Karma

Based on a true story

Written by
Diane Godfrey-Doherty


Prelude….

It was 1967, and in this time prejudice and hatred for anyone other than a white person was still breading and growing. It was just in an underground quiet sort of way. Even though racism and prejudice was frowned upon and times were changing. The next generation was growing up and becoming members of the community, with voices that wanted to be heard. The deep ground roots of hatred still existed, and this is what worried Margret and Edward Lea. They knew the road ahead was not going to be easy for this beautiful child they had just adopted.
The neighbourhood where they lived was becoming more diverse. However, interracial families were just not common. It would be a challenge for both Ed and Margret to face these differences. As the family grew the challenges began to effect more than just them. But it was unconditional love that made them a family, despite the colour of skin. Margret wanted this baby and when the Child’s Adoption Agency called 3 days ago and told her that they had a baby girl waiting for them, she was ecstatic, the thought of colour never entered her mind and when confronted with the acceptance of this gift there was no question.
The morning was peaceful; all you could hear were the morning doves cooing in the yard and the crickets buzzing away the morning dew. Quietly you could hear the faint cry’s from the upstairs bedroom. They began as whimpers and developed into a mellowed cry. Margret knew the sound would soon turn into full blown screams and whales if left unattended. Margret dried her hands with the dishcloths and began her journey up the stairs. Ed her husband of 6 years has already addressed the crying. As both Margret and Ed stood over the crib and looked at their new baby girl and they wondered what her future would be like.
They hoped it would be a future filled with more opportunities. More than what she would have lived without them. As the baby screamed, Ed said to Margret, “well she has a set of lungs on her.” “Maybe she will be an opera singer.” “What do you think about that Karma?” Margret chose the name Karma because she had always believed in Karma as a rule of life and she strongly felt that this baby was good Karma and would always bring them just that. “Oh Lord! I hope not”, Margret replied, “I’ll need ear plugs.” “I am not much of an opera lover, maybe country and western.” “Now that’s more my style”, she continued. “Well, whatever she does, I am sure she will do it well,” Ed stated. Ed lifted Karma out of the crib where she lay restless. Her older brother Matthew shot into the room like a rocket and ran around Margret wanting all the attention. Thank goodness the other kids were busy occupying themselves she thought, her hands were becoming full. But, she wouldn’t have it any other way.
They lived on the outskirts of town on a small but substantial piece of property, which stood a mediocre one floor ranch style home. Not much to look at on the outside, very plain really. It was passed down through the Lea family generations to Ed. This area was being developed and quickly becaming a busy community with more people settling in the suburbs. Many working families could commute to work in the big city and houses were cheaper here. Ed decided it was time to expand his house. Building onto the small style bungalow was the best option for their growing family. The land was there to do it. “I don’t want to give up this house my great grandpa built; our church is across the street, our friends, and our family.” “This is where we belong”, Margret agreed. She couldn’t help but love it too. As days grew into months and months into years their house grew. Not just in structure but in size with the addition of two more children to the family. However, Karma still remained the only black child living in a white family.
It was a struggle for Karma as she grew older and became aware of the differences around her. While she was sheltered at home she knew she looked different. Looking different was all she was really aware of. She was the same in all other aspects. At home, her brothers and sisters treated her no different than anyone else.
However, once she began kindergarten and was exposed to the harsh realities of the way the world behaved in the early 70’s things began to change for Karma.

Chapter 1


It’s 8:00am and the first day of kindergarten and I was scared and nervous but happy and excited to make new friends and play with other kids in my class. I had spent many hours very carefully picking out an outfit for the day and finally I settled on a white dress shirt and a blue jumper dress with leggings and black shoes. It was so exciting to put on my best clothes. All I wanted was to impress the teacher and the other kids. I hoped it would help me make friends right away. I was so excited that I woke up and dressed right away, brushed my teeth and ran down stairs for a bowl of frosted flakes cereal with bananas, my favourite. “There you are Karma, come and sit for breakfast,” Momma told me as she was getting the others ready for school. “We will walk to school shortly”. Karma’s older siblings Matthew and Jennifer had already left for high school this was Jennifer’s first day of grade 9 and she was very excited to be independent and all grown up but Momma said, she still had to walk with Matthew, no if’s and or buts’ about it!

Lucy and David still went to elementary school, the same school I will be going to now. I’m sure my mother was happy that she would have two of her older children watching out for me. The two little ones Katie and Liam the twins where still at home, they still had two more years of blessed freedom as Lucy would call it before the alarm started to wake them up at the crack of dawn too. But I didn’t care I was ready, beyond ready.
As the school bell rang its normal morning ring to announce the beginning of the day. David and I along with Lucy skipped to the front of the school to see where our new classes were. This was my very first day of school, and when we got to the kindergarten gated area I could see all the kids running around playing. Everyone was very excited about the first day of school, and so was I. I did realize that I was the only brown kid in the yard, but the colour of my skin was never any problem at home. I didn’t think it would be a problem at school either. My brothers and sisters didn’t seem to care about the colour of my skin and they love me, so everything will be alright, I told myself as I chocked down the queasiness in my stomach. I turned too looked at my Momma. I had a tear in my eye, because I felt a small quiver of sadness touched my belly and turn upside down. Maybe this was not such a good idea, I thought. Maybe I should stay home. “I don’t feel good Momma,” I began as my tears began to flow. “It is ok Karma, everything will be ok”. “You will have so much fun and meet so many new friends, I promise.”
“I will be here at the end of the day waiting right here for you and you can tell me all about it on the way home.” “Be strong my baby girl, stand tall and show them what ya got.” “Ok Momma, I will,” I said as I trotted to the door where the teacher stood waiting to greet each student when they arrived. I could see my mother turn to walk back home to continue the rest of her day with Katie and Liam but the small quiver held firm in my tummy and just wouldn’t let go, not just yet.
Once I arrived at school all the kids filed into class and our teacher began to speak. “All right, boys and girls welcome to your first day of Kindergarten,” the teacher says loudly. She was a beautiful lady with strawberry coloured hair pulled up into a bun and she ware dark rim glasses that sat on the top of her head for most of the time. After a while, I wondered if she actually ever used them. She scared me at first when she yelled at us but I think she just wanted all of us noisy kids to hear her cause she did not yell like that again all day. I felt kind a scared but I just kept hearing my mother tell me to “be strong” and “stand tall” and I knew I could do that, considering I was the tallest kid in the class. “Everyone come sit at the carpet,” the teacher calls. I went to sit at the teacher’s feet, not thinking of who was sitting around me. I sat and crossed my legs just the same as everyone else, and I looked up eagerly at the teacher and listened to every word she said. I didn’t want to look at the other kids not yet, it just seemed too scary. My teacher began by introducing herself to all of us as Mrs. King and she explained what would happen at school. Mrs. King continued to talk and rock back and forth in her big wooden rocking chair. She was telling us what we were going to be doing at school. Faintly I heard one of the boys sitting in the back of the group of students whispering things. I couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying because I was trying to listen to Mrs. Kings’ every word. But then I heard “she’s dirty, don’t touch her.” I thought nothing of it; I didn’t think it had anything to do with me. I was too busy listening to Mrs. King and I really wanted to please her. Maybe if she liked me she would be my first friend at school. She seemed nice enough. I never took my eyes off her when she spoke but my ears heard more coming from behind me. I wanted to look back to see just who he was talking to but I didn’t. I think deep inside maybe I knew he meant me but I kept my eyes glued to Mrs. King every minute.
“BILLY! Would you like to share what you are talking about back there?” Mrs. King orders from her rocking chair. “Oh, ah no, Mrs. King sorry,” Billy replied. “Well Billy you and I need to have a chat in private, so the class can have some free time to explore the classroom and all the activity centres while you and I step out and speak.” “Ok, Mrs. King”, Billy mumbles with his head down. The class exploded into a frenzy of voices as the students filter their way around the room to explore every nook and cranny. Mrs. King lead Billy out to the hall to talk, I really couldn’t hear what she was asking him until I went to the reading center and sat close to the slightly opened door. I heard Mrs. King ask Billy; “please tell me what you said during circle time”. “I really don’t want to say,” Billy replied. “Listen to me Billy, I heard what you said but I just wanted to make sure that what I heard was exactly what you said,” Mrs. King confirmed. “Ok,” Billy started then with a long pause he began by saying, “she is so dirty, Mrs. King that’s all”, Billy replied. “Who are you talking about Billy?” “The girl in the front with the curly black hair and brown skin, like dirt,” he elaborated. There was silence and I wondered what Mrs. King was doing or what she was about to say. I guess maybe she was getting her thoughts in order. I sat frozen in the corner of the reading center pretending to be reading a book with my knees up to my chest to squeeze the lump that had grown from my tummy to my throat, because I knew Billy was talking about me. I had always known I was different on the outside but that didn’t seem to make a difference in my house with my parents and my brothers and sisters. We were just a family, like any other family. I heard Mrs. King, with a soft voice say, “Billy that little girl has a name and its Karma.” “She has feelings just like you and me.” “ Even though she may look different on the outside she is the same as everyone else on the inside so we all need to make sure we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings while we are here at school. “ I wondered then if Billy felt sorry for what he had said, maybe he didn’t mean it I thought. I waited to hear what Billy would say to Mrs. King. Would she make him apologies to me? Billy had no response. He did not agree or disagree with Mrs. King he just said boldly “but my Daddy always says people who have brown skin are dirty”. I heard the sole of Mrs. King’s shoe click down on the tile floor as if she stepped back not knowing what else to say to Billy. She stood there looking at him for what seemed to be minutes and then knelt down once again and said, “Billy I will not have anyone say hurtful mean things to anyone in my classroom, and that goes for you too.” “No matter what your Daddy says, and if I hear it again you’ll be visiting Mr. Grimes the Principal of the school.” “Do you understand me Billy?” Mrs. King’s voice sounds short and angry, as if she was at her wits end. “Yes Ms King,” is all Billy could say in response and then she brought him back into the classroom. When Mrs. King returned to the room I watched her look around at everyone in the room. Suzy and Brenda are there in the house centre, John, Freddy and Daniel where busy with the building blocks. As Billy joined in with John and Freddy Mrs. King turned around and our eyes met. I was afraid at first that she knew I was listening to her when she was talking with Billy in the hall. A lump gripped my tummy and had driven up into my throat and was making me want to cry. As Mrs. King came up to me I knew she wanted to talk to me and she wondered if I had heard what Billy had said at circle time. “Karma, what’s wrong, why are you crying?” Mrs. King pressed. “I....I....I want to go home,” I couldn’t help but stutter. “I want my Momma, I can’t be strong, and I can’t stand tall.” “I need to go home, please call my Momma.” Mrs. King looked at me slightly confused. Then I guess she must have realized that I heard her and Billy talking out in the hall. As her face straightened she said, “its ok honey I understand, it’s very scary your first day at school.” “Everyone feels this way.” “It will get better sweetie,” Mrs. King tried to coax me out of the reading center without making a scene. “Come on now let’s go back in to the classroom,” she says. “NO”!!!! I couldn’t help but yell out. “Their mean and I need my Momma.” “Who is mean Karma?” And then it dawned on her that I did hear what Billy had told her in the hall. “Oh God” she whispered. “It’s ok Karma, it’s ok sweetheart”. She tried to reassure me with an arm around my back which made me feel warmer and calmer. “I’m sorry you heard what Billy was telling me in the hall, you should not have been listening.” “And even though this is how he feels he....” “No, no!” I interrupted her and looked at her with confusion. “No, Mrs King it wasn’t Billy, it was Freddy.” “As soon as you left the room he told me I was dirty and needed to take a bath because I was all brown like dog poo,” I spat out in broken sob. Mrs. King pulled her arm off my back. As she pulled her hand away I thought she agreed with Freddy, I and dirty like poo. She won’t even touch me, I’m horrible, and yucky just like Freddy said and now the teacher thinks that to. Freddy was right. When, Mrs. King pulled away she could quickly see the pain and sadness swallow up my face. She reached out for me again and hugged me tightly with both arms and gave me the warmest hug. “We will take care of this Karma I promise you.” “This will not continue in my class.” “Come with me.” As she took me by the hand she led me back to the center of the classroom.

Chapter 2


“Hey baby girl, how was your first day?” Is all I heard from Momma when Mrs. King opened the door to check to see which parents were waiting at the doors? “Not so good Momma, I don’t want to go back EVER!” I couldn’t help but say very loudly. I could tell my Momma was confused and she looked at Mrs. King for answers. But all Mrs. King did was give a look that expressed concern and hope without saying a word. I could see that my mother knew that my first day didn’t go as well as I had hoped. Momma took my hand and we began to walk away to the other side of the school where we would find Lucy and David ready and waiting to walk home. All the way home Lucy talked nonstop about how she was sitting next to her best friend Louise and how this was going to be the best year ever. “We’ll share our pencil crayon and lined paper mom,” Lucy mentioned with excitement. “We could even share our lunch too,” she giggled. Lucy seemed to be in a world of her own, excited about the prospects of the school year. I just walked in silence thinking of all the hurtful things that the other children had said to me that day and I wondered how I would be able to go back. I know for sure now that no one will ever want to be my friend because they all think I’m dirty. I guess it showed on my face what I was thinking and feeling cause my Momma seemed to know I was feeling pain.
When we got home and unpacked our backpacks, which were full of the day’s things. Lucy had gone off to call her friend Louise about the next day’s events and as far as David was concerned school was just school, nothing to get excited about. It was just something he had to do because Momma made him. He couldn’t get home fast enough to get to his play station II and drowned himself in one of his games he likes to play for hours at a time.
I laid my pack on the kitchen table and began to pull out my empty lunch bag and tons of papers that were addressed to the parents of the students of Mrs. King’s class, along with the letters from the principal of the school welcoming new parents. “Here Momma, these are for you to read, they are from my teacher.” “We have to make sure all our parents read this important stuff” I repeated Mrs. King’s instructions. “Ok Karma, I will, just give me a moment.” “First, I want to hear about your day,” Momma continued. “Did anything happen today that you want to talk about?” “No!” I looked to the floor quickly. I knew there wasn’t much my Momma would do to help me at school. My Momma was a very shy and quiet woman, but I knew she would love me and be there for me. “Well it seems to me that you aren’t as happy as I thought you would be after your first day of school and I wonder if something happened to upset you,” Momma just blurted out. “I just wanted to come home, that’s all”. Well my mother knew she would have to press me to get the doors open to talk. She really wanted to know what had happened on my first day. “Well, Karma I need to know what happened, sweetheart so that we can talk about it and talk to Mrs. King about it and get things straightened out.” “It’s ok Momma Mrs, King did that already.” “She talked to me and I told her some boys were mean and I heard them say I was dirty and looked like poo.” “He made me cry Momma, he was so mean, and all the kids laughed too.” As soon as I started to talk, the words wouldn’t stop coming out. I continued to tell her that all the kids laughed. My Momma questioned me. “Well maybe not all of them but I felt so ugly Momma, why are boys so mean?” I could see the look on my mother’s face meant she was thinking hard on how she would answer that question. She tried to explain children’s behaviours to me and then it became clear to me that this would be the beginning of my struggles. “Tomorrow would be another day,” my Momma said. But I know my Momma hoped that Mrs. King would be able to get through to her class, and the kids would be nicer to me. Margret knew kindergarten students attended school every other day, so there would be a day to rest at home and try to forget about the first day and how bad it went. By the time I had to go back my Momma hoped I would be ready to give it another try. My Momma said she would help me feel stronger, and encouraged me to make at least one true friend. So I was determined to make at least one friend, one true friend that was all I’d need. “I’m ready; I’m prepared for the challenge Momma.” “This day will be different and if it’s not, I’m not gonna let it make me into a cry baby.” “Or at least no one will see me cry.” “I’m really gonna try my hardest.” “I know you will Karma; I know you can do this.” “But remember I will be there for you when the day is over and that I love you.” My mother was always good for that. Telling me she loved me and that she would be here for me but I knew my momma didn’t really know what to do either when it came to being bullied. Me too momma, I told her.
The next day was different right from the start. Mrs. King had everyone sitting waiting in the coat area. And once everyone had on their indoor shoes and was ready to start the day she just stood there looking at all of us until we all stopped talking. It didn’t take long for everyone to realize that she was staring and waiting. I had no one to talk to so I just sat still and kept my eyes on Mrs. King and waited for her to start the day.
All right children, hush up now and listen very carefully. Everyone sat in silence watching Mrs. King pace up and down the corridor of the coat area as she spoke. I will not have a repeat of Monday, I will not have anyone say or do an-y-thing! That will hurt someone else’s feelings. Today we are going to learn what it is like to care and what it feels like to be hurt so that we all know how it makes us feel. We are going to talk about what happened on Monday and why we should not behave the way that Freddy and Billy did. Mrs. King took a long look at Freddy and Billy as she spoke their names and many other students turned to look at them to. This made Freddy feel uncomfortable and he couldn’t help but look down at his feet while she continued to talk. So today everyone we will now go into class and sit in a circle on the carpet, I will be putting you in groups of two and then we will begin.
Once on the carpet everyone settled down, Mrs. King made the groups of two and I was Freddy’s partner. Somehow I had a feeling that was gonna happen, Freddy didn’t say a word he couldn’t even look at me but I didn’t want to look at him either. Mrs. King said this exercise would be good for us and maybe we might even become friends, Freddy and I. Well I doubt that, but I know what I told my mother this morning and I was gonna really try.

