One

I could not move. I was frozen. My body was shaking. As they lifted her away I dropped to my knees in amazement. The sirens burst aloud as they took off. I was too scared to move. I was wishing this was all a dream. But it was not, it was clear it wasn’t. The tar was cutting into my knees, the wind was brushing through my hair, and the noise of the gun was still ringing in my ear.
Students were all around me, and we looked at the same spot. I listened to their conversations – rumors of course. It hadn’t even been an hour and rumors had already started. No one would know the truth of why she did it, only me. Only I could understand the reason of this planned scene, I didn’t look away from that one spot, but I could hear the looks on the students’ faces. Some were terrified, some were tired, some sad, and some were worried. They were not worried about the incident that just took place, but they were worried about their History test next period or how they will get home. Most teens do not have a heart, why would they? All teens do is go to school, get themselves into one-week sex scenes, drama, and then of course sleep. Most would say they’re happy with it but some say that’s not how they live.
I am still staring at my main spot. I can feel my hands shaking in anger. No, not anger, disbelief. Yes, that’s right. Disbelief. I could not believe it. This… what just happened. Could I have stopped it? It couldn’t be true. My best friend, the person that helped me find my true self, my soul. My best friend… just killed herself…

I jolt awake, Sweat dripping down my face. My heart is racing as my eyes follow its beat around the room. My hands are curled up into fists. I don’t know why I wake up this way.
I cannot remember anything scary or frightening about my dream. It is actually happy. The dream reminds me of the fun times I had with Charlie.
The dream started in a courtyard. The place was familiar but at first I wasn’t sure where I was. I was alone at a table while eating cut up apples. Even though children were playing all around me, I felt more alone than I was. Then I remembered, I was at my old preschool. I was young - four or five years old. I could hear the children laughing and having fun all around me as I sat there watching.
As I slowly bit off a piece of my apple a teacher and a little girl walked towards me. The girl was crying.
“Ray… this is Charlie. May she sit with you?” I nodded still chewing. She sat on the bench on the other side of the table. I watched her as she wiped the tears from her gloomy face.
“I’ll be right over there with the other teachers.” She pointed to a bench with two others. Charlie nodded, still crying. She was wearing a pink tee shirt and a skirt with flowers on it. Her hair was in pigtails with a pink barrette holding her bangs. She never really wore this kind of outfit once she could dress herself. She didn’t really care what she looked like. She always told me “If I am cozy I am happy.” Every day she would wear shorts and a tee shirt unless it was cold but that rarely happens in Texas.
I am remembering how everyone was always so jealous that Charlie could go to high school without caring about how she looked. Everyone, even the boys wished they could be comfortable at school, but they were too caught up in their own looks. The girls at school especially were jealous because Charlie thought makeup was weird. She tried it once then said to me, “Why would I spend an hour on this when I’m just going to school? It also feels like something is on my face. Like food, gross.”
In the dream, sitting with Charlie was awkward at first. She opened her lunchbox and took out a sandwich cut in four pieces. She wiped her tears and sniffed as she ate. Her tears were wet, sparkling like stars on her face. I’ve never seen anyone cry so beautifully.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, a little embarrassed, so I popped another apple slice into my mouth.
“I miss my daddy.” She said softly.
“It’s okay. You’ll see him after school.” She nodded as I spoke.
“I wanna see him now.” Her lips frowned and her forehead creased as another set of tears built in her eyes.
I wasn’t sure what to say to her at this point, so I searched through my lunch bag for something else to eat. There was a small bag of three cookies. I looked at her, “Want a cookie?” She looked up, still tears on her face, and smiled a bit.
“Sure.” I handed her a cookie and took a bite of mine. I watched as she ate slowly. She looked around, scanning the other kids playing. Her face was clear now; her eyes were solid.
That was when we met. The first day of preschool. We ate lunch together every day and walked place to place together. Sometimes… most times we didn’t talk. Even in high school we went out to eat; we walked to class together, but rarely talked. Yet, she is my best friend, or should I say “was”.
I wish I could see her beautiful face again.
I sit down and get myself comfortable. It is 5 in the morning and I know I won’t be able to sleep again. I contemplate the fact my alarm will go off in two hours. I don’t sleep that night.

It is Saturday night. I lay there in my hammock smelling the Austin air. It is beginning to grow dark but I can still see the outlines of the clouds in the sky. I am thinking about how much homework I am not going to do and how I am going to regret it Monday morning.
I think about whom I can copy from and if I should get coffee before school. While thinking about how much stress this is going to give me I actually decide to do my homework. I uncomfortably roll out of the hammock and head up the stairs to the back door.
I open the door. My dog speeds past me thinking she sneakily escapes; when, really, I let her out. She watches with her ears perked and head tilted as I pick up my backpack from the dining table and head back outside. It was now fully dark so I turn on the backlights that beam down on the yard. It was scary being out there since the light can’t brighten the woods behind my house. I lay the opposite way in my hammock so I can keep an eye on the woods. I would rather not have someone sneak a knife through my throat. The dark was my biggest fear.
I sit here and read the word problems in my math book. I work for about thirty minutes until something interrupts me. The sound coming from above me. I swiftly look up, nothing was there.
As I work for a few more minutes my mother open the back door to let my dog into the house. Now I was alone outside in the dark doing my homework on a Saturday night. Why was I even out here? It reminds me of the movies where two teens go into a creepy house and really don’t want to. They are both scared and the girl always cries, but she is so attached to her boyfriend that she goes in anyway. Well, if they don’t want to be in there, why are they? If they don’t want to die, why did they even get close to the house that has a huge ‘do not enter’ sign in front of it?
Anyway, I was afraid of the dark. So why am I out here? I hear a creepy noise and yet I still lay here.
I hear it again. It sounds far, not too far, but far. The interruption comes from the woods this time. I close my book, hold my cell phone tight and watch the trees. Nothing happens.
I decide to work on my English homework, so I stand up and kneel down on the itchy grass to go through my bag. I pull out my blue folder, stand up and flip through all the papers.
I froze. My fingers are between the cold paper and my left hand holds the folder. I stare at the cloudy paper. The noise was back. I don’t want to look. I close the folder barely moving, slowly kneeling down once again, slide the folder back in, zip my bag, swing it over my shoulder, and head for the house.
My foot is on the first step when I hear the noise again. I turn around swiftly. Nothing. I look closely. My eyes see something, they narrow in. Finally, my pupils touch a light. It was moving. The light is white and glowing.
“Hello?” I call my voice shuttering. I take a step back. My eyes still on the floating object.
I don’t know what to do. Should I wait? Should I walk towards it? Should I go? What should I do?
It was getting bigger, closer maybe. I decide to wait. I was shaking. Is this a dream?
I wait.
And wait.
Three minutes pass.
Four minutes.
I was now sitting on the step with my face in my hands. My feet are on my bag. I am still watching. Then something really strange happens. My eyes don’t want to believe it, but it was there.
A stark white body is glowing in the moonlight. Its eyes as dark as ink. The snout is pale pink and shinny.
The wolf sat next to the floating object. I am drawn to it. My eyes can’t leave the wolf. Her beautiful body is so silk, so smooth. The ears stick up as if a mouse is miles away and she is listening to it run.
I stand up and walk towards it. I want to stop, but I don’t, I can’t. I am five feet away when I finally stop. I am amazed. The floating ball of light is still bopping around and the wolf is in the same place.
I take one more step. They both look at me with their beauty.
“Ray?” I hear someone call my name. It is soft, a women’s voice. I turn around to see if it is my mother. No one is behind me. I look forward; surprised they are still here looking at me.
“Ray?”
I walk forward. The glowing light bounced, it is coming towards me. I hold my hand out to let it rest, but the wolf growled, obviously not liking the fact that I want to touch it. I put my hand back down, watching.
“Ra-ay?” The light going back to its original spot. I watched the wolf stand up and shake its self off. It turns around and leaps into thin air. The light fallows.
“WAIT!” I reached for Charlie’s soul, but it is gone. They are both Gone.

Two

12:46a.m.
I haven’t seen the soul in five days. It’s all I can think about. I will replay the scene in my mind over and over again. I want to believe that the soul is Charlie. She was at my house that night to insure me that she was okay. Maybe from heaven, or maybe she was reincarnated into something. Some kind of plant or animal. Well, who knows? Everyone has different beliefs. I am not sure what Charlie’s were, but if she is happy, I am happy.
1:40a.m.
I am thinking about the possible ways someone can come back to this world after dying. I feel crazy thinking of this. This is exactly why I haven’t told anyone what I saw. It might have been an illusion because I was so tired. Or maybe a dream I am not waking up from.
Either way, if this is real or not, I felt the need to figure it out. To find out the truth of what happened.
2:17a.m.
There is one thing I have not been pondering. The wolf that was sitting next to the soul. Why was it with her? If that was Charlie’s soul, who was the wolf?
I wake up to my alarm at 6a.m. Hit snooze three times until I shut it off, but I still go back to sleep for 20 more minutes.
I hate alarms. All they do is wake you up. Alarms come in handy and all, but why would someone want to be woken up? Even though, that’s what they are there for.
At 7:10a.m. I take a shower. It is nice. The hot water hitting my bare skin can put me right back to sleep.
It’s always refreshing to take a shower. I take my time in the shower by standing there doing nothing and thinking about every little detail in life.
I let the water hit the back of my neck. I tilt my head back and close my eyes. I can feel the water run down the side of my face and hit my shoulders. Then make its way down my back. Sometimes the water splits and runs down my chest. I stand there picturing myself in the rain. Although, rain isn’t this warm. I picture myself standing in grass while the rain hits me. Charlie is there. Not her soul; but her body is sitting in the rain. Charlie has no emotion on her face. She is not sad or happy. She’s just sitting not hunched over or looking down. Quietly sitting up straight with her legs crossed and hands in her lap. She is looking forward, but not at me. I am a few feet in front of her inspecting every bit of her. I notice she has no soul and is not alive. Gone; only her body remained.
I open my eyes slowly. I do not want to, but I have to.
“Ray?”
“Hmm?” My brother is probably screaming inside because I am in the shower and he has work today.
“Will you try to save some hot water?” He obviously just woke up.
“Sure.” I hear the door close. I am not close to my brother.
I actually don’t like him at all. I am not going to lie. He is handsome but has a heart of steel.
I am staring at the shampoo, not wanting to move. So, I force myself too. I wash my hair slowly wishing I am still in bed.
I step out of the shower and dry myself off. I walk to my room with one towel around my waist and one in my hand to dry my hair with. I quickly put on my boxers and pants then head to the bathroom once again.
I always have a problem with brushing my teeth. It’s not that I don’t brush my teeth. I think it’s gross when someone doesn’t brush. I can always tell when someone talks to me and all I can think of is the smell of their breath. It’s not just bad breath from food. If someone doesn’t brush their teeth, they have a certain smell to them. It’s the same smell for everyone. I would never talk in front of a person if I didn’t brush my teeth that morning.
The problem I have is starting to brush my teeth. It’s difficult for me to push a wet tooth brush with a strong minty taste into a mouth that’s been closed and resting all night, but I force myself to.
As I am brushing my teeth, my brother barges in with no clothes on. Come on, I know he is my brother but why would I want to see him naked? As he gets in the shower I scan him in the mirror comparing us. My brother has short dark hair, with a side part that makes his hair wipe over his eyes. You can never really see his eyes, I think they are blue. Yeah… he is buff. Of course he is. He works out all of his anger. He usually makes me come with him to the gym so he won’t be alone. I understand that, and I’m happy he makes me go or I would be completely out of shape. My brother dresses more jockish, like jeans and tee-shirt. I dress like a cow-boy. I know, it’s weird, but I love the style. My hair goes with it too. I have long blonde hair that barley passes my ears. My brother is 6 foot 1… and I’m 5’9. I’m not skinny, but not fat; I just have a lot of meat on my bones.
Anyway, my sister used to do that all the time. Well, not completely naked, but she would walk around with only a bra and underwear on. Its okay for a guy to go without a shirt, but for a girl to go with just a bra is weird to most people. I would hate wearing a bra. It’s just another piece of clothing. Girls always complain about it, too.
My brother, sister, and I all shared the downstairs area, there were three rooms, one bathroom, and a hall way connecting it all.
Now it’s just my brother and me. My sister died four years ago. I wasn’t that close to her, but my brother was her best friend. They were twins. Most twins are close, but they were inseparable.
My brother had changed a lot since she died. He dropped out of school a month after she left. I do feel bad for him. I never knew what it was like to lose someone so close until Charlie died last year. My sister didn’t kill herself. She didn’t want to die. That’s the saddest part; she had her entire future planned. I’m not sure what she was going to do, but I do know that she didn’t deserve to pass away.
I hear my brother crying every once in a while. I think he feels like it was his fault. My sister was born with Leukemia. He wasn’t. He blames himself for not being the one that had it. The thing about twins is that they are born at the same time, but will never die at the same time. I don’t think that my brother understands that death happens; everyone and everything dies.
That’s why it’s so scary isn’t it? Death happens and there is no way you can run away from it.
I slip a shirt on and walk upstairs. My mother is putting the dishes up from last night’s wash.
“Good morning.” She says.
“Hey Momma.” I get some yogurt and bottled water from the fridge.
“How did you sleep?” My mother asks me this every morning. My answer never changes.
“Good.” I walk across the kitchen and got a plastic spoon out of a drawer.
“Are you ready?” My mother asks.
“Yeah. Just let me put this in my bag.” By the time I had my beverage and yogurt in my backpack my mother was ready to go and waiting for me by the door.
First I said bye to my dog, then I left. I walk to the car slowly and wait for my mother to unlock the door. She clicks the automatic car opener to let me in. I adjust my bag to where it can be on the floor of the vehicle without getting in the way of my feet.
I am scared to look at the tree’s we are passing. For some reason, I don’t want to see the soul again. I have mixed feelings.
I think about that night every second, but I am scared. It’s not that I am scared of ghosts and spirits or anything related. I never even believed in anything like that since that night. I could be insane, that’s always a possibility.
I am not scared of the fact that witchcraft might be true, but I am frightened of getting hurt. How could I get hurt by a dead friend? I think about this for a minute.
Now, I am not worried about getting physically hurt. I’m terrified of getting emotionally hurt. I’ve been hurt too many times in the past to deal with it again.
There are people out there that say they don’t let themselves get hurt. Everyone gets hurt. The people that say they don’t just don’t want to admit it. They keep the pain in the back of their mind and try to see the good in life. Sure, they are happy with what they have, but the pain is always there. Everyone and everything gets hurt.
I try not to let myself get hurt. It never works. I also try to move on and forget. That never works either.
There is a huge snowball in my heart. When I get hurt more pain is added and the ball grows larger. I still feel the pain from things that have happened in the past. Things from years ago. The pain has always been there, and still is.
I’m scared of it. So scared. It’s that feeling everyone gets while they are sitting in the movie theater watching a horror movie. They want to leave but cannot because they actually want to see what happens. It’s that feeling times ten. I can’t even sleep the fear is so bad.
The snow build up in my heart has made me decide to completely ignore what I saw. I wanted to figure it out, but what’s the point? No one would believe me anyway. No one could help me with it.
“Mom, are you picking me up at lunch?” I already knew the answer to this.
“I am. I’ll be there at 11:30.”
Not that I mind my momma going with me, but its having my own mother come to a doctor’s appointment with me is kind of weird. I mean she’s sitting there watching the doctor check me.
I would make her leave if the doctor was checking something awkward. I’d feel bad if I just kicked her out. I’m her “little pumpkin.” If I’m going to the doctor for a checkup of course she would want to be there with me, just to make sure everything is okay.
“You’ll have to miss lunch and the first five or ten minutes of your 5th period class.” She always tells me what I’ll be missing for these appointments.
I wonder when she is going to understand that I don’t care if I have to miss school.
We finally arrive to school. I zip up my backpack while my mom pulls up in front of the school doors.
“Here is a note.” She says.
“Thanks mom.”
“I’ll see ya after school! Have a good day! Love you!” My mom is awesome. She is one of those few people that can actually smile in the morning. She can smile on those mornings when you’re forced to wake up and do something you don’t want to do.
She is worried about me, but doesn’t want to bring up Charlie. I can tell she is worried that I will act the way my brother did when we lost my sister. I am fine so far and I don’t act that way. It’s been a little over a year since Charlie died and she is still worried I will explode like my brother. I know that someday I will die, and right now I need to live life like everyone else. I’m happy with what I have and what I have is life.

