When her pain is consuming.

There were little C scabs on my palms from where I dug my nails into My palms too hard. I looked to the counter, where there was a knife, cuticle scissors, and Ayden’s blade. If only I could cut once more. Just to get the pain on the outside. The scar would remind me of a battle lost sure, but the pain would go away for the moment right? I looked down at My arms. The left arm had scars going across and the right one had one long one going up and down, from when I wanted to kill Myself. I picked up Aydens blade, brought it to a fresh spot on My left arm, and did what I know how to do best.

******

"Scarlett!" Cassie said, running to me and hugging Me. "I can't believe it's a new year!"

"Yeah. It seems like yesterday was the first day of tenth grade." I smiled.

"I know. Beth! Over Here!" She waved.

"Do My Eyes Deceive Me?"

I turned to see Blake. I smiled and walked over the wet grass to Him. His arm was in a cast from His last suicide attempt, But I still stood by My best friend. We hugged.

"So what do you have for classes?" I handed over My class list.

"Oh Cool, We have first, free class, and the class before lunch."

"Do you think we'll still sit in the same spot?" I picked at my nails.

"Yeah Why wouldn't We?"

"I don't know." I said looking at My nails. "Change is just something on my mind lately."

"Are you good?"

I gave Him a sad smile, "I'm good."

"I have a marker." He handed it over. "I wanted you to be the first one to sign my cast, you being my best friend and all."

I took the marker, and He held His neon green arm out to me. I signed it and capped the marker.

"There."

"Thanks." He said, taking the marker and craning His neck to see what I wrote.

"Me next!" Cassie jumped in front of Him, holding her hand out.

"Hey." Beth hugged Me.

"What's up. You okay?" I asked, moving my bangs away from my face and pulling down my long sleeves.

"Yeah." She smile nodded, but depression showed in her eyes. "My Dad got out."

We walked away from Cassie and Blake.

"Did Your Mom let Him move back in?"

Her Dad had to go to Rehab.

"Yeah, But it's constant fighting."

"You know if you want to get away, I'm right down the street."

"I'll remember that." She gave Me her best smile and hugged me again, Only this Time she didn't let go.

"Beth it's your turn- What's wrong?" Blake touched her arm.

"Nothing, I'm fine Blakey." she smiled, blinking back tears. "Where do I sign?"

As She sighed Cassie held out her hand and I gave her my class list. Someone Tickled Me from Behind. I turned to Eli, and His grin faded.

"What's wrong?" He muttered.

"It's Beth."

"Is She okay?"

"I don't know. She's strong, and will only talk to me. I'll try to get her to spend the night."

He kissed my forehead and pulled Me under His arm.

"Beth?"

She looked up with a grin from what Blake just said.

Eli smiled, "Hi."

"Hey!" She smiled, giving Him a hug.

"Alright you’re up Man." Blake said, holding up His arm, and the marker.

Eli grinned, and took the marker. I looked over at Beth. She smiled and Mouthed, I'll be just fine. That you will, I mouthed with a smile of my own.

"Okay! Eli let me see your classes. We all have art together, so you better have it with us to, or you got to get your classes moved." Cassie said, handing Me back my class list.

Eli fished his out of His pocket and handed it over as I pulled down My sleeves.

"You okay?" Eli asked.

"Who Me?" I asked, looking up at Him, and pointing to My chest.

He nodded slowly, eyeing Me with the blue gaze I loved.

"Yeah I'm good." I said, not looking at Him, when I said it.

"Whoo!" Cassie said, handing His class list back. "We all have first period together."

She shimmied herself between Eli and I and grabbed our arms and pulled Us in the direction of the art building. She was on a mission. Beth grabbed Onto Eli's arm, and I grabbed Blake’s.

"I have to go to My locker." Blake said.                                          

"Me too Dudes." Beth said.

We went left over the grassy Hill to the locker hall. We all went to our locker. I opened my locker and looked at the door. There was a picture, of me and My friends, Me My mom, and Kenna, and One of Me and Ayden. We were both sticking out our tongues with a rock on sign on the roof. I smiled, and grabbed My English book. I closed the door.

"I hope this year is better than last Year." Beth said, leaning on her locker.

"Me too." Cassie said shutting hers.

"It has to be. Right?" Blake asked, and We all looked to Eli for the answer.

"Of course it will be. It's a new year, which means we all got to stay positive in some way." He said.

"Let’s make a pact, No cutting, starving, or trying to kill yourself."

"You’re asking for too much." Beth said, slinging her bag over her arm, and heading down the hall.

"Yeah dude." Blake fell in behind her.

"Nice try thought." Cassie gave a thumbs up and followed them.

Eli looked at Me, and I smiled, with a shrug. He sighed and held out His hand. I quickly took it, and we walked down the hall after our friends.

*

"I know it's not My place to say anything," Blake said as we walked to the lunch room together, "But Beth's dad is back."

"Huh?" I looked at Him. "How do you know that?"

"I looked out my window this morning. Her Mom and Dad where on the porch yelling at each other, and Beth, was running down the lawn covering her ears."

"Poor Beth."

"I know. She's got it bad."

"I'm going to try to get her to spend the night. What do you think?" I asked, looking at Him for His response.

"Who knows." He shrugged, "Maybe a little girl time is something She needs. But just you and her time you know? I don't think She trust's Cassie yet, and that girl really needs a venting session."

"Yeah." I nodded as We walked through the doors. "I just feel bad for her some times."

"Everyone in the group does." He said, as We got into line.

"Yeah, But we have people in the house we can talk to. She doesn't."

"I don't." He sniffed a salad then tossed it back on the lunch bar.

"Oh yes you do. You just chose to not talk."

"And with good reason." He pointed out looking down at me.

"Yeah." I nodded, picking up a burrito.

He took the burrito and put it back then gave me a slice of pizza. I set the pizza on my tray and we walked down the bar.

"So what did your Therapist say about the last attempt?"

"You know." He said, standing on His toes to get a bag of chips from the back. "The same old 'How does that make you feel?' bull crap. You want one?" He asked eye brows raised the chips held out to Me.

I nodded and He set them on my tray. He grabbed another and we moved to the soda section.

"Maybe we wanting to kill ourselves doesn't mean we're crazy. Maybe it just means we want all the pain to end, and that's the only way we know how to make it stop."

He gave me a sad smile, as He set a Root beer on my tray.

"I mean, it is selfish."

"How so?" He asked, taking an orange crush for Himself.

"Your taking yourself away from people that love you. You’re putting them through Pain you wouldn't want to go through if the situation was reversed."

"Yeah, but what if there's no one that loves the person? Ever think of that?"

"There has to be at least one person that cares about you, or else you wouldn't be alive. I mean, you care about me right?"

"Of course I do!" He said appalled, "How dare you think any different." He smacked me with a spork set.

The last day of school Blake came out of the closet to me. He told Eli to, because He didn't want Eli to think something was up.

"I'm just saying Blake. I care about you."

"You better." He muttered, looking at an expiration date on chocolate milk. "What does this say?" I jumped back so I wouldn't get milk sack smacked.

"Sorry!" He laughed, shaking the milk. "What does it say?"

