The End

When you’re small, the little things in life are the things that truly make you happy. When your older things like money, houses, and cars start to matter more than a simple plastic toy could do the trick before. When you’re dead, well nothing matters at first, but then you start wondering how is everyone doing? Have they sold my stuff? Did I matter to anyone? Was I truly loved?
Have they forgotten me?
When I was alive, I remember one of my teachers at school saying that death is peaceful; life on the other hand is not. Now, I wish I could go and tell her, she was very wrong. I wouldn’t mind being dead, but If I could I would have changed the day I came home. I wanted to see my family , to see If they moved on, but when I saw that they haven’t It caused me pain, as I would’ve wanted them to be happy, I wanted them to know that I’m ok now, and I don’t mind being dead. At some point you have to come to terms that the life that you had wasn’t everything.
My family left my room the way I left it. The bed wasn’t done and the curtains were only half drawn. I tried reaching to my little sister, as she was only little and called me through her dreams.
I will never go back to my home. Never. As deeply as I would want to, I made things worse for myself.
The day I came home, as a ghost, I watched my sister stop breathing. I couldn’t do anything. She was four. I never saw her after that. She died of a stroke, a natural cause. She was only four. I tried everything, I screamed at my parents to go upstairs when she fell, but they simply didn’t hear me. She was up there, alone, for hours. As I remember her, she was always ill. She had leukaemia, asthma, diabetes and was allergic to almost everything. She spent most of her life in hospital and I was never beside her, as my parents tried to not let me be sad, but I wish I could have spent time with her.
I was lucky in the time that I had, I had no diseases and I never broke any bones, or pulled any muscles. I had a chance to live. My sister didn’t.
I guess you’re wondering why I didn’t see her, as she is dead, like me. But I was murdered. I linger around, watching others. My sister got a chance; she got a chance to move on. A chance to be born again, I am happy for her, as she doesn’t feel the pain anymore, not like I do.
I do remember how I died, and I am going to tell you, but before, I plead to you. Once you read my story don’t feel sorry for me, don’t be sad and please, don’t forget me.

Summer

I wanted to stay, Heck did I want to stay, but I really had to go. I nearly jogged to my house from him to the toilet.
I’m an idiot. A cute guy that is going to live next to you introduces himself and what do I do? Yeah I run to the toilet. It’s not technically my fault, it’s kind of a routine – I go to school, walk home normally and then as soon as I hit the doorstep I have a meltdown of wanting to go really badly and finding my keys in my bag. This time I guess I took too long talking to my new neighbour.
When I finished, I sighed and went upstairs dragging my school bag at my side. My house is very large and specious, which made me cringe in the mornings as it took that much longer for me to reach my coffee.
To make matters worse, my mum put me on the third floor. That’s a lot of stairs for a 15 year old.
I checked the kitchen in case anyone would be back, but it just gave me another sigh. Their probably at the hospital, it’s Friday. On the weekends my parents try to beg the doctors to let my sister out for some family time, I don’t really get the point, we can hardly touch her, she gets bruised and mum always cry’s . She makes everyone sad. Sometimes I wish they just let her heal properly, so then maybe we could get her home for good. Every weekend we make her even more ill, I mean last weekend we gave her the flu. Well my parents did, they don’t really trust her with me.
I don’t even know my sister that well. Her name is Summer, and she is four years old. I only see her on the weekends, and I can count on my fingers the amount of times I have touched her. She was called Summer because she reminded us of summer, she has fair skin, light blonde hair and the lightest blue eyes. Her hair now curls naturally, but no one in the family has that quality, so when grandma found out that she’s so ill all the time, she accused Summer as not even being the real child of my mother, as everyone else in the family are strong as bulls.
I do look a little like her, I have light blonde hair; not as light as hers, but my eyes are lighter, as people say they are light gray. I am very pale, and trust me after so many attempts to get a tan I gave up last month, as the only thing it gives me is a headache and some very painful pealed skin, and my hair is straight.
I threw my bag onto my king sized bed and laid down. My room is huge, it had a balcony and two floor length sized windows at the sides. I have most shelves filled with books and the rest with music DVD’s. My room is dark pink, with black and white wallpaper; only one wall though. I love it! Even though I absolutely hate pink, it hides what I’m really like to guests who I lie my ass off to. I spend most of my time in my room. I try going out with my parents, but I hate meeting random doctors.
My parents get a lot of guests, as they try to find a doctor that will help Summer. I usually see them and for the fun of it, introduce myself and make up some things that creeps them out or just make them adore me ; It usually depends If they have a beard or not.
I quickly got changed out of my school uniform and listened to some music. It was only five in the afternoon, If Summer is coming home then they’ll be back by six. Great. Nothing to do. I like coming home to everyone here, mum usually makes dinner and me and my father discus something that I learned in school or that I am reading. I t might seem boring, but that’s the way my parents are, they let me do what I want as long as I am educated. They don’t seem to worry as much as they used to though, now they have other things on their minds, so it doesn’t matter to me what I do with my parents, as long as they notice me, I’m happy to just talk to them, even if it’s about boring history, and to be honest I like it that way. I like not having to pretend, as I don’t talk much about what I actually like and dislike, as they don’t ask me.
I decided to dance. I never usually dance, but I think I sensed inside that someone was coming upstairs, and as usual, I made a fool of myself.
My mother walked in on me shaking my ass mad to the music.
‘Sutton?’ My mum laughed from deep inside.
‘Yes?’ I quickly sat on the side of my bed; I don’t do much exercise so I had to pick my breath up. I would say quickly, but I took me a while.
‘Would you like to go to dinner with us?’ My mum was still laughing softly. Her laugh always made my stomach fill with butterfly’s
‘Yeah! Isn’t Summer allowed?’ I quickly went up to her.
‘No, she still has the flu, and pick something nice to wear, were meeting a very important doctor today!’ She walked down the corridor, I was glad, because my face drooped down in agony. I don’t want to go if it’s another meeting. I quickly ran after her, but half hay down the stairs I slipped. My butt hurt really badly.
‘Are you ok? I have told you a million times not to run down those stairs, you know you have chicken legs!’ My mum was quickly at my side to pick me up. She was never harsh, her touch on my hand was soft, but it still managed to pick me up.
‘Yeah sorry, I just wanted to tell you that I changed my mind, I don’t want to go. Those doctors get weird, I mean the better they are the more beards they have.’ I bent back to see it I hurt my back.
‘What is with you and beards?’ My mum smiled widely at me and finished walking down the stairs, as I walked up. Another night of TV and my lovely soft bed.

