Scheduled meetings

Hi. My name’s Veronica. I’m 16 years old, an orphan, and am currently in the foster system. I bet your probably thinking, “Oh, poor girl, she must be so scared”. Well I’m not so don’t worry yourself over me, I can take care of myself; have been for a better part of my life. Yeah my parents died in a car accident, it’s sad I get it, but I’m over it now, it’s in the past. I’ve been put in 4 foster homes, run away from said foster homes and been a rebel all my life, nothing wrong with that. Foster homes are not all bad, some were pretty nice, I just never fit in. Most of the time the kids would hate me and push me around, but I wouldn’t take it personal. There was this one home that belonged to an architect and his wife, they were nice to me, bought me clothes, took me to movies, family game nights; but they had a nasty habit when it came to discipline, maybe it was because I was always sneaking out.
So now you know my sob story, go ahead and wipe your tears its ok. Like I was saying, I’m in the foster program in Olympia, Washington, been here for about four months, and tomorrow I’m supposed to meet with a potential foster family. I don’t know much about them but Bertha, my counselor, said that the couple have been looking into foster programs and have wanted an older kid.
Now, most of you already know this, but I’ll go ahead and dish it out. When families come to check out foster kids, they almost always go for the babies, don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with less chance of the kid knowing their orphans and the parents dealing with drama. Bertha told me the Henderson’s were very nice, had been married for 10 years and were young looking. They had one son; Jonathan who played baseball and was smart, Rosalie was a doctor, and Peter a mechanical engineer for an Underground Railroad system. When Bertha was done giving me the schedule for tomorrow I went back to my room and hoped tomorrow went by fast. Knowing I would never get picked, I threw away the itinerary.
Later that night I was sitting in bed and out tumbled four bodies, “ahh, who – you guys what are you doing in there?” Disentangling themselves, Tommy, a little blond boy walked up to the bed with his broken and mangled teddy bear “I don wan you to go! ‘Mara say you goin away. Don’ go roni. Hugging the little blond butterball I pulled him up on the bed with me I saying “don’t worry you guys, I won’t be there long, first chance I get I’m gonna run away. They looked at me with eyes full of hope. Amara and her green oval eyes looked from the kids to me, “listen guys, Veronica got chosen and she isn’t going to come back this time, she can’t.” Turning to look into six pairs of watery eyes Amara said “this is Veronica’s last chance, if she blows this, she won’t be coming back”. Totally shocked that my best friend would even say that I said “Amara, I’ll come back I swear, I won’t leave you guys”. Giving me her signature hands on her hips look Amara glared “Now you listen to me Veronica and listen well, you’ve had so many chances to live a normal life as possible for kids like us; you know it’s near impossible to get picked at our age. Picking up Tommy and walking the kids out into the hall Amara looked back, “Don’t mess this up V, I know you better than you know yourself, and I can tell you that you belong with them. G’night”. G’night I mumbled as Amara closed the door. When I was positive no one was in the room I pulled out my diary. Not a big deal, just a regular diary, no dark or destructive sketches or poems. My experiences, feelings, and thoughts go in it, no suicidal notes or anything like that.
Amara had told me she knew me better than myself, I could see how. I’ve never known her to talk much let alone give me a lecture. When I first got here I would mess everything up. Break things, steal, throw aggressive tantrums; I was a mess. That was the first time I met Amara. She looked so tiny and skinny I wouldn’t have noticed her in the corner of the room if she hadn’t moved. Walking right up to me she held out her hand “come with me.” I was so angry and scared that I started to walk away from her; she followed me and said again “come with me.” In the end I took her tiny hand as she led me outside, she guided me to a building on the far end of the gate; we went inside and walked up some stairs to a solid door. “I used to come up here when I was scared, no one knows about it so it’s safe, come back down for dinner when you’re ready” she said opening the door to let me in.
