Brand New Start

My heart is beyond repair

Most people tend to stare

At this tear streaked face

And my tendency to walk at a very slow pace

My head pointed down

My face showing nothing but a frown

I've went through to many lies

And to many blood shot eyes

My head aches from crying

Haven't bothered me for a while

My heart barely even there

The pain its went through

Is to much

It's been stitched and sewn

But the emotion of love

Is to far blown

I can't feel it anymore

I say no everytime

Because I know what's in store

No one even stays anymore

They end up leaving and forcing my eyes to cry some more

I can never be happy

I can but for not very long

It's like my life is a depressing love song

If it was..I'd no every word

I'd be the on singing along

Whatever I do

Is never good enough

I an never just say me and you

Because I know you are not true

You swoon me and make me have butterflies

And then have tears...pouring out of my eyes

Im not much

But I think after all I have went through..I deserver someone..

I tell you everything

Even my pain

That has never gone away

Because not even you among others could stay

My heart is beyond repair

So get ready...To stare

At the girl whose fallen apart

And waiting for a brand new start.

The Little Thing Called Me

The little thing I call me....


People don't understand me
I may put myself down
Thats just what I do
I may have days where im full of glee
Or just have my face with a frown
I love one person truly and thats you
People say things that aren't true
I would never hurt you
People need to understand that...
Im not like that
I stay and fall completely
I say things because im nervous
Im not hard to understand
You just have get that I've felt pain
Along with heart break
And heart ache
I'm not happy with who I am
I can't say im beautiful because i've never had someone say it to me
Im formed by society
On the perfect person Im supposed to be
Im not like the other skinny mini me's
I have extra..
You may never understand me
I secretly smile at my reflection
My frowns are usually upside down
My best friend makes everything change
And I love one person more then anything
You just need to read me
And you just might get the little thing I call me.

You Mean So Much To Me

I love you so much
You mean so much to me..
I dont know how to make you see.
That your the only one for me
I cant make people understand or really know my feelings for you
They think i am untrue
They think I dont deserve you
Which is right your to good
But we're together now
I hope this will never end
You mean so much to me
I cant make my feelings known
But i make them highly shown
I would never hurt you I just hope you know.
If I get hurt..Its well worth
Because I got the greatest times of my life that were created when I was with you.

Effecting Meaning To Me

Old Poem!
_______
It;s hard to show you how much I love you


I dont think I even know how to


I avoided you


And that's not okay.


But now it seems like your pushing me away.


It's effecting me


And now everone can see


How much you can effect me.


I ask my friends if you are.


You say no everytime.


I feel like its a crime


That I'm doing this to you


But your doing the same thing to me


You looked at me with disgust


I guess I no longer have your trust.


But you no longer have mine


So its fine


I love you still


And hopefully I forever will


But can you do the same for me?


Lets just see.


But remember how much you mean to me

Kisses

i love my kisses with you
their something i luv to go through
They make my body tingle
And sounds in my head jingle
They make it so it seems like nothing will go wrong
Hopefully we will still go on strong
I love you
And hopefully you love me too <3

Being Dumb

Being DumB


its not my fault im dumb
Its just my brain goes a little numb
Ecspecially when im with u
And dnt know what to do
I'm speechless at the sight of your face
Eventhough it gives me a warm embrace
Although I dnt know what to do
I still know that I love you

I love to Please

I love to please
I know some people think of that meaning I'm a sleaze
But honestly i dont get down on my knees
I like to make people smile
Ecspecially you
Its my most favorite thing to do
Your smile makes my heart race
At a very high pace
I love your smile
It makes my day
I may not smile and it may seem like im pushing you away
I pull you close just to make sure you know I care
You may not see my smile but its there
You by my side makes everything ok
Ecspecially when i need you on days like today.