Stolen

Atelophobia- The fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
My mind swirled around in a knot reading the sentence. I guess I can relate to this, because the truth is, I just want to be accepted. All my life I have done nothing. That’s why I want to be a doctor, I could help people, do something with my life, and then maybe this way people will not forget I existed. Then maybe my great-great grandchildren will know me. This is what I want and I am scared to fail. As I fail a lot. I let my parents down every time I talk to my sister, as I don’t know why but she cry’s when I talk to her, she doesn’t want me near , but now that she can say some things, she asks my why I have to leave.
My mother says that I must have said something before that upset her, and now she said I told her that I’m going to leave her. There is no truth in those words. I have never even talked to her. I have written her many letters when she was at the age of one, but I have always felt her to be a stranger to me, she could never be my sister, as I could never even smile or play with her. That’s all I wanted really, isn’t that the whole point of having a sister? So you could play with her, and when your older gossip about boys?
I wrote her letters asking why she hated me. I thought she hated me because she was taking my parents away from me. My mother burned all the letters one night, as I usually gave them to her, to give to Summer.She thought I didn’t see her, but I did, and that was the first night my mother started crying. I still don’t know what was so specific at that night but that was the first time I saw her cry. I never have felt that my mother loves me, but It made me happy that she cared enough to cry.
I looked at the watch which said it was midnight. There still not back. The doctor must have agreed to treat her. I don’t know why all of the others have no hope in my sister. They all say that there is nothing they can do; she is going to die soon. That’s why now I have no hate left for Summer, she was going to go out of my parents lives without hardly being there. I don’t want her to die, but I can sadly say my life wouldn’t change if she would.
My heart leaped a mile when something dropped downstairs. They must be back!
I jumped out of bed, threw my book on my bed and leaped downstairs. The corridors were pitch black and I couldn’t see anything. Then when I slowly touched the last step I walked fast towards the kitchen. But then I fell face first on the floor, as it turns out the last step in my book, wasn’t the last step in real life.
There was a rummage in the kitchen and the back door opened. It didn’t close. I got up and walked into the light filled room. No one was in. I had to close my eyes again because of the light. Then I opened one to see what was happening .
‘Mum. Dad?’ I looked behind the door and then slowly to the back door. It was widely opened with the dark garden blazing in cold air. I put my hand out and closed the door. If that was either mum or dad, they should have the keys to open the door again. There is no possible way that anyone could have broken inn. Our locks are really expensive and our garden leads to the woods. So why would anyone go to the woods in the middle of the night when they would have the keys. There is no way that my parents would leave the door unlocked. They know better. We have a lot of things in this house that cost more than me, so they always lock the door.
My heart was beating fast. My mind was telling me one thing but my heart was saying that someone broke in, and I was the only one home, the worse thing is, I’m scared to go upstairs. What if the thief was inside the house now? How can I go upstairs? Hell, I’ll just stay here. But how can I? The heating is on only on the top floors. Its freezing here.