Three

Math is my worst subject. It’s the second semester and I always make a C in this class. For some students that’s a good grade, but if it wasn’t for math I would have all A’s and B’s. I see no point in trying if I know what my grade is going to be.
I get my folder and a notebook out of my bag. I might do well if I look like I’m doing something.
My teacher writes a math problem on the board.
“This shouldn’t mess y’all up to much” He said. I start to read the problem.
‘A standard cabinet door measures 18 meters…” Eh, I quit.
“Well, well, well. What is going to be the answer?” My teacher says as he walks between the desks.
“16.” Someone yells out.
“How did you get that?” My teacher asks. The boy explains in the way teenagers talk. It was hard to understand but the entire class knew what he was saying.
“So you divide the thing, but that number under the 3. Then you cross multiply by those two other things. Then that stuff gets canceled out.” The boy says while he motions his pencil in circles, pointing to the screen.
“Correct!” I doubt my teacher knew what the guy was talking about. He just said that because the answer actually was 16.
“Let’s check the homework!” Uhg, teachers always feel the need to scream. Especially the coaches. I come from a school where sports are the number one thing. So it’s rare when you don’t have a coach as a teacher (even if you don’t play any sports). This teacher isn’t a coach anymore. He used to coach basketball, but from what I hear, he quit because of a divorce.
Everyone shuffles around to check their homework. My teacher explains a few things, then someone asks a question, then he explains more. It’s the same routine every day.
“Alright! Lets do some examples! That’s all we have to do. Four examples. So try to stay awake!” He is getting ready to write on the board as he sings. Yes, he sings.
I am writing down the first two examples and some side notes as my teacher speaks. Not like this will help my grade.
“Get out your handy dandy calculator! Plug it in, and… boom! There’s your answer! Don’t forget to leave it in terms of pie and label everything!” My teacher is a nerd, but I guess that’s a good thing.
“Wait! I have a question!” My friend Mich raises his hand as he speaks. I’m laughing because I know this will be funny. Mich is one of those teenagers that only think about what he can do to make the people around him laugh. He finds those sexual jokes really funny. He obviously hasn’t matured much, but when it comes to his relationship he handle’s it well. Mich is short, has blonde hair that hit his ears, and wears a tee-shirt and jeans every day no matter the weather. He isn’t fat, but he is chubby, the kind of chubby that only the chubby girls think is cute.
“Say 90 pie, again.” Mich says.
“What?” My teacher reply’s with a smile on his face, knowing this isn’t about math. “90 pie” he said in a confused voice.
“No, say it like you just did, when you were explaining.”
“90 pie” My teacher says again. Mich starts to crack up. The class is so confused; I am trying to hold in my laugh.
“Its sounds like your saying, ‘mighty pie’” Everyone starts to laugh. I turn around to make eye contact with him and laugh.
Mich is one of my good friends. He was never friends with Charlie though, no one was.
I have three groups of friends. The biggest group is the mix of boys and girls that are the most funny people I know. I don’t hang out with them much but when I do, I can’t stop laughing.
Then there’s a small group of drinkers and smokers. The provide me when I need those certain things. I rarely am with them.
The third group is my first choice out of all. When I’m with this group of people its like I’m in heaven. I am happy as ever. I guess I shouldn’t call it a group because it’s just Charlie. No one has ever made me feel the way she did. She is the only person I was with outside of school. I wasn’t even around my parents that much. I was so happy just thinking about her.
She is so amazing. I wish-
The bell rung and everyone starts to loudly scatter out of the room. I am putting everything back into my bag when Mich starts to walk towards me. Mich is a part of that boy and girl group.
“Hey.” I said, as I zip up my backpack.
“Hey Ray, do you want to go camping with us this weekend?” He stands next to my desk.
I pause for a bit. “Whose we?”
“Me, Jessica, Nikki, and Joe. We are going for two nights and want you to come.” He says. We start to walk out of the class and into the hallway. I think about it as we walk.
“Sure, I’ll ask my parents” I reply, with a hesitant voice.
“Okay just let me know!” He went the opposite way to talk to friends as I walk to class alone.
Well, there you go. That was my social life. I barely talk to anyone. I just go to school, and go home. If I talk, someone talks to me. I thought about this camping trip with these people. I’ve never done anything like it before. I love the outdoors but why did they want me to come? I’m not that close to them at all. I’ve never been with them outside of school before. Maybe this will be a good opportunity to get my mind off of Charlie.

Four

As I walk home the wind blows in my face. It isn’t that type of wind that pelts my eyes, but it is that nice soft wind that blows every once in a while. Barely pushing my hair back with every wave as it washes over me. This type of wind I can smell but is not penetrating my senses. The breeze is warm, but not too warm. It doesn’t have that moist feeling but it is still a wave of air. When the wave hits my body it goes pass my ears and I hear the noise of the ocean. The wind goes through the holes in my shirt and quietly touches my skin.
I take a deep breath letting all the fresh air into my lungs. I arrive to my house, staring at it, not wanting to go inside. I start to walk towards my house looking at the white door. I take a few steps up my porch and slowly walk closer to the entrance.
I grab my bag straps and pull them off my shoulders. My bag drops to the ground as I still enjoy this nice air. Instead of walking inside I go around my deck to the back of my house.
I am now standing on my deck leaning against the rail that keeps my family safe from the rough grass bellow. I walk against the railing and I look at the tall trees all around my house. I stop at the start of the stairs as a bird quietly lands on the bird feeder that hangs from the side of the wooden rail. The bird is red with a black beak and roughly but quietly picks at the yellow corn in the feeder. The lovely bird piles some food in to its mouth and flies off. I watch it fly with its swift wings and its quiet glide. The bird perches itself on the closest tree and cracks on the corn as it watches all around for protection.
I could tell that this bird was a male. Birds with pastel colors on the wings and stark black beaks are always male.
I walk down the wooden stairs as I hear a crack every time I take a step. I am watching all around me, just like the red bird. The ground got close as I finally get to the bottom of the stairs. I stop on the last step preparing myself for this wonderful moment I am about to experience. I start to take one more step down, putting one foot onto the grassy stone and then the other. I was stepping into a new world. I am walking into the stark green grass and I look at the scene surrounding me. I slowly pass the old bird bath that was only a stone plate balancing on a high tree stump. I have never seen anything different than this; the bird bath has been there since I was born.
I am walking towards the hammock that is connected to two tall trees. The hammock, like the bird bath, was old and worn out. The blue and green color had faded, yet it was still durable. I lay myself in the swinging cloth and look straight up. There is an opening between the trees and I could see the sky. There is almost no white in the sky, but the blue was still beautiful. I look at the gorgeous sky until I am interrupted by a splashing noise. I looked to my left and the red bird was in bath now. As it splashes around, and it picks at its wing. The bird had a certain expression on his face. He looks happy. Maybe because of the water that is rarely there or maybe because the day is a superb day to be flying around.
I look up from the bird and saw the small bat house that was connected to the side of my house. It looks like a very small boxed house with a narrow roof, a little whole for the bats to go in and out and a picture of a bat above the entrance. I have seen many bats in my backyard, they really are interesting creatures. I have heard people say that bats are like birds at night.
In the real world things like this don’t happen, but in this world, in my backyard, everything is perfect.
My eyes keep drifting off, not because I am tired, but because I am so relaxed. I lay there with my eyes closed my mind on nothing. I wasn’t thinking of anything, but I can feel everything. The wind against my skin, the rough hammock below me. I can hear the tree’s brushing against each other, the grass moving, even the cars from the busy street far away. At this moment, I am at ease and nothing can get me out of this feeling. This is the best feeling I have had since Charlie passed away. This is the way she made me feel, I miss this feeling so much.
My eyes slowly open as the thought of Charlie came back to me. This is the most peaceful place in my life, and this was where I saw her soul. The feeling is gone. I sit up and adjust myself to my feet. I shouldn’t be here if I don’t feel the way I did.
I walk faster and faster up the stairs, and towards the door. I was scared. I forgot that the backyard was where I saw Charlie’s soul. Walking around my deck I grab my backpack and open the door. My mother is standing there with a handful of trash bags.
“Oh! Hey Ray. Do you mind?” She hands me a trash bag.
“Sure. How was your day mom?” My mother and I are closer than most parents to their children. She always tells me I’m all she has. My brother won’t talk to her, he won’t talk to anyone. She was married to my father, but he had an affair. It tore her to pieces. I could never have that happen to me. If I ever get married, it will be to that one woman that I would give anything too and do anything for. I would love her with all of my heart, and trust her completely. To think if that one person that is supposed to fill those holes between your fingers had feeling for someone else is heart breaking. Just thinking about the love of my life holding another person in their arms, and not me, kills me.
I feel so bad for my mom, and I’ll always be here for her and not betray her like my father did. I hate him so much. He left the family when I was two, so I never got to really know him. My brother only remembers a few things about my father. If I ever met him there is so many things I want to do to him, so many things I want to say to him.
My mom was now finishing with the great story she was telling about her day, though I wasn’t really listening. Walking back inside I tell her about my day and what we are doing in all of our classes.
“Mom, today during math Mich and I talked.”
“Oh, Mich. How is he?” I can tell she really doesn’t care about him. In the 5th grade he brought his pet Ginny pig over and it got lost in the house. We found it a few months later dead in the laundry room. The disturbing smell is what helped us find it.
“He’s good. So, we were talking and him and a few of our friends are going camping this weekend. I was wondering if I could go.” Asking this in an almost pleading tone sounded really desperate. This is how people know I have no friends.
“When are y’all leaving?”
“Friday. We will come back Sunday morning” She is looking at me with a glaze. I’m not really sure what that means.
“Where is it?” She says cautiously.
“Fort Austin, on the lake.” I say with a little hesitant because I know that Fort Austin is quite a way away. Also, in the middle of nowhere.
She pauses for a moment, “Sure, you can go. Just be careful. Will you be leaving right after school on Friday?”
“Yes.” I am smiling more than I have in a while. Like I said, this will help get my mind off of Charlie and it will be fun.
“The doctor said you were healthy today.”
“I know mom… I was there” My mom doesn’t trust doctors anymore because our doctor told us that my sister had a few more years to live before she died 2 days later. “I’m fine mom. Don’t worry.” I hug her.

Five

I haul my bag and sleeping bag into the back of the van. It is finally Friday and we are all standing in the school parking lot waiting for Joe to show up.
Jessica is sitting in the van with her feet hanging out almost touching the ground. Jessica is tall with straight blonde hair that hits all the way down to her waist. She is skinny, not the type of skinny that is gross to look at, but the small-boned skinny. She was wearing a white v-neck shirt and blue shorts. This was the type of style the girls wore throughout school.
Mich is leaning against the van with keys in his hand. “I don’t know… my mom is just like that” He says to Jessica. I walk around from the back of the van and sit next to Jessica.
“Well, I think she is just trying to look out for you Mich, I mean, she not grounding you because she hates you.” Jessica replies.
“You’re grounded?” I ask Mich.
“Well, yeah. Not for this weekend though. She already told me I could go out.”
“Why are you grounded?”
“He was smoking on his front porch.” Jessica answers me with a little sarcasm.
I laugh. “Dude, if you’re going to smoke, then do it in a place that isn’t so out there. Anyone could have seen you smoking on your front porch.”
Jessica laughs too “Exactly! You might as well just be smoking in their bed room.”
“It’s not like they were home.” Mich said. “They were out to dinner and if I saw them pull up I would have done something about it, but they tried to purposely catch me doing it.”
“Wait… what? They tried to catch you? So your parents knew you smoked anyway.” I say, moving to let Jessica readjust her feet.
“I guess. They’ve never said anything to me before. They like, drove down the street without their headlights on. I thought they were some sketchy sophomores just learning how to drive or something. So many goddamn people from our school live on my street. It’s annoying.”
“Are they going to drug test you?” Jessica asks.
“They caught him with the weed, I think they already know.” I say jokingly.
Jessica laughs. “There he is!” I looked over to where she was pointing. Joe is holding a bag, a cooler and another bag that fits a tent. I walk toward him to help.
“Hey man.” He says. I take the cooler. “Thanks.” We walk towards the van as he says hi to Mich and Jessica. I went to the back and open the trunk.
“Um…” I say with question. The trunk was full.
“Mich! Where do you want us to put this stuff?” Mich walks to the back, and laughs.
“Well… shit.” Mich looks around. “Where’s Nikki? Maybe we can put stuff in her car. “
Jessica replies. “She said she would meet us there, so I don’t think that’s going to work.”
I look at Joe. “This sucks.”
“Hey well maybe we can keep our bags in the back seat and put this stuff in the trunk.” Joe suggests.
“Yeah, my bag is in the back seat anyway” I say. We all move around situating our things and finally get it to where the doors would close without anything hanging out.
“Well, that was unnecessary. Why didn’t we just do that before?” Jessica says to me. I laugh. We all hope in the car, Mich driving first. Joe in the passenger seat leaving me and Jessica in the back two seats. We drive out of the school and down the main street of the town. Passing the shopping centers, the mall, the grocery store and a few restaurants. We exit onto the highway and start on our way. Joe puts in a CD and we all listen to it talking about the music throughout Austin. That’s what I love about these people. They know their music. We talk about how many years’ we have been going to the well known Austin City Limits. Jessica falls asleep holding her legs. I knew she was cold so I get a blue blanket out of the back and place it around her.
“She is beautiful isn’t she?” Mich says looking at her through the review mirror. Jessica and Mich have been dating since 8th grade year. I wouldn’t be surprised if they get married. It’s sad though because he is so attached to her. If she isn’t at school one day he gets depressed and doesn’t talk to anyone. I don’t like to see people like that. It makes me feel bad for them because they obviously can’t live on their own and that’s not a good thing. He would kill himself if she left him… sometimes I think that’s why she is still with him. He needs her. She doesn’t need him, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. There’s a difference. Mich saying that he needs her is like saying that if she wasn’t in his life he would die. It’s like he is calling her his brain, or his white blood cells and it’s just not right. I understand that it would emotionally kill him if she broke up with him, but I don’t understand why he would kill himself, instead of just moving on.
It’s like me, when I lost Charlie I thought I was going to be so sad, but why would she want that? I have learned to be happy with myself and move on. If only all teenagers could be happy with what they have and realize that themselves are the only thing they need.
I smile at Mich and look out of the window. We were now passing through the country. It was nice. Just looking at the scenery had me fall asleep.

I wake up feeling the jerks of the car. I look forward and Joe was driving on a rock road. There were trees all around us as he pulls into a camping spot.
“This look good?” He says. Talking to Mich. I look over and Jessica was still asleep.
“Yeah. Perfect.” Mich says. His voice raspy, obviously just waken up.
“I like it.” I Say. Mich looked back at me and smiles. “Good morning sunshine.” He says as though he was talking to a puppy.
“Its 8pm dumbass. It’s almost dark.” Joe says while laughing, making me laugh too.
We get out of the car and open the trunk. As we get out all of the bags, Jessica wakes up and a watches us.
“Hey.” Mich said to her. She smiles with her eyes squinted. “Come on, wake up! The party is about to start!” Fallowing Mich’s orders, she gets out of the car, with the blanket still around her.
Joe and I take the tent and he picks a good spot to set it up. We get the tent out of the bag and stare at it.
“You know how to do this, right?” I ask staring at Joe.
He doesn’t move. “No…”
“Okay. This will be fun.” I say. “We need to get the Tarp and lay it down and on the spot where we want the tent.” We lay out the tarp and straighten it.
“So the tent goes over it right?” He asks.
“Yup, but we need to put the polls through the tent first.” We did as so. It takes some time, we are having a lot of trouble. As we sat on the ground trying to put together the polls Nikki pulls her car in.
“There’s Nikki.” I say. “Where did Mich and Jessica go?”
“I think they went to check out the place. Bitches, leaving us with this.” As Joe try’s to put the poll through the tent, Nikki walks towards us waving.
“Hey.” I say. We must look pathetic to her. “Hey guys! I like this spot.” She said as she looks around.
“Yeah I like it too. Mich and Jessica went to check out the place. We got stuck setting up the tent.” Joe complains.
“It’s not that bad we are almost done. Look I just got the last poll through we just have to get it up and pin it down.” I say as I stand up.
“Why do we need to pin it down?” He asks.
“Just in case the wind picks up or something. It’s just a safety caution. I don’t want the tent to fall over in the middle of the night.” I say. We pull the tent up and then nail down the spikes with Nikki’s help.
“Are we all going to sleep in here? It’s really big!” Nikki pokes her head in then tent as she speaks.
“I’m probably going to sleep outside. I like looking at the stars.” I say as I walk towards Nikki’s car. She clicks the unlock button as she fallows me.
“You’re scared of the dark Ray.” She says opening the trunk of her car.
“The fire will be going. I usually sleep outside when I camp. I like it, it’s nice.” I get out a huge bag of food from the trunk and she gets her bag of clothes. We walk over to the picnic table a few feet away from the tent and set out the food. Joe carry’s the cooler from Mich’s car to the table.
“Will you get out the burgers so they can thaw out?” Nikki asks. There was 2 packages of raw meat, four burgers per package.
“Hey!” I turn around and see Jessica and Mich with a bunch of wood. They set it in the fire pit. Jessica and Nikki exchange hugs and walk over to the table. We were now all there in front of the food eating and chatting. Mich gets up and sets the grill over the fire pit. The burgers are starting to be made. Joe and Mich are talking by the grill as me and the girls are chopping the food to put on the burgers.
“I feel so manly right now.” I say with a smile. They both laugh.
“Ray, you are manly, don’t let anyone tell you differently.” Jessica says.
“Yeah look at those guns!” Nikki says as she squeezes my arms.
I laugh. “Thanks y’all.”
“So how have you been Ray? We never talk anymore.” Nikki says as Jessica agrees.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been a turtle since…” I trail off. They both give me a sad look because they know what I am talking about.
“AWE!” Jessica screams and puts an arm around me giving me a little hug.
“It’s not that bad y’all, I’m over it. I just miss her.”
“You and Charlie were hip and hip. No one could separate y’all.” Nikki says.
“I know, everyone thinks I’m in a deep depression, but I’m not. I’m good. I just keep telling myself that she is happy, and one of us had to die before the other.” I pop a chip into my mouth and keep cutting the tomatos.
“That’s a good way to think of it Ray, but what most people are scared of is… well what I’m scared of, is if your thinking it was your fault… it was because of you.” I can feel Jessica looking at me as she says this. Nikki looks up, waiting for me to reply.
“Oh no, I’m not blaming myself. Girls, don’t worry, I’m okay.” I give them both a big smile. “I’m just glad y’all invited me out. I can have fun and not think about what it would be like if she was still here.” All I can think about was the wolf and soul. It is hard not to say anything.
“Well you know what; we are going to have a blast!” Nikki promises me. Mich and Joe come back with a plate of hot meat.
“Joe almost killed me.” Mich says making Joe crack up. Probably some inside joke they made while they were grilling. We all reach for the patty’s and have a long wonderful dinner. We talked about who has been up to what, the gossip around the school, and sometimes story’s that got into our personal lives. It was nice being out there, we could talk about anything and no one can hear us. Even after we finished eating we sat in our same place laughing and talking.
“We need more wood…” Nikki says looking at the dying fire “…and I’m not the one that’s going to get it.”
“Ill go.” Mich says. He walks out of our camping spot into the street that separates each lot.
We all walk to the fire, pull a chair close enough to the fire to feel the heat, but not close enough to get ash on my clothes. Jessica reaches into a bag and pulls out the marijuana and a small pipe that is clear with black stripes. She starts to load a bowl. We all knew this would happen sometime.
“Alcohol?” I ask. Joe already had a bottle of Vodka in his hand. He hands it to me with a smile. Mmm, alcohol is my favorite thing in the world. I’m not a drunk, and yes I’m underage but god it’s good. It quenches my taste buds. The feel of the bottle hitting my skin, then licking it off of my lips is such a great feeling.
It wasn’t long until all of us were laughing until we couldn’t breathe, slightly because our lungs were filled with smoke. We got into deep talks that we wouldn’t remember in the morning. I haven’t had this much fun in a while.
Taking in a long hit, feeling the smoke at the bottom of my lugs, then letting it all out of my body, making me feel unbalanced. Being high was like floating on a cloud… that’s why they call it ‘high’ I guess. Your mouth hangs open, your eyes almost closed, and your body swaying back and forth slightly. The feeling was unreal. It’s like being on a different planet, with different gravity.
Suddenly we see the empty bottle of vodka fly across the fire and bursts into many pieces as it hit the ground. We all look at Joe.
“FUCK LOVE! Love is selfish. It’s so selfish. Because people, all they want, is an escape from reality. That’s why adults get married, that’s why people date. That’s why people fall in love. It’s not because they like a person and want them to be happy. That’s not why. It’s because they want an escape from reality and all they need to do is make this person happy. They love this person because this person makes them feel so wonderful. Completely opposite of reality. They make them feel in a new world. And you would think that is so sweet and cute. But it is so wrong. The only reason a girl wants to make a guy happy is so she can keep him. So he won’t leave. So she will have an escape from reality. He cheats on her, uses her, and abuses her. And it doesn’t hurt, because of the thought that he was with another girl, or that he didn’t love her. It’s because when someone does that to you. You know that those feelings that escape from reality just closed and hit you again. It hits you again. When guys do that to you, that’s what happens. I’ve even seen it with girl too, and guys… Everyone! Wants an escape from reality. Even little children, that have to sit in their room and use their imagination to escape from reality because they aren’t old enough for love. Love is a lie and it’s hurtful. It’s a lie.”
Joe sits down. Everyone is slightly confused but I understood.
I take a big drink out of the second bottle of vodka and stare into the fire. My eyes are full of tears. The colors drawing me in. Starting from the bottom a small layer of blue. Then up into the twisting and winding colors of orange and yellow. The fire splits in different places and I could see where the popping sound came from. My face is tense of heat as I make my way up and finally hit the top of the fire. With its burning red color. The red fire made its way into thin air. It didn’t go anywhere, just disappeared with a few sparks that drifting into the sky. My eyes are burning but I can’t take them off the wonderful glow of the fire.

