1. STRANGER

I NORMALLY DON’T HAVE DREAMS, BUT WHEN I DO, they're logical; they’re normally about my mother, my life in the estate, and my few friends.

This one was not logical.

I was in an unknown place, with a stranger girl by my side crying. The place was desert-dead like, on the sunset. Where I live, it looks more like paradise than a desert. There were many people looking for us, but I had a feeling that we were hiding, and shouldn’t be found, no matter what. I stared at the girl beside me. Why was she crying? I’d never seen anyone cry so painfully, so I started to get curious. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I couldn’t seem to find my mouth. All I could do was just stare at the horizon.

I had a feeling that I couldn’t seem to figure out. Was I worrying? What am I worrying about? Am I worried that I’ll get caught by these mysterious strangers? No, that wasn’t it. I wasn’t worried about myself. I was worried about somebody else. Was it this stranger? Was I worried about this stranger girl that I’d never seen before getting caught? No, that wasn’t it either.

Then, I saw him.

A fierce flood of relief drowned me. I knew he was safe, and that was all that mattered to me.

But…

Who was he? Why was he here, with us? I had a lot of questions, questions that I still couldn’t ask because I still couldn’t find my mouth.

Then, he looked in to my eyes, those warm, liquid chocolate eyes with just a hint of gold that bordered the chocolate that seemed to melt me away. He grabbed my face with both of his hands, and, with an angel’s voice, said, “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right. You’re safe now with me.”

And that’s when I woke up.

I woke up shocked, panting, and confused. It was the sixth night this week that I had had the same dream. It was still dawn, and had a few more hours until I had to go to work with my mother.

I went back into my bed, though I wasn’t sleepy anymore. The dream had shocked me awake. I stared at the ceiling and started to look back at my dream. The man in my dream was a complete stranger. I had no idea who he was, or why I cared about him. But, since it was a dream, it probably shouldn’t matter. He didn’t exist.

Suddenly, I stated to feel stinging in my eyes. Ugh. Why am I crying? But, I knew the answer. I was crying because he didn’t exist, and I wanted him to. I wanted his eyes to look into my eyes. I wanted his hands on my face again. I wanted him so badly to exist, that I would do anything to make that possible. So, the only thing I could do to see him again was to go to sleep—and have the same dream. Again.

As I was dreaming about him again, I started to concentrate on his face. I wanted that face to be memorized. I wanted to recognize that face in a crowd of a million people. His face was beautiful, it took my breath away. His skin was a warm light, peachy color. His high cheekbones were set perfectly along his hard jaw. His lips were full and—though he wasn’t smiling in the dream—I knew that his teeth would be sparkling white and perfect. His hair was cut short and was dark brown… almost black. His eyes were the most hypnotizing part. It was a warm, chocolate color, and even though there were many shadows in my dream, I knew that at the border of the pupil there was a hint of gold. He was perfect.

After my second nap, I woke up. My roommate, Danielle—who was also my best friend since I was two—was taking a shower, so I decided to wait until she was finished. I looked around the room, and liked what I saw. My room was simple—two beds, two tables, two lamps, a closet, and a mirror. The walls were a light gold—it seemed to lighten the room. There was a window on the west side of the room, with white lace curtains. And on the north side of the room, there was a full sized mirror. None of these decorations were my idea—I had always liked my room simple, but Danielle and my mother were always adding new things to keep the room from looking like a prison cell.

Danielle always took forever when she was taking showers, so it seemed that I was going to have to wait quite a while. My bed was right in front of the full sized mirror, so I could see myself when I was lying on my bed. I went to the mirror to examine myself. My skin was right in between olive and fair. Whenever I would be in the sun for too long, my skin would turn olive. But when stayed out of the sun, my skin would lighten up. Once, I had stayed inside for so long, that my skin had turned into a creamy white. My face was shaped like a heart and my lips were full and they had a nice rosy color. I had high cheekbones and a small nose. The strangest part of my face was my eyes. They were big and round and you tell in my eyes if I was happy or sad, mad or curious, amused or horrified. I remembered reading once in a novel about a girl who had eyes that were so readable that her mother called her an open book. I was probably related to that girl.
But that wasn’t as strange as the color. My eyes were an odd combination of amber, hazel, and gold. In the center, they were hazel, but as you got farther away, amber melted in. And just in the border a hint of gold surrounded the whole thing. That was the reason for my name. My mother told me that my eyes were so beautiful, that my name had to express my beauty. I laughed silently at that part. My hair was a dark mahogany color and almost reached my waist. There were some curls in there, too. Other that my face, my body was ordinary. I had a petite body with narrow hips and a slender torso.

After I got bored looking at myself in the mirror, I began wondering about the man from my dream. Who was that man? I asked myself again. Why was I suffering so much just because he was just a dream? I realized then why. I wanted him. I wanted him bad. I wanted to be with him no matter what. But he wasn’t real.

He wasn’t real.

Danielle came out of the bathroom, and startled me.

“What’s up, Amber? Did I scare you?” She asked sarcastically

“No…I was just thinking about something when you showed up…do you need to use the bathroom anymore?”

“No, I’m done,” She said reluctantly. “Umm… so, are you still dreaming about, you know, that guy?”

Her question caught me off guard. “Wait, how did you know about that?” I hadn’t told anyone about that dream.

“Well, you know how you, you know, have conversations in your sleep—I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you woke me up—and you’ve had conversations like that for like, a week now. I’m just curious…” She smiled apologetically.

“Oh,” I said. Well, I can’t hide it anymore.
“It’s nothing, really, I’m just dreaming about somebody… I don’t even know why I am.”