Staring wide-eyed I looked through the door and immediately started crying. It was a greenhouse, full of roses of all types and colors. Everywhere I looked roses were either, hanging, climbing up walls or in pots; they were beautiful. Taking a closer look if found a chair with big fluffy pillows, walking up to it I also found a diary. Sitting down I opened the diary and a letter came out, unfolding it I read:
Whoever has this diary knows of my hiding spot and is always welcomed. I planted all these roses to remind me of my home, I know I’m not wanted anymore, but I still feel safe surrounded by familiar things; they make me happy. When I first got here I tried to run away, I didn’t care if my mom didn’t want me, I just Wanted to go home. I found this old greenhouse and sat for a while, and I finally said to myself “I know it sucks, and it’s going to be tough staying here, but I’ll give it a shot. I thought if my own mom dropped me off and told me she couldn’t take care of me, I Forgive her. When it gets hard or I need to be alone I can come up here clear my mind. It’s worked for me so far, maybe it will do the same for you.”
P.S. this diary is for you, if there are things you can’t talk with someone or you can’t say It, you can write it.
Looking back, Amara has always been there for me. She always knew something was wrong or would tell me what I needed to hear. Sighing and pulling up the covers I came to a decision to try my hardest tomorrow.

Decisions

Veronica!!! Why are you still in bed! I told you to be ready by eight.” Cracking open one eye to see Bertha pulling open the blinds, sunshine pouring in through the window. “Ahh, Bertha, just five more minutes please” I said as I rubbed the rest of my sleep from my eyes. “C’mon honeybee, give them a chance, no more butt’s get in the shower and be down in 10”, Bertha huffed as she walked out. Sighing I get up, grab some clean clothes and go into the shower. Five minutes later I come out with black pants, black blouse and my hair in a ponytail. I never wear makeup so I was ready and presentable in no time at all. Meeting Bertha down the hall I couldn’t help but smile as she muttered “black again, of all the colors in the world and she goes with black”, “hurry it up honeybee they’re downstairs already”. Walking down to the meeting hall I took in a deep breath of air and let it out in a whoosh.
Turning the corner I got a good look at the family and froze. What? Where on earth did these people come from, they looked like they should all be in the movies or modeling for celebrities. No way were they here for me, now I wish I wore something different to cover up my awkwardness. Bertha gently pushes me to the table and does the introductions. “Hello, how was the drive, not to long I hope?” “Oh, no, not at all, we are very excited to be here”, said Rosalie, the mom. Turning to face me Mrs. Henderson stood “I’ve been waiting so long to finally meet you”, she hugs me and I flinch not used to close contact. Pulling me at arm’s length she smiled a perfect smile saying “I’m so sorry; I just got so excited I reacted a little forward”. That’s ok, I said shaking hands with the Mr. Henderson and the son, Jonathan. “Well, let’s all sit and talk shall we?” Bertha gives me a smile and starts chatting it up with the parents about the paperwork, leaving me and the kid sitting there all awkward and quiet. “Can I be excused, I need to use the bathroom” “oh, sure go right ahead, were just talking about the paperwork”, said Bertha. Getting up I walked out of the room and continued to my spot in the greenhouse, my mind reeling.
Grabbing the water bucket I started to water the roses. They were in full bloom and the smell was intoxicating, I loved the aroma. Heading farther in I noticed a rose bush that wasn’t looking so hot, all of the petals were dead and the roses themselves had a rotting look to them. I immediately went to them and started pruning them with the pruning scissors Bertha bought me, taking out the dead ones and watering the pot. Looking around I started cleaning out the greenhouse and watering all the roses. Once I was done the green trashcan was overflowing with dead roses and trash, closing the bin I turned and walked straight into the kid, Jonathan. “Ah. Hey- watch it, wh- how did you get here?” I demanded bending over to pick up scissors. “Did one of the kids rat me out?” I accused. “No, I just got a little lost going to the bathroom”, he joked. I glared at him, and sat on the armchair unimpressed. Smile fading he scratched the back of his head and sat on the bucket next to me “okay that was a bad joke. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. Do you mind if I sit here”, he pointed to the bucket under him. Rolling my eyes I whispered, “Suit yourself”. Making a show of getting comfortable he asked, “So, why did you ditch us, were we to boring for you?” “No, I just see no point in making nice if it’s only going to last a couple hours.” Veronica, why do you push people away? Are you scared or something? “What does it matter to you? You know nothing about me, what gave you the right to try and figure out my life!” I yelled back with venom in my words. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought you’d rather want to hear the truth than have me make up something that’s not true”. He leaned forward and closed the distance making me catch my breath. I waited to see what he was going to do. Reaching a hand behind me he pulled out a rose from the wall complete with thorns on its stem. Looking into my eyes he held it in front of me saying, “Do you know why a rose has thorns? It’s a defense mechanism that makes it hard for people to pick. In a way, you’re the rose. You dress different and act out, those are your thorns, they bar people from seeing the real you, and you from turning into a beautiful rose.” Handing the rose to me and stepping back he says, “you shouldn’t think your unimportant, your just scared, and you deserve to have a home same as everybody else”. With that final remark he smiles at me and walks out of the greenhouse.