That night I didn’t die just in case you were wondering. We got robed. Only some expensive cutlery was stolen. Nothing else. No one knows how they got in, but I think they had the key.
I remember that night of being left alone and scared, not the fact that something got stolen, as my feelings are more important than some cutlery. Right? I remember sitting on the table and waiting ,hopping that my mummy will come and save me.
They came home the next morning. They said that they wanted to go and see Summer after dinner and decided that they should stay. They forgot to call and tell me. They never call me. They lied to the police, maybe because they didn’t want to sound like bad parents? They weren’t bad really, they just trust me to be on my own.
I didn’t call them that night because I didn’t want to interrupt in case they found THE doctor. I dint call because I wanted Summer to be happy.
That made me hate her. I regret hating her now, but then I came to terms that Summer will always come first and me second. Nothing can change that.
‘Sutton, don’t be stupid, you know we love you both, it’s just that tonight we stayed with her, beside nothing happened just some knifes got stolen.’ Mother took my hand tightly when I laid in bed. ‘Hey, how about, you have this week off, it’s the last week till summer holiday, I’m shore you’re not going to learn anything anyway, and you can get a head start on packing. We’re going to the Caribbean this year!’ She let go of my hand and hung my bathrobe. I knew we most probably won’t have any fun, as Summer is allergic to some things on the pool water, and she’s scared of the ocean.
‘I guess I would like that, but is dad OK with that?’ Mum looked at me and laughed. I don’t know why I asked, they always agree on everything. Everything. I have never seen them argue in all of my short life.

Floting

The next few days came and went; I stayed in my bed for most of it. When Monday came my mum asked me to let the pool boy in when he comes, but forgot to tell me what time. That was the first time we talked after the incident. I didn’t really know what to say to her, and dad didn’t quite get the courage to talk to me at all.
The doorbell rang at one o’clock in the afternoon. I opened the door to a middle aged man that had his hat down over his eyes and clothes that were baggy and dark green. He must be the pool boy. Well man. He seemed older than the rest of the pool boys we had.
‘Hey, are you here for the pool?’ I stood in the way of the door. He seemed dazed and then just nodded. I let him go through to the back and stayed with him. He didn’t have any equipment so I showed him the shed. My dad never was the one to fix things, not like usual fathers, they fix and mend things in the house, but my father bought new things instead.
He’s beard bothered me greatly. I stood at the side waiting till he finishes as then I could go swimming. I knew it’s going to take long, but I want to swim. It’s the only thing that makes me happy now. As water can’t talk and disappoint you.
I don’t know why I didn’t leave him to it and just come back later, but I guess I don’t know a lot of things.
The time went slowly. I don’t remember much of it. I remember being pushed in the pool from my back and red colours everywhere. I didn’t scream because I didn’t want to be disappointed, because I knew I would scream – mummy help me. I just knew she wouldn’t come to save me. So I floated there. I was awake, but I wasn’t.
I woke up in hospital with the doctor shining a light into my eye.
‘Well you will be fine after a few weeks of rest.’ He winked at me and went away.
I felt a sharp pain at the back of my head. I tried screaming, but nothing came out of my mouth. The tears came instead.
I felt a soft grasp around my hand. I looked to find my grandmother crying.
‘Hey sweetheart.’ Her warm gray eyes soothed me. She didn’t look like she used to, her wrinkles took over her face, and there was no person anymore, just a woman with a sweat heart shaped face, gray hair, and tears.
I spilled out a groan. She stood up and left the room. I love her floral dresses; they smell like lavender, which always makes me want to sleep. I remember being little and my grandmother teaching my mum to take care of me. She would always show more love, and now I guess it’s not that different. My mum learned a lot, but not enough.
Then my mother walked in. She wasn’t crying but she had a sad look on. I pocked all of the will that I have and tried to speak, but it came as a whisper.
‘Mummy.’ I had tears flowing down, my face which hurt like acid dripping down.
‘Hey, don’t worry you will be fine. I don’t know when you haven’t been fine. You can get through this, you always have.’ He stroked my head and then stood up straight.
‘I have great news you know. We found a doctor that can help Summer. Now you can finally have your sister play with you!’ She kissed me and then stood at the end of my bed. I looked at my grandmother’s angry face. I wanted to tell her not to be angry, as this will make my mother happy, but instead I just said ‘That’s great.’
He was a drug addict and he wanted to steal something from out house. I was just there. In the way. I guess he thought no one was in the house. He hit me with a crow bar at the back of my head. Then ran away. They didn’t find him. As I don’t remember what he looked like The real pool boy found me. He dragged me out the pool and called the police. My father gave him enough money to not work till he retires.

