Chapter 1: Loving thy enemy… in secret

He just stood there looking at me with a look in his eyes that made me start walking over to him without thinking first. I should have known better, just like the first time, because I know in these times that he's drunk.

 

He never moved he just stood still with his hands in his pockets, holding himself back, that last bit of reluctant hesitance, but still giving me that look. Though I had moved without thinking when I began thinking I stopped, not too close but still within arm's reach.

 

"Come on, don't be like that come over here."

 

He reached out before I could do anything and grabbed my waist pulled me towards him. Should I have even had a doubt if he was drunk or not I had my answer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath but his distinct masculine scent was just underneath.

 

When he was drunk it was as if he were still himself but also a different person, if you didn't know him you would never think that he was drunk. Sober he'd never talk to me if we didn't have some of the same frieds but every time he was drunk that's when he'd hunt me down and hit on me.

 

"I'm not going to sleep with you like I know you want." That's when he started moving his hands and rubbing me. He caressed me and my little resistant strength ebbed away and he knew it.

 

"It's been too long since I went to sleep with you next to me in my arms… too long," he whispered in my ear.

 

This was all so flattering and I almost purred in respond, crumbling in his arms, because truly I always loved to hear how he felt. I couldn't help be disappointed, though. The only time I could ever hear him admit to it is when he's drunk.

 

My heart ached now to hear this same statement from the same man when he was sober but I knew that would never happen. I was so upset by this that I would walk away from him now and go but my legs wouldn't move.

 

You can call me stupid because that's exactly what I'm doing to myself right now.

 

Why are you swooning over a drunk guy?

 

My legs were shaking and I would have fallen at his feet but surprisingly he was the one supporting me with a firm grip. You would think it would be the drunk person that would have problems standing not the other way around but we've always been odd so I guess that this applies too.

 

In the process of this he had pulled me closer to him and I knew once I was closer to him he'd try to kiss me and it'd be over. There'd be no fighting him off. He was a male and he had more strength than me so my fighting attempts wouldn't work. Maybe I could keep him at bay and get him to realize that the best course of action would not be to sleep with me.

 

I knew I couldn't trust his bed he might take me there but in the morning he would be sober and rude. With the aid of a hangover to piss him off further he would probably have security drag my naked body out of his house.

 

I pushed on his chest at least my hands were strong. Before I could begin my small rebellion he cut in.

 

"It's been a bit too long since I went to sleep with the comfort of your warmth," he cupped my face and stroked my cheek softly.

 

This is where I got stupid I had the facts I knew he was drunk and he would rather die a thousand deaths than ever utter those same words had he been sober. I knew how to evade him I knew that giving in would only make my life more complicated than it already is or needs to be. My heart and mind were at war one begging for me to just give in this one time to see what happens the other emphasizing all the reasons I knew it was wrong.

 

I moved too slow to refuse and I didn’t notice that my internal battle was only distracting me because he made the decision by pulling my body against his, kissing me slowly and passionately. That kiss was so hot it had me struggling to catch my breath even thinking about it later.

 

In the end I wound up laying here in his arms, not for the first time, he was still awake and fiddling with my hair absent mindedly while we stared up at the ceiling talking and laughing about everything we could think of.

 

If there was ever one single reason why I couldn't ever seem to let him go would be because our connection wasn't just a physical attraction thing. I felt it everytime I was near him, drunk or sober, but he had never said a word about it to me until that first time, a couple years ago, when he'd had a few too many drinks. He'd told me how he felt, even confronted me about feelings I'd suppressed, next thing I knew one thing led to another, and we'd slept together. The next morning I'd felt somewhat guilty, for cheating, and left before he woke up. However, the events of that night were a big part of the reason why me and my ex-fiance broke up.

 

Eventually he went to sleep and I snuck out of bed, got dressed, then stopped to kiss him on the forehead whispering goodbye to his drunken side. I went to get water and an aspirin from the kitchen and bathroom cabinet placing them on the table. I didn’t leave a note because then he would get curious and sooner or later he’d find out it was me.

 

Then what would he do, kill me? Okay breath, stop hyperventilating, your mind’s going into hyper drive. He wouldn’t kill you… well maybe hypothetically, not literally…

 

I got my purse and left scared half to death the whole time that he would wake up and catch me. When I kissed his forehead I kept imagining him reaching out and grabbing my arm as I was trying to walk away. Luckily I got away without a hitch…

Chapter 2: Surprise 'pre-date'?

 For every time I slip up, like yesterday, I always end up avoiding him for a few days because I feel so vulnerable around him to the point that it’s not possible for me to act normal around him. Anytime that I’m near him I can’t stop thinking about what we did then I tend to get nervous and start acting weird. So I’d decided to lay low for awhile but when I looked at my calendar I realized that there was an engagement party for my two best friends today.

I’d felt torn about it all day because I felt like I had to go but what kept me frustrated was that I knew he would be there. So now here I was at my house, close to the time it would be starting, still debating on whether to go or not to go. I hated when things like this happen because reality never missing an opportunity to beat me up.

