March 1, 2011

In English class earlier, we talked about diaries. We were told to keep a diary to improve our composition. Joel said after the class that only sissy keeps diary. I don't think I am one if I keep a diary.


March 2, 2011

"Treat diary as a friend." teacher told us during class today. Even though I don't have any best friends in school or in neighborhood, I cannot imagine myself befriending a personal notebook. It looks funny, and I look funny already.


March 7, 2011

I wonder if Nenita keeps a diary as well. If she has, what can possibly be written in there? Did she mention me even once? Did she start her writing with "Dear Diary" just like teacher taught us? I don't like to start writing with "Dear Dairy" at beginnings. Maybe if I am a girl it’s OK.

I don't think Nenita is fond of me the same way I am to her. I am harelip, who would like a harelip boy?


March 9, 2011

Joel and his gang teased me again. "Diego Bingot (Diego Harelip)!" They shouted in chorus when I passed by the gate of the school. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends. Nenita saw me being teased. It's very humiliating. I wish I am different. I hate being harelip.


March 10, 2011

Tita Fe (Aunt Fe) came-over and cooked my favorite chicken adobo (cooked in vinegar and soy sauce). Tita Fe is a great cook! I am planning to take up culinary arts when I finished high school. I wanted to be a cook too. Nenita's father owns a restaurant, maybe I can work for him after college. It will be an easy way to be with Nenita all the time by then.


March 11, 2011

4:00 PM

We cannot contact Ate (Elder Sister). Mama was crying and Papa goes to the mayor's office right after the news about the tsunami. The mayor said they will do anything to help contact Ate.

We were supposed to go at Tita Fe's house in town tonight but the news postponed our plan.

We need to contact Ate and to know if she's fine in there. Mama and Bunso (Youngest sibling) were inconsolable. I am very afraid.


March 11, 2011
9:00 PM

Tita Fe and her family came over the house to console mama. She's not crying. But her nose is red and she's hugging and hushing mama. Papa went out again with Tito Ed (Uncle Ed) and Kuya (Big Brother). No one has eaten dinner. Bunso was asleep.

News said that Tokyo was affected as well. Ate is in there. Marie came over earlier. She told me that Ate has no new posts in her Facebook account. Her last status message was last night yet. She said that maybe something happened to her. I told Marie not to let my mama hear it. I told her to tell Teacher Ying that I may not be able to go to school on Monday. She said that is expected as the whole class knows it already.


March 11, 2011

11:00 PM

Tita Fe prepared me a hot cup of chocolate. I cannot sleep. I'm missing Ate. When she was still here, she always defended me to Kuya, who always teases me. Ate said I am her favorite because I am special. Although she also likes Bunso as she always play with her. I don't know why I am special. What I know is that I am abnormal because of my cleft and no one likes me much. I miss her more now as I recall these.

Mama finally stopped crying. She's staring outside our nipa window as if waiting for someone to come. Papa and the rest are watching news. Mama refused to watch the news. Tita Fe gave her a freshly brewed coffee. They were talking softly.

I'm just at my wooden bunk, thinking of many things, writing this and sipping my hot chocolate. How I like to talk to somebody but even if I try, they could not understand what I am saying because of the funny sounds I am producing when I speak. I may not be crying in my eyes, but it's as if I'm crying inside. It's a terrible feeling.


March 11, 2011

11:45 PM

I was thinking if that strong earthquake and tsunami would hit the country. Will we survive the disaster? I don’t want to die yet.

How I wish that my sister would finally call.

March 12, 2011

9:40 AM

I woke up late and feel heavy. Papa was up. I don't know if he even went to sleep already. I am thinking of letting them read my diary and let it speaks all about my thoughts. However, I'm also thinking - does it matter?

Papa said they still couldn't contact Ate.


March 12, 2011

1:00 PM

I guess that the reason why I couldn't cry as much as mama is that I am able to express myself in this notebook. I remember that Teacher Ying told us that diary helps people in many ways. I was skeptic about that as I don't know what she meant that time, but I am fond to write and that's why I like to keep a diary. Now I understand what she meant. I don't know how to feel about it though. I am beginning to feel that I have a friend as I write in here. I don't know why, but it is comforting.

Bunso asked if we lost Ate. I don't know how to answer her.


March 13, 2011

Aling Pining (Neighbor Pining) told mama that they had Ate on their prayer list for the afternoon gathering. I guess that helped to lightened up mama as that's the first time I saw her talking to other person aside from Papa and Tita Fe. I'm not a religious person, but I believe in the Creator who is in heaven and in times like this the more that we need His help. I guess He has a purpose why do these things happen to our family, while not with others. Maybe the elders know the reason, maybe I'm too young to know the reason. I am just puzzled, is it because mama knows the reason that's why she was crying or is that because she doesn't know that made her cry.

