There was nothing I could do anymore. Amanda’s arm wrapped around me and said “It’s for the best. It was hard on all of us. Especially since, he could have taken her from you.” I saw ourselves looking into the hospital room. Alex looked so peaceful on the bed. The IV in her skin, blood was flowing into her body, it looked painful. Amanda dropped me off in the hospital room she said I would get 5 minutes with her so I could say my goodbyes to her.
I took every second, I walked over to her, and sat on the edge of the bed so I touched her leg. She immediately woke up and said “Hey Dianna, I thought you were mad at me?”
I could feel tears start to build up, in my body I felt my body quiver but I didn’t want to cry, I bit my lip and said “Me be mad at you? I don’t think I could live a day with being mad at you.”
Alex smiled and said “So this isn’t bad huh?”
“Well I was mad but when I saw you there I lost everything. I felt like my heart was cut out of my soul and that, I had died again.”
Alex moved her body she then sat up with the control. “That sounds intense.”
“It was.” I said “It is. Alex why did you leave? I was afraid something like this was going to happen.” Alex rolled her eyes at me.
“I was sick of living. What was I supposed to do just live my life with a ghost while I would age and die old?” I took a breath and reached for her hand.
“Alex I’m….I wasn’t planning on staying with you forever. These few days have just been to get to the next step after death. I told you that I love you. I have never told anyone that ever, in my whole life.”
“But,” I put my finger to her mouth and said. “You were my first love, and heartbreak. I just wanted to tell you that because, now I have to go.”
“No Dianna you can’t go I’ll change please don’t leave me here by myself.”
“I laid down next to her and said “Alex please don’ ask that of me,” I felt tears build up again and this time I was no longer in control, they slowly slipped down my face. “because” my voice quivered but I continued “I can’t change this. Promise me something.” I looked up at her, my arm wrapped around her stomach, her arm had my head on there and her other arm touched my hip.
“Anything,” was her response.
I couldn’t bare to say it but I knew I had to, saying the words was going to kill me but it had to be done. “Move on. Don’t stop living your life just because, I can’t be your other half.”
“Dianna I ca” Her hand stopped touching my hip and just laid there.
“Promise me please.” Alex nodded. My lips were inches from her chin I pushed my self up and I kissed her chin, she moved my head up and I kissed her lips. I was never going to forget the feeling of her lips on me. Soft, moist, perfect size, every time she kissed me she made my body shake, and get Goosebumps. Every time I saw her in the hallway my emotions from the first day I told her I loved her came rushing back.
Her bed slowly started to recline down, I kissed her more, her hand now touched my thigh, my leg went around her hip. Her hands touched my stomach and my hips. My hands twisted on her hair, mostly on her mohawk. Her hands, moved up to my waist then my sides then to my ribs, suddenly Amanda tapped on the window. I stopped, I sat on her legs and said “Can you do something for me?”
Alex nodded “Can you please be different after this. You would have died, but I…just be better Alex. Live your life and do what you want to do. Be smart, and don’t forget,” I got down off her knees and stepped to the side of her bed. By know Alex was sitting up again. “I will always be in your heart, and I’ll be there when you need me, I’ll listen when you need me to.”
Alex pulled my hand and said “I love you more. Don’t forget me.”
My body felt like it would fall down and go to the fetal position, that thought left my mind and I pressed hard on her hand, “Never.” I started to walk away when Alex pulled my hand and pulled me to her body, she kissed me hard, not an uncomfortable hard a more painful I’m never going to love again kiss. I felt tears roll down, her cheeks got wet, but she ignored it and kept kissing me. I heard another tap. I stood up and walked when I heard Alex getting up I ran to her and pulled her t the bed. She was standing up and her chest pressed to my chest, her chin inches from mine. I looked at her and said “I love you forever, and ever.” I turned around but I felt I had to do this.
