What the hall happened

PROLOUGE
There's this thing inside of me that i can't name. irrataion is just another word that goes along with confusion. i can't tell you what it is, perhaps it's a little too dark for words. you say you understand, but it's just another unknown lie, that you placed inside of my mind. i can't explain what happens in my mind, it's just one major mees that i can't sourt through. Acusion come to mind, only when i think of you. lies and torrment, run through my mind, only stopping to remind me of the things, i can't get out of my mind. voices tell me that i'm not good enough and i should just give up already, but i know i'm better than that and i continue to go forward. No one knows the things i carry around with me, it's just a little painfull to say. so many people for just one mind and they all want to make themselfes known. i think i'm not worthy and hide myself away, i can't get close to people, cause i don't want to drag them down with me. My life is a downward spiral with no meaning to stop anytime soon. with all these things runing through my mind i think i might just yell! i'll never let people see inside, i'm afriad that they'll run away and hide. if i could run away from myself i would. i lay awake at night with all my thoughts. doing the things i love help keep me alive. i'm a troubled girl, that won't face the truth. there's something wrong with me. all my life, being different has gotten me beaten black and blue. i shut out knew faces, afraid of the things that they can do. something is wrong with me and i don't want to face it but have to.
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i looked up from my spot on my bed at my mom. she had her hands on her hips, and her mouth was moving like no tomorrow. "huh?" i asked, taking out my earphones. "i asked you to get the clothes out of the dryer." she said. "you did?" i asked. "yes." she said. "what'd i say?" i asked. "you said, you where on it remember?" she said. "nope." i said. i got up and went to the lundry room. "i swear it's like i'm talking to different people, and then another person takes over and she doesn't even remember." my mom told my step dad. "well maybe she needs help." he said. "the same way you need to get a wig that maches your eyebrow color?" i asked, to myself. "what do you mean?" she asked. "well, maybe she has a personality disorder." he said. i put the clothes basket by my mom. she looked up and smlied. "next time you want to talk shit about someone make sure they can't hear you." i said. "language." my mom said. "my language is english, and this mother fucker don't know about anything i went through." i said. i left the room. "i'm sorry." my mom said. "she's a teenager i get it." he said. i hit the wall. "don't hit things when your mad, i bought you a punching bag for a reson." she said. "yeah, and the first chance i get i'll print out a picture of darren and beat the shit out of it." i said, running up stairs. "i'm sorry." my mom said. i paced my room. i blasted a paramore song and was calm. i went down stairs and got a soda. "maybelle." darren said. "what?" i said, poping a grape into my mouth. "can we talk?" he asked. "i'm listening." i said.
"i was talking with your mother and we think that you could use some help." he said. i took a drink of soda. "well i think that you need to put on some deodrant, but do you see me saying that? no." i said. "maybelle, be nice." my mom said. "we think maybe we should get you help and move to california, there's a great school, that deals with people like you." she said. "people like me." i said. "yes. just think it over." she said. "is it like a school, where i stay in a doorm room?" i asked. "yes." she said. "so in other words, a loney bin." i said. "it's called a mental ward, and no, this is like a thearapy home for teens." darren said. "look i already called, and told them about you and they said, they know what's wrong with you they want to help." he said. "you had no right to do that. you don't know me!" i screamed. "maybelle." my mom said. "you know what fine, let's go." i said. i tossed the keys on the table. "let's go get up." i said. "you want to get rid of me so lets go." i said. "maybelle, i don't want to get rid of you but you've changed." she said. "i changed after he came!" i said. "now that's not fair maybelle and you know it." she said. "i'm going to pack my bags." i said.
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i sat in a small office sandwiched between my mom and darren, across the desk was a man in a gray suit and a woman in a yellow dress. mom and darren where listening closly to them, while i picked at my finger nails. "maybelle?" the man asked. "oh what?" i asked. "did you hear anything i said?" he asked. "no. i wasn't listening." i siad. instead of getting mad he just asked. "what where you thinking about?" "food." i said. the woman smiled. "i'll take you to the mess hall. while, jack finishes up with your parents." she said. "i think you'll like it here maybelle." she said. if this was a school then i'd love to see what a prison is. black iron gates incricled the school, with point's sharp enough to do some major cutting. kids sat on tables with trays of food. some where overly happy and some looked so depressed that i actualy felt bad for them. which is something i don't do. ever. others seemed to look out into space, not even touching their food, while others talked and yelled at themselfs. i would probably be one of the kids that sat under a tree alone. faith, the girl, sat with me the first lunch. "so have you ever tryed to kill yourself?" she asked. i stared at her. "just trying to get you the proper help." she said. "yes." i said. a couple of heads turned to me, with truly pleased faces. "how?" she asked. i lowered my voice. "i held a knife up to my chest, and then when i realized what i was doing a tossed it." i said. it happened when my parents got a dicorce, and my mom got coustody of me.
