“Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience…” Eph 2:2
June 21st
“I decided to bring my family’s photo album with me before I arrived. I have a very interesting family, you know. We’re the wealthiest family known; we have many friends…more enemies than I can count.” I mumbled. “Dr. Black, do you know why I came to see you?” I asked. “From the tone of your voice, I can only assume that you’re depressed.”
He responded as he reached for his tall glass of warm milk. “Right you are; however…” I said, and then paused. “Go on.” Dr. Black replied, somewhat interested in the conversation now. Maybe it was the warm milk, or maybe it was the five cups of coffee he had before just to stay awake. “I don’t REALLY know why I’m depressed. I keep telling myself that it’s because my brothers live far away as well as my fiancée and that my parents died.
“After taking a look at my photo album, I couldn’t help but wonder who I really am~ where I came from. Do you want to know what I asked myself when I came home last night?” Dr. Black just looked at me, anticipating my answer. “‘What is home?’ I asked myself…‘What is home?’ I asked again. Then, I started to wonder about my past. Lately, I’ve had a feeling that I’ve lived another life.” Dr. Black spit his milk out and quickly stood to his feet. For a sixty-something-year-old, that’s the most lively I’ve ever seen him in my life.
"What do you mean by that?!" he nearly shouted.
"I can't remember things like my first car, when I turned 18 and-and when my parents died! Its all a blur. Why...why can't I remember the most important days of my life? Since the age of 10, I've felt weird." I replied as I placed my arm over my eyes concealing the tears that rolled down my face like a river. Dr. Black sat back down and spoke in a calm tone of voice: "How did you feel weird?" "I felt as though I was another person. I've been alive; I didn't die...I just know without a doubt that in some strange sense, who--rather, what I am, isn't really WHO I am. I have a feeling that I don't belong in the family." Dr. Black just sat there with a bowed head while I just emptied all the emotions out of me that I didn't know I had.
Hate. Fear. Depression. Guilt. Shame.
I had it all. I was a guilty man and I didn't have a clue why. I know that I'm innocent-- guilty as well...but, why? "Dr., what's wrong with me?" I asked. "Son, what you feel has left me speechless. I'm at a loss of words right now..." he took his glasses off and set them on the oak desk, then continued. "You just poured out a soul in dire need of a Savior. I don't know of the right words to say; all that comes to mind is, search for the truth. Search for the truth."
He repeated. Search for the truth, huh? I'll do that. I want to find who the real me is.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt relieved that this was finally some-what off my chest. It was finally time for me to start a new chapter in my life...In search of the truth.
As time went by, I inadvertently slipped away from my family and friends. Cynthia had left for France while I let Tony and Brad and whatever loony-goons they call friends run the family business while I did some soul searching. Funny thing though; the only reason why I'm searching for the truth is based on the fact that I felt depressed all of the sudden. Why? I'd like to know the answer to that myself. There are things that man just cannot answer for himself. He cannot explain the unexplained.
Over the course of ten days to be exact, Dr. Black had been ignoring my calls for some reason. Of course, that was out of his character to ignore me unless he was dealing with a few clients. My curiosity got the best of me, so I paid him a visit. Hmm, he wasn't home or at his office either. What could he be up to?
I thought. Just as I turned to leave his home, I found a note sticking under the door.
"Dear Reuben, just in case you're looking for me and wondering where I am, I just took a week long vacation. I wish that I could help you search the truth, however, I'm in dire need of some time to myself. I need to think, to relax...find the real me as well. Thank you.
Dr. Black."
I wonder what he meant by "find the real me as well."
I thought. Whatever he meant, I knew that he was going to be OK. After a thirty-minute time-out, I didn't know where to begin. I wished that my parents, if they were my parents, would have left me some kind of a clue as to where I came from. OF COURSE!!!!! I was born and my mother's name is Kelly McAllister!! However, that didn't set right with me somehow. Ideas started flowing through my head. The phone kept ringing it made my ears ring. There was over 400 messages on the answering machine and over 10,000 emails from family and friends. When was all this going to end? You be the judge.
At the library, I searched our family name and over 500,000 searches came up. "Great! Now, all I need now is the rest of my life to pinpoint the right family and we're good to go." I said with sarcasm.
After much researching, I finally hit something. I wasn't who I thought I was. Who was I?
Texte: Brooke L. Masters 2012
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 18.02.2012
Alle Rechte vorbehalten