Preface

Well our love story reads like a book of lies,

Good intentions, better alibis.

No happy endings, no straight lines

No moving on, but no goodbyes.

This bitter sweet rivalry will be the death of me,

We go round and round trying work it out,

and all I get is held, bent and bound;

Never far from right where we are.

You’d think that we’d get enough,

I know we’re gonna fuck it up,

We’re holding on, sinking down,

Here we go, round and around;

Making circles.
-Christian Kane

Chapter One: Family Reunion!

I stood by the white front door waiting for my mom and dad to hurry up. Today my whole family, well my mother’s side, is getting together. That means me watching the little ones with someone I don’t know and the parents standing around drinking wine or plain beer and talking about their children and their problems. I do not want to go (and I stretch and emphasize that do not part) but my mother on the other hand wanted to go and couldn’t wait. See the dad I was talking about isn’t actually my real dad, he’s my step dad. See my mom and my real dad got divorced when I was 3 and finally split when I was 5. Ever since they got the divorce all of our family members, except for my mom’s mom, my mom’s dad, and my mom’s brother, have said that she would never meet and marry another guy. Well she did and she wanted to rub that in their noises. I remember the last reunion we went to I was watching the little ones at the pool before we went in and I went to go get water I walked by where the “grownups” sat and heard one family member say, “Oh poor Luisa she’s over weight, she has a 15 year old daughter.” I growled very low in rage.
See I grew a very strong connection with my mother, I told her everything, so imagine my anger when a fellow family member went on about how she wasn’t going to find a guy. I remember anger enraging me and if it wasn’t for the fact that my grandma was busy I’d go over to that “family member” and beat the snoot out of her. See if I told my grandma why I was beating the snoot out of her she’d probably cheer me on but if she was busy then she wouldn’t want to hear it...Besides I had to let it drop, little kids were watching. I turned on my hills and walked by her. Just when I was almost away from her I heard her call, “Arien, could you get me a cupcake?” I answered with a polite yes. I got her a cupcake and just when I was close enough I “accidentally” dropped the cupcake on her. Ha eat that, I remember saying in my head as I watched her run to the bathroom.
Now mom was not only skinny but she has a very handsome eye doctor who could not only support me and her but help us get the horses that we wanted. I remember the first time mom laid eyes on Mark, dad, and I remember the exact thing she said when she got home to me that day. “Arien,” mom started to say, “I think we need to lose our weight and fast. I mean you’re going into high school and you don’t want to be fat.” No, no don’t want that, I remarked in my head. “Mom, this has nothing to do with that cute new eye doctor at the vision center in Wal-mart does it?” I asked her innocently. “Maybe,” she said. And with that me and my mother were in our garage also known as our work out station and began to work out. We worked out for 3 straight months.
We kept on our diet which was weight watchers and we kept exercising every day. Soon enough we both lost enough weight that mom was back in size 5 and I was in a size 6. Over my freshman year in high school mom and Mark began dating. Ten during my freshman summer (this summer) they got married. They also tore down our old house and built a new one. The new one is twice as big and has almost too many rooms. I have my own room and my own study room.
Yes a study room, the study room was of course for studding, singing, playing video games, watching TV, and hanging with friends. IN any case the house is amazing. We got a fence around the property, we built a barn and chicken coop, got ourselves a garden, and of course we got ourselves a dog that I always wanted. A rascal of a German shepherded called Cinnamon Bun. She is so cute, we recently got her from the dog pound and she was taking in from an abusive owner who luckily didn’t have the chance to abuse Cinnamon Bun but did abuse her mom.
In any case our life really turned up and it seems to stay that way. I mean I got a new dad who is so cool, I got the horses I always wanted, I got the life style at home that I dreamed of, and I have the best-before I could finish that thought mom came bustling down the stairs in her white leather boots, her white above the knee length, puffy dress, with her red shoulder blade hair up in a messy bun, and her face covered in makeup. Mom hit the bottom step when she called up to dad, “Honey Hurry up!”
“I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying!” Dad called back.
I smiled and laughed at them. They are an adorable couple. Whenever they argue it’s not an argument it’s a kissing battle. It’s cute but at the same time disgusting but then again it’s from my view, the “child”. The last argument they had was about children. Mark wants children and mom doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong mom loves children but after raising me alone she decided having one child was enough. I remember coming home from a friend’s house and seeing them on the couch.
Mark had his arms around mom in an unbreakable link and was kissing her face and neck. She squealed and laughed saying, “I’m not going to change my mind.” “Aw that’s cute but, no offense to you two, I’m losing my vision and my eyes burn.” I said. They both chucked and laughed hander when I ran up the stairs to my room yelling, “My eyes, and my eyes!” Mom turned her oval face at me and her green, yellow, red, and orange mixed eyes where bright with excitement. Mom is beautiful, she has perfect white teeth, high cheek bones that are sharp but at the same time dull and round. Mom walked over to me and joined me in my waiting then turned to me and asked, “Did you ask Carter about coming?”
I looked at mom and shook my head. “I told the family about him and they don’t believe me,” oh that’s a surprise, I thought sarcastically as mom talked, “so I decided why not rub both of our happiness in their faces,” she said.
I smiled; now that she brought it up I think I will go ask Carter. As soon as I turned for the door dad came down the stairs all dressed up. He had on brown leather boots, tight blue jeans, a button down plaid shirt, and he had on his white cowboy hat. His brown short hair covered by the hat and his hazel eyes held the same excitement as mom has.
“Okay let’s go,” he said.
Mom smiled and nodded and I sighed sadly, sad that I didn’t have time to go ask Carter. Dad looked at me curiosity burned in his eyes and masked his face.
“What’s wrong princess?” He asked me.
Dad, Mark, called me princess from day one. He told me he always wanted a daughter and when his last wife got pregnant with twins he hoped one was a girl but instead he got twin boys, Mike and Jason, who right now are living with his ex-wife. She wanted full custody clamming he was a horrible man and of course got it.
His boys never called or texted and never responded when he called, texted, or sent a letter. He tells me he misses them and I could see how my dad feels but then again he never tries to talk to me or anything at least Mark tried with his children. Even though he wanted a daughter he loved both of his sons. I looked over at my dad and sighed sadly again while saying, “I wanted to ask Carter if he wanted to join us.” Dad smiled and laughed.
“Who says I want him to come,” my dad joked.
I smiled and shook my head then headed outside. Before we built the house we had to fix the yard, the yard before was full of dead or dying flowers, dying grass, with weeds growing almost up to my knees.
The only living plant life besides weeds were the trees. We had trees growing all around the house we were amazed that during winter we didn’t have a tree snap from the weight of the snow and just fall into the house. Now most of the trees were gone, grass and flowers were growing, and we have livestock running around. As I walked across the porch towards my mom’s car I said, “Well he’s gotta come and meet the family sometime.”
Dad smiled knowing my real reason for him coming and laughed sharply, “So you can rub him in their faces.”
I smiled than as I reached to pen the car door I heard mom ask, “Is Apple in the barn?” Apple is my horse. See we all have our own horses, mom has Chip and Dale, dad has Mac and Cheese, and I have Apple and Pie.
Yes we all gave our two horses names that went together because they are life partners or in human terms husband and wife. In any case, funny enough I got my two horses from my mom and dad’s horses. See Chip and Dale got pregnant and gave birth to Apple then not to long after Mac and Cheese got pregnant and gave birth to Pie. When we got the horses (mom and dad’s) we didn’t know if we’d got the horses to do what we wanted but you know it worked.
Not only did we have horses that went together we have pigs, bunnies, cows, goats, and sheep. Mom’s pigs’ names are Ham and Cheese, Dad’s are Vodka and Shots, and mine are Mrs. Piggy and Kermit. Mom’s bunnies are Donald and Daffy, Dad’s are Mickey and Minnie, and mine are Light and Dark. The rest of the animals we just used name over again. I looked towards the barn and saw Apple prancing about in the little circle where we practiced and broke our horses. I smiled and walked towards it. Our house sits on a hill and the gravel drive way winds up it.
The house and garage are attached which makes it that the parch steps run onto the gravel. Close to the porch is a store path way leading towards the barn, garden, and chicken coop. I smiled and walked across the stone path to Apple until I heard someone call my name I looked back at my parents who were starring towards Carter’s house. I looked and there walking towards me was Carter, handsome, amazing, loving Carter.
See me and Carter have known each other since we were little. We used to play together and everything but then we slowly drifted apart. We actually started talking again just a week after we started building the house. His mother, Vivian, demanded we stay with her while her husband, my grandpa, my uncle, and a few other people got to work on the house. I had to stay in Carter’s room and mom and dad shared the couch.
I remember the night as if though it was yesterday. I was on my bed (the floor) reading Twilight and wearing my faded yellow night gown that goes down to my thighs, I had my almost neon red hair messy and free around my shoulders, and I still had on my makeup from that day. I had gotten to that part were Edward was about to kiss Bella when Carter stormed in at first not noticing the half naked (as my grandma would say) girl on his floor reading a romance novel.
When he noticed me (half a second later) he starred at me mouth wide open and eyes popping out. I stared back at his half nakedness and my mouth dropped open. He had on no shirt (yes no shirt), plaid pajama pants, and his blonde hair was a total mess. I quickly pulled a blanket over me and cried out, “What the hell! Have you heard of knocking!?”
“Why should I knock, it’s my room!” He said back angrily.
“You have a guest! For all you knew I was changing!” I said.
“Yeah an unwanted guest and that would have made this better,” he said quietly.
I growled then stood, balling my hands in fists and putting them on my hips. “What the hell did I do to you?!” I questioned angrily.
“You stopped being my friend,” he said bitterly.
My breath caught and my legs gave out. I feel to the floor dumb stuck and thought about it. Was he right? Did I stop being his friends? Was it my fault? Tears bubbled up in my eyes; I closed my eyes violently and shook my head, as if that would help. I suddenly felt a cool finger tip on my face wiping my tear away. I opened my eyes and saw carter in front of me on his knees a sorry sincere face on. Another tear spilt out and he quickly got it. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t blame you it’s also my fault to,” he said.
I shook my head and whispered, “No, I should have tried.”
I opened my eyes again to look at Carter and saw a small smile on his face. “I’ve wanted to hear you say that forever,” he chuckled.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”
“Its fine, just promise you’ll allow me to help make us friends again.”
“I promise,” I said.
He smiled then gently pushed my face so that it turned. I laughed then looked back at him. That night we stayed up talking about…well everything. The next couple of days me and him just hanged out we’d go to Wal-Mart and Smiths and just hang…then it all went downwards.
It was a hot mid day and Carter and I were thirsty for soda so we decided to drive to a close gas station. Funny and sadly enough Carter and I are the same age, 16, and yet HE can drive. He is also a grade ahead of me but that’s my fault. I got held back. In any case Carter and I were on the couch watching something on TV when a soda commercial came on. “Coca Cola, America’s choice since 1886,” the TV said. “Now I’m thirsty for soda,” Carter stated.
“Me too,” I chuckled.
He lightly chuckled with me then said, “Well let’s go get some soda.”
I smiled and nodded then pushed off and away from the couch and walked towards Carter’s room. I walked in and walked over to my suitcase and begun searching for some clothes and my wallet. I pulled out my light blue, torn up at the knees jeans, a white spaghetti strap shirt that has red small roses all over it, and my new brown leather boots. I gathered my clothes up then walked across the small hallway to the bathroom.
See ever since that night of us becoming friends again he always barges in trying to catch me changing and every time I’m not he calls out, “Damn it, I should have done this sooner,” or he says later but still. The first couple of times it’s hilarious but soon it gets annoying. I shuttered from the coldness of the bathroom and locked the door behind me and began to strip. I pushed my black short pajama bottoms down and stepped out of them and quickly removed my thigh length night shirt that is completely white and has writing on it in a neon multicolor rainbow.
The writing read, “Me + You = <3.”
My mom got it for me thinking it was cute…dad found it “lame”. I quickly put on my clothes that I picked out starting with the jeans and ending with the boots. I looked in the mirror and began to fix myself up. My neon red hair was up in a ponytail that brought it up to my neck and was messy. Curls stuck together in the ponytail and the free strands were glued to the sides of my face and forehead with sweat. Its summer so of course it’s hot. My light silver blue eyes were bright that day but one of my eyes was started to turn bluish purple black around it. See the day before I wasn’t paying any attention and ran into the frame of my (Carter’s) room door. Carter laughed himself to tears the day I did it. I starred at my eye in horror and shook it off.
I wondered what people would think when they saw me with a black eye and Carter laughing about it. They’d probably think he did this to me, I laughed. I pulled the rubber band holding my hair up out and smoothed it out, parted my bans, and then fluffed it out. My hair goes down to a little past my shoulders and has layers which gives it volume. I pulled out my skin colored eye shadow and quickly but gently wiped it on. After my black eye was hiding I walked out and searched for Carter. Carter was leaning up against a wall besides the door watching me come out. He had on his new leather jacket, his tight blue jeans, a white tight t-shirt, and his new combat boots. I smiled at him and then walked towards him.
Carter’s house never changed it had the same green carpet all through the house, the same white walls all through the house, the same dark green couches and chairs, and the same wood counters they had last time I was here. When I reached him Carter opened the door and then wrapped one arm around my waist and then walked me toward the black SUV. He me over to the passenger side, opened the passenger side door for me then helped me get in and then he got in the driver’s side. I buckled in and watched him walk around to the driver’s side. He climbed in then back out of the drive way and drove towards the stores. I smiled at him then leaned over towards the radio and turned it up.
As soon as I turned it up the talk host on the radio station said, “That was E.T by Katy Perry and next up is Dance in the Dark by Lady Gaga you’re listening to 98.3.” The introduction began to play and then soon came the first verse of Dance in the Dark.
“Silicon, saline, poison, inject me baby I’m a free bitch, I’m a free Bitch. Some girls won’t dance to the beat of the track. She won’t walk away but she won’t look back. She looks good but her boyfriend says she’s a mess, she’s a mess, and she’s a mess. Now the girl is stressed. She’s a mess, she’s a mess, she’s a mess, and she’s a mess! Baby, loves to dance in the dark, coz when he’s looking she falls apart. Baby, loves to dance in the dark. Baby loves to dance in the dark, coz when he’s looking she falls apart. Baby loves to dance, loves to dance in the dark.” I sang.
Carter looked at me, smiled, and then shook his head. I looked at him and asked, “What? I love this song.”
Carter laughed and said, “Of course you do.”
I smiled then stared out the window watching as trees passed and houses passed.
“Hey got a question for you,” I heard Carter say.
I looked over at him and said, “Okay shoot.”
“Do you maybe….wanna…I don’t know…go-,” he began to ask before he got cut off by the sound of cars honking their horn.
I looked and realized Carter had stopped at a stop sign and he had been waiting at the stop sign for too long. He groaned and said, “Okay, okay I’m moving out of the way.”
I laughed and shook my head and said, “Maybe you should ask me when we get home.”
He nodded and laughed, “Yea maybe.”
I smiled and then went back to starring out the window. My mind kept questioning what he was gonna ask me, if it was important, and then to guessing what the question was. I sighed and began to trace with my eyes the scenery that the car passed; trees, shrubs, clouds, telephone poles, and buildings.
I traced with my eye Sonic, a bunch of random stores connected together, and Smiths before Carter pulled into the gas station. Carter pulled the car into one of the empty parking spots next to the gas filling stations. Carter clicked the red button on his buckle and said, “Okay so I’ll go get the soda and you can-,”
“No, how about I go get the sodas and you fill the car,” I interrupted him with.
He smiled at me, reached into his front left pocket, pulled out his brown leather walled, reached in, and pulled out five dollars.
“Get me a Pepsi,” he said as he handed the money to me.
I smiled and nodded, unbuckled myself, got out of the black SUV and then made my way into the little gas station store.
The outside of the building was ordinary nothing special, brown pueblo walling, red roof, huge windows, and in front of the building there was a drink suspensor, food suspensor, and newspaper suspensor. I walked into the building and walked back to the drinks. I grabbed a Pepsi and a Cherry Cola then went to the register. I put the drinks on the counter then I looked to the right of the register and there stood a dark purple mixed light pink rack that has one little necklace on it. The little necklace was actually two necklaces connected by a heart that has love writing on it in red. I grabbed the necklace and put it with everything. I leaned against the counter and began to look more closely at the necklace.
The necklace was gold and the heart was three dimensional unlike most of the heart necklaces made and of course since it was two necklaces it was able to split down the middle. I split the necklace in half and smiled, the middle is hallowed. I looked around and finally found a piece of paper and pin by the register. I grabbed the paper and pen and scribbled what I wanted to tell Carter for so long down.
“Dear Carter,
We’ve known each other almost our whole lives and yet we split apart from each other and neither one of us can remember for the life of us why (or maybe that’s just me). We told each other everything and I hope soon we can go back to that. And let’s say we grew closer…closer than friends…I hope you know that you are more than just a friend to me…you’re my best friend.”
I read the note over again and sighed. I know, I know corny but what else was a girl to do. I quickly stuffed the note in the heart then looked up to meet the gaze of a pimple faced, fourteen year old boy. The boy had green eyes, pimples all over his face; he had on a red t-shirt, jeans, and a name tag that read, “Hello my name is Carl.” I smiled at Carl and said, “Hi, I’d like to purchase these sodas and this necklace.”
Carl kept starring at me with a dumb struck expression.
I looked behind me then looked back at him and I realized what exactly he was starring at. He was staring at me well a part of me. I glared at him and then cleared my throat. Carl did nothing but just lean in closer and kept starring at my chest. I sighed angrily and snapped my fingers in front of his face and watched as his face popped back up to look at my face. “Please ring up my crap so I can go on my way.” I said angrily.
Carl nodded still having the dumb struck expression and began to push numbers on the register. He stuffed the sodas and the necklace in a bag then turned to me and said, “That’ll be three fifty.”
I reached in my jean pocket, grabbed the five dollars Carter gave to me, and then looked up at Carl and found him...starring at my breasts again. I threw my hands and yelled, “For god’s sake Carl what the hell is so interesting about my fucking breasts!”
Carl looked up at me and said, “There...so…big…and nice.”
I sighed threw the five dollars at him and said, “Give me my change and my bag so I can fucking leave.”
Carl looked at me then at the five dollars and said, “So if I don’t give you the change you’re stuck here?”
I nodded angrily.
He smiled evilly and said, “Well than to leave you have to show me your breasts.”
I sighed angrily and said, “I’m not showing you my breasts so give me the damn change so I can leave.”
His eye brows bent down and he said, “Then no. No shirt, no shoes, no breasts, no service.”
I growled angrily and yelled, “If you think for one moment that I’m gonna-,” before I could finish the sentence I heard a familiar deep voice say, “The lady said no give her change and leave her be.”
Carl sighed, put the five dollars in the register, counted out my change, hesitated but dropped the change in my hand and gave me my bag. I smiled an, “Ha in your face,” smile at him then turned to see who I should thank. There standing beside the door was Mike.
Mike and I are friends, we became friends during our eighth grade year and over the year we became closer and closer, he also was and is my crush. I smiled at him then as I walked towards him I said, “Well, well look who it is Mr. Good Looking.”
He smiled and replied with, “And look who he saved Mrs. Tempting and Seductive.”
I smiled then when I was in reach I gently tapped his chest and said in my country style voice, “Oh hush you. You make me blush more than an embarrassed pig.”
He laughed then pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his big arms around my body and pulling me to his chest and holding me there. I smiled then rested my head on his chest and said, “I haven’t seen you since school ended.”
I felt him chuckle and then say, “I know I’m sorry we haven’t hanged out lately.”
I looked up at him and saw him starring down at me with a big goofy smile on his face.
I laughed and said, “You’re a dork.”
“I’m not a whale’s penis,” he yelled jokingly.
I laughed then pulled away from him and said, “Yes, yes you are.”
He laughed then we both pulled away and walked out of the store. Mike wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his body then walked me towards Carter. I smiled up at Mike then my smile disappeared when I turned my face and saw Carter starring at me and Mike, arms wrapped around each other and smiling at each other. I smiled at Carter and hoped that maybe he’d smile back…he didn’t.
“Um, Carter this is Mike, Mike this is Carter,” I introduced them.
Mike smiled at Carter then out stretched his hand to shake Carters hand.
“Hello Carter,” Mike greeted.
Carter looked down at the hand then back up at Mike’s face and said harshly, “Yea hi um, Arien we should go.”
I smiled shyly and said, “Um, okay bye Mike talk to you later.”
Mike smiled, pulled me close to him, then leaned down and said, “You bet we’ll talk again…maybe even more.”
Mike, I, and pretty much all of our friends have a special way of joking. People think it’s disgusting and wrong but we find it hilarious and entertaining. I smiled at mike, probably blushing, and said, “You bet we’ll do more.”
I bit my bottom lip then pulled away and got in the SUV. I buckled in then starred at Carter as he emotionlessly backed away and then drove off. I looked down at the bag that was nestled in between my legs. I pulled out his soda then stretched it towards him and said, “Hey boy, you want your soda?”
Carter’s face was blank, he starred at the road, not moving a muscle or looking to see the soda. I sighed and put the soda back in the bag and began to stare out the window.
My mind drifted again and began to ask why he was so angry and if he was ever gonna talk to me again. Before I knew it we were back at his house. He pulled up his drive way, parked the car, and then just sat there in silence with me for more than was bearable. He sighed angrily then got out of the SUV and slammed the door in anger and walked up to his front door. I followed him in and watched as he went into his room and threw his leather jacket on his bed in frustration and anger. I took a deep breath then sat on his couch with my legs pressed to my chest waiting for him to come out of his room and talk or something.
My mind began to imagine what the hell he was going to say. I imagined him coming out and yelling at me saying, “Why the Hell were you flirting with him?! Am I invisible to you!?”
I imaged him yelling, raising his hand, and finally bringing it down to slap me across the face. I imaged me crying out, “What the hell,” and then him beating the crap out of me. Tears spilt out and I quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath and said, “He would never do that.”
I looked at the bag that now sat beside me on the couch and pulled out the necklace and my soda. I sighed and then looked at his door and watched as he came out and began to pace in front of me.
“So…who is he?” He asked between clinched teeth.
“He’s a friend of mine,” I answered back calmly.
“Really…seems…like you guys are more than friends,” he said.
I sighed and said, “He’s not okay he has a girlfriend and I’m not gonna lie to you I like him but I won’t be doing that until I’m married.”
Carter laughed bitterly and said, “Yea I’m sure. You probably had sex with him!”
I leaped from the couch and said right in his face, “I did not!”
“Who do you think I’m gonna believe the whore that ruined my life and broke my heart or the things I saw and things I felt between you two!?” He yelled.
My breath caught and tears began to pour out. I threw the necklace at him and said, “Fine you fucking jerk enjoy the last fucking thing that symbolized our friendship!”
I grabbed my soda and grabbed my mom’s car keys. I may not be allowed to drive doesn’t mean I don’t. I got in the car, buckled in, then back out of the drive way and hauled ass as I drove away.
So many things raced through my head; How could he say those things, does he really think I’m a fucking whore, what the hell gave him the balls to call me a whore, to accuse me of having sex with someone?! I raced down the dirt streets’ paying no attention to what was happing around me…till I hit the pavement. I began to drive the speed limit and kept my eyes open. I drove to Wal-mart, parked the car, then walked over and sit on the rock hill that Wal-mart has. A few hours passed before my mom called and asked where I was and what the hell happened. I told her and she understood she said, “Honey you stay there. If you want you can stay the nights with one of your friends that offered.”
“I might I’ll come pick up some clothes and drop your car off,” I replied.
“Okay honey, love you,” she said as we both hanged up.
I laid down on the rock hill and starred up at the sky watching as the sun set and the darkness of the night sky appeared. I didn’t wanna go back, Carter would…I don’t know. I sighed and let a tear slip saying, “Screw it let them come and let them fall.”
I sat up and then began to chug my soda. After it was empty I looked at Wal-mart and then got up and began to walk towards it.
“I’ll get a soda, some jerky, and maybe a chocolate bar,” I thought.
I walked into the cool building and then walked over towards one of the small refrigerators and pulled out the soda I wanted. I went over to one of the little candy racks grabbed the jerky sticks and then I grabbed my chocolate bar. I paid for my stuff then I went outside. I began to walk towards my car until I heard the calls of my name.
“Arien, Arien, Arien, Arien!” I looked and standing across the parking lot was Miranda, Savannah, and Jessie. I waved at them then ran the rest of the way towards them. Miranda had on her favorite torn up black jeans, black and white high tops, and a black tank top. Savannah had on a black and purple dress and purple high heels, and Jessie had on a thigh length black skirt, a red tank top that went down to right below her ribs, and red high heel boots. I reached them and asked, “Hey guys, what’s up?”
They all smiled and responded with, “Nothing much we’re going to go to a party, you in?”
I looked between them and…and the way to Carter’s house then nodded. “Yea I’m in,” I said.
They all smiled then grabbed my arms and lead me to Jessie’s new Ford truck. We all climbed in and in no time we were at the party. The house was trashed on the outside, trash everywhere, teens on the lawn going in to the party, leaving the party, getting sick because of the party. I looked at my friends then at the house and took a deep breath. This will ease the pain of losing someone who I was happy to get back in my life. We all got out of the tuck then made our way to the house. Everyone was pushing and shoving and yelling at each other…I thought soon a fight would break out. We got in the house and the house on the inside was horrible. Teens making out everywhere, food and drinks on the floor, empty beer cans scattered across the floor, and…clothes on the floor.
“Oh shit what did I get myself into,” I thought in my head.
I sighed and walked around with my friends. Jessie grabbed all of us a beer and then said, “Okay a toast to being young and hot and single.”
“Cheers,” we all screamed.
I put the opening of the can to my lips and began to drink. The beer was bitter…but it tasted oddly nice. I began to chug it and wished, begged for Carter to leave my mind, to leave my life. After the can was empty I threw the can on the ground then grabbed me another one. My friends laughed at me and said, “Wow Arien you can really drink.”
I smiled and nodded then chugged my new beer. I threw the new empty beer can on the floor and laughed. “Wow I feel nothing,” I said.
They laughed and soon enough they were stumbling and mumbling. I laughed at them and said, “You guys can’t handle your drinks.”
Soon I was on my fifth beer and still I felt nothing. I sat on the kitchen counter and watched as people lived the room and entered. I sighed and soon my eye caught a guy across the room watching me. I smiled at him shyly and watched as he made his way to me.
“Hey, you can really handle your beer,” he said.
I smiled and nodded, “Yep I feel nothing.”
He smiled and then handed me a small shot filled with a dark orange yellow liquid and said, “Let’s see if you can handle this.”
I smiled grabbed the shot and then threw it back in my mouth and gave the shot back. The liquid burned my throat and synched my mind. I closed my eyes violently then opened them and said, “Wow now that was a drink.”
He smiled and asked, “Feeling anything now?”
Now that he mentioned it yea…he was looking good. I laughed then wrapped my arms around him and whispered, “Yea, I find you sexy.”
He smiled then leaned up and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to moan as he ran his hands up and down my body. My mind was drifting in and out and soon I could feel myself slip into the void and blackness filled my vision. I awoke and I was in a room, on a bed, and I wasn’t along. My vision cleared and on top of me stripping me and running his hands over my naked flesh was the guy that gave me the shot. I looked at him in horror and screamed, “What the hell are you doing?!”
He looked at me shocked and said, “Damn if I gave that to any other girl that would have knocked her out for a good half an hour. Oh well this will make it better.”
I looked at him and began to struggle.
He smiled then grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the bed and said, “Don’t lie you want this.”
I screamed, “Help,” and just as I screamed in came help. A black blur threw the guy off of me and growled low then grabbed me and tore me from the bed and out of the house. It wasn’t till we got in the car that I realized who it was…it was Carter. Carter was driving faster than he usually did, his face a masked blue of anger, frustration, and worry. I stared at him in horror and fought to keep my eyes opened. Whatever that guy gave me wasn’t done with me…it still was going and I was just able to fight it. I starred at Carter and watched as his eyes focused on the road. I wanted to say something…I wanted to ask how he found me…but nothing was coming out. He stopped the car and looked over at me. I looked around and saw that we were hiding in the deep forest behind an old building. I stared at him and watched him stare back at me with his hazel eyes.
He leaned in and began to kiss me gently then the kiss grew more violent and aggressive and rough. His one of his hands tangled in my hair and the other hand on my waist pulling me over to his side of the car. I moaned in pain and said between rough kisses he planted on my neck and exposed chest, “Carter…you’re…you’re hurting me.”
Carter looked up at me and looked down then said in a whisper so low I almost didn’t hear him, “I’m sorry, I’ll take you to your home then to whatever place you want to go.”
I looked at him as he hanged his head in shame and I couldn’t help but smile then left his head with my finger so he looked straight at me and then lean in and kissed him. He smiled under my kiss then began to kiss back.
After that Carter and I spent our days either on the couch or out with our friend but where ever we went we held hands as we walked around, we kissed…a lot before we got out of the SUV, and anytime we sat I’d sent on his lap leaning back on him and starring up at his cute face. I came back to reality and smiled at Carter. I looked at my parents to make sure it was okay then we they both smiled and nodded (dad a bit more hesitant than mom) I ran over to him and met him half way over to where I was with me jumping up towards him, wrapping my legs around his waist, wrapping my arms around his neck, and kissing him.
He laughed when I was done kissing him then sat me down, connected our heart necklaces, and walked with me back to where I was at the barn. After the party thing and kissing me for the first time he asked me about the necklace and I told him it was my way of sharing how much I’m glad he isn’t mad at me anymore. I remember him smiling and kissing me there and then saying, “Well now it’s the way we tell people we are together now.”
When we reached the barn we broke the heart and he let me go in and take Apple in the barn. On the inside of the barn there were six horse areas. Each one for all of our horse couples.
That is on one side on the other side is our bunnies and pig areas. The pigs can either be on the inside of the barn or outside in small arena. The bunnies have the same option only there little arena has different fencing. I walked in with Apple and lead her to her “home” and then unhooked the robe around her neck. I hit her back side and said, “Go girl, go be happy with your boyfriend.”
Apple pranced in happily and then went up to Pie and began to circle around each other cutely. I smiled at the cute horse couple then walked out and ran over to Carter. Carter smiled when I climbed up the fence then jumped on his back and said, “Yi-ha ride horsy!”
Carter laughed then wrapped his arms around my legs to keep me balanced better on his back.
He made horse sounds and then pretended to gallop. I laughed and then when we were close to my parents I jumped off and hugged him from behind. He laughed then grabbed my hand, moved me to his side, and then walked over to my parents with me. Both my mom and my dad crossed their arms over their chest and glared at us. I blushed and watched as Carter puffed out his chest as he said, “Hello.”
My mom and dad smiled then both reached out there hands to greet him. Dad starred at mom in an, "I’m mad at you," jokingly way and said, “It’s the father who’s suppose to do this to the new boyfriend.”
“Yea well I’ve been doing this to her boyfriends for a while now so I think I deserve to keep doing this,” mom said back.
“Well I don’t think that’s fair. She’s my only daughter I want her to feel special,” dad said.
“Well she’s my only daughter as well and I’m the one who will give the boyfriends a dirty look that scares them,” she said.
“Now wait a minute-,” dad began till I interrupted with, “Guys, guys, guys how about you both. I mean nothings scarier than BOTH the parents doing the same judging thing to a new boyfriend.”
“She’s right,” Carter agreed with me with big eyes.
Both my parents laughed and then they introduced themselves.
“Hi I’m Arien’s mother and this-,” my mom began with the introductions until dad said, “and I’m her father.”
I laughed and looked at Carter as he said, “Well hello to you both and may I say you have a lovely…um…horse?”
They laughed and then my mom asked, “Carter would you like to join us at a family reunion?”
Carter looked deep in thought then looked at me and said, “Yes.”
I smiled and blushed at him then gripped his hand tightly. He smiled at me then kissed my cheek.
“Well boy you are feeling brave now aren’t you,” my dad said.
Carter laughed and said, “Well yes sir I’m feeling like a brave punk.”
My dad laughed and said, “So you’ve seen that movie to.”
Carter nodded and said, “Yes that’s actually my favorite line.”
My dad smiled and said, “Well then you’ve just made it on my good list.”
With that mom and dad got in the truck and said, “Okay love birds get in so we can go.”
I looked up at them and said, “But guys there’s only one seat.”
My mom gave me the shut up Arien look and then I realized what she was doing. I smiled and said, “Never mind.”
Mom laughed and then began to talk to dad. I looked at Carter and said, “Well I hope you don’t mind me sitting on your lap the whole ride in front of my parents.”
Carter smiled and said, “Hell no.”
I laughed then pushed him to get in the truck first. He got in then I climbed in and sat on his lap. He quickly buckled us in then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to lay back on him. I smiled and began to imagine what the “family” will say when they see my glorious new boyfriend and my awesome new father. I smirked at the looks on their faces, I laughed when they started telling others they were wrong, and then I could just see my face full of pride when Carter hugged me and kissed me in front of them…I’m sure my grandpa and uncle might kick his ass but hey it’ll be cute to see him running around yelling for help. I giggled and then I heard Carter dark, musky voice in my ear asking, “What’s so funny?”
I smiled and said, “Just imagining what everyone’s gonna say about you.”
He smiled and asked, “Is it good?”
I nodded and giggled again when he kissed my ear and neck. “Carter stop if my dad sees you or my mom she’ll kill both of us,” I said in a whisper.
“Eh they won’t look…I hope,” he said.
I laughed and said, “You hope.”
He smiled at me then suddenly something began to poke my side. I jumped up and squealed and watched as both my parents looked back in both confusion and worry. I smiled and laughed saying, “It's okay, it’s okay just me being stupid.”
They both shook their head with wide eyes and looked back at the road. I swear they are like twins, I do something weird both of their eyes go wide, I hurt myself they both laugh and then ask if I’m okay while still laughing, and if I say a burn to one of them…the other laughs and says, “O she got you good.”
Favorite part about my parents are that they are super cool with my friends…will some of my friends. Most of them they are protective of me around. I leaned back and whispered, “You jerk.”
He laughed and kissed my neck again and said, “Please you love me no matter what I do.”
I smiled and said, “I didn’t say I don’t love you anymore I just said you’re a jerk.”
He smiled and kissed my cheek. Carter is the best boyfriend I’ve had. My last boyfriend was a jerk, he was my freshmen year boyfriend and we lasted the whole year. He broke up with me actually when I moved into Carters room, he said it was because of that but I knew and know better.
There had being rumors going around that him and my friend Jessica were sleeping together the whole time we were dating…it turned out it was true when I went to Jessica’s house and not only caught them almost in the act but over heard him saying that they could finally be together. I remember the times we’d sit on the steps of the high school just holding each other’s hands and starring up at the sky thinking and talking of our future together. I felt stupid for planning my future out with a player and cheater, but now that’s in the past…I have Carter. I smiled at Carter and felt his arms wrapping around my waist tighter and tighter. I laughed and then turned my attention onto the radio.
“Grew up in a small town, and when the rain would fall down I would just stare out my window,” the radio sang.
I smiled and then started to quietly sing. “Ha wow babe you really like this song,” Carter said.
I looked back at him and nodded and said, “Yep.”
Carter laughed then began to kiss my neck again…but stopped when I elbowed him in the gut…when my father was looking. Carter yelped and laughed at me still trying to regain his breath.
“Hey now just cause I’m driving doesn’t mean I’m not watching you two,” my dad said starring at the rearview mirror.
I blushed and laughed then shrugged. Both of my parents shared a laugh and then went back to their conversation and I went back to mine with Carter over what not to do and what to do in front of the family.