Chapter 3

The sweet smell of late summer faded into crisp autumn as October was in full swing. Things for the most part had settled down at West Park Public School. I would spend most of my free time during recess helping in the library or helping Mrs. King clean up our class. I still didn’t have anyone to play with outside in the yard and I felt better indoors where I could be needed by my teacher. I felt excepted there and not judged. Adults were so different, almost kinder than the kids on the playground. But I did occasionally come across a mean teacher who would just bark orders at me and make me feel intimidated. But I knew I wasn’t the only one getting the brunt of that nasty behaviour. So it didn’t sting that deep. I never did become friends with Freddy but he was nicer to me and he didn’t say mean things anymore. Once he learned that hurtful things could hurt him too, he seemed to soften up a little. Most of the kids just played with the same kids every day. I was so scared to make any new friends I just kept to myself for the most part. I would see my sister Lucy at school only once in a while when she stopped by the kindergarten class to help at lunch time. She always made me feel special because she would sit with me and we would talk just the two of us. I liked that time with Lucy. But when she was at home sick with the flu I missed her a lot during lunch. Every day I felt alone in a class full of children, they would be nattering and laughing away about something and I would just stare at them. Sometimes if someone caught me staring, they would snap at me to look somewhere else, or tell me I was being weird or something. I felt a sour empty squeeze in the pit of my stomach most days and the same emptiness that I felt when my grandmother had died and I realized I would never see her again. Such a lonely dark empty feeling would creep up on me almost every day I had to go to school, I thanked heaven it wasn’t every day of the week. Would this be what school is like for me, alone and lonely looking for a place to fit in, looking for friend? I wondered. My mother began to tell me the best friend a person could ever have, was themselves. So that’s just what I did. I was my own best friend. Well my teddy and the stuffed rabbit my Momma made for me when I was born were my best friends. When I started to talk I tried to say bunny but it sounded like bubby, so my bunny‘s name was now Bubby. And this is all I had to sooth my loneliness of wanting to just have a friend. My sisters and brother were always around but we were only as close as regular siblings usually got. Lucy and Jennifer are older and it wasn’t long before they became interested in boys and were no longer interested in little sister stuff. But I still had Liam and Katie the twins. Katie loved to play babies and house with me. It was so much fun playing dress up with Katie, but most of the time Liam came in search of her to do something else. Katie would sometimes go with Liam but most times she’d stay doing what we liked to do. Things changed a lot around my house as everyone grew up and started doing different things and being interested in different stuff. But I loved my sisters and my brothers even though the boys were icky sometimes and want to play with worms and stuff. Matthew was 16 by the time I completed my first year of school and so mom and dad said he could now babysit us if they went out. I wasn’t so sure about that. Matthew’s head was always buried in some XBOX game; I don’t think he’d even hear if the house exploded.
Well at least we had Jennifer who had just turned 14 two weeks ago. I think at times she was more responsible than Matthew was. Well I heard Jennifer telling Matthew that girls are smarter than boys, and I think it’s true.
Some days my tummy was all in knots and that sour feeling in my stomach would be there long before breakfast. I knew momma would make me go to school and face the world as she said it, but on those days I just really didn’t want to. I really didn’t see how I was going to make it though the day, through the long, long, lonely day. I knew today would be no different than the last, and that if Lucy were away again I might end up eating my lunch in the girl’s bathroom stall just so that I could be alone and not see everyone else in my class laughing and talking and being friendly with everyone else but me. I knew I was different but I had feelings that were the same as them. Didn’t the other kids ever feel this way? I wondered these things when I was alone in my silent world during 9 am and 3:30 pm. Come Friday at 3:30 in the afternoon I wouldn’t give those kids another thought until Monday morning and my week of silence would began again. I would often try to sneak my stuffed bears that I named Bunny and Teddy into school with me just so that I wouldn’t feel so alone. I knew that if I hid them in my packsack I could bring them out at lunch when no one was around to see. And just knowing they were here with me in the classroom, helped me to feel less alone.
My first year past much quicker than I thought and when summer came I was so happy to be away from school and all the kids who where there. Some kids like Billy Hamilton couldn’t help themselves but to pick on me from time to time, and I always felt sad because no one ever wanted to play with me during recess. It was a very lonely time for me. I spent a lot of time reading books and getting lost in fairy tales. Soon I found myself looking forward to having time alone to read so that I could get lost in the fantasy of what I was reading. I would pretend to be one of the characters, usually the one that was the most pretty or popular. Even though I was just finishing grade one I could read better than many grade three kids. I was already reading short chapter books, with lots of pictures. But they were still far more advanced than some of the books my classmates were reading.
If they were reading at all. I looked forward to summer time, because I was sad a lot of the time during the school year. But when summer came I didn’t want to be sad anymore. This was time for me, my brothers and sisters to have all day to do whatever we wanted to do and we would do it together. I loved my family, and they loved me and I didn’t feel so lonely then.
Every summer Momma always wants to plant a vegetables garden in the far back of our yard. We have a lot of property and when my Grandpa built this house many years ago he also built a small tree fort in the large willow tree near the garden. During summer days Lucy, Katie and I would go up there and claim it as our girls club. No boys allowed, the sign Lucy made, would say, although, we did let David and Liam in all the time. A lot of time I would go up there on my own and read. I loved to hear the birds whistle, and the mourning doves coo. I would pretend I was in the forest and no one could find me, until I wanted to be found. It helped me fall into the fantasy of my books, like I was in a different place. I think books became my best friends; books and my sisters. I was grateful for that but I still waited for my first real friend. I knew it would happen, some day.

Chapter 4


Time changes many things and many people. I did begin to talk to some of the kids in my class, but I never did meet that one true friend my dad always talked about. Billy Hamilton, the mean kid from kindergarten didn’t change much. He was still saying mean things. I wondered if he would ever change. Maybe one day he would be my friend. He wasn’t all bad.
Lucy and David graduated from elementary school and had gone on to high school. Liam and Katie "my younger siblings" started at West Park Public School. I would go see them in their classes at lunch just like Lucy had done with me when I was little.
Sitting at my desk, I would look out the window often and watch the wind blow the dry and crunchy colored leaves from the trees, stripping them naked for the winter snow. I would lose myself in the changing of the seasons. It was so beautiful to watch. I waited quietly in my seat for the teacher to start her class for the day. A knock came at the door; it was Mr. Grimes, our Principal. He stood there waiting to talk to my teacher and with him stood a little black girl. Her eyes were dark, and her skin was even darker than mine was. She looked around at all the kids in the room and then put her head down almost as if she were scared to enter the room. She seemed so scared or shy. I just sat and watched her and the grownups just like the rest of the class. Then she was taken to the front of the class by the teacher and introduced to everyone.
"This is our new student Allison James”, our grade 2 teacher Ms. Small called out. “She is new to the area, and to the school, and I would like to see our class make her feel welcome”. “Can we all say good morning to Allison”? “Good Morning Allison”, the class repeated. I smiled wide at her to make her feel welcomed. I was determined to make friends with Allison, and I hoped right away that we would be friends forever and ever. Not just because we were both the same color, but I needed a friend, and I knew my classmates were not very welcoming if the truth were told.
The whispers started almost right away before Allison could get to her new seat. It was like kindergarten all over again, but this time I was not the target. Allison kept her head down and took her seat two rows over towards the back of the room. I could see her from my desk. I kept peaking over at her, thinking about how I could get a chance to talk to her. At morning recess, all the kids ran out to the yard to make sure they got their full 15 minutes of free time. As usual, I stayed behind to help the teacher and I noticed that Allison had done the same. Ms. Small asked if Allison would like to help me with some special jobs during recess. I was happy when she agreed.
Allison and I sat at the round table and began to work on cutting out shapes Ms. Small needed for art class. “What is your name”? Allison asked me. Her voice was very low and cracking. “Karma”, I replied. “Oh! That’s a weird name”, she said in a whisper. Great, I thought here we go again, someone else to make fun of me. “Hmmm, well I don’t think it’s that weird”, I started, “my Momma believes in karma as a rule in, life and she always says that everyone should have a little karma in their lives”. “It’s weird”, she started again, “but I like it.” Allison added. Then she smiled a big toothy grin that took up her whole mouth. I noticed right away that her teeth sparkled.
“Thanks, I like it too”, I replied. “So where did you move from”, I asked. “Toronto, have you ever been there?” “No,” I quickly replied. “What was it like?” “It is the same as any big city really, lots of tall buildings and stores, and many cars, too many for my Momma. She hated things being so busy, especially after my Daddy left. That’s when she became scared of things in the city and wanted to move somewhere quieter. That’s what she told me anyway. In some ways I miss it, there was so much action going on, so much to look at right outside my front door. But I think that’s what got Momma all freaked out, so here we are in the suburbs.” “Do you miss your friends?” “Oh ya, I do, but Momma says I’ll meet new ones. I guess maybe you could say you’re my first new friend Karma.” “Do you want to be friends?” Allison asked. This was the first time anyone asked ME to be their friend. I was so excited; I wanted to jump at the chance to say yes. But I didn’t want to look silly. So I choked out a cool sounding, “ya sure Allison”. “Call me Ally", she said, “I like Ally better”. In my head I was spinning, that is it! I did it. I made a friend, and we would be true friends forever, I just knew it.
Ally had come from a big city, where people of different color and religions in school were common. She was not used to being bullied, as was the case for me at West Park Elementary. The bullies who loved to take daily pokes at me decided to start on Ally since she was now my friend. She didn’t deal with it in the same way I did. She was always thinking of ways to get back at those bullies. She realized very quickly that she had to be sneaky because her plans could very quickly turn on her if the bullies had the chance. So Ally waited until it was the best time for pay back as she called it. She didn’t have to wait long, but this time Ally was careful. She planned the best time and place for her payback, and I was happy to be a part of it. “Those boys wouldn't know what hit them, and it would teach them a big lesson”, Ally would say. “But the timing had to be just right”. Days passed, and those kids continued to call me names like nigger and dirty pig. Billy Hamilton would get away with throwing mud balls and calling me names. The teacher out in the yard would just turn her back. I know she saw what he did, but I also knew she would do nothing about it. So I didn’t get sad because I knew what was coming their way. All their name calling and mud balls didn't hurt that bad, knowing that. I knew that one day; they would learn how it would feel to hurt inside. The same way I felt every day when I had to listen to their name calling.

