I sat down at a desk and looked at the kids around me. This was retarded I thought. I was in this club where we wrote letters to "buddies" in Europe. 
 Who makes a club like that?
 I wanted to be in auto-shop but I guess girls just aren't fit for that. Pathetic. 
 " Okay everyone! You have already been assigned a buddy and Liz will pass out the first letters. A picture of them should be inside the envelope. I want you to write back and send a picture of yourself. It must be appropriate! And please be nice to them." Mrs. Ballord was such a weird teacher. Always happy and smiling. Everyone knew her husband was cheating on her so she had to know too. Yet she smiled like her world was perfect. 
 I grabbed my envelope and ripped it open. Out fell a picture. It was a boy with long hair and black clothes. Great I got the gothic boy. 
 I looked at the letter. He didn't seem so enthusiastic either. He talked about his guitar and how he liked heavy metal. His name was Timothy. 
 " Okay, now everyone I want you to try and become friends with your buddy. We are writing to them because they need a friend. I want no rude letters because if they get one I will find out. Okay? Now your letter is due in a three days. Your dismissed." she said happily. 
 I stood and walked out. Jose waited by the door. 
 " So how was the club?" he asked. 
 " Shit! I have to write to some loser from Europe!" I yelled not caring if others heard. 
 He laughed. " Lets go." 
 I sat down in his beat up truck and turned the radio on. Jose drove away from the school and we headed to his house. 
 Jose had been my friend since I was a kid. Our parents always said that we would get married but I don't think we would. He was cute and I was pretty but we never had feelings for each other. We were too close. 
 Now a senior in high school we would get quiet a lot. We both knew we would be separating. He was a smart kid and I was a slacker. He would go to UC Davis to be a doctor and I would stay in Stockton and become a bum. 
 Life was great. 
 Jose would argue with me about how I should go into modeling. I was tall enough and he said I was pretty enough. Models, to me, are life sized Barbie dolls. I hate Barbie dolls. 
 He pulled up to his house and his little brother ran up to him. Jose scooped him up and twirled him around. " What do you think your doing, running around?" he smiled at little Francisco. 
 He smiled and laughed as Jose tickled his stomach. He jumped down and ran to me. I picked him up and rested him on my hip. Francisco rested his head on my shoulder and we walked in. 
 " Mamma, I'm home. Maria is with me." Jose yelled. 
 " Oh good good. Maria, I made your favorite. Tamales!" she smiled pulling me into a hug. 
 " Ah, thank you, mamma." I smiled back. I set Francisco on the couch and followed Jose to his room. 
 I plopped down on his bed and looked at the letter again. " I can't believe they took me out of auto-shop and put me in this crappy club. How do I know he's not a rapist?" I said. 
 " Why don't you ask him?" Jose smiled. 
 " I will." I said. I grabbed a piece of paper and began to write. 
 Dear Timothy,
       Look I really don't want to be doing this and from the looks of your letter you don't either. So I have one question for you. Are you a rapist? If so tell me now before I get too close to you. If not well then hi. I'm Maria Lopez. I like to work on cars and I listen to rap. My best friend is a guy named Jose. I like Tamales and chocolate. Im not all for heavy metal, well actually I've never even heard it before. It's cool that you can play the guitar. I play nothing. So, Timothy, I guess we are stuck writing annoying letters to eachother so get use to me. 
                                   From,
                                  Maria

 I read it aloud to Jose and he laughed at me. 
 " I can't believe you actually asked him of he was a rapist." 
 " Hey, I gotta know these things." I said. Jose shook his head. I stood and walked over to him. He stared at his calculus homework thinking over the problems in his head. 
 " I think it equals two." I said. 
 " Yeah we'll your thinking isn't the best." he laughed. 
 " What is that suppose to mean?" 
 " It means your still in Algebra two so yeah that says it all." 
 " That hurt me. That hurt me really deep inside." I said, placing my hand over my heart. 
 " Sure it did." Jose laughed. 
 " Whatever." I huffed. 
 Francisco walked in and with a shy smile announced that dinner was ready. I walked into the small dinning room and sat down. Hot tamales, beans, and rice were on the table. Jose sat down next to me. We prayed silently to ourselves and began to eat. 
 I always thought of them as my family. Now they really were. My parents were now dead. A fight had broke out near our house and one of the men took out a gun. At that same moment my parents walked out of the house to get me, because I was playing on the lawn. Shots were fired and I was left an orphan at the age of eleven. 
 I even had a scar on my arm as proof. 