I guess He has a purpose why he created me a harelip.

Earlier, it seems the sun is so hot. I kept on perspiring as I played with Bunso. Mama kept on fanning herself while watching the news. She still cries whenever the video of black water swallowing part of Tokyo being played on the news. She kept uttering Ate's name.

Papa cannot still contact her.

A while ago before I wrote this, I saw the rubber shoes that Ate sent to me during my 11th birthday that was last year. It’s embarrassing, but I weep at the bathroom.


March 14, 2011

8:00 AM

Papa said that there are some 8,000 people in Japan who lost their lives after the earthquake and tsunami strike. He told me and Bunso to pray for my Ate.


March 14, 2011

1:25 PM

In newsbreak earlier, an unidentified woman was rescued. I cannot follow the details but news said that the face and the neck of the woman were severely burnt. She could not speak too, that's why she couldn't be identified. Papa and Mama went out immediately to the Japanese Embassy in Manila after the newsbreak. I just heard mama uttered Ate's name when she saw the rescued woman in the news. Kuya was told to go to town by papa. I and Bunso left home. They told Bunso they will bring home meringue, so she should behave.

I don't know if I am supposed to be happy that my sister was finally found but with a severe damage from burn. It brings cold feeling inside me just thinking that would be Ate.


March 14, 2011

5:45 PM

Nenita came over, along with Teacher Ying, Marie, Jimboy, and Rigor. Too bad that papa and mama weren't able to see them. Teacher Ying brought a box of eggpie. She said she just wants to check on me and my family. Nenita and Marie gave me yellow flowers. They said those were daisies, and it's symbolizes hope. They told me to give them to mama.

This is the first time Nenita came over our house. I was not in my best mood as thinking that Ate was such in a pitiful condition.

Teacher Ying told me to pray always and to not to lose faith. I wanted to ask her how does one loses faith, but I held back. I was too shy to ask. Teacher Ying told me that she will send Marie over our house tomorrow after class to let me copy of notes of the lectures that I missed.

I am glad with their visit though. I feel like I have gained friends aside from my notebook. Teacher Ying is comforting.


March 15, 2011

Papa and mama didn't return yet. Tomorrow is my 12th birthday.


March 18, 2011

I am not sad anymore. I shouldn't be giving papa and mama a hard time because of my missed birthday celebration. Yesterday papa scolded me for brooding as we didn't celebrate my 12th birthday the other day. He said I'm being selfish. I was upset but it made me think. He is right, I am being selfish.

Ate is still missing and it got us all worried. My missed birthday is nothing compared to this week-long problem about my Ate. Unfortunately, the rescued woman in the news was not Ate. She's an Indian woman and her identity was finally known. I wonder if her family feels the same way we feel during her absence.

I am not that sad anymore. I am not sure if it's about Joel suddenly being nice to me at the school earlier - he apologized about calling my Ate a "Japayuki" (A club dancer/prostitute in Japan) before. He walked with me going home. He said he sympathizes with my family. He revealed that he had lost her mother when he was younger so he knows what I am dealing with. I told him though that we are still hoping that she must be alive still.

Or maybe I am not sad anymore because mama embraced me just a while ago. She told me that she and papa love me no matter what happens. I felt awkward after she said that as she doesn't usually say those things, but it made me happy as I know mama is stronger now.


March 19, 2011

1:00 AM

Ate is alive!

Marie came rushing to our house earlier to tell us that Ate wrote her a message in Facebook and to tell us that she's well and fine. She explained that the communication lines in Japan were cut off that's why we cannot contact her. Their internet connection had just resumed and their telephone lines will be restored later today.

As if a light has lit up and brightened up our house. That's how I feel when I saw faces of Papa, Mama and Kuya.

You see Diary, this is the best gift I received for my 12th birthday.


March 19, 2011

3:50 PM

I just talked with Ate over papa's mobile phone. She told me that she misses me and apologizing for not calling on my birthday. She said she will be coming home by March 31. Ate said she has a gift for me that she bought last month when she visited Shibuya.

Bunso talked to her too. We were laughing when Bunso told her funny stories of how she observed us at the house during the time we thought that we lose her. It's funny how younger children perceived things and voiced them out.


March 20, 2011

We went to our church earlier to offer thanksgiving and to say prayers for the families who have lost their loved ones in Japan. As the preacher admonished and cite verses, I felt that for the first time I understood what he has been saying.

I am beginning to understand in a deeper sense why people need hope and why people need to have faith.