Ice cream

I got to go home in the next few weeks. My grandmother took care of me, as my parents were with Summer.
I couldn’t get out of bed, so my grandmother bought everything I needed to me instead.
‘Hun, your goanna get fat if you keep asking for chocolate’ she sat next to me and laughed from inside.
‘Hey I have concussion; I think I’m allowed to get fat!’ I stuffed a chocolate ice cream down. As my grandma took the wrapper, and shook her head laughing. You know you have always had a thing for chocolate, unlike your mother, she wouldn’t touch the stuff.’ I stopped stuffing myself and just stared at the ice cream. My grandmas sounded serious.
‘Don’t hate your mother. She just doesn’t want to lose any of you, so she is just trying to save all of you.’
‘You mean save Summer.’ She took the ice cream away from me and threw it in the bin next to the bed.
‘No, she knows she can’t lose you, but Summer, that’s a different story.’ I knew what my grandmother meant, but It still makes the knot in my stomach tighten.
When I was born, I was premature. I had to be in the incubator for weeks. My mum gave up on the idea that I was going to live. She just shut down. My grandmother told me that no one could get her to snap out. Not even my father. But I survived. The doctors said I shouldn’t have, but I did. I have never got a cold. I have never even broken a bone or factored anything. It’s weird how healthy I am. But that’s why everyone knows that I will be fine. In the end I will live. They were all wrong.