 I sat in the back waiting for the letters to be passed back. I wanted to know what his response was. A letter was given to me and I ripped it open. 
 Dear Maria,
       No I'm not a rapist but maybe I should ask the same about you. I really don't want to be doing this either so I guess we are going to have to get use to eachother. Is your friend Jose really your boyfriend? If so well then he is very lucky. Sorry if that sounded weird but your very pretty. Sorry if that sounded weird too. If you want next time I could send a cd with the letter so you can hear some heavy metal. I haven't really heard rap though. Well nice to meet you Maria. 
                                          From,
                                         Timothy

 I laughed to myself. This fool was tripping over himself because of me. Maybe this class wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

 Dear Timothy,
       Well I'm not a rapist either. Atleast I don't think so. So whats it like where you live? Over here it's dangerous. Fights, robberies, and other things that probably don't happen anywhere else. I'd really appreciate it if you sent me a CD. I'm sending a rap cd with this letter. It's Eminem Recovery. I think it's one of his best CDs at the moment. That's what I think. 
 Thank you for the complement. You don't have to be sorry for saying that though. It's nice of you. I guess your cute too. Not really my type but hey I could always get a new one. 
 Jose is not my boyfriend. He's like my brother. I've known him since I was little and now I live with him and his family. Yes, I'm an orphan. But don't pity me. I hate it when people do that. I have no siblings. But I do have uncles, aunts, cousins, and so on. 
 I really don't talk to them except one of my cousins. Her name is Rosalina. I call her Rose though. She is I think fifteen now so almost our age. She's a smart kid. I seriously think that she will be famous though. She has the look and is really kind. Her voice is beautiful. When she isn't even trying she sounds like an angel. I guess I think of her as my little sister. Do you have siblings? Well since I'm rambling on I'll stop here. 
                                                    From,
                                                    Maria

I grabbed the CD and wrapped it in bubble wrap and black tissue paper. I taped it to the letter and put it in my backpack. 
 " Hurry up Jose!" I yelled and walked out the door. 
 " Wait!" he yelled back. 
 I sat down in the truck and waited for Jose. He was on the phone with some girl that had an interest for him. Blah! 
 I saw him smiling as he talked on the phone. A surge of anger flowed me as he smiled and laughed. 
 Wait a minute Maria! That's Jose! Why am I feeling this way? I shook my head and looked down at my lap. It was probably just protective feelings. He was like my brother. 
 Nothing more. 
 But maybe he was. No! My god did this happen to every girl? He opened the door and sat down. 
 " Why is it your talking to a girl that you go to school with before we go to school? Why don't you just wait until we get to school to talk to her?" I asked as he pulled out of the gravel driveway. 
 " Why are you asking these questions? Are you jealous?" he smiled a devilish smile. 
 I felt my face get red. " Oh you? Please." I said pushing him slightly. 
 " Hey I'm driving, essa." he smiled at me. 
 I couldn't help but smile back at his wanna be cholo voice. 
 When we parked Kelli, the girl who liked Jose, ran over and hugged Jose. She gave me a weird look and then dragged Jose away. Jose smiled down at her and left me alone. 
 I stomped away with an anger I was still questioning. Michael walked up to me in silence. This kid was about the most annoying kid ever. He was sophomore and would never leave me alone. 
 We had the same math class and always seemed to be sitting next to eachother. I hated it. 
 " Hi." he said quietly. 
 " What do you want?" I asked. 
 " Why are you mad?" 
 " I'm not mad!" I yelled. 
 " Yeah so why are you mad?" he asked again smiling at my silly attitude. 
 " Cause your talking to me." I snapped. 
 " That was harsh." he mumbled as he hung his head. 
 I looked at him with pity in my eyes. Yeah he was annoying but he was sweet. Never hurt me and he was kind of cute. It was probably just because he had muscles. I was a sucker for a guy with muscles. 
 " I'm sorry. I guess today just isn't my day." I said. 
 " It's fine." he mumbled still hanging his head. 
 " How are you?" I asked. 
 " Okay. Nothing special." he mumbled. Wow, I had really hurt him. 
 " I'm sorry for before. I really am." I said touching his arm. 
 He looked down at my hand and back at me. " It's fine. I get it." he then walked away. 
 Today was not going to be a good day. 

