CAUTION

Caution: this book contains a lot of sexual content, virile jokes, and etc. that might not be appropriate for younger readers. The age recommendation is there for a reason. read at your own risk.

Intro: Easy, I throw my pussy at everyone

The first three years of my high school career, I didn't hang out with the guy...Hell, if I'm being honest, I didn't even realize he existed! And there's a reason for that! He's a total nerd, geek, virgin, whatever you wanna call him.

Me? Whether it means stealing my parents' alcohol, or just going to a club for the night,
I like to have fun!

Jesse McCall? He doesn't look like he knows the definition of fun, and he's one of those walking dictionaries.

But, I'd actually like to graduate school, and not by the skin of my teeth. Now I'm not saying I want to be valedictorian because—let's face it—I've smoked way too much pot for that to even be a slight possibility, but I'm not dumb and don't like seeming like I am. I wanna do good in school—and no, it's not only because my parents' said they'd take away my car if I failed a single class...emphasis on 'only'.

Jesse's my only chance.

"Okay, so....to solve this particular equation we have to first, distribute the negative sign through the parenthesis. Next, we have to get the variable on one side and the numbers on the other. And because you do to one side what you did to the other, I'd add '2d' to both sides to get rid of the '-2d' on the left side. Then, I would, subtract '7' from both sides, to get the variable on one side and the number on the other. That way we could--"

I licked my bottom lip as I huffed, "Way-way-way-wait a second."
Jesse froze, looking up at me from the tips of his brown curls of hair, "Okay...what's the problem?"

I forced a laugh, "What's the problem? The problem is that you don't speak English!"

"Well, no, I don't speak proper English, but barely anyone does now-a-days."

"Can you speak a bit slower, maybe?"

Jesse shrugged with an amused smile, "You want me to go slower? We've been working on the same problem for the past six hours."

"Well maybe I have better things to do then find the math problem's 'x'. I mean, hello? She's gone, and she's never coming back!" I yelled dramatically at the notebook Jesse was clutching on his lap.

Jesse narrowed his eyes, "Ha-ha, very funny. Now back to the problem--"

"I don't know the answer. You apparently do, so just...tell me the answer."

"I'm not gunna help you cheat."

"Why not?"

"Because, it's wrong," I rolled my eyes, "...besides, how is it you managed to pass your freshman, sophomore, and junior year without passing algebra."

"Easy, I throw my pussy at everyone." I said flatly, tossing my legs over the arm of my couch and glancing at my nails like all the cheerleaders do twenty-four-seven.

But even from my peripheral vision, I could see Jesse blush. "Your, uh...pussy?"

"Yeah, see. Here she comes now." I mumbled, lifting Meeka from the floor and placing her on my lap. I gently ran my hands over her silky black coat of shedding hair and began to talk to her, "Say isn't that right, Meeka."

Jesse forced a smile, "Oh...that kinda pussy, right...um..."

I bit my lip to hold back a chuckle.

As much as Jesse's goody-to-shoes ways bugged me, his constant nervousness was refreshing, compared to all the perverted jokes I'd have to deal from all the cocky bastards at school. I actually found it kinda sweet, how Jesse was easily embarrassed and intimidated. It was cute how easily I could shake him up, make him blush....especially since it was by me, a girl. To other girls, yeah I guess I could be pretty scary since I have a bite that backs up my bark (unlike most girls who are all talk), but guys rarely thought of me as threatening.

“…that’s a joke right?”

I stared at Jesse with disbelief, “Do you honestly think I’d have sex with Mr. Towels?”

“Well, I—“

“I mean, maybe I’d fuck Mr. Richardson because he at least has a full head of hair. Mr. Towels; he’s bald, not to mention fat.”

“Mr. Towels isn’t bald.”

“Hun, it’s called a toupee.”

“Oh…”

We both sat silent and motionless for the longest moment; I stared at Jesse, Jesse, to no avail, pretended not to notice my staring by glaring at his notepad.

“What’s up with you?” I asked, and the moment I did, I regretted it.

“Do you think I’m good looking?"

My eyes went wide with surprise, “Wait, what?”

“Do you think I have you know…symmetrical features? Because I read in a book once that symmetrical facial features are a sign of strong genes in a male and are a common trait in attractive people. And so I was just wondering if—“

I moaned while glaring up at the ceiling, “Uuhh! Who’s the girl?”

Jesse stopped rambling and looked up at me, “What?”

“Who’s the girl, the one you’re all bent out of shape about?”