I looked at it. "It's fine." I set one on my tray. "And where's your glasses?"

"Well I went to watch TV, but I couldn't find them, so I decided to watch TV anyway, and when I sat down, I broke them, Stop laughing Scarlett." He said, trying to not laugh.

"I'm sorry, " I tried to control it.

We looked at each other and lost it.

"Next!" The lady said.

"Mmm." We said, face scrunched up looking at each other.

We laughed again and went through the line.

"She needs to take a chill pill."

"Honey, A whole bottle of chill pills wouldn't do shit. She needs to get her ass laid."

We laughed and looked back at the lady. She gave us a dirty look.

I gasped, "Make it a thick one."

We laughed and walked to the normal table, it was bare, and covered in brown leaves.

"Oh No!" I looked at Blake. "What if they aren't sitting here anymore?"

"Relax Scarlett. They're on the other side of the school."

Cassie and Beth laughed as they rounded the corner. Eli rounded the other corner eyes on His tray as He listened to His IPod.

"See?" Blake smiled and sat down.

We all sat down and talked about who was in our classes, and the annoying new teacher in Drama, and The hot sub that took over for Math. The boys went to buy Ice pops, when we talked about the sub. After Sixth period Beth was stepping off the curb in the student parking lot.

"Beth!" I yelled.

She whipped around, and I ran over to her.

"So what do you say? Do you want to get a peppermint hot coco and come over to My house?"

"That sounds nice."

We got a hot coco and went into my room.

"Sorry about the mess, I was kind of excited for school So I didn't clean- I turned to see the tears on her face. "Honey what's wrong?" I set my cup on the desk.

"It's really bad Scareltt."

"Tell me about it." I took her hand and led her to my bed.

"She let him come back, but she won't let the past go. She told Him he was worth less, and when I told her that she was going too far she turned on me. She said I was worthless, and she couldn't wait til' I was eighteen so she could Kick Me out. Scarlet, I love My Mom and that killed me. I even did this!" She tugged Up her sleeve, and plopped her wrist in My hand.

I looked down at Three fresh cuts.

"I don't want to die Scareltt tell Me what to do!" She began to sob.

I know you’re not supposed to pull someone into a hug unless they want it, but I pulled her into one and held Her.

"Who's someone you Love?" I asked as We pulled back.

"You." She sniffed, wiping her nose on Her sleeve.

"Now look at your wrist-" She shook her head, "-Do it Beth."

She did.

"Now pretend it's my wrist. Are you pretending?"

She nodded, and sniffed.

"Now would you cut My wrist?"

"Of course I wouldn't cut you!" She looked at Me.

I smiled, "There. You found your reason for quitting. Just think of someone you love, and ask would I cut their wrist?"

She nodded, "That helps."

"I'm proud of you Beth."

"For what?" She was confused.

"You survived another day. You didn't give in. The hardest part of living is taking breaths to stay."

She smiled and hugged Me. We finished off our Coco.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked as we stood on My porch.

"You'd do that for me?" Her face lit up.

"Sure." I smiled.

"If you come they might not fight."

"Okay." I nodded.

She took My hand and we walked down the street to Her house.

We walked into the kitchen to a man looking through the cupboard, pots and pans where everywhere.

"Dad? What are you doing?"

"I wanted to Make I'm sorry cookies." He stopped when He saw Me.

"This is Scarlett. She's a really good friend. She helped me through a lot."

"Hi Scareltt." He smiled. "Uh, You wouldn't mind helping me make your I'm sorry cookies would you?"

She laughed, "Want to Help?"

"Without a doubt." I laughed.

We were standing at the island eating the rest of the cookie dough, When Her Mom got Home.

"What- Oh Scarelt."

"Hi Mrs. Jason."

"Hi Dear." She set her keys on the counter and left the room.

Both Beth and I jumped when the upstairs door was slammed closed.

"See?" She muttered softly, as Her Dad went to get the cookies.

We had a couple of cookies and Her Dad went upstairs. The fighting began and a glass broke. We both cringed.

"You can go now." Beth said, setting the cookie dough blow in the sink.

"Not without you. I'm not going anywhere." I planted my feet and crossed my arms.

"Okay. Let me just get some clothes and-"

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure I have something that will fit you."

She nodded and we went back to my house. She sat on the trunk at the end of my bed as I set a box on the floor and ripped the tape off.

"Have at it."

She opened the flaps.

"You still have your clothes boxed up?" She asked holding up a shirt.

I shook My head. "Those are Kenna's."

"Scarlet no." She said, sadly and dropped the shirt. "I can't wear your sister's clothes."

"She doesn't care. She's dead." She stood up and came to Me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." I shook my head No, and She pulled Me into a hug.

"It'll get better sooner or later. At least that’s what we can only hope for."

I backed up and pointed at the box, "Go for it."

I walked to the bathroom and turned on the sink. I took my arm out of my hoodie sleeve, and pulled up my sleeve. I took the lid off my toilet and grabbed Ayden's razor that was tapped there. I dragged it across and grabbed the blood rag from under the sink. I dabbed at the blood. At least it wasn't as deep as it used to be. I pulled my sleeve down, shoved my arm into my hoddie, put the blade and rag back, and splashed water on my face.

"I think I'll wear this." She held up a shirt.

"Good choice. Kenna wore the shit out of it."

"I'll just, " She dropped the shirt in the box, and pawed through it.

I sighed and gave her the shirt.

"Just wear it Beth."

"You sure?" She asked face scrunched up, as she held the shirt to her chest.

"I'm sure." I nodded.

"Okay," She gave me a soft smile.

I smiled back, and walked to the window, grabbing My necklaces.

"Thanks for letting me wear these. I'll give them back."

"No problem." I turned to her. "What do you want for dinner? We could order out if you want."

"Chinese sounds good."

"Oooh, it does." I said, picking up the phone as She laughed.

We sat on the couch with 'Safe Haven’ on.

"I don't get it. A flying fish?"

"She's a kid." I laughed.

She shrugged and ate a bite of her food. After we watched the movie and we ate we headed to bed.

*****

"Oh I like your shirt!" Cassie said the next Morning.

"It's Kenna's."  Beth told her.

"Really?" Cassie asked voice low.

I saw Beth nod from the corner of my eye.

I sighed, "I have something to do."

I walked away from them. I really didn't want to hear them talk about my dead sister.

"Hey." Eli said, walking around the corner.

"Shit!" I smacked His chest.

"You scared me," I pulled Him into a hug.

"I was walking right to you."

"I wasn't paying attention."

"Well What were you thinking about?"

"My Sister."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No thanks. I got to find Blake and ask Him if He has something." I gave Him a kiss and walked down the hall.

I sat outside the art building, when my foot was kicked. I opened my eyes and looked up.

"Eli said you needed to find me?" Blake asked sitting down.

"Nah, I just wanted to be alone."

"Am I okay or-"

'No your good."

"Why where you wanting to be alone?"

"I was with the girls, but they were talking about My sister, so I left and found Eli, but I didn't want Him feeling bad for Me, So I said I had to find you."

"Why Where they talking about her?" He seemed a little ticked off. "They know that's a very touchy subject for you."

