Chapter One

Ideas were ricocheting back and forth in my mind, the moment Mrs. Bowman explained the new drawing assignment to the class.

We had to make an abstract portrait—which was pretty much a drawing of a person that lacked in logic or just didn’t make sense at all—and my model was no doubt going to be my best friend, Lucy. We always work together when given the chance, ALWAYS!

Lucy’s a beautiful Hispanic with gorgeous curly black hair, and an extremely curvy body. She’s beautiful, smart, and extremely talented when it comes to painting. So I could draw a portrait and make it so that half her face is its normal, beautiful, flawless, angelicness—is that even a word? No, I don’t think so! Oh well, I’ve just created a new word—and then the other half I’ll paint instead of draw. And despite how beautiful her curly and wild hair is, she’s always complaining about how frizzy and messy it is. Every morning, except for the rare days were she’s either too lazy or wakes up late, she straightens her hair, so the painted half of her face with have elegant yet crazy curls, while the other half will have stick straight hair. It’ll look so cool, and I’m sure Lucy will love it! I need one more piece to enter in my art show, so this will be perfect! It might even be good enough to be my star piece! Then I’ll be accepted to an art college and I won’t have to go to school and become a doctor or a lawyer like my parents want me to be…Gosh! Why can’t they just accept my dreams! They’ll have to when they come to my art show and see all the passion and dedication I’ve put into this—“Ashley, you’ll be partnered with Zane Kochel,” Mrs. Bowman said as she flipped her long locks of hair over her shoulder and the teacher that I, for four years of being in the high school, considered my favorite teacher suddenly became a piñata; a beautiful piñata full of candy that me, the eight year old with the plastic bat, wanted to break open.

I was-am a good kid. Lucy even calls me ‘The Parent’s Wet-Dream’ because I get straight A’s, am the star forward on my soccer team, am in multiple academic clubs including the Latin Club, and the name is from one of my favorite movies ‘The Breakfast Club’.

But now? All I wanted to do was crawl on all fours across the wooden drawing tables to Mrs. Bowman and pull as hard as I could on her weave.

I mean, seriously! What was she thinking? Is she crazy? Mentally unstable? I always work with Lucy. My peers know that, and so do my teachers. Mrs. Bowman has never partnered me with anyone else but Lucy! So what the heck!

And Zane?

Out of all people?

My future as an artist depends on my work! I have to put one hundred ten percent of my effort into every piece I do! The slightest little thing that’s wrong, could turn off one and/or all recruiters! I want this-no! I need this!

I love my parents, but drawing is my passion! I’m going to do my best to pursue my talent, despite how unprofessional and unrealistic of a job my parents think artistry is…we even made a deal! If I’m not offered a job or given the chance to go to school for art by the end of senior year, I’m done! I’ll have to do what my parents want and become a brain surgeon or something!

Zane? He’s the biggest slacker in this school! If he’s my partner, I stand no chance! Lucy had to work with him and a couple other people once for a project in Algebra II last year, and he made them do everything. And by everything, I mean everything! He didn’t lift up a finger! He just slept the whole day…

“You okay! You look pissed!” Zane said as he took the now occupied seat across from me, where only minutes ago Lucy had been sitting.

Not wanting to talk or even look at Zane, I flipped him the birdie without lifting my infuriating face away from my agenda to his.

I heard Zane chuckle, “Good girl gone bad, huh? Sorry you got stuck with me princess, but you can’t get everything you want no matter how much money your daddy’s got.”

I went agape as I snapped my eyes to his, making sure that my most intimidating glare was on my face. Had he just insulted me? Yes! He did! I’m not a princess and I’m not spoiled, like everyone thinks! Everyone assumes things just because my parents are rich that I’m self-centered! I’m not! I just want to make a good future for myself, and Zane will never be a part of that.

I glared into his pleased brown eyes and frowned when his smirk only grew bigger. Apparently my intimidating glare isn’t that intimidating at all…

Zane winked at me and I rolled my eyes and groaned in anger as I wrote down in huge letter on the bottom of my agenda:

Get New Drawing Partner!!!!!!

Chapter Two

"Ashley, I understand that this means a lot to you, I really do, but I highly doubt that one boy will completely jeopardize your future.”

I scoffed sarcastically, so shocked that she was defending him! I mean, all the teachers hate Zane! Don’t they…?

He never does his school work! He’s always disrespectful and obnoxious during class! And around girls he turns into either a complete douche, or an immature pervert!

“Mrs. Bowman, please! Just let me work with Lucy! Or-actually! No! I don’t even have to work with Lucy! Pick anyone! Anyone else in class, just not Zane! I need someone who takes art seriously!”
Mrs. Bowman stood up as she sighed to lean on her desk and look me straight in the eyes, “Ashley…take a deep breath and calm down,”

I listened to her soft voice and took in a deep breath, my rasping breaths and my heart slowing back to its normal pace, “Now that you’ve calmed down…I’m not going to change your partner—“

“—But—“ I began but Mrs. Bowman flicked her pointer finger at me, immediately silencing my plea.

“—like I was saying, I’m not going to change your partner. Yes, Zane doesn’t take school as seriously as he should, but he’s got a lot going on in his life, and school, to him, isn’t a priority right now.”

“And so you partnered me with him, why? School is a priority for me! It’s my top priority, actually!”

Mrs. Bowman sighed again, “That’s exactly why I’ve partnered you with him. He might slack off in school, but he really is a good kid. He’s smart, too. Just give him a chance, Ashley. Be his beacon of light, for lack of a better phrase.”

“What?” I asked so befuddled by her reply.

“Give him some hope for a better future.” She said with a soft and small smile, one of sympathy and sadness...it was a smile that made me wonder…

Why did Mrs. Bowman have empathy for Zane?

Why would ANYONE have sympathy for such an irresponsible, reckless, ill-mannered….jerk, like Zane?

Chapter Three

“Hey, partner! I wasn’t expecting you! You just can’t live without me, can you?” Zane said as he ran a hand through his spiky and short black hair, that same annoying smirk that made me want to slap him on his face.

I dropped my lunch tray, letting it slam into the lunch table which was only occupying him…the poor guy, sits alone at lunch. He doesn’t have ANY friends, literally.

“Yeah! I just can’t live without your good-looks and charm.”

Zane’s smile grew, “Oh really?”

I rolled my eyes, “Haven’t you ever heard of sarcasm?” I asked feeling so abruptly angry that it made my breaths catch in my throat. I’ve never felt so frustrated and annoyed in my life.

“So what you want partner?” Zane asked, never faltering or losing the smirk.

“What do I want? Not you! If we’re going to be partners you’re going to change! No more slacking! No more partying or drinking or getting high or whatever it is you do to waist your weekends—“

Zane’s eyes went wide as he laughed, “—And what do you do on the weekends? Study? Community service?”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comment and continuing on with my little speech, “And no more disrespect! You don’t know me, so stop acting like you do! You have no right to say the things you do!”

Zane’s smirk disappeared and instead he squinted at me as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying, “You’re right! I don’t know you, but who the hell do you think you are to tell me how to act?” Zane said softly, yet there was an edge, a bit of anger, behind his words that made me shiver and second guess myself. I was wavering…I never waver!

I stood motionless and silent for a moment, eyes big and fluttering, “Um…excuse me?”

Zane rolled his eyes in anger and stood up slamming his palms onto the lunch table. He leaned forward, across the lunch table to glare down at me, making a shiver go up my spine. For the first time I didn’t feel superior to Zane…I felt scared!

“You have no right to talk to me like I’m some peasant, some poor bad-mannered kid that you’re higher then, cause you’re not! You’re no better than me!”

My heart leapt into my throat and I stuttered, “Well-I…I n-never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. It’s quite clear that you think you’re better than me, just by the way you think you can order me around! You think I don’t see the stares I get from the football team, your boyfriend more specifically?”

“Well-I…”

“You think I don’t know what you’re friends say about me? What you think about me?”

“I…I…”

“I know way too much, Ashley James Sinclair! And you know what, I don’t care. You can think what you want, say what you want, because another thing you’re right about is you don’t know me! I know me! So the one and only thing you may not do, is boss me around like your own personal slave! Got it?!”

I looked into Zane’s brown eyes, and for a moment I felt like crying. He was clearly angry, but behind his anger I could also see how much he hurt, and how weak he felt…I felt bad-horrible even!

Had I done that to him? Had I made him feel that way and not even realized it?

Shocked by his outburst and by my concerned feelings, I nodded not sure I’d be able to speak without squeaking.

Zane’s hard and angry eyes immediately went soft and for a moment it was like staring into a different person, a different soul…“Okay…good…”

Zane mumbled as he picked up his tray and cleared before storming out of the cafeteria.

I ignored the curious stares from all my peers around the lunch room and stared aimlessly at my food until the bell rang.


“What’s a’ matter?” Josh asked knocking me out of a trance, which I hadn’t even been aware I was in.

“What? Oh, um, nothing…just thinking.” I mumbled as I threw my remaining few books into my locker and slammed it shut.

Josh put his arms around me pulling me toward him and sighing, “Are you sure? Cause if you’re upset about that freak, Zane, bothering you, me and the football team will take care of him.”

I pulled back from his embrace to stare at him with disappointment, “I’m not upset about him, and even if I was I wouldn’t want you and the football team to ‘take care of him’…and he’s not a freak…he’s just…troubled I guess.”

“He’s a dick.”

I giggled, “Yeah, but you are too whenever the Steelers loose a football game.”

Josh rolled his eyes teasingly and leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips, “Now c’mon…if I drop you off late to your house again, your father will have my hind.”

I giggled as I let Josh direct me to his car by my waist, a warm and gentle touch that did nothing more than make me want to sleep, “He’d probably hang it above our fireplace, too.”

Josh chuckled, “What a pretty sight.”

I hoped into the back of Josh’s fancy convertible next to Lucy who was giggling incessantly trying to tell me about how Nathan, Lucy’s boyfriend and Josh’s best friend, slapped her butt with a ruler during wood shop. Nathan was sitting shotgun, and turned up the radio blasting the latest techno songs that my generation seemed obsessed with. You know, the songs that are played over and over every day for a year till you can’t change the radio station without hearing the same exact song…yeah; the one’s I hate!

I rolled my eyes, sighed, and then spotted Zane.

He was, just now, walking out of the high school.

A strange erg pulled at my gut to talk to him, and I never ignore my gut…“Hey, I’ll be back. I’ll be just a sec.” I told Josh as I hoped out the back of his car and jogged over to Zane.

When Zane noticed me running toward him he stopped walking to wait for me, ‘Zane! Hey!”

Zane slowly spoke as if he thought I was trying to trick him, “Hi….what do you want?”

“I want to apologize,” I gasped in between breaths, “You’re completely right about me judging you and I didn’t even give you a chance. I’m sorry.”

Zane shrugged, “Okay. Thanks.” And then he continued to walk in the direction he had before I stopped him, yanking on a leather jacket.

I sighed, feeling a weird twist of guilt. I truly felt bad, and it didn’t seem to me like he was excepting my apology…I mean, hello! Isn’t that what he wants! I was rude, he deserves an apology!
I ran towards Zane once more, only by the time I made it to him he was straddling a rather big, loud, and dangerous looking black motorcycle that made me want to run away and hide in fear.

“Well, um, maybe if you want you could come with me and my friends over to my house! We could start on our project!” I blurted out before giving myself a chance to reject the idea of inviting him.

Zane looked shocked at first, and then hid his feelings as he peered over my shoulder at the car across the parking lot honking its horn and blasting ‘We Found Love’ by Rhianna.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He mumbled, and I couldn’t hold back the frown. I could feel my stomach flip as an emptiness within it grew, and then it quickly disappeared as I quickly and in my head scolded myself…no way was I going to feel bad or disappointed by Zane’s rejection. If he didn’t want to hang out with the populars, and be the freak that everyone thought he was, fine! Whatever! I don’t care!

“If you really want to work on the project, though, I could give you a ride.” Zane offered holding up a motorcycle helmet to me.

I dumbly looked at the helmet, then at Zane, and then to his shiny black bike which was now growling…I was too frightened to even realize that it was just the sound of Zane starting up his bike.

Then another honk of the horn from Josh’s car made it’s way throughout the student parking lot and I jumped…I actually winced! Aren’t I smooth?

“Rain check?” Zane asked, but he didn’t wait for my reply.

He put on the helmet, and then without any warning drove off leaving me behind to listen to the scary echo of his groaning bike’s engine.

Chapter Four

The next morning, I was too tired to even change out of my nighttime get-up. I literally came to school—for the first time ever, mind you!—in a tank top, a zip up sweatshirt—to cover my shoulder’s since bare shoulders are, says the school board, distracting…I don’t know about you, but I’ve never not been focused on school because a guy or girl was wearing a sleeveless shirt on the other side of the room! I mean seriously! I might be a teenager, but I’m not a teenage boy. The slightest bit of bare flesh doesn’t engross my attention—and baggy sweatpants with the small but bejeweled word Pink across my butt cheeks.

I quickly brushed my teeth, and hair only to pull it up into a sloppy side ponytail within five minutes of messing with the frizzy tendrils of strawberry blonde hair.

Physically, for no apparent reason, I felt exhausted. All day I’ve been dragging my feet, trying my best to hide the fact that I’m actually dozing off while Lucy’s talking to me, as we walk down the hall.


Even now with my music blasting through my headphones, and my mind determined to at least finish the sketch for my abstract portrait, I can feel my eye lids growing heavier and heavier. I can feel the calm and relaxing feel of sleep overcoming me when I feel someone nudge me in the arm. If I had been fully awake, it probably wouldn’t have felt any different than a soft flick to the shoulder, but because I was just about to fall asleep I literally stumbled over the side of my seat, almost falling on my butt in front of everyone…well, I’m awake now.

I turn to glare at the person who just felt the need he just had to be a pain, and push me.

Zane.

What a surprise?

I see his lips move, but I can’t hear anything. All I hear is the loud thud of a bass, drums, and a guitar echoing in my eardrum. I sigh, very VERY annoyed, and take out my ear bud, “What?”

“I said, what are you humming? It sounds familiar, but I can’t pin-point it.” Zane says with an amused smirk, the same one he plants on his face every day. Trying to start small talk I presume…

I roll my eyes and look at my IPod, so tired that I can’t even think of the songs name, “Ummm, Next Contestant by Nickelback,” I mumble before putting one of my ear buds back in, and leaving the other one dangle just in case someone—ah-hum! Zane!—would try to talk to me…I might be tired, and extremely pissy, just because, but I’m not a complete rude and bossy neat-freak that’s going to flat out ignore people.

I turned away from Zane, to look at my wonderful master piece…a blank and bright white sheet of paper…it kept beckoning, calling to me to draw, paint, scribble, do something! But I couldn’t! I was blank! And that just angered and frustrated me even more!

It’s like writer’s block, but for artists…the blank sketch paper is begging me to work, but at the same time it’s growling at me! It’s laughing at my vacant imagination, unable to even pick up a pencil…

How was I supposed to draw an abstract and meaningful drawing of someone I barely know? Obviously I can’t base my drawing off my observations of Zane. No matter how horribly I think of him, Mrs. Bowman keeps telling me and assuring me that when I get to know him, Zane…? He can be a very cool kid!

…how would she know anyway? Oh my god! I bet she has a thing for him! Maybe a Student Teacher love affair! Oh my gosh, how could I even think of something like that?

“You listen to Nickelback?” Zane asked, sounding either surprised or impressed…probably a bit of both. Just because of my background everybody pinpoints me as the type of girl that listens to Bach and Opera. Don’t get me wrong, I love Phantom of the Opera, but pretty much any girl that’s seen it does!

“Yes.” I groaned as I rubbed my temples, a loud ringing suddenly in my left ear making it twice as hard to think.

“Hu! Never would have thought you as the type to listen to that kinda stuff…figured you listened to Bach and Beethoven and what’s that other guy? Starts with an M?”

“Mozart,” just figured I’d take a wild guess, seemed like a pretty good candidate…

“Yeah, that guy.”

…I told you…

“Well maybe you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover,” I said feeling even more irritated by the fact that he kept making assumptions! He ALWAYS made assumptions! Everyone ALWAYS makes assumptions!

Zane laughed, “Partner, maybe you should take your own advice.”

That comment immediately made me think of yesterday in the cafeteria. Zane had flipped out on me, because I kept “trying to control him like he was some kind of a slave”!

Bull crap!

What does he want from me?

I’ve apologized, and then I’d actually meant it! Now he was just annoying me, like every other day. He’s so nosy and puerile and bipolar…one second he’s calling the girl next to him a filthy whore, the next he’s complimenting the girls rack! And the crazy thing is, it works!

Girls are always drooling over the misfit, misunderstood, bad boy, which they think is Zane.

“Nice portrait, by the way. I love how you drew my features, it’s real sexy.” Zane says nudging me teasingly again, only this time I’m awake enough to keep from slipping off the stool.

I looked down at the blank sheet of paper and giggled, “Yeah, looks just like you,” I mumble, “But I have to say, I love your portrait of me! It’s real fitting.” I say as I look at the empty space on the wooden table in front of him.

And that’s right, I said empty.

The lazy bum can’t even waist enough breath to grab a freakin paper to sketch on. He’s just sitting on the stool, his steel toed boots resting on the table top where his drawing should be. All twenty minutes of class that’s gone by, Zane has just sat there, flirting with the girl on the other side of him and ripping out blank lined papers which he only crumples up and attempts at throwing into the huge yellow trashcan a good few feet away.

Zane sighs and cracks his neck as if he’s achy from a long day of manual labor…ha-ha, yeah right! It’s not like he couldn’t handle it, I’m sure. Zane, he’s a pretty beefy guy with muscular arms and broad shoulders, but he just seems like the type of guy that works out at home instead of doing actual work…maybe you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, I reprimand myself!

Zane then leans back and stretches his arms behind his head, “Well,” he breathes out, “I try.”

I look at Zane with an amused smile, my brow furrowed in disbelief…I couldn’t tell, was he being serious? Or was he being sarcastic? Dissing himself? He might be, but he looked completely serious. There was no hint of a smirk on his face anymore.

Zane looked over at me, looked at his boots, then quickly back to me eyes squinting, “Are you wearing make-up?”

“Uh, no,” I answered slowly unsure of where or how that even came up…what does he care anyway…
Zane nodded indifferently as if his next comment meant nothing, “Hu! You look a lot better without all that black shit around your eye.”

I huffed, “Wait! What?”

“That black pencil that every girl sticks in her eye now-a-days...?”

“You mean eyeliner?” I asked seriously doubting that he didn’t know what eyeliner is.

“Yeah that, you look a lot prettier with it off.”

I could feel myself blush, despite my best efforts, as I smiled…he actually complimented me. He pretty much said I was a natural beauty. My boyfriend, he never says stuff like that to me, as horrible as it is. Hell, my boyfriend can barely even hold doors open for me!

“What?”

“What?” I asked back, unsure of what Zane was asking or referring to.

“Why are you blushing? Why you smiling like that?”

I could feel the warmth in my cheeks grow hotter as my smile grew, “Sorry, I’m just not used to compliments…thanks.”

“What you mean you’re not used to compliments? Your boyfriend’s always talking about your ass in gym.”

I giggled feeling the slightest bit awkward now knowing that out of everything, Josh talked about my butt to his friends, “Yeah, well he hasn’t said anything like that to me since, like, freshman year when we first started dating.”

Zane chuckled with skepticism, “Really? That’s kinda pathetic…then again, I figured Neanderthals like him would only be useful for two things.”

“Oh yeah? And what would those two things be.”

“Opening tightly closed jars, and killing spiders.”

I lost it.

My whole body shook as I giggled loudly, indifferent of all the kids and a curious Mrs. Bowman watching me. I covered my mouth in an attempt to keep my laugh from echoing around the small classroom, but in the end it did very little to muffle my noise.

