I Can’t Say No, If you

Ask Me
Prologue
“I can’t!” I cry out, because it’s the truth. Through all he’s put me through I still can’t say the words he’s practically begging me to say. “Please, say it…for me” he pleads, his golden brown eyes darkening with sadness. I hurriedly wipe away a tear, before he sees it. Then I take in a steadying breath and say what he wants to hear. “I hate you” I whisper shakily. And the tears come; blurring my vision and making me feel weak. I hear him take a deep breath then I feel his arms around me. “I know” is all he whispers. And I find it odd that, for the first time, I want him to go away.
Chapter one
Mahogany. I think of wooden floors, when the word comes to mind. That’s the color of my hair. A deep dark red but personally, I think its closer to brown than anything else. It’s plenty curly, which I despise, and right at this moment I’m pulling it up into a ponytail.
I’m late, as usual, for school and have no time to do anything more to it. I grab my book bag and an apple on my way out to my car. I toss my book bag in the passenger’s seat and wait for my car to heat up as I eat my apple. Sooner than I would like, I’m pulling into the student parking lot. I scrunch my nose as I hurry to the schools entrance. I wasn’t hurrying because I was late; I was hurrying because it was deathly cold. I stopped by my locker and grabbed my English book and headed towards my English class. I had no intention on going to the front office and getting a tardy slip, I’ve had enough of those to sustain me a lifetime. So, when I came to room one hundred fourteen I crept in as quietly as possible. The odds of Mr. Hans already taking attendance, was slim. He seemed to always prolong it for some reason. When I tip toed in, I slid in my seat in the back barely noticed. Since Mr. Hans had all of the desk faced towards the board, the backs towards the door, I was able to easily sneak in.
“Reedley Ellings” Mr. Hans calls my name and I raise my hand to let him know I’m present. Almost everyone in my class turns in their seats and most glare at me, because I have gotten away with sneaking into class once again…not that it always works. As Mr. Hans continues the attendance, my desk neighbor Brad Hymen, whispers in my direction. “Finn was looking for you this morning” he tells me. I nod and try to seem like I don’t care…but I do.
Finn Jacoby and I have a weird relationship. Well, I have a weird relationship with him. We have been close friends since kindergarten and now, as seniors, we have developed an unspoken agreement. We ignore each other unless one of us acknowledges the other first. So far, I have barley spoken to him so it’s a little surprising to find out he was looking for me this morning. The weird part of the friendship is…I don’t want to be his friend. He’s a bit of a jerk and uses girls like they’re disposable; the worst part of it all is that I’m pretty sure I love him. I’m not in love with him, that would just be plain out dumb of me, but I do have a tinny winy crush on him. Not that I could help it. The boy is handsome, which is something I would never tell him. From the way he carelessly flaunts his messily tousled brown hair to the way he dresses, all the girls at school loved him. I sighed and wish I could have stayed home in bed, but my dad would have flipped out.
I live with my dad, who is divorced from my mom, in a snug three bedroom brick house. I had to practically get down on my hands and knees to get my mom to allow me to live with my dad. My mom and I have never really ‘gotten’ each other. So when they decided that they no longer loved each other, I took the opportunity to live with my dad. I’ve been living with him since tenth grade and it’s been, more or less, great. I get more freedom with him.
The bell rang and I made my way to algebra two, my most hated class. To my surprise the day goes by quickly and before I know it I’m headed to lunch. I sit with my best friend, Charlotte, and her boyfriend Zachary. Though it can sometimes get awkward and make me feel like a third wheel, which I am. I sigh and pray that they aren’t going to make out today. As I’m walking down the hall, someone grabs my wrist and tugs me onto one of the dark deserted halls. I try to yank my wrist away, with a scowl on my face. “Let go of me!” I demand. I hear a chuckle before my eyes settle on the golden brown eyes and tousled brown hair of Finn. My stomach flutters a little and I try to ignore the warmth in my cheeks. I smack his chest and frown at him. “What do you want?” I ask, trying to sound annoyed. He smiles, which is part charming and part teasing.
“Why do I have to want something? Can’t I just want to see how you’re doing?” he asks, releasing my wrist. “No” I answer flatly, starting to walk away. He grabs me by the wrist again and pulls me to him. I look up at him, surprised. He ignores my curious eyes while he tucks a wisp of hair, which managed to free itself from my ponytail, behind my ear. “Don’t you miss me?” he asks, his golden brown eyes locking with my chocolate brown ones. This surprises me and for a moment I can’t say anything. I look away, down the dark empty hall. Yes, I have missed him but I didn’t want him to know that.
I swallow before I decide what to say. “Have you missed me?” I end up asking and I’m annoyed to find that I sound breathless. His smile this time is more sincere, because no one is around, its warmth radiates through me. “Yes” he simply answers. I eye his boyishly handsome face and find no humor there. But I still can’t bring myself to admitting that I have missed him. I pull away. “Charlotte’s going to be wondering where I am” I say, knowing that was a lame excuse. I start to walk away when I hear him follow behind, soon he was beside me.
He slings his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. My breathing increases and I swear my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. “At least let me walk you to lunch” he says near my ear. His cool breath brushes across my face and I fight a shiver. I don’t pull away, which I know he’s probably expecting. He’s up to something, I just don’t know what. I’m not use to him being so…‘close’ to me. Usually the closest thing to touching I did to him is when I smack or punch him in the arm for saying something perverted. I mean, sure, every once in awhile something would happen like he would brush my hair out of my face and his hand would linger on my face sometimes even my neck but I try not to think about it too often.
