PROLOGUE

I sat down on top of one of desks, listening to the chatter around me. The girls around me were nice, but I didn’t understand why I was here. Teri dragged me here, to FCA. Fellow Christian Athletes. I mentally rolled my eyes. I went to Teri’s church a couple of days ago, curious as to what the fuss was about there. But, it scared me to death. I just wasn’t comfortable enough. But, I didn’t tell Teri this. So, she just dragged me to the FCA meeting where apparently there was going to be some guest speaker. Woo.

It was probably going to be some old man that was a Jesus Freak.


Well, I was right about the Jesus Freak part.


Instead a silver haired man walking through the classroom doors, it was a young guy. His caramel colored hair brushed across his bright blue eyes. He flashed a smile at all of us, but his gaze lingered curiously on me. I had the urge to self-consciously run my fingers through my short hair that I had recently cut in a way of showing my mourning for my Grandfather who had just recently passed.
“Sorry I’m late, guys,” he said, his voice sounded like a thousand angels singing. He was gorgeous and beautiful. A girl with wavy blonde hair bounded up to him, hugging him. Teri mentioned something about her being his little sister.

He was passionate, kind, beautiful, wonderful, and patient. He was perfect in every way that I could see. And when he talked about God, I wanted that relationship with Him as well.

From the moment, he walked into the room; I had fallen hard and fast for him.

I was only fourteen, and he was nineteen.

CHAPTER 1

I tapped my pencil against the wooden conference table, absentmindedly. My fingers ran through my soft chocolate brown hair that was tinted red when the sunlight hit it. It was straight, for now. But I was probably going to perm it soon.
“Cara! Are you listening?” asked Steven, frustrated. Yes, Steven Spielberg was my manager. He’s a famous director and producer, and for my sake, he became my manager.
Well, my main manager. I also had Jess and Harold when he was busy. I met him when I went to an acting camp when I was sixteen. He was lecturing there, and he saw me. Liked me. Thought I had ‘potential’. But, my parents didn’t trust any other person to take care of me, so he took me under his wing.

So, yeah. Guess, I should explain. I’m Cara Matthews. Yes, THE Cara Matthews. Famous Actress who dabbled in a little singing here and there. But, don’t get confused; I’m not a singer. Just an Actress. Like how it used to be.

Right now, we were conversing about this next movie deal. I wasn’t really a television girl. I wasn’t in any series on TV or any shows. I guest starred occasionally, but I was a movie girl. I was in movies. So, I suppose I’m an A-list celebrity. Took me two years to get there. I was now 18 and half years old. Most people my age are in college now. Me? Nope. I’m in the peak of my career. I couldn’t take a break to go to college.

I blinked rapidly and stared at Steven.
“What?” I asked.
“So, you weren’t paying attention,” he sighed and gave me a slight smile. I smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry…” He sighed more heavily this time as he shifted his aged eyes towards me.
“We were saying, you have an audition next week for the part of Mary Jane,” he said. I scrunched up my face.
“Who?” I asked.
“MARY JANE???! The girlfriend of SPIDERMAN?” screeched Harold. I just glared at him. So did Steven and Jess.
“Sorry,” mumbled Harold.
“Wait, you want me to audition for a Spiderman movie?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Steven, putting on his reading glasses and shifting through some papers. He handed me a script.
“Memorize this.” I scanned through it.
“Hey, aren’t you the producer of this movie?” I asked Steven. He put a finger to his lips and said, “Shh!” I smiled and shook my head. Then I looked at the date. My face paled.
“I-I can’t. I have to go home this week,” I said slowly. Steven frowned.
“Well, we’ll just give you the part then,” said Jess cheerfully.
“Uh, no. She must audition,” said Steven.
“But, you know how perfect she is. Why hold auditions?” she asked.
“So other hopefuls have a chance,” I said, answering for Steven. I knew how he was. He was a visionary but at the same time, he liked to give people who didn’t have a chance, a chance. If they were good enough.
“Can you get back in time?” he asked. I sighed.
“I don’t know,” I said rubbing the back of my neck. My parents didn’t like me interrupting ‘family and friend time’ with auditions and unnecessary stuff.
“Well, I’ll talk to your parents. Your dad loves Marvel movies anyway,” said Steven.
“Okay.”
“Meeting adjourned,” said Steven, taking a gavel and hitting the wooden table. He laughed at his childish gesture. As he was getting older, he seemed to be getting more and more childish.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