Just To Have One Person Stay

I actually started to fall
I actually fell for you
I thought in the beginning I would get hurt
I was right
I lied to myself and said it wouldn’t end
But I was right the first time
My heart was tore
Not only by you but by others that liked you
I said nothing but was still blamed.
I don’t love you anymore
I may be lieing but it seems as if you don’t care
I lie to myself and say everything you said wasn’t a lie
But I don’t know what I should go by
I’ve never felt so alone and hurt
First them and now you
I thought the last thing for you to do was break me
Which was another thing that I lied to myself about
I built up walls and you broke them down
I let you in and I got broken all over again
I now know what not to do
I’m not letting a person in so easily like I did you
I won’t fall just because of the things I lied to myself about
I won’t let a person in
I lost people I loved and I’ve gotten to the point to where I don’t care
To many people this would be unfair
But I’ve been here before.
Unfortinantly no one stays when it comes to me
No matter who I want to be
I have to put that aside
Just so I can have one person to stay

Truly Love

Stand by me and show me that you care
Don't only stay to get in my underwear.
Dont play me
Im not here for you to pay me
I like to be loved
I don't think thats something I have to ask for from above.
I might have to give it a little shove
But should it be this hard to get someone that I can truly love?

So Alone

Ive felt so alone..

Even more then this

But for some reason I'm still waiting for just one kiss

I want someone to make it all better

To make me smile

A real one that wasn't a lie

So many lies that I was stupid enough to go by

And many ties that I couldn't get away from

I get everything but what I want the most

It makes me feel unwanted...it makes me feel dumb

Ive been through harder things

My life is like a song that famous people go on stage to sing

I want to have something special

But me wanting anymore, just isn't cutting it

I'm not in a fairy tale where you wait and your prince will come

My life is far from that

Just a minuet of being loved..just a little time...just some

I doubt I'm the only one that feels this way

And it will probably be a while before this feeling will go away

Its all your fault

You made me feel so small

Eventhough I'm increasingly tall

I wonder if love exists and will let me fall

And let the person I fall for not be lieing

Not a bit...Not at all

I feel so alone

All the emotion I have shown

Is a horrible sight

All the tears that Ive cried and the tissues Ive blown

Just make me think that it will never ever be right

I have friends and they tell me everyday

That the bad things in my head will go away

But I the things im thinking about myself...about you

Are not what im worried about

All I'm worried about is if someone will love me...And be true

You Make Me Sick

You make me vomit

You make me sick

Im not like Lady Gaga

That wants to take a ride on your disco stick

I'm not like the girls your used to

And it makes me feel a tad sad

How all the girls you were with were truly that bad

I feel for you

But I have enough going on with me too

We can be friends and nothing more

Im not like your ex thats a little whore

I know i'm being mean

I know it isn't fair

But I have a right

Since the only thing you wanted from me was to get in my underwear

You flatter me with compliments then change all in one day

The day that you decided to go away

You made me sad but then I saw

All your 'little' flaws

You want me back

And say I want you

But what your saying is so not true

I turned you down

And made your smirk and smile turn upside down

Now your out to get me and im trying to be nice

And not cold as ice

But thats getting hard

You make me vomit

You make me sick

So Stop being so proud about yourself and your little................................................................Chick

Prove You Wrong

I'm trying to stay strong

Im trying to hold on

Im trying to stay tough

And not break down

You know my insults are not true

You know that it hurts me to even try hurtting you

You know me to well

I hate that you know my thoughts

I can't believe I use to think that was hot

Im embarrassed at all you know

I hate that the emotions I try so hard to hide...and not show

You let everybody know

I'd love for you to let me win...just once

And make me stop looking like a dunce

You know that it's hurting me

You know it breaks me

I don't know why your trying so hard to make it seem like you hate me

I want to make this thing...this tension between you and me end

I use to think but no longer want to be friends

I'm gonna try brushing it off

To see if it makes your long line of come backs...just stop

So you can think that the me you knew before

Is anything close to what you say all the time...a whore

But I can't wait till you see what I have in store

I have so much more

I can't wait till I see the pain cross your face

And make you feel out of place

I'm going to be happy and be able to go off into outer space

A place...where your face...

Will no longer be

Because the new me

Is nothing like she used to be

I'm...over you and it's somewhat true

I no longer think of loving you

I think of all the ways I could make you disappear.

And make it so your no longer here...in my head or in my heart

Have You Forgotten?

