Just Because

Just because you’ve never seen me cry, it doesn’t mean I don’t.
Just because you’ve never heard me scream, it doesn’t mean I don’t.
Just because you’ve never felt me love, it doesn’t mean I don’t.
Just because I’m silly, it doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Just because they say I’m pretty, it doesn’t mean I’m a slut.
Just because they think I’m stupid, it doesn’t mean I’m not smart.
Just because I like to have fun, it doesn’t mean I can’t be serious.
Just because I don’t sing like a superstar, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it.
Just because I can’t dance to save my life, it doesn’t mean I won’t try.
Just because I smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.
Just because I push you away, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
Just because I ignore you, it doesn’t mean I don’t want you.
Just because I never said I love you, it doesn’t mean I don’t wish I did.

Your Memory Makes Me Crazy

You took a chance on a bruised and battered heart, knowing I would never be able to understand you. I would never understand why you didn’t let go or give up on me. I would never understand why you loved me in the first place. Everyone I ever knew always used me; I couldn’t help but wonder if you were even real. I held onto so much hurt and anger from my past that I didn’t even notice the amazing thing I had right in front of me. I got scared and let it slip away. You weren’t the weirdo or the creeper or the maniac. You weren’t the bastard or the sex freak or the man whore. You weren’t even the one that got away. You were the one that saved my heart, and you taught me to love again. I know I will never truly be able to forgive myself for letting you go. It was so fast, so sudden; what was I doing?! I let someone scary cloud my judgment, and I told you that we were through. I didn’t know how much it would hurt me. I didn’t know how much it would hurt you. I didn’t know how much I’d cry. How much I’d miss you. How much I would hate myself. Was I out of my mind? Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about you, and I wonder why. Do you ever find yourself thinking of me? I catch myself when I least expect it, and it feels like a knife through my heart. And every time I hear your name, I turn around to look. Even still. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m just sad, angry, sorry, confused, desperate, lost, depressed. CRAZY!!! Your memory makes me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Will Always Adore

Have you ever stopped to think what hearing your name does to me?

Have you ever stopped to think what reading your words mean to me?

Have you ever stopped to think how special you are to me?

I’ve wondered for a while what you really thought of me.

Now it don’t matter anymore.

You want to know why?

I’m hopelessly lost.

I’m stupidly drunk.

I’m insanely happy.

I’m irrevocably in love with you.

You’ll never know what losing you did to me.

You’ll never guess how much I hurt.

You’ll never understand the pain I feel.

And right now, I don’t care.

I just want you back.

You’re my lover.

You’re my best friend.

You’re my present to unwrap.

You’re the one who saved my heart.

You’re the one who gave me strength.

You’re the one who loves me best.

You’re the one who knows me best.

You’re the one I will always adore.

Rip Me Apart

They can take a knife and cut me up.
If they love me, they won’t stop.
They’ll see the blood flow thick and red.
They’ll remember every word I ever said.
As I fall hopelessly to the ground
My veins will rip, my head will pound.
My life will flash before my eyes
All they’ll remember is my deceit, my lies.
They can take a knife and cut me up, rip me apart
Take my life—but they’ll never reach my shattered heart.

Annihilated

Oh bring me the rain.
Drown out these fears.
Deceive these broken tears.
Break my empty pain.

Oh hail to the sea--
Dirty hands fill the earth.
Annihilated souls feel the myrth.
Was that really me? Did he?

I'm calling on thee
I'm leaning on thy power
You dark one, I cower--
My life-- your gift, from me.

My trust you violated.
My heart you broke and burned.
Your bloody hands filled the earth.
My soul has become annihilated.

Silence

They say silence speaks legacies.
If that's true, I should be mute.
Noone wants to hear my opinion.
Maybe I should keep it to myself.
Do what I'm required and nothing more,
And certainly not less.
Quit making people mad.
Quit not meeting the bar I set for myself.
Expet required, Achieve exceptional
I apologize for everything I've ever said.
It's my turn to be silent.

I Cried

I cried the day you said goodbye.
I cried when I seen how you stopped caring.
I cried when you were mean to me.
I cried when I realized you hated me.
I cried when I saw how easy I was replaced.

I Loved You

I loved you
until the day you
left me broken and
crying and hanging
to life by a thread.

Then I closed my eyes
and let the pain
drown me-- let it
suffocate me--
let it tear me
apart.