Chapter 5

Days turned to weeks and I wondered when Ally was going to put her plan in motion, or at least when I could hear about all the details of the plan. All she would tell me was she was "working it out" and that “it would be good”. As it turns out the boys were the least of our worries. Mrs. Chapman, a substitute teacher had taken over for Mrs. Small while she was away having a baby. Mrs. Chapman was short, and really round. She had grey hair with little flecks of black in it. Her face drooped, like gravity was pulling her skin down to the floor. Her eyes always looked black. The pupils were so big you couldn’t see any color in them. With her thick bushy grey and black colored eye brows, she always looked grouchy, and she was. She didn’t like me or Ally. We knew it even though she never said it out loud. She watched us like a hawk, always waiting for us to do something wrong. Even if it wasn’t wrong to another teacher, more than likely it was wrong with her.
One day after recess was over I was one of the last ones to come into class after getting my boots off in the hall, I straightened my boots and all of them looked lined up nicely. Mrs. Chapman came in to class after all the students. She stood in the doorway, and called me to the back of the class. She looked so angry and I didn’t understand why but then again there really didn't need to be a reason for her to be angry with me. "Karma did you do this?” She asked as she pointed to the boots kicked all over the hall. "No! Mrs. Chapman”, I stuttered. “Really Karma", "I find that hard to believe" "Who else would do such a thing; you know how I pride my class on neatness. Who was it then”? She glared at me. “I don't know,” I relied. “Well Karma I know it was you and for that, you must be punished. Go to time out”, “time out, Mrs. Chapman”? “Yes Karma Now”! She hollered, “I don't like the site of you”. As she opened the door to the storage closet, which was very tall but shallow in depth she pushed me inside and shut the door. As the door closed, I could see Ally looking at me as Mrs. Chapman put me in what she called “the time out”.
I had no idea how long I had to be in there or if I could open the door to ask a question. What if I had to pee? I thought. Oh please God, don't let me have to go pee, ran through my mind. I leaned against the closet wall and began to slide down to the floor. I sat down and wrapped my arms around my knees. I rested my head down on top of my knees and waited. I didn’t think Mrs. Chapman would make me stay in here for very long, but then again I never knew what she would do. I just knew she hated me and I knew she didn’t like Ally much either. I closed my eyes and remembered the words my Momma would tell me. It helped me to feel stronger when I went to school each morning. She would tell me to, “Stand tall, keep my head up high and be proud of who I am”. Sometimes she would tell me “she knew when she adopted me that my life would be harder than most others would be. I guessed it was because I was a black baby adopted into an all white family. Living with my family was never hard. Even though my parents had five of their own children and only adopted two and I was the only black child.
My parents never treated me any different. The color of my skin never seemed to matter at home or at our church. Although, many people at my church would stared at me and my family while we were sitting in the pews. I guess some people were still not use to seeing me with my family. Hum, well I know my parents love me and that is all that matters.
As I rested my chin on my knee, I was sure only a few minutes passed but in truth it had been hours. When, Mrs. Chapman finally opened the closet door. I had to squint from the light because it was so bright it was shinning in my eyes. I could not get focus of the room at first. I think I must have fallen asleep. I'm not sure, but I do know that all the kids in my class were again watching me be let out. “Have you learned your lesson girl”? Mrs. Chapman bellowed at me. I couldn't answer; I was confused and felt a little sleepy. “Girl you listening to me”, she continued? “I hope you learned your lesson child”. “Now get out there and clean up the mess you left in the hallway”. Mrs. Chapman grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the closet. I was blinded by the bright lights of the classroom and all I could hear was the beginning laughter of the kids in my class as I was thrown out into the hall.
I stood in the hall just outside the classroom door trying to get myself together. I looked down at the mess of boots on the floor and I was horrified when I noticed that I did have to pee, and I had all over myself while I was in the time out. That is why they were laughing, I realized. All I could do was fall to my knees and cry. I wanted my Momma, I wanted to go home, and I wanted to run away.
I got to my feet and looked down the hall, I saw no one so I ran to the end. Then I turned and ran down the stairs and out the north doors of the school and just kept running. I didn't even feel the cold air tickle my skin as I ran home. I didn’t live far from school. Walking it would take me 15 minutes but running I could do it in five. I ran than I ever had up the front steps of the porch to my house hoping to just push the door and have it fly open. All I wanted to do was fall into my mother’s arms and cry the rest of my tears out, but the door didn’t move. I franticly started to turn the knob. It was locked, suddenly I was confused. Where is Momma? Then I realized the car was gone! Oh no! She isn’t home and I haven’t got a key. Could this day get any worse? I thought, as I sat down on the step and waited. Momma couldn’t be long I thought, she must be home soon but it was getting really cold out and I left my coat behind in the classroom.
I pulled my arms up into the sleeves of my shirt to keep warm and I curled up into a ball and just sat there waiting, thinking about what could be going on at school and what Mrs. Chapman would do to me when she realized I had ran away.
Would she put me in the time out again, and I wondered if our principal Mr. Grimes knew about Mrs. Chapman’s kind of time out. With my head down between my knees, I shivered and waited for my mother to come home. I just wanted her to know all about what happened to me today and tell her I just couldn’t go back to that school. I don’t want to go back to that class ever again! I bet all the kids are still laughing at me and making fun of me. Why do they hate me? What did I ever do to them? Why can’t they just leave me alone?, was all I could think of over and over again until I heard the rush of the van engine pulling into the driveway. As I peaked my eyes out from under my shirt, I could see my mom rushing towards me. “Karma…….Karma! , what are you doing here”? “Why are you not in school? Oh God, you’re freezing”! I heard my Momma say, as she wrapped her arms around me. I felt he slight warmth from her coat against me when she grabbed me, but my insides were frozen solid. I couldn’t even move. I tried to huddle with my arms inside my thin shirt to stay warm. By the time she got home I couldn’t even feel the cold anymore.
My Momma picked me up and carried me inside, wrapping me in a warm blanket. Then she was gone. I shivered so hard I thought my teeth would crack in two. When Momma came back, the twins Liam and Katie with her and they were carrying the groceries in side from the car to the kitchen. As I watch, Katie asked, “Mom why is Karma home”? She looked very puzzled. I guess she was confused because I had been crying and I was outside in the cold with no coat. Even though my skin color is a light brown shade after being out in the cold for so long without a coat, you could see white shades forming on my arms and my cheeks.
Mom just shooed the twins away to play and before I knew it, she was sitting beside me with a hot cup of cocoa. “Oh Momma”, I cried and once the tears started they wouldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried. “Karma”, my Momma kept saying over and over until I looked up at her. “It’s ok now you're home, just tell me what happened”? Momma looked very concerned as I sipped my cocoa and began to tell her the story of my day.
Going through some parts of the story I could see my mother’s expressions change from concern to anger to bewilderment and then finally to being confused. She looked as confused as I felt. Through sobs and sips, I told Momma everything and threw it all the phone didn’t ring once. The school didn’t even know I was gone, I thought.
When, Momma finally called to speak to the principal, Mr. Grimes. I heard her ask him if he knew I was missing from school, and my Momma was mad I could hear it in her voice. It wasn’t often my mother got mad but when she did holy cow watch out. We would all run and hide. I could see Momma getting angrier on the phone as she talked to Mr. Grimes, “It’s her fault”! I heard my Momma say. “What”? “You can’t be serious”? “Do you realize what happened to Karma in the classroom”? There was a long silence. “You’ve got to be kidding me Mr. Grimes”. “You’re telling me that Karma is lying and that my 8 year old daughter left school, and walked home in the cold without a coat just to cause trouble for you and Mrs. Chapman”. “Really, is that what you are saying Mr. Grimes”? “I can’t believe what I am hearing, my Momma continued”. “Did you ask the other students in the class to see if any of this was true”? “And why not”? She continued. “Oh, I see, ah huh”. My mother listened I assumed to what Mr. Grimes was saying on the other end until she said. “Thank you for your time Mr. Grimes I will keep Karma at home instead of you making her serve a detention at school”. “However, I would like to request that punishment for her running away not continues when she returns to school; her father and I will take care of it at home”.
I looked at my mother, confused. What just happened? Was I getting in trouble now? And for what, I thought as I hung my head down low. Momma got off the phone and was mumbling something under her breath that I couldn’t hear clearly. I was ready for the punishment whatever it was going to be. I realized Mr. Grimes was right. I shouldn’t have left the school. That was wrong. But I just wanted to get away from there and I wanted to be at home where I knew I was safe and no one could get me.
My mother sat down beside me and all she said was “it’s going to be alright now Karma, I have talked to Mr. Grimes and you’re going to stay home for a day or so before you go back”. “Think of it as a break and a time to think of what you could have done differently”. “Or maybe what you would do differently next time something like this happens”. Next time, I didn’t want there to be a next time ever. “Why do I get to stay home Momma”? I saw this as more of a gift than anything else. “Mr. Grimes thought it might be best to keep you home for a day until you feel better and are ready to go back”. “Oh, am I in trouble”? “I heard you say I would have a detention at school”. “Was that for running away and not telling anyone”? I continued to push. “Well yes, Karma, I said that to Mr. Grimes because I could tell it was important to him that you learn a lesson here, and that running away was wrong”. “You need to stay and deal with your problems, stand tall and be strong against the odds so to speak”. “How could I stand tall, be strong against them, all twenty-four of them laughing at me." “Pointing and laughing”, I tried to explain to my mother.
As the visions in my mind, the bright blurry lights filled my memory. The vision remained, with all twenty-four kids in my class laughing, pointing, and enjoying the funny site of me. All except for....………………..Oh God!
I remembered Ally’s face as she looked at me. She was sitting the closest to me when I came out of the closet and just now I remember how she looked at me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her eyes were all red from rubbing them away. I realized right then, that she had been crying, while I was in the closet. I knew Ally enough to know that she must have felt locked in that closet with me, even though she was on the outside of the closet door. At that moment, I knew I had to go back. Not for me, but for Ally. She needed me and I needed her. We had to be together, to fight together against all this hate. We had to try to figure out why there is so much ugliness.
I realized at that moment that this would be a burden I would have to carry my entire life, even though I pray that time would change people and people would change the world’s way of thinking. I knew it would still take a long time for change to show. As I sat drinking my cocoa, looking out the front window I knew, I had to toughen up and that the world was not always going to be a friendly place. I had to figure this out and hold on to my only friend who knew exactly how I felt, because she felt it too.

Chapter 6


Things didn’t change much as the school year continued. Mrs. Chapman was still filling in for Mrs. Small. She didn’t tell any of us when Mrs. Small would be coming back. I was hoping a praying it would be really soon. For the most part kids like Billy Hamilton left me alone. Unless they were bored or needed to show off to their friends and show how tough they were. Second term was long and cold, but Ally and I had each other. There wasn’t much of an opportunity for us to stay inside to help a teacher or work in the library during recess. So we would go outside and just walk around together. As long as we had each other, we were ok.
On the days when Ally was sick and away from school, it was very scary for me, as I am sure it was for her when I was not at school. I tried not to miss very many days. I knew how important it was for us to stick together. Winter seemed long. It seemed as if it would never end at times. I had forgotten all about the pay back scheme Ally wanted to do to those bullies earlier in the year but she didn’t. She was still planning, I just didn’t know it. Ally had been planning something and it had to do with the doors of the school locking once they shut. Even if the students are out at recess the doors would lock us out.
If the bell rang or a student needed to get inside the supervising teacher would have to unlock the doors. This particular day Ally and I were out in the schoolyard wondering around just chatting about this and that when out of the blue, Ally started to tell me about how she had come up with the perfect plan to teach those bullies a good lesson in how to treat people. As she explained her plan, I looked around to see if I could find the kids we were talking about. Then I spotted them on the north side of the building. They were far from the doors of the school. As Ally continued, I realized this just might work, but we will have to be quick and the timing will have to be perfect. All the other kids will have to be inside before they get to the doors. “How do you plan to get those bullies away from the door”? I questioned. “Oh I got it covered” Ally began to explain. “I asked Danny Ferguson to go up to them just before the bell and tell them that Mrs. Chapman needs them to check around the outside of the school for some equipment left behind by the janitor, and when they come back to the doors, they will be locked out”. “Why would Danny Ferguson help us”? I wondered out loud. “He doesn’t like us and he never plays with us”. “I know, but he hates the way those kids pick on us and treat us so mean”. “He wants to get back at them too”. “For what”? I couldn’t help asking. Just as Ally finished explaining, I noticed that Danny was walking over to the bully kids and I said to Ally, “it’s time, let’s go”. Ally and I ran to the door knowing the bell was going to ring at any minute. Our time was running out if we were going to pull this off. Sure enough, the bullies went around back of the building and Danny came running in the school doors behind all the other kids. He began to yell, “Shut the door SHUT the door”! Ally did just that, with a slam! I ran down the hall to the South entrance to make sure that the door was shut and locked. And it was. For some reason it didn’t seem to take long for all the kids to get inside at the end of that recess and get to class. It must have been the weather, it was cold enough to have your nose stick together just by breathing. Or they could be just taking their time getting around back to the north side. Ally and I ran to class knowing we couldn’t be late. We got to our classroom door just in time, took off our boots and went inside. I was out of breath and feeling confident that finally those bad kids will know how it feels to be left out in the cold. I look over at Ally but she had no expression on her face. Actually, she looked terrified. I stopped smiling then and wondered if there was something Ally knew that I didn’t.
We sat at our desks waiting for Mrs. Chapman to enter into our class. I thought of Mrs. Small, she must have been very sick because she has been away for a month or two now. I really want her back. She was so nice to me. I wondered if she will ever come back, and just then, I got a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if Mrs. Chapman is our teacher for the rest of the year, was all that came to my mind. Oh God! I wanted to be sick right then and there. The thought of Mrs. Chapman’s evil eyes watching my every move waiting for me to do something wrong or just something she didn’t like. Then I’d have to go into, the time out as she called it. Every time she would put Ally or me in there she would say that she couldn’t stand the sight of us.
One day while I was not in, the time out, I realized that none of the other children in the class ever used the time out. If another student misbehaved and Mrs. Chapman wanted to punish them, she just sent them out to the hall. She never said anything to them in front of the class. But that didn’t happen often. It was mostly Ally and I that got the blame for anything that went wrong in our class. Well, I wasn’t going to give her another chance to put me in the time out. I was going to try to be as good as gold. As I was looking straight ahead towards the front of the class I was thinking of how I could be so good that Mrs. Chapman wouldn’t bother me anymore.
As I sat there lost in my thoughts, I suddenly felt a sharp snap of pain to the back of my head. My head flew back so fast it hit the edge of the desk behind me. “Whoa! Ouch”! I turned to see Mrs. Chapman standing over me. She was looking very angry. She looked like an evil witch who was ready to boil me in a pot, right where I sat. Oh know was all that came to my mind besides the pain in the back of my head. “Get out of my class, you are a bully”, she said. I was confused what was she talking about. “GET OUT OF MY CLASS NOW”! She repeated yelling so loudly I thought for sure the other teachers would come running. I couldn’t speak; I got up slowly and moved as far away from her as I could get. Was afraid she’d grab me again or worse throw me into time out for a really long time. When I was almost to the door, she turned on Ally. “GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM”! She screamed repeatedly to Ally. “You are a bully, and I won’t have that here in my class”. “GET OUT”! Ally got up and moved just as quickly as I did to the door. We were barely outside the class when... ...SLAM! The big old wooden door slammed shut behind us hitting Ally in the back. Mrs. Chapman couldn’t even wait for Ally to be fully out in the hall before shutting the door. I looked at Ally as she rubbed her head from the thud of the door. “What just happened”? I asked her. “I don’t know”, she relied.
We just stood there confused not knowing what to do. So, we waited. Waited for someone to come and tell us what we were to do or for someone to send us down to the office. We didn’t dare move unless Mrs. Chapman or Mr. Grimes said to. I looked down the hall as I heard whispers of laughter coming from the end by the staircase and I saw their faces. The faces of those bully kids that Ally and I locked out at recess. My first thought was, how did they get in to the school? Who let them in? Everyone was in class. And how would they know that we had anything to do...............oh!
The thought hit me hard like a brick, Danny Ferguson snitched! He must of. It had to be him. He was the only one who knew about our plan. He knew we were the ones setting this up. I wondered, did he offer to help us just so that he could get us into trouble. I bet he did. I said from the beginning he isn’t our friend and we couldn’t trust him. All the white kids stick together. Even if they don’t pick on us they certainly wouldn’t stand up for us. They just laugh like everyone else.
All this was running through my mind in seconds. I turned to Ally who had slid down the wall and was sitting on the floor. She looked defeated, broken. But I wasn’t. I was mad! Mad that I let myself trust a kid like Danny Ferguson. I went to sit next to Ally to tell her what I had just realized and seen at the end of the hall. Ally just stared at the wall on the other side of the hall as if she were in a trance. “Ally.....Ally?? Are you hearing me”? I whispered. After a long silence she replied, “Ya, I hear you”. I immediately started to tell her that I thought Danny Ferguson had ratted us out. Ally returned with, “It’s not true he wouldn’t do that, he didn’t do that”. “Oh Ally can’t you see it”? I pleaded with her. “It had to be Danny, who else”? “No Karma, it wasn’t”. She said with a sigh. This sounded like a sigh of defeat. “Well then you tell me who else knew, who else would have squealed”? “No one squealed Karma”, her low sighing tone continued. “I didn’t think about the front doors of the school and today Mrs. Chapman had supervision duty at that door”. “I bet you my snicker doodles that the bullies came in and asked her where the equipment was and the story just came out from there”. “Mrs. Chapman knew that she didn’t ask those big kids to do anything”. Ally finished. “Well ok” the thought stirred in my head, “but why us”? “Danny told the bullies to get the equipment not us! So he must have told them”. “No, Karma he didn’t”. “I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think it was him”. “Mrs. Chapman blames us for everything and those bullies love to get us into trouble”. “We are just easy targets”, she finished. “But that still doesn’t answer the question, why us”? “Why not us”!? Ally returned with anger. “What do those boys care”? “They’re just using this situation to their advantage, and watching us get in trouble”. “I didn’t think about that until we came into the school and I saw Mrs. Chapman supervising the front foyer and doors”. “Then I just had a feeling, I knew it just wasn’t going to work out for us”, Ally finished with a sign. “Oh”, was all I could get out.
Everything Ally just said made sense. I leaned back on the cement wall beside Ally; the two of us just stared off into space. I was wondering what would happen to us now. Would it be the dreaded time out for us or to Mr. Grimes’ office or something much, much worse? Either way I hoped it wouldn’t be bad. I have been through a lot at West Park Public School. But I think it's only made me stronger. Somehow I knew that things were not going to get any easier for me but I knew that I had Ally and that gave me courage to face another day.