My phone beeped as I hailed a cab to get back to my apartment. We were in New York City.
“Hey! You’re Cara Matthews! My little girls love you!” praised the cabbie. I smiled and nodded.
“Can I get your autograph?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said flashing him a smile. I took a pen out of my purse and signed the piece of napkin that he had. I took out my phone and looked at the new text message I had just received.

From: Dad
Can’t wait to see you! Have a good flight! Love, Daddy

Oh, shishcabobs.

“Actually, can you take me to the airport?” I asked leaning forward in my seat so the cabbie could hear me.
“Sure thing,” he said. Then he went on to say how he admired me because he’s read so many articles where I didn’t compromise my beliefs and how I never cursed in movies or in person.

Curse my morals.

Finally we arrived at the airport. I handed him some cash and flew out of there shouting, “THANK YOU!” behind me. I got my ticket and boarded the right plane. I didn’t have any luggage… But that was okay. I always kept some clothes and stuff at home.
I closed my eyes and awaited the short flight I had before I would arrive home in Leesburg, Virginia.

I woke up as the plane descended.

CHAPTER 2

I woke up at 11 the next day in my old twin bed. My room hadn’t been touched since I left it two years ago. It was still hot pink from when I painted it when I was five. And there was a collage of One Direction right next to my head. I remember being proud when I hit 150 pictures. Now, it was kind of creepy. Especially since I was good friends with them.
My mother’s dark chocolate brown eyes just stared into mine. I yelped.
“Wake up,” she said with a slight Asian accent. My mother is Korean.
“Why?” I groaned rolling over, putting the covers over my head.
“So you can pick up your brother and sister.”
“Where are they?” I asked.
“It’s Sunday, they’re at Church, of course,” said my mother, “Now get up!”
“Okay, okay, okay,” I said while thinking they still go to that?
I stumbled tiredly into the small hallway bathroom and got ready to pick up my siblings in half an hour.
I slipped into the car and drove down the familiar road to where our Church was. My heart started beating harder as I remembered that a certain someone used to work there. He probably didn’t anymore, I thought to myself, trying to slow my racing heart. I parked my car and walked into the Youth Group building. My brother and sister were both sixteen. They’re twins, but they couldn’t be anymore different. My little sister, Aria, was the spitting mirror image of me. But she wore glasses. She couldn’t deal with contacts. Her hair was the same chocolaty red color as mine. Her eyes were amber colored like mine as well. But her forehead was slightly smaller than mine. And her jaw was slightly bigger than mine. And, sadly, her eyes were bigger than mine.
She was a beautiful girl.
My brother, Ash, on the other hand, had charcoal black hair, like my mother, and dark chocolate brown eyes, also like my mother. He wore glasses like my sister. He was pale and had freckles dotted across his face. He looked a lot like me as well, but he was a boy.

