I grabbed a book off of the shelf.
"Hey." a kid said.
"hi." i said, flipping through the book to see if it was worth buying.
"i have this problem that you can fix."
"lucky me."
"just please keep an open mind."
i snapped the book closed.
Barnes and Noble, where you can get books and have random guys talk to you.
"what?"
"okay, see those guys over there?"
i looked behind his shoulder, from under my lashes.
"yeah."
"okay, so they think i'm gay."
"are you?"
"No!"
"then what's the problem."
"they think i'm gay cause I've never had a girlfriend."
"and?"
"they think your Beautiful, so i said, you where my girlfriend."
"huh?"
"please help me." he Begged.
Maybe it was his eyes, but most likely cause i have this thing for helping people.
"fine you owe me."
"what ever you need."
i put the book on the shelf.
"ready?"
"for what?"
"Yes!" i said, hugging him.
his friends started smacking each other.
"i was wondering when you'd ask." i said, giving the smile that the guys back home said they couldn't resist.
"Hey are those your friends?"
"uh, yeah."
i walked over.
"hey i'm Ebony." i said, holding out my hand.
"you shake it."
they stared at me mouths open.
"okay then, see ya."
i patted the guys shoulder, and left.
i picked up another book.
"what?"
"they didn't believe it."
"why?"
"cause your too pretty for me."
"what's your name?"
"Coltan."
"you have to have more confidence in yourself."
"yeah, i know but they're watching so can i just hug you again."
i grabbed his hand and walked down the row of books.
"i'm really sorry about this."
"I have this thing where i have to help people."
"Guess i'm lucky to have found you."
i turned to him, and he backed up.
"don't do that, they'll think somethings up, you gotta have confidence."
"yeah, i don't really have that."
i smiled at him, and shook my head.
"oh there's my ride."
"wait." he said, grabbing my hand.
"what?"
"how will i see you again?"
"you won't."
"but-" i gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left.
"did you find your book?" Grandma asked.
"yep right here." i said, pulling tempted from the bag. (big house of night fan here!)
"good, that should hold you for a day."
"it's not my fault i'm a fast reader." i laughed.
"Hey!" my cousin said, coming over to me.
we hugged.
"dude do i have shit to tell you."
"ooh let me hear it your so awesome compared to me."
"really?" she asked as we walked through the mall.
"yeah and i was just like shit."
"Shit?"
i grabbed her arm and pulled her into a store.
"there he is."
"ooh he's cute!"
"i know right." i laughed.
"you can't hide forever."
"your right come on,"
we walked out.
Coltan looked up, and went into a store.
"hey." he said, popping in front of us.
"hi. this is Kristy."
"hey Kristy."
"hey."
"i got you something." he said.
he gave me a rose.
"thanks." i said.
"for what you did."
"oh look it's not fake."
"Coltan look." one of his friends said coming over with a video game.
"Ebony!" he said, dropping it.
"yeah?"
"i didn't expect to see you here."
"well, yeah, Coltan texted me."
'thank you' Coltan mouthed.
"i'll just let you guys talk."
i stepped over the game grabbed Kristy's arm and we walked off.
"Whoa he's so cute."
"He's just some kid i'm helping."
"i think you like him."
"you think wrong Kristy."
we went into wal-mart.
we walked through wal-mart.
"hey i gotta go get some nail polish for my blog."
"right behind you."
as i walked behind her, i looked at the rose and smiled.
this was the first time that a guy gave me a flower.
"no Ebony." i whispered.
as i waited in line arms closed around me.
"hey," Coltan said.
i turned and smiled.
"i need your help again, they think it's a joke."
"i can't help you anymore."
"why?"
"cause i just can't."
"okay i know i'm a total dork but-"
"i can't help you, cause every guy i tried to help they fell for me."
"what's wrong with that?"
"i didn't catch them." I whispered.
"why?" he asked, turning his head to the side.