Wow, that was mind-blowing. He found me when I didn’t want to be found, and he told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear, and amazingly, I’m not mad. More surprised than upset, he reminded me of Amara. Sitting in my armchair I say to myself, “I really wouldn’t mind having him as a brother that would be kind of cool”. Waiting a couple more minutes I got up put the rose in a new pot, made sure it had water, and left. Coming out of the building I spotted the Henderson’s, escorted by Bertha, to the parking lot outside the gate. Looking at them I felt a strange feeling that I’ve never felt before, a sense of longing. Like I wanted them to turn around, walk up to me and take my hand saying, “let’s go home”. Bertha would hug and kiss me goodbye calling me “honeybee” one last time as we rode away to my new home. Shaking my head at the impossible I headed for my room.
Several minutes later the sound of stomping came closer to my door, “Young lady, how could you do that, the Henderson’s are nice people, didn’t I teach better,” Bertha shouted while closing the door to my room, only to stop short when she saw my face. “honeybee, what’s wrong? I’m sorry if what I said upset you”, she sat on my bed and put her arms around me. With tears streaming down my face I looked at her, “I’m sorry bertha, I am, but what good would it do? No one’s ever kept me for so long, and I’ll be 18 in a year, it won’t matter. But seeing them go gave me such a sad feeling, I wanted to go with them, I felt like I belonged with them,” I wiped at my tear stained face. “Oh honeybee,” bertha smooth’s my hair putting a loose strand behind my ear telling me “I have some news for you. The Henderson’s signed the papers; they’re coming to pick you up tomorrow. You see, even with your little dramatics they still want you to be part of their family.” Pulling back I stammer, “You’re not lying bertha? They really want me,” shedding fresh tears. “of course they want you; you just needed to be patient honeybee. Pulling out the covers and tucking me in she says, “Now c’mon time for bed and tomorrow we’ll pack your stuff”. Planting a kiss on my forehead and turning off the light I see Bertha heading out, “Bertha… thanks for believing in me.” Turning back Bertha whispers “I’ve always believed in you honeybee”, and shuts the door.

New Beginnings

I woke up to a gentle knock and Amara peeking her head inside, “can I come in?” sitting up in bed while she closed the door and sat by the foot of the bed she said, “so today’s the big day huh”. Yeah. The Henderson’s are coming to pick me up around noon. I’m already packed, now I just have to wait. “Well then come on, I’ve got something for you,” grabbing my arm and dragging me out of bed we left my room. Amara, where are we going? “I told you it’s a surprise”. They walked outside to the greenhouse and up the stairs to the door and stopped. “Amara what’s going on, why are we here, what’s the surprise,” my face gleamed with anticipation and confusion. “Ok, you ready”, Amara opened the door “Ta-Da”.
I stared in shock as everyone yelled surprise. Looking around as I was pushed to the armchair I noticed almost everyone from the program was packed into the greenhouse. Tommy, Jessica, Liz, the counselors and teachers; and of course Bertha was by the armchair waiting for me. As soon as I reached the chair Bertha pulled me into a hug that nearly crushed me to death, but I’m pretty sure I hugged her just as hard. “Immamissyousomuch” Bertha cried out and one of the counselors gave her a tissue. Laughing I teased her, “sorry, I didn’t catch that” and received a swat to the arm. “I said, I’m going to miss you honeybee, look at you your practically a tomato with how hard your blushing”. Everyone laughed and came to congratulate me as someone in the back put on some music.
