Prologue

There was a knock on the door. I looked up from where I was standing at the window pane. I had been too restless to sit down due to the fact that we were finally going to see my aunt, whom I had not seen in five years. 

“Come in.”  The door opened slowly and a middle-aged man dressed in a suit and wearing white gloves came in. 

“The carriage is ready ma’am.” He said.

Rick had been our trusted butler for the past ten years and a smile always crept onto my face when I saw him. 

 “I’ll take your suitcase.” He walked over to where my suitcase stood and picked it up with ease. I took my handbag and followed him out the door. I looked around one last time at my room. I wouldn’t see it for two months, the trip would take around three days and then we would stay at my aunt’s place for the rest of the time. I wasn’t looking forwards to the trip but it was worth it to go visit aunt Cecile. I had nothing but happy memories of her place.  I walked down the stairs and out the door, where the carriage stood ready.

The First Encounter

 Four horses had been tied in front of the carriage and two soldiers were on horseback, one in front, and one behind us. This had been done as a safety precaution, because it was known that the road we were taking was not always safe.  I heard the horses neigh and opened the curtain of the carriage. My breath stopped in my throat and I glanced at my mother. Her eyes were wide with fright as well. 

“Mother, what do we do?” I whispered frantically. 

“Just keep calm and cover yourself with this cloth.” She told me. She quickly took a piece of cloth from underneath her seat and handed it to me to put over my head. It was impossible to mask the fact that I was a woman but it might at least be possible to hide that I was young.  I heard wild shouts coming from outside the window and then our carriage slowed down. When it had stopped completely our door was opened and a young man looked in. He had blond hair, cropped short and the freckles on his nose showed his youthfulness. 

“What do we do with these women, captain?” He shouted over his shoulder. Another man rode towards us and then looked in. His eyes were such a deep, smouldering darkness that I was momentarily lost in them. It was as if time had stopped for a few seconds and as if the world had stopped turning. His dark brown, almost black hair hung across his forehead and at first glance I could see that he was strong and muscular. He reached in and I moved away from him. With one quick move he was off his horse and on the step of the carriage. He reached in again and pulled the piece of cloth away from my face. He looked intensely at me for a few seconds. I was furious that he dared do such a thing and stared at him. I was so tempted to slap him in the face that I could not resist. I slapped him. 

“Florence!” My mother gasped. But I barely heard her. All I could see was that the young man who was leaning into the carriage did not look angry. He first looked surprised, and then amusement flickered in his eyes. I frowned. What was his problem? I longed to slap him again but before I had the chance he grabbed me and pulled me out of the carriage. He did not treat me gentle at all and I had to duck so that my head would not bang against the carriage door. I held on to the carriage with all my strength, I kicked and scratched him but he would not let go of me. 

“Let go of me!” I screamed. Behind me I heard my mother crying. 

 “Please, please don’t take her!” But it was all to no avail. He was too strong and in no time I was sitting on his horse. The strange thing was that I was not frightened. I was fuming. I turned around to look back and I could see that the two soldiers who had accompanied us were lying on the road, surrounded by blood. I sincerely hoped that they were not dead. My mother had gotten out of the carriage and was running after us, screaming. I was suddenly very aware of the kidnapper’s arm around me and his body pressed against mine. I knew though, that I could not do anything. I attempted to lean to the side so that I nearly fell off the horse but his arm prevented this from happening.  We rode in silence for at least half an hour. I was formulating a plan in my head, a plan of escape though I knew it would not work unless I could see under what circumstances I would live. Or if they would let me live at all. 

“Alex!” A man, middle aged with greying hair pulled up beside us. “That’s quite a prize you’ve got there.” He said, nodding in my direction.  The man sitting behind me, Alex, grinned. I didn’t see the grin but I could imagine it being there and that was enough. My blood started to boil. 

 “Yes, I haven’t seen a beauty like this in quite some time. And she has some spunk in her too. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do with her yet though.” His tone was light and I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.  “Well, after you’re done with ‘er, I wouldn’t mind having ‘er.”  Alex laughed. I felt the tremor go through his body and the low, hearty laugh escape his lips.  “Don’t you think you’ve had enough girls for some time Ralph? You’re already on the most wanted list in numerous towns.” I gasped. Was the man who was riding next to us Ralph? The Ralph? The man who had raped dozens of girls, not just raped them but mutilated them, cut off their hair, their breasts, their fingers. I was instantly terrified. Alex must have noticed my discomfort because he laughed again. I closed my eyes and willed the world away. This was not happening, not to me. This happened in books and in the newspaper which my father read every evening, sitting by the fire place, smoking a pipe. I was going to die, I was sure of it. And it wasn’t going to be a pleasant death. Horrid images were flashing through my mind, I could picture myself lying naked in a ditch, body parts cut off, surrounded by blood. Nobody knew where I was and I had no allies here. I was all alone.  The road went through dense forests and branches seemed to be lashing out at me and hitting me in the face. It was drizzling softly. I didn’t mind the drizzle, it masked the fact that I was silently crying, and had been crying since I had found out about Ralph. The horses’ hooves thudded on the damp ground and I wondered how long we would still be riding. I didn’t want to get to the place where they were bringing me because I was afraid of what they would do. At the same time, not knowing was worse. I wanted to know, needed to know. Asking Alex would be a risk but it would be a risk that I had to take. 

“What are you going to do with me?” I asked softly. I wondered if he had even heard. I dared not attempt to turn around and look at him, didn’t want to see the sinister look on his face. 

“Don’t talk.” He ordered me. I decided that it was safer to do as I was told than to demand an answer.  We arrived at a clearing in the forest. It was a large, slightly rounded space, with multiple tents set up. There were more men at the campsite, I could see them sitting, laughing, talking. Helplessness had crept up my spine when I realized that there were about eight men with Alex but despair went through me when I counted at least 25 more men here. Escape was not an option.  Alex jumped off the horse and then yanked me off as well. With a firm grasp on my wrist he pulled me towards the fireplace where most of the men were sitting. It was a campfire and above it there was a pot with some sort of food. I was brought to one of the logs around the fire and then he let go of my wrist. 

“Sit.” He ordered. I did as I was told though every muscle in my body was protesting. I hated being ordered around. I could see that the men were observing me and the lust showed clearly on their faces. Men were such disgusting creatures, I thought. That’s unreasonable, another part of my mind said, when I suddenly thought of Daniel. He had been my best friend for a long time and I knew that my parents were hoping that we would get married. Out of nowhere, Alex suddenly had a plate in his hand. It had a brown stew of some sort on it, with chunks of indefinable meat. I didn’t care though, because at that moment, I could’ve eaten anything. He handed the plate to me and I stared at it for a while, wondering how I was meant to eat it. Alex sat down next to me and I observed how he was going to eat the stew and saw that he had a fork. 

 “Um.. Sorry.” I said in a small voice, afraid to ask even the smallest favour. “I don’t have a fork.”

 “We have a limited supply of forks here, you can use mine when I’m done.” He said gruffly. I had to work hard not to give him a scowl. 

“That’s a fine lady you go there, sir!” A voice across the campfire commented. 

“Hands off.” Alex said sternly. And then he turned to me and started fingering one of my curls. “But indeed she is fine, very fine.” Even though I knew who I was with and I knew what Alex and his men were capable of, I couldn’t help myself. I slapped his hand away. There was an explosion of pain in my head. Alex had a firm grip on my hair and was looking at me angrily.

“Stop doing that.” He snarled. When he let go of my hair I stared at my plate, forcing my body to stay calm and not to attack Alex. I wanted so badly to smash my plate of food in his face.  It’s not reasonable. I told myself. He is so much stronger and more skilled. You wouldn’t last a second. But still, I longed to hurt him, even if it would hurt myself more than it would hurt him. The pain would be worth it. 

“I’ll stop doing that if you stop touching me.” I said furiously. There were sniggers from all around the campfire and in the light of the fire I could see that an amused gleam had reappeared on Alex’s face. He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. 

 “Of course milady. Whatever you wish.” He sounded so sarcastic that I was insulted again. What was this about me? Why couldn’t I control my temper? Why did I care if I was insulted when they could kill me any moment? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? My mother had often told me that my tongue was too loose, that I should behave ladylike and keep some thoughts to myself. But I was always quick to go against people, especially if they were being so extremely arrogant. 

“Don’t attempt to behave like a gentleman. You will never be one.” I told him coldly. He laughed heartily. 

 “I must say, you’re not much of a lady either.” I decided to keep my mouth shut because I knew deep down that he was right. I had lost my appetite and I wasn’t going to lower myself to the level that I would use Alex’s fork. I put my plate down and stared into the fire, wishing that I could be as strong and destructive as the hot red and blue flames. 