“Wow Arien, you’ve gotten so big and you’ve lost a lot of weight!” My great grandma called out as she greeted me.
“Great Grandma Rosie, you haven’t changed a bit.” I said as she wrapped her pale arms around me.
Great Grandma Rosie used to own the house (well the house we destroyed) we live in. She gave it to us when she moved into my great aunt Amy’s house. My mom was very happy and wouldn’t stop thanking grandma and even to this day mom still thanks her but this time it’s for not getting mad over destroying the house and building a new one. As I pulled away from grandma Rosy I heard her ask, “Now who is this young tall gentleman?”
I looked behind me and saw Carter, eyes wide open and cheeks fully red. I giggled and said, “Grandma this is my new boyfriend Carter, Carter this is Grandma Rosie.”
Carter walked over shook her pale wrinkled hand and said, “Oh right your great grandma the one that used to live with you guys.”
Grandma laughed and nodded as she remembered that Carter was our neighbor. Their hands dropped and then mom and dad walked over and gave grandma a big old hug. Grandma was there when mom and dad got married so she already met him. I smiled at Grandma then looked over and saw my great uncles old guitar and a microphone. I smiled cheerfully and before I knew it I was running over and holding the guitar smiling. “Ha well she found it James,” grandma Rosy announced.
I smiled and began to look at it and feel it. The guitar was the old acoustic guitar that I decorated with pictures of me and my friends, stars, anime pictures, and just cut outs of words that got me. Each image was either partly on top of another image or under another image.
I looked at the bottom and there with nothing on top of it and with a red heart around it were all of my friends crowded around me when we graduated from our freshmen year of high school. In the picture we were standing in front of the Sonic in our town, all of us just came from graduation and decided to go hang out and celebrate that we all were going to be sophomores. The picture was of us sitting at a table, I was sitting at the head of the table, Kitty sat to the left of me, Jessica sat to the right of me, Mark sat to the left of Kitty, and finally George sat to the right of Jessica. Kitty had on her nerdy glasses, her favorite black shirt that had wholes on the side of the shirt, her ripped up black skinny jeans, and her black and white high tops. Her blonde, layered, highlighted crazy colored hair was curled at the bottom and had a bow at the top.
Jessica had on a thigh length, low cut, crimson dress and her four inch red high heels. Her black layered hair was up in a bun and her short layers flew freely around her face. Mark had on the usual white button down shirt, business like black pants, and cute little shiny shoes. His brown hair was spiked and he had on the usual black eyeliner to brighten up his green eyes. George had on the usual baggy pants, the usual t-shirt, and the usual grey jacket and high tops. I had on a white rib length off the shoulder top and under it a black spaghetti strap undershirt, black skinny jeans with holes up and down my legs and thighs, and my zebra print high tops.
My red layered short hair then was hanging freely and had a black diamond bow at the top of my head. Kitty and I were leaning towards each other drinking from the same cup with two straws in it just like we always did, Jessica sat back with and angry face drinking her soda in bitterness, and Mark and George where holding each other’s hands from across the table. We all were looking in the camera except for Jessica she was starring behind the camera. Of course though now you couldn’t really tell it was Jessica because I scratched out her face with a Sharpie and scissors. I smiled and touched the photo and remembered what we talked about when my mom was getting ready to take the photo.

“Arien do you think you and Marcus will keep dating?” Jessica asked me sipping her soda.
I looked at her and shrugged. “Who knows Jess we could last we could not.”
“It doesn’t matter anyways let’s just celebrate the victory of surviving 1 year in high school,” Kitty said raising our foam cup.
I laughed, grabbed the cup along with Kitty and said, “I’ll raise my glass to that.”
“But you don’t have a glass,” Mark said.
I laughed and said, “Well I’ll just raise my hand.”
We all laughed and then clicked our foam cups together and took a sip. Kitty and I laughed as we hit heads trying to take a sip and then we all began to talk again this time about college and husbands and family.

I remember thinking that me and Marcus were gonna get married after college have a family, buy a big house, raising maybe 5 or 6 children, having a dog and a swimming pool…but now that dream is gone and all I’m looking forward to is college. I put the guitar strap over my head and around my right shoulder and arm and began to play random chords listening to the beautiful sound of the guitar.
I have a lot of guitars but this guitar was my first professional guitar…I used this guitar to play for the talent show and for a chorus performances. I looked by the microphone and saw a black stool and a notebook that read on the front, “Arien’s Song book.”
I laughed quietly to myself, picked it up, and began to flip through it. All of the songs I ever created my freshmen year were all in the notebook. My last song I created was when me and Marcus broke up and I was getting out my feelings over how in love I was with him. “Your mom thought it would be cute if you sang for us,” a familiar voice said.
I looked up and standing in front of me was my favorite cousin Marcy. I quickly took the strap off and put the guitar carefully down then ran over and wrapped my arms around Marcy’s neck.
Marcy laughed and said, “Wow kido you got big.”
I laughed and nodded then looked at her and my eyes went wide at what I saw. Marcy was not only the same as always, tall, long flowing black hair that at the moment was up in a bun and still flowed down her back, pale skin that at the moment was glowing like a full moon, silver eyes that at the moment was covered in eye shadow and black eyeliner and mascara, and her body covered in the usual elegant clothes that at the moment was a purple thigh length dress that covered one shoulder and arm and the other showed off her shoulder and arm, but there was one new thing with her…she had a belly…and not a she’s-gaining-weight belly it was a she’s-pregnant belly.
“Wow Marcy you’re pregnant!” I said happily.
Marcy smiled and nodded and began to rub her hand in circles on her stomach. “Yep I’m eight months along,” she said.
“Wow that’s great but I didn’t know you got married.”
“Oh I didn’t me and Ben decided to take our relationship to the next level and well…here I am eight months later pregnant and living with him still waiting for him to pop the question.” She said.
I starred at her in shock and said, “Well…still happy for you.”
She smiled then walked over to where a group of people stood. I watched her walk away and then looked down at myself…what if that happened to me? Would who ever got me pregnant ask me to marry them right away? Would he leave me with the baby?
I shook the questions away and said quietly to myself, “That’s not me, I’m smarter.”
I looked back at the guitar and then back over to where the big group stood. They all began to laugh loudly. What the hell are they talking about? I wondered. I shook my head and then walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of bunch. My aunt’s house was freaking huge, it’s a one story house, has three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and the kitchen and living room were connected the only way to know when the kitchen ended and the living room began was both a white carpet and the tile flooring and one row of counters.
The walls were tan and the flooring for the kitchen was tan and white. The living room had two brown leather couches (three sits for each) and a brown leather recliner. In front of one of the couches was a glass coffee table and in front of one of the couches and the recliner was a big screen TV but at the moment it was my guitar and microphone. There was a little hallway beside where the TV hanged on the wall that led to both Grandmas’ bedroom and lounge area but also to one of the three bathrooms. Also, by one of the four entrances (the front entrance) into the house was the study which had a book case a computer and a recliner. Also by front entrance besides the study was a door that opened into the coat closet.
There were many other doors that lead to many other places like-before I could even finish the sentence Carter came up and wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear, “Why so gloomy?” I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder and said, “Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Oh you know, about my future,” I said.
He smiled and kissed my cheek and asked, “Am I in this future of yours?”
I smiled and said, “I’d hope.”
He smiled and began to rock back in forth laughing with me. I looked up at him and said, “Do you wonder about…us?”
His face went serious and he looked deep in thought. “Yea sometimes,” he said.
“What does this future look like?” I asked.
He looked up as if looking up into his thoughts for the answer and stayed like that until we both heard someone call out, “Hey love birds stop holding each other and Arien get your butt over there and perform.”
I laughed then looked back up at Carter, who was looking down at me now, and said, “This conversation isn’t over.”
I let my grip around his neck fall as he let his grip on my waist go and I then walked over to the guitar and Microphone and got ready to perform.
I put the guitar strap around my neck and around my right shoulder and arm and began to play a bunch of guitar chords and began to lean in and sing into the microphone. “I’ve never being so lost; I’ve never being so sad. I’ve seen a lot in this world and yet I feel so blind. Why is it the moment you come around I lose my since of direction,” I sang into the microphone.
I looked over at Carter who had a serious face on and soon I began to think…Does he see a future with me? Am I just a fling? I stopped singing and then changed the song to “I Do Not Hook Up” by Kelly Clarkson.
“Oh, no I do not hook up, up I go slow. So if you want me I don’t come cheap. Keep your hand in my hand and your heart on your sleeve. Oh, no I do not hook up, up I fall deep ‘cause the more that you try the harder I’ll fight to say goodnight.” I sang out.
After I finished the song I got up, put the guitar down, and then walked over towards Carter. He had some explaining to do.

Chapter Two: Words Not Spoken

My eyes completely and totally focused on Carter as he leaned up against the wall eyes scanning the room until they landed on me. His serious face stayed serious even as his eyes rested on me…he knew he would have to answer the dreaded question of us. I took a deep breath and made my way towards him eyes focused and my mind set out only on one thing.
“Arien, darling,” I heard a female voice call out from across the room.
My mission to get to Carter stopped and was immediately on to another mission…to find out who called my name and why. I looked around the room and spotted my great aunt Mary, the family member who said that my mom would never meet anybody else at the last family reunion.
I felt anger rush through me and I could feel my hands ball up into fists. “Calm down Arien, she’s probably coming over to talk about how she was wrong and how sorry she was,” I told myself.
Aunt Mary made her way towards me, a red plastic cup in one hand and a white envelope in the other.
She had her silver blonde hair that had strings of grey in it up in a tight neat bun, her grey eyes had signs of aging, and her pale skin showed that soon enough people would describe it has white wrinkled leather. She had a white silk top on, white business pants, white two inch high heels, and she had on a white blouse that flew down to her thighs. She reached me and out spread her hugs, her way of “asking” for a hug.
I bit my lip, put a smile on my face, and then wrapped my arms around her trying my hardest to keep myself from either beating the crap, pardon my language, out of her or to strangle her. I pulled away from her with the smell of her strong feminine perfume crawling its way up my nose and wrapping its intense smell around my body strangling me. “Oh Arien I almost didn’t recognize you! You’ve lost so much weight and you look so beautiful,” she said smiling and patting my right arm with the hand that held the envelope.
Oh so I didn’t look pretty before, I thought. “Thank you and you wow I almost didn’t recognize you either with the face lifts and of course the dying your hair to keep your age a secret things you do,” I said with an innocent smile.
Her eyebrows creased down and she said, “Well, Arien when did you become such a…how do I put it…a bitch.”
I let out a sarcastic, sharp laugh and said, “I don’t know maybe when you became such a back stabbing whore.”
“When I became a whore, please Arien look at you! You think I’m a whore at least I’m not showing off my cleavage like they are the circus or something.” Marry said.
I glared at her and said, “Mary I suggest you back off or I’ll have to do something that we both know will end horribly.”
“Like what?”
“Oh nothing just this,” I said as I hit the bottom of her cup making it spill down her shirt.
“Aah,” she screamed as the brown liquid stained her white shirt and blouse and was making it way to her pants.
She glared at me angrily and yelled out, “You little slut!”
Everyone looked over at us in horror at what Marry just yelled at me and at how I just stood there starring her down no fear not even a trace of hurt from what she said in my eyes.
“You know what Marry so what if I am a slut. We all know you’re jealous that mom has somebody and you’re just jealous that even a “slut” like me can get somebody that you will never ever be able to get!” I screamed in her face.
I pushed past my aunt Marry and past anybody else who stood in the way and made my way outside. I stepped out into the garage depths of the garage and just stood there by the door waiting for the song that let me knew that it was close and when I heard the sound I let the tears and sob sounds come.
I didn’t care what Aunt Marry thought about me but it hurt that Carter didn’t step in he could plainly hear us fighting and yet all he did was stand there and watch as me and my Aunt bickered and bitched. I pressed my back to the door and slid down to the cold ground and covered my face with my hands and began to cry even harder.
Soon I could feel the door being pushed into my back and I could hear the whisperings of people. “Do you think she’s okay,” someone asked. “Well I don’t know…I mean she wasn’t sad when she was yelling at her maybe she’s just angry and burning off steam,” someone responded.
“Maybe I think we should go check,” the first person responded.
I quickly stood still pressing all my weight against the door and then I quickly pressed the garage button and watched as it slowly rolled up. “Did you hear that,” Someone asked.
“Yea it sounded like someone….opening the garage door!” A deep husky male voice said.
As soon as it was fully up I made a run for it. I ran as fast as I could; hoping that I would make it far. I know no one really cares if I’m there but I know that if I stay people will glare at me and stick with Marry saying it was my fault that I am a little whore and that I disserved to get yelled at.
I ran faster than I have ever ran before flying by the cars, the trees, the shrubs, people who had just arrived, and before I knew it I was running past the barn. I stopped running breathing heavily and looked behind me. There was a group of adults slowly running after me.
I sighed and said, “I guess I was wrong…they would follow.”
I took off my brown leather boots left, them where they landed, and began running again. I kept running ignoring the pain of the rocks that poked my feet ignoring the soreness of my legs from all of the running and soon found myself way out towards where they ride the horses on the trail.
The trail was different from the rest of their land. It was a bit smoother and had green growing grass, trees, and flowers that bloomed out of nowhere and just spread across the land. I remember that they even have a pond somewhere out here. I sighed and looked one more time back and saw not only the group of adults looking for me but the house and the barn…I had been running for more than I thought. I looked forward and began to make my way towards where I believed the pond was.
The pond was always calming…you could stick your feet in it, you could actually swim in it…they didn’t mind. It was so deep that you could drive down and you would never find the bottom, of course it had a bottom but we could never find it. I remember when my cousins used to live here and I almost always came to their house we would always go out to the pound and just dive trying to find the bottom.
I was the only one who was crazy enough and brave enough to dive deep enough to almost see the bottom…sadly I almost died but still was the first and last to see it. I looked around searching for it wanting it is way better than going back to the family reunion and having people stare at me for what happened or going back and having to talk to Carter about not only us but why the hell he couldn’t jump in when Marry was yelling at me....why he didn’t defend me…why he didn’t even look like he was going to try…just stayed leaning up against the wall…looking like he didn’t even care. I pushed the thoughts of the party…of the fight…of carter away and just focused on what I wanted to do, just go dive in the pond and find the bottom.
I stopped walking; put my hand over my eyes, squinted and just like that the pond magically appeared. I smiled and ran towards it remembering the times me and my cousins would joke about just diving in and never coming back up…or just living there by the pond in the weeping willow tree that sat beside the pond.
I sometimes considered running away there when I just wanted some privacy…even if I had everybody would know I was there. I reached the pond and felt the coolness of the water beckoning for me to jump in and to swim and just to be happy. The pond was a bit bigger than any normal pond…we sometimes considered it a lake but then again it was smaller than a lake so we usually considered it both.
I looked into the water near the edge I was at and saw my reflection. It didn’t even look like me, the person in the lake had big red tear stained eyes, her hair was a mess, and when she smiled even if it was for a second it was broken. I stared down at the poor girl and felt a bit of sorrow for the girl…then I remember that sad broken girl was me. I let out a sigh and said, “Well, I guess if I’m broken I’m broken.”
I looked up at the sky then I looked back at the water. I got as close to the edge of the water without falling in, turned my back to the water, tilted my head back to look up at the blue clear sky, then closed my eyes and fell back into the water. The water in closed around me and soon enough when I opened my eyes the blue tint of the water covered all other colors.
I looked around me and then down darkness was the only thing between me and the bottom. I began to swim deeper into the pond watching as my movements disturbed the peace of the water. I kept swimming and swimming until I felt the air I had slowly slipping away I could feel my lungs squeezing to keep ever last bit of my air. I quickly swam to the surface and as soon as my head was out of the water I gasped in air and began to cough.
“Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh that was stupid,” I said out loud.
I swam back to the edge lifted myself up and out of the water then laid on the ground starring up at the sky breathing heavily. I let out a sigh as I sat up. I carefully stood up and then looked back at the house. I sighed and said, “Well I guess I should be getting back I mean after all it is a party.”

I walked into the house hoping no one starred…but like always they all I had to. I mean, how could you not stare at a girl whose hair was dripping wet, make up running down her face, and dripping wet dress. “Oh my god, honey what happened?” My mom asked walking towards me.
I sighed and hanged my head in embarrassment as I said, “I…I fell in to the pond.”
I couldn’t tell her…I couldn’t just say, “Well you see I was so angry I decided that I should just jump into the pound and just swim my worries and pain and stress away…oh and I tried to drown myself.” I sighed, I always told my mother everything…it was always easy…but it’s not easy to tell her that I tried to kill myself almost and then I chickened out.
I sighed again, nothing seemed easy anymore. I mean all through my Freshmen year I dealt with no problems yea I had a few panic attacks over quizzes and yea I had a few problems with gym but that was it. I never had the problems I’m having now…and I’m not even in school yet! I looked over at Carter who kept his position on the wall just trying to look like a cool guy that he always wanted to be…he always pretended he was that guy when meeting either my family, my friends, or somebody important to me.
Our relationship to him was like a play, as he once put it to me. His role was the charming, cool, exciting, dangerous, hot guy. My role in this play was the stupid, clumsy, over emotional, bitchy, ugly chick that he falls in love with and no one but he understands why. Also in this play of his I am weak and cannot help myself even if it were to save BOTH of our lives.
Right now we are at the scene of this play of his where he meets my family and no one and I mean no one approves of him. Where he just leans up against a wall, either smoking a cigarette or just starring at everyone, trying his hardest to look like a real bad ass…but right now he just looks…well kind of smug and he’s acting like a total jack ass.
Why the hell am I dating him? My mom wrapped an arm around me and led me to the back of the house where Grandma Rosie’s room was, grabbed a towel, and began to help me get dry. My mind raced with thoughts, images, wishes, and…and dreams sadly though all of this came to the same conclusion that involved the same person…Carter.
Carter the guy I swore I would never ever leave, Carter the one I swore to love forever, Carter…my best friend and yet here I stood wonder if I would be happier to break up with him or tell him to just be my friend.
“Well then just ignore me then,” my mom said.
I looked down at her dumbstruck and shocked on my face as I said, “What?”
Mom shook her head and said, “I swear Arien if your head wasn’t screwed on your body I’d say it would float away to the heavens. I asked if you were okay you looked a little stressed.”
I sighed, I was more than stressed I was downright tense.
I had to figure out how to dumb Carter and still keep him as my best friend. I sighed and nodded then said, “Yea, I’m fine.”
Mom handed me the towel then said, “Dry your hair off a little then I’ll re do your hair.”
“No mom it’s…its fine I’ll just…you know…go out with damp messy hair.”
Mom sighed then walked out of the room, leaving me there with my thoughts. “Okay, okay Arien just breath, I can come up with a few simple words…but then again,” just as I was about to finish the thought the door slightly opened and who else would it be but Carter.
“Babe, you okay,” Carter asked as he stuck his head in.
I looked over at him and as soon as I saw his face…my throat sealed up…locking up any chance I had of telling Carter how I felt about his analysis of our relationship…of how he acts around other people with me. “Uh, yea I’m fine just…thinking,” I said.
“Babe, when are you not thinking,” he asked.
I let out a sharp laugh…sharper than I wanted and said, “Ha well I guess…never.”
Carter smiled then stepped fully inside the room. My eyes unconsciously looking over him and my mind imagining one or more things that I wanted to do at this very second. Carter had his black leather jacket on, his blue jeans, a white t-shirt that has a design on it, and his skater shoes.
I watched him walk further and further in the room until he was right in front of me and snaking both his arms around my body and pulling me to his body tightly. I stared up into his hazel eyes and soon I was lost in the chocolate sea of his eyes. He lifted one of his arms, slowly moving up my body till the hand could cup my left cheek.
He slowly let his thumbs caress right under my jaw and then he slowly leaned in his eyes never living mine. It’s amazing how much we can say without even speaking a single word. I could feel his breath playing with my lips and blowing strands of hair that were dry away from my face. I slowly let my arms rise from where the hung limply from my side and wrap around his neck.
He smiled at me and then leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. I smiled under the kiss and felt him smile back. We pulled away and just stared into each other’s eyes for as long as possible…as long as we could stare into each other’s eyes it felt like…like nothing else mattered.
“We should probably go join the party,” he said.
I smiled and nodded then replied with, “Okay but promise me one thing.”
“Babe I’ll promise you the world.”
I let one of my embarrassed smiles come out as I asked, “Ha okay well all I need is for you to be my prince. Protect me if you can and be there for me.”
“Babe, if I haven’t been doing that all along then why the hell are you still with me?” He asked smiling
Yes, why indeed.

“Come back now ya’ hear,” my great aunt Amy said as my mom, my dad, Carter, and I all walked out and headed towards the black Ford pickup truck.
“We’ll try,” Dad called back.
“Defiantly,” Mom said.
Both I and Carter nodded knowing that it was a total lie. What they were actually saying was, “Never come back,” and “We won’t we promise”. Carter snaked his hand into mine and gripped my hand protectively as we walked closer and closer to the truck.
I had no idea what it was but…it’s like if I wanted to break up with Carter I’d try…but all he’d have to do is wrap his arms around me and smile…he didn’t even have to wrap his arms around me…he just had to smile…and I was a sucker…I was telling myself each time that if I break up with him I’m a cold hearted bitch and I would regret it for the rest of my life.
I’d bet my life on it that he knew this…and that’s why every time I try to break up with him he just “so happens” to appear and start acting more like a boyfriend and less like the actor he is. Carter let go of my hand, and in the process making me let go of his, then he wrapped his, now free, hand around my waist and pulled me closer to his body.
I loved to feel the warmth that flowed from his body…it was like…like…I don’t know…like he was a dim fire…yes dim but still brilliantly warm and breath taking to watch. I could just imagine the colors he would burn if he was a fire. He would have reds and oranges and greens and maybe even a dim blue…I could just picture it…and each time I did the fire…the fire got bigger and bigger till suddenly…it was the only thing that kept the safety of my mind warm.
It was the only thing the lit up the darkest parts of my mind…of my world…of my life. We finally made it to the truck and climbed in, Carter first and then myself. He got settled into his seat and then patted his lap as an invitation. Like I have anywhere else to sit, I thought. I climbed in then sat on his lap and leaned back on him and began the long ride that involved lots of dozing in and out and of course lots of me playing with Carter’s hands and fingers.
I watched out the window, still mindlessly playing with his fingers, as my parents finished up whatever was being said or whatever was happening and then walked over to the truck. Carter tightened his arms around my waist and then snuggled his face into my hair. I giggled as I heard him take a deep breath and whisper in my hair, “Your hair smells weird.”
I let out a laugh as I said, “Well if my hair smells weird then so should your…face.”
Carter laughed and I could just imagine him shaking his head with his, “Why the hell am I dating this crazy chick,” face on as he starred at the back of my head. I smiled and then starred back at the window. The night air made the area around the house almost…I don’t know…exhilarating…but at the same time…chilling.
The trees surrounded the house and began to lean over and in towards the house. The moon lightened up the dark sky and shadowed the house and trees to give it an…eerie feel, the stars dimed lightly, and of course any creature or person out there looked…looked like creatures of the night…seen only if wanted to be seen.
I looked deep into the eyes of the night…deep into the eyes of the area and soon saw something…someone. I looked closer and began to make out a tall dark figure. The tall figure had eyes made of yellow jewels and teeth that shined in the darkest of night.
I blinked my eyes, rubbed them, and then starred at the figure again…and just like that it was gone. “What-cha starring at babe,” Carter asked.
“Oh nothing…well I thought I saw something,” I admitted sheepishly.
“What?”
“I’m not sure…it was…was some kind of creature. It had yellow eyes and sharp white teeth.”
“Are you sure you’re not just…imagining,” Carter asked.
I stared at him amazed at how much doubt was in his voice. Does he think I’m crazy? How could he think that? I’ve never given him a reason before. “I’m guessing by your expression you are a little angry,” Carter said.
“Well now that you mention it, yes I am, I’m actually quiet pissed,” I said.
“Sweetie, I meant nothing about it just maybe you know…you’re tired and you just saw something we all do it.”
I rolled my eyes at that remark and let out a sigh, oh yea everyone just imagines a strange creature stalking you like prey in the forest while you’re snuggled close to someone you love. I sighed and just nodded. “Yea maybe,” I said.
I would stand my ground and yell that I know what I saw and that I’m not crazy but…what’s the point. He’s probably right…I’m just imagining things and I need to go home and sleep. Both mom and dad climbed into the ford truck and then looked back at Carter and I. Carter still having his face buried in my hair…using my head as a shield from mom and dad’s evil glares as if that would work. Dad starred at me with an expression I knew all too well…it was his, “I know you’re upset and we are going to talk about it one on one.” I nodded, accepting the fact that he could see something went down when they weren’t looking…something that now was shown on my face as a I need to talk to you later kind of thing.
Mom and dad switched positions of the driver and passenger, now it was mom driving and dad in the passenger seat keeping a close eye on me and Carter…mostly Carter. Mom started up the truck and then backed out of the drive way and away from the house. As she did so I stared out the window looking to find any trace of the tall figure that I, apparently, just imagined. I sighed, maybe Carter was right, maybe I’m just tired or something and I need to just go home and relax.
I closed my eyes and let my imagination drive me head first into the depths of my world…of my perfect world…a world where I live in happiness, a world where Carter treated me like his girlfriend, where all my friends got along. With that my mind turned down the run path and soon I was down memory lane remembering what had happened between my friends Jacie and Terri.
I could see that night…that memory…that event as clear as day…as if though it was happening this very moment. I shut my eyes violently and shook my head gently taking in the fact that Carter had his face buried in my hair. Tears pounded on my closed eyelids, demanding to walk among the pink fields and hot sand, demanding to see the world. I wanted to let them out; I wanted to cry so much that nothing was left.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and just ball like a baby…how sad am I? Jacie and Terri were my friends and of course when I go back to school, tomorrow, people will ask…people will…assume. I sighed, it was a huge miss and each day, each hour, each minute…each second it seemed to do nothing but get bigger and bigger and soon its chaos. With that last thought the tears began to spill and with that I began to hide my face…the best I could anyways with my dad starring back at me. I never told my father what happened…and I never planned to.
I whipped the tears away, feeling like a complete wimp, and then leaned back on Carter making him move his face from the covers of my violet red hair and move to the side of my neck so he could look out the window with me. Clouds filled the sky calling down warning of thunder, lightening, and rain. Without thinking I pressed the down button for the windows and watched as the windows slowly crept down so that the wind blew across Carter’s and my face. I took a deep breath enjoying the smell of rain and enjoying the sensation of the moist air preparing for the rain.
I closed my eyes once again and let the water of drowsiness wrap around me and drown me in its un-fightable grasp.

“Arien, baby, wake up,” Carters voice said.
I opened my eyes, the water slipping away from me and allowing me to breathe, to see Carter…and what looked to be the sky? “What…where am I,” I asked, confused and still half way under the water of drowsiness. Carter smiled down at me and said, “We’re at your house. You’re mom and dad were being too lazy to take you up stairs so I decided to take it upon myself.”
Oh yea right, you took it upon yourself just so you could be in my bedroom with a good reason, I thought. I starred up at him as my eyes slowly drifted open and close. He smiled down at him and I watched as soon something covered the sky like a white, chipped blanket. I starred up at the roof of our porch then I starred at Carter’s face. Carter’s hazel eyes sparked like…like something I’ve never seen…almost like a spark of a huge firework that begins to act like its nothing special then it changes to something big and fantastic.
I watched Carters face with the same interest my friends shared when I draw and when a lion is stalking its prey…watching it…studying. I watched as it changed from the porch roofing and to the houses roof. I felt as the warm air wrapped its arms around me and cuddled me, welcoming me home. Carter carried me slowly up the stairs and towards my room. I kept starring up at Carters face and at the white roofing. I let out a tired sigh and then began to stretch a tiny bit. Carter laughed and said, “Hey be careful would you like me to drop you on your ass and just leave you there.”
“Please Carter as soon as I was on the floor you’d begin to freak and ask if I’m okay,” I sighed closing my eyes with my over confidence as plain as the color of paper on my face.
I heard a sharp laugh from Carter and then he said, “Oh so is this what you think Miss He-will-never-hurt-me.”
I laughed and nodded, and just like that I could feel my body falling through the air and hitting something soft. I let out a scream before my body hit the bed and as soon as my body did I opened my eyes and glared at Carter who stood by my bed with his over confident smile on his face. Wow that smile is annoying, I thought.
“You jerk,” I yelled at him lying on my bed still in the same position I was dropped in. Carter smiled, picked me up, moved me over, then laid down beside me and watched as I curled up beside him with my head resting on his chest and starring at my walls. My walls are a light, lavender purple, my floor a white bamboo, and a bunch of posters all around my room.
I have clothes on the floor and in some areas it’s piled waiting for me to throw it in the washer. I have my backpack full of stuff waiting for me to carry it on my back from class to class. I felt Carter wrap his arms around my waist and hold me to him as I slowly began to fall back under the water…and this time I wanted to drown. I listened as the pounding of Carters heart slowed and became just a faint pat-pat and then slowly I fell asleep with the sweet lullaby of Carters heart beating.