"I don't know. I don't want to hurt you."
"I wont fall for you."
i smiled. "you need to be really careful around me. boys like you love me forever. I'm not just saying that and i don't know why they do, so be careful, you seem sweet."
"i'll be careful."
"okay."
he grabbed my hand.
"okay so meet me at Barnes ans Noble tomorrow at three."
"yeah." i said.
he kissed my forehead.
"bye Kristy." he said, jogging away.
"Your just like your mom."
"don't say that."
"why?"
"cause it's true."
the next day i went to the top part of the book store thinking what am i doing.
"dude let's go, she bailed on you." Coltan's friend said.
i paused behind a shelf.
"She'll be here."
i walked out.
Coltan looked at his phone.
"she never should up?" i asked.
they all turned around.
he smiled and came to me, hugging me.
"i missed you."
"i missed you to." he kissed my forehead.
"Want to get a coffee down stairs?"
"sure."
"thanks for helping me." he said, again.
"yeah."
"come on."
"oh no thanks i'm broke right now."
"i'll bye you one."
"your buying me too much."
"i bought you a rose, come on it's no big deal."
"alright." i said, blowing out some air.
he took my hand like it was natural and led me to the small star bucks in the store.
we sat at a stool, table.
"so do they believe you?"
"i don't know. What's your last name?"
"what?"
"i want to get to know you."
"oh um okay. Marks."
"mines, James, what's your middle mane?"
"uh what's yours?"
"Chase."
"Lynn."
"Ebony Lynn. i like it."
"your a dork."
we laughed.
"what's your favorite color?"
"orange."
"really?" he asked.
"Uh-huh. yours?"
"brown."
"Brown." i repeated.
"yeah."
"Why?" i tried not to laugh.
"it's the color of your eyes."
i took a drink.
"you got family?"
"course everyone does. i live with my mom and three siblings, and my mom's boyfriend is there a lot. my oldest younger brother, lives with his girls friend 20 minuets away. they're having a baby boy."
"names?"
"my mom's name is June, and Taylor is her boy friend. Mat is Taylor's stepson, the one twenty minuets away. his girl friends name is jade, and they're naming the baby Ian.
My sisters are Emma and Jewls, and my brothers name is Daren. are you lost yet?"
"Nope."
"you look lost." i laughed.
"i'm just listening. tell me more."
"like what?" i asked.
"anything, i want to know it all."
"well, my mom has relation ship issues so she's gonna marry Taylor in six years. i have a dog. her names Amber. uh."
"why do you have to be so Beautiful?"
"i don't know, thanks, and watch it."
"right." he said, shaking his head.
"Six years, seems like awhile."
"he agreed to wait." i said.
"i'd wait to. i'd wait forever if i loved someone."
"yeah, maybe you'll love someone, just not me of course."
"why not?"
"i don't believe in the whole love thing."
"why?"
"cause it tore my family apart." i said, looking away.
"what about your dad?" he asked, Quickly.
"he died."
"i'm sorry."
"i was twelve. i was so close to him."
"yeah?"
"i don't talk about him."
"but you just did."
"I know."
"so the love thing."
"my dad cheated on my mom with his high school sweet heart. it ripped my mom apart. i had to grow up and take care of the kids, so i was never really a kid myself. i was always wanting to make things better for people, as you can see. i have trust issues too, cause everyone I've ever called a friend has stabbed me in the back. i think it's cause i put myself out there. yeah, that's why i always get hurt. i used to talk to Mat, that boy got me through some pretty dark days but he's gone now. i felt that he got me and i got him. i'm talking too much."
"no your not, keep going."
"are you sure?"
"yeah, everything. i want to hear it all."
"uh okay. i guess that's why I've never had a real boy friend cause i saw how it ripped apart my mom. i Know i could handle it, but i don't have time to mend my heart back together. i'm here visiting my grandma. i always some in the summer, well since i was 15.
i live in a freak ass small town. tell me something about you."
