Prologue

My earliest memory is from when I was three years old. It was the day after my birthday, September 23, 3207. I only had two years left with my parents before I would be sent to the Azuli Academy. At the time, I didn’t know much about the mysterious academy, except that my brother was being sent there that day.
Like me, Jack is an Azulate. As a small child, being an Azulate meant absolutely nothing to me. All that meant at the time was he had a birthmark on his left cheek that resembled an “A,” he had blue eyes and he got to go to a fancy academy in the south.
We lived in a dictatorship, which was all anyone still alive had ever known. In 2012, a disease struck, annihilating three quarters of the world’s population. All the survivors from every country congregated together on what was formerly known as the North American continent. One man named Blaze Viperson took over, creating a reign of terror that still lasts today. Laws were written, standards were set, and the New World became the new way of life.
About 150 years after the New World was brought into existence, the law enforcement detected more and more people were trying to start revolts. Preaching about the past that no one was old enough to remember, they started convincing the crowds that there was a better way to live.
Afraid of losing his place of power, Blaze Viperson’s great-grandson started imprisoning the rebels. After a couple days, he was able to differentiate them from regular people because of two things that they all had in common- a birthmark resembling an “A” on the left side of their face, and blue eyes.
Since they were already monitoring the amount of children born in each family (a maximum of two), the law enforcement officers were ordered by Blaze IV to monitor how many babies were born with these physical traits. The Vipero started reporting that about one out of every fifteen babies fit that description.
Given the name “Azuli” because of their blue eyes, they were all shipped to a prison facility in the south. They were stuck there until Blaze IV could figure out what to do with them.
After years of research, scientists discovered that the Azuli carried Memories, glimpses from the past, pieces of history that had been forgotten. After more research, they discovered a way to rid the Azuli of their precious Memories. By drawing what they saw, these gifted people would lose the Memories forever.
Starting at age five, while other children were sent to school, the Azuli children were sent to the prison facility, which had been renamed the Azuli Academy.
On the day that my brother left, I didn’t know any of that. I didn’t know of the experiments and the forms of torture, both physical and mental, that went on behind the walls of the Academy. I was told that it was a great honor to be an Azulate, and that my parents would receive a place of honor at the High Table, where the dictator and his officers dined, just for giving birth to two Azuli, when some didn’t even have one Azulate child. I was told that I had special privileges, like drawing. None of my neighborhood friends were allowed to draw, but for me, it was encouraged by the Vipero that visited each day.
Two years after watching my brother leave, it was my turn to go to the Azuli Academy. I knew that I would miss my parents, and that they would miss having children around. Even though both of their children were no longer living with them, they were forbidden to have any more. I didn’t think they would miss me personally, though, as sending children away was something that people had learned to accept as a part of life. Standing at the train station, I hugged my parents for a long time. As I boarded the train, my five-year-old heart was filled with sorrow, but also excitement. I shed only one tear that day, and then moved on to the rest of my life.
I arrived at the academy two days after leaving my parents. Immediately, I was given a light blue jumpsuit. On the left side of my chest was my name, a bunch of numbers, and two dates. After closer inspection, I realized that one of the dates was my birthday, and one was the day that I was admitted to the academy.
After donning the jumpsuit and dumping my personal belongings on a table in a small room, I was taken to a room with many chairs and tables, which I later realized was the cafeteria. There was only one other person in the room, and he looked to be a couple years older than me. When he turned around, I recognized him as my brother.
He had changed a little bit, but not enough to make him unrecognizable. He was so skinny that his dark blue jumpsuit hung on his shoulders as if he were a coat rack instead of a person. His long legs peeked out from the bottom of the jumpsuit, and his white shoes were spotless. His brown hair was sticking out in some places, but plastered to his head in others. He had a small bruise under his left eye, right on top of his birthmark. His blue eyes held fear, resentment, and hopelessness, among other things. His hands were shaking until I reached out and grabbed them, keeping them steady.
It was in that room that I was introduced to my new life at the Azuli Academy. I was told what was expected of us, the way the day generally went, what to do, and what not to do. I must have looked scared, because Jack kept reassuring me that as long as I followed the rules and stayed out of the way, I’d be fine. I was given my schedule, which was pretty simple, my cell number, and my identification number. Then, Jack drilled me on how to introduce myself if any of the Vipero addressed me.
“Penny Azul. Last Name: Miller. Date of birth: September 22, 3204. Date of admittance: September 24, 3209. Identification number: 1274882. Cell: 1A-5.”
After telling me about life in the academy, Jack wanted to hear about home. I told him about Mom and Dad, and about the beautiful Azuli children that had been born in the neighborhood. I told him everything I could think of, and then it was time for him to go, and for me to get settled in my cell. One of the guards took him into a dark room, and another took me to my cell.
Except for two beds, an end table in between, and a lamp, the room was empty. There was nothing on the walls, and not a single window. On one of the beds, there was a stack of sheets, folded nicely, with a pillow next to it. On the other bed, there was an elderly woman who looked like she was about 65. My roommate.
She sat up when we walked in, but didn’t say anything until the guard left. It wasn’t until he shut the door, which had a large section that was barred, that she moved towards me. When he was gone, she got up. I must have looked terrified, because she enveloped me in a bear hug.
“You poor child!” she exclaimed. “You look so scared. Don’t worry about a thing. They will hold off on any and all punishments until you’ve gotten used to things a little bit. And I’ll help you out as much as I can. My name’s Macy.”
She looked like a woman who’d seen a lot of terrifying things in her life. She had silver hair, cut short, “for convenience,” she told me. Her wrinkled and bony fingers seemed to be paler than the rest of her body, something that I could never figure out. Her blue eyes sparkled, but not in a good way. They sparkled the way water does, as if they’d been holding tears back for so long, the tears just got stuck, leaving a permanent gleam. Behind the sparkle, though, I saw the same emotions I’d seen in Jack’s eyes. Her eyebrows were thin and, for some reason, dark. She had bags under her eyes that, at the time, I thought were temporary. I soon learned, however, that the bags were there to stay. Her lips were thin and pale, but did not look cracked or unhealthy. I later found out that she was only fifty-five, but being at the Academy for so many years had aged her much more than time had. Her small ears popped out from her face a little bit, revealing a mole on the right lobe. Her nose was small and pointy, with a couple freckles across the bridge. She was short, but also pudgy. Where the jumpsuit had hung straight down from Jack’s shoulders, there were bumps and lines all down Macy’s. The bottoms of the legs and the ends of the sleeves had to be rolled up to fit better.
Macy soon became my best friend, and pretty much the only person I talked to besides Jack. For the first two weeks, she showed me around and made sure I got to where I was supposed to be. She protected me from the things that happened to Azuli, the things that would someday happen to me.
The first two weeks were the easiest. Every day, I was taken to a DarkRoom and told to draw. I was in there for as long as I wanted, just drawing by the lamplight. When I was done, I was to turn the lamp off, which would make the florescent lights overhead buzz, and flicker on. I would find the red dot on the wall, which moved to a new spot each day. After sticking my drawing to it, I would walk back out the door and into my cell, happier than I’d ever been with the easy way of life.
But then the first two weeks ended. I started getting punished after my drawing sessions in the DarkRooms. Instead of drawing the Memories, I drew things I remembered from personal experience. Simple butterflies and flowers, not elaborate scenes from history. At the young age of five, I hadn't yet discovered that I even had the Memories, so I couldn't access them. The Vipero constantly nagged me about drawing with my eyes closed. Since I wouldn't have been able to see if I drew with my eyes closed, I kept them open. I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t let me do it my own way. Until I closed my eyes, though, long sticks would come out of the walls, the ends blazing with electricity. If they touched me, I would be shocked, and the marks never went away.
It only took a few days for me to learn to obey them. By closing my eyes, I opened up a whole new world that had been hidden from me, and from everyone outside of the Academy. It was a new world of pain, history, and reality.
On the second day that I drew a Memory, I was taken into another DarkRoom, but the lights were turned on. Someone had brought another chair in, and a man was sitting in it.
He was short, with a big bald spot in the back of his head, while the front seemed like a jungle of hair. His glasses sat on top of his nose, and he looked over them at me. Every few minutes, he would pat the pockets of his lab coat, but he only pulled anything out twice. His fingernails were bitten to the nub, and he kept looking around, as if nervous about something.
In that room, I learned the history of the New World, and of the Azuli, who he called “your people.” That night, I cried myself to sleep. I cried for my crushed dreams, and for my people.

Chapter 1

Penny Azul
Last Name: Miller
Date of Birth: September 22, 3204
Date of Admittance: September 24, 3209
Identification Number: 1274882
Cell: 1A-5

I stepped through the familiar door once again, just like I had been doing for ten years. The only furniture in the room was a desk, a chair, and a lamp, just like always. On the desk were a pencil and a piece of paper, clean and untouched. I sat down in the chair and picked up the pencil, not knowing that day, everything would be changed before I even ate lunch.
I took a deep breath, shut my eyes, and tried to decide which Memory to draw. They all flashed through my mind, but none of them were the one I wanted. I was looking for something special, something that I was finally ready to release.
I must have taken too long to find it, because the long sticks, similar to cattle prods, came through the wall and shocked me, leaving yet another scar on each arm. I closed my eyes once again, put the pencil to the paper, and began.
First, there’s the tree, with special detail going into each branch and each ornament. I moved to the fireplace, the flames that seemed to be writhing in pain, and the stockings hung on the mantle. Children were on the floor, unwrapping presents. Wrapping paper, bows, and ribbons littered the floor.
The smiles on each face, coming from the joy of both giving and receiving gifts. The dark hair of one child, the light hair of the other. A door is opened now, with a dark figure standing there. Short, tight, dark curls make up his hair; big lips and a wide nose decorate his face. His skin is dark, unlike anyone the people in the New World have ever seen.
Grandparents in the corner, with very light hair. Thin, wire-rim glasses with thick lenses masked their eyes while their hands were clasped in between their bodies.
The parents sit on the floor by the couch, watching as their little darlings enjoy another Christmas and their friends come by to visit. A tabby cat sprawled in its spot by the fireplace, oblivious to all that went on around him.

My hand came to a sudden stop, and that’s how I knew I was done. The black and white picture sat on the table top, waiting to be colored. I blinked, and another one of my abilities kicked in. As Azuli, we were given the ability to color a picture with the blink of an eye, so that a simple, black and white picture was suddenly vibrant and vivid, something that seemed to move and sway with color.
I looked at the clock before standing. Fifteen seconds had passed since I’d first started drawing, which disappointed me. I knew from experience that I could draw a Memory in under nine seconds on a lousy day. I knew that when it took as long as fifteen seconds, something bad was going to happen that day. It was a sign that we’d all learned to recognize over the years.
We Azuli have special abilities outside of the Memories. Some of us even see glimpses into the future, although they say it’s only a day or two ahead of the present. Also, even when we aren’t drawing the Memories, we are extremely fast at art. I could draw a beautiful, lifelike rose in twenty seconds, whereas it might take someone else twenty minutes to draw the same thing.
We Azuli also have wisdom and knowledge that other people don’t have, because of the Memories. Although by sketching the memories, we are unable to go back and view them again, they don’t completely disappear. There’s always something left behind. A once-famous quote, an emotion or feeling, or a piece of information only accessible by the holder of that Memory.
But anyway, back to my story. The speed is what I was talking about. When we’re drawing normal things, we are incredibly fast. But when we’re drawing the Memories, we get much, much faster. A slow day was a way of our bodies telling us to be careful, because something exciting was bound to happen.
When I got back to the cell, I plopped on my bed, wondering if I should fake some kind of illness. I quickly discarded that idea, though. I knew that a trip to Floor Six, where the guards and doctors were, would be unpleasant, especially if they found out the illness was faked.
It didn’t take long for Macy to walk in, exhausted from the drawing. One thing that results from our daily duties is exhaustion. Just viewing a Memory for a moment was draining, and holding it for several seconds while we draw it is even more tiring.
“How was your morning?” I asked cheerfully as she collapsed into her bed. I was really wondering if she’d been slow too, so I’d know if things would definitely happen, or if it was just an off day for me.
“Well, I was tired before I even got to the DarkRoom because I was assigned to D-11 today.” I winced, knowing how hard it must have been for her to walk all that way. D-11 was the DarkRoom farthest from our cell, and for people as old as Macy, I knew it was tough. Especially after the energy drainage that came with the drawings.
“After finding out where to go, it got worse.” I sat up straight, looking into her blue, experienced eyes, knowing exactly what was coming next.
“How long?” I asked, not taking my eyes off her.
“Twenty,” was all she said, all she had to say. I collapsed again, not wanting to move for the rest of the day. My idea of staying in the cell all day, undisturbed by anyone, was quickly squashed like a bug when I heard my brother’s voice in the hallway.
“Seventeen seconds,” I heard, and then his body appeared in my doorway. “Can you believe that? My worst time has been fourteen. How could you take seventeen seconds to draw a Memory?”
I sat up as he walked in and sat on my bed in the spot where my feet had been seconds before. Since I’d arrived at the Academy, he’d grown several feet, and he filled out his jumpsuit better. His dark hair was now a little lighter, and I’d noticed a twitch in his nose. It was only noticeable when he was upset, just like he was then. His legs didn’t come out of the bottom of the jumpsuit anymore, and instead of being the stringy kid people avoided, he was now pretty popular amongst the Azuli on our floor. A couple seconds after he had come through the doorway, Carl appeared, mumbling under his breath.
Carl had entered our small circle of friends when I was nine. He had transferred from Floor Five, and was put in the cell with my brother because of their age. He had red hair, and a few freckles running across his nose. His eyelashes were long, but they were so light that you had to look closely to see them. He had sort of a goofy look to him, like someone who could have once been a clown. He was about as tall as Jack, but his jumpsuit was a little tighter around the shoulders and chest than Jack’s was. His nose was a little crooked, and his ears were huge. His eyes were big, and his lips were normal-sized. He had a dimple on his right cheek that showed up even when he wasn’t smiling. He’d became like another brother to me, and we were almost always bickering.
“Hey, Carl,” I said. “It’s been a couple days since I’ve seen you. What have you been up to?” Even after knowing me for six years, Carl had never caught on when I’d try to steer the conversation away from something awkward or scary, like how long it had taken us all to draw the Memories.
“’What’s been going on?’ That’s what you wanted to know? Penny, if you haven’t noticed already, we have a crisis on our hands. Something very, very bad is going to happen today. Bad with a capital B. As in B-A-D!” he practically yelled. Even for Carl, I thought he was being a little too dramatic. And he could be very dramatic.
Once, he sat in a DarkRoom for hours, not drawing anything, just sitting. A line had formed, as other Azuli were scheduled in that DarkRoom as well. He wouldn’t draw a Memory, though, until they brought him a new pencil.
“It was too dull,” he told me later. “You can’t properly draw a Memory without a properly sharpened pencil. I don’t see why they took so long to bring one to me. If it had been Michelangelo, they would have given him a new pencil right away.” I thought about reminding him that he wasn’t Michelangelo, but decided against it, knowing that it would only have brought on another rant.
Another time, in the cafeteria, he’d simply stayed in line, not moving, until the cooks prepared something more appetizing for him to eat. The food that day had been especially gross. They claimed that it was shepherd’s pie, but the texture, the color, and the way that it fell from the serving spoon to the tray suggested otherwise. To me, it looked like a new recipe, too empty of nutrients, or any unharmful substances to feed to normal people.
He stood by the counters, not saying anything, only having a stare-down with the cooks, until the Vipero announced that lunch time was over.
A high-pitched, rather unmanly squeal brings my attention back to the cell. Macy, old and frail as she is, has Carl pinned up against the wall. “Carl, that’s no way to speak to a young lady, and you know that! Have a little respect and manners once in a while. We may be locked up in this God-awful place, but that is not an excuse for disrespect. If you aren’t going to follow that rule, then you aren’t welcome here anymore,” she told him, and then turned around, found her book, and sat on her bed to read.
Carl blushed and muttered an apology, and then sat on the ground and traced an invisible pattern with his finger on the floor. He didn’t stay down there long, though, because two Vipero paid a visit to my room.
They both wore their black uniforms, which I believed were personally tailored, instead of having sizes small, medium, and large, like the jumpsuits. One of them had a clipboard. He was taller than the other man and looked more composed. His hair was combed neatly to the side, and he had no stubble on his chin or cheeks. He had a small mustache on his upper lip that didn’t quite match his hair in color. His knuckles on his left had seemed swollen, and I could see small cuts on them, leading me to believe that he’s been in a fight in the recent past. His nose was large and pointy, and his lips were big, almost as if they belonged to a woman instead of a man.
The man without the clipboard was shorter, with a bit of fat that was visible through his custom uniform. His hair was messy and he had quite a bit of stubble. He had a small bruise on his right cheek that looked to be several days old. His shirt was un-tucked on one side, and his pants seemed to be riding a little low. He had a pug nose and green eyes, shadowed by his enormous eyebrows.
“Penny Azul?” one said, glancing around the room. I sighed when he used the last name given to all Azuli, instead of my real last name, but I stood up anyway.
“Right here,” I said. “Penny Azul. Last name: Miller. Date of birth: September 22, 3204. Date of admittance: September 24, 3209. Identification number: 1274882. Cell 1A-5.”
“Thank you. Please stand over there with Vipero 17820.” The Vipero, just like us, had identification numbers. The difference was that we Azuli only used our numbers when introducing ourselves to the Vipero or a doctor, while the Vipero never used each other’s names, at least not in front of us. It often made me roll my eyes, but this time, I was a little too scared to bother with that.
“And,” he started again, “we also need two others. The neighbors said that they’d be here.” He looked at Carl and Jack. “Are you Carl Azul and Jack Azul?” They stood up and recited their information in monotonous voices, and we were led out of the cell and through the halls.
As soon as we stepped out, we took a right, then a left. There, standing in front of us in between rooms B2 and B3, was a woman pushing a wheelchair. In the wheelchair was a small boy, who I knew was five years old. It had been a while since I’d seen one of the Specials, or the kids who were mentally or physically handicapped.
In an effort to create a society where there were no differences, no opportunities to make fun of someone, or anything that makes things difficult in any way, the dictator had ordered the Vipero to monitor the babies born with any major problems, either physically or mentally. The children were then brought to the Azuli Academy to be given “special care,” as the propaganda put it. I didn’t know how many people outside the Academy knew what was really going on, but I guessed that since no one hesitated as they gave up their children, most people were in the dark.
I remember a time, before I came to the Azuli Academy, that a Special had been taken from my neighborhood. I was four, and had watched my brother be taken a year earlier. This, though, was different.
With Jack’s departure, there had been tears and group hugs. The parents of this boy, though, seemed happy to see the Vipero take their son away to a place where they would never get to visit him.
They waved twice, and then turned their backs on their terrified son and went into the house. I didn’t really understand why they took him. I played with him, and hadn’t noticed anything wrong with the boy. He was a little slow to understand certain things, and he talked a little funny, but I didn’t consider that a reason to tear him from his family.
I wanted to run to him, try to convince the Vipero that it was all a mistake. My mother stopped me, though. She explained that they were going to fix him.
“They will take him to the Academy, and make him better. They’re going to try to find a cure for him, so he’ll be smart.” She smiled hopefully. “If it works, they’ll bring him back.”
“What happens if they don’t fix him?” I asked. I was scared for my friend. I became even more scared when my mother didn’t answer my question.
When I’d come to the Academy, I asked around, but no one knew the boy. When I mentioned that he was a Special, they just shook their heads and told me to forget about him. “He’s long gone,” they said.
The Specials were kept for six months up on the sixth floor. The doctors and scientists used them for numerous experiments, trying to find a way to cure the various disorders. I’d been at the Academy ten years, and still hadn’t heard of a successful case. After six months of weekly appointments, the Specials were exterminated. Most of the time, by that point, their limbs were so twisted and misshapen, it must have been a relief to die.
Less than a year after I came to the Academy, I found out how the doctors “fix” the Specials.
I was on Level 6, getting my sore throat looked at, when I heard screaming down the hall. It sounded like a human in immense pain, too great to describe. I asked the doctor about it, and he shrugged.
“I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. It’s not a person that they’re working with. It’s something that doesn’t deserve mercy or peace.” I instantly thought of the Jews in WWII, who hadn’t been considered human either.
“Why?” I asked. He just frowned and told me again not to worry about it. Another scream traveled through the open door. “Whatever it is, it sure sounds human,” I mumbled.
The doctor grabbed my arm in a vise grip. “What’s going on in there is none of your business. You’ll find out soon enough, so stop asking questions before you’re ready to know the answer. For now, mind your own business and forget about what you heard today.”
I couldn’t, thought. Screams of torture is a sound that you can never forget. I had nightmares every night for months about the Specials. They screamed and writhed in pain because of what was done to them. And then, they did the same thing to me.
But eventually the nightmares stopped, only coming back when I saw a Special, just like the one that I saw that day.
Of course, while Carl, Jack, and I gaped at the boy, the guards didn’t even blink an eye at the sight. We kept walking until we were standing in front of room C5, one of the rooms set aside for punishments.
Instead of being DarkRooms, B5, C5, and D5 were all for punishment, and were split up into seven smaller rooms each. This meant that twenty-one Azuli could be punished at once on each floor. Most of the time, they were empty of anyone but the cleaning staff.
Apparently, we were about to change that, and we didn’t even know what we’d done wrong. I was the first to be dropped off in Section A. There was a small table with two chairs, and everything else was bare. I was surprised to see that in one of the chairs, there was an old man shuffling through some papers. He looked strangely familiar, and after a few minutes, I realized that he was the same man that I’d met on the day I’d been informed of my history ten years before.
Before, you might have doubted that having a slow day meant having a bad day. If, even after the visit from the Vipero, you still doubt it, then what you’ll read next will kick any doubt out of your head and into some place that’s far, far away.
“Please sit down, Miss Azul,” he said, not even looking up from his papers.
“Actually, Mr. Man, my last name’s Miller,” I said before taking a seat. He made a few notes before he said anything to me.
“That almost sounded like disrespect, Miss… uh, Miller.” I rolled my eyes at him and he made another note. “As does that.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I just thought that since you referred to me as the general group to which I belong, you wanted me to do the same to you. Maybe I wasn’t specific enough? How’s ‘Mr. Scumbag?’” I almost laughed when he actually gasped, because I didn’t think he’d really be that offended. I knew that my comebacks were horrible, but apparently they worked.
“Now that we’ve covered the names,” I said, “I have a question for you, Mr. Scumbag.” I pause for a moment. “Or is it doctor? Dr. Scumbag. Hmm… No, I think mister will do just fine. Mr. Scumbag, what am I here for?” Once again, I knew that the insults I was shooting out were horrible and childish, but I couldn’t help myself.
In hindsight, I probably should have at least tried a little harder to help myself. I should have kept quiet and been respectful. However, his reactions were giving me too much satisfaction.
“You are here because you have been selected for a cell transfer.” I stared at him, not believing for a second. I knew that to be considered for a cell transfer, there had to be problems between an Azulate and their roommate or neighbors. “Miss Miller, you have been chosen for something very special, something that we’ve never tried before. You should be honored to have even been considered for this, let alone chosen.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Honored? You mean sort of like how I was supposed to feel honored to be an Azulate? How it made me so special? How the only thing it did was get me a one-way ticket to prison since the age of five? That kind of honored?” I was furious, and I didn’t want to hear another word. At the same time, I was curious as to what would happen to me. He didn’t answer my question, but instead he continued with what he’d been saying.
“Miss Miller, you were chosen for an experiment dealing with Azuli breeding. Before you say anything, I want you to know that we can force you to do this, and we will if it comes to that. You have two days to decide if you’ll do this the easy or hard way.” With those words as his conclusion, he walked out the door and left me alone with my thoughts.
It took a second for things to get settled in my head. The word “breeding” kept bouncing around in my brain, and it was all I could think about after he was gone. Instantly, I thought of all the times in the Memories when human slaves had been bred.
I didn’t know much about the birds and bees, or the reproductive process, or however you choose to say it. But I did know that it was something to be shared with someone you love. Not something that’s done for a science experiment. Then it fully sunk in, making me shiver. I was to be bred, like a horse or a cow. Like a slave.
I closed my eyes and I could see a Memory of a slave in America.
He’s big, strong, and looks as tough as nails. He’s chopping wood in the hot sun, and you can see his muscles rippling under his skin. His back gleams with sweat.
A white man walks up to him, followed by a black female. She’s sturdy, with wide shoulders and strong muscles. The white man explains that he will be breeding the man with the new woman.
“But, Suh, two weeks ago… two weeks ago you gave me permission to marry my Abby. It’s to be done this Sunday afternoon.”
The white man only laughs. “I guess I did say that, didn’t I? Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I just bought this young woman yesterday, with you in mind. Oh, can you imagine the strength that your children will possess?” He walks off them, leaving the two slaves to get better acquainted with each other.
The Memory focuses on her for a moment. She is very young, maybe fifteen or sixteen.

“Just like me,” I mumbled to myself. I opened my eyes, still not quite believing the news.
I stumbled out the door, but I couldn’t go any further than a few feet. My knees started shaking, and they collapsed under my weight. I got back up so I wasn’t a heap on the floor, and I leaned my back against the wall and started taking deep breaths. After a couple seconds, I slid down the wall so I was sitting with my back to the wall and my knees up.
It wasn’t long before I heard the click of another door, and Jack came out of Section D. He walked over and sat next to me, but neither of us offered a word to the other. I rested my head on his shoulder as a tear slid down my cheek.
“They can’t do this,” he stated, as if it were a simple thing. “They shouldn’t be allowed to do this. At the very least, they could get volunteers. Why are they doing this?” I sensed that he was on the verge of a break down, and I knew that I had to do something. He’d never cried in front of me, and I knew that as the older brother, he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to stay strong for me, even if it seemed impossible.
“Jack.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, letting him know that I was right there next to him. “They keep us locked in here for our entire lives, and then kill us as soon as we reach 75. They poke us with cattle prods. They only allow us to bathe once a week. If they can do that to us, they can do anything they want. We have no choice in the matter. We’ve always been treated like livestock. This is just the next step.” We heard another door, and Carl came out and sat next to me. It was silent in the hall again, and I turned to him.
I was about to say something, but as soon as I tried to look at him, he looked away. I thought it was strange, because Carl was one of the people that always make eye contact. Instantly, I knew that he had been told more than Jack and I had been, and I didn’t like it.
“Carl, what’s wrong? I mean, I know what’s wrong. But why won’t you look at me? What did they tell you in there?”
“You’re like a sister to me,” he answered. “I haven’t seen my real sister since she was three, when I came here. You’ve become the sister that I lost. And they still have the guts to do this?” He put his head in his hands, then looked up at the ceiling. Although his eyes looked dry, I knew it was taking a lot of effort to keep them that way.
“Carl. What does being like my brother have to do with this?” I asked. Nothing, not even the news that I’d received earlier, could have prepared me for what came next.
“They didn’t tell you?” he asked, incredulous. I shook my head and he said, “You and I. They already have all the pairs set up and everything. And one of them is me… and you.”
I stared at him, positive that they’d told him the wrong information. When he didn’t say anything else, though, I knew what he was saying had to be true. I didn’t want to think about any of it, so I put my head on Jack’s shoulder and cried.