My lips collided with hers, our tongues collided that was all we could do. I can’t live but she can. My arms went to her shoulders, her hands touched my back, she pushed me towards the window. My neck moved so much that I felt weak but this would never happen again. I embraced what I had in this moment. I heard Amanda whisper, “Now it’s your turn to live.”
That’s when I heard a door slam open. We broke away from each other and Alex saw Viky her ex-girlfriend standing in the door way with flowers in her hand. Viky made an ugly face when she came towards Alex like she was going to slap her. Alex went to her and held her hands up and said “Viky stop it’s over I told you that before.”
“Your leaving me for her you fucking,” her hand raised up I ran to Alex and was in the way so Viky wouldn’t hurt Alex.
Instead I caught her hand and punched Viky in the nose. She fell to the ground and I said “Don’t hurt her, if you want to start something start it with me don’t be mad at her.
Viky stood up pointed at Alex and said “I can’t believe I even went out with you.”
She started to walk away when she retorted “See you at school whore!”
“Have you looked in the mirror lately?” Viky walked away Alex just stood there astound, one I had punched Viky in the noise and two Viky could see me.
“Alright what just happened?”
I smiled and said “I am clueless.”
“For real. Am I imagining this or is this for real?” Alex looked dizzy so I moved her towards the bed.
“Alex how about you relax I’ll be here when you wake up, cause as far as I’m concerned I’m confused too.”
Alex held onto my hand and said “Sleep here with me.”
I wanted to blush but didn’t “I’ll be here. I will never leave you.” I pulled her hand to my lips I kissed her hand and she held on as if I had told her that I was going down to eat something.
“What if you don’t come back.”
I felt sadness shadow me and I responded “Alex I swear I will not move from this spot until you tell me I can.” Alex let go of my hand and I moved over to her side. My head rested on her shoulder my hand wrapped around her stomach and I felt her fingers brush my hip. Alex grabbed my face and pulled it up to hers, our lips met and it was like I was on fire.
It was as if I had kissed her for the first time again. My body’s response climbing on her. The love for her would never die. I knew it was a good thing, but what if I were to die again? Alex would be in the same spot again I just hope we die together or I die before her. The reason I can’t see her be hurt again.
There was silence and she broke it by saying “Dianna do you think we’ll live happily ever after?”
I felt shocked I wanted to say yes but down in my heart I felt something else, “The truth?”
Alex nodded.
“I don’t believe in happily ever after,” Alex touched my face with her hand, with the IV’s in her hand. “I believe in a beautiful ending even after death. Because this life that I have….it’s not long enough to be with you. It only gives me a few years to love.” Alex kissed my nose and my hand rubbed her stomach. “Do you believe in happily ever after’s?”
Alex bit her lip, then looked out the window “I believe in you, and God. I may not have been meant to be a saint or something but I know what I was meant to do. My job was to live this life the best I can. With you.” My head rested on Alex’s chest.
“I can hear your heart beat.” I laughed, “It’s speeding and slowing at the same time.” I thought I was the only one that got that feeling when I was with her.
“I’m only human. That’s what you do to my heart.” I smiled.
I grabbed her hand and put it to my chest. “You feel that?” We were quiet for awhile.
“Yeah I do.” It feels so awesome.
I kissed her soft, pink, perfectly round lips, “How could I be given someone so right and not have anything bad happen to me? Besides dying.”
“God’s a giving being. Just sometimes bad things have to happen in order to balance life out.” She sounded so wise so knowing that it surprised me.
“Alex’s your so smart why don’t you be the real you? Around your friends you know?” I slid down off her chest and body. To her right.
“I don’t know,” you know just sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doin it, ya know?”
I laughed and said “yeah.” Our fingers entwined. My lips kept finding their way to Alex’s lips, or cheeks, or they just wanted to touch Alex it’s like it was my first nature. To be with her like breathing was second place, and being with Alex was my priority.
“Dianna can I ask you something?”
I nodded. Wondering what there was to ask.
She cleared her throat a little then catching me by surprise she asked “Will you be my wifey?”

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.02.2012

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