I slowly walked into the building that I used to go to when I was sixteen. It was a while ago. A girl walked out of the ladies’ restroom and stared at me. I gave a slight wave and a smile and then walked past her. Across the high school youth room was the middle school youth room. I peeked through the window and saw familiar bright blue eyes and caramel hair. He was waving his arms animatedly and talking. I whipped myself away from the window, breathing heavily against the wall. My heart was racing. Was it he? Was my mind playing tricks on me? I walked up to the girl that was drinking out of a water fountain. Her brown eyes widened as she recognized me. It was the same girl who had walked out of the bathroom.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hey…” she said warily.
“Um, does Jeffery Phillips still work here?” I asked.
“Pastor Jeffery? Yeah… He works here. He’s the assistant Middle School Youth pastor. Are you friends with him?” she inquired. I slowly shook my head.
“I just… I just used to know him…”
“Hey, you’re Cara Matthews, aren’t you?” she asked. I nodded my head.
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing here?” the girl asked.
“I was going to pick up my brother and sister, but I feel sick all of a sudden,” I said giving her a weary smile. It was true. I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t have Jeffery see me. I’ve been in love with him since the end of 8th grade. God, he must think… I don’t know what he thinks! It’s been two years since I had seen him last, but I always went on his facebook page, almost everyday. I had been in love with him for almost five years. It was sick. Obsessive. It was disgusting. What the heck was wrong with me?
“I hope you feel better,” said the girl as she scrunched up her nose. I watched her as she walked into the Middle School Youth room.
I sat down in the hallway. It wasn’t as if I didn’t date other guys. I did. I had even dated Chris Evans… Which was just… Odd. Because he was so much older than I.
But, I never kissed them. Right when they would lean in to kiss me, I would panic. I couldn’t let them kiss me. I didn’t want to kiss them. Every time they would try, behind my eyelids I would see Jeffery’s laughing face, and I wouldn’t…couldn’t…kiss them. Then the relationship would end because I couldn’t explain to them that I couldn’t kiss them because I was in love with some other guy.

I played with my hands as I waited for Church to be out, so I could get my siblings and get out of here. Just then, the middle school youth room door opened and kids poured out. There were more girls than boys. That bothered me. Because we all knew they were coming because of Jeffery. I quietly prayed that the doors to the High School Youth room would open and that Jeffery wouldn’t see me.

Too late.

I felt someone staring at me as I looked in my hands. Then, out of curiosity I looked up. I wish I didn’t. I stared at a lanky figure with blue eyes and short caramel brown hair looking at me.

“Cara?”

CHAPTER 3

There was a moment of us staring at each other in shock. Then I laughed.
“You sound surprised,” I said acting as if it my heart WASN’T beating out of my chest. He laughed uneasily.
“Well, yeah. You haven’t been here for two years… I guess, you do have a good reason about that. Love that movie you were in recently… The one about the spy school and that guy…” he said crossing his arms across his chest as I walked over to him. He still didn’t hug me. He never hugged me. Yet, he hugged every one else. Including my little sister, which she used to always brag about to me.
“Yeah. It was a fun…movie…” I said nervously.
“So, why are you here?” he asked, his blue eyes looking at me curiously. I stared into his eyes longer than was necessary. I looked away when I realized it.
“Um, just here to pick up Aria and Ash. I’m here at home for the next few weeks…”
“Really?” he asked, not hiding his surprise.
“Yeah…”
“That’s great! You haven’t been home in a while… I don’t think. Your family probably missed you. Plus, your friends probably missed you too…” he said awkwardly, running a spare hand through his silky hair. I smiled.
“Yes, everyone seemed to miss me. SO much even, that I’m free for the whole time I’m here!” I exclaimed. He laughed.
“Wow, they really did miss you didn’t they?” he teased, a sparkle in his eyes.
“Oh yeah. Definitely,” I said sarcastically.
“Well, maybe we could do something,” he said gruffly as someone came behind me wrapped their arms around my waist. I turned around and saw bright green eyes staring into my amber brown ones.
“Lily!” I exclaimed turning around and hugging her back.
“Sorry, Jeffery, mind if I steal her away?” asked Lily.
“Well, I was right, Cara. Your friends did miss you. Sure, you can take her,” he said smiling. But there was something in his eyes…
“Sure, Jeffery! I’d love to get together with you. Maybe this week?” I asked flashing him a smile. He nodded and smiled back.
“I’ll text you,” he said. Then he went back to thanking people for coming.

