AN AMERICAN
AND HIS BRIDE TO BE


BY


BINOD SINHA


APRIL, 2010


INTRODUCTION

A change of hearts is a prerogative of an individual. It is by an individual and for the individual.


Jim and I belonged to two vibrantly diverse cultures and faith. It was our conscious decision to accept the new situation of life with full determination and respect for each other’s feelings and understanding. We were very sure that our firm faith in each other would take us through the rest of our life.
However, for my parents it was not the same. For them to accept our marriage alliance amounted to compromising the tradition, their principle and conviction. I did not want that to happen. I did not want that either my parents or we should live a life with guilt or remorse feelings. I wanted my parents to come with terms with the new changed situation by themselves. I wanted things to happen gracefully. I also knew this will take time. I had patience and so also Jim. We decided to wait.


Chapter-1
I have been waiting at the Airport since five o’clock morning to receive my friend Jim, who was coming from USA. Before I started for the Airport, I checked up the arrival time from the Airlines and I was informed that the flight would be half an hour behind schedule. But, when I reached the Airport, the announcement said the flight is two hours behind schedule. These Airlines people never give correct time of arrival. The usual excuse is the weather. They know very well, we are unable to verify the same.
I decided to have a cup of coffee.
Jim was coming to study the business prospect of his company in India. He will also be attending the marriage of my sister. We studied together for MCA in US. The Aircraft has already arrived and the passengers were trickling in the baggage collection area. After sometime, I could spot him.
He was in dark black suit and was looking handsome. His blond hair was shining in light. He inherited his handsome look and intelligence from his parents.
Jim childhood life was not a pleasant one. His parents separated when he was very young. The court gave the custody of Jim to his mother as his father was not found to be economically and mentally sounds to support his son. Jim’s father ran into heavy debt when his company failed. He did revive his company but it took much longer period than expected. After separation, his father went away to New York. His
mother remarried. Jim was sent to a boarding school and thereafter he stayed in a hostel for further study. Initially, he used to visit the family regularly, but gradually that also reduced. However, he maintained his contact with his mother.
For nearly 15 years there was no news from his father. Then one day, he had a surprised visitor-his father. His father was able to re-establish himself in his new business. He wanted Jim to join his company. Jim politely refused.
His father offered to support him for his higher study. He initially refused that offer too. However, after a lot of persuasion, he agreed to accept the money as loan. His father died in a road accident. In his will, he had given a part of money to a charity trust and the rest was for Jim. He had transferred his shares of his company to Jim so that he could become the President of the company. Jim shifted to New York and took over the company.
I was awakened up from the past history of Jim, from his strong hand that was vigorously shaking my hand. I pulled out my hand before it could get dislodged from my body. After exchange of greetings, we walked up to the car parking area.
Our driver came running, when he spotted us and gave a big salute to Jim.
“He is our driver Ram Singh,” I introduced Ram Singh to Jim.
“Hi” Jim greeted Ram Singh and shook hands with him.
Ram Singh wanted to take the Baggage trolley from Jim. He refused with thanks.
Near the car there was a minor tussle to load the baggage in the car.
“Jim!” I interrupted, “This is India. You are our guest. Let him do his duty.”
“Really, is it so?” He looked at me and said, “You all are rich people. You have chauffeured driven Car.”
“Not really! We are just rich enough to maintain our self,” I answered.
It took fifty minutes for us to reach my home.
I got down at my house and I invited Jim for Dinner. He then proceeded to his hotel.