Zane looked at me, as I laughed, brow furrowed in a disbelieving yet amused facial expression,

“Um, why are you laughing?” he asked

“Why am I laughing?” I asked as the giggles slowly came to a stop, every now and then I’d have to hold back yet another giggle like I would a surprising hic-up, “What you said, about Josh being a
Neanderthal…it was funny.”

“Ummm, it wasn’t exactly supposed to be funny. To you, at least. That was an insult, Ashley! To your boyfriend!”

I shrugged, “So! Josh laughs at me all the time when I trip up the stairs or something, so I only thinks it’s fair.”

Zane nodded, then huffed as if he just realized something. And then giggled. Seconds later his giggle turned to a deep chuckle overflowing with amusement, which scored us another round of weird looks from our classmates.

“Well why are you laughing, if it wasn’t supposed to be funny?” I asked, taking out my other ear bud, and turning towards Zane.

Zane looked at me, suppressing more chuckles, and flashed a sexy half smile—wait! No! Not sexy! Annoying! That’s what I meant!

“You said you trip going up the stairs?”

I opened my mouth to say something, and then choked on a squeal which made me begin to giggle even more.

“Miss. Perfect trips going up the stairs.”

“Only a few times I—”

“Only a few times? Zane said with yet another chuckle interrupting me.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“……………….shut up!” I retorted—I know! Clever right?—as I shoved my headphones back into my ears to ignore his laughter. The laughter that was directed at me! And it wasn’t because him laughing hurt my feelings, not at all.

It’s just hard to admit, like Zane said, that I’m not really ‘Miss. Perfect’.

I don’t try so hard, for everyone to point out everything that I’m bad at…even if my only ‘epic fail’ EVER, is indeed tripping going up the stairs over not even the stairs itself, but my own feet…

Chapter Five

“Do you like Zane,” Lucy asked, interrupting my thought process, which I was forcing myself to gather to study the Pythagorean Theorem. I pretty much already knew the tricks and rules to finding the answers for a, b, and c, but we had a big quiz on it in a few days so I figured I’d study anyway…okay, my father said it would be a good idea, “Better safe than sorry,” is pretty much his motto, but I get straight A’s. I’ve never once had a failing grade in my life, or even a grade under a ninety, so why is he all bent out of shape? Who knows, with that guy?
“What?”
“Do you like Zane?” Lucy asked, her face serious but flushed.
I sat on my bed agape for the longest moment, not because I did like Zane and was afraid to admit it, but because I was surprised.
We never talked about Zane, mostly because he annoyed the shit out of us…at least he used to. Over the past few days my opinion of him has changed…can he be rude, disrespectful, obnoxious, perverted, disgustingly virile, and stupid? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! And YES! But he’s really funny, and I’ve gotten used to his arrogant attitude…still Lucy and the rest of my “clique” hated the guy. He’s a slacker, a waste of time and space…so why did she so abruptly ask me, “Oh my god, you do! You like him? I can’t believe…well, I guess he’s not the most annoying guy on the planet…specially if you count window-licker Ian, or any of the other nerds, and he’s pretty hot too but…he’s such…the opposite of you.”
I huffed with amusement. Lucy, just like me was usually confident, fluently spoken, and prepared. Right now, it seemed like the gears in her head were spinning at uncontrollable speed to the point where she couldn’t concentrate or even take in a good breath without huffing and puffing. She was rambling, “Luce, relax. I don’t like Zane.”
“But-but…you were laughing with him the other day…you even blushed-and don’t you deny! I freakin saw it! I’m not blind!”
“It was nothing, Luce. We just talked, and he wasn’t a complete douche. He was funny.”
“Then why were you blushing?” Luce asked as she pointed a finger at me accusingly and jumped onto my bed, making it sway, next to me.
I stared into her dark brown eyes, trying to think of a way to make my blushing seem justified.
Lucy’s eyes went big, “Oh! My! God! You’re blushing! Again!”
“I am not!” I yelled defensively, hopping off my bed to confirm for myself in my bathroom mirror.
Soon enough, I was looking at myself in the mirror, my faded brown eyes wide with embarrassment as they glared at my rosy pink cheeks.
“I told you! I freakin told you! What did he say? What did he do?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes already feeling annoyed and tired of talking about the guy…God! She was blowing this so much out of proportion! She was making me feel guilty, making me feel like I was actually cheating on Josh! And I’m not, right? I only laughed…and blushed! That’s not a crime! Seriously, I flush when a cold wind blows across my face!
“Nothing, it’s not a big deal!”
“Tell me!” Luce mumbled through clenched teeth as she gave me, as my father—a huge fan of NCIS—calls it a jethrow. Her palm wacked me in the back of the head making me wince with a faint shock of numbing pain, “Tell me! What did he say!”
“He said I looked pretty, okay!” I growled under my breath feeling extremely angry, not because she kept pressuring me about Zane but because she hit me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve never hit her. We do it jokingly to each other all the time, but that smack? It hurt, like…really bad.
Lucy froze, and leaned her hip against the counter, “Huh?”
“He had asked me if I was wearing make-up, and when I said no, he said I looked prettier without the make-up.”
Lucy tried to grimace, but she’s never really been able to stay mad at anyone for longer than an hour. A genuine and beautiful smile touched her lips, lighting up her dark eyes and her tan skin, “Awww, now that’s cute.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed, “Luce, I don’t like the guy. It’s just that day he was nice, and Josh doesn’t say that kind of stuff to me anymore so it kind of caught me off guard.”
Luce nodded slowly, her eyes growing wide as her smile grew bigger and bigger, “What’s wrong with you? Why you still smiling, you’re kind of creeping me out!” I said with a giggle.
Lucy just shrugged, “Sounds like somebody likes you…”
I snorted, “Please! I’m the last girl that would ever go out with Zane, the last girl he’d probably want too. Like you said we’re complete opposites.”
“Uh-hu, sure,” Luce said under her breathe as she walked out of the bathroom, that goofy grin still plastered to her face.
Seemed to me like Zane wasn’t the guy I thought he was. Lucy’s opinion of him was definitely changing...

…And I was right!
The very next day when I walked into class Lucy was standing by Zane’s table talking and giggling away, standing straight making her chest look perkier then it actually was and flipping her gorgeous curls over her shoulder. Zane at first looked uncomfortable, but the last few minutes before the actual drawing class started and Lucy had to return to her seat, he relaxed and talked to her like she was a normal human being. She wasn’t higher than him, she was a peer, and maybe even a friend…despite my slight opinion change on him, though, I’m sure he couldn’t keep his eyes off her chest. Her dark smooth skin and that tight bright yellow polo short sleeve, almost made it impossible not to look. Even I was drawn to her ‘lovely lady lumps’. She always managed to show off all her curves without being revealing, at all.
“So I see you’ve got a new groupie,” I said teasingly as I took my seat next to Zane.
Zane hesitated as he watched Lucy at the other side of the room. He looked somewhat confused, but he didn’t bother hiding a smile, “Yeah, um…it was surprising.”
“What you mean it was surprising?” I asked as I got out a 3H pencil to lightly sketch the portrait, only I was blank. I still, even over the past few days, haven’t been able to learn enough about Zane to create a meaningful abstract portrait. Like usual, Zane hadn’t even got out a piece of paper or pencil. He just sat next to me, his cheek resting on his folded arms smirking, “Just never thought girls like you and her would give me the time of day.”
I rolled my eyes feeling very giddy and anxious, he was very amusing for some reason, “You and she,” I mumbled with a girly chuckle.
A brow raised, and he squinted in confusion making me laugh, “You said girls like you and her. The proper way to say it is you and she.”
Zane narrowed his eyes as his confusion grew, “But that makes no…that just doesn’t sound…whatever, you knew what I meant.”
I waited a moment, thinking about what he said, “Actually, no! I don’t get what you meant. You didn’t think girls like Lucy and I would give you the time of day?”
Zane chuckled with disbelief which made me feel cold-hearted, “C’mon, Ashley. You and Lucy are smart, popular, and have amazing legs.” I flushed, but would have probably turned a bright crimson if I didn’t already feel bad about making Zane feel like he wasn’t worth my time, “Not to mention you both have football player boyfriends. You’re most likely going to be valedictorian and have an amazingly creative mind. Lucy, she’s cheerleading captain, I mean. It’s totally cliché…Now, I’m not complaining, I’m used to being alone. I prefer it actually, but don’t pretend like you actually enjoy my company. If I didn’t show up to school tomorrow, would you care?”
“Of course I would—“
“Wrong!” Zane said with a chuckle, “You’d be over there with your bestie chatting on and on about how hot your boyfriends look in their uniforms.”
I glared.
“Okay maybe you wouldn’t be talking about that, but you certainly wouldn’t be over here pouting.”
My glare quickly disappeared to reveal hurt eyes and a frown. Never in my life had I felt so horrible. I had always thought I was a kind and caring person, but if I were honest and it was a few weeks ago, Zane would have been correct. I probably would have snuck over to Lucy and made fun of the weirdo with the motorcycle that I was stuck with for my drawing project and not thought twice about it…the same would have gone for anyone else that wasn’t in my “clique” or my friend. And he was smiling, like it didn’t bother him?
How could he not be bothered by the fact that he had no friends? No one who loved or even cared for his existence? Just like in the Breakfast club; if he were gone, it wouldn’t make a difference. It would be as if he never even existed.
Was it any different now?
Over the past few weeks I’ve actually began to enjoy his company. Sometimes he was obnoxious and would start talking about the most inappropriate stuff, yet I couldn’t not laugh. He managed to make everything funny and somewhat charming.
Usually when I went to drawing class, it was my artwork that drove me there; it was what made me excited to go to class in the morning despite how tired I felt. As much as I love Lucy, it was never her that made me want to go to school…and since I can’t exactly talk to Lucy during drawing anymore, and since I can’t seem to think of a drawing idea for the life of my future career, the only thing keeping me from acting like a dramatic teen artist that has lost her muse and creativity is indeed Zane, whether he believes it or not. I at first, I’ll admit, hated the thought of even being in the same room with the slacker Zane, but the more I talk to him the more I like him. He doesn’t seem it, mostly since he keeps to himself, but he really can be sweet, and has a really fun personality…so because of my perception change, would I still be cruel and ignore the fact that he ever existed when he didn’t show up to class? Would I give him the cold shoulder and talk behind his back like I used to?
“Whatever happened to ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’?”
Zane laughed, “I’m not judging by the cover, I’m judging by observations and experience. I’m judging by the contents.”
Now that really hurt, because everything he said, despite how much I denied it, was true. I might get straight A’s and read to little kids at the local library after school, but I’m no different than any other rumor starter in this school.
A weird jerk and twist of my stomach made me want to puke as tears stung my vision, but I blinked them back…I had never realized, never even thought…
It’s really hard to see and accept the type of person you really are, even when someone points it out or its right in front of you.
I surrounded myself with people that talked highly of themselves and expected to be the best, not caring who they tore down on their way to the top. I had turned into the person that I had always swore I’d never become, and hadn’t even noticed…strange how Zane, out of all people, could point all my faults in a way that actually made me feel guilty and want to change right then and there, when I didn’t even know the guy. He didn’t know me. Lucy could have told me I was a stuck-up-bitch and I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.
“Well what if I re-wrote my contents?” I asked, completely serious.
Zane stared at me for a moment, and then laughed, “You know how ridiculous that sounded?”
I attempted and failed, at hiding back a smile, “Well we were talking in the metaphor of humans being like books so—“
“Ashley?”
“Yeah!”
“Just…shut up…” he said it while laughing, and the biggest smile on his face, so it didn’t seem like he was trying to be rude. He just…wanted me to shut my trap I guess.
I giggled and for a moment we sat there in silence, “Zane?”
“Yeah?”
“How can you talk so low of yourself, and laugh? I just, I don’t get it.”
Zane smiled, “It’s not exactly talking low of myself as—“
“Me,” I interrupted making him gasp with amusement, “Will you stop correcting my grammar?”
I giggled like a two year old amused by their parents anger, “Sorry.”
“Anyway, it’s not talking low of ME, as much as it is repeating what other's say.”
I nodded slowly understanding what he was saying, yet not sure I was getting an answer to my question, “So…what? You mock the people that…talk about you?”
Zane just shrugs, as he pulls a piece of beef jerky out of his sweatshirt pocket and plops it into his mouth. Zane sees me watching and pulls out a small baggy of dried jerky, “Don’t you dare judge. Redneck jerky’s the shit!” he says with a giggle before handing the bag to me.
Curious, I took a handful of jerky and stuffed the handful into my jean pocket, only putting one in my mouth to try.
I’ve never had beef jerky, but it was actually pretty could. Just tasted like spicy, dried, beef.
Zane sighed, and after yet another silent moment, I went back to our previous conversation, “You don’t care about what other people think, do you?”
I expected more, but all he said was, “Depends.”

Chapter Six

Tears streaming down my eyes, making my cheeks itch and my lips taste salty and warm. My stomach hurt, my heart was pounding, and I couldn’t take in a single breath without sobbing, gasping, or choking on my own saliva. I was hurt, more than I ever thought was possible, yet I couldn’t turn away. I knew that it would only make me feel worse, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away…
...Rebecca, the gorgeous brunette from the school’s advanced choir, was standing against the side of Josh’s car. She was smiling and giggling, as her hair blew gracefully with the breeze.
She isn’t popular but she’s not a nerd, and she’s always been known as the shy innocent girl in school. Nothing about her now was innocent or shy, though.
Her skinny pale arms wrapped around Josh’s neck and pulled. He easily gave into the girl’s wants and leaned into her, leaving a trail of kisses on her shoulder, to her collar bone, to her jaw…and then her chin…and then their lips touched, and I couldn’t stand to watch any longer.
Despite my weak and wobbly legs I turned around ready to run as fast as I could only to collide into someone and fall on the ground anyway. Without bothering look up to see who had knocked me on my butt, I began to cry.
I didn’t care that all the teachers and students were watching me, I didn’t care that everyone would probably be talking about this tomorrow, I didn’t care…later I probably would, but right now I didn’t give a SHIT about ANYONE! I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted to go home, crawl into my bed, and cry like the gullible and pathetic blonde I was.
“Ashley, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…” I looked up and saw Zane. His voice trailed off as he looked outside to see what I was too naïve to even believe would ever happen.
“Ashley…I…I’m real sorry,” he began to mutter again, as his brown eyes slowly slid from Josh and Rebecca back to me.
This only made me want to scream. I was so embarrassed and felt so stupid! The last thing I wanted was someone’s pity, especially fake pity! Zane was probably laughing at me, inside at least.
Poor little rich girl!
“Do you…do you need a ride home?” Zane asked slowly and hesitantly, but I ignored him.
I got off my butt, and pushed him as hard as I could, making him stumble back only because he was surprised. Without saying anything or even giving him one last glance I took off, running down the hall past all the students and teachers telling me that running in the hall weren’t allowed.
“Ashley! Wait!” Zane yelled, but I didn’t look back until I saw Lucy and Nathan.

Chapter Seven

Josh might be Nathan’s best friend, but Nathan has not only been my best friend’s boyfriend, but my neighbor for the past few years. And because of that, he considers me to be the little sister he never had, which I am—especially now—very thankful for.
The moment I came running out of the school he ran up to me and embraced me in a big hug that made my beating heart immediately being too slow to a normal pace. He held me tight surrounding me with warmth, while Lucy slowly rubbed my back. They both whispered words of encouragement and sympathy as I tried to explain what happened between sobs and gasping breaths.
Stuff like, “He’s a dick! He’s a douche bag! He’ll regret it! Want me to chop off his microscopic penis?” came from Lucy, but Nathan couldn’t completely bash on his best friend, so he stuck with the neutral yet comforting comments, “You’re a beautiful girl, Ashley! You deserve better! He’s not worth your tears!”
And now looking aimlessly at the trees and fast moving ground beneath me, as Nathan drove me and Lucy to the nearest grocery store to get supplies for a last minute girls night—plus Nathan—I begin to realize, I never like Josh.
When we kissed, my heart didn’t flip. When we went out, I never felt excited. He never complimented me, or even held open the door…with him, I felt nothing. But that realization only took away part of the massive hurt in my heart.
No matter how much I admitted that I had no feelings for Josh, I still felt stupid and naïve for letting the thought of love drive me into this situation. Like many girls my age, I was in love with the thought of being in love, especially since Josh was supposedly the most popular guy in school next to the rest of the football team. I had wanted it to work, and so I was blinded by my wants and dreams…
Nathan and Lucy? Why couldn’t I have what they had?
Every one insisted it was puppy love. It was just young love, and once senior year was over, they’d leave each other! But I think they’re wrong…
Nathan and Lucy have been together ever since freshman year when Lucy had accidentally bumped into Nate when at lunch, smashing her mashed potatoes all over his shirt. She was so embarrassed, but he only laughed. The very next day was Valentine’s Day, and he had bought her a carnation asking her out.
They always fight, over the stupidest things. They always complain and pick on each other. They always push each other over the edge.
But I’ve grown up with both of them, and its obvious how they feel about each other. They’re pretty much inseparable.
Their eyes always sparkle whenever they talk about the other. They’re always smiling, and holding hands, and the things they do when they’re not fighting…it’s so unbelievably cheesy, it’s cute!
They’re the pure definition of ‘High school Sweethearts’, and the school year book apparently agrees with me…
“Stop mopping, please,” Lucy said with a sad frown as she through yet another bag of candy at Nathan, who barely caught it before dropping it and all the other bags to the floor, “It’s kind of depressing.”
I offered a sad smile.
“C’mon, hun!” Nathan said with a sigh, “Can’t you be a little more sensitive?”
“Sensitive? I’m sensitive!”
“Just give her a break! She just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her!”
“I know! Exactly why you shouldn’t be moping! Smile, party! You’re single!” Lucy said turning to me as she hopped up and down and patted my cheek.
“Luce, this isn’t something that she’s going to get over in one hour!”
“She might be able to get over him, in a few minutes if you’d stop bringing it up, Nate!”
Nate laughed at Lucy, and she went agape.
“You like Twizzlers right?” she asked, as she picked up a bag of the classic red licorice, and tossed it right at Nate’s head.
To avoid getting smacked in the face by a bag of candy, Nate dropped all the other bags on the floor to catch the one.
Lucy stormed up to Nate and took the bag from his hands and threw it onto the floor with all the other bags of candy, “Why do you always have to fight with what I say?”
“Why do you always have to have the last word? I’m not your slave, Luce!”
“Oh yeah! Who where’s the panties in this relationship, huh?” Luce yelled making plenty innocent bystander stare, and I laugh.
“That’s completely irrelevant!” Nate yelled back as he glared.
“So…”
“Besides, it wasn’t that hard getting you to take off your panties last night.” Nate mumbled with a devilish smirk that reminded me a little too much of the one Zane wore twenty-four-seven.
Lucy gasped, and began to slap and punch Nate all over his chest, but he didn’t budge. He only stood there and took it for a moment as she screeched, “I can’t believe you’d say that in here, you freakin pig—“
Nate without hesitation, or a care in the world about what anyone saw, cut her off by wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her to his lips.
The bickering immediately stopped and instead the sloshing noises and soft moans of two teenagers were echoing through the mini-store. Lucy wrapped her legs around his waist, and I couldn’t help but laugh both in disbelief and amusement.
Most of the people in the grocery store, even at the register, were teenagers so there weren’t many complaints. Infact most—even the small number of adults that where there—where whistling as they walked by.
And then Mrs. Talbit, the elderly guidance counselor from school, began pushing her cart through the aisle which me, and the excited Nathan and Luce where in. She stopped and mumbled a, “Oh dear,” before turning to me with an amused smile, “I can see they’re as happy as ever.”
I laughed, and helped Mrs. Talbit check out; to get away from Nate and Lucy’s make out session which was still happening by the time me and Mrs. Talbit exited the store.
“Thank you so much for your help, Ashley.” Mrs. Talbit thanked me as she shut the trunk to her punch buggy.
“Any time, Mrs. Talbit.” I said genuinely glad that I helped Mrs. Talbit.
I had never really been into Mrs. Talbit’s office, since I never actually needed the aid of a counselor, but I knew and hung out with her all the time at school. She was like the hip grandma that everyone wanted, but never had.
She nodded climbed into her car, and then before smiling and driving off, tossed me a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans. My favorite candy in the world!

