chapter 1

 

Chapter I :

I’m not happy with my age to be honest

I’ve always want to be in 18teen to be free and do what I want, so I write this book just to make people at the same age feel better.

Well I’m dua my full name is dua rhimi I’m 15 I’ll be 16 soon ! I grew up in a modest family I’m not that beautiful girl kind of funny still cute , with a short hair ! I guess he’s long now while ur reading this !

I was in 14teen years old when I was loved by all the people ! but I wasn’t that beautiful too and not that bad at studying but I was a good person anyway ! I crushed on someone well everyone did that before and he’s ignores me of course .. every teenager want attention from people !

I was wanted it too, I cut my hair and I wanted to be different from other students in school , my mom was really angry about me ..i was acting so weird, even my cloths , I mean I changed , here my life starts being fucked , so I get all the attention from students but that wasn’t good I mean that wasn’t what I want ! they are haters , I was hear rumors about me that I never did before , my life become hell

So I dated a boy for a while, he was kind of playboy I mean he wasn’t love me truly like I did , he broke up with me after a few days , and I was had a problems with family about the rumors about me , and they called me with ‘’ Devil worshipper’’ , I felt really lonely and I was thinking of suicide and cutting my hands and it was the worst year ever .I had a lovely sister she was far from me , she was studying in other city and my parents broke my phone so I didn’t have no solution to text her and tell her my problems , I really felt lonely even my friends my family I had depression I really wanted my mom to help me , my sister , my best friends ..

I find no one , so it was a shitty year so I fail on it , so here it come the summer holiday so i met new friends I mean *fake friends* but some of them are still texting me .. I cut my hair again I mean I shave it from two sides.. for more attention everyone was looking at me so weird and of course I wasn’t have Secrecy things because my sisters was really annoying me so much they even open my emails and read my messages I wasn’t really comfortable ,

I was smoking so much and my parents didn’t know that and every teenager did that ,I was bullying from everyone in school , even teachers and the stupid ass headmaster she really makes me hate school so much more than I did ,it was at the beginning of the semester after the bad summer holiday,

 

it was a bad days ever I didn’t had before , after everyone hates me, so I was go to school and

back home listening my mom saying bad things to me , go to sleep .. this happens to me every day , so one day I back home , and my sister slap me and start cutting my hair because she opens the messages and read all the message between me and boys , i don’t know what happened to me , I don’t know what the hell is going on ! so I didn’t go to school , and my mom takes me to Psychologist and made my life worst , so he gave me a days to stays at home and goes to new school ,and he said that I’m psychopath and he gave me some drugs and my mom cuts my hair boyish cut ..

 

 

 

 

chapter 2

 

Chapter II :

Here we come our first day in the new school , I had an amazing day at school and everyone was so nice to me.. and they were seems shocked because my hair , the headmaster was a good person and students there was friendly , some of them hug me and told me that I’m looking cute , I felt that my life will be beautiful , but ..

That was at first.. The beginnings of people began to change, it really weird .but I met a really great friends and they still my friends now , some of teachers were good and some of them wasn’t that good to be honest , after some of days rumors begins from some haters because I’m different from them , and I starts wearing different clothes I mean I made my own style and here there are the rumors begin , ‘’ Devil worshipper” so I kept ignores them but the rumors are not over yet

All the students are looking at me so weird , i don’t want this happens to me again , so was open my emails secretly from my family because the doctor said stay away from all the technology things , there was a boy who always look at me at the school , my friend told that he crushed on me , he looks good , but I don’t want to date anyone , I made many friends there , and I was back home with them , it was nice at first ..

 

I texted a boy , I heard that all the girls crushed on him , he was looking good , not that bad , we talked about 2 months I guess and we become close friends , and we met many times I had a little crush on him and I was so shy to tell him about my feelings to him , but he did it first he told me that he crushed on me

In the morning I woke up hopefully and exited to see him , but luckily we didn’t study because there was a lockout for 3 days I guess , for all the schools , we stayed together and i suggest to play a game with him and some friends it’s not just game we called it “Ouija” we jumped in a abandoned house near the school secretly and we was scared to be honest , we played that stupid game , suddenly someone call the cops , maybe someone seen us jumping to the house , We ran away terrified and we climbed the wall it was kind of funny seeing them running, but it was a really great adventure . I was kinda jealous because my friend was closer to my crush she wasn’t even know him,

So I kept texting him and talk to him, but something is changed I don’t what is it..

 

After days , he broke up with me , many things happened to me and I find myself lonely again , and I find myself losing my friends and became closer to fake friends who didn’t care about me , who always makes me cry and depressed , who makes me losing confidence to myself ,who don’t even respect me ..