"It's okay." I took his hand. "Beth spent the night last night cause Her parents where fighting. I let her wear Kenna's shirt, because when I moved here I didn't take my clothes, only hers and Ayden's."

"Well are you okay?"

I nodded.

"So what was going on? With Beth I mean. I know it's none of my business, so you can tell me when to but out."

"No it's fine. We made cookies with her Dad, I can see why Beth loves Him so much. When Her Mom came home They started fighting and We went to my house."

"Well did you at least talk to her?"

"Yes."

"And that's where I but out." He said digging in His bag for something.

"I think I helped her."

"Well that's good." He took a purple Monster out of His bag and popped the tab.

He took a drink then handed it over. I took a drink and gave it back to Him.

"So is she good now?"

"As good as a person with her problems can get."

He nodded, and took a drink.

At lunch we all ate in the same place, under the big tree. I sniffed, and then I smelt it. A smell that made Me lose it. I slammed my hands on the table and got up.

"Hey dude, You okay?" Beth asked.

I got up and ran from the table.

"I got it." Eli told them running after me.

I didn't stop running until I was in the Locker hall. I rested my head on a cool locker.

"Scarlett?" Eli asked touching my arm.

I turned around to him and hugged Him, then pushed away.

"No!" I backed up running My hands through my hair and keeping them there. "It's wrong it's all fucking wrong!"

"What's wrong?"

"That sent. It was Ayden, and I flipped the fuck out! I'm not over Him Eli, and it kills Me!"

"It's okay." He reached for Me.

"No Eli!" I jumped back. "It's not okay! I should be over it by now! I should have never got into a relationship with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm selfish. It's not only unfair to you that I love someone else, but it's unfair to Me."

"Scarlett. You’re always going to Love Adyen. We can work through this."

"But it's not fair!" I blinked back tears hard as my eyes stung.

"Scarlet, come on. Everything-"

"Please don't say fine."

"It's going to be okay."

"Are you referring to time being a healer, when it's more of a concealer?"

We blinked at each other.

"Listen Eli. I love you I really do, but I just can't do this right Now. I need to go home." I kissed Him and walked out the front door, ditching my backpack at the lunch table, and Eli standing in the hall looking after me.

"Hey what are you-"

"If someone brings My backpack tell them I said thanks but I don't want to see anyone. Tell them, I flipped out, and I can't see anyone right now, cause life is just to fucking hard!"

"Scar!" Lee yelled after me as I ran up the stairs and locked my door.

I walked around my room hands in my hair. I took off my shoes and chucked them at the wall. I unzipped my jacket and fought my way out on it. I slammed it on the floor and walked to the bathroom, with a Mission. A Mission to ease the pain just for a little while. I grabbed the blade and cut four times. This time it was a little deeper.

As I watched the blood rise, I watched the pain go from the inside to the outside. As it dripped onto the counter, the tension eased, and I sat on the toilet grabbing the rag. I cleaned everything up and walked to my closet for a new long sleeved shirt. As I scrapped the hangers across the rail I stopped. My breath caught in my throat as I ran a hand down Ayden's jacket. I put it in my closet when summer began, and never looked at it again. As silent tears rolled down my face, I shook it off the hanger and put it on.

I grabbed the container off the top shelf and opened it taking a whiff. I put one of His shirts in it so I could remember His smell for a while. As I smelled I remembered the smell at lunch. It was a dead ringer, and made my stomach drop. I put the container back and went to my dresser. I kicked off my jeans, through on some sweats and crawled into bed where once again like so many times before, I cried myself to sleep.

****

When I woke up it was still dark out. I looked over at my alarm clock.  Five in the morning. I tossed the blanket off and walked to my bathroom. I turned on the light blinding Myself. I took the Coco butter lotion from the cabinet and set it on the counter. I set Ayden's jacket next to It and lifted the sleeve of My shirt.

It was scabbing a little. I rubbed in the lotion on my forearm. It helped with stretch marks to not scar so maybe it would help My arm. I had to give it a shot. I took a shower and got ready for school slowly. As I jogged down the stairs I almost fell over My back pack. I slung it over My shoulder.

I ate two baby oranges and went to school. I shut my door, and Pulled Ayden's Jacket closer around Me. As I walked to class I saw Blake, Cassie and Beth. Beth Smacked Cassie's arm, and they looked over at Me. I looked down and continued to walk. From the corner of My eye I saw Cassie tug on Blake's shirt. He looked over and Mouthed fuck.

He sped walked to me, and when I Saw that I stopped, turned to Him, let my arms fall to my sides, and Cried. He broke into a run, and Slammed into me with a hug. I rapped my arms around His neck.

"Blakey, it hurts, it really hurts." I sobbed.

"I know. It's just another heart break Baby."

"The pain." I gasped for air. "Please, make it stop."

"I can't baby. I can't." He said on the verge of tears.

I kept grabbing Blake's jacket as If trying to pull Him closer to Me. I wanted to never let Him go. I wanted him in front of me all day and night, to make sure He was safe. He picked me up and began to walk. Soon we were in the bathroom, and He held Me while I cried. Once I was done I pulled back wiping my face.

"Feel better now?"

"Yes and No."

"I'm sorry sweety."

"It's not your fault, I'm Broken."

"Are Sure you can Brave school today?"

"I'm not going to risk it."

"Okay." He nodded turning to the door.

"Wait." I grabbed His arm. "Where you going?"

"Well I was going to go home with you, But if you want me to go to class I-"

"No!" I grabbed onto his arm and pulled Him to Me. "Stay with Me."

*

I sat on the stool in the kitchen as Blake shook a large baggy. He plopped it on the table and opened it up. "There! Homemade Ice cream." He announced.

 He grabbed the Carmel off the fridge, and drowned the ice cream with it. He handed over a spoon and we dug in.

"This is really good."

"You seem surprised." He snorted. "I'm the one who made it, of course it's good."

We finished off the ice cream and watched Movies, until Blake had to go Home So His Mom wouldn't find out He skipped school. I walked to my room, and grabbed the hanger. I set it on my desk and grabbed the box of Kenna's clothes. I put it on the trunk at the end of the bed and began to fold the clothes. Once I was done I set the clothes in the bottom last drawer of my dresser. I got in my car and left the house.

Before I went through the front gates I picked some roses and then walked up the grassy Hill. I set the roses in front of the stones.

"Hey guys." I sniffed and wiped my face. "So school started, and there’s a new guy for math, Kenna, you would of thought He was so hot. I mean, He was kind of cute. I folded all of your clothes and put them in my dresser. I hope you don't mind. I wish you could Meat My new friends. You and Ayden both. Hi Ayden. I hope you’re not mad at me. I'm so confused, and I don't know what to do. I read your book. I know I know, Nosy Rosie, but I missed you. I read the part about you wanting Me to be happy again, but how can I be happy again, if that's person isn't you. You would like Eli. He reminds me of you, in some ways. I love Eli, Ayden, it's just. I love you too, and I don't really think it's fair to him, you know what I mean? Ugh Mom, Tell Me what to do here, I need you! The first day of school was okay, remember how you'd ask that every year?" I laughed. "I'll never forget the look on your face back when Ayden said, it's just school. God, I miss you guys. We had some great times didn't we? I'm also sorry that I haven't been by to see you guys. I couldn't bring Myself to do it, I guess I just wasn't brave enough." I lifted My sleeve. "Mom, Kenna. I have to tell you something. I'm a cutter. Now please don't freak out on me. I do it to get the pain on the outside. I do anything to get rid of the pain on the inside. Ayden understands. He would be the only one who understood if you guys didn't leave. I wouldn't of Met, Eli, Beth, Cassie, or Blake. But In a way I'm glad I met them." I pulled my sleeve down. "Does that Make Me morbid?"

