Indeed an expensive cost
Closed are my sunken eyes.
Tears gracefully crawl down my face.
I take another straight shot of whiskey,
as my head starts to race.
The ciggarette is still burning,
and the sweet smoke tickels my nose.
My body is going numb.
I can no longer feel my toes.
I can see my black mascara tears,
as they fall onto my breast.
There are scratches and dried blood,
pretty purpled ringed bruises decorate my chest.
Red lipstick smeared across my cheek,
and hair full of knots.
I shove more pills in my mouth,
chasing it with three more shots.
My body is beyond broken.
My mind completely lost.
A lesson with a price,
Indeed an expensive cost.
He was too strong and heavy,
I couldnt get him off top.
With his hand over my mouth,
over and over I screamed stop.
His cold eyes just watched me,
as I fought hard and cried.
He crushed my soul over and over,
as he thrusted deeper inside.
The world slowly went dark,
from the fighting and pain.
I woke up bloody and dirty,
from the sound of the rain.
Now the bottle is empty,
and the room in spins.
I put the razor to my wrist,
and rip it across my skin.
The blood paints the floor.
Everything is slowing down,
The darkness is back again,
but this time its all around.
The ciggarette still burns,
as the smoke does an exotic dance.
It moves so slow and graceful,
putting me in its spellful trance.
Theres an empty whiskey bottle,
a ciggarette burning and a note.
The blood is coloring the paper red,
where "I'm Sorry," is faintly wrote.
I weakly smile as I stare,
at the broken body I just escaped.
Yes, indeed an expensive cost,
for the price of my own rape.
Passion on our skin
His velvetly calloused hands
press against my breast.
As he listens to my heart
with his head upon my chest.
His lips are delicately smooth
as they brush my nose.
His fingers trace my body,
as I slowly curl my toes.
He pulls my laces off
with nothing but his teeth.
I feel his muscles ripple,
as I lie just beneath.
His lips caress my neck,
and his skin is soft against mine.
I feel his teeth nibble my ear,
as our fingers roughly intertwine.
Our skin dances with one another
I slowly climb on top.
We both are breathing hard,
as I beg him not to stop.
He decisively kisses my neck,
as he gently strokes my face.
I grip his back tight,
my heart starts to race.
He grasps my back when I bend
the feeling takes over us.
As we both get tenderly lost
between the passion and the lust.
With our bodies in a shiver,
together we both sigh.
As he starts to losen his grip,
from holding up my thigh.
With his heart beat against my back,
I fall asleep in his soft arms.
A place tenderly safe,
keeping my heart from breaking harm.
To die for
When their skin touches,
the beauty is truly unreal.
No one can comprehend,
what they feel.
Their hands intertwined,
staring deeply into each other's eyes.
Knowing fully they cant be,
no matter how hard they try.
They share mere moments,
that leave much to quick.
Goodbyes are exchanged,
with faces looking sick.
No one can phathom,
the beauty that they share.
The hardships they endure,
the burdens that they bear.
How together their skin,
glorious, like night and day.
No one tries to understand,
the world doesn't work that way.
A beautifully russet man,
with a pallid creame girl.
Without each other lifeless,
fetal hearts broken to the world.
Wishful for a life of love,
together they run away.
Knowing if they get caught,
the dire prices they would pay.
Not caring the consequence,
they flea while they can.
Love doesn't get them far,
hunted like dogs by the clan.
The men grabbed him first,
drug him to a nearby tree.
Throw a rope around the trunk,
as she struggled to get free.
The noose tight around his neck,
she started to scream.
She drops to her knees,
praying its all a dream.
"I love you," he mouthes,
as they stand side by side.
The rope now tightens around her neck,
no more tears need to be cried.
They looked in each other's eyes,
as their world goes light.
Now they can be together forever,
no more ache, no more fight.
Many tried to stop their love,
but they will always be.
More in love than the world could know,
or the mind could hope or see.
Float away their souls,
in eachothers arms.
Away from the hurtful world,
forever free from lingering harm.