 In math class Michael was silent. He stated at his paper and didn't really talk. 
 This didn't make me feel any better.
 At lunch when I went to go sit with Jose like I always did, Kelli came up and sat where I was going to sit. She gave me a weird look again and I seriously wanted to punch her. 
 Stupid blond white chick. He only wants you because your easy! Those were words I wanted to yell in her face. I didn't though because I knew Jose would get pissed. 
 Instead I sat with Joey and Roberto. They were Jose's friends and had been shoved away just like me. 
 I continued to look over at Jose and Kelli. She was almost on top of him. They laughed and smiled at eachother. Sickening. 
 " You continue to look over there Maria. Is there something you want to us?" Joey leaned in, staring at me with big curious eyes. 
 " No." I said. 
 " Dude why would you even think that? We all know she's in love with me." Roberto smiled and winked at me. 
 I laughed. Roberto was like my flirt buddy. All the time we would pretend like we loved eachother. It made some people confused but it made us laugh. 
 I reach my hand over the table and grabbed Roberto's in mine. " Duh." I said to Joey. 
 He smiled knowing I was completely lying. It was a lie I wish was true. Yet I continued to look over at Jose. That smile was something I didn't want to see. 

 Dear Maria, 
       I liked the CD you sent. It was interesting. I sent one so I hope you like it. Ummm, well thank you. I guess I'm no ones type but yeah. You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Your cousin sounds really cool though. I have a little brother. He's twelve now. He annoys me. I know you said don't take pity but I feel it inside. I'm really sorry to hear about your parents. I think it's nice how Jose's family took you in. 
 Well here in France, that's the exact place, it's really crowded. There is probably the same amount of crazy things here as there. The only cool thing is all the monuments and that stuff but some of them are really boring. So that's how most of Europe is. I hope you like the CD. 
                                              From,
                                           Timothy
 I listened to the CD. It was mostly all noise to me but I loved one song. The sound and the feel made me disappear from the world. 
 Rose for Epona was absolutely my favorite. 


 I sat at a small table with Francisco. Put down a card and looked at him for an answer. Our serious faces stared at eachother for some time. He petted his puppy slowly. Big fake rings adorned our fingers. 
 " Go Fish." he said in a Mafia accent. 
 We would play this little game of Go Fish when ever. Momma would always laugh and Jose would call us dumb. Pappa, who was usually working at a car shop, would join at times. He wasn't around much so it was very rare. Pappa loved it though. 
 He said it was funny and it made us good actors. 
 Jose walked in and shook his head at us. He looked back down at a paper and smiled. The puppy on Francisco's lap then ran away. 
 Francisco ran after it yelling "Puppd! Puppd!" 
 " What are you looking at?" I asked, cleaning up the cards. 
 " None of your business." he snapped and walked to his room. 
 " Well okay then." I whispered. Since that day, Jose had been so involved in Kelli. They were now "in love." It was pathetic. 
 They were only teenagers and were already saying I love you. They were so involved in each other too. Always stuck together and always smiling as if life was just the best thing ever for them. 
 I hated it. Especially since I was shunned the whole time. If I was talking to Jose, Kelli would give me a look that said clearly that I should leave. She did the same with Joey and Roberto. No one was allowed near her Jose. 
 It hurt in a way to know that your best friend didn't care about you any more. 
 I pulled out a blank paper and wrote. 
 Dear Timothy,
       I hope you're well. I'm kind of down. Jose is just so wrapped up in a girl. I'm not jealous, I'm actually happy for him in a way, but he is just pushing me away. I liked the CD though. I really liked Rose for Epona. It sounded pretty in the beginning. Which was your favorite from the CD I sent you? Well this letter is going to be short. I guess I'm not really up for it right now. 
                                                   From,
                                                     Maria