I kissed each of their stones and then ran down the hill. I got in My car, and went to get two hot peppermint Cocoas. I drove down My street, and parked at the curb in front of Beth’s house.

"You stupid little bitch!" Her Mom yelled.

The door flung open and Beth ran out.

She looked relived When She saw me and jumped into My car.

"Drive."

"Scarlett you better not take off-"

"Now Scarlett drive." She said reaching over and putting the car into drive.

I hit the gas and we took off to my house.

"That's yours." I said, picking up my hot coco.

"Thanks." She picked it up and sipped hers slowly.

Once inside my house, she sat on the couch as I got the fire going.

"She called me a bitch, because I told Dad she was cheating on Him. Did I do the right thing?" I grabbed my Coco and sat down.

"First you’re not a bitch. Second, she doesn't know how to direct her anger. That's something she needs to work on."

"Are you saying My Mom has anger issues?"

"She has anger issues."

"Yeah, well I can't tell her that." She folded her legs under herself. "She'll kick me out."

"And that's when You move in with Me."

"I wish I could live here." She laughed, a little.

I set My cup on the coffee table.

"Oh My God Scarlett!" Beth yelled, catching My wrist and yanking Up the sleeve. "I thought you quit!"

I yanked My arm away and stood, "I think it's time for you to go."

"Oh No!" She stood up. "You were there for Me and so I'm here for you. What's wrong?"

"You need to go." I said, walking to the door.

"Not until you let me help you."

"I don't want your help." I opened the front door.

"To fucking bad Sacrlett!" She yelled. "I'm going to help you."

"You really want to help me?" I yelled back. "Don't tell anyone, and just fucking go home!"

"Okay." Her shoulders sagged. "I'll go."

She walked outside and turned back to Me. I shut the door and raked My hand through My hair. Who did she think She was, trying to help Me? I was the one helping her, not the other way around. I tossed the cups away and went to my room. I cut five times, took a shower and headed to bed early. The next day at School, We all met in our usual spot, in the morning.

"Hey Are you two okay?" Eli asked.

"Yeah your kind of quiet." Cassie said.

"Yeah we're good." I looked at Beth. "Right?"

"You'll thank Me later." She looked at the ground. "Check Scarlett's wrist, someone."

Blake grabbed My Wrist and I yanked it away.

"I can't believe you just said that." I said, holding my arm to My chest.

"I want to help." Beth said, tears coming to her eyes.

"I told you I don't need your help!"

"Come on let us just see." Cassie ripped my sleeve up, and everyone stood in front of me looking at My arm, With that Not again, Look.

I yanked it down, "That was fucked off Cassie!" I yelled at her.

"No it wasn't you need Help Scarlett." Blake said.

"Your taking their side!" I yelled at Him. "What about you huh? Having a crazy freak as a girlfriend? You must have something to say."

"Scarlett. Let Us help you." Eli said.

"No!" I yelled. "I don't want your fucking help. This is me, and if you can't handle it then fuck off, I guess we aren't friends anymore!"

As I walked away and to the student parking lot they didn't try to stop Me. That was it. I was in this world alone, all thanks to me not being strong enough, to handle My shitty life. I had no friends. I Jumped into My car and drove Home. Lee was on the phone.

"Hey Lee, can we talk?"

"Not now Scar." He waved me away.

I was tired. I was really tired, of being pushed to the side. I walked to the stairs and slammed my bag down. I ran upstairs and grabbed My blade, I walked down stairs.

"I really need to talk."

"Just a second. I'm sure it can wait."

"Hey Lee?" He looked over at Me.

"Do you have time for Me Now?" I asked, Cutting My left arm. "Maybe now?" I cut My right Arm.

"Scarlett stop!" He dropped the phone, and ran to me.

I ran to the other side of the island.

"Or maybe now, sweet big brother?" I lifted My shirt, and Sliced three times, on My stomach.

"Scarlett what the hell Stop!" He yelled, trying to get to me around the Island.

"What about fucking now!?" I cut my neck.

****Lee

She coughed and fell to the floor on her hands and knees, making Me able to round the Island to Her. She coughed up blood, and fell onto her side. "Scarlett, can you hear me?" I asked rubbing Her arm.

I flipped her over, to check her cuts. They were deep, and I had two sinking feelings. One, she was trying to Kill herself again, and Two, It was my fault. With My baby sister's blood on My hands, I called for Help. *****Scarlett's friends.

"Has anyone seen or heard from Scarlett?" Eli asked sitting down.

"No." Beth, shook Her head.

"I'm worried about her." Blake said.

"I'm sorry." A girl said passing. "You don't know?"

"Don't know what?" Cassie asked.

"About Scarlett? Her brother called the school, Saying she tried to kill herself. The Doctors are waiting a week, and if she doesn't wake up, they'll be pulling the plug. The Doctor's told her brother She wasn't going to make it, But He refused to pull the plug. Being her friends and all I thought you guys would have known. Anyways. Good luck."

They looked at each other, and then jumped up from the lunch table.

******Scarlett.

I opened My eyes and the hospital came into view.

"Fuck." I muttered.

"Yeah Fuck." I looked to my right to See Blake.

He hand my hand in His pressed To His cheek.

"You broke your promise." He said.

"No I didn't. We aren't friends, anymore, so there for all promises are a void."

"Not in My eyes. You’re My best friend."

I laughed without humor, "You should get a new best friend."

"No thanks. I like my old one."

"You should still get a new one. I'm planning to not be here for long."

"Where you going?"

"I'm just going to keep trying."

"Keep trying for what?"

"To kill myself Blake, get with the program already."

"Well it might not be necessary. They said you’re fighting to live right now."

"Who's fighting?" I gave a sly Smile.

He smiled back.

"You’re being really calm about this." I sniffed.

"Yep. Cause I've came to a conclusion."

"That is?"

"If you get to kill yourself I get to kill myself."

"Uh, No you don't."

"Uh, yes I do. And why do you care? We aren't friends, anymore, all promises, are a void. Remember?" He asked getting up.

I grabbed onto His hand, "You can't kill yourself Blake."

"Sure I can. What's good for you is good for me. The only question is how to do it?" He sat down, and looked at the roof. "Bleach, gun, over dose-"

"Stop it! Stop it!" I yelled. "I won't just sit here and listen toyou list the ways you can kill yourself!"

"Why not? I sat here for a week and a half waiting for you to wake up!"

"That's different!"

"I could hang myself, or maybe I'll just bleed to death, like my best friend was trying to do!"