My Friend Mia
I want to feel pretty
Be gorgeous and thin
But I cant in this body
I despise my own skin
So I eat until I can't
two fingers is all it takes
to get rid of the mocking demons
that decorated my plate
I'll puke til I see blood
Do whatever I must
To get rid of this horrible body
of filth and disgust
I cant stand to look in the mirror
and see that revolting girl
no one around to love her
she is alone in this cold world
but she does have one friend
who helps with all the weight
she waits in the shadows
consumed with jealously and fueled by hate
though she is dark and twisted
just two fingers away
she is my best friend
and will never betray
helping make me skinny
she does it all on her own
and we both smile bright
when we see a new bone
It's all her fault
she is my beautiful sinner
causing my body to ache
but always making me thinner
and for all the hate
she is the one to blame
forever a friend
Mia is her name
Her Sweet Poison
she lights up a damp cigarette
the last of her pack
the night air rips through her pale skin
her damp hair clings to her back
she pulls out a rusted flask
tasting bitter vodka from her sip
the icy breeze burns her legs
where her dirty nylons are ripped
she grips her stained fur coat
as cars blur on past
her snake skin boots click on the pavement
as the world around her spins fast
she dies out her ciggarette
as a junky bonneville creeps up
a cracked window rolls down
a lonely gray haired man asks
"How much?"
she licks her blistering red lips
"for you honey," she thinks "80 bucks"
he looks at her up and down "50?"
she replies "Baby cmon I'm a good fuck"
he adjusts his glasses and nods
she quickly jumps inside
he creeps around into a dark alley
for his 80 dollar ride
she gets out, walks away
without saying goodbye
her dirty hand over her mouth
she tries hard not to cry
with the money in her hot pink bra
her body dirty and cold
she walks into the rundown building
where her sweet poision is sold
she hands the man the money
to get her much needed fix
for the bliss she'll do it anything
every day and night turning tricks
with a belt tight around her arm
she shoves the needle deep within
her body starts to tingle
her world again in a spin
oh yes, there it is
coming to take away the pain
nodding out she slowly whispers
her sweet poisions name.
Heroin.
The lie of the past
Her wrinkled wise hands,
reach for the worn photo.
her body aches as well as her soul,
she stares with her green eyes,
of when they were young and beautiful.
He was so perfectly handsome,
Lean, soo strong,
her wedding dress long, white and laced
she was a stunning bride,
he smiled at her with pride,
when they were young and beautiful.
She remembers their happiness,
spending days making love.
His eyes watched her, breathtakingly blue,
"I swear i'll never leave you," he promised,
when they were young and beautiful.
They thought they had forever,
because he said he would never leave.
She believed the lie, and her heart did die,
withering away with him,
when they were young and beautiful.
Now the years have come and gone,
she is all alone,
with the long laced dress, still white
and the worn photo,
of when they were young and beautiful.
Alcholic Slavery
They come for me at night
Eyes black, mouths wide.
Screaming and screaming,
as I try to run, try to hide.
They catch me and whisper
sweet sounding lies.
That they will take away the pain
and the tears that I cry.
I try to say NO!!
Be strong and stand tall..
until they hand me more lies,
and I cant help but fall.
I take the bottle of sins
and pour it into my soul.
Over and Over again,
until they have control.
The room spins around me
as the shadows close in.
They're no where and everywhere
smiling with evil grins.
My mind is numb,
my soul is cursed.
Body cracked and broken,
as the shadows quench my thrist.
If only I cared,
had strength to turn away.
But the shadows take over
as I just sit and decay.
I look in the mirror
this girl I dont know.
Now the shadows live in her,
she was gone long ago.
I try to scream at them
but no words escape.
The shadows still come
taking different forms and shapes.
They trick me with lies
pretty pictures filling my head.
But I know what there doing,
how they really want me dead.
they paint over the posions
covering the evils within
taking over my body
living inside my skin
I try to rip them off
their grip is too strong
they scream it was them
my body craved all along
they’re taking me over
its getting harder to fight
I try to hold on
try with all of my might
it’s to late, they’ve won
my body, my soul
I gave in, gave up
now they have control
I float away into darkness
the shadows take over me
the bottle as my shackels
a slave to never be free.
Addictive Suicide
Cancer,
not a word you want to hear,
as it travels to your ears,
from your doctors lips.
Six letters,
that smack you hard in the face,
as your heart starts to race,
with unimaginable terror.
Suddenly,
everything feels like its passing by,
as you can’t even stop to cry,
or laugh at the irony of it all.
Air,
around you feels too thick,
sweating, you start to feel sick,
as he whispers you only have..3 months.
Addiction,
is the cause of this suicidal act,
if only you would have known the facts,
behind the dangers of this bliss.
Smoke,
is suddenly always in your lungs,
so apparently evident on your tongue,
more now than any other drag before.
Death,
is creeping silently in the air,
as you start to lose your hair,
coughing up black blood into your shaking hands.