When we get to the cafeteria doors, I pause. “Why where you looking for me this morning?” I ask, looking up at him. He smiles. “Like I said earlier…I miss you” he shrugs. I narrow my eyes at him. He was definitely up to something. “Whatever” I mumble. I pull away and open the door to the cafeteria. “Wait, I do have to ask you something” he admits, leaning against the door I was trying to open. Finally. I knew he had wanted something. “What is it?” I ask, curious. He eyes my face for a couple of seconds. “I’m having this party tonight, and I wanted to invite you” he says nonchalantly. This is surprising. Him inviting me to his party. He never invited me before, what was different now? I perch my lips. “I’ll think about it” I shrug. He pushes himself off the door and opens it for me. “Don’t take too long, sweetheart” he grins. I give him a small smile as I head towards Charlotte and Zachary, who decided to go against my prayers and make out. I sit in front of them and clear my throat.
“Where have you been?” Charlotte asks, pulling away from Zach. I bite my lip and look down at the table. “Talking to Finn” I mumble. I look up in time to see Charlotte grinning. “Hmm, about what?” she asks, as she runs her hand through her long unnaturally blonde hair. I don’t answer right away. “He wants me to come to his party tonight” I answer. Her hazel eyes brighten at the word party. “You have to go!” she urges. I shake my head. “No way, you know I hate parties” I answer. “It’s senior year! Stop being so boring” Zachary interrupts. I stick my tongue out at him. “Just check it out and if you don’t like it, then leave” Charlotte insists. “Fine!” I answer, exasperated. They both smile at me, as I sneer my nose up at them.
Chapter two
I pulled into Finn’s drive way and wondered why there wasn’t many cars here yet. This was the first time since ninth grade that I’ve been here. I made a small groaning noise and made my way to the front door. Finn’s house was decent sized, his family was well off and he was pretty spoiled. I debated on knocking or just walking in. I didn’t get the chance to decide. The door swung open, revealing a grinning Finn. I gave him a shy smile and followed him in. “Hey there, sweetheart” he greeted me. I roll my eyes at him.
He lead me to the living room where I spot Brad, from English class, Melissa Givens, who had the hugest crush on Brad, two underclassmen, who I didn’t know of and of course, Eli Lawrence. I tried to look else where when I felt his eyes on me. I’ve always had the feeling that he liked me but since he and Finn were close, he’s always stayed at a distance. “Reedley!” someone squealed from the corner of the room. My eyes searched for the annoyingly girly voice. My eyes rested on Tamara Motley with her bleach blonde hair, curvy body, and bright baby blue eyes. I couldn’t stand the girl.
Since Finn was on the football team and she was a cheerleader, she got the idea in her head that they belong together. What bothered me most is every time she saw me she pretended that she was my best friend, especially in front of Finn. I gave her a small wave and tacked on a phony smile. “Finn, you didn’t tell me Reedley was coming” she said, giving him a sweet smile while in reality she hated the idea of me being here. Finn shrugs as he pushes me towards a couch. I bite my lip as I end up sitting next to Eli.
Before I have time to feel uncomfortable and awkward, we hear cars pull up and multiple car doors slam. Soon the living room is packed and I begin to feel a little claustrophobic. I leave the couch to head for the kitchen but someone stops me by grabbing my waist. I turn, slightly annoyed. “You’re not leaving me yet, are you?” Finn asks near my ear. I blush and try to ignore the warmth that is coursing through my veins. I shake my head. “Just going to get a drink” I answer, having to lean in for him to hear me because the pulsing music is so loud.He eyes my face, looking as if he’s just noticing something. My hand automatically goes to my face, feeling for anything foreign. “What?” I ask when I find nothing unusual. His golden eyes seem to brighten and he simply laughs, it’s a soft laugh and it’s gone before I even get a chance to decipher it. He shakes his head at me. “Go get your drink” he orders, playfully pushing me towards the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, hoping it was less crowded than the living room and hallways. Of coarse it wasn’t, it was almost as bad as the hallway that was leading to the bathroom. People where everywhere. Sitting on the kitchen’s island, on the counters, on the floor, I even saw a girl trying to crawl in the refrigerator. She must have come here already drunk because there was no way she could get drunk that fast…is there? As I thought of that I looked around, trying to see if everybody else was drunk out of their minds also. And to my surprise, there were very little sober looking people here. I frowned, feeling like an outcast.
Chapter three
I looked around the kitchen, in search of a drink without alcohol in it. So far I wasn’t having much luck. I sighed, temporally giving up, and leaned against the counter. Next to me was a random couple making out. I tried to ignore them even though it was grossing me out. I watched as Eli entered the kitchen, his soft blue eyes in search of something. He smiles as his eyes land on me. I smile back shyly as he walks towards me.
“Having fun?” he asked, trying to make small talk.
I shake my head. “Not really, parties aren’t my thing” I admit.
He seemed to be thinking about what I said because he didn’t say anything for a while.
“Finn…he invited you?” he asked slowly, as if trying to piece something together.
“Yeah, why?” I ask, wanting to know why he was asking.
He runs his hand through his golden blonde hair, shaking his head at the same time. “Just wanting to know why you’re here if you hate parties” he said. His soft blue eyes locked with mine and I looked away uncomfortably.
I don’t answer because I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I feel my face slowly flush.
“Just as I thought” he said shaking his head at me.
I scrunch up my face, confused and curious. “What are you talking about?” I asked, well, demanded.