A new friend

After the sixth week I could get up from bed. I walked outside to the back garden. When I checked my phone, it turns out my friends sure missed me. 87 messages and 96 missed calls. It took hours to explain what happened, but they understood. I invited all of my friends over next week. It turns out my parents didn’t tell anyone about what happened, not even the school.
I haven’t got a best friend. I’m too far away to have a best friend. I can’t tell people about what I’m thinking because I’m a freak. I want to be alone. I like being alone. But I hate people forgetting me. I don’t know how that’s going to work, but it has to. I don’t like the feeling of people thinking I don’t exist. School is ok, I guess, putting on a short skirt and a tight top makes you unforgettable in high school, but with life. It takes a lot more.
‘Hey, if you keep staring like that, your eyes are goanna fall out.’ I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard him. I shuffled to see who it was. My next door neighbour. I smiled. I couldn’t help myself. He was really nice the last time I saw him. He has bark brown hair, and beaming blue yes. He’s strong build mad me shiver. He was leaning against the tree in my back garden woods. He was wearing a blue shirt and jeans.
I felt embarrassed when I realised that I was wearing by pyjama shorts and top.
‘So, back from the dead?’ He smirked wildly.
‘Yeah, guess so’ I swung my legs front and back, looking down.
‘Yeah it seems that the dead don’t even have time to get changed at two pm.’ I looked up and laughed.
‘Yeah, it seems so. But I think part of it is that the dead had a chance to go out, so I took it.’ He came closer.
‘So what you just got locked in? That’s not fair. How are you meant to get better with no fresh air? ‘
‘What, is that the secret medicine?’ I patted my hand on the seat next to me, and he took it.
‘Yeah, defiantly, fresh air is the key. I mean it heals everything. That’s why I don’t use those damn plasters; they just go all soggy and leave you with scars at the end’ He showed me his elbow which was scraped. ‘You see when the scab comes on, it will eventually heal, but people put a plaster on and don’t let the wound heal. It’s stupid really.’
‘Guess you’re right, but I put plasters on because it looks better.’ I pulled one eyebrow up as he laughed.
‘You girls, even if it hurts as hell, you prefer it, because it looks good. My sister is just like that’
‘How many siblings do you have?’ I started swinging my legs again, as he was looking at them, and I didn’t comfortable feel with them being bare.
‘Your goanna think my family is weird, but twelve.’ My jaw dropped.
‘Jesus. Twelve?’
‘Yeah, I’m third from the bottom.’
‘How the hell do you all fit in the house?’ It’s about the same size as mine, but I couldn’t imagine another person living in it. It just wouldn’t be right.
‘Well Its only six of us that live in the house all the rest of my eight siblings are old enough to live on their own.’ He looked up at me and smiled. ‘How about you? How many do you have?’
‘One. She’s four.’ I tried smiling warmly like my mother.
‘ I never hear a baby cry, I mean when I remember my little sister crying, I swear the whole street would complain’ He laughed .
‘Oh, well she’s always in hospital, so I guess no one hears her cry.’ I tried smiling but his face was full of shock.’
‘Oh. I’m sorry. I just didn’t mean. I didn’t know. I swear.’ He turned himself at me with pleading eyes.
‘No it’s ok, you didn’t know, and I shouldn’t have said it like that’ I smiled hopelessly.
‘I just. Wow. I couldn’t imagine anyone from my family being in the hospital. As many as there are of us, and as annoying they are. I couldn’t live without them.’ It seems weird how someone else could think. I mean Summer is my sister, and there’s me thinking that it really wouldn’t matter to me if she was alive or not.
‘Well I never got to know her. She’s been ill since she was born.’ I looked down.
‘Oh. Hey, I didn’t mean to make you upset.’ He placed his hand on the top of mine, which made all of my body have electric shocks. But good ones.
‘ No you didn’t, I was just thinking.’ I smiled at him. ‘Anyways, I completely forgot your name.’ I laughed to myself. I guess I had an excuse, banging my head and all.
‘It’s Liam. Your Sutton right?’
‘Yeah’
We ended up talking until midnight. When I went upstairs to my bedroom, I felt more alive than ever. I have never felt like that. I mean it’s not just a crush, he makes me wonder, he opens every part of my mind and makes me explore it. He’s everything that I’m not. He’s so open minded and intelligent. I sighed.
‘Well missy, who was that?’ I rocked myself on my elbows and let the worm air out of my freezing body.
‘The guy who lives next door.’ I smiled with all my teeth showing. My grandmother looked happy for me.
‘well it’s about time someone moved in there, I mean no one’s lived there since forever, and a good thing he’s cute too’ She winked as I threw a pillow at her.
That night I dreamed. I never dream, and it was about getting lost, getting lost in the woods, in a forest that he touched, a dream that only he could create.