Chapter Three: Wakeup Call

My eyes slowly drifted open and as they did I knew something had changed from my sweet slumber in the beginning to now. I listened very carefully my eyes frozen in a half open half close state waiting for me to give the A-okay. I listened as carefully as possible but there was no sound...wait no sound….what happened to my heart beat lullaby. As soon as realization hit me I sat up and looked to see where the instrument for this lullaby had gone…where my Carter had gone.
“Carter,” I asked out to the darkness.
Silence fallowed as a response. I felt around the bed…felt the satin of my sheets…felt the coolness of the area where Carters was laying…felt the emptiness. I sighed to the darkness and threw myself back on the same spot with all my strength…I’m alone in my room. I stretched a bit then sat up and looked at my clock. The red digital lights switched…it is now officially 4:00 am.
I sighed at the emptiness that occupied my room and then decided to get up and do something I haven’t done since I was…well since like a few months ago. I looked down at the wrinkled white dress I still had on and smiled, he was sweet enough to let me sleep in my dress. I shook my head still smiling then stripped from the dress and began to search for some clothes.
I picked up my black skinny jeans that have holes up and down the legs starting high up the thigh then leading down to right below my knees. Well one part of clothing down…three more to go. I searched along my dirty floor…and then I remembered…Carter was in my room…my messy room…my room with bras and underwear piled. I turned bright red and sighed, “Great.” I kept searching and searching then finally found my black tight t-shirt that has a broken white heart over my real heart and in white letters on the back it says, “Find the Reason why…don’t let that reason go.”
Okay so two down…one more to go. I searched among the remains of clothes that where hopefully clean…maybe a bit questionable. Memories of last night faded in and out of my mind. The memory of Aunt Mary and I yelling at each other in front of everyone, me swimming down deeper and deeper into the depths of the pond, me…almost drowning…me going back to the house…me getting starred at…and finally me trying to break up with Carter…and instead just made out with him.
I sighed at the last memory and tried to forget it…tried to forget his mouth…his body…his warmth. I pushed the thoughts away and focused on just finding my shoes. “Aha there you are,” I said as I spotted my shoes.
I put my shoes on and then I tied up my laces swaying back and forth hoping that I don’t fall. After my shoes were tied on nice and tight I walked down out my room and towards the kitchen to go on a search for food. The flooring throughout the house is a pale tan carpet that matched the walls, which are white. I quickly stepped down the stairs and made my way quickly into the kitchen and over to the pantry. I opened the doors reached in and pulled out my Reese’s Pieces Puffs.
“Babe what are you doing up this early,” I heard a voice call from behind me.
I looked and standing at the mouth of the kitchen is Carter wearing a tight grey t-shirt, kind of baggy tight jeans, black and white high tops, and he had his new erring in his left ear. I smiled at him and found myself wanting to wrap my arms around him and just kiss him. He kept smiling at me and walked towards me with my cereal in my hands. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me close to his body and kissed my gentle. I smiled and kissed back and then we pulled away and starred at each other, eyes locked.
“So are you going to answer my question or not,” Carter asked.
I smiled and laughed as I said, “Ha fine I’m up because my sweet lullaby wasn’t playing.”
Carter smiled and asked, “Is that an invitation?”
I could feel the blush rush to my face and I could feel the stupid smile of mine tug at the sides of my mouth. “Maybe it is…maybe it isn’t,” I said batting my eye lashes at him in an almost innocent way.
Carter smiled and then began to kiss me again…but this time with more passion. I kissed back, meeting his passion, and wrapping my arms around his neck to hold him to me. He had his arms still wrapped around my waist and holding me to his body. He pushed my back against a wall and picked me up so that I had to wrap my legs around his hips to keep balanced. His hands moved from my waist down to my thighs and butt as he kept kissing me. I blushed and let out a quiet moan…or as quiet as I could make it.
I could feel Carter…well apart of Carter grow hard and I began to blush more…if that was even possible. Carter moved away from the wall still holding me up by grabbing my butt and began to lead me up the stairs and back up to my room. Each step, each movement not only made me press more against Carter’s…um well Carter but made Carter hold me closer to his body. I suddenly fell through the air and landed on a bed…my bed…my soft warm bed…that soon would have a memory that I know later I will wish I could get rid of.
Carter laid on top of me and kept kissing me, his hands moving down and around my body. I let out several more moans hoping my parents didn’t hear…if they did we are SO died. Carter’s lips and mind moved as one as he nestled himself in between my legs and as his uh well his hardness poked me...and in a way I’ve never felt before. I felt Carter move his hand down to my area and begin to message the area. I blushed and moaned wanting him to stop but at the same time wanting him to never stop. I arched my back and kept moaning as Carter not only did what he was doing but as he began to kiss from my lips down. He made it to my neck and began to kiss and nibble on my neck.
I blushed and moaned a bit louder and as soon as I did I quickly sat up and grabbed Carter’s hand…listening to see if my mom or dad or both are on their way to my room. Carter smiled at me and laughed as he said, “Babe don’t worry they are completely and totally knocked out and even if they do wake up remember they are not right beside your room like before, they are way on the other side of the house.”
I smiled and said, “I know I’m just…I’m scared.”
Carter smiled and asked, “About what?”
I could feel my throat closing up and I could feel my body begin to tinkle. What was I scared of? Was I scared of losing him afterwards? Was I scared of…of feeling pain? I starred up at his face unable to explain the fear I felt…I just knew I have fear throughout my body. I closed my eyes and smiled as I said, “I…I don’t know.”
I felt lips suddenly crush against mine and soon I was forced back to lie down. I felt anxious hands moving up and down my body looking for something. I blushed and moaned but kept kissing Carter…hoping that if this did happen…if I did lose my virginity to him…that we would stay together. My arms locked tight around Carter’s neck and as if I had just said the magic words…words I dare would never say…he moved his hands down to my jeans and began to unbutton and unzip them. “Bark, bark, grr,” Cinnamon called out.
Carter and I pulled away from each other to see Cinnamon at the mouth of my room starring at us with knowledge of what we were going to do and disappointment that we were going to do it. I smiled at Cinnamon wanting to thank her but knew that it would be better if I thanked her when Carter wasn’t in the room with us. “Um, good girl, I’m leaving the room with my hands in the air,” Carter said to Cinnamon.
I laughed as Carter did as he promised and slowly back out of the room. As soon as Carter was gone, I sat up, fixed my clothes, fixed my hair, then pat the area in front of me for Cinnamon to come and join me on my bed. Cinnamon did her doggy smile at me then did as I asked and joined me up on my bed. I ran my fingers along with her fur and then rubbed the top of her head. She looked up at me with a look that said, “Stop missing with my hair.” I laughed and said, “Sorry girl.”
She smiled her doggy smile, I guess as an acceptance of my apology, then perked her ears up and just like a flash of lightening she bolted out my door and down the stairs. I sat up and called out after her, “Cinnamon?”
I listened as close as I could…so close I swear I could faintly hear a heartbeat that wasn’t my own. I waited in complete silence for what seemed hours…and then I heard the sound of glass breaking and Cinnamon barking. I leaped from my bed and ran down the stairs feeling like a blur and that no one could see me. I hit the bottom floor and saw my dog trapping Carter in a corner with a broken vase in front of him.
“Good doggy, nice doggy,” Carter said with hands up as if Cinnamon was going to kill him…well she might.
“Grr, bark, bark, grr,” Cinnamon screamed.
“Ah come on! Babe help me, please,” Carter said.
I smiled and leaned up against the wall beside the stair case smiling at what my dog had just done. My sweet Cinnamon, my caring, nurturing, over protective Cinnamon, had just trapped my boyfriend so he could go nowhere do nothing and more than that…he looked like if I didn’t call Cinnamon back he’d piss his pants. I laughed and called out, “Cinnamon, come here girl.”
Cinnamon looked back at me still on guard then turned completely around and ran over to me with her sweet happy face. “Okay how do you do that,” Carter asked starring at me, now on my knees and messing with Cinnamon.
I smiled up at him and said, “I just have the touch.”
Carter kept smiling down at me…it was almost like a wolf smile…a smile that strikes fear in the weak hearted. I knew that smiled and yet it never ever scared me…the only thing it did to me…was just make me sick. That smile belonged to the guy that almost raped me…the one that put something in my drink at the party. “Well maybe sometime I can feel that touch,” he said.
I felt a shiver sink down my back…sticky and…and disgusting. I put on a fake smile and said, “You might…some day.”
Carter smiled down at me and said, “Why not TODAY?”
I felt my face light up…it feels like I should be the sky at Fourth of July. Carter’s smile grew bigger as he saw me blush and then he walked closer over to me. He moved so close that Cinnamon, who was pretty much under me, had to move. I starred up his long body and up at this face trying my hardest not to freak…I mean I could but well Carter might just lose something precious to him by Cinnamon’s teeth. I took a deep breath and told myself he would never ever rape me in any way or form…but for some reason…it didn’t sound true.
I stood up as gracefully as I could possible manage…but sadly my fear of being trapped in my own house by my boyfriend cause my legs to shake and cause me to fall over. Carter jumped forward, caught me, and when we both hit the ground it was him taking all the damage…he even pulled me more onto his body. We, well Carter with me almost on top of him, hit the ground and I could hear his entire air whoosh out of him. I stared down at him almost frightened that he might just die or go into a comma. “Oh my god, Carter are you okay,” I asked touching his now whiter than a piece of paper face.
Carter opened one eye and starred up at me. “Yea I’m fine maybe you could help with my sore muscles,” he said.
I nodded eager to help him in any way possible. I began to massage his upper chest carefully with a pit of pressure and kept doing this till I heard him say, “A bit lower.”
I nodded and then moved from his upper chest to his chest. “A bit lower,” he said again.
I nodded this time a bit questioning but forgot the question and began to massage his stomach. “Lower,” he said.
I hesitated then did as he asked and massaged where his hips lined up. I saw a smile spread on his face and as soon as it did I knew what he was planning. I hit his chest and yelled right in his face, “You pervert!”
He smiled at me and then grabbed my hips holding me where I was, straddling him. I’ve never seen this side of Carter before…when we first kissed it was sweet and gentle and now…its…its hot and passionate and can light fires and I know that is usually a good thing but…but right now it isn’t. I want my sweet kind gentle Carter back.
I stared down at Carter unable to talk or even think of what to say. Should I tell him that I hated the new…sex crazed him? Do I tell him I really don’t want to lose my virginity at this moment? Do I hit him for making me almost…touch him? I sighed and watched as his face lighted up. His hands slid from my hips up to my back. He pulled me down to his face and gently kissed me.
I kissed back a bit hesitant and afraid of what he might do…what he might think. I ended the kiss after a few minutes then pushed off of him and away. If I kept kissing him I wouldn’t stop…and if I didn’t stop…then…then…I pushed the thought away and watched as pain and confusion played across Carter’s face. Carter stood from where he laid on the floor and then walked over to me his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t get you Arien. One moment it’s amazing, we can’t keep our hands off each other and our lips are locked…and then the next moment your pushing me away or pushing off of me or doing whatever you do and telling me…that you don’t want this…you don’t want me,” Carter said.
It wasn’t true…I never said I didn’t want him…I just…I’m scared…I’m scared of losing him…I’m scared of…of having something stuck in me and no way to rinse it away. “Carter, I don’t know what to tell you. I could tell you how I feel, what I doubt, what’s bothering me…what I think of you and me…doing…that but I’m afraid of the answer and I’m afraid you’ll leave me after I tell you,” I said.
Carter raised an eye brow and then drew me close to him and said, “Fine…I’ll tell you what I think. I think you don’t love me and I think you never will. I’m just a way for you to get over that Mike guy. I know you still like him and no matter what you say or do you and him are going to be all over each other at school”
Carter dropped his arms as if though they were lead and then made his way towards the door. I starred at his back and yelled out, not caring if my parents woke up, “Fine you jerk, if you think I don’t love you then go ahead and walk out and leave me here! I do love you and I can’t believe all we have been through you still think that me and Mike are somehow together! God if that’s what you think then take back this necklace that symbolizes our “love” and leave!”
I ripped the necklace from my neck and then through it at the back of his head. He turned and faced me. I stood with tears rolling down my face, fists clinched, and teeth clinched as tight as I can possibly make them. Carter starred at me for a few seconds before walking across the distance between us, grabbing my head with one of his hands, then pulled me to his face and kissed me with force that he never used…ever.
He pulled back looked me straight in the eye and said, “If you love me then give me a reason to stay…prove to me that you love me.”
I stared at him in silence…as he walked out of my house…out of my life.

Chapter Four: High School Begins

I walked over to the door after Carter left and slammed it in anger…in pain…in sadness. I pressed my back to the cold door then slid down to the floor and began to just sob. Tears run down my face and I let out sob sounds. Why the hell should I care, he was a jerk. I quickly wiped the tears away and then stood up and made my way back up to my room where I could vent my feelings. I ran towards the stairs and then up to my room. I ran into my room, slammed my door, then climbed into my bed and let the tears flow. I curled up in a ball on my bed my nails digging into my wrists as I cried.

“Arien get up, you have to go to school,” mom said. I opened my eyes and looked around. My eyes were crusted over and numb from the crying, my wrist had nail marks in it and is covered in dry blood, and my body ached from what happened last night. Carter kissing me…holding me…yelling at me. I feel as if though my heart is being torn from my chest. I felt like last night…like when I fell on my bed crying…I felt like I was being drowned in water…water that didn’t drown me in sleep…but in pain…pain that caused my breathing to stop…my heart to beat slower…and caused my body to scream out in pain. I pushed myself up from my curled up position then looked down at the covers that…magically appeared on my body. I don’t remember pulling covers over myself…in fact I remember kicking them off my bed.
Those covers I didn’t just sleep under…so did Carter. I looked down at the covers and let out a few tears out…I wanted to burn them…to…to throw them out…but I’ve had these covers since I was in the seventh grade which might not seem to long ago…but they had a few memories. I got up from my bed, straightened out my clothes, then walked towards my bathroom to get my makeup on, fix my hair, and clean up my wrist from the dry blood. The door to my bathroom is the same as any of the other doors throughout the house, white and wood. I walked in and the first thing to great me in my bathroom is my mirror that hanged over my two counters. The person starring back at me in the mirror isn’t me. She is too…depressed…to…vulnerable.
Her eyes are red and puffy with dark circles under them, her lips looked to be bruised, and she looked like any second now she was just going to burst into tears…or at least she was going to throw up. She even has dry blood bits on her face and some on her neck. The girl raised her right arm just like me and starred at my dried bloody wrist as I starred at hers. I starred at the blood path that lead from her wrist down to her elbow and felt a bit of nausea come on. I never liked the look of blood but…right now the dried blood path looked…welcoming.
I turned on the facet of the sink and kept my eye on the strange girl that copied each movement I made. The tile for the bathroom is a mix of browns, darks and lights, all squared and on top of each other. The sinks matched the tile and so did the wall. The wall is a light, light tan and the board on the bottom of the wall where the floor and wall meet is a clean, clear, crisp white. The water began to fog up the area of the mirror in front of the white sink and fog up the girl’s image. I grabbed a wash cloth, dipped it into the hot water, and then began to scrub off the dried blood. Images flowed back into my head as I washed the blood off…images of me and Carter…in bed…arms wrapped around each other…the passion…the longing…the desire…the waiting.
I shut my eyes violently and just like last night, without even knowing it till now, I had dug my nails into my wrist and caused more blood to flow out. I re-opened my eyes then began to gentle wash off the old blood and now the new. After all the blood was gone I drained the now crimson water out and then I walked out of my bathroom and over to the closet hall, opened the doors, and then pulled out a bandage wrap. I wrapped up my still bleeding wrists, mumbling to myself about how stupid I am for doing that, and then I put the rest of the bandage stuff away and closed the closet doors.
I sighed then walked back into my bathroom and went back to getting ready for school. I brushed my hair then began to style it. I plugged in my straightner and then I pulled out my makeup bag and began to put on my makeup. I colored on my black eyeliner, then I swept my silver eye shadow on, wisped on my mascara, and then I painted my lips with shiny pink lip gloss. I touched the straightner quickly, not wanting to burn myself, and felt the warmness of the item. I re-tracked my hand then I began the long boring process of straightening my hair bit by bit.
As I slowly ran the straightner through my hair images still played from last night. I could still feel his warm body pressed against mine…I could still smell his cologne, Axe of course….and I could still feel his lips pressed against mine. “Ouch,” I yelped as the straightner burned my forehead.
I sighed, now not only am I going to my first day of school as a sophomore with a bad attitude and a bad look but I’m going to school with a burn on my forehead. I straightened the last piece of hair and then I layered it the way I like, with my bangs parting to the left, covering part of my left eye, and with all layers of my hair completely showing. After my hair was styled I turned off the lights in my bathroom, walked down the stairs, and over towards the kitchen. I walked in and standing in front of the stove was my mother with a pan cooking eggs, another pan cooking bacon, toast in the toaster, and oranges being squeezed to death. I smiled; after mom got married she quit her job at Wal-mart and helped dad out with the farm. They started at five sometimes four and didn’t get to sleep till sometimes ten. Dad sat at the kitchen table sipping coffee and reading news from yesterday. This is how father did things, he never reads a newspaper on time, he reads it the next morning for some odd reason that no one knows.
I smelt the aromas of the eggs and bacon and felt my mouth water, all of it smelt delicious. I smiled at mom and then sat down on the opposite side of dad and watched as mom cooked. Mom smiled at me and went back to cooking her eggs and whistling a song that played on their wedding day. “Hey princess, what happened to your wrist,” dad asked.
I looked over at him then down at my wrapped up wrist. Oh crap that’s right I forgot that the wrap wasn’t invisible, I thought. “Oh um I really don’t know um it was covered in dry blood this morning and then it began to bleed when I tried to wash the blood away,” I said to dad.
Dad nodded and asked, “Did something happen last night when Carter put you to bed?”
Tears bubbled up in my eyes at the thought of…his name. I sighed and shook my head. “No dad nothing, he put me to bed then left that was it,” I said.
Of course he stayed the night and then in the morning we almost had sex, I thought. The memory of that was enough to bring tears. The tears strolled down my cheek and as soon as it did I quickly wiped it away hoping dad or mom did not see. “Honey…what really happened,” I heard mom ask.
And of course wish is denied. I looked over at my mom. My mom had her hair up in a messy bun, her plaid red and white pajama pants, her white tank top, and she had on her white slippers. I sighed and shook my head…the memories were trying to drown me…the pain full water was coming back…I could feel it tugging at me. “Nothing mom, nothing,” I said.
Mom starred at me skeptically and then said as she went back to cooking the eggs, “Why don’t you go feed some of the horses if your late to the bus stop you can either have one of us drive you to school or you can take my old car and drive yourself.”
I smiled at the thought of driving in my mom’s old car, it is a dark forest green Toyota. I love that forest green Toyota, when I was little I told my mom that that car is officially mine when I can drive. I remembered her response of over my dead body. I nodded and then pushed myself up out of my seat and made my way towards the front door. I walked out of the house and made my way towards the barn. I walked along the stone path and then I walked inside the barn to find each of the horses asleep…except for Apple. I smiled at Apple and said, “Hey girl, why are you up so early?”
“Nah,” Apple said, which I’m sure means couldn’t sleep or was having relationship problems.
“Yours to huh? What did yours say,” I asked.
“Nah nah nah,” Apple said, which I think meant we argued.
I smiled then made me way over to her and began to pet her face. “Oh Apple I swear I think I’m going to be single for a while,” I said.
Apple nodded her head. Well jeez thanks, I thought. I walked over grabbed an armful of hay and then began to feed each horse one stall at a time. Images of Carter and me still wrapped in each other’s arms still played in my mind…the memory of Carter…touching me…in a way I’ve never been touched ever before…kept playing in my mind. I closed my eyes for a moment trying my hardest to forget it…to just push the thoughts away…to erase it and to just move on with my life…but it was hard…Carter and I…had made it that far. I kept going stall by boring stall, one by one…feeding animal by animal and when I was done and I turned around and standing in the barns door way was HIM. I stared at HIM and grew angrier by the second.
“Hey,” IT said to me.
I starred at IT not wanting to reply or anything but at the same time feeling a need to. “Hi,” I said.
“How have you been,” he asked after a moment of awkward silence.
“Carter, I don’t really think you care how I’m doing. What do you want,” I asked.
“Well if you just want to cut to the chase I guess I’ll just tell you. I need that ring back I gave you.”
My heart sank…the ring he gave me…the ring that said he would love me forever and ever and our love would only stop when I took that ring off of my finger. The ring still stayed on my finger…and it hadn’t budged since we started dating. I remember when he gave it to me. We went to the skate park with all of our friends, well my friends, and we were all hanging out on the park bench, under the shades and talking. Carter had pulled me on his lap and had his arms wrapped around my waist holding me tight to his body. All of our, my friends, where joking around with us. They were calling out, “Aw you two are so cute,” or “O gets some.”
He told the guys to leave us along for a moment and then just like that he gave me the ring and told me that he loved me and blah, blah, blah. I looked down at the ring now it still is bright clean silver and in graved in the ring is the French meaning of I love you. “Je Te Adore,” I read out loud as I pull the ring off my finger, “it’s all just a lie though, you don’t love me that’s why you want the ring back.” Carter watched me as I carefully took the ring off my finger. He tapped his foot impatiently and then when the ring was fully of my finger he walked closer to me.
I stared at him afraid he might try something. He got close enough for me to smell his cologne close enough for me to feel the warmth of his body spreading out. He out stretched his hand and kept it waiting as patiently as he could. “Arien I don’t mean to be rude-,” Carter started.
“You don’t mean to be rude? Ha that’s a laugh! Carter you come in her demanding your ring back not even giving our separation a week. That is completely and totally rude,” I yelled at him.
“Look who’s talking! You’re yelling at me even though I gave you a chance to stop me. I said if you truly loved me then stop me right there and right then…you didn’t,” he said.
I glared at Carter and said, “So what now? I’m just some chick you dated that messed up your life and then tried to fix it?”
“No you didn’t try and fix it you left it broken, remember when I said I forgave you when we became friends again…I LIED!” Carter yelled as he snatched his ring out of my hand and as he walked away.
Tears bubbled up in my eyes and before I knew it I was running after him, tackling him and straddling him and yelling down at him. “You’re a fucking ass you know that,” I yelled at him.
“I’m the fucking ass look who’s talking miss practically raping me!”
“Its rape only if you don’t like it, babe.”
“Believe me hot stuff I don’t like it and I want you off of me you fat cow.”
And just like that…I exploded tears ran down my face and then I leaned in close and said, “Carter I would kick your ass right now but you know what…I know something that’ll put the fear of god in you…when I go in there and my dad see’s me balling…because of you.”
I pushed myself off of him then ran towards the house tears streaming down my face and joy running through me with the thought and image of what dad will do to Carter. “Babe I-I was just joking,” I heard Carter yell after me.
I stopped and turned and screamed at the top of my lungs, “Which part “sweetie” the part about loving me or the part about thinking I was beautiful no matter what!?”
Carter stood there in a pissed off dumbstruck expression and just stood there as I walked back up the porch to my house, walked back into my house, and walked straight into the kitchen with tears in my eyes. “Sweetie what happened,” mom asked as she stood up from the table, putting down the fork she had full of eggs and a slice of sausage.
I forced all thoughts of Carter into my mind…him kissing me…him holding me…him promising to love me and just letting the tears flow. “He-he-he told me he-he-he wants to-to-to brea-a-a-a-k up with me!” I wailed.
My dad stood from the table a pissed off expression on his face as he walked over to me and pulled me into a tight protective hug. “Where is he, I’ll kill him,” he said.
“No dad. Don’t I’ll be okay,” I said to him.
“You sure, I can go out there and kick his ass.”
I smiled and nodded knowing that dad beating the crap out of Carter wouldn’t help anything all it would do was make things harder…and make me smile. I nodded once again and just enjoyed dad hugging me. Dad let his grip drop then he and mom went back to their breakfast while I went further into the kitchen to get some breakfast. We’re going to go on with life…like nothing happened…like my heart wasn’t breaking.

After eating breakfast I went back outside and helped my parents with the farm. I watered and cleaned up the garden then helped harvest all fully grown goods. Sadly though I had to go to school so I only picked three, I’m such a helper. I turned the radio up high and let my left elbow hang out and let the wind play with my hair and let it stroke my cheek. I turned down Marston Street and bobbed my head along with the music that played on the radio.
“That was All Around Me by Flyleaf next up is Playing God by Paramore,” the radio talkers announced.
I smiled and began to sing with the radio. “I can’t make my own decisions or make any with precision. Maybe you should tie me up so I don’t go where you don’t want me. You say that I’ve been changing, that I’m not just simple aging. How could that be logical? Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat. Whoa. You don’t have to believe me but the way I, way I see it. Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back or break it, break it off. Next time you point a finger…I’ll point you to the mirror,” I sang.
As I sang along with the radio and let the wind mess with my hair my mind raced back to that summer day. Back to when Jacie and Terri …when they…even the thought made me sick. I could see it as clear as day…could see it and feel everything...I wanted to scream to run away and cry. I turned down another road then stopped at a red light and waited patiently for the light to change to green. The more I waited the more the memory came back and the more it controlled me.
The memories filled my mind…the smell of smoke…the sound of cars…the sensation of feeling…feeling scared. I remember feeling so alone and lost…feeling so used after what happened…and then I got used more. It was just a non ending rope of using. I remember running down the dirt road…the car honking at me to hurry over. I heard a honk and looked at the light and saw that the light had changed. I quickly raced down the road and towards the school…hoping to maybe run away from the memories of what happened.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked the car than sat there starring out at the school. Of course I was a tad bit early and have lots and lots of time to kill. What to do, what to do, I wondered. I could walk around, say hi to all of my old teachers and talk to my new ones. I could go hang out in the forest and draw some of the trees…and flowers. I sighed and then opened the car door and made my way towards the school.
As I crept towards the school I saw people stop and stare at me…they knew what happened. I could just hear them now. “Look it’s that girl that was there when Jacie and Terri got you know,” they would say as I passed or “Hey it’s that chick that murdered her friends.” I looked down at the ground then pulled the hood of my hoodie up to cover my face as best as it could. Maybe if I hid well enough no one would notice me and I could go on with the day as if nothing happened.
I walked towards the entrance and as soon as I barely laid a hand on the handle of the door I heard, “Arien!” I looked behind me and running towards me was Kitty. Kitty had the usual torn up jeans, her new rainbow shirt that she talked about on Facebook, her old black combat boots, her new side bag that matched mine, and her new hoddie that said across her chest, “Love is for all,” it also has the symbols of gender and the equations for love. Like the male symbol plus another male symbol, then a female symbol plus another female symbol, and lastly a male symbol plus a female symbol.
Kitty slowed from a running to a jog then a jog to a fast paced walk. I laughed at her and asked, “Could you be any slower.”
Kitty laughed and began to do the slow walking that you only see in movies. I laughed at her and called out, “You dork.”
She laughed at me and nodded, “Yes, yes I am a dork.”
I shook my head at her and then opened the school entrance doors and waved her to go first. She nodded then walked through, I fallowed close behind. The school hadn’t changed, not that I expected it to. The walls were still a dull white and had the same portrait of the animal our school represented…the Majestic Doe and, just the same, the tiles where the same as last year; a dull white with mixed in grey and black streaks. We stood in the medium sized entrance room for the entrance door and began to look for either one of our friends or for a familiar face.
Last year we were all about getting to classes on time and being early but now we know we have time and we can walk as slow or as fast as we want. I laughed as I saw a group of freshmen walk towards the English and Science halls. I remember when that was me and Kitty, rushing to get our classes on time even though as soon as we got there we saw we could have just walked, it wouldn’t have mattered. The girls passed by us like they were the hottest things on earth…yea right, me and Kitty whispered to one another.
We both began to walk down the long hallways that connected with the, I guess you could say boring classes, and that the boring class rooms hallway that runs into the computer lab hallways. The long hallway also lid toward the library, my locker, and the math hallway. We walked down the hallway walking side by side and stopping by my locker. I knelt down and unlocked the lock that locked my locker then set my side bag down and pulled out the binders that I knew I’d need later.
My classes are Enriched Language Arts, IMP 2, Guitar, Student Prep, Art, Lunch, Computers, Science, and lastly French 2. I pulled out all of my binders…all five of them. My Enriched Language Arts binder has rainbow strips going diagonally down it and across it in the middle reads, “Enriched Language.” My Art binder (yes my art binder) has a drawing I did over the summer of me and Carter pasted on the cover of the binder and on the back it has a poem Carter and I did together with a rose drawn down the side of it. My IMP 2 binder is a bunch of cut up pictures and writings pasted all over the binder on the outside. Right under the heading of IMP 2 Binder is a picture of Kitty, Mark, Jason, Carter, and myself.
My guitar binder has a picture of me holding my guitar and smiling on the front and on the back is the guitar sheet music to my favorite song “Sally’s Song.” My Science binder has a picture of me and Carter laughing our heads off, his arms wrapped around my waist, and me holding a soda that was spraying out its white foam. On the back it has a picture of me and Carter, with his arms wrapped around my waist, and both of us kissing. I glared down at the photo and felt myself wanting to rip it off my binder and tear it to shreds. I threw the binder down in anger and threw my face into my hands and let a few tears out. Why did he have to convince me to paste pictures of me and him all over almost all of my binders?
I threw the binders in the locker in anger then sighed. “Are you okay there,” Kitty asked.
I looked up at her and nodded as I said, “Yea I’m fine.”
I pulled out my Enriched Language binder, shut my locker door, and then locked it back up. I stood then said to Kitty, “Let's go to your locker now, I guess.”
Kitty shrugged and said, “Nah, I don’t mind caring all my binders besides I kinda wanna go hang with some of our friends.”
I felt myself tense up at the thought, our friends…my old friends…the friends who said that I was never to show my face again to them. I clinched up my fists and tried to push the thoughts out of my head. “Are you okay,” Kitty asked.
I looked at her and shook my head. “Kitty they said I was never to show my face again after what happened to Jacie and Terri.”
“They probably didn’t mean that.”
“Kitty, they hate me…they want to see me die and burn in hell after what I did to them!”
“It wasn’t even your fault thought, it was theirs!”
“They're not going to believe me…they think I’m a lying, back stabbing whore.”
Kitty sighed in anger and said, “Whatever.”
I sighed and watched as she walked away then called out to myself, “Fuck me.”
I stood and spun around, picked up my stuff, then made my way to my classroom. Fuck everyone who doesn’t believe me, fuck everyone who threw me to the sharks, fuck everyone who-and just like that I was on the ground, the air knocked out of me and a huge head ache running throughout my head. I slowly sat up and looked to find out what the hell I had just run into that could do that. Standing right in front of me was a very cute guy looking down at me. I starred up at him trying to find words…what do I say. “Oh my god, are you okay,” he asked.
I nodded slowly, feeling a little…dizzy…and it wasn’t from the fall. He reached out his hand towards me and said, “Here let me help you up.”
I reached up and grabbed his hand, letting him help me up. He practically picked me up as if though I weighed nothing and as soon as I was standing on solid ground I said shyly, “Thanks. I guess I should watch where I’m going.”
“No it’s my fault, I’m kind of having a bad day,” he said, throwing his hands in his pockets and swishing his head to the left, making his hair move to the left as well.
I stared at him and asked slowly, “What happened to you?”
He smiled a brilliant smile at me, a smile that made my legs turn to pudding and made my mind turn to nothing…nothing but ash. The guy has black ‘emo’ cut hair, silver blue eyes, and very pale skin. He has a light purple hoodie on, tight dark blue skinny jeans, black and white high tops, and it looked like he has on a white shirt under the hoodie. He had a razor on a chain around his neck and he also has on a bunch of random bracelets.
“Oh, um well my girlfriend just recently dumped me,” he said.
“Aw I’m sorry,” I said smiling sincerely and sorrowfully.
He smiled and shrugged. “It’s not my fault that she couldn’t trust me,” he said.
I smiled and nodded. Wow this guy is…is…gorgeous…silver blue eyes…pale skin…red marks on his wrists? I starred at the marks for a minute or two before I heard him ask, “So, where are you heading?”
I looked up at him and blushed then said, “Um, I’m heading towards Enriched Language.”
“Mrs. Droison’s Enriched Language,” he asked.
“Um, yea,” I responded.
He smiled and asked, “Do you mind if I walk you over there?”
I blushed and smiled as I shook my head and said, “No I don’t mind.”
We began to make our way towards the class room, walking very close to each other and our hands sometimes touching. I looked over at him and was greeted by his bright silver blue eyes staring down at me. I blushed and looked at the ground feeling a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. “So, how has your day been,” He asked.
I looked up at him and felt the smile that tug at the corners of my mouth fade to just a distant memory that has long since past…do I have to tell him…can I lie…why do I feel the need to tell him? “Um, well to tell you the truth my day so far is…pretty…stupid,” I said.
“Why do you say that, what happened,” he asked.
With just those few words the memories of Carter and I last night…this morning raced through my mind…each one more painful than the last…each one more long lasting than the last. I sighed as I said, “My um…boyfriend…he dumped me.”
“Wow…that’s a coincidence,” he said.
I laughed and nodded…the laugh was a bit harsher than I wanted…and nod was a frantic one…maybe he didn’t notice. “I’m sorry, were you guys together for long,” he asked.
I nodded and said, “Yea actually we began to date kind of in the beginning of summer.”
“Wow, you and your ex are close to me and my ex’s time spent together,” he said.
“Really, how long where you guys together,” I asked.
“Oh about maybe…a year,” he said, looking up as if counting the days in his head.
“Wow…way longer than me and my ex,” I said.
He laughed and said, “Eh, close.”
I looked down at the ground and starred at the tile and then I looked up ahead and standing in a huge group was no one other than my ex best friends. I recognized each and every one of them…Susan, Vivian, Kasey, Katie, Maria, and Jessica. Each one of their faces played in my head…each one of their faces that night replayed in my head…each one…each one showed me how it was my fault…made me feel guilty. “Hey you okay,” I heard the guy ask.
I looked at him and nodded still a little stuck in the past as I said, “Uh yea just….thinking about something.”
He laughed and said, “Well how about we get in the class room before you start thinking so hard you stop everything. Hey what’s your name again?”
I cleared my throat and felt myself just wanting to run away and never look back. “Uh, Arien Fision,” I said.
As soon as I said it I regretted it. My group of “friends” looked back and each one of them had the face of it better not be that bitch. I could feel their burning hot, dagger eyes on me…burning me…hurting me. I wanted to scream and say, “It’s not my fault,” but I know they won’t believe me…they would never believe me.
“Look who it is, Miss Won’t save a friend in need,” Maria said turning fully around.
“You back stabber,” Katie and Kasey said.
I could feel the tears tugging at my eyes and I could feel the memories choking me…someone save me. “What the fuck is your deal,” the guy said.
I looked up at him in surprise just like the rest of the girls did. “You have nothing better to do than pick on some poor girl. Why don’t you girls go get a fucking life,” he said.
Jessica was the one to make a comment…something that I wasn’t surprised that she did but did make me want to hit her. Jessica walked a bit closer to him…close to me and said right to his face no hint of regret or thinking, “You know, whatever you’re sticking up for Arien for isn’t worth it…but maybe if you change now…we can make it worth your wild.”
Her hand had not only being on his chest…but now as trying to undo his pants pretty much. I glared at her and without even thinking the words slipped out, “Jessica stop being a whore and go fuck yourself like you do every night.”
Jessica snorted then just like that her and her friends circled back up and began to whisper, whisper….probably about me.
We went back to business making our way back to our first class. The door was close by so we really didn’t have to get angry over being distracted. We walked in and I could feel the same feeling I had last year when I walked into this classroom…joy…humor…sanctuary. We walked in and I picked my seat, sort of in the back kind of up front…mostly in the middle. The guy picked the seat right beside me and then sat down and patted the seat I choose inviting me to sit down and chill. I laughed and jumped over the seat he patted and sat on his desk. “Okay now I know you might not be used to the ways of the humans but we guys sometimes will use this opportunity to make a move.”
I laughed and whispered, “Maybe I want you to make a move.”
He smiled a devilish smile and said, “Maybe I will.”
I smiled and felt the blood rush to my cheeks…am I…dare I say it…flirting?
“So in any case what’s your name again,” I asked him.
He smiled and leaned in close, “Why should I tell you?”
“Maybe so I don’t keep wanting to say hey you,” I said.
He laughed a deep chuckle so deep I could feel it through the desk, and said, “Okay my name is Kyle.”
“Hi Kyle,” I laughed.

