Ashley thought about what she could do at four in the morning. She read some psychology book that led her to reading a historic masterpiece that was quoted by it which led her to journaling her own piece because she felt she understood how good writing was made. Then from writing in pen and paper to going to her laptop to write a ton more, she decided to write fiction with her characters living out her life for her for the world was too real to her that she did not want to live within it. Reality made her nervous. Truth seemed to never be able to be found for how can one know anything unless they understood something first and yet how would they even know that or anything to begin with if they did not know anything before and so on? Using the basics of what she knew about her own miniature world of her room she tried to understand things as simple as which perfume she liked better: Her Bath and Body Work's "Black Raspberry Vanilla" $12 perfume or her $80 Coach's "Poppy" perfume? One was designer, the other not, and yet both appealed to her as good smelling perfumes. But she could not tell the difference between the different qualities for what makes quality? The price or the willingness one will pay for it? It seems that if she has the money she will buy the designer brand as well as the other for she liked them both and why not have more of what one likes? Why limit yourself to only the more inexpensive brands? Just knowing she spent more on Poppy made her think that when she used it she was immersing herself in luxury, while although the other smelled good, she did not spend much on it so she used it sparingly. She rather use the more expensive brand and so get used to expensive taste hopefully. She was not rich, but she wanted to know the difference between good quality and an even better quality. Also, she tried her hand in pastel crayon art on sketching paper but she did not make good drawings this last time. She ended up writing down statistics of Facebook's "Cafe World" game because she wanted to calculate how long it would take to buy specific items she wanted from the game's store, or how long it would take to level up 140 times to beat her old friend which was about two months if she played ten hours a day making cheeseburgers. Even though they are not friends anymore, she thinks somehow, even though she does not want to, that they may turn out to be friends again if he saw that she actually did beat him in Cafe World at level 180 like she told him long ago that she would. But now she just wants to write a masterpiece that is timeless and beautiful, productive to her life and others' who read her. Why not write something that enlivens the spirit and makes people happy? She did not know how hard it can be to be happier than only contentment. In fact she knew from a traumatic event how joyless life feels like when an emptiness in her soul strained her good sense. Her reason went down the toilet when she read her favorite book that was to guide her to a better life. She repented, she cried, but it did not heal her. She was never as devastated in her life as in that moment. And so now when she is sorry or sad and thinks about her depression she feels better but understands that that is a gift and is not always so. Nature does not have to happen that way but thank goodness it does.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.07.2011

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