Chapter 1: Rough Start

"I'm not going to lie to you I think we should go out," I told him with as much courage as I could muster up.

 

This was entirely embarrassing, but I knew that it was with good reason; it would be worth it in the end. Bryce has been my best friend for as long as we have known each other and I know that this is seeming to come out of nowhere.

 

It wasn't until recently that I noticed him in that type of way myself, so I'll understand if he's overwhelmed or it takes him some time but we are mates. We're made to be together, so it’ll all work out, eventually, right?

 

I stood there holding my breath waiting for his answer hoping that he would give me a chance. I watched his face contorted in confusion, his beautiful brown eyebrows slowly crashing together.

 

His face was the epitome of perplexity and his mouth fell open but his reply was rebelliously fighting against all odds to stay in his throat. Finally after an excruciatingly long pause he snapped his mouth closed before answering,

 

"Um… Alyssa I wouldn't want to hurt you. You mean a lot to me and I don't want to ruin-" I took a deep breath, its for the sake of us being together I told myself.

 

"Bryce, you couldn't hurt a fly, we both know that outside of football those muscles are useless," I joked attempting to lighten the mood.

 

I counted it as success when he broke into a grin at least for a little while. I even caught a glimpse of that twinkle that only shined in his eyes when he was amused. It was almost as if someone had melted the happy expression off of his face as if it were chocolate by a torch.

 

"If only that were true for girls," he said sadly.

 

"Bryce you've never hit a girl before and if your ex girlfriends can complain of anything getting hurt it would be their pride." He sighed because he knew that I was right, I could see it on his face.

 

"I know but…" after some more arguing, which is a gracious way of saying begging, he finally gave in.

 

Even though I got him I was still second guessing and he just took it slow trying to consider me, to make sure that this was what I wanted. I was just patiently waiting on a day when he would just wake up and see.

 

We didn't immediately rush in and start holding hands or kissing like I thought we would. Instead he wanted to ‘hang out’ so he could “get used to me as a girl” he had said. Although I understood that didn't stop me from being disappointed.

 

To say the least the first month and a half was kind of weird even our first day was awkward…

 

I had enlisted the help of Angelica, my female best friend, actually she found out about our date and she just came over. Together we picked out this red dress, I’d recently bought that was strapless, stopped about mid thigh, and displayed my figure nicely.

 

It was a outfit that I had fell in love with when I bought it mainly because it had a way of making my chest look bigger without having it protruding out as if on a plate in offering to any guy to see. Just enough to impress but not slutty that's why this dress with the matching six inch heels were perfect.

 

I flat ironed my hair since my hair naturally just seems to ‘fall in the right place’ Angelica had told me. Since he wanted us to meet there Angelica dropped me off with the intention of forcing him to have to bring me home.

 

With a wish of good luck and my bundle of nerves in tow I walked into the restaurant. It was an old Italian diner that we both loved but seemed almost too formal for regular visits but with the familiarity of it that we always felt made it almost the perfect date spot for us.

 

I stood nervously at the entrance looking around trying to see if I could find him and hoping he wouldn't stand me up.

 

Finally with a deep breath for confidence and a squeeze of my clutch for security I took a step in the glass doors. Making another visual sweep, I still didn't see him. I turned looking to the doors, at the green 'Sanchianos' that had been painted across the glass.

 

I squeezed my clutch again reminding myself that Angie was only a phone call away just in the event of a worst case scenario. I imagined the name parting as I walked out, this was my last chance to walk away, I exhaled instantly making a stubborn decision to stay for as long as I had too. I was turning back around to face my fate for the night.

 

"Alyssa," I heard Bryce's familiar voice.

 

I turned to him, my heart pounding, I saw him looking me up and down. I even thought I saw a flicker of desire in his eyes but it was gone as fast as it appeared replaced by a coat of mixed emotions, determination at the forefront. He was smiling at me and I smiled back.

 

"Bryce," I was glad that he was there.

 

He held his hand out me to take as I appraised his always creatively tousled brown hair, his broad shoulders and what I knew was a well muscled body clad in a black suit that subtly hinted at the muscles underneath, all the way to his shiny black shoes.

 

Finally my eyes came back up to his light, almost transparent, green eyes that always seemed to have a deeper darker green backdrop behind it that only came to the forefront when he was fervently under the influence of his emotions.

 

I took his outstretched hand and his big, work-roughened hand folded in and consumed mine. He had a strong, firm grip though it didn't crush my hand I could tell it was achieved with some effort.

 

He led me to a table and pulled out my chair with the graceful ease of a true gentleman before taking his own across from me.

 

We didn't immediately start speaking to one another and our waiter took advantage of it to receive our orders. We were still silent a moment even after the waiter had left our table in our nervousness we both struggled the entire evening seemingly without success to fill the voids. Until the food came, then we allowed ourselves to believe that it was okay to be silent as we ate. We didn't risk another failed attempt instead we’d taken advantage of the opportunity at a break. However after a while I tried to be subtle just to get him talking a little.

 

"Mmmm, this is as good as ever," I said as if to no one in particular but loud enough for him to hear.

 

"Yeah, we hadn't been here in a while I almost forgot how good the food was," he replied. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at his flawlessly unforced reply. He stopped, his last forkful of food halting midway to his mouth, he stared at me a moment,

 

"Why are you smiling like that?" he asked distracted.

 

"Don't worry about it," I teased, I knew I was goating him but I couldn't very well tell him what it was, that was just too embarrassing.

 

"Come on, Alyssa," Bryce tried to pry the truth from my lips. Before I could refute him or give in the waiter returned,

 

"Dessert?" he asked me and I offered my acquiescence.

 

We continued with our typical affable banter until after dessert was done and by a slip of the tongue I abruptly cut into our genial atmosphere. We were at the end of our date and I had kind of ended it on an awkward note. Knowing that he had to drive me home I hoped for that time to set to rights my blunder however things didn't go according to plan. We had walked outside and I had turned to him, in front of the entrance, opening my mouth to speak.

 

"Bryce, I-"

 

As soon as his name was out of my mouth his ringtone cut me off and his desperate search for his phone took his attention off me completely. I shut my mouth when he triumphantly pulled it out and I would have laughed at his unnecessary show of victory but even the beginnings of the smile that was still laying out on my face died quicker than it had started when I heard,

 

"Hey man we're having a party at my house, you should totally come over," I heard Todd’s voice through the phone.

 

I was puzzled by the invitation because the two were barely friends and had only talked to one another a handful of times, but then Bryce answered,

 

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

 

"Come now, its in full swing and it's so crazy over here it'll definitely take the edge off," he said, my chest tightened. I ignored it and pretended as if I didn’t know what his implication meant.

 

"I need it," it took everything I had in me to bottle up all that I felt in order to look oblivious as I opened my clutch when Bryce, almost immediately, sent a remorsefully guilty glance my way to see if I way paying attention. I dug out my phone and fought back tears.

 

"I'll see you guys in a bit," he said trying to end the call but not before I heard the final blow.

 

"Yeah yeah definitely but you better hurry though cause I don't know if they'll be any girls left to ease your mind if you don’t," I turned around to go back inside, thoroughly ashamed, just as he hung up.

 

"Alyssa-" Bryce, knowing it was already a lost battle, didn't fight when I cut him off.

 

"I'm heading back inside for the restroom before heading out. I'll see at school on Monday." Not waiting for a response I went back inside without another word. I headed straight for the restroom whilst dialing Angie's number. She picked up halfway through the first ring,

 

"Hey Lyss, how'd the date go?" she asked aiming for a casual tone in case it had went bad. I took a deep breath to steady myself from freaking out in the restroom of my favorite restaurant. How ironic is that?

 

"Angie can you come pick me up," that was I could manage pass the growing lump in my throat but that's all I needed to say. That was enough; that alone said everything.

 

"I'm on my way," her voice was clipped and upset, "just wait there, I'm coming," then she hung up and I waited there, too embarrassed to go back out there.

 

I felt like a ticking time bomb by the way all of my suppressed emotions were struggling to get out.

 

Luckily I held it together until she dropped me home, despite her immediately wanting to know, she didn't push it when I didn't jump to answer but instead opted to stare blankly out the window.

 

She had asked our moms for permission to stay over at my house so she came up with me and there I finally released. In the comfort of my own room, I sank to the floor and just let the tidal waves of emotion hit me.

 

Angie didn't hesitate to step in and try to comfort me but her words were an echo in my mind as the memory of all that went wrong tonight flashed before my eyes.

 

Eventually I calmed down enough and told her everything.

 

"So he told Todd and the rest of those idiots at school?" she screamed and I shushed her.

 

I didn't need my parents to get involved because the only way to save him would mean my telling them he's my mate but that still may not work. I nodded sadly.

 

"Most likely, from sounds of it, because Todd and Bryce aren’t exactly close. So you know if even he knows all of the rest them must know. And God only knows what exactly he told them but from what Todd said it had to have been really bad." I didn't know what to think or what to do. I just felt helpless and a hopeless wreck when I cried myself to sleep that night.

Chapter 2: Stay Together?

The next day I woke up angry, from the sun shining in my eyes to the fact that my situation still seemed hopeless. And what was I going to do when I went back to school on Monday anyway? How could I face any of them again?

 

Bryce… just his name popping up in my head at that moment pissed me off to no end. It make me feel any better when I had to fight through an endless expanse of white sheets in my attempt to get off my bed. Just when I thought I was finally ride of them they showed me otherwise and I fell off the bed.

 

"Lyss, you okay?" came Angie's horse voice I huffed in reply getting up and stomping off to the bathroom. I took a nice hot shower trying to calm my emotions but it didn't work out.

 

"You want to go shopping today?" Angie asked when I came out of the bathroom. I knew she was only trying to help but it still infuriated me. I really wanted to scream.

 

"Are you crazy so that everybody can see me and laugh?" but instead,

 

"This isn't something that shopping can fix," I ground out.

 

After donning short shorts and a t-shirt I laid back on my bed with my arm over my eyes. I thought to break up with Bryce and seek some revenge, as I formed my plan for vengeance my wolf intervened.

 

'He's our mate'

 

'So what? He doesn't care'

 

'He doesn't know'

 

'And?! What difference does it make we've been his best friend and look how he's treating us already'

 

We went back and forth like this in the time Angie took her shower, went down for breakfast, and came back up. She eventually dragged me out of the bed and creatively found things for us to do but all the while my argument with my wolf continued.

 

By the next day she had won out and I forgave him although I stayed at a distance. I was too embarrassed so I avoided my friends as well except for Angie.

 

At lunch I just went to the library instead and had snacks throughout the day. I tried my best, running the other way whenever I saw Bryce, but my elusiveness couldn't continue when he walked into my last class of the day.

 

I saw him from the corner of my eye, inawardly groaned and shrank further down into my seat. Just because I had forgiven him didn't mean I ready to face the onslaught of emotions that actually facing him and talking to him would bring.

 

I controlled my urge to look at him even while I felt him watching me from his seat.

 

When the bell rang I hurriedly exited merging with the masses of students and raced to my Lexus. Luckily I got away safely to my house without incident and no one bothered me for the rest of the day.

 

The next day I dressed ready to ignore the world: ordinary jeans, uninteresting tennis shoes and a plain black hoodie. Equipt with my iPod, earbuds inserted snugly into my ears, and my phone for texting Angie, this is how managed to get through most of the day.

 

The rest of the week went by much the same until Angie came over and to cheer me up.

 

"Hey girlie," she had said as she walked into my front door because she knew that it was opened and my parents weren't home.

 

"Hey Angie, what's up," she looked suspicious so I knew she knew something.

 

"How are you holding up?" she avoided my question for the moment. I sighed, she had got me, for the moment.

 

"Well I've been avoiding Bryce all week, ignoring my friends, I still don't know who all knows, I haven't talked to Josh since all this started, whatever this is. I think I'm just going to end it." I sighed again exasperated.

 

"No, but you guys are mates though,"

 

"Its not that I haven't forgiven him, because I have, I just I don’t know what’s going on with him most of the time. I swear mate or not I won’t stick around if I find out he’s cheating-”

 

“He’s not,” I only raised an eyebrow, “Jason,” was all she had to say. I sighed covering my face with my hands and put my head on the table between us.

 

“I’m done,” I whispered after a long pause between us.

 

“Come on, you can’t just give up now. You’ve already come this far.”

 

“So I’m supposed to what wait until he decides to stop being an idiot and stomping on my feelings. How long am I going to continue like this waiting for him to accept me? Yes I asked for a relationship but if it’s obviously not working between us I would prefer not to drag it out. Honestly I don’t even know why I decided to go through with this in the first place. Then he can’t just break up with me himself and I’m just supposed to just wait for him to finally get the courage or just wait it out until he realizes we’re mates…. I didn’t ask for this mess…” I popped up then gradually settled back into my chair.

 

“I understand I’m just saying that you won’t have to worry about avoiding our friends at school because the year’s almost over, we’ll be graduating before you know it. Also you guys are mates and you’re supposed to be together. I just hate that…”

 

“I know… I’ll think about it okay?” she nodded.

Chapter 3: The Vision

 

The day had finally arrived, it was his birthday and while I was content with our relationship it would definitely be a lot stronger now that he knew. We had progressed to a comfortable spot in our development and that is where we have stayed whether from fear of failing or otherwise we just stubbornly halted. School was already out so Angie came over to my house to distract me with shopping as she always tries to do. I happily accepted her bribe.

 

"Tonight's Bryce's birthday party and as his mate you've got to be the hottest one there," she stated.

 

I just laughed her off but with no more said I allowed her to drag me to the mall for a new dress. We shopped for most of the day and just hung out for the rest since I had made it clear to her that I was not going to see Bryce before his party tonight.

 

Also going along with my plan Jason had distracted Bryce all day and kept him from coming to find me. I don't know how well Jason succeeded because Bryce had text me at some point but he hadn't come over.

 

We'd passed the time with movies then we started talking about our mates.

 

"So when exactly are you and our future alpha going to get married," I felt like she was going to ask about Bryce and I wanted my distraction just for a bit longer. She blushed profusely.

 

"I don't know about that just yet…" she mumbled shyly.

 

"Aww Angela's embarrassed… and what about life after high school, how are you guys ever going to manage?" I went on dramatically.

 

"Well you know Jason got a full ride scholarship to go to the University of Oklahoma and I'm staying here but we'll work something out. So how are you and Bryce going to manage that's what we're worried about," she countered.

 

And here we go...

 

"Well… as long as he behaves himself- ok no who am I kidding he never behaves," we laughed. "Truly, he's such a goof I don't know what I'll do with him sometimes but if he asks me to go with him I might go. If not I guess you'll need company," elbowing her.

 

"I'm glad you think of me last…" she said sarcastically smiling,

 

"What about your parents?" she asked seriously. I sighed.

 

"I don't know, they don't want me to go off for college but I really wouldn't mind so much if the opportunity came my way…"

 

I felt conflicted somewhat about the whole idea. I wouldn't have minded but I couldn't leave my parents knowing how they felt about the whole situation because I would never hear the end of it. That's the reason I didn't apply to any colleges outside of our town because of them so there would be no "opportunity arising" to speak of and she knew it too. I leaned my head on her shoulder in distress and we sat in silence as she rubbed my back.

 

"You think Bryce would really ask you to go with him to New York?" she inquired after a long pause.

 

Bryce was going to his dream college in New York and, unless he asked me to go with him, I'd be staying here. Since my parents would make me feel bad about leaving I won't force him to bring me if he never planned to take me with him. For the longest moment her question just hung in the air between us as I contemplated her question.

 

"…I don't know… he has two days left," I answered quietly. "Don't-," I started.

 

"I know, we won't interfere it's whatever you guys want to do," she interrupted, "But if he asked you to go…,"

 

"I love Bryce and I would do anything for him," I tested the words out aloud and although I had never realized it before I knew that it was true. "…So if he asked me to go…" we both knew where I was going with it so I let the answer hang between us for a moment.