I slipped the letter into my backpack and walked to Jose's room. I knocked on the door and heard no reply. I knocked again, except harder. 
 " What?" he yelled. 
 I opened the door. " Why you such a bitch lately?" I asked, attitude flowing through my words.
 " Don't call me that." he snapped.
 " I'm going to call you whatever I want!" I yelled. 
 " Wow, aren't you mature." he mumbled. 
 " At least I don't run around with a hoe." I said. 
 " Yeah, it's cause your are one." his words stung me and felt like blood was pouring from my soul. 
 I stood looking at him with astonishment. His face then change from anger to regret. 
 I left in a storm of emotions. 
 " Wait! Maria, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" he yelled after me. 
 I ran through the front door and down the street. I heard Jose's voice again but I didn't turn. I raced through the streets, unsure of where I would end up. 
 Finally I began to walk. I was in the middle of a field where a tall advertisement sign stood. The highway roared with the sound of cars. 
 I began to climb the ladder up to the top. The skyline sank and the sky turned purple and pink. 
 " What are you doing here?" I looked up startled by the voice. Michael stared down at me with curiosity in his eyes. 
 " Looking at the sky. You?" I said staring at the colors that painted the heavens. 
 " Same." he said. 
 A tear rolled down my cheek, still remembering the earlier moments. Michael wiped it away. 
 " Don't cry." he whispered. 
 " Sorry." I mumbled looking at the ground that lay so far from me now. 
 " Don't be sorry. Why are you crying?" he asked edging closer. 
 " Me and Jose got in a fight. It's nothing though." I mumbled. 
 " It's something to me if your crying." he said. 
 " Thank you. I'm sorry about the other day." 
 " It's fine."
 I stared at the sky, feeling his eyes on me. I looked at him and our eyes locked. He moved closer and so did I. We were so close to eachother now. He tilted his head and I began to close my eyes. 
 A horn honked and I looked down. It was Jose. He drove onto the field and stopped under the sign. 
 " Maria I'm sorry!" he yelled. 
 I looked over at Michael. He stared at the highway. I touched his arm. He looked up at me but embarrassment played throughout his face. 
 " I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." I said and kissed him quickly on the cheek. 
 I climbed down the ladder and over to Jose. 
 " I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just annoyed. Please forgive..." 
 " Take me home." I said and sat down in the car. 
 He sat down too and looked at me. I stared up at the sign, trying to see Michael. 
 Jose started the car and drove away in silence. Things between us were not going to be good. He knew that too. He pulled up to the house and turned toward me. I was already out of the truck before he could say anything. 
 I walked in the house and into my room. Later I heard him standing next to my door. He whispered something but I couldn't hear. I didn't want to hear. 
 My friend was gone.

 Dear Maria, 
       I'm really sorry to hear about your friend and you. He's dumb for ever being mean to you. I wish I was there to comfort you. I hope you start to feel better though. My favorite from the CD you sent me was Not Afraid. Also No Love. Ross for Epona was my favorite too. I'm glad you liked it. Hope you feel better. 
                                                     From,
                                                   Timothy

 Rose hugged me tightly and sat down. We were at the Sherwood mall, sitting at a table in the food court. Ross was so beautiful. Her hair was long and silky black and her eyes were emerald green. Her dark skin made them shine even brighter. Men continued to look over at her. She always seemed to never notice their stares. 
 " How are you?" she asked. 
 " I'm okay. Me and Jose are in a fight but things are fine." 
 " Oh yeah. He seemed a little down." she said. Rose was always a smart girl. So smart that she was in all the high classes with Jose, and Jose was a Junior while Rose was a Sophomore. The genius she was. 
 I nodded. " Anything else happening? I mean your the one who wanted to meet up." I said looking at her. 
 She smiled, showing her white teeth. " I've got a job!" she said excitedly. 
 " A job? That's it? Why would you want a job?" 
 " It's not just any job. Im a model! Do you know how much money I'll have now?" 
 " How much?" 
 " One hundred for each picture that goes through. I probably take five pictures a day." she smiled with joy. 
 " I'm so proud of you!" I said. 
 " So why did you and Jose get in a fight?" she asked. 
 " It's stupid. He's been so distant since he's stared going out with Kelli." 
 " Oh I don't like her. Shes too much of a flirt. She goes to far too." 
 " What do you mean?" 
 " I mean she always seems to be sitting on someone. I've seen her with Jose and I'm surprised she doesn't rip his clothes off right there." she laughed, trying to amuse me. 
 It didn't though. 