Chapter 7

Ally and I just sat in the hall, in silence, waiting, waiting for something, anything to happen next. I wondered what Ally was thinking just then. Her eyes were closed as if she were sleeping. But I knew she wasn’t. Ally, I whispered. Do you have another plan? I bet the next one will work better. We’ll just have to be extra careful. Ally didn’t answer me right away and a long deep breath of a sign came out of her followed by a short no. No Karma, I’m not very good at this. It took me forever just to come up with this plan, and it wasn’t a very good one to begin with. Ally was defeated. Right there in that statement I realised Ally had given up before she had even begun. She sat with her head low between her knees and I was just looking at the dirty floor of the school hall. I had to agree with her. I wasn’t any good at this sort of thing either. And I knew that right from the start. I had just hoped Ally was. Now I felt defeated, those bullies had won and would keep on winning day after day because Ally and I had no idea what to do about it. From out of nowhere Mr. Grimes appeared standing in front of us. Girls, Why are you in the hall? I looked to Ally who still had her head hanging low. I didn’t want to answer him but I knew then I would have to be the one. I looked up at Mr. Grimes and said we aren’t sure Mr. Grimes why we are in the hall. I wasn’t about to admit what we tried to do and failed badly. That would just cause us more trouble in the end. Well, Karry, is it? The principal began, Mrs Chapman called down to the office a filled me in on the tricks you to have been up to this afternoon and I must say I’m not happy, he ended. Karma! I said what? He relied, Karma, I said again. My name is Karma, Mr. Grimes and we didn’t.......I tried to tell Mr. Grimes the story of how we were not involved with whatever Mrs. Chapman told him we were involved in. I knew she would lie and make it worse than it was, so I tried to explain what happened. He didn’t want to hear it, he said. He opened the door to the classroom and pushed us inside. As we went in the teacher was teaching a lesson to the class. The class all stopped and 24 pairs of eyes turned on Ally and me as we walked in with Mr. Grimes. Mrs. Chapman didn’t look too pleased to see us back in her class. She was probably hoping we would be out in the hall all day. Or, that when she called, down to Mr. Grimes he would send us home. But that’s not what Mr. Grimes had in mind. Mrs. Chapman came to the back of the class to speak with Mr. Grimes. Go to your seats girls! Was our directions from the principal and Ally and I hurried off to sit down. Mrs. Chapman and Mr. Grimes went into the hall and closed the door. Some of the kids were looking at me, some at Ally, and some at the door trying to listen to what they were talking about out there. We couldn’t make out all the exact words, but it sounded as if Mrs. Chapman was being scolded for putting us out into the hall for so long. When she came in she didn’t look to happy. I looked at Ally hoping that my eyes could tell her what I was thinking. But she just looked down at her desk. Maybe she already knew what I was thinking. I was waiting for Mrs. Chapman’s discipline now. The door shut quietly I wouldn’t dare look back at her. I just looked straight ahead waiting, waiting, for the punishment.
The other children didn’t feel it necessary to turn to look forward most of them kept their eyes on us to see what Mrs. Chapman was going to do. A few seconds past, then I could hear the slow click of her heels of her shoes walk towards me. She walked so slowly. Why was she walking so slowly? I wondered. Then she stopped, right behind me, and just stood there behind my right shoulder. Just far enough back so that I couldn’t see her without turning my head. A long drawn out silence had the hair on the back of my neck standing up on end. Just what was she going to do? I wondered. I wanted so bad just to look back at her but I didn’t dare. Then out of the corner of my eye I notice something move quickly. Then suddenly a loud SMACK! I quickly adjusted my eyes and realised she had just taken the wooden pointer stick and smacked it down on my desk. It was such a loud sound that I jumped and fell out of my seat to the left thinking it was going to hit me. I still had her eyes on me, but she said nothing. She just looked at me as she continued her slow walk to the front of the classroom. I scrambled to my seat, confused as to what just happened. She must have gotten in trouble with Mr. Grimes. I didn’t look up at her for the rest of the entire day. I did look to Ally though and she was doing the same as me. Keeping, our heads down, and our eyes to ourselves.
Ally and I stayed to ourselves for the most part. After that day when Mrs. Chapman got in trouble with Mr. Grimes, or so we think she did. She would not let us stay in anymore during recesses. We no longer could help other teachers or work in the library. She called that a luxury and we were too bad to get that. So every day Ally and I were put out into the cold for recesses with the rest of the 236 students of West Park Elementary School. We froze our bums off, it was so cold. But I was glad that Momma had made sure I had everything I needed to keep me warm during the day. That wasn’t always the case for Ally. I didn’t know if it was because she was forgetting her mittens, hat and boots or was it her Momma. I would bet it was Ally. No Mother would forget such important things, I believed. Even though Ally and I have been friends know for quite awhile I still didn’t know very much about her. I was never invited to her house to play after school or on weekends. At first I really didn’t care. All I ever wanted to do was get home where I felt safe and I loved to play with my sisters. I never felt like I needed other kids to play with. But when Ally and I became so close I really wanted to be more than just a school friend. I wanted to be a everything friend. I wondered if Ally had any brothers or sisters. In all the time we spent together I never asked her anything about her family. It was always just school kids we knew and things that happen at school.
Well I’m determined to be a better friend to Ally, I declared. Momma, can I invite Ally over after school tomorrow? I asked. Well Karma tomorrow is a bad day for that. Jennifer has a dentist appointment after school and then I have to sign David up for summer baseball, summer baseball, now In February? Yes Karma, registration is now so that they can have the time to sort out all the players, Momma said. I’m sorry Karma maybe another time, this week is too busy. I was disappointed that’s for sure but I knew that my Momma had her hands full when Dad was working and she had to take care of everything for all seven of us. And my brother David has played baseball every summer since he was little. He loved it, and we loved going to the games to watch him and cheer him on. Last summer his team won the divisional trophy. He was so happy. Dad was so proud. Well I knew I couldn’t push having Ally over. Deep down I didn’t really want to because I knew how important this was to David, and to my Dad. He loved baseball just as much as David, if not more. Ally and I would continue to be school friends for the time being. I began to wonder as the days passed why Ally never asked me over to her house. I started to drop hints that we should play outside of school and all that Ally would say was ya sure, some day. Then one day I just blurted it out. What about today? I could come to your house to play? Oh a, hmm, a......., was all that Ally could say. Oops I thought. That wasn’t polite. I’ll have to ask my Momma she is very busy, Ally replied. Oh ok, well why don’t I walk home with you today and we can ask her together? Oh, a, hmm, umm well........Ally was saying as she was thinking things through. If she says no then I will just walk home from your house. I replied. That is a long walk Karma. I know but I can do it. Maybe Matthew will come get me he has his drivers permit now and he has been dyeing to drive Momma minivan. I could call him from your house. It would be ok. All I thought about was myself and not Ally. I just really wanted to play with her outside school and to see her house, her room. Become better friends. Ally looked a little concerned but I reassured her it would be ok. Thinking she was worried about me and how I would get home. I did walk home with Ally that day. Maybe she felt she had no choice I was being a little pushy. Ally didn’t say much about where she lived on the walk home. We just talked about her room and the colours of her bedroom walls, her favourite toys. I wanted to know everything about my best friend. Before I knew it we were walking inside a low rise apartment building. The entrance was dirty, but not with garbage or junk just wear and tear. The walls could do with some paint I thought and the couch in the front entrance was really worn. What are we doing here? I asked her. Thinking maybe we had to make a stop on our way to her house. This is where I live, she replied. Here? Was all I could say? Yes Karma, I live in an apartment. Where did you think I lived, in a house like yours? She continued. I...I...Didn’t think, I stuttered, ya, I guess I did Ally. My eyes were everywhere. I had never been in an apartment building before. Truth is told I had never been to anyone else house except if my parents took me and everyone they knew lived in a house. Ally pushed the elevator button and we waited. What are we waiting for I asked? The elevator, haven’t you ever been in an elevator? She asked. Ya, I have, with my Momma in a big office building. It’s the same thing, Ally replied, maybe smaller. The door opened and Ally stepped in, I followed with hesitation. Hit the fourth floor button she said to me. Oh ok, doing that the doors shut and we were in the small metal box, hopefully going up I thought. By the sounds of it we could be going down at any minute. We got to Ally’s front door as she opened the door the smell of cigarette smoke smacked me in the face. It was strong. You could almost see the smoke floating in the air. Momma, Ally called. Momma, She called again. Wait here she told me. I stood still and waited for Ally to return. She went off in search of her mother. A few minute later she came back, she said her mother had a head ache and was lying down and that we could go to her room, but only for a little bit, and we had to be very quiet. I tip toed behind Ally to her room. It was painted a light purple colour and her ceiling was pink. Very girlie, I thought. I wished my room could have such colour, I said to her. Her bed was a mess and she had clothes all over the floor in her closet. But I didn’t give it a second thought. I really didn’t care what Ally’s room looked like. I was just happy to be there. We sat on the floor and she began to pull out all her favourite things to show me. We whispered and giggled. And when we giggled to loudly Ally would shush me right away. We were having a great time, it seemed. Then she said. I’m sorry Karma you have to go before my mother wakes up. She doesn’t know your here and cause she isn’t well I don’t want to...........just as Ally was about to finish her sentence. Her momma pushed open the door. She was in her robe and her hair was standing on end. All frizzy and in knots, the way my hair gets sometimes if I don’t brush it. I was mesmerized by her, looking at a grown up version of myself, and of Ally. This is what my real momma looked like. I thought. Just like me. She stood in the door way. Then said Allison what is going on in here? Oh momma this is Karma she is my friend from school. Do you remember the one I told you about? Yes, I remember Allison. My memory isn’t going child. Why is she here, in my house? She continued. Karma wanted to come over and see my house, my room; Ally continued to say, really!? Well Kally you have had your look see, now it is time for you to go. But Momma was all Ally could say before her mother came into the room and grabbed Ally by the arm and pulled her to the kitchen. I followed; I wasn’t sure what else to do. You have chores, Allison. Get to it. Look at all the dirty dishes left behind from this morning. You should have done them before you left. You make sure next time they get done. I want this kitchen spotless. You understand? Her mother bellowed at Ally. Yes Momma I’ll get it done. Ok now that’s a good girl, she continued, now say goodbye to your friend Kally . There are lots to do. Ok Momma, Ally relied her voice sounded sad and cracked. She didn’t even try to correct her Momma on my name. It was like she was defeated all over again. I could see it on her face, in her eyes, the disappointment. You’ll have to go now Karma. I know I said. Let me call my brother and I’ll go. Ok, she replied sadly. Thanks for letting me come over Ally. It was nice to see where you live. Maybe you could come to my house next time? I asked. Oh I’m not sure. Momma has a lot of things for me to do every day. Then there was silence until Ally said, but maybe she will. I left Ally’s apartment and was confused and a little scared riding the elevator down to the main lobby to meet David there. But I managed to get there ok. David was waiting for me to take me home. Where’s Matthew I asked, wondering why he didn’t take this chance to drive me home. All David could say was he was grounded from the car for a few days. Well he must have done something to upset my dad.
I didn’t think I would ever have another chance to play with Ally at her house, and I was right I never did. And with my Momma being so busy with the seven of us Ally never had a chance to play at mine.

Chapter 8


A few weeks had past and Ally and I were becoming two peas in a pod. We were best friends. Every day at school we would wait for the other one to get there and then go off on our own. It felt good to have her there. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. We lived in opposite directions so we didn’t walk home together after school. This day ended like any other day. It was a cooler day and I could tell the temperature was dropping and I would have to remember my warmer coat for tomorrow. As I walked down the street towards my house, I was alone because Liam and Katie were home sick with a cold. I could see a small group of kids gathered at the entrance to the pathway that lead to the street my house was on. Hmmm, I wonder who those kids are. , oh well, I said to myself. And I continued on thinking of the things I needed to bring to school for the next day and I had been trying to decide whether or not I need to bring Bubby and my teddy with me to school because now I had Allison and she was my friend. I was not alone anymore. I was lost in my thoughts and before I knew it, I was at the entrance to the pathway where a two boys and one girl stood talking. They were older than me and while I recognized them from school, I had no idea who they were. I kept my head low so I would not make eye contact. I usually did that whenever I was alone and other kids were around, especially, since kindergarten. My thoughts drifted but I was very much aware of where I was and where I was going until it felt like I had hit a brick wall, because my head was down and I wasn’t watching where I was going or who might be in front of me. I had walked straight into one of the boys and knocked myself right off my feet and landed on the ground with a thud. What the hell are you doing? Watch where you’re going nigger? , I heard someone say. What? What did you say? I asked him. You heard me you filthy little smelly terd, one of the boys spat at me. I couldn’t believe my ears. Was I hearing right? I had never heard words like that before. I froze where I fell, and was afraid to get up. I didn’t know what to do as the three kids came closer with mean looks on their faces. I finally spit out “what do you want”. ”Leave me alone”. “Oh, listen to her”, the girl said, mockingly, “Asking me what do I want”. “Well you filthy thing you’re just about to find out”. Then the boy who called me that terrible name came right down on top of me standing over me like a giant and said with a frightening voice “I want to kick your black ass till it’s purple you ugly piece of garbage”. He scared me half to death all I wanted to do was run. But I thought if I did that they would chase me down and really hurt me, so I sat still frozen where I had fallen just looking at the three of them towering over me waiting and hoping they would just let me go. But they didn’t. One of the boys grabbed me by the neck of my favourite blue jump suit and pulled me to my feet. I dropped all my bags and books I was carrying and was about to cry out in deep fear and before I could even open my mouth a shot of pain pierced through my right eye and I hit the ground again. All I could hear was laughing and the girl was saying I’d better not come this way tomorrow or I’ll get another dose of this and maybe she would do it next time. As they walked away laughing at what they had just done, I heard one of the boys say, “maybe you’ll get the other eye next time Cheryl and give her a matching set. The laughing was trailing off and I was relieved at the sound of them fading away, but I was still scared that they might come back. I lay at the mouth of the pathway on the cold paved sidewalk until I was sure I was alone. Even thought I saw houses nearby no one came to help me or to see if I was alright. It took me a few minutes but I sat up and then noticed that my jumper was ripped and I was bleeding at my knee. But most of all my face hurt more than words could describe. All I could think of was; I need to get home, I need to get home. I want Momma; I need my Momma. I gathered up my packsack and books and looked to make sure the coast was clear. Then I ran as fast as my long legs would carry me until I was through the door of my house and safely in the arms of my mother. “What the heck,..........oh my goodness Karma, what happened, Momma asked ?” “You have blood all over your leg and oh my look at your face. What the heck is going on?” All I could do was cry the deepest sobs and whales I have ever cried before. All I wanted was my mother’s arms to make me feel safe and make everything go away. Once I had made it there in to her arms I could let it all go. I must have cried for an hour. My mother was beside herself wondering what had happened to me, as she asked me so many questions I just couldn’t answer because I was crying so hard I couldn’t get the words out. I made such a racket that my older sister Jen got off the phone to come and see what the noise was about. When she took one look at me, she knew right away what happened.
“Who did this Karma? Tell me now?” Jen was angry; I could see it in her eyes. My mother just stared at Jen and waited for me to answer. My mother was not much of a fighter and didn’t do much when it came to us kids being bullied. But my sister Jen never put up with it. She was strong, probably the strongest person I knew besides my brother Matthew. I never saw Jen fight anyone but she had courage and could say just about anything and the other kids just walked away from her. “I’m not sure”, I cried to Jen. “I was just walking home, and....and.....I”, the sobbing wouldn’t stop and it was hard to tell the story to both Momma and Jen. “Let her calm down now Jennifer”, Momma said. “Give her a minute”. “Ok, Karma, its ok now your home but we do need to know what happened.” My mother turned to reach into the refrigerator then returned with a cold drink and a cold wet cloth to press against my face. After some gentle tender loving care, Momma was always good for that. I was able to talk clearly and explain to them what happened. “I don’t know these kids Momma and they are older than me I’m sure of it”. Jen just stared off into space thinking quietly, maybe deciding what she was going to do to these kids. But then she turned around to me and said “alright this is not going to happen again, because I’m going to walk you home every day”. My school ends 30 minutes before yours so I’m just going to have to go there to get you. “We will see who bullies who now”, Jen said with fire in her eyes. She was angry, I could tell and so could my mother. “Just make sure Karma gets home safely Jennifer that’s all you need to do”. “You don’t need to get involved with those kinds of kids”. My sister’s eyes just squinted as if she heard my mother speaking but couldn’t understand what she was saying. Daddy wasn’t home from work yet and I knew I would have to tell him the whole story too. I’d wait until after dinner so as not to upset anyone else while we ate. That was our family time, Momma always would say. So I didn’t like to spoil it with any bad stuff. But before we could sit at the table my father came to me and told me that Momma had told him the whole story. She wanted to save me the pain of having to tell it again. My Dad gave me the biggest hug ever. I felt so protected in his arms, as if no one or nothing would hurt me. Even though both my parents were very loving, neither of them took it upon themselves to put an end to the bulling. No one went to the principal to complain or to the parents of the other kids. I didn’t realize until much, much later that it was because that was the way people thought in those days. Kids will be kids and bulling was just something kids had to deal with. Sort of a rite of passage as they grew up. It wouldn’t be until my generation of children grew up and put rules in place to protect children from bullies that things would change.
I was too scared to get up the next morning and get dressed for the day. I certainly didn’t want to walk alone to school and I thought I would have to like I always did. I came down stairs for breakfast hoping to plead with my mother to let me stay home for the day. As I got to the table, I noticed that Momma had my lunch made for the day and was confused as to why I wasn’t dressed for school. “Momma, I’m sick” I said with a cough. “Oh really, Karma are you sure”? My mother could always tell when we where fibbing. “Ya”, cough, cough, “I don’t want to go to school today can I just stay home”? I asked sweetly. “Oh, Karma I know you don’t want to have to go to face those bad kids today, but you have to”. “You have to go and face your fears head on, honey”. “Look them in the eye before you can walk away from them,” she continued. I looked confused at her. Did she mean I had to go up to the bullies and look at them in their eyes and walk away? What was the point of that? My mother continued to lecture me as she walked me back up to my room to get dressed for school. When we got there I knew what she would be looking for to dress me in and so I pleaded with her before she started that if I had to go to school any more I didn’t want to show my skin. So I didn’t want to wear dresses or shorts anymore. I told her strongly. “Oh Karma, please” My mother said in disgust. “You are who you are, and who you are just who I want you to be”. “Be yourself”. “You’re beautiful and I love you.” “I know you do Momma I love you too”. “But the less the kids see of my different colour skin the better and then maybe they will just leave me alone”. “I understand Karma”, Momma replied. “You wear what you want”.” But do me a favour, she asked. Think about how much control you’re giving those bullies”. “You always loved to wear you’re jumpers and dresses and now you want to hide in long pants and long shirts”. “And we both know it’s because of what happened yesterday”. “Am I right”? I couldn’t answer her. I just hung my head. I knew she was right. My Momma always was, but it didn’t change my mind. I needed to cover up. Without answering her I went to my closet and pulled out blue navy pants and a white long sleeve top with buttons all the way down. I wore white socks and black dressy shoes. I looked in the mirror and thought. There, I look just like everyone else, except that my face and hands are brown. Maybe no one will notice. I could only hope.