This is inspired by a song by Avril Lavigne.

---

Have you forgotten?

Everything we were

Everything we were going to be

...Did you completely forget the feeling you said you had when you were with me?

I lived by lies

And sometimes thinking about it just makes me cry

My life went by

And I never understood

That everything you said you didn't mean

Everything you did that meant so much to me..I regret even being seen

I stay strong...but only for so long

Its hard trying to go along..knowing that moments in my life...

That I spent with you

That I thought meant so much..to me and to you

Were nothing at all

They meant nothing....they were nothing

It makes me somewhat ashamed

And people are saying Im the one to blame

When its you that should have nothing but shame

But it will always be the same about how we ended.

But it will never be the same...between us

Because you forgotten everything that we were..

You've forgotten everything that I wanted..everything that WE wanted

But thats all over now

So take a bow

Your acting put on a very good show

You have many fans and you've moved on to the biggest one

But you and me both now that it will end the same

Her wondering the same thing as me..

Have you forgotten?

Bound and embalmed

I look down
My face never leaving the ground
My face containing tear stains and a frown
Feeling caged inside and in my body I am bound

No one see the cuts
There placement inside and hidden
My friends from my life I shut
For love and safeness I am forbidden

My heart broken
I've been abused
Many words i've left unspoken
Going through my life feeling ever so used

I was lovestruck
My eyes and heart focused on you
But I knew that it would just be my luck
Knowing it would never stay us two

I was lovestruck and fooled by your lies
My hart now embalmed and hidden away
Feeling like all the parts of it have died
When you left me astray

Every little part has died
Because you thought it was okay to lie

Heart Box

I'm gonna put my heart in a box
Keep it away
IN the box it will stay
I can't hurt it anymore
I know the hurt that in store
It's broken and stitched
Its wounds unbable to fix
I shouldnt feel like this
It shouldnt be you that I'm willing to miss
I'm gonna put my heart in a box
Keep it away
So I can hold on just a little longer
So I can get just a little stronger..

Do you think about me?

Do you think about me?
Eventhough we're all said and done
When all that love has supposedly all gone.
You never left my mind
Not once did my thoughts leave you behind
You seem to stare
And it worries me just a little
Because the same happened when I first fell
You were the one that made me come out of my little insecure shell
That made my life end up being a living hell
I think I'm falling again
And im going to try my best not too
Because I still love you
And rejection from someone I love
Will break me even more then before

Love

You don't know what love means
It's not perfect or planned
It's not like those movie scenes
Not a whole lovey dovey theme

It's a feeling
It's a look
It makes you feel like you could go higher then the ceiling
It's like you life is a love story or book

It's something words can't really explain
It's something you devour inside
Words just are plain
They can't explain the you have while that persons by your side

You can't show how it feels
You can't make someone know it
Because showing would never match the smile that you get
The smile that makes your eyes lit

It's to special
To important
To amazing..

Fallen

I've fallen once more
Maybe even harder and deeper then before
I don't know if I should myself go
Let him in and let my love for him show
I'm scared to go
To just let him know...
He has no idea how hard it will hurt me if he should go
The bruised and wounds in my heart having more to sew
I want more then perfection I want more then love
I want him in every moment of the above
I'm selfish but I know what I want..
I want him by my side
I don't want anything to hide
I want him here for me to hug and keep me safe
Not help me dig my grave
He's everything I could ever want
Everything I could ever need
He is my knight on his steed
He makes me believe
He makes me better then I can be
He makes it all go away
Makes everything I did
All the regrets I have made
All the bad things I have done
He's the only one

Emo-tions

I could never describe to you how you make me feel
Or why my body tingles with just one look
My heart is open for you to steal
Just from one hug my body shook

This isn't just a short love that would be easy to get over
It's not something I'd be able to smile from if you left
It'd hurt me more then ever
Seeing you with someone else would make my heart have nothing left

I can't explain how happy I get when you just walk into the room
I can't show you how my heart races just from one touch
I can't explain it all in just simple words
It's not simple or easy and such

Your everything I've waited for
Everything I've needed
But there's no words that could explain the feelings you give me
Or the feelings we share.