Then I watched as
you took her hand
and left me crying. As
you left, my heart
shattered-- And I

Finally-- Finally gave
up. On you, on me,
on love, on life. I
gave up because of you.

teaching Myself not to love you

v1. i told Myself not to miss you
Myself just went ahead
i begged Myself not to cry for you
Myself cryed to the point of braindead
why won't Myself listen?

ch. trying to teach Myself not to love you,
byt it seems my heart's unteachable!
i've done all i can do
but i still love you
i just can't teach Myself not to
love you

v2. i made Myself go out last night
but every face looked like yours
so i ordered Myself a couple drinks
then i swear My-stupid-self danced alone
too ignorant to listen

chorus.

v3. today i called you up
poured Myself out to you
and you laughed at my sillyness
i reminded Myself why i left
now My-stupid-bloody-self listens

ch.2. i taught Myself not to love you
i am no longer unReachable!
i did all i could do
i no longer love you
i taught MYSELF not to
love you...

All Of the Above

Baby please tell me why- should i be jealous of you? Please tell me why- should I care what you do? Please tell me how- you think you're gonna live without my love. Baby tell me all of the above. Baby tell me all of the above.

A Mother's Kiss Goodnight

When she was young her mother tucked her into bed
And said with her a prayer
Bending over the bunkbed
To lend her tender kiss goodnight
When she woke up screaming when it stormed
Her mother turned on a light
And again kissed her goodnight.
As she grew older, on the nights it stormed
She'd wrap her cover around her
And curl into a ball by her mother's door
When she awoke with nightmares
She'd cry to her mother,
Looking for the simple reassurance
That everything's allright
And for that simple kiss goodnight
Sometimes when her mother lay in bed
Reading her new book
She'd crawl on the bed and talk
And other times she read
She didn't need any fanc words
Just a kiss goodnight
That's the reassurance in which I delight
A mother's kiss goodnight

A Stained Winter Wonderland

Winter seems so desolate as i stare out the frosty glass into a pure white wonderland.
I work up the courage to step out of my warm robe into a steaming shower
I shiver as I squeeze into sweat pants from last years winter
I put on a sweater, white as the pure,clean ground outside
Knowing it will soon be the time
I pull on my boots, too tight for my swollen feet
I hate to admit it. I'm afraid.
I pull on my overcoat, as i tremble for the day ahead.
I grab my purse and keys, staring straight ahead to mask my fear.
I tiptoe down the stairs, slowly, one at a time, holding my breath
So as not to disturb the calm, serene quiet my house has become
A shelter for me, my belongings, and keeper of all my secrets.
But it must not have been enough
Because here I am again leaving
I blink back tears, as I lean into my car and ease into drive
I drive slowly, scared of what lies ahead, as the tears stream from my eyes, down my cheks and flung from my face.
As the tears come faster, I drive easingly faster.
Then as violent sobs overtake me, I lose control of the vehicle on the snowy road covered in a blasphemous white.
I'm flung forward, my seatbelt deeply cutting across my chest
I hit my head on the steering wheel, then I'm jerked backwards again.
I taste salt annd blood in my mouth
I try to open my mouth and cry out but I can't
I'm trapped inside of a completely totaled vehicle, left to die
I feel weaker by the minute, passing in and out of consciousness.
I hear sirens. Distant voices demanding who and why.
I try to tell them, but they're gettign that horrible blue bag
I feel myself floating away, as if not one with my own body
People are all around me, Mama, Dad, my friends, and aunts, and Gramma and Papaaw, and everyone I know.
They're crying for me.
I feel bad. I can't see them now, not like this.
I close them out, but only to see a vast, beautiful field of white, stained only in one spot.
Stained deep down in a deep dark rich red.
A stained winter wonderland.

Someday

 

Someday this will all make sense
    But for right now, you have to stay strong
    Even through all the foolishness
    You have to fight the urge to prove them wrong.

I know the truth, so do you.
    In due time, it will be clear to all.
    So bite your tongue, as I try to do.
    If we stand strong, we will not fall.

Believe in tomorrow, what it can bring.
    You never know what may happen
    We may fight, we may kiss, me may cuss, we may sing.
    The best day of our life may happen.

You have to understand and know
    What happens today may be hell,
    But stay strong, and let the pain go
    And all will indeed be well.

Someday you and I will shine
    We will own the moon and stars above.
    I'll call you 'mine.' Just mine.
    And I'll give to you, my dear, all my love.

Every Time

 

 

Every timeless excuse you use 

To justify what you do to me

Causes me to shut you out a little more

I can't be what you want me to be

 

Every time you lose control

And push me around

I push you a little further away

Just leave me laying here on the ground

 

Every time you apologize

I lear n to rely a little more on myself

So I can prove I don't need you

You're too wrapped up with yourself

 

Ever tear I ever shed for you

Has turned my heart to stone

I've shut you out of my life, 

Because your house is not my home,

 

Anymore.

I don't need you anymore. 

Your Innocent Twilight Butterfly

Watch me as I light up the night sky.

I'll dance around and color your mind.