"okay. i'm an only child so i get pretty lonely. my parents work a lot so that's why i'm always out, i don't like to stay in one place for too long, even more so if it's a freak ass small town." he offered a cute smiled.
i laughed.
"My parents are having an open relationship right now." he took a drink.
i took his hand.
"i know that must be hard on you."
"yeah, they make me pick sides a lot." he rubbed my hand with his thumb.
i knew i should pull away, but i knew better. i knew that sometimes just a touch made a lot of things better, and i couldn't cause it felt comforting to even me.
" Are they gonna get a divorce."
"i wish they would it would be a lot easier no fighting."
" my parents fought non stop til the divorce. in the beginning it was okay, cause my dad stayed around but then he left to be with his high school sweetheart. that's when things got bad. i think all of my siblings have anger management problems, even Mat."
"what about you?"
"i don't know i can control it."
"how?"
"i used to cry, until i found that as weakness."
"it's not weakness Ebony, it means you care."
"it means your a baby, and you can't keep what your feeling inside."
"what if it goes over the top. what happens then, you know it's all bottled up it has to come out sometime."
"it stays on the inside."
he took my other hand.
"so you don't cry?"
"they last time i cried was when i was 17 my other dog died. i'm 19 now."
"you can cry you know."
i took a hand away and took a drink.
"what's wrong?"
"we're getting to close."
"what's wrong with that?"
"the whole Trust issue."
"right." he said, taking his hand back.
"oh they believe me."
"my work is done." i said, getting off the stool.
"wait where you going?"
"home, there's no reason to be here, anyone i helped you."
"so that's it you don't even want to be friends?"
"friends. okay i guess that's okay."
"you wanna walk through the mall?"
"yeah."
"he took my hand as we walked and i took it away.
"i can't hold your hand?"
"not if it means something different to you."
he took my hand and held onto it when i tried to pull away.
"what's your Favorite band."
"oh don't do that to me." i said.
he laughed. "top five."
"Paramore, Mayday Parade, Black veil brides, Bring me the horizon, Sleeping with sirens."
"okay, my turn. Uh, Alesana, Falling in reverse, Sublime, All time low, and Parachute."
"i like those bands." i said.
"i like yours too." he laughed.
we walked around for awhile.
"when do you go home?"
"Two weeks."
we where heading back to the book store cause grandma was going to pick me up.
"so can i see you tomorrow?"
"yeah, here?"
My grandma pulled up.
"Ebony!"
"i'm saying goodbye Coltan."
"are you hungry Coltan?" Grandma called.
"Oh god, say no."
"yeah a little."
"get in i'll make you something to eat."
he smiled and opened the door for me.
i did not need him getting to know my family.
i got into the car.
"So how old are you Coltan?"
"19."
"Do you need to call your parents?"
"i'll text them."
after we ate, Coltan had his friend pick him up.
"Grandma i'm going out side." i said the next morning.
"do you want the blanket?"
"no thanks."
i set up my lap top and pushed play.
"But you didn't have to cut me off, make it like in never happened and that we where nothing, have your friends collect your records and change your number."
"you can sing."
"Ohmygod!"
"I'm sorry." Coltan said, taking me into his arms.
"uh wanna sit?" i asked.
"sure."
i layed out a blanket.
"oh sorry." i said, trying to shut off my lap top.
"leave it." he said, as he listened to terrible things.
i layed on my back, and watched him listen to it.
"the girl of my dreams the most beautiful woman that i'd ever seen." he said, looking over at me.
i laughed, and covered my face.
He had a really good voice.
he uncovered my face and held onto my hand.
i watched him as he sang along, looking at the screen.
he got up on his knees and pulled up his pants. he bent down and kissed me.
"you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me."
"it's were."
"your still here." he said, bending to kiss me again.
my stomach was in Knots as my hand went to the back of his head.