Six

“He is so beautiful.” I’m hiding behind a tree, watching the love of my life sleep like the creeper I am. I watch him all the time. I don’t know if I’m in love or attached to a guy that treats me like shit and I just don’t realize it.
“And that’s why you’re doing it. You need him and you know you do.” Her ghostly Silhouette walks up behind me. I almost jump in shock. Her face is white; hair is dark and long, and her big black eyes with the black scar around them.
“Wow, I haven’t seen you like this in months. I almost forgot what you looked like”
“Yeah well, my legs get stiff running around on all fours.” I laugh at this; she loves her wolf form ten times better than her human. Most of us like our eternal form better than our temporal form.
“Look at him. How could I leave him?”
“You wouldn’t let a guy run your life. You were curious, and now you get to share your experience with him. You only have this one chance. Don’t mess it up this time.” She rolls her eyes at me.
“I was just scared! There was so much hurt in his eyes, I felt bad.”
“Charlie, he is right there. Go.” White icy ribbons form around her and within seconds she’s that amazing looking wolf, which I recognize.
I do the same, forming into my little ball of death. It sounds awful but it’s true. My form of death is a orb. It’s a floating ball. Isn’t that fun? It is actually, it’s very fun. Being a sphere of death, may sound boring but it’s a joyful ride. Sometimes people just can’t take their eyes off of me. I am beautiful as my crystal look bounces around the death world.
I turn to look at her. “Go and make sure everything is clear and ready.”
I glided over to the edge of the woods where the camping spot started. I wish I could go further but I couldn’t. If one of his friends saw me there would be a lot of explaining to do to a lot of people in both worlds.
“Ray” I say his wonderful name as softly as I can. He doesn’t wake up. He looks very uncomfortable. Who sleeps in a fold out chair? That would suck. There’s something about me, it’s kind of weird, but no matter where I am or what I do, I must be comfortable. I usually cry and complain if I’m not.
“Ray” I say it a little louder this time. He moves a little, but not enough to wake up. I turn back into my temporal form to let a little light through.
“RAY!” I looked away swiftly like someone would know it was me. He lifts his head up and slowly opens his eyes. That’s a surprise, I thought he would jump up quickly, maybe fall out of his chair, since I just screamed his name like a man.
He stands up, stretches and starts to walk to his tent.
“Wait Ray!” He looks. His eyes squinted, his face tired. Poor thing, he looks so sad and confused.
“Hello?” His voice scratchy, mainly because he just woke up.
“Ray, come here.”
“Charlie?” He starts to walk towards me. I felt nervous, but happy. What is he gonna think of me like this? Oh my god, I don’t know what to do. What do I say? How do I explain this to him? Shit shit shit. He’s getting closer.
“Charlie! Charlie please let it be you.” Jeez, he’s so emotional. I step out from the woods and all I see is shock on his face.
“Ray. Hey Ray.”
Nothing. I walk closer.
“Ray don’t be afraid, stop looking like that, it’s me Charlie. I’m right here.” He made a small, easy, smile but his eyes weren’t happy.
“Are you not happy to see me, Ray?” He takes a step back from me.
“Charlie?”
“Yes, it’s me”
“Charlie?”
“Yes, Ray, it’s me”
“Has it been you the entire time?”
“Yes. In the backyard. Yes, that was me.”
His face gets red “Charlie! Why would scare me like that?! Why didn’t you tell me it was you before and not make me go crazy for the past month?!” Tears were forming in his eyes. “We could have been together, we could have talked, but you decided to play with my head!”
“No. No no no. Sweetie, it’s not like that. I promise.” He walked closer to me and reached out for me, but I couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t touch me, kiss me, or even hug me. His arm fell to his side. More tears formed in his eyes.
“Charlie I’ve missed you so much. My life is so different without you.”
“I know Ray. I’m always looking out for you. I’m always watching over you. You haven’t been happy in such a long time.”
“I don’t have you in my life anymore.”
“That shouldn’t depend on your happiness Ray. You know I’m okay, look at me, nothing can hurt me.” I smiled at him. “If I’m okay, if I’m safe, aren’t you happy?”
“Yes I am. But I want to be with you. I want to smile and actually mean it.”
“Oh my little muffin. You are the cutest thing. I’ve seen you smile since I died. I’ve seen it. ”
“Charlie, why are you here? When you leave me again” He paused for a moment, looked at his feet and back up into my eyes, “I don’t think I can handle that.”
“Ray you don’t understand. I’m not leaving. I’ve never left. Did I not just tell you that I am always watching out for you? I am always by your side.”
“No you’re not”
“Yes I am Ray”
“NO YOU ARE NOT! YOU LEFT ME! You just left me. Right then and there. You left. What did I do wrong?!”
“Stop it! Don’t say that! You very well know why I did this. It had nothing to do with you! Now stop yelling at me! Don’t bring it up again. You are the only person in this world who gets to see someone after death, and you’re not even happy I’m here! You are screaming and crying!”
“Oh Charlie. I’m sorry. I have so many emotions built up, and I’m freaking out because you’re right in front of me.” He took a breath. “I knew you could do something like this, I knew it was you from before, but I just… this is a huge shock.”
“Sit down.” I walk over to the chair he was sleeping on and stand behind it. He sits in it and I walk around; kneel down and look straight up at him. “Ray”
“Charlie”
“Are you scared of me?”
“This is a lot to take in Charlie. I am very scared right now.”
“Close your eyes and go back to sleep. You seem so tired”
“No!” I look at him with shock, he stands. “I am not loosing you again, and besides… you have a lot of explaining to do.” That’s right…
He owns my heart.

Seven

He won’t sit down. I wish I could touch him so I could force him down.
“I can stand here all day. I don’t give a shit what you say. Explain.”
“Ray, I’ve told you, I can’t explain here. We have to go somewhere else.”
“And I have told you that I won’t go anywhere with you until you explain.” My heart sinks to my stomach.
“Ray, please trust me. Once I get you to where we need to be, I’ll explain everything.”
“What do you mean ‘where we need to be’? Here is fine with me”
“Ray, I went through so much to get myself down here. There’s a reason I came back to earth. I broke so many rules to find you. So shut your pie hole and trust me!” He looks at me with shock. Then a small smile forms on his face.
“You haven’t changed one bit Charlie.” He reaches for me, trying to touch my face like he used too, but was forced to put his arm down. “Charlie…” I make myself look away from him. I just can’t take his pain.
“Close your eyes Ray.”
“Why?
“Just do it.” His eyes close slowly. I stare at him for a moment, remembering the times when he would stand just like that and hold up his arms to hug me. I remember wanting his love so badly, I would run into his arms and hold him like it was the last time I was going to see him.
I took a little jump-
“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” I stand right in front of him as his eyes slowly open. He looks around with a blank face at first, but then it turns into a confused one.
“Where are we, Charlie?”
“When a person dies they have to accept it first. If they can’t accept that they are dead, then they can’t go on and live a happy life.”
“But they are dead…”
“Will you listen?!” His lips curl in.
“There is a lot more to an afterlife than there is to life, Ray. This is the first step. There are four steps to being dead-“
“If there is only four steps then what happens when you reach the fourth step?”
“Okay you know what? You were just brought into this world and your being sassy. Do I need to take you back?”
“I was just asking.”
I sit down and close my eyes. Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. Once I open my eyes again he is kneeling right in front of me.
“I need to hold you.” He whispers.
“Stop it.” He looks at me with pain. “You’re not even surprised Ray. You’re not confused. You’re not freaking out like most people would.”
“Charlie. Don’t you dare say that. If you knew how freaked out I was right now you would explode. I AM confused, I AM surprised. And all I know right now is that this is the only time I have seen you since your death and I don’t want to lose you again. So I’m trying to take the good out of this, I don’t want to lose you.”
I stand up and turn away from his tearing eyes.
“This is the place you are sent when you first die. This is what death looks like.” He looks around at the gray surroundings. Nothing but gray. No trees, no grass, no people, no animals. Just gray. “You can walk for miles and miles, days and days, years and years, and it will never end. I was stuck here for a while. It was awful. You start to go crazy, and you know how easy that is for me. To go crazy – I’m good at that.”
“Could you not accept that you’re dead?
“Knowing that this is what it’s like to be dead. Yes. It was hard for me. I wanted to go back to my life, but then I knew I couldn’t, so I accepted it.” I turn towards him “Now it’s your turn to accept it.”
“What? But I’m not dead Charlie.”
“You will be able to go back to your life. Trust me. I just want to show you this. Understand that right now you are dead and we can be free.”
“I don’t understand… because I didn’t die.”
“No, you didn’t. Ray, but I really want to show you what an afterlife is like. I broke a lot of rules to get out of the eternal world and to yours just to see you, and now I want it to be worth it. I want you to know.”
“You want me to feel death?”
“No… I want you to know death. I can’t say anything until we are at the right place. We can only get there if you accept death.”
“Alright Charlie.”

Eight

“It’s been two hours Ray.” She is lying on the ground and I am sitting next to her.
“Charlie… it’s kind of difficult to accept death when I’m not dead.” I look into to her eyes. I can’t believe she is right in front of me. I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her everywhere, but I can’t. I can’t touch her. It kills me to be so close but not be able to touch her. She was my reason for breathing and I can’t even hold her hand.
She looks beautiful. She is half way transparent, but half way glowing white. Her hair was silver but had that dark look to it. She looks peaceful, she looks stunning, and she looks more alive than she ever has. When she walks towards me it almost seems like she’s gliding. Typical. Her look, the way she moved was that typical ‘look’ of ghosts, and spirits. I thought the media has made it all up, but maybe they know. Have other humans come back from the dead?
I draw my eyes away from her and look around. Everything gray. It was so plain. I can’t believe I was actually in a place where people go when they die.
“Why gray? I would think that death would be black.”
“Black is something. Gray is nothing.”
“Black is something? Its black… its nothing.”
"No Ray. Think about it. The definition of Black is the color of objects that do not emit or reflect light. Black is a color. There is only one Black. Gray is different. There is a bunch of Gray's. Warm gray, cool gray and neutral gray. Warm gray consists of yellow, orange, and red. Cool gray consists of green, blue and violet. Neutral gray has nothing. It’s just Gray. In this stage of death you are nothing. You have accepted that you are nothing to move on." She looked at me with her sparkling eyes.
"Move on to what, Charlie?" She glared at me with anger and sadness.
"When will you understand? You have to accept the fact that you are dead to go on. Then you will see."
"What if I never accept it?"
"Then we will always be here."
"What about the people in the real world? Won’t they wonder where I am?"
"Right now it’s the middle of the night there. The only reason I know that is because we left at 2:00am and it’s been two hours, but if we stay here for a while we will lose track of the time."
"Am I going to be able to go back?" I ask that like I want to go back. I truly didn’t. I would stay here forever and forever, in this still and gray world, as long as I was with Charlie.
"No matter how much you want to, beg or plead, I am not letting you leave until you see what I want you to see. Until you experience what I have." She did not look at me while she was speaking. She has always done that. She could never look into my eyes when she told me she loved me. She could never stand the fact that our love was so strong. It scared her so much.
"Well, it might take me a while to do this Charlie. Again, I’m not dead." She sits in front of me with both of our legs crossed. "Straighten your back." I did as told. She moves her hands right above my arms, almost stroking them with no touch.
"Close your eyes." I don’t want to take my eyes off of her. I am scared she is going to leave, but I know she would not.
"Ray calm down. You’re shaking. After we get through this phase we will able to show our feelings. I can hold you." She whisper's this to me. She went on. "Clear your mind. Take a deep breath." I breathe in and feel my entire body relax. Her voice was so soft. "Think of your surroundings. Think of what you have here. You have nothing. Know you have nothing." She gets quiet and does not say a word. I open my eyes to look at her. She is right in front of me as before but this time there are woods all around me. Suddenly I feel her arms under my armpits pulling me to my feet, her body presses against mine and she puts her arms around my neck with a very tight squeeze. I wrap mine around her waist for a moment then start to tear up. I can hear her sniffing, and can feel her hands stroking my hair, then my neck and down my spine. I work up her body with my hands, rubbing her shoulders and back, then hitting her beautiful curly brown hair, and holding it against her neck. We both burst with tears and I move my arms down picking her up by her legs. Still hugging, her legs wrap around me and tighten. I am holding her so tight I can almost feel her bones against mine. She strokes my hair; I can feel her breath in my ear and against my neck. She slowly looks at me. I could feel her piercing eyes, full of emotion, eyes are red and wet. She hit her nose lightly against mine as a tear runs down her face. She does not have her ghostly form anymore; she is now the Charlie I know.
"Ray." She whispers with her eyes closed. I watch her as her eyes tighten shut, biting her lips, and face crease with sadness. More tears run down her face like a stream of glittering crystals. She took a loud breath in and puts her hands on my face, crying like I have never seen her cry before. I put her back down on the ground gently and grab her face. I pull her in and our lips touch. Her lips were so soft, it was like being home. I could taste her emotion. She pulled away from me. Her hands moving up my face and through my hair. She tightened her grip, pulling my hair, and looked deep into my eyes. So deep I could feel her love.
"I love you." She said and dropped to the ground, her hands gliding down my body and hugging my legs. "Ray, I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry." I could barley understand her with her voice sobbing with tears. I kneel down with her and hold her again. I rested my head on her shoulder as I cry with pain and happiness. Together we were in tears. "I love you. I love you." she kept saying. I look at her and stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers.
"I love you too, Charlie."

Nine

We are lying in the leaves. It was dark; I can barely see anything.
“You must be tired. We need to sleep here tonight.” Charlie says. We are lying on our sides; legs entwined together, our arms around each other, and our faces close enough to feel each other speak. It takes us a while to relax; her eyes still red. I stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, and sit up to look around.
“Where are we?” I watch her as she stands up. She is so beautiful. Her brown curly hair, her cute stomach, and her strong legs. She is wearing a long baggy tank top with shorts. I wonder where she got these clothes.
“This is the challenge. At the end you get to see what your eternal form will be.”
“Eternal form?”
“Yeah, like I’m a floating ball.” I laugh at this. She smiles at me.
Charlie walks away and starts to make a circle motion with her hands. I see a small glow of light between her fingers but couldn’t really tell what it was.
“I like my eternal form. It’s fun to bounce around. I can’t wait to see what you get.”
She opens her hand and a stream of light moves out of it. She moves it to the ground. How was she doing this?
“You have to get through the woods though. It test’s your fear and survival skills. Even though you are dead you can still be hurt in this world. You can still feel things. People in the world kill the things that can kill and hurt them, and then they come here. These things can’t kill us, but they can hurt us, and we can’t kill them.”
She makes a few other ribbons of light and set them in a square shape. Soon there were eight. She walks to the edge of the square.
“Just like before, the faster you get through this the faster you will move on. I can’t really help that much either. “
Charlie starts to move her hands like she is stroking the air in front of her. Little streaks of light start to appear. The streaks start to get thicker and thicker. She moves her hands above her as she holds the light and walks to the middle of the square. I don’t move or speak. She starts to pull the light, it stretches. She pulls then pushes it to a stream of light on the ground. The light sticks to each other. She does this a few more times until we are surrounded by light.
“Well, that should hold us for the night. Sorry we don’t have a real tent, but at least we have something. Most people have to figure out shelter by themselves.” She sits by me. I look around not being able to believe what she just created. It was so beautiful. “I guess it’s kind of bright to sleep with.” She looks up and blows. The light dims down to what looks like a candlelit atmosphere.
“Charlie, how did you do that?”
“I’m dead, I can do anything.” She pushes my shoulders to lay me down. Her head lies on my chest. “Goodnight.”