 

"And if he doesn't, what would you really think?" she knew that I wouldn't really be okay with it at first but I would live; it was only a matter of if I would actually admit that out loud.

 

"We know that Bryce can be an idiot at times but he'll learn one way or another and he'll miss me when I'm not there," I tried to sound unfazed by that possibility.

 

If it did happen I would have to think about it anyway…

 

With the way our relationship has been were we really ready for something like that? Could I really not regret leaving even if things didn't go well?

 

I would say yes, only if Bryce was on the same page with me… because we could get through it any way that everything turned out. I closed my eyes and let the vision sweep over me…

 

I was in front of a floor to ceiling window that took up an entire wall. The window had a nice view of the city beyond and I stood there in a shirt that obviously wasn't mine because it was pretty big on me.

 

Leaning against the window staring out at the view I don't know how many times I found myself staring at this same view since I've been here. I never tired of looking at it.

 

As my attention was set fully on the view I didn't notice Bryce come behind me until he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me into his chest and kissed my temple causing me to giggle softly.

 

We stood there in comfortable silence before he spoke.

 

"Mate," was all he said.

 

"Mmmm?" I looked up into his eyes seeing how much he loved and cared for me, that captivated me more than the view I had been staring at. This was the look he had me addicted to and every time I saw it I melted. This was the look the one that always made me smile and the one only Bryce showed me. He turned me around, so that my back was now against the window.

 

"Alyssa," he breathed. At first I had thought he wanted something but I quickly realized that he just liked calling me and I understood how he felt.

 

"Bryce," I whispered just because I could, he smiled.

 

"I knew that was my favorite shirt for a reason," I smiled at him just before he leaned down and kissed me…

 

It was the first vision I ever had and although it was short I saw enough to know that we were mates. We were a bit older in the vision but that didn't change the fact that we obviously weren't around here. It also didn't take away the fact that we are mates and that we were clearly happy together.

 

And that look… I wish he looked at me like that now…

 

We're mates why couldn't we make it work? Do you really have to know that they're your mate before you'll look at them like that?

 

All I wanted was that special look, was that wrong? He's my mate can't I want to see that look? We're mates so we were going to end up together anyway why couldn't he fall in love before he found out and not after? Is that not possible?

 

But it's fine… I guess, I'm disappointed but I still accept him.

 

I just thought that since we already knew each other it would have or should have been easier but I guess not. He was my best friend he already should have known anything about me already that would have made him fall in love with me by now, right?

 

Was it purely the mate bond that makes a person love you, I hadn't felt it yet but I was already in love with him so-

 

"Alyssa!"

Chapter 4: Birthday Party Surprise

 "Alyssa!" I snapped up at the sound of Angelica's voice.

 

"What, you called me?" I asked confused.

 

"Yeah, I've been calling you for like five minutes now," she furrowed her eyebrows.

 

"Oh, what's going on?" I questioned.

 

"We should start getting ready for the party."

 

"Why don't you go ahead with Jason and I'll come after it starts, you know, just for effect," she gave me a worried look.

 

"You aren't chickening out because of what we talked about are you?"

 

"No! As a surprise, I'll just come a little after the party starts just enough time for him to talk to people a bit since I'll probably be hogging him for the rest of the night anyway…" finally she laughed and let it go.

 

She finally left to go meet the guys after I promised to call her when I get there. After she left I watched some TV and hoping that they can distract Bryce better since it'll be two of them. I reached over onto the coffee table to grab my phone and looked at the message he had sent me:

 

Hey what are you and Angie doing?

 

With a smile on my face I shook my head at the phone, Jason you're his best friend and you couldn't distract him… I put my phone on the couch next to me and took a nap. I woke up an hour later and was about to pull my hair out as I rushed to get ready. Later my phone vibrated next to me:

 

Hey babe where are you?

 

I slapped my forehead, even with two of them... in no time I was hurrying out the door to my car. It was almost like our first date all over again except I was more excited than nervous because I'd been eagerly anticipating the moment I see him.

 

Despite the fact that I had made myself stay away all day I'd been dying to see him. I'd gotten Angie to distract me just so I wouldn't give in and go over there.

 

The time had finally come and I couldn't stop smiling every time I imagined his face when he realized I was his mate.

 

I pulled up to the place his parents had rented for the party and somehow found an empty parking spot close to the building even the rest of the parking lot was full. The party had started half an hour ago so I grabbed his gift and went into the first entrance I saw. I'd never been to this place before so I had no way of knowing that I'd gone through the wrong door, especially when I saw Bryce standing in the middle of the room as soon as I walked in.

 

I let the door close silently behind me as I stared at him surprised. I stepped away from the door and watched the scene before me transfixed.

 

This room was obviously a separate room from where the party was supposed to be so I'm not imagining some fantasy here when I say there was no one else in the room, well except some short chick who'd dyed her hair red.

 

I had one of those distorted moments where I was frozen in place and life continued on around me while I tried to make my body to work.

 

I wanted to speak but no sound would come out. I want to move but my legs were locked in place.

 

Suddenly Bryce looked up and I knew the exact moment when he found out but as soon as I saw the recognition in his eyes my view of it was gone and the red haired girl was kissing him.

 

My body jerked and before I could do anything else I walked out the door I'd come through headed back to my car. Just then my phone rang and before I could say anything,

 

"Alyssa, where are you? The party has been going on for a while now don't tell me you're not coming..."

 

"I'm outside," I admitted.

 

"Oh, well come on the entrance is on the side facing away from the parking lot. I'll be waiting for you," with that she hung up.

 

I turned around and I don't think I will ever know why but despite everything, I went. I'm not quite sure if it's shock or something else but I felt completely numb when Angelica brought me in to where the party was going on. She guided me through the crowd of people to where Jason was standing with her little sister, Patricia. Jason enveloped me in a hug that I returned without thought when he pulled back he considered me for a few seconds,

 

"Are you okay?" I looked around at everyone having fun before answering.

 

"And what would make you think that I wasn't? Stop worrying over me for tonight, okay?" He shook his head whether it was meant as a 'no' or not I didn't get to analyze as something else took my attention.

 

"Alyssa the gift table is over there if you want to put it with the others," someone offered pointing to it.

 

Not wanting to stand around with the present I went over to set it down and on my way back to my friends I accidentally ran into a guy.

 

I'd seen him around before but he wasn't someone that I hung out with so we'd never spoken to each other. He introduced himself as Raymond James, that's when I remembered he had been on the football team albeit he'd done more bench warming than playing most games.

 

Standing with my friends I had kind of felt as if I'd been waiting on something and it made me restless as I observed everyone.

 

As I waiting for him to make himself go away it occurred to me that the reason had been because I was waiting for Bryce to come find me.

 

On some level I'd been hoping he'd chased after me and not stayed there making out with-

 

"Alyssa," hearing my name I came out of my thoughts.

 

"What were you saying?" I asked.

 

"You obviously heard,"

 

Not a word, I wanted to say but I didn't.

 

"I should get back to my friends it was nice talking to you though," as I was trying to leave he stopped me. He'd put a hand on my arm.

 

"You're funny, I'd hardly say we talked," he laughed.

 

So he actually noticed, I smiled more amused because of my own joke then for his sake.

 

At that moment I heard a growl then felt a second hand grab me, this one was much stronger and felt familiar, when I looked to the owner I saw Bryce. He narrowed his eyes at Raymond, who shrunk away intimidated by the dark look he'd been issued from over my head, before I was dragged into an empty hallway adjacent to the room everyone else was in.

 

"What was that just now?" he questioned me.

 

"I was talking-"

 

"It looked like you were flirting with that bench warmer, Raymond James," his eyes were the deepest shade of green I'd ever seen them with prominent amber flecks that told me he was struggling to keep his wolf at bay. "I can't believe he even touched you," his eyes darkened with murderous intent.

 

I could see that he was angry and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I should be trying to calm him down rather than provoking him but I didn't care to right now.

 

"Seriously what am I to you really that has you this mad?" The next thing I knew I was trapped between the wall and Bryce who'd thrown me off guard with a kiss.

 

"Mine," his wolf growled.

 

"Yours," I said back instinctively, "yes Bryce, yours but if I'm truly this important to you why were you in that room with her? What were you thinking? Emy Hickens? Really Bryce, Emy Hickens? You couldn't have picked any worse. You couldn't have picked a better person to show me that you clearly don't care," I half-heartedly hit his chest.

 

Emy Hickens was a spoiled girl who dyed her hair a different color nearly every day, changed guys just as often. She thought she could have anybody she wanted and didn't care if the new guy she was pursuing had somebody else or not.

 

"I was yours but I don't think I can continue to be," I said feeling deflated,

 

"I can't do this anymore, I'd thought I could... I'd thought tonight would be different. I'd thought everything would be okay if we were together, if we were on the same page, but we're not, Bryce. So I'm breaking up with you," I told him softly.

 

Somehow I got out of his embrace, walked to an exit at the end of the hallway, and didn't look back.

Chapter 5: The Ticket

I had every intention to get in my car and go straight home but clumsily bumping into someone, for the second time that night, changed those plans. This person I was actually friends with unlike Raymond James.

 

Her name was Skylar Terossi and despite having been here for three years since she moved we'd just recently become close friends in past few months.

 

It was back when I'd started avoiding my friends I would go to the library during lunch and I met her. She used to spend her lunch in the library long before I started going and we quickly became fast friends. Finding a friend in Skylar was probably the best thing that came out of the whole ordeal.

 

I'd been on my way to my car when I'd absentmindedly collided with her and she noticed my distress. I'd tried to brush off her concern but after my confrontation with Bryce I was too emotionally drained to fight anyone else. It had taken everything I could muster to break up with him and walk away.

 

When she pressed me about why I was leaving early and insisted that something had to be wrong I'd only gotten her to let me go after promising to tell her later.

 

After she'd finally left I went home and cried until I fell asleep, glad that my parents were still at the party.

 

Most people wouldn't notice that I was gone especially because they saw me they'd assume I was still there somewhere.

 

Today I forced myself to answer the door when the doorbell rang thinking it was Skylar because Angelica would've just walked in and anybody else would knock. She was the only person that I knew who always rang the doorbell and I didn't feel like talking to anyone but when I opened the door the one standing there was Bryce.

 

"Can we talk?" he asked.

 

I wondered if I really should because I know Angie would want me to but listening to her had gotten me where I was now.

 

"Please," he begged.

 

Looking at him it seemed as if he hadn't slept, his hair was a mess, his eyes were red and I caved. I decided I'd listen but that didn't mean we were getting back together.

 

He needed to know that this wasn't all those other times when he did things like this and I pretended as if nothing happened, waiting for us to get past the point where that seemed ok for him to do. And we'd gotten there for a little while, or so I thought, until last night.

 

I couldn't allow him to continue disregarding my feelings, I was through with letting him set the terms in our relationship if he was going to use it to do whatever he wanted.

 

If we got back together things were going to change and he needed to know it, starting now.

 

"Fine," I closed the front door and stepped outside, "what do want Bryce?" I questioned crossing my arms.

 

"I didn't mean for things to go the way they did last night I'd meant to explain to you that what you saw was a misunderstanding."

 

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I know what I saw."

 

"I had gone in that room to call you," I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 

"Then how is it that almost as soon as I walked outside Angie called me?" he seemed unfazed by my admission but simply nodded.

 

"My mom had been hounding me, since I told her that I was planning to leave early with you, about being on my phone at the party. When it started and you weren't there, especially when I saw your parents, I thought that maybe you'd decided not to come. Every time I asked Angie she just said you were coming but she didn't seem entirely sure herself after a while."

 

I rolled my eyes, Angie had been suspicious when I'd told her I was coming late but that didn't make what he was saying true.

 

"Since my texts had gone unanswered all day I decided to call you except I couldn't do it in plain sight of my mother and signal in there was kind of spotty. So I told them if I wasn't back in ten minutes to assume either my mother had caught me or I couldn't find signal in the building in which case they should call. That was the only reason I was in that room."

 

I nearly called Angie right then just to verify but knowing where she stood I wasn't sure if she would tell me the truth or just go along with Bryce's story.

 

I concluded that she'd probably be coming over today anyway so I'd ask her then and decide.

 

"It was while I was in there looking for signal Emy came in and wanted to strike up a conversation about something I wasn't really paying attention to. Then you walked in…" he trailed. I briefly recall initially thinking that he looked bored out of his mind but that didn't mean anything. I didn't think a cheating guy really needed to find someone who was interesting as long as the woman was willing.

 

"And why should I believe you?" I asked.

 

"I know that I haven't been the best but you've got to believe me."

 

"And why is that? When you've done things like this before and now suddenly I can believe you only want me?" I pretended to I inspect my nails so he wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes.

 

"I know that I've been an idiot," he took my hands in his larger ones and looked in my eyes, "but I swear to you I have never cheated on you," he emphasized with such conviction in his voice I couldn't doubt his words.

 

"I guess that all depends on how you define cheating," I mumbled averting my eyes. He shook his head,

 

"I mean everything, kissing, hugging, holding hands, flirting. Everything. I even stop letting Ms. Carlson kiss me on the cheek." If it had been any other time I probably would've laughed.

 

Ms. Carlson was a seventy-six year old gray haired widowed grandmother who made a point to give Bryce one of her wet signature kisses on the cheek, that always left her lipstick behind, every time she saw him. Avoiding her was impossible since she was his neighbor and considering she was a human with fragile health his mom had him at the elderly woman's house almost every day to help her.

 

He didn't wait on a response from me,

 

"I know I have messed up in the past, I admit that. I should have done so much better but if you'll give me another chance I will be better," he spoke softly.

 

He got down on his knees, "I'd give anything if I could take away the suffering I caused you. I want to make you forget all of the pain I put you through and replace it with nothing but a ton of happy memories from here on out, if you'll let me. I'm willing to prove to you that I'm serious and I won't let you go. I know an apology probably doesn't mean anything to you right now but that's all I can give you, that and the assurance that I will make it up to you every way that's possible. If there were a way to erase all the bad I would have taken it because I know 'I'm sorry' is a poor substitute and it doesn't make you feel any better but I am. I sincerely regret making you feel like I didn't care. You're disappointed and I make no justification for my actions. You're angry and I understand, I promise that I'll change."

 

I told myself I wouldn't cry but tears were cascading down my cheeks.

 

I hated crying.

 

That's why I hate how this relationship has made us. We used to be so close, we told each other everything. All the ducking and dodging was killing me. Pretending like everything was okay has divided us because we felt we couldn't trust the other person enough to be vulnerable around them. In the end we both are suffering.

 

"Get up," I spoke through my tears, I couldn't look at his face and tell him it was over again even if that's what I needed to do. When he got up he pulled me into his arms and the first thing I noticed was his scent.

 

"You smell nice," it was out of my mouth before I realized I'd said it.

 

I'm so pathetic.

 

He tightened his hold but all I could do was cry when he kissed top of my head. If we got back together or if we break up they were undecided possibilities and although they were choices in my hand, I was so confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do. The reality was that Bryce was going to New York.

 

No matter what happened between us I'd still miss him. His scent, hugs, kisses; I would remember it all the good and bad because it was Bryce yet I didn't want missing him to force me to make a decision I'd regret.

 

If we got back together that wouldn't put an end to trust issues or take away the hurt. It's committing to try being vulnerable in order to work out trust issues and in time getting over the hurt.

 

He rubbed my back soothingly until I pulled away to look up at him before reaching out to cup his face in my hands. He touched his forehead to mine as he said he was sorry again and whispered promises. I wasn't sure he could keep those promises but what I found endearing was the statement he was trying to say but couldn't put into words.

 

I hated us like this. We were both crying and in that moment I desperately wanted something to hold onto. Even though he had hurt me I couldn't turn a blind eye to the fact that somewhere in this he was hurt and suffering too. For that reason I wanted desperately to believe he would give a sincere effort this time.