Chapter 2

When I woke up, I was alone, except for a guard that was walking by. I stood up, stretched, and then headed for my cell. There was a note on my pillow, stating that everyone had gone to lunch, and that Macy would bring something back for me.
I went out into the hall for a minute and just stood there, not sure what to do. There weren’t many activities for people in the Academy, so I couldn’t think of anything to do. As I was standing there, a man walked by.
He was wearing a jumpsuit similar to mine, only it was dark green, labeling him as a sanitation worker. I had known that they came by during lunch to clean the rooms, but it still surprised me a bit to see him. He pushed his cleaning cart into the cell next to mine, and I went into my cell to make sure I didn’t have anything embarrassing on the floor or on the bed. When I came back out, I walked right into the cart that he was pushing.
That’s when I got a real look at him. He was handsome, with big hands and broad shoulders. He had big, brown eyes and long eyelashes, with a big nose. His ears and lips were just the right size. He was tall, and he filled out his jumpsuit in a way I wasn’t familiar with. I knew that as a sanitation worker, his jumpsuit was much more fitted than mine was, but it still wasn’t nearly as fitted as the Vipero’s suits. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing the hair on his arms, along with a small white scar on his right arm. His hair was a little messy, as if he’d woken up and hadn’t brushed it. His eyes seemed deep, thoughtful, and intelligent, and I felt like they could see right through me. His fingernails were cut short, and he looked very strong. At first sight, I’d thought he was a grown man, but closer inspection revealed him to be nothing but a boy only a few years older than me.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, revealing very white teeth. “I didn’t mean to run you over. I just need to get into that cell,” he added, pointing to the one I shared with Macy. He then walked over to my side of the cart, grabbed my elbow, and looked into my eyes. “You are okay, right? Please don’t tell anyone that I helped you and made sure you’re okay. I will get in trouble.” As an explanation for the way he was acting, he said, “I didn’t want a job here, but I was recruited. And I can’t stand it here. The way you guys are treated just isn’t …” He trailed off, and then looked down at the ground. I didn’t say anything, but I nodded, and then went into my room and sat on my bed.
“So how old are you? You don’t look old enough to have a job. What’s the average age for that anyway?” I asked as he followed me in. I watched as he dusted the little end table, and then switched out the clothes in the drawers.
“I’m seventeen,” he said. “The average age now is fifteen. But for sanitation workers, the average age is around 40. You know… the kind of losers that can’t do anything else in life. Glad I got off to an early start.” I could tell he was being sarcastic, but he flashed me a smile as he said it, pulling the whole thing off as a joke instead of a complaint. “How old are you? And why aren’t you at lunch right now?”
“I’m fifteen. I guess… out in the real world, I’d have a job right now. But lucky me, I even have a butler.” I smiled, but didn’t really look at him when I did it. “And I’m not at lunch because… well, I don’t really know if I could eat right now. I received some disturbing news earlier and ended up falling asleep while everyone went to lunch.” He paused, but it was only for a second.
“So are you one of the lucky Azuli that was selected for the grand experiment?” he asked, and I nodded. “I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know. By the way, my name’s Collin.” He left then, as he was done with his work. As I watched him walk away, I felt suddenly very, very lonely.
There was nothing else to do, so I decided to sit and wait. As I waited, I thought about the things that my new position would mean. First, Macy would have a new roommate. I’d be moving to a new cell with Carl. So I could breed with him.
I shuddered at the thought of having children with Carl. It’s not that he is, or ever was, repulsive, or disgusting, or anything bad. He’s sweet, and kind, and I’ve known him for years. He’s my best friend. But he has been like a brother to me since I was nine.
Also, with this new experiment I’d become a mother. This thought drove me crazy, because I knew I wasn’t ready for anything like that. I was only fifteen, and had never held a child. I hadn’t even seen anyone under the age of five for ten years. And now I was expected to carry and raise one?
Macy walked in as I was thinking this, and she was followed closely by Carl and Jack. Right away, Macy wrapped me in her arms, just like she had on that first day, and all the bad days in between.
I remember all the times that Macy had comforted me. On countless nights, she had given me her blanket to keep me warm, while she lay shivering in her bed. The first day that I had been shocked by the cattle prods, she had helped me to ignore the pain. After I’d seen my first Special in the halls on his way to the Warden (the Warden saw all of them before giving them clearance to be exterminated), she had counseled me, helped me to forget the image during the day, and helped quiet my nightmares.
But unlike those first days of my imprisonment, Macy couldn’t protect me from this one. This one was for me to face alone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next two days flew past, and I didn’t remember much. The main thing that I do remember is that I drew Memories of slaves, which were the only things that I could think about. I didn’t taste my meals, just ate while I looked into space, completely unaware of my surroundings and trying to make sense of things.
Macy, Jack, and Carl all had to shake me several times to get my attention. “Jeez, Penny,” said Carl. “You’re really taking this hard. Are you going to be alright?”
“Of course she will,” said Jack, draping his arm over my shoulders. “She’s my sisters. Got the same genes as me. She can get through anything.” I couldn’t help but notice the doubt in his voice. “She’s just having a hard time adjusting to the new situation, that’s all.”
I just gave a week smile, said that I was fine. I tried to pay attention to the rest of the conversation, but I zoned in and out at random times. Always, my thoughts wandered back to slaves.
During lunch on the second day, I even threw up because I thought of being bred. They evacuated the entire cafeteria, and I was forced to endure the angry looks from everyone. The food was disgusting, yes, but it was the only source of energy, and the Azuli enjoyed their small amounts of freedom in the cafeteria.
On the third day, when I checked the schedule to see which DarkRoom I’d been assigned to for the day, I felt tears in my eyes. Instead of drawing a Memory, I’d be going to B5, Section C for a meeting.
Section C of room B5 was set aside for group punishments or, in our case, group meetings. When I walked in, there were three tables, a desk up front, and a man writing on the white board.
The room was pretty dark, and a strange smell swam in the air and up my nose, almost making me sneeze. It was also humid in the room, but I wasn’t sure why. I felt the hair on my arm raise, and I found it hard to breathe once I was all the way in. I sat down at one of the tables and waited for everyone to arrive. Jack and Carl came in together, then two girls I didn’t know, followed by another boy.
“Alright,” the man said, finally turning around and giving us a good look at him. He was balding, just like almost all the other scientists and doctors at the Academy. His hair was brown, but it didn’t look natural. He had a mustache that was also an unnatural shade of brown, although it wasn’t the same shade as his hair. His eyebrows were small and thin while his eyes were big and round, taking up a good portion of his face. His round glasses covered up even more of it, leaving only the bottom half of his face uncovered. His forehead was small, so small that his eyebrows almost touched his hair line. His lips were small and thin, and his teeth, when he showed them, were a little bit pointy. His lab coat was covered in stains of various shapes, sizes, and colors, and his shirt under the coat seemed to be decorated in a similar way.
“I need everyone to stand up, please,” he continued, even though I was the only one sitting down. After I stood up, he had us all sit at our assigned tables with the person we’d be going through the experiment with.
I was sitting next to Carl, Jack was sitting next to the girl with blond hair, who was named Mary. The other two, named Ben and Catherine, were sitting at the third table.
“Let’s begin. First of all, we are going to discuss a bit that you don’t know about. You have been assigned to that other person for a reason. We’ve been studying you guys, and we believe that you will get along with that person very well. This is important because you will also be getting married to this person.”
Everyone looked around the room, not quite sure how to react. “Wait,” I finally said. “Why bother? You can make us do this anyway. It’s already morally wrong. What are you trying to prove by actually marrying us?”
Jack glared at me, making it clear that he thought I was making things worse. I thought the same thing, but I wasn’t just going to sit back and be confused about why they were doing all this. Also, I didn’t know how things could get much worse than what they were, so I ignored the look he gave me.
“Publicity,” said the doctor. With his high voice, it sounded pretty funny, something that I would have laughed at under normal circumstances. “You see, Miss Azul…”
“Miss Miller, actually,” I corrected him. I got another kick under the table, but again, I ignored it.
“Excuse me?” he said in what I’m sure he considered to be an intimidating tone. In reality, because of his high, nasally voice, it made me want to laugh.
“I already explained this to the other guy. My name is Penny Miller. Never has been and never will be Azul.” I locked eyes with him the whole time, and I could see him tense up.
I could tell that he wouldn’t cave as easily as the other one did. While the other one just wanted to get through the meeting, I knew that this new doctor would be persistent, until he showed me who was in charge. I knew it would be a long meeting if I didn’t cave soon, but I couldn’t give up. I knew that if I never tried, I’d be stuck with that God-awful name until they terminated my stay on Earth at age 75.
“I was told about you,” he said. “Watson went on and on about how annoying you’d been, and how you’d acted like you were too good for this experiment, for this academy. Well, let me tell you something, Miss Azul. Your attitude the other day earned you and your husband-to-be an extra three years in this experiment. Everyone else gets two years. You get five.” His face was getting red, and a small vein in his temple was throbbing.
The room was silent until he continued with what he had been saying before my interruption. “The people have started to question the Academy. They get no letters from their children, only grade reports- made up, of course- that we send to them twice a year. Other than that, they have no idea about what goes on in here. Those stop when you turn twenty, and there is absolutely nothing that you or your parents can do to communicate after that.
“So, we thought we’d have a little public viewing so as to keep their worries and concerns at bay. For the next two weeks, we have hired contractors to make sure everything looks like an excellent boarding school. For example, making the barred parts of the doors unseen. Changing the DarkRooms to classrooms. Things like that.
“This is all temporary, remember, until after the weddings. We will announce to the public that the Azuli Academy has been granted permission from Maddox Warrington to allow the students here to marry.
“We will then present the three couples from each floor, and then we will announce that the parents of these students may tour the school and come to the wedding. When babies are born, announcements will go out to parents. Anything past that, we will discuss later.
“This operation is to quiet the complaints and questions that have been appearing all over the New World. Your parents will come in, see that all is as expected, and share the news with their friends and neighbors, who will share with their friends and neighbors, and so on. Parts of the tours will also be televised, so no one will wonder anymore. About once every two years, we will repeat this process so that no one wonders why there weren’t other sets of weddings.” It was silent as we all soaked in the news.
“Let me get this straight,” I said, and ignored the death glares from everyone and the kick under the table. “We breed like animals for a stupid science experiment for you, right?” He nodded, but I didn’t give a chance to say anything. “As if that isn’t bad enough, we will be forced to make vows to someone, saying that we will love and cherish each other and all that other wedding stuff. We also have to lie to our parents about how in love we are, and about how wonderful it is here, all to save your sorry asses and keep people like us locked up here for hundreds of years after we die?”
He had been looking at the ground while I was going off, but when I was done, he looked at me. With a thin smile on his lips, he said, “Precisely.” With that, he turned and walked out of the room.
A woman came in then, and sat on the desk at the front. When she came in and the man walked out, it immediately became easier to breathe. The strange odor was also gone, as was the humidity.
She had her brown hair tied back in a ponytail at the base of her neck, with her long bangs parted down the middle. Her eyes were a very pretty green, and her skin was pale, but it was sprinkled with a few freckles. Her lips were plump and red, and her nose was pointed. Her lab coat was spotless, almost as if it were brand new. I knew this wasn’t the case, though, because the collar and the ends of the sleeves were frayed. She wore a light blue shirt under the coat, and it had a pattern on it that I couldn’t quite see. Her fingernails had been bitten down as far as she could get, and they had chipped polish on them.
“Well. It’s nice to see younger couples here. On Floor Two there’s a couple well past the age of bearing children. I don’t know what the board was thinking with those two.” She had a smile on her face, but after being glared at by six teenagers, it soon vanished.
“I’m Dr. Pender, and I will be dealing mainly with the health side of things. I want you to all know that I’m not a scientist, and I personally think that this is all a mistake. I don’t think that forcing people to be married and have children is right. But I was selected to make sure you remain healthy. And after babies are conceived and born, I will also be in charge of their health.
“But right now,” she continued, the smile back in place, “we are going to talk about timing. You have two weeks before the announcement. Then there will be three weeks before your parents visit, and then a week before the wedding where you will be spending time with your parents and your soon-to-be spouse. Finally, there will be a month after the weddings to make sure you guys are all comfortable living together. There will be several meetings during this time, so if you have any problems, you will be able to voice them.”
She continued with something about after the required time, but I wasn’t listening. I was thinking about the time we had left. Two and a half months wasn’t a lot of time, but it was enough for me to get a plan together. I was determined to leave, whether or not anyone wanted to follow me.
That’s exactly what I was telling my group of friends a couple hours later at lunch. Quietly, of course. “How do you think you’ll get out? And do you know how hard it’ll be to get a plan? If anyone hears about it, they’ll turn you in and get promoted to the sixth floor, while you’ll get terminated,” said Jack, pointing out all the flaws as usual. I didn’t even have a plan yet, and there were already things wrong with it. I knew it would be a tough job, but I also knew that I could do it.
“If I get terminated, it will be better than living the rest of my life breeding children and covering for the people that have kept me here my whole life.”
I had meant every word of what I said that day. I didn’t, and still don’t, care what way I die, just as long as I’m not made into someone’s slave, forced to marry someone I’m not in love with, and breeding so some slimy scientist can experiment on my children.
But my closest friend and brother didn’t believe this. They thought I was just mad, and would stop talking about it soon, like I always had in the past. But in the past, things hadn’t been this bad.

Chapter 3

Those two weeks went by fast, with people being sent to the cafeteria at strange times when the contractors came to modify the cells. The food got progressively better, and at the meeting we had during that time period, we discovered that it was because the chefs were practicing for when the parents arrived. They’d never had to cook quality meals before, and they didn’t have long to prepare for it.
Before the experiment, the food was atrocious. The texture was always the same, similar to old oatmeal. The colors had grey hues to them, and it all seemed to hold together as if it was all made of the same thing.
The bread tasted like the potatoes, which tasted like the vegetables and fruit. The flavor was a little different, but the variations were small. If I closed my eyes, there would have been no way to identify what I’d been eating.
During those two weeks, I tried my best to join into the conversations and I tried not to let my thoughts show too much. But I didn’t always succeed. Several times, I would come out of my own little world with tears streaming down my face, or I would wake up screaming at night.
Some of my drawings of Memories reflected my thoughts. I brought to life slaves, along with other things that just brought my mood down even more.
A few of them, though, showed the other thing that was on my mind. My Memories became elaborate pictures of times when children were reunited with their parents. Some were cheerful, with tears of joy streaming down their faces.
Others, though, included screaming and tears. These tears, though, were caused by sadness, anger, or pain instead of happiness. These Memories created a fear inside me that grew with each day.
What if we all changed too much? What if we can’t get along at all?

I try to tell myself that of course there will be differences, but that they’re still my parents, and they still love me no matter what. However, the Memories create a doubt that never really leaves my thoughts.
Finally, the day came when they made the announcement. It was heard on the intercom, and I knew it would be appearing on television screens all over The New World, with the “principal” of the Academy reporting it. The man that everyone knew as the principal was really the warden. He was replaced every four years with a new one, but no one knew the criteria by which the new wardens were chosen.
“Ladies and gentlemen! If you have mothered or fathered an Azulate child, you will be thrilled by the news that you are about to hear,” we heard over the intercom in his deep, scratchy voice. “The Great Dictator, Maddox Warrington, has granted our Azuli Academy the privilege of marriage. Twelve couples have stepped up, wanting to be the first to marry. If any of your children are on this list, you will be sent an invitation for the wedding, as well as a tour of the Academy. Here are the names.” He then read off the list of names, and after the announcement ended, I thought about how pitiful that sounded. We had to be granted permission by the dictator to get married, but everyone else could do it anyway?
I tried to talk to Macy about it, but she didn’t answer. Since she’d heard me say that I planned on escaping, she’d been pretty quiet, except for a few remarks here and there that stung. Her comments cut me deep, and I felt like I was losing a best friend. I rarely listened to her, though, because I knew she didn’t understand what I was going through.
The day after the announcement, we were called in for another meeting. I didn’t pay much attention, because I was still working on my plan.
I’d run into a few problems, like look-outs. I’d need people to keep an eye out so I wouldn’t get caught. I didn’t think cameras would be a problem, because I knew for a fact that they didn’t view the tapes for a few hours afterward. I knew this because I’d heard two Vipero talking about it one day. But I still needed someone to keep an eye out for guards, doctors, scientists, or anyone else that might be a threat. The problem here was that no one thought I was serious enough about this to help me. And if they did believe me, they’d either try to stop me or they’d report me. But I had worked things out so that even if my plan failed, they wouldn’t get in trouble. I wouldn’t mention them to the Vipero. Instead, I’d make it seem like I was working alone. But of course, no one wanted to listen to me.
There were still people that I hadn’t asked, like Catherine and Mary. I didn’t like Ben that much, so I wasn’t even going to ask him about it.
When we were dismissed from the meeting, I pulled Mary aside. “Sit with me at lunch? I want to get to know my future sister-in-law,” I said in a voice so sweet it couldn’t have belonged to me. But she agreed anyway, her smile just as fake as mine.
At lunch, I eased into things, not sure if she would be up for it or not. “So, what do you think about this whole thing?” I asked her. “Do you think you’re ready to raise children?”
She took a bite of her sandwich, and then gulped down half of her juice before answering me. “Well, I’ve always loved little kids, Any new Azuli that come, I try my best to help them out with anything they need. So I have a little bit of experience, but I’ve never been around babies. In the neighborhood that I lived in, I was the youngest.” She looked around the room, smiled and waved at someone, and then focused her attention back on me. “I didn’t have any friends outside the neighborhood that might have had babies around because I came here instead of going to school, so I never met anyone in the rest of the community. You could say I’m a little nervous about it.”
I looked down at my plate, which had hardly been touched. A little nervous?

I knew that she would need to be more than a little nervous before she would agree to help me. I looked back up at her and saw that she was studying my face, searching for emotions that I’d hidden deep inside me.
“I kind of feel the same way. Except I’m not good with kids at all. I tried to help one in the halls one time, and I ended up stepping on his foot, running him into a wall, and a number of other things. By the time we found his room, I’m sure he wished I had been born as a normal human instead of as an Azulate. It would have saved him some pain. Anyone smaller than me makes me all jittery. I’ll be a horrible mother.”
“I’m sure you won’t,” she assured me. “It’s probably different when it’s your own child, building inside you for nine months.” She had this look on her face, like she thought that this would be a wonderful thing, even though she was being forced to get married and have children against her will.
“But… you are a little young, don’tcha think? And so small for your age, too. By the time you’re nine months along, your weight will have doubled!” She started laughing, a strange honking noise that made me feel embarrassed to be sitting with her. Still laughing, she said, “I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you’re thinking of escape. That’s what I’d be doing if I were you.”
I could tell that she wasn’t serious. But I also could tell that this would probably be my only chance. “Actually, I have been, sort of.” That stopped the laughter, it made the smile disappear.
“Wow. I mean… wow. You must really trust me if you’re telling me that.”
I remember a time, back when I was eight or none, that a man had tried to escape. He had been from Floor Two, so I didn’t know him. But that didn’t make it any easier to stomach what they did to them. He was in his thirties, and I guessed that he had just about had enough of the Academy. I felt the same way, but my childish thoughts had never yet led me to think of escape.
The man had blond hair. He was short, but his hunched shoulders made him appear even smaller. I know this because, even though he wasn’t from our floor, they showed him to us.
The Warden brought him to our lunch period three days in a row. For those three days, I didn’t eat. How could I?
The entire time, on all three of those days, we listened to the Vipero beat the man. Each day, he was beaten until he passed out.
After the three days of starring in our lunchtime show, he was beaten in front of the residents of the other floors, three days each. Finally, he was beaten in front of Floor Two, the people who he had lived with since he was a child, until he collapsed, dead, on the cafeteria floor.
Next, they went after the man’s friends. Anyone who might have possible been working with him was exterminated.
They did it publicly. Floor Two was actually present for the executions, but the rest of us were forced to watch it on a screen during our lunch.
I knew that, that day, Mary was thinking about that man. I knew that she was terrified that they would do that to her.
I didn’t say anything, finding that it was much easier to just look at my still untouched food. In the silence, I picked up my fork, poked my mashed potatoes, and then put the fork back down.
“I sort of have a plan. It needs a lot of work, but I know I can get it done before the experiment officially starts. There’s one thing that I can’t do by myself,” I said, hoping she would offer to help so I wouldn’t have to ask. Luckily for me, she did exactly that.
“What can I do to help?” she asked. Later, I wondered why she hadn’t hesitates at all. I guess I should have thought about it first, but I was too busy celebrating in my head for anything else to be going on up there.
“I need a lookout.”For the rest of lunch, we talked about the plan. She even gave me a few ideas to fill in the gaps, but I thought they were too risky. I didn’t tell her, though, because I didn’t know how she’d react, and I didn’t want her to abandon me or turn me in. We talked about timing, weak spots, the cameras, and a few other things that were crucial to the success of my plan.
When lunch was over, we both went to our separate rooms, each of us wearing smug smiles. When I got to my cell, Macy was already there. She saw the smile on my face, then looked away. “Can I assume that you have found someone to help you with your suicide?” she asked, looking at the ground.
“Macy, you can assume whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me,” I told her. “But if you were to assume that, then you’d be correct.” I sat on the bed and started thinking, wondering how I could improve my plan.
“I got it!” I shouted a couple minutes later, making her jump. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. But… what do you suppose is in D7 and D8?”
Each DarkRoom was separated from all the others by a strip of hallway, but D7 and D8 were combined. It was rumored to be a mess-up on the builders’ part, and no one came in or out of either of the doors. There were several rumors as to what the rooms contained, but no one knew for sure.
“It’s a laundry room, Penny. You know that,” Macy stated, but I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. I knew from our late night conversations in the past that she didn’t believe the laundry room story at all.
“Right,” I said sarcastically. “Just like I’m madly in love with Carl, and this is just an academy where we receive special treatment.” Macy didn’t say anything back, but instead went back to the book she’d been reading. I continued with my planning until I was interrupted by Jack and Carl.
“Hey guys!” Jack said, seeming overly cheerful. “How was your lunch?” he asked, but no one answered him. I was hoping he would leave so I could get back to my planning, but instead he plopped down on my bed and started bouncing.
“Really, Jack? Why can’t you see that I’m upset and don’t want to talk to anyone right now?” I snapped. He stopped bouncing, but resumed seconds later.
“Well, I don’t understand why you’re so cranky all of a sudden,” he said. “After all, Carl and I are going through the same thing you are, and we’re just peachy.” He wiggled his eyebrows, something that had always cheered me up. That time, however, it was all I could do to not punch him. Carl sat down on the floor, but wouldn’t look at me. When he started speaking, it took a minute to realize that he was talking to me.
“I got done talking to the Vipero a little while ago,” he whispered. “They said we need to be seen together more often. Eating together. Holding hands. Hugging when we part ways. And…” he paused, showing a glimpse of his dramatic nature that we thought had up and disappeared, “kissing.”
He said this last word with disgust, as if it tasted bitter on his tongue. I didn’t say anything, but tried not to focus on how little time I had left.
For the next five weeks, I did everything that was required of me. I walked around awkwardly holding Carl’s hand, hugging him, and kissing him. It was supposed to be practice for when our parents arrived, but I didn’t understand why we needed three weeks to practice hugging and kissing. To me, it seemed like the Academy was trying to convince that Azuli that the couples were in love. If we were seen by the Vipero walking down the hall together and we weren’t holding hands, we got in trouble. I decided to suck it up and go along with them until after all the parents had come and gone.
About once every two or three days, I stayed behind during lunch so I could talk to Collin. We became good friends, and I began to trust him. During the third week, I told him of my plan to escape after the wedding.
“It’s risky,” he’d said. “But I believe that you can do it. It’ll be a little boring around here for me with you gone, but I understand why you’re doing it, so I won’t get mad at you.” He nudged me with elbow, showing me he wouldn’t have been angry anyway. “It’s better to die in an act of freedom than to live a life of slavery, right?” It was because of things like that that I had grown so attached to him.
Those five weeks, I had mixed feelings on just about everything. I was excited, but scared, happy but sad. I wanted to see my parents, but I didn’t want them to see me in this place.
My Memories mostly had to do with family. I observed the ways that parents and children interacted with each other in the past. I viewed and drew Memories of kids who had been with their parents their whole lives, and kids who, like me, could hardly remember the last time they’d seen their parents.
They didn’t help me feel much better. There were some families that got along, of course. Some long-lost sons and daughters just fell into the arms of their parents. But the majority of the ones that I viewed were the opposite. Screaming teenagers, adults that couldn’t stand the sight of the parents that had abandoned them years before.
There was one that kept replaying, even in my dreams.
It’s a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. She’s sitting on a patio at a restaurant, waiting.
Her food comes first. It’s just a salad, and she doesn’t touch it. She waits and waits, and waits. After a long time, she flags down the waitress. “May I have my check, please?” The waitress nods, then returns shortly with a little black folder. The girl, who is in her twenties, is just pulling money out of her purse when a man and woman appear.
“Ana?” asks the woman. The girl, Ana, looks up. “I know that we’re late. And I’m sorry. But traffic…”
“Traffic wasn’t a problem for me,” says Ana. She stands up. “You guys are an hour late. We agreed on 3:00. It’s…” she looks at her watch, “4:08. And I have somewhere to be.” She begins to push her way past her long-lost parents, but her father grabs her arm.
“Ana, honey,” he says, in a voice that’s too sweet. “What could be more important than reuniting with your parents? You know that we love you. And what happened when you were little… we can put that behind us, can’t we?”
She just shakes her head. “My daughter is more important. I have to pick her up from her piano lesson. I have to be a parent.” She practically spits this at them, and then starts to leave again. Suddenly, she stops. “And no, we can’t put that behind us. I will never be able to forgive you for how you just let them take me from you, and you did nothing to stop them.” Then she leaves.