"i warned you." i whispered.
"will you catch me?" he whispered.
i swallowed. Take a chance.
"yes."
he smiled and kissed me again.
"no." i said, sitting up.
"what's wrong?" he asked.
"we can't do this i'm leaving and i'm not going to do that to you."
"i don't care."
"but i do."
we where quiet.
"you said you'd catch me." he whispered.
"i did. long enough for me to help you back up."
"guess i scraped my knees." he said.
i closed my eyes.
Coltan pressed his lips to mine.
he held on to my jaw.
"i can live without you, but but without you i'll be miserable At Best." he whispered.
"don't cry." he said, wiping my face.
"i don't want to let you go." i said.
"then don't let me go."
"what if you get hurt?"
"then at least i'll have the good times to remind me why i begged to stay."
"come here."
i sat up on my knees and he hugged me.
i held on to him not wanting to let go. who would of thought that me i would fall for someone. i was so careful, but i guess he just snuck in when i wasn't looking.
"can you do something for me?" i whispered into his neck.
"anything."
"Catch me."
"promise."
"i feel like a dork." i said lying down on the blanket.
"why?" he asked, picking up my head and putting it on his lap.
"cause you saw me cry."
"yeah, but i know you care."
"why didn't you cry?"
"i was gonna save that for the car."
"why?"
"i dunno." he said, picking up a strand of my hair.
"cause you didn't want me to see you cry?"
"yeah."
"see?"
he bent down and kissed my forehead.
"what do you want to say?"
how did he already know me.
"what happens when i gotta go home?" i asked, in a small voice.
"let's not think about that, now."
"so what do we do?"
"how about i take you on a real first date?"
" if you want."
"cool, so you'll have to be ready by nine."
"in the morning?!"
"yeah," he laughed.
"where are we going?" i asked, after we where in the car for awhile.
"look."
"no." i said, looking over at him. "this costs way to much."
"Nah, your worth it." he said, pulling into the parking lot of knots berry farm.
"i didn't take you for a dare devil." he said, putting his jacket on me.
"why?"
"cause you seem so careful."
"yeah, that's why i let loose with roller coasters."
we walked to the car.
"ready for the next part?"
"the next part?"
"yeah, dinner."
" no, you've payed for too much."
"let me do this."
"i'm not dressed for dinner."
"okay, then we'll go out for dinner tomorrow."
"deal."
he opened the car door.
"who's car is this?" i asked.
"one of my friends."
he drove us too my grandmas.
"wait, i'll walk you up."
he ran to my side, and opened my door.
"your too sweet."
"only the best for you."
we kissed goodbye, and i went strait to bed.
the next night i got ready.
"you look... Beautiful."
"thanks."
"what's wrong."
"no ones ever said that before."
"well their loss, come on."
"okay wait."
i took off my heels.
"there."
"your not going to walk bare foot."
"my feet hurt."
he took my shoes and took off his.
"Give me your foot."
"really?"
he took my foot and put his shoes on my feet.
"why are you smiling?" he asked, smiling too.
"cause your sweet, to me."
he smiled shyly.
"i had fun."
"i'm glad me too." he said, taking my hand.
that night i talked with Mat and he and Jade weren't doing so well. my heart went out to him.
*********
i put my last bag in the car, and shut the trunk.
"ready?" grandpa asked.
"yeah." i breathed out.
i took one more look around.
"Wait!" Coltan yelled running to my side.
"you didn't think you'd get off free did you?"
he pulled me into a hug.
"come with me. meet my family."
"are you sure?"
"your apart of my life, they need to know who you are."
everyone came out of the house.
"Daren!" i yelled, pulling him into a hug. i hugged everyone else and took Coltan's hand.
"guys, this is Coltan. My ex-boyfriend."
the words stung my throat and he squeezed my hand.
"it's nice to meet you all." he said, Shaking my mom's hand.
"why'd you break up?" Jewls asked.