After several minutes of talking the bell rang and kids began to pile into the class room one by one. I watched the faces, putting a name to each face and remember what I put them under for my social life. Sasha, a girl that I talked to once in a while, Kasey, my ex best friend, Daisy, the prep of the class, people kept piling in one by one…I could barely keep up. I sighed and rested my head on the table waiting in loneliness while Kyle went up to the teacher and began to talk to her. “Arien,” I heard someone squeal. I looked up and running towards me was my friend Rose. Rose and I became friends around the time I became friends with everyone else, the seventh grade, and we became closer and closer every year. Rose has bleach blonde hair with raspberry pink highlights that, at the moment, was tied back up in a pony tail. She has bright green eyes, tan skin, and a perfect smile.
Rose has on her favorite grey shirt that has three hearts on it, the first one at the bottom and then the rest rising up, her favorite light blue skinny jeans, her green and white high tops, her grey hoodie, and around her neck was a silver locket. “Rose,” I called back.
Rose ran over to my side of the desk, wrapped her thin arms around me and squeezed me half to death. “Oh my god I missed you! How’s you and Carter,” she asked.
I felt the tears want to roll down. I could tell now that today wasn’t going to be my day. “We uh, broke up,” I said.
“When!?” Rose Screamed.
“Um, this morning,” I said remembering the event.
“Oh I’m so sorry,” she said squeezing me against her body again.
I shrugged, once I was free and could breathe again, and said, “its fine.”
Rose smiled once again and began to talk…and talk…and talk. I miss Rose yes and I missed talking to her…but now I remember why we kept in constant contact. Rose talked about her and her boyfriend Jeremy’s last fight, how he made it up to her, what their last date was, how things were going with them, how she wants to take their relationship to the next level…just on and on and on. Soon I wanted the talking to end…because soon I know…I know the dreaded question would come…the question of-“So what’s new with you,” Rose asked.
Spoke to late, I thought. “Um well you already know what’s new with me…Carter and I broke up and that’s the end of it.”
“There has to be more…what happened to make you guys break up,” she asked.
I blushed and said, “Well we…wanted to…you know…have…the commitment and well…we backed out and then…he got mad I forgot about what…and then he said something about if I loved him enough I’d stop him from walking out the door.”
The memory flashed back…brighter and cleaner than ever. I could feel everything…his hands…our bodies…the heat. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, stop thinking about it…forget it. I opened my eyes and it was like reliving the nightmare…only thing was he wasn’t on me and we weren’t in a moment…also it wasn’t just us. Carter was leaning across my desk and looked me straight in the eyes. “Hey babe,” he said.
He leaned in and as he did I leaned back. “Why do you have to do that sweetie,” he asked.
“Oh now I’m your sweetie, your baby, what happened to you hating me and lying to me,” I asked.
“That was just words babe, you know I didn’t mean it,” He said.
“Those were some hurtful words,” I said.
“Babe I was just blowing smoke, you know how I am,” he said.
Of course I do, I thought.
Carter leaned back in and I still wouldn’t allow what he wanted…a kiss. He then caught me by surprise, acted like he was going to go one way then went the other way and got me right square on the lips. Carter grabbed my face as soon as our lips meet and held me there like a prisoner. I hit his chest and made sounds of disapproval and grunts letting who ever could hear know that I didn’t want this. Rose smiled and called out, “Aw you two.”
As soon as our lips weren’t touching I could feel the anger rush through my being…I wanted to hit him but before I could he laid another kiss on me. I blushed and let it go…maybe he was just joking…maybe he was just blowing steam and I need to let it go. Carter smiled at me then said, “We’ll talk about that stupid fight over lunch okay? Love you.”
And with that Carter left the class room and made his way to his class room. As soon as he left realization hit me…I had just brought back in the man that had ruined my life…what the hell was I thinking…what did I just get myself back into?

Chapter Five: Big Mistakes...No Resolutions

“Okay class so go ahead and begin reading Romeo and Juliet tonight and tomorrow we’ll start acting it out and talking about it, “Mrs. Droison said.
Mrs. Droison never changed, her hair was the same dark, deep purple red, she still kept her hair down and curly, she still wore crazy wacky fashions and she still had random pieces of jewelry. Everyone stood from their desks, picking up their bags, throwing them on, and began to migrate towards the door. I stood, picked up my side bag, put it on, then began to make my way towards the door with Kyle on my heels and Rose right behind him. “So even though he said harsh and cruel words to you you’re gonna take him back, “Kyle asked.
I nodded and shrugged as I said, “Apparently.”
“Why? I mean if he is as big of a jerk as you describe him to be then you should be kicking his ass to the curb and telling him to beat it,” Kyle said.
“Shut up Kyle, you don’t know what they’ve been through together. Their like the perfect couple, “Rose said hitting Kyle’s backpack.
I laughed a totally fake laugh. Yep we’re the perfect couple minus the yelling and the harsh words, I thought. “I’m sorry but she may be the perfect part of the relationship in my mind. I mean, come on he sounds like a total douche that doesn’t deserve anyone and if he gets someone he probably pushes them away with a cold hand…or a hard fist,” Kyle said.
Well he’s right there, I thought. “You're wrong Kyle, yea sometimes he can be a douche but most of the time he’s sweet,” Rose argued.
“Do you hear yourself? You’re pretty much saying, ‘Oh yea he’s a total douche but he’s the best she’s gonna get and besides that he’s good looking,” Kyle said.
“Hey…I never said he was good looking,” Rose said.
Oh so that’s the only thing that’s a lie,” I thought. “So you’re saying she can’t get another, better guy,” Kyle said.
Hey same thing-“No I’m saying that she can get anyone but at the moment he’s the only one that has eyes on here,” she said.
“How do you know,” Kyle asked angrily.
“Well do you have eyes on here,” Rose asked.
I looked at Kyle and blushed as I asked, “Yea do you?”
Kyle looked at both of us frantic as hell and looking like soon he might have a mental break down. “Uh, uh, uh,” Kyle stuttered.
Rose laughed and said, “Here I’ll save you. Are you gonna meet up with him at Lunch and talk about it?”
I looked at her and shrugged as I said, “I don’t know Rose, I mean he could be telling the truth wouldn’t be the first time-,” and just with that Kyle jumps in and yelled as we walked down the hall, “And yet again we are back to what I said to Rose, do you hear yourself? This is not the only time he has yelled at you and your thinking of getting back together with him!”
I sighed and said, “Kyle, no offense but I don’t need you yelling at me right now.”
Kyle sighed and sarcastically said, “You’re right, I shouldn’t yell I mean you have so much to think about.”
I glared at him and said, “Your cuteness can last so long before you piss me off.”
“You think I’m cute,” Kyle asked as Rose and I walked away.

I made it to my next class in the nick of time. I stepped half way in when the bell rang and fully stepped in when the bell stopped ringing. Mr. Timpson, one of my few favorite teacher’s, smiled and said, “Wow Arien, cutting it close now aren’t you?”
I laughed and nodded then said, “A bunch of freshmen got in my way.”
“We'll pick an available seat with any group of your choice and get settled in,” he said.
I starred at all the empty seats…all of them involved someone that hated me. Kasey, Jessica, and Maria all sat in one big group with one available seat. They glared at me, their eyes saying, “If you dare seat here we’ll kill you.” I looked to another group that had a bunch of gothic kids that where sitting around looking pissed off at everything and everyone. I could love that seat but let’s look at another choice. The last choice I had was to seat with a bunch of people who, kinda like me, loved to do math, they thought it was fun and interesting. Nah lets seat with the gothic kids who will leave me the fuck along. I heated for the seat and just as I did one of them put their foot right on the seat and said, “Sorry but this seat is taking.”
“By who,” I asked searching for a backpack.
“My ghost friend Charley,” he (or she I can’t really tell) said.
I sighed in anger then looked at the nerds who gave me the same glare that Jessica, Kasey, and Maria gave me…the glare of shunning someone…the glare of telling someone they aren’t welcome and they might as well as be a ghost for all they care. I starred around the room, everyone’s eyes on me…waiting to see where I sat…the seat with the nerds who will probably think of some master plot to kill me…OR I could seat with my ex best friends who would do the same but their plan will be easy to see. I’m gonna go with the sitting on the floor and curling up in a ball, I thought.
“Please choose your seat quickly Arien, we need to get started with class,” Mr. Timpson said.
I looked around frantically…I felt like I was in music chairs…the music is playing…people are walking…the music stops…a mad dash for a seat and the last one standing is…me. I sighed and made my way over to the nerd table…have to pick wisely at least if these guys kill me I can be proud of it. I sat down and pulled out my math binder, trying to hide my fast with my long hair, hoping they couldn’t see me. “Okay class, welcome to IMP 2. For the ones here who don’t know me my name is Mr. Timpson,” Mr. Timpson said walking around the room.
Everyone glued eyes on Mr. Timpson except for me…today is Mr. Timpson’s greeting day, which means no work and if you already know the speeches then he lets you just seat around and do nothing. I pulled out my sketch pad, my green mechanical pencil, and my light pink big eraser and began to doddle. I drew a sketch of a puppet doll girl hanging by her strings up in a tree. I erased a mistake and then began to re-draw what I erased only better. “Hey,” one of the nerds whispered, “are you Arien, the girl who put her friends in the hospital?”
I looked up at the person and felt myself freeze up. No, no please don’t let someone be asking me if I was the one who put them in the hospital. I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t my fault. “Um, I didn’t want to put them in the hospital,” I answered.
They rolled their eyes…they were saying yea right. I could feel my throat close up with the want to scream. I pulled my feet onto my seat and went back to my doddle. Soon other things appeared in my doddle…soon little other puppet dolls joined each one circling around the tree, looking up at the poor puppet girl hanging by her strings, and laughing. I stared down at the picture…this was me…the girl puppet was me…her hair covering her face, her body covered in huge clothes trying to hide the true her, tears running down her face…blood running down from her wrists.
I stared down at the picture taking in the gruesome image. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the image…it is an image only a crazy person would draw…I guess I’m crazy. “Mrs. Arien, please tell the class what my number one rule is,” Mr. Timpson asked.
I looked at him dumbstruck and thought for a moment. Crap what’s his number one rule, I thought. “Um…don’t judge,” I guessed.
“Close but not exactly take another shot,” he said.
Oh god what do I say. I looked around frantically begging someone to help. “Arien,” Mr. Timpson asked.
I stared at him and shrugged as I said, “Um, I don’t know.”
Everyone giggled as Mr. Timpson shook his head in disappointment. I sighed, yep its official…I died in a car crash on my way here and now I’m in hell for lusting over Carter…and Mark. “Does anyone remember what I said,” Mr. Timpson asked the whole class.
Katie raised her hand and said, when she was called on, “You said that the number one rule is to be kind and nice to everyone no matter what happened between the two of us and if we start anything you will take us to the principal’s office.”
Yep, I’m defiantly in hell.

Everyone crowded around the door waiting impatiently for the bell to ring. I picked up my bag and threw it over my shoulder and then joined the group by the door. I kept my distance from the big group though afraid someone might pull the huge plot to kill me right here…right now. I leaned up against a nearby wall and waited watching the faces and expressions guessing what they were talking about. The nerds grouped up and where looking like they had just had a major “brainer” so they are talking about something deep and needed a lot of thinking. The group of gothic kids looked pissed off…but then again they always looked pissed off. And Finally the group of my ex best friends…they had the face of anger…and they kept having quick glances my way…they were talking about me.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath…I’m not here…I’m at home…in bed…curled up…comfortable. The bell rang and my eyes opened violently and then I pushed my way out the door and towards my next class. I walked out of the class room then ran towards the nearest exit and made my way to my next class, my head facing towards the ground my mind set out on one thing. “Arien,” I heard a familiar voice call out.
I looked behind me and walking towards me was Kyle. I smiled and waved and called out, “Hey Kyle.”
Kyle jogged over to me and then when he reached me he asked, “So, what class are you going to now?”
I smiled and asked, “Guitar, you?”
Kyle smiled a big smile and said, “I’m counting this one as fate, same class.”
I stared at him in shock and said, “No way.”
He nodded and laughed as he said, “Way.”
I laughed and gently punched him. He smiled and then asked so is this how you flirt.”
I laughed and said, “Maybe.”
We both laughed then kept walking towards the building…eyes watching us like daggers. I looked at him and said, “You know it really isn’t good for you to hang out with me…I mean…I have a bad reputation.”
He looked at me then everyone around us and stopped walking. I stopped walking and starred at him and asked, “What?”
He walked in close and whispered in a low, deep, husky voice, “I don’t care what people think…I don’t care about your reputation. You are all I care about.”
Kyle pulled me close to him and as soon as he did I felt the blood rush to my face and felt what I’ve wanted to feel for ever…protected…loved…safe. I stared into his silver blue eyes and just got lost in the ocean of it. I blinked my eyes then said, “Um, we should try and get to our class on time.”
Kyle smiled and said, “Yea let’s get going.”
We walked closer and closer to the building and it wasn’t soon till I saw a figure standing in the shadows of the building watching me and Kyle. It was no one other than of course Carter. Kyle and I slowed are pace as we both asked the same question…did he see us? Would he think I was cheating? “Hey babe,” Carter said as he stepped out of the shadows and stepped closer to me.
I smiled and wrapped my arms around Carter’s neck and said, “Hey.”
I heard what sounded like a snort from Kyle and slapped him telling him to be nice. Carter pulled away and placed a gentle kiss on my lips then looked at Kyle and said, “Kyle.”
“Carter,” Kyle said back.
I looked between the two and said, “Hey, hey now let’s not get to close to becoming friends. God you two are looking at each other like the other one as the plague or AIDs.”
They both looked at me and I sighed. Yep they aren’t ready for jokes yet. Both of them exchanged another glance before Carter wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his body and said, “I’ll see ya later hot stuff.”
And then as if though people weren’t starring at us…as if though Kyle wasn’t there and giving him a very dirty look he planted a hot kiss on my lips. He let his grip drop then walked off in the opposite direction than us. I stood in a dazed state trying to get my mind back. I looked at Kyle then blushed and said, “Sorry.”
Kyle shrugged and said, “Isn’t the first time that it’s happened to me.”
I blushed even more and said, “Still sorry.”
I heard Kyle laugh and then I felt a hand grab my hand and lead me in the direction we began to walk in. “Come on slow poke I can’t drag you all the way there,” Kyle said.
I laughed and nodded and began to walk as fast as he was…forcing myself to ignore the fact that he was holding my hand. We began to jog watching as some of the other students began to run to their full ability to their classroom which left us in the state of “Oh crap we might be late”. Kyle and I began to run as fast as we could towards the building and without warning…without even a hint of the event I fell to the ground and just like that a loud crack came from my ankle. As soon as I hit the ground I sat still and Kyle stopped and starred down at me waiting…my guess for tears.
I opened my mouth and let a loud a laugh and fell back laying completely on the ground now and laughing out. “Arien are you okay,” Kyle laughed.
I laughed and nodded then said, “Yea but um I think I may have sprained my ankle.”
Kyle laughed and said, “Um, here I’ll go carry you over to the building and ask the teacher to carry you over to the nurses.”
I nodded and laughed, “Sounds like a good plan.”
Kyle wrapped one arm around my waist then his other arm around my thighs and picked me up. I wrapped my arm around his neck and tried to help him...afraid he might be getting tired of carrying someone so heavy. “I’m sorry if it’s hard to carry me, “I said sheepishly.
Kyle looked at me surprised and barked out a laugh and said, “You’re not too heavy for me. You’re the lightest person that I’ve had to carry for…ever now.”
I blushed and laughed then said, “Well I guess that’s a good thing to know.”
Kyle smiled then carried me into the shady building and then began to carry me down the hall towards our class. I could just picture it now…him carrying me in…every one stopping and starting at us…every one whispering about us…I shivered. Now I’m bringing down Kyle. Kyle got to the door and began to bang on it with his knee. There was a small window on the door so you could see into the class room. I could see a few people that I recognized from around the school, no one I knew personally…perfect.
I tightened my grip on Kyle’s neck and felt him lift me up a little and hold me closer to his body…like he was losing grip. Please don’t drop me, please don’t drop me, please don’t drop me, I begged in my mind. “Arien, you okay? You looked kind of pale,” Kyle asked.
I looked at him and nodded…I feel pale...if that makes since. I let out a held back breath and then looked back at the door and saw finally someone getting off of their lazy butt to come help out a cripple and a poor guy carrying the cripple around. I rested my head on his shoulder knowing that the teacher wouldn’t believe that I was badly hurt unless I put on a show. I nuzzled my face into the curve of his neck and felt the muscles tense under the touch of my skin. “Calm down Kyle, I’m just putting on a show so that the teacher will let me go to the nurse,” I said.
I could feel Kyle nod and feel his muscles slowly relax. I smiled, wow I can’t believe I have this affect on him…and I barely know him. The door opened and a ray of light sipped into the small crack between my face and Kyle’s neck. I shut my eyes violently feeling my head ache and scream with pain…did I hurt myself more than I thought? “Oh wow what happened,” I heard a familiar voice ask, not the teachers voice.
“Um, she fell is the teacher in. I kinda need to take her to the nurse,” Kyle’s voice answered.
“Well, he’s here but the teacher is kinda busy, can she wait,” the stranger’s voice asked.
“Arien, can you wait,” Kyle asked.
I nodded trying to act weak…no having to act to hard. “Wait, Arien, Arien Fusion,” the stranger’s voice asked.
I wanted to peak my head out from my hiding spot, to look at the stranger, to see if I knew them…but I knew that if I did and this person did not like me…I could never go back…and the possibilities of it being a person who likes me is one in a million. “Yea,” Kyle answered for me knowing that this is just not my day.
“Oh my god, Arien, it’s me, Marcus,” he said.
I felt my body tense and my gag reflex activate…the throw up was climbing up my body. Marcus, my cheating, douche of a boyfriend, standing close to me…right in front of me. I closed my eyes and felt the tears well up in my eyes and spill out. “Arien are you okay,” Kyle’s voice came.
I opened my eyes and staring right down at me was his perfect face. I blushed and gulped…why did he make me feel like this? I shook my head afraid that if I opened my mouth either a sob sound or screaming would come out…or throw up. Kyle starred down at me sincerity in his eyes as he asked, “What can I do to help?”
Oh come on it can’t be a no or yes answer question, I begged. I closed my eyes in frustration and took a deep breath…okay that didn’t help. I took several more deep breaths…go to your happy place…go to your happy place. “Um…can you…please…take…me…to the…nurse’s,” I spit out, bit by bit afraid that I might throw up.
“You heard her, go get the teacher or better yet tell him that I’m taking her to the nurses,” Kyle’s voice said.
Suddenly I could feel my body moving forward and I could feel the air move around me. I can’t believe he’s in my guitar class, I can’t believe that I’m going to have to deal with him…every…single…day. I could feel the throw up still climbing up my throat…oh god…I can’t throw up on Kyle…but I can’t walk on my sprained foot…I can if I need to. “Kyle, could you may be set me down…I need to go to the…bathroom,” I said quickly and in a slush.
“Uh, sure,” he said as he gently sat me on the ground.
I began to walk on my foot and as soon as I did I felt tears run down my face, pain run through my ankle, and up my leg. I fell to the ground screaming bloody murder and feeling sicker than ever. “Arien,” Kyle called as he quickly wrapped his arms around my body and held me tight to him.
“Ow,” I screamed out in pain.
Kyle picked me up again and made a fast dash to the nurses…it felt like we were flying. “Arien, close your eyes…it’ll make the trip faster for you,” Kyle said.
I did as he asked and again nuzzled my face into his neck and shoulder covering my face from the air that now was beating on my face. Did the wind pick up? I pushed my thoughts away from reality and to my fantasy land…a land where no one got hurt that night, where no one hated my guts, the sky is always a light green, and the ground is a rainbow of colors. I went to my dreamland where at the moment I was sitting on a swinging couple chair meant for two starring up at the sky and the sun, the wind gentle hitting my face and the sun warming me up as the sky and pastors begging for me to come and run with them.
I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs, and starring at the empty seat beside me. The sky became dark…everything turned grey and dark…the sun withered away…the pastors dying away. The empty seat still empty….as with my heart. “Arien, you can open your eyes now,” Kyle’s voice said.
I opened my eyes slowly and standing before me was Kyle starring down at me and his hand gently stroking my cheek. “What-were am I,” I asked.
“You’re in the nurse’s office. They think you may have re-fractured your ankle,” Kyle said.
I lifted my head and looked around the room making sure Kyle was telling the truth. I was lying on one of those comfortable nurse beds that were to the right of the nurse’s desk with a kind of curtain wall separating me from the other patients if there are any. The walls are a dull white, the tile a pattern of grey and white, and on the wall with the door on it had a line of counters, of cabinets, and of course in the corner on the same wall as the counters and doors is a huge metal closet filled with pills and other things. I starred around then brought my eyes back to Kyle to see him still stroking my cheek and looking more worried than Carter did…when I came back to the house with bits of blood on my face from that night a face that I missed seeing.
“Kyle you don’t have to stay here, I mean…I’m not gonna be here for long, “I said after a while of starring at him.
Kyle smiled a light smile and said, “True…but I wanna stay.”
I smiled at him and felt myself…relax….get comfortable…and blush at him. Kyle smiled and moved from his metal chair that he was sitting in comfortable to down on his knees gently stroking my face and smiling. I smiled at him and felt my hand move up from down by my side and to cover his hand. He smiled and then turned his hand over so now my palm and his palm covered each other’s palms and our fingers fell into place. It’s a friendly hand holding that’s it, I told myself.
Kyle smiled and said, “I’m gonna go get your bag, I’ll be right back.”
I smiled and nodded then released his hand as he released mine and watched as he slowly walked away. My body shivered…I am alone now…completely and utterly alone. I closed my eyes and embraced the loneliness and let the dark clouds of sleep fell in.

“Arien, sweetie wake up,” I heard a deep voice say.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw my father’s face. “Dad, what are you doing here,” I asked drowsily.
“I’m here to take you home,” dad responded.

Chapter Six: No Pain No Gain

After dad took my home he made an appointment with my doctor and then took me in to see if the nurses were right…to see if I did re-fracture my ankle. I didn’t, thank god, but I did cause a mild sprain which requires me to have someone help me get around and carry my stuff it also caused me to have my ankle in a soft brace that’ll keep it in place and make sure that I don’t hurt it any more than I already have. I carefully put on my black and white high tops and then straightened out my clothes. My mom went shopping and bought me new black tight skinny jeans, a white thigh length, baggy, spaghetti strap shirt, and a bunch of other stuff. I straightened out the white thigh length, baggy, spaghetti strap shirt, the black tight skinny jeans, and then the necklace Carter has the other half off.
After I went home Carter visited me after school and gave me the necklace back. I stared down at it and sighed. Why did I have to get back together with him? I wobbled my way down the stairs and then wobbled my way over to the door and called out to my mom and dad, who were sitting at the table eating breakfast, “Bye love you guys!”
“Love you to,” they called back.
I grabbed my bag, my keys, and then walked out of the door and towards the car that now is officially mine, my green Toyota. Yes it’s finally mine! I walked over to the car and began to make my way over to the school.

After the 15 minute drive I finally made it to the school and slowly made my way towards the school buildings. The people starring at me still starred…but at least this time it’s a sympathetic stare. I wobbled carefully and slowly not wanting to push my injury but at the same time wanting to get in fast before someone giving me the sympathetic stare realized who they were staring at. I made it to the door when I felt large gentle hands holding my hips and pulling me close to a body. I froze in surprise and stayed like waiting for them to announce who they were. “Hey babe,” I heard Carter’s voice say.
I sighed and relaxed and said, “Jesus Carter you scared me.”
I felt him chuckle and smiled to myself, he always got a kick out of scaring me. Carte began to pull me over away from the entrance of the school and almost completely out of view of any one and said, “Why didn’t you let me drive you to school?’
I sighed and said, “Because I can drive to school and I just got the car I’ve always wanted.”
Carter shook his head and said, “You and your cars.”
I sighed; yep it’s always me and my cars. I’m not obsessed with cars like Carter sometimes gets or how most of my guy friends get but if I see a car I think is cool and gets good mileage I’ll get a little excited and get a little obsessed but that’s it. I don’t breath, eat, or speak cars. Terri and Jacie were obsessed with cars…that’s what lead to…their demise. I closed my eyes and fought to keep from crying…fought to keep from drowning under the pain…under the water.
“Babe, why are you crying,” Carter’s voice asked out in the darkness.
I opened my eyes, brought my hand up, and felt a wet spot on my check. “Um, just thinking about Terri and Jacie,” I responded.
“Oh, are people still bothering you about them,” Carter asked.
“No Carter well yes but that’s not what I meant, “I said as I turned and made my way into the school.
“Well would you please explain?”
“Carter, why does it matter? I’m not hurting myself, I’m not depressed, I just cry okay. You would to if two of your best friends died because of you.”
“The accident wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes Carter it is, the car accident was my fault. Who was driving? Me, I was driving.”
I sighed and made my way to my locker ignoring the fact that Carter was hot on my tracks and kept saying the accident wasn’t my fault….it was.

“Arien, hurry up I don’t wanna be late,” Terri called.
Terry, Jacie, and I were all hanging out in Terry’s room and suddenly Jacie got a brilliant idea, she said we should go out to karaoke night with a bunch of our friends from high school and just party. Terri had her perfect milk chocolate hair straightened out, her brilliant green eyes covered in black mascara, black eye liner, and a light forest green eye shadow with a light lime green out lining it, and her perfect dark tan body covered in a strapless, thigh length, green dress with matching green five inch green high heels that wrap around and buckle around her ankles.
Jacie had her bleach blonde hair curled and pumped up, her pale blue eyes covered in black mascara, black eyeliner, light blue eye shadow with white out lining it, and her ordinary pale body covered in a spaghetti strap black, thigh length, dress that is a bit puffy at the bottom and six inch black high heels that are pointed at the toes and have straps around her heels. “Yea hurry Arien or we won’t get to sing when everyone else is there,” Jacie said.
Jacie and Terri were in Terri’s room, Terri sitting on her bed and Jacie pacing in front of the bed, both waiting for me, in the closet, to hurry up with dressing. “Are you trying to hurry me up, Jacie, or slow me down,” I asked sarcastically.
I heard both of them laughing as I completed my outfit with the last finishing touch…the shoes. I walked out and watched as their eyes grew big and as their mouths dropped wide open. “How do I look,” I asked.
They both smiles, their mouths still wide open, and after a while they both said, “You look amazing!”
I smiled then stepped over to Terry’s standing mirror in a corner of her room and checked myself out. I do look good, I thought. My faded red, shoulder length, layered hair was strait and teased a bit, my pale blue eyes were covered in black mascara, black eyeliner, dark red eye shadow with white and black out lining it, and my pale, chubby body covered in a strapless, white dress that was tight from my chest down to my hips and from my hips down to my thighs it goes out in puff and I also have on a pair of black and white flats. I smiled at my reflection then at my friends and said, “I’m ready.”
They smiled both smiled and began to race down the stairs with me fallowing close behind. Terri grabbed her keys that sat beside the table that stood beside the door and then raced out towards her car. Jacie and I fallowed and as soon as we got to her car Terri threw the keys at me and said, “You’re gonna drive.”
I looked at the keys and then at Terri and asked, “Are you sure?”
Terri nodded then walked to the back driver side door and got in while Jacie got in the passenger side of the car. I stared down at the keys then at my friends. This isn’t a good idea, I thought. I sighed and shook my head then went to the driver’s side and got in. Okay I can do this…I mean the karaoke place isn’t too far away. I put the key into the ignition, turned it slightly, and listened as the car roared to life. Okay good so far. I put the car into reverse then slowly backed out of the drive way. I shifted the car into first and eased my way out of the property and made my way down their main street and towards the direction of the karaoke place.
Jacie turned up the radio and began to sing with the song playing. “It’s been said and done. Every beautiful thought’s been already sung and I guess right now here’s another one. So your melody will play on and on, with best of them. You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible, a centerfold miracle, lyrical you’ve save my life again. And I want you to know baby,” Jacie and Terri sang.
I laughed then joined in singing loud and proud. “I-I love you like a love song baby, I-I love you like a love song baby, I-I love you like a love song baby and I,” that’s as far as our singing group got before…we were hit.