That’s the one that scared me the most. Because my parents just let them take me away. And I was worried that my parents would use the same fake voices and excuses that Ana’s parents did.
I tried talking to Collin about it, hoping that maybe he’d have a happy-family story that would reassure me that everything would be okay. That, though, was just as bad as the Memories.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said when I asked about his home life. “It doesn’t matter. They aren’t here, and I don’t want to bring them here.”
“Oh, come on,” I pressed. “Just tell me a little bit about them. Please. You know all about my family.” He just snorted at that. I lightly slapped his shoulder. “Please, Collin. I want to know about the people that you grew up with.”
“You don’t want to hear about them. They weren’t a family. Just a bunch of people that are related.” After I pushed and pushed, he finally gave in. “My dad… he works for the government. He’s pretty high up. When I was little, my brother and I used to just sit and look at his uniform. He got it cleaned every Tuesday afternoon, and didn’t need it again until Wednesday. So every Tuesday night, we would go sit on the floor of his closet and just… admire it. I was maybe three or four. We used to dream up these grand partied that we would go to, and all the medals and awards we’d earn. That was when we were still a family.”
“What happened?” I asked. I could just picture him as a child, admiring a uniform, touching all the medals and pins.
“My brother turned five. It was a couple weeks after my fifth birthday. We didn’t have the same mom. And he was… he is, I guess, an Azulate. And I’ll never forget the day that he was taken. My father… he just stood there. He didn’t give him a hug, he didn’t even say anything to him.” He shook his head. “After that day, I hated him. For the next eleven years, I didn’t want anything to do with him. Then I turned sixteen, and he sent me to work here so that he wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.”
He clenched his fists, and wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t know what to say. “My family was only a family when my father still acted like he cared. But I know that he never really did.
“But can you blame him? After what his parents put him through, how could he have any room for love?”
“What? What did they do to him?”
Collin just shook his head. “You don’t want to know. You wouldn’t be able to see your parents if you heard what they did. You’d be too scared.” He sat there for another second, and then got up and left.
During those weeks, I met with Mary only a couple of times. And those meetings weren’t very productive. She always got distracted, and started talking about something completely irrelevant. It’s frustrating, but I don’t say anything to her about it. If she gets mad at me, it could mean that I’m dead.
Fortunately, talking to Macy, Jack, and Carl gave me a break from everything that was going on. They always tried to keep the conversations away from the wedding, or our parents, or anything like that. It was a nice break, but it only lasted so long. After a while, it got too close to bed time, and the conversations ended, and the people left, and I was alone with just my thoughts.

Chapter 4

Two days before all of the parents came, I went to dinner with Carl. I stood next to him in line. I held his hand. I sat with him to eat and I walked back to Floor One with him. Everything had become a routine that I went through without having to think at all. He walked me to my cell, which was always the part that I dreaded the most.
“Well,” he said, and then it was silent. I knew that we were being watched. There were cameras in the halls to monitor everyone, so I knew that unless we wanted to get into trouble, a hug and a kiss were required of us.
I didn’t want to stand there awkwardly for another second, so I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck. Going up on my toes, I lightly kissed him on the cheek. Then I leaned against him, my arms still wrapped around his neck, as tears fell from my eyes.
At the time, I was disgusted with myself for being such a baby, for crying over something so small as a kiss. But later, I realized that that wasn’t why I was crying at all. Actually, the reason was something much bigger.
My tears were caused by my loss of freedom. Here was a boy that I was being forced to marry, forced to have children with. Here was a boy who I had to hold hands with, to hug and kiss. Here was a boy that I had to pretend to love. I knew that Carl and I would never be the same as we had been before we knew of the experiment. In public, we were supposed to be in love, supposed to act like we couldn’t even think of ever being separated. This made it so awkward when we weren’t in public that I felt a growing resentment towards him, even though I knew this wasn’t his fault. It was so awkward that every day, I walked down the halls praying with my whole heart that I wouldn’t see him.
With tears still in my eyes, I felt his arms tighten around me, and then felt his breath by my ear. “You need to get some rest, Penny,” he said, guiding me toward the bed. “These last few weeks have been hard on you. Go to sleep and you will feel so much better in the morning.” He laid me back on the bed, and then pulled the covers over me. “Your parents come in two days. Get lots of rest tonight and tomorrow so you look healthy for them. It’ll make them happy.” He mumbled other things as well, but I didn’t understand them. His soft tone and familiar voice lulled me into a sleep so deep and dark that a bomb could have gone off an inch from my nose and I wouldn’t have heard it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up the next morning and found out that I hadn’t been assigned a DarkRoom for the day. I asked the supervising Vipero, and he looked down at his clip board.
“The note here says that they want you to be nice and refreshed for your parents tomorrow. Go back to your cell and relax.” Without saying anything else, he turned to the group of young girls behind me to answer their question.
I went back to my cell and sat on my bed, wondering about my parents. How would they feel about me getting married so young? Would they look the same? Did I look the same? What if they didn’t recognize me?

I thought about my appearance as a child. I still had the same hair and eyes, and of course the birthmark was the same. But that was pretty much where the similarities stopped.
As a small child, I’d had quite a bit of baby fat that hadn’t left me yet. I wasn’t fat, really, but I was definitely chubby. Since then, I’d thinned out considerably, and grown into a young woman.
Before coming to the Academy, my hair had been long and it always got in my face. After meeting Macy, I agreed that cutting my hair would be much more convenient. Although I kept it longer than Macy’s hair, it wasn’t long enough for me to see it.
Another difference was my scars. I doubted that I would ever show my parents the scars on my arms, put there by the torture tactics that the Academy came up with. But even if I hid the scars, I knew that there was no way that I would be able to hide the emotional changes that had taken place because of what the Academy had done.
I fell asleep thinking similar things. While I slept, I dreamed about meeting my parents. It was going to be the first time that I’d seen them in over ten years. That would make anyone nervous. It was constantly on my mind, and usually when something is on your mind all the time, you dream about it.
Dreams are funny things. A dream strips away all knowledge of reality, so that the dreamer’s mind is open to anything. During the dream, your mind is trapped in a world with no limits.
When I spelt, my mind reached far and wide to find fantasies that I couldn’t imagine. But it worked its way up, starting with normal things and climbing the ladder to reach absurd.
In the first dream, they looked exactly like they did before I left on the train. They were two, young, healthy adults who were anxious to see their children.
This dream brought Jack and I back to when we were tiny children. Our reunion was as if we had only been separated for hours instead of years.
But then, as Jack and I hugged our parents, we grew. Jack and I turned into the teenagers that I knew from outside of my dream. Our parents aged as well. But once they got to the proper age, they didn’t stop. Instead, they continued to age until their hair turned white and their teeth fell out. Their backs were hunched, their skin wrinkled. They got older and older, more and more frail.
Jake and I kept hold of them, though. We didn’t let go of our parents until they burst into flames. When this happened, Jack and I watched as their bodies were reduced to a steaming pile of ash on the floor.
In the next dream, my parents arrived with smiles wider than the Grand Canyon. Their smiles remained constant, and they never said anything that could be taken as rude. Compliments rained down on the inmates of the Azuli Academy for the first five days that my parents were there. Everyone loved them, and I couldn’t spend five minutes with them without someone coming in to talk to them.
For the last five days of their stay, their attitudes changed. They placed a carpet of insults over everything and everyone. But that wasn’t all. Their appearances changed to those of monsters, with oddly shaped features and crooked teeth.
No one wanted to talk to them anymore, and I couldn’t walk down the halls without receiving glares and hearing whispers about “the girl with the monster parents.”
When they left on the tenth day, their smiles weren’t happy, like they’d been the first day. Instead, they were almost relieved smiles, as if they couldn’t wait to get away from the terrible people of the Azuli Academy.
The final dream was no better or worse than the first two. When my parents came through the door, they acted normal, and they looked normal. Except for their size.
They were the size of mice. I picked them up in my hand, and I wasn’t sure how to react. What do you do with parents the size of mice? I tried to talk to them, but couldn’t head their tiny voices. I tried playing card games with them, but they couldn’t lift the cards. Walking them from one side of the room to the other took forever.
After a couple days, they changed. They didn’t act any different, and they didn’t change in appearance. They just grew. It happened when they were standing in the hallway. They just started growing, and didn’t stop until after they were hunched over, their backs against the ceiling.
“What’s happening?” I asked, but didn’t understand their answer. Now that they were bigger, their voices were deep and booking, so all I heard was the sound of thunder. They couldn’t fit into any doors, so they had to stay in the hallway. The other Azuli shouted and cursed at them for being in their way, and blocking other doors. The worst part was the wedding day.
My parents couldn’t fit through the door to the stairwell. My mom couldn’t see me get married, and my father was unable to walk me down the aisle.
I slept until lunch, when I was woken up by Collin coming in to clean the cell.
“Well, hey there, Penny. Why are you sleeping so late? You feeling alright?” he asked, leaving his cart at the door and coming to sit on my bed.
“I feel fine. Just… my parents are coming tomorrow. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react to all this. Will they even recognize me?” I sat with my back against the wall, and he joined me there, just like he always did.
“Well. I can’t really give you an answer to that question. I didn’t know you when they did. But I do know you now. And I can tell you that you’ve definitely changed, even if it’s just a little bit. It’s been ten years. You’ve gone from a scared little girl to a defiant young woman. You’ve gone through puberty, and you’ve developed in many ways. I’m sure they’ll still recognize you, but they’ll also notice some changes.” One thing I loved about talking to Collin was that he was always so honest and helpful.
“Okay. Well… can you tell me what I look like? I haven’t seen my reflection for ten years. I want to know what I look like now.” I looked into his eyes as I said this. Before, my appearance wasn’t really important to me. No one cared about their appearance at the Academy. There was nothing that you could see your reflection in, so it would be a waste of energy to worry about it. But with my parents coming, all of a sudden it seemed more important that it had in the past.
“Well,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I’m not really sure how to describe the appearance of someone. But I’ll do the best that I can.” He looked down at the bed, and then at my face.
“Your hair is pretty short, but I’m sure you know that. It’s dark brown and very shiny.” He reached out and touched it, thought for a second, then nodded. “It looks just the way it feels.” He grabbed my hand and guided it along my head, my fingers combing through my hair. “Silky and smooth, almost like melted chocolate.” He stopped going through my hair, but kept hold of my hand. He guided it along my face as he described it to me.
“Your forehead is average size. Not too big, not too little, but just right. There’s a scar here that looks like you had chicken pox once. Did you?” I nodded and thought about when I’d had chicken pox. I remembered the red spots all over my body. Although they had a vaccine for chicken pox, it was only given to children who weren’t Azuli.
I remembered how itchy I’d been, how I had wanted to just jump through a gian cheese grater in the hopes that it would satisfy the itch.
I did not, of course, jump through a cheese grater. Instead, I was given daily baths with a special soap. The smell was terrible, and it was pink, with the consistency of glue.
Because I scratched at the small red pox, there were many open scabs. When this soap got under the skin, it stung. It was similar to hydrogen peroxide. It also popped and fizzed on the open scabs.
There were many nights when I woke up with tiny spots of blood on my sheets from scabs that I’d scratched open in my sleep. I immediately changed my sheets and woke my mom. With a sigh, she would cover my small wounds with a special salve, and then place bandages over them. I had never been so happy to say goodbye to something as I was when I tossed the salves and soaps away.
But I couldn’t tell him how miserable it had been, because he’d already moved on. “Your eyebrows are bigger at the insides, and then they taper out to points as they get closer to your temples.”
He still had my hand, was still guiding it along to give me a visual of my face. He changed his grip so that he was holding only my index finger, and he guided it over my eyelashes. “They’re dark,” he said simply. “They remind me of midnight. The space in between the lashes, where you can see your eyelids, are like the stars. The blue in your eyes is the full moon, and the white around it it the light that the moon shines to show the way through a dark night.” He paused for a minute. “That’s what you do, Penny. You shine a light that guides people through the darkest nights they’ve ever encountered.”
He moved on to my nose, showing me how the bridge had a slight bump in it. “The cartilage part is a little pointed, but not much. It curves up at the end, and it looks like another scar from chicken pox right here,” he continued.
Then he moved to my lips. He still only had my index finger as he guided my hand along the outline of my mouth. “Your lips are soft and pink. The color blends well with your skin tone, but your lips are very defined in the curves and places where they pop out. I have noticed that you chew on your bottom lip, and it’s left a scar here. It’s white, like a blank piece of paper.” He moved to my upper lip, between my nose and mouth. “There’s hair here. You can feel it, but you have to get very close to see it.”
He described my chin, the shape of my face, my hairline. He guided my hands down my neck, making me feel the curvature of my shoulders as they met my neck. He helped me to visualize my ears, my neck, and my back.
Finally, he stopped. He let his hand drop, bringing mine down with it. I expected him to release my hand, but instead, he intertwined our fingers. “Open your mouth, so I can see your teeth, please,” he said. I parted my lips enough for him to see both rows of teeth. “They are straight. No gaps, no overlapping. You don’t have an overbite or an under-bite, but there is some discoloration. For the most part, they are white, like rectangular pearls. But there are stains here and there. They are hardly noticeable from a distance.” He looked down at our hands, which seemed to fit together perfectly.
“Altogether, you’re a very beautiful girl, Penny. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about how I look. You are imperfect in many ways, but that makes you perfect in every way possible.” He was still looking at our hands, and he didn’t look up at me again. “I better get going before everyone gets back. I’m running late.” He got up and pushed his cart away without looking back.
When I was alone, I considered going to the cafeteria for lunch, but decided against it. I figured that it would be over soon anyway, so I stayed in my room and thought about Collin.
His reactions had surprised me a little. In the weeks that we’d been friends, I’d noticed some feelings that I had for him that I wasn’t familiar with. I had never had a crush on someone, so I wasn’t sure what it felt like, but I was pretty sure that’s what I was feeling.
But he had held my hand, even after there was no reason for it. I remembered how perfectly our hands fit together. With Carl, our hands pushed and pulled against each other in strange places, making it awkward. Was this a mental thing, because I was being forced to marry Carl, but felt no real feelings for him? Or was it because Carl’s hand was made to fit someone else’s, while mine was made to fit into Collin’s?
Also, he’d called me beautiful. He’d said I had nothing to worry about, that I was perfect. I wasn’t sure what to think of all this. Does he feel the same way about me that I feel about him?

I thought about all the abnormal fluttery feelings inside my stomach. Does he feel them too?

Before I could think about it anymore, I heard voices in the hallway, Azuli announcing their return from the cafeteria. A couple seconds after I heard the first voices, my three friends walked through the door.
“Well, it looks like she’s awake,” said Macy with a smile. “Are you ready for tomorrow? I’m so excited to meet your parents. I can’t wait to tell them what wonderful kids they have!” She was gushing like a teenager, which was very unusual for her.
“I guess I’m ready,” I said, and tried to put on a smile. “I just hope they recognize me.”
“Well, whether they recognize you or not, you are a very beautiful girl, Penny. I wouldn’t worry about your appearance for another minute,” she said.
“I know, I know,” I mumbled, and Macy had a confused look on her face. Before she could ask how I knew this particular bit of information, though, Carl grabbed my wrist and pulled me to my feet.
“They are having individual couple meetings today. We are supposed to go right now,” he said. He held his hand out, but I hesitated before taking it. Will he be able to tell that Collin’s hand had been in mine? Would he be upset if he found out?

I pushed those thoughts out of my head and grabbed his hand. After the perfection of Collin’s hand in mine, Carl’s hand felt even more awkward than usual.
We walked out of the room and down the hall until we got to B5, and then went to Section B. He opened the door, and as soon as we were inside, I dropped his hand and wiped the sweat off on my jumpsuit.
Dr. Pender was standing in the room between two racks of clothing. One had both elaborate and simple white dresses, and the other was filled with black tuxedos.
“Hey, there,” she said, and stopped flipping through the dresses. “I sure wish the Academy would have paid for my wedding dress. These are beautiful.” She smiled at us, and then clapped her hands once. “Let’s get started. Penny, look through the dresses and choose the one you want. Carl, you do the same. You probably won’t care as much which tux you get, but you have to do it anyway.”
I look at the rack and try not to show my disappointment. One small, pitiful rack is all that I get to choose from. I think about the Memories, where people had entire stores to look through, with dozens of racks and hundreds of dresses. They even had television shows about the dresses! One specific Memory comes to mind.
A group of women enter the shop, a little bell rings overhead. “Hi. I have an appointment with Lisa,” she says. “My name is Lesly.” The woman behind the front deskchecks some things in her computer, and then smiles at the bride.
“She’s waiting for you. Go straight, then turn left once you get to the big room.” Lesly and the three bridesmaids behind her go to the end of the hall. It opens up into a big room filled with rows and rows of beautiful wedding gowns. They look to their left, and there’s a bench. Standing next to the bench is a woman with long, dark hair.
“Hi,” says Lesly. “Lisa?”
The woman nods. “Why don’t you guys sit down and you can tell me what kind of dress you’re looking for.”
Lesly begins to describe her ideal dress. “I want it to be like Cinderalla’s dress. Big and poofy, like a princess. No straps, and I want the top to be straight across. No belts or flowers or anything, but if it has sparkles or pearls or anything like that, it’s okay.” She uses her hands as she talks and her face radiates both excitement and beauty.
Lisa smiles. “Let’s get started then.” The five women split up and look for the right dress. There aren’t any dresses that fit Lesly’s description perfectly, so they try to find ones that are similar.
Lesly tried on more than two dozen dresses, but none of them stand out and “the one.” Finally, after biting her nails for over an hour, one of the bridesmaids speaks up.
“Lesly, I found a dress earlier that I think will be prefect for you. I didn’t bring it up because it’s pretty much the opposite of what you want, but I think you’ll look gorgeous in it.” Before Lesly can protest, the bridesmaid rushes off to find the dress again.
She returns shortly with a dress that, at first, Lesly doesn’t like. It has a sweat heart top and a fitted bodice. The skirt is mermaid style, flaring out just below the knee. It has a dark grey belt above the waist, tired in a large bow.
“I know what you’re thinking. I know that you really don’t like this style, but just try it on. For me.” Lesly still looks doubtful. “Please?” The bride finally agrees to try it on, but she warns her friend that she probably won’t like it.
When she steps out of the dressing room, it’s clear that she was wrong. She steps in front of a mirror and smiles. “I love it,” she says after several seconds. The white makes her dark skin look even darker, and the bodice accents her body in a way that none of the other dresses did.
She walks over to the bridesmaid that found the dress. “Jen, you’re the best.” They hug, and Lisa gets Lesly’s attention. “So this is a good one?” It’s the one you want?” Lesly nods. “Alright then. Let’s get everything taken care of.”

In the past, girls tried on dozens of dresses before they found the right one. I had ten dresses total. What if I don’t find the perfect dress?

I stepped over to the rack and looked through the dresses. Some were long, while others were short. There were long sleeved, short sleeved and sleeveless dresses. Some had lace and netting, others were simple polyester fabric. They were all beautiful, and I didn’t know how I’d possibly decide. Normally, I wouldn’t have cared much. I didn’t care for frills or decorations, but I wanted to select a pretty one for my mother’s benefit.
After about half an hour, despite my fears, I chose the perfect one. It was floor-length, with a sweetheart top and no sleeves. The bodice was fitted, and the skirt flared out at the waist. It was beautiful, but also simple. The next step was getting fitted. I moved to Section A, where a woman had me stand on a stool while she made adjustments and pinned fabric together in several places. Then, she told me to take it off and stand off to the side.
I only had my underclothes on, so I sat instead of standing. That way, if someone walked in, they wouldn’t get a full view of my nearly naked body. In a few minutes, Dr. Pender came in with another rack of clothing. This one only had about ten outfits, and they looked like school uniforms.
“You’ll have ten days when your parents are here when you’ll need to wear the uniforms instead of jumpsuits. The idea of this whole tour is to make people believe that this is, in fact, a high quality academy. We can’t do that if everyone’s walking around in jumpsuits, looking like criminals.” She took an outfit off the rack, looked at it, then handed it to me. “For everyone else, we are giving uniforms that are just the standard small, medium, and large, like the jumpsuits. But there will be more focus on you guys, so your uniforms will be fitted. You need to try each of these on so that we can see what needs to be adjusted.”
She left me alone in the room to change. After each outfit, I knocked on the door and the woman came in and marked the fabric. When she was done, she took everything and left.
I was told that I would receive the uniform outfits after dinner that day, and that I was free to go. As I headed for my cell, I ran into Collin, pushing his cart toward the stairway.
“Hey,” he said, stopping.
“Hey,” I said back. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Some guy puked, so I was sent here to clean up the mess.” It was silent for a moment, and then I had an idea.
“So… what are you doing right now?” I asked him. He shrugged and said he didn’t have any more assignments for two hours, so the only thing he had to do was go sit in his room on the sixth floor. “Why don’t you come meet Macy and Jack then?” I asked. Collin hadn’t met any of them, and I had wanted them to meet each other for a few days. They were all important to me, and I couldn’t think of any rules I’d be breaking by doing this, so I decided to go for it.
He thought for a minute, and then agreed. We walked down the hall together and when we reached the door, I took a deep breath before pushing through.
“Hey guys,” I said, and then let Collin in. “This is Collin. He’s someone I met a few weeks ago. Collin, this is Carl, Macy, and my brother Jack. It was silent for a moment, and then Jack stood up and shook Collin’s hand.
“Nice to meet you,” he said. He looked at the jumpsuit, and then back at Collin’s face. “So… sanitation?” He received only a nod in reply. “Nice. Maybe you should be the one to clean my room. You seem to do a pretty good job of cleaning this one.” He looked around the room, as if double checking that the room really was well taken care of. “Whoever cleans my room does a horrible job at it.”
“Well,” said Collin, “I don’t have to do much. These ladies keep it pretty tidy in here. So maybe it’s you and Carl that are to blame.” They laughed at that, and then sat down. I went and sat next to Macy on her bed, since mine was occupied by three seventeen-year-old boys.
“So, Penny,” said Carl. “What took you so long in there? I was in and out in fifteen minutes. When I left, they said that you hadn’t even chosen your dress yet.”
“I had to find the perfect one,” I stated. “Something pretty, but not too flashy or elaborate. Simple, but elegant.”
“That’s weird. I never would have guessed that you, of all people, would care too much about that. I guess I was wrong, though. Maybe this whole wedding thing is turning you into an actual girl,” he teased. I knew he was joking, and that acting like a girl was nothing to be ashamed of. But I still felt the need to defend myself. However, Collin beat me to it.
“I don’t think she took her time for her benefit,” he said in his deep, familiar voice. “I think that, with all the things coming up, she wants to make sure that she looks nice, especially for her parents. She hasn’t seen them in ten years, and unless some miracle occurs, she won’t ever see them after they leave. She doesn’t want them to have to worry about her, so she feels she needs to look one hundred percent put together when she sees them. That way, they’ll assume everything is okay, even if it isn’t.”
It was silent for a moment at what he said soaked in for everything. I was used to these things by mow, so I was the first to speak.
“You’re exactly right, Collin. How did you know?” Part of me wanted to know, and part of me just wanted to keep hearing his familiar voice.
“Well, I knew you were concerned about your appearance earlier today. And I knew that what I said, no matter how true it was, wouldn’t help much. I knew you’d be concerned, and you’d want to make sure that your wedding was something your mom and dad remember as a beautiful event with their beautiful daughter as the star.”
For the third time that day, the room was completely silent. “What… what did you tell her?” asked Carl. I heard a bit of frustration in his voice, and I wondered why it was there.
“Well, she just asked me to describe what she looked like,” he said. “So I-”
“What did you tell her?” Carl asked again. This time, the frustration had turned into more a mix of jealousy, protection, and the original frustration.
“Well, if you would let me talk, I would have told you already,” Collin snapped. “I told her she has nothing to worry about when it comes to how she looks. She’s beautiful, and if I could, I wouldn’t change a thing. All the imperfect things about her make her perfect.” He looked at me as he said all that, even though he was talking to Carl. I also noticed the “perfects” and the “beautiful”s that he had used twice now. Hearing them again made me start to wonder about how Collin felt.
“Well, I gotta go. Jack, c’mon,” said Carl, and pulled Jack out of the room.
“That was… weird,” I said. “Carl’s been acting pretty strange lately. I’m not sure what it is. It’s probably just all this wedding stuff,” I said. The three of us talked for a little while longer, and then Collin said he had to go.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said as he stood up.
“Tomorrow?” he asked and I shrugged in reply. I knew that, because he had asked, there was no possible way I was going to lunch the next day. Because Macy was there, though, I couldn’t show how eager I was to see him.
It’s not that I wanted to keep secrets from Macy. She was not only my best friend, but she was also like a mother. I didn’t like keeping anything from her.
But I knew that if I told Macy, I’d never hear the end of it. Every day that I stayed back during lunch, she’d tease me about it. If I mentioned his name or anything that had to do with him, she’d smile and glance over with a knowing look. In the mornings, she would wake me with a comment about the things might get to talk about that day with Collin.
And if Macy was teasing me about something, Jack would find out. Even if she only did it when we were alone, he would still know. He’d ask Macy what she was teasing me about, and she would tell him. If he thought that I had a crush on someone, life around Jack would become close to unbearable. Half the time, he would tease me along with Macy, so that I’d be blushing almost all day. This other half of the time, he’d be angry. As a friend, Jack was supposed to tease me. But as a brother, he had to protect me. He didn’t want me to have a boyfriend. Of course, he didn’t want me to get married either, but that wasn’t anything that he could help. If he knew about my crush, he would try his best to make sure that I wasn’t alone with him. And then one day, Carl would find out.
Carl wouldn’t tease me. Well, he might have. But it wouldn’t be as extreme as Jack and Macy’s teasing. But if Carl knew that I liked someone else, it would have made everything extremely awkward. As we went through the mandatory actions like hugging and kissing and holding hands, he would wonder if I was thinking about Collin, wishing that Collin was in Carl’s place. And if Carl thought that, he would act weird, and he’d make everything awkward.
No,

I thought. My feelings for Collin must be kept a secret.