"cause, we're to far apart, so we broke it off." i said.
"we have to go." grandma called.
Coltan turned to leave.
"wait."
"yeah?" he asked.
i could tell he was trying not to cry.
i swallowed.
"i want to hear you say you love me one more time." i said.
he took my face and smiled, weakly.
"i love you Ebony." he kissed my forehead.
"i love you Coltan."
he kissed my forehead one last time and got into the car.
he waved goodbye, and he was gone.
i turned back to my family.
everyone was Crying but Jewls and me. she got my strong trait.
"i'm fine guys." i said, rubbing Daren's arm.
i blew out some air.
"i'll just be awhile."
i went to my room and cried.
i tried to think about the good times but the pain of not having him by my side was to powerful.
i clutched the necklace he got me and cried myself to sleep.
"you need to eat." my mom said, the next morning.
"i'm not hungry."
"Ebony-"
"i'd like to be alone."
she kissed my forehead, and i gritted my teeth.
i hated when she tried to comfort me.
i pulled the covers up to my chin.
i woke up to someone stroking my hair.
i sat up and pulled away from her.
"who let you in here."
"your mom, she said your hurting."
"i don't need you, you need too worry about your girls."
"what about a i'm glad your outta jail?"
"cause i'm not to tell you the truth."
"Ebony-"
"you need to leave Beth."
"I'm here if you-"
"leave Damn it, we are no longer friends."
she got up and left.
i touched my necklace, and took in a shaky breath. it's going to get better, it has too. my mom never mind, she never healed. what if i never heal? what if i always hurt this bad?
See i knew i shouldn't of gotten close to him.
i layed on my back.
if i just said no, i could of saved myself a heart ache. and what happened to not putting everything i had into my first relationship? did i learn nothing from mom? god i'm such a dope. i dug the heels of my hands into my eyes.
when i opened y eyes i saw spots.
"come outside."
"no."
"Now Damn it!" Emma said, pulling on my arm.
"why?"
she pulled me outside and turned me around.
"Emma."
she grabbed my shoulders and made me turn.
"now look up, Ebony."
i looked up.
"Coltan!"
a smile came to his face as i ran to him.
he caught me in a hug.
"what are you doing here?" i asked pulling back.
"i can live with out you."
he gave me a dozen Roses.
i hugged him.
"i love you, Coltan."
"whoa did Ebony just say she liked a boy?" Beth asked.
"what are you doing here? mom i thought you where done."
"She needs us."
"no she needs mental help, but you don't see it."
"Ebony-"
"Mom-"
Coltan grabbed my wrist and kissed me hard, making my hands comb through his hair.
"what happened to Keeping calm?" he asked, forehead pressed to mine.
i laughed.
"How long are you staying?"
"as long as you here."
"wait."
"Hey i'm Beth."
"someone who you don't want to know Coltan, you gotta leave.
"but i just got here."
"i'll go with you."
"what's wrong Ebony, Scared i'll chase him away?"
"my fist tightened.
"keep walking, listen to my voice." Coltan Whispered.
he opened the door, and i got in.
"you wanna talk?"
"not now." i said, rubbing my palms up and down my legs.
"we pulled up to a little blue house.
"who live here?"
"i do come on."
"were's the bathroom?"
he pointed to the door.
i closed the door sat on the toilet and cried.
I cried for Mat, Coltan, Jade, my mom, and even cause i missed my dad, but most of all life can really do terrible things and right not i just don't f-ing understand. the sobs shook my shoulders. the door opened. this time i didn't try to stop or tell him to go away.
i bent over and began to cry harder. maybe Coltan was right. you hold things into long and you break down. Coltan bent down on his knees and rubbed my back, while kissing my head.
i looked up at him.
" I just don't get it." i sobbed.
"what?"
"everything."
"i know what's going on."
he picked me up and layed me on the feather bed. he covered me with a blanket and held me close.