she nodded. "why don't i show you your room?" she said, as i finished. i nodded and stood. as we walked by a guy raised his fist and i bumped it with mine. we went to the room, faith opened the door. a girl looked up and rolled her eyes. "this is your room i'll send you your clothes." she said walking away. "how hard is it to close a damn door?" the girl yelled. she tugged the head phones out of her ears. and flew off her bed to shut the door. she was semi pale with green eyes and brown/blonde hair. i layed on my bed. i felt like i was being watched. i looked over at the girl. "what the fuck are you looking at?" i asked. she smiled. "i'm lucinda, call me luce." she said. "maybelle, call me belle." i said. the door opened, and faith put my things on my bed, and left. "shut the door!" luce yelled. the door shut and she relaxed. i put my clothes away, and pulled out my lap top. every student got issued one, as soon as they where inrolled. "so, meet any friends yet?" she asked. "no. and i'd like to keep it that way." i said. "well, welcome to hell." she said, with a semi smile. "look just don't touch my shit, and we'll get by just fine." i said. "cool, we have the same view." she said, putting her head phones back on. luce was pretty, her hair was braided down her right side. mine was pulled into a slopy bun. she wore black strech pants and a white tank top. i wore a black long sleaved shirt and jeans. i changed into a black shirt and shorts and sat on my bed. a knock sounded and the door opened. "did i tell you to come in?" luce asked, taking out her head phones. "relax luce. there's this party tonight at my place. you in?" a guy said. "yeah." she said. "you come to new girl." he said. "it's maybelle." i said. "cool, see you there, belle, by luce." he said. "by luke." she said. he shut the door and i layed back. "i don't like it when people look at me." i said. she laughed at me. "how do you know?" she asked. "i can feel it." i said. "your creepy." she said. "aren't we all though?" i asked. "right you are." she said. A gong went off. "what's that?" i asked. she sliped her feet into flipflops. "dinner gong, come on." she said. we all got food and separated into groups. "come sit with me." luce said, noding her head to a table under a oak tree. i followed her. scince she was my room mate i thought it would be okay to hang with her. she set her tray on the table and brushed orange and brown leaves off of the bench. i did the same and then sat down. luke joined us with the kid i bumped fists with. "so is
there anything you guys need?" luke asked. "what do you mean?" i asked. "once your here there's no contact with the outside world, wich means, if you want something you come to me. what ever you need, no questions asked." he said. "i'm good." luce said, taking a bite of her grilled cheese. a good thing about the school was the food actualy tasted like food. "i'm fine." i said. "k just tell me belle, i've got your back." he said. the boy never took his eyes off of me scince they sat down. "that's gabe he stares a lot but he's tottaly bitching." luce said. she reached across the table and they bumped fists. we ate in scilence for a mintue cause a gaurd was walking around by our table. "he irratates me." luce said. "everyone irratates you." luke said. he took a rubber band off of his rist and pulled his long braids into a pony tail. "not everyone." luce objected. "ok." luke said, taking a bite of his potato salad. "i don't like to be stared at." i said. gabe looked down pulling his water bottle to him, he rested his chin on the cap. i touched his arm. "i'm sorry." i said. that's new. he offered a shy smile, and then picked up a fry. after dinner, we where given an hour in the bathroom before bed. we got ready and waited in bed. at midnight we snuck out. luce put her finger to her mouth and then started to point out cammras. i followed in her foot steps untill we where at luke's. we walked in. for a small space there sure where a lot of people. luke was in the midle of a anamaited story, throwing and waving his hands in the air, while his audiance, was doubbled over laughing. he quikly waved to us and went back to his story. luce went over to the snack table, and i looked around. my eyes met with a boy standing in the corner. he wore all black. he had rather dirty blonde hair or light brown. he smiled softly and then disapeared. i sat down with the rest of luke's audiance but didn't really pay atention. once the party thined out i went back to my room. luce flopped on her bed and fell asleep. i crawled under the covers and closed my eyes. i woke up and looked at the clock. 3:11. "belle?" luce asked. "yeah?" i said. she continued to look at the roof. "do you ever wonder if you've been adopted cause your so different from your family?" she asked. "yeah," i said, pulling my arms out of the blanket. "me too." she said. "sometimes i used to pretend that my real parents are coming for me." she said. "yeah? how's that working out for you, luce?" i asked. "it's just fantisy, belle." she said. she sat up. "want to sneek down to the kitchen and make some hot coco?" she asked. "sure." i said. we put pillows in our place and went to the kitchen. after we made the hot coco, we went to the lounge where a fire was still lit. i looked out the window where little snow flakes began to fall. " how long have you been here?" i asked. "scince the ninth grade." she said. i took a drink. we drank the coco, and then snuck back to our room. we got ready for the day, and went to the mess hall. we got our food and sat with luke and gabe. we bumped fists with gabe. "so, why wasn't i invited to your little pow wow?" luke asked. "huh?" luce and i asked. "little lucinda and maybelle, best friends." he said. " you could of came and sat with us instead of just watching, you freak." i said. luce and gabe laughed. yes he laughed. a gaurd walked by. i looked back to the mess hall, and watched the camras move. so they where mostion actavated. jack came over and sat down. "hey kids." he said. "hey, jack," luke said. gabe nodded and luce waved. "so, you guys being cool, too maybelle?" he asked. "yeah, man, she's cool." luke said.