Danielle looked at me sadly. “But you’re suffering; I've also heard you cry in your sleep. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, Danielle, it’s just a dream. I’m going to go take a shower now.” I turned away from her, and headed to the bathroom. “Wait,” I said, “please don’t tell anybody about this, alright? I don’t want anybody finding out about this.” Bad enough that Danielle already knew about this.

I went to the bathroom, and took a shower. I was already tense, and my conversation with Danielle had made me even tenser. I liked Danielle, she was my best friend, but sometimes she was too…too preoccupied. She cared too much about me. That was a good thing, but sometimes I wanted to be alone.

I got out of the shower and got dressed for work. Danielle had already left—we always left together, but she knew me too well, and she knew I wanted to be alone. I decided to put the dream in the back of my head, and forget about it…until nighttime, that is.

I had lived on the estate since I was born. My mother started working there when she was only nineteen years old. There’s a town close by, that was where my father used to live. My mother met my father, fell in love with him, and after two weeks of unbelievable romance, she got pregnant. As soon as my father found out, he left town and we never saw him again. The owner’s son found out of my mother’s pregnancy and helped her with me. Mr. Edwards from time to time says that he looks at me like a daughter, and that’s why he treats me more special than all of the other servants.

Sometimes, that gets very awkward, but my mother tells me to make him happy.

My daily routine was to go to the kitchen and grab Mr. Edwards’s breakfast and give it to him. After that, he would tell me of the dream he had last night, and tell me how he felt about that. Then, I would leave to other rooms to start cleaning with my mother.

I walked into the kitchen with my friendly, warm smile. “Good morning, Mrs. Ellen. How is your morning so far?” Mrs. Ellen was the estate’s cook, and my mother’s close friend. She was in the kitchen finishing up some blueberry pancakes.

“Oh! Good morning, Amber! I’m fine. How about you? Did you sleep well?”

“I slept very well, thank you.” I didn’t want to tell her about my dream. “Are you almost done with Mr. Edwards’s breakfast?”

“Um, yes, it’s right by the counter.” She pointed at the counter with her chubby, little fingers.

“Oh, all right. Did you remember to not use strawberry jam this time? I don’t want Mr. Edwards to get mad at you again.”

“Yes. We don’t want that incident to happen again, now do we?” She chuckled nervously at the memory.

“Well, okay. I’ll see you later.” I grabbed the plate with one hand and waved at her with the other.

“Bye, Amber! Take care.”

I passed the other servants in the hallway and they waved at me as usual. I always wondered why they were always so happy to see me. I once asked my mother about why that was, and she responded as if the answer was very obvious.

“Well, you’re like the sun, sweetie,” she stated, “you bring light to everybody. You make everyone happy. Oh, you have no idea how much happiness you gave me when you were born. Everyone loves you…”

I really didn’t buy that explanation. From time to time I would really think that it had something to do with Mr. Edwards. I think that they are nice to me because if they aren’t, they think I’ll go to Mr. Edwards and complain to him. Ha ha.

I went to the last door in the hallway. I knocked three times on the door, and I heard a familiar, “Come in, Amber. It’s open,” on the other side of the door.

“Good morning, Mr. Edwards. How did you sleep?” That was the same question I asked every morning.

“Not so well, Amber, not so well.” He said. A crease started to form in his forehead. Mr. Edwards was a beautiful man. He was about the age of my mother, maybe a little older; I couldn’t dare to ask him. He had short, curly reddish brown hair, and was fairly muscular. His eyes were the color of cool spring, the way the leaves of the trees are right after sunrise. In a way, he looked a lot like me, but that was just a coincidence. Mr. Edwards was a very powerful man who owned a lot of companies.

“Well, what did you dream about?” I asked curiously. It was very odd for him to have bad dream. He always had good dreams, to him they were, and so I was curious when he wasn’t in his good mood like always.

“Nothing of importance, really. I just had the feeling that I was going to hurt someone I loved very much. It was a silly premonition. I really shouldn’t worry too much about it.” But he looked at me with worried eyes.

“Well, it was just a dream,” I said, “you shouldn’t worry too much about that.” I tried to take my own advice. Ah, the irony. I tried to smile so he couldn’t see anything in my eyes.

That seemed to lighten his mood, because the crease in his forehead disappeared completely. The worry in his eyes dissolved, too. “Thanks, Amber. You’ve really made my day now.”

“Anything to help you.” I said. I could never help but to feel safe when I was with him. It was weird, though, because Mr. Edwards was very harsh with all of the other servants. My mom said it was because he knew me since I was a newborn, and grew fond of me.

“So, tell me about your night, how did you sleep? Did you have any dreams?” He asked with his eyes full of curiosity.

I turned away so that he couldn’t notice the lie. “I slept very well, thank you for asking me.” I hoped he didn’t notice that I only answered one of his questions. I had never been a good liar—I couldn’t even tell a decent lie without somebody noticing—anybody with even the slightest experience in lying could tell I was.

Mr. Edwards didn’t seem to notice. He looked very deep in thought.

After that, the day happened to pass by very quickly. I helped Mr. Mason with the gardening, Danielle and I went to the store from the nearby town to get some ingredients for a cake; apparently, Mrs. Ellen was in the mood to bake a cake. After that, my mom and I went to clean the pool—it was almost summertime, and if we all did a good job in the estate, Mr. Edwards would let us use the pool.

For some reason, I couldn’t wait for it to be night so I could have the same dream. This is ridiculous

, I said to myself. How can I be so exited for some stupid dream?! Ugh, I need a break.

Even though I had said to myself the same thing over and over again, don’t be exited, it’s just a dream, don’t be exited, it’s just a dream, I couldn’t help but to be anxious when it was ten-thirty.

