THE HUNCHBACK OF HOLLYWOOD

FADE IN:

Ext. Square Outside Notre Dame Cathedral. Medieval Paris - Day

QUASIMODO, Notre Dame's disfigured bell ringer, is sentenced for disturbing the peace and abducting, ESMERALDA, the gypsy dancer.

He is shackled to the pillory where he is flogged and exposed for an hour to public disgrace.





Despite the stifling heat, throngs gawk at the Hunchback's demise.


His head bowed, Esmeralda looks on, pitying him.



Quasimodo slowly raises his head and peers into the crowd.

QUASIMODO
(cries out)
Water.

CROWD
(mimics)
Water.

QUASIMODO
(emphatically)
Water!

CROWD
(laughs)
Water!

All are silenced as Esmeralda walks up the stairs to the pillory and offers the Hunchback water from her pouch.

He turns away, embarrassed of his ugliness in the light of her beauty.



She patiently allows water to moisten his parched lips.

Remembering his thirst, he bends back, mouth opened, and guzzles the remaining water, then collapses.

PHOEBUS, Captain of the King's Archery, rides through the crowd and up to the pillory. He dismounts, joins Esmeralda, then turns to face the people.



PHOEBUS
Have your last stare at this poor creature for he will no longer be deformed.

I, Phoebus de Chateaupers, will perform a miracle.

When Quasimodo is released, Phoebus escorts him into the cathedral; the crowd on their heels.


INT. NOTRE DAME - DAY

PHOEBUS
(swaggering)
I've been hired, my dear disfigured man, by Nip/Tuck.

It seems they believe I can perform wonders with my dagger and sword.

Let's prove them right, shall we?

Quasimodo blinks, perplexed.



After hours of grueling nipping and tucking, Phoebus steps back to admire his accomplishment.

PHOEBUS
Voila! Magnifique! You shall no longer suffer such humiliation!


EXT. NOTRE DAME - NIGHT

As they walk down the cathedral's steps, the crowd rushes towards them and GASPS.

PHOEBUS
My friends, I give you the new and improved Quasimodo!


Slender, handsome, and erect, Quasimodo steps forward. Esmeralda immediately joins him while the people gape.



QUASIMODO
How can I ever repay you, Phoebus, and Nip/
Tuck.

And to my bride-to-be, Esmeralda.

PHOEBUS
(shocked)
Esmeralda, not Quasimodo!



ESMERALDA
George Clooney, Phoebus. And,
after the prenup, of course!


FADE TO BLACK

Impressum

Texte: Copyright March 2010
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.03.2010

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Widmung:
A mini-screenplay in which old Hollywood meets new Hollywood.