Best Fake Dating Ads
Writing Challenge on BookRix
November 22-29, 2010
(in order of post)
Lovestoread43
A Knight in New York
Lonely, but virile male, seeks double-jointed super model who owns a brewery and grows pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus, as is having an open-minded twin sister.
Scoraus
From the "Parents Without Partners" personals
LACTATING SINGLE MOTHER OF THREE, PROUD TO HAVE FINALLY KICKED THE HEROIN HABIT, SEEKS FINANCIALLY SECURE LIBERAL PARTNER WHO IS COMFORTABLE WITH PAIN.
Gooduklady
Alcatraz Prison Penpal Department (via iPod)
Penitent pedophile seeks fresh start. Visits from young ladies between six and fourteen appreciated.
Hazel188
Morning Journal
Woman looking for a new start, just out of jail, seeks wealthy man with kids for an excuse to go to Ceder Point, man must be at least 5'10" or taller. If your that man call me at 555-555-5555
Twilightfrk
Lover Wanted
Lovesick superhero wanting young girl that is impossibly gorgeous who doesn't mind being kidnapped, blown up, attacked by bad guys, or being left alone for years while pregnant because I decided to return to a planet that doesn't exist. If you fit this description call 911-911-hero
Orchard678
Lover Idiot Wanted
Lover Idiot Wanted. Needs to be at least over 30 and loves to eat cow patties. Must be a billionaire and have children so I can make an excuse whenever I invite a 'friend' over. Must work in or works related to a bank so I can get loans for free. And you have to say these words, "Honey, I hate you", then slap me so I can call the police for adult abuse whenever I feel like your not good enough for me. If you're interested, call 000-000-0001!
Twilightlol
I am a carefree supermodel with black hair...
I am a carefree supermodel with black hair and baby blue eyees that you could get lost in. I want children but not for a while i am 21 yrs. old very compelling and got arrested twice in the last year for disorderly conduct I want a man that is mysterious carefree rich and sexy if you fall under these catagories please call 753-525-XXXX
Wambuique
HUMOR LOVOR
Laughter,,Lovor,,humor..takor,,,wanted by a Kenyan Author writer and competititor "NAOMI CAMPBELL 2011".."cAn you handle this give me a bazz 1800-wambuique-2-the-rescue..
himabindu.works8
Wanted
Qualities sought:
- strong enough so that he could carry my 20-30 shopping bags easily.
- health conscious(on diet) so that I get to eat everything without sharing and he can eat leftovers.
- Positive attitude, When I put on little a weight he should say you look lovely like a cherub.
- Bad humor so that I won't have competition.
Above all qualities are (for a man-date) mandatory.
Icecream
Need Adulterer!
Seeking wealthy wife beater, so that I can get 80% of all your possesions in the speedy divorce. Must be a drug addict, so I will always get my fix. Must have kids to use as human shields, incase my friends get violent. The walls of the mansion must be covered in weapons so that I may protect myself from the wild animals I plan to buy for my new coat. Must be understanding and take the blame for all the illegal things I plan to do. If you fit this description and are extremely drop dead gorgeuos, please call 666-666-ANGL
Cyndi.2010
Seeking Love Interest
Georgeous blonde hair, blue eyed,(color changes to your liking)female measuring 36"-24"-36" seeks love interest to devote time and energy into making you feel like a King. (Disclosure: may cause some dizziness, weakness, or fatal disease, hourly rates available, not responsible for possible illness or injuries)
Michaelmpacheco
Today's Your Lucky Day
Lonely guy - just inherited a Starbucks franchise from a distant relative. Looking for a lover who won't "blow" my cover. If you're a hot and single woman (or just hot and horny) call me. My P.O. says it's okay for me to do this. Signed: Casanova.
King107
I'M A GOLD DIGGER LOOKING FOR A STUPIDLY HOT GUY WHO,OF COURSE IS STUPID SO I CAN TRICK YOU OUT OF ANYTHING,YOU HAVE TO HAVE BROAD SHOULDERS SO THAT IF YOU ARE WALKING IN FRONT OF ME I CAN FLIRT AND YOU WON'T KNOW.YOU HAVE TO BE BUSY ALOT SO I CAN ENTERTAIN SOME FRIENDS.i HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
Briella
Love to be!
A Women looking for love for a life time someone,she can grow old with,someone to look at her the same way as they did on there first date,someone to love them forever and not to look at any over women.
She is black haired,green eye's,tall skinny body,white/peurto rican women and she's looking for a tall,tan,buff,buetiful man....1-800-buetiful
Tazk786
A man who is 20 years younger than me- preferably 20!!