Injection

Injection

i might need an injection
cause I might have an infection
I don't know how i will get through
Because I won't ever have you
it's hard to get through the day
because I'm only filled with dismay
for I will never have you
And I might not get through.

One Night

for it seems that it's right
for just one night
one dream can make a wish come true
for one night I have you
though it's just dream
and that makes me scream
but for just one night
I had one thing that seemed right

Tears Fall

when tears fall
You think life is no good at all
hearts break
And cause heart ache
when ur world begins to shake
And thoughts make things all over ache
people tell you things will get better
And though you know things never will
and when things finally do you feel a chill
A chill that makes you feel different and wanted
And that person helps you feel forever better
And you know that special someone is no more lost
But finally found
And you finally feel like you can't keep your feet on the ground
because your no more homeward bound

So Sick

So Sick
So sick of crying
So sick of trying
So sick of fighting
So sick of dieing
So sick of you
And everything you do
So sick of ur voice
So sick of every single choice
I made stupid ones
And so did you
But now you know how sick I am of you.

Judging

How many times can u judge me?
Telling me I should be happy and full of glee
Saying that I should change myself
But all I want to do is be myself
I am who I am and u can't change that
No matter how much u want to and say that it's wrong
But I'm sick of just going along
I hate being in the crowd
Where I can't even speak aloud
I hate wearing the clothes that u wear
I hate having to share everything about me
I hate it when I have u critisize my hair
But right now I dnt care
You can call me what u want
You can say stuff about me
Becuz right now I'm full of glee
Becuz I'm not being anyone but me .........

The Conquer

They fall and roll down my cheeks
The pain I've been feeling for weeks
Your happier then ever
But you don't go through the things I endeavor
I'd fight to the end for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
Just for you
But I'm feeling the end is coming soon

Would you miss me?
Would it be just you and me if I changed my mind....
If you weren't so blind
I hope your happy in the end
But my heart and soul no longer blend

I want out
No breath
No smiles
Not countless styles
No lies
No broken lullabyes
Just rest

That will conquer and pass the test
Will they approve of it..
Of us now?
Will you no longer be ashamed of who I am..
Of who I may be..
I'm fake
Atleast that's what they say
But I know the truth

I know there not even close
But I suppose...
That what I have to say
What I do today
Will make no difference anyway
I may just do my best...to walk away

Giving Up,Giving In

Blood shot eyes
From all your lies
Broken hearted
Because you departed

You deserve every word I said
Pulling the covers to hide my head
Popping the pills to get rid of the pain
For my heart You have slain

Hurting me was your only goal
My heart you stole
I took so much
Never thinking you didn't care that much
People saying you were never enough
When I knew you were everything but

I loved you with everything I had
And yet all the lies leave me mad and sad
Crying to my pillows hoping for you to just hold me
Saying everything will be okay
Saying your here
That you'll never leave
But that's stupid of me to believe

She hates me
She says she knows
Her being one of my many foes
But you had a decision of me or her
Being friends will never be enough
But I was the one you chose to go

Tell me why you lied
Tell me why I'm the one that had to reside

But Hatred for you isn't one of my emotions
Nothing more but remorse and wanting for you is all I feel
I'm sad to see you go
I'm sad because of you though
I want you here
But I was never enough

Blood shot eyes
A heart broken by your lies
But I've gotten up by worse
I've lived through worse

And yet dying seems like the best way to live
To live without pain
To die would remove it
To die would be a way to forget your lie
But giving up
But giving in
Is not what I'm able to do
You winning is something I will not go through

Be happy
Because I sure as hell will.