"let it out. you have too."
of course this only made me cry harder.
"you okay?"
i nodded.
he held me.
"i have to get up." i said.
"why?"
"cause i'll get depressed if i lay in bed when i'm sad."
we stood.
"can i ask you something?" he asked, when we got out or bed.
"sure."
i turned back to him.
he was on one knee holding up a ring.
"i'm gonna make you chance you mind. you know i love you will you marry me Ebony, in a couple years?" he added the last part in a rush.
i felt my hand go out to him and he slipped on the ring.
"i don't feel good Coltan."
"you okay, you sick?"
"no, somethings wrong, i-"
and it was lights out.
when i woke up Coltan was sitting in a chair leaning on the hospital bed.
he had his iPod out and Terrible things was playing. he had my hand clutched in his.
his face was red and had dried tears.
"Coltan?"
he jumped awake, kissing my forehead.
he gave me some water.
"why didn't you tell me?"
"i didn't want you to worry."
"they said, you might not wake up."
"it's never been this bad, i would just get sick."
"why didn't you tell me Ebony, i could of lost you." new tears spilled down his face.
"please, don't cry over me."
i touched his cheek and he held my hand there pushing it to his face, as if making sure i wasn't going to leave.
"i'm okay."
"What if i lost you?"
"you wont."
"Ebony, you've been out for two weeks."
i had?
"they said, there was a big chance you wouldn't wake up, and to be ready if you didn't." he swiped at his face.
"oh."
he went to the door.
"She's up!"
i heard running foot steps that reminded me of a stamped.
i sat up.
"hey guys!" i said, in my best voice.
it was still scratchy.
Emma burst into teas, and crawled into my bed.
Jewls followed her.
i kissed Jewls head, and held on to Daren's hand.
"i'm good guys."
i looked over at Coltan who was smiling.
i was glad to have them here.
my mom reached over and kissed my forehead.
Taylor waved and i nodded at him.
"we're going to go get something to eat, we'll bring you something." Mom said.
they all left.
"if you want out now i understand." i told Coltan.
"no, i don't care i'm staying with you." he took my hand and shook his head.
the Dr. came in.
"Ebony."
"Am i going to die?" i asked looking at him.
Coltan tightened his grip on my hand.
"not anytime soon." he laughed.
I don't find that very funny.
"when can i go home?"
"now. By the way, that, boys a keeper."
"i know."
"your mom's here."
i was put in a wheel chair.
"Fuck yeah!" Jewls said, sitting on my lap.
Coltan pushed us to the car, and i rested my head on her back.
"Whooo!" she yelled waving her arms.
"NO way, move i want a turn!" Emma said.
Jewls got up and Emma sat on my lap.
Jewls sat on Emma's lap.
"oh god." i teased.
"end of the line get the fuck off!" Coltan laughed.
everyone laughed, case we were rubbing off on him.
we all got into the car.
once mom dropped me and Coltan off she left.
"Can i ask you something?"
"anything."
"how did you afford this?"
i sat on the sofa.
"remember when i said, my parents work a lot?"
I nodded slowly.
"well they give me money, and push me on my way."
"so your rich."
"yeah."
"why didn't you tell me?"
"i dunno."
"Cause you want me to like you for you, not your money? I'm not shallow."
"No, Ebony, i didn't really think you'd care."
"but you not telling me is like you not telling me apart of you."
"like when you didn't tell me about your Low Immune System?"
"just like that." i said, looking down.
"i'm sorry." i whispered.
i got up and went to his room, and crawled into bed.
i heard him blow out some air.
"i need to go home, i don't have clothes here."
he grabbed a shirt and shorts and gave them too me.
"your going to let me wear your clothes?"
he nodded, and left the room.
i changed into his clothes.
i grabbed his jacket and put it on.
i hugged myself and took in his sent.
"what are you doing?" he asked, coming back in.