Lily raised her eyebrows at me.
“What?” I asked. Lily was my best friend since the 8th grade, and she knew my feelings for Jeffery. One of the only people who knew. She shook her head.
“I haven’t seen you in forever… Well, no actually. I have seen you on the big screen a couple of times, but you haven’t seen me,” she said. I shrugged.
“I heard, you dated Chris Evans. Captain America Chris Evans??” she inquired. I shrugged again with a smirk on my face.
“Did you kiss him? Is he a good kisser?” she asked. The smirk was wiped off of my face. She looked at me with concern.
“We shouldn’t be talking about this in a church…” I said, making her think that was why my face paled.
“Okay,” she said.
“CARA!!” screamed a familiar voice. It was Aria. Ash followed lazily behind her. People were whispering and others were taking pictures and videos.
“Hey,” I said.
“When did you get here?” asked Aria.
“Yesterday,” I said. She frowned, and then brightened up.
“Oh. I was a friend’s house! Sorry, Cara. I guess I didn’t see you,” she said. I waved a hand, dismissing the subject.
“OH! I have to go say goodbye to Jeffery! It’s a tradition,” said Aria. Her eyes lit up at the sight of Jeffery standing there. She subconsciously ran a hand through her brown hair and walked over to him. Oh GOD. Don’t tell me she was in love with him! He was…what? 23 almost 24 now?? That was 8 years older than her!
She talked animatedly with him, and then he hugged her.
Why does he never hug me??
I realized a moment too late that I said that out loud. Lily laughed.
“Who knows,” she said shrugging.
“I’ll call you,” I said as my sister came walking back over to us, her cheeks flushed with excitement. Or, you know, a gorgeous man hugging her.
I grabbed the crook in her elbow and grumbled, “C’mon, let’s go.” Lily laughed again.
“You better call me. So then we can talk about the gorgeous Chris Evans,” said Lily pretending to swoon. I pushed her lightly and rolled my eyes. I was actually dreading this talk.
“See ya, Lils!” I said as I got into my dad’s car. Ash sat in the front seat and Aria sat in the back.
“Are you jealous, Care?” teased Aria as she plugged in headphones into the backseat radio.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You know. Jeffery and I hugging,” she said a gleam in her eyes. I rolled my eyes as I tried to pay attention to the road.
“Why would I be bothered about that?” I asked, nonchalantly.
“Oh, I don’t know. Because he’s worth more to you than any one of your celebrity boyfriends,” said Aria shrugging and staring out the window.
People thought I was a flirt, because I went through boys super fast. It was mostly because of the…kissing thing.
I ignored Aria, and tried to make conversation with Ash.
“Guess what, Ash!” I exclaimed.
“What?” he asked, turning his almost black eyes towards me.
“Guess who’s going to have an audition to be in the movie Spiderman!”
“Who?”
“ME!”
“Yay.”
“You could show a little more enthusiasm…” I said a little hurt.
“Why are you here?” he asked bluntly.
“What?”
“Why are you here, Cara?”
“Because…”
“Because mom and dad wanted you to be here, right?” he asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“What’s different from the other times?” he asked.
“Ash, I know I haven’t--”
“You haven’t been here for TWO years, Cara. You missed Aria and my sixteenth birthday. And fifteenth birthday. But, Aria really wanted you there for her birthday. You missed two Christmases. And you weren’t there when Aria and I both got roles in the theater production at YOUR old school. We haven’t seen you in two years, Cara. Why are you here? Why now? Mom and Dad wanted you home other times. For holidays and stuff. People at school are always like, ‘Oh COOL! Your sister’s Cara Matthews? You guys must go to TONS of Socialite parties and stuff. She’s probably SOOO caring.’ Well, you know what I tell them? I say, ‘Cara who?’ Because you haven’t been a sister these past two years. You dropped us as soon as you got something better,” Ash finished bitterly, looking out the window. I opened my mouth and then closed it, gaping like a fish.
“Ash, you and I used to be so close,” I whispered.
“Yeah. Well. Not anymore.”
That was understatement. Ash used to worship me. He did whatever I wanted to do. We used to hi-five at the dinner table whenever he made some horrible pun. We had a lot of laughs, usually at the expense of Aria… But, we were close. If I wanted a glass of water, he’d get it. If I were hungry, he would make me something. He was a good brother… But, these past couple of years, I was…a bad sister.
“I…called before that production…” I said slowly. He scoffed.
“I couldn’t make it. I had a big movie deal and it was a tough schedule. But I have a break now, so that’s why I’m home,” I said.
“You didn’t have a break in the last two years? I find that hard to believe, Cara,” he said.
“Well… I…”
“I hope you get this movie deal, Cara. So more people at school can tell me how ‘wonderful’ you are,” said Ash getting out of the car. I sighed. Aria shot me a sympathizing look.
“He’s… He’s had a hard time adjusting…” she whispered before getting out of the car. Yeah. Obviously.