Chapter 9

Today I had my sister Jen walking me to school and when we got there it was just about time to go in. “Are you going to be here after school Jen”? I asked nervously. “Yes Karma, I’ll be here, don’t you worry. See you later ok”? “Ok. Bye Jen”. “Bye Karma”, she replied after giving me a big reassuring hug. Shortly after Jen left the bell rang and it was time to go in. I looked around for Ally but didn’t see her. I thought she might have been away sick until I saw her coming down the hall. She looked different. She had an angry look on her face and as she got closer I could see that her white tights were ripped at the knee and she was bleeding. “Hey Ally? Are you alright”? Ally didn’t answer me she just kept walking straight into the classroom and to her desk. I looked at her and wondered what happened. Did she fall? Why wouldn’t she talk to me? I went into class and sat at my desk until class began. I didn’t get a chance all morning to talk to Ally to ask what happened to her before school until morning recess. That’s when I jumped at the chance to get her attention before she could run out of the room and on to the yard. But to my surprise she just sat at her desk and didn’t move an inch. I sat next to her and looked at her for a long minute before asking if she was alright. Still she said nothing. “What’s wrong”? I asked but still got nothing in return. So I just sat, not knowing what to say or what to do. “Ally, will you talk to me, please”? Just as I said that I could see a single tear roll down her cheek. “Oh Ally, Ally what’s wrong”? “Please tell me”? Finally she looked straight at me and asked why boys are so cruel? “Why what happened”? I asked. All Ally could do was curse the boys at our school and say how she would pay them back for doing this to her. I didn’t understand what she was talking about. “What did the boys do to you Ally”? “There just mean,” was all she could say. And that they would never ever hurt her again. At that moment I thought I knew exactly what she was talking about but I wasn’t positive. So I kept quiet and kept my eyes on her while we just sat there in the classroom alone until the recess bell rang to notify the other kids it was time to come back inside. When I was back in my seat I thought about the kids who hurt me the day before and all the mean things that were said to me and I wondered if Ally had ever been called those horrible words.
The day past not as quickly as I would have liked but it did and I was relieved to see Jen waiting for me outside the doors at the end of the day. I looked around to see if Ally was anywhere around. I thought that maybe she would want to walk home our way. But I couldn’t find her anywhere. Maybe her mom or dad picked her up. Well I was happy to see Jen and I gave her the biggest hug ever.
I didn’t see Ally the next day and I wondered if she was sick. I didn’t like it when she didn’t come to school. It was like when Lucy use to visit me in kindergarten at lunch time and when she was away and didn’t come. I just felt so alone. And by now I stopped taking my stuffed animals to school with me. I was terrified that someone would see them and I would be so embarrassed, being caught bringing them to Grade 2. Jen continued everyday to walk me to and from school. The bullies that pushed me down and hit me had not been around for some time. Or at least I didn’t see them on my walk home anymore. I wondered if my Momma made a call to the Principal to complain and that’s why they were not bothering me. But I should have known better. When Ally came back to school she finally told me what happened and why she didn’t want to talk about it that day. She told me that two older boys and a girl stopped her in the school yard and started to push her telling her she was ugly and dirty. “I was so angry”, Ally said. “I just wanted to kick them and scratch their eyes out”. “Who do they think they are anyway”? “So I told them they were ugly too”, she continued. “Oh no, I said and what happened then”. The bigger boy pushed me down and called me a nigger. I got back up and I realized my brand new white tights were ripped and had blood on them I just got really mad. I turned around and flew at him ready to tear him apart. That’s when Mrs. Chapman saw me and hulled me to the office to see Mr. Grimes the Principal. I told her that boy needed to come to cause he was the one who started it. I tried to tell Mrs. Chapman the whole story but she wouldn’t have it. She just grabbed me by the arm and dragged me down to the office. I was to mad to be scared, until I got into Mr. Grimes ‘office and saw his face. As I walked in Mrs. Chapman was walking out so I know she told her the story first. And by the look on Mr Grimes’ face he was really mad. I didn’t think he was mad at me though. Sit down he said in a mean voice, so I sat and I tried to start to explain what happened. Mr. Grimes said, I don’t want to hear it girl! I don’t tolerate fighting at my school you hear me? I will have to call your parents and tell them that this will not be accepted here at West Park and if you can’t behave you will have to go to another school. I just sat there staring at her; I had no idea what to say. What do you have to say for yourself girl? He bellowed. I was startled. Um, um, Mr. Grimes, I...I didn’t start the fight. I choked out. Well girl that’s not what Mrs. Chapmen had to say and she told me the whole story of how you attacked another student for no reason. Was there a reason? What? Mrs Chapmen said I attacked him? I questioned. No, no, he called me a nigger and, and he said I was ugly and....Mr. Grimes cut me off saying we cannot go around punching other people cause they call us ugly. But, but he called me a nigger! I reminded him. He continued as if I never said the word as if he went momentarily deaf. You just can’t fight because someone calls you ugly or calls you names you got that girl? Now get back to class before I call your parents to come get you and take you home for the day. And stay out of trouble where his last words as he closed the door to his office as I left. I was stunned. What had just happened to me was all I could think of for most of the day? That’s why I couldn’t talk to you Karma, I just couldn’t talk. My momma told me that people who used words like that were just ignorant and we should feel sorry for them for not knowing any better. But Mr Grimes just wouldn’t even listen to me; he wouldn’t even hear what happened. I just couldn’t understand. Did you tell your Momma? I asked. Oh ya, when I got home but she didn’t do anything. All she could say was, that was our life and we had to deal with the ignorance of people and try to survive it the best we can. I’m not sure what she really means with that but I think she says I can kick someone’s butt if they pick on me. Mr. Grimes didn’t call Momma but I think he will the next time. Ally was already ready for the next time.

Chapter 10

Time went by, as time did. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Kids continued to pick on me and Ally. Ally didn’t fight back. It was like she didn’t even want to anymore. What was the point, she would say. We will only get in trouble anyway. She was right, I couldn’t deign that. So we took it. We took the name calling and the pushing and the “time outs” as some teachers liked to call it. But we knew. We knew those people just hated us. They would never come out and say it but we felt it was because our skin was brown. It was a rough few years until sixth grade when our world at West Park Elementary School began to change. It began earlier this year when we got a new principal at West Park Elementary. Her name was Ms Weber. She was short and a very tiny lady. She had beautiful blonde hair that fell to her shoulders. Every morning she would say good morning to every student. Even to me. She always dressed so professional, and she always wore the most beautiful high heels I had ever seen. I guess they made her feel taller. Why else would anyone want to wear those things on their feet, they just looked like they hurt. When I met her earlier this year she called me down to her office I was so worried. I wondered what I had done wrong now, and what punishment was coming my way, as I sat in one of the hard wooden chairs in the office, waiting to see her. She opened her office door and she looked at me. Karma your next, come on in. Then she smiled. It was a big warm smile and something inside me told me I was ok, that I wasn’t in trouble today. But why was I here? I thought. “Karma, I’m Ms Weber”. “Hi, Ms Weber”, I replied. As I stood there frozen in place. Come sit down, she said pointing to her small office table and chairs. On the table sat a tea pot and a plate of pretty looking sugar cookies. “Karma, I love to have tea and cookies in the afternoon”. “Do you like tea”? She asked me. “Umm well ya with lots of sugar and milk,” I replied. She chuckled and then asked if I would like some tea? I was confused, then shocked. Just what was she doing? “Umm, ok”, I whispered. “Have a cookie or two with it,” she offered. Wow! What the heck was happening? Was I in the twilight zone or something? Since when did the principal of the school offer me tea and cookies? And in the middle of the afternoon when I should be in math class, none the less? What the heck was going on? She put the tea and cookies in front of me. But I just sat there staring at her waiting for things to turn ugly. Just like they always do at West Park Elementary. She began to talk and ask me what my interests are and do I play sports. My answers were quick and short. Until she said, “Karma please don’t be afraid of me”. “I asked you down here today to meet you face to face and to tell you things here at West Park Elementary will be different now”. Oh great was all I could think, see it didn’t take long before that point was made clear. Things for me are different. I sat and continued to listen, I was too scared to talk or ask any questions. I think Ms Weber could see how frightened I was by the look in my eyes. As Ms. Weber continued to explain how things would be different at West Park, a deep sigh of relief fell over me. “Karma honey...I know you have had a difficult time so far here at West Park”. She began saying, but I didn’t hear anything after she said Karma honey.
No one but my Momma and Dad ever called me honey, and to hear a principal call a student honey was unreal to me, especially her calling me honey. I didn’t know what to think or say so I just sat and listened as she talked in a soft quiet voice. I started to feel more comfortable as she spoke about how she knew about all the bulling that has been going on and how some kids can be so cruel. I started to feel that she really understood me, understood my life at school. The butterflies started to move quickly inside my belly and I wanted to just cry right then and there. I didn’t realize it but tears began to roll down my cheeks as I continued to listen to Ms Weber. She stopped speaking and just looked at me, then said “Karma? What’s wrong?” Why are you crying, have I upset you? “No, Ms Weber, sorry”, I said as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Nothing is wrong, I don’t know why I’m crying, really”, I continued. “Well something I have said must have upset you, you can tell me, I won’t get upset”. “No honestly Ms Weber I don’t know why I have tears.” “Tell me how you’re feeling Karma?” That was the first time since kindergarten that a teacher or principal ever asked me how I was feeling and really truly wanted to know. I couldn’t handle that kind of kindness any longer and I just broke out into giant sobs. I put my head in my hands to hide my face from Ms Weber. “Oh, Karma, what’s the matter dear, this talk is only for us to get to know each other, don’t be so upset, there is no need”. “I didn’t want to make you sad.” I lifted my face and looked at Ms. Weber and said “I am not sad Ms. Weber I ‘m relieved”. Ms Weber looked at me very confused, so I explained further that I was relieved that someone else sees what I see and understands what my life is like on a daily basis and that she seemed to really care. “Things are going to change around here Karma and I’m going to start that change”. “I need you to be strong and know I’m here for you when you need me.” “I want you to tell me when ever any bulling happens to you”. I just sat there staring at her she must have thought I was really stupid or something until I spit out, “Ok, Ms Weber”. She handed me a tissue and said, now wipe your tears and clear your head then head back to class. I quickly got up and walked out the door as Ms. Weber walked over to open it for me. She then stopped me and said “remember all we talked about Karma”. “My door is always open.” I couldn’t say anything I was in shock I thing. I just walked out and down the hall towards the classroom.
At first I just couldn’t believe what my ears had heard. Maybe I was dreaming? Or this was a great big sick joke someone was playing on me. I just couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I walked back to class in daze and when I returned my teacher Ms. Avery was not happy that I had missed her whole lesson on number facts and she made no secret to how she felt and that she wouldn’t be reviewing the missed lesson or the homework assignment. “My job is to teach this once Karma, just because you’re off gallivanting the halls doesn’t give you the right to have me to re teach it to you. Does it?” She bellowed the question at me. I had to reply, “How will I know what to do Ms. Avery?” “That’s not my problem is it Karma, maybe you should have thought of that before you walked out of the class!” She said with such sharpness, it just cut me in two. I wouldn’t dare ask her anything else. I knew that Ms Avery knew I was called down to the office by Ms. Weber and that I wasn’t just wandering the halls. But somehow I was still in trouble for leaving and she was still mad. I really wondered if Ms Weber could or even would change things at West Park Elementary School. How could one person change so much ugliness even if she was the principal of the school? But in the months that came I did notice a small change. Not much of a change in my classroom or with my teacher except that I wasn’t being sent down to the office as much anymore. And when Ms Avery had sent me there on a daily basis I realized my visits with Ms Weber were nothing to fear.
I think after sometime Ms Weber started to become suspicious as to why I was being sent to the office almost every day. She began to ask me questions, questions that made me kind of nervous. They were about my teacher and the way she would speak to me or treat the other kids in the classroom. At first I didn’t want to answer her. I was afraid that if Ms Avery found out what I was saying she would really get mad and then who knew what would happen. I might get sent to “time out” for a whole day or worse lose my lunch privileges as she called it. That woman scared me. She scared me so much I couldn’t even look at her for fear that she might yell at me. Even though I never did say very much to the principal when she asked me questions, I always felt that Ms Avery knew that Ms Weber was asking me things about her.
Ms Weber had a way of making me feel safe. It’s sad to think that I would need safety from my teacher of all people but that was my reality my Momma would say. And that human nature was not always good thing. I never really understood what my momma meant by the things she would say but I knew she was supporting me. It just didn’t seem to do much to make me feel better. I often wondered why my Momma or Dad never went to the nasty teachers and told them to stop being so mean. But they never did. At least not that I ever knew of. I don’t think momma or dad ever had a proper sit down meeting with the principals or teachers of my school until Ms Weber came. That was another change I guess I didn’t notice right away. That and on some days Ms Weber would set up a work station in her office and invite Ally and me to work there. We felt so special during those times. She would bring in tea and her special sugar cookies. They were special because they made you smile, she would say, even if you were very sad. She was so kind to us. Often I would find I would have to choke back the tears and the urge to want to hug her and bury my face in her arms. I knew Ally felt the same I could see it in her eyes and she would smile every time we had the chance to work there. But I never saw Ally get all teary like me. I guess I’m just a sappy girl. Ally and I treasured these days because they were very far and few between.