Life in the Camp

I was shown into a relatively large tent, or at least, it looked larger than any of the others. There was a bed, on the right hand side of the entrance to the tent. It wasn’t a bed like the one I had at home, there was a straw mattress on the floor and blankets. On the left side there was a small fireplace and I could see that an improvised chimney lead to the top of the tent where the smoke could escape. There was a small table on the far side and a trunk but that was all. I was surprised that there was so much furniture and wondered how they had gotten it here. I wasn’t about to ask though. 

 “This is where you can sleep tonight. Don’t try to escape because there are guards outside the door.” Alex stood for a while, leaning against the pole of the tent and observed me. I ignored him at first but when he didn’t leave I started to get irritated. I turned around and looked at him. 

“I’m sorry, do you want something?” This time it was my turn to sound sarcastic. 

“Yes, I do want something.” His voice was hoarse and low. It was too dark to be able to distinguish his face. Alex turned around and left. I stared after him for a few seconds and then looked around once more. I decided that my escape plan would have to wait until the next day. I was far too tired.  I sat down on the side of the bed and pulled my shoes off. I looked down at my dress and, although it would be slightly uncomfortable, I thought it better not to take anything off. Who knew what could happen under these circumstances, what if one of those horrid men decided to enter the tent at night and.. I didn’t want to think any further. I pulled back the thick blanket and wrapped it around me. I shot a silent prayer up towards heaven before my eyelids closed. 

“Dear Lord, help me escape from this place. Please keep me safe.” I woke suddenly, aware of another presence in the room. I turned around and in the dim light of the fireplace saw that a man was getting into the bed next to me. 

“What are you doing here?” I hissed. 

“You didn’t think I’d sleep on the floor did you?” It was Alex and he sounded slightly amused. My anger started rising again I fought to keep myself calm. I had heard today how cruel Alex and his men could be and decided that I had defied him enough for one day. I turned around and faced away from him, attempting to ignore his presence and go back to sleep. But my attempts were immediately disturbed when I felt Alex’s arm around me. I moved as if an electric current had touched me but his arm was holding me in place. 

 “If you move I’ll kiss you. Or worse.” His warm breath tickled my ear and his words held a threat. I closed my eyes to fight all the upcoming emotions and wondered if he really would kiss me. I couldn’t imagine him kissing anyone, probably because kissing was supposed to be gentle and passionate. Alex was neither of those things. 

As if he had read my mind Alex said: “believe me, I’ll do it.” I believed him. So I tried moving as far away from him as possible, which was hard, I only managed to move a few inches, and go to sleep. I stayed awake for hours afterwards but managed eventually. 

 

 “If you don’t wake up now you won’t get any breakfast.” I opened my eyes and blinked against the light. Alex stood in the door opening, holding back the tent flap and looked at me. I hadn’t heard him leave this morning, probably because I had slept so deeply, after having been awake half the night. At the mention of food my stomach started rumbling. I threw the covers off me and Alex closed the tent flap, to give me some privacy, or so I hoped.  I emerged from inside the tent and to my mortification realized that I had to relieve myself. I hadn’t noticed an outhouse or any other place that might serve for a toilet and therefore came to the conclusion that the men went into the forest to do their business. Absentmindedly I started walking towards the forest, hoping that there wouldn’t be any creatures or insects.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Alex grabbed my arm and had a firm hold on it. I turned around and looked at him. What was I supposed to say? Why did he have to humiliate me so? Couldn’t he understand that ladies were human too? 

 “I need to.. relieve myself.” I managed to stumble, and then, to save my dignity I added; “or is that not allowed here?” Alex grinned. Did he not have any shame? The arrogant buffoon.  He let go of my arm.

“You can go. But if you are not back within five minutes, I will send some men after you. They are excellent trackers so escape is out of the question.” 

 “You are giving me a time limit?” I stared at him, disbelievingly. 

 “Why can you still not understand that I can do whatever I wish with you? You ought to be grateful that you are still alive and stop complaining!” He said sternly. 

Animosity & Coquetry

 

It had been a week since I first arrived at the camp. I was sitting on the chest in the tent, with my knees drawn up and my arms wrapped around them. I glanced around the tent and my eyes fell on a dress which was laid out on the chair. The dress was dark red, with lace edges and a finely embroidered bodice. The skirt was long and fashionable and I wondered who it had belonged to. I wanted to go over and look at it but Alex would come in any moment to tell me that I could come out and eat breakfast. I felt like a prisoner because I could not leave the tent unless Alex came to get me. It was supposedly for my own safety but I did not believe him, he just did not want me to escape. I looked up when I heard the thud of heavy boots and saw Alex push aside the tent flap. 

“Oh, I see you’re up.” He smiled and then walked over to the dress.  “You’ve been walking around in that dress for a week now. You can change into this one.” He said as he took the red dress and held it out to me.  I stared at him and my eyes went from him to the dress and back. I longed to change, to get out of the filthy dress which I was wearing but I refused to wear the red one. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” “Is the dress not good enough for milady?” Annoyance flickered in his eyes. 

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s a beautiful dress. It’s just that it’s.. too open.” I quickly said.

Alex sniggered. “Well, I’m not letting you sleep on the bed until you change. You smell like a pig.”

 I gasped, walked up to him and wanted to slap him. He caught my arm in mid air. 

 “Why are you so violent?” He observed me curiously. 

 “I wasn’t until I met you.” I retorted, noticing that he still had hold of my wrist. It wasn’t the complete truth but it also wasn’t a lie. Slapping him was also a way of masking my embarrassment. I tried to yank my wrist free of his grasp but he did not let me go.  He moved his hand up and touched my face. He observed me intently, wondering what my reaction would be. I didn’t move, not just because I knew he would not let me go but also because I enjoyed his touch. I looked in his eyes and what I saw took my breath away. At first I thought it was pure desire but then I noticed something else. I couldn’t make out what it was and longed to ask him what he was thinking but refused to let him know that I was somehow interested. I looked away from him and he let me go. 

 “Get changed and come eat breakfast.” He said, and walked out the door.  I stood in the middle of the room and lifted my hand to touch the spot which he had just touched. I then moved my hand to my heart and felt that it was beating frantically. I took a deep breath to still my nerves and then walked over to the dress. I touched the silkiness and enjoyed feeling something so soft, and so clean. I lifted it up and then glanced over to the tent flap. I would have to take my dress off to put the clean one on. I had to trust that Alex would not come in. I put the dress down and quickly slipped my dress over my head. In seconds I had put on the new dress. I instantly felt like a lady again. The dress, although it was slightly musky, smelt clean and it made me feel confident. I looked down and nearly took the dress off again when I saw how low cut it was. I could not wear this! And especially not with all those men around! It wasn’t ladylike and certainly not a good idea. I had seen the way they looked at me when I had worn my other dress and I didn’t like the thought of how they would gape now that I had put on this one. 

 “Ms. Patson, if you want your breakfast you better come outside.” Alex called.  I couldn’t stall any longer and walked towards the door in the tent. The skirts swished around my ankles and I was trying to think of a way to get the men’s attention away from the low-cut bodice. Keeping my hand there the entire time would be strange and I couldn’t possibly hold my old dress in front of my body. I loosened my hair from its pins and allowed my golden locks to flow freely, something that only my lady’s maid had seen over the past years. I had no choice, I had to walk out and endure what was to come. With my hair as a covering, I took a deep breath and pushed away the flap of the tent.  At first the men sitting around the dead campfire didn’t look up, they hadn’t heard me yet. They were rowdy and gruff as they devoured their breakfast. But when I walked over to the log where I usually sat to eat my breakfast, heads started turning. I wished the ground would swallow me up but since I had no such luck, I nearly ran over to the log so that I could sit and attempt at making myself invisible. Rude comments were being flung in my direction and vile sniggers escaped their lips. I felt my face turn a deep shade of red. After what seemed like meters and meters, I finally reached the log and sat down, relieved. I didn’t look up at anyone and waited until Alex gave me my breakfast. 

“Why so insecure? You look beautiful.” Somebody suddenly whispered in my ear. I immediately recognized the voice as Alex’s. I looked up into his dark eyes which were gleaming with desire. Annoyance flared up in the back of my mind but I couldn’t get myself to look away. He was so incredibly handsome and his eyes had momentarily captured mine.  A roguish grin appeared on his lips and I snapped my gaze away. He handed me a plate.  “Enjoy your breakfast.”

 

I was lying in bed and Alex had his arm around me, as had been the case for the past week. I was nearly asleep when I felt his breath on my neck. Then his lips touched me. I didn’t know how fast I had to get away from him, all I knew was that I had to move. I stood next to the bed in seconds and moved away from him, to the far end of the tent. He was looking at me, surprised. 

“Don’t touch me again.” I warned him. 

“I’m sorry Florence. I won’t do it again. Come back to sleep.”

“Don’t call me that. I am Ms. Patson to you.” I snapped.