He looked down at me, his soft blue eyes glowing with secrecy. He gave me a mischievous smile.
“I want to dance, come on” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the living room where everyone was dancing. Obviously he wasn’t going to tell me.
I tried to pull away, I couldn’t dance. I was horrible at it, and I really didn’t feel like embarrassing myself in front of everyone today. Just as we made it to the center of the crowded dancing teenagers, a soft slow song came on. I sighed with relieve. I may not be able to dance but I could to slow songs, it was basically just rocking back in forth.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and I placed my hands behind his neck, lacing my fingers together. It was awkward, being this close to him, but not uncomfortable. We swayed back in forth, turning in slow circles. He kept glancing down at me every couple of seconds. Finally I looked up at him.
“What were you talking about earlier?” I asked.
He opened his mouth to answer but his eyes focused on something behind me. His eyes narrowed and his hold on my waist got a little too tight, as if he was restraining me. I turned my head; my eyes searched the crowd for what Eli was looking at with disbelief.
Finally my eyes rested upon Tamara kissing, quite passionately, some dark haired boy. It took me a minute to figure out it was Finn. My mouth fell open and rejection washed through me. It was so strong it brought tears to my eyes. I turned my head in disgust, looking up at Eli, who was eyeing my face curiously. His soft blue eyes were comforting which only made me feel even more humiliated. I pulled away and scrambled through the crowd, pushing and shoving the drunken dancers.
“Reedley, wait!” Eli called from somewhere behind me.
I didn’t listen, I just kept going. Planning on going straight to my car, but my legs some how led me to the empty hallway upstairs. I let out a shaky breath. Why was I crying over something so dumb? I was so embarrassed, there was no way I could face Eli anymore. He knows now. Would he tell Finn? I prayed he didn’t. This was bad enough. I tried to wipe away my tears but I had a feeling I just smudged my makeup. I walked down the hall in search for the bathroom. It’s been so long since I’ve been here I couldn’t even remember.
I found one, decorated with seashells and it smelt of cinnamon. I cleaned my face and tried to take a few calming breaths. I jumped when someone knocked gently on the bathroom door. I smoothed my hair down, which I had flat ironed until it was pin needle straight. It took me forever but I loved it when my hair was straight.
“Just a second” I called, my voice breaking slightly. I hoped no one could tell that I was crying and that they wouldn’t notice my blotchy face. I opened the door and walked right into a hard muscled chest.
“Reedley, are you alright?” Eli asked, wrapping his arms around me.
I felt overwhelmed and embarrassed. Why couldn’t he just let me be humiliated by myself? To my surprise, I burst into tears. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me closer into him. I rested my head on his shoulder and let him comfort me. He walked us further into the bathroom and shut the door, letting me cling on to him as I ruined his shirt with my tears.
“I-I’m sorry” I apologized, sniffling and starting to pull away.
“You have nothing to be sorry for” he said, grabbing my waist and lifting me onto the bathroom counter.
I watched as he grabbed some tissue and handed it to me. I wiped away my tears then blew my nose. I was beyond embarrassment.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked, curious.
He wiped away a tear that I missed before answering. “Can’t I just be nice?” he asked, softly.
I shook my head and he smiled.
“Maybe I like you” he said, waiting for a reaction.
“Or maybe you feel sorry for me” I suggested. Sure, it was a possibility that he might have liked me but after what happened today, I’m positive he just feels bad for me.
“Nah, I don’t really do the pity thing” he shrugged, nonchalantly.
I blushed and looked away. He liked me. The question is do I like him? He was smoking hot, caring, and sweet. But was he really what I needed? The answer? Absolutely. That’s when Finn popped up in my head and I faltered.
“I know you like him, and he’s my best friend but he’s no good for you” Eli stated, seemingly reading my thoughts.
I looked up at him, eyeing his features. They were almost similar to Finn’s. I took a deep breath.
“And you are?” I asked, knowing what this conversation would entail. We would talk about why he’s good for me, I would admit that I think he’s good for me and then that would be it. We would be walking the hallways hand in hand come Monday morning. Why did something not feel right about it, though? Wasn’t this, wasn’t he, what I needed to get over…Finn?
“I could be” he said gently, as if he said one wrong thing I would become overwhelmed.
I slid closer to the edge of the counter, closer to him. I looked up at him, giving him a knowing look. His soft blue eyes looked questioning. He tilted my chin back as he ducked down, his other hand resting lightly on my waist. As his lips brushed against mine, I shivered. I had never been kissed by someone before and it was very…overwhelming. I placed my hands behind his neck and laced them together. His lips moved against mine slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. Which I guess was true but I wanted him to be more…I don’t know, willful? I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly. In response, he held my waist tightly, pulling me closer to him. Soon we were both out of breath and my body was tingling all over. My heart was thumping loudly and I was clinging to him like my life depended on it. His tongue skimmed along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I stiffened, my stomach knotting in panic. This was my first kiss! I barely knew what I was doing now, what was I going to do with his tongue in the mix? I felt him smile against my lips.
“Never been kissed, uh?” he asked his tone light and all knowing.
I blushed, wishing someone would just put me out of my misery. How many times can a person be embarrassed in one day? I started to pull away, wanting to run for the hills.
“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s cute. Plus, I like the idea of me being your first kiss” he said, softly.