"nothing."
a smile grew on his face as i took off his jacket and put it back where i got it from.
"why are you smiling?" i asked, feeling like a dork.
"Cause your adorable." he said, rapping me in a hug.
i put my head on his chest.
"i love you. you know that."
i said.
"i love you Ebony." he said, kissing my head.
"you know," he said, pulling back. "you look pretty cute in my clothes."
"i do?" i laughed.
he kissed my neck.
"yeah."
"stop looking at me like that."
"why?" he laughed.
"cause it's making me uncomfortable. your just... staring."
"i can't help it."
"why not?"
"I just can't believe i found the girl of my dreams."
i opened my mouth but then bit down on my lip.
he bent and kissed me.
"not til we're married." i said as he reached for my shirt.
"okay," he said, kissing me again.
"sorry." he said, picking up his phone.
"hey Jewls.... really.... i'll tell her.... yeah, i love you too kid...bye."
"your mom's having a wedding party, where she get's married in front of god just not on paper."
"oh no."
"What?"
"she's going to want me to sing what do i sing?"
"deep breath." he said.
i took a deep breath.
"do you want me to sing with you?"
i nodded.
"okay, then, what about remind me and don't you wanna stay?"
"that's perfect!"
we all got ready, and went to the hall early.
"Ebony!" Kristy yelled.
"what is up, my ninja!" she said, as we hugged.
"noting, much, so your ready right? we're going to be co-maids of honor."
someone slammed into me making me stumble back.
Speechless, i held onto Mat.
"Hey How's it going?" he asked, looking down at me."
"good, i can't believe your here!"
"yeah, i brought jade too."
"how you guys doing?"
"better." he smiled.
"good."
"hey this is my brother, Mat."
Coltan shook his hand.
"We're getting married." i said.
"Nuh-uh!" Matt said picking me off of the floor.
"I'm happy for you, if it's anyone that deserves love it's you."
"thanks Mat."
"yeah, no Problem, sis you helped me through some really dark, days, it's time you let someone love you."
i hugged him again.
after they said, the vows we sang.
Beth came in giving people hugs. gawd.
"i'll be back."
i whispered something to the DJ and went to the stage.
"hey guys hows it going?"
everyone yelled.
"i just fell in love with this one song mind if i sing it for you guys?"
they yelled.
"okay thanks."
i nodded at the DJ.
"i remember the way you used to laugh with me, like i was all you'd ever nee., did you change your mind? well, i didn't cange mine. now here i am trying to make sense of it all, we where best friends now we don't even talk, you broke my heart , ripped my world apart. didn't you know how much i loved you, didn't know how much i love you oh i gave you everything every part of me."
after i was done everyone stood and yelled.
Beth looked at the floor and slowly left the room.
"thank you." i laughed as they got louder.
"Music-" i laughed, as they cheered.
"Music is a big part of my family, so i want to pull Emma and Jewls up here. we're gonna sing Hell on heels."
after we sang, mat grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a side room.
"Mat come on!" i laughed.
he went to the sofa and moved a pillow.
"No!" i said, a smile breaking through my face.
"Want to open it?" he asked, picking up the Bottle of vodka.
"yeah." i said, shutting the door.
he had a jug of Orange juice.
"here drink some of that." he said, giving it to me.
i chugged it.
"nobody saw us come in here right?" i asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
"nope."
he poured the vodka into the jug.
"Ladies first." he said, giving me the bottle.
"god, it's been awhile, since we did this."
"almost six months."
"that long?" i asked.
he nodded, handing me the jug.
we sat on the sofa, and talked.
once the bottle was gone we couldn't stop laughing.
after ten minutes Mat was coming around.
"I think you drank more than me."
"No i didn't." i said, smacking his arm.
i don't care what he says i feel good.
"lets get you some air."
he grabbed me by the elbows and pulled me to the door.
"i have a secret, you wanna here it?" i whispered as we went down the hall that led to outside.