 

It’s all good, it’s life, but I learn many things. But I was stupid I just come back friends with them , because I hate being hating from others ,

well, I texted a boy he’s handsome, and his sister and I were studying in the same school , I didn’t know that he was warning her from me , of course it’s all about the rumors , but he was nice I just kept texting him like an idiot , I crushed a little on him but he said I’m ugly , I cried so hard , but there’s nothing deserves my lovely tears ,

 

chapter 3

Chapter III:

 

the summer’s come and I had exams of course I failed on it , I didn’t cut my hair for long while and I just let of course it’s all about my mom told me that I should do it and change my style , I just realize I have to be myself why I should had attention’s people , i should love myself, I don’t care about what people said , I realize that my mom was right , my family was right , I’m thanking god that all this happened to me , it’s just a matter of time , give yourself time, be honest with people even with yourself , I stayed at home all the summer’s holiday and watching movies ,

And here it comes the school again , I wasn’t ready for facing people , and seeing the people destroy my personality , but I still strong ..The students was shocked they didn’t know me , most of them was telling me that I looks cute well i was just laughing and smiling with a fake smile , I didn’t even say thanks to them, all the teachers was smiling to me , why? Because I was different from other students? I didn’t even know why, Because it’s all about mentality and the wrong rumors, because it can destroy someone’s life Or she can make’s someone suicide and live a shitty life like someone I know ,

But it was at first , all the people start telling me why you’re changing ? , why don’t u cut you’re hair like before? I really felt that I’m ugly and everyone was right , it’s all about my family , the mentality , please stop it , I’m lost , who I’m? .. I really don’t know ,just waking up every morning , keep smiling to people , going home broken from every word I hear about me , I wanted everything to stop I lost confidence about myself , and I found myself bullied from other students ,no one had understand me , I found myself in a circle spin and never stops , how can I get out of it?

It’s all about matter of time .. so I hang out with friends of course without my mom’s permission Because she will never let me go , (never mind) , so I met the guy who told me I’m ugly he was kinda cute , I was looking so ugly , and we talked and he takes me home , and I saw my ex bestfriend she didn’t even say “Hi’’ to me , but I already ignores her, but I noticed that he was so interested with my friend , I act normal , she was looking beautiful to be honest , she was had boyish cut like I was before .. i was jealous and I realize even they will had relationship they will broke up soon , nothing stays forever , and beautiful girls doesn’t mean they have a good personality , perfect bodies and perfect faces doesn’t mean they are perfect inside ,

 

 

chapter 4

 

Chapter VI:

 

I thought this chapter will be the last one , but it’s not .. I told my sister and some friends that I’m making a little book , of course my sister encourage me to keep writing , and also my friends , and I noticed this book will be so bored to people who don’t know , or even the people they did , they know themselves I mean the people who broke me , I wanted to mention their names , but I didn’t.. Not afraid of them , but I don’t want my book to be distorted by their names.

And I know many friends will read this book and they will get mad of me , and I’m not sorry for them ,I will call them with ‘’FAKE FRIENDS” , i will only said ‘’I’m sorry for trusting you , and calling you with ‘’friend’’ , I’m sorry for bothering you when you’re sad to make you feel better ,’’ that’s all I said .. But you will only said sorry for being fake behind me , but I’m fine without you , without crying in the bed in the middle of nights because you hurts me , I want to say thank you for make me strong in every time you broke me ,

I had so many beautiful days in my life , I won’t said I didn’t met good people , but I met many great friends, and I have started making many more bad choices and I have to figure out a way to fix it and Being a teenager isn’t all happy and fun , most of the time ‘ you’re living an extreme nightmare , and Bad days and as you start to gain friends , you lose them as well , the mood swings come and go, to make matters worse , you receive more homework , all in all , teen life can be really stressful , with so many things going on , a teenager can barely breathe ! That is just the way life goes right now , the teenage life is hard to live , and many teenagers can’t endurance this life , guess what ?

It’s my life.

 

 

final chapter

 

 

Chapter VI : (the final chapter)

 

Dear reader.. I write this book to make u feel good and confidence , keep dreaming and make your dream come true , don’t make people’s talk destroy your life , be closer to your family because They are the only people who saves you and the people who know what will happens to you , every teenager had many problems and maybe more than me , and thinking about suicide , every teenager had bullying and makes bad friends who let him drinking or smoking or even made him steal money from he’s parents , me as a teenager I found the problem is from family , and if u a parent and your reading this , please be closer to your kids before time runs out , nothing is better than having a great family it’s all about matter of time , don’t lose hope , even you’re not good at studying that doesn’t mean you’re loser , I made this book for you , nothing deserves your tears and the cuts in your hand , just be yourself , be honest , be confided , you’re not alone you’re just going to the wrong track , don’t change yourself for someone who doesn’t deserve you .. Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your believes, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen... yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.

I’ve always wanted to be writer when I grow up, and here I’m..

So I wish you enjoy reading this story,

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Maybe it’s not about having a beautiful day, but about finding beautiful moments. Maybe a whole day is just too much to ask. I could choose to believe that in every day, in all things, no matter how dark and ugly, there are shards of beauty if I look for them.” 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.12.2018

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i had some mistakes , but wish u enjoy reading this book