Chapter 11


Ally and I walked into class on this ordinary Wednesday, and we froze. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was I seeing, right? Who was this? Ally and I looked at each other and asked at the same time. It certainly wasn’t Ms. Avery. As we stood staring from the back of the room without movement from either one of us, all the other students began to pile in through the door. No one noticed what Ally and I were staring at; or I should say who we were staring at. All the kids were busy talking and pushing each other about. I finally began to move my feet towards my desk and so did Ally. Soon after we noticed that the room became very quiet and all the kids took their seats and we all looked forward. Some with their mouths open wide, as if it was stuck open with something. I guess it was shock. “Good morning children”, the teacher said. No one said a word we all just stared. “Good morning children,” the teacher repeated, looking at us as if we were all mute or really stupid. “Good morning”, I said.
I think I was the only one who spoke. I wasn’t even sure if Ally said anything or was still sitting with her mouth hanging open. “My name is Mr. Doucette, and I am your supply teacher today,” he continued. “I may be with you for a few days things are unsure at the moment”. “But I can ensure you we will have loads of fun and enjoy our time together”. As Mr. Doucette continued to talk all I could hear was blah, blah, blah, blah, as I’m sure many of us were. I just couldn’t stop thinking this is the first time I have ever seen a black teacher in our school. And most of the teachers are women so that was a double shock. I had a lot of feelings going on inside me, but one that was very strong was a feeling of belonging. I belonged here now. With Mr. Doucette here teaching us, I could concentrate on school and not the bullied part and maybe, just maybe I could be something one day. My mind floated off into space as he continued to talk to the class. Day dreams I didn’t dare dream about crossed my mind. I got lost there for a while thinking how wonderful life can be some time. The gifts you get are sometimes so small but can mean so much. Like Ms Weber and now Mr. Doucette. I had to close my eyes hard and say a quiet thank you in my head, because I knew there was a lot to be thankful for. Karma Lea was called out into the class. I must not have heard my name being called at first because by the time I realized it everyone was looking at me. Including, Mr. Doucette. “Oh sorry,” I said. “Are you Karma Lea?” Mr. Doucette, repeated, “Yes sir, yes I am”. I sat waiting, and wondering if I was in trouble for day dreaming and not hearing him speaking right away. As I waited nervously, he continued to call out names. “Matthew Lombardi”? “Here”, Matthew replied. Normally he is the rowdiest kid in the class and when he replied to Mr. Doucette it was so quiet I could barely hear him. That was different I thought. “Ryan Brown,” he continued. Then I realized Mr. Doucette was just taking the attendance.
I let out a sigh big enough to fill a balloon. Maybe things were going to change just as Ms Weber said they would. At the morning recess Ally and I went outside together as usual. Ally was my best friend, she was my only friend. I never minded that I only had one friend. My dad would always say to me, and my brothers and sisters that one true friend is worth more than a bucket full of people you know. You know he was right. I trusted Ally, and I know she trusted me. As long as I had Ally, I didn’t feel alone. Somehow I didn’t think I was enough for her. I think things for her at home where not as nice. But I was guessing because I never got to spend another day at her house. After my first and only visit to Ally’s I never was invited back and I never pushed her to have me over again either. There was just something about her Momma. I really didn’t know what it was, but I could see things were different with her then it was with my Mamma. My Momma never stayed in her nightgown all day, and she never looked like she just woke up at four in the afternoon. But then again maybe she was sick and had the flu. I thought of the times when my Momma was sick with the flu and she looked pretty bad too. That must have been it. I bet she’s just like my Momma. But I always wondered why Ally came to school without proper winter clothes, or with pants just a smidge to short. Her clothes were always clean and so was she but it seemed as if she was in need of some TLC. The kind of TLC I felt when I went home after school and Momma or Jen would make me a warm cup of coca after a cold walk home. Ally didn’t talk about her family much. Come to think about it she never mentioned her Dad much except for the time when we first met and how her Dad was gone all the time. She never talked about having any brothers or sisters. When I went to her apartment that one time I don’t remember ever seeing any signs of other children living there. However they could be older, I continued to think, and in that case there wouldn’t be toys and little kids things around. I wished that Ally and I could be closer friends. Almost like sisters would be. I often thought Ally would make a great sister. As I continued to day dream and stare at our temporary new teacher standing at the front of the classroom the day just seemed to fly by. It wasn’t until the lunch bell rang that I was snapped out of my day dream state. At that time I noticed Mr. Doucette was standing in front of my desk looking strangely at me. I looked up and noticed he was looking down at me. I couldn’t say a word. But I didn’t have to wait long before he spoke. As he sat in the desk in front of me he turned and said “Ms. Lea, where has your mind been wandering off to”? I kind of stopped thinking when he said Ms. Lea, I mean no one calls me Ms Lea. Oh boy what was going to happen now? I thought. “You seem a little off this morning Ms Lea are you alright”? He finished. “Umm yep! Peachy” was all I said. “You must have a lot on your mind then Ms. Lea because we missed you in class today”. “Huh? I was here” I replied. “No, that’s not what I meant”. “Your body was here alright but your mind certainly wasn’t.” “Can you explain to me Ms. Lea what’s going on in your head that took you away from class?” Why did he keep calling me Ms Lea? My name is Karma. Well Karma Lea but I didn’t like the Ms. Lea thing. Why can’t he just call me Karma? Well he was very odd in the way he talked to the class. He always was using Mister or Miss and then our last names. He would say yes miss to the girls or yes sir to the boys if we got a question right. He also had a very thick accent and it was hard to understand him if he talked to fast. Danny Ferguson always was asking him to repeat what he said. So Mr. Doucette just began to talk slower and it was much better. I’m not sure where Mr. Doucette was from but I could tell he wasn’t from Canada. He told us stories during quiet reading time about a place called South Africa, the place where he used to live. He shared stories of his family and his sisters that still live there, taking care of his mother and their home. He told us that one day he would tell us more about himself but for now he wanted to get to know all of us. I hoped he was going to stay for a long time but I knew that would be wishful thinking.
Soon Ms Avery would be back and things would go back to normal. I learned really quick not to get my hopes up. I always hated the disappointment.

Chapter 12


It turned out that Mr. Doucette stayed with us for the entire week and he told us today that he would be returning on Monday to continue to fill in for Ms Avery. This news made me very happy on one hand, but worried for Ms Avery on the other. What could be wrong with her? Even though she was always mad at me I never did hate her or anything like that. I really hoped she would be OK and would be back to school soon. But not too soon cause I really wanted to spend more time getting to know Mr. Doucette. I wanted to hear more of his stories of the places he had visited in the world and his family who lived in South Africa. I’m going to go home and look up on a map the city he told us where he was from, during geography class. I’m glad he wrote it on the chalk board because I would have no idea how to spell it at all. I copied it down in my school writing book. Also Mr. Doucette spoke about a man named Nelson Mandela. He is an important man in South Africa. He is fighting for the rights of all the people who live there, especially black people, he told us. Since Mr. Doucette has been teaching us, he has been putting a quote of the day, as he called it on the black board, everyday. The quote was something that Nelson Mandela has said or did. Mr. Doucette hoped that it would inspire us to do great things.
Today’s quote was “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” I thought about that all day. Because it was written on the blackboard I found myself staring at it, thinking of each word. At first it sounded like a riddle, but after some time the message was clear to me. I could fall, but the greatest glories were in getting back up again and keep going. I could do that, I thought to myself as I left for the day.
I headed out the side doors and the sun was shining. I could feel and hear the early signs of spring in the neighborhood peaking up from the muddy ground. With the sounds of the birds chirping I could help but hum my favorite tune. Really the only tune I knew by heart, Silent Night. Even though it wasn’t Christmas the melody was calming and soothing to me. My Momma told me that when she would rock me to sleep when I was a baby, silent night was the only melody that would put me to sleep every time. So I guess now it’s burned in my mind now after hearing it so often. As I continued to walk down Confederation Street which leads to my house I got tired of humming that mellow tune. I was feeling much more upbeat. I wanted to dance, skip and jump home and I wanted an upbeat tune drumming in my head. As songs flipped through my head like a radio I wasn’t watching what I was doing or where I was walking to well. I didn’t see the girl leaning her back up against the fence that leads to the path to my house until it was too late. A boy sat on the curb right beside her. Oh no! I thought as I stopped about five yards short of them. My legs wouldn’t move any more. My eyes fixed on her. Then the boy turns to point at me to tell her I was there. She slowly turned to face me. It felt like minutes until our eyes met even though it was only seconds. Was this the same girl who beat me up when I was in grade 2 I thought? And was that the same boy? No way, can’t be. I didn’t move. I didn’t dare move.
Well, well, well the girl began to chant look what pulled itself out of the gutter Neb! The girl said when she looked at me. Oh no I thought, the boy did look familiar but I just wasn’t sure if it was the same boy or if I thought it was because I was in the same place it had happened before. My sister Jen didn’t feel she needed to walk me home anymore. Since years past and we never did see those bullies again. I grew more confident in myself as the years past and I grew older. To be honest I just thought those kids moved on to more grown up things since they were much older than me when I was in grade 2. Now they looked like they were in high school, with their pimpled faces. I never did see them at West Park so I was really sure they must have gone to another school to begin with.
Awh! The boy jerked his head up and grunted. Oh who cares Taylor, don’t be such a bitch! No one cares about that ugly little black thing. I still couldn’t move. I was terrified right to my core. Oh yes they do Neb daaarrling she drawled with her tone. I do! And I’ll be a bitch if I want to be a bitch. Especially to that on she said as she flung her head my way. So you took the wrong way home? She asked me. I didn’t reply, I couldn’t reply! I’m talking to you nigger, she bellowed at me after a long silence. She pronounced the end of the word strangely sounding like air instead of er. She was taking big strides slowly but strongly towards me. I prepared myself, ready for the unknown. The painful memories returned from that afternoon four years ago. But I had time to think since then. Think about what I would do if I were ever going to be confronted with this situation again. I was as sure as I could be that I would fight back next time. Because I knew there would be more next times. Are you gonna just stand there you little piece of shit? Or are you gonna show me what a coward you are a run away? Hmm, she added. At that moment, as I saw her getting closer to me, saying all those mean things in a frightening tone. I realized she wasn’t really that scary at all. She was all makeup with the black eyeliner caked around her eyes thicker than lipstick which made her look scary. She was thin and wore jeans way to tight and a leather jacket that you would see most bikers wear. And the steel toe men’s boots topped off the outfit of scary perfectly. I don’t know whether or not it was that I have grown up and have experienced more cruelty and meanness since grade 2 or whether I could see right through the fake person she was putting on the outside. Even though I was scared to death and stood glued to the ground I knew she was a phony and I didn’t want to run. I wanted to get past that fake person. I just didn’t know how I would do that. She just kept coming closer. Soon she was just about four inches from my face. I could feel her warm breath on my face as she just stood in front of me. Waiting, seconds past and I wondered what she was waiting for. Did she think I was going to hit her or something? Maybe she expected me to run away. But I didn’t move. My feet felt cemented to the sidewalk. It was part fear and part determination not to run away like a coward. I was going to face this head on I thought. WELL! She yelled at me. Go on run, run your little scared ass out of here. Go cry to your mommy she continued. For some reason at that moment the pain and the anger of having my class laughing and pointing at me when I was released from the time out’s Mrs. Chapman would put me in, hit me like a ton of bricks. The day when she forgot I was in there for so long and I wet my pants for all the class to see. My anger began to boil and I exploded. It was like I was no longer me. This person who took over was full of anger and hatred. It was so fast I couldn’t control it and I didn’t have time to realize what I would do next. As this girl Taylor or whatever her name really was, stood in front of me breathing her yucky smoke filled breath in my face, looking as if she was so powerful over me and probably would be to many others. Then the thought crossed my mind. She is all powerful over me and I’m only twelve. She must be at least sixteen. I bet she’s not so tough against someone her own age and size. That realization just capped off the pot of boiling anger going on inside me. I shot back loud and strong right at that moment. You’re not so tough, I pushed. I raised my hand up to her shoulder to give her a little shove. You’re nothing but a big ugly bully. A second gust of air filled my lungs and I shouted out, you think you are so tough picking on someone smaller and younger than you. I bet if you were up against someone your own age and size you’d be scared shitless, wouldn’t you? As I was yelling back at her my body began to move forward. I don’t know where I was getting the courage from, or where I was even going with it. But I knew I just couldn’t stop and let her get me. She began to retreat, moving away from me as I pressed on. I didn’t even recognize myself. It was as if I had stepped outside myself and was watching some mysterious strength pour inside, and I was letting it out without any control. I was fixed on her, my eyes full of anger and all I wanted to do was to hit her and make her bleed just as she had made me many years ago. I didn’t want to think about what I was doing. If I did, I would have fallen to pieces right there. The angry person who took over me, scared me more that this girl. I must have looked really scary because as I approached her with my exploding anger she began to retreat. I could see she was thinking about running. During all this I forgot about the boy who was with her. Neb. He was sitting on the curb when I first approached them. I couldn’t even bring him into focus at that moment. I was so fixed on this girl. In a split second I was about to lunge at her and rip her face off, I could see it so clearly in my mind. Then suddenly I was face down on the cold wet ground, my back began to scream in pain. All my anger shocked away and the other Karma, the angry uncontrollable Karma, was gone. That Karma vanished in a fraction of a second. One sharp hit was all it took to shatter the strength and courage I had somehow gained. The pain ran like a spider up my back and hit the back of my head hard.

Then everything went black.

I don’t think at that moment I was conscious, I couldn’t feel the pain I just felt a moment ago. Was I dreaming? Was I dead? Then I could make out the shape of a person in the distance down the pathway. The vision was fuzzy but I was sure it was a person. My head was heavy and I felt like a baseball bat hit me. I was still lying on the ground, face down in a puddle. I could feel the wetness on my face when the wind blew. I wanted to lift my head to look at the figure that was coming towards me. I hoped it was my mother, but I had no strength and my head would not move. The figure came closer in a haze and my vision went black again.
Hello Annabel, a sweet voice said. I’m your mother. I could not see her face when she spoke I could only hear the softness in her voice. I wandered who Annabel was. That wasn’t me. Annabel is the name I gave you when you were born. The image of her came to my mind. She was very tall, and she wore a thin cream colored blouse that showed her deep chocolate brown skin underneath. Her hair was dark black, short and very curly. The tips of each curl looked as if they glowed. She moved without a sound as she came towards me. My eyes opened to meet hers; she was so close I could smell her scent. It smelt like rose water. Her skin looked so soft and creamy. She was beautiful. The most beautiful dark color skin person I have ever seen. You are my child, Annabel. I have missed you so much my sweet child, she continued. I couldn’t stop staring at her as she spoke. Who was this person? Is she real, or am I dreaming?
Annabel, I am your mother. Then as suddenly as she was there, she was gone. The reality of where I was and what had happened smashed against my face. And it hurt! I lifted myself slowly to my knees and waited until the ground stopped spinning. I tripped over my feet until I got to the fence which ran alongside the pathway to my house. The fence came in handy to keep me from falling as I got through the pathway and out to the street where I could see my house in the distance.

