CHAPTER 1.

CHAPTER 1.


“I can’t.” I said.
“c’mon.” He dark eyes stared into my bright blue eyes as he begged.
“My brother would kill us.”
He got out of my bed, looking pissed. He was my brother’s best friend; I didn’t want to do anything with him. I got out of bed, still in my pajamas. The music down stairs was way too loud to try to fall asleep. I crept down the stairs slowly, just to see what was going on. The smell down stairs was disgusting. It was a smell of weed, beer and perfume mixed. The party that was only supposed to be a couple people turned into a lot of people. My parents were gone 9 months out of the year, so they were never around. They think money can replace them so; I pretty much have anything I want. A big house, a new car, a ton of clothes and the newest phone. But, I wasn’t a material girl and I would rather have my parents here then all of these things. Since, my parents were gone so my much, my brother, Jesse, got away with parties like this all the time. He had the hook up; he gets the weed from his best friend’s brother, and he hangs out with older people who can buy alcohol. All his friends tried hitting on me; I was a year younger than Jesse. Jesse has always been protective so his friends know not to say anything in front of him.
Micah was the worst about hitting on me. He was a cutie though. He had dark brown eyes and the prettiest brown hair. I was the opposite of him, I had Blue eyes, long blonde hair, really white teeth and I was really skinny. People always mess with me and tell me to eat a couple cheese burgers. Micah and I are really tan and he has white teeth like me. That’s the only similarity between us.
I walked down stairs and saw a girl all over Jesse. I didn’t really care though. He can do what he wants. I felt a tug at my arm and saw a cute blonde guy pulling me close to him. I had never seen him before.
“Hey, you want this drink?” he said into my ear, making my ear tingle.
I thought about it for a second, but I ended up taking it. I drank it really fast and it made my throat and nose burn. He laughed at my face I made.
“What’s your name?” I asked in the sweetest voice I had.
It took him a second to tell me his name, he must have been that drunk or something because, he couldn’t remember his own name, finally it clicked and he told me.
“My name is Nick Fest.”
I smiled, I always liked the name Nick; it was a cute name.
“My name is Hannah Cooper.” I said. He smiled. I got dizzy, and the room started spinning. How am I that dizzy after one drink?
I tried walking, and I almost fell. Nick caught me and tugged on my arm.
“C’mon, let’s go upstairs.” He whispered in my ear. I was so dizzy and the room was spinning. I could not even talk. I couldn’t even tell him no. He grabbed me and helped me upstairs. He knew what room was mine somehow and took me in there. I heard the door locked with a click. He pushed me on the bed and started kissing me. I couldn’t get up, he was too strong. I tried pushing him off and I whimpered a stop. “You’ll like this baby, don’t resist it.” He said.
“STOP!” I managed to yell this time. He put his hand over my mouth and I started kicking, I started punching, I did everything I could. But, I couldn’t get him off of me. I finally gave up and laid there. It was no use, I wasn’t getting up. He was way stronger than me.
He started taking my pants off and unzipped his zipper and that’s the last thing I remember.

CHAPTER 2.