 

With his assurances I allowed myself to believe at least for this moment that he meant every word he said. That he could go to New York and nothing would happen, not because we were mates but because he was going to be serious and committed to our relationship from here on out.

 

It happened so subtly I'm not sure who initiated it, all I know is that the moment his lips touched mine I was lost.

 

The kiss started out slow and gentle, a comforting meeting of lips but then he deepened it. He held me to him with a desperate grip and put all of his feelings into it, reassuring me that he intended to fulfill every one of his promises.

 

When we finally pulled apart he had a look of determination in his eyes that made me wonder what he was about to do next. He must have seen my curious expression because I didn't have to wait long before he quickly retrieved some folded papers from his back pocket.

 

"I mentioned earlier that I'd planned to leave the party early with you and it's because I wanted give you this," he held it out to me and I took it with slightly trembling hands.

 

I gasped looking at the papers as my eyes watered, he had bought me a plane ticket to go with him to New York. The print date told me everything I needed to know. He'd planned to take me all along, this wasn't something that he'd just bought so I'd take him back.

 

"All this time..." I thought aloud.

 

"I've been wanting to ask you but I just couldn't find a good time to bring it up. I wasn't sure if you'd go because of your parents..."

 

He stopped when I looked up at him.

 

"I decided that you should at least know that I wanted you there. It would mean a lot to me if you came," I bit my lip to stop from smiling at his nervous babbling and looked back down at the ticket to hide the mirth in my eyes. This wasn't a laughing moment, it was a major step for us.

 

I had been sure the day before that I would go no matter what but I now had to think over what happened and his explanation. That wasn't something I could properly think through while he stood here staring unnervingly at me, looking sad and pitiful.

 

"Can I think about it?"

 

"Of course, I'm not forcing you to give me an answer right now. I'll know what your answer is tomorrow," he answered soothingly.

 

I nodded and for a moment we didn't move. He held me, looking down at my face as if trying to commit every detail to memory, and I just stood there in his arms. Eventually he leaned down to kiss me like a dying man savoring his last meal.

 

When he pulled away I watched him leave before going back inside and seating myself at the kitchen table. I sat there thinking over what just happened and when I glanced over at the my ticket to New York I even began to smile a little.

Chapter 6: Think about it

 The next time the doorbell rang it actually was Skylar and I let her in with a genuine smile on my face which she immediately noticed.

 

"Someone seem a lot happier today," she joked.

 

"Well why shouldn't I be?" I asked vaguely.

 

"I don't know, you tell me, because yesterday you clearly weren't and I don't know why you shouldn't have been," she pointed out. I sighed.

 

"That's because I saw Emy Hickens kiss Bryce yesterday," I explained. She raised her eyebrows in question but didn't seem at all surprised.

 

"So you guys fought about it and you left?"

 

She made a face that said 'finally'.

 

"After everything he's put you through? Now this? Although you never really told me a whole lot about stuff that happened but I could see that you haven't been happy. I would have dumped him and never looked back. I never understood why you stayed with the guy…" she shook her head.

 

"Well about last night, I left because I knew that we would get nowhere. I was so mad after I saw them I wasn't in any frame of mind to hear anything he had to say and he was furious when he saw me talking to Raymond James."

 

When I said the name she furrowed her eyebrows. I wasn't surprised, most people at our school didn't actually know what his real name was.

 

"That 'Ray the bench warmer' guy?" She asked incredulously.

 

When I nodded she started laughing.

 

"Bryce might have been bad for you but that guy is definitely not a step in the right direction. To go from Bryce to him is the point where a girl drops all her standards and settles for any guy that looks in her direction."

 

I wanted to defend the poor guy but I didn't really know him. It would seem as though I was really gunning for him when I'd have been the first person to point out he's not my type. She didn't give me the chance even if I'd wanted to.

 

"I would've never thought you'd look at somebody like him, you didn't even talk to him in high school. And isn't he still pining after Megan Sanchez, his ex?"

 

I nodded, Megan was our class sweetheart. She was really nice and popular every girl wanted to be her, every guy want to be with her. The general consensus was that he was lucky she'd even looked his way but once he had her he got cocky, slipped up with Emy Hickens, and broke Megan's heart. She'd dumped him and moved on but ever since she left him he's been pining for her.

 

Even though he's obnoxious and and acts as if every girl wants him everyone considers him to be a loser. Hence the fact that mostly everybody knows him as "Ray the bench warmer", a nickname coined by his own teammates, even people who'd never met him knew the score well.

 

I opened mouth to tell her that I wasn't interested in him but she kept going,

 

"Even though things may not be working out with Bryce you shouldn't be at the point of desperation," she added, genuinely concerned.

 

"I'm not interested in Raymond James plus Bryce was just here and I think we worked everything out. Like I said we were both too angry to listen to each other much less try to really explain where we misunderstood-"

 

"Misunderstood? You saw him kiss his ex what's there to be misunderstood about that?" She yelled.

 

"He didn't kiss her, she kissed him-"

 

"Whatever, he was still kissing her when this whole time he told you they were just friends. He knew you had a problem with her and obviously this is why he couldn't just leave her alone, he was still involved with Emy. And don't try to act like it's some far fetched idea because everybody knows that Emy could care less if a guy's in a relationship or not. She's been the reason a lot of guys break up with their girlfriends."

 

Emy Hickens was Bryce's ex-girlfriend, as much as it saddened me to admit it, they were each other's last serious relationship and longest. After she left him for another guy he had been devastated and even after she left the guy they didn't get back together.

 

It had nearly drove me insane that he insisted on hanging out with her. When I'd questioned him he'd said that they we're friends but I wasn't buying into that.

 

It was obvious to anyone that she still wanted him back even now thus she played around but was never serious with anyone in particular, the same went for Bryce. He hadn't even been serious with me but I had faith that he would be serious now that he knew we were mates.

 

He had been burned but that didn't mean he could act like he'd forgotten how to treat another person with respect. I understood his situation but I'd only allow so much leeway because of sympathy. I was done sacrificing happiness, dignity, and respect to let Bryce nurse old wounds from a past relationship because he refused to open up to me. At this point I'm sick of that game.

 

"He didn't see it coming, Skylar," I defended but she pulled a face to let me know what she thought of that idea.

 

"Really, he had been trying to call me when she-"

 

"Sounds like Mr. Williams must have told you a fine tale this morning. Probably even squeezed out a few crocodile tears because I don't see how that's anything but fairytales. What guy with even a shred of respect for his girlfriend kisses his ex in front of her? And when exactly did you talk to Ray the bench warmer before or after you saw them?"

 

"After."

 

"So how in the world did you have time to strike up a conversation with that guy if Bryce wasn't making out with Emy? If he had been caught off guard somehow he could have pushed her away and went after you. And if he had, I don't see how you would have had time to be wasted by that guy."

 

"They were in a separate room from where everyone else was..." I reluctantly admitted.

 

"That's even worse!" She looked at me imploring me to see her point. "Alyssa, you have got to realize this whole set up is way too shady to be coincidental. You're too nice to let him trick you like this. Why was he in that room with his ex in the middle of his birthday party?"

 

"He was trying to call me," I said quietly, as much as I wanted to tell her those possibilities hadn't crossed my mind I'd be lying.

 

"Alyssa…"

 

Before she could continue I relayed to her what he'd told me and showed her the ticket.

 

"Skylar he admits that he's messed up but I really think he means to take our relationship seriously this time and this ticket is a major step in the right direction."

 

"What was holding him back the first time around? Did he not think you were worth making a legitimate effort? Usually people say the first step is getting out of denial and you guys haven't gotten past that. He's guilty, he just doesn't want you to feel bad. If he can't even admit to all of his wrongs how are you supposed to fix them and move forward? And how do you know that he's ready to change and not saying what he knows you want to hear just to make you stay?"

 

I hated to admit that I saw where she was coming from and it was getting to me.

 

"The ticket, what about-" I started.

 

"Forget New York! Do you realize that he's taking you away from everyone you know and it'll be just the two of you? Even though he's had this ticket for a while it's only now that he gives it to you?"

 

"He-"

 

"Both of your parents know that you guys are going out and his obviously paid for the ticket. By springing this on you now there isn't much time to think about it but you most likely realized who paid for it. All he had to do was come with some bogus story, explain away what happened, throw in a couple kisses, and suddenly it's as if last night never happened."

 

I gasped, I didn't tell her he kissed me. She examined me a second,

 

"Yeah, he kissed you, threw a little charm your way and you were putty in his hands," she taunted derisively."By yourself, you probably thought about how if you don't go his parents will be disappointed and then they'll find out about everything. Because you always tried to keep any problems you guys had under wraps."

 

She shocked me into silence, here she was voicing some of my thoughts, although those weren't the only reasons I wanted to go to New York.

 

"But what about your parents? You told me you weren't leaving because of them. They won't take this well especially not when you spring this on them. They won't have time to warm up to the idea. Are you willing to create a rift between you? If you go, he'll have you isolated with no way to get back home without him. That ticket is a step, I'll give you that, but you need to really think about if it's one you want to take."

 

That had been a risk all along whether I told them before or now, I'd thought. Before I got a chance to insert anything she kept going.

 

"Don't just make the decision blindly, face the red flags, take note of warning signals, then decide. And if you insist on being with the guy, despite everything, at least make sure he's really changed his stripes. Because when you leave the first thing they do is coming running, whispering sweet words and empty promises. They don't care about how you feel right now or how you felt and they tell you that's because it's about how you're going to feel. Telling you that they'll 'make you forget' all the bad but they can't really do that, can they? They can't replace memories or erase them, for that matter. You'll never forget," she emphasized her skepticism, "but you can choose to push them to the back of your mind and focus on all of the good things in the right now."

 

She tilted her and considered me a moment, "and that's where you are. But what happens when the bad outweigh the good? Then what's the point of only focusing on the good and ignoring the bad? Why do you stay? When it gets to that point, what makes you give up freedom, dignity, happiness, you life and for what? What do you get in return? Is it still worth it then?"

 

It was silent as she let her advise sink in. She sighed.

 

"I'm only saying this because as much as we always want the fairy tale we don't realize we've got the wrong guy sometimes," she said gently.

 

I took a deep breath and as I searched for the right words she got up and started for the door. When I got up to follow her she stopped, "I know this is hard for you and I don't mean to bring you down…" she turned around to face me, hesitant. "But I feel like I have to ask you this," I had a feeling this was going to be the nail in my coffin. I swallowed thickly.

 

"What is it?"

 

"You know that I don't really know Bryce that well. I'm just going off what I know and what you've told me."

 

"Yeah," my throat was dry and I couldn't shake the feeling that what she was about to ask would changed everything.

 

"So I could be wrong about him but that's why I think, despite the possible lies and everything, this is the most important thing you should consider."

 

"And what is that?" the nerves in my stomach were wound so tight I thought I might end up with an ulcer. She paused as if deciding if she really wanted to ask.

 

"Did he tell you that he loved you? Has he ever? At any point in your relationship?"

 

All of the air left my lungs as if I'd been punched in the stomach. I couldn't get a reply together, I was struggling just to breathe but Skylar didn't wait on an answer.

 

"It's bad when a guy doesn't love you enough, it's even worse when he never loved you to begin with, either way he won't change. If either is the case, Emy will still be a problem even in New York and if it isn't her it'll be someone else. And as much I know this hurts to hear, it's the truth."

 

Something flashed in her eyes that told me she spoke from experience. I stop frozen he'd never said it, he hadn't ever told me that he loved me as a friend before we were together either, not even as a joke.

 

"Do you really want to sacrifice everything for a guy who might not even love you?" she whispered, choked up with emotion. We stood there for a long time as she collected herself and I kept silent, my mind reeling. Realizing I wasn't going to say anything she left, "think about it…"

Chapter 7: What's Going On?

 

Angelica didn’t try to contact me all day and didn’t come over but I had other things occupying my mind so after Skylar left I didn’t talk to anyone else. When my parents got home I pretended to be asleep until they left me alone and the next day I didn’t even get out of bed. My dad went to work as usual and my mom went out with her friends both expecting me to be enjoying summer.

 

All day my phone was vibrating from calls and text messages but I tried to ignore them. Every time I’d burrow further into my covers trying to block the only noise in my otherwise quiet room but I’d end up succumbing to another wave of tears. I needed this emotional roller coaster to end because it was tearing me apart. If he loved me he should have said so yesterday that would have been the time to say it. So why didn't he? The more I thought about it the more I confused I was because one part of me argued it was because he didn't while the other felt that it just probably hadn't occurred to him to say it or  insisted there had to be a reason. I could have just asked him at the airport and I was sure he would tell me his honest answer, then I would know. I'm not entirely sure if knowing would have changed my mind or not but at this point one thing I did know was that my opportunity was lost and that was definitely my fault.

 

I couldn’t go. Not to New York, not even to the airport. I should have gone but I didn’t. I should have actually told him my answer but I couldn’t bring myself to face him. Even if I didn’t go he would know what I wanted, I told myself. If this was what I wanted then why couldn’t I pick up the phone? Was this really what I wanted?

 

I wasn’t sure. Just as much as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick up the phone and find out the effects of my tentative actions. It was hard trying to decide what to do, what was best.

 

I can’t, those words had become a mantra in my head to help combat the creeping guilt and had become the only words that I could use to calm down. There were other things that joined them, justifications at times, but it always came back to those two repeating in my head. It started out small and got louder, stronger until it was a deafening scream that once it was gone left me numb.

 

I may be confused about what to do but one thing I did know was that I didn’t want anyone to change my mind. That’s why when Angie came to my house I  locked the door and refused to see her until she eventually left. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to see Jason the next day as I was sitting outside on the porch swing.

 

“Sup, A,” came Jason’s authoritative voice.

 

“Hey,” I offered him a weak half smile but he already knows what happened so there was no reason to try pretending even if I’d had the energy. I was avoiding Angie because I knew she was upset with me and I had a pretty good idea of what she wanted to tell me.

 

Jason was like middle ground: he was an unbiased opinion and he would take your secrets to his grave without another soul knowing the wiser. He was a true friend and extremely loyal but he’d always been more of an advise giver than an instigator. Even though he wouldn’t spill your business that didn’t stop him from giving someone else unbiased advice based off of the information that he knew, best friend or not. He didn’t lie for anyone. When Angie’d told me Jason said Bryce hadn’t cheated on me I could whole heartedly believe that if Bryce had cheated he didn’t know about it. I’d avoided him before because it felt weird getting advice from Bryce’s best friend albeit he was mine too. I didn’t much like the idea of him breaking some kind of guy code and seeming as if he were taking sides. I’d also been afraid of what he’d think. Despite my efforts he was still caught in between us.

 

I sighed as he sat next to me on the swing.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

 

“Sorry for avoiding you all this time,” I apologized, glancing over at him.

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not mad or anything, I understand why you did it.”

We both were silent after that, staring off into space.

 

“At Bryce’s birthday party when you told me not to worry, you gave yourself away, you know,” he eventually spoke.

 

“You couldn’t have known about-” shocked I looked at him.

 

“I didn’t, but I knew something was up. I’m an alpha, it’s in my nature to worry about other members of my pack just as much as it is to take charge and lead. So I’m always going to worry about someone and that’s not something I can’t turn it off just because you say so. But when you do, it only makes me suspicious which has me more worried,” he explained.

 

“So I guess it wouldn’t help now if I told you not to worry,” I joked.

 

“I’d probably have a heart attack,” I rolled my eyes, as if that were possible.

 

We both cracked up.

 

“I would rather you explain why I shouldn’t.” I looked at him, his face now serious, and my smile faded.

 

“I’ll be okay,” I watched him, waiting for response or a question but none came. “You know, I’m finally doing what I want,” I laughed a little staring blankly into the distance.

 

I could feel his curious gaze aimed at the side of my head.

 

“I’d really thought as long as Bryce was with me we could make any tough decisions together, hmph, as if I can’t think for myself. I was so worried about what other people would think and I wasn't sure if I could stand it without him. At some point I would have thrown away my future just to be with him but what would he do for me? Nothing. I’ve looked at the good as well as the bad and I think this is what we need right now. I might miss him but I don’t miss the blatant disregard.”