Ten minutes later Lucy and Nathan finally walked out of the grocery store, shirts wrinkled, hair messed up, and huge smiles on their faces.
“That must have been one great make out session because I know you two did not just do it in the bathroom?”
Nathan laughed, but Lucy wrinkled her nose in disgust, “Of course not…Nathan’s just one hell of a kisser!” she whispered as she took a seat next to me on the loitering bench outside of the store.
I giggled and…then I saw Zane…
He was leaning against a jeep, surrounded by a few guys who looked like they were maybe his age, maybe older. They were all laughing and each one was holding a small white stick in between their fingers that was a bright orange on the tip…they were smoking!
It wasn’t that big of a surprise to see Zane smoking, especially considering some of the rumors that have gone around about him over the years. What surprised me was that he handed the cigarette to a kid who looked like he belonged in junior high. It was obvious since like most kids in the middle school, he was wearing skinny jeans, and had that annoying Justin Bieber hair cut.
“Is that Zane?” Lucy suddenly asked making me quickly tear my gaze from him and the kid, “Umm, yeah I guess.”
“You know what you should do? To get over Josh?”
“What?” I asked simply to amuse and entertain Lucy.
“You should go over there, and kiss him.”
I froze for a good minute just looking from her, to Zane, to a chuckling Nathan, back to Lucy.
“What? Are you crazy? No! I’m not doing that!”
Lucy laughed, “Why not? Live a little!”
“No! I’m not going to kiss him!”
“C’mon, Ashley! What’s wrong with him? He’s hot!” Nathan flashed Luce a glare, but she shrugged him off and smiled at his automatic jealousy.
“Just do it!”
“No!”
“Do it!”
“No”
“I’ll give you twenty bucks!”
“Where’s the money?” I asked, and without hesitation Luce reached into Nathan’s pant pocket to pull out a twenty dollar bill. Nathan sighed and rolled his eyes but he didn’t bother arguing with her.
I laughed, “You’d seriously give me twenty bucks, just so you could watch me peck a guy on the cheek?”
“Nope. I want to see some lip action.”
I sat and glared at Luce, but she didn’t falter. She just continued to bore into my eyes with her narrowed one, holding the twenty dollars in front of my face.
After a while I looked over her shoulder at Nate. He only laughed and held up his hands as if surrendering to someone, “Hey, don’t look at me! I’m actually just as curious to see what goes down!”
I rolled my eyes, and reached for the money, but Lucy quickly pulled it out of reach. Smart girl, I thought with a giggle!
“I’m not giving it to you till you do.”
I sighed, and before I could even think twice about what I was doing I stood up and walked over to Zane and his buddies.
The consequences of my actions didn’t even come to mind till I was standing right in front of him, huffing and puffing because my heart was pounding so hard.
What if he got repulsed, and pushed me away?
What if he made fun of me the moment I walked away?
This would make things so awkward in drawing class. Was I willing to risk my future project, grade, and future, all for twenty dollars that I’d probably spend within the next few days on a new pair of shoes that I’ll never wear?
So many thoughts and feelings where filling my head making the temples of my head ach. My heart was racing, and my stomach…oh my god, I thought it hurt when I saw Josh with that Rebecca girl. My stomach now was flipping, twisting, turning, and jumping, while butterflies tap danced on my pelvis. It hurt so bad and made me feel dizzy to the point where I might vomit.
“Uh…can I help you?” Someone asked me, and Zane shushed them as he eyes me suspiciously, “You okay?” he asked
And I looked at Lucy for help!
I hoped she’d come running over to my rescue, but she was instead eating out of a bag of candy, like I were some exciting scene in a horror flick.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I mumbled under my breath, but Zane heard me.
“Doing what? Ashley, what do you want?”Zane asked forcing me to snap my attention back to him. I looked around at all his buddies, to avoid eye contact with Zane, and they were all just watching silently and motionless as the puffed on their little studs.
“Ashley?! Seriously! What’s going on?” Zane asked forcing an amused chuckle, but he seemed worried. Even a bit scared. The poor guy’s ego was probably going to be bruised after this…
“Um…I…”I mumbled as I watched Zane bring the cigarette to his lips. He inhaled, making his Adam’s Apple bob, and then he exhaled through his nose, grey smoke pouring from his nostrils. It was a weird smell that made me want to choke.
“Okay, um, just don’t get to mad, okay?” was all I could seem to say without stuttering, before I took the cigarette that was resting in between his lips and held it in between my fingers.
“Mad? Why would I be—“
My heart was beating so hard that it hurt. The knots in my stomach were getting worse, and I could hear the annoyance coming from his friends as they waited for me to do something—anything!
…so I took in a shaky breath and leapt toward him, before I chickened out completely!
I could hear Lucy cheer all the way from the other side of the parking lot, but I could only hear it for a second. Once the second passed, everything around me drowned out of focus, even Lucy’s loud scream of surprise and joy…everything around me—us, me and Zane—was a blur.
I wrapped my arms around Zane’s neck like I usually did when I kissed Josh, and innately pulled him into me to kiss him. To my surprise Zane didn’t fight me or even vacillate. He just allowed me to kiss him, and I found myself glad that he tolerated it, not just because if he didn’t that would be embarrassing to him and me—mostly me, since I’d be the one being rejected, but still.
At first it was awkward since Zane just stood there, as I kissed his cold unmoving lips…but then he moved. He didn’t push me away, or recoil from my tough, instead he surprised me—which seemed to be happening a lot lately—and wrapped one of his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him as he suddenly moved his lips, kissing me back.
The sudden taste of him enveloped my mouth. He was warm, soft; he was a real good kisser!
I yelped in revelation, and pulled back only the slightest bit so that I could look into Zane’s eyes, which were an amazing, fluorescent brown, that sparkled in the faint light of the street lights. He looked just as taken aback and anxious, and for a moment I thought of running away. But then I saw the faintest smile ever appear on his lips, from my peripheral vision, before it disappeared attracingt my sight to his lips.
They were a beautiful shade of pink, and the slightest bit swollen from the quick kiss. His lips parted and his warm breath exploded from his mouth caressing my skin. There was indeed a faint smell of smoke, from the cigarette, but it didn’t bother me like I thought it would. His breath still managed to smell clean and minty, as well, and I gulped hard to get rid of all the wetness forming in the back of my mouth.
When I quickly tore my eyes away from his lips to look back at his eyes, and saw that he too was looking at my lips, I amazed myself!
I let my hands wander to his sweaty yet smooth neck, making sure no to burn him with the cigarette, and leaned in for yet another kiss.
Zane was eager enough to satisfy my want, and returned the kiss without faltering.
I can’t say exactly how long the kiss lasted, but it felt like it lasted for hours—and I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen. But I didn’t mind, didn’t care. I didn’t care how long it lasted, or who was watching, because all I was focused on was how good it felt.
When I kissed Josh, it was rarely ever more then a peck, a kiss on the cheek, or on the top of my head.
This kiss? It was like the kind of kiss you saw on the TV, the kind that I witnessed Nathan and Lucy share all the time.
Despite the fact that I didn’t know Zane, or like him—at least emotionally—the kiss was deep, frantic, hungry, and passionate in ways I’ve never felt, experienced, or even really thought existed.
It was a feeling that made me shiver yet feel fiery at the same time; weak but authoritative, strong but desperate, needy.
Zane clutched my body to his by the small of my back, as I stroked the back of his neck, and then found my way into his damp short black hair. I gently yet firmly grasped fistfuls of his hair to pull his lips harder against mine, as they parted.
I felt the wet, warmth of his tongue flick my bottom lip, and I took the chance to catch a quick breath before joining my tongue with his.
The hot feel and taste of the inside of his mouth made my whole body shake with need, and I let a soft and quite moan escape my lips.
Then there was a tap on my shoulder, followed by the hoarse sound of someone clearing their throat.
Quickly I pulled away but I didn’t let go of Zane. I just turned to look at the green eyed blonde that was looking at Zane, “Dude, don’t get me wrong, I love the enthusiasm, but I think you and your girl would be better off taking this somewhere else. Somewhere that doesn’t involve your little brother being a witness.”
I looked from a frozen Zane, to the blonde, and then toward the kid with the Justin Bieber hair. He offered me smile and waved, making my heart stop.
“Oh my…” I mumbled under my breath before letting go of Zane and running toward a screaming Lucy.
“Dude, if I knew you were that eager to kiss the guy I would have told you to do that a long time ago.” Luce said as she giggled handing me the twenty-dollar bill.
I snatched it from her hands and quickly hopped into the back of Nathan’s truck. It didn’t take long for Lucy and Nathan to get the picture; I wanted to leave…NOW!

Chapter Eight

I looked without purpose at the ceiling lost in my own reverie to notice that a man was getting eaten alive by a legless zombie on the TV or even how much Nathan and Lucy were sucking face on the small love seat in my room. All I could think about was the kiss, the one that had literally happened less than an hour ago.
Just thinking about it made my heart race.
I could still smell his sweat, taste the faint smoke of his cigarette, feel the dampness of his smooth skin, his damp hair. The pure reminiscence of the taste of his tongue, made my whole body shiver…the kiss had been unexpectedly satisfying—actually no! I couldn’t even say that! It was indeed a great and pleasurable kiss, but it didn’t satisfy; it left me hungry and desperate lying on my bed, wanting more, but questioning why?
My reaction to the kiss made it apparent that I was attracted to Zane, meaning physically I wanted the guy…but mentally? Emotionally?
I HAVE NO CLUE, and it’s driving me CRAZY!
Everyone says that there’s a difference between lust and love, but are they really that different from one another?
I’ve always believe that when it comes to love there should be a certain familiarity that allows the couple to be comfortable with being themselves around each other, they should be able to talk to each other about anything and everything…but there should also be passion, you know? The kinds of fierce emotion that makes you giddy, and anxious, and makes you want to scream.
Zane? He’s grown on me…I like his perverted and childish and fun personality. And behind his back or in my own mind, he might even be categorized as a friend…but when we kissed? I felt giddy, and anxious despite how fast I ran from him afterwards. And I feel like screaming like a little school girl every time I think back to the way he held me, firm and hard against him.
…now I’m not saying I love the guy, because, frankly I don’t believe it’s possible to love someone you’ve just met or barely know—meaning yes, I believe that ‘Romeo and Juliet’ was complete bull—but do I like him? Is it possible to like a guy I barely know, and have pretty much despised most of my life?
What about HIM?
Was he thinking about this right now, just like I was? Was he wondering to himself, what this kiss meant? What he felt? Was he wondering what I felt? Did he even care at all?
…probably not…

Chapter Nine

“Sorry. I never thought about how awkward this would be afterward for you. Sometimes I can be so impulsive,” Luce tried to apologize with a whine.
I sighed as I entered drawing class, “Oh relax, Luce, it’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I usually don’t let you talk me into your stupid ideas.”
Lucy giggled nervously, offered one last smile, and then took her seat next to her drawing partner.
I looked around the classroom nervously for Zane, but didn’t see him…what could that mean? Was he just sick? Was he hurt? Was he testing me? Trying to figure out how I’d truly react if he weren’t here? Was he ditching school for the heck of it? Or was he ditching because he too was nervous to see me? Or did her just not want to see me at all?
Before I even had time to process what I was doing, I turned around to run back into the hall and away from class. Only when I turned, a soft black t-shirt stretched across a muscular chest banged against me blocking my one and only escape route.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Zane asked, with a faint smirk, making me become even more nervous then I was when I thought he had pretty much rejected me. Rejection, I’d get over, but at the same time I didn’t want his acceptance…at least, I don’t think…
“Um…I…I was, um…”
“Are you okay?” Zane asked with one brow cocked, and I felt my body radiate—not in want, but in anger, frustration. How could he stand in front of me, and pretend like last night didn’t happen? The kiss was all I could think about, and he apparently didn’t have a care in the world. But isn’t that what I wanted; for last night to not mean anything? That would just cause unnecessary drama, “Um…no, um…we need to—“
“Talk?”
“Yeah!”
“Yeah,” an awkward moment of me staring at Zane waiting for him to say something else, I took charge, “Okay, um…wait here?”
I talked to Mrs. Bowman and she without haggle agreed to let us borrow her camera so that me and Zane could each take a few pictures of the other and use them as the basis of our portrait. It was the perfect excuse to get out of the classroom and talk.
Only minutes later Zane and I were sitting on the floor in the hallway, backs against the cold lockers. For the longest time I just sat there with my eyes closed, waiting for Zane to talk. I wanted him to tell me what he was thinking, feeling, so I could work around it, but he didn’t. He only sat next to me staying quite and immobile, so I did the same and focused on the sound of him breathing. It was the only thing I could hear clearly.
For once the silence wasn’t awkward. I didn’t feel on edge or uncomfortable.
“It was a bet.” I finally said…this way I wouldn’t have to face rejection, and I wouldn’t be lying.
“Hmmm?” Zane asked, and when I turned to look at him I saw he too was just sitting still with his eyes shut and head leaning back against the wall.
“The kiss, it was a bet.”
Zane laughed and opened his eyes to look at me. The biggest smile was on his face. It was his famous smirk; the one that showed how immature and devilish he was and usually made me want to wipe it off for him…but now, it was nice. Cute, even…
“How much did you get for it?” he asked, and in his bright brown eyes, I could see how amused he was and the slightest bit of what I found myself wanting to believe was disappointment.
“Twenty.”
Zane laughed again, but this time it didn’t sound forced or fake like it usually did. For the first time it seemed like a real laugh, one that echoed from the back of his throat, making his grin bigger, “Well, I’m worth much more than that,” Zane said turning his gaze back to the set of the lockers across the hall from us.
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t hold back my own giggle, “Yeah, I’m sure you are.”
“Did you like it?” Zane asked, cocking his head to one side and turning to look at me. He didn’t waver, or even glance away once. The smirk was still on his face, but his eyes were serious and never strayed from mine.
I immediately cursed under my breath when I felt my cheeks turning warm. I couldn’t let him get the wrong idea, “It was fake.”
“What was?”
“The kiss! It was fake.” I said with a faint giggle trying to hide how naked and embarrassed I felt to even be talking about this with Zane, of all the guys.
“That doesn’t answer my question, though.”
“What? Yes, it does.”
“No it doesn’t.” he said with another genuine chuckle, “I asked if your reaction to the kiss was real. Not if the reason for the kiss was…”
I stuttered for a moment, as the warmth in my cheeks began to spread throughout my body, “Um…I…does it really matter.”
He shrugged, “No! I just wanted to know. I’ll admit that I enjoyed it.”
My heart flipped and I had to hold in a gasp. I felt extremely relieved that he had enjoyed it, because lord knows I did…but crap! No! Don’t smile! You don’t need him to know that!
“I’m guessing by the redness that the feelings mutual?” Zane said with another chuckle as he continued to watch me.
“What? What redness?”
“You’re blushing!”
“I am not!” I yelped way too quickly, loudly, and defensively. I had wanted to sound convincing, but my answer was far from it.
Zane’s smile grew, touching his eyes, “Whatever you say, Miss. Sinclair.” It was obvious he didn’t believe my denial. Frankly, I wasn’t convinced myself.
“It was just a bet. It wasn’t real,” I mumbled to myself, exhaling through my nose, and turning on the camera Mrs. Bowman had lent me. I might have used the camera as an excuse, but both me and Zane still had to have a picture by the end of the class period, or else she’d know we were up to something.
“The next one will be.” Zane said, and I froze.

He wasn’t smiling, and his eyes weren’t pleased. He was solemn; not in the sad way, or the bored or bad way, he was serious.
I swear he just wants to see how red I’ll turn before my head implodes, “What?” I asked even thought I knew exactly what he had said, heard it clearly. I just wanted him to say it flat out, so I wasn’t taking what he said the wrong way.
Zane’s brown eyes suddenly grew soft, and his smile shrank, but it was just as breath taking. It was a little half-smile that revealed one dimple on his left cheek! Only one! How freakin cute is that!
Zane leaned toward me, and took the camera from my hands, “Our next kiss, won’t be because you were given money, and it won’t be fake. It’ll keep you up all night. You’ll like it.”
If only he knew how much last night’s kiss had affected me…

Chapter Ten

“You’re tongue’s hanging out.” Lucy said, and I was so lost in my own little reverie that I actually fell for it. Frantically I shut my agape mouth and wiped my cheeks to get rid of non-existent drool
Lucy giggled and threw one of the school’s nasty raw fry’s, hitting my nose, “So, what happened while you two were ‘taking pictures’?”
“He pretty much said that he was going to kiss me again.”
Lucy squealed, “Oh my gosh! Did he!?”
“No,” I said as I plopped the fry into my mouth, only to spit it out into a napkin afterwards.
“Well why didn’t he?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know! Why don’t you ask him?”
“Maybe you mis-understood something he said, what happened? Exact words?”
“I said I only kissed him because of a bet, and that the kiss wasn’t real. And then he said that our next kiss would be real and I’d like it.”
“And you didn’t jump him right then and there?” She asked eyes wide and expectant. I shook my head as I giggled, “Godammit, Ashley! Grow some lady balls!”
“I’m not going to just jump the guy during school in the middle of the hallway.”
“Um, duh! That’s what the Janitor Closet’s for!”
I laughed nearly choking to death on the raw fry and my own saliva.