The Deathly Rhyme of Clara Clyde

One day she told him some quick advice
She told him over and over she wouldn't say it twice
She was dying inside
All because he lied
No truth no love just secrets to hide
She spoke loud and clear
She spoke right into his ear
The girl who loves you resides right here
The girl who would die for you was dead with a spear
But don't fret don't cry a bit
I buried her and made the coffin fit
Its me only me
Never us three
So do try to cheat
Do try to lie
Because the next girl you do it with will say goodbye
She sang her rhyme with great bliss
She knew of the girls she would never miss
He laughed and sighed at the joke,
He did not that night when he croaked
The love of her life is what he was not
The broken necklace beside him that he bought
She giggled and swayed
As she skipped away
She lied before when she said he made her day
She looked down and smiled
At the guy who was worth while
But saw the girl beside his side
She couldn't help it but she cried
I'm Clara the girl under your bed
The girl that caused your blood to shed
But tonight don't fright
Don't cry a bit
Because its not you i'm after
Its only him

Learning to live

It's hard to let go,Its hard to let them all know,It's hard to let the pain and shame show,He lied,You cried,The promises made which he did not abide,The tear stains on your pillow where they lyed,The stains still there,Because of the love he refused to share,Your heart went through the worst scare,You knowing he wasn't there,But you held your head up high,Didn't show them you knew to cry,He lied ,You cried,The life you never knew to live,Is now open and willing to give.

Pierce The Veil

Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take a breath before I cry
As your face crosses my mind
I take in the feeling of wanting to die
Tears glide down faster now remembering you made a vow
I’ll never hurt you
It will always be just us two

The tears gliding down my cheeks
Love I thought we both felt for weeks
Is gone, its dead
I don’t love you like I did
I don’t feel anything like I should Im numb

They say I was dumb
They say I told you so
But I was already broken
You were my first
That’s what made it so easy for my heart to burst

You were the one that made it all go away
Made the shame and the denial just fade to grey
You made it all okay
Where are you today? not here not there not anywhere
Your not with me

They say thats how it should be
No.
I never wanted you to go
I wanted you to stay
I wanted it to always be that way

But dissapointment is all I feel
All I that love, those looks that made me think this was real
All the feelings of hatred and sadness that dissapeared
Now my life is very shear
Im on edge and

Its all your fault
My wounds stinging as if they were covered in salt
I’m not afraid to die
I’m not what meets the eye
Im ready for death

I’m ready for the stealth of burning forever inside
Because I have nothing left to hide
I’m on my way
To the things that make you look away
Im breaking my promises to you

Because you did too
I’m done pretending I’m okay
Im done pretending all the bad will actually go away
Because I know its here to stay
Nothing good ever has came my way and stayed

You were just another example
Just another test that I have failed
The test that pierced the veil
I’m done waiting
I’m done taking risks

Because every time I’m left
With a feeling as horrid and broken as this.

Sorry Baby But This Is GoodBye

I'm done with the bull shit
I'm done with the lies
So I'm sorry Baby but the is Goodbye
So here's to every vow
The knife pierced above my brow

Your sadness means nothing
Because neither did mine
All the love that my time
Your a cheat,liar and pathetic waste of space
Fuck the heart in my chest that raced

Because you changed from the loving caring guy I once knew
Our hearts and love together that flew
Your good turning to bitter disgust
The love turning to hate

I'm sorry heart but this is our fate
You pitiful cheat
Don't worry I'm hanging off my seat
You were nothing but a tease
My horemones fully loaded for such a breeze

But my heart yours for the taking
The life I knew was breaking
Your beautiful lie
The one that made you look me in the eye
When you said goodbye

Because you changed from the loving caring guy I once knew
Fuck the hearts of our that once flew
Your goodness and love turning to disgust
The love turning to hate
I'm sorry heart but this is our fate

All I wanted

All I needed was a chance
All I needed was a reason to fall into this trance
The reason was you
You were so perfect it was untrue
But unfortunantly I was right
Every thought
Every tear
Every heart breaking pathetic year
Coughing and hacking
Dying inside from the love I was lacking
Crying every night
Because your words were the ones that bite
But not today...
I will smile
I will act as if everything is okay
As if the color in my life didn't fade to grey
I'll talk and laugh
Letting people think I'm not dwelling on the past
I wanted it to last
I wanted my future to be ours
I wanted to hold the wedding flowers
Every piece of you I wanted to be mine
until the end of time
But it ended because I was only thinking of you
You'll give you anything you want
Even if that means it doesn't include Me and You

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.12.2011

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