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4


I met Lily at her house. I didn’t want to meet in a public setting where people would recognize me. Mrs. Davis answered the door.
“Cara! Long time no see!” she said as she let me in. Lily was going to College so during breaks she stayed home. Like this weekend, but she was going back tomorrow. So today was the only day we had. I walked up to her room. It felt like I was sixteen again. I plopped down on her queen size bed and rolled over on my stomach. She stared at me amused.
“SO,” she said.
“So…”
“Chris Evans. Spill,” she said sitting up and crossing her arms. Her dark brown hair was tied into a loose casual bun. She used to straighten her hair all the time, but now, it seemed she let her hair be curly. Her bangs were curled and framed her olive toned face.
“There’s not much to spill,” I said slowly. Lily laughed.
“What do you mean? It’s Chris Evans!” then she leaned closer to me with a smile on her face, “Is he a good kisser?” I sighed loudly.
“What?” she asked with a confused expression on her face.
“I didn’t…actually…kiss…him…” I said playing with the ends of my hair.
“What?” she asked sounding shocked.
“He tried to kiss me…and then… Well, I freaked out,” I said groaning.
“You…what? Why??”
“It’s happened every single time… Every time a guy would try to kiss me, I would panic and then a couple days later we’ll break up because of it. Which is why it seems like I have really short relationships and go through guys like that,” I said snapping my fingers. I sighed and put my face into her pillows.
“But…why?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled into the pillow.
“What?”
“I don’t know!” I said sighing again and looking at her. But she always knew when I was lying. She gave me a look.
“Okay… Every time they would try to kiss me… Jeffery’s face pops up in my brain. And I freak out because it feels like I’m cheating on him. And I can’t very well tell my BOYFRIEND that I can’t kiss him because I’m in love with some other guy!”
“Jeffery? Still? After all these years?” asked Lily.
“Always…” I whispered. Then we looked at each other and laughed.
“I never thought I’d hear the day when Cara Matthews quotes Harry Potter!” laughed Lily. I playfully shoved her.
“Whatever. I gave the books a chance. It was okay…” Lily gasped.
“You. READ. Them?? YOU??”
“Yes. ME!” I giggled.
“I thought you vowed NEVER to read them!”
“I did…”
“What changed your mind?”
“Meeting Daniel Radcliff…” Lily sighed dreamily and leaned back into her bed.
“Lucky lucky LUCKY duck!” she exclaimed. Then she stole my phone.
“You have MADONNA’S cell phone number??” she asked sitting up straight.
“I met her at a party once… She was drunk and wanted my number… So I gave it to her. And then she put her number into my cell phone…” Then her jaw dropped as she stared at my phone’s screen.
“What?” I asked trying to look over her shoulder. She scrolled up and down and then she looked at me.
“You have ALL of One Direction’s numbers on your cell phone???” she asked. I smiled sheepishly and then nodded slowly.
“AH! You’re like a fangirl dream come true!! Do you still have that…what did you call it again? The One Direction Corner on your bedroom wall?” asked Lily.
“Yeah…” Lily collapsed into giggles.
“Can we call them??” she asked. I slowly took my phone away.
“No…that looks…really unprofessional of me…” I said. Lily considered my words and then nodded. But she looked crestfallen.
“So, how was seeing Jeffery today?” she asked. I shrugged slowly as she flipped through a magazine.
“OOO! Who wore it better? You or Angelina Jolie? You wore the same dress as Angelina Jolie? You’re crazy,” said Lily.
“What?” I asked. Lily showed me the magazine. It was one of those ‘who wore it better’ poles. Apparently I did. Jesus. I was going to have to apologize to Angelina if I didn’t want her hating me for the rest of my life.
“You know, it’s weird seeing my best friend in magazines. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it…” murmured Lily. Neither will I…


After I left Lily’s house I drove aimlessly around Leesburg. There never was much to do around here. I just drove around and around and eventually, I ended up at Church. I looked at the building, confused.