“Hey babe.” Josh said as he leaned in to give me a kiss.
I easily tilted my head from out of reach of his lips and sighed. I was completely over him, and it didn’t really surprise me how quickly I had…but I still felt betrayed a bit, and so when I talked it was nothing more than a whisper, “Josh, leave me alone.”
“Why? What’s wrong, babe?”
“We’re done, Josh? Just stop calling me babe, and leave me alone.” I whispered, trying the best not to cause a scene as I stepped around him to get to the parking lot. Josh quickly caught up to me the slightest bit of anger on his face, “Done? What do you mean done?”
“Josh, I don’t want to be with you anymore!” I yelped suddenly feeling overwhelmed. I just wanted to get away, and Josh was holding me back.
“I don’t understand, Ashley-“
“I saw you with Rebecca yesterday, Josh!” I blurted out and finally gave up trying to walk by him. Instead I stood as straight as I could, with the weight of my backpack over my shoulders. I looked into his eyes, and tried my best not to falter or even blink.
Josh immediately began fidgeting and stuttering, “Babe, I can explain-“
“Okay! Explain!”
There was a long pause before he spoke, “I-I just-it was a onetime thing!”
“No it wasn’t, so don’t even try to lie.”
“Fine it was only twice.”
“Once, twice, a hundred times, Josh, I don’t care. I could care less if you where cheating on my every since freshman year! The point is I don’t like you anymore, and so I don’t want to work past this. I’m breaking up with you.”
“No! No! You can’t just break up with me!” Josh yelled as he gripped my arm, yanking me towards him.
“Ow, Josh! Stop! You’re hurting me!” I yapped as a quick soaring ach shot up my arm.
“You can’t just break up with me.”
“If you have to go to Rebecca, obviously I’m not giving you what you want so just go! Go be with her!”
“I don’t want her!”
“Well I don’t want you!” I slapped his arm, making him let me go.
“Ashley please! Just give me another chance! Let me take you to the dance—“
“I can’t, I’m going with someone else.” I quickly said before he was even given a chance to finish his sentence. He froze and glared in skepticism, “Who?”
“Um…Uh…”
“Me.” Zane suddenly said from behind me as he put his arms around my shoulders, “You got a problem with that?”
Not knowing what to say or how to react, and not wanting to talk to Josh any longer, I just kept my mouth shut.
“Uh, nope! Not at all!”
Zane nodded and without another word and before I knew it was pushing me toward his motorcycle.
“Um, I can’t ride that thing.” I said so scared that I’d make him crash or something. I didn’t want to die, and I didn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s death.
Zane laughed, “Well you’re going to have to. You promised me a rain check.”
“No, I didn’t. You said it, and drove off before I could answer.”
Zane rolled his eyes and sighed as he stretched his leg over the bodice to straddle the huge scary black bike, “Ashley James Sinclair, get on the goddamn bike, before I tie you to the back.” He said, eyes dark and calm, but his lips smiling showing he was just teasing.
“You can’t do that! That’s impossible!”
“Not if you’re chopped up into pieces!”
I gasped in amusement, “Well you sure are a charmer.”
“I try,” Zane said with a shrug as he held up the black helmet, “Now get on the bike. You can trust me.”
Looking around, scared that at any moment my father or mother would come driving up to the high school—which was very unlikely—I sighed and took the helmet. I pulled my long locks of strawberry blonde hair to the side over my right shoulder, and was easily able to slide my head into the safe encasement of the hard black helmet, “Okay, now what?” I asked as I took a step closer to the bike, but still a little too scared to actually get on.
“Sit on the seat behind me, make sure you don’t move your feet from the foot petals or you’ll burn yourself. Hold on tight and—“
“What about turning? Don’t I have to do something?”
Zane chuckled, even when he saw how scared I was he didn’t seem worried at all, “All you have to do his hold on tight. Leave everything to me.”
Heart pounding, mind racing, body shaking, I ignored my conscience.
Slowly I swung my leg over the bodice of the motorcycle, and slid onto the leather seat behind Zane. Without hesitation I wrapped my arms around Zane’s stomach holding me close to him—mostly because I was afraid of falling off, but partially because I just wanted to touch the guy. He was warm, and strong, and I found him easy to hold onto as I lifted my feet to the pedals. Zane then, without warning, lifted the kick stand and jump started the engine, driving quickly and smoothly out of the parking lot and into town, but I was still scared. I innately gripped him tighter to me, and squeezed my inner thighs against the sides of him, and he looked over his shoulder at me.
“You alright?” he screamed over the loud roar of his motorcycle’s engine, and I yelped.
“Zane! Don’t look at me! Keep your eyes on the road!”
I couldn’t hear it, but I felt him laugh. His body shook under my grasp, and his body began radiating heat. The slight warmth I could feel from under his leather jacket, spread throughout my body as I pressed my face into his back, trying to block the harsh winds that were blowing fiercely as if trying to shove me off of the moving vehicle. My hair was whipping back and forth like crazy, stinging the uncovered parts of my face and blocking my vision.
And then suddenly I felt the front tire of the motorcycle begin to lift further and further off the ground.
“Aaahhh! Zane! Stop it!” I yelled, as I wrapped my arms tighter around him. He only continued to laugh, letting the front tire fall back to the ground.
My heart was racing, to the point where my chest was throbbing. My breaths came out as harsh gasps, because the wind kept taking my breath away…literally! I felt so limp and weak…but free. The wind did make it hard to breathe, and it did make me cold, but the feel of it running through my hair made adrenaline course through my body…it was weird, how I felt so scared yet in awe, at the same time.

Chapter Eleven

“So this is where you live?” I asked when Zane finally parked the motorcycle on a patch of dried mud and grass outside a trailer. Hundreds of other similar white trailers with almost identical dried up lawns were spread all around in line formations.
Zane took in a hesitant breath, “Yeah, this is where I live.”
I nodded, a little surprised and feeling a little awkward, “Oh…cool. It’s nice.”
Zane forced a laugh at my little white lie, “Well it’s certainly no mansion. Sorry but I can’t serve you any caviar either.”
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, “I hate caviar…I did like that jerky stuff, though.”
Zane smiled as he unlocked the door to what was his home, “Yeah, we’ve got plenty of that.”
Zane held open the screen door and allowed me entry to his home, which honestly I’ll admit; I had expected to be dirty and disorderly. But it wasn’t. Despite the size, the place was actually very nice. There was a TV, nice furniture with a few knitted blankets draped over the back, one single recliner only a few feet away from the TV. There was no dining room table, but I could see a few wooden eating trays folded and shoved into a corner between the couch and love seat. The walls were a soft green and the furniture was a beautiful shade of brown that made the overall place just feel…like home.
Zane walked over to a cabinet in the small kitchen and after a few quick seconds pulled out a plastic bag overly full of awkwardly shaped pieces of beef jerky. With a wink he tossed me the bag. I easily caught it, and immediately opened it, the spicy yet sweet aroma the exact moment I opened the bag filled my nose making me giggle. I quickly pulled out a strip, and bit down hard. It took some strength, but after a quick tug, I was able to chew and swallow the dried meat, “You want some?” I asked, my voice slightly muffled from the food in my mouth.
Zane chuckled, “Nah. In a few minutes my little brother will be home from school, so I’ll just take him to his friend’s house, and then I’ll take you home, kay?”
“Sounds good to me,” I mumbled, shoving yet another piece of jerky into my mouth, “Well, while we’re waiting…can I see your room?” I asked, but I didn’t wait for an answer. I just strode by him and into a small hall that had one door on the left side of the hall, and one on the right.
“No! Wait! Ashley!”
“What? Is it dirty?” I asked as I opened the room to the left, to reveal a small bathroom…only one room to go! I turned and grabbed the door knob.
“It’s a black hole.”
That made me laugh, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Quickly, I turned the knob and slid into his room, despite Zane’s please and attempts at closing the door before I was inside…but the moment I entered his room, my smile disappeared.
The place wasn’t a black hole, infact—with the exception of the occasional piece of clothing—the place was very tidy. But that’s not what surprised her…what surprised her was…well, everything!
On the walls, covering a desk in the far corner of the room, taped to a canvas next to the desk, pretty much everywhere but the floors and his bed were drawings; exquisite, detailed, authentic, vivid, meaningful drawings.
“I thought you hated drawing,” I mumbled aloud as I stepped further into his room to admire his work.
“No…I hate drawing class.” Zane said, following behind me into his room.
I nodded, to show him I was listening, but in reality I wasn’t. All my attention was on his many drawings. They were just as beautiful from a distance as they were from close-up, but there was a lot more meaning to them the closer I looked…all of them were deep and full of overwhelming emotion, that I could even feel my eyes stinging with tears.
One drawing was a close-up of an eye, a male’s eyes—I could tell because of the long lashes—believe it or not, guys have longer lashes then girls…sucks, I know—but what really got my attention was in the glassy reflection of the iris of the man’s eye, was a face….a decomposing one. Have of the face was covered in drooping rotten flesh, and the other half revealed the face’s skull, white and clean. It resembled “Death” or as many people called it “The Grim Reaper”.
I looked over my shoulder to Zane, expecting an explanation, but he didn’t speak. He wasn’t even watching me. He was breathing heavily and glancing over all his drawings, so I turned back to his work as well…
The next drawing I examined was mostly scribbles and shades of black surrounding a young man’s face, as if to symbolize he was falling into a dark abyss. A single black tear was trickling down the man’s cheek, and dark damp tendrils of hair were hanging in his face. The man’s eyes were just like everything else, dark and intense, shivers went up my spine when for a moment I tricked myself into actually believing the man was glaring at me.
The drawing next to that was of the same man, only his face was tilted toward the sky, and his hands were bald into fists. His agape mouth, narrowed eyes, and the small vein in his neck, where small details that made my heart literally ache. Black liquid was dripping from the man’s fists, although know cuts or wounds were visible, and it was obvious the man was screaming…but for what? Pain? Regret? Mercy? It all depended on how you perceived it.
I walked away from the drawings taped to his wall and walked over to his desk. I flipped through the scattered papers, glancing over each one briefly. And every single drawing was dark, morbid, abstract, and all about death, “You…you’re really obsessed with death, hu?”
Zane shrugged and offered what was supposed to be a smile, but turned out being a sad half-smile. Then Zane looked down at my hands, and his eyes grew wide, his smile quickly disappearing. He took a step toward me, to grab whatever was in my hand. I was able to grab the paper before he could, “So why are you suddenly so scared for me to look at your art, hu?” I teased and giggled, but then froze when I actually looked, like really looked at the drawing in my hands…
…it was of a girl. Her light eyes were slightly narrowed, and a big smile caressed her lips. She had high cheekbones, and a turned up nose. Her long straight hair was pulled up into a loose bun; some strands were draped across her face and flowing away from her body making it apparent that her hair was blowing in the wind. The girl wasn’t particularly beautiful in my opinion, but she looked happy confident, extremely familiar…“Zane? Is this—“
“Yeah.” He said quickly looking a little embarrassed. I could have sworn I even saw his cheeks turn a quick shade of pink.
I smiled genuinely surprised, “You drew me? You drew an actual picture…of me?”
Zane sighed, seeming extremely embarrassed now. He couldn’t stop fidgeting, and shuffling his weight. Finally after a good moment of me staring at the picture he tore it from my hands. I winced, “Okay, that’s enough.”
I giggled, “When did you draw that?”
“Does it really matter?”
“No, I just wanted to know.” I said in a mocking tone.
Zane sighed and rolled his eyes as he folded up the drawing and shoved it in his back pocket, “Two years ago, at the local pool. I had saw you with Lucy over the summer.”
“Seen,” I corrected with a smile.
“Whatever.”
I giggled, “So…are you going to tell me why you drew it?”
“No.”
“Why? If you do, will you have to kill me?”
“No.”
“Can you answer me in a full sentence?”
“Sure.”
“That’s not a full sentence.”
“Whatever.”
I laughed and casually walked past him, pretending to look at the other drawings. But what I really wanted to look at was the drawing of me. Words can’t even describe how flattered I felt, and how cute and sweet I thought it was…it might be selfish of me, but I wanted it. I wanted to keep it…but it looked like if I wanted it, I’d have to sneak it from him. But I’m not that good at being sneaky, maybe I can bribe him or something?
Quickly, before he turned around I reached my hand into his back pocket and grabbed the picture, “Whoa! What are you—hey! Give that back!”
I ignored him, and as I squealed like a little girl, ran out of the room into the living room.
“Ashley! Give it back!”
“No.” I said with a smile as I ran around to one side of the coffee table in front of the couch. Zane stood on the other side blocking my every attempt at escape.
“Can I keep it?”
“What?”
“Can I keep it? The drawing?”
“What? No!”
“Please!” I begged as I hopped up and down like a bubbly idiot.
“Ashley, I—oh, you think you’re slick, huh?”
I giggled incessantly as I ran around one side of the coffee table, but Zane easily blocked my escape simply by taking a step to the side, so I hoped over the coffee table, and tried to run past him. Zane wasn’t that easily confused though, and he with ease was able to grab me before I ran out from reach, “Zane stop!” I yelped and laughed as I tried to wiggle free from his grasp.
“Nope! Give the drawing back, Ashley!”
“Let me go!” I said and then jumped toward him, making him lose his balance. He’d have to let me go to keep from face planting into the hard floor, right?
Wrong!
We ended up tripping over each other, and before I knew it, I was lying on my back on his couch. Zane was lying on top of me, his waist resting in between my slightly parted legs. Our lips were only inches apart, and both of us were panting…it’s one of those odd situations that you see in romance movies all the time, you know? The kind of situation that seems too stupid and cliché to be an accident?
…that’s where I was…
“Please,” I whispered as I looked into Zane’s florescent brown eyes, and then to the long curl of his brown lashes, to his jaw, to his lips; his beautifully sculpted lips, “Please,” I whispered again only this time, I wasn’t even sure myself whether I was talking about the picture, or if I was begging for another kiss…the one he had promised me.
Zane swallowed hard, and nodded vigorously, “Yeah, okay,” before closing the few inches of space in between us…at least attempting to…
Our lips brushed, but before I could even think of kissing him back, the front door swung open, and an unfamiliar voice called out, “I’m home, bro! Where you at?”
Zane quickly fumbled to get off me, before his guest walked in, and ended up falling off the couch. With a loud thud, his back smacked onto the floor making him groan. I tried to hide my amusement, but failed miserably.
“Hey! What you doing on the…” A young kid in skinny jeans walked into the living room and stared from me, to his brother, and then back to me. It was the kid from the last night in the store’s parking lot, it was Zane’s little brother.
The kid looked surprised at first, but then laughed, “So Zane, didn’t get enough last night?”

Chapter Twelve

“I heard you broke up with Josh…you okay?” Lucy asked as we walked into drawing class.
I stole a quick look at Zane, and saw him at our usual drawing table dressed in baggy jeans, a t-shirt, and boots—only his boots weren’t resting on the table. Instead, where he usually and casually rests his feet was a blank sheet of white sketching paper. In between his fingers was a 3H pencil, and he was tapping the eraser of it briskly against the table, making the most annoying tapping sound.
It was almost impossible to hide my smile, “I’m perfect.”

“So I see you’ve gotten a bit farther on my face. It’s really coming along!” I said as I took my seat next to Zane.
Zane looked up at me, then at my blank paper, and smiled, “Yeah, almost as gorgeous as that handsome fellow.”
I snickered, and then we fell into silence.
It wasn’t awkward, but for some unknown reason we both found it amusing.
Every now and then from the corner of my eyes, I’d see Zane looking at me, so I’d turn my head to face him. He’d quickly glance away, and we’d both laugh. This small cycle repeated over and over for the whole class, till the bell rang.
“Well, uh…I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Zane said with an amused smirk.
“Yeah…okay…bye,” I mumbled as he turned around and walked out of the classroom.
“Yo! What happened to those lady balls you were growing?” Lucy growled in my ear as she pushed me, surprising me to the point where I nearly tripped over my own feet.
“What? What’d you mean?”
“Go ask the guy out already!”
“What? No!”
“Then at least ask him to sit with us at lunch!”
“No!”
“Why not!”
I sighed abruptly feeling annoyed and irritated, “Do you seriously think a guy like Zane is going to want to sit at a small table overflowing with girls?”
“To be with you? YES!”
I rolled my eyes, grabbed my books, and walked to my next class by myself.

I wanted to talk to Zane, ask him to hang out (code for go out with me), but the more I thought about everything, the more I doubted myself.
This? Me and Zane? It never should have happened! And it only happened because I kissed him…maybe that’s all he wants. He seems like the type of guy that prefers physical relationships versus emotional ones, and there’s plenty of rumors and evidence to prove that theory. Plus, I’m not that type of girl! I’m a virgin, like full out pure virgin. The worst thing I’ve ever done is tongue. And that wasn’t even with Josh, a guy I dated for over two years! Josh hasn’t even ever seen me in my nighties let alone my bra and underwear! How can a girl like me keep a guy like Zane interested? It’s plain and simple…
…I CAN’T!
Did I like his kisses? Hell yeah!
Did I want to be in a “relationship” with him? Hell yeah! But that was before I had thought about all this…was I thinking too much about this? Maybe he isn’t that type of guy…oh who am I kidding? There are so many rumors! So many that literally no one can ignore them. I’m surprised the teacher’s haven’t done anything about it…could they though? I don’t think they’re supposed to—Oh! My! God! Could I be anymore off topic? How did I go from Zane to what teachers are allowed to do? Why am I still thinking about this? Oh gosh, focus! Focus Ashley!
I set my lunch tray on the table and sighed glad that I could just hang out with my girl friends and relax…God boys are so complicated!
“Hey!”
“Hey!” I replied back…and then froze!
No! NO! NOOOOOOOOO! COME ONE LUCY! YOU DIDN’T!
Knocked completely out of my thoughts, I turned my no longer vacant eyes, to the brown ones sitting in the chair next to mine, “What are you doing here?”
“Lucy invited me. You got a problem with that?”
“Do you’ve got,” I corrected.
“Well then, do you’ve got a problem with that?”
I opened my mouth about to say exactly what I thought (meaning: Yes, I have a BIG problem with it) but then Lucy glared at me from the other end of the small circular lunch table.
“Um...no, not at all.”
“Then it’s settled.” Zane said with one of those devilish smiles, “So, would you mind introducing me to your lovely friends?”
It was something so obviously cheesy to say, yet there my friends were, all bubbly with girly goofy smiles. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the red-head, “That’s Christa, the blonde is Gina, and you know Lucy.”
“Well Christa, Gina, it’s nice to meet you and Lucy...” Zane trailed off for a moment as he looked up and down Lucy’s figure, “I see you’re not wearing yellow.”
Or in other words, I’ve noticed today you’re wearing a baggy t-shirt and not a tight polo that shows off the lovely lady lumps! God, he was such an ass! He has to be aware of what he’s doing!
I could feel my cheeks flush and burn with anger, and…Jealousy? No! No way was I jealous! I’m definitely not jeal—why did he just wink? He did not just wink at Lucy! And…Oh! My! God! NO! She did not just blush!
She tells me to go for the guy, and then flirts with him? Right in front of me? When she has a boyfriend? A boyfriend she’s madly in love with?
I ignored my three supposed friends, and began to prod at what our school lunch ladies considered meat loaf. I considered it puke, based on both appearance and taste.
“Not too well. We’ll start working on it tonight, if that’s okay with Ashley…Ashley?”
“Huh, what?”
“Tonight?”
“What about tonight?” I asked, completely oblivious to the conversation everybody thought I was listening in on.
Gina, my friend of two years, laughed and turned to Zane, “As she smart as she is, she can be kind of oblivious.”
I rolled my eyes, “What? What about tonight?”
“Would you be okay with coming over to my house tonight?”
My heart flipped and I bit the inside of my cheek to hide a gasp. Did he just ask me out—well no, not really…but he just invited me to his house! It’s not like I wasn’t at his house last night, but that was only for twenty minutes at the most, “You know? So we can start on our project?”
I tried my best to hide the disappointed frown. My stomach twisted just like it had in the parking lot when I had invite Zane to my house with Lucy, Nate, and Josh. He had rejected me then, and even though he didn’t mean it purposely this time and he wasn’t really “refusing” me, it felt that way.
“Yeah sure.”

Chapter Thirteen

“Hey, where you going?” Zane yelled the moment I stepped into the school parking lot.
“Home!” I yelled back
“Na-uh! You said—“
“Maybe some other night!” I yelled at him, before jogging toward the buses…
I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about him that I want, and then another part that worries me. I’m never EVER unprepared or nervous unsure, but with him I was, almost all the time. One second I wanted to kiss him, the next I wanted to slap him in the face. My own feelings were starting to confuse me…I’m never confused!
Next thing I know a big black bike goes zooming by me, so fast and close that the strong winds following the vehicle almost knocks me on my rear. I blink and then there he is, straddling his bike only feet away from me. The engine of his motorcycle is roaring and groaning and severely hurting my ears.
I groan in anger and use my hands to cover my ears, “What are you doing?” I screamed trying to project my voice, so he could hear it over the loud howl of his bike.
His lips moved, but I didn’t hear a thing. I’m sure the ear covering didn’t help, but most of the muffling voices were the bike’s fault.
Zane rolled his eyes and tilted the bike to put it on its kick-stand. He jogged over to me and forced me to move my hands away from my ears, “I promise I won’t do a pop-a-wheelie.”
I held in a giggle, “That’s not why.”
“Then what is it?”
“Maybe I’m sick of that annoying smirk and your virile charm.” I said with a teasing smile.
“Oh, now you’re just going to make me cry.” Zane mumbled as he hid his face in the palm of his hands. He forced his shoulders to shake while wailing, ridiculously loud.
I rolled my eyes, “You’re such a child!”
“Is that a yes?”
I sighed and grasped the bike helmet from his hands, “No pop-a-wheelies!”