Straight from California with a tan and fit body that I can stare at all day with feelings of fatigue
Scrub my feet for me when I come back from the knitting club
Is jealous very easily
Falls in love with me as soon as he sets his eyes on me and my beautiful body- although my friends say I'm getting all shrivelly, now that I'm in my mid 40's
Won't mind if I bring my ex-husband along for a night
Ring me now baby boy- 0123 456 789
Note: I will not be responsible if you are hurt in my process of finding love...
Alexandra.wolf
I am looking for a boy but waiting for a man.
I am not exactly looking for the most handsomest man on earth with green emerald eyes and dark brown hair or that is about six foot two. Gorgeous toned body: Nice strong shoulders and arms. A smile that makes me weak at the knees... it would be nice though. I just want someone who wants to go somewhere in life; someone who is determined to do something. I don't want someone who still lives in their parents' basement; I want him to be independent. I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful in sweats and an over sized tee with no make-up on. I want someone who can make me laugh bringing tears to my eyes. Someone who is not afraid to take chances. I need someone will support me in everything I do even when he doesn't agree but yet he speaks his mind. Someone who enjoys watching old movies and cuddling on the couch instead of going out. If this man is out there, please call 1-800-too-good-to-be-true.
Alikzandria9395
I'm a Genie looking for a master!
I am an incredibly beautiful woman, curves as smooth as silk, ivory skin and the most aluring blue eyes that you can get lost in. I want a man I can wait on hand and foot. I will always be there to relieve your 'tension' day and night. You will never have to do anything except enjoy being treated like a king. Your wish is my command! If you think you can handle it call me right now at 555-urslave.
Smlaughalot
NOW HIRING:
MAN WANTED: Short, bald, huge, negative, poor, lousy, weak, blunt, plain, and predictable. Now just add the following to the end of each previous adjective: hair, chest, heart, complaints, temper, liar, ego, honesty, good looking, goals. It’s that simple! Qualified applicants must submit “Statement of Purpose” and resume in its entirety. Background check, fingerprinting, mental health analysis, and drug testing will be conducted after the interview. Apply today! Realistic_Expectations@hotfemale.com
Iyasostuff
Psychologically normal man wanted
I'm a Psycho logically normal woman looking for a Psycho logically normal man so we can have Psycho logically normal babies together. Please call me soon. I hate waiting. Love. You! If you could do any better than me you wouldn't be reading this. SO YOU BETTER CALL ME! SOON! NOW! XOXOX
Woodncanvas
“WANTED: Woman who will put up with a “canoehead”. Should be able to paddle well; especially good to have reliable cross-bow draw as I paddle in Class II water at times. If she has own canoe that would be ideal. Better yet if she has a wood canvas canoe and lives near Algonquin, Temagami, Quetico or anywhere else that is in canoe country (and where in Canada isn’t canoe country?!?!?). Don’t care if she “outpaddles” me — in fact likely will. Must love canoeing and canoe tripping as much — or more — than she does me. Definite bonus if able to paddle solo as well as Becky Mason (then she could show me how to do all those fancy pivots and turns and make my canoe literally dance a canoe ballet). Probably should have good paying job as not much “financial reward” being a “paddle bum/canoehead”. However I do appreciate amazing sunsets over the water I’m paddling on (yes this means I am often late setting up camp) or the colour of the trees in fall or the taste of GORP on the trail ….as least as much as some do cuddling by the fireplace, romantic candlelit dinners, walks on the beach (all of which I’m not adverse to as long as it doesn’t cut into my time canoeing….and I don’t even want to get into the definition of a “true Canadian” being “somebody who can make love in a canoe without tipping”….suffice to say that I’m sure, at least, that any prospective female canoe partner might have figured out that taking out the centre thwart would make such a “defining” moment potentially easier….however it is far more important that she has the ability to carry the canoe herself over any portage no matter how long or rocky….plus to have a solid repertoire of various paddle strokes from the J to the running pry). Please forward pictures of canoe (or preferably canoes) owned – if she owns a kayak or two as well that will not be a problem. So paddles up, wanting to get together soon out on the water.”
Missfletcher
Almighty Goddess Seeks Almighty Goddess
Likes; the power of creation, steadfastness, self-sacrafice, peacemaking, and long walks across the universe. Dislikes; apocalypses, smiting, men who defile my sublimely beautiful acolytes in my temples, blasphemy, and belief in the "evil of woman". To contact place hands together and pray, "Oh my goddess".
Cavlaster
Long-suffering male wanted...