A couple minutes after Collin had left, I told Macy I was going to go out and see what was wrong with Carl. I walked down the hall at a fast pace, but when I got close to Jack and Carl’s room, I slowed down. I heard voices coming from the inside, and I wanted to listen.
“What are you trying to say? That you did it on purpose?” I heard Jack ask.
“I had to,” answered Carl. “I didn’t just do it without a reason.”
“C’mon man! That’s my sister you’re talking about!” I thought you were my friend!” Jack yelled. “Why’d you do it?”
“Would it have been better if she marries me, or some creep stranger?” Carl asked.
“There aren’t any strangers here! I know all the guys on this floor. You do too! And right now, you’re the creep! Tell me the real reason.” Jack was frustrated and mad, but he was pleading with Carl. I knew that Carl didn’t have to tell Jack, and he knew that too. But I also knew that Carl had never been able to resist the pleading look in Jack’s eyes and the begging tone in his voice.
“Because… she’s just Penny. She’s smart, gorgeous, fun, and just… perfect. When they were telling us about the project, I told them that I’d do it willingly and without any objections as long as they let me choose who I do it with. They said I could. It was just a coincidence that they chose her for the experiment beforehand. Originally, they had her paired up with Ben. But I couldn’t stand to see her get married to someone else. Because… I love her.”
What? Carl… loves me? He chose me on purpose?

I thought back over the last couple years, and realized that I could have seen it. I just hadn’t been paying attention. But here had been plenty of times when Carl had done something that you normally only do to someone that you like, or, as Carl said, love.
Many times, he had been in a conversation with me and had just reached over to put my hair behind my ear. His hand had always stayed at the back of my head for longer than necessary. I’d ignored it each time, because I couldn’t think of an explanation, and I never would have expected the obvious.
There were other times when he would hug me, if I were having a bad day of wasn’t feeling good. He had held on to me, tightly, for a few seconds longer than was comfortable for me. I always assumed that it was just because he was trying to comfort me.
If there were two empty seats, he had always chosen the one closest to me. I hadn’t ever really thought about why he did that. There were also the unnecessary touches, when Carl would reach for me or touch my hand for, what seemed to me, no reason.
But even with all these clues, Carl’s proclamation of his love for me shocked me. I didn’t know how to react, so I tuned back into the conversation.
“So all the complaining and all that - that was an act? You are perfectly okay with all this, as long as you get to marry my sister?” Jack was really yelling now, and I decided to go back to my room. I knew that stepping in to stop the argument would make things worse, and I didn’t want to stand there and listen to the rest of the conversation, so the option left was to walk away.
For the rest of the day, I didn’t speak. When Carl and Jack came to get us for dinner, I didn’t say a word. When I slipped my hand into Carl’s, I didn’t let out a sound. I didn’t say anything when Mary came up, hugged Jack, and sat with us while we ate. I didn’t open my mouth as we walked back to my cell, and I didn’t say a word when I closed the door without giving Carl his hug or kiss.
The next morning, I slept past breakfast. I would have slept longer, if it weren’t for Macy shaking me. She’d brought me some food and told me that my parents had arrived and were talking to Jack. This meant that I had a couple minutes to get dressed and ready to see my parents. I got that done just in time before they knocked on the door.
Before I opened the door, I thought about all the things that I could remember about my parents. I remembered their cheery attitudes. In public, my mom and dad always had smiles on their faces.
I also remembered that they had been very involved in the community. Many of my days were spent at home with Jack and Aymie, the babysitter who lived a couple houses down the street. My parents were always at charities, or protests, or other events around town. Once Jack left for the Academy, they spent more time out, and I spent more time with Aymie. Despite their busy schedules, though, my parents always found time to spend with me.
The thing that I remembered the most, though, was that every night, my parents would play cards. But they never played together, and they never said a word. They each had their own game of solitaire going, and they would play, in silence, all night if they had to, until they won their games.
When I opened the door, I was shocked to see the people that were standing there.
The two adults that I remembered had up and vanished in the ten years that I’d been gone. My dad had a big mustache, sprinkled with long gray hairs. He had a large, shiny bald spot on his head, and the hair that was on his head was gray instead of dark brown. When he opened his mouth, he was missing a tooth, and the others had a yellow tint to them. His lips were chapped, making them bright red and cracked. His eyebrows were weirdly shaped, and the hairs were long and resembled tentacles of an octopus. His brown eyes had seemed to grow smaller, while his double chin and midsection had grown much bigger. His nose was bigger than I remembered, and his skin looked pale. He had a few moles on his face, and a big one on his neck under his left ear.
My mom had changed too, but not nearly as much as my dad had. She’d gained some weight, and her teeth were a little yellow, but other than that, she looked the same. She had a tall forehead, with a few scars from chicken pox, just like me. Her eyebrow hairs were short and thin, not long and bushy like my dad’s. She had crow’s feet by her brown eyes, along with a couple bags under them. In the places that age had destroyed my dad’s handsome appearance, the years had gone easy on my mom.
“Oh, Penny!” my mother exclaimed. “Dear, it’s so great to see you!” She embraced me in a long, warm hug, as if wanting to make up for those ten years when she hadn’t been able to hug me. It startled me at first, as her hugs had become unfamiliar. I had grown used to Macy’s hugs, not my mother’s. But as soon as I got over the initial shock, I wrapped my arms around her. My father soon joined the hug, and the three of us stood in a tight huddle for several minutes. My mother began to cry, and that’s when we broke up our hug.
“It’s okay, Mom,” I said, wiping the tears from her face, “I’m here now. You don’t have to worry about me any longer. Hey now. Sh.” She kept sobbing, so I held her close to me. I looked to my dad for help. I didn’t know how to deal with this.
He pulled her off of me and looked into her eyes. “Gloria, you need to calm down now. We are here to see our children, and to watch them marry the man and woman that they love.” I winced as my dad said that, but didn’t say anything. “There’s no reason for tears today.” He guided her out of the room and down the hall.
When it was just Carl, Macy, Jack, and I, I collapsed onto the bed. “This is going to be the most exhausting week of my life,” I said. “Every time I’ll be having fun, I just know someone will bring up the wedding. How am I supposed to deal with this?” I asked no one in particular.
“Just act natural,” said Carl. Since I’d overheard the conversation between Jack and Carl, I hated Carl more and more every minute. I just didn’t understand how he could act like this was the worst thing that had ever happened, when he was really enjoying every minute of it.
“Act natural?” I whisper-yelled, so no parents outside the door would overhear me. “Carl, I don’t want to marry you! How am I supposed to act natural when I’m being forced to marry someone I don’t love? Not only do I have to marry you, but I have to lie to my own parents about it. That’s natural to you?”
Immediately after saying this, I felt horrible. Although I couldn’t stand the sight of him, I hadn’t wanted to hurt him. After all, he was still my brother. I could tell by the look on his face that I had hurt him more than anyone had ever hurt him before.
“Carl,” I’m sorry,” I whispered as he left the room. “I’m so sorry.”
Jack and Macy stared, not sure what to say. Finally, Macy broke the silence. “Jack, go find your parents and make sure they’re okay. It’s almost time for lunch.” She moved on to my bed and wrapped her arms around me as the door clicked shut.
“Alright, Penny. Tell me what’s wrong. I know you don’t like this whole situation. No one does. But why did you have to blow up? Carl was just trying to help you.”
I shook my head. “No, Macy, he just makes everything worse. Since the beginning, all he’s done is make things worse. He asked to be paired with me. I heard him tell Jack last night. He… he loves me.” Tears started falling, and Macy wiped them away.
“Things are so awkward now, Macy. He used to be my brother. And in a week, he’ll be the husband that I can’t even stand to look at. I hate him!” I started bawling then. The bell rang, announcing that it was time for lunch.
“Why don’t you stay here today, instead of going to lunch? You can talk this over with Collin. ‘Kay?” I nodded. “I’ll tell your parents that you had to go over some last minute things for the wedding. How’s that sound?” I nodded again, and she wiped the tears off my face once again. Then she got up and left. A couple minutes later, Collin came running in. He didn’t have his cleaning cart or any supplies, and he was out of breath.
He saw me in a heap on the bed, and stepped toward me. He picked me up and wrapped his arms around me, and everything felt okay. Not good, but okay.
“I saw Macy in the halls, heading to lunch. She said you needed me. What’s the matter, Penny?” he asked. “I thought you’d be happy to see your parents today.” We were sitting in our usual positions, with our backs against the wall and our legs out in front of us. This time, though, I was leaning on him, and his arms were around me.
In his arms, I felt safe. I felt the kind of security that I knew I would never feel with Carl. “It’s Carl,” I said, after I’d calmed down enough to speak. Between sobs, I told him the story. I told him what I’d heard Carl say, and what I’d said to him. “I don’t know how to fix this,” I said, and then nuzzled closer. “I don’t know how to fix anything anymore.”
He was silent for a minute, and the only sound in the room was our synchronized breathing. Finally, he said, “Penny, I don’t really know what to say about this one. I usually have something but I’m completely drawing a blank here. I’m sorry.” He started rubbing his hands up and down my back, like you would do to calm a baby. I found it surprisingly comforting, and I moved even closer to him.
“Thanks anyway, Collin,” I said. He didn’t ask what I was thanking him for, but I told him anyway. “You always have something so helpful to say. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to pay you back.” He didn’t say anything to that, but kept rubbing my back until I fell asleep. Laying there like that, all wrapped up in his arms, was the most comfortable that I could ever remember being. It was a good reminder that despite all the terrible things, there were also some good things about the Azuli Academy.
When he got up to leave, it woke me up. He didn’t say anything, but he was humming a lullaby that I remembered from when I was a toddler, when life was simple. He laid me back in the bed and pulled the covers over me, just like Carl had done two days before. This time was different, though. Collin tucked in the sides, and then leaned over me. He hesitated, looked at my lips, and then kissed my cheek.
As he left, I reached up and touched my lips. It was then that I realized that, more than anything, I had wanted him to kiss me.

Chapter 5

I didn’t fall asleep again, but I still hadn’t gotten out of bed when everyone got back from lunch. My mom had a sandwich with her, and she handed it to me when I sat up. “How are you?” she asked. “You look like you’ve been crying.” I thought fast, trying to find something that might have made me cry.
“They said that I couldn’t have roses. I remember we had rose bushes in our garden at home, and I wanted all the flowers to be roses. They said that roses are too expensive, and I’ll have to deal with whatever they give me. I guess that, along with all the other stress of everything else, it just made me break down. But I’m fine now. How was lunch?”
My mom started talking about how wonderful the food was, and how nice everyone had been, completely unaware of my lie.
Her mention of good food made me think of the food that I ate before coming to the Academy. I blanked out for a moment, imagining all the food that my mom used to make.
She was almost always cooking. Well, when she was home. One of the things that my parents had done around the community was to cook dinners for all the events that they went to. She made stews, casseroles, and just about everything else that you could think to make.
I always looked forward to dinner time, because even if the mean was leftovers from the night before and I had to eat it in the company of Aymie instead of my parents, it was as if my tongue was in heaven.
And there she was, complimenting the Academy’s chefs and their food. Even the improved food was nothing in comparison to my mother’s cooking.
After a few minutes of us talking, I realized that a few people were missing. “Mom, where are Dad and the boys?” I asked.
“They are talking to Carl’s parents,” she answered. “By the way, they are dying to meet you. Carl was talking about you nonstop the whole time we were eating. You are so lucky to have found someone so loving and sweet.” I rolled my eyes, but she didn’t see it. “Do you want to go meet them?”
I got up, thinking that I might as well get the whole thing over with, because I knew I’d have to meet them eventually. “Sure,” I said, and led the way out of the room. Macy stayed behind, but I wished she had come with us. Macy always made things easier.
If I ever needed help to confront someone or get through a bad day, she was always there. She had the right words to say, her touch was always comforting.
Even if she didn’t say a word, her presence was comforting. I felt like I could handle anything, just because she was there with me.
I was worried that, when I met Carl’s parents, I would need Macy with me, and she wasn’t going to be there.
When we got to the room, I decided to lay it on thick, and hopefully Carl would understand, and accept, the indirect apology.
I quickly ran through the Memories and tried to find out what to do, what would be the best way to convince everyone of my love for Carl.
Some girls merely blushed and turned away. Some girls played hard to get, and some kept their relationships secret from their parents. A few girls merely flirted, while others pounced on the boys.
Because of the variations, I tried to find Memories of engaged couples, and that helped me a little more.
I discovered that I had to show lots of affection, because as an engaged couple, we should have been very used to each other and used to showing that we were together. Well,

I thought, this should be fun.

“Hey, Carl,” I said, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I brought my face very close to his, and I had a smile on my face. “After we make all the introductions, can we have a minute alone? I want to… um… talk to you.” Before he could say anything, I planted a quick, light kiss on his lips, and then turned to face everyone else. I intertwined my fingers with his, and I leaned against him.
“Um…” he said, surprised by my entrance. “Uh, this is my mom, and this is my dad.” I stepped forward and gave them both a hug.
His mother had red hair, with green eyes and a pug nose. She was a little plump, with a double chin and red cheeks. His dad was tall, with broad shoulders just like his son. His brown hair framed his face, and his brown eyes were framed by thick, dark eyelashes.
“Mom and dad, this is Penny, my bride-to-be.” For the next few minutes, we talked about the wedding. I tried to be excited, pretended to care about all the little details. The males had their own conversation off to the side of the room, but I held on the Carl’s hand the whole time. Finally, after seeing all my glances toward Carl, his dad got everyone’s attention.
“Let’s give these two some privacy, eh?” Then, to Carl, he added, “This young lady’s been looking at you this whole time.” With a wink, he led the way out the door. Everyone followed him, but my dad was the last to leave.
“Can I ask you for a favor, Carl?” he asked, and Carl nodded. “You only have a week left before she’s your wife. Right now, she’s still my little girl. So hands off until she’s yours, okay? For me.”
“Yes, sir,” Carl said, while I blushed a deep crimson. As soon as we were alone, Carl pushed me away. “What the hell, Penny?” he asked. “One minute, you’re telling me you can’t ‘act natural’ when you have to pretend to love me, and the next time I see you you’re all over me. Why do you do that to me?”
“I knew that what I’d said to you earlier had hurt you. I thought that maybe by doing what I’m supposed to do instead of complaining about it, it would make things a little bit better. But I guess it just made things worse. My actions probably just hurt you even more because of how you feel-”
“Wait. What are you talking about?” By that point, I’d begun to rant, talking more to myself than to him. Originally, I hadn’t planned on telling him I had heard the conversation between him and Jack. I knew it would only make things more awkward than they already were, if that was even possible.
Since I’d said what did, though, I knew I had to tell him. I took a deep breath, and then sat on the bed. “I heard you talking when you told Jack that you loved me.”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes as he soaked everything in. “So… why didn’t you tell me that you knew?” he asked. Before I could answer, though, he went on. “And do you know just how much it hurts just walking down the hall holding your hand? I don’t think you understand at all. For the past three weeks, I’ve been living out my dream. Hugging and kissing you, holding your hand, getting everything ready to marry you. But it kills me inside because I know you hate the whole idea of it.” He took a deep breath, then looked into my eyes. “And you’re right. It did hurt a lot when you came in and were acting like… well, you were acting like you really loved me. Like you really wanted to marry me. I even believed it for a second,” he admitted. “It was when I realized it was all an act that it hurt.” He looked at the ground.
“You see, Penny, you have no idea what I would give for you to act like that towards me, and to really mean it. To really want to hold my hand, and to have a minute alone to… Well, you get the point,” he said, and started blushing as he sat on the floor. “I’d give anything,” he added, mostly to himself.
It was silent for several minutes after that, as I tried to think of something to say, something that would offer comfort. I kept drawing a blank, except for one thing. I didn’t know if it would help or not, but I decided to risk it, and I went ahead and said it.
“You know, Carl,” I started, “the reason that I hate all this is because I’m being forced into it. Not because I’m being forced to marry you, but because I’m being forced to marry anyone at all. Under different circumstances, I might have been able to act the way I acted earlier, and actually mean it. But the fact is, these are the circumstances, and we have to work with what we’ve got. We can make things work so that I’m not hurting you as much. I really do love you, Carl. Just not as a potential husband. I love you like a brother.” I got off the bed and walked in front of him. I pulled him up and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re a very sweet boy, Carl. You’re smart, kind, and loving. You’re protective and handsome. Maybe, after I’m gone, you’ll find a girl to go through all this with you. Someone who you love, and someone who will be able to love you back. Someone who would want nothing more than to marry you and have your children. I’m sorry I’m not that girl. She’s out there, though. I can feel it.”
I took his hand and led him to the door. Before opening it, I looked at him. “You ready to face everyone?” I asked. He nodded, and we walked out of the room and into the hall. No one was there, so we headed to my room. Before we got there, Carl stopped me.
“If we’re going to pretend to do this, we might as well do it right. No more of this amateur stuff.” He started playing with my hair, messing it up. He gave a small smile, and I started chewing. He messed with my hair a little bit more, then stepped back to examine his work. I started to laugh, but he shushed me.
When we got even closer, he stopped me again. “Now, when we get in there, don’t look anyone in the eye. Especially not your dad. Look sheepish, like you’ve done something wrong. But you’ve got to have a smile that says you’ll do it again.” I found the look that he described, and he smiled. “Perfect,” he said.
“Carl,” I said. “Did you ever notice how dramatic you are?”
“Penny, my dear,” he answered, “I not only notice, but I do it on purpose.” With a smile on both of our faces, we headed for my room.
The rest of the day was much easier than I’d expected. I had conversations with all the parents, and when I laughed about something, it was real laughter, not forced. I enjoyed myself for the first time in weeks.
We talked about many things, including life in and out of the Academy. At one point, my mom talked about one of her charities.
“The people that we’re helping… it’s so sad how impoverished they are. The children have to share rooms! Can you believe that? And some of them don’t even have dishwashers- they have to wash them all by hand! It really is sad.”
I tried not to snort. I thought about the people living in poverty before the New World. No meals, no shoes, no anything. It was shocking that, in this new country, poverty was not having a dishwasher.
When the disease spread, scientists and doctors worked hard to find a cure, or a vaccine. Once found, it was very expensive. Only the rich got their hands on the vaccine, and few who didn’t have it made it out alive.
It was because of this that the poverty line was set so high. When everyone is rich, someone must be poor.
Another conversation we had was about Jack and I as children. It started when my mom looked at the chocolate milk that she was drinking.
“Oh, I just remembered another great story!” She leaned in towards the table so that everyone could hear. “When Jack and Penny were little, one day I put them down for a nap, and then went to go take a shower. When I was done, I went into the kitchen and they were both there, taking a bath in chocolate syrup!”
Jack and I just looked at each other, rolled our eyes. People laughed, but my mom was laughing the hardest.
When the parents asked us about our life here, we just tried to steer the conversations in a different direction. It was hard to do at a moment’s notice, figure out what kind of things could be said in front of the parents. So we tried to avoid all conversation about life at the Academy.
When it was time to go to bed, I was actually a little disappointed to see everyone leave my room. Carl was the last to go.
“Thanks for everything today, Penny,” he said. “I had a lot of fun.” I gave him a hug, and told him that I’d had fun as well.
“Carl, I want to thank you for making today easier. Especially out in the hall… you made this pretending thing easy and fun instead of hurtful and exhausting. Thank you so much.” I put another kiss on his cheek, and watched as he walked back to his room.
The next morning, I woke up early. “Good morning, Macy,” I said when she finally got up. “How did you sleep?”
“Very well,” she said, looking at me suspiciously. “Why are you so happy this morning? I haven’t seen you up in time for breakfast in weeks. You don’t have a fever, do you?” She came over to feel my forehead, and I pushed her hand away with a laugh.
“Macy, I’m fine. I just had a lot of fun yesterday, and I’m hoping today will be at least something like it.” She went back to her side of the room to get ready for the day, and I started pulling out my uniform. I thought about the day before, and all the ups and downs. The thing that my thoughts lingered on for the longest, and kept going back to, was the visit from Collin.
I knew that I definitely had a crush on him, if not something more. When he’d leaned over me, I had felt the fluttery feelings in my stomach grow stronger, as if I was about to explode. I’d felt like in order to breathe, I needed that kiss. Of course, that obviously wasn’t true. He didn’t kiss me, and I still survived. But that feeling, the need and the desire… I wanted to feel it again, but only for a second. I wanted that feeling to be followed closely by the feeling that my strongest desires and my most desperate wants had been fulfilled. More than anything I’d ever wanted, I wanted that kiss.
I scrolled through some Memories to see how I was supposed to react if I had a crush on a boy.
“Is that Jaaacob?” a friend teases, and the first girl blushes.
“Be quiet. I’m not supposed to talk to him. I’m not allowed to date. And if my mom finds out, she’ll take me out of school. I can’t even sit by him at church because of how paranoid she is.” Her friend laughs.
“You’re such a good kid. You’re not even dating him. You’ve made sure that he knows that you’re not allowed to date. You’re just talking to him. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“My mom won’t understand that, though.

I stopped looking at the Memory then. I realized how similar my situation was to hers, even though they were completely different. We were both crushing on someone, and we both had to keep it a secret. If her mom found out about Jacob, she’d be in trouble. If the Academy found out about Collin… I shuddered. Who knows what could happen?

I saw Macy looking at me like I was crazy, so I stopped daydreaming and finished changing.
I walked down the hall after getting dressed, and headed to Carl and Jack’s room. On the way there, I ran into Collin.
“Whoa. Someone throw up again?” I asked, half joking.
“Actually, yeah,” he said. “It was Carl. He said he woke up and immediately didn’t feel good so he just stayed in bed. But, I guess he still threw up. Now I have to take all these sheets and wash them. Great start to morning,” he said sarcastically, but also lightheartedly.
“Oh geez. Today should be fun, then,” I said. “Taking care of my sick fiancé, who I have to pretend to be in love with. Wonderful.” We talked for a few more minutes, until I heard my mother’s voice.
“Penny,” she said. “Oh, who’s this? Another friend?” she asked. I nodded, and she extended her hand to him. He shook it, and then they both looked at me expectantly.
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “I’m sorry. Collin, this is my mom. Mom, this is Collin. He’s a good friend that’s helped me through a lot. He’s usually not around at this time of day, because of his job. But I guess Carl threw up, so Collin came to clean it.” She looked alarmed for a minute, but Collin assured her that when he’d left the room, Carl had looked fine.
“Well, I better get going,” said Collin. “I’ve got to wash these, and I shouldn’t keep you guys from your family.” Without hesitation, he stepped forward and hugged me. When he stepped back, his gaze shifted from me to my mom. “It was nice to meet you, ma’am. See you later, Penny.”
As we watched him leave, my mom started nudging me. “He’s pretty handsome, don’t you think?” she said.
“I’m not going to say that I haven’t noticed his good looks, because I really don’t want to lie to you. But I am getting married soon, and I really don’t think it would be appropriate for me to comment on it.” I started walking towards Carl and Jack’s room, and she gave me several sideways looks. I stopped walking. “What?” She laughed.
“It just looks like you and Collin are really good friends. I think he likes you.” I shook my head, but she nodded. “Yes, he definitely does. I’m sure he’s disappointed that you are marrying Carl.”
“No. Collin knows how much I love Carl. He understands that we love each other and that we’ll be very happy together.” I couldn’t look at her as I said this. Not a single word of it was true, and I was tired of lying to my mom. We didn’t say anything else for the rest of the trip to the room.
When we got to the room, I pushed open the door without knocking. “Carl, are you alright?” I asked immediately. “I saw Collin in the hall on his way out, and he filled us in on what happened.” Carl explained that he was fine, and that he’d probably just had something bad to eat. I stayed by his side until we went to breakfast. Then I told him to go find a seat, and I got him a tray of food. In line, I stood next to Mary.
“Hey,” I said. “I haven’t seen you in a few days. How have you been?” We talked for a few minutes, and she and her parents had breakfast with us.
There wasn’t much conversation throughout the meal, as everyone was still waking up. After breakfast was over, we were walking to the first floor when Jack, Mary, Carl, and I were pulled to the side by a couple of Vipero. “You guys need to go to class when you get down there. Report to B5, Section A, and you’ll receive further instructions when you get there,” said the taller of the two.
Instead of asking the questions that I wanted to ask, I bit my tongue and followed the others down the stairs, then down the hall. We left our parents at their rooms, which were just DarkRooms that had been converted to bedrooms.
As soon as our parents were gone, Mary and Jack’s hands separated, as did mine and Carl’s. “This week has been so exhausting!” complained Mary. I felt the same way, only I wouldn’t have expressed that feeling when it was only the second day. It would have made me a whiner, a complainer, and a quitter.
“Well, it’ll be over in a few days,” said Carl. He had bags under his eyes, and I knew he hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before.
“These two days have drained every ounce of energy from me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I mean, no offense to you or anything, Jack, but it’s hard to pretend to be in love with you.”
Jack winced when she said that, and I felt my face getting hot. “Well, little Miss Prissy,” I said, “I don’t think he’s having a very good time pretending to be in love with you. He may not be the perfect guy, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. You should be grateful that you got paired with such a loving, caring, kind person.” We had all stopped walking, so we weren’t near anyone who I wouldn’t want to hear what I said next. Still, I said it in a whisper. “And I don’t need you to be my lookout anymore. I’ll escape all on my own. I don’t need some stuck-up, prissy girl to watch my back. I can take care of myself.”
I started walking again, and arrived at the room several minutes before the others. Ben and Catherine were already seated when I walked in. I let out a strange, exasperated noise before I sat down. I could feel them staring at me, but I didn’t turn to look at them. I looked straight ahead until everyone else arrived.