 

I thought he would say something but again he sat looking thoughtful but hadn't said a word. On some level it made me a little mad but I recognized that he was probably trying to let me talk out my frustrations and because he wanted to hear what I had to say.

 

“Did you know about the whole Bryce and Todd thing when he went to that party a couple months ago?” I asked randomly as the thought came to me.

 

“I was at the party too,” he answered watching me closely.

 

“No I meant like when Bryce told Todd and his cronies whatever he told them were you there?”

 

“No,” he answered.

 

“That’s a prime example of what I’m talking about, Bryce told them something and if his words had been misconstrued he should have corrected it but he didn’t because they had it right,” I reasoned aloud.

 

When Jason continued to wait on me it seemed to fuel my frustration even more. Why wouldn't he say anything? Did he think I was over analyzing it? Ok probably with that one but that wasn't the only thing...

 

“He wasn’t serious with me, he wasn’t. And it made me wonder sometimes, were we even exclusive? It made me sick to my stomach thinking about it but I had to be realistic.” Jason was shaking his head, shocked.

 

“Alyssa-” but I wasn’t done. You wanted justification, well here you go.

 

“It’s not something that just occurred me. I may have been his girlfriend but that didn’t mean I was the one he wanted to be with. Even when we were together I realized that, it was hard not to, with the way he used look at Emy. Then after looking at her like that, he turned to me with a wary expression. You think I can just forget something like that in a moment’s notice because 'oh now Bryce knows we’re mates'? And just like that he gets a clean slate?”

 

Jason’s eyebrows twitched just slightly. I knew that meant he was probably misunderstanding what I was saying. I don't hate him but I can't pretend as if nothing happened, now can I?

 

“I’m not trying to do this to punish him, Jason. My brain won’t forget just because Bryce got an epiphany, my scars won’t magically be gone. I need time to readjust and above all I need to have reason to believe things will be different…”

 

Confused, Jason opened his mouth to comment but I knew what he was going to say. He still didn't get it... not yet anyway. Bryce knew now that we were mates while that was great I wasn't so quick to assume anything would change because before when we were together we had been friends and he still treated me the way he had. What did that say about our friendship if I could so readily assume that he would be a thousand times better?

 

“It’s a rather poor assumption that everything will be better now that he knows, and you want to know why? I realized that in order to come to that conclusion you’re assuming that Bryce either purposefully treated me like crap…”

 

He immediately started denying that claim. Now you're starting to understand my dilemma...

 

“…Or he didn’t realize what he was doing hurt me. If the later is the case, like I said, I need time and a break from all the drama. Also he needs to show me it isn’t the 'same old same old', I don’t want to hear sweet words I want to see action. But if he’s fine acting the way he has since we started dating than, mate or whatever, I don’t need him.” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“Are you sure you’d be willing to lose him?”

 

“I started losing him when we started dating,” I snapped. “I didn’t always recognize who that guy was because the idiot thought we couldn’t still be friends and acted like he had to be someone else.” I was fed up with everyone turning a blind eye to the fact that he had started acting different yet wanted me to just deal with it. Either he got his act together or be that strange person without me because, of all things, on this I wasn't compromising.

 

At this he took to silence again and put on his reflective expression once more. Welcome to my way of thinking.

 

“When you’re a crackhead, simply admitting that you have a problem doesn’t changed what you are. And if you happen to find your mate, who when you admit to your addiction and she doesn’t leave you, that still doesn’t solve anything because you’re still a crackhead,” I said heatedly. His eyebrow ascended once more.

 

“Sounds like you know someone in particular with that problem,” he commented. I nodded sadly. At first I said nothing as I went to lean against the porch railing looking out into the distance thinking memories coming to the forefront of my mind like a movie.

 

“My uncle Sev, and after seeing what my poor aunt Mabel went through, I swore that wouldn’t be me. Before I knew it I was making excuses, rationalizing that I had reason not to give up on us, and ‘turning the other cheek’ every time something hurt me. 'You just ignore the bad as if nothing happened,' she'd say and that was exactly what I did without even realizing it. Just like my aunt,” I admitted bitterly, a single tear escaping. Jason got up and gave me a hug, that I returned.

 

We just stood on my porch like that as I allowed him to comfort me. “I only have two cheeks and, hypothetically, both have gotten slapped plenty. And I’m tired of it. How many times is each supposed to get slapped before I can finally just sock ’em back,” I whispered into his shoulder and he chuckled.

 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding Angie?” he finally broke the silence after we’d sat back down. Thinking about it, I knew she was disappointed and would try to talk me out my decision. It may not be the right one but it was a decision I’d made myself.

 

“I finally made a decision and I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about making it.” He sighed.

 

“She isn’t trying to make you feel guilty or anything. You know how she is sometimes.”

 

“I know. Angie’s always nagging about ‘following the natural order of things’ so I know she won’t agree with what I’m doing even if she understands why. Then I end up doubting mysef and thinking I was wrong.”

 

Angie had the philosophy that in life there was a ‘natural order’ things were supposed to work in. If one went in accordance with the natural order everything would somehow work itself out in time. Therefore she believed that sometimes one simply had to make sacrifices to achieve the natural order but it’d be worth it in the end. So with me and Bryce, for example, since we were mates we are meant to be together. The natural order would be to stay together, let him claim me, and become a mated pair despite everything. My scars and pain were just sacrifices to be endured for the greater end and our issues would resolve in time.

 

I wasn’t Angie, this was the decision I’d come to, and nobody could change my mind right now. This didn’t mean that no one could make me feel guilty or that I wouldn’t change my mind later. This was simply what I felt that I needed for the time being: space. It was only temperary, I had many reasons not to make it permanant besides Angie's reasoning. Although a small part of my brain believed Angie that with something like mating was inveitible and the more one struggled against the natural order bad things happened making one quickly realized you'd just simply made things worst for yourself.

 

“It can be hard trying to not just do what other people want. Doing what you want might hurt someone eventually because everyone seems to have an opinion. Especially  when everybody else knows what they want you to do but you don’t know what you want. It’s tempting, at first, to just listen to others but then you get confused not knowing who’s right. Don’t forget that we’ll always be there for you, we only try to assert our opinions because we care. So don’t worry about Angie, she’ll be okay. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to go through everything alone. Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” I felt at ease that I’d finally put my scrambled thoughts together into words, made a decision, and he seemed to accept it. With one last hug he left me on the porch swing where I stayed for a while, staring into space, before heading back inside.

Chapter 8: Wavering resolve

After talking to Jason I felt almost as if I had it all figured out but as time passed I wasn't sure anymore. Bryce had quickly deduced that I wouldn't text back and the tone of his messages changed drastically. He started texting me at least three times a day around the same time everyday and I eventually realized that each had a category.

 

There were the good morning texts which started out with 'good morning', were motivational, and ended with well wishing for my day.

 

Next, the 'I miss you' texts were usually written in such a way that you'd think he'd stolen it from a hallmark card and came around 2 o'clock. Everyday he'd pick one thing about me that he missed then tell me how much and why he missed it most they were thoughtful, or simply cute, but some made me laugh.

 

Lastly the good night texts had either snippets of his day that made him think of me or anecdotes of the good times. He would typically ended with something like 'so how was your day? I hope it was better than yesterday and every minute was better than the last. And if it wasn't hopefully you'll find a better reality in your dreams than this one. Good night.'

 

I almost freaked out, at first, by his uncanny sense of impeccable timing, with good morning texts arriving just as I wake up and good night texts as I was climbing into bed. In addition to texts he called daily, leave messages in my voicemail that he'd grouped into episodes with miscellaneous themes aiming to make me laugh. It made missing him a bit worse because one of my 'best friends' was gone and my boyfriend made me not want to be on break anymore.

 

In the beginning I considered the sincerity of his distress when everything happened but after talking to Skylar I'd gotten frustrated with myself for sympathizing with him. Although there had been a number of things that I could carp about there were some things that I did miss and it was hard not having him around. Before my talk with Jason, I'd find myself focusing on how things could've been better. Now when I think about it I wonder if it's truly worth staying away. I couldn't single out any one instance that I could say this is what made me lose all faith in you and this is what ruined our relationship, because it'd been an accumulation of things. Separately I would have brushed them off and eventually moved on.

 

So could I get over his past mistakes? Yes. Was I doing the right thing for right now? I wasn't sure. I was hesitant to talk to him and find out. If I saw him I couldn't predict what my reaction would be but by that reaction I'd know what was. Although I knew I should call him what would I say? I hadn't called back because I didn't know how to verbalize my thoughts exactly.

 

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, it was my birthday and my parents were having a party for me outside. People had already arrived but I hadn't left my room yet, I was stalling because I didn't entirely feel like going outside to see everyone. Angie would be there, and I hadn't seen her since Bryce's birthday, I wasn't sure how to face her. As a matter of fact I wasn't sure how I should face anybody down there.

 

If I was honest with myself I didn't want to go out there because I didn't want to see that Bryce wasn't there. I hadn't received any texts or phone calls from him today. He could be irritated that I didn't go to New York and decided not to fly back. Also I hadn't returned his calls and with our relationship in a gray area that might cause him to opt to stay in New York. So if he didn't come I didn't want to know. And I wouldn't know what to say if anyone asked me about it either. He'd always been there for every important moment in my life and suddenly he wouldn't be there anymore.

 

I sighed heavily, I had to go down there eventually. With a mental note to finally call Bryce back later, and a nod to myself in the mirror, I went outside. I'd call today. Some time after the party until then I would try not to worry myself over it.

 

The first people to approach me were Jason's parents, Alpha Daniel and Alpha Lindsey.

 

"Happy birthday, Alyssa honey," Jason's mother grabbed me for a hug. After pulling away I was greeted similarly by his dad as well. Jason and Angie were behind them with his sister in tow. They offered warm birthday wishes then his sister went off with some of her friends. We talked for a short time before other people demanded my attention.

 

I saw Skylar but I'd been so caught up that she simply smiled and waved. Once I got the opportunity I was headed toward her when something else got my attention. As a tidal wave of emotions washed over me I stared, rooted to the spot, with no way of escape.

 

It hit me like a freight train and I didn't see it coming. Nothing could have prepared me for the strength and intensity of what I felt. A slow smile spread across my face. I'd known months before now but I was still surprised when I turned and saw my mate standing there.

 

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

 

I continued to stare for a few moments more before nodding my head. He took my hand to lead me somewhere private and I went meekly, electric sparks shooting up my arm. We went into the backyard and, for further privacy, behind a line of bushes.

 

"I know you're probably still mad at me so I'll be quick and I'll try not to waste your time. And I'll leave after this if you want me to because I'd rather not upset you on your birthday. Anyway... Happy birthday," he rambled nervously. I was flummoxed and continued to stare up at him, not paying attention to anything he'd said.

 

"You came," I said surprised.

 

"Of course I came. As much as you might not believe it, I do care about things like this," he said. "There's no way I would have missed it, plus you didn't tell me that I couldn't so I decided to come see you."

 

"I can't believe you're here. I don't know if I should be crying or laughing," I confessed. Our mating bond amplified my feelings and with the swarm of emotion building inside me I was left stunned speechless.

 

"Please don't cry, you've cried enough because of me lately. Another reason I came was because I had to know if you were okay. I was stupid and the way I handled your feelings before was horrible. What I put you through was terrible and I shouldn't have made you feel the way you were feeling. I never meant to put you in distress like that, I'm sorry. And I'm not mad about you not coming to New York with me. I can't be mad because I did give you a choice," he confessed squeezing my hands.

 

I couldn't do anything but look at him as all my emotions clashed. I couldn't tell where he was going with this and I didn't know what to say. As I listened to his words I thought back to all those messages that he'd left on my phone every day. As I stood in front of him now, and I looked in his eyes, only the sweet things that he'd done throughout our relationship came to mind. I could see the guy who had left those sweet and silly messages on my phone.

 

In that moment I realized my mistake in all this, I hadn't fallen in love with Bryce because he was perfect. I knew before we started dating that he was capable of doing things that I thought were stupid or annoying and I knew other girls threw themselves at him. I fell in love with Bryce because of the simple things that he did and said. Little things. The things he did that originally made me fall for him, he hadn't stopped doing them. I'd simply started taking those things for granted.

 

My frustrations were always over things that I wanted him to do or thought he shouldn't do. And it donned on me that I never once told him any of those things. So he hadn't known that I was upset but every time he did something that I didn't like I internalized it as if he'd done those things just to hurt me. In light of this new found revelation a seed of hope for the future was beginning to bloom.

 

"I'm truly sorry I didn't mean to run over your feelings or make you feel that I didn't care. I mean I never intended to push you into anything and have you forced into silent obedience. I'll probably never know how much I hurt you but I just want you to know that I'm really really sorry for putting you in a place where you thought you couldn't talk to me or trust me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get your trust back but I don't know where to begin and I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to get back from being so offset from equilibrium to find harmony," he confessed cradling my face in his hands.

 

"Bryce, what are you saying right now?" I searched his eyes, he was almost scaring me with how gravely serious he was.

 

Was he giving up?

 

He didn't immediately answer my question as I began to panic he pulled me into his arms and just held me, still without response.

Chapter 9: The Choice

"I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you, or anything, about right now but I just want to know if you think it'll ever be possible for us to end up happy together? And not just stuck together because we're mates," In that moment everything in me was still and I knew exactly what my answer was, what it always would be.

 

"Yes," I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and held onto him like he was a lifeline, "Yes, to right now. Yes, to forever. Yes, to getting back together. And whatever else you're thinking of asking, yes."

 

"Really? You're sure?" he asked stunned.

 

"Yes!"

 

"So can I kiss you?" he asked. I slapped his arm.

 

"Now you're just being annoying. Yes, Bryce!" I grabbed his head, "why would you ask?"

 

He smiled down at me and suddenly nothing mattered except us and this moment. When his lips met mine it felt right and I was where I wanted to be, in my mate's arms. My wolf was howling with joy. We could figure everything else out later. I didn't care about whatever mistakes he'd made before he knew we were mates or not, it didn't matter, because we belonged together. I was where I belonged, with him. He was mine. Mine to tame, to yell at, to be angry with, to fight with, and to make up with. He would always be mine as I would always be his.

 

At some point he'd backed me into a tree but I was too preoccupied to notice. The kiss had gone from a gentle affirmation of feelings and deepen into something more soul searing. Bold and possessive. He pushed and I pushed back. It then became a fight for dominance before a sweet surrender. I lost track of time as we continued our impromptu make out session only pulling apart for air when we needed to.

 

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat, loudly, behind Bryce catching our attention. We look separated enough to see Skylar standing there with a scowl, so I assumed that she'd been there for a while. "They're been looking for you so they can cut the cake," she announced.

 

She narrowed her eyes with contempt at Bryce and pulled on my arm. Since I was still holding Bryce he was dragged along with me. I made a mental note to explain to Skylar later that we'd gotten back together. Other than that I was smiling from ear to ear, I couldn't find it a bone in my body that felt guilty about being caught. Bryce and I shared a conspiratorial look as our fingers intertwined and from what I could tell he apparently didn't care either. Eventually noticing that she was dragging us both she let me go and settled for being silent as we head back to rejoin the party. Once we got there I saw some knowing looks but we'd definitely been caught when my mom reached over to pluck something out of my hair.

 

"What is that, honey? Is that tree bark?" she removed it and held a small piece of bark up for all to see before tossing it into the grass and patted my hair down with a knowing smile.

 

"Skylar said you were looking for me?" I asked trying to change the subject.

 

"I was, we were trying to cut the cake but if I'd known you were busy I wouldn't have bothered," she teased.

 

"Mom," I exclaimed. Bryce chuckled unashamed beside me.

 

"Well I appreciate the thought Mrs. Bairnes," Bryce pipped in.