Ten

I wake up feeling a rough and spiky texture under me. There were leaves below me; I almost forgot where I was. I sit up, eyes droopy, and body tired. It was still dark outside leaving the only light to be the dim dome Charlie put around us. I look around for her but don’t see her. Was she just an illusion? The last time I woke up was when she led me to this world. Maybe I was dead.
“Oh!” I turn my head around swiftly to see Charlie walking towards me from out of the woods. “You’re up!” She came at me with a smile. She kneels down to push back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and lay back down. “I bet you are hungry. You haven’t eaten in a day and a half.” She sits next to me with her hand on my chest and her eyes looking into mine.
“What? How long was I asleep?”
“Well we spent half a day getting here. So I’ll say about a day.”
“I slept through the entire day?”
“Yes. Well no. It’s never day here. So I guess the answer is no, but viewing it time wise, yes. I think.”
“It’s never day here?”
“Yup. Remember what I told you. This is the challenge. The test. Darkness is a part of it. It’s always dark here. Now come on, get up. We need to get through this so you won’t starve to death. Oh damn it! I completely forgot about water. You are probably parched.”
“I haven’t really thought about food or water.” I start to lick my lips and notice how dry my mouth is.
“Well of course you haven’t. You have been sleeping.” She gives me a look like I am stupid. I smile at this. She always gave me that look. I missed that. “There is a small creek along the way. Try to hold up till then.” She stands up and walks towards the woods. “This way.” I stand up.
“Wait, don’t you want to take this down.”
“The light? Nah.”
“Why not?”
“I’m too lazy.”
She guides me through the thick darkness. With her hands she makes a stream of light. The glow coming off her fingers and relaxing in the air around us. It was extraordinary.
I couldn’t believe I was here. I couldn’t believe this was the world that dead people go to. Everyone who died has been through here and I’m not even dead. They have touched everything around me. They all have smelled that amber smell that is going throughout the air and into my nostrils. I don’t know if I’m lucky or crazy for thinking I’m lucky. I am also still in shock that Charlie is right there in front of me. She is right there. For the past year I have been craving to hold her and kiss her and I finally got it. I was so happy but so confused at the same time. I didn’t know how she got to me. She did say something about breaking a lot of rules to see me. So I’m guessing she is breaking a lot of rules to let me see all of this too. I didn’t want to ask her any questions because I knew that would ruin everything. I wanted to be with her while I could and let everything go by smoothly; then again we are in a different world. I don’t think ‘smooth’ is the right word. I have so many questions for her; I just didn’t want to mess up this miracle. I am the only person that gets to see someone after death and I truly don’t know how to feel about that. My head is winding with questions, I feel like I am going crazy. Take it slow.
“Charlie, if everyone who dies comes through here… why are we the only ones here?”
“Everyone does come through here but we can’t see them and they can’t see us. We can’t feel them and they can’t feel us. Yes it’s the same place and challenge but everyone is alone. “
“Oh.” I didn’t really understand but I am too scared to go on with the question. As I followed her I watch her body sway as she walks. I want to hold her like I did last night. I start to smell water. I never even knew that water had a smell but the second it hit the atmosphere I could tell water was around us.
“Here we are.” We are at the creek. She guides the band of light around so the entire creek lights up. She kneels down and cups her hands with water and drinks. I do the same.
“You eat and drink? Even though you’re dead?”
“Yeah I know isn’t it crazy? Instead of it being like the movies make it out to be- dead people actually eat and drink, and no we don’t eat innocent humans and drink their blood. We eat food and drink water.” I stop talking. When I finish drinking I saw her standing on a rock looking into the woods. I walk up to her and hug her from behind resting my chin on her shoulder. Her hands wrap around mine.
“I love you, Ray.” She turns around in my arms and strokes my hair. She gazes into my eyes. We kiss. Just one kiss. It is so magical. So meaningful.
“I love you too.” I kiss her nose. She closes her eyes for a moment then pulls away from me.
“We have to go. It won’t take long, I know where to go.”
“Are there going to be creepy creatures that come at us?”
She laughs “No. All this is is finding your way. You have an entire world of trees and no light, and you have to find your way, but no one knows what their looking for or where they are supposed to end up. Also they are alone. That’s the challenge. Fear, loneliness, and one of your senses are gone. Sight.”
“How long were you here for?” I ask wanting to hear the answer but with a tone of embarrassment.
“The first time you saw me in the woods at your house. I got out of here about 5 weeks before that.”
“You were here for a year?”
“I was in The Void for six months. It took me a little bit over a year to accept all of this. This world we are in right now, for me, it was hell. I thought I died and went to hell. This part just killed me. It’s called The Mass. Ray; you don’t understand what it was like. The average time to be in here is two months. It took me eight.
“I was lost; everywhere I went I was lost. I couldn’t see. I had to make fire from two sticks. That took me three weeks to master. I had no food. No water. Which I don’t need to live but even though I am dead I still have the taste buds and the feeling in my throat. I still have a stomach that can feel empty. No matter if you can die from starvation or not, the feeling of being hungry, and the feeling of being thirsty, makes a person so tired. So worn out and exhausted. Even though I am dead I still have emotions and I can feel loneliness and I can feel death. That’s exactly what this obstacle made me feel. This was hell for me. Hell.
”I finally found this creek after a few months. It helped me get through the rest. It let me know there was something I was looking for, and there would be somewhere to end up.”
She looks at me to make sure I am listening. I am. I want to feel what she felt. I want to feel more pain then she felt so I could comfort her, but I couldn’t. I hate that.
She starts to walk. I fallow. We walk through the trees and leaves. I see the trees silhouettes and feel the leaves below me, but when I felt the trees it was something different. I touch a tree, and yes it does feel like a tree. However, it feels cold. Ice cold, though the air was warm. As I realize this I stop to touch the leaves on the ground, they were just as cold. It was like a layer of ice growing over them.
Charlie turns around to look at me. She stops and holds out her right hand for mine. I put my figures through hers and feel her smooth skin against mine.
“It was a shock for me too.” She says this in a quiet tone.
“What was?”
“The trees. They are dead.” This proves that she knows everything about me. I don’t reply. I am almost scared to reply.
We keep walking, hand in hand.

Eleven

After a while of walking we take a break. I sit against a cold tree with her in my arms. We look up both wishing there were stars in sky. I believe we were above that… or so below that we can’t even see the stars. I have yet to figure it out because she won’t speak.
“Charlie, what are you making me wait for?”
“Shhh you will see, just be patient.”
“You are killing me.”
“Come on. The more breaks we take the longer it will take us to get there and trust me, you want to get there.”
We walk throughout the woods. Different shapes of trees passing us and the darkness all around us. I’ve gotten used to the ribbon of light bouncing about. My eyes focus on it-
“Ray.”
I turn my head from my surroundings and look at her. She is looking at me with a smile on her face and with one motion of her hand she lets out the stream of light. I feel her grab my hand and guide me. Suddenly the dead feeling stops and the forest around us end. Looking left and right the brief clearing went on for miles. Everything was shinning with light. She stops, her fingers still interlocking with mine.
An owl is perched in the middle of the clearing. Looking straight at us, with bright blue eyes. There is a mark on its right ear, it curves and travels down to its eye. The scar was glowing; the glow matched the wonderful blue color of the eye.
“Ah, Charlie. I thought you would arrive sooner.” The owl speaks to Charlie is such a steady, single toned voice. It makes me feel relaxed and very calm. It is very confused, and very surprised that this owl is talking. They can probably see my reaction on my face.
“He is still human Nohrinn. He needs rest, water and food. So let’s hurry this up, he hasn’t eaten in almost two days.”
“You are going to get in a lot of trouble if they catch you Charlie.”
“Yes. I know, I have heard. No one else knows but you and the others. So keep your mouth shut.” Charlie walks towards the owl pulling me with her. I know she won’t let anything hurt me so I don’t hold back.
The owl looks up with closed eyes and an open beak. Suddenly a ribbon of blue light curves around the owl as its wings start to spread. Around the blue band are strings of white light spinning, swirling, and twisting all around the owl until the owl disappeared. The lights start to fade and a human stands where the owl once was. The man has the same blue eyes and the same glowing scar on his face. He is tall, and thin, with silk blue hair.
“Ray, this is Nohrinn, he is a Warden. Wardens work for the Eternal World to help the humans. They aren’t like me or the other people who die; they are made by the Eternal World.” She looks at me. “There are a ton of them. One for every human and some are made to work. You can tell them apart from the humans from the glowing birthmark. It usually matches the eyes and hair.”
“Hello Ray, nice to meet you.” He walks towards me. “I have heard a lot about you. She talks so highly of you I already know the perfect Eternal Form for you.” I watch him. “Are you afraid of me?” He says. Charlie smiles at him then to me finding this much more fun than I do.
“So this is where you get what you turn into? Like you’re a sphere of light.” I say to Charlie. She smiles and nods.
Nohrinn speaks. “Correct. It is my job to give you what best represents who you are.”
“How do you do this for everyone? Aren’t there people dying every day?” Looking him straight in the eye should have been terrifying but it made me feel just as relaxed as his voice does.
“I get that question a lot. Yes, it is hard for us to get to every single human but we get the job done. There are about five Eternalists. When we show up the human finally finds what they are looking for in The Mass. It takes some time for the human to find us but wouldn’t take so long if we were there the entire time. Once we show up the human usually see’s the light and fallows to find us waiting. There is that rare occasion where we could sit here waiting for the human for two days straight and they still can’t find us.” He looks at Charlie. She looks down.
“Nohrinn, that was different.” She looks at me. “It took me so long because I didn’t understand that there was more to it. I would stay at one place for a long amount of time. Like the creek I stayed there for weeks before I moved. I was so close, but too far away to see the light. At one point, I thought I could die again and go somewhere else. So I moved away from the creek, and tried to not drink. I try to die from dehydration, which made me so worn out that I had trouble walking and seeing.”
“We had to find her.” Nohrinn says.
“I thought I wouldn’t be able to come back to you, Ray, but then they found me. I was so weak and not in the right state of mind that they couldn’t figure out what Form to give me. So I ended up not being an animal. Animals have personalities and can relate to humans, but they couldn’t tell what I was like so they gave me the smallest possible form. That’s why I have told them so much about you. So they can give you your perfect form.” She says, as I watch her with disbelief.
“You tried to kill yourself again?” I ask determined to here an excuse.
“Ray, thinking that I could never see you again, and thinking that I could die again was-”
“No Charlie. I don’t even want to hear what you have to say. You- I just can’t believe that.” She looks at me with sad eyes. I can’t stand the smallest amount of pain in her body. So I pulled her into me and wrap my arms around her waist. She looks up at me, with love in her eyes, and kisses my cheek. I look at Nohrinn “What form are you going to give me?”
“It was a difficult decision. I watched you for a few days and you are very hard to read. Your mood changes a lot, but no matter what, you know how to deal with the things around you. No matter how you feel or what your attitude is you stay wise. Sometimes your emotions get out of control but your train of thought never leaves you. I knew it wouldn’t be long until Charlie would find you so I was rushing. I couldn’t find the right animal for you until I saw you with Charlie. I saw how you acted with her and how you looked at her. I noticed the way you change around her. Everything changes, the way you move, speak, and think. Everything changes. You are very protective of her. This is what made me realize your Eternal Form. A tiger, but not just a tiger a Bengal tiger.”
We both look at him blankly.
“A white tiger.”
“Oh!” Charlie said. She smiles at him then looks at me still in my arms. “I like it!”
“How do I relate to a white tiger?” I asked. I felt almost offended. Tigers kill other animals; they hunt just to hurt others. They use violence, with their fangs and their claws.
“Tigers generally travel alone but are still very protective of the ones they love.” He looks at Charlie as he says this. “They are known for their power and strength. Tigers have a good sense of smell. These are aspects of you. The motion and attitude of the tiger fits yours.”
I look at him with shock. “I truly don’t think I fit a tig-
“Trust me, Ray. You will find out things about your eternal form that you didn’t even know you had or could do. I’ve been keeping an eye on you Ray. This is perfect for you.”
Charlie kisses me on the cheek, releases my hand, and steps back. I look at Nohrinn. He stands facing me then suddenly he lifts up his right hand and a bolt of light shoots from it, hitting me within seconds. I feel a sharp pain go throughout my body but I can’t move or take my eyes off the light connecting my body to his hand. Then everything stops. Only about 10 seconds of shear pain. Still standing, I look at my hands and feel my chest. Absolutely nothing was different.
My legs were shaking of pain. Although he stopped I can still feel the electric torture throughout my body. I feel the agony bolting through the veins in my brain and creeping down my spine. I cant put in words the amount of misery I am feeling. I turn my head to look at Charlie; I knew the sight of her would make me calm. I see her beautiful hair draped around her face. As I take in her beauty she starts to blur, everything around me starts spinning and my head starts to throb. Suddenly, everything is black. I can feel myself falling so I try to catch myself with my left hand; I feel the spiky texture of the woods ground hit my hand. My body is heavier than it has ever felt. My sides hit the ground and then I feel my cheek on the ground, dirt all over my face and then-

twelve

“How could you be so stupid!?” I yell at Nohrinn as he places Ray on the pile of leaves. “He is passed out cold… damn it Nohrinn.”
“I am sorry Charlie. I did not know that it would be painful for a human.”
“You didn’t think that an electric bolt of magic transforming every bit and bone of his body wouldn’t hurt him?!”
“You didn’t seem to remember either. You willingly let go of him, letting me go on with my job.” He looked at me with a you-know-I’m-right look.
“Alright, whatever Nohrinn. You are still the one who actually did it you know.” I look at Ray resting like there is nothing better than sleep. “Damn. I bet that hurt so bad. Poor thing.”
Kallina walks in through the light with a man about my height. He has brown hair with a slight shade of gray growing. I stand in front of where Ray is laying.
“This is Ron. He was a doctor before he died. He lives in the Rocks. I told him our situation and he agreed to take a look at Ray.”
“Kallina, if we tell anymore people it’s going to get around the council.” I glare at her.
“Oh trust me, the council won’t be hearing from me.” Ron says putting out his hand to shake mine.
“How can I be so sure?” I give his hand a slight shake. “Charlie.” I said with a nod.
“Well Charlie, the council… they aren’t my biggest fans.”
“Ron fulfilled his duty and learned every step of his Eternal Form, the council asks him to look after the living and go back to the real world, but instead of going back to the real world he stayed here. They have been hunting him ever since.” Kallina says. “I knew his Warden.”
“Ah, Dr. Sager.” Nohrinn reaches his hand out for a shake. “It’s okay. Your secret is safe with me.” They shake hands.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.” Dr. Sager says with an uneasy tone.
“I have my own ways.” Nohrinn says.
“Now, Charlie, May I?” He says to me nodding at Ray. I move to the side, letting him get though. He puts his right hand on Ray’s head. “Wow, he is burning up. Nohrinn, can you show me exactly where you struck him?” Nohrinn leans in to Ray, lifting his shirt up to examine the area. I look at Kallina and we walk out of the wall of light and into the woods.
“It’s getting dark; he has been sleeping all day.” She says to me. I walk over to the fire pit. This was the first thing I ever built. “I know you are angry with me, but anyone that knows is in there right now. No one else. A doctor can be a lot of help to us because Ray will be training but with the sensitivity of a human being. He will get hurt a lot.”
I look at her easy dark eyes. “I can’t ever be mad at you. You have a point; it will be hard on him.” I put my hand out in front of me and a small strike of fire extends from my fingers and into the pit. “We need food. I have some rice in the cupboard but I’m running out. We need to go to Valbourne to get some more food and water for him.”
She laughs. “No. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back to the main city, especially sense that is where the council is.” We walk through the grassy door and into my small vine house. I open the cupboard made of oak, and grab a bag of rice. On the left of the cupboard there was a small cabinet with a few pots and pans and some utensils that I bought from the city. I turn to the table in the middle of the room and picked up a cup and bowl. Kallina takes what I can’t carry and we walk out together toward the fire.
“They don’t know what’s going on. They know nothing about Ray… and wouldn’t it look weird if I didn’t come in for food every once in a while?” I say to her as we put everything on a small table built of oak wood in front of the fire. She sits on the stool watching me.
“Well, yeah, but they know you left. The council called you in for a meeting a while you were gone. I told them I would tell you about it… clearly you didn’t show up. That never happens... so they know you had to be somewhere. They even checked your house.”
“So if they see me they will want to talk to me.” I was waving the pot around like that indicated something and turned around to walk down the hill to a small creek a few yards away from the house. She follows picking up the cup with the utensils in it and the bowl.
“Exactly.”
“Did they ask you about me?” I kneel down and start to scoop water in the pot. Kallina hands me the bowl to wash.
“No. I think they know that if you were up to something I would be in on it too… and clearly I am.” She says kneeling down to wash the spoon and the cup. We pick everything up and walk back towards the fire. Nohrinn was now sitting in a chair in front of the burning flames. I set the pot full of water above the fire.
“Rice… again?” He says to me.
“I like it…” I say pouring the rice into the simmering water.
“You are going to get sick of it soon. If you are going to eat at least get vegetables or fruit.”
“It’s not like I need it Nohrinn.” I sit next to him on the stool.
“Ray will. Especially because he is going to go through training.” Says Kallina.
“Charlie.” Dr. Sager come out of the lighten dome. “He’s cooling off which is good. You might want to wait a few days before you start training so he can fully recover. He should wake up in a few hours. Would you like me to stay?”
“uh-“
“That would be great. Just to make sure everything is okay when he wakes up.” Kallina interrupts me but then gives me a look of apology. She leans in towards me and whispers “It’s for the best. Just for safety measures.”
“There was a small scar left on his body. It might go away but I’m not sure.” Dr. Sager says.
Nohrinn stands up. “May I see it?”
“Of course.” They both walk back into the lighten shelter. I stare at Kallina giving her a little smirk.
“What?” She asks. I start to walk back into the room for some spices; she fallows and asks again “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
I open the cupboard where the rice was and take out a small handmade bowl full of salt. “You like him…” I say with a smile.
“Who? Dr. Sager? Ron? No. He’s human.”
“Yeah mmhm.”
“I seriously don’t like him. Don’t start this teenaged googly eye crap with me. This is just business and it is good to have a doctor here. He worked with humans so he knows what he is doing.”
I stand there with the bowl in my hand and smile at her. “So what’s his story? You said he was hiding from the council because he didn’t want to go back to the real world.”
“He truly doesn’t. He hated his life and is much happier here. The council picks a chosen few to go back to the real world to look after the living, but didn’t. So he is on top of the councils list. He says hiding from them is like an adventure and its fun.” I grab a bowl full of fresh water sitting on the counter top and a few more empty bowls. We start walking back out to the boiling pot of rice. She takes the salt from me.
“He wanted to die?”
“No. He thought he was happy with his life but now that he has had this experience he doesn’t want to go back. That’s why we don’t let humans know about this until they die.” She gives me a look as she adds a pinch of salt to the water and then tastes it.
“What’s his form?”
“A Ram.” She says. I laugh at this. “Stop it. Ram’s are cool.”
“Yeah but the name is kind of funny.”
“Anyway, that’s why he lives in the Rocks.”
“So where is his Warden?” I take the pot off the fire and poor some of the rice into the separate bowls.
“Oh.” Her face drops. “He got caught helping Ron hide. If he didn’t turn himself in they would of captured Ron.”
“Oh wow.” I poor the fresh water into the cups. “That’s sad.”
“Wardens have strong connections to their humans. Especially after they have gone through the last lesson in training.” She looks at me. “Ron! Nohrinn!”
“I’ve noticed… I don’t know what I would do if you did that for me. I bet he is hurting a lot.”
“Yeah. Ron has been trying to find him but he always gets too close to getting caught and has to give up.” She looks down.
I let out a huge gasp.
“What?!” Kallina instantly gets her protective face on. “Are you okay? What is It Charlie?” The men start to come out.
“You’re in love with his warden!” She looks at me with shock as I give her a huge smile.
“Shhh.”
“Yummy, the town’s rice is always good.” Dr. Sager says sitting down on the ground. I sit on the chair and Kallina sits on the stool. Nohrinn grabs his bowl and goes back into the dome.
“What is he doing?” I ask Dr. Sager.
“He is really interested in the scar it left. It’s getting bigger as he heals.” He pops in a spoon full of rice.
“Whoa. That’s… weird.” I stand up and turn to the light just as Nohrinn comes back out.
“Charlie, he’s awake.”
I look at Kallina and she nods in permission. I half way run to Ray. I kneel down and my eyes meet his. He looks so tired and weak.
“Charlie.” Ray says with a smile. His throat sounds dry. He tries to sit up.
“No no. Lay back down. You need to relax.” I tell him as he lifts up his hand for mine. I put my fingers through his and kiss the back of his hand. Kallina walks in with a bowl of rice and water. “You need to drink and eat.”
“I’m so thirsty.” He takes the water and I pull his head up so he is able to drink.
“Hello Ray. Long time no see.” Kallina says as I help him move his body around so he can lean against the tree.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t recognize you.” Rays says then takes another drink of water.
“Ray this is Kallina. She is my Warden. Remember that wolf?”
“Oh, you’re the wolf.”
Kallina hands him the bowl of rice and a spoon.
“Thank you.” He says as Nohrinn and Dr. Sager come in.
“Nohrinn. I remember you.” Ray says with a chuckle.
“How are you doing Ray?”
“I’m just really hot and thirsty.” As he says this Dr. Sager puts his hand on his head.
“Your temperature has gone down a lot but is still high for a human. May I?” Dr. Sager lifts up his shirt to take a look at his scar. It is nothing I have ever seen before. The scar was just one thick line going from his chest to his right rib. Ray looks at it with shock. “It’s just a scar from the transformation. I’m not sure if it’s going to go away or not. It stopped growing at least.” He puts down his shirt and steps away.
“It was growing?” Ray says still in shock.
“Oh good, your sounding better. Yes it was growing. Nothing to worry about. Again, it’s just a scar.”
“This is doctor Sager. He has been taking care of you while you were sleeping and will check up on you until you recover.” Says Kallina.
“Thank you Doctor.” Ray nods towards him.
“Ray” Nohrinn cuts in “I am so sorry. I didn’t know what would happen.”
“Nohrinn its okay. I know you didn’t know.”
I kiss Ray on the cheek. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I feel fine. Nothing hurts and I-“
I put my hand on his mouth “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He chews and swallows.
“…don’t feel sick. The only thing is that I feel a little weak and I’m so hungry.” He says as he stuffs rice into his mouth.
I look up at Dr. Sager. “Your hiding from the council, how do you get food?”
“I wait until the council goes to Ethyrius and then stock up for a month.” We all look at Nohrinn.
“Ah that’s smart. We go every month.”
“There is this warden there that sells everything you could think of. He also stays quiet.”
“Pierrce. He has a little shop in the back of town. We questioned him about you and he seemed uneasy but didn’t spill. He-+ Nohrinn looks up. “I’m getting called. I got to go.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” Kallina asks.
“I’m not sure, they aren’t saying anything more. I’ll be back soon to check up on everything. Feel better Ray.” He walks out of the dome and transforms then flies off into the night. We heard has the flapping sound got distant.
“Charlie. I’m going to go and check the area. Doctor, I can walk you home.” Kallina says escorting the doctor out. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Get some rest.” He says towards Ray “Goodnight all.” They leave and Ray looks up at me. I kiss him and look into his eyes. I was so happy he woke up, although if he died nothing would be different.
“How long was I asleep for?” He asks setting his bowl aside. He touched and caressed my face.
“Almost twenty four hours. I was so worried.” I kiss his forehead.
“You should never be worried about me sweetie. Nothing could ever change the amount of love I have for you.” He reaches up to kiss me. It was a nice slow kiss. His hand wraps around my waist and he turns around to squeeze me against him. I let my fingers glide through his hair. He kisses my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. “I love you.” He says. “Tell me about them.”
“Who?”
“Everyone that I just met.”
“Well, you know about Kallina.” I smile.
“She is your Warden. The wolf.”
“Right. We are very close. She is my best friend. The other Warden was Nohrinn. You know about him too.”
“What was he talking about when he left? Who was calling him?”
“The council. He is on the council.” I stroke his hair.
“What’s the council?”
“They are five Wardens that take care of the Eternal world. If something goes wrong they are there to correct it. If anyone breaks rules they will find them and punish them. That’s what Dr. Sager was talking about. Any rule breakers get sent to Ethyrius. It’s an awful place.”
“So he is hiding from the council?”
“Mmhm. He came to full strength of the Eternal World. You have to be here a long time for that to happen. So the council asked him to go back to the real world to watch over those in need. He didn’t want to go back. Now he is hiding out, and if they catch him they will send him to Ethyrius and if they catch us they will send us there too. Vaanar, Ytaani, Wayylon, Fayylon, and Nohrinn are the council members. Vaanar is the leader, he is understanding but strict. Ytaani, she can talk Vaanar into anything. Wayylon and Fayylon are the twins, they take nothing seriously. They check up on me constantly because I don’t have a full form. So we need to watch out.” I look down at Ray and see him asleep in my arms.