 I sat down outside the school waiting for Jose to come out. I heard foot steps and looked up hopefully. Instead Michael sat down next to me. 
 " Hi." he said. 
 " Hi." 
 " I'm sorry about that one day. You know when I tried to kiss you. It was stupid of me." he mumbled. 
 " It's fine. How are you?" 
 " I'm okay, now. How are you?"
 " Annoyed. I've been waiting here for an hour now and Jose still hasn't came out." 
 " I don't think he'll be coming out anytime soon either because he left with Kelli an hour and a half ago. They were talking about a movie and dinner."
 His words hit me like a cannon ball. I looked around hoping to see Jose's truck but I didn't. " What a jackass." I said. 
 He looked at me and a sad look came over his face. " I would offer to drive you home but I have no car. If it makes you feel any better I'm in the same situation. My brother is off somewhere with his girlfriend and he left me here." he said. 
 " I'm sorry to hear that." 
 " I'm use to it. He does it all the time." 
 " I'm really sorry then. Do your parents know?" 
 " No. If I tell he'll get me. I may be strong but he's a football star and I'm just a dumb-ass." he mumbled. 
 " Your not dumb. I think your smart. And if anyone tells you otherwise, tell me and I'll show them a thing or two." I said punching his arm lightly. 
 He smiled. " Hitting isn't nice." 
 " Who said I was nice?" I laughed. 
 " I think your nice." he said. 
 I smiled and looked at this boy who had bugged me so much before. Now he was my closed friend. 
 Jose's truck speed into the parking lot. " Hey I'm sorry! I totally forgot." he said. 
 I looked at Michael. " Do you want a ride home?" I asked. 
 " No I'll wait. Bye." he said. 
 I got up and smiled down at him. I walked to the truck and sat down. " Go." I snapped. 
 Jose, now a days, had this sad look on his face. He knew that my anger toward him was growing. He knew that it was all because of Kelli too. 
 I hated being around him now. Mostly because he always reeked of her perfume. It was nasty smelling too. He stared ahead not looking over at me. this was what I wanted. I didn't want him to see my tears.  
Dear Timothy,
      I do feel better. Thank you. I hope your doing well. Jose and I are still in a fight but I try to block him out. My cousin, the one I told you about, has gotten a job as a model. I'm so proud of her. She gonna be something. Well we've been talking for some time so what are some hobbies you have other than playing the guitar? I don't do anything really. I'm pretty lazy. Also what do you want to be when your older? I want to be a mechanic. Again, hope your doing well. Bye. 
                                                  From,
                                                 Maria


 Jose hugged Kelli with affection and she giggled as his hand ran down her back. I wanted to gag. 
 Now things between Jose and me were worse. We didn't talk or even look at eachother. Jose would try to apologize but I would walk by it. 
 When momma found out about our fight she yelled at Jose for the longest time and went to comfort me. Momma also didn't like Kelli. She said the Kelli was a little bit too out there. 
 Of course that's why Jose liked her. 
 Roberto and Joey were also not liking Jose. They were both being pushed away and were growing farther from Jose. 
 Everyone was. 
 I continued to talk to Michael but for some reason longed for letters from Timothy. When ever I got one I felt glee run through out my body. It was something I wasn't use to. 
 I talked to Rose about it but she had nothing to say. She said I was crazy and retaliating from Jose's neglect. That I was trying to find something to hold onto. Maybe she was right. 
 For now all I wanted was a letter from Timothy. 
 Dear Maria,
      It's good to hear your better. I'm Not doing good though. I just feel so mad all the time and I really never smile anymore. I have no reason to. But it doesn't matter.  I actually, this may sound dumb, write poetry. I took it up sometime ago but never really told anyone. The poems are bad too so I guess it doesn't matter either. 
 I'm glad to hear about your cousin. You must be very proud. I hope she does well. Maybe you should take up modeling. You would be good at it.  Well when I'm older I want to be an architect. I want to design houses though. Really cool ones that rich famous people would live in. I hope your doing well too. 
                                                   From,
                                                 Timothy
 