I woke up naked, under the covers. I had a really bad headache. I caught a glimpse of something white. He left his boxers. When I saw the boxers on my floor, I started crying. I started sobbing. I couldn’t stop crying. I crawled under my covers and cried into my pillow for an hour. I remembered some of it. I knew what happened. His face haunted me. I finally sat up with my makeup running down my face. My eyes burning, causing them to water more. I stood up and put clothes on. There were bruises on my wrist. I couldn’t let Jesse see them. I didn’t want him to know. He would literally kill him.
I wonder if Nick was his real name.
I walked down stairs, I was sore. I was sore everywhere. The house was spotless. A big difference from what it was last night. I saw Jesse and instantly put a smile on my face. A worried look came across Jesses face. Can he just tell when I’m sad? Then I realized I forgot to rub the makeup off of my face.
“Were you crying?” Jesse questioned. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know if I could lie.
“Ummm, I’m trying out new eyeliner and I’m allergic to it, so it made my eyes burn.” I told him. He believed it. He shook his head and went on with eating breakfast. I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, I don’t even think I could eat, but I was going to try. I poured my favorite cereal; captain crunch. But, my stomach turned when I looked at it. I wasn’t ready to e;at yet. My brother looked at me.
“Why aren’t you eating?” he questioned me again.
“Ummm, I am having bad period cramps.” I said my face red. It was embarrassing to say but it was all I could think of, and I couldn’t tell him the truth. He just shook his head and didn’t say anything more about me not eating.
“I’m going to my friend Michaels; you can come if you want?” Jesse told me. I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave the house.
“I have stuff to do here, or I would. “ I told him, hoping he would believe it.
He nodded. He believed me, again. He finished his breakfast and rinsed his bowl out.
“Alright, I’m leaving, I’ll see you later. I love you.” He told me while grabbing his keys.
“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you too.”
“I might spend the night; I’ll text you if I do. Nobody should be coming, housekeeping came this morning and so did the mail.”
I nodded. He walked out and left me there. It was silent and I kept thinking about it. Having flashbacks. I wanted them to stop. I crawled in a ball on the couch. I sobbed. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I had my eyes closed, and I had my head in my lap. I sat like that for 15 minutes, until I heard a voice.
“Hannah, what’s wrong?” I heard. My head shot up. Micah was standing in front of me. He grabbed me and hugged me tight.
I tried to stop crying but I couldn’t.
“I can’t tell you, I can’t tell you. “ I kept repeating it over and over again.
“You need to tell me, I won’t tell anyone. I promise. You can trust me.” He told me, panic in his voice.
I calmed down and I looked him right in the eyes.
“I, I ummm was raped last night.” My voice started cracking as I told him.
“By who, I will kill them, I seriously will.” He screamed. I didn’t want him to scream and flip out. He was only making everything worse. He looked me in the eyes and realized he made it worse.
“I’m sorry.” He told me, his voice calm and soothing. He held me. He held me so tight. He made me feel safe, he made me feel okay. He just sat there and lay next to me for three hours, not saying a word. Just listening to me cry.
“Micah?” I said after a while.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Please don’t leave.” I told him.
“Hannah, I’m going to have to, Jesse will be home and he won’t like this.” He told, feeling bad. I could hear it in his voice.
“He is staying the night at Michaels. He left a message earlier.” I told him.
“Then, I’m staying right here, Hannah.” He told me, calming me down.
“Micah?”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t tell Jesse.”
“I won’t.” he promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up at 3 am, crying. I had a bad nightmare. I had flashbacks of the night my life changed. I sat up. I wasn’t in the living room anymore. I was in my bedroom. Micah was laying right next to me. He jumped up.
“What’s wrong?” he screamed.
“I had a bad dream.” I told him. He instantly knew what it was about. He put his arm around me and started calming me.
“Do you want some water?” he asked.
“No, don’t leave me alone.”
And I laid back down and so did Micah. He kept his arm around me. Making me feel safe.


CHAPTER 3.