Thirteen

“Charlie… Charlie.” I wake up to Nohrinns voice. It’s been two days since Ray got here. He has been getting know everyone quite well. The Doctor is constantly here checking in on Ray. Kallina escorts him to his place and back. Nohrinn hasn’t been here since he left the other day. I think I actually heard him come in late last night, talking to Kallina, after Ray and I went to bed.
“What?” I sit up still tired. “Where’s Ray?” I look around.
“He is outside. They just ate. The Doctor came over this morning to check on him. Come on.” He says. His voice made me want to go straight back to sleep but I forced myself up.
I walk out to find everyone sitting around the fire pit once again. Kallina is watching as Dr. Sager inspects Ray.
“Morning Charlie.” Says Dr. Sager.
“Good morning. Are you feeling better?” I say towards Ray. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and nods.
“Charlie, I woke you up so I could talk to you before I have to leave again.” Nohrinn says.
“You are leaving again? I haven’t seen you for two days.” I say as I move towards Kallina to feel that warming sensation she gives me.
“The Council is going to Ethyrius today. We will be back tomorrow morning. I would take this as an opportunity to show Ray around the main city and get food. Tonight might also be a good night to take him to Luminious.” Nohrinn looks at me “But be careful. Make sure nobody see’s you. Not many people are there during the evening so wait until it gets late.” He straightens his body and looks up. “They are calling me. Wait a while before you go, it takes time for us to get the twins to settle before we leave. Good luck and remember, be careful.” Nohrinn runs down the hill and towards the river, soon out of sight.
“I’m excited.” Ray says with a smile. His voice seemed different.
“What’s wrong?” I say looking at him with distraught in my eyes.
“Oh it’s the medicine.” Says Dr. Sager. “I haven’t used it on anyone before so I’m not exactly sure what the side effects are, but it’s been a month since I have been to the city and I had to give him something for the pain. It should last all day.”
“What pain?” I demand.
“My scar Nohrinn left me. It randomly started to hurt during breakfast. The medicine made me clam down and the pain went away.” Say’s Ray.
“If he dies from this…” I stare at Sager “…I will kill you.” I hear Ray laugh.
“Calm down. Clearly he is fine. We need to get ready for the day. Get your bags and change, you smell bad.” Says Kallina as she sniffs me.
“Right, ill head home to get ready and meet you there.” He walks away from us and transforms into his Eternal form. His four legs come out of the afterglow he left. His hoofs were black and led up to his body being light brown. He has a black nose but white was surrounding it. His black eyes reflected off his large, strong, thick horns that curved into the air.
“I don’t think I am ever going to get used to that.” Say’s Ray.
I laugh “Well you better; because you are capable of doing it” I say “and you will do it soon.”
The next hour or so we spent making a list for what we need and talking about what to do when we got into the city. After Ray washed up we started to walk.
“This is where your eternal form would come in handy, we wouldn’t have to walk.” I say to Ray.
“I don’t know how to turn myself into a tiger, and I don’t know if I even want to.” He says.
“It’s not painful or anything. At least I don’t think it will be.” Kallina says turning to me. We both look at each other in question.
“Great.” He says.
Kallina and I decided to stay in the forest our entire way there, which would mean we wouldn’t have so much explaining to do to Ray. Which I didn’t really understand because we would have to explain everything eventually. The reason I picked this area to live in is because it fit to Kallina’s form well. For me it doesn’t really matter where I live, I can get by with any climate. That’s one of the things I was excited about telling Ray. Once we get to the Luminious he will get to see the entire world. That’s my favorite thing about this place, the map.
We were starting to see the opening where the city stood. I could tell Ray was getting excited about this, not so much me though. If I got caught they could do so many things to Ray that I didn’t even want to think about. I couldn’t tell him though. I wanted him to feel happy and thrilled about this whole thing, I didn’t want him to see anything but the good and when its time he can see the bad.
The path that trails throughout the entire city was starting to form from bellow us.
“Here we are.” Kallina said. “This isn’t the front entrance-“
“So it’s not as exciting…” I cut in
“But we will show you every bit of this place. No worries.” Kallina takes a left at the fork in the path. “First, food.”
We walked around until we were completely out of the forest and headed for trading carts. Walking into this City was the worst feeling. It’s like that mood you get when you walk into school first thing in the morning. You just do not, under any circumstances, want to be on that damn educate-until-you-die-under-your-own-will property. Valbourne has a gloomy overcast look to it during the day, it is much better at night. Right now only the carts and the main building were open. The main building is where the members of the council live, also called Moonlight Hall. To me that’s a stupid name, I mean you have the leaders of the freaking eternal world, who have power over anything and everything, and they live in a place called Moonlight Hall. Anyway, Valbourne looks like any other normal city with a fountain in the middle of it (of course). It takes place between The Rocks and The Forrest. Two climates that are not over populated.
“No one’s here.” Says Ray.
“Yeah, that’s because no one likes to be here without the council.” Kallina replies.
“Why not?”
“If the council isn’t here, then anything can pass through. This place can get dangerous. This is when the people… like us… who are hiding from the council can get their supplies and things they need. Most of them are unsafe to be around.”
“That’s why we need to stay unseen. Tonight will be better though, everyone will be gone by then.” I say. “Uhg, this place is death. Literally. It’s so dull and like,-“
“Boring.” Kallina says for me. We pass by a few abandoned cottages and walk down the long cobblestone path with nothing but dirt around us. It was like the city caught fire or something.
“Here we are. The Trade Center.” Kallina says to Ray.
More life was around us, with one warden at every cart. There were a few others buying and selling. We make our way through not talking, everything was quiet, and I keep Ray close to me.
“We need to get to Pierrce” I remind Kallina with a whisper. She nods and gives us a little wave to turn down another road with lined up carts. They are all different, handmade with different types of wood and rocks but still dull. We walked down the path until it ended with a rock wall. It was the back of the Moonlight hall.
“Uhm.” I say.
“Why are we standing in front of a rock?” Ray asks.
“This is where doctor said he would be.” Kallina response.
“Okay well, I don’t think this does anything…” I put my hand on the wall. “I can’t feel a door or anything.” I knock on it.
“No but I’m pretty sure this is the place. Nohrinn showed me a trick to get in from here.” She waved us to step back and rubbed her hands together. Sparks come out of her hands. I forgot about her electric. The light she makes with her energy is crystallized. Kallina was one of those rare wardens that were here before assigned to a human. I was lucky to get her as my warden though to this day she has yet to tell me anything about her past. Her light was silver and sparked every time she used it. It’s rare when she uses her light. The magic takes up her energy, as it does for most wardens and humans, but hers is different, it’s more powerful.
She places her hands on the rock wall and takes in a deep breath then exhales. As she exhales all the energy from her body released into the rocks. Silver electric bolts form around the entire wall. A few seconds pass and then she stops. She takes a step back.
“Wow.” Says Ray.
“Nothing happened.” I say. Suddenly the rocks start to move. I look at it with confusion. “It’s melting.” They start to form into the wall and sink down, like lava. It formed a perfect arch in the rocks. The melting stone went down into a crack on the ground. We stepped over it and headed in the dark room it opened for us. The air gets cold and wet. “Are we in a cave?”
“No. This is just a clearing in the back of the Moonlight hall.” We all swiftly turn around to see where the voice had come from.
“Pierrce?” Kallina says walking towards him.
“Mmhm that’s me!” He says. His voice isn’t as soft and mellow as the other wardens. He doesn’t have that feel of calmness around him. His scar wraps around his arm and makes all around him glow white. His eyes had a white glaze over it and his hair was like white fire. “The Doctor is here, he told me you would be coming. Told me the story about Ray.” He looks at Ray and steps towards him. “You might want to let me look at that scar, not to brag but I know a little more than the doctor.” He lifts up his hand and closes his palm. Rocks fall from atop of the door filling the hole we created. Everything went cold and black. Only Pierrce is the one who glowed.
“Why aren’t you glowing Kallina?” Ray asks.
“My color is black. That’s why I have black hair.” She replies. Pierrce turns and starts to walk, Kallina fallows.
“When you saw her in your backyard with me, you couldn’t see her scar because it blended in with the night.” I say to Ray. We walk together behind Kallina.
Pierrce leads us into a sitting room with a fireplace lighting the area. Doctor Sager is sitting on a worn out couch in front of the fire sipping tea. Ray and I sit next to him as Kallina goes straight to the kitchen which opened to the area.
“Good afternoon. What took so long?” Doctor Sager asks.
“Kallina decided to go through the woods.” I say.
“It was a smart decision, don’t judge me.” She says from behind us.
“Yeah well, it took forever.” Pierrce hands me a cup of tea. “We need food for Ray. He is human and about to do training. All he has been eating is Rice.”
“Mmhm, Ron already filled me in; I set out some bowls of food for him over there.” He points to a table top next to Kallina, she starts to inspect them. “So Ray, May I?” He says looking at Ray’s stomach.
“He is very interested Ray. He has seen more than I have. Everything that happens to Wardens and Humans, even Eternal forms. He might help you out more than I can.” Doctor Sager says.
“Uhm, sure.” Ray stands up and lifts his shirt up just too where you can see the scar. Pierrce almost jumps to him, pushing him back down on his seat. His hands clutching Ray’s body like a cat grabbing a mouse. Sager and I both stand up and Kallina turns her head to attention.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” He traces the scar with his hand obviously putting Ray in pain. “It’s so beautiful. It looks like a human scar, no glowing or sparkling, so clearly not a Wardens scar, but the way it is formed like a warden’s scar. Has it moved at all?” He asks violently looking at Sager.
“It’s been growing. Sometimes it stops.”
“I wonder what makes it move.” Pierrce grabs his wrist and inspects his veins. “If I just could just get a blood sample.” He looks up at Kallina. “There are needles in the drawer to right-“
“Okay! I think that’s enough for today Pierrce. All we needed was the supplies which I think we got now” Sager looks up at Kallina and she nods. Pierrce lets go of Ray and stands.
“Doctor, this is very interesting, there is much more to it than just a scar.” He says.
“What?” Ray cuts in. “If it’s not a scar then what the hell is it?”
“No Ray, it is just a scar. Pierrce I think you need to lie down. You know how much you over think things. It is just a scar.” Sager guides him to a chair and sits him down. Pierrce starts to play with his hands and tap his foot vigorously.
“Yeah, it Is just a scar. It’s just a scar.” He repeats as we all gather to walk out.
“We will see you next month?” Kallina says to Pierrce, and he nods still telling himself it is just a scar. We all walk out letting the daylight pierce our eyes.
“Don’t worry Ray. I thought he could help us, but sometimes he just gets carried away. Pierrce has been through a lot. Sometimes, in the Temporal world-“
“Real world” I whisper to Ray.
“-Doctors, if they have been through a lot of surgeries or seen a lot of injuries, they start to get a little… messed up in the head, if I may. They get obsessed with every little thing. There was one human that got a cut on her finger, and he almost chopped it off so he could get a ‘closer look’” Sager says with the hand quotes fallowing. “That’s why they kicked him out of the Moonlight hall. It was bad. He was supposed to go back to the Temporal world to get his mind off of things like this, but he didn’t want to go back. So now he is in hiding, obviously. Anyway, I’m so sorry about that, I had no idea how he was going to react.”
Ray lifts up his shirt and had pink hand prints on his chest.
“Oh, poor thing.” I say tracing it with my finger.
“It’s just a print, doesn’t hurt – as long as it is just a scar.” He looks right into Sager’s eyes as he says this.
Sager laughs. “I think it will be fine. Let’s just keep checking on it every day. Okay?” Ray nods.
“So, Lunch?” Kallin