"Stop it Blake!" I began to cry.

"Why! Hearing that someone you love wants to die? Can't take the heat Scarlett! Hurt's doesn't it?" He yelled. "I could always just crash my car!"

"Blake stop." I begged.

"Why, Scarlett? Why should I stop when you didn't?" He said. "You know what I don't get? I don't understand how someone can put their feelings on the back line, to help her friends to not cut, starve, or kill themselves, and Here you are, behind our backs cutting and trying to die. I should of paid more attention, when You said suicide is maybe just away out."

I wiped at my eyes.

"Well, I'm waiting for an answer."

"Blake stop yelling at her."

"Oh here He is. Mr. Calm cool and collected!" Blake yelled at Eli.

"If you don't stop yelling at her, I'll have someone take you out of here."

"You know what fuck it." He said. "Scarlett do what you want, but if you try to kill yourself, I hope you go to hell for how selfish you’re Being!"

"Out!" Eli yelled, hand pointing to the door.

"Gladly!" Blake yelled, hitting Eli's shoulder on the way.

Eli walked to the side table by my bed. He Picked up a plastic cup, and a pink piture. As He did I heard the ice splashing around. He poured water into the cup, put in a straw, and He put the cup in front of my mouth. I looked at Him, and lifted my head to Get the straw. It wouldn't go in my mouth, So Eli grabbed it and I was able to drink. He set the cup down and then sat down.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore."

"That's normal."

"Nothing's normal."

"Well this is. After you got hurt, you’re going to be sore."

"I didn't get hurt. I did it on purpose. Getting hurt is different."

"I thought you weren't going to do this anymore. I thought you were better."

"I'm never going to be better Eli." I gave Him a small smile. "This is Me so take it if you can."

He took my hand. "I'm trying."

"You shouldn’t have to try. You should be able to just do it."

"What are you saying?"

"This is me setting you free."

He kissed my hand. "We just need a break."

I stared at Him.

"I can handle it."

The nurse checked The monitors on the side of My bed.

"She needs to rest now young Man." She said.

Eli kissed My forehead and left. The nurse shot something into My I.V and soon it was hard to fight my sleep.

****

"Are you sure? You don't have to go."

"I'm fine, and I want to." I held my hand out.

"Are you positive?" Lee asked.

"Yes." I said, shaking my hand.

"Fine." He sighed, and plopped my keys into My hand.

"Be safe please."

"Lee." I looked at Him. "It's high school, and You’re asking Me to be safe? Please." I snorted.

"You know what I mean Scar!" He called as I jogged down the front steps.

"Yeah, I know!" I called, jogging to my car.

It was Monday morning, and I got to come home Friday at Noon. Ever since then, I've been on suicide watch. I really didn't mind it, cause Me and Lee where pretty close now. When I went to school my friends where, in different groups. My eye brows pulled together and I walked to class. In first period they sat in different spaces in the room. What happened while I was gone? I note flew onto my desk. I opened it.

'Are you happy now? None of us are friends anymore, cause we had different views about what you did to yourself'

I looked back. Five seats behind Me, Cassie shrugged a shoulder, sunk low in her seat, and put a book in front of her face. I crumpled the note and Let My head fall onto my arms. At lunch I Came to a stop. "Whatever Cassie!" A girl yelled. "Why don't you just go back to your group of cutters, and depressed outcasts?"

The girl pushed Cassie, making her bag fall to the floor. Cassie reached down to pick it up.

"Hey!" I yelled, making them Look. I walked over. "We're beautiful outcasts. Get it right Bitch." I pulled back and hit the girl.

She fell to the floor in a crumpled Heap.

"Hey!" A girl yelled, walking over. As Soon as She walked by the wall, a foot came out and she fell. The foot disappeared and then kicked the girl in the ribs.

"Anyone up for a good rib cage kicking?" Beth called out rounding the corner, with a big grin.

The girl got to her hands and knees.

"Down bitch down!" Beth said kicking the girl twice.

"Hey!" A guy said walking over.

"I know you’re not going to hit a girl." Blake said, standing in front of Us.

The guy was huge, and With Blake’s arm still in a cast, he didn't stand a chance.

"Sticking up for the freaks Keller?" The guy asked Blake.

"Thery're not freaks!" Blake punched Him.

The guy tackled Blake to the floor.

"Come on Little Fag!" The guy laughed.

Like always Eli came out of nowhere and grabbed the guy by His jacket, and Slammed Him against the wall Beth was hiding behind.

"Come on now Buddy, don't you know it's messed up to call someone a Fag?" With that Eli head butted him, and the guy fell to the floor.

Eli kicked Him twice. Once they were all down we just stared at each other. Even though we weren't friends We still came together to protect one another. Me for Cassie, Beth for Me, Blake for Beth, and Eli for Blake. The girl I hit coughed and began to sit up.

"Not today." Cassie said, kicking the girl in the ribs making her fall.

"To My office now!" The Principal said. One by one we each picked up our bags and walked to the office one after the other.

"Never in My fifteen years have I seen this!" Mr. Benner said.

 

"Well There's a first for everything Right?" I offered, trying to lighten the mood.

My friends tried to not laugh, and Mr. Benner hit the desk with a ruler.

"Your all suspended for three days and you are to spend the rest of the lunch in detention, am I clear, or do I have to call someone to bring you there?" We all stood up and left the room. We all walked quietly to the detention room. Everyone took a seat in different places. I sat on the table next to the window that over looked the Semi empty table.

"We would all still be friends if it wasn't for Scarlett." Cassie said.

"Me?" I demanded flinging my legs over the table. "After I stick up for you, you really say that?"

"Well it's true." Beth said.

"Well how about since my business is out in the open we air some of yours?" I offered.

"Scarlett, don't. Please!" Beth said.

"Oh I'm sorry Beth!" I told her, "But you might need help because you’re a cutter now!"

Everyone looked at her.

"Oh you didn't know that?" I asked. "And why did That Guy call Blake a Fag?"

"That's enough Scarlett!" Eli yelled.

"Why? You know my business. Everyone might as well know that, Beth Cuts, Cassie's been starving herself for a week and a half, and Blake's-"

"Stop it!" Eli yelled. "These are your friends damn it!"

"Well they didn't have any problems with nagging me, with My issues now did they? I don't fucking think so!"

"Why are you so heartless right now?" Cassie asked.

"Life Baby Cheeks. Life did this to Me."

"No Scarlett." Blake shook His head sadly. "You LET life do this to you."

We all sat quiet. I flung my legs back onto the table and leaned against the wall.

"So this is where we come to a stop. Everything we’ve ever been through, Everything We've ever done to help keep one another alive?" Beth said confused.

"I guess so." Cassie said.

"Yep." Blake said.

"Tragic really."

"How So Scarlett?" Eli asked.

"We fought so hard for one another." I turned my head to look at them all. "To stop now is pathetic."

"Yeah, but I don't think we’ll ever learn to trust each other again." Beth said.

"Yeah." Cassie said.

"So that's it?" I asked.

"We go our separate ways." Eli muttered, looking at everyone.

The bell rang and I jumped off my table, and grabbed my bag.