Chapter 6

We were meeting with Dr. Pender for a physical health test. Out of all of the scientists and doctors, my favorite was Dr. Pender. Maybe it’s because she wasn’t a balding old man with stains on his lab coat. She had good hygiene, and she didn’t treat us like we were inferior. She talked to us on a personal level and treated us like human beings, not a science experiment.
“Alright guys,” she said. “Let’s get started. First, the guys need to go into Section B for your examination. Girls, you get to stay in here with me.” The boys left, and she sat down in a chair to face us. “Before we started with all the official stuff, I want to talk to you girls. Penny, I assume by the way you came in here earlier that you’re pretty stressed about this whole thing. What about you two?” she asked, turning to Mary and Catherine.
“I’m pretty frustrated right now,” said Catherine. “But Ben’s a good guy. He’s a lot of fun, and he managed to get away with not showing too much affection. All he has to do is play like he’s shy, and he makes comments that suggest we’ll be making up for everything we aren’t doing in front of them when they aren’t there. You know?” One thing I’d noticed from our meetings with the other couples was that Catherine tended to speak in long, run-on sentences that usually left everyone in the room confused. This made it hard to have a conversation with her.
“Okay. So what’s frustrating about it? It seems like you’ve pretty much got things under control.” Dr. Pender always wanted to get both the pros and the cons about most things. I wondered if it was because she wrote everything down in her report, or if she was genuinely interested.
“Just the fact that I have to lie to my parents. And my brother’s coming to the wedding, even though he didn’t come for the tour. Lying to family is just hard. And it’s even more frustrating because I’m lying to them because the people that want to keep me prisoner told me to. So even though I know that if I told my parents the truth about the Academy, I could get this place shut down or something, but I don’t want my parents to worry, so I lie even though it’s not in my best interests.” See? Long, confusing sentences.

“Okay. Well, I’m sure Mary and Penny will help you through this next week until your parents are gone. And if you don’t want to talk to them, you can always talk to me.” She looked between Mary and me, and settled on Mary. “Mary, how are you holding up so far?”
“I’m doing pretty well. I wish I was paired with Ben, though. It seems like he makes things pretty easy. Jack… well, there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s polite, he’s a gentleman, and he gets along with my parents. I just… I can’t see myself ever falling in love with someone like him. So lying to my parents about it, and having to lie to my sister when she comes… it just seems unbearable to think about. And…” she got a bit quieter, as if someone might overhear, “… he’s either a really good actor, or he really does want to marry me.” That’s normally a time when I would have snorted in disagreement. I didn’t that time, though. I was too busy laughing.
“You think… he’s in love… with you? What… a funny… thing to say! He’d… rather… jump off a cliff… than marry you!” I said in between gasps for air. “That’s… the funniest thing… I’ve heard in a long time!” I clutched my stomach, and a couple seconds later, fell on the floor in silent laughter.
“Penny, you need to calm down. Even if you know that your brother really is or isn’t in love with Mary, you need to control yourself.” Dr. Pender tried to help Mary out, but I could tell that she was trying not to laugh along with me.
“Okay,” I said once I controlled my laughing enough to stand up. I sat back down in my chair and then faced Mary. “Mary, I’m sorry that I laughed at you. But Jack is my brother, and we talk quite a bit. And yes, he has very strong feelings about you. They just aren’t anything like what you think they are.”
I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Jack. “Why did I get stuck with her?” he’d asked me, pacing around my room.
“It could be worse,” I said. “You could be marrying someone who’s like your brother. At least you guys won’t be completely awkward around each other. You could think of it as a stupid fling, or friends with benefits, or something. Carl is my brother. Except that he loves me. I can’t just pretend. This’ll be tons of fun.”
He shook his head. “But you guys get along. I can’t stand Mary. She’s horrible. How am I supposed to sit here and pretend to love someone I hate?”
Dr. Pender’s voice reminds me of my present surroundings.
“Alright. That’s enough, Penny, you seem awfully chatty today. Tell us how you’re holding up?”
“I’m doing relatively well. I’m certainly not going to complain about how hard all of this is, especially because it’s only been a day and a half. And I’m not going to complain and say that Carl is someone that I can’t ever imagine falling in love with. And I’m certainly not going to mention-”
“Okay, Penny,” said Dr. Pender. “That’s enough. If you won’t tell us how you’re doing, then we will move on to the physical examination.”
“Please tell us,” said Catherine. “I want to know how you deal with everything. Every time I see you, you seem so under control. If I knew how you did it, it might help me.” That day, I was feeling pretty dramatic, so I decided to open up and tell them the whole story.
“Well, Catherine, it isn’t easy,” I said. “First, you have to have people who you can talk to and explain your problems to. I have three. They’re reliable, and I can always count on them.”
“Your roommate, your brother, and Carl, right?” asked Dr. Pender.
“No, actually,” I said, “I don’t talk to Carl much. Things get awkward too fast. The third person is Collin. He’s a sanitation worker who cleans my cell.” All three of them gasped. A month and a half before that, if someone had told me that they were friends with a sanitation worker, my response would have been similar. Sanitation workers were rarely seen when the Azuli were around, and multiple visits were even rarer. I glanced at Dr. Pender, wondering if I should be telling her about Collin. I decided that I could trust that she wouldn’t do anything to stop our visits, and I went on.
“One day, I didn’t go to lunch, and that’s when he came by. We started talking, and I’ve stayed back from lunch pretty often since then. He always has great advice and he’s so helpful and honest and I…” I trailed off, not wanting to admit the next part. They pressed me for an answer, so I finally came up with something else. “I have so much fun with him. He’s my best friend, and when I move to the cell with Carl, I know that I’ll miss Collin a lot.”
“Wow,” said Catherine, while Mary said nothing. Dr. Pender looked like she felt as if she shouldn’t be listening to our gossip, but she was going to anyway. “That sounds so awesome! I wish I had someone like that to talk to. But don’t worry. I won’t steal him from you.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked, even though I knew exactly what she meant. I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable by telling my feelings for Collin, so I tried playing stupid. Apparently, it didn’t work.
“Oh, please!” said Catherine. “Obviously, he likes you, or he wouldn’t keep visiting you and giving you advice and helping you out. He’d come to your cell to clean it, of course, but if he didn’t have feelings for you, he’d come and go quickly. This whole thing could cause some trouble at the wedding.” She had a sparkle in her eye, like she hoped something exciting would happen.
“Oh, c’mon. The wedding will be a disaster anyway. I don’t know how I’m going to look at Carl and say those vows without breaking down. I know that he’ll have that hurt look in his eyes, and I won’t be able to go on with the words. It’ll be too much for me to handle. I can’t do something like that to him. He’s-” Suddenly, I realized that I had been speaking those words instead of thinking them.
“Why would he have a hurt look in his eyes?” asked Catherine, the excitement thick in her voice.
“Maybe because he has to marry her?” suggested Mary. “I mean, it would probably be pretty painful to have to spend the rest of your life married to someone like her.”
“Oh, shut up, Mary. If you would just let me talk, you’d know just how right you are. But at the same time, you couldn’t be any more wrong. He will be hurt when he marries me because he’s marrying me, but not because he doesn’t want to. It’ll be hurting him because he loves me, but he knows that I hate this whole idea, and it hurts him that I don’t love him back.” No one said anything, but Dr. Pender raised an eyebrow.
After recovering from the shock of my statement, Mary said, “Okay. I want to know who gave you permission to be so hypocritical. You tell me that I can’t say Jack loves me, and you go and say the same thing about Carl. What gives you that right to do that, but not me?” Her look told me that she had never despised a human being as much as she despised me.
“Because, unlike your little fantasy world, the world I live in is called reality. Carl told Jack that he loves me, and he didn’t know that I heard him. And then when I told him I knew, we talked about it. That’s why I can say it and you can’t, Mary. That’s why I was irritated with the petty complaints coming from you two. ‘Oh, I have to lie to my parents and sibling. How will I ever live? Poor me!’
“Well, guess what? I have to lie to my parents and to Carl’s parents about being in love with him. I have to face the fact that every time I hold his hand or kiss him, it breaks Carl’s heart all over again. I can’t stand the sight of him anymore, and he used to be a brother to me. And I have to marry that person. I don’t have to worry about lying to my brother. Instead, I have to watch my brother lie about being in love with someone that I know he can’t stand. I’ll have to watch him marry you in five days, Mary. Do you know how bad that will hurt me? On top of all that, I have to ignore how I feel about Collin, because it will just lead to trouble.
“Oh, and I forgot. I’m the youngest person in this whole experiment. Everyone else has someone their own age to help get them through this, someone that can relate to the situation. There’s no way that anyone can even begin to understand how I feel about all of this. No one that can relate to it. And you think that these last two days have been exhausting for you guys? Walk a mile in my shoes, and you’ll be begging to have yours back.”
For several minutes, none of them said a word. Finally, Dr. Pender decided to change the subject. “It’s time that we get on with the check-up now,” she said. “Who wants to go first?” So that I could leave early, I volunteered to go first. It was just a routine check-up. It took about ten minutes, and then I was free to go. Before I left, though, she grabbed my arm.
“It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Keep talking to Collin, Macy, and Jack, and stay strong. If anyone can make it through this week, I definitely have all my money on you.” She winked, and then released my arm. “After lunch today, you’re having your final fitting for your wedding dress. If she wants, your mom can go with you. Don’t be late though, okay? It’s a lot of fun to have your mom at a fitting, but we only have a short amount of time.”
I nodded, and then turned on my heel and left the room. I went to my cell and sat on the bed. My mom was talking to Macy, and they both looked up.
“There’re some things that I need to go over with my planner today,” I said. My mom started to nod, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. It was going to be a mass wedding, with eleven other couples. Why would I have my own planner?

I just continued with my lie, though, knowing that it was simpler than explaining the truth.
I’m going to try to get some roses, even if I can’t have all roses. So I won’t be going to lunch today. But, Mom, after lunch is over, if you want to go with me, we are having my final dress fitting. And Macy, you can go with me too, if you want.” They both said that they would go, and then I asked them where the boys were.
“I think they went to their room with your dad and Carl’s parents,” said Macy. I thanked them, told them I’d see them after lunch, and then walked out the door.
When I got to the boys’ room, I pushed open the door without knocking and they all looked at me as if I had interrupted something.
“I’m sorry. Am I bothering you guys?” I asked.
“No, it’s okay,” said Carl, standing up. “I was wondering when you would get out of that room. I swear, you girls always take so much time to get such simple tasks done and over with.” He gave me a hug, and then we sat down on his bed together. I had his hand, and I placed my head lightly on his shoulder.
We all talked about the wedding, and all the details. Eventually, the alarm sounded, announcing lunch time.
“Oh, Carl, I forgot to tell you. I have some more things that I need to take care of during lunch today.” I looked over to his mom. “After lunch, I am having my final fitting for my dress. Would you like to come with me?” She declined my offer, and everyone filed out of the room. Carl stayed behind with me.
“You don’t really have things to take care of for the wedding, do you?” he asked, and I shook my head. “Penny, can I ask you a question?” I nodded, and he let out a sigh. I could see the hurt look in his eyes, but I couldn’t look away. “Do you like him?” I didn’t say anything, just nodded. “Okay,” he said, and then turned and left. Before he turned away, I got a glimpse of the hurt that his eyes held.
I walked to my cell to wait, but it took more time than usual for Collin to get there. As I waited, I thought about him. I thought about how much I cared for him, even if I couldn’t fully admit it to anyone. In this scary, dark period in my life, Collin had brought security and light. He gave me a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen. He always had something positive to say, always convinced me that it wasn’t the end of the world.
I rarely laughed around anyone but Collin. Of course, there were fake laughs and smiles that I gave to everyone else. But it was only with Collin that my teeth would show, that my eyes would join in.
As I was thinking all this, I was sitting on my bed, picking as a thread that had come loose from my sheets. I heard a crash from the hallway, and heard Collin cuss under his breath. When he came in, I found out why he had been late.
He came in with a weird look on his face, as if he’d just witnessed something extremely strange. “That was pretty unexpected,” he said, and then looked at me. “I just saw Mary. She… uh… I’m not really sure what she was doing. It was just weird,” he said, and then looked at me and smiled.
“Tell me about it, then. I haven’t had much entertainment for a while, so it’d be nice,” I said. Then I sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to me.
“She kept talking about having ‘someone to lean on,’” he said. “She said that if I could help you out, then I could help her out, because she’s less dramatic and… easier.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and then continued. “She kept getting closer to me, until I was backed up against a wall. Then she got really close, so close I could have kissed her if I’d wanted to.”
I stopped listening for a second, and thought about that. Why would she do that to me? I told them how I’d felt about Collin, and she’d tried to take him away from me? I had known before that she was a devious, deceitful person, but I hadn’t known that it was that extreme.
“… and I wasn’t sure how to answer that question to anyone, let alone someone I’d just met. So I just left,” he finished.
“I’m sorry. I lost you. What question did she ask you?” I felt bad for not listening to him, especially after all the times he’d listened to me so patiently.
“She asked me how I felt about you, and if I knew how you felt. It was kind of a random question, and I think that’s one reason that I couldn’t answer. She just caught me off guard.” He looked away as he said this and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Well, will you tell me how you feel?” I asked, and he shrugged. “Please? It’s important to me. If you tell me, then I’ll tell you why it’s so important.”
“Alright,” he said reluctantly. “If it’s really that important to you, then I’ll tell you. I think that you are such an incredibly smart, beautiful, kind girl. You’re my best friend, and I can trust you with anything. I always have fun with you, and I’m going to miss seeing you after the wedding. You always make my day so bright and happy. I wake up and think, ‘I might get to see Penny today,’ and I smile. Just the thought of you makes whatever I’m doing, no matter how gross, seem bearable.
“When you move, you have to promise me that you won’t forget about me. You have to come visit me once in a while. Because… I like you, Penny. I like you a lot. I might… I might even love you.”
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said. “After the wedding, I’ll come here every day until I leave. And when I’m gone, I’ll send letters to your house whenever I can so you’ll know that I’m okay. But you have to promise something. Even when I’m gone, you need to be happy. Marry a nice girl, someone you’ll actually be able to be with. Have a house with a yard and few kids, maybe even a dog. Don’t make your life be over when you’re seventeen just because your first love isn’t there anymore.”
He was silent for a minute, and he was looking right at me, into my eyes. Finally, he said, “So you’re still planning on leaving?”
“I have to, Collin. You may or may not understand this. But whether you do understand or not, I’m not going to sit here and be treated the way they treat me. They can’t make me do this. I won’t take it, and I’ll-”
“Treated like what, honey?” I heard. I looked at the door and saw my mom and Macy standing there. “Is everything okay?” She glanced at Collin, as if she thought he had been the cause of my rant.
“I was just venting about the Academy. They won’t let me even have roses in just my bouquet. Not even one!” I tried to sound upset, but I wasn’t sure that it was working until my mother tried to comfort me.
“Honey, I’m sure that your wedding will be beautiful even without the roses. Don’t worry about it.” She turned to Collin. “How are you?” she asked.
“I’m good. But actually, I’m running pretty late. Penny, can we finish our conversation tomorrow?” I nodded, then gave him a hug and watched him leave.
“So, why are you two back so early?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m just so excited to see your dress!” answered my mom. “Is there any way that we could start now?” She was practically jumping up and down with excitement, and I didn’t know how I could deny her something like that. I also thought about what Dr. Pender had said about being late, and decided that it should be okay if we started early. I nodded at her and led the way to B5.
“Why is this classroom split up into so many small parts?” my mom asked on the way.
I decided that, for once, the truth wasn’t some horrible secret that I had to hide from my mother. “They are usually used for disciplinary reasons, even though they aren’t used very often. But with all the weddings going on, they’ve decided to use them for the meetings and all that so that we aren’t taking up whole classrooms.” She nodded, agreeing that using the smaller rooms was much more efficient.
I knocked on the door to Section A. I wasn’t sure what section the fitting would take place in, so I decided to check all of them. When I knocked at Section C, Dr. Pender opened the door.
“Hey guys,” she said, and checked her watch. “A little early, don’t you think?”
“Well, my mom was really excited, so I thought we’d come by early. Is that okay? Or should we come back after lunch is officially over?”
“You guys are already here. There’s no point in you guys going back, because you’ll just have to turn around and come back here as soon as you get there. So come on in and we can get started.”
We stepped in and I spotted my dress hanging on a wall. The woman who had fitted my dress before was sitting in a corner mending a small shirt. It was pretty crowded in the room with all of us in there, but there was enough space to do what needed to be done.
“My dear,” said my mom, and walked over to the dress. “This is beautiful, Penny. Absolutely beautiful.” She reached out her hand and stroked it, and then turned around and gave me a hug. “I can’t believe that you’re getting married in only a few days!”
“Let’s get this done,” said the woman in the corner. “We are going to have other girls coming soon, so if we can get this one taken care of, that would be great.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, and a Memory came into view.
A young woman on a platform in front of dressing rooms, surrounded by family.
She waits as her best friend, two sisters-in-law, mom, aunt, and cousin judge the dress she has on.
“Courtney,” says her mom, “that’s beautiful. You look absolutely stunning.”
Courtney smiles and looks down at the dress. “I think this is the one.”
She walks around the platform, her happiness seeping into everything in the room. “This is definitely the one.”

I opened my eyes and saw my small crowd. My mother and my best friend, two people I loved more than life.
“Let’s see that dress on her,” said my mom. I stood up on the stool like I had the first time, and I put my arms above my head so they could slip the dress over me.
“This looks so beautiful on you, Miss,” she said. “And you haven’t changed in size hardly at all since the last time. That makes my job so much easier.” She flashed me a smile, and then started pulling fabric in a few places, pinching it together in others. I was shocked at the speed of her fingers and hands, but also her apparent enthusiasm. At the first fitting, she’d been quick and professional, not saying a word as she marked the fabric.
She started pinning the fabric, and took a couple pins out of the skirt. When she was done, she took a step back to examine it. My mom gasped, which I thought was a little too dramatic. When I turned and faced the mirror, though, I let out a gasp of my own.
Part of it was from seeing how I looked in the dress, and part of it was because I was seeing my reflection for the first time in ten years. I touched the scar on my forehead, and ran my hands through my hair. I looked truly beautiful.
The white fabric made my skin look more tan than it usually was, and my brown hair fell softly and smoothly a couple inches above my shoulder. The woman started digging in a box until she found a bag with my name on it, and she brought it to me.
“These are extensions for your hair,” she said, and started clipping them in. “You don’t have to have them, but that are here if you decide that you want them.” I looked at my reflection again, and couldn’t help but smile. The extensions blended perfectly with my brown hair, and it looked amazing as it came down over the top of my dress.
“If you choose to wear them in the wedding, you will need to keep them in your room, and you’ll be responsible for them. You might want to wear them around during this week so that you can get used to the weight. Are you going to do that?” I looked to my mom and Macy to see what they thought, and they both nodded vigorously.
“I guess I’m taking them,” I said. She put them back in the bag and handed it to my mom so she could take my dress off. When I was done getting dressed, we all headed to my room.
The rest of the day, I had conversations with several different people about the fitting, the dress, the wedding, and everything that had anything to do with the wedding. It became tiring, and I just wanted the whole thing to be over so I could stop talking about it. I decided that after my wedding was over, I wouldn’t ever talk about a wedding, or anything wedding related, ever again.

Chapter 7

As I took a shower that night, I thought about all the things that were different simply because of the fact that parents were there.
One thing that was different was our showering schedule. Normally, we were only allowed to shower once a week. With our parents there, we were able to take one each night or each morning. We also had more privacy, because of the new doors. The food was better, the clothes weren’t so itchy, and we got to see our parents. It was like a vacation.
However, we also had to lie to our parents. We had to lie about who we loved, and who we wanted to marry. That was the down side. If we had to do this whole wedding thing without our parents, it would have been so much easier.
The next morning, I could feel that something was wrong. I found a piece of paper in the drawer by my bed, and I grabbed a pencil that was also in there.
Next, shook Macy awake. “Macy,” I said. “I need you to count for me. I don’t need it to be exact, but I do need an estimate.” I got situated on the floor, with the paper on the side table. “Just go when you see me start.”
I tried to find something simple, something easily drawn. After a couple seconds, I found a Memory of a father teaching his young daughter how to ride a bike. We didn’t have bikes in the New World; something I’ve always thought should be changed. I started drawing, and it felt great.
The young girl smiles as her dad helps her onto the bike. Neither of them say a word, but instead go through their Saturday routine in silence. It’s only the second time they’ve gone out to learn this skill, but each knows their role. She starts to pedal, but her dad holds onto the seat, not quite ready to led his little girl go. The tires spin and a laugh escapes her throat as the air hits her face.
They pass trees and houses, mailboxes and cars. Finally, she’s gained too much speed for her dad to keep up. With one last push, he lets go and watches his little girl fly.

Finally, I was done. I looked at Macy and saw the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. “I counted twenty,” she said. Then, to make me feel better, she said, “But I was probably counting too fast. It probably wasn’t really twenty seconds.”
I started to cry, because it had never taken me twenty seconds to draw a Memory. I couldn’t even guess what was going to happen that day. When Macy saw my tears, she got down on the floor and wrapped me in her arms.
A couple minutes later, Carl and Jack walked in. “What’s wrong?” asked Carl. I reached up and grabbed the picture, and handed it to him. Because I was still hysterical, Macy explained to them what had happened.
“Shit!” he yelled, startling me. Carl didn’t curse very often, so when he did, you knew it was bad. I heard footsteps in the hallway, and then my parents appeared at the door.
“What happened?” asked my mom when she saw me. “I heard Carl shout, and now… What’s going on?” she asked.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurted without thinking. With so little time, I couldn’t think of anything else that would make Carl and I so upset. “I love kids and all, but I didn’t want any of my own for at least a few years!” I started blubbering, trying to make my parents believe me. Looking back, I probably could have told them the truth about the Memory. The general public didn’t know that the Memories were gone after we drew them, but they were aware that we drew them out. I could have told them the truth about bad days. But I had gotten so used to lying, sometimes it was hard to believe what was true and what wasn’t.
I looked at the ground so I wouldn’t have to look at my mom’s shocked face anymore. My dad didn’t say anything, but instead, he walked out of the room. Carl followed a couple minutes later, and punched the wall on the way out. I didn’t know if it was because he was really angry, or if it was for the benefit of my mom. Macy stepped back and left the room, taking Jack with her.
“Honey,” said my mom “is this true?” I nodded and sniffled a bit, then wiped the snot on the back of my hand. “You realize that your father is going to be very upset with you, right?” I nodded again, but then shrugged my shoulders.
“It’s not like I’ll be some single mother out in the real world. Carl won’t run off. He wouldn’t have anywhere to run off to. Plus, he loves kids. He’s great with all the new arrivals, and it always makes me smile to see him with them. Also, we’ve talked about having kids before.” As I said this, I realized that none of it was a lie.
Carl wasn’t going to run off. I was. He really was great with all the little kids, and it really did make me smile to see him interact with them. And we had talked about having children. Although it had been a while since anyone had mentioned it, I couldn’t make myself forget the real reason for the marriages.
We sat in silence for several minutes, until two Vipero showed up at the door. They were the same ones that had showed up when we first learned about the experiment.
“I need Penny Miller, please,” said the tall one. I stood up and followed them out without reciting all my information. Something told me that in front of my mom, it wouldn’t have been a good idea.
Wondering what was going to happen to me, I followed them through the halls. I assumed that they wouldn’t do anything bad, at least not until my parents were gone. Somehow, I managed to keep my fear controlled. I didn’t plan on being here much longer after my parents left.
Still, I wasn’t prepared for what happened. It was like a punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of me and literally leaving me speechless. First, the Vipero actually picked me up and threw me into the room. I landed hard on the floor, but when I got up, the door had been shut and the lights had been turned off. I sat back down and waited for someone to come in and tell me what was going on. I waited, and soon lost track of how long I’d been in the room.
Finally, the door opened and a small man stepped in. He acted very calm, as if he had all the time in the world. He turned the light on, and I instantly recognized him as the warden. He had eyes like a black hole, a dark, endless abyss. He was slightly hunched from years of paperwork and phone calls, and his hair was cut short. He was not an ugly man, but not handsome either. He had the type of face that made him look like a pleasant, kind person to those who don’t know him. Those that do know him, however, could see the evil.
He walked over to the table and sat in the chair, looking at a file. “Penny Miller,” he said. “How are you doing? Your parents drive you insane yet? Or are they still on your good side?” His presence sucked the air out of the room, making it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. Because of this, I kept quiet and did not move. “You’re being quiet today, then? Alright, this should go quickly. Two things- first, I’ve received information from a very reliable source that you are planning an escape.” It was this statement that completely robbed me of my ability to speak. How did he find out?

“I hope you know that if you weren’t so important to the lovely science department we have here, you would be exterminated tomorrow, regardless of whether or not this statement is true. It actually would be today, but I'd have to do all the paperwork for it. It takes an awful lot of paperwork to erase someone from existence.”
I still didn’t respond in any way. How could I? I was completely unable to move or talk. “And so that we can keep a constant eye on you, we will be moving the wedding a day forward. It will be in three days instead of four. On Wednesday, you get married. On Saturday, parents and siblings leave. On Sunday, you will be constantly monitored by one Vipero, if not two. How does that sound?” Without waiting for an answer, he walked out the door, and I heard a lock click into place. I inhaled a deep breath of air, and started to move around.
I stayed in that room for the rest of the morning, until lunch time. I started pacing, because I had nothing else to do. I counted steps from one side of the room to the next, back and forth, back and forth. I had no idea what I was going to do.
What was I supposed to do? Give in to their plan? Or tell my parents the truth? Maybe escape now instead of waiting? What do I do?

