I was an A+ student; I was the captain of the soccer team, and the field hockey team. I even ran cross country, all of my teachers liked me; I was awarded medals, trophies, and certificates. And this all fell apart within three weeks after I tried it.
…
When I tried it, my mind went blank, all of my worries rolled away. All that was on my mind was “What should I do?” It was like no one in my life existed outside of this room. As if I was the only person in the world that existed, just me, and it. I couldn’t help myself, it was offered to me, and I just… took it. It was a weak moment for me, I was, am, not proud of it. But it happened, and I can’t change the past.
My life changed so much that day. On my way home, I was stopped by an officer and was asked if I had been using drugs. I felt like I couldn’t speak, it felt like my mouth was filling up with regret, with tears somehow, with, with… it went black, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my breath was shortening, and it felt as though my life was draining from my body.
…
I awoke to find myself in a small room, with bars surrounding, it was loud, yet quiet. I was in jail, my worst nightmare, of waking up in a jail cell, not knowing how or when I got there. I was so scared, I had no clue what was going on, but all I knew, was that I was in trouble. My life… was over…
…
My sister came to pick me up, she had a look on her face, that look, explained exactly how she felt. She was angry, scared, confused, but all of those things didn’t matter to her anymore, the second she saw me, what I looked like, she rushed over and squeezed me so hard I thought my eyes would pop out. I was relieved, not that my parents weren’t here instead, but that she didn’t seem to be angry or annoyed. And that she was there, she came for me, even after I told her she ruined my life.
…
I was home; my parents weren’t there, thank God. My sister said, “They’re at a benefit,” I ran up to my room and closed my door, I locked it. I opened my purse and took it out. I regretted doing it the first time. But now, I feel as though I can’t live without it, that I might die if I don’t have it. I peeled back the paper-like rapper and took some out. I shoved it into a small cup and crushed it up, just took make it easier to “use”.
“Ah…” I let out. Everything was the same, but the effect wasn’t as strong, the use of it, wasn’t as fulfilling as before. As if I needed to use more to feel as good as I did the first time. I lay down on my bed, I felt the covers hug my body, like my mother would do when I’m suck. I used some again, it felt good, but slowly, I could feel, my body getting used to it, making me feel less and less better every time I use it. I stopped, I heard a door close, it was my parents. I rushed around, I hid everything in my purse, my mother knocked on my door and came in, “Mom, don’t you ever wait for someone to come in anymore!” she frowned. I motioned for her to come sit down with me. I could sense she knew something was wrong. I smelled strange, my room smelled strange. He took a big whiff and coughed. “Why does your room smell funny?” I walked out of my room and went into the bathroom hoping she would follow, she did.
…
The next day, I came downstairs to find my parents and my sister sitting at the kitchen table, as though they were waiting for me. I kept walking as though I didn’t know what was going on and passed them. I came into the kitchen to find them there too. How did they get there? I walked out of the kitchen, into the family room to find my father on the couch, the television on, him not even making a motion or sound. I walked around to the front to see his face. Blood, blood everywhere, his face, completely covered in blood, he was dead. Someone had stabbed him multiple times. I ran upstairs to find my mother, I heard the water running in her bathroom, I ran in. There was water everywhere, all over the floor, and my mother, she was dead too. I ran out of there too. I ran into my sisters room, she was still sleeping, I walked over, scared she was dead too. I slowly pulled the covers away, her throat was cut, I looked at my hands to see if I had any blood on them, all over me, blood everywhere… I killed them…

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.01.2012

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Widmung:
This is for a close friend of mine who has gotten back on their feet after something similar to this happened to them.