Chapter 13


“Why does this keep happening to you? Matthew hollered. What is wrong with those kids? Mom why haven’t you done something about this? Matthew was angry, and he was taking it out on anyone who could hear. I know he wanted to run right out that door and find those kids as soon as he saw my face. Matthew kept ranting and taking his anger out on anyone who was around him. When, Dad got home, Matthew when straight to him. He didn’t even wait for Dad to remove his coat before he started in on the story of my encounter. After telling Dad all about it he asked, “what are you going to do about it Dad?” Dad seemed to be in shock or something because he didn’t say a word. But I could see the look on his face went blank once he heard all that Matthew had to say. Then his eyes turned to me. One look at me and he opened his arms and bent down. I knew the message he was sending me and I took it with force. I ran as fast as I could into his arms, for the safety and security that they provided. As soon as I got there the tears began to flow. By the time he pulled back to look at me my face was all wet from tears.
But my heart was warm.
I returned to school the very next day. I didn’t need a day or so to get myself together like the last time. This time I was really mad. Even though I cried to my Dad and my Momma could see the pain on my face. I wouldn’t let those kids get away with this. They would not have that much control over me anymore. It was time to show everyone what people do to other people, and show them that it is wrong. I was determined, as I walked into class with my black eye and bruised back. Mr. Doucette had a look of shock cover his face when he first saw me come through the classroom door. Ms. Lea, he said. What? What in the world? He looked me over, in search of blood I assumed. When he found none, he asked me, “when did this happen to you?” I went up to him and with all the courage I could find and I began to tell him the whole story. I would not let one single tear drop, even though I could feel the quivers in my belly. I was not going to let bullies get the better of me anymore, I kept telling myself, over and over again.
Mr. Doucette stood and stared at me, and didn’t say another word. This was fine with me because I really didn’t want to talk about it at all. As the kids rushed in the classroom and went about their business of putting their coats away and getting books out from their packsacks, Mr. Doucette and I continued to look at each other. And for some reason I can’t explain, the unspoken words between us was all so clear. He knew he knew what had happened to me. Maybe not the details but he seemed to be able to understand, with just a look. He came towards me and gently touched my shoulder and said “take your seat Ms Lea”. I just walked to my desk without a word. Once everyone was settled in their seats Mr. Doucette began.
Good Morning ladies and gentleman, I hope you are happy and ready for another day of learning. He still spoke slowly so that the children who couldn’t keep up with him through his thick accent could try to understand even a little bit. Could you all look to the front of the class and read this morning’s quote. I had already read it, as soon as I got to my desk and noticed it on the board. “After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb”
Let’s talk a little about what that statement means to you, Mr. Doucette began. I would like to know what Mr. Hamilton thinks. Mr. Hamilton? Could you comment? “I…a… I guess it means that you have to climb a hill and then a lot more”? Billy sounded unsure of his answer, but some of the other kids thought he was funny and began to giggle. “No…. Mr. Hamilton I do not believe that was Nelson Mandela’s meaning behind this saying”. “Would anyone else like to give it a try”? “Ms. Lea”? I wasn’t too sure on my answer because I hadn’t had time to think about the quote of the day. But I gave it a shot. “Does it mean that even though you climb one hill, there are always more?” I asked. “That is somewhat correct, Ms. Lea”. “I believe Nelson Mandela was trying to say that even though you have accomplished something great once in your life time, there will be many more great accomplishments to experience.” “So what we can learn from this is once we reach our goal, create a new one”.
Ok everyone, I was going to start this morning’s lesson with math, however I feel we should combine a little geography and history this morning and I am going to share with you some of the history of the country where I was born and lived for 21 years of my life. Some of my families still live there still.
Have any of you heard of South Africa? he asked . Most of us shook our heads and said no. Well let me show you on this map where it is, he continued. As he lowered the map hanging on the wall he took a long wooden pointer off the shelf and pointed to a very large country. Then he pointed to the south part of it. This is South Africa. This is the area in which my family lives. “Today my mother and sisters live there and keep the homestead going”. “What’s a homestead?” Emma Fitzgerald asked. “A homestead is property and a house that a family will call their own, their home.” “Usually parents continue to live there long after the children leave home. Sometimes a homestead can be handed down from generation to generation.” “Our homestead belonged to my great aunt.” “It was left to her when her parents died. She never married and when her parents died she still lived there”. “So her parents left it to her”. “When her sister, who was my grandmother moved back home when her husband died, my great aunt help to raise the children”. “That’s how things were done in those days.” “My great aunt would say it takes a village to raise a family”. Has anyone ever heard that saying? he asked. No, a few of the class replied. What is South Africa like? I asked. Well Ms Lea, when I was a child of only 12 years old I could remember a lot of fighting in our neighborhood. I lived in a town that had more white people than black people. It was called Cape Town. See here, this is where it is on this map. Come see, he continued. There were many men who fought to have control over our town. One man fought for what we call apartheid. Do you know what apartheid is, ladies and gentleman? Is it a kind of ant eater? Betty replied. No, no, sorry my dear, Mr. Doucette said. Apartheid is racial segregation. It is when white and black people are kept apart. To give you an example of this, he continued. When I was about your age my mother had given me 2 pennies to buy myself an ice cream at the corner shop. When I got there I hadn’t noticed the sign that was posted in the window that read; FOR USE BY WHITE PERSONS. It had some more information below, and of course I didn’t read that either. All I wanted was the ice cream; it was a rare treat to have money to buy that. Once I was inside the shop, the store clerk ordered me out right away. When I went outside I couldn’t understand why I was asked to leave until he came out to tell me to read the sign. That’s when I knew how hard the world can be. My mother and grandmother always did the shopping. We kids never needed to go to a corner shop. We didn’t experience or see any segregation first hand.
As Mr. Doucette continued his story of his childhood, I couldn’t help but think of how similar things in his life are to mine. We may not have signs posted in store windows for whites only, but the way people acted was the same. I didn’t know much about voting and politics in my country, and I know even less about politics anywhere else in the world. But I understood when Mr. Doucette shared with us of how 20,000 women marched in protest when colored people lost the right to vote in 1956. I was fascinated by everything he was saying. Was this where I was from? Was this where my birth Momma was from? I sat in awe, listening to every word.
What does this have to do with us? Kevin Cousins said. Well Mr. Cousins This is a very short lesson on human rights. Do you know your human rights Mr. Cousins? Well, not really, maybe, ya, ya, I think I do, he continued sounding confused. Ok, Mr. Cousins I will give you a brief description of human rights, Mr. Doucette began. Human rights are basically just that, a human’s rights to be able to live a free life without judgment, harassment, hatred and fear. Do you live that way Mr. Cousins? Yes, Sir I do, he replied. Well that is wonderful, I am so happy to hear that you do. How about you Ms Fitzgerald? Oh Um, yes I do sir, she replied. Wonderful, wonderful, Ms Fitzgerald. Now how about you Ms. James? His question focused on Ally now, she looked shocked and seemed not to know how to answer. After some silence she replied, No! Sir. No! I do not live my life without hatred or fear. Oh my Ms. James, do you know why that is? he pressed. Well, I can guess Mr. Doucette but I don’t know for sure. I do know that a lot of kids here in school don’t like me or Karma. Some teachers too, she blurted out at the end. Well, well that is very disappointing, don’t you think Ms James? Ally didn’t reply to that. I was in shock that Ally actually said, what she had said. I was shocked and proud of her for saying what needed to be said. Mr. Doucette continued by telling the class that the entire school would be learning about tolerance and acceptance. And that our principal Ms Weber would be having a racism rally in the gym next week to announce a new code of conduct for students and teachers at West Park Elementary School.
I couldn’t wait to see how that was going to go over with everyone else in the school.

Chapter 14


It was my class’ regularly scheduled library time, and after our librarian Mrs. Gravely read us the story of the week we all were able to go in search of our next book. This was what I looked forward to the most when we went to the library. I know Ally wasn’t much of a reader; she would usually go looking for graphic novels. Lots of pictures was more her style. As I began my search I liked to sit on the carpeted floor and scoot along the floor pulling out any book at random. Nancy Drew was one of my favorites, and when I had read all of them, I turned to The Hardy Boys Mysteries were always good. As I looked for the latest Hardy Boys Mysteries I came across a book on American slavery in the 18th and 19th century. Even though I didn’t understand much more than the titles of the books, I tried to look for was I thought I could read and understand? For some reason I was drawn to this, I wanted to know more. I pulled out The Slave Exploitation written by Richard Vender and as I flipped through the pages I wasn’t sure if I would be able to read it at all. It was also a very long book, with about 458 pages.
The next one I pulled out was Slavery and the Cotton Boom which was 452 pages long. There wasn’t many to choose from and I didn’t know where to begin. So I decided to begin with the first one I saw The Slave Exploitation and I would read each one, and whatever I didn’t know I would ask Jen or Lucy to help me with some of the words. When Mr. Doucette began to tell us stories of his home country and of apartheid I wanted to learn more, so much more. I wished he would tell us stories every day. I wondered why Mrs. Gravely hadn’t put these books out on display like she does with other new books she gets for the library. I might not have seen them on the bottom shelf. I wonder how long they have been there, maybe she had them all along, and I just didn’t know it? Well the books looked new; the binding hasn’t even been broken on the one I chose. As I began to pull the other books off the shelf, they too had not had they binding broken. This meant that no one has read them. No one now, but me. The thought of being the first to read these books set a fire in me. I wanted to get lost in the stories of slavery, of my heritage, my birth family. What would I find out? The possibilities scared me in so many ways.
I was lost in my thoughts when Ally came to get me. She said, Mr. Doucette is calling everyone, can’t you hear him? We need to go back to class now. Oh, ok, I replied. I closed the book quickly and returned the other to the shelf of another time. Scrambling to my feet, I ran to the check out desk where Mrs. Gravely was signing out books for everyone.
Oh dear, this book is a little to advanced for you, Mrs. Gravely remarked. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to take this one out. But…….I really want to, I told her. Well, Karma I really don’t think you are going to understand the language and the meanings behind this book. Is it not English? I asked. Yes dear, it is English, she returned but this is very advanced reading. It’s ok Mrs. Gravely, I’ll ask my sisters Lucy of Jen to help me with the hard words and if I’m having a hard time understanding things in it.
Well Karma, you seem to have it all covered. I hope you enjoy it. Let me get the sign out card from the index box. When she turned around with the card to sign the book out in my name, she tells me that I am the first one to sign it out. I signed my name on the first line and then quickly got into line with the rest of my class. As we headed up to the classroom I stared at the cover of this new precious book I carried. I hoped our teacher would give us at least a little bit of time to start reading when we got back. Once back at our seats, Mr. Doucette asked everyone to stand up one by one and share what book they chose and why. When it came to my turn, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to share it with everyone else. What would they think or say? Then I remembered the quote “rising every time you fall”. That gave me the courage to rise, and if I fell, I would rise again. This book would tell me more about me and I was excited to get a chance to read something like this.
I stood and said, “I found a book on American Slavery, it’s called The Slave Exploitation”. “Really, Ms. Lea? How did you come across a treasure such as that”? He asked. “Well I just happened to see it on the bottom shelves”. “At first I was really looking for The Hardy Boys Mysteries.” And why did you choose this kind of book Ms Lea? Well I’m not sure but maybe it will tell me more about my real family. Mr. Doucette looked at me with confusion in his eyes. Your real family? What do you mean by that, he asked. Well I am adopted. My family is white and I don’t know anything about my birth mother, I replied. Oh I see, Mr. Doucette said back. Well, what kind of things do you hope to find in that book? I don’t know, but I’ll know what it is when I find it, if that makes any sense, I continued. Great choice then, Ms. Lea. I hope you will share with the class all that you find out. I sat back down, just wanting a chance to get right into the book. But Mr. Doucette had other ideas. As he went around the room asking everyone what book they chose and why, I stopped listening, and I peaked inside the book’s cover to read about the author. I wanted to know everything. Where the author was from, and if that person was black too. As I dove into my book, I seemed to get lost in the stories. Before I knew it, it was afternoon recess. Ally came up to me and pinched me on the arm to get my attention, which it did. Time to go Karma; let’s go outside to our favorite spot, under the tree. Ok Ally, but I want to read this book. Oh Karma, can’t you just pull your nose out of a book for one day, she complained. Ok, ok fine, I’ll leave it here. Let’s go I finally said. Ally and I ran out to our favorite spot to spend our recesses. It was under a really old tree. It was so big it made shade big enough for our whole class to sit under. But if Ally and I were there, no one really came to sit with us or near us for that matter.
Karma, what did you mean when you said about finding out about your real family? I paused to think of the question and how I would answer her. I’ve always known I was adopted, but I never really thought about my birth parents. That is what my Momma says is the correct thing to call them. Since she isn’t really my mother, she just gave birth to me, as I answered I became a little confused as to what I meant. I continued to tell her, I am interested in who and what my culture is. Doesn’t it bother your Momma, she asked? I don’t think so, I replied. She’s never said anything to me. She has always shared information with me about my birth parents. I don’t think she knows much, she said the agency where I was adopted from didn’t like to give out information about parents. I’m not so interested to find them as I am about learning where I came from; I tried to explain to Ally. I love my family, especially my Momma. That will never change, but I need to know who I am and where I came from. Do you understand that Ally, I asked with intent? Ally smiled, and all she said was yes. We sat under the big old tree until the second bell rang. Then we took our time getting back to class. It was a beautiful sunny day outside and I had just seen the first butterfly of the season. Spring was here and I was on top of the world. I had plans to spend the weekend up in my tree house, reading all about where I came from.

Chapter 15

The message we were all greeted with this morning was education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. It was another, quote from Nelson Mandela. This man must be really important to Mr. Doucette, I thought. He writes his quotes every day. I look forward to reading them too. I’ve written them down since the first day our teacher began to write them. They make me think about how these powerful sayings can change my life. ”Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman”, Mr. Douchette began. “Take your seat and we can begin our lesson”. I would like to begin today’s lessons with a bit of history. History from not only my home country but this wonderful country we call home today. I want to tell you all why I love this country so much, he continued. Do any of you know how lucky you are to live in Canada? He asked but continued to talk instead of waiting for an answer. Well, I can tell you my family was not always free. In my homeland many people suffered in slavery. Emma Fitzgerald raised her hand. Yes Ms Fitzgerald, the teacher asked. Umm, Mr. Doucette what is slavery? Mr. Doucette look stunned at Emma then continued to speak. Does anyone know what slavery is or was I should say? he asked the class. No one answered. I don’t think anyone really knew what it was. Most had an idea, but they didn’t know for sure, but I knew because I was reading the books I found in the library about it. I still didn’t answer him; I wanted to hear what his answer was. Mr. Doucette began to tell us the story of 30,000 people escaping from slavery through the Underground Railroad which led to Canada for some people. Thirty thousand slaves, wow that is a lot of people, how did they get them free Mr. Doucette, someone asked. Well let me tell you a little bit about slavery first then I can tell you how they became free, he finished. I was glued to every word, for some reason I felt a connection to these stories. I don’t know if it was my imagination or the hope that that is my history. Mr. Doucette spoke for quite awhile explaining and answering questions for many kids in my class. He explained slavery and told us about something called Abolitionist’s. Abolitionists were a group of people who abolished slavery, he began. These brave people who were mostly black and very well off, some of who were lawyers worked tiresomely against people who used black people as slaves. My favorite person I like to talk about is The Liberator, he continued. His name is William Lloyd Garrison and in 1831 he was named the liberator because he began the movement abolitionist’s followed and he also helped to create The American Anti-Slavery Society. He is truly a hero in my eyes. As Mr. Doucette paused he stepped forward and sat on a desk at the front of the room. He looked as if he were getting comfortable, because he was about to go into a long story. I was definitely up for that. I looked over to Ally expecting her to be just as into this story as I was but she had her head down and it looked as if she were sleeping. But I doubted that, she never did that before. I would have to see what was really wrong with her at recess today. She looked so sad these past couple of days, and with me constantly reading we really haven’t talked much. I need to put my books aside and be with my friend. At that moment I realized I missed her. It had been awhile since we played outside school, on our own time. It was time for me to plan something for just the two of us. The thought of that made me happy, and as I listened to the teacher I was also thinking of things Ally and I could do this weekend. I would change my plans of sitting in the tree house reading so that Ally and I could do things together. I would ask have Momma again if she could come over, I thought. Maybe now with things settling down at home, Momma would say yes. My books would just have to wait, this was more important.