Jesse shrugged, forcing an awkward smile that immediately told me he was about to lie, “What? No, there’s no girl.”

“Look, do you want my help, or no…? Who’s the girl?”

Jesse sighed, easily and quickly giving in, “Natalie Richter.”

I immediately burst into a fit of laughter, “Na…Natalie? You have a crush on Natalie? Natalie Richter? Oh man, you are screwed.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, and then furrowed his brow to glare at me. To my surprise his glare was actually pretty scary, “You don’t have to be a bitch about it.”

I rubbed at the stinging wetness that was forming over my eyes, trying to stop myself from laughing, “Whoa! Hey, take it easy man; I’m just being realistic here. You? You’re a total noob. And her? Natalie Richter? She’s your typical princess; blonde, fake-ass implants, loads of money from daddy. She’s way out of your league.”

“You know what, forget it. Tomorrow at school I’ll tell Mr. Towels that it’s not working out and you want a new tutor.”

“But I don’t, you’re like the smartest kid in our class.”

“Next to Natalie Richter—“

“Yeah, but I’d only last about…not even an hour, before the blissful thought of stabbing myself in the neck with her stiletto heels till I bled to death came to mind.”

“Oh please, she’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad? Every other word out of her mouth isn’t even a word. Her whole cheerleader lingo is made up of acronyms, which is pretty ironic considering the fact that she spells everything out during cheerleading practice.”

“That’s what she’s supposed to do. Besides, cheerleading I’m sure involves more then just spelling.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I corrected myself as I rested my elbows on my knees to look Jesse in his big brown eyes, “Not only does she have to spell the word ‘GO’ five times in a row, which we all know is very difficult, she also has to jump up and down while shaking glittery pieces of string.”

“Whatever.” Jesse muttered his incredible retort to my sarcasm.

“Face it, Jesse McCall. The girl your in love with is a blonde airhead, as easy to read as an open book.”

“No girl is easy to read. Your whole…world kind of scares me, actually.”

I laughed, cocking my head to the side, “You’re talking about us, women, as if we’re a complete different species. You’re the one with the cooties.”

Finally Jesse laughed, a surprisingly sweet sound that erupted from the back of his throat and warmed my insides…he had a cute laugh.

“Fine, but you all are still so…complicated.”

“Not really; most teenage girls are just like guys; depressed or bored and extremely horny. Most girls just don’t admit it because they’re afraid of looking like a slut.”

“You seem to be pretty blunt to me.”

“Well, I’m not like most girls, am I?”

Jesse laughed again, his genuine laugh that wasn’t at all forced, “No, I guess not…hey, you think you could help me?”

“Depends what help your looking for; you want help for your slightly…small problem,” I said gesturing toward his pants, “you’re going to have to see a doctor. Did you know that more then a third quarter of the male sex-organ is inside the body? You could always just get a penile enlargement.”

Jesse huffed with amusement, “No, I’m not talking about that…I mean, since…you are a girl—”

“Uh, YEAH! Can you not see the cleavage, or do I have to completely remove my shirt?”

Jesse blushed, but he did his best to ignore the comment, “—and you say you can read girls like an open book so…maybe you could help me.”

“Exactly what is it you’re asking me?” I asked with an arced brow, extremely curios now.

“Could you help me, get a girlfriend?”

“More specifically, Natalie?”

Jesse nodded.

I sat motionless for a moment as I thought…not only would it be a pain in the ass, but it would be extremely difficult since Jesse is the biggest pencil-neck I’ve ever met next to Natalie. The HUGE difference being Natalie was also a cheerleader, automatically making her “popular”. Jesse was just…Jesse. Although…maybe it would be a little fun, teaching Jesse to stop his geekish ways and turn him into my little bad-ass, “Why not? It’ll be fun…but you have to do everything I say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: so what you guys think? I tried to make the introduction chapter funny and entertaining, so was it good? Or was it an epic fail? Please post a comment, so I know what you all think and if you all want me to update…

1: I Can't Teach You To Use Your Balls If You Don't Have Any

"'37 Rules for Being a Man'...what the hell is this?" I asked, glaring at the pamphlet of papers Jesse had given to me.

Jesse just shrugged, "I found them online."

"You went online and looked up 'How to be a man'?"

"No, I looked up 'Rules

to being a man'?"

I shook my head and laughed, "Oh my god, dude! I can't teach you how to use your balls if you don't have any!"

