TITLE/COPYRIGHT

Dealing with Demons

Understanding Clinical Depression from a Survivor's Perspective 

 

By Tracilyn George 

 

©2016 Tracilyn George

INTRODUCTION

 

We, each of us, all have to deal with difficult situations, but for those of us who are also battling mental illness, difficult situations become impossible situations. We feel everything so much deeper than those who have a healthy mental state. We take everything personally — things that “normal” people would not even think twice about.

 

Our perceptions are often skewed because our illness affects how we process information. It does not mean we are unintelligent. On the contrary, even the most intellectual of individuals have dealt with inner demons. If you take Edgar Allan Poe or Ernest Hemingway as an example – two of the most astute persons in history – both had battled with depression.

 

Many of us who are afflicted with mental illness resort to drugs or alcohol, and sometimes both, in an attempt to quiet the voices. I am not referring to the voices attributed to schizophrenia, but to the voices of the inner dialogue of those of us with other mental illnesses. These voices manipulate the words and actions of other people to validate how we feel about ourselves.

 

It is difficult for those who have never had to endure the torture of psychological disorders to understand how mental illness affects the mind, the body and the soul. Your entire being is overcome with despair – it’s not just in your head. You feel as if you are drowning in the murkiness of depression.

 

The feelings of despondency can be so overwhelming; you believe the only way to escape the pain is to commit suicide. It is unfair to accuse those who commit suicide of being weak or selfish. This is simply untrue. Those of us who have been suicidal have fought the battle for years and feel there just isn’t any other alternative. We just want the pain to stop.

 

It is my intent to help those who have never personally experienced mental illness -and I am not referring to dealing with a loved one with mental illness but have had it themselves – to understand how we see the world around us. There will be a lot of repetition within the chapters, but this is to help show how the intensity and the seriousness of the illness can be. Sometimes, repeating oneself is the only way for people to understand the complexities of a subject.

 

The following is purely from my perspective, the perspective of someone who has dealt with the demon for decades and survived. It is not meant to include how others with mental illness view their affliction.

 

 

 

COURAGE IS NOT LIMITED TO THE BATTLEFIELD. THE REAL TESTS OF COURAGE ARE MUCH QUIETER. THEY ARE THE INNER TESTS, LIKE ENDURING PAIN WHEN THE ROOM IS EMPTY OR STANDING ALONE WHEN YOU’RE MISUNDERSTOOD. – CHARLES SWINDELL

People with depression are often misunderstood. While acceptance of mental illness has come a long way in the past couple of decades, people still do not fully comprehend it. They also do not understand how to deal with people who have a mental illness.

It isn’t always what is said, but much more important; it is how it is said. We take things personally even the most innocent of gestures or statements. Unless you are a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, we do not want or need you to “fix” us because that is not what we want. You can’t fix us especially if you don’t know how our brain functions.

There is a Chinese proverb which states be not disturbed at being misunderstood, be disturbed rather at not being understanding. This bothers me more than the stigma attached to having an illness.

I can handle having depression, for I have had it most of my life; I cannot handle people who are condescending and unwilling to listen. To me, this is cruel and heartless. You may not realize you are doing it, but that is when you need to step back and take a good look at yourself and how the other person is reacting.

I’ve always said you need to listen with more than just your ears, but there are those in this world who enjoy the sound of their own voice over showing compassion. People need to shut up long enough to process the information being relayed to them.

When someone with depression says they have their moments, do not just jump in and say that everyone has their moments.

Those of us suffering with depression have “moments” which are vastly deeper and can last from days to months to years. They can be so vast; we feel there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel. Some of us are so desperate to end the moments, we resort to using drugs or alcohol to numb it or even resort, turn to suicide.

Few people understand why people feel the need to commit suicide and even fewer want to understand. Some see it as the coward’s way out or they can’t wrap their heads around how a person who seemingly has everything going for them would want to throw it all away. Suicide is often the very last resort for most; they fought their demons for so many years, they are tired of the fight and can’t deal with them any longer.

When I hear of someone who has taken their own life, I ask myself how much pain was that person in to go that route. I’m not referring to the physical pain that comes with depression; I’m referring to the mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that plays games with the mind. Remarks you might think are innocent or meaningless can have a traumatic and profound effect upon those of us who suffer from the varying forms of depression.

Our self-esteem is so deeply intertwined with the mental illness we are afflicted with. I find the more intense the depression, the lower our feeling of self-worth. It could take years for some of us to build up our self-esteem for it often took years to dig the hole we find ourselves in.

Depression is not something we can “just get over.” People who have never had depression don’t know the constant feeling of sadness, of wanting to cry but not finding the tears and the heavy weight they carry in their chest.

If people only knew how horrible the feeling of wanting tears to come that will never be. I always thought if I could just cry; I would feel better. When I was able to cry, I only ended up feeling worse because I wasn’t crying for any particular reason.

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 18.10.2023
ISBN: 978-3-7554-5745-9

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