he brang out a leather box. luce scooted away from me, and the boys looked down. he opened it, and i saw a black leather band. "for the first week your here, you have to wear this. it tracks your process and sees where you are. if you freak out or get into a fight with someone, it shocks you." jack said. he picked it up, and i held out my wrist. he snaped it in place. "if you try to take it off it will also shock you." he said. he closed the box smiled and left. i stared at the leather band. "don't get to angry or it will go off." luce said. "it you hit something it will go off." luke said. "can they do this?"i asked. "no one said, they couldn't." luce said. i looked up and came eye to eye with the boy, brown hair and light brown eyes, which looked warm. i looked down. "look you might want to stay away. from andy." gabe said. we all looked at him. "just saying." he said. "he's crazy belle, stay away." luke said, putting a couple of braids behind his ear. "thanks." i said. snow had covered everything, making us have to push the snow off the benches and tables frezzing our fingers in the process. the trees where leaveless, and the sky was a odd gray. "Maybelle, Monroe, come to the front office please." a speaker said. i picked up my bag. "i'll bring your food back to the room." luce said. i thanked her and walked to the front office. a woman pointed to a door, and i went in. A woman with red hair maybe 40 sat in a chair. "maybelle, sit please." she said. she turned her back on me and continued to talk on the phone. as i sat down i saw my file.
'mother claims talking to maybelle is like talking to a wall at points.'
below it where severil manetal deseases. one was circled in red pen.
Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by poor emotional responsiveness.[1] It most commonly manifests itself as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood, with a global lifetime prevalence of about 0.3–0.7%.[2] Diagnosis is based on observed behavior and the patient's reported experiences.
the woman spun around in her chairand i flew back onto the leather couch. " hi i'm maggie. i'll be dealing with your case." she said. "am i crazy?" i asked. "of course you aren't." she said. "sometimes i think i am." i said. she grabbed a note book and a pen. "why?" she asked. "cause my mom says i am." i said. "when you hear something non stop it kinda gets burned into your brain." i said. "how does that make you feel?" she asked. "confused." i said. "why?" she asked. "when people say they're confused it means they don't know." i said. she smiled, which only made me mad, and wrote something. "do you think people are out to get you?" she asked. i nodded. "sometimes, and sometimes i think people can read my mind, but then i remind myself that, that stuff doesn't really happen." i said. "good." she said. "is there something wrong with me?" i asked. " your differnt then others." she said. i looked at my hands. different. the word i hated the most. "why are you silent?" she asked. silent. the second word i hated the most. i shrugged my shoulders. "every monday wedsday and sunday, i want you to come see me, thoughs will be your tharapy days." she said. i nodded, picked up my bag and left. the boy with light brown hair stood from a bench and went into the room. i went to my room and ate the rest of my food. i walked around and saw a music room, i looked in and saw gabe. he and an acustic guitar pluged into a amp. i went into the room, quietly. he sat on a chair and played the guitar. "love of mine one day you will die, but i'll be close behind. i'll follow you into the dark," he sang. his voice was like gold, his playing godliy. i was in complete awe. he sang the rest of the song and jumped into another. i quietly left the room, and went to the pool area. it was in door and the roof was made of glass. luce lay on a chaise sun bathing. i walked over and sat in the chair next to her. "hey, belle." she said. "hey luce." i said. my mind went back to how gabe skillfully held and played the guitar. "you know not everyone is crazy that goes here." she said, interrupting my thoughts. "yeah?" i asked. "yep." she said, putting head phones into her ears. i went back to my room layed on my bed put in some ear phones and blasted music. i opened my eyes as the door opened. i sat up and went to the door. the hall was empty. i looked down and saw a blue flolded pice of paper. i picked it up, and read it.