Fourteen

Charlie took me around the entire city. It was very dull, and not many things were there. Not many shops or stores, not any hotels or restaurants. Very blank and boring. We are now walking to the park for dinner. We got off the trail and walked on the dead grass. It was rough and had a brown color to it.
“Charlie!” Sager’s voice came from the right of us. He and Kallina already have the food out. We walk towards them waving. “Good evening, how was the rest of your day?” Charlie and I both sat down on the rough grass next to them looking onto the city. The Moonlight Hall was right in the middle and the tallest building. There were dying trees around it and the small broken down buildings. There were mostly unused areas so the dull grass stood out.
“I showed him around. Not much to see.” Charlie says. “At least not yet.” She starts to nibble on a piece of bread.
“The sun is going to down, so it won’t be long. Are we going to go through the back?” Kallina asks.
“Wait, what? The back of where?” I ask.
“No, the front should be fine since the council is gone.” Sager reply’s to them… not me.
“When do they come back?” Charlie asks
“Midnight, maybe later.” Kallina says.
“May I ask what we are doing? Y’all are kind of freaking me out here.” I say, throwing my hands up in the air.
“Oh my, I haven’t heard that word in so long… y’all – I love it. Sounds like home.” Charlie says with a smile.
“You are from Texas Charlie.” I say
“Where in Texas?” Sager asks.
“Austin. Not only the capital of Texas, but the music capital of the world! Oh how I miss ACL, with the heat and the amazing ice tea they sell.” Charlie licks her lips. This got me thinking about home and how many wonderful experiences we had together. “Remember when went to Zilker at 3am and toked out?” She says to me. I close my eyes as I think about this, it was last year, three months before she- well, you know. We purposely woke up at three in the morning, and drove over there to smoke green. We laid out on a huge blanket and held each other like there was no tomorrow. I felt her hand grab mine and I open my eyes to look at her beauty. The smallest but most precious smile came onto her face looking at me straight in the eyes. Then she looked forward to the city. “Watch Ray.” I turn my head. The sun is almost down making a small glow at the top of the city. I watch it has it shrinks into the sky like I do at home. The sight of it relaxes me so much I want to close my eyes and fall asleep. That pink glow starts to show up as the sun gets lower and lower then right when the top of it went away a silver light pops up into the sky. It swerved all around the sky.
“What is that?” I say, standing up in astonishment. Charlie stands up with me. Wardens from all different directions enter the city. They are all different colors, not only just yellow, red, and purple, but colors that you would never think of like mauve, citrus, even a vanilla white. I see a group of Wardens walk into the city. They’re colors are all different shades of blue; Dark blue, ocean blue, cyan blue, royal blue, duke blue even baby blue. The entire city looks mottled. This was amazing.
I watch one Warden. His color is green. His scar was on his leg, I could tell because it was shining through his thin cloth pants. He heads down the dry path. He steps off into the dead grass; this is where the unused space is between the buildings. He sits with his legs crossed over each other and straightens his back. He points his hand to one side of him and light shoots out of his finger. He moves his hand up, keeping his arm straight. The light makes a half circle around him and he finishes at the other end. The skinny line then breaks into ribbons of light forming a dome, much like Charlie’s. The dome was green and I could see rustling going on inside of it. Suddenly it sparked with silver light and a window opens up. A sign appears next to it saying “Fresh Bread”. Charlie nudges my arm. I look at her and she motions for me to look at the rest of the city. No less than thirty domes were being made by wardens. The paths were glowing with a hinted light. The fountain bursts out with sparkling water. Even the grass bellow us gets soft and green.
“You see the glowing dust floating all around?” Charlie asks me and I nod. “That’s my favorite part.” She lifts her hand up to feel the dust in the air.
I feel a huge dust of wind pass me and I see a Rhino running by. Then a cheetah, a few snakes, and a panda. Humans in their eternal forms were coming from all around they would change right when they got to the city. This is amazing. The Moonlight Hall starts to glow the slightest bit. It looked like diamonds were covering it.
“The Hall shines brighter the more moonlight it soaks up.”Charlie speaks with a soft tone. She turns to Kallina and Sager. “Can I show him around now?”
“Yes, just remember, these people are the ones in hiding so be careful. They are dangerous.” Kallina replies.
“Doesn’t that make us dangerous too?” I ask. No one replies.
“Come on!” We start to walk down the hill. As the city got closer and close I got more and more excited. “So, we aren’t buying anything. Mainly because we don’t have anything to trade, but also because we can’t make it completely obvious you’re here by talking to someone.”
“What do you trade?” I ask as the city gets bigger.
“Things. Trade goods, you know, what the world used to do until we decided to make green paper. I still don’t understand why that is a huge deal. It’s just green.”
“Well it’s actually cloth-“
“I know! Shut up. I went school. Anyway, I can carve. So I trade things that I make for the things I need.” We enter the city. We pass wardens selling all types of items. Foods, pots and pans, clothes, but they were also selling things you would never think of like wax, gasoline and oil, cloth, there was even a warden selling alcohol.
“These places are really specific.” I say as we pass by a warden screaming “Free shot with every bottle you buy!”
“Things get really specific. Take Kallina for example, she needs a certain brush to brush her fur, or it will literally get everywhere. Damn wolf. Also, she stays a wolf for a while at a time. We eat differently while in our eternal forms. Wolfs eat things like rabbits and deer or anything they can catch. Well, she can’t eat a rabbit here, because it’s a human or a warden. So we buy it here. These Wardens go back and forth from here to the temporal world to get things and sell them.”
“Isn’t that like, stealing from earth?” I ask.
“Well think about it. Who do you think was here first?”
“So it’s like a chain reaction type of thing? Or natural… something? Or the circle of li-“
“Nope.”
“Then what? How does this all tie into the real world?”
“You mean what’s the connection?”
“Yes.”
“They won’t tell anyone.”
“Who won’t tell?”
“The council.”
“Why? How do they know?”
“You are being annoying.”
I stop asking questions. “Sorry.”
She leads me to the bridge going over the huge pond that wasn’t there before. The fountain was in the middle of it now. It was very pretty; we stopped and leaned over the rail to watch the water.
“Every time I needed something, I would make a carving like a chair or something. But ever since I left to find you I stopped and got everything for free.” She says to me.
“Isn’t that better?” I say with a small laugh behind it.
“Well, no. It is awful food but good enough to fulfill our wants.”
“Where did you learn to carve?”
“Well I learned to carve wood when I was going through the steps. I learned to carve stone when I got Kallina. It’s her favorite.”
The moonlight hall was behind the fountain, glowing with a type of light you could only see in dreams. I still had a lot of questions for Charlie. I wanted to the answer of all but I knew if I asked it would build up her emotions. The question had to be asked sometime. I inhale and then release.
“Please don’t be mad at me Charlie.” I start out. I see her roll her eyes.
“Ray, if you think this is going to upset me, then please do not say anything.”
“I just don’t understand why.” I turn to her looking at her straight. She feels my eyes on her but does not look at me. “I knew some part of it was because of me.”
She instantly turns to me and gives me the worst look I have ever seen from her. Her face red, her hands in a fist, her body tensing up, and her eyes wet and red. She puts her hands on her face and grabs her hair. He eyes tighten shut and tears start to trail down her face. “Charlie…” Her hand moves from her body and I feel a strike against my right cheek. Her nails into my skin and then I feel a push against my shoulders.
“IF YOU EVER” Another push
“THINK THAT AGAIN” A slap
“I WILL STOP LOVING YOU!” Then a bunch to my head. The force of her fist made me fall against the railing of the bridge. The hit was so hard I became dizzy, my eyes were looping around in my head and I couldn’t catch my breath. Finally a inhale and straighten my body out. My eyes stay shut worried she would hurt me. I open them after nothing happens and I look towards her. Her head on the railing and her hands pulling her hair. Her tears were like rainfall on a dark day. My head still hurt but I still had the energy to love her. I put my hand on her back, making her cry even harder. Then I wrapped my arms around her stomach and held her. Charlie lifted herself up and put her arms on mine. She looked at me as she rested her head on my shoulder. She gave me a kiss on the neck. I looked at her and she kissed me with her soft lips.
“Come on.” She says. “We have to be there soon.”
“Where?
“You’ll see.”
We walk through the city one more time. Watching all the beautiful light jumping around us. We walked up the hill again to meet Kallina and Sager.
“That was amazing.” I say to Kallina as she stands up to great us.
“I know. That’s what everyone says.” She replies back to me.
“So.” Charlie starts out. She looks on the floor and finds Sager sleeping away. “Should we walk or make him go through hell again?”
“What?!” I ask with wide eyes.
“Hm, I’m thinking hell.”
“What?!” I ask again. Kallina stretches her hand out and her lightning bolts from her hand to my chest. Everything goes black.

Fifteen

I wake up with a rush this time. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I sit up drastically and instantly pull off my shirt.
“Ray, it didn’t make a mark.” Charlie says
“Oh. Then… what the hell?! I would have rather walked!”
“Trust me, you would not want to walk that far.” Kallina says
“Where are we?” I ask
“Luminous.” I hear Doctor Sager’s voice from a far. I try to find him but couldn’t see anything.
“Well shall we go on now that he is awake?” Kallina says to Charlie. She says this in a whispering voice, but not like she was trying to hide anything.
“Go where?” I stand trying to hold my balance.
“Sh! – Just follow us.” Charlie says as Kallina starts to walk. I follow.
I am not sure where we are. It is cold in here and I could barely see the walls, but they seemed to look like some sort of rock. I’m guessing we are in a cave. Only the small light Kallina gave out was helping me see where I step. It was drippy and cold. I can smell a damp, rotting, and stale fragrance. The walls are so tight and narrow every time I turn i hit the wet rock. We walked for a few minutes in silence. I still did not see Sager. After a moment of walking, Kallina turns a corner. I start to see some light. We start to enter an opening in the cave. As we all piled in my eyes widened astonished. There are two glowing figures in front of me. Bellow both was part of the cave coming out of the earth, like a stalagmite, one on the right to the back, the other more to the front on the left. At about stomach level the two stalagmites stopped and flattened out forming a base just big enough for the two figures. They are both floating slightly above the base. One of them, the one closer to the front, is purple and green. It was a four sided diamond, which I believe is called an octahedron. God damn geometry. It was turning on its axis to the right at a slow pace.
“This is the map of the Eternal world.” Kallina says. She walks to the glowing object and motions me to fallow. “It is an octahedron. It turns on its axis to the right at a slow pace. It doesn’t tilt or rotate. It just spins and stays in the same place. This is why we have different areas with different climates and that area’s weather never changes.”
I could feel Charlie looking at me. I felt like this was unbelievable but I am starting to get use to this feeling. It just seems like there is more and more and more and more.
“This is amazing Kallina.” I said as I inspected the globe.
“Look.” Charlie approaches the map and sticks out a figure. She pokes the top part of the map and that section pops out into a box right in front of her. It is like a transparent screen.
“This is where the snow is. Look, you can see the different humans and wardens.”
The map showed a valley full of snow below mountains. Charlie hits another area on the map. There was a huge lake with grass lands all around. Different creatures from snakes and frogs, to giraffes and lions lying in the sun. Charlie hit another area. A field of flowers with all different colors appeared. There were butterflies, crickets, and bees.
“This is where I live” I jump; I turn around and see sager right behind us. He walks around the globe and lightly touches a certain area. A cave was in front of us, surrounded by rocks. “Home sweet home.”
“And this is where we live.” Kallina now chooses. The little house Charlie built pops up, right next to the small creek. “Look at this” Kallina touches the square in front of us and moves her hand to the left. The area changes, as it goes through all the trees. It stops at a certain spot. “This is where our neighbors live. Two bears. Hm, I’m not sure where they are now though.”
“Wow.” I say with a smile. “So why is the map of the world hidden in a cave? You would think it would be in the city somewhere.”
“This is only for the council to see. This is how they watch the world.” Sager says.
“Right, so again, wouldn’t you think it would be in the city?” I ask.
“If something went wrong on the map, the public would know. They don’t want that. It is only for the councils eyes only.” Kallina explains. “This is also the only place that isn’t on the map. When they bring the deparched up here they close this off so they won’t see and they will never be able to find it again.”
“What are-“
“New people that just died.” Charlie answers for me. “Yeah, it’s kind of weird to think about.”
“Anyway, they only let them see the Symbol of Life. Over here.” We all walk towards the other glowing figure. I was so interested in the map I nearly forgot about it. This one just looks like a flame of gold and blue coming from the stand.
“It’s not really a symbol per say, it’s more of a machine type of thing… all though it doesn’t run on electronics or anything, so it’s more lik- “
“Dr. Sager. Please, we can explain.” Kallina cuts in. “This is the life of the entire world. It gets energy from the core and transports it up to here. This is where wardens are born. It’s time for you to get one now Ray.”
My eyes widened. “How do I do that?”
“Well, that’s the thing. We aren’t really sure. Normally we would put our light into the fire and our warden would be chosen.” Charlie says
“Is that what you did? I don’t have light.” I reply
“I was already chosen before Charlie even killed herself. They came down to your world and took a strand of her hair, then put it in the fire, but we aren’t sure if that will work for you or not. Her being in the Temporal world means she was alive. Although you have not died yet, you are still in the Eternal world so your body might have the ‘dead’ features.” Kallina takes a step towards me “But we are going to try.” She lifts her hand up to my head and takes just one little piece of my hair and pops it out. She takes a step back and turns around facing the flame then drops the hair in. It burnt but then nothing. Nothing happened.
“Well, I guess not.” Sager turns around and starts to walk out.
“Sager, we have to give it some time.” Charlie says. “If this doesn’t work then what do we do?” She says to Kallina.
“We will figure something out.” Kallina whispers to Charlie. “Let’s just wait for a few minutes and if nothing happens then we will come back another time with something new.”
“What are you doing?” We all jump and turn around, Kallina and Charlie instantly get into the eternal forms and sager takes a knife from his pants.
“Oh, Nohrinn, it’s just you.” Sager says as he lets down his stance. Charlie and Kallina quickly come back to their temporal forms.
“You scared us. Why are you back?” Kallina says.
“Well, the council sent me ahead because Vaanar could feel something tampering with the map, and I’m guessing I should found out what that something was.” His blue glow over powered the room.
“We were just showing Ray.” Charlie says. “It’s time he gets his Warden, but it’s not working.”
“We put hair in like you did with Charlie but nothing seems to be happening.” Kallina motions to the flames. “Is there anything else we have to do?”
“No. That should have done it.” Nohrinn looks at me. “It’s not working because he is in the Eternal world. We need his light.”
“That’s what we were thinking too.” Sager says.
“I don’t have any.” I say.
“No, you do. When I gave you your eternal form, I also gave you light. You just don’t know how to use it.”
“Well if I learned...”
“That’s the thing, it’s hard to teach something how to use light, and it comes naturally. Like babies naturally know how to cry, you don’t teach them.”
“Wait, Nohrinn, are you thinking of Ensnare are you?” Kallina asks.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“I think it’s the only way we can do it.” Nohrinn says to Kallina.
“No. I’m going to let him get hurt again.” Charlie cuts in.
“It doesn’t have to hurt. The herbs we got from Peirce we can use now and he won’t feel a thing.” Peirce says.
“But those are for training. He will need those for training.”
“What?” I ask again.
“This will be more painful, and we can get more herbs when we see Peirce again next months. We just have to ration it so we don’t run out.” Kallina says. “Charlie it’s your call.”
“I feel this is the only way we can get his warden.” Nohrinn says to her.
“Why isn’t it my call?” I ask.
“Fine. We’ll do it. Ray lay down.” Charlie demands me. I lay on the hard wet floor. It made me shiver. Sager goes through Kallina’s bag and pulls out a small bag of herbs. He picks out a few and hands them to me.
“Eat them.” He says. I put them in my mouth and start to chew, the taste is awful, I can’t even get it down my throat. Uhg. I had to, so I force myself to swallow it.
Nohrinn leans over me. “Ensnare is a method. It’s when someone is in need of light but can’t get it out. It rarely happens and should never be used even if it’s needed. Only a warden or a really powerful human can reach into to the soul and pull out the light and power. People get sent to Ethyrius for this. It’s like taking someone’s powers away from them. This method is used a lot for revenge or in a fight, but this is different. We are only taking a little of your light and you will regain it. Hopefully it won’t hurt.”
“Ray. Let me tell you something before we do this. If this works and your warden is made. You will feel something you have never felt before. You will feel the deepest bond and connection that has ever hit your soul. All wardens have a bond connected to their human. It’s very strong and at first it’s hard to deal with. Just be prepared.”
I nod at Charlie. Nohrinn stands in front of me. He puts his hands out and towards my chest. He makes a movement with his hands. He looked like he was reaching in and digging out. He put his whole body into it and all of his power. I thought he would strike me with something but nothing came out of his hands. Suddenly I feel something. I looked down to the chore of my chest and line of silver light came from my chest. Nohrinn takes it out and forms into a small ball. He then pushes it towards then flames and drops it in. the flames burst and crack. They started to spin and made a spiral that shoots up to the top of the cave. Electric bolts fly everywhere and the whole room was spinning with light. Then the bolts of light hit the ground and start to creep up forming a figure. They soon dropped to the ground and in front of us was a man. He was tall and strong. He had the same form as Nohrinn but different features. This man is bald with a scar on his head. The scar is a thin line making a loop in the middle of his head. He has the same scar on both of his hands and feet, also in the middle of his stomach. All the light in his room instantly went and he starts to fall but Nohrinn quickly caught him. His eyes were closed and Nohrinn looks up. They all look confused.
“What’s wrong?” I say as I stand up. They stay quiet but still look in shock. “What’s wrong?” I say again.
“Ray…” Kallina says. “This isn’t a warden.”
I look at Nohrinn. He is inspecting the man. “This is the son of Vaanar. The head of the council. He was the first one to ever set foot in the Eternal world. He created it.”
“Before Vaanar created the eternal world. All the spirits would be traveling the temporal world. Vaanar noticed there was not enough space for both the living and the dead. It wasn’t a good idea either. Having both in one world could risk the chance of the temporal finding out about us. So he created this world.” Kallina explains. “He wanted everyone and everything to be equal so he made each part of the world stay the same. That’s why the world doesn’t tilt.” She motioned to the map. “Vaanar knew that when people die they are expecting freedom. So that’s just what he did. He gave us our Eternal forms so we can have the freedom we wanted. Once he opened the world to the dead and everyone had their forms and power, the temporal world became strictly for only the living.”
Sager cuts in. “After a while things became hectic. Humans would use their eternal forms to fight one enough and instead stopped using their light for good. Vaanar quickly realized he needed help. So he made this, The Symbol of Life. He created the council with this. Ytaani, Wayylon, Fayylon and Nohrinn. He called them Wardens.”
“But we weren’t enough.” Nohrinn says. “We did have a lot of power and did a lot for the world, but it wasn’t enough. Vaanar called for a meeting. We discussed what we needed to do. We decided on making more Wardens but something happened during this meeting. His son died. Vaanar could feel it. He ran out of the Moonlight hall and found his son. He came to us that night with his son and told us to get ready for the plan. We came here and started to make wardens while his son watched. The boy asked to try and Vaanar denied his question, but he went ahead and did it. Vaanar’s son tried to use his light when we were in the mist of making a warden. It back fired.”
“His name was Braedinn.” Charlie says. “When he used his light on the Symbol of Life it was too powerful and sucked him in. Within an instant he was gone.
Nohrinn. “Vaanar froze at that moment. We could feel his emotions. He was lonely and sad, but overall he was angry. At that moment he transformed into his eternal form and flew to the gates of the world. He smashed them down and created The Mass, then The Void. He said he wanted everyone to feel the pain of death before they live in a world like this. His anger over powered him and made him a different human. His color was gold but after that night it became gray and hasn’t changed since. That was when he personally asked me to give the humans their eternal forms and that he knew he wouldn’t be fair with it. I took this job in honor.”
“It has been over a thousand years since then and he still waits for the one human that will get his son out of the Symbol of Life.” Charlie says. “And you just did.”
They all look at me. I was confused and astonished. I felt the need to say something but I couldn’t. I was still not sure exactly what I did or how.
“We need to get you out of here. I’m not sure if Vaanar knows yet or not but they are almost back in the city. They will know something is going on in here once they hit the moonlight hall. Come on.” Nohrinn says.