March 21, 2011

Ten more days and Ate will be coming. I am excited to see her. I drew a picture of her earlier and its look like her. Kuya said though I don't know how to draw. I just kept silent and continue until I finish it. I guess I would like to become an artist more than I like to become a cook.


March 22, 2011

Joel is not bothering me anymore. He even nodded at me when I stood next to him in the line during our flag ceremony. I heard though he's been bullying Jose, the smallest in our class. I am thinking, perhaps there really is Joel in every school. Maybe somebody meant to take the role. My question is, are there also Diego Bingot in every school?


March 23, 2011


Reviewing my previous entries, I could see how I progress each day. Diary is indeed helpful. It helps my retention with important accounts that happen in my everyday life.

Earlier, I almost lost my diary. I brought it along with me at school as I wanted write in here during break time since no one talks to me that much.

When Teacher Ying told us to pass our notebook, I mistakenly gave my diary as I was distracted with Rigor, talking with me about Godzilla causing the tsunami.

When we were dismissed, I checked my bag. I got alarmed as my diary was missing. When I saw my English notebook still in my bag, I suddenly knew that it's the diary I have submitted to Teacher Ying.

Good that Teacher Ying allowed me to find my "Science notebook" that I "mistakenly" passed on to her and replaced it with my English notebook. That’s what I told her at least.

Lesson learned: don’t bring diary at school.


March 24, 2011

During our Filipino subject, Teacher Sison told us to write an essay about the recent tsunami in Japan, to include our opinion and our feelings about the disaster and our role to help the victims of the disaster.

The accounts I have written in this diary helped me much as it was able to capture all my feelings and thoughts and information that I have gathered that time.


March 25, 2011

Teacher Sison announced in front of the class that my essay is very good. She said I will be exempted with the 4th grading period exam. Thanks diary.


March 26, 2011

Mama was very much excited like me. She cleaned the backyard, and weed out the earth. She put on Ate's favorite flowers at the sides of the doorway. Papa was off to his work at Ka Tony's talyer (Mr. Tony's Garage). Papa is a good repairman. Ka Tony always gives papa a special work that he didn't trust to others. That's what I heard.

I helped out Kuya in cleaning the roof. I was not allowed in the roof though, I just handed to him the tools he need. We had good laughs. I never thought Kuya can be that fun. I noticed a hair between his nose and upper lip is starting to grow. He's becoming to look like papa.

I don't look anything like mama or papa. They are not harelip.


March 28, 2011

Dear Diary,

I wanted to apologize to you for thinking that it's ridiculous if I have to include the usual salutation. But I can see that you are more alive if I have to address you properly. I understand now its purpose.

Diary, what I wanted to tell you now is that I feel bad for my classmate, Jean. Her aunt is one of the Overseas Filipino Workers who were scheduled to ship back from Bahrain back to the Philippines. Jean said that it's lonely as her aunt was just few weeks in there and she will be returning the country penniless and traumatized.

I know how their family is going through right now. It's like a being in a dark place.
I wanted to tell her that writing her thoughts may help her, but I don't have enough courage to be advising my classmates.


March 29, 2011

Dear Diary,

Ate called again. She talked to mama and she gave to her the details of her arrival on the 31st. Mama said we will meet her at the airport. That would be the first time I will be going to the airport. I was afraid to go before. I always had in mind that there will be big airplanes all over the airport. I was afraid of anything big. It's like I cannot stand looking at them, it's like seeing a planet up close. When I was younger, whenever I dreamt of big things, I always woke up crying.

Ate told me that we will consult a surgeon to correct my upper lip. I was happy but now I am afraid. Kuya said it means they will sew my lip with big needles, he said it will be my circumcision, only in the lip. Mama scolded Kuya and told me that it will not be painful since the doctors are experts. She said that I will not feel a thing.

Should I be happy about it? It's like there's tsunami inside my stomach.


March 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

7:45 PM

Tomorrow Ate will arrive. We will go to the airport. I dreamt last night that my upper lip was corrected. I look more like mama; I had her eyes and her smile in my dreams.
Everywhere I go people are congratulating me, I don't know why. But I supposed it's because of my corrected upper lip.

The truth is I am getting used being a harelip. I don't think I need surgery. I am happy the way I am. I don't care if Nenita will like me being like me or not. I am just excited to see Ate again.


March 30, 2011

11:15 PM

Dear Diary,

I cannot sleep. Are airplanes as big as dragons like in the movies? Earlier, Rigor insisted that dragons caused the tsunamis. I almost believe but I think that's funny.


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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 31.03.2011

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Dedicated to my lost childhood dreams.