Chapter-2
Our parents gave us the best of the education. I was the third child of our family. I did my MS in computer from an US University and was looking for a job. The eldest was my brother, an MBA, married with two kids. He was looking after our family business. The next was my elder sister, a MBBS, who was getting married. Both were arranged marriages. The youngest brother was a final year student of IIT, Delhi. Our parents were not conservative but were firm believer and follower of our tradition, customs and culture. My father was a person of conviction but friendly. He maintained certain disciplines in his life and expected his children would follow the same. My mother was a person of few words. She was cool but assertive. She was the binding force of the family and maintained cordial relationship with all other relatives. We, the children respected our parents.
Jim arrived at my place earlier than our usual dinner time.
I introduced him to my family members. He shook hands with every one. The ladies greeted him with folded hands, pronouncing, “Nameste”. He tried to emulate but could not do it properly. After brief discussion, we proceeded for dinner.
“Did you have a good rest?” my father enquired from Jim.
“Oh! Yes. It was most comfortable. The weather is good. I am fine”, he politely answered.
“Where you stay in US?”
“New York.”
“I believe it is a very expensive place.”
“Yes! It is, compare to other cities. But you know, this is the nerve centre of the commercial activities of the world. The opportunities are better.”
“What kind of job are you engaged in?”
“I am working for a law company.”
The statement of Jim surprised my father.
“I understand your area of specialisation is computer. Then how come you are with a law company?” my father was inquisitive.
Jim could read the confusion going on in the mind of my father. He tried to explain in a simple manner, “I am president of a law company which I inherited from my father. There are professionals who work for the company. Besides this, I also have a software company of mine own.”
“Are foreigners also working for your software company?” my younger brother was prompt to ask.
“Yes, I have few Chinese, Indians, and Koreans working for my company besides the Americans.”
“How do you rate them?” it was the turn of my sister to ask the question.
“So far as the intelligence is concerned; all are on the equal level. But the Indians have the added advantage over Chinese and Koreans is the knowledge of English. They are able to adapt to the American ascent faster than others. It helps in better communication and understanding.”
“Are you comfortable working with Indians?” my sister asked again.
Jim smiled and said, “I have not experienced problems so far.”
He stopped for a moment and then added, “Indians basically are well educated and qualified. They get quickly adjusted to the work culture of America. They have good appetite for learning new things. They are hard working and able to complete their task well before the schedule date. They do not mind working extra hours or on weekly off or Holidays. Completion of a project on time benefits the company. Perhaps this could be reason that they become the preferred employees. ”
“What is your plan in India?” asked my father.
“I had a few meetings today to explore possibility of business in India. I have to follow up it again tomorrow. After attending the marriage I would be visiting Rishikesh for a couple of days. I have heard a lot about this place. If it were okay with Abheri, I would request her to accompany me.”
It was a surprise suggestion; since I was nowhere in the original program nor it was discussed with me. I politely declined the offer to avoid the embarrassing situation,
“Thanks for your invitation. But I am sorry I would not be able to make it. We have our guest here. I need to be present here”
After dinner Jim left for his hotel.


Chapter-3
Next day was the marriage. Jim by this time had become familiar with every one. Because of his good nature and capability to communicate with all age groups, became friendly with my relatives and family members. He was liked. He became the object of attraction. And, also the subject of gossips.
Jim was watching all the ceremonies with amusement .He was mesmerized by the dresses worn by the Bride and Bride groom. He had many queries.
“Why are your parents sitting there?”
“They are performing ‘Kanya Dan’,” I answered.
“What is that?”
“They are offering their daughter to the bridegroom. They are transferring the responsibility of the welfare of their daughter to the boy.”
“Why the couple is going around the “Fire”?”
“This is called ‘Saptapadi’- the seven steps. The marriage will be considered complete only when all the seven steps are taken. Each step is an oath of responsibility and duties of a husband and wife. These are commitments made in front of “Fire God”. The relatives and friends are the witnesses,” I explained.
Jim had been listening to my explanation with apt attention
By the time the marriage ceremonies were completed, it was already 4’oclock in the morning. At five-o clock the ‘Bidai’- farewell was fixed. My sister was meeting each members of the family. She stared crying when she came to meet parents. My parents were also crying.
“Why your sister and parents are crying? Are they not happy with this marriage?” Jim whispered to me.
I had to suppress my laugh on his question, “Till now my sister was under the care of our parents. From today onwards she is no more with them. The feeling that she is going away, works on the emotion and you start crying. It is emotional break out.”
People were curious to know about Jim and my relationship with him. My standard reply was, “He is just my friend. We had studied together in US. He is here on a business trip.”
My people were not able to buy my story.
The following day Jim left for Rishikesh, a holy place located in the foothills of Himalaya Mountain in northern India. Jim was very keen in visiting this place as this place is famous for learning yoga and meditation. It is this place that the sacred river Ganga leaves the mountain and flows out into the plains of northern India, providing a serene atmosphere.