"Whelp, it was a blast while it lasted." I pushed open the door, and ditched my last class. Lee wasn't at the house when I pulled up. I went to my room, and put my iPod in the speakers, and filled the tub. I stripped down and got in. After six songs I got up and went down stairs. I got a bowl of ice cream, and sat in front of the blazing fire, like I used to do With Blake.

"Your home early." Lee said, tossing His keys on the table.

The sound echoed through the house.

"Yeah."

"You okay?

" "Yeah."

"Are you sure?" "

Yeah."

"Okay." He said slowly, not believing me.

"I have to get to the Center, and I want you to come with me."

"Okay." I stood up and headed to the kitchen. "I don't have anything else to do."

When Lee opened a door and waved me forward. I took in the faces of my old friends. I tried to leave but Lee blocked the door.

"The five of you are friends. You are going to be locked in here until every secret you’re keeping Is Spilled.”

An hour passed.

"My Mom let My Dad come back." Beth said.

Cassie tucked her legs under her, while the boys listened.

"At First I was happy, you know, because I love My Dad. Then they fought. I took My Dad's side, so Mom began calling me names, and telling me I was worthless, so I did this." She lifted up her sleeve, and showed Cassie, her scars. She then showed the boys. "Scarlett helped me quit. She said, just think of someone you love, when you want to cut and, ask would you cut them?"

"My sister, the model one?" Cassie looked around, as we all nodded. "She came back and told me I was getting fat. My parents noticed it too, and said the same. So I began to starve myself."

"I'm gay." Blake blurted out.

The girls nodded, and then they all looked at Me.

"What?" I asked, sitting back and crossing my arms. "I cut. But you already knew that."

"You have to open up or it won't work." Eli said.

I sighed, "I wanted to get the pain from the inside to the outside. There, happy?"

We all watched as Eli lifted His pant leg, showing two day old cuts. We all gasped. Mr. Cool, calm, and collected, cut?

"It was Joey's death day, two days ago. Guess the pain just consumed me. It was my fault and the guilt ate at me and got the best of me."

"You could have told us." Cassie said.

"But would you really of understood? No one does." Eli said.

"No one but Scarlett." Blake said.

"Yeah, but they didn't die cause of Me." I said. "They died from a drunk driver."

"So?" Beth stuck up for Blake. "You’re the one who understand the most out of all of us. And you see things no one Else does Scarlett."

"Me?" I pointed at myself.

"Yeah, " Cassie said. "Instead of cutting you should have talked it out."

"How could you say that?" Beth asked. "Have you ever cut before? Cutting is like a drug."

"How do you know?" I asked.

She lifted her shirt showing more scars. "Saying you should have talked about it and not cut, is like us saying you should have talked instead of starving yourself." "

I thought you quit cutting Beth." I said.

"I thought you quit too." She pulled her shirt down.

I gave her a sly smile.

"The point is, we all have problems and we haven't been honest, with each other." Eli looked at Us all. "If We want to stay friends We have to Be honest, and If we do something to harm ourselves We can't be Pissed at the four of Us that try to help the fifth one."

"We can't be helped."

"Everyone can be helped Scarlett, you know that." Eli said.

I snorted and sunk lower in my seat.

“What’s the point?” Beth asked.

“What do you mean?” Blake asked.

“The point in saving our friendship.”

“To have someone that will be there is a good enough reason.” Cassie said.

“Not if you don’t want them there.” I muttered.

“You don’t want us?” Blake asked.

I looked up at them. They all looked really sad.

“Not what I meant. Like, I don’t want you guys to worry about me because you all have your own problems. Look, If Beth Eli and I were going to stop cutting we would have. If Cassie was going to stop starving herself, it would have happened already. If Blake wanted to live, he’d stop killing himself.” I said. “Like Beth said. What’s the point of this? Of any of this? Of life even?”

I stood up and pushed open the door and hurried down the hall.

“Did you talk?” Lee asked as I passed him.

“Yeah.”

“Are you friends?”

“No.”

I pushed open the door, getting blasted with cold air. The Center was about a five minute walk from the house. I stood across the street and looked at the house. It’s been shut down from renting ever since I tried to hang myself in there. I crossed the street, and tried the door. I looked at the side window to see it cracked. I opened it and went inside.

I didn’t know why I kept doing this to myself, I honestly didn’t. I slowly pushed open his door. The chair was on the floor, along with the noose and the rag. I nudged the hard rag with my boot. I bent down and scooped up the noose. I turned it in my hands and then walked to the window. I put the noose around my neck, and shoved open the window.

I climbed out and sat on the roof. I took off the noose and looked down at it. I missed Ayden, but I kind of just put it in the back of my mind. I completely shoved away my mom and sister. I wrapped my arms around my legs and closed my eyes. The wind blew my hair in every direction possible.

“I knew I’d find your ass here.” I turned at the voice.

“Jake!” I yelled, shoving the noose into my hoody. “What are you doing here!”

He helped me through the window and held me to him.

“The question is what are you doing here Scarlett? I move, then move back and here you’re no longer friends with everyone. What happened?”

I pulled back, pushing my hair out of my face. “They didn’t tell you?”

“Nope. They just kept saying ask her, ask her.”

“Oh.”

“So I’m asking you?” He probed.

“Oh right. Can we go somewhere else, please to talk? I don’t want to be in here.”

“Sure lead the way.” As I passed, Jake looked around the room one last time before following me.

I pushed open the door to my old room, and sat on the window bench. He sat across from me and took off his backpack, I didn’t notice until now.

“Before we began. We need snacks.”

I smiled. He gave me a bottle of coke, and pulled out a bag of sour gummy worms.

“Okay, go for it.”

“Okay, so Lately it’s just been hard you know? When someone dies you’re not supposed to shove it away, you have to deal with it.”

“Well I know that.”

“So do I. Well now anyways. So Beth was having problems at home, did she tell you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, so I would have her over so she wouldn’t have to deal with what was going on. I set my cup on the table and she saw.” I wasn’t able to look at his face.

“Saw what?”

“She saw Jake.”

“Your arm?”

I nodded. “She flipped out, and then told everyone that I was cutting again. Then everyone else freaked out.”

“They had no right to do that!” He said, anger filling his voice. “Don’t they know if you feel like you’re crazy you want to give up?”

“Since they freaked out I freaked out to. I said, well since everyone knows what’s wrong with me, that they should know that Cassie was starving herself again, Beth was cutting and Blake was gay. If I could take it back I would. What kind of friend am I to betray their trust? They all told me that in confidence and I just told everyone.” I wiped at the angry tears. “I hate myself for that.”

“You can’t hate yourself Scarlett.”

“And why not?”

“Because if you hate yourself, you won’t let anyone in to love you.”

“That’s fine.” I pulled my legs up. “I deserve to be not loved right now.”

“Everyone deserves to be loved and you know it. You made a mistake, just like they all did.”

“It’s all Beth’s fault. If she just kept her mouth shut for me like I did for her.” I said, looking out the window.

“None of this would be going on. Everything would be normal for us.”

“Sure everything would be normal but what about you? You would get worse.” I looked at him, “To be honest I want to die.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.” I sniffed, looking right through him. “I don’t want to be here anymore. There’s just too much shit to deal with.”