I still tired to squirm away but his grip tightened on me. He leaned down again but he didn’t kiss my lips. Instead he brushed my hair from neck and placed a kiss there. My whole body went still. He did it again, this time his lips lingering and skimming along the length of my neck. My breathing was rigid and my nails were digging into his shoulders. That’s when the door opened and I went wide eyed.
“Get your fucking hands off of her!” Finn boomed, filling the small bathroom with his angry voice.
Eli pulled away from me, straightening up. “Finn, calm down” he said lowly.
“Don’t tell me what the hell to do! And take your fucking hands off of her!” Finn demanded, eyeing Eli’s arm around my waist.
I narrowed my eyes at him. What gave him the right to tell anyone what to do? Especially since, he was downstairs swapping saliva with Tamara. He didn’t own me and I owed him nothing. Eli removed his hand from my waist and stood in front of me protectively. I hopped off the counter and peeked around him.
“Eli get the fuck out of my bathroom” Finn said his voice flat with withheld anger. Why was he so angry?
Eli looked at Finn’s face for a second before he sighed and walked pass him. I followed behind him slowly, embarrassment slowly flushing my face. Even though I had no reason to feel embarrassed, I did and it sucked. When I was almost out the door, Finn grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards him. I tried to pull away but he was too strong and too angry.
“Finn, let go of me!” I said, looking towards Eli, who had stopped walking and was turned towards us. He looked at my face then at Finn’s.
“Finn, let go, you’re hurting her” Eli ordered flatly, walking towards me.
Finn’s grasp loosened but I could still feel his chest rising and falling angrily.
“I’m not going to hurt her, now fuck off” Finn stated, his anger seeming to reach a boiling point.
“I’ll be ok” I told Eli, when he didn’t move. He gave a curt nod and made his way down the stairs.
I looked up at Finn whose face was blotched with anger. I was so confused. But I refused to say anything about it. He let out a huff and tugged me down the hallway, pulling me into what looked to be his bedroom. He released my wrist to go slam and lock his door. I stood there, feeling like a child about to get scolded.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, turning towards me and walking closer.
I backed away, not used to seeing this side of him. I shrugged.
“I could ask you the same thing” I answered.
“Don’t be a smart ass, just answer the question” he demanded, not finding my sarcasm humorous.
I bit my lip, what was I suppose to say? I saw him kissing that slut, Tamara, and busted into tears, then ended up in a bathroom being comforted by Eli who turned out to actually like me, and then giving him my first kiss which was ruined by him bursting into the bathroom like a madman? No. I was definitely not telling him any of that.
“It just happened” I whispered, looking down at the carpet.
“He is my god damned best friend and you are…well, you’re Reedley” he stated, not seeming to find a good word for what I was to him. Was I not his friend either? I felt as if he had just taken my heart in his hand and crushed it with all his might. How much more could he hurt me? I had a feeling that this was just a taste of what he could do.
“Why do you care so much?” I asked lowly, curious.
“Reedley, look at me” he demanded, his hand reaching out and tipping my chin upwards, forcing me to look at him. “I care about you…a lot, and Eli is my best friend…I just don’t like the idea of you two being together” he admitted.
I blushed and wondered what he meant by him caring for me. I looked into his golden brown eyes and found sincerity there. I said nothing, looking away. He seemed to be getting at something.
“Sweetheart” he murmured, calling me by the nickname he uses for me. I looked up at him, waiting. He grabbed my face in his hands and used his full charm on me. “Please stay away from Eli; just do this one thing for me…please” he begged, his face coming closer and closer to mine.
I still didn’t understand why I had to stay away from Eli. I liked him, he liked me, and Finn liked…Tamara. Why did I have to stay away from someone I liked when he didn’t? I didn’t answer, hesitating. He could see it in my eyes that I was debating.
“Please, sweetheart” he pleaded, looking from under his lashes and giving me the cutest puppy dog face. My heart thumped loudly. How could I say no to him? I couldn’t.
“Fine, I’ll stay away” I whispered in defeat.
He eyed my face, trying to hide the victory he probably felt. He leaned in and pecked me on the cheek. I pulled away, surprised. He just smiled, shaking his head at me as if I was silly.
“Thanks, sweetheart” he said as he turned and unlocked the door. He opened the door and held it open for me.
I walked out feeling more frustrated and confused then when I came in. How was I supposed to stay away from Eli? I couldn’t tell him what I promised Finn, that would just make him angry and want to go against it. And I couldn’t just ignore him; I couldn’t be mean and heartless like that. What had I gotten myself into?
Chapter four
I practically ran down the stairs, trying to get to my car before Eli caught me. Of course my eyes unconsciously searched the room for him anyways, as I made my way to the front door. My eyes landed on him, sprawled out on the couch and looking like the definition of boredom. Our eyes met and I turned my head away acting as if I hadn’t seen him at all. I was a foot from the front door when I heard my name. I turned and watched as Eli lifted himself off the couch and made his way to me. I bit my lip and wished that I hadn’t come here to begin with. If I hadn’t, nothing would have happened and I wouldn’t have to be so embarrassed about this whole mess.
As Eli came towards me, I panicked as I thought of what I was supposed to say. My mind went blank. I couldn’t think of one thing to say. Luckily, someone from behind him called him and he turned. I knew I was supposed to use that as my chance to get away but I was frozen in place. It was Finn who had called him.
I watched as Eli walked over to Finn. I stepped towards them but Finn caught my eye and shook his head at me. I flushed, starting to back away towards the front door as Finn seemed to be explaining something to Eli. Eli’s back was to me so I couldn’t see his face but by the way his muscles in his back seemed tense, I could tell he wasn’t too happy about what ever Finn was telling him.