“You forget.. that you are at my mercies Ms. Patson.” He said my name sarcastically but I was angry at the fact that he was right. He could do anything with me, anything he wanted. I stood in the corner for what seemed like forever. I noticed the cold and couldn’t help shivering. Eventually my legs gave way. I crawled over to the rug in front of the fireplace tucked in my legs, like a baby in the womb of its mother. At that moment, I wished I was a baby. Safe, warm, and without worries. With that thought I fell asleep. 

 

I woke up to find that I was comfortable. At first I didn’t know where I was and I lay lazily, enjoying the warmth, thinking I was at home. Then I suddenly remembered what had happened the night before. A blanket had been put over me and I stared at it, surprised. When the truth finally sank in, I quickly sat up. Where was Alex? What was he going to do to me now? Was he angry with me for defying his order and sleeping in front of the fireplace instead of on the improvised bed? Was he going to kiss me - or worse - like he had threatened? I stood up, so that I would feel less insecure and more ready to defend myself against what was to come.  I heard the hooves of the horses before I heard the shouts of the men. At first I was excited but fear soon overcame my excitement. Was someone here to save me? If so, what were Alex and his men going to do? Out of nowhere, Alex suddenly barged into the tent. 

“Stay here.” He ordered me, as he grabbed a sword and a knife from inside a chest in the corner of the room. I couldn’t believe that these weapons had been so close to me this entire time but I had never had enough courage to look in the chest, for fear of what I might find. 

“What’s happening?” I asked. 

 “It’s none of your concern. Stay here.” Alex ordered, and marched out. I sunk down onto the bed and closed my eyes.  Shouts and screams of mercy came from outside and I could only guess what cruelties were going on. I didn’t want to believe that Alex could do such terrible things but I had to face the truth: Alex and his men were murdering innocent people, people like me who had just rode past on their way to some family member or some relative, or so I imagined. I had slumped down next to the chest and curled up, trying to make myself as small as possible. I didn’t want to think too much about how unsafe the tent was, it was just a piece of cloth and a knife could easily cut through it. I closed my eyes and wished that I could either faint or go to sleep. Then I heard a piercing scream. I snapped my head up and listened intently if I could hear it again. And there it was, a high pitched hopeless scream. The scream was a woman’s scream. I got up, ran to the chest and flung it open, to check if there were any more weapons. There was a knife in the chest and I grabbed it, holding on to it so tight that my knuckles whitened. Then I ran out of the tent, towards the place where I thought the scream had come from. The campsite looked like a battlefield, swords were clanking all around me and now and again I had to duck or jump aside to avoid getting hit. But I was determined to get to the place where I had heard the scream come from and I was going to get there, no matter what. I had to focus on my goal because if I permitted myself even a second to look around, I would be tempted to stop, to cry, to help the wounded men. Finally, after what seemed like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than a minute, I saw a man, holding a woman in a way that he should not be holding her. The woman’s blue gown was torn and her undergarments were visible. I could see that she was of nobility which explained why she had so many men escort her to wherever she was going. The man’s back was turned towards me which gave me the perfect opportunity to stab him with my knife. I knew though, that I could not do this. I could never take a life. I ran towards the man and put the knife against his back, putting enough pressure on the handle to let the man feel that I was serious. 

“Let her go.” I commanded. I had attempted not to let the man hear the fear in my voice but even to myself I sounded pitiful. The man started laughing. I pushed the knife further into his back and felt it pierce his skin.

“I mean it.” I said. A droplet of blood appeared on his shirt.  The man made a movement which I had not foreseen and in just a few seconds, he had turned around and had grabbed me around the neck. I couldn’t get any air and instinctively dropped the knife so that I could claw at his hands around my neck. The man had let the other woman go and she sat on the ground, wailing. For a few moments I was annoyed at her, rather than scared, because I had risked my life to save hers and now she wasn’t even trying to help me. My annoyance didn’t last long because I was being deprived of oxygen and in a futile attempt to free myself, I kneed him in the groin. He didn’t double over like I expected him to, apparently these men were used to pain, instead he just gritted his teeth and slapped me in the face. I was about to lose consciousness. At least I died trying to save someone’s life, my brain tried to cheer me up. Just before I blacked out, I heard a familiar voice. 

“Let go of her.” Alex growled. I felt the grip around my neck loosen and when he completely let me go, I fell to the ground. My oxygen deprived body could no longer keep me standing. Then I heard a movement going through the air and half a second later it sounded like a bone was breaking. 

 “Don’t you dare touch her again.” Alex snarled. I forced myself to sit up a little and could see that Alex was beating up the man. He had a murderous gleam in his eye and this frightened me. At first the man tried to fight back but now he was barely moving at all. I knew that I could not let Alex kill this man and crawled over to him. I put a hand on his arm. 

“Alex, stop.” I whispered. Either he didn’t hear me or he chose not to because he didn’t react. 

“Stop!” I shouted, with the last of my energy.  Alex stopped beating the man and looked at me. 

“Thank you.” I whispered before I lost consciousness. 

Sparks and Heartaches

 

 “Florence, come with me. It’s a beautiful evening and I want to go out riding.. With you.” Alex said as he walked into the tent the day after the attack. I hadn’t seen him all day and frankly, I was worried but the guards hadn’t let me out to go look for him and wouldn’t answer any of my questions. It wasn’t an order Alex gave, more a request. I could say no if I wanted to. But I didn’t want to. Relieved to see that he was all right I stood up and walked towards him. He walked further into the tent and took my hand. Then he led me outside to the horses. One of the horses, a beautiful light brown mare, was saddled. Alex jumped up with one quick motion and then held out his hand to me. I looked longingly at the other horses. 

“Can I please ride by myself?” I asked him. 

 “No.” His answer was firm. 

“I promise I won’t ride off.”

 He chuckled. “You couldn’t escape if you wanted to. But no, I want you to ride with me.” Slightly annoyed I took his hand and he helped me onto the horse. It felt good to be on horseback again, the last time had been on the night of my kidnapping. We rode in silence for some time until Alex broke it. 

“Florence, I wanted you to ride with me because then I can do this. He slipped his arm around my waist and then softly kissed my neck.

I giggled. “You’re taking advantage of me!” I accused him. “I can’t exactly go anywhere now so you decide it’s the perfect opportunity to kiss me.”

 “Of course.” Alex laughed. “Any man in his right mind would do the exact same thing.” I had to smile at that compliment.  My breath caught in my throat. The sight before me was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. Both Alex and I sat on the horse, in awe. The sun was going down behind the mountains and in his departure it had left strokes of purple, pink, yellow and orange in the sky. The colours made the grass on the hills sparkle and look fresh and I felt as if the air I was breathing suddenly became a lot cleaner and more filled with oxygen. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Alex had rested his chin on my shoulder and I leaned against him, truly happy for the first time since he had brutally forced me to come with him. So much had changed since that time.  Alex put his hands around my waist and lifted me off the horse. I felt light as a feather in his arms. My mind was also feathery, dancing, high above any worries, any concerns. It was free. Alex took my hand and together we walked to the top of the hill. There, he turned and looked at me. 

“Florence, I have something to say to you. I will no longer keep you here, you are free to go.” I stared up into the smouldering depths of his eyes. Did he mean this? Was I really free? I could go home to my comfortable bed and the bountiful dinners and warm baths. I could see my father and my mother and my siblings again. Why wasn’t I overjoyed? Something was nagging on me and apparently Alex saw it too because he lifted a finger to straighten a crease between my eyebrows. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

 “Nothing, I just..” I looked away from him, at the sun which was slowly dropping behind the mountains. I bit my lower lip and then looked back at Alex. 

 “I’m going to miss you.” I said to him. I could not believe I had just said that but I was sure that I had meant it. I was going to miss him. More than I was going to admit.  He smiled and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He looked so incredibly handsome in the fading light.  He stroked his hand over my cheek.

“I’m going to miss you too.”  Then, he leaned down and his lips touched mine. All the senses in my body were instantly jolted awake. The feeling spread from my lips to my fingertips to my toes and it was as if electricity was trapped inside my body, reeling around, putting all my nerves on edge. My heart exploded into a frenzied beat and I felt my blood rush in my ears. I never knew anybody could have so much power over me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. My hands were tangled in his hair and our lips moved together so perfect, so wonderfully that I forgot everything around me.  He pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine. We were both short of breath and we both refused to let go of one another. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, knowing that the future might never be this perfect again. 

“I love you.” Alex whispered. I looked into his eyes, shocked at his revelation. Did he really love me? Was it possible that this rough, handsome kidnapper was in love with me? I just simply stared at him for a few seconds, suddenly realizing that I loved him too. I loved him. So that’s what the wonderful feeling had been that had lightened up my days and randomly put a smile on my face. It was love. 

 “I love you too.” I told Alex. 

 

I woke up in his arms, like I had done for the past couple of weeks. But this time he hadn’t forced me to lie in his arms, I had willingly crawled into them. 

“I don’t want to go home yet, Alex. I want to stay here a little longer.” I looked at him to see what his reaction would be. 