“Congratulation’s and “best wishes” came from most of the counselors and “hope this one sticks”, “don’t go running away again” emitted in loud voices from the little kids making me laugh. I know I always seem so tough, like nothing could hurt me, but here, I could be me. The real me is, from what people tell me, 100 times better than when I go defensive. I made myself seem solid, being mean was just a way to get people to back off and leave me alone, and now that I’m here with all of my friends and people that love me… it’s easy to let my guard down. “Hey! Someone bring this girl some pizza” Anita, one of the counselors yelled. Loving and laughing at everything was awesome. I received my pizza and bit into a huge chunk of pepperoni, Canadian bacon and olives, my favorite in the entire universe, and moaned my approval. “Wow, you’d think she’s never had a slice of pizza before” someone shouted making me laugh even harder. Tommy and the gang came to sit with me and I smiled as Tommy picked off everything, the cheese, pepperoni, ham and olives and slid them over on my plate. Man, this kids missing out, oh well I shrugged and ate his leftovers. Glancing at all of them I knew I would miss them all; even Tommy and his messy eating.
“Ok, time for presents!!!” Bertha shouted above the music, and placed a present on my lap. The music turned down and people came closer. “Bertha you didn’t have to”, I started when she cut in “so you don’t forget us”. Lifting up the present I stared at the red and blue “congratulations” wrapper and froze. “So you don’t forget us”, kept repeating itself over and over again, would I forget? How could I forget everyone, that would never happen I assured myself. Shaking my doubt aside I ripped open the wrapper and found a black leather photo album. The front of its leather binding had a picture of the whole program including myself sitting under big trees, the same trees from a field trip we took a month ago. Opening the book I found a single picture of everyone mashed up into a collage. Smiling I went ahead and flipped through and saw pictures of my birthday, field trips to the water parks and best of all, pictures of the gang and I. With tears threatening to come out I hugged Bertha and said thank you to everyone. “Me next,” Said Tommy bringing out a card. His card said “I love you” in big letters surrounded with hearts. Hugging Tommy Amara came forward, “this if for you, write everything, don’t leave anything out, and remember, if you can’t talk about it you can write it.” Grabbing my new diary I said thank you to everyone. “Alright everyone, it’s almost noon, let’s get this girl looking presentable,” Bertha said guiding me outside and into the main building. Once inside the room “ you have 15 minutes until 12, hurry and change and I’ll get your bags out into the waiting room
The Henderson’s arrived just as I was saying goodbye to Amara, “I’ll miss you and remember, don’t you dare mess this one up V”, she laughs and hugs me. “ I won’t, I promise Mara, and I’ll never forget you, I hugged her tighter. “Don’t you go on forgetting us,” Bertha hugs me and the Henderson’s lead me to the car. Sitting in the back seat I look forward and take a deep breath as we leave the parking lot.
Looking out of the window I look at the scenery and see trees and roads. “you’ll love the house, it’s big with tons of room, and we have to get your room ready for you, go to the store to pick out your colors, bed, desk, and clothes. So for now you’ll be sleeping in the guest bedroom, I hope that’s ok”, Rosalie tells me looking into the back seat. “Oh, yeah, that’s fine, I don’t mind”, I answer. We’ve been driving for a few hours in silence except for the radio going on about the traffic and winter coming soon when Jonathan glanced over saying, “the house if just a bit further”. I look around again and see a lake to my right through the tree lined road. Trees! I love trees, and I love swimming a small smile came to my lips I didn’t want to admit it, but I think I can give it a shot, what’s the worst that could happen?
Turning into a dirt road we drove through a huge wrought iron gate and followed the stone driveway towards the house.Lots of room was a colossal understatement I thought as the house, or in this case, a mansion came into view. Wow I said aloud, “nice house”. It was like a castle, complete with a wooden bridge.
Shutting the car door and clutching my belongings I whispered, “You live here?” Smiling, the Henderson’s gathered at the porch depositing my poor excuse for luggage next to the large French double door and walking toward me, “we all live here Veronica, your part of our family.” Shifting awkwardly I walked to the Henderson’s as we made our way to the door. All polite smiles I followed into the house and just about dropped my backpack on the marble floor, amazed at what was in front of me.