Sixteen

“Is he ever going to wake up?”
“Charlie, give it time. Its only be been two hours.” I say. “He was in there for years and years. Give him time to relax.” I sit next to her and put my hand on her back. We were at Sager’s house. It was made of rock but cozy… I guess. We had a small fire going and Braedinn was sleeping next to it covered in a blanket. His scars were glowing gold. “Shouldn’t he have hair?”
“Most Wardens do. But remember, Vaanar and his son aren’t wardens. They just have the same features.” Sager says. “Is anyone hungry?”
“I’d love to stay for food Kallina but I have to go to town. I’ll be back.” Nohrinn says as he starts to run off.
I haven’t thought of food for hours. I didn’t realize how hungry my stomach was.
“I’ll get something started.” Kallina says as she goes through the supplies we bought from Pierrce.
I stand up to help Kallina but then feel something. It seems like my head is full of clouds. I feel dizzy and- a sharp pain in my chest. The pain darts to my spine. I can feel it quickly run down my back; it hits all my bones to the ends of my feet and the tips of my fingers.
“Ray!” I feel Charlie catch me as I fall. “Are you okay?” The pain stops. I look up at her and everyone else surrounding me.
“I’m fine.” I sit up. “I don’t know what just happened, but it hurt, a lot.”
“Where did the pain start?” Sager asks.
“On my chest.” I lift up my shirt and the scar that Nohrinn left me was even more. It wrapped around my back and was starting to creep up my neck.
“Oh my. It’s gotten worse. The pain you felt must have been it growing. We will give you some medicine.” Sager says.
“Doctor, he’s waking up.” Kallina says. We all look at Braedinn. He sits up calmly with crossed legs and a straight spine and looks back at us.
“You must be the one who got me out.” His voice was soft and deep. He nods at me.
“Braedinn, I’m Doctor Sager. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Well, you can find a spot for me and Ray to start training. We don’t want to get caught now do we?” He says.
“You know that we are in hiding?” Charlie asks.
“I know everyone who is in hiding. I helped them out. Seeing that you are with Sager I was just taking a guess. Trust me though; I don’t want my father finding me.”
“I’m sorry but do you not realize that you have been trapped in the Symbol of Life for over a thousand years?” Kallina cuts in.
“I do, and I’ve learned a lot. Let’s get started shall we?” He says to me.
Sager walks towards me “Ray just experienced some pain, so he might want to wait-“
“If you want to wait then you might want to find another Warden.” Braedinn says.
“But you’re my warden, we have a bond.” I say as I stand up.
“Do you feel a bond?” he asks. I think about it and in no way do I feel a strong connection.
“No.” I say. He looks at me. “Uhm, okay. Let’s go.”
“Well first we need to find you a place, and I think I know the perfect spot.” Kallina says. “It will be a long walk though. Shall we pass him out again and run?”
“No.” Says Braedinn. “We need to do as much as we can to make him stronger physically, being human means that training for his form will be very painful. The stronger we make him the less pain he will feel. Let’s walk.”
“Braedinn, it will take about 3 days to get there.” Sager says.
“So? Wouldn’t you rather him be in less misery while he trains? Personally, I’d prefer less.”
“Okay. Then let’s go. Grab whatever you can. Make sure it can last us 3 days, maybe even more.” Says Kallina.
“Should we go back to Peirrce?” I ask.
“We can’t. The council’s in town. When Nohrinn comes back we will ask him about supplies.”

Seventeen

We walk for the next two days. Only stopping once to sleep. Tonight will be the second time we set up camp. Braedinn kept talking about if we stop I won’t grow physically. We are now trying to find a good spot to camp.
“Charlie?” She looks behind her shoulder.
“Oh one second” She finishes talking to Kallina and comes to hug me. “What’s up?”
“I want to stay here.”


Long pause.

“Excuse me?”
“Charlie, I don’t want to go back. I really don’t.”
“Do I have to show you what this place does to the dead?”
“What?”
“Kallina. Can we go see him?”
“I really rather not.” Kallina replies.
“He wants to stay here.” Kallina rolls her eyes.
“Fine.” She instantly hits my neck and once again, I pass out.


I wake up on Nohrinn’s back almost startled. I jump off as fast as I can.
“Dude!”
“Sorry, you wouldn’t wake up.” Nohrinn says.
“Well don’t make me pass out every time!” I said “When did you show up?”
“I was watching you on the map. You all went off coarse so I wanted to check in.”
I felt something familiar. Something I have experience before. Burning hot heat radiating from the ground. I look around me. We are in a desert. The dust trails up every step we take. Living in Texas makes me used to this heat. I could walk for miles.
I look in front of us, to see where we are going. Then I see something. It looks almost like an upside-down boat.
“What is that?” I ask.
“It’s our friend’s home.” Charlie says to me.
“Oh, who?”
“No one important.” Says Kallina.
“It’s her ex boyfriend, bad, bad break up. Don’t ever bring it up to her.” Charlie whispers to me.
“What happened?” I ask Charlie exchanging the whisper.
“He’s an ass, cheated on her with a lizard.” Charlie replies.
We all duck down to enter the home of Kallina’s ex. To my surprise the small opening turns into a huge tunnel carved out of sand. We are able to stand now and make our way through this tunnel having the wardens light our way through. I start to see light a little way into the tunnel. Then we enter a huge room carved out of the sand. There’s a couch made out of sand, a table, a dresser, even a lamp.
“There he is.” Kallina says. I look to where she points and in the far corner of the room there is a huge snake curled up. He was completely black with a grey stomach.
“Hey!” Kallina takes off her shoe and throws it at him. “GET UP!”
“Well, shit.” I say.
“He’s nice, don’t worry.” Charlie reinsures me.
The snake starts slowly unraveling itself and raises its head up, back facing us. The moment I saw his head I knew what type he was. A King Cobra.
“Well that sounds familiar.” A hissing with every word he says comes out. He faces us. “Ah, my love. You’ve come back.”
“Ha! You wish asshole. Get up and show this guy how pathetic you are.” Kallina crosses her arms.
“Without a proper introduction?” The snake twists its head and instantly turns into a man. He was tall with black black hair and a very tan body. “Hello.” He says looking at me. He raises his hand. “I’m Xandder.” I shake hands with him and introduce myself. “Nice to meet you. Now I hope you know that I’m not the one who is pathetic –“
“Yeah right.” Kallina says under her breath
“It’s Cash. I’m his warden. Come, I’ll show you what I’m talking about.”
I fallow him around into another carved room. This one is different. There were shining mirrors all around, sitting against the walls, or stacked on each other. Some reached the ceiling. They all are different shapes. Some round, diamond, square, even some that were a shape of a heart, or star. Then there were ones that had cracks in them forming a shape or picture. One was detailed with a man and a women standing next to each other.
“Hello.”
I turn quickly. A naked African American is standing in the entrance to the room. He had long hair and glasses with a black rim. He was standing tall with a straight spine. He is a little taller than me but not as tall as the wardens. He is carrying a bowl, that seemed to be made of mirrors. The bowl is filled with a mound of sand that he was holding with care.
“Do you like my mirrors?” He smiles and walks towards the stacks. He puts his bowl down on the ground. “Ah, Kallina. Nice to see you again.”
“Oh Cash! I’ve missed you so much!” She runs to him and gives him a long and close hug. Xandder rolls his eyes. “How have you been?”
“Good. I’m getting better.” Cash says with a large smile. Kallina looks at Xandder and he shakes his head.
“Cash, remember Charlie? This is her friend Ray.” Kallina says as she puts her hand on his shoulder. Cash looks at me and Charlie.
“Of course I remember you Charlie and Ray; it’s nice to meet you.” He turns from us and picks up a handful of sand from the bowl.
“Ray come here.” Charlie says. She walks through another door and Kallina fallows.
“Charlie, where did Nohrinn go?” We all stop and look around.
“He always is disappearing on us.” Kallina says, and then proceeds to walk. We enter another room, this one looking the same as the other. Filled with mirrors to the ceiling and lifeless sand all over the place.
“This is all he does Ray. People have wardens just so they won’t go crazy.” Charlie says to me.
“Why did he go crazy?” I ask
“Ray. When you are dead… you can’t die again. Trust me I’ve tried it. You are living in the afterlife forever and ever and ever. There is nothing that can take you away from it. Sometimes you run out of things to do, or you realize that you aren’t here for a reason. You live for a reason, you are on earth for a reason, but once you’re dead what do you have? Nothing. Some wardens fail-“
“At more than one thing.” Kallina murmurs.
“And their only punishment is that they have to deal with it. This can lead to insanity and hell.”
“You won’t have a problem then.” I say
“What?”
“You’re already insane.” I smile at her and she laughs at me.
“You’re not staying here.”
“I wouldn’t go crazy if I had you Charlie. I’m going crazy without you at home.”
“Stop it. You don’t even have a proper Warden.”

Eighteen

“Well here it is.” Kallina says as we drop our things. “We are at The Ring. Well under it I guess. Under one side of it.”
“Do I have to ask for an explanation?” I turn to Charlie.
“Okay, well. There is a game here called Hook.”
“Hook? That’s so uncreative.” I say.
“Ray. Shut up. I’m trying to tell you what this is if you don’t want to know then fine, suit yourself.” Charlie snaps at me.
“Sorry…”
“Hook involves both Wardens and their human. Wardens make a ball with their light and go into a state where they control the light without actually being in the game. It’s like they become the light. You can see their eyes in the ball, it’s creepy. You need massive power as a Warden to do this so the human is there to give it to them. They connect to each other. The human goes into a state and when they are both at the same level a light comes out of the humans mouth and connects to the wardens. It’s weird to see but so cool.”
“Charlie wanted to be a part of it but we need a lot of training before we even try.” Kallina says. “They train to gain more power, they train to build as much connection has they can get. The more the human and the warden connect the stronger the light is.”
“I wish I could do it.” Nohrinn says from behind us. We all jump.
“Shit Nohrinn! I hate it when you do that.” Charlie says with one hand over her heart.
“Sorry. I had business to attend to but I’m done for the night.” Nohrinn sits with his legs crossed, back straight, and hands together.
“Why can’t you Nohrinn?” I ask
“Because I don’t have a human.” He says. We all sit down with him in silence.
“Let’s get started.” Braedinn says. He pops himself to his feet.
“Wait; let me give him some pain meds before you start.” Sager says as he walks over to the bags.
“I’ll set up camp and get some food started.” Kallina says. Nohrinn joins her.
Sager hands me a small plant to chew and I force it down. Braedinn anxiously waiting. We walk away from camp but still under the enormous stands full of seats.
“First thing we gotta do is to teach you how to transform into your eternal form. Now, when you are in your eternal form you feel that certain thing you are. You are a Bengal tiger. You have to know the feeling to crave flesh, have the instinct to want to be aggressive. This will take some time. So we have to do some exercises before we actually get there. We can’t Rush it Ray. It will take weeks before we can get there, do you understand that?” He asks. I nod my head.

Nineteen

We have been here for over a month. Kallina and I go to Pierrce every 2 weeks to stock up. He is still as crazy as a bee on a flower, he also keeps asking about Ray and his scar but we always leave safe, thank god.
Ray has been training hard. For two weeks now Braedinn has made Ray walk on all fours to get used to the movements. He has made Ray stuff his face with meat every second so he can get strong and trust me… it’s working.
Every night me and Ray slept together. He would hold me in his arms tightly and kiss me until I dozed off. When I feel him against me I know he is there so it makes me feel safe, so I go to sleep without hesitation. Since he has gotten stronger I love grabbing his arms. It’s like holding a man who becomes really buff and powerful because he can turn into a werewolf. Although, Ray is much better. I love him and will never stop. Ray doesn’t say it that much, he thinks saying “I love you” too many times will get rid of the meaning, so when he does say it, my heart glows. I love being in his arms, it’s a feeling I can’t describe. It’s something I would never give up.
Today is a big day for Ray. It’s the first time he is going to try to transform. I’m worried; I know it will hurt him. Not as much as it would of before because he has been training but it won’t be pleasant for him.
Being under the Hook stadium actually comes in handy. There are constant practices and scrimmages between players. The season started when we arrived and the finals are tonight. For the past few weeks there have been two games a week. So when Ray does something difficult, or painful (which he does a lot, Braedinn says it builds him) we wait for a game so the crowd drains out the noise of him screaming. For me it’s hard to watch Ray go through that, so I’ve been following the games. I can’t show my face but I can see through the cracks of the stands. Tonight it’s down to six players. This is the last game to determine the winner.
“I’m excited to see the game tonight.” Kallina said to me as we got lunch ready for the boys.
“Yeah. Where did Nohrinn go?” I ask
“Who knows? Are you okay?” Kallina rubs two sticks together to start a fire. Once the fire was up I answered.
“I’m scared for him. I feel like he doesn’t want to do this or is scared or something. I don’t know.” I put a huge pot full of water over the fire. The wind has been picking up at night so we are making stew to warm up.
“I’m sure Ray will be fine, this is what he has been training for. If he really didn’t want to do it he would have said something instead of doing the stupid things Braedinn makes him do.” She puts a few spices in along with some herbs. “Sager has been taking care of him too, so if he really hurts himself Sager knows what to do. Don’t worry Charlie.”
“So who are you rooting for?” I ask trying to change the subject so I don’t start breaking down in tears.
“I like the green guy.” Kallina says.
“There is two of them, which one?” I start to stir the stew.
“The one with the really sexy Human. Oh man I would go for that.” Kallina says. I roll my eyes.
Kallina has been with a lot of men, she flirts with every creature we meet, and she doesn’t take no for answer. I remember her talking about the love of her life a few times, which, from what I’ve put together is Sager’s Warden. She hasn’t talked about since Ray arrived but I have been thinking about it.
“Kallina.” I say. “Who is Sager’s Warden?” I look at her as I ask, her face drops.
“Remember when I told you that Sager’s Warden was helping him hide?” She says
“Yes.” I look her straight in the eyes.
“That connection me and you have. The connection that a Warden and a Human have, was lost when the council came and captured his Warden. Sager was so hurt and so weak when it happened, he forgot absolutely everything from before that moment. He forgot who I was, he doesn’t remember his Warden at all. This would happen to anyone, even if I left you, you would forget me and everything that involved me.
I remember it clearly. We were outside of their house, all three of us together. This was of course before you came. Sager was looking at new herbs he bought that morning, trying to see the difference and what they could do. Sager was asked by the council to go back to the real world to make sure everything was in order, but Sager didn’t want to go back. So he and his Warden went into hiding. I was the only person who knew about this. Anyway, while we were outside his warden and I were laying in the grass talking about you actually. I was telling him what I knew about you. Then we saw the council in the sky, flying closer and closer to us. I could tell from the bright yellow of Wayylon and Fayylon that they were the council but the second I realized Sinn took my arm and was running into their home screaming Sager’s name.”
“His name was Sinn?” I ask.
“Sinnakar. Everyone called him Sinn because he and Sager were always getting into trouble, but Ytaani always let them off the hook. They were never sent to Ethyrius.”
“I thought Vaanar made the choice of if they were sent or not. Isn’t Vaanar the head of the council?” I ask.
“Yes, but they all make the choice. Wayylon, Fayylon, Ytaani, Vaanar, and Nohrinn all make the choice together. The twins, Wayylon and Fayylon, they just goof around, so their choice doesn’t really do anything, but Ytaani completely owns Vaanar. He does whatever she says. Charlie, Wardens aren’t supposed to have feelings. They only have the feeling of their human, one of the reasons for the connection. Since I was made before you came, I didn’t have the connection we have now, so I was able to form feelings. I fell in love with Sinn and the moment I realized it, he was taken away.
Sinn hid me and Sager. We heard the council enter and Sinn greeted them. They said they knew that Sager was here and they have to take him to be fair to the world. Sinn then told them that he lost Sager; he hasn’t been with him in weeks. He told Vaanar that it was his choice, he didn’t want to help him go against the council, but Sinn knew that this was something you could never do. Choosing to be away from your human is one of the worst things a Warden could ever do. It’s worse than being in hiding from the council. This is definitely a one way trip to Ethyrius.
Me and Sager listened as he was taken away. I held Sager because I knew what was going to happen. The second Sinn was in Ethyrius the connection ripped apart. Sager looked at me and then ran. I don’t know where he ran too but he just ran and ran and ran and never stopped. I was left in their home. I sat at the table where we all ate together every night, realizing how much I loved Sinn. That’s when I met Nohrinn. He came in, and I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do; I thought he would question me. All he did was sit by me and put his hand on my back as I cried.”
I could feel her pain, her sadness as she told me this story. I could feel it deep in my gut and my eyes started to tear. She looked at me.
“Sorry. It’s why I didn’t want to tell you, It’s the worst emotional pain I have ever felt, and I didn’t want you to experience it. I kept myself from thinking about it. After you showed it really got my mind off of it. “She says. I look at her and see so much misery in her eyes.
“Vaanar is in love Ytaani.” I say, to change the subject. “Because he was the first one here, he isn’t really a Warden, so he has emotions.”
“Exactly.” She says. “I am able to have emotions because I was created before I had a human connection. I know the guys I’m with don’t have feelings for me either, but I mainly just use them to buy me things.” She says with a smile.
“YUM!” We both jump realizing that Braedinn is over the stew sniffing in the smell of the spices.
“Hold on, it’s almost ready, just not quite hot enough.” Kallina says. She stirs the stew more as the boys line up to be served.
Nohrinn flies under the stadium his owl form always amazes me. I only see it every once in a while. Usually when he leaves he will run or walk a while before he transforms. He perches himself on the ground and then transforms back into his normal self.
“I had to get here fast.” He says. We all freeze and think the same thing. That the council found out and they are on our way to get us.
“I could smell Kallina stew from the city. Mmm can’t wait to dig in!” We all sigh with relief. Kallina starts to fill bowls that have been used and washed countless times. Luckily near the stadium is a huge river. It hard to find a spot where no one was at, the fish and the wardens that lived there too, but we did. The river trails off into a tiny ditch that is perfect for cleaning.
“Boys don’t be gross.” Kallina says looking at them. The boys all quickly eat, stuffing their face with the spoon they use, almost drinking straight out of the bowl. “Ray don’t eat too much, we don’t want you getting sick.”
“Oh yeah, today is your big day isn’t it Ray?” Nohrinn says.
“He is ready.” Braedinn cuts in.
“I’m excited.” Ray says with a full face. “It’s going to be great!”
Kallina looks at me knowing how I’m feeling and then hands me a bowl.
“Thanks I say. Ray, don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work.” I say
“It won’t.” Braedinn says. “It won’t work the first time Ray. The more you try to transform the closer and closer you get to the actual transformation. It might days before you can do it.”
“I know, you already told me all of this, but I feel ready. I feel like I can do it.”
“Let’s wait until the game starts Okay? That will give the food some time to settle and for you to rest before you go into such a big deed.” Says Braedinn. Ray nods his head.
“The game will start in at least 30 minutes.” Sager says. “We should get some meds in you before you start.”