“Good!” He smiled broadly. “Because you are a far better kisser than the previous girls. And you certainly are a lot more fun.” I sat up and analyzed his face. Was he serious? 

“What do you mean, the other girls?” I asked suspiciously. 

 “Well, when I wanted to kiss the other girls, they instantly gave in. You were much more fun to be with because it was a struggle to get to your heart. I felt very victorious when you finally gave in to my charms.” First I felt my heart crack and then, after a few seconds, shatter into a million pieces. And I felt so incredibly angry. Being heart-broken and furious at the same time is not a good combination. I wanted to claw his eyes out, I wanted to tie him up and slap him until he screamed in pain, I wanted to pinch him and roast him over an open fire, I wanted to.. There were so many horrible options floating through my mind that I was surprised at my own cruelty. But I knew I could do none of these things and one slap would not be enough satisfaction. Instead I vowed not to let him know how hurt I was. I smiled at him, though I knew my smile was incredibly fake, and then stood up. 

 “Well, I guess I change my mind then. I want to go home after all.” I could not believe how composed I was. I didn’t even know I possessed such good acting skills. But what I did know was that if I didn’t get away from Alex soon, I would burst into tears and I would not be able to stop crying.  Suddenly, the realization dawned on me that we would have to ride back on the same horse. Without thinking it over I told Alex;

“Either I ride and you walk or you ride and I walk but I am not getting on that horse with you.” He nodded gravely. Somehow, he didn’t seem too happy either. I thought he would delight in the fact that he had broken my heart but his expression told me that he definitely wasn’t. I was not about to feel sorry for him though. 

“You can ride, and I’ll walk.” Alex offered.

“Oh, how nice of you.” Sarcasm was dripping from my words. I was happy that for the time being, anger was my strongest emotion. I knew though, that this would change the moment Alex was out of my sight. I walked over to the horse and mounted it. Then I turned the horse around and led it in the direction which I thought we had come from. 

 “Florence!” Alex called after me. “You’re going the wrong way!” As if my shame wasn’t big enough already. I turned the horse around again and saw that Alex was already going in the opposite direction. I kicked the horse softly and it responded to my order immediately. I refused to ride next to Alex though, and always kept a few paces behind him. I wish I could gallop off into the forest and forget about this nightmare but I wasn’t in the mood for being dreadfully lost. I was happy that I wasn’t completely irrational. I had heard, and read, that heart-broken people sometimes did very stupid things. Or was it only people in love who did stupid things? Maybe both. Love apparently inspired people to become brain-dead. Why on earth had I ever surrendered to it? ’It hadn’t been my choice.’ I reminded myself. ‘I tried fighting love in the beginning and what good did that do me? Nothing. I had still fallen in love.’ Love was starting to confuse me and besides, I was sick of the word. 

The end of the Adventure. Or the beginning?

 

We arrived back at camp and the only thing I wanted was to be on my way out of here. I had nothing to pack because my only possessions were the clothes I was wearing. Alex had walked over to one of his men and exchanged a few words with him. Then he walked back to me. 

 “Jack is one of my most trusted men, he won’t hurt you. “ Alex told me. 

“Oh, I don’t mind if he hurts me, I can’t be hurt anymore than I already am anyways.” I hadn’t intended to give Alex the satisfaction of knowing what he had done to my heart. I couldn’t help myself though, I had to make Alex feel bad in some way or another. A look of intense sadness suddenly crossed over his face and again I wondered if maybe Alex felt something for me too. Jack was saddling one of the other horses and this gave me time to glance around the place where I had been kept prisoner for around a month. Many of the faces had started to become familiar and I wondered what I would feel when I thought back about these past few weeks. Would I remember the happy moments? The warm, wonderful feeling that had spread through me when Alex had touched and kissed me? The beautiful sunset? Or would I remember the sad and unhappy moments, the moment when Alex had first kidnapped me, when I first found out who Ralph was and when Alex had broken my heart? I didn’t have time to analyze further because Jack rode over to me. 

“Are you ready?” He asked.  I nodded. 

“Bye.” Alex said flatly. He didn’t sound happy or sad, his voice held no emotion at all. I just looked at him for a few seconds, unable to decide whether my ‘bye’ should sound sad, or careless, or like his, emotionless. I eventually decided not to say anything at all, it seemed like the best option. 

 

“Ms. Patson, slow down, you’re pushing your horse too hard!” I heard Jack call behind me. We had been galloping for nearly half an hour now and I became aware that my horse was wheezing. I instantly slowed down to a trot and then to a steady walk. Jack pulled up next to me.

“You’re in quite a hurry to get home, aren’t you?” He asked me, with a knowing smile.  I was happy that he attempted to comfort me. I could use some comfort at the moment. 

“Yes, indeed. And the speed clears my mind.” I answered.  We rode in silence for perhaps another half an hour. 

“Let’s stop here and give the horses some rest. There’s a stream nearby.” Jack pointed to the side of the road where a large tree provided some shade. I hadn’t been aware that the sun was shining brightly and that it was actually quite hot for a winter day. Drops of sweat had formed on my forehead and I felt exhausted. The horses seemed very happy that we were stopping because they whinnied excitedly at the sound of water. I pulled the reins of my horse and then got off, in a very inelegant way. I glanced over to Jack if he had seen but he was already leading his horse towards the stream. I smiled at this small blessing, that Jack was a gentleman and that he did not seem to want anything other than to bring me home safely. I followed Jack’s example and led my horse to the stream as well. Upon arriving there it instantly lowered its head and started drinking greedily. I also bent down and drank from the stream before splashing handfuls of water over my face. Although the water was icily cold, it felt delightful and I felt like stripping off my clothes and going for a swim. This was not an option though and therefore I just washed my hands and my face and then walked back to the large tree with the dead-looking branches. I leaned against it and sighed, enjoying the feel of the sun on my face. As long as my thoughts didn’t drift to Alex, I could feel relatively content. It was a pity though, that my thoughts rarely thought of anything other than Alex. I was starting to get annoyed at myself and my thoughts. 

The buildings around me became familiar and I recognized where I was; not far away from home. I grew excited as I pictured what my mother’s face would look like when she saw me. Even my horse grew agitated, though I was pretty sure this was only due to the fact that it was much busier here than in the middle of the forest where Alex and his men camped. 

“That’s my house.” I pointed towards a large, white painted house with a grand veranda and high windows. Jack stopped his horse next to me and I glanced at him, slightly confused.

“I think I better leave you here.” He explained. “I’m not too sure your parents would be too happy seeing me.”

 “But Jack,” I protested, “Wouldn’t you like some food and some place to freshen up?” A smile spread across his face.

 “Don’t worry, I’m used to being hungry and dirty. I’m a criminal remember?” I couldn’t help it, I had to smile at that statement because Jack did not give the impression of being a criminal at all. 

“Well, thank you for everything.” I told him. I was about to ride towards my house when Jack stopped me. 

“Ms. Patson, I have something to say. Alex made me promise not to say anything to you about this but I do not agree with his judgement. I think when two people are in love then they deserve to be together.”

 “What do you mean?” I was shocked. Had I heard correctly or was I just imagining this? Did Jack just say that Alex was in love with me?

 “What I mean is that.. Well, didn’t Alex tell you that he has declared his love to dozens of girls before you and that you were just another one on his list of conquests?” I nodded. 

 “He lied.” Jack said, going straight to the point. “Alex has never kidnapped a woman before. When we went to the towns to rendez-vous with the whores in the taverns, we always urged Alex to have some fun with the women too but he refused. We were all very surprised when he brought you to the campsite. He’s in love with you Florence.”

 Jack said softly. I only stared at him, unable to utter a word. 

“Then,” I finally managed to stutter, “then why did he lie to me?”

“I’m not sure, but I am sure that he must have a very honourable reason for lying to you.”

 

 “Florence! Florence, is that you?” I looked at a woman who hurriedly came walking down the street. It was my mother and she was dressed in a beautiful beige dress. She was wearing gloves and was carrying a parasol. I momentarily glanced at my dirty dress and remembered that I had once been such a fragile-looking lady myself. 

“I have to go.” Jack said and then turned his horse and galloped away before I could say a word.  “Oh Florence!” My mother had now reached me.

“Oh, I’m so happy you’re alive!” I was still staring after Jack and had to remind myself that this was my mother who was talking to me and that she had probably been worried sick. 

“Yes mother, yes, it is really me.” I smiled down at her.  Jack was slowly disappearing from sight. ‘When he is gone, you will never be able to find Alex again.’ A small voice in the back of my mind warned me. It was true, I had no idea where Alex’s camp was situated and I knew he wouldn’t come find me. If I ever wanted to see him again, if I wanted to find out whether or not Alex loved me, I would have to act now.

“I’m sorry mother, I must go. I will be back soon.” I turned my horse around and galloped after Jack.