Chapter Fourteen

“I thought we were going to work on our drawing project?” I asked, even though I really didn’t care. I was too curious about where Zane was taking me to care.
“We are.”
I flashed him a skeptical look, and he smiled, “Eventually, we will. But I felt like having fun.”
“What’s so fun about a long walk up a huge flight of stairs?” I asked as he led me up at least five different flights of stairs.
“You’ll see.” Was all he would say, and a few minutes later the stairs ended at a door at the top floor of the mystery building.
“Yeah, this is fun. I’m siked!” I said with fake enthusiasm as Zane pulled a chain of keys from his pocket. He unlocked the door and pushed it open revealing nothing. All I could see was pitch black on the other side of the door frame.
“Is this where you kill me?”
Zane smiled and turned to grab my hands and pull me into the room, “Don’t tempt me.”
After a few moments in complete blackness, there was a click and wuh-lah!
All the lights in the room flickered on revealing an arcade of all the classics; Pac-man, Super Mario Bros, the Claw Machine, etc. The carpets were black with a random pattern of rainbow colored swirls and lines. There was a pool-table in one corner of the room, and a small narrow hallway to the far right of the room.
It was dorky, but cute, “You brought me to an arcade?” I asked trying to hide my true excitement.
“Not quite, follow me.” He took my hand, and led me through the narrow hall to yet another pitch black room.
“Wait here! Don’t move!” he whispered in my ear before letting go of my hand and leaving me alone in the pitch black dark.
I giggled when I hear the faint sound of rustling and a few cusses, “You okay?”
“I’m fine, just stay where you are! Don’t move!”
“I won’t,” I reassured, as I waited.
Moments later ‘Hit the Lights’ by Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne blasted through the black room making me jump. I squealed when my heart leapt, and then laughed at my own childish fears of the dark.
Then a disco ball of color appeared in the middle of the room casting colorful beams of funky blues, reds, greens, and yellows all over the wooden rink in front of me. I looked to my left and saw Zane rush out of a door, only to come running towards me. He grabbed my hands and pulled me to a counter that was covered in different sized shoes with wheels on the bottom.
“You actually brought me to a roller rink?” I asked the sudden lights and music vibrating into my core strengthening my excitement.
“Yup! I work here on the weekends.”
“Could you get in trouble for doing this?” I asked Zane as he hoped over the counter to look over the rack of roller skates. He grabbed two pairs of skates and set them on the counter, pushing the smaller pair toward me, “Yup! You’re a size eight, right?”
I nodded and sat on the floor to take off my converse. Zane hopped back over the counter and sat down on the rugged floor next to me to take off his boots and put on his own skates.
I sighed nervously as I tied my last skate and turned to Zane, “Zane?”
“Wassup?”
“I’ve never done this before?”
Zane laughed, “Never…EVER?”
“I’ve never roller skated before, no!”
“Oh, how do you live?” Zane mumbled sarcastically as he hopped to his feet. I tried to do the same, but even on the rough rug, slipped and fell on my butt, “You haven’t even gotten on the rink and you’re falling!”
I laughed, “Don’t make fun…just help,” I mumbled as I held up my arms like a helpless little child. Zane rolled his eyes and easily helped me to my feet. Even with me stumbling and tripping over my own feet, he was able to manage to skate gracefully and swiftly to the rink while holding my hand.
My wheels touched the smooth and slick wooden surface of the rink and I swear not a second later I was falling, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You really haven’t done this before, huh?”
I just laughed to hide my embarrassment.
“It really isn’t that hard, you just can’t think of falling.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumbled.
“Just push forward and to the side, forward and to the side,” Zane said as he motioned for me to watch his feet. I did, and only minutes later I was copying his actions, trying my best not to think about breaking my butt.
And just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of it, I pushed a bit too hard with my right foot. I lost control and my left foot collided into Zane’s skate making us both fall to the ground.
“Ow,” I groaned in between giggles as I rolled onto my back.
Zane laughed this time as well, “You really are horrible at this.”
“I thought I told you not to make fun?”
Zane only laughed more, as he helped me for like the tenth time in the past five minutes to my feet, “Here let’s try something different. Give me your hands.”
I sighed and gave him both my hands. He took them and then began to skate backward, so that he was facing me.
“You’re such a show-off.”
“No, I’m trying to help you not bust your ass.” I rolled my eyes, and looked down at our feet. I watched and concentrated on my feet as I slowly and carefully pushed on the rink with my skates to glide forward. Every now and then I’d stumble, but Zane never let go of me. He just continued to spat constructive criticism as he lightly pulled me forward in a big circle around the rink. And then a sudden rainbow beam of light bounced over my skates and encircled me on the floor. Next thing I knew I was being distracted like an idiotic fly to a bright light. Instead of watching my feet I looked at the lights and then I began to trip again.
Zane laughed and easily corrected my position to prevent me from in his words ‘busting my ass’.
“Like I said, don’t look at the lights.”
“I wasn’t! I was looking at my feet when the light—“
“Don’t look at the lights! Don’t look at your feet! Don’t look down period! Just look straight ahead!”
“Well you’re kind of in my way.”
Zane rolled his eyes, “Then you’re going to have to deal with this misfortune of staring at me.”
I knew he was joking, but the comment still made me second guess him. Did he not know how attractive he is? I guess guys struggle with that just as much as girls. Unless…Zane is a girl! I laughed at the pure ridiculous thought!
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
Zane just shrugged and let it go, “Well, I’m thirsty, do you want anything?”
I shook my head, and so, carefully, Zane slid from my grasp and quickly skated across the rink toward the vending machine.
While he was away, I looked straight ahead, and pushed…push…push…push…
Before I knew it, I was rapidly skating in circles around the rink. I didn’t stumble or trip, I just soared across the floor, never once the thought of falling even coming to my mind. All I was thinking of was how beautiful the place looked, in complete darkness, the only light being the colorful rays that ricocheted off the walls and onto the ground. I was thinking of how excited the music—that I usually hated—made me feel, and I was relishing in the feel of wind blowing through my hair while I flew.
“Ashley! Watch out!”
Zane was too late. By the time I opened my eyes I was already colliding into the small three foot wall that separated the regular carpeted floor from the rink. The edge whammed into my gut, knocking all the air from my lungs. I gasped and grasped onto the edge before I tumbled completely over the wall…this, I was not going to be able laugh off…
“Are you okay?” Zane asked as he laughed.
My mouth fell open, “You jack-ass! Don’t laugh! That hurt!”
“I’m sure it did.” He said that stupid annoying smirk still on his lips.
I rolled my eyes, groaned, and pushed off with my feet to skate around him. He didn’t let me though.
Zane sighed, and then wrapped an arm around my waist just as I was about to pass him. I stopped moving thinking he would be able to move me, but dumb ass me forgot…duh! You’re on skates!
Zane effortlessly was able to push me in front of him, despite my unwillingness to cooperate.
“Seriously? Don’t play fud-head, just cause you have two left feet.”
“I do not! I was actually…doing pretty good till you…called my name—what are you doing?” I trailed on and off as Zane used his arm to push me against the closest carpeted wall.
“What?”Zane whispered in my ear with a goofy smile on his face as he skated into me, flattening his chest against my own.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, trying to sound angry, but failing miserably. It was hard to keep my anger kindled when he was doing…you know, that!
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zane mumbled.
“Oh no? You have no clue?”
“Nope,” Zane said popping the ‘p’ and chuckling. I rolled my eyes, but gave up trying to be angry and ended up giggling, “You’re such an ass.”
“At least mine’s not busted.”
“Shut up,” I said with another giggle as I pushed his chest. Zane chuckled, but my little push didn’t affect the guy at all. He was pretty strong. Very muscular too; I could feel that much through the thin fabric of his baseball tee with the sleeves pushed to his elbows.
The song changed and there I was, yet again, being caught in one of those stupid cliché romance scenes…one of my favorite songs, soft, slow, and emotion full, began to play from the hidden speakers hidden all around the roller rink. The hypnotizing chimes made my knees wobble in the presence of Zane, and then Tim McGraw began to sing. The famous Nelly eventually joined Tim McGraw in the most beautiful duet I had ever heard called ‘Over and Over Again’.
“You like this song?”
“Mhmmm, I used to listen to it all the time when I was younger.”
Zane nodded, and then we fell into silence.
“You know…you owe me a kiss.” I said before giving myself a chance to process what I was saying, to wuss out.
Zane’s smile touched his eyes, and I had to bite my lip to hide my relief, “Oh do I now?”
I nodded, “You promised me a kiss…one that I would enjoy.”
His smile slowly disappeared, but the calm and soft look in his deep brown eyes didn’t, “Maybe we should save that for another night?”
That note somewhat disappointed me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that by saying “another night” he was promising future nights like this, just the two of us…still!
“What if I die tonight? Then I’ll be gone without the one thing you promised me.” I said teasingly, but Zane tensed against me. He froze and looked into my eyes, searching for something. He gulped harshly, and let out a shaky breath.
“I’m sorry. Did I say something?”
Zane quickly shook his head, and then closed the space in between us, touching his lips to mine. I let out a quick breath of relief before wrapping my arms around Zane’s neck and crushing his body even harder against me. Despite my best efforts, I squealed, and I could feel Zane smile against my mouth.
The only down side to this kiss, though, was, we both still had our skates on. Zane tried his best to stay in place while kissing me, but I could feel myself sliding.
I squealed again and then giggled, as I slipped. Zane grasped me tighter, making sure that I didn’t fall and ruin the moment, but after a moment I’d start sliding again.
“Ah, curse you and your two left feet,” Zane mumbled against my mouth as he pushed off the wall so that we were now propped up against the wall that I had collided into.
It didn’t take long for me to get the hint.
Quickly I sat on the edge of the wall and let my hands wonder from Zane’s thick black hair, to his neck, making sure that our lips never parted. The kiss, before I even realized it, escalated from an innocent kiss of liking to infatuation.
The kiss quickened and grew deeper. His tongue tasted my lips, and I welcomed the familiar yet odd taste of him. I let my tongue collide with his, and I moaned—despite myself—as I reveled in the amazing and spicy taste of his mouth.
My whole body grew warm, the longer the kiss lasted. Butterflies in my stomach began their little tap dance, and little sparks of excitement lingered on my hot flesh every place Zane caressed my neck, my cheek, leaving a little trail of blush. Zane’s hands then wondered to my butt and a giggle escaped my lips. I didn’t want to, but innately I pulled back from his lips.
“We should probably get started on that drawing project?”
I nodded and Zane and I slowly skated off the roller rink, to go work on our project…only that didn’t happen…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You’re such a cheat!” I yelped when I walked into my living room to see Noob beating up a beautiful Jade on the TV, from Mortal Kombat.
“What? You’ve been beating my ass anyway!” Zane complained as he continued to punch the buttons on the game controller waking me (Jade) in the face with a huge rock hammer.
“So?! It’s not my fault you suck at video games!”
“Uh, at this one it is! You don’t even give me any time to hit you back! You incessantly whack me with that stupid stick of yours!” Zane yelped defensively once the TV went black with the letter K.O. shining bright on the screen changing to the next level. Then he chuckled as if just realizing how wrong, what he just said, was. When I just stared at him he explained, “You know? You whacked me with your stick? A stick is another name for a—“
“I know what it means, Zane! You’re so immature!” I said as I rolled my eyes and ran to the other side of the couch where my game controller was.
“Awww, I’m sorry,” Zane mumbled dramatically.
“Uh-hu, sure you are?” I mumbled as I selected the arena for the next fight and hit start. The moment the big numbers on the screen counted down from three revealing Jade in her sea green genie outfit, and Noob in his all black mummy looking suit, I hit ‘b’. A huge spear shot out from Jade’s hands and as fast as I could I began to hit the ‘a’ button over and over and over and over. Before Zane’s character Noob, could even react, the screen was turning black with the letter K.O. flashing bright.
“Oh! Seriously?” Zane complained.
I just laughed and stood up to hop and down in front of him, “Oh! What now, be’atch?”
Zane laughed, “Okay. Rub it in, why don’t ya’.”
“Awww, I’m sorry,” I said in a mocking tone, “Did I take away your masculinity?”
Zane huffed, “Not even close,” before grasping me by my hips and pulling me toward him so that I was straddling his lap.
I giggled, but more because I suddenly became nervous then because I was amused. “You’re such a Noob,” I muttered and Zane chuckled.
Slowly the amusement faded and my breathing caught in my throat. Zane slid his hand up the side of my torso to my cheek and ran his hands through my hair.
I looked into his dark brown eyes as they looked at my strawberry blond hair. He looked so content and relaxed, just rubbing my split ends of straight hair in between his finger tips. And I don’t know how or why, but that one look made me think…who was he?
Zane, he’s so different from anyone I’ve ever known…so far. I really like the guy, but truth is, despite the fact that I went to school with him for more than eight years, I barely know him? I don’t know his favorite color, like I do Gina’s. I can’t look at him and know what he’s thinking, like I can Lucy. I don’t even know if he prefers football or baseball, “Zane?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me something about you,” I said as I let my head fall onto his broad shoulder, suddenly feeling tranquil.
Zane sighed, “Oh, like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything! Tell me something no one knows!”
“Well, I could tell you my size, but that would ruin the surprise.”
“I’m serious, Zane,” I said with an introverted smile, as I punched his arm playfully.
“Okay, um…I’ve kind of had a crush on you since the third grade.” He said, mimicking my shy smile.
“Really? Since third grade?” I asked with disbelief.
“Well…maybe not that early, but maybe junior high, yeah.”
“Awww, that’s so cute, “I yelped and Zane rolled his eyes, “Okay, you keep doing that and my manliness will indeed vaporate.”
“You mean evaporate.”
“Whatever! Quit correcting my grammar, god dammit!” Zane kiddingly scolded me, making me snigger, as I nuzzled my cheek into the soft, warm, and smooth, curve of his neck, “Zane?”
“More questions?”
“Just one…”
“Ask away…”
“Is this…is this real?”
Zane backed up a bit, to look meet my eyes, one eye brow cocked in uncertainty, “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” I sighed noisily unsure of how to say what I was wondering in my head, “Is this….just a fling, or…more?”
“That depends.” Zane said matter-o-factually.
“On what?”
Zane sighed, flipped me off his lap and back down onto the couch. He planted each one of his hands next to my face on the couch, and slowly lowered his mouth to mine, but stopped when we were only inches apart, “If you want me only for my body?”
He did not just say that? OMG!
“Oh my god,” I muttered as I giggled, “You’re crazy.”
“I know what I want, Ashley…what do you want? Do you want this?”
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, to calm myself and force myself to think clearly.
I liked him, I wanted him, but did I want a relationship? Did I want to put my heart on the line? Did I want to put myself out there when I had only a few days ago been betrayed by a guy that I’d thought was a “Good Guy”? Was I willing to put myself out there when I knew the type of guy Zane was? Maybe I was judging him too harshly, but there are so many rumors, and the way he acts, even the way he looks at someone can be enough evidence to prove most of the rumors true…what ever happened to judging a book by its cover?