I sighed and exited the house and made my way to my car. On my way home my mind kept going back to Finn and Eli’s conversation. What had Finn told him? Did he tell Eli to stay away from me? Did he make up a lie, something along the lines of me not wanting to see Eli ever again? Or, knowing Finn he probably just said any old thing to make sure I escaped without Eli as so much as saying one word to me.
At home, I made my way to my room. I changed into some comfortable pajamas and flopped down on my bed. I thought over every single detail of what happened today and, as I knew I would, I burst into tears. I covered my face with a pillow to muffle my sobs. This was so terrible. Why, why, why?
“Reedley?” I heard my dad say from my door way.
I froze mid-sob. “Yeah” I answered my voice breaking.
“You ok?” he asked.
I could hear him come in and sit on my bed but I kept my head covered.
“Yeah, I’m fine” I lied.
He sighed and pulled the pillow away from my head. I closed my eyes, as if I would turn invisible if I did so. He gave a soft laugh and wiped away my tears.
“If you’re fine then I’m Brad Pitt” he joked, pretty lamely I might add.
I opened my eyes so he could see me roll my eyes at his horrible joke.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” he asked, brushing my hair away from my face.
I shook my head no. “I just embarrassed myself…big time” I said after awhile.
He smiled softly, enough to see his crows’ feet. “It happens, the only thing you can do is move on from it” he shrugged, bending down and kissing my forehead.
“I love you daddy” I say as I watch him leave my room.
“I love you too, sweet pea” he says over his shoulder, and then he closed my door to leave me to my thoughts.
He was right. The only thing I could do is move on and hopefully it will blow over.
Monday morning came and I was dreading seeing Finn and Eli. In Mr. Hans’s class I couldn’t help but notice the way Brad kept eyeing me. I frowned and ignored his odd staring for the rest of the class period. What was up with that? Did he know what happened? Would he tell everyone? Or was he just trying to see my answers to our test.
On my way to my locker I caught sight of Eli and my heart did an odd flutter type thing and my stomach knotted. I ducked my head and eased around the crowd of people, making sure he didn’t see me. He hadn’t. As I got my things for my next class out of my locker, I feel like I was being watched. I closed my locker and nearly shrieked when I saw that Charlotte had been leaned against the locker beside mine and had been staring at me the whole time.
“What the heck, Charlotte? You scared the crap out of me!” I scolded her as we walked together to our next class.
She grinned. “Sorry, but I could help it” she laughed as I elbowed her. I had told her what had happened at Finn’s party and she had basically told me the same thing my dad did. Some help she was.
“Tomorrow I have to stay after school and Zach works on Tuesdays so can you take me home?” she asked suddenly.
I nodded. “Sure” I answered.
“Thanks” she said then we went on our different ways to our classes.
At lunch Finn came up to me in the line, so he could cut in front of me, he put his arm around me.
“How’s it going, Sweetheart?” he asked, a grin on his handsome face and his golden eyes were bright with something I couldn’t put my finger on.
I eyed him for a minute then I look around to find Brad and two other boys at Finn’s lunch table staring pointedly at us and grinning like idiots.
I pull away from Finn, blushing with embarrassment. What was he up to?
“What do you want?” I ask, feeling as though I was being used as a joke by Finn and his friends.
He shakes his head at me and smiles softly, making my heart flutter. “Why do you always think I want something from you?” he asks, his eyes seeming to size me up.
I blush then remember that I should stand my ground. “Why else would you talk to me?” I say, my voice laced with my secret hurt.
His smile vanished and he looked away, looking uncomfortable by my comment. While he glared at seemingly nothing, he hadn’t moved and people behind us were starting to complain about holding up the line. I gave him a gentle shove and he seemed to snap out of his daze.
He moved forward, grabbing two trays and forks. Probably getting food for one of his friends…or Tamara. My face scrunches up as I think of her. I go to grab my own tray but something is being gently pushed into my side, distracting me. I look to see Finn trying to hand me the tray that I thought was meant for Tamara. I give him a small embarrassed smile and take it.
“Thanks” I say, my voice barely audible.
“What are you doing after school?” he asks suddenly, placing a greasy slice of pizza on his tray.
When I don’t answer right away he looks over at me. I felt frozen in place for a second. Why was he asking me what I was doing after school? I blink then place pizza on my tray also. I shrug. “Nothing, why?” I ask, curious to what he was getting at.
“Just wondering if you wanna hang out with me after school” he says nonchalantly.
My eyes narrow as my heart beats against my rib cage with excitement. “You want to hang out with me?” I ask, skeptical.
He smirks. “I sure do Sweetheart, so you better be at my house later” he says teasingly.
I fight a smile and go to pay for my lunch. What was with that? He was definitely up to something, right?
After school in the parking lot Charlotte wouldn’t stop teasing me about going over Finn’s house. I had decided that it was a cruel little joke that he had made up with his friends at lunch and I was defiantly not embarrassing myself again so I was set on going home.
Half way home, I noticed that a certain shiny red Mustang had been following me the whole time. Finn was so following me to my house. I wondered if that was a good thing or bad thing. It was probably the latter. That didn’t stop my heart from hammering around in my chest or me from feeling oddly giddy.
I parked in my driveway, noticing that my dad wasn’t home. Finn’s Mustang pulled in beside me and I gathered my things, headed for my house. I heard his door open then shut, soon his foot steps where behind me. I smiled.