“No! No, Florence! Don’t leave!” I heard my mother scream after me. I ignored her, deciding that I would explain everything to her later. I doubted she would understand though, she had absolutely no knowledge of love.  I was immensely happy when I realized that I was probably on one of Alex’s best horses because it didn’t cost me too much time to catch up to Jack. 

“Jack! Jack!” I called when I was close enough. He slowed down and a smile crept over his face when he saw me. 

 “I was hoping you would’ve changed your mind and come after me.” He said. 

Fragile Hearts

I got off the horse and marched towards Alex’s tent. Right before I entered it, Jack grabbed my arm. 

“Nobody ever goes in there without knocking, Ms. Patson.” He warned. 

“Well, then I’ll be the first,” I said defiantly. I stormed into the tent and saw Alex standing there, with his back towards me. He turned around when he heard me enter.  I couldn’t say anything for a moment, I just stared at him, mesmerized by his handsome face. I had already started missing him in those hours I was away. But then my anger took over. 

“Exactly how many women have you taken to see the sunset? And how many have you told that you loved them?”

He didn’t answer immediately and right before he was about to say something, I cut him off. 

“The truth this time, please.”  It was as if he was debating with himself whether to tell me truth or not. 

“Only you.” He said, after a few more seconds of silence. 

“Then why did you lie to me?” I demanded. 

 “Florence, you have to understand, it’s dangerous to stay here. I’m dangerous. The moment you started expressing your love towards me, I knew that you had to go home. I can’t sleep in the same tent as you and I see the looks on my men’s faces. They want you, all of them.” I was surprised at this revelation but also realized the truth of his words. 

“You could have told me.” I said.

“You wouldn’t have left.” He was right and I had to smile at how well he knew me already. 

“You have no idea how difficult it was to lie to you. But Florence, you have to go back home. You can’t stay here.” 

“Why not?” I asked stubbornly, though I already knew the answer.  Alex sighed.

“Florence, we’re thieves and robbers. You don’t belong here. You’re a lady.” I crossed my arms over my chest, knowing that his words were true but not wanting to believe them. 

“Well you’re sure making it obvious that you don’t want me here.” I couldn’t help but say. This wasn’t fair, I was blaming it on him while it wasn’t his fault. But at the same time, if he really liked me then he could work a little harder to stay together.  Alex raked his hand through his hair in a frustrated movement and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to rush into his arms and kiss him. I clenched my hands into fists and forced myself to stay where I was. 

“Florence, you can’t live with a bunch of thieves. Do you know how dangerous these men are?” Alex asked, and his dark eyes flickered to mine. 

“Then leave.” I suddenly begged. “Leave with me and we’ll make a living together. We can do this.” 

“Your parents would never approve.” Alex said calmly. 

“I don’t care! It’s my life, I choose who I want to be with.” I said and I knew that with every word I sounded more desperate. 

 “Florence,” Alex said gently, and he took a step towards me. I backed away from him so I wouldn’t run to him and kiss him till his lips were blue.

“I can’t. This is what I’ve been doing my whole life. These are the only people I know. Besides, I am wanted all over the country. I have to stay hidden.”  With every word he spoke my anger rose. I was willing to risk everything to be with him, the wrath of my family, wealth, I was even willing to stay here if I had to. Yet Alex would not do the same for me. All I wanted to do at the moment was cry but I refused to let any tears pool into my eyes. Instead, I let my anger take over. 

“Fine.” I snapped at him. “Then I will return home and never think of you again.” I became painfully aware that this was one of the biggest lies I had ever told. It wouldn’t even be possible to never think of him again and I didn’t want to try. No man had ever made me feel the way he did and I wanted nothing more than to stay with him. I was about to turn around and walk out of the tent and head home when Alex stopped me. 

“You cannot go home now. It is too dark, it’s dangerous. You can go home tomorrow.” Though I knew that what he said was true and very reasonable, the last thing I wanted was to stay here. 

“I don’t care.” I said haughtily. “I’m going home.”

 “No you’re not.” Alex said.

“What are you going to do to stop me?” I raised one eyebrow at him and nearly melted when I looked into his eyes. How could he make my heart flutter so much when I was trying to be angry with him? I was tempted to yell at him for making me feel this way but at the last moment realized that that wouldn’t be the best idea. 

“You’ll be my prisoner for one more night.” Alex said calmly. 

“I will not!” I nearly yelled at him.  A slight amused smile spread over his face and it made me want to walk up to him and slap him but also kiss him at the same time.

“What are you going to do to stop me?” He copied my question.  I didn’t bother to grace him with an answer and turned around to walk out the tent. At that moment I felt a strong hand encircle my arm. 

“You are staying right here where I can keep and eye on you so you don’t do any rash actions.” He told me sternly. His touch had sent sparks through my body and I felt my cheeks heat up. 

“Jack can keep me safe.” I said, though I knew that I didn’t sound very convincing. I tried to pull my arm from his grasp but I knew that I wasn’t trying my best. I wanted him to touch me and more than anything I wanted to stay in this tent. 

 “You don’t seem as eager to go as you claim.” Alex noticed with a spark of amusement in his eyes. I tugged my arm loose from his grasp. 

“Don’t flatter yourself.” A smirk appeared on Alex’s face and I grew more annoyed by the minute. 

“You really are in love with me, aren’t you?” He commented smugly. 

“Not anymore I’m not.” I spat. I just lied twice in five minutes! That was a record for me. But Alex deserved it. What was going on with him? Why was he acting like such a rogue? It seemed like Alex was enjoying the fact that he found out I had truly fallen for him. 

 “You’re not a very good liar.” He stated. 

 “I’m not lying.” I shot back. For a moment, so short that I wonder if it even happened, I thought I saw pain flicker across Alex’s dark eyes. But then it was gone and the smirk reappeared on his face. I was seething inside and stood there, with clenched hands, not able to say anything because I was so angry. At the same time, my heart was telling me that I still loved him. I felt like I was being torn in half. 

“Florence, I think you better go to sleep now.” Alex said.

“You have a long trip home tomorrow. Come to think of it, I think I might join you.”  I couldn’t help the flicker of hope that sprung in my heart at his mention of joining me. 

“Perhaps I can use you to blackmail your parents into giving me some money for the good care you got here.”  I stared at him, mouth agape. How had I ever been interested in him? How was that possible? Yet even now, when I knew that he had not like me all along and only wanted to use me to get my money, I still loved him. Something had to be terribly wrong with me and I knew I had to get out of Alex’s presence as soon as possible. 

“Don’t you dare come with me.” I hissed. 

“I’m afraid that that’s not for you to decide.” A malicious grin spread over his face and I couldn’t resist walking up to him and slapping him on his cheek. Hard.  He looked at me with an expressionless mask on his face. 

“Go to sleep, Florence.” He said as if I was a little girl, and then walked out of the tent.  I was far too upset and angry to sleep. Besides, all I wanted to do was curl up on the bed and cry but I refused to show a sign of weakness. I would go home, go back to my normal life and forget all about this nightmare. I would never think of Alex again and I would marry a nice suitable rich man who would support me and take care of me. But what about love? A voice inside my head asked. I don’t care about love. I snapped back. Love is not worth the pain.

And with that thought I went to lie on the bed and let the tears fall freely. I cried in silence, afraid that somebody would hear me. I pictured Alex sitting outside with his men, laughing about how I really fell for him and how stupid I was. I buried my head in the pillow and smelt Alex’s scent which caused me to cry even harder. After what felt like hours I finally fell asleep. 

A Peek into Alex's Thoughts

 

I heard her cry, though I know she didn’t want me to hear. I put my head in my hands and felt like crying myself. Crying was a sign of weakness though, and I hadn’t cried in 17 years, the last time was when I was 5 and I had fallen and hurt my knee. I promised myself then that I would never cry again, and certainly not over a woman. 

“Captain?” I looked up to see Jack standing in front of me. Despite the fact that he didn’t ask me anything, I knew what he wanted to say. Though it was Jack who had told her that I loved her and had brought her back, I could not be angry with him. He was my most trusted and loyal friend and though one part of me hated the fact that she was back and that I had to hurt her, another part of me loved the fact that she was lying in my tent, in my bed, so close to me. No, I could definitely not be angry with Jack for bringing her back.  Without a word Jack sat down next to me. 

“You love her.” He stated, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

“I do.” I had to admit. I couldn’t lie to my best friend. 

“Then tell her.” 

“I cannot. She deserves so much better than me. I will not keep her here. I love her too much.” I looked into Jack’s soft grey eyes and found something there that I had not seen in a long time: compassion.

Jack was silent for a few moments and then he mumbled, so softly that I could hardly hear him: “You really do love her.” 