“Arien, baby, come back to earth,” Carter’s voice called out in the haze.
I blinked my eyes and then starred at Carter in surprise. “W-what was I about to do,” I asked.
Carter’s eyes looked down at my grey ordinary locker and he said, “You were gonna get your binders, I think.”
I grabbed my forehead and shook my head. I haven’t thought about that night…since forever…and now I remember why. I slowly bent down, opened my locker then pulled out the binders that I’d need. Okay, just got to put a smile on my face and push past the memories. I quickly stuffed the binders into my backpack and then stood and threw my backpack on. I cringed in pain, my shoulders and neck are still sore from the accident. I sighed and kicked my locker shut, then bent down and locked the lock again.
I felt two huge hands on my hips and as soon as I felt that I said, “Carter if that’s you drop the hands.”
I heard a chuckle and a, “Oh come on now, I just wanna show that you’re my girl.”
I stood up and turned to face Carter as I said, “So that calls for you to almost rape me in front of the school.”
Carter smiled and pulled me closer to him and said, “If that’s what it takes.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes at him as he leaned in and gently pecked my lips with his. “Come on, you can’t deny that I’m cute,” Carter said.
I rolled my eyes again and sighed, no I can’t. I made my way over to my class Carter still fallowing right behind me and Carter now going on about how I’m his girl and he’ll protect me and blah, blah, blah. God, I wish he could just shut up about me being his girl…I mean I’m not property. I walked past groups of people shuffling along trying my hardest not to fall from the extra weight. “Arien, do you need help,” I heard a familiar cute voice ask.
I looked and walked towards us was the marvelous Kyle. “Hi Kyle, and yes could you please help me,” I answered.
Kyle walked closer towards me, grabbed my back, and gave Carter the nastiest of looks. Carter glared at Kyle and said, “Bye babe, I’ll talk to you later.”
Carter stomped off and left me and Kyle standing in the middle of the hallway with a couple of eyes staring at us. “Wow he’s pissed off,” Kyle said.
I laughed and nodded, “He’s pissed because you’re helping me and making him look like a bad boyfriend.”
“So I’m showing everyone what he is?”
I let out a bark of laughter and nodded, “Yea pretty much.”
Kyle smiled, put my backpack (well more like a side bag) on, wrapped one of his arms around my waist, and helped me make my way over to my first class. I smiled and began to hop along as fast as I could. “You know what? This isn’t working. Here,” Kyle said as he bent down, wrapped an arm around my legs, and then stood up bringing me to lie down in his arms…like a bride.
I smiled and laughed. “Wow you’re strong,” I said.
“Nah you’re just really light,” Kyle said.
Bull shit I’m light, I thought. Kyle carried me through the halls, ignoring the weird stares we got, and into the class room. I smiled as we passed the group of my old friends and at how they stared at me in shock as I was being carried into a class room by a very hot guy as if though it could never happen to me…ha well it has. Kyle carried me to my desk then gentle sat me down on the table portion. “Did you see those girls faces when I carried you in here? They are jealous,” Kyle said sitting my bag beside my desk.
I laughed and nodded, “Yea I think that they are jealous.”
Kyle smiled at me and asked, “Well, my lady do you want me to carry you around so we can walk and talk to people?”
I laughed and shook my head, “Nah I’m going to stay here but you can go and talk to people.”
Kyle starred at me in shock and asked, “You sure? I mean I don’t care about talking to people I’ll stay here with you.”
I smiled at Kyle and nodded, “Go ahead I’ll just rest here besides no one really wants to talk to me.”
“Yea and you still have to explain why,” Kyle said as he made his way out of the class room.
“I will,” I called out as he left the room.
I smiled at the empty room and felt the smile slowly disappear as I finally realized that I was along…completely alone. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself. “Well, well, well look who’s all alone,” I heard a familiar high pitch voice say.
I opened my eyes, it can’t be. It was. Standing in the mouth of the class room was no one other than Jessica in a slutty outfit and starring at me as if though…I had a target on my forehead or somewhere on my body. “What do you want Jessica, “I asked.
Jessica had her black layered hair straightened, her blue eyes were covered in black mascara, black eyeliner, grey eye shadow, and she had her pale perfect body covered in a tight low cut, crimson shirt that shows off to much cleavage, a thigh length black leather skirt, black leather high heel boots, and she had on fish net stockings. Jessica smiled evilly and said, “Well it’s time for pay back.”
“What do you mean Jessica? I did nothing to you,” I said.
“You’re right, you did nothing to me it’s what you did to Terri and Jacie,” Jessica said.
I starred at Jessica in terror and then jumped from the desk and backed away towards the nearest wall. Jessica made her way towards me anger all over her face. “Jessica, please think of what you are about to do,” I begged.
Jessica kept making her way towards me, smiling her evil smile the whole time. I closed my eyes, brought my fists up to protect my face, and got ready for the beating of the century. “Yea that’s right protect that pretty little face of yours you little whore,” Jessica voice called.
A tear rolled down my face and I listened and waited for a punch or something. I heard a small scream and then a whimpering. I opened my eyes to see Kyle with one of his hands covering her mouth. “Kyle, what are you doing,” I asked.
“I’m saving your butt,” Kyle said.
I stared at him and then at Jessica who glared at me in anger as she mumbled something unpleasant into Kyle’s hand. Kyle glared down at her and tightened his grip on her mouth. She squealed loudly and began to struggle against his grip. I looked at Kyle and said, “You can let her go Kyle.”
Kyle starred down at her then let her go and said, “You try this again and next time you won’t live to see another day.”
Jessica glared at him then at me and said, in a harsh, cruel voice, “Fine I won’t try again.”
Jessica stomped out of the class leaving me and Kyle standing in suspense. “Thanks Kyle,” I said.
“No problem Arien,” Kyle said.

Chapter Seven: Weekends

Well it’s been about, I’m going to say, three or four weeks since school started and everything is fine…well actually everything is okay. Kyle and Carter keep arguing whenever they are near each other about how one of them isn’t helping me get around as much or one of them is ignoring me…they just won’t shut up in general. Well at least this weekend I can get a vacation from their arguing, fighting, and-before I could finish the sound of our doorbell filled the house with its loud song of welcoming of visitors. I groaned as I opened my eyes and sat up in my bed. I guess I’ll never get to sleep in on the weekends. Last weekend Rose came over at like five in the morning saying that she wanted a break from her parents for a week or so…we just got her to go home yesterday. I sighed, the weekend gods are apparently not happy with me.

I threw my legs over the left side of my bed and slowly stood still dazed from sleep. I rubbed my eyes for a few seconds then made my way out of my bedroom, down the stairs, and over towards the door. I sighed then opened the door and was greeted by Carter dressed in his faded jeans, his white tight t-shirt, his black and white skater shoes. “Hey gorgeous,” Carter said smiling at me.

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose as I said, “Carter, what are you doing it’s….what time is it?”

Carter laughed and said, “It’s eight.”

“Right, it’s eight…wait….its eight,” I asked.

Carter nodded slowly and laughed when panic hit my face. “Oh my god, oh my god, I need to get dressed I need to get going,” I said as I began to make my way towards the stairs.

“Babe, calm down. Your parents got it handled. I helped them out and they are already at the market selling everything all you need to do is get dressed and come with me to meet up with Rose,” Carter said as he stepped fully into the house and pulled me into a hug.

“Wait, you got up at five in the morning and spent two hours helping them get everything ready for the market,” I asked him.

He nodded and smiled down at me as he said, “What can I say, I’m just that kind of guy.”

I sighed and pushed away from him and said, “Well I’m going back to bed. It’s the weekend and I refuse to be up this early.”

Carter laughed then grabbed my waist and began to walk with me back up the stairs. See each weekend mom and dad gather all of our goods and then sell them at the fresh market and this weekend I was suppose to help and if I did they’d let me sell some things at the market to make money for myself. I opened my bedroom door that I had shut in the rush to go open the door and then flopped back down on my bed while Carter just laughed and leaned against the frame of my door. “So you’re just gonna stay in bed all day,” Carter asked.

I shook my head and said, “No I was just gonna go back to sleep for two or three more hours.”

“I know you and you can only sleep that much when you stay up the whole night and even then you wake up around now,” he said.

I sighed, he was right. It didn’t matter if I went to bed early or stayed up till five in the morning I get up exactly at eight. “Fine, where are you guys hanging out,” I asked Carter.

Carter smiled his devilish smile and said, “It’s a surprise so get dressed and I’ll drive us over there.”

I starred at Carter and watched as he turned and headed down the stairs. Well, I guess I should get dress. I sat back up on my bed, crawled over to my dresser that is at the end of my bed, carefully leaned over, opened it, and searched for the right clothes. I pulled out a my black ripped up skinny jeans that hug my legs perfectly, my thigh length, tight, white t-shirt that in grey and black writing says, “Bad Romance,” and I pulled out my favorite choker necklace. It’s a black, stone heart that has love writing in white on it. I quickly kicked off my black and white stripped night gown and pulled on my clothes. After I was dressed I walked across the hall and brushed my hair then styled it. After my hair was styled in the same style I style it every day I swept on some black eye liner and black mascara and walked down stairs. Carter was leaning up against the front door starring intensively at the stairs waiting for me.  “Well you look ready so let’s go,” Carter said.

 I nodded solemnly then walked out of the house. I don’t really want to hang out with Carter and Rose. I know that as soon as we all are sitting and comfortable Rose is going to start teasing me saying that Kyle likes me and that we have been flirting...then Carter will get mad and then all hell will break loose. I sighed quietly to myself as I quickly locked up the house and then fallowed Carter over towards his SUV that his parents decided to give to him for the school year. The SUV is still the same old grey brown, the grey brown that every time I stare at it, it makes me sick. I climbed into the SUV and buckled myself in and then turned my vision to outside my window. I starred at the barn and saw Apple and her love prancing around in the training arena doing their same old love dance that always made me smile.

Apple circled around Pie and whined her lovely tune that she got from me when I was out there cleaning her and listening to my music. It was the tune from “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar. I smiled at the cute horse couple and as if my smile had open a door in my mind it hit me…Apple and Pie have to be in the barn when no one is home. I quickly unbuckled then threw myself out of the vehicle and ran up towards the barn. “Arien, what the hell,” I heard Carter yell after me.

I ran inside the barn then quickly walked over towards Pie and Apple’s stable, carefully slid in, unhooked the back door in their stable that leads out into the training arena, and then whistled for them to come over towards me. Apple starred at me with her beautiful diamond like eyes and began to make her way slowly over to me. Apple is a pure white Mustang with brown, red, and black mixed color strands of hair. Pie on the other hand is a brownish red Shire horse. His hair is pure black and his eyes are as brown as milk chocolate. Apple walked into the stable and not too far away from her was Pie. As soon as they were in the stable I shut the back door of the stable and locked it up tight. “Okay guys talk all you want,” I said as I squeezed out of the stable and locked everything up.

“What the hell Arien,” I heard Carter call as I completely locked the stable up.

I looked at Carter that was now stomping towards me in anger. “Carter, I had to-,” I began but was interrupted by Carter with a, “You had to ditch me, you had to run away.”

I sighed and glared at him as I said, “No, I had to lock up Apple and Pie so they don’t try and run away again like they did last time.”

Carter starred at me mouth hanging open as I pushed past him and walked out of the barn. I sighed in anger, who the hell does he think he is?! God, as if I’d need to just run away to ditch his sorry ass! All I’d have to say is, “I’m feeling sick,” or, “I don’t feel like it.” I opened the SUV passenger side door then threw myself inside and buckled myself up. Even though I’m still pissed at him and will be for a while now but that doesn’t mean I have to ignore Rose to. I watched as Carter walked slowly back over to the SUV. I hope when he sees that I’m still going even after he made an ass of himself he’ll apologize. Carter stopped walking and starred at the SUV in surprise. I glared at him for a few more moments then turned my head so I stared straight ahead out of the windshield. I’m still pissed so I’ll show him that. I kept starring out straight ahead ignoring my surroundings that is until I heard a knock on my window. I looked and not only did Carter tap on my window but now he was opening my door. “Carter, what the hell, shut my door and let’s get-,” before I could finish the sentence Carter leaned in and planted a kiss right on my lips.

I tensed up and tried to pull myself away from him but felt his arms tighten around my waist. I wanted to scream...to shout for help…to yell at him to stop kissing me but if I open my mouth he might stick his tongue down my throat. I raised my arms and began to push his body away from mine but all it did was weaken me more and made him tighten his grip on me. Why the hell can’t I fight back? I mean I don’t want this; I don’t want him kissing me, and touching me. I tightened my hand into a fist and hit his chest as hard as I could but that did nothing. I felt his hand graze my thigh and my hip and just like that I heard the click of my seat belt being unlocked. Fear crept up inside me and soon pure terror filled my every being when I felt the belt move off of my body and a cold hand begin to touch me….in places I’d reserved for after high school or marriage. “Carter stop,” I said against Carter’s lips.

Carter didn’t hear me or wasn’t listening and began to touch me more and more. I began to struggle kicking and moving forcing his grip to slip and his hand to retreat back around my waist. Okay well got him to stop touching me there now I have to get him to just stop holding and kissing me and just to drive me to where ever Rose is meeting up with us. I raised my hands again and pressed them against his chest then lifted one of my legs and began to push against his body. I pushed harder and harder till finally Carter lost his grip and fell backwards onto my door. Carter glared down at me, his jaw tensed up, and his eyes filled with anger. “You said you loved me,” Carter said bitterly.

“I do love you Carter but I’m not going to lose my virginity out in the opening, in your car, and barely a few feet from my house,” I said strongly.

“No, if you did love me you wouldn’t care where we are just that we’re together,” Carter said.

I sighed in frustration and threw my head into my hands. “Carter, you can’t keep doing this. When I’m ready we will but until then you can’t push me to do anything,” I said to Carter, my face still covered by my hands.

Carter keeps doing this, keeps saying that if I love him then we will…do it but….I’m not ready and I don’t think I will be anytime soon. Carter sighed in frustration as well and said, “Fine.”

Carter shut my door in anger then walked in front of the SUV to the driver side door looking more pissed off than anything. I sighed, re-buckled myself back in and sat there in silence and waited for Carter to start driving. I heard Carter open the driver side and get in and let out a sigh. I kept my gaze straight ahead, not moving an inch at his sigh or at his slamming his car side door in anger. I heard him plug in his key in the ignition and not even a minute later the car roared to life. I nestled back in my seat, my gaze still straight ahead, and my eyes fluttering to stay open. Can’t sleep, can’t sleep, I told myself. Who knows what Carter will do to me if I’m asleep. I felt my eyes close and then the sound of a car door opening made me jump awake. Carter was suddenly not in his seat and was over on my side of the car and opening my door.

I opened my eyes wide and looked to see where we were. I saw the sign for the skate park pointing to a vet’s business building, and beside the vet’s business is a fire station, and on the other side of the road next to the vet’s business was bunches and bunches of houses. I stared out the windshield at the surroundings and jump when I heard Carter say, “Hey sleepy you’re awake.”

I looked at him confused and still dazed from sleep. I fell asleep…and he did nothing…thank god. “Um, yea,” I said to Carter.

Carter leaned over me, clicked the red button for my seat belt, and then redrew it across my body. I starred at Carter remembering what he did to me before we even left the driveway of my house. Carter wrapped one of his arms around my waist and the other under my knees and gentle pulled out of my seat and away from the car. I wrapped my arms around Carter’s neck and starred at him, waiting for this sweet Carter to disappear and for the sex crazed Carter to reappear and destroy this moment. Carter walked me over to one of the benches in front of the Vet business and gently sat me down. The Vet business on the outside was pretty old looking. It had a moral of the dessert painted on its walls and at the very top writing in gold paint it read, “Sandy’s Pets.”

My mom actually went to school with Sandy and I actually sold Sandy a pig when I was showing. I sighed at the building remember all the stuff I went through each time I walked through those stupid wood doors. “Arien, I’m gonna go park the car okay? You just stay here and I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Carter said slowly.

I stared at him for a moment then nodded slowly. Does he think I’m retarded or something? He’s baby talking me again. Carter slowly backed away from me as if though I was going to fallow him like a obedient little dog. I sighed and got comfortable on the bench waiting for him to just hurry up and get in the car. Carter finally made it to the car and slowly pulled away and made his way towards where he can park his car no problem. I sat and starred at the freeway across the paved road and watched as cars buzzed by. I pushed off of the bench then went behind the building towards the park. As soon as I turned the corner I saw something fishy. There was a huge group at the very back of the skate park where the benches are. I starred at the group and watched as each one of the huddled together and talked very low. I slowly made my way down towards the benches moving by baby steps making sure that they didn’t notice me.

I kept walking then stopped half way down realizing that my grandma, my mom, my dad, my grandpa, my uncle, and a few of our friends were all down there. I starred at them questioning their reasons to be here and saw Carter walk in the skate park through the gate entrance and towards the group. This is why he babied me, he didn’t want me to see! Oh god, he looks like his coming back over to the front of the building. I quickly turned around and made a mad dash back to the bench then sat back down and waited for him to come get me. I wonder what the occasion is. I mean nothing big has happened recently, well besides the whole me and Carter getting back together thing. I sighed and looked up at the sky and watched as the clouds slowly floated by. The clouds look so fake to me now, when I was younger they looked realer and better now they look like someone just painted them there or something they look so fake.

“Uh, Arien babe, will you come with me,” I heard Carter’s voice say.

I looked and Carter had half of his body sticking out by the corner of the building and he had a “I’m not hiding anything” smile. I sighed and rolled my eyes at his “calm” exterior.  Well if I hadn’t looked then I would have known either way from his smile. I plastered on a fake smile, got up from my seat and walked over towards Carter. Carter outstretched one of his hands waiting for my hand to slowly fall into his. I gentle placed my hand into his and moved my feet as he began to lead me down towards the benches. Okay Arien, take a deep breath and get ready to do some series acting. The big group was still huddling and still looking deep in thought. We approached slowly and as soon as we got down to them they spun around and called out, “Surprise!”

I quickly threw my “Oh my gosh” face and yelled out, “Oh, wow this is a surprise.”

Everyone smiled and passed around high fives of “oh yea we got her” congrats. I sighed silently and used all my will power not to roll my eyes at them. “Thanks Carter for helping us pull this off,” my mom said.

“No problem and thanks for letting me do this with you guys,” Carter said.

“No problem,” dad said.

I starred between my parents and Carter and asked, “So you guys planned this together?”

They all nodded in unison. “Well that’s a bigger surprise then the surprise party,” I said.

Everyone let a bark of laughter out and began to mingle with each other. So little mingling, I mean everyone here knows everyone. Carter wrapped an arm around my waist and began to lead me towards the area that they all where huddling over. The little area was covered from head to toe in presents and decorations. The decorations were for a six year old party and the six year old who was having the party loved pink and flowers. “We’re sorry for the decorations, honey, but this is all they had left at the party store,” my mom said.

I smiled at her and said, “It’s okay mom but I have to tell you the truth, I have no idea what we are celebrating.”

Everyone froze on the spot and let out a bark of laughter. I starred at every one of them in surprise and said, “OH come on! All of you know what we’re celebrating, all of you but me!?”

They all nodded and kept laughing at me and my stupidity. I felt my blood begin to boil and my cheeks grew warm, well I can’t get more embarrassed than this. “Oh wait I forgot, Carter, would you like to see some baby pictures of Arien,” my mom asked.

Spoke too soon, I thought. “No mom he doesn’t wanna see me as a baby,” I said.

“Actually I do,” Carter said.

I turned my eyes on him and asked, “What?”

“I wanna see you as a baby and hear some of their stories I mean we all did stupid things when we were little,” Carter said.

Maybe but the stuff I did and said was downright retarded. “Oh then you’ll love this one story that we find downright cute,” mom said grabbing Carter’s arm and dragging him over to one of the benches.

I sighed then looked at everyone else who where now talking to each other. I sighed and starred down at the bench covered from head to toe in the decorations and presents. Straight across from the decoration present full table was the food full table that was full of food on any available spot. I sighed and made my way over to that table and began to look and see what was on the table. There were three or more different bowls fool of different chip types, two or three plate full of little sandwiches, three or more plate full of some classy looking appetizers that you find in classy restaurants, and more than three different kinds of casseroles. Yep, normal family food at parties…well normal for my family. I grabbed one of the different types of chips from a bowl and dipped it in one of the many different types of dips and then ate it.    

“Hey Arien,” I heard a familiar voice say.

I looked behind me and standing there was Rose, Kitty, and Kyle. I smiled and wrapped my thin arms around them and pulled them in tight for a hug. “Thanks guys for coming and I guess helping them surprise me,” I said.

They all nodded and said, in unison, “No problem.”

I laughed and then turned back over to the table, grabbed the same chip type and dip type that I had last and then at the dip covered chip. “So, your mom’s telling embarrassing stories about you to your boyfriend,” Kyle asked.

I sighed and nodded, “She warned me that she’d do it next time she and Carter were along, that’s why when she’s around me and him I never leave his side.”

“You know that whole, ‘she and Carter were along,’ thing sounds kind of like rape,” Kyle laughed.

I froze up and in just a matter of seconds I began to bark with laughter. He was right, it did sound a little like rape. “Kyle, that’s disgusting that’s my mother,” I said.

Kyle shrugged and soon began to laugh with me. I gently hit his arm as he walked away and shook my head at him. “God, pervert,” I said quietly to his back.

I took another dip covered chip then walked to a group and jumped straight in on the conversation. My uncle, Colt, was talking to Rose, Kyle, Kitty, and Mark. Kyle stood on Colts left, Rose on his right, Kitty stood at Rose’s right, and Mike stood at Kyle’s left. Colt had on his favorite black t-shirt that on the front has a skeleton with a surf board and on the back it reads, “Bad to the bone,” he also had on his black jeans, his black combat boots, and covering his brown curly hair was his favorite black hat that has the symbol for Metal Gear. Rose has on her favorite tight yellow t-shirt, that stops at her hips, and on her chest is the symbol for equals three (our favorite YouTube “show”), she had on her favorite blue pair of Capri, and her favorite two inch high, green, summer sandals. Kyle had on his favorite dark, dark purple shirt, his favorite black leather jacket, his tight black skinny jeans, his black and white high tops, and he had on a Jack the Skeleton beanie covering his black hair.

Kitty had on her favorite rainbow, tank top that has, “Gay Love,” writing on her chest in black, her favorite black ripped up skinny jeans, her favorite black combat boots, and she had on her favorite rainbow jacket. Mike had on his usual random black shirt, his blue jeans, his grey and white skater shoes, and his black drench coat. I smiled at all of them as I walked and stood in between Mike and Kitty. Mike leaned over and gave me a side hug and as soon as he let go of me Kitty tackled me to the ground and screamed out, “Abby!”

See in middle school when Kitty and I became friends we started writing this story about a lesbian couple. Kitty used her name and I used what I would like to change my name to, Abigail. So, Kitty decided that my nickname that she can only call me is Abby and I’m the only one aloud to call her my Kit-Kat. In any case, sadly for Kitty no one listened to her, “I’m the only one aloud to call her Abby,” rule so now everyone calls me Abby except for Mark. Mike calls me Air-bear, don’t know where he got it just know that that’s what he calls me now. “Kitty, get off of Air-bear you’re gonna hurt her,” Mike said to Kitty.

“Aw okay I’ll just show her my love when no one else is around,” Kitty said as she got off of me and held her hand out for me.

I smiled and took her hand then as soon as I was up I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Aw thanks Kitty and I’ll show my love back,” I said.

“Yay,” Kitty screeched as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

We laughed then starred at Colt and Mike and laughed at their expressions. Colt has one eyebrow raised and looks a little freaked out and Mike looked…a little excited.  “Can I join in,” Mike asked.

Kitty and I both let out a bark of laughter and both said, “No, it’s just for us two.”

“Aw,” Mike whined.

We both laughed then unwrapped our arms form each other’s bodies and then jumped straight back into the conversation. “Well like I was saying before the lesbians here got it on, did you check out the new game Skyrim,” Colt asked everyone in the conversation.

Everyone but me shook their head and looked at him in confusion. Colt looked at all of them in surprise and said, “What?! Come on its new and its awesome!”

They all looked at me with questioning stares. I sighed and said, “It’s like Dragon Age only you choose what you look like and you don’t really fallow a plot line.”

They all nodded and then starred back at Colt waiting for the next game discussion. “Well, fine then well forget about that game and move on to Dead Space, one of you has to have played Dead Space, besides Arien,” He asked.

Marks eyes grew wide and he looked like soon he was going to explode with happiness. “I have,” Mike screamed.

I laughed to myself and watched as Mike and Colt began to talk intensively about Dead Space one and two. “So did you get past the level when you had to go outside the space craft to fix something and then you had to fight like either two or three of those big nasty creatures,” Mike asked.

Colt laughed and said, “Are you kidding I got past that part in no time.”

“Damn I’m kinda stuck on that part,” Mike said.

“Really, it’s simple,” Colt said.

Mike glared at him and said, “Hey now, give me a break.”

Colt laughed and soon we all jumped in with the laughter. It’s funny how almost all of my friends are gamers and all of them have played almost all the exact same games that my uncle and I have played together. Sadly though I can’t talk about them…I’ve only played one fourth of the games, the rest I’ve watched Colt play. “Okay here’s a game I know for a fact that Arien played but the rest of you I don’t know. Who here has played Rock Band,” Kitty asked.

Colt looked at me then Mike and Mike looked at Colt then me. “Oh come on you two? Both you have played almost every game out there but you haven’t played the best game ever,” I asked both of the boys.

“Yea, come on guys even I’ve played that,” Rose said.

“Well, I only play shooting games,” Mike said.

“Same here,” Colt said.

I sighed and rolled my eyes at the guys as I said, “You guys are deprived.”

They both laughed and shook their head at me. Kitty and I always play Rock Band, when I’m at her house, and it’s always the same thing we pick. We pick our band that has Kitty as the drummer and Abby on the guitar. Last time we played it we made a new band called, “Psychotic Kitty,” where I was the singer and Kitty was the guitar player and we had her younger “brother” play as the bass guitar but usually she didn’t let him play just because he always tried to sing when I was suppose to sing and screwed me up every single time. Kitty finally kicked him off the first time we were playing when he kept screwing me up and it almost made us lose our fans and our money. Luckily he finally clammed up when he saw how bad I was failing and just let me sing by myself. When Kitty told him to sign off and go to his room and play with his younger brother and sister he pleaded and begged to keep singing and promised to keep his mouth shut Kitty almost game him a second chance…but she took it back when we were looking at songs and I was practicing and he joined in.

“Well I have a surprise for all of you,” Kitty said.

Everyone looked at her waiting to hear what she’s going to surprise us with. “I talked to Sandy the owner of the vet building over there, and she decided to be nice enough to let us use her building and TV to hold a game playing competition,” Kitty said.

“No way,” I yelled.

“Yes way,” Kitty said.

“Well then what are we doing here let’s get the game competition going,” Mike said.

Rose and I both nodded our heads fiercely in agreement and said, “Let’s go!”

Kitty nodded and then just like that Rose, Kitty, Mark, Kyle, and I both raced off towards the building. Rose at the back, Kitty right behind me, and Mark, Kyle, and I at a tie. I slowly lost my energy and soon I was at the end and going from a sprint down to a jog then down to a fast walk and then down to just a slow pathetic attempt of a walk. I stopped walking completely and began to breathe heavily and pant. I starred at my group of friends who were already at the top corner of the building and stopped to look back at me. Damn them and their amazing ability to run faster than me. What do they do train for the Olympics? “Hey slow pokes pick up the pace,” Mike called at me and Colt.

Colt walked up beside me and asked, “Are you okay kid?”

I looked up at him and nodded, “Yea just really out of shape.”

Colt raised an eye brow then let out a laugh, “Kid you’re in shape you just need to get your muscles back.”

I nodded then let a out of breath laugh and said, “Well…hopefully my muscles will come back…soon.”

Colt laughed then pat my back and began to walk with me up to my friends who starred at us with smiles on their faces…they are enjoying this too much. When we finally made it up to them they grabbed our arms and began to pull us to the front door of the building. They opened the door then pushed us inside the building. As soon as we walked in memories of my Four-H Club began to play around me. I remember all of the meetings, I remember all of the faces, I remember all the cruel jokes, and I remember all the stares I got. I remember all of the girls taking one look at me and deciding I was just some kind of white trash. I remember my cousins lying telling everybody that they didn’t know me and that I was just some kind of loser.

I looked around and sighed. It looks just like last time I was here. White tiled floor, white walls, and a black board up front. I starred at the inside of the building and felt memories come and play as if though they were going on this very second. I sighed and took a deep breath that was a long time ago; I’m grown up now I can handle this. I felt a cold hand grab my neck and begin to sway me back and forth with their grip on me. “You okay,” Colt asked.

I looked up at him and nodded solemnly, “Yea…just…bad memories here.”

Everyone looked at Colt and me in confusion waiting for someone to shed some light on what happened here to make me go so…cold. “Arien, what do you mean by bad memories,” Mike asked.

I looked at Mike and everyone and sighed, “Um, I used to be in Four-H and in Four-H we had to have meetings and most of the meetings were held here and well…I wasn’t really popular in Four-H. A lot of the kids thought I was just plain weird which was true, but because I was so strange none of them wanted anything to do with me. So I became the outcast of the Four-H group.”

Everyone’s eyes softened and each one of them starred at one another in disbelief. Yes we were outcasts but we were outcasts together…in Four-H I was the only outcast. I was the weird kid that no one dared to talk to and if you did you were sentenced to the outcast island. Of course though if you were sentenced to the outcast island with me the only way to get off was if you stopped talking to me and treated me like I was dead…which of course happened twice. I remember my first friends in that “club” one day talking to me as if though I was the coolest person there…and then in the next moment treating me like I was trash that they needed to throw out. I remember the last thing me and my “friends” did was play musical chairs with everyone…I won.

I sighed and shook my head trying to shake out the bad memories trying to shake off the feelings that I felt…the feelings of betrayal, of loneliness, of helplessness. I whipped away the tear that slipped from my eye and crawled its way down my cheek. I felt two arms suddenly close around my body and soon more arms appeared and soon I was covered neck to hips in arms and hugs. I smiled and let out a small laugh and said, “Thanks guys.”

The arms all disappeared and left me bare and cold. I smiled at all of them then walked over towards the TV that is now up and ready to run. “Well, let’s get everything up and running,” I said.

Kitty nodded then walked over towards me and the TV and began to plug in the game system and the controllers and things we’d need. She lined up all of the games she brought and then turned to the guys (Rose, Kyle, Mark, and Colt) and asked, “Which game do we start the game competition off with?”

They all shrugged then looked at me. I leaned over and looked down at the game then picked the one that Mike and Colt haven’t played it…Rock Bank. “Okay guys I think it’s time you got informed about Rock Band,” I said as I handed the game case to Kitty.

Kitty popped the game out with a smile on her face and gently put the game into the game system and turned it on. She grabbed the controller and clicked all the necessary things to get the game up then turned to everyone and asked, “Who’s going first?”     

Everyone looked at me and Kitty and then all in unison they said, “You two.”

Kitty and I both looked at each other and shrugged. “Well okay then let’s get the game competition going,” I said to Kitty.