Mirror

I stood in the mirror and looked at the back of my head. It had a huge ugly scar that I hid with my hair. I put make up on, and got dressed. Shorts and a floral top seemed appropriate for the hot weather. I went downstairs to find grandmother making pancakes.
‘Hey princess, finally you’re up, you have to help me eat these pancakes, I made enough to feed an army. ‘ She turned and carried on stirring. ‘And you look very pretty.’ I guess gran likes floral things, as she was wearing another floral dress to compliment her light pink lipstick.
‘You have to say that, you’re my grandmother.’ I smiled and sat on the counter. ‘So where’s mum and dad?’ They left this morning at six am. There starting a new treatment for Summer.
I took a deep breath and picked out some plates.
‘Why don’t you set it up outside.’ She smiled at me as she knows I love eating outside.
I stepped out in the soft, worm sunlight. I started getting everything ready as a ball hit me. I’m used to them doing that, as at school I get hit all the time. I’m just not very coordinated.
‘Sorry!’ A little boy with an elder girl ran up to me. They both had jet black hair and light blue eyes. They reminded me of someone.
‘It’s ok,’ I smiled at both of them whilst I handed the ball.
‘We live next door’ said the little boy, who looked about six, and the girl, who looked about eight elbowed him in the head.
That’s why they look familiar. There Liam’s brother and sister. The little boy hit the girl and they started fighting.
‘Hey knock it off! When mum and dad come home I’m telling!’ Liam came out the trees and shrugged leaves off. When he saw me he’s eyes popped out huge. ‘Oh hey. Sorry that there bothering you.’ He’s face went red. I giggle loudly to what he said about he’s parents.
The kids looked at me strangely.
‘No they weren’t bothering me, they just lost their ball.’ I smiled at them; in return I got them screaming ‘pancakes!’
My grandmother laughed loudly.
‘Ha , well I hope you kids can eat more than you look like you can!’ She put the huge mountain of pancakes on the table and placed three more plates on the table. The girl and boy turned to Liam in pleading eyes.
‘Oh NO! Weal go home and cook something!’
‘But your pancakes are usually all runny and disgusting!!’ the girl pulled down unto his sleeve.
‘NO!’ he ordered strongly and picked the ball up. ‘Sorry for disturbing you,’ but just as he was about to turn and go my grandmother hit him with a towel. Yes. She hit him.
‘Boy, it took me ages to cook these. And if you and the kids don’t sit down to help me and Sutton, I will be one angry old woman!’
She placed the towel on the table and led the kids at the table too. I quickly went to Liam and pulled his hand to come with me. He followed willingly.
He sat next to me and apologised to my grandmother, but she just laughed and hugged him. After that the day went quickly, we ate, then we all played some football, we ate again and all chatted for the rest of the evening. The day passed quickly and it was more fun than I ever imagine having.
When they went home Lily and Connor, as I learned that they were named, hugged me and my grandmother. Liam simply gave us a wave, which made my heart sink.

Crystal eyes

The next day I was standing at his doorstep. I didn’t know if I should knock. What if he doesn’t want me over? What if he’s just nice to me because he wants to be polite?
‘Are you just goanna stand here all day?’ I was expecting to see Liam, as it was he’s voice I heard, but it was an older boy, not much older, but about seventeen, or eighteen.
He was smiling at me. He looked a lot like Liam for that matter, he just had black hair and he’s eyes looked like they were filled with blue crystals.
‘I guess you’re Liam’s brother.’ I stepped down a step closer to him, as he was quite fat away.
‘Yepp, that’s me. Why? Has Liam been talking about me?’ He walked right up to me. He turned out to be more beautiful, and tall, than he was far away.
‘No actually, that was just a guess.’ I stepped back because he was breathing on me.
‘Well I’m Stefan, Nice to meet you’ He reached out his and, I took it unwillingly, and pulled away quickly. ‘So you’re not goanna tell me your name?’ He’s smiled made me dizzy.
‘ Sutton.’ I couldn’t pull out a smile.
‘Well that’s an absolutely lovely name. It’s like the planet right?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well it’s good that I’ve been paying attention in my physics lesson’ He laughed with a melting tune.
‘What are you doing?’ The sound came from the front door. Liam was standing there with an angry face. I was about to explain myself, but Stefan placed his hand around me.
‘Were just talking. I learned that you haven’t told her about me. Brother I am deeply insulted.’ He’s scent made me feel light.
‘She doesn’t need to know you. She lives next door, I’m sure she’ll learn that she doesn’t want to know you.’ Liam stepped in front of me and took my hand. He pulled me to the house.
‘Harsh! Is that how you treat family?’ Stefan shouted with laughter hidden behind his words.
Liam pulled me to the back garden. His house’s layout was the same, but instead of the shiny marble floors downstairs, he had carpet, and the house seemed. Like a normal home. Not a show home.
We stepped outside. He didn’t let go of my hand as he turned to me.
‘Well, that was my brother. I sincerely hope you never talk to him again.’ I just gave him a puzzled look. ‘He’s sort of a player. He takes girls and destroys them.’ He looked out into the woods. I knew that I should trust his eyes. I looked down at his hand holding mine and smiled.
‘Well you can’t change your family, can you?’ I smiled looking at his eyes. He turned and laughed back.
‘Yeah, I guess you can’t.’ He softly pulled me into a hug.