I walked through the hall and into the bathroom. This mourning me and Jose had gotten in a fight again. This time he never said sorry. He had yelled in my face on how I was stupid and jealous and how Kelli was the best thing ever. Also how no one would ever feel that way about me. 
 I punched the wall and sank down. I was glad that the bathroom was empty. I didn't want anyone to see me. He was such a jackass. 
 After the late bell rang I stood and wiped away my years and tried to make the redness go away. I then heard giggling and a laugh. I stopped and waited. The door opened and Kelli fell in with Josh, the football star, on top of her. She looked at me in surprise and pushed Josh away as he laid his lips on her chest. 
 " What are you doing here?" she asked, smoothing out her shirt. Josh stood being her very confused. 
 " Looking at a slut who's cheating on my friend. You?" I said and pushed past her. 
 This was going to kill Jose. This was what he deserved. After all this time talking about how she was the best thing ever and she was cheating on him the whole time. Priceless. 
 I heard Kelli run up behind me and grabbed my arm. 
 " Please don't tell Jose. I really like him. It's just he's been very distant and sad lately and I just want some fun. Please, I really like him." she begged. 
 " Yeah you like him so much that you cheat behind his back. At least it's not in front of him." I snapped. 
 " Please, I beg you." she pleaded and I saw a tear roll down her face. 
 " Look I won't tell him. But you are. If I find out you never told him then I'll make your life a living hell. If there is one thing you don't do its hurt Jose. He's like my brother and I would never let anything hurt him. So you better check yourself before you reck yourself. Or before I do. You hear?" I said in a low grumble. 
 She nodded. 
 I turned and stomped away to class. Life just sucked at the moment. 
 
 I sat with Joey and Roberto at a table in the quad. We had gotten some Taco Bell and were eating it like pigs. Jose came and sat down next to me. 
 We all stopped and I looked at him. He looked so sad. Kelli must have told him. 
 I touched his arm and smiled at him when he looked up. 
 " I'm so stupid. I should have listened to you. I'm sorry you guys for everything." he mumbled. 
 " It's okay." we all said. 
 " You want a taco dude." Joey said. 
 Jose laughed and we laughed too. Joey always said the right thing at the right time to make everything okay. It was like his job. 
 I saw Kelli walking, crying by herself. I nodded her way and she nodded back. It was what she deserved. 
 
 Dear Timothy,
       Well the fight between me and Jose is over. Kelli had cheated on him and I made her tell him. He realized how stupid he was and is now back to himself. But besides that, SMILE! You have to smile. At least when your writing to me! Also I think it's cool that you write poetry. You should send a poem to me and I'll be the judge of if it's good or not. I can't wait to see some of your work when your older. I bet they will be wonderful houses. Maybe you should make one for me. Thank you, yet again, for the complement. You should also do modeling. I wish you a good day and please smile more. 
                                                      From,
                                                    Maria
 
 I sat in Jose's room in silence. He stared at his homework and didn't talk. Kelli had came up to him today and they had talked. She left crying and he had looked angry. I desperately wanted to ask what had happened but I didn't want to hurt him more. 
 He slammed his pencil down and held his head. He began to sob and I rushed over to him. I pulled him close and rocked him slightly. He cried into my shirt and pulled me closer. 
 " I was so stupid. And she said that she didn't know why she did that. And now she's going out with that bastard. I'm so stupid!" he sobbed. 
 " The only stupid one is me. It's going to be okay. You're better without her." I said. 
 " I thought that I was in love with her." he whispered. 
 My heart ached with his. She had crushed him bad. He cried some more and didn't say anything. Silence crept over us as his tears lessened. 
 " I'm sorry. It's my fault for not listening to you. I'm sorry." he said. 
 I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. 
 " You don't have to be sorry. It was her fault for loosing the best guy ever." 
 " Thanks." he said meekly.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 03.11.2012

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