Chapter-4
I took permission of my parents and reached Rishikesh.
Is it possible, I wonder, for a man to change so fast? When I reached Rishikesh, it was difficult to believe the changes in Jim. He was in Indian dress of ‘kurta’ and ‘pajama’ and a ‘tilak’ on his head. He was certainly looking relaxed and radiant.
“Hello, Jim. It’s good to see you again. You look wonderful,” I said.
He responded with a smile, “Welcome to the place of Rishies- the noble peoples.”
“It seems you are enjoying the place.”
“I do.”
“Don’t tell me you are going to stay back here.”
“I wish I can,” he paused for a moment and then said, “Now, listen to this?”
He took a deep breath and then recited the ‘Gayatri Mantra,’
“OM; BHUR BHUVA SVAHA; TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM; BHARGO DEVASYA DHEEMAHI; DHI YO YONAH PRACHODAYAT.”
I was surprised and was moved. “Your Sanskrit is so good,” I said.
“Well,” he replied with a touch of embarrassment, “I have been really working on it. I guess, I was able to pronounce it correctly.”
“Oh, yes. You did better than many of us,” I praised.
He paused for a moment, and then asked a question which surprised me, “Do you know the meaning of the Gayatri Mantra?”
“Well! To be frank with you, I do not know the full meaning, but I do know that this prayer is addressed to Lord Sun, the life giver.” I answered in genuine ignorance.
“Would you like to know,” he enquired.
“Sure! Why not, go ahead,” I responded with enthusiasm in my voice.
“This Mantra inspires wisdom. Its meaning is that ‘May the Almighty God illuminate our intellect to lead us along the righteous path.’ The Mantra is also a prayer to the ‘giver of light and life’-the sun.”
“How did you manage to learn so much in such a short time? You are a genius.” I said with a genuine respect and admiration.
In Rishikesh, my stay was for only two days. But, we had very busy schedule starting from Yoga classes, morning prayers, meditation, visiting library, discourses, and lectures.
Our train was in the late evening. So we decided to spend some time on the river bank. We sat in silence, watching the sunset, until the last ray of sun left the clouds.
We were like two souls, praying, asking for wishes to be granted and giving thanks that we are together. I thought if he was also thinking the same way.
Then I heard his voice, as if he was talking to himself, “There is something in this place. It has a serene effect
on you. You feel close to the God. You feel, as if you are walking on a cloud.”
I looked at him, “Yes! I too am having the same thought. What a coincidence?”
He did not answer. The silence was finally broken by Jim’s seemingly irrelevant question at that point of time, “Did you have a chance to speak to your parents?”
“Not yet,” I responded and then I got up and then said,” Let us walk.”
He too got up and then we started walking.
Jim cleared his throat softly and said apologetically, “I have a question. I hope my question will not upset you.”
“Don’t worry. Go ahead. After all I am Abheri, means fearless,” I asserted.
He waited for others people to pass us. Then he asked, “Are you scared or having some kind of guilt feeling about our relationship?
I glanced at him and said, “Why should I be scared or have guilt feeling? There is nothing wrong the way we feel about each other. It is perfectly normal. Yes! I do want that our relationship should not develop into guilt.”
“Do your parents understand this?”
“Off course, they understand. They are human beings and they too had gone through such emotions. However, they carry on with their strong spiritual and cultural heritage which would not allow them to accept the changes so easily.”
“Would you suggest that I should talk to them?”
“I do not think it is necessary. From them, I am still a child and even when I am grown up to their age, I will still be their child. They feel, it is their responsibility to advise their children, what they considered is right. Probably, the parents do not want their children to repeat the same mistakes which they have done in their life. The welfare of the children is the paramount in their thinking and actions,” I said
“Don’t you think it amounts to interfere in someone’s life?”
“Not really. It depends on one’s perspective.”
Jim was quick to interrupt, “You are grown up and matured enough to decide about your future. It is your life. Is it not?”
“Well! It is true it is my life and I am matured enough to decide about the future of my life. But I can not ignore this fact that my life is because of them. They simply can not be ignored.”
“Do you think if I can be of any help?”
“Not really. I take this as my problem. I need to solve it. They have certain genuine apprehensions, which I need to address.”
We got engrossed so much in our conversations that we forgot that it is almost our time to reach the Railway station.
Jim after arriving from Rishikesh, left for US on the following day early morning.