A beautiful foyer that alone could fit two rooms from the program, marble flooring and plants lining the walls leading the way into another room.Wholly cow, is that a piano, I thought to myself. Wow, these people are rich! I wonder how many rooms this place has? “Veronica-Veronica would you like a tour,” Jonathan asked staring at me, most likely with a dumb look on my face. “Uhh, yeah, sure,” I managed to answer as I followed into the next room. “Mom, I’m going to show Veronica around the house,” Jonathan yelled as we walked to the piano. “Ok, sounds good. We’re just going to get dinner ready for a picnic outside”, Mrs. Henderson called walking into a room off the right of the foyer.
“Do you play Veronica”, Jonathan gestured to the piano and inviting me closer. “No, I don’t, I’ve only seen them on the T.V. in the Rec Center, it’s beautiful though,” I lightly touched the black and white keys wishing I knew how to play.Maybe if I really do stay here I could learn to play.“I can teach you whenever you want, if you would like to learn,” Getting up from the pianos bench Jonathan walked towards the right and I followed. He led the way into the living room and the kitchen showing me the plasma and the state-of-the-art kitchen where we saw Mr. and Mrs. Henderson peeling carrots and dicing tomatoes. “I think you’ll like this room,” Jonathan smiled and opened the door to a library. Oh, wow! So many books I walked in and found armchairs and a few bean bags on the floor, a table with a desk, computer, and lamp to do studying or homework. What caught my eye was the fireplace, it was gorgeous and cozy next to the chairs and had me thinking of reading next to it during the winter.What are you thinking roni, get it together,shaking my head I pulled myself out of my fantasy and asked Jonathan if we could see the rest of the house. Confused, he led me out and made his way up the stairs explaining where he and his parents slept and that the door with a ‘UNDER CONSTRUCTION’ sign was my unfinished room. The hallway dividing the families rooms led to two more guest rooms, one of which was mine until my room was finished.
“I’ll come and get you in ten minutes so we can go eat”, Jonathan called from the end of the hallway leaving me to wander around the house. Closing the door to the guest bedroom I walked to the edge of the bed, letting myself fall into it with a thump.Is this really happening? Did I really leave the program and come live with a rich family that has a piano in the living room? I guess the question is will I stay. Am I okay living with a family and adapting to this new life that is being offered to me? It wouldn’t be a bad thing if I stayed, I could learn to play the piano and maybe I could finally get my happy ever after. Heaving a big sigh I sat up, looked around the room and made the decision to try my best.
“Veronica dinners ready, let’s go outside”, Jonathan called from the other side of the door knocking lightly. “’k I’m coming,” I answered and opened the door to follow Jonathan outside.I really need to ask if I can call him John, saying his full name is kind of long. Coming down the stairs and heading through a door in the living room john led me to the back yard.

The back yard is something else. It’s a small clearing filled with trees and a trail leading to a private lake which holds a boathouse complete with a boat and a pair of jet-skis. John and I walked to the wooden picnic table sitting opposite each other as Mr. and Mrs. Henderson passed out the food. Dinner was good Mr. Henderson made steaks and Mrs. Henderson made side dishes of mashed potatoes, bread and salad. They mostly talked about the upcoming school year and what school I would be attending St. Mary’s Catholic school. Oh no, catholic school? That means uniforms!
Mrs. Henderson smiles warmly at me,” you’ll do fine, don’t worry about school yet you have the whole summer before you have to worry, and tomorrow you and I will go shopping for clothes and paint for your room,” turning to Mr. Henderson she asks, “Dear, when will Veronica’s room be ready?” leaning against his chair Mr. Henderson sighs and answers, “the room should be finished soon, maybe as early as next week.” “You don’t mind sleeping in the guest room until next week do you Veronica,” asked Mrs. Henderson. Swallowing my last delicious piece of steak I cleared my mouth and told them it would be fine. Standing to clear the plates off the table Mrs.Henderson stopped me, “oh, don’t worry about that, we’ll do it, you should go rest we have to get up bright and early tomorrow to go into the city. “Ok, well good night everyone, and thank you for dinner,” handing over my plate I walked back inside the house and went straight to my room.
Sinking into the warmth of the blankets I closed my eyes and just breathe. Ok, day one over and done. I miss the gang, I wonder how they’re doing and if everything is ok. Amaras warning managed to worm its way into my head and made a cozy bed determined to stay the night. My breathing relaxing and slowing down, my mind started giving way to pointless fantasies of the Henderson’s and I being one big happy family. Exhausted from the whole move I graciously sank into a deep slumber.