“So fight back.”

“What’s the use?” I asked.“No one gets out alive of life anyways.”

“No, but you sure can give one hell of a fight.”

“I’m tired Jake.”

“Everyone gets tired Scarlett. That doesn’t give you a right to quit. You have to stand up, when everything’s crashing down. You’re the only person that can stand your ground for you.”

I bit off the blue part of a worm and looked at the pink part in my hand.

“You know I’m right Scarlett.”

“I know.” I muttered.

“So get up, and go talk to them.”

“You’re asking for too damn much.”

“Well can we at least go get something to eat I’m starving.”

“I don’t have any money.”

“My treat.” He stood up and held out his hand.

“Hold on.” I stood. “Why’d you come back?”

He sighed. “Eli told me too. He said, I was the only one you weren’t mad at so He sent me here to talk to you.”

“That’s just like him.” I crossed my arms.

“Come on.” He grabbed my hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked, as He pulled me to the door.

“I’m not letting you push me out.”

I sighed and let him pull me along. After he took me out to eat, we went to his aunt’s house. That’s where he was staying.

“Aunt Carol, This is Scarlett.”

“Hi Scarlett. Are you hungry?”

Aunt Carol was a pudgy little thing.

“We already ate.” Jake said, as I looked up at him. “We’re going to go upstairs.”

“Okay.”

“I want to show you something okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded.

He grabbed a big note book and began to write something down. I watched as the pencil moved across the paper. After a while he pushed a button on His computer.

“I want to show you something that I never showed anyone before okay?”

I nodded. A beat began to play and he nodded his head looking at the note book.

“Little girl about to turn seventeen says what’s the point? I just want to die anyways. Lost just about everyone who she’s ever loved to death, picked up that knife and never turned back. I deserved to be hated; she’s said a couple of times. She’s lost her light, and doesn’t want to fight, saying what’s the use in fighting for this life? Little girl about to turn seventeen broke my heart when she said this to me. With scars on her wrists and heart, she walks along numbly Praying for the day that she feels no more pain, but silently knows more pains going to come her way. She tried to die, once or twice, but a couple of friends saved her life.  She yelled she was so close, as her friends stood still, they never wanted to lose her this way. After I left she went downhill, started to cut again just for the thrill. Her friends flipped out so she ran and hid, she had so much pain, they just didn’t get it.”

“Jake!” Aunt Carol screamed.

Jake tossed the note book and ran for the door, with me on his heels.

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, to Aunt Carol who was on a chair.

“Kill it!” We looked to the wall where she pointed to a spider.

“Are you serious?” Jake asked.

“You yelled like you were getting killed for a bug?”

“Don’t just stand there! Kill it!” I said pointing to it.

“Oh for Christ.” Jake took off his shoe and slowly walked to the spider.

“Hurry up!” Aunt Carol said.

“I’m trying.” He said.

Jake smacked the wall, and then ran hiding behind me.

“Did I get it? Did I get it?” He asked.

“It’s going for Scarlett!” Aunt Carol said.

“The hell it is!” I ran up to it and stepped on it five times.

We all stood quiet looking at the dead spider.

“I think you killed it.” Aunt Carol said softly.

A shaggy dog came in from the bag doggy door, sniffed the spider and then flopped down by the door.  

“It’s dead.” I announced as we all relaxed.

Jake and I went back to his room.

“I didn’t know you did this kind of stuff.”

“Yeah. I don’t like to tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Come on Scarlett. The so called Emo kid rapping?”

“So? Show them that they’re wrong. Who cares what people think. If it’s something you love you got to go with it. If you have haters, that’s how you know you’re making a difference.”

He sighed and flopped on his back, shoving an arm behind his head.

“Hey Jake?” I asked, slowly sitting down.

“Yeah, Scarlett?”

“You know I’m okay right?”

“Of course I do.”

“So why’d you come back?”

“Cause I missed you guys.”

“So you didn’t come back to talk some sense into me?”

“Oh I’ll always do that. That’s what friends are for.”

“You’re still my friend?”

“Of course I am. Why do you ask?”

“Cause they’re not my friends.”

“I think they are.”

“They’re not. We decided to go different ways.”

“I leave for the summer and everything goes to shit.”

“It’s not your fault.”

I lay next to him.

“Sometimes life is just hard.”

“Yeah.” He muttered. “Too hard.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked sitting up on my side.

“I didn’t only come back because I missed everyone. I came back to get away.”

“From what?”

“From my family.”

“What happened?”

“They found out and then freaked out. They began to call me names, and laugh, only making it worse.”

I sat up all the way.

“What did they find out?”

He lifted up his shirt, and I saw cuts on his stomach. I rested my hand on the cuts and looked up at Him. “You should know that you’re not on your own.”

 “It sure feels like it though.” He muttered, putting his hand on mine.

“Together we’ll get through this somehow.” I nodded. “I promise Jake.”

He closed his eyes, trying not to cry. I knew the feeling. I rested my head on his shoulder, and we both lay quiet. For the next couple of days we spent it together. He vowed not to go back to school without me.

*

I pulled on a jacket as there was a knock on the door.

“Yeah.”

“I thought we could ride to school together.” He picked up a shirt from the lap on my desk. “What happened to your room?”

“Nothing.” I pulled on a shoe as I hopped. “Nothing Happened to it.”

“Anyways.” Jake carefully put the shirt back. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my bag. “We should take your car though. I’m low on gas.”

“Okay.”

I shut Jakes door and he walked over to me pulling on his jacket.

“You’re not changing your mind are you?”

“Huh?”

“You said we were in this together.”

“We are.” I slipped my arm through his. “I promised.”

We made a stop at his locker. He grabbed a bunch of empty note books and tossed them in a nearby trash can. I looked down the hall, leaning on a locker. Blake juggled note books as he tried to shut his locker. He dropped the note books.

“Nice one klutz.” Someone called.

Blake shut his locker, and walked down the hall leaving his note books.

“You should go talk to him.”

“You’ll be good?”

“Yeah.”

We hugged and I went after Blake. I bent down and scooped up the note books on the way. He was sitting on a bench in an empty hall way. Cassie was walking to him. I set the note books on the bench next to him. He looked up, and Sniffed. He saw it was me and looked back down. I turned and walked down the hall. Cassie and I glanced at each other and then continued on our way. I turned right and bumped into Beth.

“Sorry.” We muttered and hiked up our bags as we past each other.

I turned left and bumped into Eli. It was like revenge of the past. He grabbed my arms made sure I wasn’t going to fall and then went on his way. He didn’t say a word. At lunch they were sitting at the table. Jake punched Blake’s arm and then hugged Beth around the neck. They were all laughing. Jake looked up and waved me over. I quickly shook my head and then walked away. I sat down at an empty table and opened a salad. Someone sat down across from me.

“What?” I muttered.

“I need to talk to you.”

I looked up shocked at Blake. His cast was gone.

“Okay.”

“So I have this new therapist.” He began.

“Uh-huh.” I slowly nodded.

“And She’s weird. She actually wants me to talk about my problems. And get this. When I told her about my best friend, she told me I needed to not fight with her.”