“So you’re stalking me now?” I tease turning my head slightly to see his reaction.
He grinned as he watched me unlock my door. I walked in and he followed me in without me even inviting him in.
“I knew you were going to ditch me” he said, following me to my bedroom.
“I didn’t think you were serious” I say, throwing my stuff on my floor and head towards the kitchen.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m sorry to say this but you’re a weird one Sweetheart” he teases while taking a seat at our kitchen table and watch me as I scan the refrigerator for something to snack on.
“Do you plan leaving anytime soon?” I ask rudely.
“Nope, I think I’ll just chill here with you…if you don’t mind” he says smoothly.
“Whatever” I shrug, acting as if I didn’t care either way.
I grab two glasses and pour us some soda. I hand him his, knowing that he’s like me and doesn’t like ice in his drinks. He gives me a smile and I roll my eyes. “We should watch a movie” he suggests. I nod and head for the living room.
After arguing for about fifteen minutes over whether we should watch a romantic comedy or a horror movie, I cave and let him choose his stupid scary movie. I narrow my eyes as he chooses one. He knows I hate scary movies and I get scared easily but he seems to have forgotten. As the movie starts I curl up on the couch and he comes over to sit next to me. He sits rather closely, which I don’t mind since I need something to cling to when I get scared. I think about this for a moment then it dawns on me why Finn chooses what he did. He was totally milking the ‘you can hold on to me when you get scared’ card, but I couldn’t do anything about it. And if I could, would I?
Not even half way into the movie, I was already clung on to his arm and burying my face into his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, after awhile he put his arm around me and held me close. My stomach tightened and I wondered if he noticed how fast my heart began to beat. I lay face on his hard muscular chest and try to look at anything but the TV screen but I can still hear what’s going on and I jump at every scary occurrence. I kept looking up at him to find him staring at me. Every time it happened he would smirk and look back at the movie.
When the credits started to roll across the screen I found it safe to leave his arms. I went to sit up but his arm tightened around me, holding me to him. I look up at him with wide eyes.
“You know why I chose this movie right?” he asked, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow.
I shake my head no. It was a lie, I knew but I wanted to hear him answer.
He moved his lips to my ear. “So I could-
His soft murmur was cut off by the sound of my dad’s car pulling up. I jumped at the sound and began to feel panicked. I stood up, pushing his arms that were around me away. He stood looking annoyed. I eyed him, confused. What was he so annoyed about? Maybe because my dad ruined…well, whatever he was about to say.
“My dad doesn’t like it when I have guys over” I say, not that I’ve ever had a guy over before. Unless you count the middle school years when Finn always came over, I don’t.
Finn smirks, then runs a hand though his dark tousled hair. “You say that like you’ve actually had a guy over” he said, then realizing what he’s said he comes closer with an apologetic expression on his face.
I back away from him, feeling as though he’s just slapped me in the face. I can feel the blush creeping into my cheeks from a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and shock.
“Sweetheart-” he starts but the sound of my dad opening the door stops him.
Dad walks in and eyes the two of us, looking slightly confused then his face clears and he smiles at Finn. “How’s it going Finn? Haven’t seen you in awhile” my dad says, making his way to the kitchen.
“Hi, Mr. Ellings” Finn says politely, but his eyes are still on me.
Dad seemed to get that we were in the middle of something and exits the room without another word. I glare at the carpet, not wanting to look at Finn. I was so offended by what he said that I didn’t even talk to him. Is that what he really thought of me? Some loser who couldn’t even get a boy to come to her house and hang out. I felt the familiar wave of rejection wash through me that usually happens when I’m around Finn. I sigh and look up at him.
“Walk me to my car?” he asks softly.
I nod, following him outside. It was dark know, not to mention freezing. I shivered and leaned against my car as he took his time getting his keys out of his pocket.
He finally finds them and unlocks his door. Before he gets in he take a deep breath. “I’m sorry…for what I said. I say stupid things sometimes. Tell me you forgive me, Sweetheart?” his question comes out like a demand and I scrunch up my face.
“Sure, Finn, whatever you want” I say softly, pushing off my car and heading into my house.
He surprises me by walking up behind me and giving me a squeeze. I sigh, feeling overwhelmed by the effect this strange boy has on me. He tilts his head and kisses my cheek from behind. My body tingles a bit and I ignore the giddy feeling that seems to always follow after Finn’s brief contacts.
“Goodnight Sweetheart” he murmurs near my ear and soon he releases me and heads towards his car.
I walk into the house and go to the kitchen, where dad is making dinner.
“So, are you guys Facebook official?” he teases, but I know he wants to know what had happened between us in the living room.
I shake my head no. “No, dad…can’t a boy and girl just hang out as friends?” I ask, waiting for his witty comment in return.
“From what it looked like, he’d be lucky if you ever talk to him again” he said, waiting for my response.
I sighed, I couldn’t get anything pass him. “We’re fine, it was just-”
“A little argument?” he finished for me.
I shrugged. “If you want to call it that” I say, standing and heading to my room. It was more like him insulting me then apologizing, I hadn’t even defended myself. What a loser. I needed to get some back bone.
“I’ll call you when dinner’s ready” he says and I nod.
Why hadn’t I defended myself? Oh yeah, because when it comes to Finn, I have absolutely no will power. I needed to fix that…soon.