On the one hand I know I brought this on myself for giving in to him and I would feel guilty if I didn’t go support my friends but on the other hand if I went there would be no way to avoid running into him. Once I was near him I knew it would be awkward, I’d make a fool of myself, and then the whole night would be ruined for me.

It seemed that the decision was not up to me, though. Eventually I mustered up the courage to text Shelby to tell her I was sick and wouldn’t be able to make it. I thought that would be it but they clearly weren’t buying it and decided to call me.

 

“You better come, you’re not getting out of this one,” Tess yelled into the phone the moment I picked up.

 

“I would love to but I-” I was planning on trying to talk my way out of it but Shelby jumped in just then.

 

“That’s it,” she then said something I couldn’t quite make out but I’m sure it wasn’t directed at me anyway. “We’re coming to get you,” she stated with finality before they hung up.

 

At that point I could do nothing but sigh and go to my closet for something to wear. I put my cell phone down on the counter and went to my bedroom then searched my closet for an outfit to wear to the party. Not long after I was already dressed and ready, they were knocking on my door. When I tried to step outside they pushed me back in and began raiding my closet, forcing me to change clothes since they thought I was too inconspicuously dressed. I complied with their demands resisting the urge to just tell them everything, mostly due to the fact that I know they’d still make me go. Once they were finally satisfied I locked my apartment and we were off, pulling into a parking spot in record time.

Their fiancees were waiting for them inside and I greeted them each with Scott, Tess’ fiancee pulling me into a hug.

“I can’t believe you’re actually getting married,” I told him. He was like an older brother to me and had grown up in my neighborhood.

“I can’t either,” he started laughing until he got elbowed.

“But hey where’s Annie?” Shelby’s fiancee, Mark, asked.

“In Jamaica, ‘working’,” I told them.

My sister, Annie, is a journalist who currently works for a magazine. Annie is most well known for her work as a professional critic and had continued until she got her recent job. She had initially gotten the opportunity through one of our relatives but she’d gotten notoriety and had enjoyed it so much that she hasn’t ever completely given it up. She now has a popular blog where she does critiques for hotels, resorts, and the like so she tends to get quite a lot of free invites for her to visit and hopefully give them a good review.

Somehow her current job is pretty flexible with allowing her ‘work vacations’ and usually when these come up we all end up looking at our schedules. She doesn’t always go by herself because she tends to say that sometimes an experience can be different if you’re not going by yourself. Although in the past she has taken just me along with her and she told me that if I wanted I could go but I didn’t. I wish I had gone with her this time.

“She should’ve taken us with her,” Tess said as if reading my thoughts and I gave her a look that made her and Shelby start giggling.

If I’d been with her on vacation last night wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t have to feel so self conscious. I slid my hair behind my ear and discreetly surveyed the area. I felt I could relax a little when I didn’t see him as I looked around. I talked with them for a little while longer until I had to share the guests of honor.

I mingled a little, hugging some of my friends that I saw and talking but primarily stayed close to the door. With the more people that I talked to and the more time that passed I started to forget why I’d been so nervous when he really didn’t seem to be here. I eventually shifted into a corner where I could keep an eye on the door in case he came in late because he normally didn’t miss these kinds of things.

“Well, well, well look what we have here,” said a familiar deep male voice that sent a tingle up my spine.

I didn’t see him approach so he’d caught me off guard when he’d started talking to me. I’d loosen up out of a false hope that he wasn’t here because there was only one man who had that affect on me.

“Hi, Ethan,” I said sheepishly, gave a brief smile hoping to quickly get the moment over with so that I could try to avoid him for the rest of the night.

The whole situation was awkward, with me not being able to look him in the eye any longer than a second or two before memories of last night and everything we’d done started to surface. Everything I wished I wasn’t remembering right now just kept coming back to me like the feeling of his hands all over me, among other things.

“Trying to keep secrets from your friends, are we?” he taunted and I couldn’t help fidgeting under his unnerving gaze as his eyes tracked my movement as if I were his prey.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I tried to play nonchalant and water down the issue.

“Really?” he mocked me. “Because I think it’s pretty obvious what’s been going on… between you and a ‘certain person', by the looks of it it’s been going on for a while now.”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about….” my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest as I lied again.

Then why can’t you look me in the eye?” he stepped closer, backing me into the corner. “Are you really going to try to deny it? You feelings-”

“How did you find out?” I interrupted as I began to crack,“has it always been so obvious?” I’d always taken measure to hide everything from him. So how had I been exposed? And for how long had he known? Since he knew, had he come over here to finally mock and humiliate me to my face?

“Not always but tonight you’re not even trying to hide it… So are you going to say it or not?” he pressed.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” I begged him with my eyes to have mercy, this was embarrassing enough to admit out loud in a normal situation much less with all of our friends in the room.

“Of course, you’ve already come this far, say the name.”

“That’s a little embarrassing don’t you think and considering the circumstances I don’t think there’s a need for it because you already know now and, I mean, you’re standing right here. I haven’t said anything until now because I didn’t want it to be awkward-” I went on babbling but he just kept staring at me, waiting on me to confess with an expression that told me I wasn’t getting out of this, I sighed. “It’s you, I have feelings for you, Ethan,” I finally said. Considering the fact that he had figured me out he appeared truly surprised and I couldn’t tell if he was just humoring me or what.