I woke up with the same strong muscular arm around me. He was snoring and I didn’t want to wake him up. I crawled off the bed. Trying to do it without waking him up. I heard him take a deep breath and he stopped snoring.
“Hannah?” he said in a sleepy voice.
“Yeah?” I said.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To get in the shower.” I told him.
He sat up and I went to my closet. I didn’t feel like getting dressed in anything other than sweat pants and a hoodie. I grabbed my pink jogging outfit, underwear and I was out the door. I started the shower. I looked in the mirror and almost started crying. I felt a ball in my throat. This was the first time I had seen myself in the mirror since that night. I quickly looked away and got in the shower. The water was refreshing and woke me up. I washed my hair, shaved and got out. I wanted to hurry and get out of the bathroom, there were mirrors all over the bathroom and I didn’t want to see my body. I got dressed and brushed my hair and my teeth. When I went downstairs Micah had eggs, bacon and toast on the table. It all looked really good, but I couldn’t eat. He poured me orange juice and pulled out my chair. I sat down. He started putting eggs on my plate.
“I’m not trying to be mean, and I seriously appreciate this, but I can’t eat. All food makes my stomach turn.” I told Micah. His feelings were hurt and I could tell.
“It’s okay, more for me.” He said trying to force a smile.
“I’m sorry.” I said. I felt so bad.
“It’s okay, but do you want to go somewhere with me?” he asked.
“I don’t know, it might be too hard.” I said
“C’mon, I promise nothing will happen to you.” He smiled.
I finally agreed, but I was still wasn’t changing. I hopped in his car, and he grabbed my hand. I grabbed his hand and held it tight. He made me feel safe, he made me feel alright. I wanted to know where we were going, but he claimed it was a surprise and I needed to get out. I trust Micah, so I didn’t say anything. We pulled up to a beach.
“Follow me.” Micah said.
I followed him to a big rock right on the shore. He laid a blanket down and laid on it. He waved for me to lay down too. I laid down and stared at the sky. I could hear the waves crashing onto shore and It relaxed me. I felt completely relaxed for once.
“Hannah, I just want to say that I am so sorry for what happened to you. And I want you to know that I am here for you no matter what. I want to make you happy again. I want to make you okay. You’re so beautiful and you’re an amazing girl. I would never force you to do anything and I understand you’re depressed right now. I promise you, I will get this Nick guy. And if you ever need to talk about that night, it might make me mad because you’re such an amazing person, but I will still listen to you and I will listen to you until we are old people in an old folk’s home.” Micah told me.
I couldn’t believe he honestly cared that much about me. Nobody has ever cared that much. I didn’t know what to say. Words couldn’t express how grateful I was to have Micah. I looked Micah in the eyes and I smiled a smile that actually reached my eyes. I leaned closer and I knew I was ready for this, but only with Micah. I kissed his lips very softly. I wasn’t ready to go farther and I know Micah understood that. He smiled a smile that reached his eyes too.
“I don’t know if this is too soon and you can tell me if it is, but would you go on a date with me Hannah?” he asked. “ I have liked you for so long now and that’s all I want.”
It would have been way to soon with anyone else. But not Micah, not the guy that was there for me, for the past 10 years of my life over anything.
“It’s not too soon, I would love that.” I grabbed his hand and held it tight again.
“Micah?”
“Yes?” he asked.
“Why do you take the chance of getting your ass kicked by my brother, just to hang out with me?”
He smiled. “It’s not just to hang out with you. When I hang out with you, I always have fun. You always make me happy and I never want to stop hanging out with you.” I smiled too. We put our heads together still holding hands.
“See that cloud? It looks like a heart, perfect for me and you.” Micah said. Making me truly happy for once in the past 3 days.

Chapter 4.