I went back to our small apartment on the south wing of the estate. Mr. Edwards had insisted that we moved close so we could be safe. I took a shower and waited for the hot water to calm me down. Part of me noticed that I had already taken a shower in the morning, but forgot about it quickly because the water was just so good…

I brushed my teeth, put on my pajamas, and went to bed. Danielle noticed that I was too hyper to go to sleep for some reason. She knew why.

“Good night, Amber, try

to have a good night.” She rolled her eyes at the impossibility.

“Good night, Danielle, I’ll see you in the morning.”

I tried taking deep breaths and waited for my heart to slow down. If you don’t calm down, then you won’t fall asleep. If you don’t fall asleep, then you won’t see him. I told myself.

That seemed to help me, because the next thing I could remember was that I was with him, with my face in his arms, and him telling me to not be afraid…

2. PARTY

I WOKE UP PANTING AND FEELING DISORIENTED again. Even though it was the same dream I had since the last few days, I never got used to the intensity of it. I looked at the clock and it showed that it was seven-
fifty.

“Crap!” I had fallen asleep. Somebody had probably turned off my alarm clock. Hmm, I wonder who did that

, I wondered sarcastically. I was supposed to be in the estate in ten minutes. I ran to the bathroom and took a shower in three minutes. After that, I raced to get my clothes on, and ran to the estate.

When I got there, I noticed that Mrs. Ellen wasn’t in the kitchen. I went to the hallway and saw that nobody was in the hallway, either. Finally, I went to Mr. Edwards’s room and knocked three times. I waited for an answer, but nobody responded.

“Mr. Edwards? Are you awake? Are you there?” I asked.

I opened the door and found a note in the pillow of the bed. It was from Mr. Edwards. Amber, it began:

Go to the dining room as soon as you read this note. Everything is all right. You don’t need to worry about anything. We will be expecting you.
Mr. Edwards

We will be expecting you

, it said. What did it mean by we? Who was we? And, why is he up so early? I sighed. I closed the door and started to head out to the dining room. All of this reminded me of the time when I was three and they had planned me a party… but why would they plan a party? Mr. Edwards’s birthday wasn’t for another seven months, and my mother’s birthday had just passed two months ago.

I opened the door to the dining room and found that the dining room had been completely changed. The ceiling had immense balloons and confetti was everywhere. In the center of the table was a colossal cake with eighteen candles lit on the top. There were candles on every single surface and pink rose pedals beside the cake. I was too distracted by the decorations to notice that every single person who lived here in the estate—maids, gardeners, drivers, cooks, even my mother and Mr. Edwards—was here. I gasped. They all looked at my surprised expression, and they seemed happy about it.

“Happy birthday, Amber!” Everyone shouted at the same time.

“What’s going on here? Why are you all here?” I was too confused to even look happy about the surprise.

My mother came forward with an enthusiastic smile.

“Why, it’s your eighteen birthday, sweetie. Did you forget? Oh, you were never good at remembering your own birthday.”

“It’s my birthday?” I wondered idly. How odd, I did forget it. Today was August the twentieth.

Mr. Edwards also came to the front with a grin. “Well, it is your fault, Anna. You never celebrated her birthdays,” He looked at me with warm eyes. “Happy birthday, Amber. I hope we didn’t give you a heart attack,” He chuckled. “Well, what did you think about our little surprise?”

I was too shocked to actually say anything, so I just nodded.

Everybody laughed at my expression. Mr. Edwards came to me and gave me a hug. For some reason, I felt so happy about him hugging me. It felt as if it was somebody who loved me very much, somebody who cared about me, was hugging me. Mr. Edwards looked into my eyes, and said, “Well, let’s get this party started!”

Danielle was standing next to Mrs. Ellen. She came to me and hugged me very tight. “Oh, happy birthday, Amber! You’re finally eighteen!” She giggled. “C’mon! Let’s see your presents! Mine is the best, if I say so myself,” she said smugly.

“Not a chance, Danielle. Mine is better,” Said Mrs. Ellen defensively, “Well, obviously, Mr. Edwards’s gift is the best, but mine is second to best,” She laughed.

Danielle looked impatient. I thought it was because she wanted the party to start. “All right, we’ll let Amber decide later. This is my only day off, and I want to enjoy it.”

I got over the shock to say some words. “Um, well, thank you all for the party. Don’t worry about me right now. I’m just getting my heart to function properly,” I chuckled nervously.

Everyone laughed again.

The party went by very smoothly. First, Mrs. Ellen prepared us my favorite food, Italian food. Then, Mr. Edwards went to his piano and played us an enchanting piece. Everybody was happy for him to play. He hadn’t touched his piano in a while. Everybody seemed to be very happy about the party, and, after the shock wore off, I started to enjoy myself. Mr. Edwards gave me a silver necklace. In the middle was a round gemstone—an amber, to be exact. I blushed when he gave me the necklace.

“Well, it is the color of your eyes. Your eyes are so beautiful that we all need to see it in this necklace,” he said. I didn’t say anything after that.

Danielle gave me a CD with all of our favorite songs, and Mrs. Ellen gave me a beautiful set of silver earrings. I was too embarrassed to say thank you, and I started crying. I was such a crybaby.

After it was too late to keep the party going, Anna, Danielle, and I said goodbye to everybody and went back to our apartment. Anna and Danielle were still babbling about the party, but I was too tired to actually listen to them, so I just nodded at intervals. When we arrived at our little two bedroom apartment, I went to the bathroom, and took a shower.

I was too tense because of the day, but I was also tired. The hot water always calmed me down, and I got out as soon as the water started to cool off. My head started to hurt, so I went to the medicine cabinet and took some Tylenol. I told my mother goodbye, and went to bed. Danielle followed me to our room. As soon as I realized that I had made it throughout the day without thinking of the dream, I started hyperventilating; Danielle noticed.