25 year old DHF, 5,9” seeking a 26-40 year old man, over 6 feet tall. I prefer a male nurse who is ready for a long term commitment, marriage. He must be empathetic to my extreme case of Psoriasis and Halitosis. I seek an affectionate male, willing to suck my toes although I suffer chronic nail fungus. I’m told that my skin permeates a unique aroma, resembling a dead rat. The man chosen shall receive millions of dollars after my death in March 2025. Interested? Contact me at: dyingbride_1002@millonaireclub.net
Mrstomofumi
La-La-La-Lover
Randy old man seeking young, blonde Russian broad who tends to every desire. I think I haven't found someone in a while due to the adult films I've recently starred in. Probably the pedo mustache might add to it as well. But if you like what you're hearing, gimme a dirty note at sexliger@mail.com
Moanalisa311
woman seeking man
Single white female in desperate need of single white man. I am looking for any type of man to share a newly aquired 25$ starbucks gift card with me. So if you are a tall white mocha to my venti half calf contact me at bookrix.com/baristaoflove
Autograf1
reality check
63 yr. old women seeks man who doesn't think Holiday meals appear miraculously! Must own vegetable peeler and know howto use it. Must know how to mash potatoes. If such a man exists, don't bother to call me...I'd probably die of shock! Oh yeah, one more thing, you must help to clean up after these miracles on a plate, and take out the garbage!!!
Paulashene
TROLLING FOR DOLLARS dating ad
PROMISE$ PARTIES PRIVATION PERKS
X-wife, $eeking #3 joker
2 take up financial $lack.
White, 5 foot 2, eyes blue.
Cushy. Fab in BD {bad/bed
u pick}, loaded only need
apply. Lou$y attitude OK
with buck$. Waiting with
bated breath & star$ in my
eye$. Plea$e call:
pay-for-wife or 729-367-9433
$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$
$CINTILLATING EXPENSIVE PROPERTY
Writer723
I don't ask for much in a man. I don't care if you're short, fat and bald. I don't mind if you're tall, skinny and bushy-headed. It doesn't bother me if you're a little rough around the edges, as long as you're gentle with me. On a more personal note, I'm not looking for a big loggerhead. I'm not searching for a little peanut. I just want an average member of the club. To sum it up, I need a man who has a whole lot of B's. A bearded, burly, brawny, bald-headed, beer-drinking, big-bellied, bad boy. Need I say more?
And what will you be getting with me? Well, I'm a wannabe shrink and an aspiring nutritionist/fitness trainer. I'll explore your mind, ply you with pills and have you on the treadmill/racetrack every day. I'll only let you eat tofu, hummus, tahini, alfalfa sprouts, edamame, soy and veggie burgers. Do I sound like a real winner of a mate? If so, then please contact me at: 1-800-IN-SHAPE 1-800-IN-SHAPE .
Lazarus67
Fun loving male, who love to play around, is looking for a hot mama to share his sandbox. If she looks like Jessica Biel, I'll try not to get sand on her muffin. I love to share my icecream and toys, but only if she shares too. I'm willing to share my lolipop, if she will let me have a bite of her twinkie. If you are that little sweetie, call me, but not when my mom's home.
1-555-605-8000
Little Loverboy
Oh, got to run now. My school bus is here.
Mae.day13
Come'ere Baby-Wanted
A sexually appealling guy with 6 pack and tanned skin
MUST BE SEXUALLY INACTIVEin easier words, cannot have kids
if you did not understand the blue writing without looking at the red then you're not right for me
must be cute with ginger or very dark brown hair.
must be able to handle a tomboy
MUST BE WEALTHY
LU baby, come and get me!
~K ^3^
Dallia
win-a-date
Do you like bigfoot? Does he make you wet? I hope so.If this ad concerns you continue reading about how you can make a date with him. If not then stop reading this. Anyways you can win a date with one of the hottest guys around. he has long hair and huge feet. You know what they say about a man with big feet. This sexy peice of beast will just love you. All you have to do is be our 1223 caller to this number 313-big-foot.
Please remember that if bigfoot eats you we are not responsible.Cheers!!!
Mromo13
short overweight cuddler seeks mate
short overwieght cuddler seeking not so talkative but attactive woman with money to support myself and my two overweight kids must be kind, giving in and out of the love room, a good cook, and willing to give up lifes dreams for a life of mediocre sex, and possibly minor enslavement, did i mention not so talkative
Cactucrose
Playful feline ~ ISO ~ pure gold Beast
Playful next door Beauty who won the backyard war with a beastly wimp wallowing in an endless sea of inert, drooping loneliness and warning labels on his underground love recipes, then triumphed over the nosy condo neighbors with only minor damage to smoking gun ~ is looking for a well-built Beast with a winning Mr. Mom smile to mellow her restless heart. Let’s tunnel out together for a ‘bite’ to eat at Twilight Willy’s, when your hair stops a’smokin and your knees quit a’rockin and your pure gold nuggets cool down. Email me at feistybeaut@petthedragonfightr.met for a playdate.
Impressum
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.12.2010
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