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 5


I sat outside the building in my car, my mouth gaping open. Why the hell was I here? I was already here this morning. The sun was starting to set. I got out of the car and wrapped my pea coat around me tighter when the wind started to pick up. I walked over to the closed church and stared into the dark building. I stared at me reflection that the glass showed me. Straight chocolate red hair spilling over my shoulders. Freckles dotted across my face. Amber eyes lined by dark eyeliner staring back at me. Long eyelashes fluttering against my pale face. Ripped dark skinny jeans. A dark gray graphic tee with a girl smiling at a guy that was behind her. But it was artistically done. A black pea coat was thrown on top of that. I ran a hand through my hair.

What was I doing here?

I turned around and that’s when I saw Jeffery staring at me curiously from his car. His keys were in his hands. It looked as if he had frozen. I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I did a slight wave and tried to make my legs move towards my car. But I was moving so slowly. I clenched my jaw. Why won’t my legs RUN towards my car for God’s sake??

“Cara? What are you doing here?” asked Jeffery having caught up to me. I stared into his blue eyes as the sun started to set rapidly. The few streetlights flickered on. I smiled nervously.
“Haven’t you asked me that earlier today?” I asked. I saw his cheeks turn a little pink.
“I guess I did… But, why are you here now? The Church is closed…”
“Right. Well, I can see that now…” I murmured.
“Did you need anything?” he asked. Just you…

I shook my head quickly as I thought that.
“Yes… I need… No. I just…I have to go,” I said before I could finish the half sentence I carelessly uttered.
“Oh…kay…”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m here. I didn’t purposefully drive here,” I laughed nervously again, “Well, I’m just going to go. It was nice seeing you again Jeffery!” I waved at him even though he was standing right there. I ran my hand through my hair again self-consciously and practically ran to my car. He was still staring at me as I slipped into the car and put my head onto my steering wheel and call myself stupid like ten thousand times.

What the hell was wrong with me?

He must think I'm the most nuttiest celebrity that he has EVER met!! GOD! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO??

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 6


He put his lips in my hair as he kissed the top of my head, warmly. I looked up at him with watery eyes.
“It’s alright,” he said. And I believed him. His blue eyes stared deep into my brown ones. I had the urge to reach up on my tiptoes and press my lips against his soft pink ones. But I repressed that urge. I couldn’t. Not yet. Not ever. I closed my eyes as he held me in his strong arms. I melted, mentally, in his embrace. And when I opened my amber brown eyes, he was gone…
It was just a dream.

I stared up at the ceiling of my old bedroom, tears running down the side of my face. I glanced at the clock. 3:00 am. I sighed and laid back down in my bed, burying my face into my soft pillow.

Why?

Why?

WHY ME?

I wiped the tears from my face as I got up to go check my phone. I scrolled through my texts. Twitter. Twitter. Twitter. Twitter. More Twitter. Then, I stopped and stared at my phone.
Jeffery.
Why the frikin HELL is he texting me??? As if my mind wasn’t going crazy enough! I mean I just had a romantic like DREAM about him!!! And I was crying because it was a DREAM!! I didn’t need this on TOP of work! STOP TEXTING ME JEFFERY!!

Then I threw my phone onto the floor. Aaaand it broke. Sort of.

The battery came out and so did the back. My phone is sort of like a brick. I stared at my phone in shock.

I’m going crazy. I’m going crazy! I’M GOING CRAZY!!