“Amber, are you sure you don’t want to talk about this? Maybe it will help you…” She trailed off.

I thought about it for a second. “You know what? Maybe you’re right. I’ll tell you everything.”

3. CONFESSIONS

WE BOTH WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO GET SOME COFFEE. IT WAS STILL TEN, BUT it was going to be a long night.
Danielle told me she was going to take a shower, so I waited for her. After she was done, she turned off the lights and turned on the lamp. We stared at each other for a few—but extremely long—seconds, and then I sighed. I was going to have to start.
“Well, what do you want to know—well, besides what you already know?” I asked her reluctantly.
“No, Amber, I don’t want to know anything you don’t want to tell me. I’m only here because you seem to be suffering by this dream. If you don’t want to tell me, then I’ll understand.” She looked at me with worried eyes, and for once saw a friend who wanted to be with me because she wanted to.
I had always thought of Danielle as a friend to have fun with, but that was all. I knew that after this conversation, nothing would ever be the same.
“Thank you, Danielle. And as I said before, I will tell you everything,” I paused as I arranged my thoughts together. “You’re right. I am suffering. You’ll need to be comprehensive about this—I can’t even understand it myself.” I paused to make sure she was listening to me. Her eyes were wide.
She blinked twice. “So, does this have something to do with that dream of yours?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me something… what is that dream about?”
“Well, I’m in a desert, and there’s somebody beside me, and I think I’m worried about something, I don’t know what it is…” I trailed off. My voice was almost a whisper. I looked up suddenly. “Then, from the desert he came to my side.” My voice broke. “I-I don’t why, but as soon as I see him, my worries vanish. It only took his voice so I could calm down. He’s telling me to not worry, that I’m safe now.”
And then I start crying.
Danielle had her arms around me in an instant. “Don’t cry! Wait, cry; it’s always better if you cry.”
I turn around to look at her. “Danielle, I need you to explain something to me. Please, please, tell me… Why am I suffering? Why am I crying?”
I could tell that Danielle was suffering with what she had to say. “Amber, how do I explain this to you?” She thought about it some more. “Amber, you’re in love with that man in your dreams.”
I stared at her like she was speaking some foreign language. “What?”
“Well, how you feel about him, it’s like, the way I feel about Tyler.”
Tyler was Danielle’s boyfriend, and worked for Mr. Edwards, but it was much more intense than that. The way they looked at each other was like the way a man looked at a woman that have been together for fifty years. Tyler was out on a business trip that Mr. Edwards had told him to go. I was distracted by that train of thought, so I concentrated again on what Danielle was saying.
I kept staring. How could this be? I’m in love with a man from my dreams?? No. This can’t be. But then I thought about the way I felt when I looked into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, the way I felt when he had me in his warm arms. I shivered. My heart started beating faster. I also remembered how it felt when he wasn’t with me. I had felt so… so empty. Lifeless.
“Amber…” Danielle said. I could barely hear her over the beating of my heart.
I hesitated. “H-how can this be? I can’t feel like you feel! I’ve seen how you look at Tyler! I know how you worry when he isn’t here. I’m not in love! Are you even listening to what you’re saying?! It’s absurd!” I was now completely filled with rage for some reason. I was breathing heavily and my heart was still pounding.
Danielle waited until my breathing slowed and I controlled my face. “What I’m saying is not absurd. It’s the truth. What I’m telling you is only based on what you told me. You’re telling me that you feel relieved when you’re with him; I feel the same thing when Tyler is with me. Now, tell me something…when—in your dream—you touch him, or when he touches you, how do you feel?”
I thought about that for a minute before I answered. “It-it feels like… I don’t know—well, it sort of feels like somebody is shocking you.”
Danielle smiled. “That happens to me whenever Tyler touches me, too.”
I smiled, too. I don’t know why, but I did. Danielle seemed to understand better than I thought.
“Now, do you feel better now that you have talked to me about this?” Danielle asked.
“Actually, I do… Thanks, Danni.”
“Don’t mention it…do you think that you’re going to have the same dream tonight?” She asked with a hint of worry.
I looked at her incredulously. “Even if I didn’t want to dream about him, I would still do.”
“I’m really sorry about this. The feelings you have when one has their first love are truly amazing. But since this person doesn’t really exist…” She trailed off; probably worried that she had hurt my feelings.
I chuckled. “Don’t worry about me. It’s not that bad. As you said, the feelings I’m experiencing right now are mostly amazing. The only thing that kills me is the fact that he doesn’t exist.” As soon as I said those words, I realized that they were true. The feelings were amazingly pleasant. The way it felt whenever he touched me, the way it felt whenever I looked into his eyes that seemed to melt my self away. I was in love with this stranger from my dreams. And I wanted so much for him to be real. I sighed.
Danielle sighed, too. “Why don’t we go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day, right?”
Yes, tomorrow will be a new day.
“Yeah, you know how crying makes me sleepy…remember the last time we saw that movie…” My tears had red circles underneath, and a few minutes after, I had fallen asleep.
Danielle chuckled at the memory. “Yeah, we should sleep,” At the same time, we yawned. We chuckled simultaneously.
I went to the lamp, and turned off the lights. My bed was cool and comfy when I pulled the covers to my shoulders. I sighed. I was just beginning to fall asleep, when suddenly, Danielle spoke.
“Oh, I almost forgot…Happy Birthday, Amber.”
I grinned. She knew that I really didn’t really like birthdays—I didn’t like the extra attention they always gave me. After a few seconds, I was unconscious.