Chapter three

Chapter three
I looked around the kitchen, in search of a drink without alcohol in it. So far I wasn’t having much luck. I sighed, temporally giving up, and leaned against the counter. Next to me was a random couple making out. I tried to ignore them even though it was grossing me out. I watched as Eli entered the kitchen, his soft blue eyes in search of something. He smiles as his eyes land on me. I smile back shyly as he walks towards me.
“Having fun?” he asked, trying to make small talk.
I shake my head. “Not really, parties aren’t my thing” I admit.
He seemed to be thinking about what I said because he didn’t say anything for a while.
“Finn…he invited you?” he asked slowly, as if trying to piece something together.
“Yeah, why?” I ask, wanting to know why he was asking.
He runs his hand through his golden blonde hair, shaking his head at the same time. “Just wanting to know why you’re here if you hate parties” he said. His soft blue eyes locked with mine and I looked away uncomfortably.
I don’t answer because I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I feel my face slowly flush.
“Just as I thought” he said shaking his head at me.
I scrunch up my face, confused and curious. “What are you talking about?” I asked, well, demanded.
He looked down at me, his soft blue eyes glowing with secrecy. He gave me a mischievous smile.
“I want to dance, come on” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the living room where everyone was dancing. Obviously he wasn’t going to tell me.
I tried to pull away, I couldn’t dance. I was horrible at it, and I really didn’t feel like embarrassing myself in front of everyone today. Just as we made it to the center of the crowded dancing teenagers, a soft slow song came on. I sighed with relieve. I may not be able to dance but I could to slow songs, it was basically just rocking back in forth.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and I placed my hands behind his neck, lacing my fingers together. It was awkward, being this close to him, but not uncomfortable. We swayed back in forth, turning in slow circles. He kept glancing down at me every couple of seconds. Finally I looked up at him.
“What were you talking about earlier?” I asked.
He opened his mouth to answer but his eyes focused on something behind me. His eyes narrowed and his hold on my waist got a little too tight, as if he was restraining me. I turned my head; my eyes searched the crowd for what Eli was looking at with disbelief.
Finally my eyes rested upon Tamara kissing, quite passionately, some dark haired boy. It took me a minute to figure out it was Finn. My mouth fell open and rejection washed through me. It was so strong it brought tears to my eyes. I turned my head in disgust, looking up at Eli, who was eyeing my face curiously. His soft blue eyes were comforting which only made me feel even more humiliated. I pulled away and scrambled through the crowd, pushing and shoving the drunken dancers.
“Reedley, wait!” Eli called from somewhere behind me.
I didn’t listen, I just kept going. Planning on going straight to my car, but my legs some how led me to the empty hallway upstairs. I let out a shaky breath. Why was I crying over something so dumb? I was so embarrassed, there was no way I could face Eli anymore. He knows now. Would he tell Finn? I prayed he didn’t. This was bad enough. I tried to wipe away my tears but I had a feeling I just smudged my makeup. I walked down the hall in search for the bathroom. It’s been so long since I’ve been here I couldn’t even remember.
I found one, decorated with seashells and it smelt of cinnamon. I cleaned my face and tried to take a few calming breaths. I jumped when someone knocked gently on the bathroom door. I smoothed my hair down, which I had flat ironed until it was pin needle straight. It took me forever but I loved it when my hair was straight.
“Just a second” I called, my voice breaking slightly. I hoped no one could tell that I was crying and that they wouldn’t notice my blotchy face. I opened the door and walked right into a hard muscled chest.
“Reedley, are you alright?” Eli asked, wrapping his arms around me.
I felt overwhelmed and embarrassed. Why couldn’t he just let me be humiliated by myself? To my surprise, I burst into tears. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me closer into him. I rested my head on his shoulder and let him comfort me. He walked us further into the bathroom and shut the door, letting me cling on to him as I ruined his shirt with my tears.
“I-I’m sorry” I apologized, sniffling and starting to pull away.
“You have nothing to be sorry for” he said, grabbing my waist and lifting me onto the bathroom counter.
I watched as he grabbed some tissue and handed it to me. I wiped away my tears then blew my nose. I was beyond embarrassment.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked, curious.
He wiped away a tear that I missed before answering. “Can’t I just be nice?” he asked, softly.
I shook my head and he smiled.
“Maybe I like you” he said, waiting for a reaction.
“Or maybe you feel sorry for me” I suggested. Sure, it was a possibility that he might have liked me but after what happened today, I’m positive he just feels bad for me.
“Nah, I don’t really do the pity thing” he shrugged, nonchalantly.
I blushed and looked away. He liked me. The question is do I like him? He was smoking hot, caring, and sweet. But was he really what I needed? The answer? Absolutely. That’s when Finn popped up in my head and I faltered.
“I know you like him, and he’s my best friend but he’s no good for you” Eli stated, seemingly reading my thoughts.
I looked up at him, eyeing his features. They were almost similar to Finn’s. I took a deep breath.
“And you are?” I asked, knowing what this conversation would entail. We would talk about why he’s good for me, I would admit that I think he’s good for me and then that would be it. We would be walking the hallways hand in hand come Monday morning. Why did something not feel right about it, though? Wasn’t this, wasn’t he, what I needed to get over…Finn?
“I could be” he said gently, as if he said one wrong thing I would become overwhelmed.