“I guess I’ll help you out and also try not to make this awkward by asking you if you’re free tomorrow night,” he commented unexpectedly with a particular sparkle in his eyes.

“Actually yes, I am,”I answered with a smile when he grinned at me.

“Hey girl, why does it feel like I haven’t seen you since my wedding? Where have you been?” My friend, Jeni, said as she approached us suddenly.

“I’ve been here. Where have you been because I haven’t seen you since you ran off honeymooning with Doug and I’d heard that you didn’t come back,” I retorted.

She laughed knowing it was partially true because she and Doug had decided to extend their honeymoon because they said it had been so nice that they hadn’t been ready to come back.

“Well I have been seeing a few of the girls but I hadn’t seen you. We need to do something…”

“Yeah, we should definitely get together, just call me,” we stayed there talking for a few minutes until Jeni went to grab something to eat.

“You’ve been in this corner nearly since you got here, you didn’t want anything to eat?” Ethan asked as we watched Jeni and Doug walk away.

“No, they only have finger foods and little snacks but I want a real meal. Anyway, where were you earlier? I didn’t see you,” I responded.
“I was over by the refreshment table,” he replied.

“No wonder I didn’t see you, usually you’re wherever it’s rowdy making a ruckus with the guys,” I teased.

He smirked at me because he knew it was true. More people came by to talk to us then eventually moving on to other people. One of whom was Josie Milner, one of those friends that always wants to know what’s going on. When I saw her coming I knew she’d just come to fish for information.

“What are you two doing over here?” she came later in the evening to confront us as we stood there laughing and talking.

“Oh I’m just waiting by the door for my ride,” I answered vaguely.

“I’m just keeping her company since she was by herself and trying to see if she needed me to take her instead,” Ethan supplied smoothly.

“You might need to because didn’t you come with Shelby and Tess?” Josie asked me.

As a matter of fact, now that I think about it I should take you up on your offer because Tess drove us here in her car,” I said turning to Ethan.

“Oh yeah,” she said understanding because it was a known fact that Tess was a horrible driver.

“But where’s Joseph, your new boyfriend?”

“His dad is coming to town for a visit so he went to pick him up from the airport. By the way what’s that place you guys went to the other day for Mark’s birthday? He has not stopped talking about it but he couldn’t remember the name,” Josie went on.

“You must be talking about La Hacienda,” Ethan said.

“Oh the place on 11th street across from your company?” I asked.

“You’ve been there too?” she asked, with a surprised expression.

“No, it’s a new restaurant that just opened up and I’ve been meaning to go see but I wasn’t sure how the food was,” I clarified.

“It’s really good you ladies should try it sometime. I’m sure you’ll like it,” Ethan chimed in giving us both an all-encompassing smile but his eyes were on me.

“Yeah, I’ll have to try it sometime because Joseph loved it when he went with you guys and he’s been on about it nonstop,” Josie commented but was interrupted from saying anything further by her phone ring. She excused herself to take the call and we were left alone once again.

“All this talk about food is making me really hungry,” I said when my stomach started growling.

“Should we go then, and I can take you to get a quick bite to eat before I bring you home,” he offered.

“Yeah, I’ll go let them know I’m leaving,” I answered as I stepped away. I went in search of Shelby or Tess while he went to get his car.

“So if this technically counts as a date should we…” I started but lost my nerve after I got in his car. He laughed a little.

“We can still go out tomorrow. Think of this as a pre-date,” he said.

We had a nice time but all too soon he was bringing me back to my condo. It all felt surreal as if I were in a dream so I didn’t really want things to end in case when I woke up tomorrow the magic of tonight would be gone.

Finally when we arrived and he'd parked I knew the night had come to an end but I wasn’t ready to go just yet so when he offered to walk me to my door I was willing to jump at any opportunity to extend our ‘pre-date’. We didn’t really say much on the short walk but I was still happy about it.

“I guess this is it then,” I said as we stopped at my door and turned to face each other.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said after a pause.

Before I could say anything else he leaned down and captured my lips in a kiss. It was a soft quick kiss that didn’t even last nearly as long as I wanted it to.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he breathe, after it was over.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I responded reluctantly pulling out my key.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I replied still a bit dazed, he noticed and I saw a smug smile spread across his face. Although normally I’d get an urge to wipe the smirk off his face but this time I actually didn’t care.

“You should get inside before something else happens,” he tried to tease me but he must have saw something in my expression just then because he huffed a laugh. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s bad enough that tomorrow night can’t come fast enough,” he groaned.

I giggled pulling away from him. ‘Something else’ had already happened the night before but I would keep that tidbit of information to myself and although I didn’t mind it happening again it was only a ‘pre-date’, we hadn’t yet gone on an actual date I didn’t want him getting the wrong impression again. We’d just gotten over one misunderstanding I didn’t want us to have another one so soon. Nevertheless I felt like I was floating on cloud nine as I got inside and in my barely contained excitement I started dancing around my apartment.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.12.2016

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