~O~O~O~O~O~O~
you're not crazy. if only you knew the truth, just hang in there for awhile longer, and i'll explain everything.
~O~O~O~O~O~O~
i closed my door, and sat on my bed. i kept reading the note. luce came in with wet hair and a towle. "i'm going to lukes room, he need me for something." she said, with an eye roll. i got irratated with the note. i focused my anger on a wall mirror. it started to shake and then it flew off the wall and across the room. i stood up. "i'm not crazy i'm not crazy!" i said. i ran from my room, not closing the door. i ran down the hall around the courner and into andy's arms. he tightened his arms around me. "it's ok." he said. i didn't even know him, but i felt safer than i've ever been. i hid my face in his leater jaket. he held me at arms length. "what happened?" he asked. "i'm not crazy." i said. "i know you're not, may, what happened?" he said. "why'd you call me may?" i asked. he looked confused. "Only
my brother called me that." i said i backed away from him. "í thought you go by may." he said. "i go by belle. never may." i said. i walked away from him. i went to the lounge. "there you are i was looking for you. you have mail." jack said. "thanks." i said. i looked at the address and ripped it open. i unfolded the letter and a golden charm braclet fell out.
~O~O~O~O~O~O~
MAY!
i heard about them sending you to that school. what kind of parent does that? i miss you, and think about you every single day. what the hell am i supoused to to in forks with out my PIC? we turn 18 in 6 months and i promise i'm coming to get you. i have this website called chat n' meet. you can talk to freinds and meet new freinds, it's going really well. i made you an account so we could talk. your email is Maymonroeisawsome@ yahoo.com. your pass word is, mayandjonahforever. i sure do miss you sis. a lot. get on soon so we can talk. there's also a video chat. damn, i wish i was there to save you, what kinda big twin am i? i know i know, your probably saying that it wasn't my fault and there was nothing you could do. you are saying that right? hahaha! i love you may, can't wait to talk to you. when we turn 18 where going to leave, i promise. i'm kinda rich know. not to brag or anything. untill then ask me for anything you want. i reaserched the school, and it says i can send you what ever i want, as long as it's something that wont interfere with your recovery. Listen to me Maybelle, you are not crazy. mom and darren just don't get you. i wish dad got custody of you too, when they divorced. just remember your not crazy and what ever you do, i'm on your side. even if the thing you chose is wrong i'll be right there with you. i'll fall with you or help you up. you know whatever, you need. i'm sorry i can be there with you. i wish i could. i love you. i miss you. go get on line now! i don't care how late it is when you get this.
-JONAH.
~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~
i held the letter to my chest. "it's not your fault jonah." i said. i put on the bracelet and ran to my room, not caring about the mirror. i got my lap top and logged in.
~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%
may: JONAH!
jonah: MAY! OH MY GOD!
may: I MISS YOU!
jonah: I MISS YOU TOO, YOU WOULDN'T BELEIVE WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING.
may: TELL ME EVERYTHING!
jonah: I'LL VIDEO CHAT YOU.
~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~
I clicked the request and jonah came up. i smiled and waved. he smiled the smile i love most and waved back. "hi." he said. "oh, well look at you mister deep voice." i said. he laughed. "your hair is different." he said. "i cut it and it grew back brown." i said. "you look beuatiful, may." he said. "nice to know someone thinks that." i said. he leaned in. "don't listen to thoughs people may, come on now, your smarter than that." he said. "do you beleive in people being able to move things with their minds?" i asked. "yes." he said. "why?" i asked. "cause i can do it." he said. "good. then i'm not crazy." i said. "no your not, wait, can you so it to?" he asked. i nodded. "don't tell anyone, they'll put you in a loney bin, and never let you out." he said. "so what's going on over there?" i asked. "right. so dad got a new job, it pays big bucks. we live in forks right now cause of a bussines trip, and i'll tell you may i'm going nuts." he said. i laughed. " anyway, we live in hollywood and we should be back two days before christmas vacation. and dad got a new grilfreind." he said. "what? shut up?" i said. "i shit you not." he said. "jonah." a girl said. "i'm talking to my sister." he said. "oh sorry, your dad want's you." she said. "well tell him it will have to wait, whatever he want's me too do is less important than me talking to maybelle." he said. the door closed. "that was her, her name's jace, and i think they're getting serious." he said. "how?" i asked. "they're always together." he said. "belle?" i looked over. "oh hey luke." i said. "i need your help." he said. "what happened?" i asked. "it's luce. she drowned." he said. "what!" i yelled. i picled up my lap top and ran to the pool. "gabe talk to my brother." i said, shoving my lap top at him. i knelt down next to luce. "when did you find her?" i asked. "just now." he said. "she's breathing." i said. i started with