My heart was yearning for me to go to the tent, to take her into my arms and kiss her silly but my mind was preventing me from doing so. I couldn’t be selfish, she would go back home, marry a suitable man and live the life she deserved. I could never make her happy, this was just a passing interest she had in me and soon she would hate me for taking her life away from her. Most men had gone to sleep now and the few that were still awake were laughing in their drunken state. The moment I had kidnapped Florence and brought her to camp, I started hating the vile liquor. I tried drinking it to drown my sorrows when she had left but after one long swig I spat it out. I didn’t remember it ever having tasted so bad. It was probably because that blasted woman once said that she hated alcohol and what it did to people. How was it possible that this woman affected me so? It was only once before that I had seen true love: my parents truly loved each other. But they died when I was 6 and I only had a vague memory of them.  I got up, refusing to drown in memories of my past and deliberated sleeping outside tonight. But my body was making its own decisions and was pulling me towards the tent.  One night with her won’t hurt. ‘You deserve just one more night with her. ’A voice was saying inside my head and I gladly agreed with it. I pushed the flap aside, entered my tent, and my eyes were immediately drawn to the beauty sleeping on my bed. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and her eyes red and puffy from crying and I hated the fact that I had caused this. I softly walked over to her and pushed a few strands of hair out of her face. The thought that she would be leaving in the morning nearly brought tears to my eyes again and I felt so weak, weaker than I had ever felt before.  I turned away, took off my boots and paced through the tent. I didn’t want to go to sleep because I didn’t want to waste a moment I had with her. I would cherish this night forever.  Florence moaned and I suddenly heard something that made my heart stop beating and then start again at an incredible pace. She said my name. I looked over at her and saw that she was still asleep but twisting and turning on the bed. Without thinking further about it, I walked to the bed, lay down next to her and took her in my arms. She immediately quieted down and snuggled into my chest, her hands tightening around my shirt. Letting her leave in the morning was getting more impossible every moment I spent with her and I contemplated keeping her here longer.  ‘Don’t be selfish.’ I chastised myself. I looked down at the sleeping beauty in my arms and then softly placed my lips on her forehead. No, I could never keep her here. She deserved a life that I could never give her and that was why she had to go home.

Everything Changes

 

 I couldn’t decide whether I was having a nightmare or the best dream I had ever had. It started off terrible, Alex was telling me that he didn’t love me, that I had to get out of his life and go home. I started crying and ran away, having no idea where I was going but not caring either. It was getting dark by the time I finally stopped running. I was so tired that I fell to the floor, wrapped my arms around myself and cried. 

“Alex.” I moaned into the darkness. I heard footsteps approaching and then Alex appeared in my field of vision. He lay down next to me and took me in his arms. Without a word he kissed my forehead and I snuggled into him, grabbing onto him so that he would never leave me. I sighed contentedly and fell asleep. 

 

 In the morning, I knew that it had all been a dream. I woke up to an empty bed and Alex was nowhere to be seen. My first reaction was to start crying but then I told myself that I shed enough tears over him already. No, I needed to be strong. This man, the man I loved, was not going to ruin my life. I would not be one of those desperate women who gave up on life when the man they loved did not return their love. I got out of bed and walked out of the tent. Spotting Alex, I marched up to him and then stood with my hands on my hips facing him. 

“I want to go home.”  Alex looked at me and I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. 

“Don’t you want some breakfast first?” He asked me. 

“No.” I snapped. “All I want right now is to go home.” Alex nodded and wordlessly walked away from me. 

“Jack, bring her home. And don’t bring her back here.” I heard him order. Jack looked over his shoulder at me and then looked at his boss and nodded. 

“Yes sir.” 

 

 

4 months later I was sitting on my bed, dressed in a beautiful gown, waiting for my maid to come in and do my hair. I was staring out the window and looked at the drops of rain that were sliding down the glass window. The weather was perfect for this moment, I was to meet my future husband today. My father had assured me that he was from a well-renowned family and that he was rich and would take care of me. My thoughts inevitably drifted to a man who was the complete opposite, who had a despicable reputation and not a penny to spare: Alex. I let myself think about him for a few moments, before I pushed him out of my mind. No, I couldn’t think of him, I wouldn’t see him ever again and besides, he did not love me. I had to focus on the present, on meeting my future husband, marrying him, having children and getting through life. Who knew, maybe in time I would grow to love him.  A knock on the door woke me up from my pondering. 

“Come in.” I called. A young maid walked into my room with her head held low. She was wearing a boring brown skirt with a beige blouse and a white apron over the top, as was the uniform for all the maids in the house. 

“I have come to do your hair, madam.” She said timidly. I nodded and went to sit in front of the mirror.  Half an hour later my hair was done perfectly and soon after my mother called me to come down stairs. My fiancée was about to arrive and i had to stand in the doorway to greet him. I walked over to the door, took a deep breath, opened it and walked downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs my parents were waiting and together we walked to the large entryway. My parents stood on either side of me and so we waited until it was announced that our guests had arrived. The seconds ticked by and I grew anxious to see who my husband would be. I started switching my weight from my left foot to my right and I felt my hands get clammy. 

“Stand still.” My mother hissed and she sent me a stern look. I obeyed her order and managed to stand still. Can’t this guy hurry up? Or did he enjoy leaving people in agony? I was getting more annoyed by the minute and had to force myself to remain calm and not walk over to the door to scream at the man that he was slower than a snail. Yeah, now that would be ladylike. Finally, after what seemed like hours of gruesome boredom, the doorman announced that our guests had arrived. 

“May I present, Lord and Lady van Nortam and their son James.” The doorman said. I stood up a little straighter and so did my parents on either side of me. The door opened and I couldn’t help but lean forewords to see who was on the other side.  Finally, when the door was fully open, I saw him. He was standing in the middle of his parents, looking around with a look of arrogance and authority. His hair was slicked back to perfection, not a strand was out of place. His pants were tight around his hips and it was evident that he barely possessed any muscle beneath his suit jacket. I cringed inside. Was I to spend the rest of my life with him? Kiss him? Share a marriage bed? I cringed once more but this time it was evident. His eyes roamed over the room and I saw a look of displeasure appear on his face. What, did he not think my house was good enough? And then his eyes landed on me. His gaze roved over my body and a malicious smile appeared on his face.  What? I wanted to snap but I kept my mouth shut and instead held his gaze and stared him down, making sure that my own dissatisfaction was very evident.  Lord and Lady Nortam and their son stepped into the house and Lord Nortam walked over to my father. 

“Mr. Patson,” He shook his hand. Then, he nodded towards my mother,

“Mrs. Patson.” Lord Nortam didn’t even glance my way. 

“Welcome,” My father said.

“Rick will show you to your rooms to freshen up and then we can all meet in the dining hall for dinner.”  “That will be fine.” Lord Nortam said, and, taking his wife by the arm, followed Rick upstairs. All the while I had felt James’ eyes on me and I couldn’t help but become uncomfortable under his stare. With one last evil smile, he followed his parents up the stairs.  The moment I knew they could no longer hear me I turned towards my parents. 

“I will not marry him. I refuse.” I stated and crossed my arms over my chest, a very unladylike gesture. 

“We are not discussing this Florence. He will make a good husband. Now go freshen up and look presentable for dinner.” Finality rang in my father’s voice and I knew there was nothing I could do to change his mind. I looked at my mother and silently pleaded with her but she refused to meet my gaze. I knew all hope was lost and so turned around, ran up the stairs, fell on my bed and wept.  I missed Alex so badly. Why did he not want me? Why could we not have run away together, start a life, get married and live happily ever after? Why did he not love me enough?  Dinner was dreadful. I sat next to James as was expected of me and made polite conversation. James kept sending me smug looks as if he had a secret and I was getting more and more disgusted by his oily, gelled hair. 

“I propose we organize the wedding as soon as possible.” Lord Nortam said halfway through the meal. 

“Sounds like a good idea.” My father replied. 

“Indeed it does,” James said with a grin and to my utter dismay I felt that he put his hand on my leg under the table. I gasped and stood up so quickly that my chair fell backwards. 

“Florence, are you all right?” My mother asked concerned. 

“I’m fine.” I said too quickly. “I just felt a little faint, please excuse me.” 

“But of course.” Lady Nortam said. I could feel James’ arrogant gaze but I refused to look at him and walked out of the room as soon as possible. I ran upstairs to my room, the only place where I felt safe and after I had slammed the door shut I leaned against it in horror. I was going to marry a pervert. 

Forgetting? Impossible.

 The following morning I got dressed and went down for breakfast. To my utter dismay James and his family were already there and seated. 

“Good morning, Lord and Lady Nortam.” I smiled at them and curtsied slightly.

“Sir.” I said, with a tight nod towards James. 

“Good morning Florence, how good to see you. Did you sleep well?” James asked innocently. I wanted to snap at him the same way I had snapped at Alex and tell him: “It’s Ms. Patson to you” but decided that that probably wasn’t the best idea and so instead I pasted a smile on my face and addressed James. 

“Very well, thank you.” And then, looking at James’ parents, I said.