I tried to look through Memories, tried to find one that would give me hope, that would remind me that it’ll all be okay.
But all the Memories that I looked out, no matter how happy the beginning was, the end was terrible, scary, sad. Eventually, I stopped looking at memories and just sat on the floor and waited for someone to find me.
The DarkRooms and the punishment rooms were only cleaned on Sundays, which is why Collin hardly ever had time to talk on Sundays. I had forgotten this, though, and I was surprised to see the door being opened. They pushed the cart in, and then turned the light on. When he saw that I was in there, he stepped back.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that anyone was in here.” He paused for a minute, and then stepped forward. “Penny?” I looked up at his face, and my day instantly got a little better. I got up and stepped into him, wrapping my arms tight around him. “They moved the wedding, Collin,” I said. “My wedding is in three days, not four. I’m getting married on Wednesday. How am I going to do this?”
I latched onto him and didn’t let go. I started to sob, and he had to hold on to me to keep me standing. He didn’t say anything, just stood there holding me while my tears stained his jumpsuit.
After I calmed down a little bit, I pulled away but didn’t let go. I needed to feel his physical presence, or I knew that I would burst into tears all over again. “I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “I shouldn’t shove all my problems at you. I just… I don’t know what to do. All my planning was crushed today, unless I leave on Saturday, right after my parents and all the other parents are gone. I hadn’t planned on it being the same day. And if I don’t leave then, I’ll have a guard watching my every move. I just… I wish things would get better.”
“Penny, please don’t feel bad. I would feel like a horrible friend if I didn’t help you with everything that you’ve got going on. You need someone there for you, and I would be a little insulted if you went to anyone else. I mean… it’s not like I’m obsessed and want you all to myself all the time. Okay, I do, but I won’t turn into some creep who stalks you. I promise.” I felt his body shake with laughter more than I heard it. I smiled, but I had a feeling that a laugh would bring more tears. “If you stopped talking to me, and went to someone else with your problems, you don’t know how crushed I’d be, Penny.”
I didn’t say anything at first, but leaned back into him. “I’d never do that to you. You’re my best friend. What kind of person abandons her best friend?” I couldn’t look at him as I said this, because of my plans. Although I wasn’t abandoning the Academy because of Collin, I was still leaving him behind, alone. I was talking very quietly, and when he started to sit down, I sat with him. I started out with my head on his shoulder and my hands in my lap, but before long, my hand and his were intertwined.
I tried to get him to talk about his family. “Come one,” I said. “You know all about my family. I don’t know anything about yours.”
He just shook his head. “You don’t want to know about my family,” he told me. “You’d be mad, and sad, and you’d feel hopeless. I’ve already told you about my dad, and what happened to my brother. Why do you need to know more? Haven’t you heard enough?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t heard anything about your mom. Tell me about her.”
“No, Penny. I don’t want to think about them. They’re in my past. Right now, I just want to be with you and talk about happy things.”
I dropped the subject, decided that it was best not to push him any more than I already had.
We talked about my childhood, and it didn’t take long for me to discover that he hadn’t ever drawn anything before.
“What?” I asked, absolutely incredulous. “How do you live for seventeen years without drawing something? You have written something, right?” He nodded, and I let out a sigh of relief. “And you’ve never doodled in the corner by your name or anything like that?”
“Nope. We got in tons of trouble if we did. One time, this girl in my class drew a sun in the corner of her paper. They had three Vipero in there the next day, explaining the consequences of drawing anything. Since it was just a sun, and it was the first time it had happened, she didn’t get into major trouble. For two years, though, she had almost no friends because of that. She was also moved into a different class with fewer students so that the teacher could keep a close eye on her.” He shuddered as he remembered it. “Seeing the Vipero march in there, fully armed and ready to stop a revolution… it was scary.” He laughs a little. “It was definitely intimidating enough for me to never draw anything. Especially with my dad working for… nevermind.”
I decided not to ask him about his dad again. “You think that’s scary?” I asked. “Imagine being shocked with cattle prods because you’re a five-year-old who just wants to draw a picture, and you don’t understand why you have to do it with your eyes closed. That’s something that no little kid should ever have to go through. Unfortunately, each and every Azuli in here has been through exactly that. Every single inmate here has been shocked countless times for not understanding.”
“They shocked you? Did it leave scars?” he asked. He had excitement in his voice, but not good excitement. The look in his eyes scared me for a second, but I nodded anyway, and told him that they looked like giant freckles. “Can I see them?”
I nodded, and started taking off the top layer of my uniform. I had a shirt underneath it, but I still felt myself blush in front of Collin. When I had the top shirt off, I pointed out the scars on each arm.
“They get you in the same spot every time,” I said, and started to put my other shirt back on. He stopped me by putting his hand on mine, and then he moved his fingers lightly across the small bump on my right arm.
“These are from when you were five?” he asked? “That stayed all that time?”
“Well, not really. If you take too long to start drawing, they’ll shock you. Every once in a while, they’ll interrupt your drawing session by shocking you, just for fun. When that happens, you don’t actually feel anything until after you’ve already finished drawing. Those hurt the worst, though. It’s almost like the current builds in your body until you open your eyes again. I don’t know why it seems to grow like that, but when we’re drawing, we can’t be disturbed by anything in the physical world. An atomic bomb could go off right next to me and I wouldn’t know it.”
“So they just shock you for no reason? Isn’t that like… torture or something?” His face showed both concern for me and anger towards the Academy. I could also tell that he didn’t quite believe me.
I thought about some of the Memories, of the torture that used to take place. I shuddered. Compared to those, I was not being tortured. Compared to that torture, this was a walk in the park.
“Or something,” I said with a sad smile. “We don’t complain. How could we? In the past, it’s always made things ten times worse. And whoever does the complaining is pretty much exiled. Well, they’re exiled as much as they can be when we’re all stuck here together. The main time that I remember when someone complained was when I was seven years old. Someone complained about only being allowed to shower once a week. They shut down the showers for a month because of that. It was horrible. I did everything I could possibly do so that I didn’t sweat. I also didn’t go into the boys’ room once during that time. Even walking by it made me gag.” He laughed at that, but I knew he wasn’t laughing at the horrible situations that we were put through, but the fact that their room smelled so bad.
“Anyway, we’re avoiding the problem here.” I tried steering away from the sadness, because when I was with Collin, it was so much easier to be happy. “You’ve never drawn before? Ever?” He shook his head. “I’m ashamed to be your friend, Collin,” I said jokingly. I got up and walked over to the desk with the files on it. I found an extra sheet of paper and a pencil and brought them over to him. “Draw something. Anything.”
“What?” he asked, unsure if I was serious.
“You heard me. Draw something now,” I commanded. Then softer, I said, “Please.” He hesitated, and then started drawing a house. His lines were straight, but it still looked like it had been drawn by a four year-old.
“There,” he said after about a minute. I tried not to laugh at him, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Step aside and let a pro show you how it’s done,” I said. I flipped the paper over and started drawing a house with a yard, a picket fence, and a big tree. There were shutters on the window, and a black flag flying. Sitting under the tree were two teenagers looking at a book. “That’s you and I, after I’m out of here. I’ll be waiting for you in a house just like this. The shutters and door will be blue, while the rest is white. The flag will not be a white flag showing that I surrender, but a black one. It’s to show that I will never give up. Meet me here, okay?” Of course, I was joking. For several reasons, having him meet me at the house that I made up was unrealistic.
He didn’t say anything, but instead looked at the ground. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” he asked me, and I nodded. “Will you keep your promise?”
“Yes, even if you don’t keep yours. I’ll send letters as often as I can. It won’t be too often, since I have to be extra careful. And it might be difficult, since I won’t know where you live. But I’m sure that I’ll be able to find your address somehow. You’ll always be in my thoughts, Collin. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I’ll be thinking of you.”
He didn’t say anything else, but it took several minutes for him to look me in the eye again. I knew that, despite telling me he thought I could do it, he had his doubts. How could he not? No one had ever escaped. I knew that I had also hurt him by still trying to leave. My reasons for leaving had nothing to do with him, and he knew that. I knew that it hurt him when I chose freedom over staying with him.
We went back to talking about simple things, but there was heaviness in the air that wouldn’t leave. After a while, Collin realized that too much time had passes for lunch to still be going on. He peeked out the door and saw several Azuli walking around the corner, confirming that lunch was over.
I started to get up, and then remembered that I had taken off my shirt. Since it buttoned up the front, Collin stood behind me and held the shirt up while I slipped my arms through.
As I was buttoning it up, the door slowly eased open, revealing Carl on the other side. He wasn’t looking in the room, but at something in the hallway. When he did look in the room, he slammed the door the rest of the way open, and charged into the room.
Of course, he didn’t see Collin and I in a room with me putting my shirt on because I had shown him my scars. Of course not. Who would be stupid enough to believe that story? What Carl really saw was very different. He saw the girl he loved alone in a room with the boy she loved, putting her shirt back on. As you can imagine, things didn’t go well.
He didn’t say anything, just stood there glaring at Collin, and then at me for what seemed like hours. Finally, in a calm voice, he stepped up so that he was face to face with Collin. “I hope you know that she’s going to be married soon, Collin. If you think that you’ll be getting away with this kind of stuff after the wedding, you’re sadly mistaken.” He got an inch closer, so that their noses were almost touching. “If I ever see you touch her again, I’ll kill you where you stand.” Without saying another word, he stepped back and grabbed my wrist, then pulled me out of the room.
As we walked, I tried calming him down enough to explain. “Carl, you’ve got to believe me. I didn’t do anything. I was showing him my scars!” He didn’t say anything, but kept on walking to my room. When we got there, I was in the middle of another plea for mercy, which pulled every bit of attention onto me.
Everyone stopped talking, and Mom, Dad, Jack, Macy, Mary, and Carl’s parents all turned to look at us.
“I want someone keeping track of her at all times from now on. Someone better be with her every second of every day, or I’ll be pissed.” He turned to me, and I knew that once again, I’d hurt someone I cared about. “How could you do it?” he asked. “How could you do that to me, especially knowing everything else that you’ve done to hurt me, and knowing how much I care about you? I never thought that you could be so heartless and cold.” He turned back to the rest of the room and said, “She’s not allowed to see Collin anymore. If I find out that one of you allowed her to see him, I swear on my life that I won’t say another word to you ever again.”
He stormed out of the room, leaving me to face the stares of my family. “Looks like you’ve screwed up big time,” said Mary. The gazes of everyone shifted to her, and then back to me.
“Jack, you need to take her out of here. I’m done with her comments, and I’m done with her. You need to get her out of here now, before I strangle her.”
He guided her out, but came back a few minutes later. “Alright, she’s gone. Now I think you owe all of us an explanation about what happened between the three of you,” he said. I didn’t have to ask who he meant. No one did. Everyone knew who was involved, and they all wanted an explanation. I had no choice but to tell them.
So I sat down on the bed and told them the truth. I didn’t tell them how I got my scars. I just told them that Collin had wanted to see them. I explained when what had happened Carl had barged in, and how he had reacted.
“I promise that’s the truth,” I said. “Please, will someone talk to Carl? Collin’s my best friend. If I’m not able to talk to him anymore, I won’t be able to stand it.” My dad didn’t answer, but instead he left the room mumbling something about me. It was obvious that he didn’t believe me, and it hurt to know that. I knew that I had disappointed him, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if he never talked to me again.
“I can try to talk to him, but you’ve hurt him, Penny. Maybe, for these last days before the wedding, you should just lay low,” said Jack. He spoke softly, trying not to sound bossy. “I think Carl’s about ready to strangle the two of you, so don’t push your luck.” He left, and I was with my mom, Macy, and Carl’s parents. Carl’s parents politely excused themselves, and I got the feeling that they didn’t believe me any more than my dad did. Ever since I had met them, I’d had the feeling that they didn’t think I was good enough for their son.
I didn’t say anything else to my mom or Macy, but instead I got under the covers and pretended to go to sleep. Of course, because it was so early in the afternoon, I didn’t actually sleep. I thought about my future- how it would really be and how I wanted it to be. I wanted to be free, really free. I knew that after I escaped, I would just be a fugitive for the rest of my life, not really free at all.
When I finally did fall asleep, I dreamed of a beautiful, white house with a big tree in the yard and a picket fence. There were kids running around, and under the tree was a young couple pouring over a book together.
The next morning, I slept in past breakfast and almost to lunch. What woke me up was Carl arguing with Macy and Jack about lunch time.
“…not staying here while we all go to lunch. I don’t trust her, and I certainly don’t trust him,” I heard Carl say.
“Okay, then, what if someone stays behind with her? She needs the support that Collin gives her, because she’s certainly not getting any support from you,” said Jack. “You’re too busy worrying about yourself and how hurt you are because of this. You aren’t caring at all about what she’s going through. And I’ve seen how much she strains so that she hurts you as little as possible!”
“Well she’s obviously not trying too hard, because I hurt every day. She could at least act like this whole thing isn’t killing her. I hurt more and more every day, just because I know she doesn’t want to marry me!” Carl shouted back.
“Then you shouldn’t have chosen to marry her,” said Jack calmly and slowly. I still had my eyes closed, but I guessed that he was playing with his hands and looking at the ground.
Carl huffed out, and that’s when I chose to open my eyes. “I’m surprised that you guys took the risk of some nosy parents hearing that,” I said with a hint of accusation in my voice.
“We don’t need to worry about that anymore,” said Macy. “All of the parents are touring the sixth floor today. Tomorrow, in between lunch and dinner, they’ll be touring the back of the kitchen. Then they’ll be going to the wedding. After that, they will be touring the upper floors, the lower floors, and finally, they’ll be leaving. We’re done with worrying every minute that we might say the wrong thing.”
I nodded, and then stood up. I reached into my drawer to get my clothes, and then I looked at Jack. He stood there for a second, not understanding what I was hinting at. Finally, he realized what I was trying to say. “Oh,” he said. “I’ll just wait outside.”
I got dressed as quickly as I could, and then let Jack in. “Guys, I don’t care what Carl says. I need to talk to Collin today. I promised I would see him every day.” They both nodded, and then Jack volunteered to stay behind so Carl wouldn’t have a reason to freak out too much.
When the lunch bell rang, Macy left and Jack sat next to me on the bed. “You really like him, don’t you?” he asked, and I nodded, but didn’t say anything. “I thought so. Does he like you?” I shrugged, but then I nodded.
“He does.” I didn’t say anything else, and neither did Jack. A few minutes later, Collin came in.
“Hey, Jack,” he said, surprised. Then he turned to me. “He’s letting me see you still? After… you know?”
I shook my head, and Jack and I explained what happened. Both of us interrupted the other fairly often, as siblings will do. While we explained, Collin didn’t say anything, but gave an occasional nod.
After that, we talked for a few minutes, and then Jack eased his way out of the room. He tried to do it so that we wouldn’t see through his plan, but it was obvious that he was trying to give us some “alone time.” When he left, Collin looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Did he really just do that?” he asked, and I laughed. “Does he think we do anything more than talk when I come to see you?” I shrugged, but I was still laughing, so I couldn’t say much.
After I was able to calm down, I looked around the room. “Well, we can draw. That’s something other than talking.” I reached into my drawer and pulled out a pencil and a piece of paper. “They always keep pencils and paper in our drawers so that if we decide we have the sudden urge to draw a Memory, we won’t have to look far for the materials,” I said, and he chuckled.
“Penny, I’m the one who puts the paper and pencils in the drawers. Remember?” I told him to shut up and shoved the paper and pencil into his hands.
“Draw a person walking their dog,” I said. He started drawing stick figures, and I stopped him. “How about this. I’ll draw one first, and then you can use mine as a model,” I told him.
I closed my eyes and started to pick out a Memory, but then I stopped myself. “Time me,” I told him, and then I began.
A small boy walks down the street, his new puppy at his side. There is a bounce in his step as he walks through the streets. It’s starting to get dark, so the streetlights turn on, creating deep shadows.
He has no leash with him, but he knows that his puppy will remain at his side until they reach their destination¬– home. Cars pass him on the road, their headlights making his shadow reach to the end of the street, then shrink back to an inch.
This young, simple child, with his new best friend, is happier than he has been in a long time.

I stopped and looked at him. “How long?” I asked.
“Um… that was like… four seconds, or something,” he said. “How did you do that?” I didn’t answer, just gave him a new piece of paper. He started trying to copy my drawing while I muffled my laughter. By the time he had finished the man, I’d made a decision.
“By the time I leave here, I’m going to make an artist of you.” For the rest of lunch, we drew. I gave him tips on how to improve his artwork, and he learned quickly. When lunch was almost over, Jack came back in.
“Collin, lunch is almost done. If you haven’t finished cleaning, you should probably go do that now.”
Collin and I stood up, and he gave me a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said, and I nodded. “Promise?” I nodded again, and he gave me another hug, squeezing me tight before he left.
When everyone came in, the first thing Carl did was walk over to me. He stood possessively, the same way a slave holder would stand next to his slave. He didn’t touch me, though, as if he only wanted me so that no one else could have me. His stance made me angry, but I didn’t say anything. The tension in the room hung in the air like fog.
The conversation was shallow, no meaning to any of our words. It was, as a whole, a meaningless waste of time.
Of course, I was happy for the time with my friends, and I loved seeing my parents. But with all the tension, everyone was afraid to talk, scared that they would say the wrong thing and blow us all up.
As we sat in the room talking, I noticed that every once in a while, Carl would glance at the doorway, as if he was on the lookout for someone. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Carl, you can stop it. He’s not going to come by to see me right now, so you might as well just stop looking for him. And while you’re at it, it would be nice if you stopped treating me like something you own. We may be getting married in two days, but I will never be something that you own, something that you can call yours. What happened in that room was completely innocent, and it was exactly what I told you- nothing more, and nothing less.” I stood up and started walking out of the room, but Jack stopped me with his arm.
“You two need to work these things out. If you’re fighting like this in front of our parents, and still end up getting married, imagine what they’ll think. If that happens, then they’ve got to think that something’s going on here, and we can all get in trouble.” He focused his eyes on me.
“Penny, I know that you don’t want to do this. I know that you don’t want to get married, especially when you’re this young, and especially in front of your parents, and especially when you don’t love the guy. But you’ve got to be strong. Only five more days, and we’ll be done. We won’t have to lie anymore, and if you want, you’ll only have to see Carl at night. But you have to understand how important these last few days are. While our parents are here, you’ve got to stop fighting.”
He took a deep breath, and then began speaking again. This time, he was looking at Carl. “Carl, you’ve been my best friend for a long time, and you’re like a brother to me. But you’ve got to stop acting like you own her. She’s not your pet, and she’s not your toy. She’s my sister and your friend. Ease up a little on her. You’re making her life miserable. She might not mention it often, but I can see it in her eyes. If you don’t back down a little, she’ll end up killing you.” He paused for breath, and then looked at Macy and Mary. “You two, come with me. We need to give these guys some time alone so that they can sort these things out.” The girls followed him out and the door shut with a loud bang.
I looked at Carl, and he looked right back at me. I was the first to speak. “I’m not backing down on this,” I told him. “You need to stop being so controlling. You used to be like a brother to me, and now I can’t even stand looking at you, or being in the same room as you. All because you can’t even let me do my own thing. You know that I don’t love you, but you still treat me like this is the real world, and we’re getting married because we love each other and we want to do this. But I don’t, Carl. I don’t love you, and I don’t even like you anymore. This whole thing has morphed you into someone that I don’t know. Someone who I don’t even want to know.”
I turned and walked out of the room, but then turned around a second later. When I walked in, he was in the exact same spot as he had been before. He had a sad look in his eyes, but I had lost all compassion and sympathy for him. “Get out of my room,” I said slowly. He hesitated for a second, but then obeyed.
I sat down on the bed and started crying, wishing for all of it to be over. I longed to have someone with me, someone who could help me through everything. I knew that Macy would try to help me, try to understand. But she wouldn’t succeed all the way, because she wasn’t Collin. Collin always found something that kept me standing, always discovered a way to understand. He was the only one who could help, and he was the only one I wanted.
I curled up on my blankets and remained there for the rest of the day. Macy came in to check on me, and she felt my forehead to discover that I had a high fever. When it was time for dinner, she came to check on me once more. Since I wasn’t feeling any better, she brought me soup after they were all done eating. By then, my parents were back and Mom and Macy tool turns checking on me to make sure I had everything I needed.
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I know I woke up in a bed that was soaked with my own sweat. I sat up quickly, causing a massive headache to appear. Once it was reduced to a small throbbing in my brain, I tried standing.
Big mistake. The contents of my stomach climbed up my throat and spilled onto the floor with a horrendous sound that almost made me hurl again. “Macy,” I said, waking her up. “Macy, I need help.”
I wanted to sit down, and I didn’t care at all where I sat. Without realizing what I was doing, I sat on the floor, right where, only seconds before, I had puked my guts out.
Macy sat me on her bed and started undressing me, peeling the sweaty, puke-covered clothes off of me. Then she wrapped me in my blanket and had me sit on my bed. After she was confident that I wasn’t going to fall off the bed, she left the room to find someone who could notify the cleaning crew.
While she was gone, my parents walked in. I could hear them in the hallway, talking about how proud they were of us kids. Actually, my mom was doing to talking. My dad let out an occasional grunt, but I knew that he wasn’t really listening to a word she said.
When they walked in, it took a minute for them to soak in everything. When their eyes came to rest on my pale face, their expressions turned from ones of disgust to ones of concern. Even my dad, who I knew was extremely mad at me, was rushing to my bed to make sure I was okay.
While I was in the middle of explaining to them what had happened, Macy came in with Collin at her heels.
“I asked for him specifically,” she said to me. “I figured it might make you feel a little bit better.” She turned to my parents. “Guys, let’s leave so that they can get this cleaned up.” She started guiding my parents out of the room, but my dad stopped her.
“No. I’m not leaving her in here alone. Not after what happened the other day. Plus, she’s pregnant. What if something were to happen? She shouldn’t be left alone with an inexperienced teenager to look after her,” he said with a scowl. Collin’s head whipped around to look at me, pain and anger making his eyes glow. I hadn’t told him about my fake pregnancy, so I knew what he was thinking.
“Come on, Robert. What’s going to happen? Is she going to go into labor or something? It’s too early for anything to happen. Besides that, do you really think that she would do anything with Collin that would hurt Carl? I don’t believe she would have done it before, and I don’t think she’ll do it today.” They bickered about it some more, and in the end, it was my mom who gave in. “Just don’t embarrass the girl,” were my mom’s last words as she exited the room.
My dad sat on Macy’s bed, never taking his eyes off of Collin.
“So… you never told me you were pregnant,” he said, gathering the dirty bedding and clothes off the floor. “But at least we know what caused you to feel the way you do.” He took his time cleaning and spoke in a slow, soft voice. As usual, his deep, familiar voice threated to pull me into a deep sleep. Despite his compassionate tone, I knew he was infuriated.
“Collin, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but it’s… it’s complicated. I didn’t tell you because…” I trailed off and glanced at my dad. “Um… never mind. I’ll just tell you later.”
“I’m sure it is complicated,” my dad commented, glaring at Collin with raised eyebrows. Collin didn’t say anything else, but finished cleaning the room in silence. He sprayed something to get rid of the puke smell, and it smelled like roses. Not overwhelming roses, but just the right amount of sweet-smelling flowers.
When he was done, he headed out the door without saying anything to me. I followed him out, and almost fell on my weak knees. Collin caught me, but wouldn’t look me in the eyes as he stood me up. When I was able to stand on my own, I grabbed his wrist.
“Please come by at lunch. I need to explain this to you. When you hear the story, you’ll laugh about it.” I tried to sound surer of that than I really was, but I knew there was uncertainty in my voice.
“I will. But you better have a pretty outstanding explanation if you‘re going to make me laugh about this.” I released his wrist and watched him leave until I felt my dad right behind me.
“It’s not his, is it, Penny?” he asked. I shook my head. “There’s no possibility in the world? None at all?” I shook my head, looking right in his eyes the whole time. His face softened and he wrapped his arms around me. “I believe you. And I’m sorry I mentioned your… uh… condition in front of him. I guess I just assumed that you had told him. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you before. I was just scared. I don’t know you anymore, so I don’t know what to expect from you.”
I walked over to my bed and sat down as he walked out into the hall. I wasn’t sure what had inspired my dad’s sudden mood change, but I was glad that it had happened. Now that he was on my side again, I knew that things would be easier between us.
When Mom, Macy, and Carl’s parents came back in, they had Carl and Jack with them. Carl came over to me and hugged me. “I’m sorry about all the stuff that’s been happening. I promise to try harder from now on.” I shook out of his grasp, but didn’t make any effort to move away from him. He was almost forgiven, but not all the way. At least, that’s what everyone else saw.
For the next couple hours, we sat in the room talking. Fortunately, no one brought up the wedding. If anyone had tried, I probably would have murdered them all on the spot.
“Penny, when we go to lunch, do you want to come with us?” asked my dad, and I shook my head.
“I have to talk to Collin about this little guy,” I explained, patting my middle section. “He’s pretty mad at me right now.”
“Alright then. We’ll just bring something back for you, okay?” I nodded again, but said nothing.
“Jack, will you just stay behind with her until Collin gets here? I want to make sure that if she gets sick again, someone is here to help her. After Collin gets here, you can come back up to have lunch with us.” With the last sentence, Carl looked at me as if to say, See? I’m trying. The lunch bell rang, and everyone filed out of the room except for Jack.
“Jeez,” he said. “What did you say to Carl last night?” I shrugged, because I was just as confused as he was. Although I was glad that it had worked, I hadn’t expected it too. At least, not for long. I told Jack this, and then explained to him what I had said to Carl. In the middle of my story, Collin walked in.
He looked at Jack and sighed. “I guess your baby-daddy’s still got you on a pretty short leash, doesn’t he?” he said with a sneer. It was a mean look and a mean tone, but I knew that the meanness was just to cover up the hurt.
“Actually, I was instructed by Carl to leave as soon as you get here. So… bye.” He left quickly, obviously feeling the tension between Collin and I. When he was gone, Collin looked at me expectantly.
“Are you going to explain this pregnancy to me now? You said it would make me laugh. Well, I’m having a pretty cruddy day today, so I could use some amusement.
“Collin, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. And… you probably actually won’t be laughing about this. But hopefully, you’ll at least understand.” I took a deep breath and began. “On Sunday, I drew out a Memory and it took a longer time than it’s ever taken me. I knew that that meant something bad was going to happen, so I started crying. I guess the stress of everything is getting to me, because I usually don’t cry this much. But I was crying and they came in and asked me what was wrong, and I told them I was pregnant because I couldn’t think of any other explanation that the Academy would approve of. And then I didn’t tell you because I forgot about it and it didn’t seem that important, so I-“
All of this had been coming out in a rush, almost too fast for me to form the words correctly, and I was cut off just as suddenly as I had started. Collin walked the two necessary steps to stand in front of me. His sudden movements shocked me, but not nearly as much as what he did next. In one fluid motion, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him, and brought our mouths together.
The butterflies in my stomach turned to fireworks, illuminating my insides and erupting over and over again. It felt like a new beginning, the door opened to a new life. I concentrated only on Collin. The smell, the feel, the taste of him. All so new, yet so familiar. It happened so suddenly that I couldn’t register it at first, but when I did, it was instantly made into a memory that I would never forget. It ended just as quickly as it had started, and when we pulled away, he was smiling a melancholy smile.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his breath ragged and is arm still around my waist. My face, which was only an inch from his, was still being help in place by his hand. “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.” I nodded, and leaned in again, a wicked smile on my face. Instead of meeting my lips, though, he pulled away. “We shouldn’t, Penny,” he said, holding me at arm’s length.
“We shouldn’t do a lot of things,” I sighed. “But if everyone only did what they were supposed to do, revolutions would never be started. If people never did anything that they weren’t supposed to do, then you wouldn’t be here now.” I leaned in again, and this time he met me in the middle. When we parted several seconds later, I looked at him with a rebellious grin on my lips.
For the rest of lunch, we didn’t say another word. There were long moments of silence, holding hands, and yes, plenty of kissing. When it was time for him to leave, he pulled me into a strong, protective hug and simply kissed me on the forehead.
“I love you, Penny. I have for quite a while now, and I will until the day I die. I’ll be serving food and drinks at the reception tomorrow, so I’ll see you then. You need to find me, because I have something for you. But this is the last time that I’ll see you as a free, unmarried woman. That’s why I’m doing this now.”
He kissed me again, but it was nothing like the first one. Where the first had been soft and slow, this one was hard and fast. The first had been an opening to an eternity of happiness, while this one seemed like a gateway to infinity of good-byes. When Collin kissed me the first time, our bodies seemed to fold together into something inseparable. This time, it was all we could do to keep from being ripped apart.
When he finally took his arm off my waist, there were tears in my eyes. I felt like I would shatter at any second, because his arm wasn’t there to hold me together anymore. “Why did you let go?” I asked as the tears started falling.
“I have to Penny. I have no choice.” He started walking towards the door, but still held my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll have a gift that I want to give you.” He released my hand and left me alone in the room. Seconds later, I heard footsteps in the hallway, telling me that I had very little time to make myself look presentable. When they walked in, I could tell by their expressions that nothing was out of order.
We talked for a minute, and then heard a buzzing noise. “All parents please report to the cafeteria at this time. All parents to the cafeteria please. Thank you,” said a voice over the intercom. I gave my parents each a hug, and then they headed out.
“How long is it going to take them to tour the kitchen?” I asked when they were gone. No one answered me, so I figured that they didn’t know either.
The rest of the day was agonizingly slow. The conversations were dry and boring, and nothing exciting happened. When the dinner bell sounded over the intercom, I was relieved. I figured if we were eating, everyone would feel less obligated to carry on a half-hearted conversation. Boy, was I wrong.
Our parents were already seated with their food, and so were Carl and Mary’s parents. Carl made the mistake of asking his mom and dad how the tour was. They usually don’t get excited about much, which was why I was shocked at how enthusiastic they were about the kitchen.
They described the back rooms in vivid detail. Considering it was mostly shiny metal, this conversation was even more agonizing than all the rest of them had been. I wondered why they were so excited about a kitchen, and I must not have been the only one thinking that, because when they stopped for breath Mary asked them why they were getting so worked up over a kitchen.
“Back at home, we own a medium sized restaurant. I thought it was pretty nice, until I saw the kitchen here. The bar has been raised, and we must rise up to meet it. As soon as we go home, we’ll be buying new equipment, that’s for sure.”
After they decided to move on to a different subject, the parents all began to talk about their careers and investments, which made me miss the conversation about the kitchen. When you haven’t even heard of half the things that people are talking about, you feel left out and very bored. Imagine how a small child would feel if everyone around him was talking about quantum physics. That’s how I felt. When you haven’t heard of something since you were five, and you know that you won’t ever hear of it again, it is very tiring to stay focused on the conversation.
After dinner, I announced that I was going to bed. “Tomorrow is a very, very big day,” I said. “I’ll need my beauty sleep.”
Mary, Jack, and Carl agreed that they should go to bed early as well. As I watched Jack walk Mary to her room, I wondered what my parents thought of her. For the most part, Mary had managed to conceal her real personality when she was around the parents. There were times, though, when her true personality showed through. Did Mom and Dad notice? Did they care?
Before I was able to crawl into bed, Carl wanted to talk to me. “Penny, I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting these past few weeks. I just hope that tomorrow, you’ll think of the good memories we’ve had, instead of the things that have happened since we found out about the experiment. Hopefully, that’ll make it easier to marry me.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek, and then turned around to leave.
As I was climbing into bed, Macy got back from her shower. “You aren’t going to take one tonight?” she asked, and I shook my head. “Alright then, suit yourself. If I were you, I’d be taking advantage of every shower that I could get.”
I turned toward the wall when she started to get dressed, and when she was done, turned to face her again. “Macy?” I whispered.
“Yes, honey?” I allowed her to pull her covers back and climbed in the bed before I said anything else.
“He kissed me today,” I stated.
“Well, of course he did. He’s got to keep up appearances when you’re… Oh, my.” When she realized who I was talking about, she gasped. “Oh, dear. That complicates things a bit. He’ll be at the wedding, won’t he?”
“Yes, he will. But Macy, that’s not the only thing.” I had her full and undivided attention. “I kissed him back.”