CPR. "It's not working." i said. "don't give up may!" jonah said. gabe turned the lap top so i could see him. "remember that summer when gillie fell into the pool? you didn't give up them. save her." he said. i continued. "luke go get help." i said. he ran. "you can do this may, just keep clam." jonah said. she coffed but she didn't open her eyes. "luce can you hear me?" i asked. "lucinda!" i said. two medical tecs. came with a gurny. luke picked me up and held me. they put luce on a gurny and rolled her away. we all stared at the door, after it closed. "i'll let you go." jonah said. the screen went dark. i got out of lukes arms and ran out the door. "belle! you don't know where your going Maybelle!" he yelled. i ran to the front desk. never in my life have i ever been so scared. time to face the truth. i cared for luce and she was here to stay. "where's the infermary?" i asked. "down the hall to the right." the woman said. i went to the front desk. "lucinda karren." i said. "oh yes she's under treatment." the man said. "well, i mean is she going to live?" i asked. "her condition is very bad." he said. i went to the wall and sat down. "don't die. please don't die." i said. "miss?" the man said. i began to rock. "we have a code seven." the man siad into a speaker. six men came out and over to me. "don't touch me!" i yelled. they picked me up and i thrashed in there arms. "i want to see luce!" i yelled. "get the saringe!" someone yelled. "don't stick that in me!" i yelled. "maybelle." someone said. it was jack. "you have to calm down do you think you can do that for me?" he asked. "put me down!" i yelled. "can you calm down?" he asked. "let me go!" i yelled, still thrashing. "shoot her up." jack said. i felt a prick and it was lights out. when i woke up i was strapped to a bed. i started to feak out. A large hand covered mine. "don't freak out, they'll shoot you up again." he said. i looked over. "andy?" i asked. "i'm here." he said. i griped his hand. "where's luce please tell me she made it." i said. "i don't know." he said. i layed back. "how you feeling?"he asked. "like a peach." i said. luke ran in. "she's okay! she's alive, she's just in a comma." he said. "luke." i said. he ran to me and took my hand. "belle, are you okay?" he asked. "why am i here?" i asked. "they shot you up cause you freaked." he said. "why didn't the band work?" i asked. "it did. maybelle you didn't feel it." andy said. "can i get up?" i asked. i don't know." luke said, leaving to get someone. "what are you doing here?" i asked. "do you want me to leave?" he asked. i tightened my grip on his hand. "no." i said. "can you do me a favor?" i asked. "Get your lap top?" he asked putting it on my stomach. "gabe gave it to me." he said. "some guy named jonah is worried sick, about you, after gabe told him." he said. "who's jonah?" he asked. "can you open my lap top and sign in please?' i asked. he did and jonah popped up. "MAY! what happened?" he asked. "nothing i'm okay." i said. my dad came on. "daddy?" i asked. "they can't shock you like that, maybelle. i'm coming to get you." he said. "you can't mom singed a form only she can get me out, or i can get myself out at 18." i said. "where are you?" he asked. "straped to a bed." i said. "Jace? where's the phone?" he asked. he dissapered and jonah came back on. "i'll explain everything tomorrow. adny shut the lap top." i said. "may!" jonah said, before andy shut it. the nurse came over. "are you calm?" she asked. "can i see luce now?" i asked. she unstraped me and i followed luke to her room. she layed on a bed all hooked up. i took her hand. "luce, can you hear me?" i asked. her frightened eyes flew open, and she gripped my hand. "belle, get me out of here please." she begged. a doctor came in. looks like your all right." he said. "you'll have to stay the night though." he said. he unpluged her, and left. i took my shoes off and climbed in with her. she layed her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. "thank you." she said. "always." i said. luke slept in the other bed, and gabe slept on the leather couch that was in there. i thought that it was amazing that three differnt teen's from different backrounds and different problems, that we could all come together for our friend when she was scared and felt alone. even though i didn't want to, i had made friends. lucus gaberel lucinda and maybelle, friends, in this thing together untill we got better. we all sat down under the tree for breakfast. "so you guys ready to go home for winter break?" luke asked. "we go home?" i asked. "yep." luce said. "i need to talk to the councler." i said. i went to her. "so how's your school work going?" she asked. "good, instead of going home can you send me to my dads?" i asked. "that can be aranged." she said. "i'll just type in a few things, and; there, your set. we'll drive you to the air port and you'll get on the first flight to hollywood." she said. i packed my clolthes, and got into a black limo. luce gabe and luke got in. "what are you guys doing?' i asked. "we all live in hollywood." luke said. "no way, we have to hang out." i said. "yeah, we'll show you all the cool places to be." luce said. once we arived at the airport we extranged numbers and hugged. we got in different cars, and drove to our houses. my dad's house was gray