I knew better than to expect the same dream that had tormented me for almost more than a week. I knew what to expect, I knew I was dreaming. But it still caught me by surprise…
I was in an unknown place, with a stranger girl by my side, crying. The place was desert-dead like, on the sunset. Where I live, it looks more like paradise than a desert. There were many people looking for us, but I had a feeling that we were hiding, and shouldn’t be found, no matter what. I stared at the girl beside me. Why was she crying? I’d never seen anyone cry so painfully, so I started to get curious. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I couldn’t seem to find my mouth. All I could do was just stare at the horizon.
I had a feeling that I couldn’t seem to figure out. Was I worrying? What am I worrying about? Am I worried that I’ll get caught by these mysterious strangers? No, that wasn’t it. I wasn’t worried about myself. I was worried about somebody else. Was it this stranger? Was I worried about this stranger girl that I’d never seen before get caught? No, that wasn’t it either.
Then, I saw him.
A fierce flood of relief drowned me. I knew he was safe, and that was all that mattered to me.
But…
Who was he? Why was he here, with us? I had a lot of questions, questions that I still couldn’t ask because I still couldn’t find my mouth.
Then, he looked in to my eyes, those warm, liquid chocolate eyes that seemed to melt me away. As soon as he touched me, my heart jolted. It felt amazing. He grabbed my face with both of his hands, and, with an angel’s voice, said, “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right. You’re safe now with me.”
And that’s when I woke up. Again.
I woke up gasping, panting, and confused. Danielle was already awake. It seemed to me that she was just waiting for me to wake up.
“Good morning, Amber. That was a fun last night, wasn’t it?” She asked me tiredly.
“Yes, and again, thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate your help.” I really did mean that. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.
She sighed tiredly. She had circles under her eyes; she looked very tired. I wondered why.
“I’m not talking about that part of the night. I really did enjoy helping you,” She smiled tiredly, and then she frowned. “What I’m talking about is you talking, and crying, and moaning, and hearing you say, ‘He’s back. He’s gone. I need you. Stay.’ I am going to have to buy some earplugs.”
I couldn’t believe I had said all of that. And looking at Danielle’s face, it looked like I had talked more than all the other nights. My cheeks warmed with embarrassment.
“Did I say anything else?” I asked shyly.
“No…Well…” She frowned in concentration. What else had I said? “You did say something else…. But don’t worry; it’s nothing we didn’t know about—already,” She gave me a sly smile. “You said you loved him, and that he loved you, too.”
My cheeks were already scarlet, so my embarrassment added up—making my whole face crimson red. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut when I slept? I mean, nobody could trust me with a secret, because the next day I talked about it—in my dreams!
I cleared my throat before speaking. “Well, thanks again for listening. And remember that you promised that you are not going to tell anybody.
She chuckled. “Don’t worry. As long as I live, my lips will be sealed.”
I went to the bathroom to take a shower. My dream had left me sweaty and sticky. I heard my mother on the other side of the wall. It looked like she was talking with Mrs. Ellen. I could just barely hear her voice over the loud rumbling of the water. I tried to block everything up so that I could relax. After shutting the water off, I could hear my mother’s voice much more clearly.
“Claire, the dinner for Amber’s birthday was delicious! You have to give me the recipe someday….I know…I thought he was going to tell her, too…. It’s been eighteen years….I think he doesn’t want to tell her because he’s afraid he might lose her…Exactly, and partially, it’s for her protection…he’s afraid someone might harm Amber…Of course, you know he’s a bit too much overprotective….”
Who was my mother talking about? The only person that was overprotective—and it wasn’t even my mother; she trusted that I wouldn’t do anything stupid—was Mr. Edwards. My mother and I didn’t have any secrets, so it surprised me a bit.
When I got out of the shower, I bumped into my mother. I might as well use this opportunity to ask her of this morning’s phone conversation with Mrs. Ellen.
“Mother! Hi. Good morning. How did you sleep?” I wanted to get to a good start.
She grinned at me. “Hi, sweetie. I slept fine.” She paused to look at me. I was still wrapped in my towel. “You’re still not dressed?”
“Yes, I’ll get dressed right away…But first, may I ask you a question?”
My mother seemed clueless. “Shoot.”
“Well, it’s about just a minute ago… I paused—I wanted to get my thoughts straight; I didn’t want to look like I was nosy. “You were talking to Mrs. Ellen on the phone; I didn’t mean to listen but you mentioned my name… I just want to know why…” My voice trailed off as I saw my mother’s panicked face—what had I said?
My mother composed her features before answering me. “You need to get dressed; you’ll be late to the estate.” The way she spoke was too distant…it took me a moment to realize that she was being reluctant.
“Mother, what is it that you are not telling me? I mean, I only want to know why you and Mrs. Ellen were talking about me. Is that too much to ask?”
My mother didn’t answer me. She just turned around and left.
Danielle waited for me this time. She noticed that my face was wary; she asked me why.
“Well, while I was in the shower, I heard my mother talking on the phone with Mrs. Ellen; they mentioned my name.”
“Well, did you ask your mother why she was talking about you?”
“Yeah, but she didn’t answer me. It was as if she wasn’t allowed to or something.”
Danielle thought about that for a second. “Hmm…. Why don’t you talk with Mrs. Ellen? I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding and you’re just being a paranoid.” She chuckled.
“You’re right.” I said. This all had to be a misunderstanding. But, then again, why didn’t my mother answer my harmless question? “Let’s go.”
We went to the estate together; she had to clean the mirrors, so we said goodbye.
I went to the kitchen to get Mr. Edwards’ breakfast. She was alone—perfect. I needed this conversation to be private. I hated it when people talked behind my back—I rather they face me and tell me what they had to say.
“Good morning, Mrs. Ellen.” I said cheerfully.