I really couldn’t concentrate on Ally and the weekend, because I was so interested in the stories Mr. Doucette was sharing with us. My mind kept drifting from weekend plans back to my teacher. Finally I decided I would listen to the stories and deal with Ally later. Denmark was the first country to abolish slavery in 1802, Mr. Doucette said, and then Britain followed in 1807, right after that was The United States in 1808. He got up and walked over to the chalkboard and wrote out all the countries and the dates. I wasn’t sure if he wanted us to copy it down or just listen, but I copied them just to be on the safe side. Then Portugal was the last in 1836, he said. With the Underground Railroad being established in the 1840’s through to the 1850’s, many African-American’s escaped the harsh reality of slavery. Many people like Sojourner Truth who was freed in 1827 and began her fight for women’s rights. But the fight for women’s rights is a whole other story Ladies and Gentleman. I will have to save that for another day, he finished. I was really getting into the stories he was telling us, I really didn’t want him to stop. But I knew the recess bell was going to go at any minute and I still wanted to talk to Ally and find out what was wrong with her. Just as I turned to see her sitting at her desk the bell rang. Our eyes met and I walked directly to her then we continued outside to our spot under the big old tree. “Ally, what’s wrong”, I asked. She didn’t say a word; she just sat there with her legs crossed flattening out her spring dress. I waited patiently for her to answer my question. Finally, when most of our recess time had passed, Ally spoke. My Mom made me wear this dress today, she started. Her head hanging low as she fidgeted with the dress. I didn’t want to but she told me I should look good my last few days at school. Huh? I said, just not getting what she was saying at first. What do you mean your last days at school? Ally wouldn’t look at me; she still was looking down at her dress. Then she said, “Yes Karma”. “My last days at school”. A tear began to flow down her cheek and she turn towards me showing me the sadness in her ocean blue colored eyes. “Oh Ally no, that can’t be”, I begged. “Why are you saying that, we can’t be separated, we need to stay together”, I rambled on is disbelief. “This can’t be happening”. The tears began to flow as if someone had turned the faucets on in my eyes. “Ally; tell me what’s going on?” Ally began to tell me that her Dad had returned to see her and her mother and that he wanted his family back together again. Her mother had never been the same since he left “ Having my Dad come back would be so good for my Momma, and for me I suppose”, she spoke in a trailing voice. “I miss him a lot Karma; it has been a long time since I have seen him”. “I do love him you know”, she stated. “I know you do Ally”. I didn’t know what else to say. Because I had both my parents at home, I could understand her wish of wanting that too. I just didn’t want to lose her, what would I do now. I would be alone again. I counted on Ally to always be there for me. I sat in disbelief until the bell rang, sending us all back inside the school. My stomach hurt so bad, it felt like someone had pulled my insides out. The pain was strong and real. I knew I didn’t have a tummy ache, I knew it was sadness, a deep sadness I had never felt before.

Chapter 16


When I got home that day after school, I prayed that a miracle would happen and that Ally’s Dad would just move into her apartment. That would solve all my problems, I thought. That would be so perfect. Maybe Ally could convince her Dad to move here instead of Ally and her Momma moving away. It was worth a shot, I thought. I would talk to Ally in the morning.
With my new found hope in tomorrow, I put it out of my mind and went to look for the book I signed out from our school library. It was a little difficult to understand but I made my way through it. What I didn’t know I just skipped and hoped that I would understand most of it. The stories I read about Dred and Harriet Scott, a African-American couple who sued the Missouri State Court in 1846 for their freedom, was so fascinating to me. I wondered how two people with so much hatred towards them could stand up to so many people and fight for their freedom. I wanted to learn more about them and people just like them. So I quickly had my night time bath and got into my jammies with my bedtime snack and started to find out more about them. Dred and Harriet where given temporary freedom but in 1850 that ruling was taken away and they were once again slaves. Dred and Harriet faced a lot of hatred, but they still managed to fight for what they thought was right, and in 1856 they went all the way to the United Stated Supreme Court to fight for freedom. I stopped reading then and thought of the courage they would have to have had to face all that and keep fighting. Even after the Chief Justice Roger B. Taney who was a southerner ruled that a black person could not be a citizen of the United States and that congress could not ban slavery from every state. This uprising of Dred and Harriet I learned was the beginning of what sparked the Civil War. Wow, this is amazing stuff I thought. I was glued to this book for hours, my Momma came up stairs and told me, “its 10:30 Karma, what are you still doing up?” “Oh Momma” I was so excited to tell her all about the book I was reading. But she wouldn’t have any of it. “It’s time for bed young lady”, she continued. “Now put that book down and go brush your teeth and get into bed”. “You have school tomorrow”. “Ok Momma, but I want to tell you about this story”, I tried to explain. “I know you do sweetheart and you will”. “But it will have to be tomorrow”, she said as she scooted me into the bathroom. “Alright,” I said as I yond.
The morning was a rainy dull kind of day. Even though it was raining, I wasn’t glum about it. I knew I was going to tell Ally about my idea of getting her Dad to move here, so Ally could stay with me at West Park Elementary. I ate my breakfast in a hurry and headed off to school. When I got to the yard I looked everywhere for Ally, but I didn’t see her. Most of the kids where waiting for the bell to ring, inside the school doors. I figured I would talk to her soon, it was just packed full of bodies and I couldn’t see her right now. I raced up the stairs to my class once the bell rang, hoping to run into her. But I didn’t see her, I took my seat and looked out the soaked covered windows at the dark gloomy sky. The sky looked like a good storm was about to jump out of the blackened gray clouds. I love a good storm, it makes me feel alive. When the thunder rumbles it sends power through me, like something special is happening in the world. It’s so powerful, and when lightening is added to the mix it’s like watching a real life action movie, but the stars of the movie are the clouds. The kids in my class all filed in one by one chatting away, shaking off the gobs of rain water from their jackets and umbrella’s. Mr. Doucette walked into the class and began to talk once we all took our seats. “Good morning everyone”, he began. “How is everyone this find beautiful sunny morning?” I quickly looked outside again to make sure it was raining before I told him he was wrong about the weather. “Ah, Mr. Doucette”, Danny asked. “It’s ah, raining, not sunny outside”, he stated. “Yes I know Mr. Ferguson,” he started. “Then why did you say it was a beautiful sunny morning?” He had to ask. “Well Mr. Ferguson if you and all the others will look up to the chalkboard you will see why I think every morning is a beautiful sunny morning.” He turned to point to the board which read, Bad weather always looks worse through a window. Can anyone tell me what the author of this quote meant by this saying? he began. “Is that another one of Nelsen Mandela’s sayings, Mr. Doucette”? Someone called out from the back. “Actually no it isn’t”, he explained. “It is a quote I learned from my grandmother, when I was a child”. “Would anyone like to guess at what the meaning would be?” I raised my hand along with 3 other kids. “Yes, Mr. Ferguson”, he said. Danny began talking and said, “ would it be that, things always look worse than they really are?” “Well, Mr. Ferguson, that is a great answer, and in some ways that could very well be the meaning”. “Anyone else”, he called out. I raised my hand to give it a shot. “Ms Lea, what do you think”? “Ok so if the bad weather is on the outside of this window does that mean that it could be any kind of weather on the inside?” “Absolutely”, he started. “Actually both answers are correct”. “With any quote, read by anyone it can be understood many different ways”. “But that is exactly what my grandmother meant when she use to say it to me.” “So, I never let a rainy day get me down, because it is how my day is going, on the inside of the window that matters”. “Do you understand that meaning”, he asked Emma? “Oh I think so sir”, she said. “Great, so the meaning of this quote today is to look on the bright side, the positive side of life”. “Try not to focus on the dark gloomy storms that may be brewing on the outside.” “When things in my country got worse for the people who lived there, my family and I always tried to live by that rule”. “So again I say this morning is a beautiful and sunny morning and let’s begin our day today working on our math from yesterday”. “Everyone pull out your math booklets”, he finished.
As Mr. Doucette started to talk about number facts and fractions I looked around the classroom for Ally. Where, could she be, I thought. She told me she still had a few days before her and her Momma, are suppose to move. Why wasn’t she here in class, I quickly thought? She must be sick, she couldn’t have left already. Oh God, what if she has, I wondered. What would I do now, I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to her. As my heart sank like a dead weight at the thought of Ally not coming back, I couldn’t help but think about that quote of the day.
It’s true it rained on the other side of the window this morning, but for me it was raining inside too.


Chapter 17

It was finally springtime and along with spring usually comes the flu, and that is just what Ally had. Her Momma had kept her home for a week. For most of the week I thought Ally had left me without saying goodbye. I couldn’t call Ally’s house in case someone on the other end confirmed my worst fears. So I asked Jennifer to phone over to her house and asked if she was still there. Jennifer talked to Mrs. James and found out that Ally was still there, she was just home sick in bed with the flu, I was relieved. I didn’t want to lose her just yet.
Monday came and Mr. Doucette was not in class. As we all sat there waiting for our substitute teacher to arrive, I prayed it would not be Mrs. Chapman. She seemed to show up every time my teachers were away, except for the time Mrs. Avery was away and we got Mr. Doucette that was the best surprise. I hadn’t seen Mrs. Chapman in almost a year and I wanted to keep it that way. Ally was still away, but her Momma had promised Jennifer that I would get to see her again, at least to say goodbye. I didn’t want to think about that day, for now I still hoped a miracle would happen and that it would stop Ally from moving.

I looked ahead at the blank chalkboard wishing that Mr. Doucette was here to give us a quote for the day and to continue his stories from his homeland.

The sound of laughter drifted faintly down the hall and into our classroom, I knew who owned that laugh. The dead weight returned in my tummy because it was Mrs. Chapman. As soon as I realized that, she rammed through the door like a sumo wrestler looking for a target. And she found one, me. She fixed her eyes directly on me. “Good morning everyone,” she bellowed. “I’m back, did you miss me?” “Awh” came a disappointing sound from the class. I hadn’t realized until then that most of my class didn’t like her either. And here I thought they all loved her, because she was never as mean to them as she was to Ally and I. “Well class, are you not going to say good morning”? She questioned. “Good morning, Mrs. Chapman” chanted the class, but with a dreading tone of voice. “Well class”, she repeated. “I can see that not much changes here at West Park”. “They are still letting you in here,” she said as she pointed to me. I didn’t make eye contact with her. It made my stomach turn to think of even looking at her. But I knew that if I didn’t look at her she would say I was being disrespectful towards her. And I know that punishment would soon follow. As my stomach did yet another flip, I found the courage in me to lift my head at look her way. I thought of the stories Mr. Doucette shared with us of his family and the difficulties they have had to face during apartheid. And about Dred and Harriet and the courage they had, to face many ugly people during their lifetime. The lady in front of me was the ugly person in my life, and I would have to stand up to her. Even though I made eye contact I wasn’t going to talk to her, so I sat quietly and listened as she squawked out orders. It’s true what Mrs. Chapman said, some things don’t change and she was one of them. “Today I am supposed to teach you how to play the recorder.” “While I know that many of you will be fairly good at it, I know for certain that black people cannot master the difficulty of this instrument”, she finished. That was the first time I had heard her refer to black people right out in the open like that. I sat there just looking at her and the ugliness that poured out of her. As the layers of true colors had came through with Cheryl the teen bully, Mrs. Chapman’s true colors were beginning to show now. Emma and Susie the two girls who sat around me turned to look at me. Maybe they were wondering what would happen, or if I would say something. Even though I was still a very quiet child, I was beginning to come out of my shell with Mr. Doucette around. I always felt as if he was here at West Park to protect me somehow, to sort of block the ugliness as it came my way. But the ugliness had just returned in the form of Mrs. Chapman.
“Now everyone come up and get a recorder and the sheets of songs we will try to work on today.” “I’m going to call you up by row”. She didn’t even have to tell me that I would be last because I already knew that. Finally I got my instrument and sat down. “Ok class”, she began. “I want to hear what you can play”. I was betting that I would be the last one yet again, but Mrs. Chapman surprised me and called on me first. I had never played a recorder before I had no idea what to do with it. “Stand”, she barked. I stood. “Now play.” “But…But…I don’t know how to play”, I said. I was so embarrassed to stand up there and make a fool of myself. “No”, she yelled. “You must play that instrument”. “Do it or go to the office”. I hadn’t been down to the office in many months, well I guess not since Mr. Doucette came. But I knew that Ms Weber was still our principal and she was always so nice to me. She told me she understood what adults say, is sometime wrong. And I knew she cared, so going to see her did not scare me at all. But I’m sure Mrs. Chapman thought it would. “KARMA”!, she hollered. “What is your problem”? “I told you to play the instrument, now DO IT!” She spit as she hollered out the word it. I stood staring at her, thinking of what to say. My instincts told me to just play and she would leave me alone. But then I realized she wouldn’t leave me alone. She would just find another thing to bully me about. I needed to stand up to her, I needed to dig down inside and find the courage that I read about in all those books. Mrs. Chapman needed to be told…. “No”, I said firmly. “You can’t make me”. “What did you say”? She replied, her head looking as if it was about to blow up. I said, “No, Mrs. Chapman I don’t know how to play it so I don’t want to embarrass myself.”
“You are already an embarrassment,” she spat out. “You are a huge embarrassment to this school,” she said again, after she sucked in a big gulp of air to fuel her poisonous words, she again spat out, “you are a huge embarrassment to this community.” “Who, do you think you are talking to me like that”, she continued? “I am the teacher here missy, and you listen to me and do what I tell you”. “You got THAT”! She finished. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ms. Weber standing just outside the doorway. But I didn’t turn my head to get a clear look; I just hoped it was true. I began to open my mouth to once again tell her that I would not play until I learned the instrument like everyone else. Only a squeak escaped my mouth before Ms. Weber cleared her throat and began to walk into the room. “Excuse me, is there a problem here”? She asked very calmly. Mrs. Chapman’s angry eyes turned to Ms. Weber. Her eyes looked as if they were ready to pop out from the anger and once she saw the principal standing there she was white as a sheet and froze where she stood.
“Ah,” the principal she began, lowering her voice and sounding relieved.
“I am so glad you are here Ms. Weber”. “I hope you can help me deal with this girl and her unacceptable rudeness towards me”. Mrs. Chapman began to move closer to Ms. Weber as she spoke. But suddenly the principal put up her hand and said, “Please Mrs. Chapman I did not ask you to speak”. I was asking Karma. “Now Karma let me ask you again”. “Is there a problem here”?
Mrs. Chapman’s face went hard like stone as she turned to look at me along with everyone else in the class. Ms Weber’s eyes met mine and I stared at her long enough to gather a little more courage to continue. “Yes, Ms. Weber there is a problem here”, I replied, and then I sat back down in my seat. “I thought so Karma,” she said. Ms. Weber turned to Mrs. Chapman and said in front of the whole class. “I could hear you yelling all the way from the office, Mrs. Chapman.” Mrs. Chapman tried to open her mouth to blurt out excuses, I was sure of that. But Ms. Weber would have nothing of it. “Put a cork in it Mrs. Chapman,” she started. “I think you have had just about enough time tormenting MY students here at West Park”. “You should be ashamed of yourself”. “I know I am ashamed to have you working here in MY school”, she continued. “I am ashamed that our board of education would hire such a mean and hurtful women, to teach our children”. “You are full of hate Mrs. Chapman and I don’t want you here at my school for another minute”. “You are dismissed, go to my office”. Her normally mild voice sounded harsh and stern. Mrs. Chapman tried to speak, she tried to explain her behavior as she escaped the embarrassment of all twenty five sets of eyes stared at her, but Ms Weber wouldn’t listen.


At that moment all that I had learned became one.

The bulling made me stronger, the lessons about apartheid gave me courage, and the quotes Mr. Doucette shared with us in class made me smarter and the most important thing, the compassion Ms Weber gave me showed me that humanity can change.
Ms. Weber continued to change many things at West Park Elementary, and soon the parents of the students at our school would begin to change too.


The End……..

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.07.2010

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