trapped

Walking home from the bus stop dreding to open the door to my house,knowing dad will be there and knowing what's going to happen.It happends absalutley everyday it's kinda like a routine now , exept its not the everyday wake up brush your hair wash your face and brush your teeth routine its the leave for school happy come home and be scared to what he's gonna yell at you next for routine.I love school most people think im weird for it ... but they dont understand, most people don't.I hate the little pathetic people who think their lives are so horrible because their dad took away their phone for a week , they know nothing. My names katie and my dads an abusive drug addict , has been ever since i was born.I have two brothers zach and tyler. Normal people would be happy they have siblings but im not my brothers are exatly like my dad. selfish and controling. They act like their shit dont stink and thier perfect or something. My mom is in the same boat i'm in. She feels like she is trapped in this house and there is nothing she can do about it... she doesn't realize she can do something about it ... she can fix it all.My mom is my ticket out of this hell house, and she needs to get that into her head because I would love nothing more than to just leave.

cant miss the bus ...

So im ready for school,make-up's on and hairs perfect.... or atleast it was. He woke up right before I was about to leave,my hair is now all knotty and my masscara is running. Im brushing my teeth and applying make up to my face as quickly as i can to try to cover the bruise... Thinking to myself " you can't miss the bus, hurry up!FASTER!". Thank the god above I diddnt miss the bus I dont know what I would do if I was stuck at home all day with him.Is I walk up the bus stairs as I plaster on the fake smile I put on everyday so nobody knows somethings wrong,and just like every day the fake smile works because no one suspects a thing. One of my bestfriends rosie sits with me,which is a great thing because no one else really likes me... they think im a bitch .. but if they had to go through what I have to everyday they would act just like me.I tell her almost everything, she has a good life,great parents she doesnt have to worry about the things i have to worry about so she doesnt really get me.But she is still my bestfriend,she gets me more than anyone else does.

danny

well we arive at school same time as usual and we go and stand in the same spot as we usualy do.Exept this day was different, a guy danny walked up to me i diddnt really know him evept we went to the movies once together with a bunch of our other friends.He told me how he liked me and he has liked me ever since we went and saw paranormal activity 3,which was months ago...He was really cute i wish he would have told me sooner. We started texting everynight and video chatting because he would always say how he missed me and wanted to see my beautiful face.He made me feel special like no one has ever made me feel before.He told me Iwas beautiful and he always told his friends " ya thats her" with a huge smile on his face. I realize now he only acted that way because he knew i was to good for him and he was happy he had me.He always asked me for pictures and to sext him and other things i refused to do.So i guess i wasnt good enough for him.He ended up cheating on me with one of my very close friends... he blamed his parents, " my parents dont like you.. im sorry and i love you but its over " is what he texted me.He wasnt even man enough to tell me face to face.I thought he loved me but I thought wrong. After that i really felt alone i would cry myself to sleep everytnight from what he did to me,And of course my dad just made it worse by hitting me. He'd always say " you wanna cry i'll give you something to cry for!" but i never told him about danny cause he would just hit me some more.At that point i was just done with my life,I wanted to end it...

crystal

After danny my life was just a mess.But after the daily " routine" every morning i walked on the bus suprised to see a new face sitting behind rosie.I sat down as usual and started to talk to rosie and i turned my face to look at the new girl.She was kinda odd.. she was wearing suspenders, i guess cause they looked cool? but I admired her sence of style.I liked that she diddnt care what anyone else thought about her and she liked herself just the way she was. She is still like that and i still admire her.. she is my best friend.I talk to crystal about absalutley everything.rosie might be my bestfriend too but she doesnt understand me like crystal does.Crystal had an abusive father... and she has had a boyfriend named danny screw with her heart too... isant it ironic? Its like we were ment to be bestfriends(:

school

So me rosie and crystal are bestfriends i think you guys got that. We talk all the way to and from school on the bus and we see eachother in the hallway between classes.you would think we would get tired of eachother right? yeah most people would but we dont(: they keep me whole... they keep me saine.If it wasnt for them i swear i'd end my life in a heart beat.Nobody undertsands or even knows what i go through everyday exept them and they help me through it. They wipe my tears and help cover for me on why i have another bruise or why i missed a day.Its not that they dont want to tell on my father but they dont for me. I love my dad i do i always have and always will he does beat me and yes drugs are more important than me but i dont want him to go... i want him to get better. but at this point i think its hopeless to even care...