When I walked in the door, Jesse was waiting for me. He had a panicked look on his face.
“Where have you been?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“ummm, I went to the mall.” I told him. Stupidest thing I could have ever said.
“I was there, and I didn’t see you, and you didn’t get anything?” he asked suspiciously.
“I went to a mall a while ago, and I just went to look.” I told him, avoiding eye contact.
He just went with it, even though he knew I was lying. If he knew I was really with Micah, he would be pissed.
“I’m having a couple people over.” My brother told me.
“okay.” I said. Why would I care? I needed to look good though. Being with Micah has helped me heal so much. I’m okay now. I know that what happened is in the past and I need to move on with my life. I went upstairs and straightened my hair, did my makeup and put on some cute clothes. I was ready. I walked down stairs and heard a couple laughs. I saw a bong being passed around. I wanted to smoke. I sat in the circle, grabbed the bong, took a hit, and coughed my brains out. I heard laughter when I started coughing. I took three more hits and passed it. I was really feeling it. My eyes got really red and squinty. I took three more hits and passed out. When I woke up, I was in my bed and I was still baked. And I heard a lot of commotion going on down stairs. I walked down the stairs, and I saw a huge party. My brother’s couple people once again turned into a lot of people. I saw Micah sitting on the couch. He looked high as fuck. I waved him upstairs when no one was looking. He followed me up to my room and sat on my bed.
“Hey, come here.” I said to him and I started kissing him. I started un doing his zipper. I didn’t care, I was high as fuck. And horny as fuck.
“Hey, don’t do this, you’re going to regret it tomorrow.” He said, kind of disappointing me.
“No, I want to do this.” I told him. I got up and turned the lights off. I like it dark. I grabbed him again, and put his hand down my pants.
“You like that?” I asked him.
“You know I do. But I can’t do this; I don’t want you to regret it.” He told me, taking his hand out of my pants.
“C’mon, do it for me, or I will never talk to you again.” I was high and I didn’t know what I was saying. This time I put my hand down his pants. I could feel him getting hard against my hand. I started stroking him, and I heard him whimper.
He then put his hand down my pants and started rubbing my clit. I moaned and started humping his hand. He was rock hard now. I pulled off all of his clothes and pulled off my clothes. I climbed on top of him and I felt it go in. we did it and I fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was right. I woke up the next morning and I felt guilty. I woke up, naked under my covers with him lying right next to me; naked. I sat up and caught a glimpse of something blue. I saw a box of tampons, and it hit me. I was 5 days late. I panicked. I woke Micah up.
“Micah!”
No response.
“Micah!”
No response.
I started shaking him and screaming his name. he finally woke up.
“What?” he asked in a sleepy voice.
“I’m late.” I told him with fear in my voice.
He sat up.
“Late for what?” he asked confused.
“MY PERIOD!” I screamed.
He got up off the bed really fast, and I knew he understood.
“Alright, let’s go get a test.” He said his voice filled with panic.
We got dressed in 5 minutes and got in his car. We left without my brother noticing. We ran in the store and got 5 tests.
“You want to take them here, or wait?” Micah asked me.
“I want to wait until we get home.” I said
We got home really fast because of Micah’s crazy driving.
I ran to the bathroom and almost peed my pants because I had been holding in my pee for a long time. I peed on all of the sticks and set them on the cabinet. I called Micah in there to wait with me.
“What are you going to do, if you’re late?” he asked with worry in his voice.
“I don’t know. I don’t believe in abortions and I don’t think I could live knowing someone else has my baby, so no adoption for me. I guess, the only other thing Is to raise the baby.”
He nodded. I knew he understood.
“Who’s the father?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
“Nick.” I said as my voice starting cracking. I sobbed. It was him. He was the only person besides Micah. But Micah happened too late to be the father.
The five minutes were up, I looked at the sticks. All positive. What was I going to do?

I’m pregnant.

Chapter 5.