“Oh!” Mrs. Ellen gasped—I must have taken her by surprise; she must have been very distracted. “G-good morning to you too, Amber. How do you do?”
“I’m doing fine, just as always.” I chuckled. When are you not in a good mood? I thought.
“Well… there’s Mr. Edwards’ breakfast. Hurry on now, you don’t want to make him angry.”
“Alright, but before I go, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. What do want to ask me?” she said, surprised.
“Well—first of all—are you busy? I don’t mean to disrupt your work.” If she were busy, I would talk to her later, I thought.
“No, not at all. I need someone to talk to me. It feels like everybody in this place only need me for my cooking. Let’s talk.” She grinned at me.
“Well, it’s just that I heard my mother talking on the phone this morning…with you. And I heard my mother mention my name. I just want to know why you two were talking about me,” I concluded.
Mrs. Ellen’s face went blank and pale white—just the same as it had done with my mother. “W-well, Amber, did you talk to your mother about this? You should ask Anna about this, not me.” She was suddenly so busy that she needed to look down to play with her fingers.
“Well, that’s sort of the problem. I already talked to my mother, but she wouldn’t tell me what you two were saying about me,” I explained. “C’mon, Mrs. Ellen. I need you to tell me.”
She started to push me away, as if she were in a hurry for me to leave.
“Wait,” I said angrily. She looked at me, shocked—I don’t think I had ever used that tone before; I was surprised at myself. “You still haven’t answered my question. You and my mother were talking about me, and I want to know why.” I was getting louder—I needed to control my voice if I wanted this conversation to continue to be private.
I tried to control my voice so that it could be soothing and pleasant. “I just want to know why.”
Mrs. Ellen sighed. I could see in her eyes that she was determined to keep her lips shut.
“Well, then,” I finally said. “I can see that you are not going to tell me anything. Thank you so much for your help.” My voice was full of sarcasm at the end.
I grabbed Mr. Edwards’ breakfast and stalked out of the kitchen.
“Amber, wait,” Mrs. Ellen was behind me. Had she changed her mind? It looked like it.
“…they are going to kill me because of this…” She murmured. I stared at her, my eyes full of patience. She looked at me then, that look of determination in her eyes again. “Talk to Mr. Edwards. He was going to tell you this yesterday—during your birthday party—but he couldn’t,” She sighed. “I hope I don’t commit something horrid,” She murmured to herself. She looked at me again. “Go,” was all she said, and then went back to the kitchen.
This was all very strange to me. In the estate nobody ever told any lies. There was no reason to lie. Unless…
What if people lied all the time—my mother, Mrs. Ellen, Mr. Edwards—but I just didn’t catch them in the lie? I didn’t know what to do if that were true. And what did Mr. Edwards want to tell me? I was very curious.
I started walking to Mr. Edwards’ room, when I saw Danielle; she was cleaning the windows that were just behind Mr. Edwards’ room. As soon as she saw me, she dropped her cleaning utensils and was practically sprinting towards me.
“What happened? Did you talk to Mrs. Ellen? What did she say?” She was already talking before I was close enough to hear her.
I grimaced. “She only told me to go talk to Mr. Edwards. She said that he was going to talk to me yesterday during the birthday party…but then he decided that he didn’t want to, or something like that. I didn’t really understand much.” I admitted.
Danielle seemed deep in thought. “Well, then. Why don’t you go now to Mr. Edwards and ask him about this?”
“Hmm… you’re right. I should go… I’ll see you later, Danni.”
I walked towards Mr. Edwards’ room. I didn’t really know why, but I was suddenly anxious and apprehensive about this conversation. But there was no need to be neither anxious nor apprehensive. I sighed, knowing that when I knocked on the door, enter, and then talk to Mr. Edwards, everything would be back to normal.
I tapped the door lightly three times.
Come on, come on, come on…
“Come in, Amber. It’s open.”
I opened the door.
Just like every single day, I saw Mr. Edwards in his bed, newspaper on both hands, with an expectant smile on his lips. Everyday I walked into his room, and everyday, he seemed very happy to see me.
“Good morning, Mr. Edwards. How did you sleep?”
“Just as always.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that,”
The tone of my voice seemed to catch Mr. Edwards’ attention. “Is there something wrong? You look…absent.” He concluded.
“Do I?” I asked
“Yes…Is there something wrong with you? Are the workers being rude to you?” He asked angrily. “Tell me their names, and I’ll fire them immediately.”
I was startled by his hypothesis. Nobody was ever mean to me. “Nobody is being rude. And if they were, you wouldn’t need to fire them.” I told him. And even if they did deserve to be fired, I would probably be sick with guilt—it would be my fault that they were fired. “No, I actually have a question to ask you.” The worry and the tension started to come back. I chewed on my lower lip.
“He looked at me with eyes that were full of sweetness and adoration. “You can ask me whatever you want.”
I hesitated. Would Mrs. Ellen get in trouble because of this? I really hoped not.
Mr. Edwards saw that I was hesitant with my question. “What is it, Amber? Please, do not be shy. Go ahead,” He encouraged me.
“Well, I’m not going to ask you right away. I want to explain my question to you before I actually ask it.” He was right. I was shy.
“Go ahead,” He repeated. He looked very curious…and clueless.
I sighed. I was looking down while I was talking. “I was taking a shower, when I heard my mother talking in the phone. I wasn’t paying attention—they were just murmurs. When I shut the water off, I heard my mother much more clearly.” I paused. I didn’t know why this was just so difficult to say. I thought it was embarrassment and shyness. “At first they were just laughing and talking about the party. But then…Mrs. Ellen asked something and my mom went serious. And all of the sudden, they were talking about me. They were talking about somebody else, too. Someone who was overprotective.” I glanced at him. His jaw was now rigid and tight. His eyes were also tight, too. I continued. “The only person who is overprotective—the only person who worries to the extremes about me—is you. I mean, not even my mother is hysterical the way you sometimes are—” I stopped abruptly. I had never told him that. That was practically insulting him. I blushed. He only chuckled, but his jaw was still tight, as were his eyes. I continued.