Weak,
is all your body feels,
your face in the mirror soo surreal,
as the pain filled days turn to weeks.
Life,
seems like just a book,
you turn pages slow to get a look,
at your life…before it reaches the final chapter.
Two,
months have suddenly past,
you are too quickly on your last,
barely able to breathe deeply to say goodbye.
Pale,
is your face severely sunken in,
eyes dark staring at the menthol sin,
that played a hand in your demise.
Deep,
is your last horrid breath,
as you feel the fingers of death,
tighten around your throat.
Sweet,
the destruction tastes,
your heart beats at a slow pace,
as smoky poison dances in the air.
Quitting,
was never an option even in the end,
even though the doctor did reccommend,
that stopping could buy more time.
Think,
about the reasons why death and I met.
Always,
remember and never forget.
Only,
in suicide to touch a cigarette.
Heavens Sanctuary
He ripped off my bottoms.
Where he began to stoke.
Then came the kissing.
He smelled of whiskey and smoke.
He aimed to trick me.
I wouldn’t play along.
So hard I fought.
But he is much too strong.
Holding me down.
He penetrates my little womb.
Over and over.
On the floor of my princess room.
I scratch his face.
Luckily breaking away.
He screams fiercely.
An animal that’s just lost its prey.
I run fretfully.
Looking desperately for somewhere to hide.
I can hear him coming.
His feet in a fuming stride.
He’s drunk and furious.
No more would I let him hurt me down there.
“It’s our little game,” he whispers searching.
Nothing simple like truth or dare.
He finds me.
Beats me with his rigid fists.
I’m unconscious.
As he drags me by my wrists.
He throws me.
I hit hard against the wall.
He kicks me.
As I try to crawl.
He rips off the rest of my clothes.
Then climbs on top.
Breaking my body.
I cry, pleading for him to stop.
He punches and punches.
Shattering my soul.
Ripping me apart.
Taking total control.
The pains too much.
My body finally goes numb.
The world is fading.
Every things coming undone.
I’m free from hell.
As the lord opens his arms saving me.
I’m going home.
To heaven’s sanctuary.
His Love
It hurts,
his love.
It grabs me forcefully,
by my throat.
It’s grueling fingers,
seize my neck.
I can’t breathe.
It leaves marks,
his love.
A mask disguising my face,
veiling wounded emotion.
The shades of his love,
adorn my body.
Purple and blue.
It lies,
his love.
Whispering beautiful deception,
into hopeful ears.
Sweetly persuasive apologies,
promising fabricated tales.
A happy ending.
It’s hard,
his love.
It destructs my veneer,
countless rampant emotions.
Bones cracking like glass,
agonizing rage paints my life.
A heart ruptured red.
It’s sad,
his love.
No ecstasy or exuberance,
just a desolating existence.
I cry bloody ceaseless tears,
blind to his affection.
A passionate abhorrence.
It’s malicious,
his love.
Detaining, exploiting,
a nightmare imprisonment.
It bares my deepest fears,
overpowers my will.
Leaving me despairingly ostracized.
It hurts,
his love.
It leaves marks and it’s hard,
destructive and demanding; leaving me eternally scarred.
It sad,
his love.
It’s malicious and it lies,
disfiguring and deceiving; an impending demise.
His love is all but what it’s meant to be.
Treasuring, compassionate, blissfully free.
Now with aspiring strength, my eyes open, I stand tall.
Knowing finally that his love was never love at all.
Have you seen my razor blade
Anger, hate, iniquitous pain,
it rips my body apart.
Arms painted with scars, stories,
a frail canvas for art. My insides scream,
where is my razor blade?
I can’t take it for long,
my will is not that strong,
or my mind for that matter.
A memory will fade, every slice that is made,
where is my razor blade?
I bite my nails bloody,
down into blistering skin.
Indescribable aches,
my hands in shakes. Harder I breathe,
where is my razor blade?
I just want it to disappear,
just rip open my skin.
Empty the darkness from deep within.
As the angry blood oozes out, I breathlessly shout,
where is my razor blade?
The overpowering need,
to control the harm.
I crave the sweet sharpness,
across my arm. Ah, the blissful aid,
where is my razor blade?
A beautiful silver, deceitfully dark
Unfaithfully long, venomously sharp.
Begging to carve out the lingering pain,
stop the screaming in my brain,
where is my razor blade?
Tear the blade across my wrist
redness paints me like a sinful kiss.
The evils released, bring illusions of peace,
as the rest of the world fades,
I’ve found my razor blade…
Impressum
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.11.2009
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