Jesse narrowed his eyes in confusion making me laugh again. He sighed and plopped down onto the couch. I sat next to him, throwing my legs over his lap. Jesse rolled his eyes, but didn't move or push my legs off...smart boy!

"Rule number one, it is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances; when a heroic dog dies to save it's master, the moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse, after wrecking your boss' car, " I cackled, realizing that was the only time I ever saw my brother, David, cry. He was fired, "One hour, twelve minutes, and thirty-seven seconds into 'the Crying Game'. And last, but not least, when she is using her teeth." I busted out laughing, thrusting my face into the back of the couch to muffle my noise (the parents upstairs where trying to sleep, since they both work night shifts), "Never mind, you can have this. It's actually pretty funny."

Jesse again just rolled his eyes, "So...what do we do?"

I sighed, then bit my bottom lip narrowing my eyes at him, "Well...before we get down to," I said dropping my voice an octave, my interpretation of a guy's voice, "'The Rules of Being a Man', we have to fix...you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, your look!"

"What about it?"

"Are you kidding. You're like twenty-first century Urkle...but white."

"Am not!"

"Well, you might not be wearing your pants up to your moobs like him, but seriously? What's up with the khakis and oversized sweater?"

He completely ignored my question, focusing on one thing, "I DO NOT HAVE MOOBS!"

"How am I supposed to know that? How's any girl supposed to know that? You're wearing a sweater big enough to fit ten Fat Alberts."

Jesse again, kept his mouth shut; his only come-back was a role of the eyes.

I got off of Jesse and grabbed his hand, dragging him upstairs to my brother's old room before he'd moved out a few months ago. I opened the closet door and sifted through all the clothes he'd left behind. I found a simple white t-shirt and baggy jeans.

I turned, throwing the clothes at Jesse. Jesse just stood still, looking completely annoyed when the clothes hit him in the face, falling into his hands, "What am I supposed to do with these?"

"It's clothing!"

"I know that."

"Then what are you waiting for? Strip!"

"What? No!"

"Seriously, Jesse! You've got nothing I want, or haven't already, seen. Just change into the clothes, it's not like I'm telling you to take off your tightie-whities."

Jesse eyes narrowed, lips twitching into a half-smile, "Tightie-whities?"

"Will you strip already...or do you need some help?" I asked, batting my eyes with as much false innocence as I could muster. Jesse's eyes went wide, and just as I had suspected, that was all that needed to be said to motivate him.

First he tore of his khakis changing into the baggy jeans. It was extremely amusing to watch Jesse struggle to hold up the jeans while stripping out of his sweater. After a long moment of watching him clutch at the pants for dear life, I rolled my eyes and walked over to him.

"Relax. Your pants is supposed to show your underwear," I said simply, running my fingers through the loops of the jeans and yanking them from his hands to rest loosely on his upper thighs, revealing his blue and grey plaid boxers, "See?" I said, looking up at Jesse.

Jesse blushed and quickly tore his deep brown eyes away from mine...guess he's never had a girl pull on his pants before, tehe.

I stood back up and examined as Jesse quickly grabbed for the t-shirt, pulling it over his bare chest...surprisingly, he had been telling the truth. Jesse, definitely, did NOT

have man-boobs. Now, he wasn't as muscular as the football team, but he definitely

had enough to not look like a scrawny twig.

"Perfect!" I yelped extremely excited and surprised at how different a simple change of wardrobe made Jesse look...but the look doesn't make the person; it's the personality, the attitude. And Jesse is no

where close to being a bad-ass...yet!

"Just have to mess up that silly center part," I uttered to myself as I took a step forward and shoved my left hand into his full head of brown curls. I stuck my tongue out, all my concentration on his head (tehe, that sounds sooooooooooooooo wrong

)as if it were the S-A-Ts. I shook my hand, messing up his carefully parted hair, so that when I pulled my hand out of the mass of curls, he had what girls called 'sexy bed-head' hair. His hair was pointed in all directions, but didn't look disgustingly knotty and crazy like a hobo's...or pretty much anyone that never took a shower.

Jesse glared at me, frowning.

"Why do you look so glum?! You're one step-closer to becoming a man!"

Jesse flashed a fake smirk, the type that most 'bad-boys' were famous for, "Ha-ha, very funny."

"Well there's a hell of a lot more where that came from."

Impressum

Texte: All rights are reserved
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 30.06.2012

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Dedication - to Wattpad User: RomanceRuler(can't remember the numbers, LoL)