I was dreaming, this I was sure of. I opened my eyes and found myself in the arms of a woman with dark hair gently running her hand up and down my back soothingly. Who is this woman and what is going on? Glancing around her hair I looked at my surroundings trying desperately to place the location. Fog?? It swirled around us blanketing the early morning sun and making everything hazy. I saw dead trees leaning precariously level to the floor in odd forms giving the impression worthy of appearing in scary thrillers. Momentarily jostled, I was adjusted on the woman’s arms and given a different view. Red? Why is the floor red? Following the dark color my eyes traveled up and slowly became fixated on a large chunk of metal that resembled a car. Engulfed in flames I could hear the groaning and cracking of windows as well as a noise making its way toward the woman and I. “R-Rose”, the noise whispered. That’s not a noise? That’s a person! The woman lowered me to the ground gently caressing my face while whispering, “Stay here little one, I’ll be right back”. Watching the woman make her way towards the car I sat back and waited. What am I doing? Go! Get up and see what’s going on! I yelled at myself. Slowly standing I walked nearer to the car, careful to avoid the debris burning itself out and being found out. Crouching down I peeked through the cars shattered window to see the woman’s back to me kneeling on the ground in front of something. Listening hard I tried to hear what was happening but only got bits and pieces. “Rose- pl-please”, the voice groaned. Who is she talking to? The woman remained still whispering, “don’t worry Lizzy, I’ll take care of her”, she bent down to the floor, touched something and stood up. “Veronica, I thought I told you to wait for me”, the woman came around the car and lifted me into her arms cradling me to her and started walking away from the charred mass that once was a car. Wait! Who are you? Don’t leave! Who was that person you were talking to!
“Roni-Veronica, wake up!” The voice was shaking me, I could feel hands pushing my hair back and lingering on my face. I don’t understand! Who was that person in the car accident? Who was the woman holding me? “Veronica- its ok, you’re ok, you’re safe open your eyes”, there was that voice again. Struggling to open my eyes I found myself looking into a pair of frantic blue eyes, pushing away from the embrace I found myself in I backed into the headboard. “Veronica, dear are you ok”, Mrs. Henderson asked expression hurt as she sat on the end of the bed.
My mind frantic I managed to stammer out an apology to Mrs. Henderson while trying to control my heavy breathing. “I-I’m so sorry, I- I didn’t mean it, it was just a nightmare,” I whispered from my end of the bed. Glancing up I made contact with Mrs. Henderson and caught a surprised look on her face before it was replaced with a small smile, “That’s fine, nothing to worry about dear. Are you sure you’re alright?” I nodded and thanked her for checking up on me. “You must have had a horrible nightmare, would you like to talk about it?” Mrs. Henderson gently pressed. Relaxed enough, I crawled back into bed and laid there for awhile.
“Mrs. Henderson?” “Yes dear” she smoothed my hair back and tucked the blankets around me. “The dream- I don’t understand- it was a car accident and there was a woman with dark hair, I couldn’t see her face and she left me and walked to the car-I-I think someone was hurt, I think I was dreaming of my parents car accident,” I started shivering even through the warmth of the blankets. “Hush now, it was just a dream dear,” she soothed rubbing my hand. “Can you stay with me- at least until I fall asleep,” I asked, embarrassed at what a chicken I was turning into. “Of course dear,” Mrs. Henderson grabbed a rocking chair and put it next to the bed. She started running her fingers through my hair saying “You have such beautiful hair Veronica, is this ok,” she asked releasing my hair. “it’s ok,” I replied and leaned into the gentle stroking, enjoying the feel.
Slowly, oh so slowly my eyes started closing as I was trying to level my breathing. I could hear the creaking of the rocking chair going back and forth, back and forth as my breathing lengthened. Soon I was warm and comfortable nearing on the brink of sleep I thought I heard singing. No, not singing, humming. Mrs. Henderson was humming me to sleep. Nestling deeper into the blankets I finally relaxed and let sleep consume me guided by the gentle humming of what sounded like a lullaby. My last coherent thought was no one’s ever sang me a lullaby before.