I shook my head and walked to the bathroom. The light blinded me for a few seconds, and even then I had to squint. I stared at myself in the mirror before splashing my face with water. I shivered because it was cold water.
OKAY. I’m up now.
I wandered around my old room just pacing back and forth.
Why did I have that dream?
Obviously because I like him. Okay. That’s not too bad. Plus, it isn’t that weird anymore. He’s what? 23 almost 24?
That’s not too bad. Since I’m 18 and everything…
Why did I freak out?
OH I DON’T KNOW PROBABLY BECAUSE I WOKE UP CRYING??
Okay…
Why did I throw my phone?
……… (Awkward silence)……..
Only explanation: I’m insane.

I lay back down on my bed, exhausted. By this time it was 4 in the morning. I wouldn’t even bother fixing my phone. I was tired. This time, I had a dreamless rest of the night.

I woke up with a start. I scratched my head as I looked around my bedroom. My desk chair was on its side on my wooden floor. There was stuff all over my desk and dresser. Mostly rolled up pieces of paper. In the middle of my room, were the insides of my phone…

“What the heck happened last night?” I said out loud, my voice piercing the silence. I looked at the clock and it was almost noon. I got up and grabbed one of the pieces of paper. Inside was a poem:

Forever I will
By: Cara Matthews

His bright blue eyes,
So full of life.
Yet I cry,
When I see them.
Because I know
He’s like them.
But I can’t help
But love and cherish each moment.
He’s stolen my heart.
And it’s forever his.
It’s like a poisonous dart…
But it feels like bliss.
I know he’ll never feel the same.
I know.
But I still remember when he came,
To save me.
I love him.
And forever I will.

I just stared at the poem in shock. I was an idiot. Inside of these other pieces of paper, I knew, were poems and fantasies that would never ever come true. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF??

Light Conquers Dark
By: Cara Matthews

The moonlight shone down on us as if it were a hidden spotlight. The fireflies twinkled around us as we snuck glances at each other. I felt my face grow hot and red. Everything felt all warm and fuzzy. It was beautiful, surrounded by God’s creation. He was so passionate about this God that I was a little jealous. We came to this quiet spot so we could talk about it. Because he was so passionate when he talked about Him that I caught myself feeling passionate about Him as well. At the moment, though, there was a lull in our conversations we stared up into the stars. I caught myself staring deep into his blue eyes. It was as if out of a cheesy romantic movie. Except that it was so humid my clothes were sticking to my less than perfect body. And Mosquitoes kept biting my arms and legs. Besides all these things, it was the perfect moment for him to kiss me. And as our faces slowly moved towards each other, he turned away and kept going on with our earlier conversation. My face turned red and I turned away. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. I guess it was just me who felt this. He only thought of me as a little sister, or a girl he wanted to save from Hell.

The next day, I woke up to sleeping girls around me. I forced myself out of my bed and rubbed my tired swollen eyes. I splashed water on my face and put on some decent clothes. As I moved past sleeping limbs that were lying off of the beds, I put my hair into a quick bun and closed the door behind me. The sun was coming up, and that’s what I woke up to see. I yawned as the clouds turned lavender and pink, and the first rays of sunshine burst through the fading night sky. I watched as light pierced dark, making it run into the shadows it belonged in. I guess he did have a point. That boy. Light conquers dark, and that’s how God wanted it. I leaned over the wooden railing, my arms folded underneath my head when I heard my name behind called below me. My head popped up and I looked down. I smiled as I recognized those bright blue eyes that I loved so much.
“What are you doing up so early?” he asked. I smiled to myself.
“Just watching the light conquer the dark.”


Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

I grabbed all of the crumpled pieces of paper and threw them in the trash. The last piece of paper I was about to throw away didn’t have anything written on it. Instead there was a drawing. It was an eye that had a tear coming out of it. The eye had heavy dark lashes around it. Inside the eye, was a vision. Something she was seeing. A girl and a boy. The girl had her arms around the boy but the boy was looking at her. At the eye. He looked like…
Jeffery?

What?

Why did I draw Jeffery with another girl?

Impressum

Bildmaterialien: Cover Photo: Bianca Gray's. NO ONE ALLOWED TO USE UNLESS HAS PERMISSION TO DO SO
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.07.2012

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