July 5, 2009

I write in this journal because who ever cares to read this will notice and understand what I'm about to do...ummm, but I'll be missing the fireworks again. Same as Erin. Hahaha, I think it's funny how they put me in jail instead of the guy who shot her that night. I remember everything that night. Seeing Erin screaming in pain, and crying for help, and me not doing anything. Here, why don't we start from the beginning....


ONE YEAR EARLIER
July 3rd, 2008

Her smile was bright just like the sky above us. We were over by the lake where the whole small town meets the night before the 4th of July.
Everyone knows each others names, and you don't have to lock your doors or cars at night. We were all friends, and no one ever got in those stupid pointless bar fights or fights in the school. There was no drama, and people were best friends at this time.
Anyway, Erin, my girlfriend ever since 6th grade, and I were sitting by the lake on the dock. Everything I told her seemed funny to her. She couldn't stop smiling that night either. Honestly, it made me smile for a while too.
After minutes of silence between us, Erin looked at me with her glowing bright eyes that I fell in love with a long time ago. I looked back, and smiled,"what?"I asked.
She didn't say anything and kissed my lips. Hers were soft and smooth. I loved it when we kissed. It was like magic each time.
"Let's go somewhere else,"she smiled getting up and grabbing my hand.
I smiled back,"we should stay, this is where everyone-"
She placed her pointer finger over my lips and kissed me again,"follow me,"she still smiled.
She let go of my hand, and took her flip flops off and had them in her hand. I watched as she slowly ran off laughing,"come on Josiah!" She cheerfully hollered.
I ran after her and grabbed her waist, feeling her silky white summer dress on my palm and fingers. We walked together in silence, and with Erin leading the way. She always made everthing a suprise.
"Where are we going,"I asked with a smile as we approached trees.
"Just follow,"she smiled looking at me.
She slipped out of my grasp and ran on a stone path that led into the trees. I looked around wondering if it was safe enough, and then didn't really care.
I ran back after Erin again and found her standing in a dim area, with the bright full moon over us. She had a flower in her hands and her flip flops were next to her feet. Her white summer dress was swiftly moving in the wind, same as her jet black hair. It was a beautiful sight that would be perfect for a picture to hang on a wall.
I slowly walked up to her with a smile and looked around,"how'd you find out about this place?"
"My grandpa,"she paused and let the flower fall from her hands and into the wind,"he showed me this place before he passed away. Ever since then I sometimes come here remembering him."
She looked up at me with her green eyes filling with light tears. I watched as she tried to hold them back, then noticed one fall down her cheek. I placed my hand on her cheek and wiped the tear away with my thumb.
She sniffled,"sorry."
I gave her a confused look and then a small smile,"for what?"
"Crying,"she kind of smiled too.
I rolled my eyes and hugged her gently. She hugged back,"I love you."I whispered softly.
"I love you more,"she backed up from me and smiled even bigger.
I shook my head in disagreement,"no. I love you more."
She shook her head as I did, and ran off into the trees again, forgetting her flip flops. I picked them up and walked through the trees after her,"Erin, where are you?" I asked.
I didn't get a response and just kept walking into darkness. Well, my only light was the moon.
"Come and find me,"she hollered.
She sounded close so I followed the echo of her sweet innocent voice.
I heard her laugh, and turned around to see her by a tree, I smiled and walked towards her,"I found you."
She stood on her tippy toes to kiss me. I kissed back, and we stood in the same spot kissing. Her back was against the tree and I had my hands on her soft red cheeks. She had her hands placed on my arms, and moved them to my chest.
I was wearing a black vest with grey stripes. Under it was a black shirt with rolled up sleeves that went right under my elbows. I could feel her fingers unbuttoning my vest and my heart began to beat fast and hard against my chest.
I started to get really nervous at the site of love about to happen, and didn't know what to do. So I went with the flow of Erin.
She backed her face away from mine and smiled with her white teeth showing.
"What,"I asked with a smile.
She kissed my cheek softly and didn't say anything. I wanted to know what was up with her, but didn't want to break the silence.
Then after a moment, I placed my hands to my sides and looked at her trying to be as serious as possible,"what is it? You just stopped kissing randomly and won't even say anything."
She smiled even bigger,"I love your hair."
I laughed and said,"thank you?"
She laughed too. My hair was black and my bangs flipped back a little. People would always mistake me for Avan Jogia, weither my bangs were covering my forehead or not.
Anyway, Erin ran her finger through my hair, while I stood there wondering why she was acting like this.
I grabbed her hand and kissed her again. She kissed back as I still held her hand. I then grabbed her other hand and placed my fingers in between hers and pinned her up on the tree. She giggled and I slowly backed away from her beautiful face,"what?" I smiled.
"You're so cute, I love you,"she randomly said.
I let go of her hands and crossed my arms,"Erin, what's up with you?"I asked.
She smiled and began to randomly play with my collar of my shirt. She didn't say anything and still smiled, while I stood there awkwardly.
"Are we gonna do this or not?"I questioned.
She looked at me and stopped playing with my collar,"I don't know. Are we?"
I grabbed her hands and started to kiss her once again. She went along, and after a while we let go.