 

"Why are you always joining in with her antics?" I complained at him, "we're here now anyway so let's just cut it."

 

After I blew out the candles and we cut the cake I took Bryce to go talk to Jason and Angelica.

 

"So I guess I can't be mad at you anymore," she huffed, "I think this calls for a shopping trip!"

 

"Maybe," I smiled. "But first what I really want to know is who was in on the plan? Because I know that someone knew about this," I confronted them pointing at Bryce.

 

"I'm a 'this' now? When did I become a thing?" he joked.

 

"You're my thing and that's all you need to worry about," I told him

 

"I didn't know anything," Angelica admitted. "So about the shopping spree yes, no?"

 

"Okay definitely yes on the shopping front," I laughed and high-fived her. "Jason, you knew and didn't give me a hint?" He shrugged.

 

"Yeah he told me but would it really have made a difference?" I was starting to get antsy because since we'd gotten back to the party I could feel Skylar intensely staring at me. I figured now was as good a time as any to talk to her.

 

"Hey, I'll be right back," I told them. Bryce started to come with me until I stopped him, "I'm going to talk to Skylar really quick, okay?" I kissed him and headed her way.

 

"Skylar can I talk to you for a minute?" She nodded and followed me into the house.

 

"Alyssa what are doing right now? So, you're getting back together? Like... For what? Why? I thought you were done with the back and forth stuff. What happened?" she questioned when I didn't immediately said anything.

 

"Well, I just realized that everything wasn't his fault like I'd originally been thinking. Even some of the things I accused him of doing to hurt me that wasn't the case. It only hurt me because I took it that way. So when he did things that he normally always does I was upset about it. And even though I had a problem with what he was doing I didn't tell him. So I never gave him the opportunity to correct what I thought was wrong yet I still looked at it as if he'd done those things on purpose just to spite me. I had the wrong mindset and I'd victimized myself and in doing so I misconstrued a lot of things in our relationship. I was being selfish and that wasn't his fault. So we're starting over and I just want you to know that everything's okay. Yes, we're back together and no he didn't force me into it so you don't have to be angry at Bryce. I'm to blame for why you're not very fond of him, I know, but at least give him the benefit of the doubt, okay?" I tried to explain.

 

She didn't say anything so I assumed that she was still upset but she'd get over it eventually.

 

"Thanks for understanding, Skylar," I gave her quick hug and went back out to the party.

 

Once I got by the door I heard Bryce's voice and he didn't sound too happy with whomever he was speaking to.

 

"Get away me, I already told you that. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to listen whatever you have to say, so just leave me alone. The last time I saw you I told you to stay away from me and I meant it."

 

"Look Bryce, I know you don't want to talk to me but this is important and you need to," a female voice spoke in hushed tones but Bryce cut her off before she could finish.

 

"We have nothing to talk about. Nothing," he asserted with finality in his tone. When I opened the door I saw Emy Hickens standing there and I froze for a brief moment contemplating what I should do. I heard footsteps behind me and Emy looked up. She saw me as she walked away but I decided not to worry about her because Bryce had already handled it. I approached him, giving him a kiss and a bright smile.

 

"Come on, let's go find Jason and Angie," I wrapped my hands around his bicep and pulled him with me. Skylar passed by gave Bryce a dirty look.

 

I sighed, she must have seen Emy as well. She couldn't have heard anything because she hadn't been close enough until Emy was already walking away. She probably that they'd been doing something but I wouldn't worry about that now. Bryce and I mingled but after a while when we moved off to a corner by ourselves. We were contemplating whether we should sneak off because he was saying he'd made plans for us today. Skylar came to pull me away and I already knew what it was all about so I just excused myself.

 

"Has he not done enough already? Why are still trying to be with Bryce?" she raged, clearly agitated.

 

"Seriously Skylar? I already told you." I answered exasperated.

 

"You told me. And I don't remember nodding my head in agreement. As a matter of fact I didn't say anything, that doesn't mean that this is okay. When all he's doing is making promises that he can't keep. You can't let him trick you like this. You can not be with somebody like him. You can't!" she argued.

 

"I know you don't like him because of things that I've said in the past but I'm telling you that I had it wrong. And you're just not listening. I almost feel like you've already made up your mind so I don't what else I can say. Because I'm trying to tell you that he's not whoever you're thinking that he is. I was asking you to give him a chance and now it seems like you don't want us to be together just because you really don't like him," I said.

 

"That's not what I said. I never said that," she quickly interjected.

 

"Well what is then? What are you saying? Because if that's not it, I don't see what your problem is with us getting back together. You keep saying not to let Bryce force me into doing what he wants but it was my choice. With Bryce I had the freedom to do what I wanted and this what I want. I hadn't even talked to him since he left, until today. So can you please just trust me on this even if you don't agree with it? I took everything that you said, the other day, into account and this is what I've ultimately chosen to do." she shook her head at me in distaste.

 

"I can't do that and I don't believe that you would let him make you think that this what you want. You should get away from him, as fast as you can, and stay away. Do you not see that you two don't have a healthy relationship? I'm only telling you what I know and based off of that I don't feel that you two ought to be together."

 

"Well I don't think so we're going to be together and no matter what you say it's going to happen, sooner or later, why not now? And there's no use pointing fingers and throwing blame on any one person. Because I'm at the point where I realize we both had a part play in our problems so it doesn't matter who did what anymore. We're just going to be more open each other and work on our issues as we move forward and I think that's fine." suddenly started laughing and I looked at her curiously because not only was the action weird but the laugh sounded a little deranged.

 

"That's what you think but I'm telling that you'll be making a deadly mistake. What you have with Bryce is not freedom, its a choice. And the good thing about it is that it's a choice that isn't his to make, its only yours." I had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going.

 

"Although you think that your options are endless you really only have two. But you're so blinded by Bryce that you don't see your reality so I'll lay it out for you. If you refuse to see reason, and you think you just have to have him, this will be the last time you'll ever see him again. Alive anyway," she let lose another one of those deranged cackles.

 

"Or you let him go and let him know that you're better off without each other. Because don't you see, Alyssa, that this can only end in tragedy?" she continued, getting closer to talk in my ear.

 

"But you don't have to make a decision right now, I'll give you to the end of today to think about it and make your choice. And you don't have to tell me what your decision is, when the time comes I'll know," she said cryptically as she walked away.

Chapter 10: The Gift part 1

"Are you ready to go? I already talked to your parents..." Bryce suddenly came into my view.

 

"Um..." I fumbled because I hadn't realized I'd been just standing there until he'd pulled me out of my thoughts.

 

"If you don't want to go yet that's fine I'll finish helping to clean up."

 

"Yeah, no, I don't... know," I continued to stumble over my words. He raised his eyebrows at me, "we can go now."

 

"You sure?" he teased.

 

"Yes, so we can get everything done," I huffed a laugh before covering my eyes.

 

"Hey, if you're bothered about Skylar, don't let it stress you. Everybody doesn't have to love me like you do," he folded me into his arms. "The only thing that matters is how we feel about each other. Do worry so much about what other people think of us, okay?"

 

I looked up at him debating if I should tell him what she said but when I started to open my mouth to say it he kissed me.

 

"Today's your birthday, you shouldn't have such a sad look in your eyes. You should be happy so I'm dedicating the rest of today to cheering you up and we won't talk about this anymore. We're on a mission to recreate memories and I don't want you moping."

 

I put my forehead against his chest considering my situation.

 

How could she expect me to break up with him just because she wanted me to? How could I break his heart when I just gave him hope? How could she expect me to let him go when we just got back together? I didn't want to let him.

 

I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and held him tighter as he offered me his silent support, rubbing my back comfortingly. He didn't say anything more for a while.

 

"Hey," he took my chin and lifted my eyes to meet his, "whatever she said she probably didn't mean it, she was just angry, don't let it ruin your day. Now if you don't want to listen to me and won't willingly give it up I'm going to have to use desperate measure. If comes to that just know you asked for it..." in spite of myself I couldn't help but laugh although part of me wanted to see what these 'desperate measures' were, "that's more like it."

 

He took my hand and we started our little adventure. Earlier when he told me some of his plans, I'd quickly noticed that we'd gone to each place when we were first dating except those dates had moments that I'd appreciate not reliving. Despite facing those memories the day was actually going well but I couldn't shake Skylar's deranged laugh out of my my head.

 

Could I take her seriously? Could she really follow through with what she said?

 

The afternoon found us in the park laying in the grass after a picnic lunch. My head was on his stomach as we watched the clouds floating by, Bryce had been saying something but I was distracted and my mind kept wandering back to Skylar's threat. I wanted to believe she wasn't serious but was I willing to take a chance and be wrong? We'd just gotten back together and we deserved to be happy. I started to wonder what she saw that I didn't that made us so wrong for each other? Bryce hadn't exactly been confident before either, so was I the only one who didn't see it?

 

"Hey, are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said then I thought better of it when he didn't seem convinced, "I'm just thinking."

 

"About?" he probed lightly stroking my hair.

 

"Us," I answered vaguely.

 

"Care to elaborate a little more?" he asked conversationally, trying not push me if I didn't want to talk.

 

"Do you have doubts about our relationship? Like earlier what did you mean when you said you weren't sure we could get back to normal and you asked if we could be happy together. You seemed like you didn't think we could be together. Do you know something I don't that makes you not certain that we'll work out?"

 

"I don't want you to feel like we have to be together just because we're mates," I rose my head to look at him perplexed. "Don't get me wrong, I want to be together but I don't want us to force it simply because we figure it's supposed to happen. I want this, I do. I want us, I want it so much I can't put it in words but I'm scared that it might not work out."

 

"And why wouldn't it work out?" I questioned to encourage him to continue although I was a bit afraid of what he might say. Alas, I was equal parts eager to know and frightened but I was really curious to find out where his head was so curiosity won out.

 

"Because of me," he said self-deprecatingly giving me sad smile.

 

"Why would you think that?"

 

"Because I get the feeling sometimes that I'm not who you think I am. I'm not perfect and while I'm sure you know that, sometimes it feels like you expect me to be but I'm not that guy. I was a bit skeptical about us going out at first because I didn't want to see us end up like all my other past relationships. I couldn't afford lose you, I still can't. You mean too much to me. After my last failed relationship I realized that all of my other relationships were probably my fault. And you're were too precious. You deserve to have a really great guy, you need someone who'll treat you like a queen and put you first. I wanted to be that guy, I wanted to be better for you but with my history I wasn't sure if I could. I wanted us to be different but all I had to draw from were failed relationships. That's when I realized I didn't know how to be that guy or even where to start. I want to hold you delicately with kid gloves all the time because I felt like I had to protect you from myself but you just wanted to be normal. So I started to treat it like any of my other relationships and that made everything worse. It felt like the times we go shopping together," he confided.

 

I laughed thinking about it, Bryce had a surprising sense of fashion and since the first trip I realized that he couldn't be trusted to shop alone. Some of the clothes he picked I'd never thought to put on him and in addition to ones I'd expect to see in his closet. He was someone who needed another person to help him weed out his 'I-just-like-the-color-regardless-if-it-looks-good-on-me' choices. I nearly died of laughter, that first trip, as he'd stroll out of the dressing room confidently time and time again with an outfit, that looked horrible, as though it was his best pick. Another time we went to the store because he said he needed a teal shirt, he picked up the first one he found in his size and thought he'd done well. Most times he went shopping with Jason but from then on I'd go with him when I needed a laugh.

 

"I still don't get how you didn't see it with the teal shirt that time," I commented giggling.

 

"Hey, it fit didn't it?" he retorted with a genuine smile of amusement this time.

 

"It was a shirt from the women's plus sized section that someone had misplaced!" I shook my head incredulously. "I'm not sure I ever laughed so hard in my life." That day I cried laughing at him and I ended up on the floor but I had managed to take a picture, which I still have, before he took it off.

 

"Well I'm glad you enjoy laughing at my bad sense of fashion," he said taking it in stride.

 

"It's not unworkable you just need a little guidance," I encouraged.

 

"I hope so," he said with a serious look in his eyes. I knew he wasn't talking about his choice in clothes anymore.

 

"You're redeemable too, Bryce."

 

"I hope you're right because I'd felt like I was groping around in the dark the first time. You thought I was a really great guy and it killed me that I couldn't be him. Sometimes you'd be mad at me and I didn't know why, since you didn't seem to want to talk to me I'd just give you some space, hoping it'd blow over or you'd calm down at least. When I'd come to ask you you'd act like everything was fine and I didn't want to push it and upset you again so I left it alone. I hadn't realized then what it was or what it meant but I do now. I know that you're scared and you have every right to be. If I did it once I can do it twice. A hundred times. A thousand times even. Being that I've hurt you multiple times without trying to you're scared to be vulnerable with me because I'm a danger to you but that's what scares me too though. I'm afraid that I might either unknowingly push you too far and you leave or, worse, you stay. As much as I don't want you to leave me I don't know if I could take it knowing that because of me you couldn't be happy. My biggest fear is that one day all my flaws will outweigh any happiness that I can bring you so that I can't make you smile anymore and you come to resent me. Where you feel like you're in an abusive relationship where you can't be happy with or without me so you just stay and tolerate me. I don't want you to ever feel like you're stuck with me," he spoke softly, baring his soul to me.

 

"I am stuck with you though," I commented quietly, meeting his eyes. "I'm stuck with you for a mate and you're stuck with me. So I'll always be yours and you'll always be mine," I offered him a brief smile before looking away. "No matter what happens in the future," I said pensively as we lapsed into silence, both slipping into our own thoughts. I get why he was so torn. I was too.

 

We eventually got up, leaving the brooding atmosphere behind, and decided to make the most of today. He took me to different places around town as we continued on our mission to 'recreate memories'. He gave me two birthday gifts. One was a tote bag that he'd filled with quirky nurse themed items which I'd been shocked to find in my car as we were getting in it to leave my house. I hadn't quite gotten the opportunity to tell him that I would be going to school for nursing but he explained that Angie had mentioned it to him at some point. The second gift he gave me was a necklace. The last place we went to was Sanchianos for dinner and when we were leaving he turned to me, stopping just outside the door.

 

"I know I already gave you something but I want to give you this last gift," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black box. I opened the box when he handed it to me. I gasped not being able to say a word at first.

 

"Oh my God," I cooed eventually. I finally looked up at him to see a gentle smile on his face as he observed my reaction. I nearly toppled him over with a hug, "Thank you! I love it, Bry," I said.

 

"I'm glad you like it. That's what I really wanted to give you but I didn't think it was a present I could give you by itself since I already gave it to you before. I found it a couple years ago and I bought a new chain for it."

 

Bryce had given me the necklace for my birthday once but the chain broke and I lost the circular pendant. I used to wear it everywhere so he knew how upset I'd been when I couldn't find it. I didn't care that I was getting the same gift twice I still loved it. He definitely got a kiss for his thoughtfulness. When he'd grabbed my hips to pull me closer kissing me back I let him deepen the kiss and eagerly matched his fervor.

 

"You make a guy not want to leave," he said pulling away.

 

"Don't remind me," I sighed.

 

"Want to put it on?" he asked.

 

"Yeah, thanks," I held my hair out of the way once he took the necklace out of the box. As he was clasping the necklace I felt his breath fanning my neck and I shivered.

 

"Cold?" I could hear the smugness in his tone and knew he was smirking.

 

"You did that on purpose," I accused. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back against him then kissed my bare shoulder.

 

"What ever are you talking about?" he asked, his lips still against my skin, feigning innocence.

 

"You know what you did," I retorted. He simply laughed and let me go. As we walked to the car my phone started ringing but it died when I tried to answer. "Bry, can I use your phone?"

 

"Sure," he took it out of his pocket and handed it over.

 

"Mine just died and my mom was calling me," I explained as I unlocked his phone.

 

"Well, we need to start heading to the airport so I can catch my flight anyway," he commented looking at his watch. I made a face at him as I dialed and no one picked up. "It's okay," he chuckled, "I'll still call you and text you everyday," he said throwing an arm over my shoulders and kissing my temple.