Chapter-5
I could feel an uneasy tension in the family about my relationship with Jim. I was just looking for an appropriate time to open up the subject. I did not want to take any step that would hurt my parents feeling. On one of the Sunday, no one was there in the house except my parents and me.
I was summoned to his room. The whole atmosphere appears to be tense. My father was holding remote control of TV and every second changing the channels. This was the indication that he was tense.
“Sit down,” my mother asked me.
I perched myself obediently on a chair next to my mother.
“Now will you switch off the TV?” my mother asked my father.
He switched off the TV.
For an agonizing moment my father looked at us, and then spoke with a preternatural calm, “What are we hearing about you and that American Boy?”
I could feel the struggle going on within him to control his anger and pain. The anger because the tradition was being broken by one of his children and pain, because it was done by his most liked and loved daughter. He had always considered me to be his luckiest child, as I understand, his business prospered after my birth. I was also the most pampered child.
I was terrified, sensing the fire that raged in him, I barely managed to say, “We are just friends.”
“I do not think it is only friendship. There is something beyond this,” my father said.
There was silence.
He then surprised me.
“Abheri,” he said gently, “I was wrong to be angry with you. I should blame me. We know you are a good girl and there had been temptation. It was wrong decision by us to send you to a foreign country all alone.”
“I didn’t do any such things,” I whispered and added, “Jim is a nice person.”
There was another silence.
I sat mute, growing increasingly colder and light-headed.
”Listen to me Abheri. You know, we love you with all our heart. Jim is a nice person. We too liked him. But, we can not bring him in to our family. We have given full consideration of all aspects. It pains us to go against your wish, but we are doing this for your own good,” he said softly.
Finally I spoke, “What you want me to do?”
“You should try to forget this boy.”
He sighed again and concluded, “We will look for a better life partner for you.”
Our meeting ended abruptly, as the newly married couple and other relatives trooped in.
He peered at me and said quietly, “You can go now. We will discuss this again.”
I nodded mutely and walked up to my room and slumped fully clothed onto my bed. I had no illusions about my father’s seeming lack of anger.
My father knew that his daughter would not take any drastic steps to hurt him. But, he was also aware of his daughter determination.
Jim and I belonged to two vibrantly diverse cultures and faith. It was our conscious decision to accept the new situation of life with full determination and respect for each other’s feelings and understanding. We were very sure that our firm faith in each other would take us through rest of our life.
However, for my parents it was not the same. For them to accept our marriage alliance amounted to compromising the tradition, their principle and conviction. I did not want that to happen. I did not want that either my parents or we should live a life with guilt or remorse feelings. I wanted my parents to come with terms with the new changed situation by themselves. I wanted things to happen gracefully. I also knew this will take time. I had patience and so also Jim. We decided to wait.
Meantime, I took up a job.


Chapter-6
On one evening, I was going through some of my papers; I heard a knock at the door. I without looking back, said, “Come in.”
My mother was there.
“What Mom! You need permission to come inside?” I asked.
“After you started working, we did not have enough time to be together,” my mom said. After a pause she asked, “Should I make your room?”
“No, Mom! Don’t disturb any items. Let them be there as it is. I know where they are.”
I knew why mother was there. She was just trying to find an excuse to start the subject.
“You know! This has to happen in every woman’ life and is a very important event of their life.”
“What is that, Mom?” I enquired innocently.
“Marriage,” she continued without waiting for my response, “But it’s also a very sad experience, when you have to leave your parents’ house to live with someone.” She stopped and then said, “Someone you do not know very well.”
I looked at my mother amused.
“You know, Abheri! We live in a society where the marriages of the children are arranged by their parents. It is the parent’s responsibility to ensure that all aspects, such as family background, economic condition, look, etc are taken into consideration before settling the marriage so that the children would have a happy married life. That is why the arranged marriage worked better than….., what you all call?” she looked at me for an answer
“You mean Love marriage.”
“Yes! Every human being has few positive as well as negative qualities. In arranged marriage, you live you life with those positive qualities of each other and learn to compromise with those negative qualities. That is why the divorce rates are very less. In our society right from the childhood you are aware that the marriages are made in heaven. Of course, there are ups and downs, but you learn to cope with those situations.”
She looked at me, hoping that her daughter had understood what she said.
“Abheri darling,” my mother whispered to me, “I will share with you something which is very personal.” She paused, and then said, “Promise! You will never share this information with any body else.”
I looked at my mother with curiosity.
“When the proposal of my marriage with your father came, I was not very keen and happy. To be honest I did not like him” A mother was making a confession to her daughter after 35 years of her married life.
She kept her hand affectionately on me, “He did not fit into my frame of my dream husband. He was 12 years older than me and fat and not, so called handsome.”
She closed her eyes as she reminisced, “But then when we met after marriage, I realise that he was matured enough to read my mind, my feelings. And would give respect to these feelings. He told me that the marriages are made in the heaven. You meet your life partner according to the “Karma” of your previous life. It is God wish and we must learn to respect that. From then on, I stopped worrying about my dream model husband and accepted him as my soul mate. As time passed life became better and better. I had no regrets left within me”
She paused and then said, “I am sure, you will agree that we have a successful married life.”
I looked at her bewildered. I had never seen her talking with so much intensity.
“Abheri Darling! We, as parents are worried about you and your future. We would like to see you settled in your life.”
“What you want me to do, Mom?” I finally spoke.
“There is a boy. He is son of your father’s friend. They are also in business. We have invited them for dinner. You just see the boy. There is no compulsion. If you like the boy, then we would proceed further.”
“Mom, do I have a choice?”
She smiled back.