"sure." he said, trying to not let me fall.
"your the best."
"thanks." he said, sitting me on the curb.
"it smells nice."
"yeah smells like rain." he said.
"can i tell you something?"
"sure," he said, sitting next to me.
i put my arm around him.
"your going to be okay little brother."
"i'm glad you think so."
"oh no i know so."
Mat laughed.
i took my arm back and layed on the side walk.
the next morning i woke up i was in bed with Coltan, and my clothes were missing.
i dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, and sat up.
i looked around, our clothes where on the floor, and a condom rapper was sitting on the side table.
shit.
i got my underwear and bra and one of his shirts and when to the bathroom.
i had to sit on the toilet cause how sore i was.
what the hell did i do?
i took a shower. Coltan was sitting on the sofa.
"hey." he said, as i layed down on his lap.
"I was really drunk last night."
"i told you no, but you still wanted to do it."
i turned my head to the t.v.
he ran a hand through my hair.
"you don't remember do you." he Whispered.
"i remember it hurt."
he leaned back on the chair.
"it's not my fault i was drunk, you should of said no."
"you got demanding."
"you should of locked me in the guest room."
"i did, you cried, so i let you out."
"well let's have a do over."
"i lost my virginity to you, Ebony, there is no do over."
"i was drunk you can't be mad at me." i said, sitting up.
"i tried to stop you but you said it was okay."
"why would it be okay? i told you yesterday, no sex til marriage. your not the only one who lost their virginity don't you think i wanted to remember my first time with you? That stuff means a lot to me Coltan!"
i sat on my knees.
he opened his mouth.
"i had too much to drink. i really wanted to remember our first time."
i stood up and left.
"Ebony."
i shut the bathroom door and leaned on it.
Annoyed i swiped at the tears that fell to my cheeks.
"Ebony, please open the door. i want to talk to you."
"no."
"are you crying? shit your crying open the door." he said knocking on it.
"stop hitting the door."
"then open it."
i opened it and looked into the mirror.
he leaned on the door jam.
"don't touch me." i warned him.
"Shit." i said, as the tears came fast.
i pushed past him. i opened the front door and ran into the pouring rain.
"Ebony where are you going?"
he ran after me and grabbed my wrist.
"let me go!" i sobbed as he took me into his arms.
"you'll have to cut off my arms if you ever want me to let you go."
i rapped my arms around him, and held onto him.
"let's get out of the rain." he said.
i turned.
"wait."
i turned back to him.
he grabbed my arms.
"kiss me." he whispered.
i reached up and pressed my lips to his.
his hands went to my face, and i put my hands on his chest.
"i love you." he whispered.
"i love you." i said, biting my lip.
he too my hand and we went back inside.
we sat on the sofa, with towels.
"did i like it?" i asked.
"you said, it hurt and you where never going to fuck me again.
"no i didn't."
"those where your exact words."
"Ohmygod!" i said, laughing.
"when i told you that, i lied."
"what do you mean."
"i want to sleep with you again. but it's a sin."
" i'm not so sure, cause, sex is for marriage, cause your giving yourself to that person, and we gave ourselves to each other."
"i guess, just don't tell anyone."
"i won't that's private."
"i don't want kids."
"what?"
"i mean not right away, i want to do things. i need to get money."
"i have money."
"aren't you getting tired of this place?"
"yeah, but your here so i like it."
"at the start of the summer it was hot, and no one owned this house so me and Daren would sneak over here and go swimming."
"really?"
"yeah, is that weird?"
"not if it was hot."
by this time we where on his bed.
"oh it was hot."
"how hot." he asked leaning over me.
"really hot."
he bent down and kissed me.
"i want you." he whispered.
"no."
"why not?"
"i don't know....cause i'm scared."
"why?"
"it's gonna hurt."
"i'll go slow."
"really slow?"
"really really slow."
he bent down and kissed me.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.07.2012

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