 

"Now that you mention it, we need to talk," I said.

 

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "Somehow I thought we were doing that. I don't know how I got that mixed up."

 

"Stop playing, I'm serious," As hard as I tried I couldn't suppress the smile on my face as I pushed at his chest. He caught my hand and kissed my fingers.

 

"Okay, I'm all ears," he replied regarding me seriously. I cleared my throat as I tried to channel my thoughts.

 

"I have something to tell you..."

Chapter 11: The Gift part 2

 

"As a matter of fact I'm mad at you," I announced.

 

"Really?" he asked sarcastically, "I couldn't tell," he admitted looking at me pointedly to elaborate.

 

"Where was my 'good morning' text?" I confronted him as we stopped in front of the car and I folded my arms. He threw his head back and started laughing.

 

"I was already here and I wasn't sure if you saw any of it," he defended.

 

"Well I have and I laughed through all 20 episodes of the 'you won't answer your phone' show," I said and he smiled. "And I was going to let you off over the 'I miss you' text in the afternoon since you were here but if you're going to laugh now you're in deficit and you owe me."

 

"Really? No mercy?" he pleaded.

 

"Of course not," I answered. "And by the way do you walk around the card section in the Hallmark store to find stuff to send me?"

 

"No!" he immediately denied, perplexed, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

"You've got to be lying because some of that stuff sounds like you took it from a Hallmark card," I laughed at his mounting confusion.

 

"No, I wrote all those texts myself," he refuted. I shook my head and took a step back.

 

"I don't know about that," I teased taking another step away from him.

 

"Where are you going?" he reached for me but I evaded him. "Believe me," he followed me, reaching out again.

 

"Make me," I challenged as I took off running around the car. Bryce, wasting no time, chased after me. Even though I made a valiant effort he still eventually caught me and caged me in against the car. As I looked up into his amber eyes he looked at me with a wolfish grin, in triumph. He bent his head down and molded our lips together.

 

"And where did you think you were going?" his body pressed against mine holding me in place, leaving me trapped against the car and stared down into my eyes as we fought to catch our breath. "I'm not letting you go," he eventually closed the gap between us again and I kissed him back yielding to the magic of the moment.

 

When we finally pulled apart he leaned his forehead against mine and even though neither of us had our eyes open I could feel the smile on his lips against my own. I playfully nipped at his bottom lip.

 

"You better not," I slid my hands into his hair and, when he laughed, pulled his head closer to resume our kiss.

 

"I may be going back to New York but that doesn't mean the end, it's not like I'll be dead, I won't be gone for good. I'll always be there for you whenever you need me, okay?" he whispered soothingly to me but his words brought Skylar back to mind.

 

"Okay," I nodded with my eyes trained on his chest, not able to look at him.

 

"I'm not talking about doing the impossible here," he continued talking in that soft tone as he lifted my chin "We can test it out for this semester and if you really don't like it I could always come back," my eyes flew to his.

 

"What?!" I exclaimed. "It's been your dream to go New York, how could you give up everything you've worked for?"

 

"I'd do anything for you, Alyssa," he said seriously and I didn't know what to respond at first. "If staying would make you more comfortable I'm more than willing to do just that."

 

"I could never make you do that. You've wanted this for too long, this has been your dream since forever," I had to decline. I might be miserable when he's gone but I can't let him give up his dream for my convenience knowing how hard he'd worked to get a full ride scholarship to NYU?

 

"What I want is the happiness of the most important girl in my world, so if that'll make you happy then that's what I'll do for you. Dreams can change but my happiness will always include you," he whispered in my ear. "But like I said we don't have to make any changes as of yet, once I'm not here anymore and get to bawling about how much you miss me you'll either be clinging to me whenever I get back or sneaking your way to New York," he teased me, winking, as he backed away.

 

As we drove Bryce's phone vibrated, thinking it was my mother calling back I looked down and was surprised to find that it wasn't. The person calling was actually Emy Hickens. For a moment I found myself not able to do anything trying to decide whether to accept or decline the call.

 

"Who is it?" he asked glancing over at me when I continued to let it ring. The sound of his voice jarred me out of my trance and as I looked over at the innocent curiosity on his face it reminded me of this morning. He'd already made it clear that he didn't want to talk to her so I have nothing to worry about, I told myself.

 

"Don't worry about it, it's not important," I answered him. He accepted this answer probably believing it was a wrong number.

 

When we got to the airport Bryce parked but since it was still early neither of us moved to get out after he turned off the engine.

 

"Come here," he lightly tugged on my hand. He helped me crawl over the gear shift on his lap, leaving his hand on my hips, and I straddled him as he slid the seat back. When I almost hit my head on the ceiling he laid it back as far as it would go. Looking at his face all I could think about was how much I would miss him.

 

I looked up at Alyssa and could no more protect myself from the feeling of guilt then I could stop a bullet as her eyes reflected her sadness and inner turmoil. I was torn between wanting to soothe her and trying to distract her with laughter. At first I did neither because as much as it pained me seeing her like this I felt that it was a mostly selfish impulse and it wouldn't help in the long run. It'd only succeed in making her feel better for a while and me less guilty but after I left she'd be depressed again. I watched her, carefully considering what to say to her next.

 

"Alyssa, we'll make it through this together, okay?" Although she was looking at me and her hands rested against my chest it was as if I wasn't there. We were so close yet so far away, "I know all of this is hard for you that's why I want to do everything I can to make it easier for you. I'm here for you. You can call me anytime because we're in this together so if there's anything you need me to do while I'm still here or anything you want to ask me or tell me…" I trailed off waiting on her response. "Anything you think will help you be more at ease or something you need to know before going forward," I added when she still hadn't answered. She continued staring at me but this time I could tell she was thinking about what I said, then a slow smile spread across her face.

 

"Thank you," she said sliding her hands up my chest and cupped my face.

 

"What for?" I asked confused.

 

"For reminding me of something important," I raised my eyebrows, "all day you kept saying how you wanted me to have fun, and I did. I really enjoyed today but knowing you were leaving was killing me however you're still here with me and I plan to savor the time we have left," she elaborated before leaning down to kiss me.

 

There was so much meaning in that kiss, everything that I couldn't put in words and all of my emotions were poured out into him. I gave him everything and in return he didn't give me any less. I broke the kiss while I rearranged myself so that I was flush against him and he moved his hand to caress my cheek.

 

"Alyssa," he whispered on my lips as ours came back together. In his arms I felt safe and loved, not wanting to let go I burrowed further into his embrace. Bryce smiled against my lips then took the kiss deeper making me feel vulnerable as I almost compulsively gave over to him but within seconds all my tumultuous emotions were calmed and my wolf who'd been unsettled was finally assuaged.

 

For moments after that kiss we stayed close marveling in this new development in our relationship. I'd felt the shift once it'd happened, I've found comfort in Bryce before but this was different. It was almost scary how easily he'd eased the storm of my emotions even though I knew he was just trying to be supportive, how could he quiet my inner turmoil so quickly? I hadn't told him about Skylar and her ultimatum but somehow he sensed something was wrong. When all my pent up emotions came boiling to the surface he took them on and cancelled out the chaos. He didn't ask questions and I got that he wasn't going to, he wanted me to know we were in it together and he'd wait until I was ready to talk about it.

Chapter 12: The Gift part 3

 

Bryce pressed his lips against my shoulder and I purred then he breathed deep, dragging in my scent into his lungs until they were full then slowly exhaled. He turned his head into the crook of my neck and started the process all over again. He did this as he traveled all the way up my neck as if he was looking for the right spot. At some point he murmured something against my skin but I hadn't been paying enough attention to make out what he said. I let him get his fill for a moment longer before pulling him back to me. He searched my eyes for what I had no clue but by the time he'd opened his mouth I was impatient. I crushed our lips together and let my demand be known but he pulled away chuckling a short while later.

 

"I have a question," he announced after gazing at me in silence for a while, I groaned.

 

"You've got to be kidding, your girlfriend is lying on top of you and you have a question?"

 

"I'm not about to do what you're clearly thinking and plus we don't have enough time anyway. And for the record the first time we do that is not going to be in a car, you deserve better than that," he explained with a touch of humor in his eyes and something else.

 

"Fine..." I gave in with a sigh, "so what's your question?"

 

"Earlier you asked if I had any doubts about our relationship and I'm still very aware that we're working on our relationship and in order to move forward we have to get better at communicating even when it's hard. Especially now because if we can't most likely we won't survive the damage this time," he stated.

 

"I know," I agreed.

 

"So, do you have any doubts?" he watched me closely for my response.

 

"I don't really have doubts," I answered slowly trying to gather my thoughts, "it's more like insecurities. In the past I didn't say anything to you when I was mad at you because I thought you'd break up with me. When things got worse I wondered why you hadn't dumped me, I figured you just didn't want to hurt my feelings. There were several times that I said I would break up with you but I'd let Angie talk me into staying because breaking up wasnt what I wanted.” I could see how effortlessly perfect we are for each other but I was afraid of completely opening up to him when he was leaving. It was because he was leaving that made me especially covetously greedy. I wanted it all, everything. If he could calm my fears what else was he doing already that I hadn't noticed? Would I find out that I'd become dependent on him after he left? I'd taken him for granted and it was now hitting home that I depended on him. I've come to count on him being there even on the worse days. Now he wouldn't, although we could still talk it wouldn't be the same.

 

As I realized the perks of having a mate and started to get a better understanding of the potential of our relationship I was in awe of him. The only thing I could think of as I looked into his eyes was he would always be there. In that moment I saw snippet of something, Bryce stood there in the back ground, waiting, far away yet somehow still close enough to reach out and touch.

 

If I learned anything from earlier it was that we were both scared and hurt. Since our relationship started he'd never showed me that he was hurting or struggling so I'd felt for him when he opened up to me this afternoon. As his best friend I'd been there when all of his previous relationships ended and I knew he'd been affected but I hadn't known to what extent as this was the first time he'd bared his scars for me to see. He's obviously gotten hurt looking for something genuine amidst people didn't care for making a deeper connection. In the past he'd freely given himself only to be met with manipulation or rejection by girls who were with him for the wrong reasons. They used him for what he could give but when he offered his heart they didn't appreciate it, treating it as trash to be swept to the side. The result was a downtrodden damaged soul who was afraid to completely be himself even with those that he loved and held dear.

 

After a breakup he'd usually be down for a few days but he'd eventually go back to normally after, I assumed, he realized that those girls weren't worth it. All of them had been more interested in appearances not a real relationship. Even still each time he willingly gave his heart to those who never wanted him but rather the title of girlfriend. They liked that he put them on a pedestal and showered them with gifts but didn't really want to get to know him. After getting caught up with those types of girls time and time again he got with Emy thinking it would be different but then she cheated on him and ended up pregnant. So there he was again although clearly the scars from his past started taking their toll I thought he'd be okay just like always I never imagined that it weighed so heavily on him. In hindsight knowing what I know now I can see why he would have wholeheartedly tried to be who he thought I wanted him to be if he had lumped me in with his exes and mistakenly assumed that I had the same mindset and agenda as them. Even at the end of our relationship he'd only just started to show me a piece of the Bryce I knew he could be.

 

Seeing him like that and knowing we felt the same gave me courage now to speak because I know it couldn't have been easy for him.

 

"I'm sorry if you were looking for a more concrete answer given your first request. I don't mean to be so vague but it's this, this, and this it's not like I have a list somewhere I didn't write it down so I'll just have to tell you as it comes to me but for now I'm willing to work on it I get that because of your past relationship you doubt if you could make me happy as you are but like I said before you're workable but it's hard to work on it when you're constantly changing. Deep down I know that you try and at the heart of it you want my happiness but I need you to help me. You've given yourself before and other girls have hurt you but you're not a monster and you're not a hopeless case. All I'm asking is that you give me yourself too because up to now you've tried to protect me from yourself you never gave the chance to see for myself and decide that you have to be someone else to make me happy. So before you decide that you're not good enough, allow me that chance to see the real you. All I want is the genuine you. Just because your other girlfriends couldn't properly appreciate it, doesn't mean that something's wrong with you and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be loved for who you are. I'm sure that we'll still have our problems but we can work it out. So, I guess the answer to your original question is I just want you to let me in –show me you, genuinely and consistently, and remember that I'm hurt too. I don't want to hear 'I'm scared' as an excuse from you because as scared you are I'm just as scared if not more so."

 

I'd almost gotten choked up halfway through but I pushed myself through it. When I was done the acceptance and warmth I was met with left me feeling a little overwhelmed. He held me tightly, kissed my forehead then whispered to me telling me more things that he'd held in. Being in his arms in this moment I could tell how much he cared for me and wanted us to work.

 

I hadn't ever realized how deeply he cared about me until now as he held me close and confided his worse fears. As I listened I couldn't help thinking 'that's why he'd held back' because he knew what he was going through internally while I hadn't known what I was walking into and he thought to protect me. He was afraid for me that's why as soon as we hit a smooth patch in our relationship he'd set up camp there. If we were going to be together then he wanted to be sure that we had a chance to be happy together and I couldn't promise him that not with Skylar's threat in the back of my mind. I could understand his knee-jerk reaction to want to protect me because I'd do the same in a heartbeat. After he poured out his heart and soul to me today I'd never willingly put him in the position to hurt someone else because I know he'd beat himself up about it.

 

 “Bry, mark me,” I blurted out before I could change my mind. “Bry?” I called out his name, my uncertainty slipping into my voice. As the silence stretched on I began to waver and I was less sure of myself with every second that passed. Everything about him had immediately gone still, he'd even stopped breathing. His hands that'd been holding me were now limp and rested lifelessly at his side. For a long moment he didn't reply and he didn't move so I lifted his head to look at his face but his eyes were closed. He was clearly struggling with the decision and I bet if he'd open his eyes now they'd show his wolf was in ascendance.

 

“I want you to think about it more for now because when we make that kind of commitment you should be absolutely sure. If you just need something to think of me there's a whole hamper full of dirty laundry that I already told my mom you'd be swinging by to pick up-” I hit him effectively cutting him off.

 

“No! You didn't,” I narrowed my eyes at him, he answered by way of laughing. “BRYCE!! How could you?!” I yelled hitting him again. He kissed me as he raised the seat, “why do you and my mom aim to embarrass me?”

 

“It's to show you we care,” he said.

 

"How?"

 

"To keep you centered," he continued.

 

"Oh yeah sure," I retorted sarcastically, as I said it another car pulled into the parking space beside us.

 

"And because it's fun messing with you," he added quietly.

 

"More like that's the only reason," I grumbled to myself.

 

“By the way there's a car charger in your glove box,” I’d gotten out of the car and he got out after me. Just then one of the airport buses pulled up and we got on. I pulled out his phone and started playing a game, “so you're going to ignore me?” he asked when I didn't respond to his attempts to talk to me.

 

“Yep,” I answered and he chuckled. He'd already had an arm on the back of my chair but he wrapped it around my shoulders, pulled me into him, and kissed my temple. Knowing I wasn't really mad at him, he rubbed his thumb up and down my arm when I melted into his side laying my head on his shoulder. He rested his chin on my head as he stared out the window during the short ride to the airport.

 

As we walked into the airport side by side he laced our fingers together and pulled me closer. Bryce guided me along so I wouldn't run into anybody since I my head was down. Even as we approached security since boarding had already started he didn't seem fazed because I always play games on his phone. He joked that I just wanted to play on his phone because he'd downloaded some of the games onto my phone. Once we'd gotten to the lines he stopped and turned to me. Beating his high score I proudly showed off my achievement to which he promised to pass it and once he did he'd send me a screenshot. I laughed, as I often did when he lost against me in a game. I kissed him goodbye but remembering there were other people around I cut it short. Just as he was about to turn to walk away his phone vibrated with a text message.

 

"What the hell, Bryce?” I exclaimed, “what is this?”