Chapter 8

When I woke up the next morning, Macy was still asleep. I got up and grabbed a uniform from my drawer, and then I headed to the showers. As I stood under the stream of water, I thought back to the night before. When I’d told Macy that I had kissed Collin, she’d turned into a teenage girl, coming over to my bed and pressing me for details. I witnessed for the first time the quiet, high-pitched screams that I had heard in so many of the Memories, and we spent a good deal of the night gushing about Collin. His looks, his personality, and any other qualities we could think of. I saw a side of her that I’d never seen before, a side that was completely opposite from the Macy that I was used to.
But that was before. It had been the last day I had as a single girl, and I’d spent it gushing about a boy with my friend. Unfortunately, I wasn’t gushing about the boy that I was going to marry, but the one that I really loved. Aren’t those supposed to be the same person?

I got out of the shower and dressed in my uniform, then walked back to my room. By that time, Macy was up and dressed. I didn’t look at her as I sat on the bed. I felt like our late-night conversation needed to stay in the past, and I feared that meeting her eyes would bring it into the present.
After a few minutes of silence, we were graced with the presence of a Vipero. “Penny Miller?” he said, nodding toward me. “You need to come with me. They’re going to run everyone through a rehearsal, and then everyone will need to get dressed. We’ve got a long list of weddings we have to get through today, so the sooner we get started, the better.” He smiled. “Because the sooner it’s over, the sooner we can party.”
I wasn’t sure if he was supposed to mention that he wanted to party in front of me, but I didn’t say anything about it. There was no harm in mentioning a party that I already knew about. He was the youngest guard I’d ever seen, and the gleam in his eye told me that the idea of a party was the best thing he’d heard of in months.
I followed him down the hall and to the stairs, where he led me to the cafeteria. The tables had been moved and more chairs had been brought in so everyone could fit. Even with the extra chairs, though, I knew that there wouldn’t be enough room. The cafeteria was designed to hold a little over one hundred people. With all the Azuli, plus the parents and siblings, and employees of the academy, the cafeteria would be holding almost five hundred people, or at least trying to.
Once we were in the cafeteria, the guard pointed out Dr. Pender, who was standing in the corner with Catherine, Mary, and the brides from the other floors. I walked over to the group of other brides, and then we got started. We ran through all the ceremonies, how we would exit and enter the space at the front, and how we were to act throughout the whole thing. It took over an hour, and then we all started to get dressed.
Our parents had been up there with us for the rehearsals, and my mom came in to help me put the extensions in and put the dress on.
“You look beautiful, Penny,” she said. “Carl really is a lucky man to have someone like you with him. I’m proud to say that I’m your mom, even if I can’t take credit for how you’ve grown up the last ten years. I believe that award can go to Macy.” She smiled a sad smile, but it was for just a second. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then left to get dressed.
A few minutes later, all the dads came in to collect us. When we came out of the back of the kitchen, the chairs were all filled, and people were standing up in the back of the room. We took our seats in the front row, one of the brides from Floor 5walked with her dad to the altar where her groom was waiting.
They were having the weddings in reverse order of the floor that we each lived on. Floor 5 was first, then Floor 4, Floor 2, and Floor 1. Carl and I were scheduled to be married dead last.
I thought about all the weddings in the past, before the New World. Some were simple, but some cost millions of dollars. In some, everything went wrong. In others, nothing was out of place. But they all had one thing in common- each wedding reflected the bride’s interests, each had its own flair and style.
Part of me was really sad to think about my wedding, and how completely insignificant the whole thing was.
All the ceremonies were extremely boring, and I dozed off halfway through the third one. By the fifth wedding, I was dead to the world. “Penny. Wake up. Now.” I felt someone shake me awake. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jack standing at the altar while Mary’s father walked her up to stand next to him.
The next few minutes were more painful that I would have ever imagined. I knew that Jack couldn’t stand Mary, and I hated to see him recite vows that he didn’t mean. “You may now kiss the bride,” said the preacher. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to watch.
Everyone cheered and the newlyweds came back to their seats in the front row while everyone prepared for Ben and Catherine’s wedding. My dad led me to the back of the room where we waited for them to be married. When Ben and Catherine kissed and stepped down, my heart began racing. I was handed a bouquet, and Carl stepped up to the altar. A small girl, who was probably someone’s sister, walked ahead of me with rose petals in a basket, leaving a soft, sweet-smelling new carpet in her wake.
“You ready?” my dad asked, and started moving forward. My feet followed, and I plastered a smile to my face. I tried looking at Carl, but the smile faltered. Instead, I looked right above his head. “I love you, baby girl,” said my dad when we reached the altar. He squeezed my hand, kissed my cheek, and then he was gone.
I turned to Carl and saw the familiar look of pain in his eyes. I tried to convince myself that the look had no effect on me, but I wasn’t successful. A tear fell from my eye, but it wasn’t for Carl. The tear was for Collin, who I could see standing off to the side. He smiled at me, but it was a sad smile. I tried to focus on Carl, but the whole time, my eyes strayed to Collin.
As with all the other weddings, the preacher made a brief statement before getting to the vows. “Do you, Carl Smith, take Penny Miller to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward, until death do you part?”
“I do,” replied Carl, looking me right in the eye. He slipped a beautiful ring on my finger, and then we turned back to the preacher.
“Do you, Penny Miller, take Carl Smith to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”
“I do,” I said, but I wasn’t looking at Carl. Instead, my eyes were locked with Collin’s. I slipped the ring on Carl’s finger and more tears spilled out onto my cheeks.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.” He looked at Carl with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride.” With my eyes closed, I leaned in towards Carl, and he leaned in towards me. The kiss was nothing special. It was just like the countless kisses we’d shared in the hallways, with nothing significant to remember it by. When we came apart, I heard cheering. I tried to find Collin, but I didn’t see him anywhere.
A big group of Vipero came in to clear out all the chairs, and then another group came in to clear out all the children. The only people under the age of twelve that were allowed to stay were a few of the brothers and sisters of some of the brides and grooms. Music began playing, something that we don’t hear often at the Azuli Academy. It sounded strange to my ears, until I got used to it, and then it became a sweet, wonderful sound. While everyone started cheering and dancing, I broke away from the crowd and began my search for Collin.
I eventually found him serving punch to the people. When he saw me, he put the ladle down and wrapped his arms around me. “Congrats,” he said sarcastically after releasing me, but he wasn’t bitter. “I have something for you.” He reached into his pocket and took out a small box with a bow on the top. “I ordered this a few days ago, and it came in last night. It isn’t much, but I hope you like it.”
I opened the box and found a silver necklace. The chain was small and intricate, and at the end, there was a simple charm. It was a pencil attached to a square, which I assumed was supposed to be a piece of paper.
“Collin, it’s beautiful.” I turned the charm over and saw two words engraved on the back. “Love, Collin,” I read quietly. “Will you put it on me?” I took it out of the box and handed it to him, then turned around so he could clasp it in the back. A couple seconds after he was done, Carl walked over.
“Hey, there, sweetheart,” he said sarcastically. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to bug me or act like he was on my side, so I didn’t say anything. “They are going to take pictures, and they want us together.” He rolled his eyes. “I haven’t seen my reflection in twelve years, and they’re going to be showing these pictures all over the internet and TV. It’s wonderful, right? Oh, wow. Did you get that for her, Collin?” he asked, noticing my necklace. Collin nodded. “It’s beautiful.” He touched my arm, bringing the attention away from the necklace. “Mind if I steal her for a moment?”
“Take your time. She’s your wife, not mine. Besides, I’ve got to get back to work.” He waved the ladle around and turned his back to us. Although he sounded sincere, Collin’s eyes had shown the hatred and loathing that he truly felt toward Carl.
Carl and I made our way to the corner of the room, where all the brides and grooms stood next to a photographer. We took pictures of the individual couples, all of us together, all the brides, and all the grooms. We were also told that, after a little while, we would need to report back for pictures with the parents.
I tried to find Collin again, but he had moved. I mingled with some other people for a while until a voice was heard over the intercom. “It’s time for the father-daughter dance. Will the brides and fathers please move to the center of the room, and everyone else please move to the sides?”
“I’m very proud of you, Penny,” said my dad when we found each other. “I’m very happy that you’ve found someone that you love and that you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“Me too,” I said, flashing him a smile. I felt a pang of guilt when I said this. I didn’t feel bad because I was lying, because I was telling the truth. The guilt came because I was lying about who that person was. As we were dancing, he noticed my necklace.
“Where did you get that?” he asked me. “I don’t think it was there before. Either way, it’s beautiful.” I told him that Collin had gotten it for me, and I commented on how beautiful I thought it was. “He likes you,” he stated. “I can see it in the way he looks at you. He also wouldn’t watch you kiss Carl. He turned away as you two came together. I hope that everything’s been resolved between the two of them. They’re both good boys, and they shouldn’t be fighting over a girl, even one as kind and beautiful as you.”
The music ended then, and he pulled me into a hug. A new song came on, and people started coming out to the dance floor. “I think we need to be over by the photographer now,” he said. He led me back to the photographer, where I saw Carl standing next to a girl about my age. When he saw me, he headed over to me with the girl in tow.
“Penny, this is my sister Christina. She’s only a couple months younger than you.” Christina immediately wrapped her arms around my neck.
“You’re so beautiful!” she said, pulling away. “You better take care of my brother, okay?” I nodded, and she giggled. Turning to Carl, she asked, “Is she always this quiet?”
“No, she’s actually never this quiet,” he answered her. “She’s probably just tired. After weeks of talking about nothing but the wedding, it’s finally here and, I don’t know about her, but I’m not having as much fun as I thought I would.” He interlaced one hand with mine and with the other he latched on to his sister, and led us to the front of the line, where his parents were waiting.
We took many pictures. Carl and his parents, Carl and I, Carl, his parents, Christina, and I. They also took one of the whole family without me. Finally, Carl asked for one last picture. “My two favorite girls,” he said, and grabbed Christina and I. Carl stood in the middle, his arms around our shoulders, as we leaned our heads on his shoulders. Despite my feelings about the whole thing, I had to admit that it was nice to pretend that we really were one big happy family with nothing to worry about.
After we were done with Carl’s family, we had to wait in line again with me parents, Jack, and Mary. When it was our turn, there were even more pictures than before, because there were two couples instead of just one.
Finally, we were done with pictures. Well, sort of. There were other photographers walking around, snapping photos of unsuspecting prisoners who had one night to forget all their troubles.
I found Collin, and we talked as he served people their drinks. A slow song came through the speakers, and he nodded to his friend, letting him know that he was leaving. He grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor, where other couples were already dancing.
“This is my one and only chance to dance with you, Penny. I’m going to take it. I don’t care who sees us.” With my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist, we twirled around the floor. Everything fell away, and the only thing I knew was Collin. After a couple turns, I rested my head on his chest and he pulled me closer, tighter.
When the music started to fade, Collin looked into my eyes and talking in his low, rough voice that I had fallen in love with. “In a little bit, I’ll have to let go of you. But I promise you that no matter where I am or who I’m with, I will never let you go. I’ll fight for as long as I can against this society that’s been chosen for us, this world with no freedom. I will fight to free you, Penny. I’ll fight until the day I die.” I cringed, not wanting to think about the day when Collin would die.
Will the world go dark? Will the planet stop spinning? Will the sun’s flames be extinguished? Will I know in my heart that somewhere, the one person that I love unconditionally is no longer able to love me?

I spent the rest of the night in a sort of trance. I danced with whoever wanted to dance with me, and I sat with people who invited me to sit with them. Finally, when the night turned to morning and morning began to transform into day, it was time to go back to our cells or converted DarkRooms. I started heading for my old cell with Macy, but Carl stopped me. “This way, Penny,” he said, and guided me into a new cell, one I’d never been in before.
“Oh yeah,” I said, standing in the doorway. I let out a sigh. “I guess we’re married now.” Right away, I noticed things that were different about this cell. There was only one bed, and it was a little bigger than the ones in other cells. The bedside table had an extra drawer on the top, and there was a small table with two chairs.
On the bed, I saw a note and two jumpsuits. One was dark blue, the other was light blue.
I picked up the note and read it out loud. “Here are your clothes for the night. Leave the dress and tux outside in the hallway, and someone will be sent to retrieve them.” I gave a sarcastic sigh. “Too bad I don’t get to keep my dress as a reminder of this night, the happiest one in my life.”
Carl ignored my and picked up the dark blue jumpsuit. He began stripping down, but I hesitated. Even though we were married, I didn’t want to undress in front of Carl.
“Can you… can you umm… turn around?” He rolled his eyes.
“Really, Penny. You’ll have to get over this sooner or later. It’s going to take twice as long to get anything done if you insist on acting like strangers.” Even though he was annoyed, he turned around as he said this. I hurriedly pulled my dress off and the jumpsuit on, and then told him that he could turn around.
I went to sit on the bed, and instantly curled up in a ball, pulling the covers over myself. After a few seconds, I felt Carl get onto the bed with me. I moved away from him, as close to the wall as I could get, but he still put his arm over me. I had nowhere to move, nowhere to go to escape him. Even if I could have gone somewhere, I don’t think my tired body would have allowed me to.
“Just allow me this one night, Penny. This one night to treat you as a wife. I promise we will do nothing but sleep. But let us sleep as a couple does: intertwined in each other’s embrace.”
I couldn’t say anything, but wouldn’t have even if I could. I loathed Carl more than anyone on the planet, but even that didn’t give me enough energy to move away from him.

Chapter 9

Because of how late the party lasted, I woke up pretty late the next day. I slept until the early afternoon, and even then, I only woke up because someone was violently shaking my shoulders.
“Penny, wake up,” I heard a familiar voice say. I peeled open my right eye to see Jack standing above me. “We brought you some lunch.”
I sat up and studied my room. There was a plate on the table, but other than that, nothing had changed from the night before. “Thanks, Jack,” I said. Suddenly, I remembered Collin. “Jack, is lunch over yet?” I asked, desperation in my voice.
“It’s been over for a good hour now. You were really out, weren’t you?” He gave a small laugh, and then he realized the reason that I had asked. “Don’t worry about Collin. None of the sanitation people came by at lunch. I know because I stayed behind to check. My guess is that everyone slept in, so they’ll be coming by while everyone’s at dinner.”
I let out a sigh of relief, and then I glanced at the plate of food. All of a sudden, I realized how hungry I was. I hopped off the bed and climbed into a chair, immediately digging in.
After a few bites, I slowed down and turned to face Jack. “How was your first night of matrimonial bliss?” I asked, not making any effort to hide the sarcasm in my tone.
“It actually wasn’t that bad. She even offered to let me sleep on the bed and said she’d take the floor. There wasn’t any of the normal Mary there. Of course, I took the floor and let her have the bed. Judging by the looks of everyone’s faces as they said their vows, I’m guessing that each of the couples had someone sleeping on the floor. It would be awkward otherwise, wouldn’t it?”
I nodded slowly, thinking about how different my night had been from his. He began talking again, saying, “This morning, she was out of the room before I was even awake. What about you, sis? How is it to be married?”
I shrugged. “We must be pretty special, because no one slept on the floor last night. I was as close to the wall as I could possibly get, and he was as close to me as possible. He also had his arm around me. And you’re right. It was awkward.”
“Oh.” He cut the single syllable off quickly. “Well, you guys are special, I guess. You’re both in love. Just not with each other. Well, he is. You, on the other hand, are not.” Suddenly, I felt the need to defend myself.
“Who said I’m in love?” I demanded.
He just laughed. “No one has to say it, Penny. But you two didn’t try very hard to hide your feelings toward each other last night. I notice that you’re still wearing that necklace that he got you.” He reached over and read the back. “’Love, Collin.’ Nope. Not in love at all. Not to mention that dance. You didn’t at all look like you just wanted to run away with him.” I chose to overlook his blatant sarcasm, mostly because I knew he was right. “You’re lucky none of the parents said anything about it. You would have had hell to pay.”
I nodded, knowing that, as always, there was no way to even pretend that he was wrong. “I’m still going to see him tonight at dinner,” I said. “I promised him.” Jack nodded, but didn’t say anything. When I was done eating, I stood up and hugged my brother. It had been a while since I’d given him a hug, but everything felt so familiar, so right. “Thanks for everything,” I said, and then we walked out of the room together.
We strolled through the nearly empty hallways to Jack and Mary’s room, where we ran into a group of girls. Jack rolled his eyes, and then charged through them to get to Mary. I pressed myself against the wall, remembering an event involving these girls that had changed my life.
It had happened years ago, when I was nine or ten. I was taking my weekly shower when a big group of girls came in. I heard them giggling and whispering, but I couldn’t hear what was being said. When I turned the water off and stepped out, though, everything was silent.
“Hey, Penny,” said Martha, the leader of the group. I quickly wrapped a towel around myself before they could get a good look at my naked body. Then, I turned to face them. I did not slump my shoulders or hang my head. I looked Martha right in the eye and said nothing. Even though my body language might not have shown that I was scared, I knew that my eyes must have. There were seven of them, and only one of me. They were all two years older than me, except for Bea, who was three years older. You would have been scared too, if it had been you.
“Hello, Martha,” I said calmly and evenly. Even though I knew my eyes betrayed me, I held her gaze for as long as I could, until she looked away. She looked down at my towel, my small legs, and my cold, bare feet. “Is there anything I can help you with, or can I go back to my cell?”
“No, no, you can go. We don’t make habits of associating ourselves with your kind.” She leaned in towards me, a smile on her perfect lips. “You know what I mean. The outcasts.” She had a look of mock pity in her eyes and a sneer in her tone. She didn’t say anything else, but instructed the group to move aside and clear a path to the door. I didn’t say anything, but clenched my hands into fists and headed for the door.
Her comment had cut me deep. While it was true that I didn’t have many friends at the Academy, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get them. It was quite the opposite, actually. I had always had a habit of pushing people away and refusing to become close to them. While I was nice to most people, I only trusted a select few.
They formed a long line from Martha to the door, but as I passed the last girl she reached out and grabbed my towel. I tried my best to cover myself, but it didn’t work. My arms were too skinny and short to hide the parts that need to be hidden. I looked around, but I couldn’t find any towels. Not knowing what else to do, I sprinted out the door and down the hallway. Everyone stared, and some people even laughed. When I got to my cell, I climbed under the blanket and cried until Macy came in. I told her what had happened, and, like she always had, she took care of me as best she could.
Now, looking at this same group of girls, I noticed how they had changed. Mary had been transferred to our floor after the incident, so she hadn’t been one of the ones to humiliate me. Bea and one of the other girls were missing because they had been transferred to another floor after they had repeatedly bullied a little girl. A couple of the girls were new, and I didn’t know their names.
They started to leave the room when Martha spotted me pressed against the wall. “Well, hey there, Penny,” she said with a mean, sarcastic smile. I hadn’t seen Martha very often since the incident, but whenever I did, she always brought up that day. “Looks like you decided to wear clothes today.” She turned to Mary. “Why is she in here?” she asked.
“She’s Jack’s sister,” Mary answered, rolling her eyes. “Otherwise, she wouldn’t be allowed near me. But since I have no choice but to put up with her, she can be in here. Only until our parents leave, though. After that, I don’t want to see her.” She looked at me as she said her last sentence, driving her point into my brain. I don’t like you, her look told me. I threw a look back at her that told her I liked her even less.
Martha said her good-bye’s and then left, and Jack’s face started to get red. “Mary, I know you don’t like me or my sister, but was that necessary? She’s already been taunted by that group enough, hasn’t she?” He spoke in a quiet, even voice, but you could hear the anger.
“What are you talking about? When have they tormented her?” she asked. “I knew that they know who she is, but I didn’t know that they’d done anything to her.” She looked at me with pity, and I almost believed that it was real. However, I couldn’t believe that she didn’t know what had happened. Whether she knew or not, I decided to tell her.
I stepped up to her, my face only a couple inches away from hers. “When I was a little girl, they tore my towel away from me after I took a shower, and I was forced to run down the hall naked.”
She took a step back, and when she recovered, she looked me right in the eye. “How old were you?” I told her that I had been nine, and she waved her hand casually in the air, as if it was no big deal. “Oh, you’re fine, you big baby. It could have been worse. At age nine, you hadn’t begun to develop up top, and I’m sure you didn’t have any embarrassing hair in any unwanted places.” She patted my head lightly. “Honey, you really need to toughen up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go talk to my friends.” She left the room, and I looked at Jack.
“What was that?” I asked. “Why does she hate me? I did absolutely nothing to her! And she has the nerve to talk to me like that? What the hell is wrong with her?”
“I don’t know, Penny,” he said. “I don’t know why she did that. Maybe she’s just gone crazy.” He went to sit on the bed, but I stayed in the middle of the room. We both sat there for a few minutes, not saying anything. We were both thinking, and it was probably about the same thing
“I can’t believe that I’m actually married,” I said, voicing my thoughts. “Especially to Carl. Six years ago, this would have been a dream come true.”
I remembered a day, back when I was nine, when I had a longing to kiss Carl. It started when I drew a Memory of a girl’s first kiss. The feeling that was left behind when I was done had been a wonderful combination of love, happiness, and compassion. The experience seemed so great that I wanted to try it for myself. I don’t know if I chose Carl because he was simply the only boy, besides Jack, that I’d ever really known, or if it was because I had my first crush on Carl. But whatever the reason was, I remember the need to feel Carl’s lips on mine. Now that it had actually happened, I couldn’t think of any reason why I ever wanted to kiss him in the first place.
I was in the middle of telling this story to Jack when Carl walked in. He looked deep in thought , and he looked as if he couldn’t concentrate on anything but whatever was going on in his brain, because he didn’t hear my story. Even though he didn’t seem to have noticed that we were talking about him, I felt myself blush. I didn’t want Carl thinking that I still had some secret crush on him.
“Jack, I need to talk to you about something,” he said, frowning at the floor. He looked up at me, and I took that as a hint, as well as an excuse, to get away from him. I left the room and headed to Macy’s cell to see how her night had been. When I reached my old living quarters, I was surprised to see another girl on my old bed. Macy was nowhere in sight.
“Hi,” I said, dragging the single syllable out. “I’m Penny, Macy’s old roommate. Do you know where she is right now? I want to talk to her.” The girl shrugged, and looked down at her lap. I’d seen this girl before, of course. It was very rare to see someone that you hadn’t ever seen before, unless they were new to the Academy. There are only a couple hundred Azuli on each floor, so everyone knows each other by face, if not by name. I had seen this girl many times, but I’d never talked to her. After a couple seconds, she looked back at me.
“I’m Miranda. I used to be Katherine’s roommate. You can sit here until Macy gets back. I don’t mind.” The girl was small, like me. She had black hair, bangs, and big, brown eyes. Her eyelashes were long dark. Her eyes held the same sadness that could be found in the blue, swirling sea of every Azulate’s eyes. She looked like she was several years younger than me, and my heart ached for her, as it did for any Azulate that was younger than me. I was unable to feel sorry for her, since I had been through everything she’d been through and more. It was a strange emotion, but one that I was used to. However, the fact that we’d been through similar things brought us closer, even though we’d only just met.
Neither of us said anything, but the silence wasn’t awkward at all. Instead, it was a welcome thing. When Macy came in, I immediately stood up to hug her. “Macy, I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” I said into her shoulder. “Last night wasn’t too bad because I was asleep so quickly, but… tonight, I know I’ll be wide awake.”
She tightened her grip on me for a second, and then held me at arm’s length. “You will be fine, Penny Miller. I promise that you will be absolutely fine. You are a strong girl, and you will make it through this. I promise.”
We sat on her bed talking for a few minutes, but I noticed that Miranda was starting to look uncomfortable. I made an excuse to leave, and went to my room to wait for dinner time. When I got there, Carl was sitting at the table writing.
What? At the Academy, all writing was banned. We learned how to form the letters before we got to the Academy, of course, but as soon as we were admitted, we were no longer allowed to write.
He saw me and instantly crumpled up the paper. “I wasn’t writing,” he said, panic in his voice. He had a right to panic. Immediately, I thought of a rumor that had been spread throughout the entire Academy since before I’d arrived.
Years before, a man had been found writing. The boy who found him turned him in, and the Vipero had found hundreds of pieces of writing- letters, poetry, and prose.
As punishment for his crime, the Vipero had cut off eight of his fingers, as well as beating him within an inch of his life. They’d left his index finger and thumb on his right hand intact, only so that he could continue to draw Memories.
When they discovered him writing again, he’d been exterminated.
I didn’t know how true this rumor was. Macy hadn’t been there to witness it, and she informed me once that she never met anyone who had witnessed it either. It could have been true, or it could have been used as a scare tactic. I knew that the Vipero often started rumors, and let the Azuli take care of the rest. The horrifying, gory details would be passes down through the years, getting more and more exaggerated each time it was told. It was hard to know what was true and what wasn’t.
Still, I knew that the Academy was perfectly capable and willing to do such things. Despite my loathing, I didn’t want that to happen to Carl. I didn’t want it to happen to anyone. But he didn’t know that.
“It’s alright,” I said. “We all have our secrets. I have tons of them. I was teaching Collin how to draw. Oh, and I also didn’t turn in a couple of the Memories that I drew out.” I’m not sure why I chose to trust Carl with this information. I blurted it out all in one breath, not really thinking it through. The whole thing was kind of an accident. He could have used it as blackmail. And although I knew he was writing, the combined punishment of my infractions would be much greater than his would be, if we were to tattle.
He stared at me, making me nervous. “Why would you do all that?” he asked.
I shrugged. “He wanted to learn. You do strange things for the people you love. As for the Memories, I just didn’t feel like I should have to give them up. They were given to me. If God wanted the scientists to have them, then he would have given the Memories to them.”
He kept staring, and then I reached out my hand. “Let me see what you wrote,” I demanded. He must have been in shock, because he handed me the paper without hesitation. I uncrumpled it and saw that he had written a poem. I looked into his eyes and saw pain, and that explained why he had written what he had written.