Like the innocence of a butterfy, 

You have not met my kind.

 

The creatures of the twilight

That make your dreams come true,

Come with me into the night

That's what I'll be for you

 

Your innocent twilight butterfly

That's what I will be

I'll illuminate the night sky

The moon- a spotlight for me

 

Paint me a picture with your lips

Watch me, your butterfly

Paroulletes, twirls, spins, and dips

I am your innocent twilight butterfly.

Desire

Do you see her?

Lurking in the shadows, 

Trying not to be seen?

Do you know her?

Struggling to be loved

But not loving herself?

Do you notice her?

In the band, in the choir

Her heart filled with desire?

Desire to be known

But to scared of being seen.

Desire to be held

But too afraid of falling.

Desire to be wanted 

But too lonely inside her own heart.

Desire.

Desire is her name.

Do you see her?

Do you know her?

She just wants to be loved.

Desire is her name.

Tell Me

Tell me, do you care?

Dear I always will.

Tell me, why?

Simply because I can.

Tell me, do you adore?

Yes, doll, and so much more.

Tell me, am I your friend?

The best I ever had.

Tell me, why are you so good to me?

Because you're the best thing for me.

Tell me, how?

Baby, you're addicting.

So you mean you love me?

What else could I mean?

I love you too doll.

Do you Dare?

Do you dare to lie?

Is your only witness yourself?

How safe you think you feel

With your back against me.

 

I don't want to say goodbye 

Because of her wealth

I'd rather beg, lie and steal

Than to just let this be.

 

My back's to the wall

My shield is up

I look all around

The goblet is aflame

 

You let me fall

My time is up

I'm on the ground

Desire is my name

 

Don't leave the girl 

Who lurks in the shadows

Watching everything, spilling nothing

The girl who speaks to fairies

 

Stay with thegirl

Who, your heart, she knows

Who will be your boo thing

The one who finds safety in the trees.

 

Ignore the deceptive sirens

Who will devour you

They'll tear you apart 

And alone you will be

 

I'll say it once again;

I will love you,

And in my heart

You'll know you  belong with me.

If Life is a Garden

If life is a garden, I wish but for a single rose.

Someone with whom my happiness grows and grows.

I wish for someone who will pick out all the weeds.

They can fulfill all my needs.

If life is a garden, make sure mine has a walkway.

That way anyone can enjoy it day by day.

Let there be a single tree.

A place of rest for a weary fairie.

I wish to dance, I wish to sing.

Who shall be the queen and king?

If life is a garden, make sure mine is bright.

Morning, evening, twilight, night. 

Two Loves

We all have two loves. 

Every one of us. 

Our first love.

Our true love.

 

My first love.

He taught me how to love

To be myself

To stand up 

To defend myself

He was amazing.

Warm, funny, goofy

Loving, and of course silly.

But circumstances happen.

Er, well life happens.

But I am not bitter. 

Because of him,

I recognized it

When I found my true love

For my true love asked me

"Who was your first love, the one who taught you to love me?" 

Yours For Sure

My silly mind is playing tricks on me.

It's saying it's worthless- you and me. 

Telling me I'll never add up.

Too random, stupid, emotional, and upfront.

An insane God-forsaken sinful past.

Next to other girls, I measure up last.

I'm a little "off", in other words "weird." 

At the drop of a hat, I'll shed a tear. 

And Lord what's up with these jeans?? 

Messy hair, ruffled shirt- all these little things. 

Dafuq's with the Katy Perry prfume- 

And never seen Twilight or New Moon?!

Not in love with One Direction?

Gosh, must have lost it.

Not into hiphop- rather hippies?

Only nine o'clock and sleepy.

And again with a button up shirt?

And good God- that skirt!

Should they be jealous or not?

You've got to rock what you've got

Makeup's a little dark- oh well. 

My response to criticism- "Go to hell." 

You either got it or you don't 

If you don't like me, you definitely won't. 

Baby listen to these gurls. 

If you still love me, I'm yours for sure! 

 

 

 

 

One Reason I Should

It doesn't matter what you do,
    And I don't care what you try.
    I told you that I'm through, 
    And I told you I wished you'd die.

You can't have me back Baby
     I'm with someone new, someone good
     And I know you've been all over her lately
     Give me a reason- just one- that I should.

You fucking hurt me!
     Controlled me. Threatened me.
     You used to be so nice- 
     Then your mask fell away.

I'm not coming back Baby.
    I'm with someone new, someone good.
    He won't betray me like you would. 
    So give me one good reason I should.

Why would I leave him
    And come back to your sorry ass?
    Let you push me around?
    Are you that fucking stupid?

Like hell I will. 
    Like hell will I be controlled.
    Like hell will I be hit around.
    Like hell will I be threatened.