 

"What is what?” he questioned confused. I turned to the phone so he could see the set of text messages from Emy.

 

“After everything you still talk to her?”

 

“No, I don’t because as you saw all of those were unread,” he defended.

 

“Oh don’t even try that with me, I’m not stupid, you can read texts from your notifications and it won’t show that you saw it. Why didn’t you delete her number?”

 

“Because she’s still calling and texting me. I don’t know her number by heart so I just left it that way when I see it’s her I ignore it,” he explained.

 

“You could have blocked her or changed your number but you didn’t.”

 

“It didn’t occur to me that to do any of that because I didn’t think it was a big deal if I just ignored her. I didn’t read her texts, I didn’t reply, and I didn’t answer or return any of her calls,” he argued.

 

“It didn’t occur to you? Not a big deal? Maybe not to you but to me it is. You say you didn't read them but that's only a matter of wording, the bottom line is you saw them. And you didn't reply because some of these don’t need a reply. If you’re in someone's face there is no need to pick up or their call either. Why call her back when you're meeting up with her?”

 

He defended himself, begged, and pleaded with me but I didn't let up continuing to hurl accusations at him until he noticed that I was stubbornly digging my heels in. There was no arguing with me because in my mind I was right and he was a cheater. Although Bryce didn't register it because he was so caught up trying to diffuse my anger but we caused a scene in the middle of the airport and he almost missed his flight. He eventually realized that there was nothing he could say to change my mind because I wasn't listen and I pushed him enough that he just walked away vowing that this wasn't over.

 

~~

 

When I got home and went to my room I got a text message:

 

Good job

 

-Skylar

Chapter 13: Aftermath

 That night I'd dreamed about the first time Bryce gave me the circular pendant for my birthday. When I woke the next morning I felt as if I could still hear us laughing. I'd immediately fallen in love with it and although we'd still been just best friends at the time I cherished it.

 

Still half asleep and smiling over the memory I reached up to touch the necklace only to find that it wasn't there. The shock had me fully awake as if someone had slapped me in the face. To add insult to injury, memories of the previous night assaulted me in those initial moments of me fully waking. Just like that, once again my joy was stolen, the blissful flashback was gone, replaced by harsh reality.

 

I hadn't even opened my eyes yet my heart rate rose and panic started to set in as I felt my chest again for the pendant. When it wasn't there I quickly got up and began furiously checking the bed to see if the chain had simply broken, again, as I slept. I searched my room frantically for the pendant and the more I couldn't seem to find it the more my search range widened. As I looked under my bed I tried thinking of the last time I saw it and when that might have been to make sure it wasn't just anywhere.

 

I remembered having it when I got home but I couldn't account for when or where it had gotten lost. Knowing it had to be somewhere in the house I retraced my steps from the night before but couldn't find it. Knowing the perimeters of my search were small I was slowly going insane with every second that passed and ended up flipping my room upside down in frustration. I was so consumed with finding the necklace, nearly ripping my hair out in the process, I almost didn't notice that someone had come into the house.

 

"Hey girl," Angie greeted me when she walked into my house, "you guys were cute yesterday," catching me off guard.

 

"You think so?" I asked, momentarily distracted.

 

"Obviously," she paused to examine me a second, "why do you look like that? What happened?"

 

"We broke up again last night…" I prepared myself for the worst knowing she would be upset.

 

"What happen?" she inquired with concern.

 

"We spent the rest of the day together after the party. Everything was great yesterday..." thinking of it again reminded me of my dream and search for the necklace. "I just- I don't know anymore," all of my emotions from the previous night collided with the ones from this morning.

 

Angie seemed confused but was still trying to comfort me.

 

"I can't believe I lost it again," I tossed my hands in defeat.

 

In that moment it was as if Angie had just seen my room for the first time as she finally took notice of how it was in disarray.

 

"Try to calm down, okay?" she encouraged, rubbing my back. "What did you lose?" I was too upset to answer.

 

"Just try to calm down and tell me what happened when you're ready."

 

I told her about how Bryce gave me the necklace again and about the text messages and phone calls with Emy. She listened intently as she always did but when I was done she didn't say anything. I found myself being irritated by her silence serenity when I felt so unhinged.

 

"It's alright, Alyssa, no matter what happens you're going to be okay," she said soothingly but it just infuriated me further and I just knew the next word that would come out of her mouth would probably be something about 'everything'll work itself out eventually in the end' or 'before you know it this'll pass and it'll be over'. She could say that only because it wasn't her life but from what I could tell this didn't seem like some 'phase' that would pass so I didn't feel like hearing her philosophy crap right now. If I let her go on she would start making excuses for Bryce saying, 'maybe this' or 'maybe that' but I wasn't interested in letting it get that far. The more I thought about it frustration built upon that which was already there and I just came unglued.

 

"Just stop it, Angie. You're always trying to force feed me your philosophy when I'm vulnerable but it doesn't work and you know that. You always think you're right and want to tell me what to do but now I just feel like you were trying to sabotage my relationship," I exclaimed.

 

"I didn't come here to fight you, Alyssa," she started, "It was never my intention to tear you down and make you feel like I'm always right and you have to do what I say. When I speak it is only out of concern for you because I want you to be happy. I don't understand why you're trying to make me out to be the bad guy but I've only ever tried to help. When I give you advice I'm telling you what I would do in that situation. I'm not aiming to set you up and I'm certainly not trying to force you."

 

"I'm done listening to you, Angie. You always take Bryce's side but I'm not you and one thing that I absolutely cannot stand is the fact that he still talks to Emy. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does so when Emy text him 'is Alyssa still with you?' I lost it, okay? And you want to tell me, 'it's alright'? No, it's not alright. 'You'll be okay'? When?! Because right now I'm not okay, Angie, I'm not! I'm a mess and I don't know what I'm doing but I do know there's no need for you shoving your 'advice' down my throat because there is no relationship for you to ruin anymore."

 

"I'll give you time to come back to your senses," exasperated, she stormed out.

 

After Angie left I felt I'd just lost a friend and my necklace too. I just felt defeated as I stared blankly until something caught my eye from across the room. There was something in wrapping paper I'd never seen before, I carefully unwrapped it to find a card with my name written in Bryce's handwriting explaining this to be my third and final birthday gift. Under the card was a book, all it took was one look at the title to steal the air from my lungs leaving me speechless. Bryce knew it was a book that would always have sentimental value for me.

 

For a long moment I struggled to keep my composure but eventually I managed to text Skylar, determined to start sorting things out. Skylar and I met up at a cafe for lunch to talk about yesterday.

 

"I honestly don't know why you're trying to fight me on this when you're almost always telling me about how you fight with Angelica because she's wants you to stay so I don't think I'm saying anything that you don't already know. In situations like this it's better to leave the guy alone especially if you haven't really made a decision," she said looking at me pointedly.

 

"I had made a decision," I refuted.

 

"Maybe but not a solid one, and you know I'm right," she returned. "You made a decision in the heat of the moment and you were planning on going full steam ahead so that you didn't have time to really think twice about it. That might work out while he's here but what about after he's gone and you're by yourself you can't tell me that you don't think about things like that. Like how he insists on remaining close friends with his ex-girlfriend, Emy Hickens, you've told me many times about how it bothers you. You've never accepted any interaction between the two, so you're telling me that you've made the decision to finally fully trust him about their relationship status? Are you also ready to accept that you have no control over whether he talks to her when you're not around? If you couldn't find it in yourself to trust him when he was living in the same town within walking distance do you really think you can magically trust him when he's miles away. You used to see him every day, he was a big portion of you life and vice versa but now he's going to be living a completely separate life away from you with people you don't know and have never met. Realistically I just feel that's too much of a risk for a person who already has trust issues like you. The way that I see it you need to be more realistic, take a step back and look at the situation objectively."

 

"But you didn't have to threaten me to take your advice," I said accusingly.

 

"Look at it this way, before yesterday were planning on taking him back?"

 

"Well…" I started nervously, "no but-" I tried to explain but she cut me off.

 

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. And you probably even had your reasons all outlined too," she paused to let that soak in and I couldn't really say anything because she was right.

 

"I know what you're probably thinking, he manipulated me and talked me into taking him back and that's not what happened I changed my mind yesterday. Is it a crime to change my mind?"

 

"No, but why do you think that was?"

 

"I finally realized something that made me see things differently," I explained.

 

"And what's that? What you were saying yesterday about you not speaking up?" I nodded but she just sighed heavily. "Does a bully need their prey to speak for them to know what they're doing is wrong? And even if they do, do you think the situation will change?"

 

"Bryce and I aren't like that," I defended.

 

"Let me say it this way then. You said that you didn't tell him anything that you thought he did wrong, correct?" I nodded. "But I'm pretty sure since you first broke up with him he's known that there were things between you that weren't right. He's your 'best friend' he must have realized when you were acting strangely towards him, like when you were angry."

 

"He noticed, he just didn't know what was wrong and I hadn't wanted to talk about it," I told her.

 

"But he had to know that not talking about it wasn't good for your relationship," she reasoned.

 

"He was scared…"

 

"Of what? Talking to you? A healthy relationship? What is there to be afraid of? It would've just been a conversation and you talk all the time anyway so why couldn't you talk about your relationship?"

 

"But you didn't have to threaten me into doing what you wanted," I reiterated.

 

"If I hadn't, would you have listened?"

 

"You can't force me to do what you want me to," I asserted, adamantly.

 

"Of course not, you make your own decisions," she sounded like she was mocking me. "I can't make you do anything that you don't want to. I can only try to guide you along but you'll do what you want in the end," she laughed cryptically. "But I have realized that we seem to think alike so I'm sure you'll eventually come around. Anyway, it's getting late we should get going. We don't want to be late, you know, the alpha doesn't like that," she said, standing up.

 

We left straight from the cafe and luckily made it to the pack house with not much time to spare before the pack meeting started. As we were going in to find a place to sit Skylar noticed Angie nearby and pointed her out, at that very same moment, it seemed, the girls standing with Angie saw us as well.

 

"I didn't know Alyssa hung out with Skylar," I heard one of our friends saying.

 

I felt a little guilty because I'd only just befriended Sklyar this past year during a time when I was avoiding my friends so it had never occurred to me to invite her to hang out with my other friends because I was used to hanging out with her separately. Now that I thought about it I realized how that must have appeared as though I was purposely hiding our friendship.

 

With the way it was being portrayed it felt as if we were finally revealing some dirty little secret and especially given the way the girls were 'whispering' about it I knew they were going to blow this out of proportion. There was no way that Skylar hadn't heard what they were saying about her as well but if she had her face didn't show it.

 

"You're not sitting with Angelica today?" Skylar asked, seemingly not offended in the least.

 

"No," I answered offering her what I hoped was an assuring smile.

 

"Are you sure?" she inquired, incredulously, "I don't mind, you always sit with her," she added with a shrug.

 

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I told her as we were passing by the group to get to two empty seats.

 

I avoided looking in the direction of the gossiping group of girls and I especially refrained from making any eye contact with Angie. I felt it would be better this way especially considering I'd just seen Angie hours earlier and we'd left off on a bad note anyway. It wasn't long before the meeting started and everybody went to their seats. By the time it was over I couldn't have repeated a word of what was said because I'd been so distracted by my own preoccupied thoughts not to mention the girls from earlier kept trying to burn holes in the back of my head.

 

Skylar and I were getting ready to leave when out of the corner of my eye I happened to notice a familiar figure and when I heard laughing I turned to look.

 

"What are you looking at?" Skylar questioned pulling my attention back.

 

"No, it's nothing," despite my response I had a smile on my face as I took one last glance.

 

The sight before my eyes was heartwarming, my uncle Sev was standing amongst a group of adults with aunt Mabel beaming at his side. Given how tall my uncle was and his stocky build it was hard to miss him. He had been animatedly telling the group something that had them all laughing with a smile on his face that made him look exactly like my dad. While everyone was laughing he and aunt Mabel shared a smile, it'd been sweet how they'd gotten so caught up in their own little world. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment so I happily turned my eyes away.

 

I'm glad they were finally happy because I know they'd been through a lot together and by the way aunt Mabel was smiling I could tell this wasn't just a fleeting moment of sobriety, uncle Sev was really back.

 

I went home hopeful that at some point Bryce and I could get back on track too. I was exhausted and once again just as I was crawling into bed to go to sleep I got a text message. With a pang of guilt I reached for my phone, knowing it was Bryce and feeling like I needed to say something. I simply typed 'I'm sorry' but before I could send it another message came in, except this one was from Skylar, telling me that she had my necklace.

Chapter 14: The Assignment

 

You know I'm your friend and I want what's best for you which is why I'm not going to sugar coat anything…

 

That was the beginning of the text I'd woken up to this morning from Angie.

 

Although only a few days had passed the pack was gathered together again on this rainy day for a funeral, to lay to rest one of our own: Shirley Watson. She was Emy's grandmother and the woman who had single-handedly raised her all of her life, since both of her parents were deceased. Now that Shirley had passed Emy didn't have anyone left except for her daughter, Amera.

 

At the funeral Emy looked solemn in her all black outfit with a small veil which failed to mask her puffy eyes. Today her hair was surprisingly in its natural state, which was an ombre-like mixture of blonde and brunette. She kept her daughter closely tucked into her side the entire time while she looked resigned, as though she could be out of her body watching herself.

 

She didn't look to have heard a single word that'd been said but I couldn't claim to have paid attention either as Angie's text message kept replaying in my mind.

 

I really want to help you, I feel like you're lost and need guidance but quite frankly, at this point, I'm not sure how to help you…

 

I briefly glanced out the window at the sky, the clouds were just as gray and gloomy as they'd been when I'd stepped out of my house this morning if not worse. Today, with the weather like it was and the heaviness of grief in the air, seemed to fit my mood exactly. The cause of my sadness may not have been because of someone dying but I still was feeling a sense of loss after everything lately, even though it was mostly my fault. I could say that I had my reasons but it didn't make me feel any better, so I mourned all that I'd lost as I sat in the back of the church with my parents.

 

Despite the fact that I wasn't fond of the girl it wasn't something I would have wished on her. Even though she had originally seemed like she was getting through everything okay by the time she'd gotten through half of the long procession of people who'd approached her to give their condolences she looked worn out.

 

Shirley had been an extremely nice lady and, although she'd been poor and barely got by, would try to help anyone she could. She had doted on her great granddaughter and I could imagine she must have been a big help to Emy in taking care of the little girl especially since Emy was planning to continue school. As we stood in the cemetery to lower Shirley into the ground Emy simply stared blankly at nothing most likely just letting all the words flow over her. She looked much how I felt, despite being in an estranged state again Bryce had made up for the texts I'd complained about by that next day and has since resumed his routine.

 

Why had things turned out the way they had like this? How didn't I see it coming? I felt guilty, seeing that I feel as if I was lying to Bryce for not telling him about the situation with Skylar but I couldn't see what telling him would do, especially at this point. Somehow I would have to figure this out on my own.

 

...But you know I'm always here for you and willing to help you with anything I can. I just love you and want you to do what's best for you.

 

Eventually the ceremony and everything was done so everyone started going home. I couldn't help feeling empathetic as I took one last glance at Emy as we left. Since both sets of my grandparents had died before I was born and both of my parents were still alive I figured there was nothing that I could tell her that would help as I'd never been in her situation which was another reason I'd decided not to join in the long line earlier. Anything I could think to say would most likely sound shallow but one thing that I did understand as I'd saw her today that resonated with me was that after everyone had gone home and the day was over the hurt would still be there.

 

No matter what they tell you or how much they reassure you that everything will be okay it doesn't stop the void that you feel now that the person isn't there neither will it stop the loneliness when memories come back to you only to remember that they're not there anymore. Nor would they be ever again. Whether the next day or the day after that, you'll still be affected. Your hurt and pain won't go away simply because the world around you keeps going and other people move on, seemingly forgetting that your grief isn't going to go away overnight.