Secrets Revealed

The next morning as I got dressed Mrs. Henderson knocked on my door, letting her in she asked how I slept, “Fine, I didn’t have that nightmare at all, I don’t know why I even had that dream.” Smiling Mrs. Henderson gave me a hug telling me to finish getting ready because we’re going to the store, with that said she went out into the hallway to get her jacket. Wow, I’m going shopping, I’ve been shopping before but mostly for food and clearance clothes for the program, I’m not a really good spender and my life hasn’t really had any need for expensive things.
“Veronica let’s get going,” Mrs. Henderson called from the doorway as I made my way down the stairs. Mr. Henderson had the day off and was in the living room with Jonathan watching television, “Have fun, enjoy yourself Roni”. Thanks I muttered, a bit peeved that he called me Roni, only the guys at the program call me that I said to myself following Mrs. Henderson out the door and into the car. I don’t know much about cars, but the BMW insignia and gadgets inside the car pretty much screamed “look at me”.
Buckling up Mrs. Henderson put the car into drive and down the driveway we went. Awkward silence is exactly that, awkward. “So, how long have you been living here”, I asked, anything to break the silence. “Well about 6 years this September, before here we lived in Italy for a few years Mr. - Veronica? Are you okay?” Italy, they lived in Italy! How awesome is that. “Oh, sorry, you lived in Italy.” “Yes, we lived in Italy, Mr. Henderson’s work sometimes takes us away for a few years”, glancing at the horror on my face she smiled, “ don’t worry, it’s not like that anymore.” Oh, ok, so what other places have you been to? “umm, England, France, Italy, and Germany mostly, there is an offer in Ireland, but that’s a long way away, and you get a say in it as well.” Wow Ireland, I’ve always wanted to go there.

Pulling into the interstate we listened to the radio and talked more about the places they’ve been to. Mrs. Henderson is really nice, she loves to talk about Jonathan and art, music, and her obsession with animals. “I wish I would have gone to school to be a veterinarian instead of just a regular Physician,” Mrs. Henderson sighed. I thought about what I could say to that and the best I could do was tell her, “I think being a doctor is really cool, because of you, people have someone to go to that really cares about how they feel.” “ Well thank you, I guess when you put it that way, I’m glad I stuck to people. Oh, here’s our exit.” pushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear and concentrating on the traffic we made our way into the Home Depot parking lot. Turning off the ignition Mrs. Henderson gave me a gigantic smile, “This is always my favorite part, let’s go!”
Home Depot has this unique smell to it that I could only describe as flowers, wood chips, earth, and fun. As soon as we entered Mrs. Henderson had me grab a cart and together we headed to the paint section, soon we were surrounded by color and paint brushes and the smell of primer. “So, your room is all yours, you can do whatever you want with it, dress it up, dress it down, “She took to the left side of the wall lined with color options and I took the right. It’s my room. I can do whatever I want with it. It’s mine. Huh, this would be the first thing that would really be mine and I don’t have to share it at all. “What about this one?” turning I came face to face with my most hated color, “Pink? uhh, pink and I don’t exactly see eye to eye,” I stated and pulled out a lilac color named “Simple Beauty”. “Veronica, that’s it! This is exactly your color!”, pilling the cart with “Simple Beauty”, primer, different paint brushes and utensils we made our way into the lighting fixtures department and picked out a gorgeous lotus flower chandelier for my room as well as a few decorations.
“That’ll be $126.49,”the cashier by the name of “Becky” stated as she bagged our merchandise and all but threw our bags into the cart. Mrs. Henderson fished out her credit card, swiped and signed and looked the girl in the eye, “Well thank you Becky, you’ve been most kind. I do however hope that you treat all of your customers’ belongings better than you have ours. Veronica, let’s go home.” We left Becky looking like a fish out of water at her check stand and customers staring as we made our way into the parking lot.
“Oh my god, Mrs. Henderson, that was really something back there,” I laughed while loading the car. “I’m sorry dear, it’s just that I can’t stand people who think just because they are angry they can take it out on other people.” All of a sudden my laughter ebbed away as I thought to myself isn’t that exactly what I’m doing? I am angry and taking it out on everyone. I’m just as bad as Becky! “Mrs. Henderson” “yes dear?” she answered closing the trunk and getting into the front seat. “Never mind,” I can’t say anything right now, I need to think.