with the same black iron gates. we buzzed in. "name?" the gate keeper asked. "maybelle." i said. the gates opened and we drove in the driver dropped me off and then left. "look, all i'm saying is the first chance i get i'm taking my daughter." my dad said. "yeah, she doesn't deserve mom she's better than that." jonah said. "so why are we waiting?" a girl asked. "her mother, singed a paper and won't take maybelle out. she said, maybelle is crazy and she belongs there." my dad said. "how can you say that about your baby?" the girl asked. "she awlays says it." i said. coming into the kitchen and setting my bag on the counter. the kitchen was a five star kitchen. "may!" jonah yelled. he jumped off of the island stool and ran too me. he picked me up and spun me around. "AIR!" i said. he put me down, but still held me. once he let go my dad hugged me. "hi, daddy." i said. "hi bells." he said. "how'd you get here?" jonah asked. "they let us go home for the holidays." i said. "how long are you staying?" dad asked. "two weeks, and then i have to go back. "jade." he said. i hugged jonah again. "take maybelle's things to her room." he said. "i'm so happy to be here you have no idea." i said. "i'm maybelle." i said. "i'm jacelynn." she said, shaking my hand. "do you have a bathing suit?" jonah asked. "yeah." i told him. hand and pulled me to french doors. "you have to check this out." he said. he showed me the pool. "whoa." i said. "i really miss you may." he said. i pulled him into a hug. "i miss you joanah." i told him, holding back tears. "how about burgars for lunch!" dad called. "deffenitly." i said. me and jonah changed and went swimming while dad bbqed and jace made potato salad and baked potatos. "come and get it!" dad called. we sat outside and ate our food. "bells does your mom know your here?" dad asked. "no." i said. he gave me the phone. "i hate to be the bad guy, but call her." he said. "after dinner." i siad. "deal." he said. "i love you bells. i'm going to do whatever i can to get you out of that school." he said. "i love you too." i said. "why are you there?" jace asked. we all looked at her. "oh no, i didn't mean that to be rude, it's just you don't seem crazy." she said. "cause she's not." jonah said. we ate the rest of the food talking about plans. i told them i had to be plan free on friday through sunday, so i could hand with luke gabe and luce. i went to my room. i pushed open the door. this was not a guest bedroom. this was a bedroom desined with things i liked. did they think i would ever come here? i took a shower and sat on the bench below the baywindow and called her. "hello?" she asked. "hi mom." i said. "sweety! hey, when are you coming home for vacation?" she said. "i am home." i said. "what?" she asked, with a laugh. "mom, i'm not coming home." i said. "why not?" she asked. "look don't get mad at me. your the one that wanted to get rid of me in the first place." i said. "no," she began. "don't say that it's just another lie. i'm where i want to be can't you just be happy for me?" i asked. "where are you?" she demanded. "i'm not that stupid." i told her. "You are so crazy!" she said. "you say that a lot." i siad. "honey," she said. "bye mom." i said. i hung up the phone. "goodnight sweety." dad said. i got off of the bench and hugged him. "i want to come home daddy." i said. i held my tears back, perfectly. "i'll do everything i can." he said. he kissed my forehead and went to his study. i opened my window and crawled out on to the roof. "here." jonah said. he layed out a blanket and we layed down looking at the stars, like we did as kids when our parents fought. "you know your not crazy." he said. "why do you keep sayin that?" i asked. "cause maybe if i say it enough you'll beleive it." he said. "i love you jonah." i said. "i love you maybelle. a lot." he said. "i don't know what i'd do with out you." he said. "i won't kill myself." i said. "i'm happy here." i said. "i'm glad." he said. i took his hand. "me too." i said. untill four in the morning we stayed on the roof chatching up on the 5 years, that we had missed about eachothers life. jonah ended up with a big dislike for mom, and i decided that jace was ok, and way better than darren. at least jace wouldn't tell dad to put jonah in my school. not that dad would listen to her. we climbed through the window and went to sleep. i was shaken awake. "hon, your mom is on the phone." dad said. "hello?" i asked. "i'm coming to get you." she said. "i'm happy can't you just leave me be?" i asked. "you will come back with me." she said. "or what? don't threaten me i'm so sick of you." i said. dad took the phone from me. "listen here." he said, leaving my room. i went to the kitchen. jace was dressed in a white dress, and a yellow flower apron. "hey honey! want some waffles?" she asked. "i love waffles." i said. "good. what kind? apple, bannana, blueberry, rasberry, strawberry." she said. "i'll take strawberry, thanks." i said. "sure, no problem." she said. i sat down and jonah came into the kitchen he sat down and put his head on the table. "the usual, jo?" she asked. "yes, please." he said. she set out food down. "drinks?" she asked, going to the frige. "peachtea." jonah said. "me too." i said. she set down our cups. "thanks." we said, at the same time making us all laugh. she made some for her and dad, and we sat down as a family, and ate. this might not be the perfect family, far from it even, but at least everyone here is trying. " so, i thought that i could take maybelle shopping today. you can take jonah to the music store. "