“My mother told Mrs. Ellen that you—if you really are the ‘overprotective one’—were going to tell me something—something important it seemed.” I had to stop now. Mr. Edwards had to say something. I looked up to see his face. Instead of the tight expression he had just a minute ago, his face now seemed pained. I had caused him pain. I felt horrible.
He composed his features quickly, but the pain in his eyes was still very clear. “Did you ask your mother about this?” He whispered.
“Well, yeah, and that’s the problem. I asked her about this, and she seemed, I don’t know…scared. She didn’t even answer me. She just turned around…and left.”
“What about Mrs. Ellen?” He was still whispering.
I nodded while answering. “I asked her, too. She was just as helpful as my mother. Only…in the end, she told me to talk to you about this. I’m assuming that she wanted you to explain this…” I paused to organize my thoughts. If this was confusing to me, then this was certainly confusing to him. “Then, she muttered something about not committing something horrid…” I looked up to see what Mr. Edwards’ expression was this time. This time his eyebrows were pulled together, his nostrils were flared, and his eyes were tight, and his mouth was a thin line. His breathing was becoming accelerated. He was angry. Furious, to be exact.
“I realize that I haven’t asked the question,” I added. The only thing I wanted now was for Mr. Edwards to calm down.
“No, you haven’t,” He said. “Go ahead, ask me.”
I cleared my throat. Let’s just get this over with.
“Mr. Edwards, what is it that you want to tell me? And why were Anna and Mrs. Ellen talking about me?” I realized now that I had two—but still vital—questions that he had to answer.
“Those are two questions, not one,” he said reluctantly. He glanced away.
I just looked at him. “Please,” was all I said.
“Alright, then,” he said indifferently. He leaned over to grab the phone. He dialed the number, and then waited for a few seconds. “Anna,” he started to say. My eyes widened. Had I also gotten my mother in trouble? Oh, no. “Could you please come to my room? And also bring Claire.” He hung up.
I was right to have asked him about this. Mr. Edwards can’t be mad at me just because I asked a question! Besides, what’s the worst that could ha—
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. My breathing was getting faster. Why?
“Can we come in?” My mother was on the other side of the door with Mrs. Ellen, I assumed.
“It’s open.” Mr. Edwards’ voice was very hard.
They opened the door. My mother and Mrs. Ellen were cautious as they came in. As soon as they saw me, both of their bodies were rigid. My mother’s eyes were horrified, but Mrs. Ellen’s eyes were resigned. She knew what was going to happen.
“Sit, please.” Mr. Edwards pointed to a coffee table that was beside his bed, with two chairs on the side.
They both moved swiftly and with their heads down.
Mr. Edwards had his eyes on my mother and Mrs. Ellen. We all waited for him to begin.
Mr. Edwards cleared his throat. Was he nervous? Why? “Well,” he began. “Amber here wants to know some information. Apparently, she overheard you two gossiping this morning. Do you have something to say, Anna?” He looked at my mother. She just stared down. “Claire?” He turned to look at Mrs. Ellen. She also kept her head down.
I wanted to reassure my mother and Mrs. Ellen that they were not in trouble and that this was all my fault…but I didn’t know what to say.
It seemed that I was wrong when I had assumed that my questions were harmless. I know realized that this little harmless question had resulted into something major. I had to intervene.
“Wait, this is all my fault. Mr. Edwards, please don’t chastise my mother or Mrs. Ellen just because of me. I was the one who was in their business. I was the one who was nosy. If there is someone to blame, it should be me, not them.” I had been nosy, but the only thing I wanted was to know why I was involved in their conversation. Was that really too much to ask? Well, apparently, it was.
Mr. Edwards turned to look at me, shocked. Actually, all three of them stared at me with the same surprised expression.
“No, no. Amber, this isn’t your fault! Nobody is blaming you for anything. If there is anybody to blame, it should be me and those two.” He turned to glare at both my mother and Mrs. Ellen. “If you two wouldn’t have gossiped like old women, she wouldn’t have found out about anything!” It looked like Mr. Edwards was beginning to forget that I was in this room. “Right now, she would just be listening to me and be completely unharmed!” Mr. Edwards had that same fuming expression he had before.
“But I’m not being harmed! What are you talking about?” I asked, perplexed.
They ignored me.
It was my mother who spoke this time. “Thomas, why don’t you just tell her? You promised you would when she turned seventeen.”
“Tell me what?!” I was beginning to feel annoyed. Very annoyed.
“If you don’t tell her, Thomas, then I will.” Mrs. Ellen threatened.
Mr. Edwards’ expression seemed to become murderously enraged. For the first time in my life, I was frightened of the man in front of me. “Shut up, Claire! Just shut up! You have no right to talk. The only reason you know about this is because Anna couldn’t keep her mouth shut!” Mr. Edwards’ breathing accelerated.
My temper was also rising. I couldn’t believe that they were all shouting at each other. How dare they? I had never seen any of them shout with such passion. I needed to know what was going on, and I needed to know now.
“No, I will not keep my mouth shut, not anymore. I know that it is none of my business, it’s your problem. But if you don’t tell her right now, then I will. I am sick of everyday looking into her eyes and know that she doesn’t know anything about her father!” She stopped abruptly, and turned to look at me, horrified.
My mother gasped. Mr. Edwards looked like he’d been shocked.
“M-my father? You know something about my father?” I asked Mr. Edwards.
I couldn’t believe it. They knew something about my father! I had never met my father. I didn’t even know what he looked like. The reason why my mother didn’t own a photograph of him was because she only met him for two weeks and then disappeared because of my mother’s pregnancy. I didn’t grieve not having a father, but just the thought of meeting him or to know one of his stories would be…beyond extraordinary. And the best thing was that Mr. Edwards knew him! That must have been what Mr. Edwards wanted to tell me yesterday during my birthday celebration. He must want to tell me something about my father! Tell what he was like, or where to meet him…I forgot completely that I was waiting for an answer. I turned to look at Mr. Edwards with an expression that must have been pure joy.