Chapter-7
I got my first glimpse of him when he was sitting in the drawing room with both the parents He appeared to be tall and may pass as handsome. I was brought to the room escorted by my sister-in-law. We went through the normal courtesy of introduction. I sat next to Mom. I was told that he is a good cricketer and played for the state. He is a good singer too. Obviously, it was a good opportunity for him to display this quality of his. He sang a popular song from a Hindi film. At the end everyone clapped.
“What a golden voice,” my mother commented in his praise.
Then we all moved for dinner. On dinner table, the discussion started with the customary compliments on the food and then moved on to business.
After dinner was over, the men moved to drawing room to discuss business and politics. However, the ladies continue to gossip on the dinning table. My mother asked my younger brother to take Saman out, to show our newly led rose garden. And then, she whispered me to accompany them.
“Mr Saman! You are looking great in your dress,” my brother commented while going out.
“Thanks,” he acknowledged.
“I like the way you bat, an aggressive approach.” My brother seems to have become a fan of him.
“This year, I missed the chance. May be, next year I should be in the national team,” he was trying to impress.
“Excuse me, I have to go. I have to see a friend,” my brother excused himself and left, leaving both of us alone.
“You are beautiful. My parents did not exaggerate when they talked about you.”
He paused and waited for me to response.
I hesitated for a moment and then responded, “You are tall as told.”
“Ours, like yours is a joint family. We are in the same business. I am told you have all the qualities of a homely girl.”
“You mean, a good wife material,” I replied tartly.
“I think we should change the subject.” he said.
“I know nothing about cricket.” I said.
“Well! Will you tell me something about yourself,” he pleaded.
“I want to do something in my life. I do not wish to get married for now,” I responded.
We walked quietly, each pretending to admire the fully bloomed roses in the garden.
Saman finally broke the silence and asked, “Do you mind, if I ask a personal question?
“It depends on the question,” I responded.
“Are you interested in someone else,” he asked ingenuously.
I remained quit. After some time he persisted with the same question.
Initially, I thought I will not say anything about Jim. But, finally, decided to tell the truth.
“I do not wish to keep you in dark. Yes, it is true.”
“What is true?” he asked, surprised.
“You understand that.”
I responded his questions with a candour that astonished me.
I told him about Jim.
“Are your parents aware of this?” he asked
“Yes. But, they do not approve of our alliance.”
“I am glad you have told the truth to me. I respect your honesty. Any one would be lucky to have you as his life partner. I do not know what the future holds for us. But, we can certainly be good friends,” he said and stretched his hand towards me.
I was hesitant.
He persisted with a smile.
I felt warmth in his approach. I shook hand with him.
“One last question,” he pleaded and then asked,” Do you like me?”
I was hesitant for a moment and then replied “Yes.”
“If that is so, will you marry me then?” he asked mischievously.
I looked up and uttered without any hesitation, “May be in the next birth.”
I regretted having spoken like this to a person with whom I just spent half an hour. I had spoken on an impulse and now it was too late to correct my mistake.
After this meet, we had a chance to meet him a couple times more, mostly on social occasions. I liked him. He inspired respect and wisdom.
I also introduced Jim to him.
There were a couple of more marriage proposals, but, each ended in failure. Of course, it was me who would always find a new excuse for rejecting the proposal.
I was told by Jim that Saman is in constant touch with him. He did not elaborate it much.
I also observed that Saman had visited our house recently a couple of times late evening and spent time with my parents. When I asked, he said it was business meetings.