Twenty

We hear the crowd start to gather in the stands preparing themselves for the big night. Just what we were doing. We walk away from camp. I try to keep myself from panicking. I can feel my heart start to pound with worry. The audience for the game gets louder and louder.
“5 minutes.” Sager says.
We all wait anxiously.
“Charlie I’ll be fine.” Ray says to me.
“It’s going to hurt Ray, a lot.” I say.
“I know everyone keeps telling me that. I know that y’all. Stop.”
“No, Ray. This isn’t like falling or scrapping you knee. Ray this is worse than breaking your arm or getting shot by a freaking bullet in the chest.” I say getting aggravated.
“Trust me Charlie; he has gained a lot of strength.” Says Braedinn.
“Welcome!” We all jump. “To the finals!” The announcer with a deep voice starts. “We have six competitors today! On the far right we have Chris and his warden Stannlic, GREEN!
“Are you ready?” Braedinn asks looking at Ray. Ray nods his head.
“Ian and his warden Toccle! MAGENTA!” The announcer keeps going, not knowing what’s about to happen.
“Spencer-“
“Arc your back.” Braedinn instructs.
“and his warden Lannce! BROWN!”
“Bend your legs and look straight at me.”
“Aubrey and her warden Callie! AQUA!”
“Take a deep breath in and close your eyes.”
“Brice and his warden Bonnic! AMBER!”
“Think of your place, the one we talked about. The one place that makes you feel at peace. Focus on it, deep breaths in and out-“
“Mae and her warden Ruddy! COPPER!” the crowd bursts.
“Go.” Braedinn watches with intensity. Ray instantly leaps out like a lion catching its prey. His body moves throughout the air. Within seconds his nose crushes into his face and his hair starts to change color, white with black stripes. His cheeks develop hair and whiskers and the growing of the hair pattern reaches his neck. His fingers crunch into his hands and his legs bend into his body. But then he is pushed back by some force. Like a strong wave of air hit him or some barrier he ran into. Ray flies back into the cracks of the stands almost stopping the crowds cheer. Nohrinn, Sager, and Braedinn run after him.
“Looks like we have one more competitor.” The announcer says. The crowd confused.
“What’s your name son?” Ray stands up in shier pain.
“Ray.” He says with barely any energy.
“And who is your Warden?”
Braedinn walks next to Ray. “I am. This was a mistake we didn’t mean to come into the boundaries, we aren’t apart of the game nor have we trained at all, just big fans.”
“Oh! Well wouldn’t it be fun to have a go? You must have learned something from being big fans. Let’s see how it goes!” The crowd cheers at this and starts to chant Ray’s name. They walk into the gamming field and sit on an extra spot put out for them. All of the wardens and humans are in a complete circle facing each other getting ready for a battle.
“When the bell rings you may start! Players are you ready?” All the players raise their right hand, as do Ray and Braedinn. We all watch scared out of our minds from behind the bleachers. One, two, three rings and bell is hit. All the players suddenly connect with their wardens. A streak of lightening connecting mouth to mouth, hitting their souls inside their body. Braedinn and Ray do what they see.
“Relax. Try to connect with me. Think of the place. The place that makes your soul set.” Braedinn says. They both close their eyes using as much energy as they can to connect but it doesn’t work. Braedinn opens his eyes to check Ray. Suddenly a bolt of lightning comes from Ray’s mouth but shoots across the playing field. All of the players stop almost angry at him for interrupting the game. The players, the announcer, and the audience follow the lightening.
Then I hear Nohrinn shriek, like he was in pain. I look at him fixing my eyes off of Ray. The lightening coming from Ray’s soul hits Nohrinn. Reaching down his body to connect their souls together. We are then spotted by the entire stadium. Everyone looking straight at us.
Both Nohrinn and Ray’s eyes start to glow a neon blue color, Nohrinn’s color. Ray’s hair shoot up like wind is coming from bellow. Him and Nohrinn’s hair glow bright with blue, Nohrinn’s scar on his neck inching down his body glows. The scar he gave Ray glows brightly from under his shirt.
I see Braedinn tugging on Ray’s arm but Ray is frozen. Braedinn points to the crowd and I look straight across from his finger. Then I see him. Vaanar is standing in the crowd looking straight at me.
“Shit.” I say. We all notice him in the crowd. Ray and Nohrinn still frozen, Kallina tries to get Nohrinn out the stance. If one of them stops they both will.
“Their connection is too strong; usually you can get them out of this meditation!” Kallina screams over all the fuss from the crowd. “Charlie you have to get out and help Braedinn with Ray. I turn around determined to get Ray but then I freeze in my steps. Fayylon and Wayylon are standing behind us, watching us. I turn again to look at Ray. Ytaani has her arm on Braedinn’s shoulder and holding Ray’s arm.
“Shit.” I say.

Twenty-One

I wake up.
Surrounded by green grass and trees that shaded me. I look to my left and there waiting for me to come home is my house. The amazing house that my life took place in. The house that me and Charlie watched movies in and slept together. The house that my mother cooked in and my brother showered in. The house that my sister used to live in. I am lying in my hammock. The hammock I did my homework in. The hammock Charlie and I sat in to watch the day become the night.
I sit up, and see my bag and school work all sprawled across the ground; I must have been sleeping all night. I gather it all together and threw my bag over my shoulder.
I walk. Through grass to the stone steps I was sitting in when I first saw Charlie. I walked up the wooden stairs leading to my deck with a white railing. I leaned against the rail and looked across to see the place that made me feel at peace. The place I thought about when Braedinn was teaching me how to immune the pain I was going to feel. The place that I was thinking about when Nohrinn and I connected.
I always have these dreams about Charlie, but nothing like this one. Normally I wake up sweating and in tears wanting her back so badly. This dream made me feel her again and all I can do is be happy that she was there. This dream was a story, a clear story, maybe I’ll write about it someday. It would be a nice book.
I walk through the back door surprised it’s unlocked. I see my dog sleeping in the middle of the floor. My mom is in the kitchen cooking.
“Hey mom.” I say. The phone rings. She rushes to it.
“Hello?” she says. “Did you find him?!... oh, okay. Thank you sheriff.” She looks down disappointed and cries softly. “Everyone’s left me.” She says.
“Mom?”
“She can’t hear you.” Nohrinn’s voice comes from my right. He is sitting in one of the dining room tables. He looked the same as always.
“What’s going on?” I ask. I tear up.
“Come sit next to me Ray.” I do as told. He puts his hand on my arm and I felt something the second he touched me. I felt warmness, like everything was going to be okay. My tears trail back into my eyes and I give him a small smile. “Isn’t that nice?” He says. “The way your warden makes you feel?”
“Why are we here?” I ask.
“Ray. This is one place that makes your heart enlighten. You didn’t know that at first but now you do.”
“I don’t really understand. My brother is dying inside and hates me, my dad left me, my sister died, and my mom has always been lonely and look at her now.” Although this is all true my heart didn’t drop, I still felt peaceful with his hand on me.
“Ray. Home is what you thought about, not your backyard, your home and your family. This is what brought you peace when you and Braedinn were training and this is what you instantly thought about when we connected. You feel like you are at home when I’m near you and when we connect.” Nohrinn doesn’t lift a finger.
“I never realized.” I say.
“That happens. Once people die they then realize what they really loved and what they took advantage of.” He says.
“Are they looking for me? Is that what the call was about?”
“They have searching for over three months and can’t find a trace of you. Your friends feel guilty because they were too drunk to notice you were gone that night.” He says.
“I can’t imagine what my mother feels like. She has already lost so much.” I look at her clearing her tears as she cooks.
“Your dog has been sad too.” He says.
“Nohrinn, I’m not really dead though. I can come back right?”
“That was Charlie’s plan. To send you back the moment you experienced everything. She loves you a lot Ray and knows that you happy with your life even though you were sad over her loss. But now, the council won’t do that. We got caught Ray. They won’t let you come back, they can’t.”
“Your apart of the council.”
“I lost a lot of power when they saw me. I’m sorry Ray but I can’t do anything.” He still didn’t let go of my arm. Even though I hated hearing this I didn’t feel sad. “There is one thing I can let you do. Well, I’m not supposed to let you but we are busted anyway so why not?”
“What is that?”
“You can write a letter to your mom and she will be able to see it.”
I look at my mom, opening the oven to put a large casserole in. It looked like green bean, my brother’s favorite.
“Okay, I’ll write a letter. I want to put it on her bed so she can read before she sleeps.”


Mom,
I’m okay. Please stop worrying. I am doing great and I have experienced so much. I promise I’ll be back soon. I have so much to do before I can come back.
I made a friend, his name is Nohrinn, we are closer than you can imagine. He says hi. I wish I could hug you mom, and see you every morning before school.
I love you so much and I am so sorry for leaving you but this was something I could not turn down. Please stop being scared, stop crying. Trust me, I’m happy and I want to see you happy too. I’ll be back, enjoy your life. Tell Mike I said hi and to not go in my room. He is such a good brother, I miss him too.
I love this mom, where I am right now. It is so amazing and one day you will experience it too. I haven’t seen Maggie yet but I know she is there somewhere. I know for a fact she didn’t want to leave us, she died of a disease and couldn’t help it. Don’t forget about us.
Again, I promise I’ll be back; I love you mom. I love you so much.
~Ray Alan Hush

As she reads the letter all she can do is smile. Nohrinn and I watch her, with his hand on my shoulder. I hear a knocking sound and look in the doorway. My brother stands at the door.
“Look.” My mother says. “He wrote us a letter.” My mother’s smile was so beautiful. She hands him the piece of paper I wrote on and Mike takes it. Looking at it scanning it top to bottom.
“Mom, there is nothing on it.” Mike hands it back to her and sits next to her rubbing her shoulders.
“He’s going to come back Mike.” She says.
“Wouldn’t that be great?” Mike says “I miss him too mom. I love you, and we haven’t lost each other.” My mother lets out a huge smile. She lies back on her bed and laughs.
“See? That gave her hope. She is happy now and can move on.” Nohrinn says.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Well I can’t be sure of it but-“ My house starts shaking like an earthquake hit. My mother doesn’t seem to notice. I close my eyes trying to keep myself steady on the ground.
I open my eyes. I was in the kitchen again still with Nohrinn’s hand on my shoulder. I see my brother and my mother eating dinner with two people I did not know. They were all laughing and talking. The girl my brother sat by was holding his hand.
“Your mom made friends with that woman at work. She really let herself out there once she saw your letter and she is happy. That is her daughter only a year younger than Mike but they fell for each other fast. Now he doesn’t feel so alone. He has something to smile about.” Nohrinn made me feel ten times better. “Now we have to go back.” He says.
“Are we still connected?” I ask.
“Yes. Only we can pry us apart. I think they moved us though, probably to the moonlight hall.”
I smile very happy about my family. I felt the need to go back and end what I started.
“I can’t believe I took advantage of my home and my family. I never realized how much they did for me.” I said looking straight into Nohrinn’s eyes.
“Have you ever thought that heaven may be the world you live in?”

Twenty-Two

“Look they are both smiling.” Kallina says. We all turn to Nohrinn and Ray.
“That’s unexpected.” Sager says. “Are you okay Braedinn?”
“Yeah. I’m happy I helped and happy I got to know Ray, but my father isn’t even looking at me.”
“Hey! Got ya!” Fayylon says. The twins were playing catch with a ball of light. The council sat in a row on a huge platform above us. Every time I looked up at them they were looking down and writing. We were all standing under the council in the moonlight hall. Our hands behind our backs tied together with a rope of light. It is impossible to break. Ray and Nohrinn were chained up too but they were leaning against a wall still connecting.
The council was beautiful. The twins were bright yellow with their scar going across their face diagonally. Ytaani was glowing red, I couldn’t see her scar. Then there was Vaanar, as much as I hate him for what how he treated Braedinn he was still glowing beautifully with a grey tint.
“I can’t believe they caught us. Ray will never be able to go back.” I say.
“We went months without getting caught and we trained a boy who wasn’t even dead to take the amount of pain this world gives him, we survived on little food and we were fine. I seriously doubt we can’t get ourselves out of this situation.” Sager says looking at me.
“They are going to send us to Ethyrius, you all know that right?” Braedinn explains.
“Maybe not you.” I say.
“My dad is more disappointed in me than any of you; trust me, the faster he gets rid of me the happier he is. That’s what he was like when we were alive.” We all sit in silence.
“Sorry.” I say. Nohrinn and Ray’s light go out. We all observe. They wake up slowly. Opening their eyes to a sight they do not want to see.
“Are you okay Charlie?” Ray asks me.
“Hey!” Vaanar yells. “No talking!”
“Ah, I see Nohrinn is up.” Ytaani says.
“Nohrinn!” The twins say together. “You are officially a badass.” Wayylon says. He sister hits him.
“Don’t say that! He broke over 100 rules... but yeah it was pretty cool. What was it like connecting with a human?” Fayylon asks.
“No questions.” Vaanar says. “I don’t want to hear any of your stories. You all are going straight to Ethyrius.”
“Vaanar let them speak. We trust Nohrinn and I know he has a good explanation.” Ytaani says in a clam womanly voice. Vaanar then sinks in his chair. “But I want to hear all of you. You are all such great people and I know there is a logical explanation for this. Sager, you first.”
“When you asks me to go back to the real world I didn’t want to, I was happier here. Kallina asked me to help with Ray because he was hurt. I know everything about medical, dead humans and living humans. So I joined their family.” Sager explains looking Vaanar straight in the eye. All I know is that Sager could not stand Vaanar, simply because he is just an asshole.
“Braedinn?” Ytaani goes down the row.
“They got me out of the Symbol of Life. I owed them something and they grew on me.” Braedinn looks at his dad and then down to his feet in disappointment.
“Charlie?” I didn’t speak.
“Kallina?”
“She is my human, she was hurting inside and I could feel how much she wanted Ray to experience this. I had to help her.” She says. I smile.
“Nohrinn?” He didn’t speak either.
“Ray, I’m not putting anything on you. You didn’t know, but you have to understand that you were a part of it.” Ytaani says. Ray nods his head.
“Nohrinn. You broke a lot of rules, not only against the world but against the council. As much as I don’t want to we must take your position away.” Ytaani says with her soft voice. “Charlie. I don’t even know how you got back through the Mass and the Void, you must be one smart girl, but because of this we must consider a consequence. Sager, Braedinn, I know you were only there to help but again, we can’t just let you be after something like this happened. Kallina, you were doing what you were made to do. You were fulfilling your human’s needs and wants, but this was against the rules. Does everyone understand? We will all talk about this as a council and we will let you know what will happen.”
“No.” Vaanar’s large voice filled up the room. “I have made my decision. They are going to Ethyrius!”
“Vaanar please.” Ytaani says.
“Uh oh.” The twins say together.
“Don’t even try Ytaani. I will not let them get away with this!” He says
“But Vaan-“He hit her. Straight across the face.
“GUARDS!” He stands up and looks at us. His guards bust in from all different sides of the room. “Take them Ethyrius! You all will suffer from what you did! You will learn to regret your actions and feel the damage you have done to this world!” More than 10 guards circle us; all taking are arms and forcing us to the door that exists. I see Braedinn look at his father, watching him outraged and slamming the door shut once we pass through.
The guards’ were big men, not wardens. They had chains all around them and a faceplate to protect them. They held us tight.

We walked for hours only stopping once to use the bathroom. We walked through the desert and the snow, the forest and the beach. I had marks on my arms from where they held me. None of us talked or even looked at each other. I knew Ray was about to pass out of exhaustion, even without looking at him.
The guards’ stopped. I look up and in front of us was a huge iron wall. A few moments pass by and nothing happened. I open my mouth to say something but then I hear a loud creaking noise. The wall was splitting into two. The noise hurt my ears and went on for minutes. Through the small crack of the wall the image of Ethyrius starts to form. The crack gets bigger and bigger.
There was fire coming up from the ground in certain areas. I saw humans and wardens starving and walking without energy. At the right of the entry we see a warden and his human fight. The guards push us through the gate. They untie our ropes of light freeing our hands. They turn around and the moment they are outside the walls shut together quickly. We all look and prepare ourselves for what we are about to experience.
Nohrinn then transforms into his owl form and flies up into the sky and straight. He was a huge owl, with a very pretty beak and his color being blue. I shake my head smiling.
We all look at one another and give ourselves that smile. The smile that means Ethyrius has no idea what it’s in for.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.06.2011

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