Kitty nodded then plugged in the microphones, the guitars, and then the drums. She grabbed the two microphones then turned to me and asked, “Singing right?”

I nodded then took one of the microphones from her and waited while she signed in. Kitty and I usually never compete against each other because we know that we both are competitive and when it comes to losing we both can get a little angry. Kitty smiled at me and said, “You can sign in now.”

I nodded then clicked and did everything I needed to do to get signed and said, “Okay, may the game competition start.”

Kitty nodded used the controller and clicked on multiplayer then against. Kitty picked her “avatar” for the game and then looked at me. I chose my “avatar” and clicked okay. We both checked out our characters then gave the a-okay for the competition to start. Kitty clicked start and began to scroll through all the available songs that we could sing. “Okay Abby you pick the song you want,” Kitty said.

“Okay Kit-Kat,” I said.

I looked at the songs and then found the song I love to sing. “I think I’m paranoid,” I said.

Kitty smiled and shook her head then clicked on the song and then went and chose her song. She clicked on Don’t Fear the Reaper by a group that I forgot the name of. “I should have guessed,” I said to her.

Kitty smiled her enthusiastic smile and asked, “Okay so who goes first?”

“You,” I said.

“Why me,” she asked.

“Because it’s your game and because I like to go last.”

“Well maybe I want to go last.”

“Do you?”

“No,” Kitty admitted sheepishly.

I laughed and said, “Well go sing your little heart out.”

Kitty nodded then clicked go and began to sing her song. I remember the first time Kitty and I heard this song together, well it was my first time hearing it, her third or fourth millionth time. I remember we were writing for our story, Emotionally Wrong, and she grabbed my laptop, typed something in and it magically began to sing it. Kitty sang along with the song  and bobbed her head also. I remember laughing so hard at her and saying she looked so adorable. She blushed bright red and ever since then she blushes every time she hears or thinks of the song. I smiled at Kitty then closed my eyes and let my imagination and the song dance together to create something fascinating. Colors streamed across my mind and painted a scene. It’s dark and gloomy and there are three people standing on the edge of a cliff. A guy that looked kind of like Kyle and a girl that looked kind of like me and then there was a strange figure wearing a grim reaper rope and he was moving his hands around.

It took me a while before I figured that the grim reaper is the one singing right now. The two normal people leaned over and starred down the cliff then without even a second glance or thought the boy jumped. The girl backed up then when about to jump she stopped and backed out of the jump. She starred down at her beloved man and began to cry silently into her hands. The music kept playing and the girl kept crying. Then the scene changed and she is standing at his grave flowers in hand and tears strolling down her face. She got to her knees and gently stroked the side of the grave marker and began to sob. She stood up and stepped away from the grave then walked away. The scene changed again and now she was standing at the cliff again this time a bit older and she looked like she has been crying all her life. She starred down the cliff and towards where her love had died then she jumped no hesitation.

The song slowly ended and I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Kitty. Kitty smiled and finished the song then said, “Arien, your turn.”

I nodded then stood up, grabbed the microphone and waited for my song to start. The introduction began to play and then I began to sing. “You can look but you can’t touch, I don’t think I like you much. Heaven knows what a girl can do, heaven knows what you’ve got to prove I think I’m paranoid,” I sang with the song.

As I sang I remembered my first time singing it. Kitty was playing guitars and I was playing the singer and as soon as it was my turn to sing Kitty missed a note and starred at me in surprise. She didn’t know I could sing that low and that good. I remember also her family was surprised as well. I smiled at the memory and began to throw all myself into the performing of the song. I jumped up and down, bent down and pointed out towards the fake audience and then brought back my hand and jumped back up. I kept singing and performing then soon my song slowly began to end. I stopped singing and performing then starred at my score. I got a ninety seven percent and so did Kitty.

“Wow, it’s a tie,” I said to Kitty.

Kitty smiled and said, “Yay.”

I laughed and then embraced Kitty and then turned my attention to our audience. “Okay who’s next? Remember you don’t have to sing you can play guitar or drums but your opponent must do the same instrument,” I said to everyone.

Colt looked at Mike and said, “Hey me, you, guitar.”

Mike nodded and said, “Yes be warned I have excellent hand and eye coordination.”

Colt laughed then they both stood and walked towards the TV screen and towards their controller. Colt picked up one of the guitars and began the long process of making his character. I remember when I first played and it took me about ten or fifteen minutes to create my character. I tried to make my character look like what I pictured her looking like which was long red hair kind of curly, pale skin, blue eyes, and her personality was the rocker personality. She had on a multi colored t-shirt, faded blue jean skirt, fishnet stockings, and black boots. I remember creating her personal background and Kitty laughed at what I decided her hometown was. I clicked that her hometown was Boston and her name was of course Abby. Kitty wouldn’t stop teasing me about the hometown Boston thing and then she wouldn’t leave me alone with the name either.

Kitty took about the same time I did with my character and she did everything I knew she would do. Like she chose New York for her hometown and she picked short blonde hair for her character and the model face and then rock as her personality as well. Her character had the same clothes mine had on and her character had the same color of eyes as mine. Kitty and I love to joke around about how our characters look like twins except for the fact that Kitty chose Diva for her characters face and I chose Girl Next Door. I remember that after a few gigs from our band we had enough money to update our characters looks. She bought her character some gothic punk looking clothes and I ranged my characters looks from gothic punk to cowgirl punk. Kitty also used to tease me with my characters outfits. She used to say, “Wow Arien, you really do create your own style,” or, “Wow that’s interesting.”

I remember the first time I mixed and matched the different styles of clothing and what Kitty said about it. I gave my character a kind of plaid, cowgirl type shirt, black skinny punk pants, black and white high tops, and accessories that ranged from gothic style, punk style, and country style. Kitty laughed after I had her completely finished and said, “Now that is interesting.” She laughed even harder when I went back and gave her the crying eyes and joker lips makeup. After I was done updating my character Kitty updated her character which took about twenty minutes. After she was done we looked at both of our characters and shook our heads. We did not look like a band; we looked like a bunch of weirdoes trying to pass as a band.

A few minutes went by and Colt announced, “I’m done your turn Mark.”

Colt’s character looked almost exactly like him, brown kind of curly hair, dark blue eyes, and kind of pale skin. Mike nodded then began his character building. Kitty looked at me and I shrugged then looked at Rose and Kyle and said, “You guys better hurry up your character building.”

They both laughed and nodded and then returned their vision towards the TV screen and to Mark’s character building. Mike was selecting things faster than I’ve ever seen just going with what he saw first and what he liked first. We watched as he selected and changed and typed in what he wanted, it was kind of like watching art being made. “Well, I’m done,” Mike announced.

We all starred at his character then at him. His character looked exactly like him from head to toe form personality to his name. “What,” Mike asked looking between his character and us.

“It looks exactly like you,” I said in disbelief.

Mike nodded and said, “That’s what I wanted.”

We all laughed then watched as Mike and Colt started their song and began to play against each other. Mark’s hands glided up and down and pushed the buttons with perfect timing and so did Colt’s. We starred at them in disbelief as they preformed perfectly…they haven’t even played this game before. Mark’s fingers played up and down the guitar at a speed that was unbelievable even for Mark. The song played and the color of buttons to push played down the TV and disappeared as they hit the button. “That is unbelievable,” I said to them and the TV.

“What,” Mike said not even missing a note.

“You guys playing this fast on your first turn on the game,” I said.

Mike and Colt both shrugged and said, “It’s easy.”

I shook my head and watched them keep playing. This is unbelievable it took me weeks and weeks of playing that game whenever I go over to play on medium and their playing on hard and acting as if though it’s on easy. “What’s going on,” I heard a familiar voice ask.

I looked and walking into the building and making his way towards me was Carter. “Oh hey sweetie, nothing really we’re just doing a game competition,” I responded.

“Sounds…interesting,” Carter said almost as if though it was a question.

I looked at him and nodded then said, “You can join in if you want.”

Carter shook his head and said, “Nah I don’t really like playing video games.”

We all looked at Carter in surprise and whaled, “What?!”

Carter stared at each of us with a expression of fear of being tackled and beaten. “Yea I think video games are a waste of time,” he said.

“Arien, how the hell are you still dating him,” Colt said, his fingers still moving and hitting the right buttons.

I let a forced out laugh and said, “Ha you know…he has an amazing personality.”

Everyone laughed except for Carter and Carter looked less than amused. “Come on Carter lighten up,” Kyle said.

“Why should I,” Carter said to Kyle.

“Because you’re bringing down the house and party,” Kyle said.

I glared at Kyle and whispered between clenched teeth,” Be nice Kyle.”

Carter smirked at Kyle and said, “Yea Kyle be nice.”

Carter snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me close to his body and kept smirking as Kyle’s happy entertaining face disappeared and a pissed off expression moved on his face. “Oh Kyle, cheer up you’re bringing down the party,” Carter said sarcastically as he leaned down and began to kiss my cheeks then my lips.

I heard a growl from Kyle and a quiet laugh from Carter. “Carter stop it, “I whispered to him.

Carter sighed and then stood back up and looked over at the TV and the guys. “So how do you play this game,” Carter asked bitterly.

“Well see how on the guitar there are a few different buttons with different colors? Well when the color plays across the screen you push the button with the same color on it and that’s pretty much it,” I explained.

Cater nodded and then slowly asked, “So…this is what you guys consider fun?”

We all nodded and then glued our eyes back on the TV screen and watched as they finished up the song. The music slowed down to just a light murmur and ended with one final chord form the two guitarists. They pushed the button and hit what they needed and watched as it showed us who won. “It’s a tie,” they said.

We all clapped and then handed out high fives to the two of them. “Okay I’ll give you guys props, even though this was you’re first time playing the game you guys did excellent, you started off with hard and you played it as if though it were easy,” I said to them.

“Yea and Arien just recently started playing on medium and she’s played it way longer than you two,” Kitty said.

They both looked at me with an expression I knew very well, the expression that meant, “Really Arien, really.” I looked back at them and sighed. “Okay I’m not that talented with my hand eye coordination like you two,” I said throwing my hands up in anger.

They both laughed and then grabbed as seat and sat down. “Well who’s turn is it,” Colt asked.

I looked at Rose and Kyle and asked, “You two wanna play?”

Rose looked at Kyle and said, “Sorry Kyle, after seeing them play I’m kind of feeling a little untalented.”

Kyle looked at her then at the TV and said, “Well I can’t play against myself.”

“I’ll play against you,” Carter said.

Everyone looked at Carter in shock; he would never do that even if it was for me. “Carter, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you don’t even play regular video games and you’re jumping straight to Rock Band,” I asked him.

Carter looked at me then the TV and said, “Sure, I mean who knows I might get into video games after this.”

I sighed and shrugged; if he wants to embarrass himself then he can go right ahead. Carter walked over towards the TV, picked up one of the guitars and began the same process as the others…creating his character. We sat all in quiet whispering silence and watched as he fixed up his character and created his back story. “Are you worried about him,” Rose asked.

I looked and her and said, “If he wants to embarrass himself then I’m not gonna stand in his ways, he can go right ahead.”

Rose raised her eyebrows in shock and said, “Wow, you’re harsh.”

I shrugged; he’s been harsh to me so I’m being harsh right back.

“Do you want me to go easy on him,” Kyle asked.

I looked at Carter then Kyle and asked, “Would you really do that?”

He shrugged and said, “Only if it makes you happy. Besides he has to impress your family.”

I nodded and said, “True.”

I nestled down in my seat beside Rose and Kitty and let the wheels of my brain turn as I thought about what just happened. Kyle gave up the chance to destroy Carter in a game competition just so Carter could impress someone of my family, Colt. Why would he even do that? I starred at Kyle my mind still trying to grasp why he did what he did. I watched as he sat in his seat and glared at the TV, at Carter. What could he possibly gain for letting Carter beat him at this? Kyle suddenly stood from his seat and walked over towards the TV. My gaze fallowed him and landed on the conversation between him and Carter. What are they talking about? Was Kyle telling Carter that he was letting him win? Is Carter agreeing to his plan?

Carter nodded his head and shrugged then mumbled something I couldn’t hear. They shook hands and then Carter walked over towards me. “I’m gonna cream him,” Carter said.

I looked at Carter and felt anger boil in me. He’s only going to win because Kyle is selflessly letting Carter win. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest and watched as Kyle quickly made up his character. He’s selflessly letting Carter win and he knows that Carter is talking shit about him and yet he hasn’t said anything. Kyle is right, he needs to let Carter win the game because that’s the only way he’ll get any closer to respect from my family. “Uh, Carter no offense but I don’t think you should be talking big and bad,” I whispered to him.

“Why, “he asked.

“Because I know he’s just letting you win,” I said.

Carter’s eyes grew wide as he said, “He is not.”

I sighed and nodded, “He told me.”

He glared at Kyle and said, “He said he told no one.”

Carter moved away from me then walked over to Kyle and began to move his arms frantically and in anger pointing at me slightly then at the game system…he just fed me to the sharks. Kyle shook he head and then looked and me and shrugged. I could see their mouths move, Kyle’s lips moved slowly and didn’t open as much while Carter’s lips moved frantically and wide. Carter was yelling at Kyle, asking him why he didn’t just keep it between the two of them…hopefully Kyle has a good excuse.

Carter shook his head as Kyle’s lips began to move again. I watched as each of their lips moved one at a time and one in a while both of their lips moved at the same time. It seemed either Carter was running out of fumes or Kyle was able to calm him down. I watched as Kyle’s lips moved quickly and as Carter nodded his head once in a while and then shook his head sometimes…what were they talking about?

I watched as Carter nodded then began to back away over to me. I watched as he made it to my side and then kept his eyes on Kyle with a pissed off expression on. I stared at him and watched as he watched Kyle while Kyle just finished up his character. His character was the definition of perfection. The hair, the eyes, the shape of his face, his skin color, everything was perfect. I watched as he looked back at Carter and nodded then watched as Carter walked over, picked up the other guitar, and then began the contest.

They picked a song, Don’t Fear the Reaper, and picked their difficulty level. Carter first picked easy then when Kyle scrolled down to hard Carter re-picked and this time he picked hard. We watched and shook our head in disbelief. Great, he is defiantly going to get creamed now. We watched as it began and as Carter waited patiently looking down at his hands and getting them positioned just right. Kyle looked at him and smiled a smile of happiness, it was a smile that meant he knew that it wouldn’t be hard to beat him…it would be hard not to beat him.

I watched as the song began and Kyle flawlessly pressed the buttons in time. I looked over at Carter…he was…winning. Kyle made one or two mistakes and so far Carter was flawless. Did he lie about never ever playing this game before? I watched as soon he began to…show off his skills. We fell to his knees and bent back closing his eyes and still hitting all the notes perfectly. He defiantly has played this game before, I thought.

We all starred at Carter in shock and anger for lying then watched as Kyle starred down at him in anger and began to do something just as bad as Carter. Kyle back up still hitting the notes then with his eyes locked on the screen he slid forward while holding out a note and then began to play as if he just stood still and was just playing normally. We all watched both of them begin to not just have a game off but a show off, off.

They both jumped to their feet still playing the game and not missing a note or anything. They both began to play behind their back, and then both began to jump up in the air and fall back down to the earth on their knees. They both kept doing random stuff Kyle’s eyes glued to the screen and Carter mostly he’s eyes close.  

We watched both of them as the song slowly reached its end and as soon as it did they both looked back at us to see us with our eyes popping out and mouth wide open in shock. It was my worst nightmare…it was….a tie.

Chapter Eight: Pay Up

 

After the boys finished their final moves on the guitar and saw that they had a tie…it was hell breaking lose. The boys began their non-ending fight of who won and apparently I was on the line. “What do you mean you bet a date with me Carter,” I asked angrily.

Carter looked at me with his I’m sorry face and said, “Well, I didn’t think we’d be at a tie and now you’re dating relationship is in the balance of a quarter landing on heads.”

I covered my face with one of my hands and shook it. This is why I wonder every day how we’re still dating. I stared at him then at Kyle and said, “Fine flip the coin but just know which ever one wins they are going to go through hell.”

I watched as they both raised their eyebrows and eyes in pure terror and then flipped the coin. Please be Carter, please be Carter, I begged. The coin flew up and flipped….once…twice…then began to fell back to the ground. Kyle caught it and then turned it over on his other hand. He gently raised his hand and starred down at it in an expression that kept changing. First a smile played across his face, then his eyebrows came down in a face of intense thinking, and finally it ended with a blank expression. We stared at him waiting in anticipation…who was a going on a date with. He looked up at me and said, “Tails.”

I felt joy run through me as I heard Carter yell out, “Damn it!”

I smiled an “I told you so” smile and said, “This will teach you not to gamble with your girlfriends dating life.”

Kyle smiled at me and said, “How about tomorrow I pick you up and we go to…East Mountain Grill.”

I looked at Carter then at Kyle and felt the wheels of my brain turn. Carter hates it right now that I have a date with Kyle sometime…but if I have a date with him tonight…that’ll piss him right off. “Nah, how about tonight,” I asked.

Kyle smiled and nodded then looked at Carter and said, “Dude.”

Carter glared at me then at Kyle and as he pulled me out of the building by my arm he said, “Excuse us.”

As we walked outside he said between clinched teeth, “What the hell are you doing!?”

“I’m just keeping to your deal with him,” I said innocently.

“Bullshit you’re keeping to our deal, you’re just doing this to piss me off,” He said again between clinched teeth.

I leaned in close and said, “You bet me on a game that you lied about never playing, of course I’m gonna do anything to piss you off you jack ass.”

Carter glared at me and I saw his arm begin to rise. “You gonna hit me,” I asked glaring right at him, no trace of fear…I hope.

“No…,” he said after a long hesitant pause.

I turned around and began to make my way back to the building, if he was or is going to hit me then he’s a dead man after and even if he isn’t he still has to deal with me screaming at him and finally dumping him…this time for good. I put my hand on the door knob and just as I was about to turn it I felt a shaking hand rip my arm and hand away from the door then turned me so a fast a figure shaking with anger, shadows covering his face. He pushed my back against the door and then pressed his lips violently to mine in anger. My eyes widened in shock and began to try and push him away and off of me. His hands moved from either side of my body to now pinning my wrists and hands up and on either side of my head. I mumbled jumbled words against his lips and made sounds of protest.

He opened his eyes at me then forced more of his body to press against mine. I cried out in pain and tried to shake his lips off of mine. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell at him to stop, I wanted to push him off and away from me. I kept struggling then inch by inch I was finally free. I put the palms of my hands on his chest then gave him a great big push. His lips parted from mine and his hands dropped away from their grip on me. I stared at him in anger and felt it melt as expressions played across his face.

“Why don’t you like it when I kiss you like when I first kissed you, after I saved you from that party,” he asked.

I sighed…it’s not like I didn’t like it but It’s not like I wanted it. I mean, when we first kissed it felt right…it wasn’t the gentle tender first kiss I wanted but it did have some passion. I ran my fingers through some of my hair and said, “It’s not that I don’t like it but…more like…it’s not the right moment for that type of kiss…like now…you could have just turned me around pulled me close to your body and just peck the tip of my lips with yours with the gentlest touch and that would have being perfect. This kiss was meant for more like….the moments like the morning of the first day of school this year, where you and I almost…that kiss was perfect for that…or for a moment that we both just want each other that bad…but not this moment…this moment called for a gentle kiss that says ‘I love you and I’ll never hurt you’ not ‘I’m gonna rape you’.”

He sighed and shook his head, “What are you talking about by these moments, there’s a do this kiss and a do that kiss, no its just do whatever and maybe you get something.”

I felt anger rush through me, what happened to my romantic Carter that I loved? I sighed and opened the door then leaned close to Carter and said, “If you wanna learn about it read a romance novel you jerk.”

 

After a long party that was filled with laughter, playful fighting, and serious anger yelling between me and Carter we were on our way home. Carter offered to take me home but I knew how that would end…and I wasn’t ready for that…and not even in the best spot. My dad thankfully over heard Carters offer and answered for me. “We’ll take her home thank you,” dad said to Carter.

Carter nodded and then climbed into his car and headed home, of course though mom and dad had to go to the store to get some things so I was stuck spending a couple of seconds, which soon became a couple of minutes, walking around with them and having them ask if Carter and I were over again. “Guys I don’t know I mean he can be sweet and kind and gentle but recently it just…not working,” I said.

“What’s not working exactly,” mom asked.

I looked at dad then her and said, “I can’t tell you because mister if he lays a finger on you in a violent or even more then friendly way I’ll kill him is still beside me.”

Dad looked down at me with huge eyes then at mom and said, “Oh come on now, I was joking, I wanna know what’s wrong with you guys.”

I rolled my eyes at dad and said, “I’m not telling you now go look at tires or something.”

Dad sighed and laughed when I moved my hands in a shoo movement, dad then walked over towards what I like to call the man corner of the store and left me and my mom to just us and to just our girl talk. “Okay so talk,” my mom said as soon as dad was gone.

“Well, when we first kissed…it was…passionate yes but wasn’t scary passionate…and…at the party…he…kissed me…and it was…,” I began.

“Scary passionate,” my mom said, ending my sentence perfectly.

I nodded and felt the words begin to climb up my throat, I wanted to tell her that we almost…but…I didn’t want her to freak out. “Okay, mom, I want to tell you something…but you have to promise not to freak,” I said.

Mom nodded and said, “I promise.”

“Well,” I began hesitantly, “Carter and I almost…had…sex…we didn’t so don’t freak but almost…and…it’s just after we almost did it I realized that I wasn’t ready for it…not right now maybe later but that later is not even close not a year away not two years away not even three years away.”

Mom looked at me in surprise and said, “I’m glad you didn’t do it but I suggest dumping him because I bet you he said that if you loved him you guys would do it.”

I nodded sadly. It’s sad that my mother even knows what my boyfriend said. It’s even sadder that I hope my mom will band me from dating him after this. My mom shook her head and asked, “Is that why he dumped you?”

I nodded feeling tears being to spill out of my eyes, Kyle was right…why the hell am I dating Carter? Mom shook her head in disbelief as she said, “I thought he was bigger than that.”

I shrugged and whipped the escaped tears away and said, “Apparently not.”

Mom wrapped one of her arms around my shoulders and pulled me to her in a tight side hug. I sighed, I’ve never felt like a whore or prostitute in Carter’s eyes…but that morning…I felt like he thought that he just had to say a few romantic things and a lie here and there and bam he could get into my pants. I felt like…like a slut. I felt the little girl in me being to wale and I could feel my mind crying out, “Whore!”

I shook my head and then slowly pulled away from my mom and decided to push those memories that Carter into a box and never let him out ever again. I had to either, erase the new Carter completely from my life and remember the good, old sweet Carter or I had to change the new Carter…permanently.

 

“Arien, sweetie, could you help me carry in some of the groceries,” mom asked.

I slipped from the back passenger side seat and shut the door after my feet hit the ground. After an hour or so at Wal-Mart we were home with the groceries we needed and whatever else. I nodded and grabbed some of the white, plastic, red labeled Wal-Mart bags and carried them inside the house. Dad spent almost all the time at Wal-Mart back in the male corner of the store looking at guy stuff. I remember mom complaining for a while then finally she said a joke that later we told dad and made him frown. She had said, “Well tonight is the one night he can’t complain about dinner jokingly or strictly, he has to eat and enjoy it.”

I laughed at the memory and then set the bags full of food and other things that I had on the dining room table. I starred at the bags then at the appliances in the kitchen; do I put some of them away? I looked at the coffee maker, then the blinder, and then finally the microwave. “What do you guys think, do I help or do I walk away,” I asked the appliances.

Well you know you’re crazy when you talk to inanimate objects and you expect an answer back. I sighed and then looked at the groceries. Mom would love it if I did…besides I don’t have a date or anything. I grabbed the bags and hauled them over towards the fridge and the pantry. I began to stack and place the items in the first back where they belong, juice; fridge, apples; fridge, crackers; pantry, pregnancy test….pregnancy test? Why the hell did mom buy this? When the hell did mom buy this? I stared down at the little decorated box and waited till my mind came back and I could move again. Is mom pregnant?

I heard the rush of voices and looked up at the door then back down at the box. Crap, where do I put you!? I quickly stood and moved in a frantic circle, what do I do, what do I do!? Mom can’t know that I know she’ll flip out! I quickly pulled out all the rest of the items in the first bag, wrapped up the box, then quickly made my fast haste up towards the stairs and off to throw this in their bedroom or bathroom or something. “Arien, sweetie, where are you going, “I heard my dad’s voice call.

I froze, half in motion to put my foot on the first steps of the stairs. Crap, what do I do? I quickly turned and brought the box from right in front of me to behind me. There standing in the door way was dad, mom…and Kyle. I stared at them in shock and felt my mouth drop. He has the worst timing, I thought. I smiled a shy smile at him and asked in a hoarse voice, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take you on our date,” he said smiling an ignorant smile.

“Uh, I don’t know if I can, I mean my mom and dad might-,” I began to say till my mom jumped in with, “Go ahead honey, your father and I can handle everything.”

“Thanks mom. Um, give me a minute to change and get ready, “I said turning, still hiding the box from view, and running up the stairs.

I quickly ran over towards their room, opened the door, threw the box on their bed, and then I turned and ran to my room. I slid into my room, opened up my dresser at the end of my bed, and began to pull clothing after clothing out looking for a good outfit. I pulled out a dress that was thigh length and that I haven’t worn in a while. The strapless dress is a bright perfect white with a strip of yellow at the top of it and at the bottom. I threw it on the bed then looked down at my jeans and the dress then shook my head then ran into my closet and began to pull jeans down from their hangers. I grabbed a pair of my yellow skinny jeans and then threw them on my bed. “Okay, top, bottom....shoes,” I said looking at the pairs of shoes on the floor under my hanging clothes. I grabbed my yellow flats and then ran back into my bedroom and quickly changed.

After the clothes were on I ran over to my bathroom, starred at myself in the mirror and began to fix what I needed to fix. I ran a brush threw my hair and re-parted it then quickly touched up my makeup. I fluffed up my hair a little, ran back into my room, grabbed my rib length, white jacket, and then ran back down the stairs. As soon as my foot touched the floor of the living room I heard Kyle say, “Wow, you look amazing.”

I looked up at him and blushed. Carter never told me I looked beautiful. I smiled at him then walked over closer to him and kissed his cheek. “Thanks,” I said.

His cheeks turned a bright red and a smile slowly spread across his face. I smiled back then looked at my parents and said, “Well, I guess I’ll be back soon.”

They both nodded and smiled…they didn’t smile like that when Carter took me out on our first date…but then again he did hurt me before we began to date. My parents nodded and smiled as Kyle reached out his hand and waited for me to place mine in his. I starred at his hand for a second then took it with a quiet sigh; this isn’t a good idea….if Carter see’s this…he’s going to get pissed. “You sure you want to do this? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he asked.

I sighed angrily and said, “No, Carter bet me so he has to pay the price for it.”

Kyle smiled and then began to led me out of the house and towards his vehicle…his…fast…two wheeled…motorcycle vehicle. “You’re kidding right,” I asked him.

He shook his head and then walked me closer to his motorcycle. Every step brought more and more fear into my body. The glossy black motorcycle glared at me, warning me. “Carter, we can just take my car you know,” I told him.

He shook his head and said, “This is our first date so I’m going to try and look good in front of your parent’s which means taking you to our date in, well technically on, my vehicle.”

I looked back at his vehicle and felt more fear fill me. He climbed on then patted the back of the seat waiting for me to climb on. I let out a held back breath, swung my leg over to the other side of the motorcycle then sat down. He put on a black helmet that said, “Kiss my ass,” on the back and then handed me one that was the same color and message only on mine it said, “Kiss my ass too.”

I laughed at the helmets and asked, “What no matching leather, “kiss my ass,” jackets as well?”

He laughed and said, “I left those at home.”

I stared at him in shock and let out a small laugh. Is he joking? He gentle turned the key in the ignition and the bike roared to life. He kicked the kick stand up with his foot, slowly backed the bike up then raced out of the drive way and down the street.

 

“You didn’t,” Kyle said, laughing at my embarrassing tell of slipping on ice and what I called out.

“I did. One of my friends actually has it on camera and posted it on YouTube,” I said nodded my head and laughing.

We got to the restaurant at the perfect time. Busy but not too busy, it was the busy in which there was a light roar of murmuring and talking…perfect for a first date. As soon as we sat down we broke into conversations, stopping when the waitress came and got our orders for drinks and food and then jumped right back into where we left off. I smiled at Kyle, Carter and I never had this good of a time on our first date…our first date was awkward and horrible. We went to some classy, French restaurant in town and Carter was showing off the money he’s made from movies he’s been in. He was never in any important roles but still he made enough cash to pay for most of the bills he’s parents paid, pay for gas in his SUV, pay for a new SUV, and pay for a bill at a restaurant that slowly built into the hundreds.

I even remember the first thing we talked about…well the only thing…we only talked about school. How pathetic? We only talked about last year and then about our fears for this year and here I am with Kyle talking about everything and still having so much to say. “Okay I have you beat. When I was in middle school one of my friends made me laugh so hard I peed myself,” he said laughing.

My mouth dropped open and a wave of laughter spilt out. “Oh my god, that’s awful,” I said still laughing.

“Yea well it gets worse,” he said.

“How,” I asked giggling still.

“My girlfriend is the one to tell me that I peed myself. She found out by sitting…on my lap,” he said blushing.

More barks of laughter spilt from my lips and soon I was hitting my thigh and laughing so hard that it felt like I’m going to pee myself. I put my hand up in a stop motion then said, “You win.”

He laughed and nodded then we both began to slowly stop laughing and let out a sigh of happiness from the laughter. We smiled at each other then picked up our glasses full of our drinks and took a sip. I watched him over the rim of my glass and watched as he chugged his drink a little…almost as if though he was nervous. The restaurant has been around for years. I remember coming here when I was 5. The restaurant had pictures of their loyal and favorite costumers up on the wall and next to each picture had the costumer’s name. The restaurant was color coordinated and the colors were the modern Italian restaurant colors, red and white. Our table, well all of the tables, had a red and white checkered table cloth on it and the chairs had soft red cushions and the wood part of the chairs is colored white. I watched as Kyle put his glass down on his table then leaned in towards me and gave me the come here finger movement. I smiled then leaned in as I gentle put my glass back down.

“You know what we should do,” he asked.

I shook my head, still smiling, and asked, “No, what?”

“We should go back to my house, get some alcohol from my parent’s liquor cabinet, and just go to that hill in town and sit and drink,” he said smiling his devilish smile.

I felt a smile play across my face as I said, “No, we’ll get caught.”

“Not if we’re smart.”

“No, we can’t, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can trust me I can help you get it off your breathe and make it seem as if though you’re totally fine tomorrow,” he said smiling.

I looked at him then down at myself as I said, “Okay, let’s do it.”

He’s eyes grew huge and the smile on his face grew bigger as he said, “Well then let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

 

“Cheers,” Kyle said clinking his whiskey bottle against my vodka bottle.

“Cheers,” I said back as we pulled our bottles back to our bodies and both of us raising the bottle up to our lips and taking a sip.

Carter is sitting up his back pressed against a tree while his legs were trapped under my body. The strong, clear liquid rushed down my throat and burned as it did. This isn’t me…there’s only that one party time that I drank and I didn’t get drunk until I drank the orange drink that was drugged. I felt the liquid reach my stomach and as soon as it did I felt a sharp pain and more of my level headedness just wash away. Kyle is drinking he’s bottle as if though it’s just water or soda. He must drink this stuff all the time or something. I took another sip and all of my wits disappeared. I smiled at Kyle and giggled uncontrollably. He smiled at me then began to stroke my cheek with the back of his hand.

I closed my eyes and curled up into a ball on his legs while he kept stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. Soon I felt something…something hot…moist…pressing against my lips…and it tasted bitterly of what tasted like…whiskey. I opened my eyes slowly and found the closed eyes of Kyle and his lips pressed against mine. I felt my arms begin to wraps around his neck and I felt his hands move around my waist as he kissed me more and more. What am I doing? This isn’t suppose to happen, this is just supposed to be a stupid friendly bet date. Why do I have to like him so much? The kiss grew more and more and soon I was completely lying on the ground and his body was on top of mine pinning me to the ground.