A catch

That night, when I got out the shower I forgot to close my bedroom curtains. I was getting changed as I noticed a light. I quickly went over to close them, as I saw someone standing there. Behind a tree backing away. Then the person climbed into the car that was turned on and drew away. The car was a black Audi, with no number plate. I didn’t know if I was being paranoid then, but now I know that I wasn’t.
The next day I spent in bed reading. I flinched at every noise hoping that it would be the doorbell with Liam standing there. At about nine I went downstairs. MY mother was sitting at the kitchen table.
‘Mum, your back!’ She looked at me with eyes full of confusion.
‘Well yes, but you know why I’ve been gone, right? It’s so nice of you to ask about Summer! Seriously Sutton, sometimes I think if we spoil you too much! We give you everything we possibly can, and in return we just want some care for the family!’ I can’t say her words didn’t hurt, because they did. I couldn’t say anything because my grandmother came behind me and stepped my mother.
My mother was shocked. She started screaming swearwords at her and tried to hit her but broke down crying instead.
‘Don’t you tell Sutton what to feel and do! When I would like to remind you, a few weeks ago she nearly got killed and didn’t see her mother since! And have you asked her how she is?’ It seemed too personal to be listening. I quickly went upstairs. As I didn’t want to see my mother like this, all my short life my mother has tried to seem strong, so I guess I didn’t want her to cry.
I waited a few hours and then went down when the screaming stopped. I found my grandmother sitting at the table with her hands on her head. I know she wants my mum to care for me. But no one can change her. And I wouldn’t change my mum for anything. She might not love me, but I could give my life for her.
My grandmother looked up with her warm brown eyes red.
‘Hey sweetheart, If you want there’s something in the fridge that I’m sure is good enough to eat’ I smiled and shook my head.
‘I’m just goanna go out to get some fresh air.’ I left her. As I knew that whatever I say will make her more upset. My mother most probably left to go to the hospital.
I sat down at the chair looking at the woods. I wonder what it would be like to be someone else. Would your feelings change? Would what you think is right now, become wrong? Would the love you feel for someone disappear?
I sat there for hours thinking about everything. I have always been a thinker. I guess It makes sense that I was thinking before I died.
It got dark. The coldness wrapped around me. I pulled my knees to my chest to feel the warmness. I could hear someone behind me. If I would say that I cared, well I would be lying, because I didn’t bother turning around. I figured It was either my grandmother or Liam. I was once agin wrong.
A hand softly pulled around my mouth. I started breathing quicker, and pulled my legs down to stand up. But the second hand pulled me back. The smell. Even now, when I’m dead I can smell him. Hell and haven put together.

Trust

He raped me. Stefan didn’t bother hiding his face. I tried creaming but I knew that no one would like no one did last time. My grandmother is old, she wouldn’t hear me, and I couldn’t stand hating her.
When he finished he got a knife out.
‘If you tell I’m goanna kill you’ he whispered it in my ear, and unlike last time he spoke I only felt discus.
‘I’m goanna tell everyone you bastard!’ I kicked him in the chest. Hard. But not hard enough. I tried to putt on the straps of my clothes but then I felt a sweat sharp pain at the back of me. I choked with blood. It was warm, not cold like I would have thought. Then I felt another one. And another one. He finally stopped when I was cold. I could still see and hear. I saw Liam standing there crying.
‘What have you done?’ He fell on his knees. He was sobbing now. I wanted to touch him.
‘You have to keep your mouth shut. You don’t want your brother in jail do you? Whose goanna provide the money? Hugh?’ Stefan kicked Liam in the stomach. ‘You only sixteen, you can’t come up with the money’
‘You killed her.’ He just kept saying it. Over and over.
‘Keep your mouth shut. This won’t happen again’
‘That what you said last time’ He screamed with all his gut.
I fell asleep as they left. He left me. I trusted him. But he left me there to die.

Wake up

I didn’t ‘wake up’ until I was buried so I don’t know what my funeral was like, I wonder about how It could have been like, but I know that not many people would come.. I woke next to my grave where my parents were screaming at each other. I couldn’t look at them. I hated them. I loved them. Then I saw Summer. She was sitting in the car crying. Then I heard her say my name, as she was looking at me. All my hate went away from her. She doesn’t deserve to be hated. She did not mean any of this to happen. No one did.
That’s when I went away; I explored every place I could, I went to every place I ever wondered about. It didn’t take long as I could make every second last forever. I met others like me, but they all wanted to be with their families. That’s when I went back. You know what happens from there. My story isn’t much, and it has no meaning, but all my life I have been forgotten. That’s why I’m asking you, that at one point in your life you will remember, not my story, but a girl. A girl who loved to read, who listens to music and loves to be with her friends. I was ordinary like you. So think of me, even if it’s before you die.
Because there is going to be a day that you too will want to be remembered.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.02.2012

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