“I thought we were going to work on our drawing project?” I asked, even though I really didn’t care. I was too curious about where Zane was taking me to care.
“We are.”
I flashed him a skeptical look, and he smiled, “Eventually, we will. But I felt like having fun.”
“What’s so fun about a long walk up a huge flight of stairs?” I asked as he led me up at least five different flights of stairs.
“You’ll see.” Was all he would say, and a few minutes later the stairs ended at a door at the top floor of the mystery building.
“Yeah, this is fun. I’m siked!” I said with fake enthusiasm as Zane pulled a chain of keys from his pocket. He unlocked the door and pushed it open revealing nothing. All I could see was pitch black on the other side of the door frame.
“Is this where you kill me?”
Zane smiled and turned to grab my hands and pull me into the room, “Don’t tempt me.”
After a few moments in complete blackness, there was a click and wuh-lah!
All the lights in the room flickered on revealing an arcade of all the classics; Pac-man, Super Mario Bros, the Claw Machine, etc. The carpets were black with a random pattern of rainbow colored swirls and lines. There was a pool-table in one corner of the room, and a small narrow hallway to the far right of the room.
It was dorky, but cute, “You brought me to an arcade?” I asked trying to hide my true excitement.
“Not quite, follow me.” He took my hand, and led me through the narrow hall to yet another pitch black room.
“Wait here! Don’t move!” he whispered in my ear before letting go of my hand and leaving me alone in the pitch black dark.
I giggled when I hear the faint sound of rustling and a few cusses, “You okay?”
“I’m fine, just stay where you are! Don’t move!”
“I won’t,” I reassured, as I waited.
Moments later ‘Hit the Lights’ by Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne blasted through the black room making me jump. I squealed when my heart leapt, and then laughed at my own childish fears of the dark.
Then a disco ball of color appeared in the middle of the room casting colorful beams of funky blues, reds, greens, and yellows all over the wooden rink in front of me. I looked to my left and saw Zane rush out of a door, only to come running towards me. He grabbed my hands and pulled me to a counter that was covered in different sized shoes with wheels on the bottom.
“You actually brought me to a roller rink?” I asked the sudden lights and music vibrating into my core strengthening my excitement.
“Yup! I work here on the weekends.”
“Could you get in trouble for doing this?” I asked Zane as he hoped over the counter to look over the rack of roller skates. He grabbed two pairs of skates and set them on the counter, pushing the smaller pair toward me, “Yup! You’re a size eight, right?”
I nodded and sat on the floor to take off my converse. Zane hopped back over the counter and sat down on the rugged floor next to me to take off his boots and put on his own skates.
I sighed nervously as I tied my last skate and turned to Zane, “Zane?”
“Wassup?”
“I’ve never done this before?”
Zane laughed, “Never…EVER?”
“I’ve never roller skated before, no!”
“Oh, how do you live?” Zane mumbled sarcastically as he hopped to his feet. I tried to do the same, but even on the rough rug, slipped and fell on my butt, “You haven’t even gotten on the rink and you’re falling!”
I laughed, “Don’t make fun…just help,” I mumbled as I held up my arms like a helpless little child. Zane rolled his eyes and easily helped me to my feet. Even with me stumbling and tripping over my own feet, he was able to manage to skate gracefully and swiftly to the rink while holding my hand.
My wheels touched the smooth and slick wooden surface of the rink and I swear not a second later I was falling, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You really haven’t done this before, huh?”
I just laughed to hide my embarrassment.
“It really isn’t that hard, you just can’t think of falling.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumbled.
“Just push forward and to the side, forward and to the side,” Zane said as he motioned for me to watch his feet. I did, and only minutes later I was copying his actions, trying my best not to think about breaking my butt.
And just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of it, I pushed a bit too hard with my right foot. I lost control and my left foot collided into Zane’s skate making us both fall to the ground.
“Ow,” I groaned in between giggles as I rolled onto my back.
Zane laughed this time as well, “You really are horrible at this.”
“I thought I told you not to make fun?”
Zane only laughed more, as he helped me for like the tenth time in the past five minutes to my feet, “Here let’s try something different. Give me your hands.”
I sighed and gave him both my hands. He took them and then began to skate backward, so that he was facing me.
“You’re such a show-off.”
“No, I’m trying to help you not bust your ass.” I rolled my eyes, and looked down at our feet. I watched and concentrated on my feet as I slowly and carefully pushed on the rink with my skates to glide forward. Every now and then I’d stumble, but Zane never let go of me. He just continued to spat constructive criticism as he lightly pulled me forward in a big circle around the rink. And then a sudden rainbow beam of light bounced over my skates and encircled me on the floor. Next thing I knew I was being distracted like an idiotic fly to a bright light. Instead of watching my feet I looked at the lights and then I began to trip again.
Zane laughed and easily corrected my position to prevent me from in his words ‘busting my ass’.
“Like I said, don’t look at the lights.”
“I wasn’t! I was looking at my feet when the light—“
“Don’t look at the lights! Don’t look at your feet! Don’t look down period! Just look straight ahead!”
“Well you’re kind of in my way.”
Zane rolled his eyes, “Then you’re going to have to deal with this misfortune of staring at me.”
I knew he was joking, but the comment still made me second guess him. Did he not know how attractive he is? I guess guys struggle with that just as much as girls. Unless…Zane is a girl! I laughed at the pure ridiculous thought!
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
Zane just shrugged and let it go, “Well, I’m thirsty, do you want anything?”
I shook my head, and so, carefully, Zane slid from my grasp and quickly skated across the rink toward the vending machine.
While he was away, I looked straight ahead, and pushed…push…push…push…
Before I knew it, I was rapidly skating in circles around the rink. I didn’t stumble or trip, I just soared across the floor, never once the thought of falling even coming to my mind. All I was thinking of was how beautiful the place looked, in complete darkness, the only light being the colorful rays that ricocheted off the walls and onto the ground. I was thinking of how excited the music—that I usually hated—made me feel, and I was relishing in the feel of wind blowing through my hair while I flew.
“Ashley! Watch out!”
Zane was too late. By the time I opened my eyes I was already colliding into the small three foot wall that separated the regular carpeted floor from the rink. The edge whammed into my gut, knocking all the air from my lungs. I gasped and grasped onto the edge before I tumbled completely over the wall…this, I was not going to be able laugh off…
“Are you okay?” Zane asked as he laughed.
My mouth fell open, “You jack-ass! Don’t laugh! That hurt!”
“I’m sure it did.” He said that stupid annoying smirk still on his lips.
I rolled my eyes, groaned, and pushed off with my feet to skate around him. He didn’t let me though.
Zane sighed, and then wrapped an arm around my waist just as I was about to pass him. I stopped moving thinking he would be able to move me, but dumb ass me forgot…duh! You’re on skates!
Zane effortlessly was able to push me in front of him, despite my unwillingness to cooperate.
“Seriously? Don’t play fud-head, just cause you have two left feet.”
“I do not! I was actually…doing pretty good till you…called my name—what are you doing?” I trailed on and off as Zane used his arm to push me against the closest carpeted wall.
“What?”Zane whispered in my ear with a goofy smile on his face as he skated into me, flattening his chest against my own.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, trying to sound angry, but failing miserably. It was hard to keep my anger kindled when he was doing…you know, that!
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zane mumbled.
“Oh no? You have no clue?”
“Nope,” Zane said popping the ‘p’ and chuckling. I rolled my eyes, but gave up trying to be angry and ended up giggling, “You’re such an ass.”
“At least mine’s not busted.”
“Shut up,” I said with another giggle as I pushed his chest. Zane chuckled, but my little push didn’t affect the guy at all. He was pretty strong. Very muscular too; I could feel that much through the thin fabric of his baseball tee with the sleeves pushed to his elbows.
The song changed and there I was, yet again, being caught in one of those stupid cliché romance scenes…one of my favorite songs, soft, slow, and emotion full, began to play from the hidden speakers hidden all around the roller rink. The hypnotizing chimes made my knees wobble in the presence of Zane, and then Tim McGraw began to sing. The famous Nelly eventually joined Tim McGraw in the most beautiful duet I had ever heard called ‘Over and Over Again’.
“You like this song?”
“Mhmmm, I used to listen to it all the time when I was younger.”
Zane nodded, and then we fell into silence.
“You know…you owe me a kiss.” I said before giving myself a chance to process what I was saying, to wuss out.
Zane’s smile touched his eyes, and I had to bite my lip to hide my relief, “Oh do I now?”
I nodded, “You promised me a kiss…one that I would enjoy.”
His smile slowly disappeared, but the calm and soft look in his deep brown eyes didn’t, “Maybe we should save that for another night?”
That note somewhat disappointed me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that by saying “another night” he was promising future nights like this, just the two of us…still!
“What if I die tonight? Then I’ll be gone without the one thing you promised me.” I said teasingly, but Zane tensed against me. He froze and looked into my eyes, searching for something. He gulped harshly, and let out a shaky breath.
“I’m sorry. Did I say something?”
Zane quickly shook his head, and then closed the space in between us, touching his lips to mine. I let out a quick breath of relief before wrapping my arms around Zane’s neck and crushing his body even harder against me. Despite my best efforts, I squealed, and I could feel Zane smile against my mouth.
The only down side to this kiss, though, was, we both still had our skates on. Zane tried his best to stay in place while kissing me, but I could feel myself sliding.
I squealed again and then giggled, as I slipped. Zane grasped me tighter, making sure that I didn’t fall and ruin the moment, but after a moment I’d start sliding again.
“Ah, curse you and your two left feet,” Zane mumbled against my mouth as he pushed off the wall so that we were now propped up against the wall that I had collided into.
It didn’t take long for me to get the hint.
Quickly I sat on the edge of the wall and let my hands wonder from Zane’s thick black hair, to his neck, making sure that our lips never parted. The kiss, before I even realized it, escalated from an innocent kiss of liking to infatuation.
The kiss quickened and grew deeper. His tongue tasted my lips, and I welcomed the familiar yet odd taste of him. I let my tongue collide with his, and I moaned—despite myself—as I reveled in the amazing and spicy taste of his mouth.
My whole body grew warm, the longer the kiss lasted. Butterflies in my stomach began their little tap dance, and little sparks of excitement lingered on my hot flesh every place Zane caressed my neck, my cheek, leaving a little trail of blush. Zane’s hands then wondered to my butt and a giggle escaped my lips. I didn’t want to, but innately I pulled back from his lips.
“We should probably get started on that drawing project?”
I nodded and Zane and I slowly skated off the roller rink, to go work on our project…only that didn’t happen…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You’re such a cheat!” I yelped when I walked into my living room to see Noob beating up a beautiful Jade on the TV, from Mortal Kombat.
“What? You’ve been beating my ass anyway!” Zane complained as he continued to punch the buttons on the game controller waking me (Jade) in the face with a huge rock hammer.
“So?! It’s not my fault you suck at video games!”
“Uh, at this one it is! You don’t even give me any time to hit you back! You incessantly whack me with that stupid stick of yours!” Zane yelped defensively once the TV went black with the letter K.O. shining bright on the screen changing to the next level. Then he chuckled as if just realizing how wrong, what he just said, was. When I just stared at him he explained, “You know? You whacked me with your stick? A stick is another name for a—“
“I know what it means, Zane! You’re so immature!” I said as I rolled my eyes and ran to the other side of the couch where my game controller was.
“Awww, I’m sorry,” Zane mumbled dramatically.
“Uh-hu, sure you are?” I mumbled as I selected the arena for the next fight and hit start. The moment the big numbers on the screen counted down from three revealing Jade in her sea green genie outfit, and Noob in his all black mummy looking suit, I hit ‘b’. A huge spear shot out from Jade’s hands and as fast as I could I began to hit the ‘a’ button over and over and over and over. Before Zane’s character Noob, could even react, the screen was turning black with the letter K.O. flashing bright.
“Oh! Seriously?” Zane complained.
I just laughed and stood up to hop and down in front of him, “Oh! What now, be’atch?”
Zane laughed, “Okay. Rub it in, why don’t ya’.”
“Awww, I’m sorry,” I said in a mocking tone, “Did I take away your masculinity?”
Zane huffed, “Not even close,” before grasping me by my hips and pulling me toward him so that I was straddling his lap.
I giggled, but more because I suddenly became nervous then because I was amused. “You’re such a Noob,” I muttered and Zane chuckled.
Slowly the amusement faded and my breathing caught in my throat. Zane slid his hand up the side of my torso to my cheek and ran his hands through my hair.
I looked into his dark brown eyes as they looked at my strawberry blond hair. He looked so content and relaxed, just rubbing my split ends of straight hair in between his finger tips. And I don’t know how or why, but that one look made me think…who was he?
Zane, he’s so different from anyone I’ve ever known…so far. I really like the guy, but truth is, despite the fact that I went to school with him for more than eight years, I barely know him? I don’t know his favorite color, like I do Gina’s. I can’t look at him and know what he’s thinking, like I can Lucy. I don’t even know if he prefers football or baseball, “Zane?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me something about you,” I said as I let my head fall onto his broad shoulder, suddenly feeling tranquil.
Zane sighed, “Oh, like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything! Tell me something no one knows!”
“Well, I could tell you my size, but that would ruin the surprise.”
“I’m serious, Zane,” I said with an introverted smile, as I punched his arm playfully.
“Okay, um…I’ve kind of had a crush on you since the third grade.” He said, mimicking my shy smile.
“Really? Since third grade?” I asked with disbelief.
“Well…maybe not that early, but maybe junior high, yeah.”
“Awww, that’s so cute, “I yelped and Zane rolled his eyes, “Okay, you keep doing that and my manliness will indeed vaporate.”
“You mean evaporate.”
“Whatever! Quit correcting my grammar, god dammit!” Zane kiddingly scolded me, making me snigger, as I nuzzled my cheek into the soft, warm, and smooth, curve of his neck, “Zane?”
“More questions?”
“Just one…”
“Ask away…”
“Is this…is this real?”
Zane backed up a bit, to look meet my eyes, one eye brow cocked in uncertainty, “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” I sighed noisily unsure of how to say what I was wondering in my head, “Is this….just a fling, or…more?”
“That depends.” Zane said matter-o-factually.
“On what?”
Zane sighed, flipped me off his lap and back down onto the couch. He planted each one of his hands next to my face on the couch, and slowly lowered his mouth to mine, but stopped when we were only inches apart, “If you want me only for my body?

Chapter Fifteen

With my fingers laced with Zane’s in a tight yet comfortable hand hold, we walked into school. I was immediately aware of all the stares—unlike the oblivious Zane—but it didn’t bother me like it usually would have. I was happy, and I didn’t care what anybody said.

“Want to play the question game?” I asked, wanting to learn more about Zane, but not exactly sure how to start the conversation.
Zane’s eyebrows cocked with curiousness, “The question game?”
“Yeah,” I said with a shrug, “I ask a question. You answer it, then you ask me a question, and I answer it. It’s not hard.”
“If it’s anything like Mortal Kombat, it’s going to be way difficult.”
I laughed, “You go first!”
“Okay, um…number one building you want to burn down?”
My jaw dropped with laughter, “What? It’s a question isn’t it?”
I shook my head, but thought for an answer anyway, “Um, probably my church.”
Zane busted out laughing, “Hey, you’ve never been there. All the people at my church are snobby and self-centered.”
“Okay, then it’s your turn…”
“Um…favorite color?”
“Red.”
“Why red?” I asked curiously, thinking that was an odd color for a boy to like.
Zane’s smile grew into a devilish smirk and he winked, “Because that’s the color of the bra you wore today.”
I innately looked down, and saw about a centimeter long strip of red lace popping out from my shirt. Quickly, I adjusted my posture and playfully slapped Zane on the arm.
“Alright, alright! What’s yours?”
“Ugh, blue!”
“Oh! Guess what? That’s the color of my underwear! I’m telling you Ashley, this is destiny!” I giggled incessantly for the whole entire school day, as we went back and forth asking the most ridiculous questions and giving the most ridiculous answers.
It started out as simple questions; what’s your favorite color, favorite movie, do you hate Justin Bieber—that was a yes for both of us, but by the end of the day during Study Hall, our last period of the day, the questions were getting more and more intimate and personal…yet funny.
It started with, “Boxers or briefs?”
I held in a giggle, trying to stay quite since this was a “silent study hall period”, “Why you asking me? You’re the one that wears them?”
“I’m asking which ones you prefer.” Zane said with another one of his devilish grins; the smirk that I no longer found annoying or disgusting immature. I found it extremely sassy and sexy now, and that’s all he had to do to make me blush, anymore.
“What about sports boxers? You left those out.”
Zane huffed, “I left those out for a reason. No guy looks good in Speedos, and that’s pretty much all it is…so! Back to the question, boxers or briefs?”
“Or boxer-briefs?” I added and Zane sighed, “Sure, why not?”
I thought for a moment, letting my imagination conjure up some ridiculous internal photo shoots of Zane in different types of underwear, “Um, well briefs are fairly similar to Speedos as well, so those are out.”
Zane made an exaggerated sigh of relief, “I’d have to go with boxer-briefs…unless you have a pair of white boxers covered in red hearts!”
Zane’s smile grew, but his brows creased in skepticism, “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious,” I said with a quite giggle, “I always thought that cliché was so cute.”
“Great! Now I’ve got to go underwear shopping!”
That made me laugh aloud, getting me a bunch of glares from many peers and a few teachers, “You could always join me!”
“Well what do you prefer? For me, I mean.”
“Doesn’t matter to me! As long as I’m the only one who gets to see them.”
“Oh? So if I told you I wear granny panties?”
“Then you’re definitely going underwear shopping with me.” Zane said with a soft chuckle. The teachers glared over at us, so we both picked up a random book and pretended to read till they looked away.
“Ashley?”
“Yeah?”
“How far did you go with Josh?”
I froze, not because I was uncomfortable but because I was surprised.
“I don’t mean to put any pressure on you or anything I just…I was just wondering.”
“No it’s fine, um…me and Josh we didn’t really do anything together! I was lucky he gave me a ride to and from school.”
Zane snorted, “So you’re still a…you know?”
“A virgin?” I asked surprised that Zane appeared to be the slightest bit confused and scared talking about this with me. I mean, yeah we had only been dating for a day, but we had to be comfortable talking about this kind of stuff with one another. And it’s not like we’re actually doing anything, we’re just…familiarizing ourselves with the other.
“Yeah that…”
“Yes, I’m a virgin…are you?”
“Yup!” My eyes went wide and he squinted his eyes curiously, “What?”
“Oh! Nothing, you just…you just seemed like—“
“Like the type of guy that dated girls for so long depending on how long it takes them to put out?”
“Kind of…”
Zane laughed, “No, believe it or not, behind this perverted mind, is a gentleman.”
I smiled, “Good.”
…you really can’t judge a book by its cover…

Sitting in front of the fireplace in my parent’s living room next to Zane doing nothing but playing the question game…ugh! I was so relaxed and comfortable around him, yet he managed to make my heart flutter and my stomach flip. It was so weird to think that just a month ago I had hated the guy. It’s been three weeks since we started dating, and never once had we fought! Never once had we not understood the other, not laughed, not kissed.
“Ashley? I’m tired of this game.” Zane complained letting his cheek rest on my shoulder.
I giggled, “Then what do you want to do?”
“Well…I now know that I can’t play Mortal Kombat, Mario Kart, Mario Brothers, Mario Party…pretty much anything Mario we can’t play.”
“Why? Because you don’t like being beat by a girl?”
“No, it’s not that! It’s when that girl beats me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Then I start to get a little anxious.”
I huffed, “Uh! You’re such a sore loser!” I yelped, feeling so overwhelmingly giddy.
“Don’t judge me! You’re the one that flipped out when I beat you at Monopoly.”
“Because you cheated—“
“I did not.”
My mouth fell open in amusement, “Uh, yeah! You did! You kept taking my money when I wasn’t looking!”
“Well, honey! That happens in the real world, I was just preparing you!”
I laughed and gave him a kick kiss on the cheek, “Fine! No Monopoly! Nothing Mario related! And no Mortal Kombat! What do you want to do then…”
Zane crooked a smile. One that made his eyes go dark with an inner emotion that I was able to read, yet don’t exactly want to say out loud. The pure thought of him looking at me like that, makes the hairs on my arm stand, and my heart race.
“I have something in mind…”

“Okay, um…left hand green.” Zane mumbled, after flicking the spinner on the board next to the circle colored mat.
I groaned in irritation. I was holding my body off the color spotted mat, like a crab. Zane was on all fours, in the easiest position in the book, next to me. He was literally blocking the whole entire row of green dots, and he knew it. The evil smirk on his face, proved my theory.
I giggled in embarrassment, as I stretched out my hand over his body to touch the closest green dot with my finger tips. Somehow I managed to twist my body so that I was now on all fours but over top of Zane. He chuckled, and his back shook the slightest bit against my chest, “Shouldn’t this be the other way around?”
“Ah! Zane? You’re such a pervert!” I yelped, but I couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Left hand on red.”
“Oh, thank god.” I mumbled and slid my way into the same position I had been, before the arrow had landed on green.
Zane this time, just to tease me, lifted his left arm over me to touch the red spot next to my hand. His arm lightly brushed against my chest, making my body immediately react. I began to blush, my body started to grow warm and tingle, but Zane? It was such a light touch, he hadn’t even noticed.
He flicked the spinner, “Right foot blue.”
I quickly skimmed my eyes over the mat and spotted the row of blue, under Zane. Of course! Then again, what did I expect! It’s Twister!
I reached my right leg out, in between Zane’s, to touch a blue circle, and I ended up slipping. I actually slipped!
Aren’t you smooth, Ashley! Nice going!
“Whoa!” was all that slipped through my mind before my arms buckled from under me, making me fall on my butt. I laughed, “Ow, my ass. My poor ass.”
“Even without skates, you bust your butt.” Zane mumbled with amusement, and encircled me in his arms, pulling me onto his chest as he flipped onto his back
“You don’t shut up about that, and I’m going to bust a cap in YOUR ass.”
“Is that any way to treat your savior?”
I scoffed, “Savior? I fell three inches onto a rug, and you didn’t even catch me in time.”
“It’s the thought that counts.”
I giggled, and nuzzled my head into the small, soft, and warm groove of his neck, right under his chin. It was like he was made for me, my face fit perfectly into that lushes curve of flesh. He smelled of...pumpkin spice. It was the same every day and night I saw him, yet it never didn’t excite me. The pure smell of him never grew les intoxicating then the night before.
I turned my head, and slid my lips up his neck. I didn’t kiss him, just brushed his skin, making a soft yet long breath escape his lips. I rested my hand on his chest, and could feel the faded tap of his heart against my finger tips, through his shirt and skin. My lips slowly swept over his silky skin to his ear. My lips brushed the spot, right under his ear next to his angled jaw line, and he inhaled a quick nervous breath. I did my best, to hold in another giggle, and then parted my lips the slightest bit to kiss him. Again, he quickly inhaled. This time, I let my giggle slip out. Running lips up the last inch to his ear I whispered, “I think I found your weak spot.”
“Well what’s yours?” he asked and turned his head, to look into my eyes. I looked down at his lips and smiled, “I can’t tell you.”
“Awww, now don’t be like that.” Zane whispered, making me giggle.
“No, I…I don’t know what mine is.”
“Oh really?” Zane whispered back and gently turned me onto my back.
“Mhmmm,” I whispered all though I barely heard it myself.
“Then I guess we’ll have to find it,” Zane whispered, and my heart stopped. Immediately my breaths started to come out jagged and unsteady.
I nodded vigorously, feeling extremely nervous but needy.
Any girl who says the thought of a guy touching her annoys or disgusts them—unless their lesbian—is lying. Its human nature…and so yeah! I wanted him to want to touch me in the ways I did him. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin, and his kisses on my neck…but hell I was nervous!
Quickly I leaned forward and kissed his lips. I could feel myself quiver against his mouth, and it made it even more difficult for me to kiss him without going out of breath quickly, “Are YOU okay?”
I smiled…there was no point in hiding my feelings, “Just nervous.” I admitted.
“I won’t do anything you don’t want.”
“I know…I trust you.” I whispered, leaning in for yet another kiss.
It was slow, yet a lot more passionate then our “heated kisses”...if that makes sense. It allowed me to savor and engrave every detail into my memory. His scent, his taste, his feel, even his sounds; the sounds of his deep breathing and quite moans was enough to make me smile in delight.
The soft wet feel of his slightly swollen lips, left a faint trail of burn under my skin from my lips, over my cheeks, to my neck. At first, he only brushed his lips against my neck, like I had to him. Then I felt his tongue, extremely warm and moist glide against my skin in a wet kiss…then two…the three, four. It made my body shiver, and me giggle.
Zane gently tilted my head from side to side with his right hand, kissing my neck at different angles.
Then the strong warmth of his hand on my cheek disappeared, from my face, and instead traveled along my body.
Every move and gesture was slow and gentle, he was being careful not to rush anything.
His hand slid from my neck, over my chest, down my torso to my hips. He grabbed the hem of my dress and lifted it a few inches, to expose my underwear and stomach.
Warily, he lowered the full weight of his body on top of me and shimmied a bit so that his shirt rode up a few inches revealing a strip of his own stomach.
Only then did the kisses start to get faster, frenzied.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, to deepen the kiss. Our tongues meshed in a familiar yet breathtaking grasp.
His hands twisted in the thin fabric of my dress’s skirt. He pulled and twisted the edge gently, teasingly.
His lips faded away from mine, to caress the other side of my neck, as his hand slid under the hem. He brushed his knuckles against my outter thigh, making me shiver.
The front door slammed, making both me and Zane jump away from each other, but not before my mother walked in the room to see us…better her then my father, though.
“Hey, mom,” I mumbled, the awkward tension in the air immediately threatening to cut off my circulation. I’m sure it was ten times worse for Zane.
My mother didn’t speak, she just froze.
Moments later my father walked in, to see me and Zane and my mother just staring at each other, “Ashley…who’s your friend?” My father asked.
I turned to look at Zane, and he swallowed…hard…