“I apologize for the way I suddenly left yesterday. I don’t know what overcame me.” 

“That’s very all right.” James mother said and I was happy that at least she seemed nice. It would have been even worse if I got a terrible mother-in-law. A feeling of despair overcame me as I suddenly realized for the first time that I was really going to marry this horrid, disgusting man. There was no way out. There was no prince who was coming to save me on a white horse and who would whisk me off into the sunset. No, I was getting an arranged marriage, and one that would never end up in love. But on the outside I did not show any of these emotions. Instead, I sat down at the table, though I made sure to sit as far away from James as possible. Creep. 

“Florence, dear, your tutor is here. You must resume your studies after that terrible kidnapping.” My mother told me straight after breakfast. I had been excused from my studies for almost four and a half months now, so that I could recover from what was only referred to as “that terrible kidnapping.” Every time someone spoke of the kidnapping I cringed inside and I wanted to yell at them that it hadn’t been terrible because I had met Alex. But I kept my mouth firmly shut, if I told them about Alex then they would make sure that the wedding with James was organized and executed as soon as possible. 

“Yes mother,” I said calmly and walked towards the staircase that led to the room where my tutor was already waiting. 

“Florence!” He grinned excitedly when I opened the door. 

 “Good morning sir.” I smiled slightly. My tutor was always far too enthusiastic and especially at this moment I was not in the mood for being happy. 

“I’m glad you are all right, Florence.” He said. “Shall we get to work? You have a lot of catching up to do.” I nodded and sat down at my desk. While my tutor started rambling on about the history of our town, my thoughts drifted to another place and another time. 

 

I was sitting in Alex’s tent and was utterly bored. I hadn’t had anything to do for at least two hours now but it felt like so much longer. I longed to do something, anything, I was even willing to learn how to cook at this moment, something I had never done before. I wished that there was a needle and thread available here so that I could mend my old dress and get out of this new one. I was still uncomfortable with that low bodice and the way the men, and especially Alex, looked at me when I wore it. At that moment, the exact person of my thoughts walked into the tent. 

“Hello Florence, are you enjoying yourself?” I looked at him with a disbelieving look on my face. 

“How could I possibly be enjoying myself?” I asked sarcastically. Alex burst out laughing. 

“I take it you’re bored?” 

“What do you expect? I’ve been sitting here for hours, with absolutely nothing to do!” 

“Well,” Alex said and a roguish grin appeared on his lips that made him even more handsome than he already was, “One of my men shot a rabbit today. You can come outside and skin it.”

My eyes went wide and my jaw dropped. I stared up at him in disbelief. I take it back. Immediately. Cooking is not something I will do to get away from this boredom. 

“You cannot be serious.” I told him. 

“Oh, but I am. You eat of this food so you better help prepare it.” 

“I most certainly will not.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“Then I take it you don’t want any dinner?” Alex asked while he raised one eyebrow. I didn’t answer, just stared at him some more. 

“Suit yourself.” Alex turned around but just before he walked out of the tent I stopped him. 

“Wait.” I called. Alex turned to face me again and a slow smile spread across his face. 

“Oh, so you do want dinner?” He asked. Without a word I got up and followed him out of the tent. When I got to the fireplace, a rabbit was lying there, it’s neck turned in a strange way. I immediately knelt down next to it and my instincts told me to check whether it was alive. I slowly put my hand on its back and stroked its soft fur. 

“Go ahead.” Alex said. “Skin it.” 

“But...” I stuttered. “But it’s a rabbit!” I looked up at Alex with a begging expression on my face, without knowing exactly what I wanted. The rabbit was already dead, there was nothing I could do about it now.

“Have you never eaten rabbit before?” Alex asked.  “I have but... I never actually saw it... like this.” 

“You don’t know how to skin it, do you?” Alex said, catching on. 

“No.” I answered, glancing from him to the rabbit and back.  Alex sighed, grabbed a knife that was lying close by and knelt down next to me. 

“It is not very difficult. You take the rabbit like this,” he grabbed the rabbit and held it down, “and then you cut into it and pull the hide off.” I gasped and tears sprung into my eyes. I couldn’t help myself and got up, gathered my skirts and ran to the tent. I didn’t care about not having dinner anymore, I didn’t want any after what I’d just seen. I would never eat rabbit again in my life.  That evening while I was lying on the bed, Alex came in with a plate of stew. 

“Here Florence, eat.” He said and handed it to me. I stared at the plate and felt tears rise up again. 

“I’m fine, thank you.” I said and didn’t take the plate from him. 

“Florence,” He said exasperated. “You have to eat. Besides, the rabbit is already dead.” I couldn’t argue with that but I could still not get myself to eat that poor rabbit.

“I’m not hungry.” I said, and turned away. Alex put the plate a little bit away and sat on the bed to take his boots off. 

“Suit yourself. But mind you, we’re having rabbit stew for breakfast as well.”  I felt frustration rise up in me and the fact that my stomach was demanding food wasn’t making this situation any easier. 

“You’re doing that just to infuriate me, aren’t you?” I said angrily.  Alex stopped with what he was doing and turned to face me.

“Florence, around here we do not waste food. If there is any left from the previous night, we eat it the following morning,” he said sternly. “We do not have the luxury to throw it away or feed it to the animals.” His words struck me and I knew that he was criticizing my way of living. The need to argue and to take my family’s side rose within me and though I was always taught that I should take criticism, especially from a man, without saying a word back, I decided that I was not going to let him get away with this. Besides, it’s not like anyone here cared whether I acted like a lady or not. 

“Well, I’m sorry that I wasn’t brought up like you and that my father actually had a decent job and could pay to have maids and animals. Wait, actually, I am not sorry at all. Just because you choose to be lazy and steal instead of make a decent living doesn’t mean you have the right to criticize me.” 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Alex said as he stood up from the bed and faced me. 

“Oh no?” I asked, crossing my arms. 

“Do you know that it is the fault of men like your father that I did not get a decent job? My father was a fair and honest man and he was robbed by a rich Lord until he had nothing left. The Lord made sure that my parents were killed and my sister and I narrowly escaped the same fate. After that, I decided to take revenge. My sister went into prostitution and that was the only way we had enough money for food. As soon as I was old enough, I decided that robbing rich men was not as bad as I had always believed. I know what it is like to be hungry and that is why I never waste food.” With that Alex turned around and exited the tent. I stared after him, mouth agape, too shocked and stunned to be able to say a word or even move. Alex had just told me a piece of his history and his story made me feel like a spoiled little brat. When I was finally able to move again, I wanted to walk out of the tent to go after Alex but I knew there was a man standing right outside my tent who would not let me out. So instead I curled up on the bed and fell asleep. 

 

I woke up in the middle of the night to find that Alex was lying next to me. The light from the fire that was burning bright outside was enough to show me that Alex was awake. He was staring up at the roof of the tent. I turned around a little to face him and he looked at me.  We stared into each other’s eyes for a few long moments.

“I... I’m sorry.” I finally said. “I didn’t mean the things I said, I was just upset.” 

“I know. It’s fine.” Alex replied. Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.  A few minutes later Alex spoke again. “It’s not your fault you’re a spoiled little girl,” he teased. 

“Hey!” I acted offended as I tried to pull away. 

“Oh no you’re not going anywhere.” Alex said and he pulled me closer to him. I snuggled into him and fell asleep with a smile on my face. 

 

“Ms. Paston! Florence! Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” My tutor asked me. I snapped out of my flashback and stared up at him, a little shocked, realizing that I had been staring out the window with a content smile on my face. 

 “I’m sorry sir. I was just a little distracted.” I said politely. 

“It’s fine but don’t let it happen again.” My tutor said sternly. 

“I won’t.” I promised obediently. 

Repugnant Little Man

 

The rest of the day passed in a drag, until my mother came to find me in my room. 

 “James has requested that you spend the day with him tomorrow.” She told me, while flattening her graying hair on top of her head. 

 “And he couldn’t ask me this myself?” I couldn’t help but snap. 

 “Florence!” My mother scolded.

 “It is not suitable for a gentleman to request this of a lady before consulting her parents. He will ask you tomorrow at breakfast. Make yourself presentable and remember how important this wedding is.”  I sighed, frustrated at the fact that the wedding, and with that James’ money, was more important than my happiness. 

“Yes mother.” I said meekly and then turned because I did not want to face her any longer. I heard my mother sigh and then sit down on my bed. 

“Look Florence, I didn’t love your father either when we married. But look how good it has turned out.”  I whirled around to look at her. 

 “But were you in love with someone else?” I shot at her and then clasped my hand in front of my mouth when I realized what I’d just said. My mother’s eyes narrowed as she scrutinized my face. 

“Are you, Florence?” 

 “No.” I lied through my teeth. “I am not.” 

“Good. Because if you were, you would have to get over him as soon as possible.” My mother sent me a stern look and then walked out the door, without even saying goodnight. 

