SIMPLY AMBER - A Moment in a Life

Amber Jane Mitchel, a beautiful name for a young lady that felt anything but beautiful most days. Amber was born in the early morning of June 11, 1989 in Barry Ontario to Andrew and Audrey Mitchel. It was an unremarkable birth as far as births goes, the labor wasn’t unusually long or trying for Audrey and dad waited the whole while in the waiting room. None of this helping with the delivery or being in the room while the birth occurred, no sir none of that for dad.

That was to be the pattern of the relationship between Audrey and her dad for all of the 15 years of her life, her dad hardly involving himself in her upbringing at all except when there needed to be punishment doled out for some infraction of the household rules, then and only then would Andrew involve himself with his daughter as he was responsible for the administration of discipline.

Dad was a drill sergeant in the Armed forces and he ran his family as if they were recruits in the Army. There was no calling him dad or father or pop…no nothing like that it was “Yes sir, No sir…” otherwise you’d be in for a session of his brand of discipline, and that was to be avoided at all costs!

Amber was a bright young girl, who showed signs of her blossoming intelligence early in life, she was reading by the age of 4, could write her own name and remember her phone number by the time she was 5. From then on great things were expected of her and it was something that was to haunt her for her entire life, for if she didn’t achieve as much or as well as was expected of her punishment was sure to follow.

Amber was 4’5” tall, with brown eyes and hair, she weighed a respectable 130lbs but saw herself as being ugly and fat even though it had been remarked on more than one occasion on how pretty she was and that she should try out for the cheer leading team. But for Amber there was only one person who’s opinion mattered to her and that was her father’s, but all that she heard from him was complaints, insults and put downs…things like “Boy for someone so smart Amber you sure don’t show it.” Or “You know I’ve seen prettier boys than you!” Words that stung her deeply for she respected her dad and wanted nothing more than his praise and his love but it seemed he was incapable of giving her what she wanted.

After a few years of being treated like this by her dad it was no surprise that Amber had little self esteem and thought of herself as worthless and ugly since the one person who meant the world to her constantly told her that that was what she was.

She started to hang around with the ‘bad’ crowd at school, partying and drinking from the age of 12 and her first experience with boys was at the age of 13 with an older boy, he was 17 and took advantage of her. She was so starved for attention that a few words of praise from this boy was all it took for her to do anything he asked her to do to show him how much she loved him…needless to say that after he got what he wanted he wanted nothing more to do with her at all. Calling her a slut, whore and other names telling his friends that she was ‘easy’ and would put out.

She went from boy to boy looking for the love that she couldn’t find anywhere else; satisfied to take whatever she could get from them even if it was only for a little while. She numbed the pain with alcohol, but stayed away from drugs as she knew they weren’t good for her and would lead to serious problems all the while disregarding what everyone knew that alcohol was just as bad and could lead to problems of its own.

But by this point she was so down on herself that even if she’d have listened to anyone she’d have dismissed them as being full of it or just wanting to ruin her fun.

During this time her school work declined steadily as the affects of all night parties and heavy drinking took its toll on her, she had little time anymore for studying or doing her home work. She skipped school on a regular basis since she figured that it didn’t matter if she attended or not since her dad thought she was stupid anyways.

It reached a stage where the school was seriously considering suspending her from school and there even was discussion of kicking her out of school completely and having her attend an ‘alternative’ school for kids who had a hard time adjusting to a more regular one.

Amber’s brother Phillip noticed the changes in his sister and even though he lived on campus at the university he could see that things were not going good for her. Even if his parents were blissfully unaware of what she was doing, Phillip could tell she was headed for real trouble and if someone didn’t take her in hand she was going to end up kicked out of school and living on the streets.

Phillip confronted Amber one day about what she was doing and to say that it wasn’t a very ‘pretty’ meeting is to understate it very much. Phillip asked Amber to meet him at their favorite restaurant one day and they had it out then and there. “Look Amber I’m not stupid, I can see what you’ve been doing and where it’s headed for. If you don’t get some help and get straightened out you’re going to end up kicked out of school and forced into one of those alternative schools for the ‘bad’ kids.”

Amber snorted as she listened to her brother, and while she loved him very much his advice fell on deaf ears, “What do you care what I do big brother? I mean you’re away at University and don’t have to put up with dad’s bull, but I do I get it every day and night without a break! Do you remember what it’s like living under his roof? So I drink a little bit and go to parties, so what? It’s not as if I do drugs or anything like that, so what’s the big deal?”