Chapter Sixteen

“So, Zane, you have a family?” My father asked as he took a sip from his glass of bourbon, as if it were unbelievable that Zane actually had one.
“Um, yes. My mother, Jane, and my younger brother, Gage.”
I made sure to commit the names to memory.
“What bout your father? What’s he like?” My father asked, with a cocked eyebrow, looking like he was surprised that Zane hadn’t mentioned his father. I frowned. I didn’t know what the story was with Zane and his father, but his dad never showed up to school assemblies or games or anything. His father never even showed up to parent teacher conferences with him and his mother…it didn’t take long for the school to realize that Zane and his father, was a sore subject. But nope! My father just had to put his nose into other people’s business and make them feel uncomfortable!
I looked over at Zane, a little curious why he never talked about his dad, yet knowing, just by the soft look in his eyes, he’d rather not talk about it. He shifted in his seat on the couch next to my father’s recliner, and cleared his throat, “Well, um…my father, he left me and my mother shortly after I was born.”
I bit my lip to hold in a gasp when my heart sank.
The poor guy! His father had left him and his mother, all alone. And shortly after he was born? I mean, I’m sure that took some of the hurt away. His father left before he even had a chance to grow attached to the guy, but still…he had to feel a bit guilty. He probably felt like it was his fault, his father leaving…his mother probably felt the same way as well.
My father showed little sympathy, only nodded.
I scooted closer to Zane, and let my head rest on his warm shoulders. I could feel his slight tremor under my finger tips when I tried to show him I cared by rubbing his back—but I wasn’t even sure if he was shaking because he was nervous—and I’m sure the shot gun leaning against the coffee table closest to my father didn’t calm his nerves—or because he was upset at his own father for leaving him, or maybe just having to talk about the guy that left him in general.
My father flashed me a glare, signaling for me to back away from Zane, but I pretended I didn’t notice and he eventually let it go, “What did you say your brother’s name is? Gage? That’s odd!”
“Dad? That’s rather rude!” I yelped before I could even think of keeping my mouth shut. Zane gave my thigh a quick pat and rub, to show me that he was thankful for my understanding. My father shot another glare, this time it was directed toward Zane. I ignored it, but Zane didn’t. He quickly removed his hands from my leg and scooted a quick inch away from me. Zane cleared his throat for like the fifth time in the last ten minutes, and I rolled my eyes.
“Well, sir, my brother’s real name is Gavin, but he’s big on cars.”
“So that’s where the name Gage comes from?”
“Yeah, it’s just kinda stuck with him.”
“I see,” My father mumbled slowly as he gulped the rest of his bourbon. He looked Zane over from head to toe, making him fidget with extreme nervousness. Then his eyes flashed to me, and then to my thigh, where Zane had touched me. My father frowned, and licked the inside of his bottom lip with a loud sigh, “So, Ashley…what ever happened to that Josh boy? I liked him!”
My anger flared up so abruptly, that I couldn’t hide it. The attitude rolled off my tongue easily, “He cheated on me, dad!”
Who did he think he was, to judge Zane? Who did he think he was to intimidate him, he barely knew him?
“And what? Zane’s like your rebound?”
Zane’s eyes went wide, as if the possibility of me using him just dawned on him, and my anger grew even more. He was trying to ruin things for me! Why?
“Dad!”
“What? I’m just trying to understand what’s going on through your pretty little noggin.”
“Maybe if you’d just listen to me for once, you’d understand.”
“I have been listening. You broke up with Josh to date…him.” My father said ‘him’ and gestured to Zane with an obvious frown of what looked like…disgust? No! It couldn’t be!
“What’s so wrong with Zane?” I asked my body on edge and tingling with annoyance.
“I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with him,” my father said, his lips pulled into a flat line, looking innocent. That only made me even angrier.
“You didn’t have to say it!” I yelled, and Zane took in a quick breath, before standing, “Okay, um, I think I better go. I didn’t mean to cause a—“
“Oh no! Please! Sit down, have a beer! I’m sure you’ve had more than enough, judging by where you’re from.” My breath caught in the back of my throat, and tears threatened to sting my eyes.
“Excuse me, sir?” Zane asked, looking extremely hurt yet confused.
“Well…you live in a trailer park, do you not?” My father said, scowling from his recliner up at Zane.
Zane opened his mouth to speak, anger hardening his usually relaxed and sweet brown eyes. He was going to flip, and I didn’t blame him.
How dare my father even think of saying something like that, and to his face? What kind of a person says something like that?
Zane grabbed his jacket, from off the back of the couch. We locked eyes, and I tried to put as much feeling as I could into them, so he’d see that I didn’t want him to go, but he quickly turned away from me to look at my father.
Yell at him? I thought; show him you’re not afraid of him.
“Good day, sir.” Zane mumbled, before stomping out of the house, without looking back at me.

“Wait! Zane, wait!” I yelled as I ran out the front door after him, not caring that it was freezing outside, and that I wasn’t wearing shoes. I didn’t care that my father would probably chew my ass up afterward, and my mother would probably just watch and nod every now and then as if she really cared…but I didn’t care…at least about getting in trouble…I do, however, care about Zane, and about how he’s treated…
I ran as fast as I could, without over treading an ankle or hurting the pads of my bare feet to hard, as I ran on the stone road, that led away from my driveway and towards town.
Zane didn’t stop, or even look back. He just kept walking, with the hood of his sweatshirt, from under his leather jacket pulled up over his head. His baggy dark jeans, were snug against his hips, and shook the slightest bit as his long strides grew stronger, filled with anger. His boots kicked at the small stones, making them fly.
It only took a moment for him to reach his motorcycle.
He through his leg over the bodice and I began sprinting.
He couldn’t leave me. Not now! Not when I knew he was hurt and angry! I needed him! Needed to tell him how horribly sorry I was.
“Zane! Please!” I screamed, this time as loud as I could, not bothering to hide my tears.
Zane just continued to ignore me, and jump started the engine to his motorcycle.
Please, please, please stop! Don’t go! Wait!
I yelled to myself as I pushed myself harder and harder. I was only a bit aways, but it would only take him seconds to lift the kick stand and drive off.
“Stop! Zane!” I yelled as I ran in front of his motorcycles path just as he had started driving.
My heart leapt into my throat as I realized how incredibly dumb it was of me, to jump in front of a moving vehicle. I screamed, but I was still standing a few feet away, so it wasn’t that hard for Zane to stop the motorcycle before his handle bars came crashing into my gut.
“ARG!” Zane screamed as he hoped off his bike, not bothering to put down the kickstand. He pushed his bike, letting it fall onto the stone road, making me wince at the horrid and loud crashing sound.
“Are you crazy? I could have hit you! I could have killed you Ashley!” He yelled, baring his angry teeth.
I didn’t care, that he was angry, though. I was just glad I had stopped him before he drove off.
I quickly ran the few feet that separated us, and jumped, wrapping my arms around Zane’s neck and pulling him as close as humanly possible, “I’m sorry, Zane. I’m so so sorry. Please don’t be angry with me.”
Zane’s tense body slowly relaxed under my grasp. He sighed and pressed his forehead into my neck, wrapping his big arms around me. His warm breath and the slight dampness of his sweaty face tickled my neck, “I’m not angry with you. I’m just…Ashley, your father’s right.”
I didn’t want to, but I pulled away from Zane, to glare at him, “What? What are you talking about?”
“You deserve way better than me, Ashley.”
“What are you saying—“
“Ashley, I have nothing to offer you. NOTHING! I wish I could give you everything, but I can’t. I can barely provide for my own family, let alone myself or you.”
I laughed, “So what? I deserve a guy like Josh? Rich, handsome, self-centered, and unfaithful?”
Zane looked away from me, as if trying to come up with an excuse. I sighed and pulled him back against me, but Zane made sure to keep his eyes averted from mine.
“Zane, look at me. Look at me!”
He reluctantly did, revealing glassy eyes. Emotion filled brown eyes, which made me melt, “Zane, I don’t care about money, or jewelry. Yes, if you had it that would be great.” I mumbled making Zane smile with amusement, “But that’s nothing more than a bonus. Zane, you’re enough for me…so please,” I pressed my forehead, against his, “Don’t—don’t go just because my father is a complete ass.”
Zane smiled, and exhaled in relief, “I was more scared of the shot gun, than anything.”
I giggled, “Yeah, I was wondering if you saw that…”
We fell into silence, and stared into each other’s eyes.
Whenever I looked into Josh’s blue eyes, I’d feel awkward. Like an idiot. I’d find the stupidest reason to look away, but now? I didn’t want to stop!
In Zane’s presence with his eyes glued to mine, I felt happy, relaxed, relieved.
I closed my eyes and reveled in the feel of his hot, soft, and damp skin. I took in the faint smell of cinnamon and pumpkin. I listened to the shaky pattern of the breath that blew through his nostrils.
I leaned in, brushing my lips against his, “Ashley! Get your ass in side, right now!”

Chapter Seventeen

“Ashley-hun, you need to give your father a chance,” My mother said in her soft voice. She rubbed my back, tracing large but gentle circles all over the tops of my back, as I wept into my pillow. I lifted my head feeling even more frustrated that the gentle compassionate touch of my mother—that ALWAYS calmed me down—did nothing now, “Give him a chance? After what he did—what he said? He didn’t give Zane a chance!”
“It’s only because he cares about you—“
“No! Don’t even!” I mumbled angrily into my pillow, to muffle my innate attitude.
There was a long silence, which made me want to choke.
Of course, I did not like disobeying or lying to or making my parents upset or angry, disappointed. But my father, he had had NO right, to say the things he had. Even just thinking about it, made my body heat in anger, “Ashley…you deserve better,” My mother said quickly, as if scared to say it at all.
That one sentence made my heart stop, and I sat up to look her in the eyes, “Excuse me?”
“I’m sure Zane is a nice boy, but he…he…?”
“He what, mother? Spit it out!” I snapped, making her wince.
“He lives in a trailer park for Christ’s sake, Ashley.”
“So?”
“So…at his age and where he’s from…he’s used to being around drugs, and alcohol, and…sex, so he’s bound to—“
“Mother!” I gasped out with disbelief, “What are you—how dare you!”
“Ashley, me and your father just don’t want to see you get hurt! I’m sure Zane’s nice now, but what’ll happen when you don’t give him what he wants, huh? He’ll leave you, and not give a damn about your feelings!”
“He’s not like that mom!” I yelled, to dry and angry to even think of crying.
“People can be very deceiving,” my mother said with a somber look in her eyes. In them I usually found comfort and reassurance. Now all I felt was disgust, “Yeah! Tell me about it!” I mumbled before storming out of my bedroom and running downstairs into the cellar, which my parents had turned into a “game room” with a pool table, wii, x-box, bean bag chairs, and a sofa. I slept on the sofa, and the next morning snuck out of home before my parents woke up.

Chapter Eighteen

I was sitting on the front lawn of the school, looking up at the bright blue sky and its fluffy clouds. I took in a deep breath, inhaling all the amazing foliage and clean crisp air of spring.
Spring break had finally come!
The bell rang and students came running out of the school, over excited for the one week of vacation, that would go by twice as fast as it should. Only minutes passed before the buses had left, and almost every car in the student parking lot was gone.
I stood up, and brushed the ends of my cut-off jeans with a sigh. Lucy was supposed to pick me up after school for a girl’s night, but most likely got tied up in Nathan’s attention and forgot. It wasn’t that rare of an occurrence. She’d come to my house tonight and say ‘I’m sorry’ over a billion times, before realizing I wasn’t that bothered by it and continuing back to her house to watch some chick flick.
“You’re such a loser, standing here all by yourself,” I heard Zane mumble as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“Oh, aren’t you charismatic.” I said with a soft giggle, as Zane rested his head on my shoulder. I turned to face him, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“So what happened to ‘girl’s night’?”
“I was stood-up, can you believe that?” I asked with an exaggerated frown.
“Awww, that’s too bad. I was hoping I’d be able to get front seat tickets to a pillow fight.”
I giggled and gave him another kiss.
“Guess you’re stuck with me,” he whispered against my lips, making me smile.
“Yup! We can watch chick flicks, and have our own little pillow fight.”
“Ummmmmmmmmmmm,” Zane mumbled with an amused grin, “I’m pretty sure I won’t have to throw a pillow at your face to keep you entertained.”
“Oh yeah? And what is that?”
“I’ll just get out Mortal Kombat, let you beat my ass. You’ll be occupied for a good few hours.”
“You like being beaten with my stick?” I asked, and Zane opened his mouth, but nothing came out for a good minute, “Okay, if you have a stick and I enjoy being beaten with it; we’ve got a serious problem here.” I laughed, “You know what today is…?”
“Enlighten me.”
“It’s been two months.” I hinted with a smile, and Zane grinned, “Two months and four days, but who’s keeping track right,” he mumbled.
“So you know what that means?”
“What? Expensive jewelry?”
“Nope.”
“Good, because the most expensive thing I can buy is made out of macaroni.”
“It means you’ll have to spare five dollars for some ice cream.”
Zane laughed and mumbled as he kissed my neck, “I can handle that.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled as we walked out of the local ice cream shop. I took a quick lick of the lavender color ice on top of my kitty cone. The moment I felt my tongue go numb, I leaned forward and licked his weak spot: the skin of his neck right under his ear, next to his jaw. Zane quickly jerked away and put a hand to his neck, “Holy shit that was cold.” I giggled.
“What flavor is that again?”
“Black Raspberry! You want to try it?”
Zane shrugged, and so as we walked down the sidewalk in town, I held my small cone of ice cream to his face.
He took a quick lick, and I pulled the cold treat back to my lips to taste, “You like it?”
Zane nodded and shrugged, “Yeah. I still prefer rocky road, though.”
I scrunched my nose and giggled, “What? You have something against chocolate?”
“I hate rocky road! I hate chocolate ice cream!” I said as I shook my head in disgust.
Zane laughed, and then gestured toward the ice cream in my hands, “Can I have some more?”
A devilish thought came to mind and I giggled.
I held out the ice cream to his mouth, and when he leant down to taste it, I thrusted the ice cream into his face.
Zane huffed in disbelief and quickly pulled away from the freezing cold frost. A soft melting coat of purple ice cream surrounded his lips, dripping onto his chest, “Ashley, you spoiled brat!” he yelped, making me laugh even harder.
I threw my ice cream cone onto the floor, making the weirdest sloshing-slash-squishing sound as the ice cream hit the edge of the side walk.
“Hey! You owe me three dollars for that wasted ice cream.” Zane said as he lifted his hand to his mouth, about to rub the milky purple stuff off his face.
I slapped his hand, making him pull back, and pushed him up against the closest building, which ended up being a laundry mat.
I rubbed his neck, and kissed him, making sure to lick up some of the raspberry frost around his lips as I did. Zane, without hesitation or further encouragement, kissed me back.
I stuck out my tongue and licked the corners of his mouth and laughed.
“Oh, you think it’s funny, hu? Huh?” Zane mumbled against my lips, and then he turned, so that his ice cream covered cheek rubbed against my own.
“Zane! No! Stop it!” I yelped as I laughed, but he didn’t listen. He just kept thrashing his head back and forth rubbing his ice cream coated cheeks against my face.
I tried to pull my face away from his, but he only tightened his grip on me and pulled me closer to his face. After a moment of trying to get away, I gave up and kissed Zane again, not caring who was watching or what anyone thought.