I fell to the ground crying. I didn’t know what else to do. Micah put his arms around me and tried to get me to calm down.
“How am I going to tell my brother?” I asked
“I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Everything will be okay!” he said.
“Who am I going to say is the dad?” I asked.
“me.” He whispered.
“What?” I couldn’t believe I just heard that?
“Me.” He repeated.
“You can’t do that, my brother will kill you and I just can’t let you do that, Micah.” I said.
“I want to be the dad.” He said.
I wished Micah was the dad instead of Nick, but I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t let his life get ruined along with mine. But if Micah wanted to be the dad, then I wanted him to be the dad, too.
“Okay, I want to raise this baby with you. I love you.” I told him.
He smiled. “I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Telling Jesse was going to be the hardest part. I knew he was going to catch on eventually because of morning sickness and all the other pregnancy symptoms.
I was nervous, but it was something that had to be told. Jesse had to know. My stomach turned and it felt like a thousand butterflies were flying around in my stomach. I started biting my nails as we walked down the stairs. My knees were shaking. I knew he was going to flip out. I wonder how Micah felt. He didn’t show emotion at all. My knees felt like they were going to buckle all the way to the last step of the stairs. We reached the hallway and I was shaking like no other. Micah felt me shaking and grabbed my hand.
“It’s okay.” He said, his voice calming me.
We walked down the hallway and found my brother sitting on the couch. I let go of Micah’s hand and sat down next to Jesse.
“I have to tell you something.” I said my voice shaky.
“Sure, go ahead.” I felt like I was going to puke.
“Ummm, I’m pregnant,” I spit out.
“That better be a fucking joke!” he screamed.
I knew this was going to happen, I knew he would flip out.
“Jesse, calm down. We’ll work through this.” I said trying to calm him down.
“Who is the father, I swear I will kill them.” He screamed, his face bright red.
I didn’t want Jesse to kill Micah. I didn’t want to break up a friendship. I would just lie and say I didn’t know, but Micah spoke up before I could say anything.
“It’s me.” Micah said calmly.
“WHAT?” Jesse said. I think this is the maddest I have ever seen him.
“I said it’s me.” Micah stated again.
Jesse jumped up from the couch and pushed Micah. They couldn’t fight because of me. Jesse tackled Micah to the floor.
“HOW DARE YOU? MY LITTLE SISTER?” he screamed. He jumped off of him and started screaming again.
“YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND. THAT’S THE ONLY THING HOLDING ME BACK RIGHT NOW.” He was so mad. I just sat back chewing my nails, not knowing what to say.
“Jesse, listen to me. You’re not the only one who loves Hannah. I love her with all my heart. I have loved her since the day I laid eyes on her. And I promise you, I will take good care of her. Hannah completes me. She makes me feel special. And if you can’t understand that and understand that your best friend and sister are in love, then you have no heart.” Micah told Jesse.
I knew I really loved Micah at that moment. He stuck by my side, he didn’t bail. He loved me for me. And that was all that mattered.
“You guys can just leave. Just leave. GO!” Jesse screamed.
I looked at Micah and he nodded. I stood up and grabbed his hand, we walked up the stairs, and I lost it. I started crying really hard. I couldn’t do this. I loved Jesse and Micah both too much. I opened the door to my room and I grabbed a bag.
“So, I’m staying with you” I asked Micah through the tears. The room was blurry because of the tears. He nodded. I grabbed clothes and we headed down the stairs. I poked my head in the living room one last time before we left and I saw Jesse sitting with his head in his hands. I had never seen him this sad or mad. And I felt so bad about all of it. We walked out the door hand in hand. I was scared to stay with Micah and not see Jesse. I put my seat belt on and fell asleep. I didn’t wake up until we got to Micah’s house.


CHAPTER 6.