Phillip sighs as he listens to his sister’s reply knowing that he’s more likely to get a stone wall to agree with him than he is his sister, “Look all I’m saying Amber is that you need to straighten up or you’re going to end up in big trouble. And for your information I do remember what it’s like to be under dad’s roof…remember I was there for 18 years before I left so I know very well what it’s like.”

The conversation is finished without any apparent success as Amber is convinced that she is doing nothing wrong and that her big brother is worrying needlessly. The conversation will come back to haunt Amber in a couple of years but for now it is forgotten as she enjoys the rest of the meal in silence with her brother. Content to enjoy the treat of a nice meal and the quiet of the restaurant before she had to return to her home and her dad.

It happened 6 months before she was to turn 15; she met the man of her dreams. He was 17 years old well almost 18 and his name was Josh Micheal Hanfield. He was the popular kid, the one everyone wanted to hang around with so they too could be as popular as he was.

Amber was stricken by his handsome good looks, and if truth be told by his popularity as well for she was considered an outsider by most kids at her school someone who didn’t fit in. Amber kept running into him both at school and at various parties they both happened to attend, and it was a few months before she could muster the courage to approach him.

It was at a party they were both at again, this time Amber was determined to talk to him if it was the last thing she did. She walked up to him, shaking she was so nervous but she walked right up to him, “Hello I’m Amber, I’ve noticed that you’re here alone…and since I don’t have a date myself I thought I’d come here and introduce myself.” He smiled at her as she spoke, he could tell she was nervous but he started putting her at ease right away, “Hello Amber my name is Josh, you have quite the pretty name and it matches you perfectly.” He smiled again and continued, “I don’t know if anyone has told you this before but you’re quite beautiful, you must have a bf?”

Amber blushed at the compliments from Josh, she wasn’t used to anyone saying anything nice about her, “Thank you but I don’t have a bf, why would anyone want to go out with me? I mean there’s nothing special about me at all...not a thing. I mean I’m kinda ugly if you know what I mean and fat as well.”

Josh laughed at her reply, “Oh please Amber, that’s not true at all. You’re neither fat nor ugly...like I said you’re very beautiful! Any guy would be lucky to have you as their gf, and anyone who said you weren’t beautiful is blind!” He moved closer to her, she could smell the aftershave he was wearing she could feel herself drawn more and more to this young man, the first person in her life to treat her like a real person.

They stayed pretty much together for the whole party and danced, had some drinks, generally had a really good time, it was for Amber unlike any other time she had ever had in her 15 years, and that he was older than she was somehow even better.

They parted after the party with promises to keep in touch and to meet again sometime but she knew that she’d never see him again why would he want to be seen with her? She could understand him not wanting to have anything more to do with her; she was totally prepared for it.

It was a few days later when Amber and Josh met again this time in school, to her surprise Josh walked right up to her with a smile and took her in his arms and gave her a kiss..she was sooooooo surprised that she nearly fainted there right on the spot. It was the one thing that she never expected, not even in her wildest dreams! “Hello beautiful, I hope you don’t mind the kiss? I just couldn’t help myself after seeing you standing there.” Josh smiled his sweet, innocent smile and she couldn’t say anything…just nod her head...

“Thank you but why did you kiss me? I mean I really liked it but it’s not as if we’re boy friend and girl friend.” She looks at him, a faint blush on her cheeks from the kiss as she waits his answer. “Well I thought that you looked so lovely that I just had to kiss you, I hope you didn’t mind Amber and as for being girl friend and boy friend, well would you mind that if we were? I mean would you like to go out with me Amber?”

Amber looked at him and just stood there, unsure if she’d heard what he’d asked right or if she was just wishing that’s what he said, “Are you asking me if I’d like to be your girl friend? If you are well my answer is YES!! I’d love to be your girl friend, but are you sure you want someone like me as your girl friend?” Josh chuckled and nodded his head as he took her into his arms again and gave her a long lingering kiss…much to the delight of the other students in the hallway, “Yes I am sure I want you as my girl friend Amber, I mean I think you’re the most beautiful, sweet, intelligent girl around and I’d be honored if you’d be my girl!”