jace said. my dad nodded. "would you like that maybelle?" she asked. "sure." i said. we got ready and hit mellrose way. a girl bumped shoulders with me. we turned. "luce!" i said. "belle!" she yelled, throughing her arms around me. "belle." luke said. "hey." i said. hugging him. i bumped fists with gabe. "this is jace, my dad's girlfriend." i said. they shook her hand. even gabe, switched from his move to a shake. "luce, is my room mate back at the school. luke and gabe, are our best friends, we all look out for eachother." i said. "oh, well, i have to get to the office soon, so do you want to go shopping with them?" she asked. "are you sure?" i asked. "yeah. we can go shopping another time." she said she handed me a card, and then kissed my cheek. she walked off to the car. "who's hungry?" i asked. they all agreed. we went out to lunch and then went back to melrose. we went to everyshop, sometimes doing a fasion show. even the boys droped their hard rep, and joined in. let's just say that i had a blast, and we where closer than ever. we where sitting on a bench outside of a store. "i wish we could just stay here forever." i said. "guys?" luke asked. "what is it?" luce asked. "my dad found out about the bands, and he's taking me out of the school. he told them he has the money to take care of me privatly." he said. "wait what?" i asked. "me too." gabe said. "we can't just be torn apart." i said. "my mom's doing the same." she said. "so i'll be alone." i said. "not really. you said your mom put you in there right?" gabe said. i nodded. "my dad put me in there, and my mom said, she has the money to deal with me and they're relseing me to her. even though she doesn't have custody of me. it takes a week, so you better tell your dad to hurry." gabe said. "and me and luce will stay an extra week, so we can all be together." luke said. " yeah, and then we can all go to school, together, jonah too," luce said. "you guys think you can give me a ride home?" i asked. "sure." gabe said. we all got into gabe's car and we drove to my house. gabe pushed the botton on the box. "jeff." i said. "mistress Maybell, welcome home." he said. the gates opened and we drove in. "dad! i think you'll want to hear this." i said. luce sank down on the red leather couch. "I am so getting one of these in my room." she said. luke sat with her. "dad, this is gabe, he can help. luce luke that's the kitchen make yourselfs at home." i said. they looked at each other and jumped off the couch runing to the kitchen, the swinging door flying behind them. we went into my dads office. gabe told him everything he knew. my dad called the school, and put it on speaker phone. "main streem high school, how may i help you?" a woman asked. "yes. i'm looking to refer to my daughters case." he said. "name?" the woman asked. "Maybelle Monroe." he said. "ah yes she was put in here by her mother." the woman said. "yes i know, i have the means to get her help privatly." he said. " are you trying to get coutody of her? i need her case number." the woman said. "it should be in her files i sent the pappers to court yesterday." he said. he was trying to get coustody of me? "oh here it is. alright, well we'll have to wait a week for the custody pappers to go though, and then i'll give her to you." the woman said. "thank you." he said, haning up. "i didn't know about that part." gabe said. "it's ok, i have enough dirt on gale to put her away." my dad said. "you did good." he said, to gabe. they bumbed fists. "would you guys like to stay for dinner?" he asked. "sure. but luke and luce might of already cleaned out your fridge." gabe said. we laughed and went to the kitchen. "yo, your brother is the shit!" luke said. "yeah, belle, why'd you never tell us about him?" she asked. "i did, you weren't listening." i said. all three of them had a bowl of ice cream. "you guys want to stay for dinner?" i asked. "yeah sure. what are we having?" luke asked. we all looked at my dad. " home made fryed chicken, and potato salad." he said. "and something remotly healthy." jace said, kissing my dad. "guys i want to show you something." jonah said. we flollowed him to the bacement. "whoa." luce said. luke picked up a bass guitar. gabe picked up a guitar and amired it with a smile. luce got some drum sticks and sat at the drums. i ran my hand over the gray mic. gabe began to play a song. luke quickly picked up the song and added his bass as luce beat the drums. jonah picked up his guitar and joined in. they all had smiles on there faces. "come on belle!" gabe yelled. i got infront of the mic. "roberts got a quick hand. he'll look around the room, but he wont tell you his plans. he's got a rolled cigarette, hanging out of his mouth, he's a cowboy kid, yeah he found a six shooter gun. in his dad's closet hidden in a box of fun things i don't even know what, but he's coming for you yeah he's coming for you." i sang. "all the other kids with the pummed up kicks you better run better run out run my gun. all the other kids with the pummed up kicks you better run better run faster than my