But there was sadness in his eyes. Why? “No, Amber. I do not know anything about your father.” I felt my face crumble. I felt as if Mr. Edwards had squashed my hopes and joy with his foot. “But I do know this, your father is very proud of you, Amber. And he loves you more than life itself. Never forget that.” He turned his head slightly. “Do you see why I didn’t tell her anything? Do you realize what you and I have done? Do you even care about her feelings?” He must have spoken to Mrs. Ellen.
My mother came to my side and hugged my shoulders. “It’s okay, it’s alright,” she whispered again and again.
I turned to look at Mrs. Ellen. She had a very odd face. It looked almost… reproaching. “You haven’t told her anything. You just told her what her father felt for her.” She turned to me. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But you must know who your father is. Believe me, once you know, I will have done all of you a favor.”
My eyes widened. Is that what they were trying to hide from me? The identity of my father? I turned to Mr. Edwards. There appeared to be some conflict in him. I wondered to myself; was he trying to protect me from the truth, or was he trying to protect himself? I decided to make him a promise. “Mr. Edwards, please, please tell me who my father is. I promise you that no matter what you tell me, I will be the same Amber that came in through these doors just a few minutes ago. Nothing will change.” Except for the fact that will know who my father is, I amended in my head.
Mr. Edwards’ face seemed to turn childlike. “Do you promise?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.”
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized that there was absolutely no way I could ever keep that promise.
“Alright then…Amber Marie Dawn, I love you. Everybody in this miserable estate loves you. You are the joy to this house. So we had to lie to you…to protect you. About twenty years ago, I came to this estate. As you know, this was my father’s estate, and when he passed away, he gave it to me. I never wanted to come here. I enjoyed the city much, much more. But my father had just died, and I had to take care of his business. So without much to do about it, I came to live here.
“I thought that this was going to be the end of me, for I wanted to live and have many adventures. But then…I met her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She worked here, and she was only nineteen. But she was everything I was looking for. She was funny, smart, charismatic, brave, intuitive,” he paused to chuckle. “But she was also shy, and sweet, and exquisite. I met her, and she met me. And for some reason, she fell in love with me. I couldn’t believe it. Every night, I would think to myself. How can someone so good and innocent fall in love with someone like me? Everyday, I would ask her what had I done to deserve someone like her, and every day, she would tell me that she was the lucky one. And every day I would look in her eyes and know that I must be very lucky.
“We were together for three years. But they were the best years of my life,” he sighed wistfully.
“I married her, and I had never seen anything more beautiful than her in a wedding gown, marching down the aisle, with a full smile on her lips, her eyes full of tears, astonishment, and joy. The only thought in my head were the fact that soon she would be mine and I would be hers.
“One day, about three weeks after our marriage, we were walking in the meadow, the one by the estate—it was our meadow, in a way—when she told me something that changed me in a way that changes every man…She told me she was pregnant.” I gasped. Mr. Edwards was going to have a child? I was truly shocked. But…if he was going to have a child, then what happened to…?
“If I was the happiest man in the world when I had found my love, then there were no words to describe the happiness that coursed through me in that instant.
“Some months passed, and we were in the meadow again. We spent most of our free time in that place…she was in a beautiful summer dress I had bought her, and any day she would be ready. Her stomach was so big.” He paused to smile. It almost surprised me to be in his room, across from him. I could only imagine Mr. Edwards’ love too clearly, with her big belly, and her eyes full of happiness.
“I remember that one night very clearly.
“Suddenly, she gasped in pain. She was yelling at me that it was time. ‘The baby is coming!’ She would yell in pain. I remembered that I carried her in my arms to our room. I was afraid to leave her, but I needed to get a doctor. Mrs. Ellen was with us, so I trusted her that she would be safe until I came back.
“I didn’t take long, only the few minutes it would take to go to the town hospital and back. And even though she was clearly in pain, she was smiling. I didn’t understand until later that she was smiling because soon her child would be in her arms. And as I said before, she was a very strong woman, but…she wasn’t strong enough to make it. She gave birth, but she just…didn’t make it. I don’t really know why she…left. I begged her to keep trying, but she just told me, ‘No, Thomas. I am happy like this. I will always love you. Take care of her…’ I held her hand during every moment, so I felt when…she was gone.
“I cried then for two reasons. The first one was the obvious reason. The love of my life had just passed away, but I also cried of happiness. You see, she had left, but a little piece of her had stayed with me. The baby that I held in my arms was just the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She was even more beautiful than her mother. ‘Impossible,’ I had whispered. She had such big eyes. Those eyes were the most beautiful part of her. And they also had the same odd color her mother had. In the center, they were hazel, but as you got farther away, they turned amber.” I gasped. He was describing my eyes. “That was the reason I named my daughter…Amber.”
I was frozen. It couldn’t be. Mr. Edwards couldn’t be my father. It was impossible.
Mr. Edwards turned to look at my face. He seemed to have read my mind. “Yes, Amber. You are my daughter, and I am your father.”

The end for now. You think Amber's life's messed up? Ha ha. Don't miss Prophetess

, the next book in the series. The trouble's barely begun...

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Texte: ®2009-2010 Marie Reza
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.05.2010

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I'd like to dedicate this to everyone who likes to dream.