Staying at Micah’s house was weird. The first night, I woke up crying, I had a bad dream. I was sweating. My dream was weird. I had a dream me and Micah were riding bikes, in a bright bright park. And I hit a bump. I remember Micah looking at me with a happy look on his face. That’s when I started bleeding all over the bicycle seat. He started panicking and screaming, but nothing was coming out of his lips. He just looked like he was screaming and crying. Everything was mute. That’s when I started to panic too, and my heart started beating really fast. I sobbed, and I could hear my crying, but only my crying. That’s when Micah started laughing, and I could hear his laughter. His laughter and my cries. That’s when I woke up crying, with blood all over me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cried until my eyes were dry. My body was shaking, I wasn’t even crying anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I was supposed to get up and go to the hospital, or just get in the shower. What did my dream mean? Why am I bleeding? Did I start my period? And the pregnancy test was wrong? I finally decided to shake Micah. He didn’t budge. I just kept shaking him. He finally woke up and looked at me. He saw the blood and jumped up. I knew by looking at him he was panicked. Was he going to panic, and then laugh? Like he did in my dream? He picked me up without saying a word. I had my head leaning on his chest. The only time I ever imagined him carrying me like this was when we got married or when we were happy. Not when we were panicking. I closed my eyes very tight as he walked down the steps. I could feel his struggle going down the stairs. I bounced up and down on every step. I felt like he was going to drop me. He set me in the car and did my seatbelt. I leaned my head against the window. What was happening? It wasn’t a dream this time. I fell asleep until we got to the hospital. We got there and waited for a long time. Finally a doctor was ready to see us. Micah squeezed my hand when we followed the doctor. The doctor explained that this most likely meant I had a miscarriage. I was so sad. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I lay down on the bed and the doctor was doing an ultrasound. He started laughing. He was laughing. What could possibly be funny right now? I looked at the screen, and I saw it. Two peanuts. And I heard their heartbeats. I started crying. It was the most amazing thing I have ever heard. I looked at Micah and he had a grin ear to ear. That was my laughter in my dream. That was the happy ending of my nightmare. But, it wasn’t a nightmare. It was a dream. I couldn’t wait to be a mom. I was going to do a good damn job.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I think it was time to call Jesse. I think it was time to talk to him. I missed my brother, and I missed my bed after 6 months. 6 months is a long time. And my parents were going to be home soon. I was 8 months pregnant now. There was no hiding it. Micah has been so good, he has helped do everything. He even helped me shave my legs. And tie my shoes. He made me food and gave me back massages. He was the best. I loved him with all my heart. I finally knew what it was like to have someone stick by your side no matter what. My parents never did that. They have always been gone. Micah has been amazing. The only other person I love more is my brother. Me and my brother always relied on each other and supported each other because we didn’t have parents. That’s why I knew it was time. I needed him back.


“Twins?” he asked, his voice was high pitched because he was shocked. I smiled and chuckled. “That’s a lot of poopy diapers.” He joked. I knew he was glad I called. I could tell by his voice.
“I want to see you.” I said. Hoping he wanted to see me, too.
“So, come over.” He said nonchalantly. I laughed and hung up. I was going to see him and I was excited about it.
I got ready, and put my biggest t shirt on, but you could still see my huge stomach. I wanted Micah to come. But I didn’t think he was going to. I begged for a couple hours and he finally agreed. I was so glad. They needed to make up. I didn’t want them to fight over me. When we got to my house, I walked in without knocking. The smell was so familiar and I missed it. “JESSE!” I screamed. I was going to bear hug him. I saw a blue shirt and I went to go bear hug him, when I realized it was my dad. I stood there shocked. I thought Jesse would tell me if they were here. I was hurt. My father stared me up and down and shook his head disappointedly.
“We are only going to be home for 3 days and we are going back out for a couple months. You want to tell me how you ended up knocked up while we were gone?” My father thought I was being irresponsible. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone about that night. But I couldn’t.
“Umm, I guess, I screwed up Dad. “ He shook his head. Saying I guess so with his eyes.
“You’re lucky we have money, to help you raise the baby.” I heard my mom say from the corner of the room.
“Babies.” I corrected her.
My parents gathered up their stuff and left earlier than they planned. Jesse explained that they showed up at last minute and he didn’t have any part in that. I believed him. He said I could move back in, and that he regretted blowing up on me. I could see it in his eyes that he was sorry. I wish he knew the truth, but I couldn’t tell anyone besides Micah. I knew Micah was sad I was going to move back in, but I missed my bed, and my brother. And I knew Micah understood that. He and Jesse made up. And Jesse offered Micah a bed in our house. Jesse said in a different room, though. Not my bed. What was he scared of? I was going to get pregnant? Oops. Too late. Micah took him up on his offer, and I realized I had the two people I loved most in the same house as me, one in the same bed as me. (I don’t care what Jesse says, Micah is sleeping in my bed.) For once, my life was really good. And I realized, life isn’t so rough, and I couldn’t wait to have my babies. My little boy and little girl.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.08.2012

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