The word spread quickly around the school that Amber and Josh were now officially a couple, though many of the students in the school couldn’t understand why someone of Josh’s popularity would choose to go out with her. There was even talk that he’d gotten her pregnant and that they were going to get married then leave school. The rumors were as varied as were the people telling them.

For the first few weeks it was as if Amber was in a dream state, her and Josh went out on dates to the movies, dancing, to restaurants and just for quiet walks in the park. It was as if her dreams had come true and she was living them now. One day while on a walk in the park Amber asked about Josh and what his life had been like until that time. Josh gave a sad little smile and nodded his head, “Well can’t say as it was anything special I have two younger brothers, Franklin and Arthur who are in private school. Mom and Dad thought that it would be best for them to get them outta the neighborhood and into a good school, for me they decided to leave me where I was. You know not bother with me cause I was already in school here and besides I don’t amount to much…but they’re wrong and I’ve proved it to them!”

Amber couldn’t believe the anger and the hurt in Josh’s words as he spoke of his parents, it seemed as if they were responsible for all the bad things that had happened in his life, and that his younger brothers had gotten everything they’d wanted and he was left with nothing, “But surely they must love you Josh, I mean they must have some feelings for you after all you’re their son!”

Josh looked at Amber and shook his head, “No they don’t care anything about me at all they’ve shown that time and time and time and time again all through my life, it’s as if I don’t exist for them, just my two brothers. I might as well not exist at all!” The anger and hurt in his voice was plain to see by anyone who listened to what he said that day, Amber felt closer to him than she did at any time before.

“It seems as if my entire life things have gone wrong for me, it’s just been this last little while when I’m with you that I feel good, that I feel as if nothing bad can happen to me anymore..like finally my life is going to be good and that I’ll finally have things going my way…I Love you Amber, you’ve given me soo much in the short time we’ve been together I can’t begin to explain it!” Josh reached over and pulled Amber closer to him and gave her a long lingering kiss.

It seemed that nothing could go wrong with this relationship and for many months nothing did, they continued going out on dates including walks in the park, going to the beach to swim, they even managed to go camping for a long weekend even though Amber wasn’t too keen on the idea at first she ended up enjoying it a lot. Things went along like this for awhile after the camping trip, then one day Josh started to demand things from Amber, things that he’d not asked of her before.

It started out with simple things, like that she wear only certain types of clothes that he had to approve then went from that to who she could see and hang with. It started getting so bad that he even demanded that she not see any other guy even if they were friends of hers. She started to feel trapped in the relationship, like an animal in a cage. It got to the stage where nothing she did seemed to please him anymore, she either didn’t wear her clothes right or she was seen with someone Josh didn’t approve of.

Amber pleaded with him to let her go out to be with her friends but to no avail, “Josh all I want to do is go see my friends, nothing more just to be with them. It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to do that and I miss talking to them!” Josh looked at her as if she’d just swore at him, “I told you Amber they’re losers, and I don’t want you to go near them. If you love me you’ll not go anywhere near them, if you want to end this relationship then go ahead, go see them.”

Amber still loved Josh even though he’d changed so much in the last few months, they’d even been intimate in the last couple of weeks and now she no longer was a virgin…and that as another concern of hers she’d not had her period in over a month and she’d never been late before. She was afraid to tell Josh fearing what he might do if he found out she was late.

A few days later Amber was in the bathroom of her home a blue wand in her hand looking at it with tears flowing down her face sobbing uncontrollably. She looked at the test again and again not believing what she was seeing…it just couldn’t be…he’d used protection, she’d insisted on it so how could this be possible? “God why are you doing this to me??? I’m only 15 I’m too young to be a mother!! And what is Josh going to say?? He’s going to be sooo angry with me for this…it’s going to be all my fault!” Amber collapsed on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably curled up in a tiny ball on the floor….this just couldn’t be happening to her, it had to be a mistake!!

After a few minutes Amber stood up and brushed herself off, her parents were due home anytime now and it wouldn’t do for them to see her like this, they didn’t even know that she was going out with Josh for she was sure that they’d not approve of him and now this, if her father found out that she was possibly pregnant with Josh’s child he’d have a FIT!

The next few days were like a blur to Amber, she’d not told anyone

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Texte: Dominique Schwartz
Bildmaterialien: Dominique Schwartz
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 30.05.2010
ISBN: 978-3-7309-0238-7

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