dad

My mom gets home around 7 or 8 so weekends suck when I have to stay home all day with my dad and my brothers. School has always been like a vacation to me, gets me away from everything and everyone in the house. My mom understands everything, how i feel and why i feel it but she doesn't do anything because she "loves him".I love him too but he's not going to get better. He has been in jail 5 times since i was born and he has been in rehab 3 times. yes he went to rehab, but he didn't do that for himself or for us.. he did it because the judge told him if he didn't go to rehab he would have to spend more time in jail.... he did it for himself. He was clean for a little bit but that's only because he is on probation and he was getting piss tested every week. He is still on probation but he doesn't get tested as much anymore so he is doing more drugs.The judge also told him if he got caught again he would have to go to prison for 30 years, and he is using again. So as i said he obviously doesn't care about his family so why should we care? His idiot probation officer tells him before she shows up to test him so he knows when he has to stop using so he doesn't get caught.Those are the worse days. he gets even more pissy and he hits harder.

mom

I understand she loves him so do the rest of us but i guess she isan't realizing he isant supporting this family she is he isan't caring for this family all he does is show us that he does't care.He doesn't treat us like his family he treats us all like shit. I am here for my mom whenever she needs me just as she is for me, we talk about what needs to be done but she never puts her foot down.My brother showed her the bruise dad left on his ass last night and she was sympathetic about it but she didn't say anything to dad about it because she is afraid of him. I feel so bad for her , she feels like if she leaves dad she is hurting us, that leaving him will hurt this family. She doesn't get that him leaving will be better for all of us. She won't be scared anymore and i wont have to use a pound of make up a day to cover the bruises he leaves on my face. My brothers wont end up just like him, wont end up as abusive husbands and fathers, wont end up in jail for drugs. She doesn't get he drags us down and him leaving will be the best for all of us.

him <3

I have known Rj since 3rd grade ... we "dated" in elementary school.It wasn't really a relationship i guess i mean i really liked him and all but we never hung out we never kissed we just acted like best friends. He was in 5th grade and i was in 4th when we "dated". We broke up ... He was going to lake weir middle and i was supposed to go to , but i was gonna stay with someone else and go to fort MCcoy. I always told myself that's why we broke up so it wouldn't hurt as much. Well for 6th grade i ended up going to lake weir too. We dated again but it didn't last long, i was different back then shy i guess.. we never really talked. I still liked him then i regreted being so shy cause maybe if i wasn't i would have still had him. Well both of us now go to lake weir high school and April 23 , 2012 we started dating again<3 we have been going for 2 months now and i pray to god everyday he lets us stay together... I don't know what i'd do if ilost him. Just as Rosie and crystal to he keeps me sane, he is always there for me when i need him and he makes me feel wanted and special in a way no one else can. I love him with all my heart... he makes me forget about whats going to happen when i get home...

and he calls himself a father ?

I went to my aunts house last night , he told me i had to be home at 1 ... so i came home at 12:30 so hopefully i wouldn't get yelled at ya know ? well i come home and see MY DAD'S dog is out in the yard stringing trash... so i put him on the chain and i clean up the mess. If i didn't i would have gotten grounded. I get done cleaning up after the dog and i knock on the door because its locked ... ya know i should have to bring my key absolutely everywhere because my dad don't work and he don't have a license so where the hell should he be at 12 in the afternoon ?!? Well i'm banging on the door and no body is answering , So i walk over to my grandmas house i grab the phone and call my dads cell phone .. of course he doesn't answer so i call the house phone thinking maybe i didn't knock loud enough. Nobody answered that either. So I explained what's happened so far , then finally dad calls back i answer the phone and was like " hello "... " hello?!" .... and he was like " hi " he sounded stoned as fuck , so i tell him i'm at my grandmas because him and the boys are gone. Well turns out he left my 7 year old brother at home alone for only god knows how long while he went and did whatever the hell he did... i call my mom and she is flipping out , she called him 7 times and he never answered. My grandma called him and he said he was home , she came over to my house and we searched the house and he damn sure wasn't there. Well he finally walks through the door fucking yelling and screaming at me telling me that the door was unlocked and he was home and a bunch of bull shit. The door was only unlocked because Tyler opened it for me after i banged on it 20 times because he was sleeping! Im so over him he needs to go smoke a damn blunt and get caught !

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.06.2012

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