“Well what does she know?” I asked, and he grinned at me. “She only has a degree.”

He grabbed my hand, “So anyways. I told her that there was no chance of us being friends again.”

“Like ever.” I agreed, turning my hand over so I could hold his. “And she said that if it was true friend ship that it would find its way back.”

“Well what does she know?”

We both stood up and hugged over the table.

“Don’t cry.” I laughed wiping his face.

“Who’s crying?” He wiped mine.

I stepped over the table, and he pulled me into a hug.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you.” I muttered.

“Yay!” Cassie ran over and hugged us both. “Best friends!”

We both laughed and pulled her into our hug.

“Well that wasn’t so hard.” Jake grinned hands in his pockets.

I hugged Jake.

“How did we survive without you?”

“I have no idea really. It’s honestly a miracle.”

“I got to find Cassie.”

“She went home.”

“Why?”

“Her Dad picked her up.”

“Then Eli it is.”

“He’s gone too.”

“Well shit.” I tossed up a hand and headed down the walk way.

All I had to do was makeup with Eli and Beth, but something was telling me it was easier said than done. It was easy to make up with Blake and Cassie because they were just naturally forgiving people. It would be harder because Beth is the one who started this whole thing, and I had no idea what to expect to Eli. Was it weird in all the time We’ve been together I’ve never been at his house? It just wasn’t done. I knew where he lived though, thanks to Blake. I skipped sixth period and drove over to his house.

I could do this. I raised a hand to know and the door was opened.

“Whoa!” A woman laughed and backed up.“Wasn’t expecting that. Eli’s up in his room if that’s who you’re looking for.”

She left the front door opened and jogged down the front steps. I jogged up the stairs and paused what door lead to his room. I pushed open a door. Bathroom. There was a door wide open, bedroom, but someone was telling me it wasn’t Eli’s. At the end of the hall was a black door. Best try my luck there.

I carefully tried the knob. Unlocked. I pushed open the door. Eli was standing by the bed drying his hair with a towel. The low sound of his head phones blasting in his ears. I took in a breath and tapped on his arm. He jumped and looked at me.

I waved and tossed him the shirt that was on his bed.

“What are you doing?” He ripped out an ear bud startled.

“We have to talk.” He stopped his music and tossed his Ipod on his bed.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He dropped the shirt onto the bed.

“Eli I know you probably hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Scarlett.” He put the towel around his shoulders. “I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“You. Us. What happened?”

“I don’t know. Miscommunication I guess.”

“I’ll say.”

“Can you put a shirt on please.”

“Why?” He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s my room.”

“I just came by to say I'm sorry.”

Eli tossed to towel on the bed, “It’s about time.” He pulled me into a hug.

Well that was easy. A little too easy. He grabbed the shirt off the bed, and pulled it on.

“So are we friends?”

“Sure.” He sighed. “We can be friends.”

“If you don’t want to be my friend-“

“Of course I don’t want to be your friend Scarlett!” He ran a hand through his hair. “I love you.”

“So what do we do?”

“You have to talk to me.”

“Me?” I asked. “You have to talk to me.”

“About what?”

“You know about what Eli!” I took a step forward. “Why didn’t you tell me!”

“Well you seemed a little in your own world.”

I sighed, and looked down, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. You said that already.”

“Look At us.” I told him. “We sound like tow people who hate each other.”

“I just had a bad day Okay?” He demanded. “They’re scars now. That’s it.”

“Prove it.” I crossed my arms.

He held out his arms, scars. He lifted his pant leg, scars. He lifted the other one clean.

“See?”

“If you need help you can talk to me.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Of course you don’t.” I gave a sarcastic laugh. “You're the boy who helps everyone Eli, you never need help. You're perfect.”

“No one’s perfect.”

“Then let me help you!”

“I don’t need help!”

“Everyone needs help!” I yelled at him. “Especially the one who helps everyone else.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not Eli, and you know it.” I grabbed his wrist. “Don’t lie to me. You can’t.”

“Why cause you can see through me?”

“Just like you can see through me.”

We glared at each other, and I set his wrist free.

“When you’re ready to talk, You know where to find me.”

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then went to the door. I pulled open the door, and Eli slammed it closed with a hand and the other he grabbed my arm and spun me around pushing me against the wall.

“I’m sorry Scarlett.”

“For what?”

“For this.”

He kissed me hard, catching me off guard. He picked me up and tossed me on to the bed. I tried to sit up but he pushed me down, and pinned my wrists to the pillow.

“Eli-“ He kissed me again, He let go of my right hand, and grabbed my jaw. He lifted my head, and trailed kisses along my neck. He kissed my Jaw and then went back to my mouth.

“I never meant to keep secrets from you.”

“It’s okay.” I nodded. “I’m keeping one from you too.”

“What?” His eyebrows pulled together.

“I’m in love with you.”

He smiled, and then kissed me again.

*

Eli looked at his phone.

“What time is it?”

“Six.”

“I have to go find Beth.”

“No.” He held me to him.

“Help me find my clothes.”

“Alright.”

We rolled out of bed. I picked up my bra and slipped on the straps. Eli yanked my against him.

“You scared me.”

“Sorry.” He kissed the back of my neck.

“I have to go.”

“I know.” He snapped my bra like a pro.

I turned to face him and he held up my pants. I pulled them on, and he grabbed me in a hug.

“Come on.” I laughed. “I have to go.”

“Why?” He kissed my neck.

“I already told you.”I stepped always from him. “Now stop kissing me.”

“Why?” He sat on the edge of the bed.

“Because You’ll be the one getting pinned to the bed if you don’t stop.”

He seemed to contemplate this. “I’m okay with that."

“Eli!” I laughed and he tossed me over his shoulder. “Come on! I have to find my shirt.”

He slipped me off his shoulder into a bridal hold, “Are you sure You have to go?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” He sighed, and dropped me on the bed.

He walked to his desk and grabbed my shirt off the lap.

“Here.” He handed it over.

“Thanks.”

I quickly pulled it on, and then pulled on my shoes.

“Get dressed any faster and I’ll think you can’t wait to get out of here.”

“I really have to go.” I kissed him.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. He kissed me three times, and set me free, “Okay, go.”

“Thank you.”

Beth’s front door opened.

“Shut up!” Beth yelled and shut the door. She looked up at me. “Is that me coming to live with you offer still there.”

“I think I can squeeze you in somewhere.”

We hugged and ran to my car.

“Look I’m sorry I was such an ass to you.” I said once in the car. “You were trying to help me.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She grabbed my hand. “You trusted me not to tell anyone and I did. You trusted me like I trusted you, only you came through for me. I’m really sorry Scarlett.”

“It’s okay.” I sighed. “We’re even.”

“Coco?”

“Coco.” I laughed.

We got our Coco and talked Lee into letting Beth stay over for a little while, while her mom cooled down. Beth took over the guest room. I really did have good friends. We all were different and fit perfectly together, were it mattered the most. We were best friends. And being best friends and knowing so much about each other meant it was going to be really hard to not be able to make up. Now if we could all stay alive that would suit me just fine.

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 19.06.2014

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