Like hell will I be lied to.
    Like hell will I be betrayed.
    Baby- forget it! I'm not coming back
    I can think of no reason I should. 
     

Do You Think About Us?

Do you think about me when I am not with you?
     Do you think about my werewolf hugs and vampire kisses?
     Do you think about my constantly changing attitude?
     Do you think about my interests, my hopes, my dreams?
     I think about you when you are not with me. 
     I think about your warm hugs and special kisses.
     I think about your attitude, its acute changes. 
     I think about your interests, your hopes, your dreams.
     I think about us, together, as a couple. 
     I think about what our future will hold. 
     Will we stay together? What will we do?
     I think about us all the time, dreaming and hoping. 
     Do you think about us, together, hopefully forever?

Fill This Hole

Was I such a bad friend
     That you had to say goodbye?
     Does this have to be the end?
     I don't want you to see me cry.

I have no clue what to say
     Should I give up on all of this?
     Would that make it go away?
     Is this the forbidden kiss?

I'll miss you in my heart. 
     I'll miss you in my soul.
     Go ahead. Throw the dart.
     Maybe it will fill this hole.

Fear

Have you ever known fear as I have known it?

Fists clenched, eyes wide, teeth chattering fear

Blood drained from your face

And your heart hammering, ready to burst from your chest

Your head spinning, your mind racing

Eyes looking at you see that you're frozen

You want to run away but you can't

The voices swirling around you

They're in a hands held circle around you

Chattering loudly around you

Their words are unheard like a blur

You're confused, alone and afraid

That's the fear I feel every time I close my eyes

The nightmares come and I can't stop them

Do you know this heart gripping fear as I know it?

Pain

Pain I feel, can't close my eyes to the pain I feel deep inside- hurt and lost, confused and angry. I don't know what to do.

So I clench my teeth and get through one more day, living my life day by day. When I'm on my own, it's a scary place. 

Liars all around, lurking in the shadows waiting for some excitement. I might not e pretty, but I must account for something.

They want your trust so they can wrap you up in lies and envelop you iinto darkness, but they look oh so good on the outside. 

Enticing and devilish, cute with a twist. It looks so nice. Can it possibly be? Am I right? It lures me in, but I got a bad feeling.

I close my eyes and my mind to the rest of it. I don't want to know the horrors of it. It'll only knock me down again. 

My Diamond Ring

If I'm married, you're my diamond ring. A circle to go and lean on eternally. You're all I am and ever been, you make my life complete. I want you to be with me, through the good, and through the bad. You're always in my heart, even when we're miles apart. You are my love, my life. I thank the Goddess for you at night. You are my diamond ring. 

The Color of Flying

Wish I could see what the world looks like

From way up high, high up in the sky

Wish I could touch the sky

And feel the rush of wind in my hair.

This world is holding me down right here

I wonder what is way up there. 

I want to feel a new kind of rush

The kind that won't make you blush

Right now I feel kind of crushed. 

I want to hold your hand. 

I want to start a band. 

Will you hold my hand?

Don't let me fall

Don't make me call

Don't say that's all

How much you want to bet

It's not over yet?

Today of All Days

Today of all days is in its own way perfect.

Everything happens to its own accord

No one really notices it, but I see it

That girl who looks so happy

Deep inside she's crying, her heart's broken

She lets herself get lost in a crowd

Of rebels, just like her

So that way no one can see

The feelings she's holding in

Until she's alone in her bedroom at night

She cries herself to sleep

Feeling broken and ignorant

She prays no one will notice

The new cuts on her arm

She don't want to have to explain

How it happens

The gaudy bracelets and crazy outfits

Hide the fact

But on today of all days

She opened up to me

Let herself free.

My Talisman

My amulet is just a simple faith, 
    That good will surely come
    Justice will be served
    Blood no more will run.

My talisman is God's beauty
    See His divine creation
    Feel the love He gives
    Be cleansed by His salvation.

My lucky charm is love
    Love for where I am.
    Love for where I'll go.
    Love for who I am.

My amulet, my talisman, my lucky charm

Confusing Battles

Love is a battlefield. 
     Don't let me get started on how.
     But what I will tell you,
     You really should listen.
     Don't let past experiences
     Ruin the relationships
     You have right now. 
     You have to learn, 
     And move on. Yes, 
     The healing takes time, 
     But please, 
     Don't confuse your battles. 
     Because, 
     Usually, the one you love
     The most and least of all
     Want to hurt, 
     Is the one you hurt 
     The most, because
     Like so many people,
     You confuse your feelings
     With the truth.
     Don't do that.
     Please, please, 
     Please, 
     Be careful
     Not to confuse your battles. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.02.2013

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