The shadow closes in
And it’s dark all around
It’s cold to the touch
It doesn’t make a sound

The shadow fills everything
On the clocks and on the walls
It travels through the door
Up the stairs and down the halls

Touching it is dangerous
This is quickly learned
If you choose to touch it
You’ll be badly burned

A shadow burn is painful
Yes, full of pain it’s true
It’s both scalding and freezing.
Leaving you red, black, and blue

The pain from the shadow burn
Will never leave your mind
Always present, always there
Sneaking up from behind

Never really gone
Always really there
Soaking through your skin
In your blood and in your hair

You cannot escape it
It eventually will appear
Eating at your soul
Until even that disappears

Enveloping every aspect
Revealing all your lies
The shadow shows no mercy
While shattering your life

The shadow closes in
And it’s dark all around
It’s cold to the touch
It doesn’t make a sound.

“Wow, Carl,” I said. “This… this is… unexpected. I can’t believe this came from you. I never thought you’d be the poetic type.” I searched for a Memory, one that I loved.
A young man, not much more than a boy, sits down as his desk. His face is bright, eager. He grasps a pen in his hand, tightly as first. As he presses it onto a piece of paper, he presses too hard at first, making an indent on the paper. The pen drags, so he has to write slowly. As he continues, the pen becomes lighter, it becomes easier to write, and the boy’s hand flies across the page at a much greater speed.
The excitement behind his eyes grows, as his imagination pours out onto the page.
When he is done, he sits back, pleased with his masterpiece.

I tried to imagine Carl doing this, but I couldn’t do it. Even after reading what he had written, I couldn’t picture him letting his imagination run wild, at least not with something so dangerous. I thought about it later on, and I decided that his writing abilities explained why he had always been so dramatic about everything. I couldn’t believe that after all those years, there was so much that I didn’t know about Carl. What else is there?

When he finally recovered from the shock of my discovering his secret, he sat on his bed. “Please don’t tell anyone, Penny. Not even Jack. For years, I’ve kept this a secret. I would hate to have it out in the open now, after everything I’ve done to keep people from finding out.”
I snorted. “Jack doesn’t miss much. I doubt that he doesn’t know. He probably just didn’t want to say anything to you. But don’t worry about me telling anyone. I won’t be here for a long enough time to gain anything from it anyway.” I went to go sit on the bed, but he stopped me.
“You can stop being so indifferent about everything. I know you have opinions, and I know you aren’t really going to leave. You’ll lose your nerve before you leave, and then you’ll act all sheepish for a few days, until you get over it. Then you’ll go back to being the Penny that we all know and love.” His superior, sarcastic tone cut into my skin.
I stood up and walked over to him. “Why would I lose my nerve, Carl? Huh? What would possibly make me lose my nerve?” I tried to meet his eye, but he wouldn’t let me. “The idea of living with you for the rest of my life doesn’t make me want to stay. Neither does knowing that if I stay, I’ll be forced to bring a human being into this world, a world that keeps innocent people imprisoned for life just because they have certain physical characteristics.”
In the Memories, women took many different approaches to situations similar to mine. Some would simply refuse to be with a man, some would abort the babies if they did get pregnant.
Some simply didn’t care if their child had to live in horrible conditions, and showered them with love to make up for the cruelty around them.
But some women, I knew, had wanted to have children. Some women believed that it was their duty to create boys and raise them into men, so that they could help to fight for the freedom of the people.
I didn’t think that that last option would make much sense in my situation. What good can you do to help the revolution when you’re stuck inside a building with no way out?

I knew that having children was not an option that I was going to take.
Carl tried to speak, but I stopped him. “I know that I won’t lose my nerve if I remember that being caught means death. Death is much better than living here any longer, and bringing other human beings into the world to live here with me.”
Finally, he met my eyes. “Don’t doubt my determination. I will get out of here. I will be gone in a days, and you’ll never see me again.” I walked out of the room then, but just stood in the hall for a moment. I stood still and silent as I cooled down, and then headed to Jack’s room.
When I got there, no one else was in the small room. I sat down on the bed, hoping that Jack would show up soon, but he didn’t. When the bell for dinner rang, I headed to Macy’s room, where Collin would be expecting me. I didn’t have to wait long.
I heard his cart before I saw him. There was a squeaky wheel that always gave him away. I waited until he was in the room, and as soon as he stepped through the door, I pounced on him.
I grabbed his face and brought it down to mine. Our lips met, and something inside me exploded. The kiss was vicious. My lips, hungry for his, took more than they gave back. He was much more submissive, obeying my silent commands. He gave what I wanted to take, and absorbed the small amount that I gave.
After a few moments, we broke apart. His eyes held hurt, but also passion. “I thought I missed seeing you earlier,” I said. “It scared me to death. I couldn’t imagine not seeing you when there are so few days left.”
“Don’t worry. If I had been here at lunch, I would have come back during dinner to see you. I won’t let you get away without seeing me every day. I need to see you.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I folded into him. It was perfect.
He kissed me again, but it was a soft, sweet kiss. We broke apart and I started laughing. “What’s so funny?” he asked.
“The whole situation. It’s pointless to even bother growing our relationship because I’m leaving so soon. But we do it anyway. Why are we such irrational human beings?”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “Because we love each other, Penny. You do strange things for the ones you love.” I stepped back and studied him for a while, thinking of the time I had used those same words earlier in the day.
“I know,” I said, and then sat on the bed. I decided to change the subject. “Carl was writing. He has been for years, apparently. He’s been writing ever since he came here. His poem is… Absolutely amazing.” I sighed. I didn’t know why I chose to tell Collin about Carl, but I knew that Collin could be trusted.
I reached into my pocket, where I had put the poem. I pulled it out and handed it to Collin, and waited as he read it.
“Wow,” he said quietly. Then, because he knew me better than I knew myself, he asked, “So did you tell him about us drawing?” I nodded and he sighed. “Well, let’s just hope that he loves you as much as he says he does, so that he won’t tell anyone. That could end badly.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For some reason, I felt like he deserved to know. I knew his secret, and now he knows mine.”
“It’s okay, Penny,” he said. “I’m sure everything will be fine.” He wrapped his arms tight around me. “God, I’m going to miss you. Are you sure you won’t stay?” His voice quivered, and although it sounded hopeful, I knew that it was false hope. Knowing that I would break down if I actually opened my mouth to speak, I just nodded.
He put his lips to my forehead and kept them there for a few seconds. Although it was something so small and simple, he managed to put so much love and tenderness into this one action that I almost melted on the spot. When he pulled away, the spot where his lips had been was very, very warm. He looked into my eyes and said, “I have to go now. I’ve been getting chewed out because I’m always in a rush to get everything done, and things don’t get cleaned properly.” He sighed a heavy, painful sigh. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kissed me on the cheek before he turned and left the room. After a few minutes, I left to go to my cell, feeling drained of all energy. Despite how late I had slept in, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I woke up early the next morning, and almost tripped over Carl, who was sleeping on the floor. “Watch it,” he mumbled, and I whispered a quiet apology before leaving the room.
I walked through the halls until I reached the storage room, where a very bored-looking Vipero sat on a chair. “Can I have a book to read, please?” I asked.
The New World had kept some books, but banished others. The Azuli were the only ones with access to the books that had been banned, and that was only through Memories. The government had gotten rid of any books that gave any idea of rebellion, war, or any type of government besides a dictatorship. The New World was truly the only thing that anyone alive would ever know.
Even though some of the best books had been banned, there were still many that I liked. Fairy tales and fantasies, but also other things. My favorite book was a children’s story about a boy and a tree. “The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein,” I said when he asked me what book I wanted. He went into the storage room and returned with the book.
I headed back to my room, but didn’t go in. Instead, I sat on the floor with my back to the wall and returned to the world where everything was simple. For a couple hours, I read and reread the book until everyone was awake.
Both boring and uneventful, the day passed slowly. When it was almost time to go to bed, I took the book back to the storage room. There was a different guard that time, one who was a little younger.
“Have a good night,” he said with a wink. I stared at him, confused. “Well, it’s been three nights now. Obviously something’s gonna happen between you two tonight, if it hasn’t already.” I was shocked that he would say something like that, when Vipero rarely talked to Azuli unless it was on official business. What I didn’t know was that he was exactly right.
When I got back to the room, Carl was sitting at the table. “I’ll sleep on the floor tonight,” I said.
He turned around and I saw that his face looked pinched, frustrated. Angry. “No you won’t,” he said quietly. “You’ll be on the bed tonight.” He smiled a mean, vicious smile. “But I’m not sure how much sleep you’ll be getting.” He came toward me slowly, the expression on his face not changing a bit. I backed up until I hit the bed, and then crawled backwards on it until I was pressed into the far corner. Stuck, with a cold wall behind me and a cruel, twisted person in front of me.

Chapter 10

I tried to move across the room, but my legs refused. The space in between them was torn and burning, and I knew that it would be sore for days. There was blood all over the bed, covering my clothes as well. My eyes hurt from crying so long that I ran out of tears.
Part of my mind had no idea what happened the night before, but the other part was well aware of what went on a couple of hours before. Flashes of the terrifying scene kept showing up, making the experience impossible to forget. I had never felt so exposed and vulnerable in my life, and I was disgusted.
I was disgusted with Carl, for what he did he did to me. He took every bit of my innocence, and he robbed me of something I wanted someone special to have. I was disgusted with the Academy, for allowing the situation to present itself. If it weren’t for the stupid experiments, I would be fine right now. I was disgusted with Collin for lying to me. He told me that he’d be there to rescue me, and he wasn’t. But most of all, I was disgusted with myself for being so weak and afraid. I could have screamed, could have kicked and punched harder than I had. But my fear weakened me, so that I was unable to stop such a horrible thing from happening.
I felt my insides move around, and I shifted my body so that my head hung over the side of the bed. After a minute, I finally hurled, spewing yellow-brown chunks all over the floor. Some girl, who I’d never met before, poked her head in the doorway, her nose wrinkled because of the smell.
“Oh, no,” she said, and ran off. Several minutes later, I heard her voice in the hallway. “… just smelled something awful, so I decided to check it out. Poor girl had thrown up all over the place.” They reached my door and pulled it open, and I cringed.
Collin stood next to the girl. I had hoped that it would be someone else to come clean the mess, so that Collin wouldn’t see me this way. Since the girl was still there, I checked to make sure all the blood spots were covered up. I knew that Collin will see them soon, though.
“Thanks,” he said to the girl. “I got this. You can go.” He shut the door and ran over to me. “Penny, are you okay?” I shuddered and shook my head. “What happened?”
I didn’t answer, mainly because I didn’t have to. I knew that he’d figure it out. I leaned into him, revealing the red spots on the bed. “Did he…” he started, but he didn’t finish. “Let’s get this cleaned up before the smell becomes permanent.”
He stripped the bed first, and then began mopping the floor. “Put these on the bed whenever you start feeling better,” he said, and handed me bed sheets. “I have to go take care of something, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He leaned down to kiss my cheek, then turned and left. It’s almost an hour before I hear from Collin again. “Sorry it took so long,” he whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.
It’s fine,” I reassured him, leaning as far into his chest as I possibly could. “I’m just glad that you’re back.” I took a few deep breaths. It was silent for a moment, and then I thought about my parents. “Collin, my parents won’t see me like this, will they?”
He shook his head. “They’re out touring some part of the Academy, and then they leave this afternoon. You’ll have to say good-bye to them, but they will still be gone for a while. You have plenty of time to compose yourself.” Relief washed through me. I grabbed his hand and began to knead it with my fingertips.
“Stay with me, Collin, until someone comes looking for you. Stay with me until I leave this place.” He nodded, and we lay down together on the bed.
“I’ll stay here, Penny, but I know that it won’t be for as long as you want. You see, I’ve done something bad, and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stay here long.” What?

“Collin, what are you talking about?” I asked, and pulled away from him. “Please tell me that you didn’t do something stupid.”
He hung his head in shame. “When I left, I took the laundry up to the sixth floor so that it could be washed. And then I came back down and… I hurt him, Penny. I hurt him bad. I just hope that I hurt him just as bad physically as he hurt you, both emotionally and physically.” He looked into my eyes and placed a hand on each side of my face. “I love you, and I couldn’t stand to see him do that to you without punishing him for it.” He dropped his hands from my face and wrapped them around mine. “But let’s not worry about that right now. Our time is limited, and I don’t want to spend it thinking about the future. It’s the present, so let us relish this window of time that we have together.”
I didn’t say anything, but instead I just curled up against him. I didn’t ask him who he was talking about. It was obvious to me that Collin beat Carl to a bloody pulp, but I didn’t want to think about that at all. Not then, anyway.
For a long time, we didn’t say anything. Finally, I broke the silence. “Collin,” I whispered, “what will you do when I’m gone?” He sighed, but otherwise remained silent for a few moments.
“I don’t know what I’ll do,” he answered. “I imagine that I’ll be pretty devastated. You’ve become the reason for all the joy in my life. Without seeing you, I don’t know what I’ll do during the day, or at night when I can’t sleep. Thinking of you will only hurt, but I won’t ever be able to stop.” Hearing him say that made me cringe inside. Knowing that he’s unhappy would make it impossible for me to be happy.
“Promise me that you’ll try to be happy. Promise me that you’ll try to find someone who you can be with, someone who will make you happy. Have children, a nice dog, or something like that. Have a good life.” I tried to sound like I’m in command, as if that might help. On the inside, though, I just wanted to cry.
“I will try, Penny. But I can’t promise that I will succeed. I am young, though, and I have plenty of time to recover and move on, find a new reason. But I will always be thinking of you. By the time this is all over, I will be very hurt inside. Shattered, really. It will be a while before I am able to move on at all.” I nodded against his chest, and then a shudder went through me.
“I have a feeling that they’ll be taking me soon,” he said. “I probably won’t ever see you again after they do.” The tears came again, stinging my eyes. “Please don’t cry,” he pleaded. “Don’t think about the bad, only the good. Remember the good times we had and the memories we’ve made. Someday, if you have children, tell them the stories, and keep me alive through that. Keep me in your thoughts and I promise you that everything will be okay.”
A few minutes passed, and we heard people come back from lunch. Among the light footsteps, we heard the deep thud of very large men running in very heavy boots. “The Vipero are coming.” I smiled when he said this, even though it wasn’t funny at all, thinking back to a Memory about the American Revolution, where a similar phrase had been used as a warning, just as Collin uses it now. It seemed so different, though, when it was used to warn me.
“I got him,” shouted one of them as he shoved the door open. They all rushed into the room and started to drag him away from me. I followed them into the hallway, where everyone stood, petrified with fear.
“Please, don’t take him,” I begged, latching on to an arm of a particularly scary-looking Vipero. “Please.” The last word was barely audible, only a whisper of a whisper. He shook his shoulder, wrenching his arm from my grip. The two guards holding Collin were farther down the hall, so I sprinted to catch up with them. “Wait!” I yelled, but they didn’t listen. I sprinted faster, and reached my arm out to grab Collin’s hand.
The guards stopped, although I’m not sure why. It didn’t really matter, though. I didn’t stop to think about their reason. Instead, I carried out my plan. I grabbed Collin’s face in my hands and brought my lips to his. He kissed me back, and the butterflies that were once in my stomach were now fireflies, igniting a flame inside me that would never be extinguished.
“I love you,” I said as they started to drag him away again. The Vipero that I had grabbed earlier came up and grabbed me around the waist.
“Time to go back to your room, Miss,” he said. “No more causing trouble. There’s this thing called order, and it must be restored. You and your group of boyfriends have caused enough trouble for us, and it’s time for it to stop.” By now, we were at my door. He set me down, closed the door, and I was alone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It had been three hours since Collin was dragged away, three hours since I saw the only man I want to see. Three hours since I saw him for the last time. Three hours since my parents discovered who I really love.
As they were leaving, I tried to explain that the kiss hadn’t meant anything to me, just to him. I tried to explain that I really was in love with Carl, not Collin. I fed my parents more lies, trying to protect them from the truth of what is really happening.
After our parents left, I was handed a stack of pictures. “You get to keep three,” said the Vipero, and then left. The three that I picked were the three that everyone would expect me to pick.
I was looking at them then. The first was of my parents and I. We all had big smiles on our faces, and my arms were around both of their shoulders. We looked like a normal, happy family, with no cares in the world. The second photograph was of Jack, Macy, and I. We were all goofing around, acting like brother and sisters, not people who have been imprisoned since the age of five.
The third photo was my favorite. It symbolized everything that has happened in this past week. To anyone else, it was a picture of a handsome red-headed boy with a huge smile on his face, who was just married to me. But in the background, there was another man. He had a smile on his face as he was talking to a girl in a white dress, handing her a silver necklace that says “Love, Collin” on the back.
I sighed and clasped the charm that was hanging around my neck. “I love you, Collin,” I whispered. Then, even quieter, I prayed. “God, if you exist, help me do what I need to do. Help me get out of this place. But most of all, be with Collin, and keep him safe.” I stood slowly, but waited a couple more seconds before I started walking. Any movement of my legs still sent excruciating pain all the way down my thighs. “It’s now or never,” I said to myself. I tucked the pictures into my jumpsuit and headed down the hall. At the end, I turned left, then another left soon after that. Then it was a straight stretch to my way out of this place. A straight line to my freedom.
I walked down the hall until I was standing in front of Cell D7. It was the door that’s never been opened, at least not in front of anyone. I was positive that it was my way out of the Azuli Academy.
My plan was very simple. I hadn’t had a whole lot of time to make out a plan when I wasn’t also thinking of something else. This made me nervous, but I knew that whatever was behind that door must be better than what was on this side of it.
Reaching my hand out to turn the knob, I discovered that it was unlocked. A quick look around told me that no one was watching. I opened the door and crossed the threshold, closing the door behind me. I am free.

Epilogue

If only it was that simple. You’re probably wondering what was in the mysterious room. Well, I can’t tell you what was there, exactly. What I can tell you is that it was all a trap.
When I woke up, the Warden told me a story. The very first warden of the Academy had ordered an oddball room to be on each floor, to fuel the fire of curiosity within the inmates. Then, he had planted the rumor that the room led to the outside. Stupidly, I believed it.
Now, I’m sitting in a room, waiting for the present warden to finish reading the report that I wrote about why I tried to escape. Apparently, it’s going to be used in some psychiatric study or something. I was told to write the truth, so I did. Starting with the day we were told of the experiment, I wrote in vivid detail.
I wait a few more hours, and then I hear a door click. Footsteps come near me and I tense up. The warden, who I’ve only met a few times in the three years that he’s been here, looks at me as if he knows everything about me. Considering the report that I gave him, he has reason to think that.
“Did Carl really… uh… you know?” It seems strange to me that this man, after everything he’s done and despite everything he stands for, can’t even finish this sentence. I nod my head and look down, hoping that I can get sympathy from him. Maybe he’ll kill me quickly if he thinks I’ve already suffered enough in my lifetime. “Well, then. That will certainly be taken care of soon. Now, this Collin fellow. You really like him, don’t you?” I nod again. “Then you will be pleased to know that we did not kill him.
My head jerks up and he sees the panic and fear in my eyes. In some situations, I would have been relieved to hear this. But in this case, I know that he might be a lot better off if he was dead. “Now, now,” he says calmly. “Don’t worry. He isn’t being tortured, either.” Relief rushes through my bones, filling my veins. I let my body relax, and he gives a little laugh.
“Let’s get on with business. As you know, when you stepped into that room, you remained unconscious for a few hours. While you were asleep, we ran some tests. And I’m afraid that we can’t exterminate you, at least not yet. You see, one of the tests revealed a very small thing is growing inside you.” I look at him, completely puzzled. “No, you do not have a tumor, and you’re perfectly healthy,” he says, reading my thoughts. “You’re pregnant. I was curious when I saw those results, especially because a report from Dr. Pender revealed that you had taken a fancy to Collin. Your report answered that question, of course.” He looked to the side of the room, as if embarrassed that he was discussing something like this instead of torture tactics, or whatever it is that he deals with all day.
“You are now the first ever Azulate to successfully conceive a child. You should have a plaque, if you want one. But because of the experiment, we can’t have you exterminated. It would defeat the whole purpose. Instead, we are reconstructing your face, so that others are unable to recognize you. Then, you’ll be sent to Floor 6, where you will have a new partner to help you raise your children. How does that sound?”
I don’t say anything. Before I answer him, I need some time to process this information. I am going to have a baby. The baby belongs to Carl. Because he raped me. And now the Azuli Academy is going to set me up with another man so that this can happen all over again. Will the cruelty ever stop?
“I’ll do it on one condition,” I say.
He starts laughing. It’s real laughter, not the cruel, evil laughter that I’ve grown accustomed to. He is genuinely amused. “You’ll do it no matter what. We can force you to do anything we want you to. If I wanted, I could force you to be my wife.” He wrinkles his nose a bit. “I do think my real wife would object, though.”
“You can’t force me to do anything.” I stand up from the chair and lean across the table. “You need me for this. For all you know, every other couple could be unable to conceive a child. Until you know for sure, I’m your only hope. You work for me. If I don’t get what I want, I can simply kill the baby, force myself to miscarry.” I lean back, but remain standing. “Before I agree to your plan, I want to see Collin again.”
He mulls it over for a minute, and then nods. “Alright. I’ll take it.” Although he probably knows I was bluffing when I said I would kill baby, he doesn’t want to take the chance. “You have to promise that you’ll cooperate, though. Okay?” I nod. “And you will be introduced to your new groom, and married again, before seeing him. But I promise that you’ll get to see him, alive and perfectly healthy. Understood?”
“Yes,” I say. He slides a piece of paper over to me, and holds out a pen. I read it, and find that it is a brief summary of our agreement. It was typed up before the Warden came in, so it only says “the conditions agreed upon by the two parties.” Although I know he could deny ever agreeing to let me see Collin, I also know that he won’t. There is too much at stake, and he knows it.
I take the pen from him and sign my name. With only a couple seconds and a handful of letters, I sign my life away to the people from which I swore I would escape.

Impressum

Texte: Cassie Hoene
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.08.2011

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Widmung:
To my teachers, friends, and family members who always pushed me to be the best writer that I can be.