bullet. all the other kids with the pummed up kicks you better run better run out run my gun. all the other kids with the pummed up kicks you better run better run faster than my bullet." we all sang. we stopped playing and looked at eachother. "yo that is sick." luke said, hitting gabe's fist. "we should start a band," jonah said. "yeah, i'm in all the way." luce said. "me too," luke said. "i'm there." gabe said. they all looked at me. "i'm in." i said, although it sounded like a question. "yes!" luke said. "we need a name." luce said. "the survivors." me and jonah said. we all put our hands together. "the survivors!" we yelled. "whoo!" luke said. we all laughed. we might have problems everyone of us. but like i said, doing the things we love, help us stay alive, grounded even. "food!" dad yelled. we all sat out side. "this is awsome, Mr. m." luke said. "it really is." gabe said. i liked how gabe was talking more. "so i heard you guys playing." jace said. "what did you think?" we all asked. she laughed. "your good, way good." she said. "we started a band." jonah said. "really?" dad asked. "yeah, the survivors." luce said. " i like the name." he said. "jonah and belle, thought of it." gabe said. "well, then to the survivors!" dad said. we all cheered and drank our soda. "so i was thinking, that once we have at least five songs, we can go play at the park." i said. "good idea, i know how to get the word out." jonah said. "i can ask my dad if i can spend the night." luce said. "me too." luke said. "i'll asked my mom." gabe said. they all texted their parents. "it's a go." luke said. "i'm in." luce said. "it's fine." gabe said. "okay so right after dinner we can go to the bacement and work on it. you guys worry about the music and i'll worry about the lyrics." i said. they all agreed. we went to the bacement. everything was going smoothly. they had music playing and i had absoultley no lyrics. god. "dig deep." gabe said. i nodded. dig deep? dig where? i began to think. There's this thing inside of me that i can't name. irrataion is just another word that goes along with confusion. i can't tell you what it is, perhaps it's a little too dark for words. you say you understand, but it's just another unknown lie, that you placed inside of my mind. i can't explain what happens in my mind, it's just one major mees that i can't sourt through. Acusion come to mind, only when i think of you. lies and torrment, run through my mind, only stopping to remind me of the things, i can't get out of my mind. voices tell me that i'm not good enough and i should just give up already, but i know i'm better than that and i continue to go forward. No one knows the things i carry around with me, it's just a little painfull to say. so many people for just one mind and they all want to make themselfes known. i think i'm not worthy and hide myself away, i can't get close to people, cause i don't want to drag them down with me. My life is a downward spiral with no meaning to stop anytime soon. with all these things runing through my mind i think i might just yell! i'll never let people see inside, i'm afriad that they'll run away and hide. if i could run away from myself i would. i lay awake at night with all my thoughts. doing the things i love help keep me alive. i'm a troubled girl, that won't face the truth. there's something wrong with me. all my life, being different has gotten me beaten black and blue. i shut out knew faces, afraid of the things that they can do.
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after i came up with five songs we practiced them non stop untill 4 in the morning when we started to drop like flys. after playing at the park we started to put everthing away. "hi." gabe said. "hi." i said. "oh just kiss her already!" luce said, putting an amp in the car. gabe became red and i looked at the floor. we all went out for pizza. "that was awesome i've never felt so alive." luke said. i looked down when something touched my hand. gabes hand was raped around mine. i looked up at him but he keep eating like nothing was wrong. and nothing was wrong. it's just that in the begining he barely even said, hi, and now he's grabbing my hand? i studied him. his black hair and blue eyes, where stunning. "eath to belle." luce said. "what?' i asked, looking to her, embarrased. " do you think this could be a regular thing?" she asked. "if we practice." i said. "but for now lets just work on getting out of the crazy school shall we?" gabe asked. at the same time everyone at the table drank their soda. we got a letter in the mail saying that we needed to go to the court house right away. so we did. only to find a verry peeved mom. "how dare you take my daughter! i'm taking her home and i'm filling for joanah to come and live with me." she said. "why so you can put me in the crazy school too?" he asked. "so we both can get ignored?' ia sked. a woman wrote something down. we where put into an immeadat custody battle. in the end dad one. i was taken from the crazy school, put in reagluar school with everyone else. i was in the kitchen when gabe came up to me. i smiled. "i want to try something." he siad. his voice was low, and warm. he leaned in and kissed me.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.05.2012

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