Chapter-8
One day, I was summoned to my parents’ room. When I reached there, I found Saman coming out of the room.
He stopped and said, “Hello, how are you?”
“What are you doing here?” I enquired surprisingly.
“Just to meet your father,” he smiled and then moved on, “I need to go. I am in a hurry. I will see you soon.” He stopped at the exit for a moment to say, “Good Luck,” and then vanished.
I remained silent for a moment. A suspicion crossed my mind, for some reason Saman didn’t say the truth.
I entered the room. My father was sitting on the sofa and watching TV, his usual News Channel.
“So, you have decided to get married with that American boy? He said sarcastically without looking at me.
“I thought that chapter was closed once you decided that you do not approve our relationship? I answered keeping my cool.
“Will you shut down TV? My mother asked my father. He did not close the TV but lowered the volume.
“Come, sit down here,” my mother asked me.
“Why don’t you talk to her? Whatever you have to say, say now,” my mother showed her anger at my father.
My father shut the TV off and looked at me, “I have received a call from Jim. He wants to come down to India next week.”
“For what?” I enquired.
My mother interrupted, “This is regarding your marriage.”
“Why, this sudden change of heart?”
“Will you shut up now,” my mother snapped me.
“You can speak to me whatever you want to know,” I said.
“No! I want to have man to man talk,” my father replied and said, “Connect me to him.”
I looked at mother. She shook her head and indicated me to connect the phone.
I dial Jim’s cell number. He answered the call, “Hi, Abheri,” he said simply.
“Hi,” I said. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he replied.
“Are you in the office?” I enquired.
“No, I am driving. I am on my way to Washington. You can talk to me,” he said.
“My father wants to speak with you,” without waiting for a response from him, I handed over the phone to my father.
My father switched on the speaker.
“Hello, Jim. How are you?”
“I am fine, how about you?”
“I am doing fine.”
“Good.”
“Jim! I just wanted to let you know that we are happy about your visit to India and we are looking forward of seeing you soon.”
“Excellent. I will let you know my program, once everything is fixed up.”
I could feel his excitement.
“Don’t book the hotel room. You will be staying with us.”
“Thanks a lot.”
I could hear his deep breath on the line.
My father kept the phone down and looked at me with a smile on his face, but said nothing. The look on his face said everything.
I wanted to say, “Thank you, Papa.” But, my voice was choked with emotions.
I deliberately turned my back to hide my tears and quietly left the room. I went straight to my room and washed my face.
I was desperate to talk with some one to share my happiness. I thought to my self “Who could be better person than Saman.” At that very moment, I also realised the significance of brief conversation Saman had with me, and his ‘Good luck’ wishes to me, before he left.


Chapter-9
I dialled his number.
He came on line, “Saman here.”
“Your parents are proved to be right when they decided your name as Saman, a person with good heart,” I said.
I could hear his laugh at the other end, “Thank you.”
“Thanks, for what you did for us.”
“I did for you.”
“Yes.”
“I knew that you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. But, I will always cherish the memories of the time we spent together,” Saman said.
I became emotional and could not respond to him immediately.
“Abheri, are you there?” he enquired anxiously.
I could no longer hold my tears and cried.
“Abheri! You are a brave girl. Don’t cry. Relax and start preparing for the great day, a very important event of a woman’s life.” He sounded like my mother.
He continued, “I have been in touch with Jim. He is a nice guy. For him, there is nothing more important than you. Jim is truly in love with you.”
“Yes. I know.” I said.
“Both of you are made for each other. You two, have found your soul mates in each other.”
He paused and then said, “Never forget me…..your friend.”

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 03.04.2010

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