About an hour later we were back in the area her grandpa had showed her a long time ago. I layed on my back as Erin did too. We layed there quietly looking at the stars right above us.
"This is a wonderful night. Thanks,"Erin told me.
I smiled and looked at her,"you're wonderful,"I replied.
She looked at me and smiled and layed a tender kiss on my lips then back away after a gun shot we heard.
I leaned up and looked around us,"what was that?"she asked.
I stood up and she did too. Once she stood up, she quickly got into my arms, and we both looked around us worried and questioning what that noise was.
"Um, we should go now,"I said as I grabbed my vest from the ground and slipping it back on me.
Erin put on her flip flops and we began to walk to the stone path until I heard another gun shot behind us.
"What the hell?"I asked.
We turned around and there was a elderly man with a shot gun. Erin screamed and clinged onto me. I held her tightly and stared at the man who was shooting,"who are you and what do you want?"I hollered.
"I want to kill you and your girlfriend,"he said in a low tone of voice.
I began to sweat and my heart beat fast, and I knew I had to be the strong person here and couldln't let the man hurt me or Erin.
I could hear her crying, and felt wetness on my black shirt. I rubbed her back softly,"I'm afraid that can't happen."I said.
The man laughed histaricly, and hollered,"can Erin please look at me and if she does I promise to not shoot anything."
I shook my head and noticed Erin turning her head. Her make up was smeared and she was all red from tears.
"Turn your whole body towards me please,"he comanded.
She did as he said, and the man quickly aimed for her and shot. It was to quick of a moment for her to face another way.
I felt Erin letting got of me and slowly falling to the ground.
I fell to my knees beside her and started to cry as blood rushed through her white dress. She placed her hand on her wound and blood rushed between her fingers.
I lifted up her back and held her side into my chest. I watched as she bled to death. She was crying silently and didn't speak for moments.
I looked up at the man with tears filling my eyes,"you bastard! How could you do this? How?!" I screamed choking back the tears.
He dropped the gun and stood there silently.
I looked back down at Erin who was looking at me already. We stared at each other for the longest time, and tears hit her dress and blood dripped on my pants and smeared on my shirt. I didn't mind honestly.
"Kiss it all better,"she cried,"I'm not ready to let go. Please don't let me go."
She closed her eyes and clinched her wound. I held her other hand tightly, as she did too. I cried harder as the words slipped out of her mouth,"no! Erin, I won't ever let go."
She began to choke and held my hand tighter. I could see how much pain she was in. Blood was all over her other hand and all over me and her beautiful white summer dress. I had no clue what to do as I watched her slowly die in front of me.
She didn't speak, and I could feel her slowly letting go of my hand. I gripped tighter,"Erin! Please don't leave me! Please!"
I closed my eyes and rocked her back and forth slowly,"please don't leave,"I whispered,"please don't leave."
I slowly looked up at the man and screamed,"you son of a bitch! How could you kill her?!"
"I didn't mean to..."
I shook my head and looked at Erin who was letting go of my grip. I couldn't stand this and hugged her tightly then ever before. I couldn't stand the fact that the love of my life was dying right before my eyes.
"I'm gonna kill you!"I screamed to the man.
I heard something sliding towards me and noticed it was the shot gun. I looked at it then the man who was standing a couple of feet away from me.
I then leaned over Erin who was breathing slower every second and grabbed the gun with out a word.
I cocked it and pointed it at the man,"shoot me. I dare you."he told me.
I closed my eyes for a moment and had flash backs of Erin and I. I knew this was a bad idea to come here tonight.
I opened my eyes after a while and looked at the man who killed my girl, Erin.
I slowly pulled the trigger and realized I missed the killing point and shot his leg.
"Shit!"I screamed.
The man laughed and then started to scream for help. I knew this was his plan. He knew I would try to kill him if he killed Erin.
I threw the gun and stood up while picking up Erin, who was breathing very slowly. More tears came into my eyes and I began to run away from crowds of people running towards me.

After minutes of running, I found a good enough place for a while and placed Erin down slowly and sat next to her, and had her on my lap. I rocked her back and forth again and closed my eyes,"I love you so much Erin, and I promies I'll never let go."
She clinged onto my shirt and I looked down opening my eyes. After that moment, she let go and I began to curse out loud. I was truely mad at the fact I was going to be blamed for killing my own girlfriend. I was even more mad because she had just passed away in my arms.
"Erin!"I scream.
She didn't respond and I started to scream her name thousands of more times, knowing I wouldn't get a response.
All of a sudden, I felt very lonely inside and couldn't stand it.


July 3rd, 2009

Anyway, I write in this journal to tell you I love Erin more than anything. I hope everyone knows that. If not, now you do. So please don't cry for what I'm about to do. There's no need to. Keep them and cry about something more important.
But, I made Erin a promise that I wouldn't let go. Honestly, I can't wait any longer to see her beautiful face...so tonight, in this cell, I've found a way to kill myself.
Strong words I know, but it's true. I need to be with her again, and if I don't...I'll regret it and feel bad for braking a promise. So mom and dad I love you dearly, but it's time for me to go.

Love, Josiah.


I placed the journal next to my hanging site and closed my eyes for a moment, thinking about Erin and I once again. I knew this was a perfect idea, and knew it was going to be wonderful to see Erin and her beaustiful face again.
As my last words filled my head, I stood at the edge of my bed next to the tall barred windows and placed my neck into the whole of ropes. I took a deep breath, and let go.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.08.2011

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