The drive home was silent; we stopped at a Starbucks and ordered two vanilla bean lattes’. I kept thinking about everything, how I act, my attitude, why I’m so defensive all of the time; am I angry or scared? “Mom- uh, sorry Mrs. Henderson,” I corrected myself feeling a blush coming on. “oh! Oh that’s fine dear, you can call me whatever you feel comfortable with.” Glancing across to the driver’s side I noticed how her shoulders sagged a little, and her smile fell slightly. I am a horrible person! I made her sad and hurt her feelings. I thought to myself and remembered Amara telling me that I belong with the Henderson’s. I belong. “Mrs. Henderson, I need to tell you something and it’s really important that I tell you this before I chicken out,” I looked over at Mrs. Henderson and she pulled over next to a little park. Climbing out we headed to a bench and watched little kids on the monkey bars.
“I’m sorry for being so cold to you and your family. I never thought I would actually find a family again, you have to understand that I’ve been alone for so long that I didn’t even think it was a possibility. My parents were the best, my mom was so strong and kind and my dad was funny and caring, and I was fine. I wasn’t a bad kid, I got good grades in school, had friends, I even went to a party or two. After they were killed, none of my family members wanted me, and I was all alone.
At the center I changed, I hated that my parents were taken away and that they left me there. I got into fights with some of the older girls over little things, black became my favorite color. I met some people at school that were not the best influences for me, but I was so angry at everyone that I didn’t care anymore. I let them change me from the inside out, they were always talking about doing drugs and stealing,” I glanced at Mrs. Henderson worried that she would get up and walk away with an angry look on her face. I was surprised that she gave me a smile, “Veronica, if you need to tell me about your past, tell me,” holding my hand in hers she looked me in the eyes and said, “I am never going to leave you, and I will never judge you.”
“ok,” lifting up my t-shirt I showed her what I’ve done to myself. “Oh, Veronica, dear, how long have you done this for,” she asked, her eyes following the faded scars on my stomach. Taking a deep breath I continued with my story. “When my parents died I felt like I died with them, I just went to a dark place where I was numb to everything, to the cold, the heat, the pain. The first few times hurt the most, I thought I cut too deep but I was fine. I cut for about a year, Amara helped me stop.” Water? What’s – oh, I’m crying I realized. I wiped my eyes and looked at Mrs. Henderson straight in the eyes and said, “Amara was right you know, I do belong with you guys. I tried to push you away and you didn’t deserve the way I’ve been treating you. Do you mind if we start over again?” “Sweetie, you were family the first moment we saw you. You are the most beautiful and smartest young lady that we’ve ever met. It didn’t matter to us how you looked or acted, we saw you for who you really are: You. And we would never try to change who you are.”
After a few private moments where I bawled my eyes out like a baby we pulled apart and cleaned ourselves up. “Veronica, just promise me that you won’t ever hurt yourself again, we can’t change what’s in the past, but you can bet that we will always be there right alongside you in the future.” We sat watching the little kids play on the grass for a few more minutes while I let what went on between us simmer, “I promise”.

Two simple words and an extra caramel macchiato later we were driving up to the house in an animated discussion over my favorite band, The Black Veil Brides. “They’re awesome! The guys are great but I kind of have a thing for the lead singer Andy,” I giggled and lowered down the window. “Well, I have to say I’ve never heard of the Black Veiled Birds, but if they are as good as you say they are then I’ll have to check them out,” Mrs. Henderson smiled at me. Turning into our driveway I burst out laughing, “not Black Veiled Birds! Black Veil Brides! Most people just call them BVB though so don’t worry about it”. The car was parked and we sat in the car for a bit, silence taking place of the laughter as I fiddled with my thumbs. “Ok, enough with all this sad stuff, we’ve cried for the things in our past and now it’s time to live for today,” pulling me into an awkward hug over the center console we hugged. “Alright dear, enough moping around, we have to unpack and make the perfect bedroom for you, and tonight we dine on pizza!” I salivated just thinking about it, “extra mushrooms?” I asked. “Of course, I hope you like jalapenos because we can’t get enough of them”. We opened the doors, hefted our bags between the two of us and made our way into the house. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 16.10.2012

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