 

“Florence,” James asked me sweetly at breakfast the next morning, “Would you do me the honour of spending the day with me?” His hair was slicked back like always and he was wearing a neat coat with golden buttons. He looked like a... wimp. That’s what it was. 

“I’m sorry. My tutor is coming this morning and I cannot miss my studies.” I smiled slightly at him. 

“Florence!” My mother snapped. Then, she sent a warm, but fake, smile towards James’ parents.  “I am deeply sorry. Florence has always been such a fanatic learner. Of course she would like to spend the day with you, Mr. Nortam. She would be honoured. Wouldn’t you, Florence?” She said through clenched teeth.  I forced a smile to come to my lips when I looked at James.

“Of course I would.”  I didn’t say a word throughout breakfast, and when I was done eating I started fidgeting with my napkin. How was I going to get through an entire day of being in James’ company? For one, he seemed frightfully boring and for two, I knew that I could never be good enough for him. Besides, I was far too rebellious and the fact that I actually enjoyed being un-ladylike at times proved more than anything that I was not the right wife for James. And a third factor, I was not attracted to him in the least.  After breakfast James stood up and took my hand. 

 “I will meet you at the front door in half an hour.” He said, and then bent down to kiss my hand. I was very tempted to pull my hand away but instead I let him kiss me. I felt absolutely nothing as his soft, almost feminine lips touched my hand. I would be surprised if James could even handle a sword, I suddenly thought. And then, my thoughts inevitably went to Alex again. I remembered how his muscles tensed beneath his shirt when he was practicing his swordplay with one of his men. The way a few locks of his dark black hair came loose from where he had tied it together at the base of his neck. The way he moved with such skill and precision that he managed to dodge all his opponent’s attacks. Tears nearly sprung into my eyes when I realized how much I missed Alex. A whisper from James woke me from my memories. 

“I see my touch does not leave you cold.” He said so softly that no one else in the room heard. Then, with a smirk, he left the room. I stared after him, realizing that he had interpreted my reaction as a reaction to his kiss. He couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

 

 Half an hour later I met James at the front door. I was wearing a dress that closed tightly around my neck because I did not want James staring at me any more than he already did. His bold gaze roving over my body made me shiver and I hated the thought that I had to spend the rest of my life with him. 

“You’re late.” Was the first thing James said to me. I didn’t even know that I’d been late. 

“I’m sorry.” I said automatically. 

“It’s fine. Just don’t let it happen again.” James turned around abruptly and walked out the door, without letting me go first or bothering to hold the door for me. Outside there was a carriage with a driver and James got in and then waited impatiently until I did the same. I had to hold on to the side of the carriage for support, something I had never done before because there was always a gentleman to hold my hand and help me up. The driver hadn’t done it because he thought that James would be a gentleman and help me up. The driver sent me a sorry glance as if to apologize for not helping me and I told it it was all right by giving him a small smile.  After a silent and awkward carriage ride, we arrived in town. James got out of the carriage and this time the driver was ready, he got off too and then helped me off. 

“Thank you.” I said loudly. James turned around and looked at me with an annoyed expression on his arrogant face. I ignored him and smiled at the driver. 

“Come Florence.” James ordered. I was tempted to say “Yes Sir!” but managed to keep my mouth shut. Who knew what James would have done if I would have mocked him in that way. We walked along the street to a small restaurant and when we sat down (James did not hold out my chair for me) James ordered without asking me what I wanted.  A young waitress brought our drinks. She placed mine in front of me and I smiled up at her and thanked her. But when she moved to place James’ drink in front of him, he moved his chair backwards and the waitress accidentally spilled a few drops of the drink over James’ long black coat.  James stood up and it looked like he was about to slap the waitress. 

“What have you done?” He bellowed. “You have ruined my coat! I am going to make you pay for this.” 

“I am so sorry, sir!” The waitress said softly while instinctively taking a step backwards. 

“I will make sure you are fired today!” James went on yelling. “I do not understand why they hired such an incompetent person in the first place!” By now the entire restaurant had turned to look at us and all I wanted was to crawl under the table so that people could not see me. 

“No, please sir! This is my only means of income. I beg of you. I will have your coat cleaned. Please.” Tears had sprung in young girl’s eyes and I felt immensely sorry for her. 

“James.” I said softly. “It was an accident. She will clean your coat and everything will be fine. Besides, it’s just a few drops.” James fixed his furious gaze on me and I cringed away too, just like the waitress had. 

“I would like it if you do not undermine me in front of anybody. Understand?” He said angrily. I merely nodded and to my relief James sat back down. 

“For once, just this once, I will let this go.” He told the waitress. “But if anything like this happens again...” He didn’t finish his threat but it was enough to send the girl scampering away, while constantly thanking James for having so much mercy with her. I felt like standing up and yelling at James but I did not, because I knew that it would certainly not benefit my marriage life, or my life in general for that matter.  A few minutes later, a waiter brought us our food. A steak with potatoes and peas was placed in front of me.  After praying silently, I took my first bite of steak and then remembered how James had so arrogantly ordered for me, without even bothering to check whether I liked it or not. 

“How do you know whether I like steak or not?” I asked him, even though I knew that this probably wasn’t the best time. 

With an annoyed expression on his face, James answered: “Well, if you don’t like steak you better start liking it because when we’re married we’ll be eating it at least twice a week. That brings me to why I wanted to spend the day with you. I want to discuss a few, shall we say, rules with you. For when we’re married.” James raked a hand through his gooey hair and then stared at me intently. It made me very uncomfortable. 

“You want to discuss that now?” I asked, a little shocked. “Here?” 

“What better place is there?” James asked. I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t have a suitable answer for him. 

“When we are married,” James began, “I expect you not to talk to any men unless I am there with you. I also do not find it suitable for a lady to go out alone and therefore, you will always be accompanied by a lady’s maid and you will ask me permission before going out. I do not tolerate inexperienced women in the kitchen so I do not expect you to go there, under any circumstances. I wouldn’t want to get poisoned by your clumsiness.”  As James went on naming his rules I felt my mouth drop in shock.

“And lastly,” James finished, “When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it.”  I couldn’t even say anything. I was too shocked and stunned and angry to be able to say a word. 

“Do you understand?” James asked. Oh the arrogance!

“So you expect me to be a prisoner?” I asked him, with my blood boiling with anger beneath my skin. 

“No.” James said calmly. “I expect you to be my wife.” I was about to jump out of my seat and scream at James that he was the most horrid, ill-mannered and not to mention ugly man I had ever met when I suddenly heard someone call my name. 

 “Florence!”  I turned around in my seat. 

“Daniel!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here? I thought you were still on that trip to visit your aunt and uncle!” 

“I came back today.” Daniel said. “And when I saw you sitting in this restaurant I decided to come over. I’m sorry to ruin your lunch but I couldn’t wait to see you.” 

“That’s always a good reason.” I grinned. Daniel smiled as well. He was a handsome man with brownish-red hair and mischievous light brown eyes. A boyish grin was almost always playing on his lips and we had been friends since childhood. 

“Who is this?” Daniel asked, looking past me at James. 

“Oh, how rude of me!” I exclaimed. “Daniel, this is James, my fiancé. James, this is Daniel.”  James and Daniel shook hands and I noticed a change in James. He somehow seemed calmer and more pleasant and this slightly infuriated me but I refused to let James’ attitude ruin my happiness of seeing Daniel again. 

“Florence, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come home earlier. After I heard of your kidnapping I wanted to come home as soon as possible but the next ship didn’t leave for two months and then it took another two months to get here.”  I smiled at him, knowing that he had tried his best. 

“It’s fine. Besides, I’m safe now.” Safe. I wasn’t safe at all. In Alex’s arms I was so much safer than in this dreaded arranged marriage with this arrogant, ugly jerk. 

“Tell me what happened.” Daniel urged as he pulled out a chair and sat down. I sank down into my chair as well and told him everything. By the time I was finished James looked so bored that I was surprised he hadn’t pulled his hair out of his head in frustration. Hmm, maybe he would look better bold, then at least I wouldn’t have to constantly look at that disgustingly gelled here. I bet not even a louse could live in there. 

“And what about you?” I asked Daniel, not wanting to hear his pity. “I hear you’re engaged?” 

“I am.” Daniel beamed. “Oh Florence, she’s wonderful. I can’t wait till you meet. When are you and James getting married?”  I looked at James, unsure of what to answer. 

“In two weeks.” James said, while glancing at his fingernails. He was such a sissy. 

“Two weeks?” I gasped. “You cannot be serious! Two weeks?!”  James fixed his stern gaze on me.

“Yes.”  I looked at Daniel and pleaded with him to help me. He gave me an apologetic look and then quickly looked at James and rolled his eyes. I let out a sigh of relief. At least I wasn’t the only one who was so utterly repulsed by James’ presence. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.09.2010

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