 

This isn't something that you get over after a day, or over a week, or in a month and it is hard not to let your emotions overwhelm you. There isn't much that one can say to someone who has to re-stabilize their life and especially if you're not doing so well at it yourself. The darkness in my heart won't let me forget the bitterness of death in her eyes. There was no way I could say anything encouraging to her when I too struggle against an almost crippling sense of regret. There was no way I could tell her that when our circumstances were not the same, although given how things with Skylar were going my situation seemed just as inescapable. At this point, I felt that I couldn't nonchalantly carry on until I could ascertain that Skylar wouldn't seriously endanger anyone. Arguably, my suffering would be for a shorter period of time because Emy would never see her grandmother again.

 

In the days that passed my old friends decided to take what happened at the last pack meeting and spin it, spreading that Skylar was my "new best friend". Angie herself hadn't seemed to believe the rumors that she'd been replaced, in the beginning, as she'd still continued texting me for a while. I'd become busy very quickly because classes for the nursing program I was enrolled in had begun. The thing that seem to give credibility to the rumors was the fact that Skylar was also accepted into the same program as I was and hadn't told me. Despite the trouble it caused me, Skylar seemed to be enjoying it and milked the situation for all it was worth. Perhaps the last straw that broke the camel's back was the day that my parents told me how Angie had even come by our house looking for me. They'd told her I wasn't home and in addition to telling her where she could find me they happened to mention that I was with Skylar. Needless to say Angie's attempts faded, leaving me to actually only have Skylar for a friend.

 

Just get yourself together for now and let's move forward...

 

As I read over Angie's latest message I was reminded of what she said at the end of her first one over a week ago.

 

I'm not trying to control your life, as I can only tell you what I think is best yet nothing that I say will really matter to you...

 

In all of this, Skylar has taken the opportunity to make it seem like she's my new best friend but I feel that she's really just trying to keeping an eye on me. Even though I couldn't be certain I felt that she was perhaps doing things to sabotage my friendships, as people that I talked to started distancing themselves from me. I hadn't been entirely sure how it had happened as I was still struggling to answer the questions in my head that I still had no answers to. It'd taken a while but I'd finally realized our friendship was only a tactic to keep me under her thumb. Skylar further flaunted her control over me, even going as far as using my birthday necklace as leverage.

 

While it was true that I'd allowed Skylar to put my relationship on hold I was embarrassed about it and ashamed of myself, so for now I'd be keeping this as my little secret. I felt like a fool for getting trapped in her web, I'd seriously thought she was a friend. Even now, being able to look at it in hindsight I'm still not quite clear how it all happened but I'm pretty sure she'd been using me from the beginning. It appalls me that she still tries to pretend as if we're friends, even though she is ruining my life. I knew that the reason for all of my misfortune had to be Skylar but she feigned ignorance, as if she were innocent.

 

Since Jason hadn't talked to me about any of that had happened I figure he's giving me time to work it out myself as I know he must have heard about what happened between Angie and I by now. And although she had plenty to say Angie could sympathize with my plight, understanding that I'm entitled to my own opinion and I feel the way I do for a reason. So despite her disapproving of the way I'm handling things right now she was leaving me to "see reason".

 

Her rationale is that once I can see past the right now and be able to see the bigger picture I'd know, like everyone else, that all the back and forth was not good for maintaining a healthy relationship. At this point, she'd be willing to support anything I wanted to do as long as I wasn't doing things that hurt my relationship. Ultimately it's not about doing things her way or who's way is best or being right, when right now what I was doing was certainly detrimental and was hurt Bryce. The same way she'd been put off whenever he'd hurt me, she was equally upset with me that I was essentially punishing him. Although I agree with her, still before I knew it I'd already started distancing myself from Angie and my friends as well as continuing to ignore Bryce's attempts to contact me, just to be safe.

 

If Skylar found out I'd gotten back with Bryce I could expect her to retaliate in some way but despite her not having said anything to me by action she wouldn't approve of my staying close friends with Angie. Plus I couldn't keep in contact with her knowing Angie would want to know what was going on between me and Bryce. She would eventually ask and I doubt it'd take long for her to figure out that there was more going on than I was letting on. However, with how unpredictable Skylar is proving to be lately the last thing I needed was Angie sniffing around or trying to confront her. No matter how bad I felt like I needed them I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to Angie, Bryce, or anyone else by extension that could be used as collateral just to keep me in line.

 

As I began spending more time with Skylar I found myself dreading it but if she noticed she didn't ever mentioned it or bring it up. She was developing a knack for ignoring reality when she wanted to, even getting me to do favors for her, "go here," or "go there," then, "do this," or "do that". Before I knew it she was calling them "little assignments". Once again she'd snuck something else on me but it was always trivial things that she wanted, some of her requests seemed a little weird at best but that was it.

 

"I have another little assignment for you, today," she told me, one day, "but you're going to need to work with someone else this time. You'll get to meet her tonight. Now, I want you guys to get along, especially since it's going to take to take a while to get everything done."

 

I hadn't read too deeply into what she'd said, just thinking it was going to be another one of her boring odd jobs again. That night we'd met up and as she'd started explaining what was to be done the other person arrived. I hadn't heard anything she'd been saying once I'd seen who'd walked through the door and approached us, Emy Hickens.

 

I can't work with her. It's only a menial job, why couldn't I do it by myself? And why her, of all people?

 

I immediately wanted to call the whole thing off and leave but I'd already agreed to do it and I'd gotten this far so hopefully this doesn't last too long, maybe a day or two then I could be free of her. I'd have to talk to Skylar later and see if she'd be willing to switch Emy with someone else.

 

"For the next couple of weeks, until the preparations are complete, I want you to work with each other," when she said this she seemed to be the only one who was happy out of the three of us.

 

What?! A "couple of weeks"?! Skylar should have known better than to do this! And what is she so happy about?

 

Skylar appeared to have a secret smile and I can't figure out what that was all about so I can only assume that for some reason Skylar enjoys this pairing.

 

She must be up to something again because she ought to know that we are both going to be miserable.

 

"I want you girls to play nice," she looked at both of us in turn but I feel like she was especially looking at me. "Don't be Debbie Downers, loosen up. Now," she added with a clap. "I'll leave you two ladies to introduce yourselves and get better acquainted," she told us with an all encompassing smile before turning to walk away.

 

And so it started…

Chapter 15: The network

 

“Look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to work on this with but it's not like I'm enjoying this either, I don't make a habit of forcing myself where I'm not wanted,” Emy had told me after Skylar left.

 

I was shocked by how straightforward and blunt she was, not even trying to pretend to “play nice”. Given her approach, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say.

 

Did she expect me to affirm her statement that I didn't like her?

 

I didn't get much time to contemplate my next course of action before Emy was already leaving.

 

“Already?” I thought incredulously, shocked.

 

“Pretty much. Do you know what time it is? We came so that we could meet and we've done that: I'm Emy. You're Alyssa. Besides that we're not getting anything else done tonight so I need to get back to my daughter,” I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Emy briefly turned around to address me before turning back, never stopping her progression to the door.

 

And that was that. The next day, despite preferring to procrastinate or pretend that Skylar hadn't said I had to work with Emy, the person in question came to find me at school. She had a look of determination but what she must have saw in my face must not have been the same.

 

“I'm not getting anything out of this so I'm about as excited as you are about this set up. So I'd just like to get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible,” she said in greeting.

 

I put my hands up that I wasn't going to fight so she should just proceed with what she came to do. I might not like our current arrangement but she had a point.

 

She continued to surprise me with her blunt way of talking and straightforward way of saying what was on her mind. She very quickly proved to be plenty helpful and over time it appeared to be that she was actually a rather kind hearted person. The more I interacted with her I started to become increasingly bothered as I realized that Bryce had been accurate in his description of Emy. In the past, despite his vouching for her character and many assurances I didn’t approve of their relationship while they were together and especially not after they broke up.

 

Although I had a better overall view of her after getting to know her there were still some things on my mind that had me watching her to see if it was just some kind of farce. I still couldn’t fully trust her, she was the one who still hadn’t wanted to let go of Bryce even after I became his girlfriend, insisting on staying “friends” while actually trying to entice him away from me. She was the same person who’d kissed Bryce at his birthday party knowing he had someone else, tried to pull him away during my birthday party, and when that didn’t work proceeded to blow up his phone all day. How could I ignore the fact that she was clearly aiming for my mate? We may not be able to be together right now but I’m not going to let her have him. Bryce was mine. Only mine and always would be mine. 

 

Also, she was still the person who’d cheated on Bryce and gotten pregnant with someone else’s baby while they were still together. Some people were of the opinion that Emy most likely didn’t know who the father was, stating Emy’s lack of loyalty and apparently loose morals for justification. Others believed that the father didn’t want anything to do with her after she ended up pregnant. Whatever happened, when it was apparent that the father wasn’t going to be around, she had no problems using Bryce. She had to have known that he was still hurting yet she continued to make it harder for him to get over her. She kept him around because he was willing to help in any way that he could. "Help", which more often then not, involved buying things for the baby and, at times, he'd go over to help take care of her child yet she didn’t want him back and seemed to only want to make him jealous. I hadn’t rooted for them to be together but I definitely didn’t approve of what was going on either. I just couldn’t see how someone like that could be a good person but maybe she had changed over the years. However, that wouldn’t explain why his description of her back then would apply to her now and be so accurate. Since the incident on my birthday, which was the most recent thing, how could I fully trust that she wasn’t still trying to usurp me and get me out of the way so that she could have Bryce to herself.

 

Although skylar had claimed she wanted us to get along before basically leaving us to our own devices, I'm sure she was assuming we'd be miserable and hadn't anticipated that we'd start becoming friends. It seemed Skylar felt that forcing us to work together was bad enough of a punishment so she left us be and didn't feel the need to linger around but instead was keeping her distance. Despite having been the one to encourage us to learn to work together, get to know each other, and “get along” I don’t think she’d counted on us actually becoming friends. Since we had to work together I was willing to overlook my discrepancies with her past behavior and focus on the fact that she probably turned over a new leaf so that we could have good working relations during our assignment.

 

At first, I could see myself saying ‘hello’ to her if I saw her after this was over but as far as telling her personal stuff I didn’t think I was ready for that. Eventually she changed my mind on that too. Even though I had my misgivings about the past, from up close Emy was a genuine person and easy to talk to, that I couldn’t deny I held back because I wasn't sure which was actually her.

 

She seemed cool and fun to hang out with so I figured that we could be friends but I hadn’t seen her as a close friend or anything, since we weren’t on a level of really talking about personal things with each other. However, one night even that began to shift as we ended up talking about Skylar.

 

“You've said before that you're not getting anything out of this, so why are you doing it?” I finally asked her one of the questions that'd been plaguing my mind for a while.

 

“You aren't the only person who Skylar has wedged herself into their business, who she gives her “assignments” to,” she sighed. “I can understand your situation and how hard it can be, to be kept away from someone you love,” she then became silent for a moment, lost in thought perhaps over whatever it was Skylar had over her or maybe it was her grandmother, I couldn’t tell which. “I'd rather not go into detail about my situation, as I'm sure you're not itching to tell me your whole story either.”

 

“No, sorry,” I confirmed, “no offense or anything, you’re-” there were enough people already who knew about what had happened and what was going on. I may be becoming more opened to Emy through our shared suffering but it still seemed a bit wounding to tell Bryce's ex-girlfriend about our relationship, especially things I don't even have the courage to tell him yet. In addition, It still wasn’t entirely sure of her intentions.

 

“No, no. None taken, I can understand your hesitation completely,” she offered a sympathetic smile, “it's not something you easily tell everybody. It hurts,” she said getting that far away look again before refocusing her eyes back on me. “But that’s probably why we’ve ended up at this stage.”

 

“I don't get why she's doing this, what does she get out of it?” I complained bitterly.

 

“For me, I'm not sure. In your case, I think it's because she has a thing for Bryce. I don't think she'll ever admit it though,” she informed me.

 

“How do you figure that?” I wondered.

 

“I've seen a particular look flash in her eyes whenever she sees him. It's usually gone before you can really tell what exactly it's all about but something about it is definitely off,” she confided.

 

“I'd thought she couldn't stand him,” I voiced my thoughts on the matter, thinking back to the times I'd unloaded my frustrations with Bryce on her only for her to continue murmuring against him, even now.

 

It was as if she thought he was the devil and if I let her, I'm sure she'd try to convince me that he could never make me happy. Although we hadn't talked about him since before the funeral and I haven't been seeing much of her lately.

 

“It also seemed like she was trying to get close to him after Bryce and I broke up. And I'm pretty sure I've caught her on occasion looking a tinge green while she looked at the two of you. It might just be that what she can't stand is the two of you being together,” she continued.

 

I thought about this new possible piece to the puzzle, turning it over in my mind. Emy had paused.

 

“For the record, I’m not interested in Bryce,” she announced, “as far as I’m concerned, he’s a great guy who finally deserves to be happy,” she had a conspiratorial look on her face that said she knew something that I didn’t. “We’ve been friends a long time, even before we started going out. The same way he wished me well after we broke up is what I wish for him. I hope that the two of you are just being stupid and nothing too bad is going on. I do apologize for what our relationship must have looked like to you but we definitely don’t feel anything romantic for each other. Hopefully, the two of you can stop be stubborn and just be happy.”

 

“Oh, thanks,” I could tell that she was telling the truth.

 

“My advice would probably be to ignore the things in the past that you feel Skylar and myself have done wrong to you. I don’t know what all Skylar is thinking but I think a part of her might not like seeing anybody finding happiness together despite showing or saying that she has any intentions to want to help…” she hadn't said much but the look in her eyes spoke volumes. “Despite our misconceptions of the past, let’s move forward, and anything that I do, going forward, take it that I mean well,” she tried to insert jokingly to lighten the mood a little.

 

In that moment, I felt like our budding friendship was cemented. Although we'd been warming up to each other lately, it was a testament to the fact that she must trust me. She may be an honest person but there was a certain degree of vulnerability about her as she'd spoken. That vulnerability and sincerity reminded me of Bryce.

 

I felt bad because I realized the day of my birthday Emy was probably trying to warn Bryce about what Skylar was doing. The predicament we were in now could have been avoided if she’d gotten to tell him what was going on. However, she didn’t get a chance to because of me.

 

“But, you know, we're not the only ones. There are others like us too,” she went on, pulling me out of my sad thoughts.

 

“What?” I asked, not sure I'd heard her correctly. “What do you mean?”

 

"Others"? There are "others"?

 

“Skylar is the type of person who gets around but no one realizes it or what’s she’s really doing. For instance, did you think you were the only person she talked to? It may come as a shock to you be but she is the type of person who's friends with people that you didn't even know she talked to. I happened to notice what happened at the pack meeting the other day. You know why your friends were so surprised? Because they all talk to her but when they saw her with you they realized that they weren't the only one she had, just like you. Although, I daresay that they still haven’t figured it out amongst themselves that she’s friends with each of them too,” she huffed a laugh, shaking her head.

 

It does appear that way.

 

“Although she’s been here for years she still has ‘new kid syndrome’ and she doesn’t seem to have any friends. At first glance, you might get the impression that she may just be a loner, she doesn’t like attention and prefers to fade into the background. As you talk to her more she comes off as nice, even appears to care about others and their problems. She's easily befriended yet you never see her hanging out with a group, even if she’s actually friends with everybody in the group. She’s truly stealthy, I’ll give her that,” she informed.

 

“If nobody knows about anybody else how do you know so much?” I inquired, needing clarification.

 

“Because I’ve been around long enough,” she answered simply, “and I guess perhaps I’m ‘lucky’,” I was almost afraid to ask her anything else as she comes off as someone who’s seen her fair share.

 

“How many "others" are there?” I pressed on anyway because I felt I should know at least this much.

 

How can she be getting away with doing this to people?

 

“It’s not every “assignment” that you work with a partner, as you probably know. So I don't know, I haven't met all of the others. But on behalf of them: welcome to 'the network’.”

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.07.2015

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