My hand began to run through his hair as he gently dug his fingers into my back. This is the liquor, this is the liquor, this isn’t me. Still doesn’t make it right. I re-tracked my arms and hands and began to gently push on his chest. “Stop,” I said as soon as his lips parted from mine.

“Why,” he asked as he pressed his lips back on mine.

“Because, we-we can’t do this I’m dating Carter,” I said in between butterfly kisses Kyle gave me, from my lips to my ear.

He stopped then looked at me and after a few minutes he nodded in agreement. “You’re right, you can’t do this…you’re faithful…and right now I hate that,” he said jokingly.

I smiled at him and said, “Well while you hate that could you maybe get off of me and take me home.”

Carter shook his head and said, “I can get off of you but I can’t take you home…let me remind you I don’t drive under the influence of alcohol.”

“Well, what are we gonna do then?”

“Well, lucky for us I have a friend who lives nearby who lives by himself and is out of town and I have his apartment keys,” he said smiling.

I smiled and felt my brain kick back in slowly. Don’t do this, it said, you might cheat on Carter. Like I did do that just a second ago, I said back. Yea, but you might do it more…so much more that you might lose your virginity to him, my brain pointed out. Nah, I would never do that. I nodded at him and said, “That sounds…good.”

Kyle stood up then pulled me to my feet and began to lead me back to his motorcycle. “Hey I though you don’t drive under the influence of alcohol,” I said glaring at him.

“I don’t but I’m not gonna leave my bike out here where someone can steal it,” he said smiling.

I smiled and asked, “Okay how can I help?”

“You can help by helping me push this thing towards that way,” he said pointing towards a small town next to ours that is nearby.

I smiled grabbed the back as he grabbed the handles and began to help him push.

 

A few thirty or so minutes later we were at Kyle’s friend’s apartment and I was taking a quick warm shower trying to cool down from the warm night air and try to figure out what to tell my parents exactly. “Hey mom and dad, Kyle and I kind of got drunk so we probably won’t be home till tomorrow,” I imagined saying.

“You’re grounded for the rest of your life,” is what they’d say.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then let the warm water beat on my face and run down my body. What do I tell my parents? How am I going to get home? What am I going to do after I get out of the shower? As soon as that question came into my head thoughts played through my head…and not faithful thoughts. I imagined walking out dripping wet, my towel barely coving me and Kyle coming out of nowhere and kissing me again. I imagined him carrying me into the bedroom, throwing me on the bed, and well-“Hey don’t use up all the hot water,” I heard Kyle say through the white wood door.

I came back to reality and felt myself falling and before I knew it I was sitting in the tub the water hitting the top of my head and any water that touched my knee turned crimson and showed the cut I just caused myself. I starred at it and felt my breathing get heavier and harder to get out. I gently touched the cut then winced in pain. “Ow,” I said.

“You okay,” I heard Kyle ask hesitantly.

A sound of a door opening and closing very closely bounced against the walls in the bathroom. No, he didn’t…he did. I saw his shadow against the shower curtains and felt not only any blood left in my body rushing up to my cheeks but I felt my heart beating faster and faster. “Kyle, please tell me that’s your shadow I’m seeing on the shower curtains,” I asked shaking.

“Yea, don’t worry but are you okay,” he asked again this time his voice close…as if though he was right next to me.

I starred at the now gushing blood cut and felt nausea sink in. “I-I don’t know,” I said my voice shaking uncontrollably.

The curtain suddenly moved and as soon as it did I brought my hand up to cover my naked body and I starred up at Kyle feeling helpless and fearing he’d take advantage of my state. Kyle starred at my nakedness for a second or so then turned off the shower’s hot grasp of water, wrapped a towel around me, then lifted me up and carried me out of the bathroom. As soon as he carried me out of the bathroom and away from the warm room the coldness wrapped its arms around me. I shivered and tried to curl up to gather up some warmth from my body or Kyle’s. Kyle smiled then soon I saw the color of the walls change from egg shell white, the walls of the bathroom and halls, to the dark red of the bedroom. Kyle gentle set me on the silky red sheets then walked back out of the room…probably on search for a band aid for my cut or something.

As soon as he left I stood and began to search for some clothes or something. I looked on the floor for anything…for a huge button down shirt, boxers and a muscle shirt, anything. “What are you doing,” I heard Kyle’s voice ask.

I stood from my bent over state and said, “Um, I’m looking for clothes.”

 Kyle shook he’s head, set what looked like a pile of towels and fabrics with a box on top on the bed, then he walked over picked me up and set me back on the bed. “First we need to take care of the cut then we can worry about clothes,” he said.

“Of course you’d say that, you’re using this time to check me out while I’m naked,” I said sighing.

Kyle grabbed the box, pulled out a punch of stuff that looked like stuff you’d use on a severe cut, and said, “Right now, I’m not taking advantage of anything…I’m just trying to clean your cut and protect it, protect you.”

I smiled as he began to gently pat away the blood still pouring out, rub some ointment on it, and then as he put a bandage on it and wrapped it up with a tan fabric wrap. Why couldn’t Carter be this sweet, why couldn’t he be this nice and be this charming, why did he have to be such a dick? “Okay, now about your clothes,” he said starring my naked body then at the pile, “I searched the best I could but all I could find was this so I hope it works.”

He grabbed the pile then handed it to me then quickly exited the room and shut the door. I watched as he left then looked at the clothes he gathered up. It’s like he has some psychic connection with me. In the pile was a pair of blue and white, plaid boxers and a big white button down shirt. I smiled then quickly pulled the clothes over on to my body. The boxers kept falling and the shirt hangs down to my knees, what did I expect, perfect fitting clothes? I fixed the clothes to the best of my abilities then I walked out of the room and went on a search for Kyle.

The apartment isn’t that big, it has one bathroom, one bedroom, and the kitchen and living room are kind of put together. The flooring through out the apartment is a dark mud looking brown and the only parts of the apartment that looks newly done or spiced up a little is the bathroom walls, the halls, and of course the bedroom. I walked out into the living room slash kitchen and found Kyle standing in front of the window starring out at the streets below or at the town surrounding us. I quickly tip toed up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach and asked, “Hey you, whatcha starring at?”

I felt him jump then chuckle as he said, “Nothing just the streets below.”

I smiled and pressed my face into his back and smiled as he placed his hands on top of mine and as he began to sway back and forth. These are the sweet moments I missed with Carter all the time…these were the sweet moments Carter and I only had…before we were dating. I smiled into Kyle’s back and giggled. I felt his body shift and soon it wasn’t his back my face was pressed into it was his chest. I felt his hands and arms wrap around my waist and hold me close and tight to his body. I sighed happily then felt him chuckle.

“What’s so funny,” I asked him.

I tilted my head and looked up at him and watched as emotions played across his face. “Well…let's just say that from the day I met you I’ve kind of had a fantasy that had this involved, “he said blushing.

“Oh really,” I asked as any blood left in my body rushed to my face, “how did that fantasy go?”

He smiled and said, “Like this,” then leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips.

My eyes grew wide and I felt my arms unwrap from his stomach and rewrap around his neck, holding his hot muscular body to my body. Our lips played along with one another as his hands drifted slowly down my body. I felt the blood burn my cheeks and I felt something…hard…poking me. My eyes grew wide and as soon as they opened I saw the bright silver blue eyes of Kyle and his eyes as big as mine. We both let our eyes drift down to our almost one bodies and then back up to each other. “Uh, I’m sorry,” he said.

I smiled and blushed then shook my head, “Its fine…just surprised me.”

He smirked at me and said, “You know what might surprise you more?”

“What,” I asked smiling.

He leaned and began to kiss me again this time though it wasn’t gentle and sweet it was rough and hot. He tightened his grip around me and without even thinking I began to dig my nails gentle into his back. He kept kissing me then suddenly I wasn’t standing…I was lying on the ground with him lying on top of me and his hands running along and on my body. Moans slipped from my lips and as soon as they did the questions rolled in. What am I doing? This is cheating. I need to stop…but I can’t stop. Kyle kissed from my lips to my ear then from my ear to my collar. I moaned more and soon felt the beginning of the undressing. Kyle’s hands were on my stomach and were slowly beginning to unbutton my shirt from the bottom up.

I grabbed his hands with mine and said in between heavy breaths, “We can’t.”

“Why,” he asked his lips still against my skin.

I let out a quiet moan and said, “Because I’m with Carter. You remember Carter.”

Kyle sighed angrily and nodded then said, “Well, I’m happy you’re faithful but disappointed at the same time.”

I laughed and smiled at him as he starred down at me. He leaned down close to my face and whispered, “You better be happy that I have self control or right about now I’d be raping you.”

“Who said it would be rape,” I asked smiling.

What am I getting myself into?

Chapter Nine: Cheater, Cheater Pumkin Pie Eater

 

I opened my eyes slowly, pulling away from my dreams, and looked around the room. All I remember after kissing Kyle is watching a few movies. I yawned and stretched then enjoyed the feel of the crimson satin sheets wrapped around me…the sweet, gentle coolness…caressing my thighs…and now my butt? What the hell, beside the sheet, is touching me? I slowly turned my head then my body and I was greeted by the cute brilliant smile of Kyle. “Kyle, what the hell are you doing,” I asked, his hand still rubbing my thigh and butt.

His smile grew bigger as he said, in a sweet innocent child like voice, “I don’t know.”

I giggled at his sweet innocent tone and said, “So you’re running your hand up and down my thigh and butt for what, fun?”

He nodded giggling then leaned in and pressed his lips against mine and gently and as we parted, not only did his cute sweet childlike smirk grow into a full on grin but my smile grew…and blood rushed to my face. He starred into my eyes for a moment and as he did I felt his hand glide away from my thigh and butt to my hips. He pulled me closer to his body and whispered, “Don’t lie you liked it. You want me.”

I smiled and blushed and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled our faces closer. What is it with him that makes me like this? Why can’t I stop and say, “This is bad we need to stop getting this close.” Why is it that I always ask these questions instead of doing them? Why can’t I just stop and pull away and say, “I’m in a relationship, this is cheating, stop.” He touched his lips to mine and our lips began to move along with and against one another.

It felt like a forbidding dance, it felt…dirty…wrong…but at the same time perfect…and right. I gentle pulled away and rested my hands on his chest. He smiled at me and said, “What’s wrong did I get your tongue?”

I laughed and starred up into his beautiful eyes and felt myself begin to fall. How could someone be so beautiful? It was a sin to be this beautiful. He placed one of his hands on my cheek and let his thumb graze my jaw and neck. I closed my eyes and smiled. Why did this have to be so complicated, why couldn’t I just kick one of them to the curb like any other girl and say, “Bye loser.” I felt his soft lips press against mine once again and this time no thoughts pulled into my head…just images…images of us…Kyle and I…together. He kept kissing me his hand still on my cheek and his thumb still caressing my skin.

Our lips moved together…almost one when he pulled away. I opened my eyes slowly afraid that it all might be a dream and saw Kyle smiling down at me his hand still on my cheek and his other hand holding himself up…well not completely but keeping most of this weight off of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled at him trying hard as I can to keep this from going too far. I kept my eyes glued on Kyle’s face and watched as his smile slowly went into a line and I watched as he leaned down, his face inching closer to mine. Do I stop this, do I let it happen? I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

 “Cheater, cheater, cheater pumpkin pie eater,” I heard my voice in my head sing.

I shook my head slightly. “Shut up,” I said.

“What,” Kyle asked.

I looked up at him and felt my eyes go wide. Crap, I said that out loud, damn it. “I uh….nothing,” I said quickly.

“No what,” He asked.

“I uh…I was calling myself a cheater,” I said quietly.

Kyle smiled and laughed, “You’re joking right?”

I shook my head embarrassed and said, “No, I guess I feel guilty.”

He kissed me lightly on the lips and whispered, “Don’t.”

As if it could be that easy. Maybe it is…maybe all I have to do is tell myself I’m not…I’m not cheating…that this is just human nature. Stop lying to yourself, the voice demanded. Fine, I’m a cheater. A lot of people are…so what? So, you don’t cheat you don’t even think of it at all! I’m a horrible, horrible person. “Stop saying that,” Kyle said.

“What,” I asked.

“You keep saying you’re an awful, horrible person and you’re not,” he said.

I felt my cheeks burn hot red and felt my heart skip a beat. He doesn’t think I’m a horrible person?  I want to squeal with joy, no one in their right mind wouldn’t think I’m horrible at the moment. I smiled at him and leaned up and kissed his lips, gently as if telling a secret so quiet and careful. He moved his lips against mine and began to build the passion in the kiss. I blushed feeling something…a spark… fireworks…an explosion? No…none of this can explain the passion in his kisses. I pulled him closer to me if that is possible and threw all of me into the kiss. He smiled and began to kiss back. I felt one of his hands, the one that was holding him up, now drifting down my body slowly stopping to caress some things and thing coming back up to go back over what he already touched.

I felt my body begin to tinkle with excitement and then just like that it all stopped. The thoughts running through my head, containing images of our bodies moving together under the satin sheets as one, both of us moaning and groaning in pleasure disappeared and realty hit me. I can’t do this….not until me and Carter are over. How do I stop this though? I felt his kisses begin to move from my lips to my ear. I let out a gentle moan…reality is now kicking my ass. I gently touched his chest anxiously and gently pushed him up. As soon as I did he stopped completely.

“What’s wrong,” he asked.

“We can’t do this, I have to break up with Carter before anything else happens,” I said.

He nodded solemnly and then pulled off of me and away from me. “I’m gonna go get breakfast,” He said as he walked crossed the room and over to the bathroom.

I sat up and watched him go then threw myself back don’t into the bed and pillows. Dumb ass.

 

After breakfast, and awkward morning conversation, Kyle and I were back on his motorcycle and on our way home. Of course the whole ride was silent and even if it wasn’t it would be almost impossible for either of us to hear each other especially with him going almost over the speed limit. After a long brutal drive we made it to my house and began to make our death walk to the porch where we would have questions asked and I would get yelled at. We both smiled at each other and then he watched as I reached out, grabbed the door knob and turned it. I opened the door and then slowly walked in waiting for either mom or dad to pop out yell questions…but there was nothing but the sounds of Cinnamon making her mad dash towards me from upstairs. “Where are they,” I asked out loud.

“Who,” Kyle asked.

“My parents,” I responded, “they should be running towards us, their face as red as red peppers, steam coming out of their ears, and a gun in their hands.”

Kyle’s eyes grew wide and he said, “Well, I’m glad they’re not here. I really like my head and would love to keep it for a while.”

I let out a small chuckle then turned and faced him. “You’re such a dork,” I said.

He smiled and shrugged then looked around behind me and pulled me in. “So, you like it that I am,” he said seductively.

I felt blood rush to my face and burn my cheeks. Seriously, on my front porch, in the middle of the entry way of door, with my neighbors able to-the neighbors, Carter is one of my neighbors! I quickly pushed away from him and said, “I uh gotta go do something today so I’ll talk to you later.”

He starred at me dumbfounded as I quickly shut the door and pressed my back to it. Why do I have to like him so much? I heard a familiar bark and looked and there at my feet was my cute little puppy Cinnamon. I picked her up and touched my nose to hers as a kiss and then put her back down and made my way up stairs. I have to take a shower, change, go talk to Carter, and then come home and call my parents to tell them I’m home and fine. I walked into my room, over to my dresser, and began to pull out clothes that I were comfortable and looked good on me. I pulled out the essentials, bra and underwear, then I began to look for the other things like a shirt and pants. I pulled out my blue skinny jeans with holes up and down the legs, my white spaghetti strap shirt, and lastly my black and yellow plaid button down over shirt.

I grabbed my clothes, walked across the hall, into my bathroom, and started the shower. I sat the clothes down and began to strip. I still smelt of that apartment, of Kyle, of the satin sheets. I smelt of cheater, that’s the word, cheater.  Anybody could smell it on me, anybody and everybody knows, I smell like a cheater. You know a cheater is in the mists when you can smell another person on them. I smelt like…five people when only two people’s smells are stuck on me. I leaned in and placed my hand under the pitter patter of the water. The water was perfect, not to hot, not to cold. I gently jumped into the waterfall of water and began to wash off last night. I felt…dirty, even though we only kissed and cuddled…and maybe touched some places. Images of what I wanted and what happened rushed through my head and soon I didn’t feel the water…I only felt his hands. He’s warm big hands moving along and on my body.

I shook my head of the thoughts and focused my mind on the shower. I grabbed the shampoo and began to scrub it in my hair and it wasn’t long before the images raced back in. “No, no, no, no I can’t think about that,” I told myself out loud.

The thoughts stopped and I sighed in relief. Thank god, the thoughts are gone. I quickly rinsed the shampoo out of my hair then I began to rub in the conditioner. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift slowly. Images played behind my closed eye lids. It was Carter and me sitting on a bench at school. Our hands are locked in a tight unbreakable grip and both of us just starring into one another’s eyes and then the scene changes…and suddenly it’s not Carter I’m looking at…it’s Kyle. Kyle slowly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Soon the gentle sweet kiss became passionate as he twirled his fingers into my hair and pulled me closer to him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held myself to him. The hot passionate kiss grew and grew until finally he laid me down and settled in between my legs and kept kissing me. I felt the cold tile of the shower against my back and remembered where I was and what I was doing. “God damn it! Why does he have to be so freaking hot,” I screamed out angrily into the quite bathroom and listened as it echoed. I covered my face with my hands and just let the water run down my forehead and hands then felt is it slowly raced down my arm and dripped off of my elbow and down it its watery grave below. I pushed off of the wall, finished up my shower, got out and dressed in the clothes I picked. My hair slowly began to drip down my neck and slowly down my back till a fabric wall from the clothes stopped the little raindrop of water. I grabbed my butterfly hair clip, wrapped my dripping wet hair up into a bun, and then let the claws of the butterfly clip in close on the helpless hair.

I starred at my reflection, I starred at the shine that my pale skin seemed to have, I starred at my blue eyes that seemed to be white, and watched as my face changed by the second and soon…it wasn’t me anymore…it was that depressed girl I saw a few days ago…only thing was…she changed. She looked still sad…but she had a quality…a quality that you only see on…cheaters…the wondering if people know…trying to hide the fact that she is having an affair. I touched my pale cheek and watched as she mimicked me and then I quickly let my hand drop. “No, you’re not me…I’m not you,” I said to the reflection.

The reflection smiled slightly and shook her head. It’s official…I’ve gone crazy. I turned my back to the mirror, walked out of the bathroom, and then to my bedroom to get on my computer. I walked over, picked up my flower designed laptop, carried it to my bed, and then sat down and turned it on. I watched as the computer turned on and as my desktop pulled up. I smiled at the picture. It was a picture of Carter and I on our first date…just the two of us. We were sitting at a fancy restaurant table, leaning in close, hands intertwined, and a smiled on both of our faces. I starred at it and smiled…the smile didn’t last long though…images of last night and the images I played in my head played through and soon tears fell down my face. “Cheater, cheater, cheater pumpkin pie eater! Never ever could see what she had before she lost it,” the voice in my head sang.

I quickly shut my laptop and just starred at the top of it, waiting for the guilt, the tears, the stupid voice in my head to all go away. I closed my eyes and said, “Fine you win, I’m a cheater, I’m a cheater and a pumpkin pie eater.”

The voice in my head laughed and images poured in my brain. I let the images play and waited for the voice to stop mocking me and for it to realize that I wasn’t happy with myself either and all it was doing was making it harder for me to forget and move on. Maybe that was the point of the voice, maybe it isn’t there to help me forget about this…maybe it is here to help me focus on it. Help me focus on the fact that I’m cheating, not physically but mentally, on Carter with Kyle. The voice suddenly was gone as well where the images. Finally peace and quiet, I thought as I slowly opened up the laptop again and watched as it lit up.

I glared at the image then right clicked it and clicked on personalize. Carter, we’re over! Kyle, I think I’m falling for you!

Chapter Ten: Breaking Hearts...Gaining Hearts

 

The weekend past slow as ever and of course weeks passed and Kyle said nothing about that night. We talked now and then but it seemed that the more we thought about that night the more we drifted. Of course as soon as I saw him after the weekend the thoughts came rushing back with the stupid singing voice tagging alone and singing the whole way back in my head, “Cheater, cheater pumpkin pie eater!”

Of course, Carter was more than happy that Kyle and I weren’t on talking grounds at the moment (or looking grounds). Carter doesn’t have any idea what happened…he thinks we got in a fight on our “Bet Date” as I have come known to call it. Carter now ignores the stares Kyle gives him and just hugs me and gives me the sweet, loving touch he used to give me. Of course that was good but at the same time bad, it wasn’t Carter’s sweet loving touch I craved. It wasn’t Carter’s lips that I wanted pressed against my lips. It wasn’t Carter that held me in his arms after a long night of kissing.  

It’s Kyle I see, it’s Kyle I want. I slowly walked up the hall, one foot after the other, my mind buried deep in my thoughts, and Maria ranting on and on as I walked back and forth. I crossed my arms as I kept walking and thinking and barely listening to Maria ranting. “Am I stupid for liking him!? Did I actually believe he was gonna leave his girlfriend for me!? Ugh, I feel so stupid,” she said throwing her hands up in the air in anger and finally bringing them down to grab the top of her head.

I brought one of my arms up and let my hand grab my chin and my pointer finger rest on my lips. As soon as my finger touched my lips my thoughts pulled me to that night once again, and again I felt myself crave his touch. My finger began to gentle caress the surface of my lips and I could feel every crack…every small scab. I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder. I could see that night clear as day…I could feel his arms around me…smell the scent of him and the sheets…I could still feel the burning need. “Arien, are you okay,” a small voice asked.

I opened my eyes and looked at the direction of the small voice, Maria, and asked, “Yea why?”

“You stopped walking and it sounded like you…moaned,” she said shyly.

My eyes widened in shock and then I thought over what I imagined. Okay there is a small possibility I actually moaned and it wasn’t just in my head. I rubbed the top of my nose and closed my eyes as I shook my head and kicked myself for letting my mind drift there once again. “Sorry I was just sighing,” I said hoping she bought it.

“I’ve heard you sigh and that was no sigh,” she said crossing her arms and giving me her usual I don’t believe you glare.

 “Just drop it, please Maria,” I said beginning my walk again.

“No, I’m not going to drop it. What the hell was that,” she asked in a demanding voice.

I sighed and shook my head, why can’t people just drop stuff like that. “See that was a sigh, what you did just a second ago that was…I don’t exactly know what that was.”

I began to walk faster and soon I had a place to go…soon I wasn’t just pacing back and forth up and down the dark hallways. I quickly shuffled up the hallway, turning a corner, and heading outside…with Maria close on my heels. “Where are we going? Why are you walking so fast,” Maria asked in a complaining voice.

I wanted to turn and yell at her. I wanted to yell, “We are going nowhere! I’m going somewhere to get away from you and you’re annoying questions and voice!”

I let out a breath and hoped she’d since the tension in the air and walk away…or at least pick up on my mood and realize I’m not in the mood for her fallowing me and asking me dump questions. I opened the next set of double doors and walked inside the computer area…a barely lit hallway filled with computer geeks and future professional gamers. I began to walk past another opening to further down the computer geeks domain when I heard a loud laugh…a laugh I knew very well…Kitty’s laugh. I walked down the hallway and began to listen and follow the voice. I turned a corner and there pressed against a locker was Kitty and Josh, her middle school crush, their lips locked and playing tonsil hockey.

I felt my eyes grow huge as the sight played before my eyes. What is going on here? I knew she liked him but I didn’t know he liked her back or that they were playing tonsil hockey now. I slowly backed away but felt my body press against someone else’s and as soon as I felt it I jumped and was ready to let a loud scream out but just as I was about to a strong hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm began to drag me away from the two champions playing tonsil hockey. As soon as he or she or whatever stopped dragging me I turned to face my kidnapper and give him, her, or whatever it is a piece of my mind.

I looked up to see the face of my kidnapper and found the face of Carter. “Carter what the-,” I began to say before Carter replaced his hand over my mouth.

“Hush, do you want them to hear us,” he asked.

I glared at him hoping that my anger would seek through my skin and burn him…nothing happened only I got mad enough I was willing to bite him. I pulled my face away from his hand but as soon as I did he pushed his hand against my lips again and sending my head back to hit the wall that I was now backed into. “Ow,” I muffled against his hand.

Carter leaned down and smiled at me. I kept my facial expression the same…angry. He removed his hand and leaned in more, ready to plant a kiss on my lips. I placed my hands on his chest and began to push, hoping he’d get the sign and not try. He starred down at my hands then back up at me. “May I ask, why are your hands on my chest and pushing me away,” he asked me.

“I uh,” I started to say before we heard, “Arien! Arien, where’d you go!?”

I sighed, “Maria.”

I began to push away from the wall and try to get over to Maria but a certain tall muscular boyfriend was in my way and made it impossible to move. I sighed in frustration; he’s now playing the “I’m not letting you go away” game? He couldn’t have just waited for a much better time. “Carter could you ple-,” I began to say before he covered my mouth again with his hand.

I sighed against his hand, really man, really covering my mouth again. He pressed his finger to his lips and did that hush sound only librarians make when you’re being too loud. I glared at him angrily and then looked towards where Maria probably was…around the corner…seeing Kitty and interrupting them. I let out another sigh and listened as much as possible for their voices, for footsteps, for breathing…for anything. “Maria, what are you doing here,” I heard Kitty’s voice asked in a rush.

“Oh, um well Arien and I were walking over here…then I looked away for a second and she’s gone,” Maria’s voice answered.

I rolled my eyes, we weren’t walking here, I was walking and she was following like a lost puppy dog. “Well, she’s got to be around her somewhere,” Kitty’s voice said, reassuring her.

I glared up at Carter as he kept starring in the direction of their voice dumb struck. I began to gentle struggle, hoping to break the hold he had but all I did was make him tighten his grip more. I poked my tongue out and let it gentle touch his hand, making him drop his hand immediately and let out a loud disgusted sound and stare at me with an expression that said, “How dare you lick my hand!”

I began to quickly move away before he could catch up to me and made a mad dash outside. I heard the door shut behind me, so far so good. I kept going, probably running from the boyfriend doesn’t look good but anyone would do it if they were in my position. I made it past the choir building, not too far away, and pressed my back to the northern wall. No sign of Carter coming after me, time for me to take a deep breath and just relax. “Hey, sneaky,” a familiar voice said.

I looked and standing to the left of me, in peoples view, is Kyle. I stared at him in shock, shock of both him being there and the fact he was talking to me, and watched as he slowly stepped closer to me. “Kyle, why are you talking to me,” I asked.

“Why not,” he asked smiling his boyish smile.

I couldn’t help but smile back. Kyle always brought a smile to my face and always warmed my heart. He opened his arms and smiled as he asked, “Don’t I get a hug?”

I smiled and shook my head and said, “Why should I hug you?”

I saw that boyish cute smile keep its boyish charm but slowly turn it a seductive smile, a smile that would melt any girls heart. He leaned in both of his hands pressed against the wall on either side of my head. He slowly leaned in, the smile still spread across his face, as he said, “Why not?”

I kept smiling up at him but slowly felt myself begin to chew on my bottom lip. He gentle cupped my check and let his thumb gentle caress my bottom lip. “You know you shouldn’t do that, right?”

“Maybe, but it helps me calm down,” I said.

“Why do you need to calm down? Do I make you…nervous?” He asked leaning in closer.

I felt myself gulp as I starred up at him. “No, why? Should I be nervous?”

He smiled and chuckled darkly at me. “You’d think I’d have a response to that…but all I’ve got is…”

He began to lean in, letting his sentence hang in the air. I could feel his lips began to inch closer to mine. “No, not here, not at school where everyone can tell him,” I thought. I could feel my eyes want to close, my lips want to be compressed with his, my body want to be crushed by him. I rested my hands on his chest and waited till he leaned up a bit and as soon as he did I wrapped my arms around him and began to hug him. At least this way I can be close to him without technically being a cheater. “Cheater, cheater pumpkin pie eater. Never knew all she had till it all disappeared on her,” the voice sang.

“What the hell! I’m not cheating,” I said between clinched teeth.

“Arien, calm down. I know you’re not cheating, you’re not a cheater,” Kyle said wrapping his arms around me and holding me close to him.

I could feel tears begin to boil up from the very depths of my being and listened as the song singing in my head grew louder and louder. Kyle pulled me away from his body then leaned down to look in my eyes. “Arien, stop calling yourself a cheater. You’re not cheating, you’re not a cheater. I know that, you know that.” He said.

I nodded solemnly and starred down at the ground. We stood there for a long awkward moment, me wanting to say so much, but unable to get the words out; unwilling to deal with the consequences on what I decided to do with my feelings for him. “Well, I’m gonna go, maybe I’ll see you around,” he said as he began to walk away.

“Kyle, wait!” I called after he was a few feet away from me.

He looked back at me, with a look that says he knows what I want to say and he wants me to say it, he wants me to just throw all caution to the wind and just do it. “I…I…I’ll…text you later,” I said, feeling my heart grow heavy with want.

Kyle smiled a disappointed smile and nodded and then continued on his way. I watched him go and then let a tear slip out. I want to tell him, I need to tell him. I wiped the tear away and turned my vision from him. I starred around the corner back over in the direction I had come from, feeling I had to end it all…now. I slowly crept my way towards the door, I’m going to do this, I’m going to look Carter straight in the face and say, “I’m done, we’re done. Don’t ever, ever talk to me again, you selfish, egotistical, dick face of an ass-hole!”

I pulled the door open and as soon as I saw him I felt the anger in me grow and then I knew, I can do this, nothing can stop me. I walked up to him and as soon as I was up, close and personal I said, “You son-of-a-bitch! How dare you bet a date with me with Kyle! How dare you treat me like I’m nothing but crap! How dare you think that I’m just gonna sit here and take it while you just keep trying to only get in my pants. I’m done, we’re done! If you ever come near me again I swear I will feed you your own testicles you neurotic, vain ass hole!”

Carter stared at me for several seconds, in disbelief of what had just happened. I gentle pushed him then made my way out of that area of the school. Now call me Supreme Bitch, the biggest bitch that has ever lived. “Cheater, cheater pumpkin-,” the voice began to sang till I jumped in with, “Oh shut the hell up.”

 

“Well that concludes today class so au revoir,” Mrs. Mustun said as everyone streamed out of the class and towards their transportation home.

I stood by my desk quickly stuffing the rest of my stuff into my backpack and then shuffling towards the entrance of the door. I could feel almost every pair of eyes on me as I stepped out of the French 101 class. It was no secret that I had dumped Carter two weeks ago and in the most rudest of ways. It also was no secret that I had gone through the stages of not taking him back; which involved burning all things he gave or left at my house, giving him a “I hate you stare” every time I see him, and spending all times I have with my guy friends, flirting and socializing more than I did when I was with Carter. Of course I only flirted with one guy friend in particular, Kyle. Of course though that night after Carter and I broke up and I couldn’t wait any longer to reveal my feelings for Kyle to Kyle he had found a new girl.

She apparently was just like me, only difference was she never attempted to cheat on a boyfriend with Kyle. I sighed as I gathered up myself and began to look through my jean pockets for my keys. My family couldn’t be happier that I had dumped Carter and that now I was single but ready to date anybody, well anybody that I thought fit what I wanted. Sadly, the only guys that asked me out where the ones always trying to get into a girls pants and always cheated; besides there is only one boy I see fit for me, and he’s taken. I fished around in my left pocket for a while then my left, nothing. Where the hell did I put my keys? I fished in my back pocket and heard a jingle. “Bingo,” I said as I pulled out my keys.

As soon as my keys were in my hand I jumped into the stream of people heading in the same direction as me. Well as soon as I get home I have to get started on the poster I have to do for my Pre-AP English class. I’ve just gotta figure out what exactly to do for the layout. I began to think it out as I made my way for the entrance of the school. “Hey seductive goddess, whatcha doing walking all alone,” someone beside me asked.

I looked and laughed as I saw Mike smiling down at me. “No one wants to walk with a seductive goddess, it’s kinda intimidating,” I joked.

Mike smiled and began to full out laugh as we kept walking; now slowly inching closer and closer to the entrance door. “Well than its got to be hard for such a seductive goddess as yourself.”