“Truth or dare?”
“Um, truth.”
Zane snorted, “Ugh, you’re no fun.”
I scoffed, “We’ve been playing for half-an-hour, and you have yet to do a dare.”
Zane squinted at me, and then chuckled, “First kiss…?”
“Are you serious?”
“Mhmmm.”
“Oh god,” I croaked and whined and groaned, as the memory of my first kiss came to mind, “Okay, um…it was with Nathan.”
Zane’s smile immediately disappeared, “Nathan? As in Lucy’s Nathan?”
I could feel my cheeks grow warm with embarrassment, “Yes, Lucy’s Nathan.”
“Really?” Zane mumbled as he looked aimlessly at the blankets on the wooden floor we were lying on, “And how was it?”
I giggled, “It was horrible—“
“Good.”
“—we were in the fourth grade, and neither one of us had had our first kiss. We were both friends so we figured…why not? I was excited, actually, but he…oh my, he was so nervous he practically missed my mouth; there was slobber all over my chin—“
“Ha-ha, oh god!”
“What about you? What was your first kiss like?”
Zane laughed, “I was in junior high, just lost my braces—“
“You had braces?” Zane nodded, making me laugh.
“—Sally Jenson was the most popular girl in the sixth grade; always wore pink.” Zane scrunched up his nose in disgust at the color, “I asked for a peck on the cheek and at the last second—“
“Really? That’s how you got your first kiss? You tricked the girl?”
Zane laughed, “Yeah, pretty much.”
We both laughed as we talked about how awkward our first kisses were, and eventually the amusement died down, “Truth or dare?”
Zane looked up at the ceiling and cocked an eyebrow, as if thinking extremely hard. He inhaled a long and deep breath, and then exhaled noisily. After a moment of silence, Zane turned to look at me, “Dare.”
“Ooooh! Aren’t you a dare devil, pun intended!””
Zane laughed, “Just tell me what I have to do.”
I thought for a moment and smiled. There was so much I could say or do…so much I could make him say or do. There was no limit, I was in charge.
“Well…I could tell you to stop smoking—“ Zane rolled his eyes “—But I highly doubt that’ll happen. I could tell you to do my homework—“ Zane’s eyes went wide with fright “—But I’m not that cruel.”
“What do you want, Ashley?”
My heart was pounding, faster and harder than it had ever before. The pure thought of what I was about to ask for, made me knees shake and my breath catch in the back of my throat. My mouth suddenly went dry, making it even harder than it already was to speak, “I, um…I’m dirty…and smelly.”
Zane narrowed his eyes at me in confusion, and then laughed, “What are you talking about?”
I took in a shaky breath, which tickled the back of my dry mouth. The nervous laugh escaped my mouth—my natural way of hiding shame and uncertainty, “My hair feels greasy too.”
Zane shrugged, “So…what’s the point?”
“I need a shower,” I blabbed out with a puff of nervousness as I looked at Zane. I looked into his eyes and tried to gather up the courage I needed to say what I wanted…but I couldn’t…I just tried my best to let go, and let all my emotions and thoughts flow through my own eyes.
I felt Zane’s body tense up next to me. I watched his jaw clench, and then unclench. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, “And…?”
“And…I’d like you to join me…”

Chapter Nineteen

The soft patter of the water pouring from the shower head was nothing but a blur when I finally kissed Zane. It was just like the first time we had kissed; nothing in the world mattered but me and him.
I didn’t care that the TV downstairs in the living room was still on. I didn’t care that the tub of rocky road ice-cream, which Zane had bought after I smashed my kitty cone in his face, was still sitting open on the kitchen counter. I didn’t care what my parents thought about Zane, or what other kids at school thought about us; the rich spoiled brat and the poor trailer trash. I didn’t care that my parents would ground me for life if they saw let alone found out about what I was doing. I didn’t care, I didn’t care! They could try as hard as they could to persuade me that Zane wasn’t worth my time, no way would I listen! They could try their best to keep me away from him, I’d find a way!
His hands gently removed my clothing, and then his, leaving them on a pile on the slightly damp tiled floor. Moments later, we were under the warm caressing touch of the water exploding from the shower head.
My hands touched his shoulders, his neck, his hair…everything moved in a fluid motion. Every touch was soft and gentle, making every part of my body radiate heat and tingle with adrenaline.
His lips, wet and warm, moved from my mouth to my neck. A moan escaped his mouth, against my skin. His grip on my hips grew tight, not painfully but harsh enough that I couldn’t move. He took a step into me, pressing my back into the wet wall under the shower head. His hands wondered, explored…and then I began to panic. My heart raced, now more because I was scared then because I was excited. My breathing was becoming more and more rapid, as if I had asthma.
Zane must have noticed, because he immediately stopped moving. He just stood still, with his mouth on my shoulder, chest pinning me to the wall.
“Are you okay?” Zane whispered against my shoulder.
I nodded, not wanting to open my mouth because I felt the tears coming.
“Ashley…you don’t have to do this.”
“I don’t?” I asked, completely dumbfounded. I felt light-headed, dizzy. The room was spinning.
Zane laughed…it was forced, yet it relaxed me the slightest bit, “Of course not, Ashley. If you don’t want to, I’m not going to force you.”
“That’s the thing! I want to I just…” I trailed off, scared at the sound of my own voice. It had gone up an octave, and was very VERY shaky. I ran a hand through my wet and stringy hair, pushing it out of my face.
Zane finally removed his mouth from my skin, to look me in the eyes. He brushed my cheek with his thumb, “It’s okay to be scared.”
I nodded, “I…I know, I just…I really wanted this, and now I can’t seem to just…I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“I asked you for this, and now…I’m just, I’m sorry.”
Zane leaned forward, giving me a quick soft kiss on the lips, “Ashley?”
“Yeah?” I asked my eyes glued to his lips. I was too afraid of looking him in the eyes, when he was that close, because I just knew I’d go cross-eyed and look like a total fool.
“I love you,” He whispered as he ran a hand through my drenched locks of hair. I closed my eyes, to revel in the feel of him and think…think…think…
I opened my eyes, and looked up into his sparkling brown eyes, “I love you, too.”

“Oh! I like this pink!” Zane said teasingly with the biggest smirk on his face as he lifted a lacy hot pink bra from the dresser in my room.
I wasted no time! I hopped off my bed and snapped the bra from his hands only to shove it back into the overflowing drawer of undergarments.
“Well, uh! That was rather rude! I was looking at that!”
I rolled my eyes, “For what purpose?”
“I was trying to gain inspiration for my abstract portrait of you.”
“Shut up.” I mumbled and Zane laughed.
“What? You still embarrassed of these things?” Zane teased as he wrapped his arms around me, “Even after what just happened?” Zane lightly yanked on the towel wrapped around my chest.
“What are you talking about…? Nothing happened!”
“No, but you trusted me with everything…even if it were only for a few minutes.”
I nodded, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He bent down and the door bell rang interrupting us. I rolled my eyes, groaned knowing that it had to be Lucy, and ran downstairs.
I opened the door, and sure enough Lucy was standing outside in a tank top and pajama sweats, “Hey? I’m really sorry about…what’s he doing here? And why isn’t he wearing a shirt? And why are you wet and wearing nothing but a towel? Oh my god, he’s wet too! What’s going on here?” Lucy asked a big devilish smile on her face.
I looked over my shoulder at Zane, and saw him walking down the stairs dressed in only his grey boxer briefs, with his jeans dangling loosely on his lower hips.
He walked behind me, and wrapped his damp muscular arms around me, resting his head on my bare shoulder, “So you could change into your underwear and jeans, but couldn’t take another minute to put on a shirt?”
Zane ignored me and smiled at Lucy, “I’m sorry but your kind of interrupting something, so I’m going to shut the door and you guys can have your girl’s night another night kay? Bye!” Zane mumbled politely, but then shut the front door before Lucy even had a chance to respond.
I turned around and slapped his bare chest, “Great! Now she’s going to think—“
“Who cares what she thinks?”
“She’s my best friend, Zane!”
“Then she’ll believe you when you tell her we didn’t.” he whispered as he pulled me closer to him and sighed.
I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t angry; not even annoyed.

Chapter Twenty

“So…did you and Zane have fun last night?” Lucy asked with a smile on her face. The tone in her voice was slightly hard, as if she were angry, but she hid it well enough for me not to feel guilty when I didn’t ask what was wrong. Lucy, she’s my best friend. If she really wanted to talk, she’d explode or she’d just tell me.
I scoffed, “Yes, me and Zane had a lot of fun last night.”
Lucy’s jaw dropped and her palms collided into the tabletop, “You did it? Like did it, did it?” she squealed loudly, making the old couple in the booth next to us give me a disappointed glare.
“Announce it to the whole town, why don’t you!”
“So you did! You guys did it?”
“No, we didn’t do it…we almost did, though…” my anger suddenly died, but the heat within me didn’t go away. It just traveled slowly from my gut up my neck to my cheeks.
“Uh…oh” Lucy mumbled folding her hands and crossing her ankles, “So…would you mind me asking what happened?”
I giggled, “I would tell you every detail whether you wanted to hear it or not, Lucy!”
“Good! So…?” She asked expectantly.
“We were playing truth or dare, and he picked dare simply because I kept yelling at him for picking truth all the time.”
“And?”
“And I dared him to…join me in the shower.”
Lucy’s smile grew and she laughed, “Really? What was it like? Why did you guys…oh no,” she said with a frown, “Did you guys not…you know…finish, because of me. Did I interrupt?”
“No! No! I…I kind of chickened out!”
“You…you chickened out! Why? What’s wrong with you?”
“I was scared, Lucy. I had no clue what to do or anything.”
“Exactly why you get an experienced guy like Zane your first time! Let him do all the work!”
I opened my mouth to put an end to his reputation, but then I thought better of it. Zane might be a virgin, but I highly doubt he’d appreciate me telling people that…and even with his lack of ‘all the way’ experience, he still seemed to know what he was doing.
“Right,” I mumbled, holding in a giggle.
Lucy chugged her glass of water, “So, what’s the story?”
“What? What story?”
“You know…what’s Zane’s story? Down there?”
A burst of air escaped from my mouth in humiliation and amusement, “Excuse me?”
“You know…how big is his—“
“I knew what you meant, Lucy!”
“Well…spill!”
“What? No!”
“Why not?”
“Because I find it a little awkward.”
“Why? I’ll tell you Nate’s!”
“Oh my god, you need help!” I said as I laughed, “You’re not exactly good at bargaining.”
“C’mon. Just tell me! I don’t need exact details just…big,” Lucy whispered as she held up her pinky, sticking it straight in the air, “Or a bit on the smaller side,” her pinky bent down, into a little spiral.
“For Christ’s sake, Lucy, I’m not going to tell you the size of my boyfriend’s penis.” I said a little—okay! A Lot!—louder then I had wanted to.
Not only did the elderly couple next to us stare, but literally everyone did; even the waiters and waitresses.
Lucy forced a laugh, “Hu-hu! Nothing like a bit of Sex Ed. huh?”
When no one laughed or looked away, only continued to stare, Lucy cleared her throat and mumbled, “Ah-hem! Check, please!”

I glared at the blank canvas and sighed. I was still blank! And it was frustrating me to the point where my fingers were twitching.
It’s been almost three months since we were assigned that art project in drawing class, and both I and Zane got zeros for it. It wasn’t because our art was horrible…it was even worse than that! Neither one of us had handed it in! Zane, to my surprise, actually did very well in drawing class. Almost as well as me, so that one zero barely did anything to our overall grade, but it still bugs me.
Okay! I couldn’t think of anything for one project, but now I’m completely vacant. Even for fun, anymore, I can’t think of anything to paint or even draw.
I sighed and continued to glare at the blank canvas, on the verge of ripping it to shreds.
I had to think of something, something amazing, for my art show! It was only a few weeks away now, and everything is pretty much set! I’ve rented a small building, with pure white walls, and floors. I have my pamphlets—the ones that describe the more major pieces in my show—all done and printed out. My future is right in front of me! And the only thing that stands in between it and me is the stupid, blank, canvas!
I closed my eyes, and let my mind wonder to where ever it might want to go. I picked up a 3H pencil, and with my eyes still closed, pressed the light tip to the canvas and waited till the inspiration kicked in.
…in my mind, fluid and clear like a memory, I saw water. Clear and warm, it fell over top of a body. A boy’s body; tall, lean, muscular, and tan! The water caressed the boy’s face, his hair sticking to his cheek and forehead. His eyes were completely covered with his drenched bangs, all I could see were his lips, parted and shaking.
I opened my eyes and growled angrily into my hands!
All I wanted was some inspiration! All I wanted was something to draw, paint, anything! And where does my mind wonder! To my naked boyfriend! God, as much as I’d like to, that’s not exactly something appropriate to be drawing, let alone put in my art show! The one that could help me get a scholarship to an art school or at least get my talent noticed.
“You know, sometimes, Zane…you’re a pain in the ass.” I mumbled, before standing and walking out of my “art studio” and shutting the door on my still blank canvas.

“So how’s your drawing coming?” Zane asked, stealing a quick and small bite of my stick of beef jerky.
I looked at him with disbelief, the warmth of frustration and annoyance immediately coming back to haunt my vacant mind and curdle my insides.
Zane squinted at me, and then laughed, “What? That bad?”
“Uh, yeah! I’ve completely lost all my determination and inspiration!”
Zane shrugged, “Just close your eyes, relax, and think!”
“That’s what I did! And the first and only thing that came to mind was you with your top off.”
Zane immediately bursted into laughter, and rolled on his back. His reaction didn’t anger me, I was just frustrated at myself, “Don’t laugh! It’s not funny!”
Zane stopped laughing, but he had a hard time getting rid of that stupid grin, “Fine! Then maybe we should talk about something else. Maybe about the offal loud conversation you had with Lucy about my…man-hood.”
My mouth fell open, despite myself, and my cheeks flushed. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes were blank, expressionless. Was he teasing me? Was he angry? How did he even find out about that?
“How did you—“
“Lucy, we live in a small town! I might not be into the town gossip, but when it comes to my Fireman, I tend to listen in.”
“I’m really sorry. Lucy just asked and I swear I didn’t tell her…wait! Did you just call it your Fireman.” I asked, trying my best to hold back my giggles.
Zane shrugged, “Yeah! You know…from South Park?”
“South Park? What’s that?”
“You’ve never seen South Park? With Kenny, the little poor kid who dies in almost every episode! And Cartman! ‘No kitty, that’s my pot pit!’” Zane said the last sentence in a scratchy yet nasally voice, making me laugh and shake my head, “Uh, know, I’ve never seen South Park!”
“Oh.”
“And what does that have to do with your…Fireman?”
“Well there’s this one episode were Cartman, one of the characters in the show, says ‘The Fireman is very magical! When you rub its helmet, it spits in your eye.’” He said again in that nasally voice, which I perceived was an impression of whomever Cartman, was.
“Ah! Oh! Okay, did not need to know that!” I yelped as I exaggerated my discomfort by scrunching my nose, and plugging my ears with the palms of my hand.
Zane just laughed and grabbed me by my waist. He pulled me on top of him, so that I was straddling his stomach.
“I swear, though, I didn’t tell her. And I’m sorry about how loud I was. She kept asking, and it was kind of freaking me out.”
Zane laughed, “I heard she bribed you too.”
“Yup. She tried to say that if I told her about you, she’d tell me about Nate.”
Zane’s smile turned upside down into a scared frown, “What?”
I laughed, “Relax, Zane. That’s the last thing I want to know.”
Zane nodded and let the conversation fade, but in his eyes I could tell he wasn’t fully convinced.
I leaned down, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, “I love you,” then his cheek, “I love you,” then his ear, “I love—“
“Let me guess! You love me?” Zane huffed with a sigh.
I laughed, “Aren’t you smart.”
I stuck out my tongue, and licked his neck. Zane flinched away with a chuckle, “What are you doing, Ashley?”
“Just having some fun,” I whispered as I flicked my tongue over his skin again.
“Ashley, stop it.” Zane said with a big smile on his face.
I giggled, “I don’t know…you seem to be enjoying it.” I mumbled against his neck. He didn’t speak, so I continued kissing his neck.
After a moment of allowing me to do this, and him breathing heavily, he sighed and turned flipping me on my back, “Ashley? What are you trying to pull, huh?”
I looked into Zane’s dark eyes and bit my bottom lip to hide a giggle.
“What are you trying to pull?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled with a shrug.
“Mhmmm.”
Zane looked at me a moment, making a shiver go up my spine, “What?”
“Nothing,” Zane said, in a mocking tone.
“Ha-ha, very funny.”
Zane sighed noisily and raised his hand to my mouth, brushing his thumb over my lips. Immediately my breaths exploded from my mouth, quick and shaky.
Zane leaned down, and brushed his lips against my jaw, making my whole body blush and heat up. His touch was soft and gentle.
His lips moved from my jaw, over my cheek, to my neck. I felt his lips part, and then kiss my neck, just like I had him a few moments ago. He chuckled against my neck, a rush of breath running from his nose against my skin.
“Wha-what’s so funny?”
Zane shrugged and mumbled a barely audible, “Nothing,” before pressing his lips roughly against my skin. His lips parted, once more, only this time, I felt his tongue glide across my skin. The simple feel of it—warm, smooth, wet—made me gasp.
Zane laughed quietly, once again but he didn’t stop—thank god!
I rolled my eyes, “What is so goddamn funny?”
That only made Zane chuckle more, the vibration of his laughter ricocheting on my skin, making me shiver, “Nothing. It’s just your reaction.”
“My reaction? What’s so funny about it?” I asked, trying to prop myself up with my elbows, but Zane put all his weight on me pinning me back down on the floor.
“Relax, Ashley. I just think it’s cute.”
“Then why are you laughing?” I asked, so confused about what I had done to deserve to be laughed at.
“Ashley?”
“What?” I snapped, suddenly feeling annoyed and angry.
“Shut up.” Zane said, calmly with a faint smile.
“Excuse me?”
Zane chuckled, “Okay, sorry. Please…shut up.”
“You know, that’s not what you say to get a girl in the mood.”
“Really?” Zane whispered in my ear, sliding his hand from my cheek, down my neck, over my chest, and to the small of my back, “What do I have to do then? What do you want me to say?”
And just like that, all my anger was gone. It was almost impossible to hide the excited smile on my face, “Guess you’re going to have to experiment.”
“I don’t know.”
“Why not?”
The amusement immediately disappeared from Zane’s eyes, and his smile turned, not into a frown but a straight line, “Ashley, I’m just teasing you.”
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, surprised that he was actually turning me down.
“No it’s just…just yesterday you were telling me how scared you were, I…I’m just teasing, I’m not serious. You don’t have to—“
“Give me a few minutes?” I asked interrupting him, surprising him. His eyes went wide, unsure of where I was getting at, “Ashley, I don’t—“
“Give me a few minutes to get ready.”
Zane nodded, “Okay, um…I’ll be here.”
Zane rolled onto his back, and I took off upstairs to my bedroom.

Chapter Twenty-One

Ten minutes later, and I’m still standing in my room looking at myself through my bathroom mirror. Dressed in nothing but a lacy red bra and matching red boy shorts with my strawberry blonde hair let down over my shoulders, I stare at my face. I’m pale, more white than normal, as if I’m about to puke. I don’t feel sick, but I can feel every twist and turn of my stomach, every beat of my excited yet scared heart.
I don’t know what changed my mind, but the point is I did. Am I sure about what I’m doing? No. Am I sure that I’m ready? No. But I’ve realized that there isn’t going to be a time where I’ll be sure, and not be nervous and scared. There’s a first time for everything, and the first time is always nerve wrecking. The first time I rode a roller coaster, the first year of high school, even the first time I showed someone my art work I felt like this. Granted, my anxiety was never to this extreme, but still…
I turned on the faucet to the bathroom sink and brushed my teeth for the seventh time. I shaved for about the third, and flossed for the first time ever making sure to use the minty kind. I combed through my hair, making sure I got every single tear and knot out, only to pull my straight locks of dark blonde hair into a side ponytail. I reapplied a soft coat of brown eyeliner and mascara to brighten my eyes, and then massaged my lips with chocolate Chap Stick…Zane’s favorite…
After going through the same routine for the tenth time, I turned to view my almost bare body. My eyes wondered over my shaking chest, down my slightly curved sides to my butt. Under my hidden cheeks, in the red silky fabric of my underwear, I saw them; the scars that my mother swore every girl gets; the dreaded stretch marks that no one’s ever seen before, but me and my mother; the marks that Zane would be able to see in a bit.
I slowly ran my hands over them, and held in a cry when you could clearly feel the small bumps of the scarring. I had first gotten them in the seventh grade, just after finally hitting puberty. I had just started getting my curves, had newly puckered breasts, and acne all over my forehead. Because of my pale skin, my scars—unlike Lucy’s which were a faint grayish brown that you could barely see on her tan flesh—were a purplish blue, like small black and blue’s. Over the years the colors have faded, so now my scars are a faded tan, only a few shades darker than the rest of my body. Yet still to this day, they’re the thing I hate the most about myself.
Last night, in the shower, Zane hadn’t seen them because he was too busy kissing me. I had barely even paid attention to him, either.
But now…since he and I knew tonight, we were finally going to…he’d see all of me; the parts that I’ve been ashamed of and the parts that I’ve loved.
Last night, I hadn’t understood what Zane had meant when he said ‘You trusted me with everything…’ Now I did understand.
Tonight I was going to be giving everything up for him and him for me. I’d be baring my very soul to him, and I had to trust that it would be kept between me and him and no one else. I used to think that when the day came, I’d tell Lucy every single detail. But now, I realized, I couldn’t.
I ran out of the bathroom, after spraying one sprits of lavender perfume, and into my bedroom. I quickly slipped into an over sized t-shirt and readjusted my ponytail. I took one last deep breath and then walked to the door. I swung it open, ready to finally face Zane downstairs…only he was standing in the door way with his hand up, as if he had been about to knock when I opened the door.
His eyes swept over my bare legs, and then quickly snapped to my outlined eyes, “Are-are you okay, I mean…you’ve been up here for more than twenty minutes now. If you want—“
I stepped forward and kissed his lips, silencing his rambling. It was soft and quick. It was a simple kiss, yet it made my heart race and his breathing quicken. Never taking my eyes off of him, I slid my hand into his, and pulled him into my bedroom,

Impressum

Bildmaterialien: Monica Adrian
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.02.2012

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Dedication - to my grandmother, poppop, nana, and anyone else in the world who was cursed with Cancer or any other deadly disease! There's still hope! You're not alone! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3