I slid closer to the edge of the counter, closer to him. I looked up at him, giving him a knowing look. His soft blue eyes looked questioning. He tilted my chin back as he ducked down, his other hand resting lightly on my waist. As his lips brushed against mine, I shivered. I had never been kissed by someone before and it was very…overwhelming. I placed my hands behind his neck and laced them together. His lips moved against mine slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. Which I guess was true but I wanted him to be more…I don’t know, willful? I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly. In response, he held my waist tightly, pulling me closer to him. Soon we were both out of breath and my body was tingling all over. My heart was thumping loudly and I was clinging to him like my life depended on it. His tongue skimmed along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I stiffened, my stomach knotting in panic. This was my first kiss! I barely knew what I was doing now, what was I going to do with his tongue in the mix? I felt him smile against my lips.
“Never been kissed, uh?” he asked his tone light and all knowing.
I blushed, wishing someone would just put me out of my misery. How many times can a person be embarrassed in one day? I started to pull away, wanting to run for the hills.
“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s cute. Plus, I like the idea of me being your first kiss” he said, softly.
I still tired to squirm away but his grip tightened on me. He leaned down again but he didn’t kiss my lips. Instead he brushed my hair from neck and placed a kiss there. My whole body went still. He did it again, this time his lips lingering and skimming along the length of my neck. My breathing was rigid and my nails were digging into his shoulders. That’s when the door opened and I went wide eyed.
“Get your fucking hands off of her!” Finn boomed, filling the small bathroom with his angry voice.
Eli pulled away from me, straightening up. “Finn, calm down” he said lowly.
“Don’t tell me what the hell to do! And take your fucking hands off of her!” Finn demanded, eyeing Eli’s arm around my waist.
I narrowed my eyes at him. What gave him the right to tell anyone what to do? Especially since, he was downstairs swapping saliva with Tamara. He didn’t own me and I owed him nothing. Eli removed his hand from my waist and stood in front of me protectively. I hopped off the counter and peeked around him.
“Eli get the fuck out of my bathroom” Finn said his voice flat with withheld anger. Why was he so angry?
Eli looked at Finn’s face for a second before he sighed and walked pass him. I followed behind him slowly, embarrassment slowly flushing my face. Even though I had no reason to feel embarrassed, I did and it sucked. When I was almost out the door, Finn grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards him. I tried to pull away but he was too strong and too angry.
“Finn, let go of me!” I said, looking towards Eli, who had stopped walking and was turned towards us. He looked at my face then at Finn’s.
“Finn, let go, you’re hurting her” Eli ordered flatly, walking towards me.
Finn’s grasp loosened but I could still feel his chest rising and falling angrily.
“I’m not going to hurt her, now fuck off” Finn stated, his anger seeming to reach a boiling point.
“I’ll be ok” I told Eli, when he didn’t move. He gave a curt nod and made his way down the stairs.
I looked up at Finn whose face was blotched with anger. I was so confused. But I refused to say anything about it. He let out a huff and tugged me down the hallway, pulling me into what looked to be his bedroom. He released my wrist to go slam and lock his door. I stood there, feeling like a child about to get scolded.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, turning towards me and walking closer.
I backed away, not used to seeing this side of him. I shrugged.
“I could ask you the same thing” I answered.
“Don’t be a smart ass, just answer the question” he demanded, not finding my sarcasm humorous.
I bit my lip, what was I suppose to say? I saw him kissing that slut, Tamara, and busted into tears, then ended up in a bathroom being comforted by Eli who turned out to actually like me, and then giving him my first kiss which was ruined by him bursting into the bathroom like a madman? No. I was definitely not telling him any of that.
“It just happened” I whispered, looking down at the carpet.
“He is my god damned best friend and you are…well, you’re Reedley” he stated, not seeming to find a good word for what I was to him. Was I not his friend either? I felt as if he had just taken my heart in his hand and crushed it with all his might. How much more could he hurt me? I had a feeling that this was just a taste of what he could do.
“Why do you care so much?” I asked lowly, curious.
“Reedley, look at me” he demanded, his hand reaching out and tipping my chin upwards, forcing me to look at him. “I care about you…a lot, and Eli is my best friend…I just don’t like the idea of you two being together” he admitted.
I blushed and wondered what he meant by him caring for me. I looked into his golden brown eyes and found sincerity there. I said nothing, looking away. He seemed to be getting at something.
“Sweetheart” he murmured, calling me by the nickname he uses for me. I looked up at him, waiting. He grabbed my face in his hands and used his full charm on me. “Please stay away from Eli; just do this one thing for me…please” he begged, his face coming closer and closer to mine.
I still didn’t understand why I had to stay away from Eli. I liked him, he liked me, and Finn liked…Tamara. Why did I have to stay away from someone I liked when he didn’t? I didn’t answer, hesitating. He could see it in my eyes that I was debating.
“Please, sweetheart” he pleaded, looking from under his lashes and giving me the cutest puppy dog face. My heart thumped loudly. How could I say no to him? I couldn’t.
“Fine, I’ll stay away” I whispered in defeat.
He eyed my face, trying to hide the victory he probably felt. He leaned in and pecked me on the cheek. I pulled away, surprised. He just smiled, shaking his head at me as if I was silly.
“Thanks, sweetheart” he said as he turned and unlocked the door. He opened the door and held it open for me.
I walked out feeling more frustrated and confused then when I came in. How was I supposed to stay away from Eli? I couldn’t tell him what I promised Finn, that would just make him angry and want to go against it. And I couldn’t just ignore him; I couldn’t be mean and heartless like that. What had I gotten myself into?

Impressum

Texte: The image on cover is from google images* This book is here by under copyright and any unlawful reproduction or distribution without the permission of the author, Breauna, will result in immediate legal action
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.11.2011

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