I gentle tapped Mark’s arm and pushed. “Okay mister charming why are you suddenly flirting with me. You haven’t talked to me ever since that one time during summer,” I said starring at him accusingly.

He shrugged and smiled his charming smile. Mikes very charming; charming good looks, charming smile, and charming actions. The only thing not charming about him is his personality, he’s kind of…vain. Mike put his arm around me and smiled, “How about I walk you to your car?”

“Don’t you have to catch a bus,” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“Nope, I have to stay after school for JROTC,” he said.

“Oh, well I guess you can if you want.”

Mike smiled and put his arm out in an escorting way. I starred at the arm then up at him. “Come on, I don’t bite,” he said smiling his brilliant smile.

“I beg to differ, you bet me in middle school,” I said.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry I bet you,” he said smiling.

I laughed then put my arm in his and let him lead me towards the entrance. As we kept walking and inching our way closer to the entrance Mike and I began to remember our middle school years together. We talked about the lunches we spent together, the days in the morning when he’d see me head facing the ground marching to my first class like a good soldier, and then the day where Terri dragged me across the commons passed him and he gave me a hug trying to keep her from pulling me any further along, of course he failed but still was funny. We finally reached the entrance and pushed our way through. Mike starred at me with his huge charming smile then he began to laugh. I’ve heard Mike laugh, but this laugh was like he was hearing a very good comedian do standup. “What’s so funny,” I asked.

“What you’re wearing, I didn’t realize till now what the shirt says,” he responded.

I glanced down at myself, nothing funny to me. I had my black t-shirt that said, “Wanna lick,” black, ripped skinny jeans, my brown knee length converse, and my rabbit jacket. “Okay, I don’t see what’s funny but whatever makes a smile on your face,” I said shrugging.

Mike began to laugh harder, so hard it made him completely stop moving and bend over in laughter. I stared at him eyes wide open waiting for him to responded. After a long minute of his full hearted laughter he stood completely back up then pointed to my shirt and said, “Wanna lick? Sounds like you want something.”

I stared down at my shirt and then began to laugh. Wow I can’t believe I missed that. “Well I don’t want anything from you,” I said making may way out of the school and now towards the student parking.

Mike trailed behind me arms now open as he asked, “What? Why? What, am I not good enough to satisfy you?”

I began to laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed before and I stared at Mike with my innocent smile and said, “Maybe.”

“Well, like they say with food, don’t hate it till you try it.”

I could feel the blood rush to my face as I shook my head and starred at him in shock. Did that just come out of his mouth? Did he just say I shouldn’t say no to him and I should try doing him? I shook my head and let a nervous embarrass giggle come out as I stared at him unsure of what to say. “Come on, just admit it you want me,” he said.

I began to this time full out laugh as I said, “Yea, whatever. I think your ego is getting too big for your head.”

Mike looked at me dumbstruck at first then began to lightly chuckle and shake his head. We made our way cross to the student parking lot and watched as student’s hauled ass out of and off of the school property. I watched as one of my friends began to back up and begin to turn towards the exit. She pulled up beside up in her new Ford truck, a glossy black truck. She rolled down her window, leaned out and said, “Hey, you guys. Watcha guys doing over here?”

She had her glossy black hair braided off to the side, her chocolate brown eyes covered in mascara, eyeliner, and white eye shadow, she had on the bright white t-shirt I got her for her birthday and the gold chain necklace her ex-gave her as a farewell present. Mike smiled up and I could see the wheels in his head begin to turn. I quickly brought my hand up and covered his mouth and said, “Mark, here, is walking me to my car.”

She began to laugh, probably at my reaction to him beginning to open his mouth. “What? You afraid he’s gonna say something wrong?”

I nodded, “You kidding me? I’m amazed no girl has slapped him across the face, but that can change very quickly.”

Mark’s eyes widened at me and Julian and I began to laugh. “Well, see ya’ girly.”

We watched as Julian pulled out of the parking lot and made her way home. I let my hand covering his mouth drop and I smiled innocently as him, pretty much saying, “You know you love me.”

Mike wrapped one of his arms around my shoulder and began to lead me on towards my little green Toyota. I remember when mom and I got in my first car accident in that car, I remember I went forward and hit my head on the windshield, hit it so hard that there was a nice big crack. Thanks to my new dad and my grandpa they fixed it up and gave it to me as soon as I got my driver’s license. I still remember the bits and pieces of the car lying on the ground. At least it wasn’t as bad as…Terry and Jacie.

The car began to spin, faster and faster it went. I could feel the glass from Jacie’s side of the car rain on both of us and I could hear the screams of not only me but of Jacie and Terry. The car began to slow down it spinning then before any of us could laugh in relief that we all were okay another car hit and sent us flying up in the air doing flips. Jacie and Terry began to scream louder, while I began to cry in complete and total fear. Why tonight? Why right now? I felt the car land but continue to flip. I could hear the sounds of more glass breaking, I could feel the stinging pain of something going through my arm. I let out a yelp of pain and heard sounds that…were unnatural…sound of something wet ripping…bloody screams.

The car flipped on to the top and skidded for a few seconds before it stopped and allowed us to take a breath. I could feel my blood, maybe some of the other girls’ blood, dripping down my face and I could feel my eyes become heavy and unwilling to stay open. I fought to keep them open, I have to check on Terry and Jacie. I looked at how I could get out of my seat without causing too much harm, I barely moved and a sharp pain feeling rang through my body. I looked and there through my right arm and right shoulder was a rod. I starred at the rod, eyes wide open, and fear deep within the pit of my stomach. What do I do? What do I do? I slowly leaned forward and as the rod began to slowly leave the captivity of my arm I let out a scream, a loud scream that even surprised me. As soon as the rods were out I unbuckled my seat as soon as I could and fell, head first, to the ground.

I laid there for several seconds before beginning to look at and for Terry and Jacie. I looked first over at the seat, the now empty seat, were Jacie had sat. No sign of her. I looked in the back and saw Terry…bloody, mangled Terry. I felt tears well up in my eyes; Terry, my best friend, is dead. I starred at the rod that was just through my arm and shoulder…it had gone through Terry’s heart. I starred at her bloody body and felt more tears fall out of my eyes. Why Terry? Why? I slowly turned and crawled out of my window, I have to find Jacie; she has to be alive, she can’t be dead. As soon as I was out I began to push myself up but found myself falling back to the ground. I laid on the cement and starred at the front of the upside down car that I had been driving. How could this have been happening? I gasped as I saw the body of Terry…gently shaking.

 

“Hey dreamy come back to the planet Earth so I can get you home,” Mike said.

I blinked my eyes and then looked at him, dazed at what had just happened. I looked and realized I had stopped dead in my tracks and we were almost to my car. I had also realized that we were just a few inches away from where we had been. “How’d you get me over here,” I asked.

“I was pushing you, I would have made it further but the closer we got to your car the more you struggled so I decided to just bring ya’ back to earth and then we could continue walking to your car,” he stated.

I starred and him and slowly nodded then looked over at my car. That night was the worst night of my life, I had lost a friend…I had lost two friends…and nothing would bring them back. I brought my hand up to touch my check and I felt a stream of tears, I was crying. I sighed and continued the rest of the way to my car. The closer we got the more my arm and shoulder hurt, the more I wanted to fall to my knees and cry, the more I just wanted to die from the regret and quilt. We reached the car and we stood there for an awkward second waiting for someone to say goodbye, waiting for someone to speak….waiting for me to break down again.

I looked at Mike and pasted on a simple grin, a grin that said, “I’m fine,” a grin that told a million lies. Mike wrapped both of his arms around me and pulled me tight against him and began to sway back and forth. “You don’t need to lie to me, I know you were close to them, and I know the regret kills you every day,” Mike whispered against my forehead.

I let a silent sob and shake slip out then quickly regained control of myself, not now, not here. Mike looked down at me and watched as I whipped the tears away and began to push on him, trying to get as much distance as I could. As soon as I had an arms length of distance I quickly unlocked my car…or at least tried. My hands kept shaking uncontrollable and soon the keys that I was using to unlock my car fell to the cement. “God damn it,” I whispered in a shaky breath.

I bent down to pick them up until a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back up to stand straight. “You need to stop pushing me away…you need to stop pushing everyone who cares about you away,” Mike said.

“I don’t push people away.”

“Arien, you do. Everyone sees you do it and everyone knows how hard it was for you.”

“No one…knows or can…understand…how hard that night was for me…no one!”

Mike starred at me with hurt held in his eyes and I could feel the down spiral of guilt. Why do I have to be such a good person? “Sorry,” I said in a hushed whisper.

He starred at me hurt still in his eyes….what could I say? No one would really know what I’ve been through when that night happened...no one could ever understand the pain I feel without going through that night. I’ve never been the type to rant on and on with my problems, I usually sat and listened while others complained about their problems. But now, I still don’t complain about my life but if someone should happen to say their life sucks, without missing a beat, I usually begin to describe that night…and that’s when not just rumors but thoughts and feelings began to race around the school. Some people saying I planned the whole thing, that I wanted my two best friends dead. Others say that Terry or Jacie was driving and that I just leaned on their side and tried to take control of the car. Mostly people go with the ‘I wanted them dead’ story.

Everyone at the school hates my guts, everyone at the school wished that I had been the one to die not Terry and Jacie…that I was the one with the rod through my heart. Everyone except my friends…well most of my friends; Allen stopped being my friends after that, Ashley disappeared (causing a whole new set of rumors), and Peter decided I was Satan or something.

The only friends I have are either back stabbers talking behind my back, gossip seekers reminding me everyday why I hate my life, and the rest are very decent but also like to remind me what has happened but they at least apologize for it later. Except Mark, he thinks it’s unfair for everyone to apologize for making me see the truth, making me look back and try to find where I went wrong. I knew where I went wrong, everyday that moment plays in my head a thousand times over and over and finally over again. I have no relief…no escape.  “Arien, why do you intend to keep me as a friend?”

“What?”

“I’m asking you why do you keep me as a friend, I do nothing but give you headaches, don’t I?” Mike asked.

I sighed, “Mark, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what? I’m simply just asking you questions and trying to get answers.”

“No, this is how you get me to lead you into the main topic you like to go over with everyone in a crisis. Where I went wrong? Well, you wanna know where I went wrong? Fine I’ll tell you; I went wrong when I grabbed the keys to the car and I decided that I knew how to drive. I went wrong when I pulled myself into the driver’s seat, buckled up, and turned on the car. I went wrong when I looked at Terri and Jacie and decided that I was good enough that I could risk not only my life but there’s, and now this is my repayment for it…this is my consequence. I have to live everyday knowing I killed my best friends just because I made the stupid mistake of thinking I knew what I was doing. That is where I went wrong.”

I opened my car door, climbed in, and started up my car. There is no way in HELL I am staying to hear is response and no way I’m going to stay to have him go over everything I said. I put the car in reverse and began to quickly back up out of the parking spot I had picked. I turned the car so I’d turn straight out of the parking area for students and pressed on the gas; no way I’m going to look back.

 

I pulled up into the driveway and starred at the house as my car slowly crept up to it. As it did my mind raced about all the things that have happened. I never liked thinking over the day but this time it just felt right to. The only difference here was I wasn’t just thinking about today, I was thinking about the past weeks. The moments between me and Kyle, me breaking up with Carter, Kyle getting a girlfriend; it just seemed like every move I made sent me deeper into problems I never ever wanted. I pulled up to the top of the driveway, put my car in park, then got out and made my way towards the front door. I made it up the first step of the porch before I snapped my fingers and turned around. “Ops, almost forgot my bag,” I thought.

I jumped off the step then walked over towards the passenger side door, opened it, and pulled out my bag. As I did I heard the sound of items falling out of my bag and hitting the bottom of the car. I bent over and gathered all the stuff that fell. My makeup, my pencil bag, some papers, and finally my phone that I forgot I had put in my bag. I stuffed everything back in my bag then turned and went face first into a chest. I took a step back and looked at the face of the chest that I had just bumped into. It was Kyle’s chest; Kyle’s big, broad, muscular chest that I had just ran into.

“Well hello there, this is such a small world bumping into you here,” Kyle said smiling down at me with his boyish smile.

I smiled up at him and said, “Yes it’s so strange for you to bump into me at MY house.”

He smiled and nodded then said, “Well what can I say I wanted to talk to you and not at school, somewhere more casual and free.”

I smiled and nodded, “Yes and my house is the best free casual spot around. So what do you need to talk about?”

“About what’s happened to you and me…to us.”

“Well it’s kind of late to talk about that since you’ve got a girlfriend now,” I said.

Mike smiled and laughed, “Well doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it.”

I’m sorry but in my mind it does. I crossed my arms and put all my weight on one of my legs and starred at him waiting for him to either start or change the subject. “Okay well here I go, just hear me out,” damn it, “we could’ve been something special and…maybe…we still can be.”

My eyes grew wide; is he really talking about this? Is he really talking about us…getting…together?

Chapter Eleven: Making a Decision

 

“Uh…Kyle you have a girlfriend,” I said.

“Yea but I mean we aren’t going to last forever, it’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything. I’m just asking you to just hang around till me and her are over and when we are you and I can…be together.”

I stared at him in disbelief, he is really talking about us…getting together. I threw the bag over one shoulder, pushed past him, then made my way to the door. “Hey, what’s your answer?” He asked, smiling a cocky smiling.

That smile just admitted that he thought that I was just going to say, “Yea, sure I’ll wait for months on end or so waiting for you to end things with this girl of yours. Sure I’ll wait,” well he’s got another thing coming. “I’ll think about it,” I said.

Oh I’m such an idiot. Kyle smiled and watched as I walked into my house and shut the door behind me; time to go over my options.

 

I opened my eyes to the burning sun shining on them and the sound of arguing back and forth. Great mom and Mark are arguing again. I curled into a ball and turned on my side then reclosed my eyes and tried to drift back to sleep. It’s been about four maybe five weeks since Kyle came to me with the proposal of us getting together. I told him I’d think about it, and since then no change as accord with their relationship. Neither with his rapid and excessive asking for my answer; what could I say? I don’t know what I want, I want him but…he’s got a girlfriend and it’s wrong to just throw her to the side just because now I want him.

I let out another sigh then turned on my back and starred up at the ceiling. Well, I could just tell him to screw off and focus on his present girl and just to forget me but…I’m too selfish. I’m not as Mrs. Goodie-Goodie as everyone has me as, I have a selfish, evil, neurotic side that once in a while likes to just take a hold and make me screw up my life. This is the once chance I have to keep it inside and keep my life on the best track. But still…it’s Kyle…but then again I should take in consideration that he’s willing to break up with this sweet girl, who I’ve heard is madly in love with him, just for me…a girl with nothing but bad karma and self esteem issues. Well, I guess here’s my chance to tell him what’s what and what’s not.

I can tell him for once and for all to just ignore me…to just move on. Since it’s the weekend I can call him over or go over to his place, sit down with him, and tell him straight up that he should just stay with what’s her name. I starred at my phone for the longest of moments…pondering what could happen if I just didn’t tell him any answer, if I just act like he never asked, like he and I are just going to stay friends. It would save our friendship and this poor girl who’s just falling for the right person at the wrong time. I guess this is also just a wakeup call for me. Sophomore guys and freshmen guys aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship and I should just tell all who ask that are in that grade group hell no.

I mean, look at Carter, he’s a sophomore but he couldn’t handle our relationship and now Kyle can barely handle our friendship. Maybe I just need to stay away from guys period just until I have my mind made up of what I want. What am I talking about!? I’m a sophomore in high school, no high school girl think about this kind of stuff until she’s out of high school and seriously thinking of getting married and settling down! God, I’m going crazy. I might as well just follow my gut and my gut says…I’m hungry. I rolled out of bed then made my way downstairs to get breakfast and start my boring weekend.

I stepped down each step lazily and used all my focus to keep from stumbling and rolling down the stairs; then again that wouldn’t be so bad, everyone would get what they want. I began to stretch and yawn as I stepped the bottom step and turned the corner towards the kitchen. Before I could even begin to think over which breakfast to have or which cereal would be the best I heard my name. I looked and standing in the doorway was Mark. I stared at him in confusion and shock then asked, “What are you doing here, Mark?”

“Well, I asked Kitty where you lived. I see that I’ve been a bit of a jerk to you,” I starred him giving him my ‘bit of a jerk?’ stare, “Okay, okay a big jerk face who deserves to get his butt whopped from here to....Canada.”

I laughed, okay that sounds better. “But you have to know I have the best intention in mind. I just don’t like seeing you in so much pain and in such misery that…it looks like just breathing kills you,” he said.

Glad to see someone notices that I feel guilty. “Well, you know, guilt is the best punishment for the guilty,” I said sighing and making sure not to make eye contact.

Mike had the insane ability to just read people by just looking in the eyes and right now I’d rather keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. “Arien, please look at me. I know you don’t like me ‘reading’ you as you and everyone likes to put it,” well there’s nothing else that fits it so perfectly, “but I need to make sure you’re okay before I say anything else. I’d rather you be of sound mind and feelings before I let another word slip out.”

I closed my eyes and looked up at him hoping I hid it well enough that maybe I have a chance he’ll see just the bitter sweet lie that I keep putting on my face. He sighed, “Just like I feared. You’re not of sound mind or anything which means we have to do this in private and walking.”

I laughed, “Walking? Do you see what time it is?”

“Yea, it’s practically noon,” he said starring at our ancient clock hanging on the wall.

“What,” I looked back at the cock in shock, “Damn I need to get up sooner.”

Mike laughed then said, “How about you get dressed then you and I can go for a walk and talk.”

I looked down at myself, forgetting that I had just woken up. I had on my spaghetti strap white tank top and my plaid green and white shorts. Better than what I usually wear to bed. I nodded then headed back upstairs to get dressed and readyfor our “Talk Walk”.

 

“So, before I talk about what I really wanna talk about we need to talk about the car accident,” Mike said.

“Wow, talk was used a lot in that sentence, “I said, trying to break the tension that seemed to cloud us.

Since the months and weeks have passed so have the seasons we slipped out of summer, slid into fall, and now we’ve falling into winter, cold bitter winter, perfect season for how my life is going; cold, bitter, lonely, dying. And of course switching seasons means switching styles of clothing. Everyone went from flip flops, shorts, and sleeve-less shirts to snow boots, heavy pants, and long sleeved shirts. Mike had on his usual jeans, his favorite Bleach anime shirt, and his long jacket that goes all the way down to the back of his heels. He also has on his usual skater shoes that seem to break down every single day. He also had on his new woolen beanie.

I had on my new jean skirt, my new black wool leggings, my black fur snow boots, and my favorite wool jacket that luckily has a hoodie. I also had on my beanie but mine isn’t woolen like mister fancy pants’ but mine still good. “Ha, yea what can I say I love word, “ Mike joked.

I smiled at him for joking back and not making me feel like such a pathetic loser with my lame attempts to break tension and then said, “Okay so I guess you should start it since you know what exactly you wanna know.”

“Right, um, okay so…what…happened?” Mike asked.

The question that I couldn’t answer exactly…the question that I’d feared since it happened. “Um…I guess I got distracted, we were listening to the radio singing, getting ready for karaoke. Terri was singing off pitch on purpose to throw me off and make me mad, “I let out a chuckle at the memory and then sighed from what came next, “and then they hit us. They said we came out of nowhere and they couldn’t stop in time. They hit us from Jacie’s side, passenger side, and sent us spinning and glass showering us. We stopped after a few seconds or so and as soon as we did…I remember feelings…happy. Happy that it was over and we could just laugh about it the rest of the way. Then…the other driver came,” a tear slipped out as it remember the rest.

 

I saw Jacie’s body continue to shake and tremble uncontrollably it seemed. I began to slowly crawled to her, for some reason unable to stand or do anything else. I felt my arm sting and my head ache, I could feel tears falling down and hitting the cuts that were on my face, their pain masked by my arm and heart. I finally made it to Jacie and starred down at her. Her face…it was…completely destroyed. I could barely recognize her. Oh god, don’t be Jacie. “Jacie,” I asked my voice shaky from pain and fear.

“Arien,” she said her voice shaky as well and tears coming out of what I guess to be her eyes, “Is Terri okay?”

I began to sob as I spoke, “No…she’s dead.”

“Oh god,” she sobbed.

Her body kept shaking and trembling and I could see the color leave her visual undestroyed skin. “Arien, I can’t breathe, I can’t…I can’t…,” Jacie gasped.

“Jacie, don’t you DARE die on me! We’re gonna be okay! We’re gonna go to the karaoke place and sing and laugh….please just don’t leave me,” I sobbed.

I could see Jacie’s life slowly slip and I could since the end coming. I picked up her mangled body and held it close to mine. “Jacie, don’t leave me! Jacie,” I screamed.

I could feel her last breath leave her body and feel her body go limp. “No! Jacie, no,” I continued screaming and sobbing.

Why? Why!? My two best friends…dead…and only me to blame; I stared down at Jacie then at the people now coming to surround us. “Jacie, please….come back…please,” I whispered as I snuggled my face into her neck and continued to sob.

 

“Wow,” Mike said as we turned the corner onto the next street, Madison Blvd.

“Yea…the police told me later that the driver that hit us last was drunk…he survived and fled from the scene, not wanting to face the mistake he made,” I said.

“Did the police charge you,” he asked.

I nodded solemnly, “Yep, my parents had to pay a hefty fine and even then I had to spend a few days doing community service, which wasn’t a big deal; I do have one punishment and it’s for life.”

“What‘s that,” he asked.

“Knowing I could have saved them, they could be still alive here with us if it weren’t for me,” I said. 

Mike shook his head and stopped walking completely. “Arien, you need to stop blaming yourself for this, no matter who was driving, you guess probably still would have been in a car accident. He was going towards you guys and there’s nothing you could’ve done.”

I sighed, why couldn’t I just accept it? He’s right, no matter what the drivers would have still gone in their path, they still would have hit us…the only difference would be a different person would live...whoever was driving. I looked at him and nodded, not wanting to press the matter any further than must. “Are you good?” He asked.

I looked him straight in the eye and nodded, this time not a complete lie. He smiled and pulled me in for a hug, I wouldn’t and couldn’t deny him a hug, and I needed one from what had happened and what was happening. I could feel him smile and began to pull back so I could look up at him. He had a smile I’ve seen whenever I’ve been sad around him, the big brother smile that cheered me up and made me feel safe. “Well now I will move on to the subject I want to discuss with you,” he said as he repositioned himself and me so now we walked side by side, one of his arms around my shoulders and the other stuffed in his jacket pocket.

“Okay what is it you’d like to discuss,” I asked.

“You and Kyle and Carter,” he said.

I sighed, “Okay get on with it then.”

“So, I know you and Carter broke up already but I also know Kyle’s got the hots for ya’ and I know you’ve got the hots for him…but I also know he’s dating someone. I’ve got to know are you his mistress or something?”

I laughed, “No, Mike I’m not his mistress or anything, we’re just friends and yea I like him and yea he may like me but he has a girlfriend and that’s a fact so until something happens there then nothing can happen between him and me.”

He smiled and said, “Okay, good because here’s my next question. I know you’ve liked me since seventh grade and I’ve kind of liked you since eighth,” oh huge difference their sparky, “so…how’s about you and I…give it a try?”

I looked at him, “If you are trying to ask me out please don’t say, ‘give it a try.’ Come on, you’re asking a girl out not talking yourself into doing a sport.”

He laughed, “Okay then. Arien, will you please go out with me?”

I smiled, “Okay that’s better.”

“That’s your answer, ‘that’s better,’ that’s not what I wanna hear. It’s not like your shopping and telling a girl what looks better on her than what she’s already wearing. Give me a straight answer, “he laughed.

I sighed and starred down at the ground. “I don’t know Mike I mean, I’ve kind of think I should date someone a bit more mature.”

“Oh come on I’m mature,” he said.

I laughed, “Um…can you let me think on it?”

“Yea….I guess,” he said sighing.

I smiled and touched his arm and after a few seconds we went back to walking and randomly talking adventuring off into unknown topics.

 

After our walk, Mike walked me home and he went back home to go do something, he didn’t really tell me. We were walking for the whole day pretty much so I went home and just settled in to do what I normally do on the weekends…play video games. I walked into my study room, pulled out my games, and began to the long process of picking something to play for the rest of the day. I starred between Assassin’s Creed II and Dragon Age: Origins. Both were good, both were fun…but I felt more like a sneaky assassinating killing than a sword fight killing. I pulled out the game gently from its case then turned on my Play Station Three and began the game. Of course, I already beat the game so I was just randomly running around doing good and a few mercy killings on some guards.

I jumped from roof top to roof top hoping to god he’d grab the ledge and not let go, if he did we’d be as flat as pancakes. We jumped…we made it. He climbed down the edge and wiggled our way around the building to the other side. I pushed the right buttons and without warning he jumped off to the side and fell to his death. “You’ve got to be kidding me! The edge was right there dumb butt! God, can someone be so stupid,” I screamed at the game.

Okay so I have some anger management problems, that’s why I play games. It helps relieve the anger. I threw the controller on my bed then walked out of my study room. “I need a break from you, stupid game,’ I muttered as I walked down the hall towards the staircase. I got to the living room then looked out the living room window to see that rain that apparently was showering our whole neighborhood. It wasn’t soft and a few drops here and there, it was pouring.  I smiled and walked over towards the window to open it. I love the smell of rain; it always calmed me and makes me feel safe. As I opened it I heard the sound of my name being called. I listen to the voice to make sure I was right. “Arien, Arien! Get your butt out here I need to talk to you!”

Yep, and the voice sounds oddly familiar. I walked out onto the porch and looked out into the rain there standing almost at the end of the drive way was Kyle. I quickly jumped from the top of the porch to the drive way then ran towards him. Kyle had on his black tight t-shirt, his black tight jeans, and his black converse. I wonder what he’s doing out here in the rain? I finally reached him and starred up at him squinted my eyes to protect them from the raindrops that splattered onto my face and the top of my head. “Kyle, what are you doing here?” I asked trying to speak over the rain.

“I came to talk to you,” he said kind of angrily.

This doesn’t sound good, “Okay about what?”

“What the hell!? You haven’t even answered me yet and there you go telling Mike that you need time to think over if you’ll date him or not! What about my damn answer,” he yelled angrily.

“Well I think me telling him that is your answer,” I yelled back angrily.

“What if I don’t like the answer!? What if I want a different answer!?”

“To damn bad, you’re with someone he’s not!”

“I’m not gonna be with her forever, I’ll break up with her if you just say yes!”

“That’s why I don’t want to say yes, I don’t want you to break that poor girl’s heart!”

“Well you’re breaking my heart,” he said harshly.

“Oh poor mister charming, who can get any girl he wants but he can’t get the poor low self esteem challenged girl that he likes playing with!”

“What do you mean I like playing with,” he said.

I stepped closer to him and pointed my finger at him, “You know what I mean! You play with my feelings, make me feel like you want me then you pull away or do something that says you don’t!”

He starred at me then leaned in close to me and asked, “When have I done that?”

“When you stopped talking to me after that weekend,” I yelled, my teeth gritted together, and finger that was pointing at him now at my side.

He starred at me in serious thinking, he must not have seen it that way but it was too late I said it and I meant it. “I wasn’t playing with your feelings then I was dealing with my own. Never in my life have I ever, ever had feelings for someone that much. Never have I wanted to be with someone in that way that badly.”

I stared at him, unable to speak or find the words to say. “Arien….I….I…I love you,” he said starring at me.

My eyes grew wide and I felt myself just float out of myself and looked down at us. Me standing there surprised and unable to find words him standing there waiting for my response. “It’s obvious this was just a mistake, I’m leaving.”

His back faced me as he slowly walked away...not even checking to see if I was still there or still breathing. I ran up after him and wrapped my arms around his tall figure and cried into his back, “Don’t leave me!!"

“Give me a reason not to,” he said.

“I….I…I love you!”

“It’s too late for that,” he said as he pushed me off of him and he walked away.

I watched him walk down the road then turn I watched for a bit longer hoping he’d turn and come back. I gave up after I saw his tall dark figure disappear into the veil of the rain; I made my way slowly up the drive way, my heart aching as bad as it did when I saw Terri and Jacie dead. I finally admitted my feelings for him and he throws it in my face and says, ‘It’s not good enough.’ Why must I love the jerks? Why can’t I fall for one decent good guy? I felt tears pour out of my eyes and my knees become weak…I wanted to fall to the ground and just cry…cry my eyes out and forget about life. I wanted to just…die. My heart is gone now, my lungs won’t accept air…there’s no point to life.

“Arien,” I heard a voice call.

I turned and running towards me was Kyle. What he wasn’t done breaking my heart? He was a few feet away and began to just walk now, strolling. I closed my eyes took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. For him to just take whatever he wanted from me. I felt warm hands on my cheek and before I could open my eyes and look at him I felt his lips pressed against mine violently. I was frozen in shock and tense with the preparation of him yelling and ripping the rest of me to shreds. He felt both of his hands moved from my cheeks down to around my waist. Before I could even understand why my arms locked around his neck and I began to kiss him back. There was no going back, there was no turning around. We admitted to each other our feelings…we looked into each other’s eyes, even though anger was filled in them, and screamed we loved one another.

I wanted this but at the same time I felt like something wasn’t right…something was off. I pushed the thoughts away and continued to kiss him. I felt him grip my back and begin to kiss from my lips to my neck. I let my neck roll back and allow him more access. This is what I always wanted…this moment…and it’s here…finally…it’s here. I closed my eyes and enjoyed ever second, every precious moment. I suddenly heard a loud blood curtailing scream and realized…it was coming from my. I felt something painfully puncturing my neck. I let out another scream and then blackness took a hold.

Excerpt: Bite Me

 

      I could feel the awkward silence feel the cave as we starred at one another from opposite sides of the room; my left arm grasping my right wrist, my left leg placed as delicatly as possible behind my right, and my face a blank stare - or as much of a blank stare as I could make. I could feel part of me beg for him to give up on his angry, stubborn ways of torturing me...but part of me liked that he was doing this - I guess for that part it showed that he still cared...then again if he didn't care for me why was he risking so many lives to keep me safe. I let my eyes drift around the cave for a certain point to veix on and be almost mesmorized on. I searched, my eyes strainging in the darkness, and found myself dazed by two brigh lights directly across from me. I glued my eyes on the points and watched them with full appreciation and amuzment that I have when looking at some art. I sighed, feeling almost safe when starring at the points, almost as if though he wasn't in the room with me...as if he wasn't here blocking my quick exit.

          "Are my eyes that interesting," he said

          I felt myself jump and a gasp come out as I mentally began to kick myself, "Oh no, I'm sorry just...your eyes glow...it's - well strange."

          I saw a slight nudge of lines in the dark - him shrugging probably -, "Comes with the territory."

          I leaned completly back on the cave wall, feeling small little point parts of the wall begin to poke my back, and continued to watch him. "Arien, you don't have to alienate me. I mean, we are friends, right?"

          I shrugged, "I guess, I mean...I'm not completly sure after all that's happened. To tell the truth I'm even amazed by the fact I can be in the same room with you right now."

          "Oh because you want me so much," he said.

          I chuckled, "Someones cocky now aren't they?"

          "Come on Arien, you already have told me how I make you feel," he said.

          "I'd never tell you how you make me feel," I said, rolling my eyes at him.

          "You just did. We all pay attention to small little details such as your frequent moving, your diolated eyes, and your frequent searching," he said, his small accent like a choculate covering.

          I looked at him, feeling the fear I had hidding comming out, "So I can't stand still - I'm waiting to hear if we're all clear, I can't be nervous? My eyes are diolated because it's dark in here," I turned, arms spread out as if showcasing the room, "if you haven't noticed. And I'm searching for any sign of Derek or Tonia."

          In a rush of air he went from being on the other side of the cave to being right infront of me; his sweet intoxicating smell playing with my scences, the fake warmth comming from his body, his smoldering silver blue eyes starring at me as if searching the very depths of my soul, "That's not all...I can hear your heart skipping beats."

Impressum

Texte: I OWN THE STORY BUT NOT THE COVER IMAGE!!!!
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.08.2011

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This book is dedicated to all of my friends and the love of my life, Michael.